1 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:09,559 Speaker 1: M m. 2 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:21,279 Speaker 2: My baby said he wants to be free, but it 3 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 2: is said me. 4 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 1: Tried loving chrystals and singing time. 5 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 2: Plays. I thought I could tummle his heart, but it's 6 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:47,239 Speaker 2: a fall look for me. It's just fallenough for me. 7 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 3: It's welcome back. 8 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:50,839 Speaker 2: To good mom's back choices. 9 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,920 Speaker 4: I'm Mela, I'm Eric from Happy Wednesday, Happy Home Day. 10 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 2: We have a special guest today. 11 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:06,040 Speaker 4: You'll we have bree aka at be on Instagram, which, 12 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 4: by the way, I love that Instagram. 13 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 2: Thank you. 14 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:11,240 Speaker 1: I was really stoked to think about it for a minute, 15 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: but it was happy with what I came up. 16 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 4: With, and we we we reached out to Beleche because 17 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:24,399 Speaker 4: as you know, Jamila and I have had throughout our podcast, 18 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 4: as you've if you've grown with us, you know we've 19 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 4: had we've gone through a lot of a journey about 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:35,400 Speaker 4: like how we feel about relationships and as they've returned, 21 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 4: as they pertained to monogamy, openness and all those things. 22 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 4: I was in a monogous relationship, well one sided monogamous relationship, 23 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 4: and then you know, in my singleness kind of started 24 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 4: to explore open relationships and more recently have kind of 25 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 4: decided that I'm not sure they're for me. Well really, 26 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 4: I said they're not for me. Still, like there's like 27 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 4: this well still there's like a still like a crack 28 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 4: of a door open. I'm like, I kind of like 29 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 4: I'm still like on the fence about it because I 30 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 4: don't really believe monogamy is natural. Not I don't really 31 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 4: I don't believe monogamy is natural. But I'm also possessive 32 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:14,800 Speaker 4: and I need to know. 33 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 2: I'm that bitch number one, number one no, And it's 34 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 2: just weird. Basically we're in limbo. 35 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 4: Basically, even some listeners reach out to us and being 36 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 4: like how could you flip? 37 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 2: I really like this is this last episode and like 38 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 2: her beat what the fuck? You guys are changed your mind? 39 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 2: You guys are open and cool and now who are you? 40 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 2: Are you? How dare you be conservative? What is this? 41 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:40,920 Speaker 2: Go to church? 42 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 4: What's happening? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm trying 43 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 4: to figure it out. And then you know, I saw 44 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 4: that you know, you've been an open relationship for a 45 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 4: long time. And for me, like I've never met anyone 46 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 4: that's been in a successful open relationship for an extended 47 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 4: amount of time. It's always been like pretty short and 48 00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 4: our last or a few guess ago, we had on 49 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 4: Afne Wayne's who had a lot of strong opinions on 50 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 4: open relationship. And she's she's older, she's five kids, you know, 51 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 4: she's you know, she doesn't really believe in dating. She 52 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 4: really her whole idea of like relationships is to be married. 53 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: And somehow her thinking has like I don't know if 54 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 2: it's which polluted my brain or if I agree with it, 55 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 2: I don't know. 56 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 3: I know she was very convincing. 57 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: She's like really well spoken, so spoke. 58 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so soft, A very delicate woman 59 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 2: talking about very delicate man. Yes, I agree. No, I 60 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 2: feel the same way. And it's really strange for me 61 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 2: to admit it because I am a very free spirit. 62 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 2: I like to flight with everybody. I hate to be 63 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 2: limited in that I hate for someone to tell me 64 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 2: what to do, which is probably my number one issue. 65 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 2: Don't tell me what to do. So but I do 66 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 2: also have a little bit of I mean, I don't know. 67 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 2: I don't want to call it security your ownership or 68 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 2: it's not ownership. I don't want to own you because 69 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 2: don't want to tell Anea what to do. I'm not 70 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: your mom, but I do just want him to know 71 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 2: what you want. I want to do. Yeah, you read 72 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,000 Speaker 2: my mind and remind me that I'm number one at 73 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 2: all times, and then everyone falls at waystside. She's cute 74 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 2: and not cuter than me, right, And I mean you 75 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 2: can still do that in an open relationship. Right. So 76 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 2: I'm learning that I thought I told young Berry last 77 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 2: time I was there, I was like, oh, by the way, 78 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 2: I don't believe enoughing relationships anymore. I'm over that. It's like, oh, yeah, 79 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 2: by the way, update on my status. I'm not into 80 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 2: that anymore. But that part of me is dead. That 81 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 2: part of me is dead. So you're sho'd be very 82 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 2: happy to hear that or unhappy or no. He wasn't 83 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,720 Speaker 2: with it was never with them. I was just like, oh, 84 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 2: why don't you want to just be open? And then 85 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 2: I was like, no, I'm not sharing. So I was like, oh, 86 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 2: by the way, I wanted to tell you, by the way, 87 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 2: i'm your dream wife. Now I've changed with the lies 88 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 2: the lies, But again now that we I'm back on 89 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 2: the fence again. I don't know. I don't know because 90 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 2: I don't want any rules. But it doesn't mean I 91 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 2: necessarily want to bang everybody else, but I also would 92 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 2: like to bring a girl home sometimes. And then also 93 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 2: like what if you think a guy's fine and you're 94 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 2: in like Mexico, right, I mean, there's a million of 95 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 2: situation to consider. 96 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, so can you just tell us a little bit 97 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 4: about you and your mama? A one year old's one 98 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 4: year old year old year old and you've been. 99 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,320 Speaker 3: Married for it'll be five years this summer. 100 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,360 Speaker 4: And in this relationship with him for though, like you said. 101 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 2: Ten years. Yeah, so you know him since you were 102 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 2: twenty one. 103 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, we met when we were babies. 104 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 2: Oh wow, And I. 105 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: Mean I think that's a part of the reason why 106 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: we decided to be open, because so. 107 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 2: Even since you were twenty one, you've been open. 108 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 1: Well, how it all started was I met Daniel's my 109 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 1: husband's name. 110 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 2: I met Daniel. 111 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 3: We were twenty one. 112 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: We had a magical night together, but I already had 113 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: a boyfriend, and I was immediately very conflicted. But it 114 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: wasn't my first time in that situation. It was kind 115 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: of a thing, a pattern I realized that I was repeating, 116 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: is that I would be cheating, and so I was like, 117 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,039 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, is there something wrong with me, 118 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: and it threw me into a little bit of a 119 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:22,599 Speaker 1: spiral because I really did love my boyfriend at the time, 120 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 1: but I also really loved this new. 121 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 2: Person that I just met. 122 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: So what ended up happening is I had to make 123 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,680 Speaker 1: a decision, and I literally was like physically ill over it, 124 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 1: but I chose my now husband, and months into that 125 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: my relationship with him, I was still thinking about it, like, well, 126 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,839 Speaker 1: is there a different way to do things? Like is 127 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: monogamy the only answer? And I was twenty one, and 128 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: I'd kind of like, I don't think I knew the 129 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:55,279 Speaker 1: open relationships existed, or I'd only my only context was cheating, 130 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 1: and like, there's been cheating in my family history too, 131 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: so just a lot of negative connotations with it. But 132 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: I hopped on the internet and like, I learned that 133 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: a lot of people were doing it, and I learned 134 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: the term polyamory, which, if people aren't familiar, it means 135 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: many loves. It's just the idea that we can love 136 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: more than one person romantically at the same time, that 137 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: there's not like a finite amount of. 138 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: Love we have to give in that way. 139 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: So came across this idea and I was like, oh 140 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: my god, it's me, this is me, And I was 141 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: so excited. 