1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,440 Speaker 1: I'm allowed to have emotion. I'm allowed to feel how 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: I feel. I give myself permission to feel. 3 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, EMILYA Badi here, you are listening to an 4 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 2: installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a Wileness focus podcast 5 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 2: where I connect with everyone from your favorite athletes to 6 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 2: top experts and industry CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments, 7 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 2: and everything in between. We all go through hurdles in life, 8 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 2: and my goal through these discussions is to empower you 9 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 2: to better navigate yours and move with intentions so that 10 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 2: you can stride toward your big potential and of course 11 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 2: have some fun along the way. For today's conversation, I 12 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 2: am chatting with my girl, Yasmin Cheyenne. We have chatted before, 13 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 2: which is why you likely recognize her name. She's an author, 14 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 2: self healing, educator and speaker. She's also the host of 15 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:12,479 Speaker 2: the sugar Jar podcast and the author of an upcoming 16 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 2: book called Appropriately the Sugar Jar. Now, today, Yasmin and 17 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:22,759 Speaker 2: I are talking all about let's put it this way, boundaries, 18 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 2: but bigger than that, what it means to perform to 19 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 2: fit in and why doing that, why performing can actually 20 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 2: be detrimental. 21 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 3: To your well being. 22 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 2: Yasmin opens up about what we need to pay attention 23 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,559 Speaker 2: to when it comes to our emotions and. 24 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 3: How to explore those. 25 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 2: She says that performing is often happening without our conscious permission, 26 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 2: and so many of us ought performed before we even 27 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,000 Speaker 2: have the chance to realize that we're doing it. 28 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 3: So we unpack that. 29 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 2: We explore the different ways that we often perform in life, 30 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 2: the concept of being present to the discomfort, and why 31 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 2: we may be performing in the first place, Plus address 32 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,119 Speaker 2: how performing empties, as she puts it, your sugar jar, 33 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 2: and ways that we can stop, including getting to know 34 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 2: yourself again, recognizing that it's okay if you don't fit 35 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 2: in everywhere, and so much more. As I mentioned, she 36 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,679 Speaker 2: does have a book coming out soon, so I'm going 37 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 2: to link to it in the show notes. Pre order 38 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:41,079 Speaker 2: check it out. Happy to support you, my friend. Make 39 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 2: sure you are following along with Hurdle over on social media. 40 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,800 Speaker 2: It's at Hurdle Podcast. I am over at Emily a Body. Also, 41 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 2: I've got two goal setting workshops announced. I will link 42 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 2: to both of those in the show notes. These are 43 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 2: small group You've got to be present, but I can't 44 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: think of any better way to wrap up the year 45 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 2: or lead in come January. There's one in December, one 46 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 2: in January, then talking about the big things that we're 47 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 2: going after in twenty twenty three and beyond again. The 48 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,920 Speaker 2: link to sign up for one of these workshops is 49 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 2: in the show notes. They are first come, first serve, 50 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 2: last little bit of housekeeping. I get messages all of 51 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 2: the time asking me for some of my favorites, and 52 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 2: I included them in last week's installment of the Weekly Hurdle. 53 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 2: I'm talking gear picks, workout clothes, mindfulness tools, plus some 54 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 2: really great offers from Hurdles sponsors, perfect for gifting. The 55 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 2: link to subscribe if you aren't just yet is in 56 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 2: the show notes. And with that, let's get to hurdling. 57 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 3: Today. 58 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 2: I am sitting down with Yasmin Cheyenne. She is the 59 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 2: upcoming author of the book The Sugar Jar Create Boundaries, 60 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 2: embrace self, healing and enjoy the sweet things in life, 61 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 2: among many other things. 62 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 3: How are you doing today? Good? 63 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 4: Thank you for having me back. 64 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,320 Speaker 3: Oh, it's so good to have you back. 65 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 2: Can I tell you that I re shared our episode 66 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 2: from last year recently and people love listening to you speak, 67 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 2: I got messages about how soothing your voice was. 68 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 4: Oh my god. Well every time I hear that, I'm 69 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:35,840 Speaker 4: so shocked. 70 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: Thank you. 71 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,600 Speaker 3: How's it going over there? 72 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 1: It's good, as I was just sharing, like it's good, 73 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: and it's also crazy and like trying to practice what 74 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,159 Speaker 1: I preach, holding the duality of great things and also 75 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,919 Speaker 1: stretching in many ways. 76 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 3: Stretching in many ways. 77 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,279 Speaker 4: I love that for herd podcasts. 78 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 2: Yes well, I mean, as I mentioned just now, author 79 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 2: of an upcoming book, how how do you feel? 80 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I feel like I cannot believe it's real. 81 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 4: I just can't believe it's here. 82 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: I'm definitely incredibly grateful, but also like, as it's tough, 83 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,039 Speaker 1: I'm trying to like, I don't want to miss this 84 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 1: kind of kind of feeling I would imagine very similar. 85 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: It definitely feels like a marathon. So every time I'm 86 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: on here, I love that I can use all like 87 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 1: the running stuff, as everybody knows, but it feels like 88 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 1: that like I don't want to miss this moment that 89 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:32,600 Speaker 1: I've been training so hard for. 90 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,799 Speaker 4: I want to experience it. Yeah. 91 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, and when there's like balls flying in every direction, 92 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:42,480 Speaker 2: it's hard to be entirely present for like any one moment. 