1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,759
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam is a John your og Okay

2
00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:05,320
Speaker 1: Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories coming up.

3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,400
Speaker 2: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

4
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,799
Speaker 2: the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

5
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,280
Speaker 1: My fiance said I was low maintenance and disposable, and

6
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,520
Speaker 1: now I'm disposing our engagement.

7
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,880
Speaker 2: That's the right answer, I'll be honest.

8
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,720
Speaker 1: I twenty nine female need validation. I feel horrible. There

9
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,360
Speaker 1: was this post on a different subreddit with men admitting

10
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,880
Speaker 1: they have spicy sleep with fat girls because they're easier,

11
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,960
Speaker 1: and people saying that fat girls are more willing to

12
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,400
Speaker 1: do whatever their partners want because they don't know when

13
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,199
Speaker 1: they'll be able to have it again, or some bs

14
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,800
Speaker 1: like that, and that's exactly what that is.

15
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:37,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

16
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,360
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from a deleted user, and

17
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:40,720
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

18
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,080
Speaker 1: the r slash okay Storytime subred it.

19
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,839
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we hate to

20
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,880
Speaker 2: give you a good advice goofy, but we don't have

21
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:47,519
Speaker 2: all the answers.

22
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,960
Speaker 1: We're just a couple of goofballs, So if you would

23
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,120
Speaker 1: do a little some different, just let us know when comments.

24
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,280
Speaker 1: Opie says, I am a fat girl myself and have

25
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,760
Speaker 1: struggled with this all my life. I've put myself through

26
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,880
Speaker 1: a lot to lose weight, only to gain back twice,

27
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,280
Speaker 1: much minus my strength and health. I've had to go

28
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,120
Speaker 1: to therapy for eating issues, and I still have a

29
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,360
Speaker 1: very fractured relationship with food. When I came across this

30
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:13,639
Speaker 1: post being discussed on the bird app with many people

31
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,000
Speaker 1: defending this nonsense, I was upset and disgusted. Let me

32
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,440
Speaker 1: be clear, I did not for one second suspect that

33
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,600
Speaker 1: my fiance, thirty two male, agreed with this. We've been

34
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,000
Speaker 1: together for four ish years. I trusted him completely and

35
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 1: went to him for comfort. When we got into bed

36
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,280
Speaker 1: for the night, I told him that I didn't feel great.

37
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,680
Speaker 1: He asked me why I was upset, and I told

38
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,000
Speaker 1: him about the post. I said something like, how can

39
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,560
Speaker 1: they even say something like that? Can you believe there's

40
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:43,720
Speaker 1: people like this? And then complete silence. He was spooning

41
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,800
Speaker 1: me and I couldn't see his face. So I repeated

42
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,640
Speaker 1: myself and asked him for a thought.

43
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,440
Speaker 2: I said, can you believe that?

44
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,520
Speaker 1: I feel so stupid? Because even then I didn't think

45
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,120
Speaker 1: he agreed with it. I figured he was just thinking

46
00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,440
Speaker 1: or something, but he pushed himself away from me and

47
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,280
Speaker 1: sat up quiet. I asked him what was going on,

48
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,040
Speaker 1: and he said something like, well, you have to give

49
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 1: those people a chance to get to know them better,

50
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,720
Speaker 1: and you need a reason to give them that chance,

51
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,880
Speaker 1: is what. I asked him to explain what he meant,

52
00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:17,600
Speaker 1: which is exactly what I was thinking, and he basically said,

53
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,520
Speaker 1: there's no other incentive to give a fat person a

54
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,160
Speaker 1: chance other than the fact that we apparently have spicy,

55
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,560
Speaker 1: sleep a lot easier with people, and are so called kinkier.

56
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:32,360
Speaker 1: He kept saying them like I wasn't fat myself, and

57
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,400
Speaker 1: I called him out on that, but he just went silent.

58
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,560
Speaker 1: I don't think I would have accepted an oh, but

59
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,079
Speaker 1: not you or anything like that, but it still felt

60
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,639
Speaker 1: like a slap in the face when he didn't even

61
00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:45,760
Speaker 1: try to do it. I was shocked and connected the

62
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,720
Speaker 1: dots myself, but apparently my pathetic self just had to

63
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,120
Speaker 1: hear it from him. I asked him if that was

64
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,120
Speaker 1: his motivation to approach me. He hesitated for a minute

65
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,200
Speaker 1: but admitted that was true. For context, we admitted a

66
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,799
Speaker 1: club for a mutual friend's party, and our relationship started

67
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,320
Speaker 1: off as a one night stand. We didn't see each

68
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,880
Speaker 1: other after that for a couple of months, and then

69
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:09,040
Speaker 1: he contacted me. He got my ig from our friend

70
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,959
Speaker 1: to ask me out because he said that he thought

71
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,640
Speaker 1: I was sweet and smart and wanted to get to

72
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,120
Speaker 1: know me. We've been together since and got engaged in

73
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,480
Speaker 1: December at a Christmas party with all of our family present.

74
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,440
Speaker 1: He said that when he met me at the clurb,

75
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,760
Speaker 1: he had spent the whole night flirting with a different

76
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,200
Speaker 1: friend of ours, but right at the end of the night,

77
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,600
Speaker 1: she turned down spending the night with him. He said,

78
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,480
Speaker 1: and I quote, I noticed you hadn't spoken to any

79
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,480
Speaker 1: men the whole night, so I figured it would take

80
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,000
Speaker 1: less work. I feel so repulsed at the fact that

81
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,440
Speaker 1: not only had he thought that, but it worked. I

82
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,520
Speaker 1: apparently was that desperate and easy. I had a really

83
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,720
Speaker 1: good day and was in a great mood and didn't

84
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,160
Speaker 1: really think too much when he approached me. I'm not

85
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,720
Speaker 1: great looking, but I really liked how I styled myself

86
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,560
Speaker 1: that day and was bila maso. I didn't feel the

87
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,120
Speaker 1: need to question his intentions. But what broke me and

88
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,760
Speaker 1: I've been crying about this ever since?

89
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:56,360
Speaker 3: Was that.

90
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,520
Speaker 1: When I asked him why he asked me out after

91
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,000
Speaker 1: that night, he said he'd he told his friends about

92
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,280
Speaker 1: our one night together and that they thought it would

93
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,680
Speaker 1: be good for him to be with someone willing to

94
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,720
Speaker 1: do whatever he wants until he finds someone else. I

95
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:13,160
Speaker 1: feel like at this point he was intentionally trying to

96
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,320
Speaker 1: hurt me. I don't know why he would, but I

97
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,200
Speaker 1: don't understand why he would say this to me, even

98
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,000
Speaker 1: if it was true. Why would you say that to

99
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:25,159
Speaker 1: someone you apparently love. I blanked out and felt so

100
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,600
Speaker 1: much self hatred and disgust in that moment, I had

101
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,960
Speaker 1: to ask him to leave. I didn't ask him why

102
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,360
Speaker 1: he stayed with me all this time, or while we

103
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,440
Speaker 1: were still engaged. I'm too scared to know. To be honest,

104
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,000
Speaker 1: I don't know how i'd react if he keeps degrading me,

105
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,359
Speaker 1: or even if he says that he genuinely started to

106
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,520
Speaker 1: like me later, because our relationships started with Spice to

107
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,480
Speaker 1: Sleep and he clearly seemed interested. I never felt conscious

108
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,320
Speaker 1: of my body around him, nor has he ever said

109
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,560
Speaker 1: anything fat phobic to me before, but I just couldn't

110
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,200
Speaker 1: be around him after what he said. I gave him

111
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,960
Speaker 1: back his ring and asked him to leave. It's been

112
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 1: about a day, but he hasn't tried to get into

113
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:04,000
Speaker 1: touch with me or apologize at all. Sadly, at this point,

114
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,240
Speaker 1: our friend groups are deeply intertwined, and when I confided

115
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,440
Speaker 1: in some of them, most said that it doesn't matter

116
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,720
Speaker 1: how our relationships started or what he thought back then,

117
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,960
Speaker 1: because he's never shown it or treated me badly.

118
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,160
Speaker 2: It's not what he thought back then, it's what he

119
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:22,280
Speaker 2: currently thinks now. He made no kind of uh sign,

120
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,120
Speaker 2: Like there was no sign that he thinks any differently.

121
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:30,280
Speaker 1: I mean, like I get that in like certain contexts,

122
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,159
Speaker 1: but not in the context of like he's like, well, yeah,

123
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,400
Speaker 1: it's like I thought you were worthless until I spent

124
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,480
Speaker 1: like a year and a half with you, and then

125
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,880
Speaker 1: I saw, oh my gosh, this is a human being.

126
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,960
Speaker 2: Like just like having that mentality at all in life

127
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,960
Speaker 2: is pretty crazy and not even realizing that that is

128
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:52,000
Speaker 2: the wrong mentality to have you stink? You smell so bad?

129
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,320
Speaker 2: Are you a rotten egg?

130
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,000
Speaker 1: A few of the girls are defending my reaction, saying

131
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,880
Speaker 1: that even on a larger level, he is fat phobic, misogynistic,

132
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,960
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't be with him. I need a third

133
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,719
Speaker 1: person view? Am I overreacting? Should I try to talk

134
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,680
Speaker 1: to him again? Or understand where he's coming from? I

135
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,520
Speaker 1: feel horrible. I waged myself last night and broke down crying,

136
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,640
Speaker 1: and I've barely eaten. I've been down this path before

137
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,320
Speaker 1: and it's terrifying to see myself do it again. But

138
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,440
Speaker 1: for some reason, I just can't stop. Is this relationship

139
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,080
Speaker 1: worth all?

140
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:23,240
Speaker 3: This?

141
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,320
Speaker 2: None makes me feel out done?

142
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,520
Speaker 1: Comment number one he's seen his way out when you

143
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,960
Speaker 1: brought it up and thought, I'll tell the truth now

144
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,640
Speaker 1: and then you'll have to end it. You deserve better.

