Speaker 1: When things affect your friends who have turned family, it
Speaker 1: hits different.
Speaker 2: Stepping into my new reality now a twenty sentence, But
Speaker 2: that's all I got, dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and
Speaker 2: I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's. You may know us
Speaker 2: from posting funny videos with.
Speaker 1: Our boys and reading each other publicly as.
Speaker 2: A form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy
Speaker 2: most days.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 2: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 2: Li's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
Speaker 2: talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.
Speaker 2: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 2: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
Speaker 2: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
Speaker 2: the truth. We about to take philos off to our
Speaker 2: whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now. Story time, all right now.
Speaker 1: So it was a random I want to say, Monday morning,
Speaker 1: got the kids off to school, went back to lay
Speaker 1: down for a little bit, then got up to pee,
Speaker 1: check my phone and I see a text message from Grace. Grace,
Speaker 1: who is my makeup artist in Atlanta whose turned friend
Speaker 1: turned family and Janelle, Janelle everyone knows is my hairstylist
Speaker 1: that I've known for years. I mean, did my my
Speaker 1: hair for my wedding, like all that, right, all the events,
Speaker 1: all the events, and you know, it's not unusual for
Speaker 1: us to have our group text where we're Kiki and
Speaker 1: we chit chat and we share, you know, memes.
Speaker 2: And we pray and we do all sorts of stuff together.
Speaker 1: Right, But this particular morning, I you know, went to
Speaker 1: use the bathroom and then I standing in front of
Speaker 1: the mirror and I read this text message and it says, oh.
Speaker 2: My god, you have to say you have the message.
Speaker 1: Good morning ladies. And it's with the emoji with like
Speaker 1: the too happy hands. So I'm like, hey, girl, like.
Speaker 2: You know, hand hands.
Speaker 1: It's on my heart to reach out to you both
Speaker 1: and encourage you to schedule your mammograms if you haven't already.
Speaker 1: I do not fit the bill, but sadly, I've been
Speaker 1: diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. I'm fine mentally at peace.
Speaker 1: Q tears okay.
Speaker 2: Like I'm fine, I promise, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: Tears Okay, So I gather myself, so I can see again,
Speaker 1: because at this point I'm literally in tears. The original
Speaker 1: medical professional told me that I wasn't that that I was.
Speaker 1: What I was feeling wasn't cancer because according to the
Speaker 1: book I it did not fit. I thank God for
Speaker 1: di sermon and obedience. I question everyone for a reason.
Speaker 1: She was annoyed by my questioning her authority and I
Speaker 1: went to get a mammigrant against her recommendation. I have
Speaker 1: a whole story to tell in due time. Treatment is
Speaker 1: moving quickly, miseectomies are scheduled. Janelle, I'm still your model,
Speaker 1: because Janelle had a class coming up. I love you both,
Speaker 1: tell Sakari and everyone you know, every woman you care
Speaker 1: about to do it continuing to listen to the inner
Speaker 1: voice God has given us. For me, it was just
Speaker 1: the casual way that Grace in this group chat just
Speaker 1: dropped a bomb on us, so casually, without any kind
Speaker 1: of warning, and like, hey, good morning, good morning, jazz hands.
Speaker 1: It's Monday, and I'll never forget that moment and how
Speaker 1: I felt.
Speaker 2: And it's almost making me choke up now. Oh oh,
Speaker 2: she's trying to make me cry. We need tissues. Yeah, yes,
Speaker 2: So that's my story.
Speaker 1: Time income the tissues with Matt.
Speaker 2: Thank you, I tried it, indeed. So we're gonna take.
Speaker 5: A quick break so I can gather myself, Lord, because
Speaker 5: I'm having a feeling that this episode is, oh Lord,
Speaker 5: one of those, but I think it's very necessary and
Speaker 5: I'm so happy that you're here with me today.
Speaker 2: Let's not do this.
Speaker 4: And uh yeah, we're gonna get into karaoke town.
Speaker 2: Let's brighten the mood.
Speaker 1: You better have a good song today, Grace, because I
Speaker 1: cannot cry this whole episode. So Lincoln Park, all right, Grace,
Speaker 1: you got something good for me? Because the only song
Speaker 1: that came to mind, of course, was Amazing Grace, but
Speaker 1: that was just so somber and solemn, and I just can't.
Speaker 2: I feel like we need something upbeat. Well, I mean
Speaker 2: in the God, now that I think about it, in
Speaker 2: the end, Lincoln Park, I mean it's upbeat sounding, Okay,
Speaker 2: so we don't have to really listen to the words.
Speaker 2: Go ahead now.
Speaker 1: Like I said, I was telling her pre show, the
Speaker 1: only Lincoln Park song I know is the one with
Speaker 1: jay Z.
Speaker 2: Do you want to or I can't? I can't And
Speaker 2: she's like, yeah, all the black people know. That's what
Speaker 2: I'm like. Yeah, that's me. Okay, we might have to
Speaker 2: skip the Lincoln Park. I was just thinking about the lyrics.
Speaker 2: I'm like, the lyrics don't work. I mean, we're gonna cry. Oh,
Speaker 2: we're gonna cry. Yeah. Those songs are quite heavy. Are
Speaker 2: they heavy?
Speaker 1: But if it's on your heart, go ahead and do
Speaker 1: your think.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna do it this way. Okay. I tried
Speaker 2: so hard, but god, so far. Oh I do know
Speaker 2: this song in the end, Yes, it doesn't really matter,
Speaker 2: I know, but it does matter. Yeah, it does matter.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's the song I want to sing.
Speaker 1: You want to even say the lyrics. You can't even
Speaker 1: say the lyrics. You don't even have to sing it. Girl,
Speaker 1: that was my get right there, do it?
Speaker 2: I already did it. Do it again, Okay, run it back,
Speaker 2: because yeah, I tried so hard and got so far,
Speaker 2: but in the end it didn't even matter. Okay I
Speaker 2: had to fall to lose it all. But in the
Speaker 2: end it doesn't even matter. Wow.
Speaker 1: It's actually really deep when you think about you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking about the tempo of the song and
Speaker 1: like the upbeatness of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I'm like, damn, that was pretty deep.
Speaker 1: In the end, it didn't really matter. I'm fortunate because
Speaker 1: he ended up committing suicide. He did, all right, guys,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Grace.
Speaker 2: Can heard it too, as the hell with it?
Speaker 1: Like that?
Speaker 2: All right now, So even back to our text, like
Speaker 2: that's how I deal with a bad situation, Yeah, throwing
Speaker 2: dark humor. I noticed that.
Speaker 1: I noticed that your career sarcasm is actually one of
Speaker 1: the things I love about you.
Speaker 4: So all right, let's take a break to recover from
Speaker 4: that whole thing in the beginning of the show, and
Speaker 4: we're gonna come back and we're gonna dive back into
Speaker 4: story time and we're gonna talk more with Grace about
Speaker 4: breast cancer awareness, how she found out, and what her
Speaker 4: story is looking like right now.
Speaker 2: So stick around, all right. So, as I passed tissue out.
Speaker 1: We passed the it's almost like passing the offering plate.