93 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,600 Speaker 2: But I appreciate you bringing your energy and your presence. 94 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,919 Speaker 3: Back to Hurdle. 95 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: Before we jump into what we're going to talk about today, 96 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 2: catch us up a little bit on what you've been 97 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 2: doing aside from working on this book. 98 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 1: What's new in your world? I, you know, recently became 99 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: a creator on Melissa Woodhealth platform. I have you know, 100 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 1: expanded the offerings on my app, and then also just personally, 101 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: I've been taking time to not be so busy. I 102 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 1: think before it was kind of like anything that comes 103 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 1: my way, I'm excited, I can't wait to do it. 104 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 1: And I've just been really intentional about what projects I'm 105 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: taking on and like making sure that I have time 106 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: for myself and my kids and my family. 107 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 3: How do you do it? 108 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 4: Take the time? 109 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 110 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: Uh. 111 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 4: The hardest part is I have to like experience fomo. 112 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: I I, like most people do, not like to feel 113 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 1: like I'm missing out. There's especially you know, being on 114 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: a New Yorker you understand, you know, you say no 115 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,359 Speaker 1: to an event and then you see it happening and 116 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: you're like God, and I know I was at that 117 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: event or I had which I had that opportunity, and 118 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: I've just recognized that wherever I'm supposed to be at, 119 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,919 Speaker 1: i'm supposed to be at, and if I say no 120 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 1: to it, I'm not missing it. I'm experiencing what I 121 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: have right now. And that's been a major shift. And 122 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 1: maybe that's growing up, you know, maybe that's a part 123 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: of finally being okay, not being in the know with everything. 124 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 2: So yeah, you know, that's a really interesting perspective, perhaps 125 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 2: a shift for some to think about that saying no 126 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 2: to something, even if you want to be experiencing that thing, 127 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 2: it's still you saying yes to something else. For instance, 128 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 2: i have a holiday party coming up that I'm going 129 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 2: to miss because I'll be traveling for work in Las Vegas. 130 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: But I'll be traveling for work in Las Vegas. So 131 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 2: it's like there are choices that we have to make 132 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 2: all the time. It doesn't necessarily mean that those choices 133 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 2: are easy, but we do have the opportunity to make 134 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 2: them more often than. 135 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 4: That, yes, and they're not easy. 136 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 1: Like I experienced the fomo, I've just been allowing myself 137 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: to feel disappointed. That's been a huge part of the season, 138 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: like hearing the nos, not putting myself out there because 139 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 1: I'm afraid of what's going to be said experiencing all 140 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 1: of it, and that's been Oh yeah, maybe book two. 141 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 2: Well, like I said at the top of this, your 142 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 2: upcoming book, just like your whole shick called the sugar Jar. 143 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 2: Before we get into again what we're going to talk 144 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 2: about today, which is performing to fit in, why don't 145 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 2: you give us a little background, a little refresher on 146 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 2: what the sugar jar mentality really is. 147 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: Yes, So the sugar jar started literally in my living room. 148 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: I was holding my newborn. I had just come back 149 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 1: from maternity leave, and. 150 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 4: I was overwhelmed. 151 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: I was overwhelmed because I had said yes to too 152 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 1: many things. And I think at the time, I thought 153 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: because the things I was saying yes too were quote 154 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: unquote good things that I should be fine, like oh 155 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,559 Speaker 1: it's a party, or oh it's a work opportunity, or 156 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,680 Speaker 1: it's this that it should be okay. I didn't realize 157 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 1: that I was still draining myself, and so I started 158 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: voice noting out loud to myself because I had no hands, 159 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: newborn and everything else, and I was just saying that 160 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,439 Speaker 1: I felt like a jar of sugar in which people 161 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 1: would just come into my kitchen, take sugar, spill it 162 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: all over the place. They didn't care how much I had, 163 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: they didn't care how much energy I need it for myself. 164 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,199 Speaker 4: They would just take it. 165 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: And for the moment, that felt really good, because then 166 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 1: that kind of placed the blame on them, like they're 167 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: coming in, they're taking from me. 168 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 4: And then I. 169 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: Realized the solution to that problem would be me putting 170 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: a little my jar one closing the front door, like 171 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: people coming into your kitchen, they have access to you, 172 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 1: but putting a little on my jar and saying I'm 173 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: not going to allow people to just come in and take. 174 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: They're going to have to ask me, you know, putting 175 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: those boundaries in place. And it was really embarrassing at 176 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 1: the time. I never thought I was going to be 177 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: sharing this. This was a private This was a personal 178 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 1: thing that I was sharing with a friend because I 179 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 1: was overwhelmed and to be honest, freaking out because I 180 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,679 Speaker 1: teach boundaries, So I was like, how am I struggling 181 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: like this when this is something that I'm teaching people. 182 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: This was something that I thought was going to be 183 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: like a private thing that no one would ever know about. 