145
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,719
Speaker 1: Comment two says, what did I just read as a

146
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,080
Speaker 1: fat girl myself? I definitely sometimes felt that I'm in

147
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,080
Speaker 1: my late forties now, and if my partner said that

148
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,719
Speaker 1: to me, he would lose a body part. Yeah, it

149
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,799
Speaker 1: may have started like that, but he asked to marry

150
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,400
Speaker 1: you because you're willing to do whatever he wants until

151
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,800
Speaker 1: he finds someone else. Comment three says, this revelation is

152
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,360
Speaker 1: rocking your world for a variety of reasons, but they

153
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,039
Speaker 1: all stem from immense doubt that this situation has caused.

154
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,640
Speaker 1: If it were me, it would be making me question

155
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,680
Speaker 1: if I really know my fiance, If he thinks this

156
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,680
Speaker 1: way and has all along, what else do I not know?

157
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,520
Speaker 1: It would be making me question if he really loves me,

158
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,440
Speaker 1: or what he might secretly think about me that I

159
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,600
Speaker 1: also don't know. It would make me question when I

160
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,240
Speaker 1: went from being just an easy girl to someone you

161
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,120
Speaker 1: actually love and want a life with? And how are

162
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,400
Speaker 1: you supposed to be intimate with someone who you trusted

163
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,720
Speaker 1: and now has completely ripped out the rug from under

164
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,560
Speaker 1: you while also hitting on something that already relates to

165
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:37,280
Speaker 1: sore spots in your life. Not overreacting at all if

166
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,520
Speaker 1: you can no longer trust him, and even more, he

167
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,000
Speaker 1: won't try to reassure you with his love for you, Now,

168
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,640
Speaker 1: what other choice do you have? I am so sorry.

169
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,160
Speaker 1: Maybe there is a conversation to be had and some

170
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,800
Speaker 1: work that can be done to mend your relationship over time,

171
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,880
Speaker 1: but this is quite a foundation shattering revelation. And there

172
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,040
Speaker 1: is an update. He finally reached out to me and

173
00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,200
Speaker 1: apologized and said that he does love me. That he

174
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:03,240
Speaker 1: didn't reach out and apologize right away because he's been

175
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,840
Speaker 1: feeling guilty for a while and it's been eating at him.

176
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,000
Speaker 1: He said he feels I deserve better and took his

177
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,040
Speaker 1: chance to tell me the truth when I asked him

178
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,920
Speaker 1: about the post, but regrets how it all happened. He

179
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,080
Speaker 1: said that he loves me and wants to prove himself

180
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,920
Speaker 1: to me, but I don't think I have it in

181
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,040
Speaker 1: me to trust him right now. Please don't ever, don't don't.

182
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,120
Speaker 1: I told him as much, and he said he understands.

183
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,760
Speaker 1: The engagement is off. The families and friends have been informed,

184
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,600
Speaker 1: and I am beyond devastated.

185
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 2: Anyone tells you, oh, I love you like I didn't

186
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,199
Speaker 2: mean all of the horrible, horrible things that they said.

187
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,439
Speaker 2: You can't just believe the words. I got to see

188
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,640
Speaker 2: where's the action? And sometimes there are words that no

189
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,560
Speaker 2: action can kind of fix, because there are words that

190
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,280
Speaker 2: you just never say to someone that you supposedly love

191
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,679
Speaker 2: because you can't take them back.

192
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like, I do agree with that commenter

193
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,880
Speaker 1: who I think when you brought that up. I think

194
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,319
Speaker 1: he saw that as his opportunity to be like, oh wait,

195
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,760
Speaker 1: I can get out of this. Because he might have

196
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,000
Speaker 1: maybe he was in too deep, you know, he went

197
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:09,520
Speaker 1: into deep and he clearly is a little baby coward

198
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,720
Speaker 1: man and even because even when he came back to you,

199
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,440
Speaker 1: he was like, oh this, I just felt so guilty

200
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,160
Speaker 1: and I felt like you deserve better. And it's like, yeah,

201
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,280
Speaker 1: you're taking all of the pressure off of yourself there, buddy.

202
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:26,240
Speaker 1: But don't get back with this guy. It's just a dirty,

203
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,680
Speaker 1: little liar, manipulator man.

204
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:28,520
Speaker 2: Don't do that.

205
00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:30,480
Speaker 1: He'll do it again. He'll just do it again if

206
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,120
Speaker 1: you bring it back.

207
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,160
Speaker 2: Truly, don't do that.

208
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,440
Speaker 1: Let's finish this story. The life I imagine myself having

209
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,120
Speaker 1: is falling apart. But I've been hanging out with my

210
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,719
Speaker 1: sister and meeting some of my older friends and it's

211
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,040
Speaker 1: been nice. One of my friends from school that I

212
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,959
Speaker 1: reconnected with thanks to my sister is recently divorced from

213
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,040
Speaker 1: her husband of seven years, and she's been wonderful with

214
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,000
Speaker 1: comforting me and giving me advice. I'm also meeting with

215
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,199
Speaker 1: a therapist, and my sister found me a body image

216
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,760
Speaker 1: support group type thing. I'm going to do my best

217
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,880
Speaker 1: to focus on myself and be there for the people

218
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,960
Speaker 1: better actually by my side. It'll take me a long

219
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,640
Speaker 1: long time to get over him, let alone gain confidence

220
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,720
Speaker 1: in my body or trust someone to genuinely want to

221
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,920
Speaker 1: be with me, but I'm going to try. Thanks to

222
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,480
Speaker 1: everyone for your support and encouragement, and that is the

223
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,920
Speaker 1: end of that story.

224
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,240
Speaker 2: My boyfriend's priority is his best friend, and now I

225
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,520
Speaker 2: feel like a third wheel.

226
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,520
Speaker 1: Well you should start squeaking, because the squeaky wheel gets

227
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,040
Speaker 1: to the grease.

228
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,240
Speaker 2: For some background, my boyfriend twenty seven male, and I

229
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,280
Speaker 2: twenty four female, have been dating for about four and

230
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,160
Speaker 2: a half years. We are moving in together in December

231
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,080
Speaker 2: and are planning to get engaged next year once I

232
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,800
Speaker 2: graduate from nursing school. I have always thought we have

233
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,360
Speaker 2: a generally more healthy relationship than most couples. By the way,

234
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,559
Speaker 2: this comes from Penn Crazy And if you want to

235
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,720
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

236
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,800
Speaker 2: storytime separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and

237
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,000
Speaker 2: we're here to give good advice googley, but we don't

238
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,960
Speaker 2: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

239
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,760
Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the

240
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,719
Speaker 2: comments and o pieceas the only thing that has been

241
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,880
Speaker 2: a consistent struggle is his lack of affection towards me.

242
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,640
Speaker 2: He is not a lovey dovey PDA physical touch kind

243
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,079
Speaker 2: of person, or so he says, and I am. He

244
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,920
Speaker 2: doesn't completely deprive me of affection, but it's always been

245
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,320
Speaker 2: less than I feel like I need. My boyfriend has

246
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,920
Speaker 2: a friend, let's call him John thirty mail. They have

247
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,080
Speaker 2: been friends since childhood because my boyfriend was best friends

248
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,120
Speaker 2: with John's younger brother. Throughout our relationship, I knew that

249
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,000
Speaker 2: John's younger brother was his best friend, and I would

250
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,120
Speaker 2: attend the White Elephant Christmas parties and annual pick smokes

251
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 2: that their family hosts every year. I always disliked John

252
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,640
Speaker 2: because he's a very contrariant, smart alec type of person.

253
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,920
Speaker 2: So I'm background in John. He is a thirty year

254
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,000
Speaker 2: old version never had a girlfriend or shown interest in women.

255
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,880
Speaker 2: In fact, he is overly critical of women. He is

256
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,160
Speaker 2: morbidly obese, the point of having an upcoming gastric sleeve

257
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,600
Speaker 2: surgery after powering through ozempic. He is overly critical of

258
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,199
Speaker 2: women that our way out of his league. Like I

259
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,079
Speaker 2: could show him a picture of Megan Fox and Transformers

260
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,040
Speaker 2: and he would say, Jesus, you can find her retractive,

261
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 2: or that she's not his type. My boyfriend has told

262
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,040
Speaker 2: me multiple times that their friend group has always suspected

263
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,800
Speaker 2: that John is attracted the same gender. John has never

264
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,440
Speaker 2: been friendly towards me, and we have rarely exchanged words

265
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,120
Speaker 2: anytime we're around each other. John has never been friendly

266
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,640
Speaker 2: towards me, and we've rarely exchanged words anytime we're around

267
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,920
Speaker 2: each other. I never cared because, to my knowledge, John

268
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 2: and my boyfriend weren't that close. He was just his

269
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,560
Speaker 2: best friend's brother. John moved and has lived an hour

270
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,920
Speaker 2: and a half away from us the past year. I've

271
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,120
Speaker 2: noticed in the past six months that my boyfriend and

272
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:36,640
Speaker 2: John have gotten extremely close. They text each other all

273
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,880
Speaker 2: the time, what seems like all day every day. They

274
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,360
Speaker 2: play video games together daily if they can. My boyfriend

275
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,080
Speaker 2: doesn't play when I'm over mutual rules. Since the start

276
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,080
Speaker 2: of us dating, every time I come over to my

277
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,640
Speaker 2: boyfriend's house, he's on the game with John, says. He

278
00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:53,760
Speaker 2: gets off the game and I can hear John through

279
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:58,000
Speaker 2: the headset throwing a fit. They message each other so

280
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,080
Speaker 2: much that at one point my boyfriend and I I

281
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,880
Speaker 2: lost the pink hearts because John was his number one

282
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,319
Speaker 2: best friend. When I asked who took it, my boyfriend said, John,

283
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 2: I don't know how he only messaged the other like

284
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,679
Speaker 2: once a day, which was obviously a lie. I thought

285
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,480
Speaker 2: it was weird that he would lie about how much

286
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:16,160
Speaker 2: he chats with him. Every decision my boyfriend makes, he

287
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,320
Speaker 2: has to consult with John and takes John's word over

288
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,400
Speaker 2: mine or anyone else's. For example, he just bought a

289
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,439
Speaker 2: house that we're moving into in December, and he calls

290
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,520
Speaker 2: John every day to get his opinion and consult with him.