Speaker 1: We're gonna pass the tissue box around because I just
Speaker 1: anticipate that as we aim to in this episode, bring awareness,
Speaker 1: educate people, the people who don't.
Speaker 2: Think like it can happen to me.
Speaker 1: I'm still that actually, yeah, yeah, And I can imagine
Speaker 1: I still look at you and I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: believe this is happening.
Speaker 2: I saw you at Matt's wedding.
Speaker 1: We had a moment, you know, we're bringing together with
Speaker 1: every It was just It's just one of those situations.
Speaker 1: Like I said in my sound by earlier, that when
Speaker 1: it affects someone who you love, it literally affects you
Speaker 1: as well too. So going back to story time where
Speaker 1: you sent out this text message to Janelle, and I
Speaker 1: take us back to the moment that you found out
Speaker 1: what what's your story here? You know you felt a lump,
Speaker 1: something didn't feel right, and God led you to am
Speaker 1: my friend.
Speaker 2: So I want to say back in November, I remember
Speaker 2: laying in the bed at night and I tell my husband,
Speaker 2: I said, Babe, I feel something and I feel everything.
Speaker 2: But He's like, here we go, what now, hypochondriac? And
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I feel something in my breast. And
Speaker 2: breasts are lumpy from you know.
Speaker 1: Especially post breastfeeding like my I remember I had to
Speaker 1: get a lump checked in my armpit right because my
Speaker 1: lymph nodes got swolen after each baby, breastfeeding each so
Speaker 1: it's hard to decipher what's what.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I remember feeling the lump, thinking okay, well,
Speaker 2: it's a lump and it's soft, and it's like you
Speaker 2: can move it, but again I don't. I don't do
Speaker 2: that to other women. So I don't know what's there,
Speaker 2: what's supposed to be there, what's not. So he feels
Speaker 2: it too, and he's like, well, go to the hospital,
Speaker 2: like you know, go to your doctor.
Speaker 1: And you would say the size of a green grape.
Speaker 2: The big one got you. And so go to bed.
Speaker 2: The next day or so or whenever. A mutual friend
Speaker 2: had passed from breast cancer and she's young kids, twin
Speaker 2: boys and another I think all under five, and her
Speaker 2: issue was she didn't it had come back. But long
Speaker 2: story short, she passed and I remember texting my friend,
Speaker 2: who is my gynecologist. I text her, I'm like, I
Speaker 2: need a Mam Graham and she was like why you know,
Speaker 2: because I'm the I'm the one that's like I need this.
Speaker 2: I need an am. I right A pets can't I
Speaker 2: need my sister?
Speaker 1: And I now I'm like, oh, you're a nurse practitioner,
Speaker 1: Now you got that right, Okay, sis, let me get
Speaker 1: some ibuprof an eight hundred to stand by, you know,
Speaker 1: And I just.
Speaker 2: Like to check. I like to check things. And my
Speaker 2: husband's like, you like to freak yourself out pretty much.
Speaker 2: It's like, no, I like to know, low key control freak.
Speaker 2: Same and I don't even know what's going on. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that way I can behead exactly. Yeah. And so I
Speaker 2: text her. She's like, why you know at this time,
Speaker 2: I'm thirty seven and I think the age people start
Speaker 2: to check or they tell you to check. It's forty
Speaker 2: forty one. Yeah, yeah, I'm I turned forty December fifth.
Speaker 1: My annual was January fifth, and she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you get to get your you to get your first man,
Speaker 1: I'm glad she has my scheduled three weeks.
Speaker 2: What they scheduled to out that far? Yeah, okay, we're
Speaker 2: gonna talk about it, okay, right, So I text her
Speaker 2: Texas Change I I think I did. I called the
Speaker 2: office to get uh seen and because you know, I
Speaker 2: just went to do everything, and she could not see
Speaker 2: me because her mother was going through something. So she
Speaker 2: went to be with her mom, rightfully, So I'm glad
Speaker 2: she did. She ended up passing and so I expected
Speaker 2: her to be out of office. So her pa saw
Speaker 2: me instead and we were you know, black woman young.
Speaker 2: We were talking Kei king and she feels she does
Speaker 2: a physical and she's feeling and she feels what I
Speaker 2: was telling her. And she's like, well, you know, asking
Speaker 2: me the book questions because they do go by the
Speaker 2: book and the questions, you know, is it painful? Is
Speaker 2: it you know, does it move? So it moves? It
Speaker 2: was moving, and it was a very dull pain. It
Speaker 2: wasn't painful, but it was like a dull numb pain
Speaker 2: if you will, that I would feel around my menstrel time.
Speaker 1: It's like aching, like a throbbing or something very.
Speaker 2: Very and so I had to let her know. She
Speaker 2: was like, well, you know, cancer is not painful, so
Speaker 2: you know, and I think she was excited that all
Speaker 2: these things according to the book. You know, she was
Speaker 2: happy that it's not cancer according to the book.
Speaker 1: And also maybe trying to temper your your emotion, right,
Speaker 1: because you feel something like that so naturally, especially being
Speaker 1: a hypoconject, which I understand because I kind of share
Speaker 1: the same sentiment.
Speaker 2: That's where your mind goes, right, Yeah, So then I
Speaker 2: get it, and that's why you know, I'm not upset
Speaker 2: with her, Like I get what she was doing, but
Speaker 2: something told me like, mmm, it keeps coming to me
Speaker 2: breast cancer, breast cancer and now I'm not trying to
Speaker 2: wish it all myself, but at the same time, I
Speaker 2: like to pay attention. And so I told her, I said, well,
Speaker 2: I'm going to check you know. She's like, well, you
Speaker 2: don't need to. You know, you're under the age the
Speaker 2: all the things checklists. According to the book, this is
Speaker 2: it's probably like a site fibro at noma, you know,
Speaker 2: some fibrous tissue or vibrus and arsistic And she's like,
Speaker 2: you don't need to. And I was like, well, I'm
Speaker 2: still going to and I know, medical professor, y'all go
Speaker 2: to school.
Speaker 1: You read the book. Some of y'all go to school longer.
Speaker 1: But she was a little annoyed by my persistence. Yes,
Speaker 1: she was like questioning, questioning authority. Yeah, and she was like,
Speaker 1: well you can you know, schedule one and we don't
Speaker 1: do it here or something like that. But she was like,
Speaker 1: do use this, yeah, basically right, get lost. So so
Speaker 1: at that point, you again are just getting all of
Speaker 1: these feelings signs. You're feeling like God is saying to
Speaker 1: you like this is something more, this is something more,
Speaker 1: And so you schedule the mammogramage. You're in the mammogram.
Speaker 2: How does that go?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: I schedule it Google where to Go because I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: what I'm I supposed to now? Google where to go?
Speaker 2: This spot paid for a top spot on Google because
Speaker 2: they popped up and I went to this imaging center.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say their name went to this imaging imaging center.
Speaker 2: Was not painful at all. She's mashed down, but it
Speaker 2: wasn't painful. So I'm like, what are people tripping about? Right?