184 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 4: And she was like this is really helpful. 185 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: I think you should share this with me, with me 186 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 1: and other people on my podcast, and so I did, 187 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 1: and so I hope that the sugar Jar becomes an 188 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: invitation for people to get curious about the ways that 189 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: people are entering our lives and having access to us, 190 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 1: not because they are taking from us. Some people are, 191 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: but usually it's because we're allowing them in. And it 192 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: hopefully empowers you to put a live back on your job, 193 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: put those boundaries in place, and remember that you do 194 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 1: have more power than you realize. And it's tough because 195 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: you know, people always say, well, what about with my mom, 196 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 1: what about with my sister? We could get into that, 197 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: but that is what the sugar jar is. 198 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. 199 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I totally relate to the sentiment you shared 200 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 2: about wondering if it would be something that you ever 201 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 2: shared public, right, like, if it was something that would 202 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,080 Speaker 2: serve you. But the reality is, and as it's so 203 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 2: clear because you've taken sugar Jar way past this initial conversation, 204 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 2: is that it is something that people need and that 205 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 2: vulnerability was so special not only for you but also 206 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 2: for your community. 207 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,240 Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, even when you just said, like it's you know, 208 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: the sugar Jar is You're kind of like your namesake. 209 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 4: It's so always so interesting to me. I talk about 210 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 4: it in a book. 211 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 1: It's like I ran from this, Like I taught it 212 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 1: the one time, and then I was like, I don't 213 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 1: want to talk about it again. Not because I don't 214 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:41,440 Speaker 1: love the sugar Jar, but because it was forcing me 215 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:47,199 Speaker 1: to ask myself hard questions that I wasn't really interested 216 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 1: in dealing with at the time. And so I've learned 217 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: anytime there's something that comes up that I'm running from 218 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: like that, it's because it's an invitation for me to 219 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: dig deeper. And so the sugar Jar definitely likes that 220 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 1: sounds cliche, but like saved my life life in that 221 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: I thought I had all the boundaries in place, and 222 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: I thought I had all the negative stuff dealt with, 223 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: and it's introduced me to the idea of. 224 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 4: Healing being a long term thing. Yeah. 225 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:16,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, And man, that line, I realize, anytime I'm trying 226 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 2: to run from something, it's really an invitation for me 227 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 2: to dig deeper. 228 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 3: How hard is that work? 229 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 2: Though, like we oftentimes we do want to run from 230 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 2: these situations that are more often than not uncomfortable digging 231 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,439 Speaker 2: to uncover whatever it is is actually a major insecurity. 232 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god. I mean I just had a conversation 233 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 1: today that I was like, God, I don't want to 234 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: do this. I mean there's times where I have to 235 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: have I mean, let's be clear, I don't have to 236 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: do anything, but where I know that having a tough 237 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 1: conversation or a difficult conversation that's a part of having 238 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: healthy relationships. I think we think that healthy relationships mean 239 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,319 Speaker 1: everything will be easy, everything will be simple, and it's 240 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 1: like no, having healthy relationships often means there's more emotions, 241 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,479 Speaker 1: there's more discussions, there's. 242 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 4: More feelings, there's more all. 243 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: Of the things that we usually suppress and stuff down 244 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: and hide under the guise of resentment and passive aggression 245 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 1: and all of the other things. And so yeah, allowing 246 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 1: myself to be a part of it. If I say 247 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: I want healthy relationships and allow myself to actually do 248 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 1: the work for it, it's a tough thing, and I'm 249 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 1: glad I do it because then I understand why my 250 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,679 Speaker 1: clients are like, what, I don't want to do this, 251 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: but I feel you I'm doing it too. 252 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 2: Okay, So when we say the phrase performing to fit 253 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 2: in spill the tea. What does it mean when you 254 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 2: are performing to fit in? I loved these sentiments in 255 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 2: your book. 256 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: Thank You Yes. In chapter three of my book, I 257 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 1: talk about performing to fit in, and it is essentially 258 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: the idea of becoming someone else, whether it's what your 259 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: family says you should be, society says you should be, 260 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: your partner says you should be in order to fit in. 261 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: And the problem is we may fit in, but we're 262 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: not actual. We don't belong because you can only belong 263 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: when you are showing up as yourself. I noticed that 264 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: with myself and clients and things like that, that people 265 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 1: would have all of these people around them and they 266 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: still never felt like they were in community. And when 267 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 1: we are not being our authentic selves, we're not saying 268 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 1: how we really feel. 269 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 4: We're not sharing from a vulnerable place, and so performing 270 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 4: to fit in is really keeping us from the opportunity 271 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 4: of experiencing true community. 272 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: And a lot of us just keep people around for 273 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: the sake of saying we have people. But when we 274 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: really ask ourselves what we want in our relationships, it's 275 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 1: not to be someone else, and it's not to be 276 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 1: loved or accepted or seen because we're being someone else 277 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: or doing what we think is the right thing to do. 278 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 4: It's because we're being ourselves. 