291
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,600
Speaker 2: My boyfriend insisted that John is coming to the inspections

292
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,600
Speaker 2: on the house, even though he knows nothing about house inspections.

293
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,440
Speaker 2: My boyfriend brings John up multiple times a day and

294
00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,640
Speaker 2: speaks about him with a weird affection that he usually

295
00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:44,360
Speaker 2: doesn't have. Whenever I'm around the two of them together,

296
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,240
Speaker 2: I can't get a word in, and my boyfriend will

297
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,240
Speaker 2: be dismissive towards me and make it very obvious that

298
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,959
Speaker 2: he cares more about talking to or being around John.

299
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,520
Speaker 2: They used to get breakfast together every Sunday morning for months,

300
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,959
Speaker 2: and when I asked why I wasn't invited, my boyfriend

301
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,840
Speaker 2: said he just didn't think I would want to come,

302
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,600
Speaker 2: and kind of made it clear I wasn't welcome. My

303
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,160
Speaker 2: boyfriend has told me that John has voiced concerns to

304
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 2: him that when we move in together, my boyfriend won't

305
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,720
Speaker 2: be able to play video games with him. He recently

306
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,240
Speaker 2: started stepping out of the room to take a call

307
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,920
Speaker 2: with John, which he never used to do before. Every

308
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,000
Speaker 2: couple of months, my boyfriend will take a trip to

309
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 2: stay at John's house for the weekend, but to my knowledge,

310
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:26,000
Speaker 2: it's never just the two of them. My boyfriend's mom

311
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,680
Speaker 2: also has a strong disliking towards John, but my boyfriend

312
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,040
Speaker 2: gets extremely mad or defensive if either of us voices

313
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,720
Speaker 2: are feelings about him. I have never had the urge

314
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 2: to go through my boyfriend's phone during our relationship. I

315
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 2: value the trust we have and I've just never thought

316
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,720
Speaker 2: to do it. My boyfriend has a six digit passcode

317
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,160
Speaker 2: on his phone and has always tried to hide it

318
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,000
Speaker 2: when he's typing it in. I've never known it, and

319
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,800
Speaker 2: he's never told me during the four years we've been together,

320
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,000
Speaker 2: not even in a casual My phone's passed away. What's

321
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,000
Speaker 2: your pass code? So I can blah blah blah type

322
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,960
Speaker 2: of way. You won't tell me. He'll type it in

323
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,360
Speaker 2: when I look at his phone while he's texting. It's

324
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,440
Speaker 2: always paragraphs back and forth with John. All of these

325
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,080
Speaker 2: things may sound stupid, but I just have a strong

326
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,800
Speaker 2: feeling to go through his phone because I think there

327
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,040
Speaker 2: might be some weird, romantic or emotional feelings between him

328
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 2: and John. It's gotten to the point where I feel

329
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,080
Speaker 2: jealous of John Fair and a wave of anger rushes

330
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,920
Speaker 2: over me every time my boyfriend mentions his name. I

331
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,880
Speaker 2: hate this feeling. Never in my life would I have

332
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,640
Speaker 2: thought that I would be jealous of another frickin' man

333
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,320
Speaker 2: and my boyfriend. I can't tell if I'm totally overreacting

334
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,800
Speaker 2: or not, but I've never had such a strong gut

335
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,200
Speaker 2: feeling that something fishy is going on. I need advice.

336
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,640
Speaker 2: And there are some comments, but do you think something

337
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,520
Speaker 2: fishy's going on?

338
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 1: I mean, like, all right, let's take out the hypothetical

339
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:50,320
Speaker 1: they're kissing.

340
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's take it.

341
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,120
Speaker 1: Let's take that away. Yeah, let's take away the thought

342
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,720
Speaker 1: that they want to kiss. Take it away. If this

343
00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:02,040
Speaker 1: guy just hates women, Yeah, and your boyfriend is constantly

344
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,040
Speaker 1: hanging out and talking with him, it's.

345
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,440
Speaker 2: Not a great look on your boyfriend.

346
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 1: Well, it's gonna it's gonna inevitably, I think rub off

347
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,120
Speaker 1: on him, yeah, or that like's not It's not like

348
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 1: he's gonna learn to respect you and care for you

349
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 1: more by hanging out with this guy who just like

350
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: trash is women all the time at the you know,

351
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 1: at any you know, given opportunity.

352
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:24,520
Speaker 2: It's fricking true.

353
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 1: So even barring if they have a crush on each

354
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,680
Speaker 1: other or they're planning a gaycation, that alone is like why.

355
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 2: I'm worried about that, a big red flag. Just just

356
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,120
Speaker 2: also the fact that if you've brought up the fact,

357
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,680
Speaker 2: I mean, if you haven't already brought it up, then

358
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,840
Speaker 2: bring it up. But if you have brought up that

359
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 2: you have some gripes about the relationship, some things that

360
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,080
Speaker 2: you're not satisfied with, and he just doesn't listen and

361
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,800
Speaker 2: just hangs out with John all the time, then that's

362
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:52,280
Speaker 2: an issue.

363
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:52,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

364
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,320
Speaker 2: Comments comment one says, I think it's important to keep

365
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,400
Speaker 2: in mind that it really doesn't matter if there is

366
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,680
Speaker 2: something more going on between John and your boyfriend at

367
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,440
Speaker 2: this point. If you're not comfortable with the amount of

368
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,720
Speaker 2: time and effort that your boyfriend puts towards his friendship

369
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,480
Speaker 2: with John and the way he clearly favors John over

370
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,520
Speaker 2: you in situations like the ones you've described, it's a

371
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,840
Speaker 2: problem coming two says, Even if he's not romantically interested

372
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,399
Speaker 2: or involved with John, there's manipulative stuff going on and

373
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,679
Speaker 2: you're being played. You need to address this head on

374
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:25,960
Speaker 2: with your boyfriend. It's not even about John, it's about

375
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,400
Speaker 2: him not being open and honest with you. And if

376
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,720
Speaker 2: he can't do that, do you really want to marry him?

377
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,240
Speaker 2: Ohpi says I agree, But what other manipulative things could

378
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 2: be happening besides what I'm suspecting. My boyfriend works from home.

379
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,879
Speaker 2: I'm there almost every day, so I can't even rationalize

380
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,600
Speaker 2: him physically cheating on me with someone else. I feel

381
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,160
Speaker 2: like there's a weird emotional relationship going on. Reply says,

382
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,320
Speaker 2: all I'm saying is that whether or not he's cheating

383
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 2: with John isn't really relevant. It's a pattern of behavior

384
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,040
Speaker 2: that is no place in a healthy relationship. And there

385
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,720
Speaker 2: is an update, let's get into it. So I had

386
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,320
Speaker 2: a long conversation with my boyfriend about the issue I

387
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 2: had with him in John's friendship. I listed out all

388
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,679
Speaker 2: of the evidence that I stated in the original post,

389
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,879
Speaker 2: got really emotional and said, it's either explained to me,

390
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,760
Speaker 2: what's going on and dial back the relationship with John

391
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,840
Speaker 2: or it's the end of our relationship. At first, my

392
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,240
Speaker 2: boyfriend was really confused and asked if I was insinuating

393
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 2: that he was attracted to John. I said I didn't know.

394
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 2: All I know is that I'm jealous of a man's

395
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,000
Speaker 2: relationship with my boyfriend. I was crying my eyes out,

396
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 2: terrified of what he was going to say. After explaining

397
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 2: in detail how I felt inferior and how he made

398
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 2: me feel like I came second to John, my boyfriend

399
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 2: was very apologetic and said that he had no idea

400
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 2: I felt that way. He explained the reasoning behind all

401
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 2: of the evidence in the original post and said he

402
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,439
Speaker 2: was definitely not attracted to the same gender, which I

403
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 2: fully believe. He said that he views John as a

404
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,479
Speaker 2: brother and feels bad for him because he doesn't have

405
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 2: any other friends. He said he's been asking John for

406
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 2: advice because John tends to know a lot of info

407
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,560
Speaker 2: about everything. Since he has no friends, he spends a

408
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 2: lot of time researching and nerding out about things. Boyfriend

409
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 2: said he knows John is an a hole and he

410
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 2: understands why I don't like him. Boyfriend also said he

411
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 2: thinks John is an a hole too, but he's a

412
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 2: smart one.

413
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 1: So he was.

414
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 2: Talking with him a lot about moving in and buying

415
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 2: a house since it was all new to my boyfriend.

416
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 2: I don't like fully believe.

417
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,919
Speaker 1: That I kind of do. I can see that, you know, Yes,

418
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of guys get into that

419
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 1: situation because of the male loneliness epidemic. And it's like

420
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 1: sometimes you just you meet people, and you know, people

421
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,639
Speaker 1: who are just like kind of like just all on

422
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,920
Speaker 1: their own, and you're like, and I mean, I don't

423
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 1: think like texting paragraphs constantly, That's what I'm saying. But

424
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 1: like also it's like talking about the house we don't know,

425
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: Like it's it's a sticky situation once you feel responsible

426
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,399
Speaker 1: for another person, Yeah, and so once you reach that level,

427
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,919
Speaker 1: it's like, well if I just like stop being this

428
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: guy's friend or I cut him off, like is he

429
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 1: gonna be okay? Then it leads to that level of like,

430
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:08,880
Speaker 1: you know.

431
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 2: It's not a healthy friendship if you're just trying to

432
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 2: take care of someone.