142 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 2: And I told Daniel about it, and he was a 143 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 2: little nervous, but he has. 144 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 5: He had never been in a relationship like that, right, neither, 145 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 5: and so he was very open to it though, and 146 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 5: really he just loves me so much and he wants 147 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 5: me to be happy, and so he's. 148 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 2: Like, Okay, yeah, let's see what that's all about. 149 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:49,320 Speaker 1: And so throughout our ten years together, being open has 150 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: looked very different because we're individuals that are constantly changing 151 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: and growing, and our relationship is always different because of 152 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: that too, and our needs are always different. So at 153 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: the beginning, it was like I'd make out with someone 154 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: that when I was at a bar with friends and 155 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: I thought was cute, you know, like, and then it's 156 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: been and. 157 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 4: Then would you tell him that? Like, so that was 158 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 4: the deal? Like what was in the beginning. 159 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: I think it's funny as a long time it was 160 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: hard to remember, but I think in the beginning it 161 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: I would I wouldn't have to ask before it happened, 162 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: but he would want to know afterwards. But casual sex 163 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: still like wasn't something that I was really doing anyways. 164 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 1: So we didn't have to have that conversation of like, oh, well, 165 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: can you have sex with other people until later, So 166 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: it's really been like slow, I. 167 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 2: Guess, at different phases. 168 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's had it's had very different phases at 169 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,600 Speaker 1: at some points. It's been one of the things that 170 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: when you guys spoke to Daphne that I a misconception 171 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 1: about non monogamy that she kind of highlighted was that 172 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: it's about sex and that people in open relationships, you know, 173 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,560 Speaker 1: they just want to fuck up people. 174 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 2: And that's not what it has. 175 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 3: Really ever been for my partner and I. 176 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 1: Not ever, there's been times, but what it's always been 177 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: for us is I don't want to limit his experiences. 178 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: And I think that when you decide that your partner 179 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: can no longer be intimate with another person, you're just 180 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: limiting them so much like and intimacy can look, as 181 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: we talked about earlier, like a bunch of different ways. 182 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: It can be deep friendship where you're meeting up with 183 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: someone and cuddling and talking until three in the morning, 184 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: or it can mean meeting up with someone and fucking 185 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: you know, it's always different. But I think that when 186 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: you don't allow your partner intimacy with other people, you're 187 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: really limiting their life experience and their growth. And I 188 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: think that that's something that we just kind of agreed 189 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: we didn't want to do. 190 00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 3: So that's kind of the basis. 191 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,199 Speaker 2: I read a book once. I can't think about what 192 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,439 Speaker 2: book it is, and because that's one thing. When's the 193 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 2: first time I was introduced to polyamory, I was that 194 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 2: that makes sense. Oh, that that resignates with me. And 195 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 2: that was literally I was probably like eighteen or nineteen 196 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:19,440 Speaker 2: and I read something and it was rather profound, and 197 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 2: I think I've said this before in another podcast, but 198 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 2: it was about limiting love and not just intimacy. So 199 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 2: it was basically saying, if I tell Erica could only 200 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,079 Speaker 2: love me intimately, like if you look at this person, 201 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 2: that's where you do this with that person. You're actually 202 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 2: coaching someone to learn how to limit their love. And 203 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 2: when you teach the one to limit their love, they'll 204 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 2: start to limit their love with you because the act 205 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 2: of practicing limiting, putting your love in a box will 206 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 2: inevitably flow into other parts and places where you love 207 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 2: other things and people, and subconsciously it becomes a little 208 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,439 Speaker 2: bit resentful and that also made sense to me, and 209 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 2: and and for me, I think it's the same I had. 210 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,320 Speaker 2: I had to come to this point to be like, 211 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 2: it's not about necessarily fucking everybody else, but just the 212 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 2: freedom to know that I have the choice to do 213 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 2: what I want to do, and that it's like in no, 214 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 2: in no circumstances it jeopardized relationship with you, But I'm 215 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 2: not being limited in my flow of love and that resting. 216 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 2: If you know me, I'm a I'm a flowing, loving person. 217 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 2: I don't want to love everyone. I want everyone I feel. 218 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 2: I feel deeply about loving people and connecting with people. 219 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 2: So like, yeah, I don't want to be in the 220 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 2: club and someone's staring me down because I'm having five 221 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 2: minutes too long of a conversation with someone and we're 222 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 2: talking about his grandmother, you know, like calm down. So 223 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 2: I get I do understand that. But on the flip side, 224 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 2: lost a lot on the flip side, But like, would 225 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 2: I feel the same way if somebody was having a 226 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 2: long ass conversation in a nightclub and I'm looking them like, 227 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 2: But I think it has a lot to do with 228 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 2: the fundamentals and the foundation of the relationship and the 229 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 2: respect level and the love that you're secure with. And 230 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 2: I realized even having this discussion that me feeling that 231 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 2: crazy laugh right there is just like my insecurity, you 232 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 2: know what I mean. And I even thought about in 233 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 2: my openness when I when I was siding with Deafne, 234 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 2: when I was going more on my monogamous side, I 235 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,719 Speaker 2: was thinking, oh my god, I only wanted to be 236 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,559 Speaker 2: in an open relationship because I was I am scared 237 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 2: of commitment and also I'm scared of someone not fully 238 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 2: committing to me. And if we can keep it open, 239 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,560 Speaker 2: then I'm not vulnerable and getting hurt or betrayed and 240 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 2: then like having to compare myself to the person that 241 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 2: stole you and having to kill her. But or you 242 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. So there's so many there's so 243 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 2: many ways to look at it, you know what I mean? Like, 244 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 2: am I just being fucking psychoed insecure? Am I? You 245 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 2: know what I mean? There's just like I think, in 246 00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 2: exploring which side of the spectrum you resonate with, you 247 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 2: really have to go deep inside yourself and heal and heal. Yeah, 248 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,560 Speaker 2: I think that's what it is. 249 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: That's what I really That's an aspect of it that 250 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: Daniel and I also have. Really it's been hard, but 251 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 1: we've really it's been rewarding. Is that we've had to 252 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 1: face so many insecurities and so many fears and just 253 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: things that we wouldn't face if. 254 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,479 Speaker 2: We weren't in an open relationship. 255 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: And that's been really so hard, so so hard, but also, 256 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: like I said, just really rewarding. And I feel like 257 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: it's helped us both to grow as individuals and it's 258 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 1: really deepened our marriage. And yeah, I mean, but I 259 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: also I also want to say, this is really important 260 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: for me to say, is I don't think that an 261 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 1: open relationship is superior to monogamy. I think a lot 262 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: of people who are in either camp will say that 263 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: one is superior either, and I am not of that opinion. 264 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: I think that everyone has to decide what's right for them, 265 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: and I even think that, like, just because an open 266 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: really ship works for Daniel and I, maybe it wouldn't 267 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: work for me and another person and monogamy might be 268 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: the better option. 