279 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 2: So let's kind of unwrap different ways that we may perform. 280 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 3: Let's give some examples. 281 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, So one of the examples I share in 282 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: the book is I was at this very swanky Upper 283 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: East Side event, And if you're not from New York, 284 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: you may not relate. But like when New York does swinky, 285 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: it's swanky like Cardier Ormez, It's it's high class. I 286 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: had never read, even been to that side of town, 287 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 1: and I grew up in Brooklyn, and so immediately I 288 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: recognize that like having on my like Zara bag, which 289 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: I love. 290 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 4: Zara is very cute. 291 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: But I was in the room with a different crowd, 292 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 1: and I had an option, an opportunity. Was I going 293 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 1: to be myself or was I going to you know, 294 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: we call it a New York front or was I 295 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: going to be someone else? Was I going to pretend 296 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: to be someone else? And so we show up and 297 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 1: we perform sometimes by acting like we know things that 298 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 1: we don't. That's the biggest way that I see people perform. 299 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: There's so much vulnerability and strength and saying I don't know, 300 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: and so many people feel like, no, I have to 301 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 1: know everything, so. 302 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 4: We pretend we know when we don't. We may act 303 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 4: like we have access to certain things or certain people. 304 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: Have you ever met someone who seems to know everybody 305 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: you know, but genuinely you've never seen them before. I've 306 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 1: learned that people aren't doing that because they want to 307 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 1: be weird or annoying or anything. They're trying to connect, 308 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: but it doesn't come off that way. It comes off 309 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,080 Speaker 1: very odd when it's happening to you. So people try 310 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 1: to act like they know who you know. And I 311 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: think another way that we perform is by conforming to 312 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 1: society standards. Specifically, if I just talk about women, some 313 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 1: people are married not because they wanted to be married, 314 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: because they thought they had to. Some people have children 315 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: because they didn't never had an option. Some people have 316 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: degrees because their family wanted me to be a doctor 317 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 1: or a lawyer and they felt like, that's my only option. 318 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: So these are some of the really big ways that 319 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: we perform too. And we think that we're fulfilling ourselves, 320 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: but actually we're fulfilling a role that society, or our family, 321 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: or our culture has designed for people quote on quote 322 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 1: like us, and we may not even know what we 323 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: need or what we want or truly desire. 324 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also think performing when it comes to 325 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 2: feelings can be super dangerous. I know you speak on 326 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 2: the performance of not speaking up when something doesn't feel good, 327 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,719 Speaker 2: or believing in the notion that we're stronger than others 328 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 2: and can therefore push through certain situations or experiences and 329 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 2: relationships that are hurting us. And in reality, again, ignoring 330 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,199 Speaker 2: how you really feel isn't going to serve you. 331 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I think we from the time that we 332 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,719 Speaker 1: probably start school, we're taught to perform to control our 333 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 1: emotions or to control our emotions to fit society standards 334 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 1: of what they think we should be. A lot of 335 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,479 Speaker 1: us are told not to cry, a lot of us 336 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 1: are told to tough enough. Stop being so sensitive is 337 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,679 Speaker 1: another one that that's used, and so over time we 338 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 1: learn how to we don't even have access to our 339 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: emotions anymore or our true feelings, and it shows up 340 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: in our relationships. The idea, you know, we see this 341 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,639 Speaker 1: on social media a lot, the idea of unlearning. I 342 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: think a lot of us are in the phase of 343 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: life where we're learning how to allow ourselves to feel 344 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: how we feel, not feeling afraid of being too vulnerable 345 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,120 Speaker 1: or too emotional or saying the wrong thing, but instead 346 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 1: choosing to advocate for ourselves. And performance does have a 347 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: place in time. You know, we don't want to like 348 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 1: unload on people that we just met. And also I've 349 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: really found like one of the simplest ways to practice 350 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 1: not performing is when someone asks you how your day is, Like, 351 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: when we just got on the call, was like, how's 352 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: it going. I mean sometimes I say like, oh, it's great, 353 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,479 Speaker 1: and sometimes I'm like it's great, and also it's not. 354 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,439 Speaker 1: I'm not feeling it. And it's just a tiny small 355 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 1: way that I allow myself to show up here more 356 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:51,160 Speaker 1: honest and true than pretending everything is great when it's not. 357 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 1: I'm not going to load every all my business on you, 358 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: but also I'm going to be you know, real. 359 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 4: Yeah. 360 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, it can be both. 361 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 2: It can be good and things can also feel some 362 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 2: kind of way at the same time. This brings us 363 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 2: back to where we started this conversation, which is then 364 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 2: me asking you, how did you choose to perform or 365 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 2: not to perform at that Upper East Side of business luncheon. 