433
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: Yeah. It feels like if you're indebted to like I

434
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 1: have to, or not indentured.

435
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

436
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: To this person, it's like, well, I have to It's

437
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 1: just it's like my job basically at this point.

438
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 2: But there's a little bit left. He said that I

439
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,119
Speaker 2: should never feel inferior to anyone else because I'm the

440
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 2: most important person in his life, and that not only

441
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 2: will he dial it back on his relationship with John,

442
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 2: but he will make it a priority to treat me

443
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,880
Speaker 2: better so that I never feel that way again. He said,

444
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 2: he will no longer make me feel like John is

445
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 2: included in the process of us building our future together.

446
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 2: I feel a lot better about the situation. After we talked,

447
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 2: he cleared up all the anxiety inducing thoughts I was having,

448
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,119
Speaker 2: So it turns out I was ever reacting. Lol. Thanks

449
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 2: everyone for your advice and empathy while I was spiraling

450
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 2: trying to figure out what's going on. And that is

451
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 2: the end that story.

452
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: My girlfriend hugs her friend like a lover, but she

453
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 1: swears it's cultural.

454
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,400
Speaker 2: Then maybe it is.

455
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,919
Speaker 1: HI there I thirty male. I have been Danny a

456
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 1: Colombian woman thirty female for over a year. She is

457
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: from a small town in Antiochia. We met in the

458
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 1: US through a shared profession and I wanted to ask

459
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 1: some folks about what your friendships look like. By the way,

460
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,239
Speaker 1: this country us your vid angle and if you want

461
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the our slashowcase

462
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 1: storytime subburt it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and we are

463
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: here to give you a good advice googly. But we

464
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

465
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: would do, so if you would do something different, let

466
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 1: us know in the comments. And Op says we have

467
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: a great connection and I have a lot of respect

468
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 1: for her, but sometimes I feel jealous or distrustful towards

469
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: the way she interacts with her male friends. I have

470
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: never dealt with this in a relationship, but then again,

471
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: I have never dated someone from outside the US, so

472
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,199
Speaker 1: I'm not certain what to expect. She's a runner and

473
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 1: she said she was running multiple times with a friend.

474
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,959
Speaker 1: After asking who, she mentioned a guy that she had

475
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: talked about before. She is on Strava and I saw

476
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: her post some photos with him. I thought I'd check

477
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: his page out again. I had looked at it before

478
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: after seeing a lot of joking between them on some

479
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,360
Speaker 1: posts that I was also in. My initial vibes from

480
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: this guy were super cool. But this second time I

481
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: could not see his page, and I felt a little

482
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: weird about her just saying friend instead of specifying who.

483
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 1: I asked my girlfriend about this, and she just said

484
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 1: maybe he changed his privacy settings well tonight. A few

485
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 1: days later, I got on Strava using another email account

486
00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 1: and could see his profile just fine. So I wonder

487
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: if he blocked me on my initial account her posts

488
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 1: with him or just of them running together. But when

489
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 1: I looked at his profile, I saw a picture of

490
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: them hugging quite intimately, like one where the guy has

491
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: his hand pretty low on my girlfriend's lower back while

492
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 1: they hugged full body to body in running clothes. Another

493
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: one had his hand on her leg while she was

494
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: hugging him from behind, and another where their cheeks were

495
00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 1: pressed together. As this normal friend behavior in Colombia. This

496
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: is not normal in my culture, but I also feel

497
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: ashamed for snooping around. Friendships and platonic affection are normal,

498
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: but I just don't feel comfortable seeing her so intimately

499
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: with other men when our presence on her Strava is

500
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: just minimum. Maybe this is not reasonable, you tell me.

501
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: I want to raise this to my girlfriend, but we

502
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: don't have the best history with this type of thing,

503
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: and I feel like it says a lot when I

504
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: went to these lengths to surveil her activity, which I've

505
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: never done in a relationship before. I would appreciate your feedback.

506
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: Should I be embarrassed for checking her socials like this?

507
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,560
Speaker 1: Or am I justified in feeling upset? Do I hang

508
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: up the towel because it seems like dishonesty from her?

509
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,640
Speaker 1: Or is there some gray area I'm missing? And there

510
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 1: are some comments. Comment one says sounds like he likes her,

511
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 1: and it's unclear if she likes him back, but she

512
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 1: probably knows he likes her a lot. That's likely why

513
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: she called him a friend instead of by name. Maybe

514
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 1: she's keeping her options open, or maybe his interest has

515
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 1: recently increased and she isn't sure what to do about it.

516
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes women think they manage the friend that's in love

517
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: and still hang on to their boyfriends. But that's not

518
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 1: very fair to anyone, including that guy. I think you

519
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 1: should talk to her and tell her you feel uncomfortable

520
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: about their relationship because he blocked you and the photo.

521
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 1: Ask her if she feels comfortable and if the roles

522
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: were reversed knowing what she knows about this guy, would

523
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: she want you doing the same thing. Maybe these questions

524
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 1: will help get to the bottom of it. If you

525
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,359
Speaker 1: still don't feel comfortable after the talk, I would break

526
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: up with her. Don't waste your time on people who

527
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 1: aren't sensitive enough to know this is concerning and hurts

528
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: your feelings. I don't think you did anything wrong with

529
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: your Internet sleuthing. You just want the truth and there

530
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: are some big red flags on the field. If he

531
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 1: didn't block you, the cultural excuse for the friendly photo

532
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: could make sense, but he's hiding it specifically from you,

533
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: and that is super weird. Another comment says her hugs

534
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 1: might just be cultural. It's normal to feel uneasy, but

535
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: snooping isn't great. Best to calmly talk about boundaries, which

536
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,479
Speaker 1: he said that when they have these conversations in the past,

537
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,920
Speaker 1: they have not gone well, which is sort of a

538
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: bit of a warning sign to me.

539
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

540
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: Colin three says, I basically have been married to a

541
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 1: Colombian for like nineteen years. I also have a jealous

542
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 1: heart and have caused many arguments because of it. Then

543
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: realized I love my husband because he's friendly and sweet

544
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 1: and pleasant to people, and I was virtually getting mad

545
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,400
Speaker 1: at him for that, so I just had to let

546
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: those feelings go. This girl picked you, and I know

547
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 1: that seems like a little excuse, but if you think

548
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 1: about it, she was friends with them way before you,

549
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: and she picked you, so maybe you could just love

550
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: and respect that about her. Opie says, did you ever

551
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,479
Speaker 1: have a talk about physical boundaries with your husband? My

552
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 1: thing is that I would want to be clued in

553
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: if somebody else is trying to talk with her romantically,

554
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: but I'm not certain I trust that she would tell me.

555
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: A reply says, people like freedom, but they also want

556
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,199
Speaker 1: to be reasonable, and Colombians are really no different. I

557
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: don't believe I had so much a boundary conversation with him.

558
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: I think I felt that that would put limitations on them,

559
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 1: and I didn't want him to feel like he was

560
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: in prison because he's not. He's in a relationship, and

561
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 1: I wanted him to love and trust and honor me,

562
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: and I want to do the same for him, and

563
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 1: so I never really had a boundary conversation. And there's

564
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: an update, so that was bad. Yeah, She's like, yeah,

565
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: I just screw to accept that I never had a

566
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: conversation about how I thought about it.

567
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 2: You have to if you're uncomfortable with something, you can't

568
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 2: just like resent it. You got to say, hey, I

569
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 2: didn't like that when you did that. I didn't like that,

570
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 2: because otherwise they're going to keep doing it and they

571
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 2: don't know.

572
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: Readers that commenters like I don't really resent it. I

573
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 1: just accepted it and never spoke up about it.

574
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 2: It's a terrible way to go about that, truly, truly

575
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 2: the worst way to go about that.

576
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 1: Okay, we do have an update though. I like to

577
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: give updates to these posts for people who may benefit

578
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 1: from knowing how another dditor dealt with the real life situation.

579
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,919
Speaker 1: I can give more information if helpful, but to keep

580
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: it short and sweet. We talked and I was very

581
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 1: honest with her about the way it made me feel.

582
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 1: I actually raised the whole getting blocked thing last week,

583
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: but didn't open this conversation fully, and she agreed that

584
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: it was weird and the photos were a bit much.

585
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 1: The longer I sat on it, the less comfortable I became.

586
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: So we talked last night at length. She respected my

587
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: feelings and felt really horrible for the situation, although she

588
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: maintained that her interactions with this guy were platonic. She

589
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: said even her family has commented on the intimacy and

590
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 1: affection she shows other people, guys and girls, but that

591
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 1: if different boundaries were needed, she respects that my biggest

592
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: insecurity dealt with the lack of transparency about this person,

593
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: and she understood deeply and expressed a lot of remorse.

594
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 1: She actually called this friend after I raised getting blocked

595
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: last week and asked him about it, and he dodged

596
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: the answer. I was frustrated that she didn't loop me

597
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 1: into that conversation after it happened. I still don't understand

598
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,399
Speaker 1: why I didn't deserve more defense in that situation. Also,

599
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: there was another guy that I met while in Columbia

600
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: with my girlfriend, a German dude like fifteen years older

601
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 1: than her that she has always talked about as a

602
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 1: good and trustworthy friend that she met like ten years

603
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: ago and kept in touch with. Last night, she told

604
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: me that a few days after we had all gone

605
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: to dinner, he had made an inappropriate comment to her

606
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,880
Speaker 1: along the lines of I can take care of you

607
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: still if you wann't. She said she thought it was disrespectful,

608
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: but she forgot about it. And never mentioned it to

609
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: me as we were going through our own issues fair enough,

610
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 1: but it was super sensitive in light of everything else.

611
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 1: It became clear to me, very clear, that clear in

612
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: proactive boundaries and transparency were a deal breaker for me.

613
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: We talked about why transparency is important, and she saw

614
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 1: my point on everything. She's going to have clear boundaries

615
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: with her runner friend. She may talk with him about

616
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 1: it directly. We are not out of the water yet.