Speaker 2: You know that it's painful. This was not painful. They
Speaker 2: saw the lumps two and I only felt one, but
Speaker 2: they saw two, so they said I needed a biopsy. Okay,
Speaker 2: this place doesn't do their own biopsy. So long story short,
Speaker 2: Maybe a month passed and my one of my really
Speaker 2: good friends, she kept pushing me to call and get
Speaker 2: this biopsy and I wouldn't. I was busy, and they
Speaker 2: put in an order for biopsy, but they didn't do
Speaker 2: it themselves. So again, I finally got around to calling
Speaker 2: a place that did biopsies.
Speaker 1: So pretty much, you're doing all the leg worksposed to
Speaker 1: support it in the price once you told the PA
Speaker 1: that you were gonna investigate further with the mammogram.
Speaker 2: So I'm on my own googling a place again. This
Speaker 2: place pops up first spot on Google and they put
Speaker 2: in an order. I called around because now I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: well where am I supposed to go for that? And
Speaker 2: they were like, well, you can google places to do biopsies.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, so you just.
Speaker 1: Google and the random place it's gonna cut you open ink,
Speaker 1: take out stuff.
Speaker 2: This is crazy. Ends ended up north Side, going to
Speaker 2: north Side and called them. They never got the images
Speaker 2: from the place, and I'm like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: So I'm fishing around looking for where this place is.
Speaker 2: How come they haven't sent I need to come in
Speaker 2: and sign a consent for him to release and I'm
Speaker 2: like what, Okay, long story short, I had to do
Speaker 2: another mammogram from north Side. Now this hurt and outside.
Speaker 2: So it was a clear difference. First of all, like
Speaker 2: they just did not like the other images, so they
Speaker 2: did their own. They do biopsies as well. Schedule a
Speaker 2: biopsy the next few days. Did that. Three days later,
Speaker 2: my results came in and it went to my friend first,
Speaker 2: who's my OB and she got it. First of all,
Speaker 2: another doctor called me I hadn't even gotten the news.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: And she called me and she was like, I just
Speaker 2: got your news. I'm so sorry. Do you want to
Speaker 2: when do you want to come in? And I'm like,
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? Broken to you? Yes, I'm
Speaker 2: my lady yell. Didn't talk about my number?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: Was there?
Speaker 2: Not like a way we're going to break this kind
Speaker 2: of So she apologized she thought I had already gotten
Speaker 2: the news. I'm like, no, ma'am, like I don't. First
Speaker 2: of all, you're not gonna put that on me. I
Speaker 2: don't have cancer, And turned out it did men do.
Speaker 2: And so my friend ends up calling explaining what they found.
Speaker 2: I automatically hit up my doctor. Actually, no, doctor didn't
Speaker 2: like her vibe. I'm big on vibes and energy and
Speaker 2: see another doctor loved instantly. And everything was happening so fast,
Speaker 2: And I felt like it's because my husband got this
Speaker 2: great ass insurance. Yes, like I've known such people in
Speaker 2: situations where months out for an appointment for this, for this,
Speaker 2: for that, and everything was like back to back day
Speaker 2: after another.
Speaker 1: So that's an addedly yes to the story, or to
Speaker 1: just the healthcare system that is all of that existing
Speaker 1: in America. So you see the hierarchy in Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're treated based off of the type of insurance you have.
Speaker 2: I have been sharingty you have, I mean knocking everything
Speaker 2: out like in days where people are like that's so rare,
Speaker 2: like they're seeing you like this, and I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember talking to you when you were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm getting this doneline by Monday, this by tesday, Friday,
Speaker 1: and you're done.
Speaker 2: Even my MRI, which they don't usually do in my
Speaker 2: rides on Sundays, I have a Sunday appointment. Not that happened. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: I'll take it. But it made me realize. I know
Speaker 2: people who get pushed out weeks months and cancer depending
Speaker 2: on how aggressive it's spreading fast right so by you know,
Speaker 2: they could have been stage zero, one or two by
Speaker 2: the time everything gets situated and seen, their stage three,
Speaker 2: you know, or four, depending on how aggressive it is,
Speaker 2: how aggressive it is. And that's another topic. This healthcare system.
Speaker 2: We're not gonna go I know, layered, very LAPI theorists.
Speaker 2: I mean, its like, but so saw everything breast doctor,
Speaker 2: first MRI, second genetics test. They did the highest testing,
Speaker 2: which is eighty five genes all negative for mutations, So
Speaker 2: it's like where did this cancer come from? Right? And
Speaker 2: even seeing my reconstructive doctor, that took another month, or
Speaker 2: was supposed to take another month to handle that. And
Speaker 2: she came back in the room and she was like, well,
Speaker 2: someone just canceled for the twenty fifth do you want it?
Speaker 2: This was like the week before, like hell yeah, and
Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, I'll you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, So the course of action now is is what
Speaker 1: you have stage two cancers in one.
Speaker 2: Of it's in one. I was gonna cut both off
Speaker 2: regardless because I wasn't gonna be uneven, right And after
Speaker 2: the MRI, my breast doctor saw that I had a
Speaker 2: six millimeter tumor in the left as well. Wow, and
Speaker 2: she was a good thing, you can cut them off,
Speaker 2: because here we go, gotcha. It just made sense to
Speaker 2: me because I'm like, if it's in one, it's possibly
Speaker 2: could you know? And I know it's not always like that,
Speaker 2: but to me, let's cut cut it out control, right, right?
Speaker 1: So you get the news, of course, kind of rig
Speaker 1: them around because someone called first, then your obguin calls.
Speaker 1: How do you break the news to your family because
Speaker 1: now this is a journey that you're on, not alone,
Speaker 1: you have a husband, you have two children, a host
Speaker 1: of family and friends. So in your mind, how do
Speaker 1: do you brace to tell the family or in true
Speaker 1: grace form, we kind of just like throw out their casualty.
Speaker 1: What was your husband's feeling? I guess with you were
Speaker 1: going into this when you finally got the.
Speaker 2: News with you uh he instantly I could tell. And
Speaker 2: men like to show that they are, you know, your rock,
Speaker 2: which is great of course, put together, put together, always
Speaker 2: under control. And I could see his body shift and
Speaker 2: his face was you know, putting on the front, but
Speaker 2: I could see his body shift. So he was hurt
Speaker 2: and scared, and he was like, cut it out, cut
Speaker 2: it out, you know, like cut off the breast, cut
Speaker 2: everything off. And and I knew at that moment I
Speaker 2: wasn't gonna tell anyone else, and especially my family. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because Nigerians, I mean all the native doctors were called
Speaker 2: right right right. I don't know, I don't know about
Speaker 2: Nigerian culture, but I'll listen ya know what it is,
Speaker 2: right right? The native doctors were called and from over
Speaker 2: across the sea, and my mom was like, don't cut
Speaker 2: your breast off. The doctors have been called. They said
Speaker 2: they can take the thing away, you'll never see it again.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, who, like you said, mommy, please don't
Speaker 2: pay anybody else, Like, oh my goodness, giving people your
Speaker 2: heart on money. Yes, I haven't even spoken to these people, like,
Speaker 2: don't do it right, right, And I said, I'm cutting
Speaker 2: them off, Like we've just talked about it already. At
Speaker 2: that point.