269 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 3: I just think you gotta do what's best. 270 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 2: For you, right, and it's not like a one size fit. 271 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 2: So Okay, I have a question. I went on a 272 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,560 Speaker 2: date with this guy. And when we got there, he's like, oh, yeah, 273 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 2: I'm in an open marriage. And I was like, wait, wait, 274 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 2: hold on, so you're married right now, like right now, 275 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 2: like right the second I was like, I was like, wait, 276 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 2: so you live with your wife? He's like yeah, Like 277 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 2: because you told me he lived up the street. I'm like, 278 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 2: so she's up the street. And I was so perplexed, 279 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 2: not because I've never been in a situation like that, 280 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 2: because you know, like I'm all four and probably in 281 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 2: my twentieside it'd be like, well, we've been better. He's 282 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 2: not going to like stalk me. But I realized then. 283 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 2: First I was a little irritated and didn't mention it 284 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 2: before I got there, because first of I'm here for 285 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 2: the meal, but maybe I would want to know that. 286 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 2: But I asked him. I said, so, have you ever 287 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 2: had a side relationship and how and he said yeah. 288 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 2: I said, well, how long did that last? He said 289 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 2: three years? And then said well what happened? And he said, 290 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 2: well she wanted more. And the first thing I thought 291 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 2: is like, eh, yep, And I thought, damn, this is 292 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 2: another reason that switched my thinking as the third person, 293 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 2: you know, not in the initial relationship as I thought, 294 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 2: to me, it's selfish if I okay, because there's different types, 295 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 2: like you said, I wouldn't know. Also the difference between 296 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 2: open and Polly, if there's a difference. But to me, 297 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 2: it's like I've asked guys like, okay, so do you 298 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 2: want two wives? And some guys are like yeah, I'm like, okay, 299 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 2: that makes more sense if there's a space where we 300 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 2: could all coexist permanently, I get it. But if not, 301 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 2: Like me, I'm thirty one, what the fuck am I 302 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 2: here for? I have a kid, like I'm my heir 303 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 2: of like, fuck you and you go home. And also 304 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 2: I don't like that, he explained, like, you know, basically, 305 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 2: my wife is priority. If she needs me, I'm gonna go. 306 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 2: That isn't resonating well with me. What if I need you? 307 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? To me, it felt selfish, 308 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 2: and I would be like, even if I'm in a 309 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 2: marriage or in a relationship, I wouldn't even ask anyone 310 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 2: else to do that because it's selfish for you guys. 311 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 2: How does that work with you? Guys? 312 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 1: No, that's your hitting on something I think really really 313 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: big and important and hard. 314 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 2: I've been. 315 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: I was also in a three year relationship and it 316 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:17,320 Speaker 1: worked really well because he was younger. I was twenty 317 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: seven and he was twenty four at the time when 318 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: we met. And he's a creative he's in a band. 319 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: That's his priority, and so we didn't run into the 320 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: problem of him wanting or needing more because what I 321 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: had to give with from like in an open relationship 322 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: still being married, was totally enough for him. And it 323 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: worked for a really long time. But then I got 324 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 1: pregnant and I was gonna ask you about that. Yeah, 325 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 1: I got pregnant, and I was, I mean, he's still 326 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: a dear, dear friend. It was a beautiful relationship, but 327 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: I was like, dude, I'm like, a baby is gonna come, 328 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 1: like and my time is going to be even more limited. 329 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 1: Like we got to start thinking about this, like what 330 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 1: is it going to mean for us? And we had 331 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: really great communication at that point because we've been together 332 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 1: for a while and he really wanted to push through 333 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 1: and kind of see and I was like all right. 334 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,640 Speaker 1: And then when I was around like four or five 335 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: months pregnant, he actually met somebody else. And throughout our relationship, 336 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: I always encouraged him to see other people. 337 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 2: He didn't really he did from. 338 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:34,400 Speaker 1: Time to time, but because he was very busy and 339 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: I was seeing him like maybe once or twice a week, 340 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: that was really. 341 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 3: Working for him. 342 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:45,360 Speaker 1: But he met somebody else and he found himself on 343 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: the other side. Going over there, he found he found 344 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: himself on like my side, where he was having to 345 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:59,360 Speaker 1: navigate like two different people's feelings mine and then this 346 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 1: new woman he was seeing and he couldn't handle it, 347 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: and he broke down to me. He just like broke 348 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,159 Speaker 1: down and He's like, I can't I can't do this. 349 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,920 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I met somebody else. 350 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm so happy for you, Like I 351 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: there is a limit to how much I'm going to 352 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: be able to give you in our relationship together, Like 353 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,119 Speaker 1: maybe if we were together for like ten years, we 354 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: would have to start discussing something like Okay, are you like, 355 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,360 Speaker 1: are you like a second husband? 356 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 2: Like, are we gonna have to introduce you to the family, 357 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 2: like I can stay the chance? Did you ever meet 358 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 2: your husband? Yeah? 359 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: Did? 360 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 2: Were they cool? They were cool? 361 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 1: I think that that was challenging because masculinity is hard. 362 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was I was gonna say that to you. 363 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,800 Speaker 2: Masculinity period. I think Unfortunately because of the society you 364 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 2: live in, it's easier for a man to navigate an 365 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 2: open relationship totally because you got pregnant. Yeah, Now there's 366 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,199 Speaker 2: this visual like reminder and like, are you gonna have 367 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,439 Speaker 2: sex with me? Is it gonna be something for your 368 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:00,159 Speaker 2: husband too? Oh? That's my baby up in there, Like 369 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. There's all these concepts, and 370 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 2: then even for like just a man period, like, oh, 371 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 2: you have a husband and so like you fucking him? Roll. 372 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 2: There's all these toxic masculinities that make it easier for 373 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 2: a man to maintain that role, whereas a woman there's 374 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 2: all these double standards and then your mom now great, 375 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 2: you know so I think that's rather has it happened 376 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,159 Speaker 2: on the like Daniel having a separate relationship, he has it. 377 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,920 Speaker 1: His have mostly been flings or just one night stands. 378 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 1: He hasn't really found anyone that he's dated long term. 379 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 3: He is still kind. 380 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 1: Of deciding how he wants the open marriage to look 381 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 1: for himself, like what feels best. Yeah, and I've had 382 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,879 Speaker 1: more practice at this point. And that's also a personality difference. 383 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: I'm just more of an extrovert. I work at a 384 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 1: bar people, Yeah, he's a teacher, he's more teachers. 385 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 2: Don't let you've had a few educators on. 386 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: I'm always like, wait, what's going on? Okay, l No, 387 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: I mean cats can't be freaking. I'm just saying, it's 388 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 1: not really a place, not at a bar. 389 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,920 Speaker 4: Obviously, you're you're more you're engaging with people that are open, free, 390 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 4: like open, but they're there to meet people. 391 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, but there is something to like you always have 392 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 1: to keep in mind in an open relationship when you're 393 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: when you're dating other people. 394 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 3: And I think that. 395 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: People who are new to non monogamy, they don't realize this. 396 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: And I've like coached people through this a little bit, 397 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:33,040 Speaker 1: is you have to understand that in your relationships that 398 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,439 Speaker 1: are not if you're in the primary that are not 399 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,399 Speaker 1: your primary relationship, there's going to be a lot of 400 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 1: hurt and there's going to be a lot of endings. 401 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 2: Because how far can you take this? How far can 402 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 2: you're literally in the market for a second exactly? 403 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,119 Speaker 1: And so and I think people like oftentimes aren't ready 404 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,440 Speaker 1: for that because it's hard, Like breaking up is never. 405 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 3: Fun, it's never easy. 406 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: But in non monogamy, you have to understand that that 407 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: is almost one hundred percent of the time what the 408 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: outcome is going to be. 409 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 4: So so with that, because you're in an open marriage, 410 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,360 Speaker 4: when you decide to date someone, they know that you're 411 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,400 Speaker 4: Is there a priority? Is your is your husband the priority? 