617
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: I'm going to judge her actions in the near and

618
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: mid future and see how much she chooses to share

619
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: with me. She's punishing herself a lot right now and

620
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: feeling really low, which is hard for me because this

621
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 1: is just a functional dynamic that needs to be understood

622
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: and corrected. But I do understand that she feels inadequate.

623
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like the conversation's going well, but it

624
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 2: does seem like you're learning a lot of stuff that

625
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 2: she hid from you, or at least didn't I don't know,

626
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,479
Speaker 2: didn't tell you. Uh. But I don't think it's an

627
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 2: end of relationship. It's just like, hey, we need to

628
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 2: have more conversations like this in the future.

629
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: Yes, I do. I do believe it now it's you know,

630
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 1: she's willing to work on it and seize the problem.

631
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: But I think it's smart to be like, I'm gonna

632
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: be really looking at her actions in the near future.

633
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's the end of that story.

634
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

635
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

636
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 3: My fiance made me choose between him and my sister,

637
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 3: so I chose myself.

638
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 2: That's the best option.

639
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 3: I twenty eight female, got engaged to my partner of

640
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 3: seven years, Robert, twenty nine male, in May. Both sides

641
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 3: of our family were really happy about this and we

642
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 3: had a big family meal two weeks after getting engaged.

643
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from throw away sister's eye.

644
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 3: And if you want us to make your own stories,

645
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddite.

646
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 2: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and.

647
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice. Goofiy.

648
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers.

649
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 3: We only know what we would do, So let us

650
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments. And Opie

651
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: says his brother lives two hundred and fifty miles away

652
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 3: and I couldn't make it, so we decided to have

653
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 3: a meal just for his family in late June when

654
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 3: his brother would be back for the weekend. This weekend

655
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 3: was arranged long before we got engaged, so he wasn't

656
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 3: back just for the meal. Earlier this year, my sister

657
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 3: Kendra thirty two female, got a serious eye infection that

658
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 3: very quickly turned into an ulcer. She needed a corneal graft,

659
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 3: but her surgeon was away for four weeks, so she

660
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 3: was going to have to wait until.

661
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 4: He got back.

662
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 2: Oh that sucks. Yeah.

663
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 3: However, her eye didn't hold and it preforated the day

664
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: I was supposed to be going to the family meal

665
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,000
Speaker 3: with the Roberts brother, Kendra's wife was at work with

666
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 3: her phone turned off, and our mom was away with

667
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 3: our stepdad. So when Kendra called to let me know

668
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 3: what was happening, I knew she would be at the

669
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 3: hospital on her own.

670
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 2: I immediately talked.

671
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 3: To my boss and he let me go early so

672
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 3: Kendra would be on her own. I texted Robert to

673
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 3: let him know what was going on, and he texted

674
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 3: me back to send Kendra his love and remind me

675
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 3: about the meal that night. I ignored the comment about

676
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 3: the meal as it was the last.

677
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 4: Thing on my mind.

678
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 3: Once I got to the hospital, I was taken back

679
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 3: into a room where Kendra was greeted by three doctors

680
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,239
Speaker 3: and two nurses rushing around trying to help her. I

681
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,479
Speaker 3: was then informed that she needed an emergency operation to

682
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 3: have her eye glued or else she would lose it.

683
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, yes, this was terrifying.

684
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 3: The problem was that they didn't have a surgeon at

685
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 3: that hospital who could do it, and she needed to

686
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 3: go to another hospital an hour and a half away.

687
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 3: They asked if she would need transportation or if I

688
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 3: could take her, and I said I would take her.

689
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 3: Once we got to the other hospital, we were told

690
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 3: that she would be having the operation at five thirty pm.

691
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 3: I knew then that I wouldn't make the dinner and

692
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,479
Speaker 3: texted Robert to let him know. He philipped out and

693
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 3: basically told me to leave Kendra at the hospital and

694
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 3: have her wife pick her up after the operation was done.

695
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 3: At this point, I still hadn't been able to get

696
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 3: a hold of Kendra's wife. I told him that wasn't

697
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 3: going to happen and that he was out of order

698
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 3: to even ask me to do that. I then texted

699
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,760
Speaker 3: his mom and told her what was going on. She

700
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 3: was really supportive and told me to stay with Kendra

701
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 3: and let her know how the operation went. A dinner

702
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 3: can be rescheduled, and Kendra's health can't, she said. I

703
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 3: also spoke with his brother, who is equally as understanding.

704
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: I stayed with Kendra. Her operation was a success, and

705
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 3: I got her back home at about nine pm. Her

706
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 3: wife had ordered some Chinese food and offered me some,

707
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 3: which I happily accepted as I hadn't eaten since the lunch.

708
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 3: I didn't get home till about eleven PM, and Robert.

709
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 4: Was already asleep.

710
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 3: Robert was very short with me for days after, and

711
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 3: we ended up having a huge fight where he told

712
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 3: me that I should have put his brother and family

713
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 3: before Kendra.

714
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 2: That's crazy, that's crazy.

715
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, Robert, what are you doing, dude?

716
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 2: No, come on, Robert, you're about to marry this woman. Yeah,

717
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 2: and you're not even understanding why we're not ganted to

718
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 2: be there for Kendra.

719
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 3: He said he was embarrassed going to the meal without me.

720
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 3: I responded that I was embarrassed he thought I would

721
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 3: put a meal before my sister's health. This led to

722
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 3: another week of awkwardness between us before we finally sat

723
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 3: down and sorted.

724
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 4: It out, or so I thought.

725
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 3: Eight weeks ago, Kendra got her graft, and so far

726
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 3: everything is going really well with it. On Saturday, his

727
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 3: brother was here, so we went out for dinner with

728
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 3: his family. His family were all asking about how Kendra

729
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 3: was doing, and I showed them a picture of the

730
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 3: stitches in her eye. I thought that everything had gone

731
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: really well until we got home, and he got really angry,

732
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 3: saying that I shouldn't have brought up Kendra's health issues

733
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: and I shouldn't have shown them the picture. I argued

734
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 3: that they asked about her and asked to see the picture.

735
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 4: It ended with.

736
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 3: Him telling me that I needed to put him and

737
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 3: his family before Kendra or else we weren't going to work.

738
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,879
Speaker 3: He said his family would come before mine once we

739
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 3: were married, so I should get used to it.

740
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 2: My God, his family comes before yours forever.

741
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 4: Now that works, buddy.

742
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: No, this isn't like the eighteen hundred's where like the

743
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 2: woman left home and ever went came back.

744
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 4: You know, have you have you checked a calendar recently?

745
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not how that works, buddy.

746
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 4: I went upstairs and packed a bag.

747
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 3: I'm not at my mom's house, and he has been

748
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 3: bombarding me with texts and calls since I left. I

749
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 3: do love him, but I will never put his family

750
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 3: above my own family's health. I feel like he's expecting

751
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 3: me to spend every holiday with his family and put

752
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:47,919
Speaker 3: their wants above my family's needs, which won't happen. I'm

753
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,280
Speaker 3: very close to my sister and my mom and that's

754
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 3: not going to change. So I don't really know how

755
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 3: to move forward, or if I even really want to.

756
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 3: Has anyone experienced anything like this before? If so, how

757
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 3: did you deal with it? And we have an update?

758
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 2: Boy, oh boy, honestly, I'd be completely reconsidering the marriage.

759
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 3: Yeah to me, like, yeah, just so you know your

760
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 3: family will never come first again?

761
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,959
Speaker 2: Yeah? One ha him saying that to him saying that

762
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 2: he's embarrassed that you didn't show up for a dinner

763
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 2: when your sister was in the hospital. I'm yeah, I'd

764
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 2: be reconsidering.

765
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 1: Yeah.

766
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 4: Update.

767
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 3: A lot has happened once I decided to end things

768
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 3: with him. I knew that the main issue would be

769
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 3: getting him out of my house. I own the house outright.

770
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 3: My grandma passed five years ago and left her house

771
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 3: to my mom, who sold it and split the money

772
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 3: between me and my sister. I then bought the house

773
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 3: with that money about a year.

774
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,280
Speaker 4: After she passed.

775
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 3: I got in touch with my stepdad's friend who was

776
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 3: a landlord the day after I wrote my original post,

777
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 3: and he put me in touch with his solicitor. He

778
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 3: didn't have time to see me in person that day,

779
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 3: but we did have a phone call where he gave

780
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 3: me my options. In the UK, we have something called

781
00:35:56,000 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 3: a Section eight notice, which is a fourteen day eviction notice.

782
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 3: The solicitor said this would be the quickest way to

783
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 3: get him out, However, he could try and contest it if.

784
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,360
Speaker 4: He wanted to. I thought someone fell down the stairs,

785
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 4: which would lead to court.

786
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 3: Dates and could take months. I asked him to drop

787
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 3: up the notice and date it for Friday the next day.

788
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,399
Speaker 3: I'd already made the decision to end things with him

789
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 3: after work on Friday, so that he could have the

790
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: weekend to sort through his emotions before work on Monday.

791
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,359
Speaker 3: On Friday morning, I texted Robert and asked him to

792
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 3: meet with me at our local pub after work. He

793
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,760
Speaker 3: quickly agreed. Not only is the pub a public space,

794
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 3: but my stepdad and a few of his work friends

795
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 3: go there every Friday after work for a few pints,

796
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 3: so I knew he would be there to step in

797
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 3: if I needed him. I also picked up the eviction

798
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 3: notice on my lunch break. I was ready to give

799
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 3: it to him. Cost two hundred and fifty pounds, but

800
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 3: it was worth it. When I got to the pub,

801
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 3: Robert was already there and my stepdad was standing at

802
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 3: the bar with his workmates. I sat down with Robert

803
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 3: and got straight to the point. I told him that

804
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 3: it was over. I couldn't be with someone who didn't

805
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 3: give me any support when I was going through one

806
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 3: of the scariest moments of my life, and who expected

807
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 3: me to drop my family for his. It didn't matter

808
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 3: what excuses he could come up with. I wasn't interested.