Speaker 1: It was just a hard decision that you made with you, well,
Speaker 1: with you and your husband. Yeah, yeah, well first and
Speaker 1: then of course letting your husband know what the plan was,
Speaker 1: what the.
Speaker 2: Plan was, and I still hadn't told anyone.
Speaker 1: So just jumping into some Saxon stats because we were
Speaker 1: doing some just research and stuff, just to see what
Speaker 1: things are looking like now in twenty twenty four, because
Speaker 1: you know, breast cancer of course has been around forever, right,
Speaker 1: It's something that always unfortunately pops up. You know. October
Speaker 1: is Breast cancer Awareness Month. Some stats we had recently
Speaker 1: for twenty twenty four, The American Cancer Society estimates that
Speaker 1: more than three hundred and ten thousand plus new cases
Speaker 1: of invasive breast cancer and fifty six thousand new cases
Speaker 1: of ductyl carcinoma in stage one breast cancer will be
Speaker 1: diagnosed in women in the US.
Speaker 2: It's crazy, that's.
Speaker 1: Crazy, and we're just in may right, things to improve
Speaker 1: therapies and early detection, breast cancer is increasingly treatable. Despite
Speaker 1: these improvements, breast cancer is now the leading cause of
Speaker 1: cancer death among Black women, according to a new report
Speaker 1: by the American Cancer Society, and black women are now
Speaker 1: forty one percent more likely to die from breast cancer
Speaker 1: than white women. Trying to take us out, despite but
Speaker 1: despite the lower risk of being diagnosed for the disease.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: This is partly because Black women are more likely to
Speaker 1: be diagnosed with breast cancer at a later stage when
Speaker 1: it is harder to treat.
Speaker 2: Gee, I when do I Let's think about some of.
Speaker 1: The things that account for these disparities, right, we have
Speaker 1: Black women who are statistically.
Speaker 2: More likely serious topic And I'm laughing, no, And.
Speaker 1: I know to anycent grace, it's okay, because I know, like,
Speaker 1: in a sense, it's how you deal, right, Yes, it's
Speaker 1: how you deal. And I know that about you, yes,
Speaker 1: And I've learned that about you right, right, And sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to laugh so that you don't cry exactly,
Speaker 1: And I get it, trust me, I understand.
Speaker 2: Don't worry here. Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: Black women are statistically more likely to have diabetes, heart disease,
Speaker 1: and obesity, and are less likely to breastfeed after childbirth birth,
Speaker 1: which are all risk factors for breast cancer. Which is
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I hear it. That is because I
Speaker 1: know every Black mam I know has don't know, I
Speaker 1: probably know maybe one who hasn't who hasn't. Right, exactly
Speaker 1: when I met Grace, Grace came into my makeup for
Speaker 1: the first time when she was two weeks postpartum and
Speaker 1: made a commitment to me to come here.
Speaker 2: And I said, girl, you had the baby how long ago?
Speaker 2: Seven days? I said, you better go sit down. You
Speaker 2: know you're Nigeria. And mom would have been like, girl,
Speaker 2: where are you going? But but yeah, so there.
Speaker 1: And they're also more likely than there than white counterparts
Speaker 1: to have with inadequate health insurance or access to health
Speaker 1: care facilities, which may affect screening, follow up care, and
Speaker 1: the completion of therapy, which is essentially what you were
Speaker 1: experiencing in your journey to an extent on what saved
Speaker 1: you was the fact that your husband did have really
Speaker 1: good insurance. Black women are also disproportionately affected more by
Speaker 1: aggressive subtypes such as triple negative breast cancer and inflammatory
Speaker 1: breast cancer, and they're more likely to be diagnosed at
Speaker 1: younger ages and more advanced stages of cancer. I have
Speaker 1: a cousin thirty years old diagnosed with a very aggressive
Speaker 1: breast cancer again, had to have both breasts removed and
Speaker 1: at thirty. At thirty, we just celebrated her one year
Speaker 1: cancer free. Wow anniversaries, So shout out to my cousin
Speaker 1: Shane for that. But it's just one of those things
Speaker 1: where you just never think is going to be you.
Speaker 1: So what were you feeling in that moment when you.
Speaker 2: Got the call?
Speaker 1: How did you sit in that after you received the
Speaker 1: phone call from I guess the first doctor and then
Speaker 1: eventually your friend who is your obgu I n Like,
Speaker 1: What's what goes through your mind in that moment?
Speaker 2: Is it like your life flashes before your eyes? Is
Speaker 2: it I'm going to fight? What do you feel?
Speaker 1: Because I'm sure there was a rollercoaster of emotions. Well,
Speaker 1: when the first doctor called, I was upset because who
Speaker 1: are you calling? R Like I don't know more angry? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and why would you speak that on me? That's how
Speaker 1: I felt. It was earlier in the day. By the way,
Speaker 1: the same day and my friend, my friend ended up
Speaker 1: texting me. She's like she text me, she said, hey,
Speaker 1: what you doing. And I was like, oh shit, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: And so she calls and she tells me and I'm
Speaker 2: like okay, and she's like, well, you're taking it well,
Speaker 2: and I said yeah. At that moment, I had no
Speaker 2: option not to, like, so you're more of a practical
Speaker 2: like this is what it is. This is what it is,
Speaker 2: and emotions come after, gotcha, And and she was so shocked.
Speaker 2: She was like and I was like, yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: here we are, here, we are, So what's next, Like
Speaker 2: what's the plan? And I think almost right then, I'm
Speaker 2: a bea cup. So if they did a lumpectomy, I
Speaker 2: will look crazy. So I knew automatically, like okay, I'm
Speaker 2: cutting my breast off and I don't know. I'm not
Speaker 2: tied to them, so it didn't I didn't feel anything
Speaker 2: about it, and I later that's how my company, my
Speaker 2: nonprofit came about, just because like, I'm not attached to beauty,
Speaker 2: but I do know from what I do being a
Speaker 2: makeup artist, Like it's a thing like and it makes
Speaker 2: people feel amazing, And in that moment, I automatically thought, Okay,
Speaker 2: like if I at the time thinking of chemo and
Speaker 2: all of that, if I need to do it, okay,
Speaker 2: I'll put a wig on and draw my brows on,
Speaker 2: like it's not a thing for me. So it just
Speaker 2: didn't hit me in that moment, like, Okay, this is life.
Speaker 1: Let's move So you're so it's interesting when I spoke
Speaker 1: to you, you know a couple of times after that,
Speaker 1: I don't remember if it was before or after your
Speaker 1: cancer diagnosis, but you had called me and you said,
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to do something, like there's
Speaker 1: a business that's looming in my mind that I feel
Speaker 1: like God is placing on my heart to do. And
Speaker 1: what do you think about this? Was that before or after? That?
Speaker 2: Was the before that? That was different? So it was
Speaker 2: a different business that we were talking about.