412 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 4: Or is that just like or is it just and 413 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 4: everyone is on one even playing field. 414 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,679 Speaker 2: I think that you're limiting. 415 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 1: There's there's a concept called relationship anarchy, and in that concept, 416 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 1: you're not prioritizing one over the other. But because Daniel 417 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: and I are married and because it's our agreement that 418 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 1: we are each other's priority, that's the way that we 419 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: do it. 420 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 2: But people do it no, I know, I'm just curious 421 00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 2: about how you are. That's that's the way that we 422 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:38,639 Speaker 2: do it. 423 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 3: And people are generally really understanding of that. 424 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,719 Speaker 2: So do do you guys bring people home like in 425 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 2: a group setting? 426 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,919 Speaker 3: And we haven't. 427 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: We we still there's a lot of exploring we still 428 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 1: have to do. 429 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 2: Are you guys open to doing that? We are? 430 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 3: We are open, Like there's a. 431 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 2: Lot of the do like girls. 432 00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 1: I'm I identify as hetero flexible because I definitely. 433 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 2: Many words today? What is it discipline? 434 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 4: Discipline today and hetereral. 435 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 3: Flexible hetero flexible. 436 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 1: I because I'm ninety nine times out of one hundred, 437 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: I'll be attracted to men versus women. 438 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 3: But every once in a while, I'm like. 439 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: Oh, maybe I would She's I'm really attracted to this woman, 440 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 1: but I've never been with a woman. 441 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,439 Speaker 3: I still would like to I'm still open to it. 442 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 4: But that's another like people assume that if you're an 443 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 4: open relationship, do you must be just. 444 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 2: Total women get totally right. 445 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: That's another common misconception, and I think, I mean, I 446 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 1: like to think that Daniel and are gonna get really 447 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 1: wild in our forties once kids like once our season 448 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: of parenting young babies and children is kind of passed. 449 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: But that's not how it's been so far. 450 00:22:55,560 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 2: Do your okay? So you mentioned that you're you're group 451 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,120 Speaker 2: of like parent friends are kind of square. Are they 452 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,439 Speaker 2: aware of like the type of relationship you with Daniel have? 453 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,160 Speaker 2: They are? They are? 454 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 1: But I think I don't think that every one of 455 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 1: them is comfortable talking about it. 456 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 2: So they know, but they don't. 457 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,680 Speaker 3: Talk about it kind of. 458 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,160 Speaker 2: She said they're all of her mom like her parent 459 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 2: friends are kind of conservative. 460 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: I was I thought they're more conservative more than we are. 461 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: So it's yeah, because of where. 462 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 2: You it's because of where I live. 463 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: It's because if Daniel and I actually used to go 464 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: we went to a Christian college is where we met. 465 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: This is so so a lot of our friends are 466 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 1: like also form Christian, former Christians, some of them still are. 467 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 1: But that's just the circle that we've been in. You know, 468 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 1: it's nothing happy. 469 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 3: You found us. 470 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 2: The little devil comes up. 471 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: No, they're all amazing friends, amazing people. 472 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 2: It's just on this, on this particular topic, we don't 473 00:23:56,119 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 2: really relate. I guess I sound like an anti religious heathen. 474 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 2: That's not what I meant by that. No, I like 475 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 2: presidents too, have the been my family like people like 476 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 2: I have four black friends. Okay, so now that you 477 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 2: have a small child and you're navigating this open relationship, 478 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 2: how do you how do you like intend on introducing 479 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 2: that in an apparent style, I know, like having an 480 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 2: alternative relationship? Is the questions like, well, what do you 481 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 2: have kids? What are you going to do? Yeah? Because kids, 482 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,959 Speaker 2: you know, stop everything right right? Not really, but how 483 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,119 Speaker 2: do you how do you intend on like expressing that 484 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:37,399 Speaker 2: or you know, introducing that to your kids? Dannel, I 485 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,120 Speaker 2: haven't talked about this in a while, but if I'm 486 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 2: remembering correctly. 487 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 1: The last time we talked about it, I mean, because 488 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: it would be coming up for a few more years, obviously. 489 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 2: Be careful. The four comes up quickly, scary. 490 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 1: But I think that we we don't want to make 491 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: a big deal about it. I think we just want 492 00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 1: to treat it as very normal, because it shouldn't. 493 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 3: It shouldn't be treated any other way. 494 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 1: And I think just like, oh, like Daddy's going out tonight, 495 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:05,959 Speaker 1: he's hanging out with a friend. 496 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 3: Who's the friend? 497 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 1: Oh so and so like I think, just being as 498 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 1: transparent without giving too much information. 499 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:21,199 Speaker 2: When you are dating someone, are you guys? Do you 500 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 2: in public? 501 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 4: Are you do go like public places and be in 502 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,479 Speaker 4: like like if someone saw you out with the guy 503 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:28,399 Speaker 4: you were dating, would that. 504 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 2: You're his girl? Like you are his girlfriend? You know 505 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:30,400 Speaker 2: what I mean? 506 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,040 Speaker 4: Like, Oh, this must be like a relationship on its 507 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 4: own regularly, right? 508 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 2: Does that happen? Yeah? Yeah? If only I only had 509 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 2: the one like besides that. 510 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 4: One three year relationship, I only I was only always 511 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,920 Speaker 4: I'm asking it's because I think about this couldn't probably 512 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,879 Speaker 4: never happen, But I what if, like your child is older, 513 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 4: like it's a teenager, and his friend sees you out 514 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 4: and doesn't undergo your relationship and sees you out being 515 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 4: intimate with or you. 516 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 2: Know, having PDA with me never met. 517 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 4: How would you arm your child, not arm them, but 518 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,440 Speaker 4: like how to be able to explain that to their 519 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,679 Speaker 4: friend or not. 520 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,359 Speaker 2: You know, I just I'm just curious, like I have 521 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 2: I've never never that's a good question. 522 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,359 Speaker 1: I really hope that by then, like my child would 523 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: have a complete understanding of what we were doing. And 524 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 1: I think that I don't know, I just don't think 525 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: an open marriage is that unusual these days. 526 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 3: I think that a lot of people are a lot 527 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:24,439 Speaker 3: more people are. 528 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 2: Doing it. 529 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 1: Based off like people I've just met, and even like 530 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,800 Speaker 1: dating apps are more conducive to it, like Okaycupid has 531 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 1: been really great for us because it has an option 532 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: like you can say, oh, I'm in a relationship with 533 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,360 Speaker 1: and you can link your worst profile, so people it's 534 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:43,119 Speaker 1: all transparent. 535 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,160 Speaker 2: People are like, oh, this is this is. 536 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 3: What I'm dealing with. 537 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,160 Speaker 6: So I think I think by then, I just don't 538 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 6: think it's going to be that big of a deal 539 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:56,160 Speaker 6: and and I'll feel fully equipped just without shame people like, yeah, 540 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,959 Speaker 6: mom and dad see other people. 541 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, as not as normal as maybe you think it is. No, 542 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that because I think that. 543 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 4: I just think generally in the population that we live 544 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 4: in honestly, I mean we live in La so sometimes 545 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,159 Speaker 4: in California we can feel like we live in like 546 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 4: a bubble. 547 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, rust a good bubble. Jamila is I'm gonna. 548 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,199 Speaker 4: Just call you a statist because you're still judgmental when 549 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 4: it comes to different states. I think California is like, no, 550 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,439 Speaker 4: it's it's like a unicorn state almost in ways, like 551 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 4: we think sh it's normal. 