809
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 2: Nice.

810
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 4: I made up my mind.

811
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 3: We were done.

812
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: Nice.

813
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 3: He stared at me in shock for what felt like

814
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 3: an hour but was probably only a minute or so.

815
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 3: He then started saying, I couldn't be serious that we'd

816
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 3: been together for seven years and I was throwing it

817
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:27,760
Speaker 3: all away.

818
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 2: Nah, boys, you were throwing it all away with your

819
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 2: nasty comments.

820
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 3: Ready for this next line? Yeah, ready for this? Oh no,

821
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 3: that I could never find another guy like him?

822
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 2: I hope not. I hope I never find a guy

823
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: like you again. Geez, you suck.

824
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 3: I responded to the last comment with I don't want

825
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 3: a guy like you.

826
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 4: That's why I'm ending it.

827
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 3: I need someone who will support me when times get tough,

828
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 3: not get annoyed that the world isn't bowing down to

829
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 3: what you want. I then handed in an envelope with

830
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 3: an eviction notice in it and my engagement ring. I

831
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 3: told him I was giving him a few weeks to

832
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 3: find a place and be out of my house. Then

833
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: I stood up and walked over to my stepdad, who

834
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 3: had bought me a much needed drink, and stayed with

835
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 3: him until my ex left, still looking in shock. I

836
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 3: knew he wouldn't approach me while I was with my stepdad,

837
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 3: as he's always been a little scared of him. Once

838
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 3: I got back to my mom's house, I had a

839
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 3: single text from him that said he wasn't moving out

840
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 3: and he's going to contest the eviction until I'd come

841
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 3: to my senses and got back with him. All caps,

842
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 3: we are not over. That's how he so defined me

843
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 3: because I think we are so funny. It's actually like

844
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 3: I'm still breaking up with you.

845
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's actually crazy because I've broken up with you,

846
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 2: so we're actually done.

847
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 4: Really wild. How that worked?

848
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 3: Sorry, I just turned my phone off and decided to

849
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 3: deal with the legal side of things on Monday. There

850
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 3: was nothing else I could do. Saturday morning, I woke

851
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 3: up and turned my phone back on and had another

852
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 3: text from him saying that he would move out if

853
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 3: I paid him ten thousand pounds, as that's what he'd

854
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 3: paid towards bills while he had lived.

855
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:03,800
Speaker 4: At the house.

856
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 2: Org, you will move out when I have vict you.

857
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, he paid for half of the electric, gas, Wi

858
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 3: Fi and Sky package.

859
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, come on, come on.

860
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 3: And note the Sky package is only as expensive as

861
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 3: it is because he has to have every sports channel

862
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,880
Speaker 3: known to man, so his half literally just paid for

863
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 3: the sports channels. I'd already asked the solicitor about this, though,

864
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 3: and he assured me that I didn't owe him any money,

865
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 3: as he hadn't contributed to a mortgage or any renovations

866
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 3: of the house. It was just general expenses. He also

867
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 3: knew that I didn't have ten thousand pounds just lying around.

868
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 3: I was irritated by this and decided to bring his

869
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 3: mom to see if she could talk some sense into him.

870
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 3: Sylvia was appalled by what I told her and said

871
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 3: she would speak to him. She called me back about

872
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 3: an hour later and asked me to meet her at

873
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 3: the house. Robert was on and away day to watch

874
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 3: his football team play and want to be back till

875
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 3: about ten pm, so I knew he wasn't there. I

876
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 3: met her at the house with Kendra, and Sylvia said

877
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 3: that Robert's brother was on his way back home and

878
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,320
Speaker 3: they would have Robert out by the following afternoon. She

879
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 3: hadn't even spoken to Robert, just his brother, but she

880
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 3: promised he would be out.

881
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 4: Sylvia then asked me.

882
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 3: To walk her through the house, showing her exactly what

883
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 3: was his and what wasn't so he didn't take anything

884
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 3: that didn't belong to him. The next morning, I got

885
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 3: a text from Robert calling me all the names under

886
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 3: the sun forgetting his mom and brother involved.

887
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 4: I blocked him, and a.

888
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 3: Couple of hours later, Sylvia texted me to let me

889
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 3: know he was out and staying with her. I thanked her,

890
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 3: and she told me that she would like to stay

891
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 3: in contact and I happily agreed to this. I went

892
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 3: back to my house after work on Monday, changed the

893
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 3: alarm code and my stepdad changed all the locks for me.

894
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 3: My stepdad is also arranging for a friend of his

895
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 3: to install cameras around the outside of the house, which

896
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 3: will be done over the weekend. Sylvia rang me on

897
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 3: Tuesday asking if we could meet up as she has

898
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 3: some things that she wanted me to know. We met

899
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 3: for lunch that day. It was at this time that

900
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 3: she told me that herd was a controlling a hole

901
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 3: who was incredibly selfish, and the selfishness was what she

902
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,800
Speaker 3: had seen in Robert for so long.

903
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:09,320
Speaker 2: That's why she had.

904
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 3: Commented on him being like his father, But she had

905
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 3: hoped that was the extent of Robert's attitude and he

906
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 3: hadn't picked up his dad's controlling behavior, which, to be fair,

907
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 3: he hadn't up until this whole episode. She had left

908
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 3: Robert's dad after he had won tued Robert's brother in

909
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 3: the face when he was fourteen and Robert was ten.

910
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 3: He had never laid a hand on her or their

911
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 3: sons before, but one time was enough and she left

912
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 3: with the boys. To her knowledge, her ex had never

913
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 3: reached out to speak to Robert or his brother, and

914
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,879
Speaker 3: they hadn't spoken to their father in years. I didn't

915
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 3: know any of this. All I had been told was

916
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 3: that their dad wasn't in the picture and hadn't been

917
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 3: for a long time. But Sylvia had thought I knew,

918
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:50,840
Speaker 3: and that's why she hadn't.

919
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 4: Told me before.

920
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 3: However, she found out Sunday night that Robert was back

921
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 3: in contact with his father and had been for the

922
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 3: past year. His dad had been putting lots of thoughts

923
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 3: into Robert's head about how he is the man of

924
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,439
Speaker 3: the house and his family's all that matters. This had

925
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 3: fed into Robert's selfish tendencies and had amplified them tenfold.

926
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 3: Sylvia said that she had told him to find somewhere

927
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 3: else to stay as soon as possible, because she couldn't

928
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 3: even look him in the face. Then, Robert and his

929
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,720
Speaker 3: brother had a huge argument that ended with his brother

930
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 3: telling them that as long as Robert is in touch

931
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 3: with their dad, then he will have zero contact with him,

932
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 3: even going so far as to tell him to spend

933
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 3: Christmas with their dad because Sylvia is going to his

934
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 3: house and Robert isn't welcome. When Sylvia took Robert's brother's

935
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,760
Speaker 3: side In all of this, Robert flew into a rage

936
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 3: and said he would move in with his dad. He

937
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 3: then left the house, but came back a couple of

938
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 3: hours later, looking like he'd been crying.

939
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 4: Turns out his dad doesn't.

940
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 3: Want him living with him and basically said he could

941
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 3: be on the streets for all he cares.

942
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 4: God, he's not.

943
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 3: Putting a roof over a grown man's head. Sylvia thinks

944
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,359
Speaker 3: that Robert is now starting to realize everything he has

945
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 3: lost to him listening to his dad and has seen

946
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 3: his dad's true colors. Sylvia is incredibly disappointed in him,

947
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 3: but he's her son, so she's trying to be there

948
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 3: for him as best she can. However, she still wants

949
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 3: him out and she doesn't trust him anymore. His brother

950
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,440
Speaker 3: still won't have anything to do with him. She has

951
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 3: also told him to stay the heck away from me,

952
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 3: as I don't need to be brought into this, and

953
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 3: he has promised her that he will. Only time will

954
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 3: tell if that's true. But I do have him blocked

955
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,320
Speaker 3: on everything, and if he turns up to the house,

956
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 3: I will just call the police to get rid of him.

957
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 4: The more Sylvia told.

958
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:34,720
Speaker 3: Me about what had been going on behind my back,

959
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 3: the more resolute I have become about wanting nothing to

960
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 3: do with him. I never want to see him again

961
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 3: if I can help it.

962
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know why he did it, but it still

963
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 2: doesn't excuse that.

964
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 4: Like, he's an adult.

965
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:46,280
Speaker 2: He's an adult.

966
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 3: He made a choice to say all those things, so influenced.

967
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, after a year of like, it's.

968
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 2: Very pretty concerning. So I think you dodged a bullet.

969
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have a little bit lyft.

970
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 3: So all in all, Robert's life is a crap showhoa.

971
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 3: But as long as he stays away from me, then

972
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 3: I don't care. I've been sending a lot of time

973
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 3: with my sister and her wife, as well as my

974
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 3: mom and stepdad, which has been great. I've never really

975
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 3: been close to my stepdad, but this has brought us

976
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 3: a lot closer together, which has been one huge positive

977
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 3: out of all of this. I'm not exactly happy right now,

978
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 3: but I'll get there. There's still a lot of feelings

979
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 3: that I need to unpack, and it will take time

980
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,799
Speaker 3: to move on from this whole situation. I don't think

981
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 3: I will be dating for a while. I need to

982
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 3: really get over all of this, and I don't want

983
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 3: to dump this on anyone else. Right now, Kendra is

984
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 3: doing great. She had a hospital appointment on Monday and

985
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 3: her consultants that her eye is healing, in his words, marvelously.

986
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 4: So that's a relief. And that is the end of

987
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 4: that story.

988
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: John here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story,

989
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

990
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,760
Speaker 2: My friend's AX is obsessed with him and he still

991
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:54,720
Speaker 2: thinks it's normal.