Speaker 1: And I thought about this as I knew you were
Speaker 1: coming on, because I'm like, wow, I wonder when we
Speaker 1: had that conversation and I was giving you some advice
Speaker 1: about how I felt like you should approach that business,
Speaker 1: and You're like, you know, God is just placing on
Speaker 1: me to do this, and I just I think I
Speaker 1: should start this business, and I'm like, girl, if you're
Speaker 1: going to do it, do it.
Speaker 2: And then cut to you get your.
Speaker 1: Diagnosis, and then you said to me that business that
Speaker 1: I think God wanted me to start, is that actually
Speaker 1: a nonprofit where I would be working with women who
Speaker 1: are cancers survivors are erecting or going through it to
Speaker 1: make them feel like themselves again. So you can share
Speaker 1: with me what that's looking like. So this is now propelled.
Speaker 1: And the crazy part about this grace that I want
Speaker 1: people to understand is that you're going through something where
Speaker 1: it's so it's it's to so many people with it's devastating, right,
Speaker 1: And I'm sure it is for you as you navigate
Speaker 1: this and you're dealing with your emotions, but then you're
Speaker 1: also thinking of how you can impact others through your
Speaker 1: story and your journey that you're still so freshly going through.
Speaker 2: Like you text me on April eighth, Yeah, surgery was
Speaker 2: twenty fifth of April or was it of April? Right?
Speaker 1: This is May now, so that you're literally fresh out
Speaker 1: of surgery. I didn't even want to ask you to
Speaker 1: come on to the show. Now. You were one of
Speaker 1: the people who I eventually wanted to have on but
Speaker 1: not like now, but nowcause you're a really in the
Speaker 1: think of it. So I'm like, Grace is not going
Speaker 1: to probably be in like a mental or emotional space
Speaker 1: to want to talk about this now. But in the
Speaker 1: process you're like, you know what, God, Like like God,
Speaker 1: why me?
Speaker 2: Why? Why me? Why now?
Speaker 1: And it's just amazing to me that you're thinking of
Speaker 1: everyone else as you're navigating such a devastating process.
Speaker 2: I think that's the Aquarius humanitarian like like and I'm like,
Speaker 2: what is that?
Speaker 1: Like, w how does it what makes you feel like
Speaker 1: this is the next step, like I need to do
Speaker 1: this nonprofit and work with women simultaneously essentially right while
Speaker 1: I'm going through this. I think that hits differently for
Speaker 1: women who are survivors or going through the process. It's like,
Speaker 1: here's someone who wants to help to make me feel
Speaker 1: like myself again, even if it's just a surface level
Speaker 1: a brow or you know, a lash or something. You
Speaker 1: know what put that on your heart in that moment
Speaker 1: to do this now.
Speaker 2: I think it was maybe after a week or two
Speaker 2: and it just hit me like a ton of bricks
Speaker 2: that this is what I'm supposed to do. I've been
Speaker 2: wanting to teach women how to do makeup masterclass style,
Speaker 2: but it just seemed impersonal, having a large class, and
Speaker 2: I just didn't do it. I didn't do it. That's
Speaker 2: just I didn't feel like that was my mission. And
Speaker 2: I remember shortly after the diagnosis and it hit me
Speaker 2: that I'm fine. I think I'm fine in that moment.
Speaker 2: I think I'm fine because I'm not tied to beauty
Speaker 2: like what we know, cancer and the chemo and your
Speaker 2: brows and your lashes and your hair goes away. And
Speaker 2: in that moment, I thought, Okay, what's next. But that's
Speaker 2: how I think. And it's because I can get up
Speaker 2: and put a brow on or a lash easy. And
Speaker 2: I thought about and I was like, wow, what about
Speaker 2: the women who can't, like women who come to us
Speaker 2: for the birthday parties and weddings because you're everyday girl. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can do it because you want to. You know,
Speaker 2: you're a former makeup artist, like you can. We know
Speaker 2: how to do things. So that's how Grace and I
Speaker 2: also bonded. We were former Mac girl.
Speaker 1: MA was like the makeup authority and they still are,
Speaker 1: you know, low key low key we said it, but.
Speaker 2: So I thought about them, and I'm like, wow, this
Speaker 2: must be devastating, because I felt like I was supposed
Speaker 2: to be devastated by it and I wasn't. But it
Speaker 2: is a real thing. And I said, that's what I'm
Speaker 2: supposed to do, and I'm supposed to teach women how
Speaker 2: to just look like themselves again. And I reached out
Speaker 2: to some major brands, the big brands, and told them
Speaker 2: my story and they were on board so to fill
Speaker 2: you know, the goodie bags with And so you were
Speaker 2: already like absolutely round running with business. It's not just
Speaker 2: like places on my I'll figure it out, Like we
Speaker 2: got goodie bags coming already. Girls. Okay, it's been improved
Speaker 2: by the state, and like it's a thing.
Speaker 1: Yet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Survivor's Beauty, I love it dot org and you know,
Speaker 2: hopefully by October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness month, will
Speaker 2: we'll have our first masterclass Survivor's Beauty.
Speaker 1: So that beauty, that's wow. Yeah, I'm proud of you, man,
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. I feel like if I
Speaker 1: were in your shoes, I probably like you'd be picking
Speaker 1: me up off the floor. You know, there's just so
Speaker 1: many ways and right until it happens, you know, God
Speaker 1: forbid when it happens to someone like you, just don't
Speaker 1: know how you're going to really exist in that space
Speaker 1: because I just knew it wasn't you know. But it's
Speaker 1: also a testament to your your faith in God and
Speaker 1: listening and being still and you know, thinking what the
Speaker 1: higher purpose is here? What's the positivity in it? Looking
Speaker 1: on the bright side, Like, that's something that I really
Speaker 1: applaud you for. And I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: can take a page from your book. When you're hit
Speaker 1: with something that completely can derail your entire life, how
Speaker 1: do you maintain control of that? And like you said,
Speaker 1: you're the person that likes the power and control. So
Speaker 1: it's like, how do I this let cancer control me?
Speaker 1: And that's how control this care You may cancer a bit.
Speaker 1: She was like, listen, what you're not about to.
Speaker 2: Do, okay, is disrupt my world at all.
Speaker 1: What you're gonna do is make me impact this world absolutely.
Speaker 2: That's the kicker. I literally said, like whoever put that
Speaker 2: out there, put that on me the devil miss like periods. Okay,
Speaker 2: it happened, cut it out, gone goodbye, and a new org.
Speaker 1: That's it And it's only going to elevate your life,
Speaker 1: your profile, what you do for others, and then also
Speaker 1: elevate the lives of women who really really need that supporter,
Speaker 1: because within that it's more than makeup. Right, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: going to be more than beauty. You have people who
Speaker 1: can relate to a similar situation that you've been through,
Speaker 1: that you're going through in itself. There's like a sisterhood,
Speaker 1: there's a bond, there's's families that will be connected the
Speaker 1: whole community around it.
Speaker 2: And you have time.
Speaker 1: I mean this is made by October. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to help you spread the word and
Speaker 1: get it out there.
Speaker 2: I'm excited.
Speaker 1: So I'm excited for that. I'm excited for that phase
Speaker 1: of your journey. How do you or what makes you
Speaker 1: feel supported?
