Speaker 1: Scrubbing in and Tanya rat An iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, everybody,
Speaker 1: we are scrubbing. I'm back. It was a long time gone.
Speaker 2: It felt like a long time gone.
Speaker 1: It felt that way for me as well. It Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I was just saying, like when I walked in,
Speaker 1: we were talking about Phoebe, and I was saying, three
Speaker 1: weeks was just a little too much. I used to
Speaker 1: do that a lot more, but I don't think I've
Speaker 1: ever done like three weeks straight being gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it felt like you were gone for over a month.
Speaker 1: Truly almost a month though that's one more week and
Speaker 1: that would have been a month, right, that's how you
Speaker 1: put it into respect.
Speaker 2: Weeks month.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was close to that. But so we
Speaker 1: went to Majorca, Spain first, and that was kind of
Speaker 1: Haley's birthday trip and it was so amazing. I want
Speaker 1: to move there.
Speaker 2: Oh, not anytime soon. Let me tell you that.
Speaker 1: Probably not anytime soon, but one day or just like
Speaker 1: spend an extended time there.
Speaker 2: Like I feel like a vacation, you know, that would
Speaker 2: be the dream, Just a vacation Maorca.
Speaker 1: Laura happened to be in London while we were there,
Speaker 1: so she came for the first like day and a half,
Speaker 1: so that was really fuzzy her and then Marla was
Speaker 1: supposed to come but she had to work, so it
Speaker 1: ended up just being me and Haley the rest of
Speaker 1: the rest of the time, which was really fun. It
Speaker 1: was like a you know, solo vacation before she started tour,
Speaker 1: and it was like, I said, beautiful, And you know
Speaker 1: what was really fascinating is that the whole time I
Speaker 1: was in Europe and when we were in Spain, even
Speaker 1: eating anything and everything, like the best food, but I
Speaker 1: never felt sick. I never felt like my stomach hurt
Speaker 1: or anything. So got me thinking thinking, just like what
Speaker 1: we're putting into our bodies, don't I don't think about,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't really think about. But it had
Speaker 1: me thinking because I could feel it, you know, but.
Speaker 2: You felt good?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I felt good. Yeah. So then we went to
Speaker 1: Haley started her tour in Scotland and Glasgow, so we
Speaker 1: started there and then I slept on the bus twice.
Speaker 1: Not my thing, not my thing at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't sleep at all, Like I'm talking, Maybe would
Speaker 1: close my eyes and then it would be like I'd
Speaker 1: wake up and it'd be the next hour like there
Speaker 1: was never like a consistent sleep routine for me in there,
Speaker 1: but then there was like hotels the rest of the time.
Speaker 1: So I made it through. But just like the fear
Speaker 1: of not like you can't poop on the bus, so
Speaker 1: like the fear of like if something happened, like I
Speaker 1: didn't have to go, but I was like, if something happens,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to go up ask the bus.
Speaker 3: I could never you can't or you should?
Speaker 1: No, you can't.
Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's not like I'm just gonna sneak one in
Speaker 1: here because everyone will know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and.
Speaker 1: You have to throw your toilet paper away. It was
Speaker 1: just I don't I'm not a camper. I don't. I
Speaker 1: never liked going to camp as a kid. I didn't
Speaker 1: enjoy that. So it just was like this isn't for everybody,
Speaker 1: but I'm happy for you. Yeah type vibes.
Speaker 2: You know, how was it when you said goodbye to Haley?
Speaker 1: I had a very I have not It's not been great. Okay.
Speaker 2: Actually I had a lot of Scarboroughs messaging me saying
Speaker 2: we something you post on your Instagram story about like
Speaker 2: you're out a six point five the like I think
Speaker 2: on Monday we need to check in on back and
Speaker 2: see how she's doing. So I just wanted to make
Speaker 2: sure that we take a moment to check in on you,
Speaker 2: see how you're doing.
Speaker 1: It's not good. I'm not great. This has probably been
Speaker 1: the worst I've been like since we've been together. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I know, I cried so much leaving, Like
Speaker 1: it was dramatic and I couldn't Like in my mind,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this feels dramatic, but I couldn't stop.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so when do you see her again?
Speaker 1: She comes back Friday night for a few days. When
Speaker 1: it leaves for the US tour Friday, is like the
Speaker 1: days have been long, long and hard. It's also hard
Speaker 1: because she's nine hours ahead, so the time difference on
Speaker 1: top of just being gone is you know, challenging. So yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I would say six point five felt generous that I
Speaker 1: gave myself, But so.
Speaker 2: What are we feeling today?
Speaker 1: No, Like, I feel like I'm just trying to decide,
Speaker 1: like dramatically. Like dramatically, i'd say I'm like a four,
Speaker 1: but like in the grand scheme of things, i'd say
Speaker 1: I'm like a I think six point five is good. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm just booking on my days.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say, how can I help.