992
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 4: That's not normal, buddy.

993
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 2: So my female recent ax male has a girl best

994
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 2: friend that has been obsessed with him for years. So

995
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 2: mind you, we're all grown adults. So this chick became

996
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 2: completely obsessed with him when she was about sixteen or seventeen,

997
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: and he was on leave from being stationed overseas when

998
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 2: he was about twenty or twenty one and engaged to

999
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,720
Speaker 2: his future wife. By the way, this comes from even

1000
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 2: Explorer ninety six seventy nine, And if you want to

1001
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,440
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime,

1002
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 2: separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, but we're here to

1003
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 2: give good advice. Goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

1004
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

1005
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 2: what you would do. In the comments, in Op says,

1006
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,240
Speaker 2: something happened and his family and this chick's family became

1007
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 2: somehow intertwined, and then he started becoming best friends with

1008
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 2: her brothers. Anyways, for years, this chick is taking pictures

1009
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:44,320
Speaker 2: of him and posting him all over her blue app

1010
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 2: and tagging him and everything. Now she's taking the pictures

1011
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 2: with her phone candidly at house parties and she's posting

1012
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 2: them on the app, tagging him, but he never responds.

1013
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 2: She starts tagging along everywhere that her brothers go when

1014
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,240
Speaker 2: he's home on leave and they all go out together.

1015
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 2: When he got married, worried, she was all over his

1016
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 2: app page talking about how pretty his wife is and

1017
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 2: how they're lucky to have each other. She puts hearts

1018
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 2: on most of his posts and makes comments on everything.

1019
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 2: She even attempts to act like she's familiar with military

1020
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:18,359
Speaker 2: terms and military jokes. She's never served, but she does

1021
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 2: play call of duty. Same thing. When he gets a

1022
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 2: divorce from his wife a year and a half later,

1023
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 2: she's all over the place try and offer him some

1024
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 2: support He later gets a girl from pregnant whoop, and

1025
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:31,280
Speaker 2: when he starts posting pictures of his son, his female

1026
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 2: best friend is all over those posts, talking about what

1027
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:38,879
Speaker 2: an amazing daddy he is, everybody's so lucky to have him,

1028
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 2: how his son is just so handsome like his daddy.

1029
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 2: So this kind of behavior goes on for all of

1030
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,439
Speaker 2: my ex's various girlfriends that he's had, even while he's

1031
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 2: in a relationship, his female best friend dominates his social media.

1032
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 2: Now he never responds to any of her comments, and

1033
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 2: he never responds to any of her tags. So now

1034
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 2: I come into the picture. Oh, I forgot son was

1035
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 2: about two years old. She finally gets into a relationship

1036
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 2: and starts having kids of her own, But now she's

1037
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 2: all over his page as well as posting on hers,

1038
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 2: tagging him how they should all get together so they

1039
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 2: can all copeering together and the children all get raised together.

1040
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,800
Speaker 2: She keeps insisting that they're too far away and if anything,

1041
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 2: they at least need play dates a couple times a week.

1042
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 2: What is this guy responding with? What does this guy saying?

1043
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 4: He thinks this is normal?

1044
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 2: He's just like, I don't know. She keeps texting me

1045
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 2: but whatever, he set up battery dude. Yeah. So now

1046
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 2: I'm in the picture and I immediately have a weird

1047
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 2: vibe about her. Just before I entered the picture and

1048
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 2: my ex had shared a meme that said to tag

1049
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,320
Speaker 2: your fourth at. The meme was a house in the

1050
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,319
Speaker 2: middle of nowhere, and that said that your fourth at

1051
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 2: needs to live here for so many years whatever and

1052
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 2: get like a million dollars whatever. And his chick bestie

1053
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 2: just happened to fit that spot. She eagerly replies about

1054
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 2: how she would be excited to move in as long

1055
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 2: as she can bring her kids and her dogs. She

1056
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 2: conveniently forgets her fiance that's the father of her three

1057
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 2: kids that she's been living with for seven year at

1058
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 2: that point. Yikes. So I get a bad vibe about her,

1059
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:07,320
Speaker 2: and I keep questioning my ex and he keeps dismissing

1060
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: it as no, don't worry about it.

1061
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 1: She's just my sister.

1062
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 2: There's nothing going on. I keep pointing out that even

1063
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 2: if he isn't attracted to her, she clearly is obsessed

1064
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 2: with him. So, first off, I am not a model

1065
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 2: by any means, so I'm not saying this to be mean.

1066
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 2: I'm just saying this is a visual she looks like

1067
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 2: the troll dolls that you find from the nineties. Wow,

1068
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:29,439
Speaker 2: that's pretty hard.

1069
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:30,479
Speaker 4: I had a couple of those.

1070
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not playing, and I'm not being mean either.

1071
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 2: Like I said, I'm not gorgeous myself. Just because you're

1072
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 2: not gorgeous doesn't mean that you saying she looks like

1073
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 2: a troll isn't mean.

1074
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 4: Also, I'm sure you're both gorgeous.

1075
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's mean, but my ex is absolutely beautiful. How

1076
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 2: I got with him, I don't know. Anyway. She's short

1077
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 2: and stocky with that troll face and troll body.

1078
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 4: Jesus, this is mean.

1079
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:58,439
Speaker 2: Now, my ex has never said anything negative about any

1080
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,799
Speaker 2: woman's appearance to you. Sure. Uh. The only thing he

1081
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 2: has said is that she's a sister to him and

1082
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 2: he just can't find her attractive because she's a sister.

1083
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 2: So I deal with about three years of her inserting

1084
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 2: herself into all of his social media as well as

1085
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 2: calling him at least once a week because she's got

1086
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 2: some kind of crisis and she needs him to come

1087
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 2: and rescue her. For reference, she has three biological brothers

1088
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 2: and four stepbrothers. She has a couple sisters and she's

1089
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 2: very close to her mom. She has a small group

1090
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 2: of friends, about five or six and she was raised

1091
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 2: in the Appalachians. She met my ex when her family

1092
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 2: moved from the Appalachians when she was sixteen or seventeen

1093
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:34,760
Speaker 2: up north to us. Most of her family is still

1094
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,319
Speaker 2: in the Appalachians, so she goes there all the time.

1095
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 2: What I'm getting at is she has a huge extended family.

1096
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 2: She lives in the same neighborhood with one of her brothers,

1097
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:45,799
Speaker 2: her mom, et cetera. So there's really no need for

1098
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 2: her to be calling my ex insisting that she needs

1099
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: his emotional support. So after about three years in this relationship,

1100
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 2: I could no longer deal with the lack of boundaries

1101
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 2: that my ex had, not just with her, but with everybody,

1102
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 2: and I broke up with them. Well there, yeah, okay,

1103
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,399
Speaker 2: thank god. So a couple months after we broke up,

1104
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 2: we decided to go and catch lunch Strange and we

1105
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:09,680
Speaker 2: spoke like old friends. He even said, you know, he's

1106
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 2: going to therapy. He's trying to fix some of the

1107
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 2: problems that we were having issues with, and he was

1108
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: genuinely making progress and changes. While we were hanging out

1109
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:19,359
Speaker 2: for a couple hours, he asked me if I knew

1110
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 2: of any cheap apartments, and then he had explained that

1111
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks earlier, while he was depressed and spiraling,

1112
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 2: him and his best friend were comforting each other because

1113
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:31,440
Speaker 2: his depression got worse and she needed him because, according

1114
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:34,839
Speaker 2: to her, her man was mistreating her and she desperately

1115
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 2: needed him to find a place for her to live.

1116
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 2: She wanted him to let her stay in his father's

1117
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 2: lake house in the middle of the forest. Well, he

1118
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 2: said he couldn't do that because it's his father's lake house,

1119
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 2: so instead he asked me if I could find her

1120
00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 2: an apartment. You asked your ex girlfriend if she could

1121
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,720
Speaker 2: find an apartment for the girl that she's always told

1122
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 2: you she doesn't like.

1123
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: That's weird behavior, do really weird?

1124
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 2: And of course I He's like no. But it really

1125
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 2: bothered me for several days because my ex is incredibly

1126
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,760
Speaker 2: protective over everybody in his life, and if he thinks

1127
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 2: that you're being mistreated, then when you are safely out

1128
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 2: of the picture, he has a tendency to fix the problems.

1129
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 2: But something about the story didn't feel right. I have

1130
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 2: worked with DV survivors for years, various stages and various

1131
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 2: levels of survival. And I had noticed that she had

1132
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 2: a TikTok account that she had been saturated with DV fantasies.

1133
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,719
Speaker 2: Apparently there is a whole book genre out there that

1134
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 2: romanticizes this, and her favorite sets of books are all

1135
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 2: about a man and a woman who were best friends

1136
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 2: as kids. They grow apart, the woman gets into a

1137
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 2: toxic relationship, and then the man comes and rescues her,

1138
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 2: takes her out to a castle in the middle of

1139
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 2: the forest, where he reveals that he's been in love

1140
00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 2: with her since he met her when they were kids,

1141
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 2: and they live happily ever after, and he turns into

1142
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 2: a werewoell. A lot of her posts were romanticizing DV.

1143
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 2: She was claiming it on her social media, but it

1144
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:00,360
Speaker 2: was more through the lens of an office that I

1145
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,160
Speaker 2: had no experience with it. She displays none of the

1146
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 2: covert signs. In fact, when she is with her fiance,

1147
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 2: she's aggressive and does the playful one two in the arm,

1148
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 2: the kind of thing that's supposed to be playful, but

1149
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 2: it still looks rough. When they're in public, she makes

1150
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 2: jokes that are insulting towards him, and she openly flirts

1151
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 2: with other men. Now maybe it's a hobosexual thing. I

1152
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,479
Speaker 2: don't know, but something was just not adding up about

1153
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 2: her story that she is a victim of DV and

1154
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 2: knowing my ex, he was going to fix the problem.