366 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:19,720 Speaker 1: Oh well, I chose to perform, and I chose to 367 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,640 Speaker 1: perform because at the time I didn't know that there 368 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: were any other choices. I think it's important to share 369 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 1: that some of the performance was happening unconsciously. 370 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,360 Speaker 4: There were some things that I had just been taught, like, oh, 371 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 4: when you're on the side of town, do this, do that. 372 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: There were certain things that had been given about that 373 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: part of town or those kinds of people, And I 374 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 1: think this will resonate with a lot of people. 375 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 4: A lot of us have been given stories like whether 376 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 4: you're dating or whether you're making. 377 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,200 Speaker 1: Friends or whatever you're doing, you've been given ideas about 378 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,679 Speaker 1: how you should behave or conform, and so that was 379 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 1: kind of some of that unconscious playing out. But then 380 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 1: consciously I was beating myself up and feeling like crap 381 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 1: for not measuring up to the standards I had put 382 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:02,719 Speaker 1: them on. 383 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 4: It was a pedestal. 384 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: I don't know them, but because they had things that 385 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,440 Speaker 1: I didn't have access to, I automatically assumed I don't 386 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: fit here, and. 387 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 4: So that was that was a way that I thought 388 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:14,400 Speaker 4: was helping you feel better. 389 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: I'll just pretend that I do know, and genuinely I 390 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: felt worse when I left that no one actually got 391 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 1: a chance to get to know me because I was 392 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:25,440 Speaker 1: afraid to be myself. 393 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,479 Speaker 2: Right, So you were afraid because you were making those assumptions. 394 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: Because I was making those assumptions that there was no 395 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:35,159 Speaker 1: way that I could connect without being one of what 396 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 1: they seemed like they were to me. 397 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,439 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you 398 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 2: about Hurdle's sponsor Future. 399 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 3: What's the best workout program? 400 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 2: Well, let me tell you that is one that is 401 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 2: built custom just for you. 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Your first 424 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 2: thirty days are risk free and you can cancel at. 425 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 3: Any time for a full refund, right right. 426 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 2: So what you're talking about here is that performing essentially 427 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,560 Speaker 2: empties your sugar jar. 428 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:34,959 Speaker 3: Let's talk a little bit about that. 429 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: So we talked about I walked into this event, I 430 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 1: already have these preconceived notions I am trying to fit 431 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: in based on the standards that I think they have 432 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,399 Speaker 1: that I don't know. 433 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 4: So these are all assumptions again and some societal. 434 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 1: Stuff, cultural stuff, And I've decided to perform at this event, 435 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: and I'm beating myself up about the fact that I'm 436 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: performing at this event, while also saying I should have 437 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 1: never come. 438 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,600 Speaker 4: So like all of this is happening internally. Nobody knows. 439 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: They think, oh, she you know, I don't know what 440 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,879 Speaker 1: they's what they think, but they don't know how I'm 441 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:15,680 Speaker 1: actually feeling inside. I leave that event depleted because one 442 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: any energy that I would have had, any sugar that 443 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: I would have had that would have filled me, has 444 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,160 Speaker 1: been drained in the beating of myself, beating myself up. 445 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 4: I continued this. 446 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: I don't know about everyone else who's listening or you, 447 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,920 Speaker 1: but like something like that happens, I'm playing that out 448 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 1: for a week, like that's not something that is going 449 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:34,640 Speaker 1: to be over tomorrow. 450 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,280 Speaker 4: I'm playing that out for a week. 451 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: I'm talking to my friends about it, I'm in therapy 452 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 1: about it. And it's now this has become like a 453 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,600 Speaker 1: week long thing versus the moments that I'm myself, even 454 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 1: when it's a little quirky, even when it's a little uncomfortable, 455 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: I might drain a little bit, but overwhelmingly I'm like, whatever, 456 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,160 Speaker 1: at least I was myself, it wasn't my group of people. 457 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,119 Speaker 1: I can move on, and I think it's important to 458 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:02,679 Speaker 1: mention that I'm sharing that performing drains your jar, not 459 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: as a way of shaming or blaming, but through self awareness. 460 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 1: That's the only way that we can begin to make changes. 461 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,119 Speaker 1: And so we recognize that we have a behavior pattern 462 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,919 Speaker 1: like performing that drains us, then we can begin to 463 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 1: make choices, like conscious choices about what we need to 464 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,919 Speaker 1: do to make sure that we stay full throughout uncomfortable situations, 465 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: because you're not always going to be in a group 466 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 1: of people who are your people. That's not how careers 467 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,359 Speaker 1: were in business, none of that, even dating. But how 468 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: can I stay full while I'm in these situations. I 469 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,400 Speaker 1: don't have to conform, I don't have to lower myself. 470 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,440 Speaker 1: I don't have to beat myself up. It would have 471 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,600 Speaker 1: been really helpful to say to myself instead, you're doing 472 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: the best you can. I'm proud that you're still here, 473 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,480 Speaker 1: like those kinds of things, And so I wanted to 474 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: say that because I think it's helpful that people understand 475 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 1: this isn't something that happened overnight. 