Speaker 2: Right now? Wow, everybody, I'm not gonna leave the tissues
Speaker 2: on the floor, but I can pick them up now.
Speaker 2: It's all right when I say, you really don't know
Speaker 2: who your tribe is until not to say until bad
Speaker 2: things happen, but people really show up, show up. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and don't right, I was about to say, so what
Speaker 2: makes me feel supported? Just people showing up? You know,
Speaker 2: the text, the calls, the action, the actionable items. You know,
Speaker 2: I couldn't be more grateful. So there's no one thing
Speaker 2: that makes me feel supported. It's just that I feel it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: from my community.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you being your line of work, you work
Speaker 1: for yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's an added layer of potential stress, you know,
Speaker 2: not having not having income, being able to work.
Speaker 1: I was about to come over there and beat you
Speaker 1: down because I heard Grace was about to go do
Speaker 1: makeup at some point, like a week or two out
Speaker 1: of surgery, and I was like, girl, it was down.
Speaker 2: But at the surgery was the twenty fifth, the client
Speaker 2: was the twenty eighth.
Speaker 1: Going, now.
Speaker 2: Tell me what you thought, Grace, I can tell you
Speaker 2: what it was. It wasn't what it wasn't going to be.
Speaker 2: I thought that, okay because I had I had two
Speaker 2: C sections and was a you know, hop back up.
Speaker 1: Well, oh shoot, I didn't even realize you had to
Speaker 1: see sechon you.
Speaker 2: Came to see me. Yeah. But that's the thing I
Speaker 2: was able to do that sperience. Yeah, I was able
Speaker 2: to move, and so I was like, I'm gonna be
Speaker 2: able to move. And it was the first night I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm fine. I didn't even let my client know.
Speaker 2: Finally let her know, and she's like, absolutely not. And
Speaker 2: it's like, I'm going you won't have a makeup artists.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. Like I'm not gonna send anybody.
Speaker 2: I'm coming to do it. And she was like, I
Speaker 2: can't fight you, but I'm telling you no. I said, well,
Speaker 2: I'm just going to show up. Oh my gosh, it's
Speaker 2: either that or you're not gonna have a makeup artist.
Speaker 2: And Grace is a bully. Okay, she's a bully for
Speaker 2: the people she loves. Absolutely, there we go and I
Speaker 2: was fine, but I was on morphine. No, I didn't
Speaker 2: realize what was in your body what was in my body.
Speaker 2: And that night morphine was starting to leave. And the
Speaker 2: next morning I was burning and I was like I
Speaker 2: texted my client. I was like, I can't do it,
Speaker 2: and she's like, it was the drugs. Liter said, it
Speaker 2: was the drugs.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: And I sent her my good colleague Cherie, and I
Speaker 2: was like, what was I think? Yeah, wow, trying to
Speaker 2: show up. Wow.
Speaker 1: But I understand because again, like you have you're in
Speaker 1: a position now where I know you started to go
Speaker 1: fund me page, and I know that took a lot
Speaker 1: for you to do because you're like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to have to ask for donations or anything like that's
Speaker 1: just not And I feel the same way as an
Speaker 1: entrepreneur when I was a makeup artist, and it's just
Speaker 1: like we were hustling, Like you pick up the client.
Speaker 1: You have your weddings, you have your people scheduled, you
Speaker 1: have your everyday girls, you have your loyal clients. So
Speaker 1: that's what you're accustomed to, and that's an added layer
Speaker 1: that this cancer has affected for you. So I know
Speaker 1: that you're aiming to get back into the space where
Speaker 1: you're doing what you love and that you're meeting with
Speaker 1: your clients again and you're making them feel beautiful again.
Speaker 2: Little by little. Yeah, Yeah, I'm glad that you have
Speaker 2: realized that this is a little by little little, a
Speaker 2: little by.
Speaker 1: Little kind of thing. What do you other black women
Speaker 1: or just women in general to know about breast's health.
Speaker 1: Now that you've been through this process.
Speaker 2: It's real. Everything is is not real until it's real.
Speaker 2: And now that I am on the it's real side,
Speaker 2: Listen to your body. You may not know what something
Speaker 2: is supposed to feel like, but go ask you know,
Speaker 2: and even when you ask going they tell you textbook
Speaker 2: why this may not be it. Listen to yourself. Listen
Speaker 2: to yourself.
Speaker 1: I always say people either say it's gut or God,
Speaker 1: whatever you think it is, whatever, that that thing is
Speaker 1: real in that in your in your chest, you steel
Speaker 1: right there in your stomach that that's what we've listened to.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I'm so happy that you listened over and
Speaker 2: over because it didn't just stop at checking. It was
Speaker 2: a follow up. It was the on my own calling biopsy.
Speaker 1: Location, and it was all the doors literally all the
Speaker 1: door yeah that you needed in that moment and quickly expeditiously.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean it was like, I know, I'm on the bed,
Speaker 1: I'm a surgery, I'm here, what's next?
Speaker 2: Sharing my story? Nonprofit? Like the chain reaction of things,
Speaker 2: and that might be keeping me sane as well, like
Speaker 2: not just sitting idle, yeah, but having my mind be occupied,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Shout out to you for being obedient to whatever your
Speaker 1: purpose is or the purpose in this moment, because I
Speaker 1: don't believe that this is the purpose for your life,
Speaker 1: but in this space and in this moment, I am
Speaker 1: grateful that you're listening to what God's placing in your
Speaker 1: heart and just know that I'm here to support you
Speaker 1: through this. I really wanted to share your story in
Speaker 1: real time, and I'm grateful that you were willing to
Speaker 1: do this in real time so people can just take
Speaker 1: heed to it. If there's nothing that anyone takes away
Speaker 1: from this our listeners today, whether it's a man, a woman,
Speaker 1: somewhere in between, whoever you are, encourage someone you love
Speaker 1: to go ahead and schedule.
Speaker 2: That mammogram and they follow up of it.
Speaker 1: Follow up and be diligent and listen to whatever God
Speaker 1: is telling you to do or that gut feeling that
Speaker 1: you have, because it can be a lifesaver. Absolutely, it
Speaker 1: can be a lifesaver. All right, Grace, thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing your story. Thank you to stick around a little
Speaker 1: bit another portion of the show. We have this listener
Speaker 1: letters so we can see what they're writing in about today,
Speaker 1: you know, can lighten the mood, give a little two
Speaker 1: cents depending on the story, child, because sometimes these stories
Speaker 1: be moved.
Speaker 2: They'll have you too, you know. But we're gonna take
Speaker 2: a quick break.
Speaker 1: We're gonna pay some bills, and then we're gonna get
Speaker 1: back with Grace as we talk about more listener letters
Speaker 1: and get into the end of the show with the
Speaker 1: moment of truth.
Speaker 2: Stick around, y'all.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back and it's time for listener letters.
Speaker 1: This is the moment where you know, we get into
Speaker 1: your business a little bit only because you shared though, Okay,
Speaker 1: because y'all wrote in weed in a I'm just kidding,
Speaker 1: all right, first starters, I love you both.
Speaker 2: I love the content and the podcast. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I'll let de vou know. But we got grace today.