1155
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 2: So a friend of mine and I went and found

1156
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 2: her fiance and asked him how the relationship was going.

1157
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:35,839
Speaker 2: He was all excited talking about how they were going

1158
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:37,560
Speaker 2: to get married in a couple months.

1159
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 1: Ooh.

1160
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 2: He was absolutely ecstatic. She was definitely his world. So

1161
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,919
Speaker 2: we broke the news to him about her secretly having

1162
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 2: these conversations with my ex. I don't know if I

1163
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 2: like that.

1164
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 4: I don't like that at all.

1165
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:53,040
Speaker 3: If someone is coming to you and saying that they

1166
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 3: are potentially in a DV situation, yeah, and you go

1167
00:52:56,840 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 3: to the potential potential aggressor and just be like someone

1168
00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:04,359
Speaker 3: else in telling this and that if she goes home

1169
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:07,840
Speaker 3: that night and it is a true statement, which I

1170
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,879
Speaker 3: would always assume that it would be that. I don't

1171
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 3: know if you really you would still never go out

1172
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: of her sin.

1173
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 2: I would just yea out of like this is your ex.

1174
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:22,760
Speaker 2: Why are you going to your ex's like friends, Oh, he's.

1175
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 4: Been way out of line for that one.

1176
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 3: So if overstepping friend really needed out, she goes to

1177
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 3: OP or to X he can help her get out.

1178
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:34,640
Speaker 4: You have no place to help at this point.

1179
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 2: And I let him know that that was a contributing

1180
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 2: factor for why I left my ex. I had pointed

1181
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 2: out dozens of specific things that she had done to

1182
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 2: cross the line while my ex and I were together.

1183
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 2: He was heartbroken. He calls her up, confronts her, and

1184
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 2: within seconds there's a huge altercation with my ex, his friend,

1185
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 2: and I and her fiance. She breaks down and crocodile tears,

1186
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 2: starts screaming about, aw, I'm crazy and I'm jealous, that

1187
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 2: I'm just out to destroy her life. She keeps screaming

1188
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 2: that I'm lying about everything and just going on with

1189
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 2: personal attacks and crocodile tears. My ex gets furious with

1190
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 2: me and starts screaming at me about how I can

1191
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 2: possibly do this, that I have just ruined her life.

1192
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 2: So my friend and I were like, okay, you know

1193
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 2: what you do you But her response is the same

1194
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 2: response that you would see with somebody who's guilty of

1195
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 2: attempting to cheat. So later on it turned out that

1196
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 2: she was testing the water and using his depressive spiral

1197
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 2: and his savior complex to try to trigger him into

1198
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 2: rescuing her. She wanted them to be alone in his

1199
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 2: father's cabin with booze and other substances around the lower inhibitions,

1200
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 2: but when that plan fell through, all of a sudden,

1201
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:41,239
Speaker 2: she's screaming about how her fiance is the best man

1202
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 2: in the world, she loves him dearly, etc. Even though

1203
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,879
Speaker 2: her TikTok account has her posting every day about how

1204
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 2: she is the victim of DV and romanticizing and sexualizing it,

1205
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:53,319
Speaker 2: describing it the same way the scenes of her book

1206
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 2: describe it. So a couple weeks after that, things calm

1207
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 2: down and I tell my side of the story to

1208
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:01,640
Speaker 2: my ex, and my ex agree that it did seem fishy,

1209
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 2: and I wasn't doing it to be vindictive. I was

1210
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,719
Speaker 2: doing it because I genuinely didn't believe her, and I

1211
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:09,479
Speaker 2: wanted to make sure that an innocent person didn't get hurt.

1212
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,359
Speaker 2: So my ex and I start to rekindle. One night,

1213
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 2: my ex starts posting pictures of him and I together

1214
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 2: while we were still in a relationship. Okay, he posts

1215
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 2: them on the app and tags me We have private

1216
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,960
Speaker 2: little conversations in the comments, reminiscing talking about how you know,

1217
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 2: we miss those nights. We should try it again. That

1218
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 2: x morning, his best friend goes in and changes her

1219
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 2: family profile and adds him as her brother publicly. Personally,

1220
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 2: I thought it was a response to him posting those

1221
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,560
Speaker 2: pictures of me. A few weeks after that, we decide

1222
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 2: to go out for dinner and we start to rekindle

1223
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:43,280
Speaker 2: and move forward. My ex takes a bunch of pictures

1224
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 2: on his phone of us together, including one of us

1225
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 2: sharing a kiss. He sends me the pictures and says

1226
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 2: that it's okay if I want to use the picture

1227
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: of us sharing a kiss as my profile pick.

1228
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 1: So I do.

1229
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 2: That's a weird question to be, like, Hey, if you

1230
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: want to use these pictures of us kissing as your profile,

1231
00:55:58,280 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 2: you can.

1232
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:02,560
Speaker 3: I'm just very confused, and why would you go back and.

1233
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:03,399
Speaker 4: Date this man again?

1234
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 2: And his female best friend has a fit over it.

1235
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:09,319
Speaker 2: She goes on to my social media starts lurking I

1236
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 2: knew it was her because the analysts show a spike

1237
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,800
Speaker 2: in the city that she lives in. It's a smaller

1238
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 2: city and I don't have friends and followers in that area,

1239
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:20,160
Speaker 2: and that city has never shown up on my analytics

1240
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:22,760
Speaker 2: in that same country, suddenly showed up on my TikTok.

1241
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 2: So to prove that she's stalking my pages, I make

1242
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 2: a post about how I don't need makeup or filters.

1243
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:30,719
Speaker 2: This is just who I am, Raw, Opie, you don't

1244
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 2: seem like.

1245
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,280
Speaker 4: A great This is getting really cringey.

1246
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,440
Speaker 2: We already know that OPI has called this girl a troll, right,

1247
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 2: and now she's like, I don't even need makeup, this

1248
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 2: is who I am. Wrong, And I post pictures of

1249
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 2: me with no makeup, no filters. All of her photos

1250
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 2: are heavily filtered and heavily makeup. Who cares? Who actually cares?

1251
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:51,760
Speaker 2: You are way too okay? You keep saying she's obsessed

1252
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 2: with your ex. You are too obsessed with her.

1253
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:58,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, you both just need to get a different hobby.

1254
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 2: Yeah. Suddenly she changes her profile picture to a photo

1255
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 2: of her with no makeup and no filters. We play

1256
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,240
Speaker 2: this little tug a war game for a couple more weeks.

1257
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:10,360
Speaker 2: I post something and she responds on her own social media.

1258
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:12,800
Speaker 2: I tell my ex what's going on, and he's convinced

1259
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,720
Speaker 2: it's just a coincidence. Now, during all of this time,

1260
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 2: I'm also getting threatening messages on social media and on

1261
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 2: my phone. The first set of messages came from her

1262
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 2: and from her phone itself, but after a while she

1263
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 2: started using fake accounts, so I can't say with certainty

1264
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 2: that it is her. However, I did put samples of

1265
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 2: the messages that she sent me from the app and

1266
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,640
Speaker 2: from the text messages, and I entered those into Copilot

1267
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 2: as well as the anonymous messages and ask Copilot to

1268
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 2: do a forensic analysis looking at cadence, syntax, tone, and linguistics.

1269
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 2: Copilot came back saying that there is a ninety five

1270
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 2: to ninety eight percent chance that the author of all

1271
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 2: the messages are the same person. Gave a complete forensic

1272
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 2: breakdown on everything. I did not give that information directly

1273
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 2: to my ex. Instead, I took screenshots and posted it

1274
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:04,000
Speaker 2: on the app. She immediately blocked me. Yeah, I just

1275
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 2: don't understand why we're so obsessed with your ex's friends.

1276
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 3: I don't know why we didn't just leave this relationship

1277
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:13,520
Speaker 3: and just drop in block her relationship anymore.

1278
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 4: Don't have to deal with her anymore.

1279
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 2: Literally, just block her. Block those numbers, don't get back

1280
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:21,320
Speaker 2: with your ex. Yeah, she's just gonna be give this

1281
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 2: woman in.

1282
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 3: The past, he's just gonna do that again.

1283
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 2: So suddenly my ex starts getting a bunch of messages. Also,

1284
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 2: only thing is he's been talking to her and she's

1285
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:33,040
Speaker 2: convinced him that I'm sending these messages to get attention.

1286
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:36,240
Speaker 2: That caused a huge fight and he took her side again.

1287
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,840
Speaker 3: So now she did start instigating it.

1288
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, so now she's no longer with her fiance. They

1289
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 2: have completely broken up. He doesn't want anything to do

1290
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 2: with her, and she's all over my ex. So am

1291
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 2: I the ale for cluing in her fiance about what

1292
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 2: she was doing? And am I the ale for posting

1293
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:55,240
Speaker 2: co pilot findings on the messages as well as taking

1294
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 2: screenshots and posting social media analysis on what cities and

1295
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 2: countries are suddenly looking at my posts, as well as

1296
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 2: the time stamp of when my poster looked.

1297
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 3: At Yeah, like low key, yeah, yeah, why.

1298
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 4: I just don't care. Why it wasn't something that we

1299
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 4: just could let go and yeah.

1300
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 2: Let her go.

1301
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 3: Definitely weird for that and like that was definitely like girl,

1302
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 3: what are you doing? And a lot of weird behavior

1303
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 3: with the whole. Yeah, Like it's just too much talking

1304
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 3: that she had.

1305
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:27,560
Speaker 4: It's too much, way too much. You guys are both

1306
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 4: doing too much, Like.

1307
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 2: You're both like tied together and you can't seem to Like, honestly,

1308
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 2: I don't even think you either of you care about

1309
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:33,520
Speaker 2: your ex.

1310
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 4: Do You guys just want to day Like yeah, you're.

1311
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 2: Just obsessed with each other. Like stop, leave it behind.

1312
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 2: But that's the end of that story.