Speaker 1: Let's pick a day that is, Donya'm back a day
Speaker 1: or night. It's mostly the nights because like I'm alone,
Speaker 1: she's asleep. Oh just me and Phoebe. If Phoebe's in
Speaker 1: the room with me.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: But last night I haven't slept, and I was like
Speaker 1: that has been a big problem as well. I'm like
Speaker 1: half so much anxiety. I haven't slept. It's been like
Speaker 1: not well. But I took an edible, I took Oshawagonda gummies,
Speaker 1: and I took a melotone.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, make sure I.
Speaker 1: Slept, and yeah, wow, I slept very hard.
Speaker 2: The Triple Threat.
Speaker 1: I watched Miss Americana, the Taylor Swift documentary on that flat. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've seen it so many times. It's like a comfort.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I do with the her Disney plus one,
Speaker 2: the long long pond sessions.
Speaker 1: Oh, I need to put that in the road, really
Speaker 1: good to have in the back. Oh that would I
Speaker 1: might do that one tonight. So I felt like to
Speaker 1: that at like nine pm. And I woke up at
Speaker 1: like six today and I deleted all my delivery apps.
Speaker 1: That was the thing I was gonna do. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna if I want to go get something, I
Speaker 1: can but I need I can go get it, or
Speaker 1: I can get groceries and cook at home. And so
Speaker 1: today I woke up and all I wanted was to
Speaker 1: order like a cinnamon.
Speaker 2: Roll from where.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Donald's so good. No, I don't need
Speaker 1: McDonalds cinnamon rolls, but that sounds probably delicious. There's a
Speaker 1: place called Cinnaina cinnamon Yeah. Yeah, those are delicious, really good,
Speaker 1: great way to start your Monday. But I did a
Speaker 1: sugary ball. I didn't. I walked and had breakfast by
Speaker 1: myself and I had an egg white omelet. Yeah. So wow,
Speaker 1: health queen chick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited about this journey for you. I was
Speaker 2: messaging back and I said, if there's anything you ever
Speaker 2: would like me to do with you, I'm happy to
Speaker 2: do it with you. I actually had quite an experience
Speaker 2: because you know, I've been eating this way for about
Speaker 2: six months for my hashimotos. I've been gluten free, I've
Speaker 2: been caffeine free, I've been really really clean. Right, So
Speaker 2: I went to Miami this weekend for to celebrate Sofia's
Speaker 2: birthday and on Friday night we went out and it
Speaker 2: was like our big night out and we had dinner
Speaker 2: and it was kind of like already not prefixed, but
Speaker 2: ordered for you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not going to be the girl
Speaker 2: that's like is there any gluten free options? I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to let myself enjoy. It's
Speaker 2: really good Italian foods. So I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: let myself enjoy the pasta and just everything. I drank
Speaker 2: espresso martinis so fun. I when I tell you we
Speaker 2: got to the club, I was so ill. It was
Speaker 2: not drunk, it was like like so sick from the food.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm gonna have to leave, and
Speaker 2: I'm bummed because like this is our big party night
Speaker 2: for Sophia Sophia and I was like sitting on this
Speaker 2: couch and Robbie was like, do you need to go home?
Speaker 2: I'll go home with you. And I was like, and
Speaker 2: Pauline is like, you just have to throw up. You
Speaker 2: just have to throw up. I know that look in
Speaker 2: your eye. You just need to And I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm at a club in Miami when these these stalls
Speaker 2: are like not I was like, I cannot do that.
Speaker 2: I haven't done this since college. But I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I think she's right. I just felt
Speaker 2: like ill. So I go into this bathroom. Paulina brings
Speaker 2: a water bottle with her and she's like, I got you,
Speaker 2: let's go. I yack just like everything out and I
Speaker 2: felt like incredible. After I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: Like it really was just so much of what I
Speaker 2: had I wasn't used to between espresso martinis are intense
Speaker 2: and I haven't had caffeine in months. Yeah, on top
Speaker 2: of everything that I just haven't had in my system
Speaker 2: for like six months. It was and then I didn't
Speaker 2: even drink the rest of the night. I was like
Speaker 2: having the best time.
Speaker 1: Wow. She was resurrected after.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, baby, we're back.
Speaker 1: So have you had any like come down from eating that,
Speaker 1: Like did you notice your body change it all? Like?
Speaker 2: No, I really again, it was like instantly I felt
Speaker 2: so sick from it all. But since then, no, and
Speaker 2: like I went back to kind of just like my
Speaker 2: normal situation and I was I've been fine, but it
Speaker 2: was really kind of jarring to experience that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I'm happy that I'm happy that there was
Speaker 1: a turnaround for you. Yeah, there was a turn You
Speaker 1: did what you needed to do, Yeah, and continue the night.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Party.
Speaker 2: But what's so crazy is I'm like, I realize how
Speaker 2: much I I used to party like hard. And it
Speaker 2: wasn't even the out It wasn't It was not the
Speaker 2: alcohol that made me sick. It was the food. But still,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't. I can't stay up that late anymore,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? Like, I just can't
Speaker 2: stay up till four in the morning anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I don't think a lot of people can,
Speaker 1: Like at a certain age, I think we go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so.