552 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 2: That is not normal to everybody else are not. It's 553 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,200 Speaker 2: as awkward and weird as you make it. I think 554 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 2: if your kid is not like okay, what if you're lesbians, 555 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,199 Speaker 2: I mean had kids in a lesbian relationship, We're going 556 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,360 Speaker 2: to have to address that. No, of course, but I'm 557 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 2: just saying to her, to her saying that hopefully it's 558 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,320 Speaker 2: going to be normalized. I just don't think. I don't 559 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 2: think it will be. Maybe more so, I think the 560 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 2: conversation is starting. 561 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 4: I mean, like you said, you had to google what 562 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 4: what years ago? Yeah, and we were having a conversation 563 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,720 Speaker 4: with someone today and she was saying, how like, yeah, 564 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 4: I just wasn't like because I was saying, like, when 565 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:08,440 Speaker 4: I was in my twenties, like early twenties, monogamy was 566 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 4: the only option in my head. There was no other option. 567 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:12,879 Speaker 4: And that's not because I didn't want there to be. 568 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,159 Speaker 4: I just didn't think it could really exist or what 569 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,480 Speaker 4: it is. And I was a cheater too, And then 570 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,320 Speaker 4: I felt really guilty about that and like forced myself 571 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 4: into monogamy. 572 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 2: And then I was like, okay, I can I know 573 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 2: I can do this, you know, And now I'm back 574 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 2: in this place where like, Okay, I did it, but 575 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 2: like did I really like that shit or like what, 576 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 2: I don't know if I did, Yeah, I think. 577 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 1: I mean also, Daniel and I are really open to 578 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: not being open in the future, Like it works for 579 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 1: us now and it has worked really well for us 580 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 1: in the past, but that doesn't mean it's always gonna 581 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 1: work for us, and we're also open to that possibility, 582 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 1: like we don't know. 583 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,160 Speaker 2: We don't know in five years are you'd be like 584 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 2: what the fuck were we doing? 585 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 1: Right? 586 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 2: Why did we do that? 587 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: But like right now, it's what works, it's what we 588 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: think is best and we're going with it. 589 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,240 Speaker 2: How do you feel about okay because you mentioned okay 590 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,480 Speaker 2: Cupid has an ation, or how do you feel like, Okay, 591 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 2: you guys are married, but I'm also going to sign 592 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 2: up and make a profile to seek out someone else? 593 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 2: The seeking? How does the seeking make you feel? Because 594 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 2: it's one thing I feel like, Oh, I met this 595 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,440 Speaker 2: girl at work or I met this guy. 596 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 1: Well something you were talking about how you met a 597 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 1: guy and he was married and he didn't tell you beforehand. 598 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:28,080 Speaker 1: And so Daniel, because it's summertime, he is interested in 599 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:29,600 Speaker 1: dating now that he has time. 600 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,479 Speaker 3: But it's been difficult. 601 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 1: Because on his profile says say that he's married and 602 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: people women will. 603 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 2: Understand, Yeah, they'll shy away from it. 604 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: And so he was like asking me, He's like, should 605 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: I like take off that I'm married? And he's like really, 606 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: he doesn't want to be dishonest, but like and then 607 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 1: like let them get to know me and then mention yeah. 608 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: But that's like it's a difficult thing to again. 609 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:52,400 Speaker 2: Like what happened to you? 610 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 7: Like exactly and maybe clear I wasn't mad. This was 611 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 7: probably when I was more on my monogamous side of things. 612 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 7: It was are you Gemini, I'm on the cussed. Okay, 613 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:03,680 Speaker 7: I'm in the twenty second. 614 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 2: Oh okay, Jim May, Oh okay, okay, you're also cussed. 615 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, how do you know? But it wasn't. I 616 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 2: was mad, you know, I'm all for this. I'm like, oh, 617 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 2: this is perfect. I need to know more. But yeah, 618 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 2: I mean I can see we're like a normal chick. 619 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 2: I would have probably clicked yes either way. I mean 620 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 2: I found a couple on. 621 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 4: I mean I was having sex with a married couple 622 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,880 Speaker 4: that I found on, which was like a whole thing 623 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 4: because I was like this exists, Like I didn't even 624 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 4: know this. This is at first when I saw then, 625 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 4: like the picture was a picture of a guy and 626 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 4: I was like, oh, he's hot. And then it was 627 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:41,000 Speaker 4: like just the girl and I was like wait what, 628 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 4: And then it was both of them and I was 629 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 4: like wait what. I'm like first I was just very confused, 630 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 4: and then I was like, oh, ship, this is two 631 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 4: for one. 632 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 2: Yeah right, and they're fine, Yeah, she found a fine 633 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:54,920 Speaker 2: and I'm still seeing. 634 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 4: Them I mean now, and then oh nice, Yeah they're great, 635 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 4: they're amazing. And then but that's why that's kind of 636 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,720 Speaker 4: like what opened me up to the idea because I 637 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 4: saw their relationship because they have so much communication and 638 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,160 Speaker 4: they have a son and so their parents too, and 639 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 4: they're navigating through it and they're beautiful, and I was like, 640 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,080 Speaker 4: I could be with my beautiful ass husband and also like, 641 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 4: but it's it's not it's I don't she can't go 642 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:28,960 Speaker 4: sleep with guys though, it's there's no no. 643 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 2: Remember we learned today, swingers is your primary, is your primary, 644 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 2: That's what she said. Well, swingers is usually when you 645 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 2: have like each. 646 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 3: Of you have like another person that you're. 647 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 2: Like, that's what that's what. Okay, So okay, I thought 648 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,800 Speaker 2: it was like swap. Yeah, so I thought swingers initially 649 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,760 Speaker 2: was like another couple of another couple and then. 650 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 3: But it's not. 651 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 2: Clear, I thought, definis, I don't know. Okay, maybe we 652 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 2: don't know. She can't sleep with other men and he 653 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 2: can't sleep with other riches. 654 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 4: Oh together, they only sleep with people together and it's 655 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:02,320 Speaker 4: only ever women. 656 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,840 Speaker 2: Okay, that is kind of unfair. Well, he doesn't want 657 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 2: he's not interested in men, I know, but so she 658 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:12,160 Speaker 2: likes obviously likes men. I mean, I guess maybe maybe 659 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,760 Speaker 2: that's not maybe that's not what she wants. 660 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,400 Speaker 4: Maybe she really she's satisfied enough with him and just 661 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 4: wants women. 662 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,040 Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know. I mean like I'm 663 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 2: having a good time. 664 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's been tricky for him because because of that, 665 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: and so I could see that's difficult. 666 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 2: I don't remember the question that I was answering, but oh, right, 667 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 2: but I don't remember. But but that's it. 668 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,200 Speaker 1: It's interesting that dating is just so different for him 669 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 1: than it is for me, because men are a lot 670 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 1: more open to dating a married woman than women tend 671 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: seem to be dating another man the women that he has, 672 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 1: because women. 673 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 2: Are possessive, we want. 674 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know what it is. 675 00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 2: I think that's what it is. I think women associate 676 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,280 Speaker 2: dating a married mammoth life being a sneaky, skeazy girl, 677 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 2: even if your wife's aware. I don't know women. Yeah, 678 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 2: I think women just are I don't know. Yeah, I'm 679 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 2: not sure what it is. I would feel like men 680 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 2: would care more. 681 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 1: And I think that mostly I have actually dated men 682 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:21,520 Speaker 1: who are also non monogamous, and Daniel has mostly dated 683 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 1: women that are also non monogamous. That's just kind of 684 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 1: the way it works best and he's mostly he's mostly 685 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: dated women who are. 686 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 2: Already in a primary relationship, so that works out, That 687 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 2: works out. 688 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:39,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, But have you ever met any of his lady friends? No? 689 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,160 Speaker 2: No, How would you feel if you guys meet a 690 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 2: lady friend and a lady friend? I don't say, so 691 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 2: ye are consistent and like, okay, and your son's getting older, 692 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 2: are you gonna let the lady friend be around to 693 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 2: the sun? What are the rules regarding the visitation? 