Speaker 1: So let's see what y'all talking about. This is in
Speaker 1: reference to the April tenth episode They are, They're Your
Speaker 1: sacrifice is not your kids.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old single mom. My daughter is thirteen.
Speaker 1: I've come to the realization, after several tear soaked pillow nights,
Speaker 1: that we have reached a time in her life of
Speaker 1: transition from my sweet baby to this young lady who's
Speaker 1: navigating what she knows and how she's influenced by her environment.
Speaker 1: I'm having a difficult time allowing her to make mistakes
Speaker 1: and drawing the line of trying to protect her from
Speaker 1: her choices that I know the outcome of. I get
Speaker 1: extremely frustrated when I allow her room to be independent
Speaker 1: and she comes back with disobedience or wrongdoing. I feel
Speaker 1: alone in parenting because her father isn't present and family
Speaker 1: doesn't know how to respect the boundaries of my parenting
Speaker 1: and do things how they've done with their children. What
Speaker 1: advice do you have to have better communication with my
Speaker 1: daughter knowing when to step back or step up with discipline. Sincerely,
Speaker 1: a mom who's mf and tied. She said, Dad, she's
Speaker 1: an efantie. So for some backstory, Grace. We were talking
Speaker 1: on an episode DEVALAINI about sacrifices and when our parents
Speaker 1: and I say our parents meaning our generation of parents
Speaker 1: will kind of hit us with the I've sacrificed so
Speaker 1: much for you and I've sacrificed so much. And it
Speaker 1: had hit me one day where I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I don't want to kind of weaponize sacrifices to my
Speaker 1: children because they wanted to be here, Right, they didn't
Speaker 1: ask to be here. They didn't ask for these sacrifices, right,
Speaker 1: they didn't ask for these sacrifices. This is these are
Speaker 1: things that I want to do as a parent to
Speaker 1: be the best parent that I can be, to give
Speaker 1: my children the opportunities that I want to afford them.
Speaker 1: So this was an episode of val and I did.
Speaker 1: So that's what she's talking in reference too. I don't
Speaker 1: have a daughter. I've heard that, you know, the Good
Speaker 1: Lord has saved me from teenage daughter years because he
Speaker 1: knew that I probably didn't have the strength because I've
Speaker 1: been beating her asked down. So that'd be said, a
Speaker 1: thirty year old single mom daughter is thirteen. How does
Speaker 1: she tow the line between being the I guess disciplinarian
Speaker 1: and also allowing her daughter to make mistakes?
Speaker 2: Wow, I may not be I fed up, so I
Speaker 2: would say, let her f up, but as a teenage girl,
Speaker 2: you mean, yeah, and be there for her, be there
Speaker 2: for her when she does or if she does, or
Speaker 2: you can I mean all you can do is pray. Yeah,
Speaker 2: to be honest with you, especially in this twenty twenty
Speaker 2: four where everything easily accessible, Yeah, we're really combating so
Speaker 2: many things.
Speaker 1: Like I know, our parents had their share of things
Speaker 1: that they had to worry about, right, right, but everything
Speaker 1: is so much more complex now parenting in this day
Speaker 1: and age. What I'm hoping is that you know, thirteen
Speaker 1: kind of gets rocky because they're starting to come into
Speaker 1: their own they like boys, you girls? Middle age transition? Yeah,
Speaker 1: boys or girls? You know what I'm saying, it's that
Speaker 1: middle age transition where Deval had kind of equated it
Speaker 1: to after working with all of his mentees for so
Speaker 1: many years that those middle school ages. Yeah, Okay, we've
Speaker 1: started those conversations for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she's going to have to do this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's like you reach that middle school ages where
Speaker 1: you kids can either go left or right. And what
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that you are doing with your daughter is
Speaker 1: developing a relationship where there's a comfort level that she
Speaker 1: has to talk to you about whatever it is.
Speaker 2: But in that, like Grace said, kids are going to
Speaker 2: make mistakes.
Speaker 1: They're going to try, Like I know who I was
Speaker 1: as a teenager and having the overbearing parents where I'm
Speaker 1: just like, kids are going to find a way to
Speaker 1: do the things that they want to do. So I say, sis,
Speaker 1: keep fighting the good fights. I think it's just one
Speaker 1: of those things where we have to have constant conversations
Speaker 1: and making it a safe space for her and if
Speaker 1: she does mess up, try to seat yes, give her
Speaker 1: grace and try to get her to see the lesson
Speaker 1: in it, right, you know, not necessarily the punishment or
Speaker 1: the disciplinary action, because that will tend to make her
Speaker 1: want to close up more or not share, to hide
Speaker 1: or exactly. So that open line of communication is so necessary,
Speaker 1: and you really want to toll the line between being
Speaker 1: like that that friend confidant, but also allowing them to
Speaker 1: make the mistakes that that may happen inevitable. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: Jackson turned thirteen and I just look at him and
Speaker 1: I'm like, first of all, probably by the end of
Speaker 1: the summer, he's going to be taller than me.
Speaker 2: Make sure I can't be that door off the hinges
Speaker 2: off the hinges. You know, phones will be charged on
Speaker 2: the charger at night, and the community family charger controls
Speaker 2: and tracking and all of that.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's just so many, so many different things.
Speaker 1: Just the other day, I was scrolling on Instagram aimlessly
Speaker 1: and came across a video of a woman saying, you know,
Speaker 1: three things to make sure that your children aren't doing
Speaker 1: while they're having video game time or something like that.
Speaker 1: And one of those games, if it's Fortnite or something,
Speaker 1: you can speak to people through the video games. And
Speaker 1: she's like, make sure that that function is turned off,
Speaker 1: So your children having conversations with a stranger. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: wait in a second, they talk to people on Fortnite.
Speaker 2: Too, like chat room.
Speaker 1: Oh my true a well, chat rooms. I was definitely
Speaker 1: doing that shit too, It's just a different version of it.
Speaker 1: So I instantly called Jackson to my room and he's like,
Speaker 1: what happened?
Speaker 5: Mom?
Speaker 1: Man? I was like, the boy's talking to anybody on Fortnite?
Speaker 1: Can you make sure that you turn that function off?
Speaker 1: And he's like, that's never been on, and I was like,
Speaker 1: who do they talk to? And they were liked about Jackson,
Speaker 1: just like nobody. We don't even have Mike's for Fortnite.
Speaker 2: We just play. I'm like, all right, and if you
Speaker 2: ever get Mike's, let me know.
Speaker 1: So to make sure that function is turned off because
Speaker 1: they are praying on children left and right, and we
Speaker 1: just have to be in our p's and q's and
Speaker 1: as technologies continues to advance, always something else that we're
Speaker 1: going to have to.
Speaker 2: Track them there under that's inhumane. But I personally don't
Speaker 2: have time to go to the news asking for my child. Sure,
Speaker 2: I need to go to work to kill somebody.
Speaker 1: We too cute for jail. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: look at me and raised. All right, we take a
Speaker 1: look at the camera. We're too cute for jail because
Speaker 1: I will kill somebody.