476 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 4: This was a long term. 477 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: This is a long term commitment that I made to 478 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,880 Speaker 1: myself to learn how to be there for myself when 479 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: the opportunity presents itself for me to perform when the 480 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 1: opportunity presents itself for you to perform, And how you 481 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,359 Speaker 1: can be there for yourself if you choose to, because 482 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: sometimes we still do and if you don't, and it 483 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 1: still feels awkward and weird and uncomfortable, how you can 484 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: walk yourself through and hold a space of compassion for 485 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,920 Speaker 1: yourself for choosing you, despite the opportunity to do otherwise 486 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 1: right right. 487 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 2: And I love what you say in the book because 488 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 2: I feel as though oftentimes we think, like, okay, to 489 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,680 Speaker 2: remediate this, I can lean into my entire wellness routine. 490 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 2: And you write in the book, while you're trying to 491 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 2: fill yourself up with wellness tools, setting boundaries, and practicing 492 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,879 Speaker 2: self care, you may not notice that one of the 493 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,000 Speaker 2: things you need to do is repair within. You don't 494 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 2: need a new jar. There's nothing wrong with the one 495 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,959 Speaker 2: you've got. You just no longer need to carry the 496 00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,119 Speaker 2: burden of being someone other than you. 497 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 1: Yes, I think there's every client that I've ever interacted with, 498 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,520 Speaker 1: or every workshop that I've ever been to, the initial 499 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: question that people ask me is how can I change? 500 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: How can I, you know, make sure that I fit in? 501 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,160 Speaker 1: How can I do a better job at work. How 502 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,879 Speaker 1: can I, you know, have an advantage in the dating 503 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,919 Speaker 1: world or in the apps or whatever. And I'm like, 504 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,199 Speaker 1: how about how can we be ourselves and find people 505 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,320 Speaker 1: that don't need us to change or shift or conform 506 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: to belong And when it comes to career and business, 507 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 1: I'm always very clear that we can't yes, capitalism, all 508 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:36,920 Speaker 1: those things. 509 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:37,400 Speaker 4: I get it. 510 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 1: And because we are living within that system, I understand 511 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 1: that there's going to be times in a room where 512 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 1: you don't love the people that are in the room, 513 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 1: and yet you need to pay your bills because adulting right. 514 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 1: And so when you're in those situations where maybe you 515 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,199 Speaker 1: can't change the whole system where you can't find a 516 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:58,159 Speaker 1: new job, or maybe you're in a relationship that you 517 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 1: really want to save and you're both working towards it, 518 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: and it feels like you have to choose your you know, 519 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,120 Speaker 1: there's so many different situations. Maybe you're a parent and 520 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 1: if you had the choice, you wouldn't have been a parent. 521 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: There's so many things that we realized later on in 522 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:16,440 Speaker 1: our lives. I think understanding that you can choose now 523 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 1: to be yourself, like there's nothing you don't have to 524 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:25,120 Speaker 1: like walk away and It's not too late, is my point. Like, 525 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,479 Speaker 1: you haven't run out of time because you've already made 526 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,880 Speaker 1: the decisions that like, if you wish you weren't a doctor, 527 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 1: if you wish you weren't a lawyer, whatever it is 528 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 1: you wish you weren't married, it's not too late to 529 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: decide to be yourself and still perhaps stay in your marriage, 530 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 1: if you love you're a partner, stay as a doctor, 531 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: or change or pivot the way that you do it, 532 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: you know, change the way you show up on the apps, 533 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 1: change the way you show up at word. I think 534 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 1: it's really important that we recognize that choosing yourself is 535 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,439 Speaker 1: a choice that we can make at any stage of 536 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 1: our lives. And it doesn't have to be something that 537 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 1: we chose the first day that we had an opportunity 538 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:01,200 Speaker 1: to step out in the adult world. 539 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 4: It's something that we can choose right now. 540 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: You're listening to this and you're like, actually, I'm sick 541 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,400 Speaker 1: of this particular way I'm showing up. We just got 542 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,240 Speaker 1: through the holidays. So many of us perform during the 543 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: holidays just to make it through, and even something small, 544 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 1: as you know, whatever holiday you step celebrate, if something 545 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 1: you celebrates coming up deciding I'm not going to have 546 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,879 Speaker 1: conversations about my dating life. I'm not going to talk 547 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: about where I'm going to have kids. I'm not going 548 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,000 Speaker 1: to talk about whatever my family wants to talk about 549 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,920 Speaker 1: that makes me uncomfortable anymore. I'm going to find a 550 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 1: way to advocate for myself and be myself without having 551 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 1: to overgive my energy, my sugar, myself in ways that 552 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 1: make me say and do things that don't actually feel 553 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:39,800 Speaker 1: true to me. 554 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. 555 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:47,120 Speaker 2: So many good nuggets in there, especially this idea of 556 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 2: like how do I get them to like me? 557 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 3: Like ask yourself, like do you even like them? Right? 558 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 2: And that is such a key theme when it comes 559 00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 2: to everything from the work that you do to the 560 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 2: people that you spend your time with. 561 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 3: You're hitting here on you know, one of the. 562 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,880 Speaker 2: Key metrics or instances of how you can stop performing, 563 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 2: and that truly is just by doing inventory on who 564 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 2: it is that you are and what is it that 565 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,960 Speaker 2: you like, Who are you at your very core? What 566 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 2: are your values? And you know kind of where you 567 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,520 Speaker 2: go from there. In the book, you write get to 568 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 2: know yourself again. So what do you mean really by 569 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 2: getting to know yourself? 