694 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: I think that with every like with every situation, there 695 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:05,160 Speaker 1: just has to be so many conversations and yeah, until 696 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 1: you come to that. And I think that if that 697 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,239 Speaker 1: were to happen either way, because we actually kind of 698 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 1: had to start having that conversation because Jeff was still 699 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,320 Speaker 1: around when I was pregnant and Daniel was like, well, 700 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:17,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, can you not be around the baby? 701 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:18,759 Speaker 3: Like what are we gonna do? 702 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, And so we kind of started to have that conversation. 703 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: But I like to think that I'd be really open 704 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,840 Speaker 1: to it, and especially if I think for me, Daniel 705 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:32,520 Speaker 1: and I kind of look at this differently too, which 706 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,600 Speaker 1: is common I think with with couples, is that you 707 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,399 Speaker 1: have different ways that you want the openness to kind 708 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 1: of play out. Like for me, I like to know 709 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,320 Speaker 1: all the details when he goes out and I'm like, oh. 710 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 2: Like did you have a good time, Like I'm like 711 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 2: waiting for him, like how is the date? I want 712 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:51,280 Speaker 2: to know everything. 713 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:55,319 Speaker 1: I'm so excited, And but for him, he kind of 714 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 1: more prefers not to know, and like, so we had 715 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 1: to figure that out too. So but I think that 716 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,440 Speaker 1: if he were with someone long term, I would like 717 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 1: to get to know her. 718 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 2: I would like to be her friend, but then he 719 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,840 Speaker 2: might not prefer that. I had to respect that. Yeah, 720 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,040 Speaker 2: and so it's like it's too weird Chillo. 721 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, like you don't need to be friends with her, yeah, Signe. 722 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 2: You know. 723 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 4: But you know what, I have so much respect for 724 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 4: your relationship because that's really at the heart of why 725 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,400 Speaker 4: it was interesting to me, the communication, like such pure 726 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,960 Speaker 4: honest communication with someone when it works, you know, And 727 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,719 Speaker 4: I'm sure it hasn't always been easy, and I'm sure 728 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 4: there's been mistakes and things that have happened. It's a relationship, 729 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 4: you know, but that communication is what kind of drew 730 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,880 Speaker 4: me in because I don't know, for me, that's like 731 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 4: the most important thing to me period. I mean, I know, 732 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,640 Speaker 4: like we're talking today about like what your five like 733 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 4: deal breaker things are, like the hierarchy of like what 734 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 4: is important to you and a partner, Like everything else 735 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,440 Speaker 4: can like fault like maybe not be exactly what you want, 736 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,360 Speaker 4: but there's these five things and like commune vacation. 737 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,600 Speaker 2: And I know, like some people say that, but they 738 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 2: still can. 739 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,480 Speaker 4: Navigate through a relationship with not a lot of communication. 740 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:07,759 Speaker 2: I just can't. 741 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:08,839 Speaker 3: I'm the same. 742 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,040 Speaker 8: So but I've also seen people and that's why I 743 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,320 Speaker 8: was like, well, maybe I should maybe you open relationships 744 00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 8: before me because and I also don't believe in monogamy, 745 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:19,839 Speaker 8: but I also don't like how I feel Wow, like what. 746 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 1: That that also like changes with more practice, Like you're 747 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:24,920 Speaker 1: the first. 748 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:28,839 Speaker 2: Time letting go of like yeah, letting go that you are. 749 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:31,160 Speaker 1: Just like the first time your partner goes on a date, 750 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:36,479 Speaker 1: it's gonna be so much harder than the fifth or 751 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:36,960 Speaker 1: the tenth. 752 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,399 Speaker 4: By then maybe because he came back, you. 753 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 2: Hear and they came back and they still want you more. 754 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: But then you're also hitting on another thing. And this 755 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,440 Speaker 1: is a conversation that Daniel and I have had and 756 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 1: I like to share with people, is that you also 757 00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,200 Speaker 1: have to hold in an open relationship that they might 758 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 1: not come. 759 00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,719 Speaker 2: Back right and that you're opening Pandora's book, you are. 760 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:00,719 Speaker 3: And I think that. 761 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,720 Speaker 1: At first Daniel and I I think that was something 762 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:07,759 Speaker 1: that we didn't realize but then but then, but then 763 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:09,520 Speaker 1: after we had more experience. 764 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:10,879 Speaker 3: It was a conversation that we. 765 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:14,919 Speaker 2: Had and we've realized that it's just a part of it. 766 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,080 Speaker 1: And you you, I mean, it's the same way that 767 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,400 Speaker 1: your partner could die. 768 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:20,920 Speaker 2: And you can't like hold on you know what I mean. 769 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,839 Speaker 2: You just you have to be okay on your own 770 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 2: either way. 771 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:25,239 Speaker 3: So it's like. 772 00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 2: It's it's okay. 773 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,359 Speaker 1: Like if if Daniel were to meet somebody else and 774 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,480 Speaker 1: fall in love and want to be with them instead 775 00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,440 Speaker 1: of me, I would be devastated, of course, because I 776 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:36,520 Speaker 1: want to grow old with him. 777 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:37,560 Speaker 3: That's our intention. 778 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,520 Speaker 1: However, if he were to be happier with that person, 779 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,000 Speaker 1: if that was his truth and what he needed to do, 780 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 1: then who are. 781 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:50,320 Speaker 2: You to say otherwise? Yeah, And I think that's really beautiful, 782 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:55,879 Speaker 2: just like I understand that life happens, and if I'm here, 783 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:59,399 Speaker 2: I'm here like that could happen even if you're. 784 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,560 Speaker 1: Not open exactly, And and and we've been together for 785 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,799 Speaker 1: ten years, so like that's what makes me like at 786 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:08,959 Speaker 1: this point, I think like I wouldn't I wasn't here 787 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:09,799 Speaker 1: six years ago. 788 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:12,880 Speaker 2: Secure. I feel very secre in relationship. 789 00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,680 Speaker 1: But also I feel like what we've shared already has 790 00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,319 Speaker 1: been so incredible and so beautiful and like given me 791 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:23,680 Speaker 1: so much goodness that if if it were to end 792 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,440 Speaker 1: that way, like we. 793 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:27,520 Speaker 2: Still find something. 794 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:31,279 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, and so I don't know, but I 795 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,960 Speaker 1: think that that's something that doesn't get talked about at 796 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:34,719 Speaker 1: a tens that. 797 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,239 Speaker 3: You're opening that up, opening up that possibility. 798 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,400 Speaker 4: I think it's something you try to like pretend like 799 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,360 Speaker 4: what doesn't exist. 800 00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,680 Speaker 2: I don't or like say, we're opening it up because 801 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:46,919 Speaker 2: like I said, I think it's already fall in love 802 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,919 Speaker 2: with someone, that's what was meant intended to happen. Yeah, 803 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,120 Speaker 2: that's how it was supposed to life. Was that your life, 804 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,799 Speaker 2: that's your pathway, that's how it If you fall in 805 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,759 Speaker 2: love with someone that was going to happen either way, 806 00:38:58,800 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 2: well that's kind. 807 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:01,960 Speaker 4: Of like the awesome mess of life. Like right like 808 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,040 Speaker 4: at any moment, some of your life can totally change 809 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 4: its path that you have to learn to honor it 810 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,080 Speaker 4: end even when it's painful, because that's honestly part of 811 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 4: the only reasons why I've been able to get through 812 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:16,399 Speaker 4: some situations. It's just knowing, like I've always my mom 813 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,400 Speaker 4: is always like said to me that like time is 814 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,960 Speaker 4: the greatest neutralizer, and the time everything is always better. 815 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:27,000 Speaker 4: It just gets better because I truly enjoy learning. 