Speaker 2: All right, good luck to you sis.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for writing in and if you
Speaker 1: want to be featured as a future Listener letter, we
Speaker 1: cannot wait to hear from y'all, so go ahead and
Speaker 1: email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: All Right, we're rolling on to the moment of truth
Speaker 1: now as we wrap things up, we're talking with my girl, Amazing,
Speaker 1: Grace Amazing, and we are talking about her journey through
Speaker 1: discovering and uh treating.
Speaker 2: And fighting and beating whooping ass that's a fact, and
Speaker 2: her new nonprofit called Beauty.
Speaker 1: What do you want people to know? What's that takeaway?
Speaker 1: What's that moment of truth you want to share with
Speaker 1: us today? Wow, moment of truth my mind and what
Speaker 1: should be everyone's is listening to yourself like that in
Speaker 1: a lot of situations, in every scenario, whether it's a
Speaker 1: restaurant you're supposed to go to or not, or taking
Speaker 1: a visit to someone like that initial, that gut feeling
Speaker 1: that first person is there for a reason. It can
Speaker 1: save your life, it can save your family's lives, you know.
Speaker 1: So that's my truth is literally listening to that voice
Speaker 1: God put in you. Therefore a reason can save your
Speaker 1: life and it can change so many lives in the process.
Speaker 1: I guess my moment of truth as we wrap up
Speaker 1: today is find out how you can be of support
Speaker 1: to people who are going through life altering things.
Speaker 2: Have grace for them in the moments that you know
Speaker 2: require grace.
Speaker 1: Really just extend yourself in whatever capacity or whatever need
Speaker 1: they may need met in that moment. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be financial. It could be time, it could be
Speaker 1: a meal, it could be you know, what are some
Speaker 1: things that were helpful for you grace, just like.
Speaker 2: Like my house, I have no self done with y'all.
Speaker 1: I was just trying to think of, like in that
Speaker 1: moment when you feel so helpless, it's like, what can
Speaker 1: I do? What can I take off of her plate?
Speaker 2: Right now?
Speaker 1: I'm thinking grace, the wife, Grace, the mom, grace, the
Speaker 1: the entrepreneur, Like how can I alleviate something from you?
Speaker 2: And I'm thinking about.
Speaker 1: I think of your husband, I'm thinking of your children, Like, okay,
Speaker 1: if I can help with like the I don't worry
Speaker 1: about dinner for like two three nights.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, what's just something that'll help, you.
Speaker 1: Know, to just really think about how you can be
Speaker 1: of help to people who are going through some really
Speaker 1: life changing things.
Speaker 2: Memes, memes, help you know, and something so simple like
Speaker 2: we you know, on Instagram and we're sharing memes and
Speaker 2: things with people. And I have a I've never met
Speaker 2: her in real in person yet, but she's going through
Speaker 2: a form of cancer and I asked her what can
Speaker 2: I do? And she's like, I like memes. I like reels, Okay, cool,
Speaker 2: say less because that's what I do, send them off
Speaker 2: and off. I think I said something recently to us,
Speaker 2: like just in the informational like did you try this?
Speaker 2: Did you think of that? I'm like, I have my
Speaker 2: friend in Jamaica. She's like, sourcing sour stop leaves.
Speaker 1: I'm like, suddenly leave, send me that whatever you know,
Speaker 1: something back home those good back home remedies.
Speaker 2: I'm like anything.
Speaker 1: At this point, it's like everyone's grasping and straws. But
Speaker 1: to make sure we help. Everyone wants to help. And
Speaker 1: it's interesting.
Speaker 2: And I did the Caring Bridge because it was easy
Speaker 2: for me to write everything in one spot, yes, versus
Speaker 2: a thousand people asking what can they do? And I
Speaker 2: get it. Everyone's coming from a place of love. Yes,
Speaker 2: But in those moments it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2: We have to pace ourselves. Yes, and then's funny means right,
Speaker 2: the informational things, it's great, But a lot of times
Speaker 2: in that moment, we don't want to think about Yes, reality, yes,
Speaker 2: you know, so something to take your mind off, which
Speaker 2: was great, the cooking, and people were sending me shows
Speaker 2: to watch. I finally watched Bridgerton, which I get it,
Speaker 2: I get the hype, you know, but you know, just
Speaker 2: things to take your mind off of that amazing in
Speaker 2: that moment. Amazing grace, my girl. What's something you're dead
Speaker 2: ass about?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Who I am as a person? I'm dead ass about. Yes,
Speaker 2: I am dead ass about who I am as a person.
Speaker 2: You never know. Be good, do good, because you never
Speaker 2: know when life hits you. I have learned, and I
Speaker 2: am learning in this moment. Everything that's happening is coming
Speaker 2: back because of who I am as a person. For sure,
Speaker 2: I didn't realize that, and I don't do things because
Speaker 2: of because of that. But people learned because doing this
Speaker 2: and you were like, Grace, you don't realize what you
Speaker 2: do for people. And I'm like, I'm just doing it
Speaker 2: because that's.
Speaker 1: That's who you are, who I am, that's who you are,
Speaker 1: and that's what connected me to you and drew me
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I need her in my life.
Speaker 2: I'm deads about the people who I love. There you
Speaker 2: go and you are one of them. Thank you, And
Speaker 2: we're fighting together. Make sure you put the eye in
Speaker 2: front of that and do love you. It's I love
Speaker 2: you ownership.
Speaker 1: I love you your mine. I love you your mine,
Speaker 1: your mind, and we're fighting this together.
Speaker 2: Grace, Like I did you know what I'm saying? You know,
Speaker 2: I just figured it was appropriate. And I we're black because.
Speaker 3: Only because I know once a mad girl, like I said,
Speaker 3: always a mag You're always dressed in black for you today,
Speaker 3: but low key was swimming because I could fit them again. Great, thanks, Okay,
Speaker 3: I dressed up for you today grades we were having
Speaker 3: a moment. I love it and I love you and
Speaker 3: thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 2: Thank you for having that. Absolutely if people want to
Speaker 2: find you, where can they find you? Oh man, don't
Speaker 2: come to my house. Don't come to her house don't
Speaker 2: come to mind either. A graceful artistry on Instagram that's
Speaker 2: my Makeup World and nonprofit Survivors Beauty dot Org.
Speaker 1: Survivors Beauty dot Org. That's where you can find my
Speaker 1: girl Grace. And you know where you can find us
Speaker 1: on Patreon of course if you're a subscriber, we're having
Speaker 1: lots of fun over there. See exclusive dead Ass podcasts,
Speaker 1: video content as well as more Ellis family content, and
Speaker 1: you can find us on social media at dead Ass
Speaker 1: the Podcast.
Speaker 2: You can find me at Kadeen I Am Don't forget
Speaker 2: to vow too.
Speaker 1: He's open there still, you know, on and off, but
Speaker 1: you can find them an Im Deval and if you're
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcast, we still want you to rate,
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Thank you so much for listening today,
Speaker 1: Spread the words, spread the awareness, and yeah dead adds.
Speaker 2: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and
Speaker 2: its produced by Donorapinya and Trible. Follow the podcast on
Speaker 2: social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss
Speaker 2: a Thing