570 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: Again, Yes, I think so many of us haven't had 571 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 1: the opportunity to do that. In the beginning, we were 572 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,120 Speaker 1: told who we are. 573 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 4: I don't know about you. 574 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: But like in my family, it's like, oh, you know, 575 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 1: we're Brooklyn Nines, We're New Yorkers. 576 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 4: This is what New Yorkers do. We can make it anywhere, 577 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 4: we can make it through anything. 578 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: I really carried that as I can suffer through, I 579 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,200 Speaker 1: can push through. Like I remember when nine to eleven 580 00:29:56,280 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 1: happened and the next day after September twelfth, school was off, 581 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 1: but September thirteen, school started again and everybody went back 582 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: to work, and I remember everyone in my family being like, yeah, 583 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 1: because we're so resilient. And I'm not saying that's not resilience. 584 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 1: I'm saying sometimes we carry that kind of I just 585 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: went through an incredibly traumatic experience and I'm going to 586 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: move on like nothing ever happened with us. And that's 587 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: performing we don't even ask ourselves, but what do I need? Yes, 588 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: the city of New York, my family might feel like 589 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,840 Speaker 1: this is resilience, but what do I need? So I 590 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,320 Speaker 1: think it's just important to really check in with yourself 591 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,080 Speaker 1: and ask what are the things that fill me up. 592 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: Now what my family needs me to do, now, what 593 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: my friends need me to do, not what my partner 594 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 1: needs or what I feel like I have to be 595 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 1: as a parent. How can I support myself? How can 596 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 1: I be there for myself? How can I get to 597 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: know myself in a way that feels true to me? 598 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 1: Maybe I think things like gardening or doing something like 599 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: roller skating is really exciting, but I never do it 600 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: because I feel like one will think it's weird, or 601 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 1: I want to do something different with my hair, but 602 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:05,480 Speaker 1: I feel like I want to actually perform. It can 603 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: be in the small things like that and also big things. 604 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 1: Asking yourself about what you want to do within your career, 605 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 1: and again, I think being really key because I think 606 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 1: this is important. So many people feel like they have 607 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 1: run out of time, Like I'm thirty five, I'm forty five, 608 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,120 Speaker 1: I'm fifty five, it's too late for me to get 609 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,479 Speaker 1: to know myself again, asking yourself? Are there any belief 610 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: systems that I have in place that limit or keep 611 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 1: me from asking myself those questions? And that happens so 612 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,680 Speaker 1: often too. And I'm sure when it comes to like 613 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 1: training for a marathon. 614 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 4: People feel like Oh that that shit is, Saaled. 615 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 1: I can't do it anymore. You know, I'm not as 616 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: young as I used to be. I definitely felt like 617 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: that when I started running again. I told you that 618 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 1: I'm not in the military anymore. I can't start that. 619 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,960 Speaker 1: That's a belief system. That's a belief system based on 620 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: scarcity and based on what I think I have to 621 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 1: be in order to start something. Maybe I can't win 622 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,240 Speaker 1: a marathon anymore, perhaps, but I. 623 00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,520 Speaker 4: Might be able to run it and enjoy it. 624 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: And I think even perfectionism gets in the way of 625 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 1: us getting to know ourselves and starting something different. 626 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know you said something that beckons the question 627 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,800 Speaker 2: if someone is trying to figure out who it is 628 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 2: that they are, what happens during that process if they 629 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 2: start to realize that maybe they don't really like what 630 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 2: they are discovering. 631 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 1: That's the hardest part, I think, and that's why I 632 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: keep bringing up really tough things like parenting, like marriage, 633 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 1: like career. Those are often the key arts of what 634 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: we choose people. I mean, it's ridiculous that whether you 635 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 1: decide to be a parent or not, it's still such 636 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 1: a big discussion, and yet people feel like they really 637 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 1: have to defend their decisions because of what society says 638 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,840 Speaker 1: about what we should shouldn't be doing. And the same 639 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 1: thing goes with marriage and career. And if you find 640 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 1: yourself in a situation where you've chosen something, whether it's 641 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 1: those three things I mentioned or something different that you 642 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 1: realize you don't want any more, what would it feel 643 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: like just give yourself the opportunity to explore the things 644 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,000 Speaker 1: that you know for sure are of interest. We don't 645 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: always have to have the next answer, Like, it doesn't 646 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 1: have to be a hard and fast I know that 647 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: I want to, you know, go off and explore, you know, 648 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: different islands, or I know I want to, you know, 649 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,080 Speaker 1: get into swimming or scuba diving. If you don't know 650 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 1: what it is, what are the things that you like? 651 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 1: And that's why I think having something I call a 652 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: joy list, which is just a list of like ten 653 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: to fifteen things that you really enjoy. Some of the 654 