816 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 2: And like feeling. I have a feeling like even the pain. 817 00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 4: It's weird, you know, and it's like I want to 818 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:35,640 Speaker 4: feel life. 819 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 2: I want to feel that. I think that's the biggest 820 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,560 Speaker 2: thing after all this controversy of like should I be open, 821 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,040 Speaker 2: should I be closed? And even us on this journey, 822 00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 2: this podcast journey going through shit and working through shit 823 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,920 Speaker 2: and talking about it and growing and healing and saying, damn, 824 00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,200 Speaker 2: this is making me have to grow. Damn, this is 825 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,600 Speaker 2: making me look at myself. I think the greatest the 826 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,920 Speaker 2: end goal is that we're all living on our path. 827 00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,720 Speaker 2: We're all walking our path, we're all hitting the lessons 828 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,360 Speaker 2: we're supposed to learn this lifetime. We're healing it and 829 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,480 Speaker 2: we're pushing through. And that's the forever thing, you know 830 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:10,200 Speaker 2: what I mean, That's that's our whole life's purpose. And 831 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 2: we can't no matter what the fuck we do, whatever 832 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:17,000 Speaker 2: decisions we make is going to happen whatever way. The growth, 833 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,759 Speaker 2: the heartbreaks, all the winds, It all happens. But are 834 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,640 Speaker 2: you gonna go with life's flow or are you gonna 835 00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,439 Speaker 2: try and fight it every time some shit hits the fan? 836 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,480 Speaker 2: So I think that's like the overall thing. Yeah, And I. 837 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,759 Speaker 1: Think, I guess I've never thought of it this way, 838 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,000 Speaker 1: but I think in that way, an open relationship is 839 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:39,719 Speaker 1: almost easier because you're like, instead of resisting, you're just 840 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: kind of going. Like because because even in committed monogamous relationships, like. 841 00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,279 Speaker 2: People are gonna meet people that they're interested in. That 842 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 2: happens all the time. Infidelity is huge, so I don't 843 00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,400 Speaker 2: know more because it's forbidden and because it feels sneaky 844 00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:01,359 Speaker 2: and good, sometimes people can be come more appealing yeah 845 00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:08,880 Speaker 2: than they actually are all the time. That's why a 846 00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:10,600 Speaker 2: lot of people do. Right. 847 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,000 Speaker 1: So I think in a way, you're like actually taking 848 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:17,680 Speaker 1: out some of those I don't know bumps, just like, well, 849 00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 1: I actually can do this, so I don't even need 850 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,759 Speaker 1: to make a big deal about it and freak everybody out. 851 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,000 Speaker 3: It's just like something I can, I'm. 852 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,719 Speaker 1: Allowed to do I can sit here and flirt with 853 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:31,040 Speaker 1: this beautiful woman at this bar and not be afraid 854 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,480 Speaker 1: that someone's gonna send my wife a fota. 855 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:41,000 Speaker 2: Right. Oh my god, gotta say something, Oh, Shan Shambooty said. 856 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,560 Speaker 2: I saw on her YouTube she was saying that romantic 857 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:49,040 Speaker 2: relationships are the only space we are allowed to have 858 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 2: ownership and jealousy. And then no one questioned it as 859 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,239 Speaker 2: Erica's friend, like and we had all the time when 860 00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:56,879 Speaker 2: she s are hanging out with other people, I can't 861 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 2: be like, hey, why are you hanging out? 862 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,480 Speaker 3: You love, we do this together. 863 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,520 Speaker 2: You take me at the party, you know what I'm saying. 864 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,399 Speaker 4: But suddenly, like romantic relationships, we can she was saying 865 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:07,960 Speaker 4: that she's. 866 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,960 Speaker 2: Saying that it's about it. Jealousy is not condoned in 867 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,279 Speaker 2: any atmosphere. If you jealous of your coworker, if you 868 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,520 Speaker 2: jell us of your friend, that's kind of odd. Yeah, 869 00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,840 Speaker 2: But if you're jealous of something going on in a 870 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,719 Speaker 2: romantic relationship, no one questions that ego, No one questions 871 00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:25,200 Speaker 2: that that's actually very unhealthy, right, because we've been we've 872 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,560 Speaker 2: conditioned ourselves to believe that it is. And that's how 873 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,880 Speaker 2: it's supposed to be, but in reality, jealousy is not 874 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:32,399 Speaker 2: a good treat. 875 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's well, that's toxic monogamy culture. 876 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: It's just that we've really run normalized and then like 877 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:43,360 Speaker 1: even decided that like jealousy is proof, like it's proof 878 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,040 Speaker 1: that you really cared about me, right, Yeah, And I 879 00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,680 Speaker 1: mean honestly, I still struggle. 880 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:47,600 Speaker 3: With that too. 881 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,680 Speaker 1: I'm like I'm undoing a lot still actively and like 882 00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:57,080 Speaker 1: sometimes when actually Jeff, my ex boyfriend, he was not 883 00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,600 Speaker 1: ever jealous. He was a very he was a pisces 884 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,000 Speaker 1: like very like just chow auto, a query and energy, 885 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,760 Speaker 1: and like he he was never jealous. 886 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:07,879 Speaker 2: And I at like some points I would just be. 887 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,279 Speaker 9: Like why are you not jealous? Like don't you want 888 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,759 Speaker 9: to be my husband? Like don't you like what's going on? 889 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:18,719 Speaker 9: And I had to like check myself obviously. But that's 890 00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:21,120 Speaker 9: a product of toxic monogamy culture. 891 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:25,440 Speaker 1: It's just like the way that we have decided monogamy 892 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:26,520 Speaker 1: should be done is. 893 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:31,839 Speaker 2: Just that that's how you care if you're jealous. Yeah, 894 00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,759 Speaker 2: well I feel really enlightened right now. 895 00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:39,239 Speaker 4: If it's the weird this conversation, I hope it's me. 896 00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,440 Speaker 4: You know what I think we had a lot of 897 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,000 Speaker 4: sex conversation to day. I've like, we've talked about sex 898 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:45,600 Speaker 4: all day. 899 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,480 Speaker 2: We have I mean not just sex, relationships. 900 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,640 Speaker 4: Relationships and it's like, yeah, it's a beautiful thing. 901 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:53,759 Speaker 2: It really is. There's a science to it. 902 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,239 Speaker 1: It's my favorite thing to talk about. I was really 903 00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:57,880 Speaker 1: excited to come on and talk. 904 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to know more about your mommy mommy vibes. 905 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,600 Speaker 2: Mommy vibes. Well, mommy vibes is kind of on hold 906 00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:05,040 Speaker 2: right now. 907 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:09,640 Speaker 1: But it was a photography project and I love that. 908 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:10,560 Speaker 2: I really love. 909 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:16,799 Speaker 10: Really I think I should be unpaused until further down 910 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,120 Speaker 10: is yeah, I just need to find I just to 911 00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:20,720 Speaker 10: figure how I want to do it, because I also 912 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:24,200 Speaker 10: I shoot sometimes too, but I didn't feel confident enough 913 00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:26,560 Speaker 10: behind the camera to be able to shoot it myself. 914 00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,120 Speaker 2: So that's why I contacted another photographer. You can do it, 915 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:30,840 Speaker 2: thank you. 916 00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,160 Speaker 1: We could shot that, we could practice, but I think 917 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:36,120 Speaker 1: the idea was to shoot other women and to make 918 00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,160 Speaker 1: it be this giant project where I'm showing that mothers 919 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,520 Speaker 1: are sexual beings as well, and that that's okay, and 920 00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,600 Speaker 1: that once you become a mother, it doesn't like neuter you. 921 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,880 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean like you no longer are sexy, you 922 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:51,800 Speaker 1: no longer have desire. 923 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:53,759 Speaker 2: But that those things could coexist. 924 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,520 Speaker 1: And I wanted to create images because I realized I 925 00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:00,680 Speaker 1: hadn't seen many of them in the project was actually 926 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,480 Speaker 1: born because I was I love lingerie. I love lingerie 927 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,080 Speaker 1: so much so and I own a lot of it 928 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,680 Speaker 1: and I just kind of like wear it at home 929 00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:11,120 Speaker 1: by myself often. And so I was doing that and 930 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,920 Speaker 1: I was holding my baby and he was really little, 931 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,080 Speaker 1: and I looked in the mirror and I was just like, oh, 932 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,880 Speaker 1: like I just saw like the power of that image 933 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:26,840 Speaker 1: of like seeing my body as like both nurturing and 934 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:30,960 Speaker 1: nurturing mother but also like sexy. And I'm like, we 935 00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:33,000 Speaker 1: need to see this because this is kind of, in 936 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,680 Speaker 1: a way like a woman in her full power, not 937 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,239 Speaker 1: saying that a woman has to be a mother to 938 00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,920 Speaker 1: enter into her full power, but putting those two things together, 939 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:45,800 Speaker 1: like women as sex goddess but also woman as nurturing mother. 