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:33,960 Speaker 1: things on my list are gardening, dancing, listening to music, 655 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:38,560 Speaker 1: cooking a special meal. When I find myself wondering if 656 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: I've committed to something that I'm not sure that I love, 657 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,080 Speaker 1: I immediately go to my joy list and do something 658 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 1: that I know I love, and I find in the 659 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,800 Speaker 1: process of doing things that I love that I remind 660 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: myself of the other things that It's like it's a 661 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: it's a ripple effect. As I'm doing something I love, 662 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: I start to remember other things that I love, other 663 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,760 Speaker 1: things that bring me joy. It gets me out of 664 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,560 Speaker 1: the life logical place of having to have the right 665 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: answer and into the feeling place of remembering. When I'm 666 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 1: connected to something that feels good, I have more access 667 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,759 Speaker 1: to my true emotions, to my true needs, to what 668 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,920 Speaker 1: truly feels good to me. And so especially for my 669 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: logical folks, especially for my recovering perfectionists like myself, allowing 670 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:27,520 Speaker 1: yourself the space to do something different. I want you 671 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,160 Speaker 1: to put down the pros and cons lists and pick 672 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 1: up a pink brush. 673 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, just get out of that like heavy thinker energy, 674 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 2: get that super logical place and ask yourself genuinely how 675 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:41,399 Speaker 2: do I feel? 676 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,799 Speaker 3: And listen, which again is challenging. 677 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 4: Yes, And there's a chapter in the book called how 678 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:47,600 Speaker 4: do you feel? 679 00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,279 Speaker 1: And it's because when people think about the things that 680 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,000 Speaker 1: got them to where they are, Like if you find 681 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,279 Speaker 1: yourself in a relationship or a job or whatever, where 682 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,360 Speaker 1: you feel like, how did I get here? We often 683 00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 1: think one, I want to heal, two I want to 684 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: set boundaries, and I caution you to think how do 685 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,759 Speaker 1: I feel first? Because when we set boundaries based on 686 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,840 Speaker 1: I want all of this out versus what do I 687 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:16,400 Speaker 1: want in, we end up putting up walls instead of 688 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,920 Speaker 1: putting up permeable boundaries that we know. Okay, I said, 689 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm not dating this kind of person anymore, not I'm 690 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,120 Speaker 1: done with dating period. I said I'm not doing this 691 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 1: kind of job anymore, versus I'm done with corporate Like, 692 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 1: we put up these very wide generic rules because we're 693 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,280 Speaker 1: trying to keep ourselves from being hurt, rather than recognizing, actually, 694 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,600 Speaker 1: I just don't want that kind of thing specifically. 695 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:46,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, what an important important takeaway now? 696 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 2: I know that you, because I follow you closely on Instagram, 697 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 2: are all about giving us mantras, giving us things that 698 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 2: we can follow along with to transition perhaps into these 699 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:04,439 Speaker 2: new faces of feeling. So when it comes to releasing 700 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 2: this energy, when it comes to skipping over performance and 701 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,920 Speaker 2: embracing who we truly are, where is it that we 702 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,360 Speaker 2: can begin from a mantra? 703 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 1: Pov I love say it with me I feel like 704 00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 1: when you say say it with me, you're including the universe, God, 705 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 1: whatever you believe in your mantra, but also remembering that 706 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,960 Speaker 1: like collectively, we're all saying it too. So when it 707 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,279 Speaker 1: comes to how I feel, I would say say it 708 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,840 Speaker 1: with me. I'm allowed to have emotion, I'm allowed to 709 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:40,320 Speaker 1: feel how I feel. I give myself permission to feel. 710 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,319 Speaker 1: And I think that's a great place to start from 711 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: because so many of us don't even feel like we 712 00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,800 Speaker 1: should have access to our emotion. If you're recovering strong 713 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:56,000 Speaker 1: friend or a strong partner, if you are recovering people pleaser, 714 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 1: maybe codependency, all of those kinds of things, where all 715 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,520 Speaker 1: you've been doing is wearing out and holding space for 716 00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:05,400 Speaker 1: other people. You may not have even had connection to 717 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:10,720 Speaker 1: your emotions or can remember real relationships that were healthy 718 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: where people were holding space for you, And so practicing 719 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,200 Speaker 1: holding space for yourself is a great place to start. 720 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,040 Speaker 2: It's a great place to start. Wow, this was such 721 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,440 Speaker 2: a good conversation. Is there anything that you want to 722 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:22,879 Speaker 2: add before I let you go? 723 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you, And I hope 724 00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,279 Speaker 1: that for listeners if they get the book, that they 725 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,319 Speaker 1: treat this as an invitation to get to know themselves 726 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,799 Speaker 1: in a different way and also share with friends and 727 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,279 Speaker 1: family that you know are interested and open. We're not 728 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:43,640 Speaker 1: like Heal bombing people and saying hey, you need to 729 00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:45,319 Speaker 1: do some work. 730 00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 2: But yeah, thank you, but yeah okay. 731 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,680 Speaker 3: So if they don't follow you already, Yasmin, how did 732 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 3: the hurdlers follow along with you? How do they keep 733 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,080 Speaker 3: up with you? Give us the info? 734 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,759 Speaker 1: Yes, Yasmin Cheyenne on Instagram and yasminshan dot com slash 735 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:00,680 Speaker 1: but to pick up. 736 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,360 Speaker 2: The book Perfect I'm over at Emily a Body and 737 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,400 Speaker 2: at Hurdle podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. 738 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:07,839 Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.