940 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,920 Speaker 2: It was just like the most it was like the 941 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,200 Speaker 2: most powerful thing ever. Just like staring myself in the mirror, 942 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,799 Speaker 2: like I need more of that. 943 00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,480 Speaker 4: You know what, That's so amazing that you saw that 944 00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:59,040 Speaker 4: in yourself, you know because a lot of women look 945 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,560 Speaker 4: to other women like and that's beautiful too, but like 946 00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,600 Speaker 4: idolize other women like beyond sing or something. 947 00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:07,920 Speaker 2: But when you look at yourself and you can see that, that's. 948 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:12,000 Speaker 4: That's powerful, you know, and like I feel like we 949 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,080 Speaker 4: as women have to encourage other women to That's why 950 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:15,839 Speaker 4: that project is. 951 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,720 Speaker 2: So it is it is get back to it strong 952 00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 2: like I felt, I felt it. 953 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:20,960 Speaker 3: Thank you. 954 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:22,560 Speaker 2: You guys really do need to go check that out. 955 00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,640 Speaker 2: And that's why I'm I'm here for you. I am 956 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:31,200 Speaker 2: I support that, I like you. That's what I yeah. 957 00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,839 Speaker 1: And I think a part of my work because I mean, 958 00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:37,000 Speaker 1: I'm still figuring out my personal vocation and I do 959 00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,600 Speaker 1: want a part of my work to be coaching people, 960 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:43,120 Speaker 1: coaching women in particular mothers, maybe even in particular on 961 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,040 Speaker 1: how to own your sexuality and how to feel comfortable 962 00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,040 Speaker 1: in your body. 963 00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:50,759 Speaker 2: And I think that that project kind of hits on that. 964 00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,200 Speaker 2: I think it's so beautiful because like, really, that's why 965 00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,560 Speaker 2: we're all here, you know, That's why we started this. 966 00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,000 Speaker 2: That's how like, that's why whatever. When I saw you 967 00:46:58,200 --> 00:46:59,759 Speaker 2: come to our page, is like, oh I like her. 968 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,520 Speaker 2: I was like, oh I like her. She's my tap again, 969 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,319 Speaker 2: you know, like there there has It's not that we 970 00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,080 Speaker 2: don't exist, it's that we don't we don't talk, and 971 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:11,880 Speaker 2: it's because other people, other women, other moms don't know 972 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:13,960 Speaker 2: that we exist as community is here and that it's 973 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,399 Speaker 2: okay to embrace that and it's not foreign and it's 974 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:21,520 Speaker 2: not this like this frowned upon thing. And I think 975 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,040 Speaker 2: like dirty the stury nest thing. And when these when 976 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,720 Speaker 2: these types of seeds are are planted, when you stop 977 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,200 Speaker 2: in the mirror and you're like, oh shit, there's something 978 00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,719 Speaker 2: so much bigger there that seed just got planted. And 979 00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:35,000 Speaker 2: then you just contacted this photographer. Also, I was thinking 980 00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:36,839 Speaker 2: maybe you should just use all female photographers. 981 00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,520 Speaker 3: That was another thing that I crossed my. 982 00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:44,799 Speaker 2: Mind because if we talked about that story. But just 983 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,279 Speaker 2: like even I started this podcast, you know, because that 984 00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,680 Speaker 2: was the first thing that we talked about when she 985 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:52,279 Speaker 2: asked me, she talked about that. She first told me 986 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,319 Speaker 2: the tender story with her couple, and then she said, oh, 987 00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:56,719 Speaker 2: by the way, you want to say this podcast? And 988 00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,239 Speaker 2: I said, oh, were gonna be dishonest? Are we're going 989 00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:01,279 Speaker 2: to be who we are? She's like buck it. Yeah. 990 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:02,600 Speaker 2: I was like, all right, I'm down because that's the 991 00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,120 Speaker 2: only reason, only way I really not to talk. But 992 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,000 Speaker 2: you know, like these little seas are kind of there's 993 00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:09,839 Speaker 2: because there's people who need to hear this. There's other 994 00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:12,120 Speaker 2: moms that need to be empowered by this movement. And 995 00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,360 Speaker 2: just like you're like, it's on pause because I realize 996 00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:16,840 Speaker 2: it's kind of a touchy subject. That's why it's you. 997 00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:18,560 Speaker 2: That's why you need to do it. Yeah, that's why. 998 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:22,440 Speaker 2: That's why it's important. So I'm really happy, excited about it. 999 00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:24,799 Speaker 2: Thank you, and I'm here to help. 1000 00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:26,960 Speaker 3: Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. 1001 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,160 Speaker 2: Thank you for coming on today. Thank you for having me. 1002 00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,799 Speaker 2: It was so great. Yes, it's really good talking to you. 1003 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:36,200 Speaker 2: Can you tell our listeners where they can find you. 1004 00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,960 Speaker 1: Yes, you can find me at at bay Leche on 1005 00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:44,920 Speaker 1: Instagram that's b A E L E c h E. 1006 00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:49,080 Speaker 3: And that's kind of partle slide me a DM. 1007 00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:52,360 Speaker 1: If you're interested in opening up your current relationship or 1008 00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,919 Speaker 1: you just have questions, I'm always happy to guide people through. 1009 00:48:56,719 --> 00:49:04,359 Speaker 2: That's amazing. Anything don't you have at the Mommy Project too? 1010 00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:05,040 Speaker 3: I do. 1011 00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:09,160 Speaker 2: It's it's it's a private account because I. 1012 00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,920 Speaker 1: Have people interested in it for maybe reasons I don't like. 1013 00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,160 Speaker 1: So it's at Mommy Vibes Project. 1014 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,439 Speaker 2: If you're interested in going to find that, Yeah, for sure. 1015 00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:20,799 Speaker 1: I think like keeping it privately helps me control I 1016 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,160 Speaker 1: can see, and also like the male to female ratio. 1017 00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:26,759 Speaker 2: And like he was following, like I have. 1018 00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,319 Speaker 1: I think I have like six year requests right now, 1019 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,160 Speaker 1: but they're all men, and so I'm like. 1020 00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,359 Speaker 2: Let's let's even it out. Let's pend on even it 1021 00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:38,000 Speaker 2: out a bit. You can find us that good Mom's 1022 00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:41,359 Speaker 2: underscore bad choices. Make sure to sign up for our 1023 00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:42,960 Speaker 2: newsletter on our website. 1024 00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:47,600 Speaker 4: And oh, we're having a meetup at the at Forever 1025 00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:53,080 Speaker 4: Hollywood Forever Cemetery. We're going to see the Exorcist because 1026 00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:59,920 Speaker 4: we need to exercise exorcistics. 1027 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:04,000 Speaker 2: It is wait, what day is that? July thirteenth? I 1028 00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,480 Speaker 2: believe July fourteenth, the Saturday. That's the thirteenth of the fourties. Anyway, 1029 00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:11,080 Speaker 2: look it up Hollywood Former Cemetery. I don't know. Eighteen bucks. 1030 00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:13,160 Speaker 2: You're like, bring some wine, and I was thinking we 1031 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,360 Speaker 2: should dress like witchy because it's a cemetery. 1032 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:15,839 Speaker 3: You have to come. 1033 00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:16,759 Speaker 2: Have you ever been No? 1034 00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:17,279 Speaker 3: It sounds fun? 1035 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,319 Speaker 4: Oh my god, so it's in the cemetery. It's old 1036 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:23,680 Speaker 4: cemetery in Hollywood. There's like old like Hollywood. Starlet's buried 1037 00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:24,760 Speaker 4: there and just ran a lot. 1038 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:29,239 Speaker 2: Of like Jewish people there are anyway, they have it's beautiful. 1039 00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:33,160 Speaker 2: They have like all these beautiful like statues and I 1040 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:34,680 Speaker 2: mean it's death, but it's beautiful. 1041 00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:37,120 Speaker 4: They have this huge wall and then people come out 1042 00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,680 Speaker 4: and there's DJs and you picnic out there. 1043 00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:41,880 Speaker 2: That sounds fun, yeah, And then they play a movie. 1044 00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:43,839 Speaker 2: And then they play a movie and usually the time 1045 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,160 Speaker 2: is afore films. Sometimes it's like an old Hollywood film like. 1046 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:51,319 Speaker 4: Roman Holiday, or sometimes it's like Cheech and Chong and 1047 00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,560 Speaker 4: everyone's just getting high. 1048 00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,320 Speaker 3: But it's really do that anyway. 1049 00:50:55,520 --> 00:50:57,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're doing that, Arkles. That's what I'm gonna be 1050 00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:01,239 Speaker 2: doing at thee for sure. Yeah, I'm gonna do. 1051 00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:09,040 Speaker 4: Anyway because coming out. 1052 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:10,919 Speaker 2: Oh my god, I think I may be the second 1053 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:15,200 Speaker 2: eclipse too, around the time this thirteenth or fourth. Okay, 1054 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:21,120 Speaker 2: whatever I do, whatever, never mind forguts. Alright, y'all, Well 1055 00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:28,160 Speaker 2: we'll see next week. Box attachments is the key. 1056 00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:35,120 Speaker 3: To let go out who you still be. 1057 00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:38,600 Speaker 2: Still? 1058 00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:39,480 Speaker 4: Somehow? 1059 00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:42,319 Speaker 3: I vibrate on your way. 1060 00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:53,239 Speaker 2: I try to reprogramed. Mama. There's no change, but it 1061 00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:57,680 Speaker 2: just swong uk for me. It just swoll uough for me. 1062 00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:08,400 Speaker 2: It just fell a no, it's just all love for me. 1063 00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:13,319 Speaker 2: It is all love for me. It is all life.