Speaker 2: There was so many people out. I was like so
Speaker 2: impressed with just like the amount of people night life. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and even when I left, we left at like three
Speaker 2: thirty in the morning, there was still a whole bunch
Speaker 2: of people there.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I think I'm past that point in
Speaker 1: my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. It was fun for nights.
Speaker 1: It's fun for night like when we went to Vegas
Speaker 1: that one for that one night we were up super
Speaker 1: late too. Correct it was great, but like it took
Speaker 1: me a while to recover from that.
Speaker 2: I feel yeah, I'm very tired today.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And so then I flew back and I was really
Speaker 2: excited because I had my flight book during the Love
Speaker 2: Is Blind reunion.
Speaker 1: Which you did on purpose. Correct, that was a strategic decision.
Speaker 1: It fell into lace.
Speaker 3: It just kind of all a live you booked your
Speaker 3: flight to be home in time for the Love of
Speaker 3: the mill.
Speaker 2: I could watch it.
Speaker 4: In the air, Okay, Oh yeah, Wi Fi on flat
Speaker 4: planes is so choppy.
Speaker 2: Not these days really, Okay? Yeah? No, Well I thought
Speaker 2: it was me because I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: But then I was like looking at social media and
Speaker 2: saw that it was with this whole thing. So I
Speaker 2: literally was refreshing that screen my entire flight. It was
Speaker 2: such a buzzkill. I had nothing else.
Speaker 1: To watch, nothing, but you had Netflix.
Speaker 2: I had Netflix.
Speaker 3: We had a million things to watch, but I.
Speaker 2: Wanted to watch the Love Is Blind.
Speaker 3: Sound a limited number of watched.
Speaker 2: But then I was like that whole panic of I
Speaker 2: don't want to see spoilers. I want to watch it,
Speaker 2: I don't want to see spoilers. And then I saw
Speaker 2: like Claudia.
Speaker 1: Ashra, Aushray Ashre Ausri, Aushri Ashra. I don't I thought
Speaker 1: it was a but I think Timothy whatever it was,
Speaker 1: Timothy girl.
Speaker 2: With no job, posted that she was able to watch it,
Speaker 2: so like she got it last night, and so I
Speaker 2: was having a lot of fomo not knowing what was
Speaker 2: going on, not having access to it.
Speaker 1: I'm confused though, So was it a glitch in this?
Speaker 1: Like what happened?
Speaker 2: So they it was supposed to go up at like
Speaker 2: five o'clock.
Speaker 3: Okay, So this is Netflix is new thing is live events.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: They had to be Chris Rock Special live, and so
Speaker 4: they want to do more of that because all the
Speaker 4: other streaming services are doing live stuff. Apple TV's getting
Speaker 4: a live sports you know, so.
Speaker 1: It's really live. It's happening.
Speaker 2: Okay, So just PSA to streaming services if any of
Speaker 2: you listened to this podcast. I don't care about live television.
Speaker 2: I want taped and I want it on time. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't care. I've watched all their other reunions taped
Speaker 2: and they were fine and great and wonderful, and they
Speaker 2: were right on time when I needed them. So basically
Speaker 2: was supposed to go up at five, and they sent
Speaker 2: out this tweet that said, like love is late, We're
Speaker 2: getting all the kinks figured out it'll be up in
Speaker 2: like fifteen minutes. So then I just kind of sat back,
Speaker 2: waited for fifteen minutes, kept checking, kept checking, and then
Speaker 2: it just kind of kept getting pushed back. It was
Speaker 2: like two hours later, and it was like crickets, like
Speaker 2: they weren't saying anything, and then they said something like
Speaker 2: it's going to be up tomorrow at noon, meaning today
Speaker 2: at noon. But then I saw I saw Claudia posted
Speaker 2: that she was watching it, So I'm like, how are
Speaker 2: some people getting access to it and then other people
Speaker 2: are not?
Speaker 1: So you haven't seen it?
Speaker 2: No, And I already know one spoiler.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I know. I couldn't. I don't know a
Speaker 1: single thing about this season. I guess I just have
Speaker 1: a hard time with reality TV when I feel like.
Speaker 2: It's about love.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's about love, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's about like, well, the first season
Speaker 1: was so pure to me, like it felt like no
Speaker 1: one knew what to expect, and it blew up right
Speaker 1: and everyone just like got so popular on social media,
Speaker 1: kind of like how The Bachelor, but like times ten,
Speaker 1: like because it's Netflix, it's global, so like they blew up.
Speaker 1: So then anyone going on past the first season. It
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we know what this is gonna happen
Speaker 1: for our career or whatever. We liked The Bachelor, I know,
Speaker 1: but we went we social Media wasn't a thing when
Speaker 1: I went on till after, but now it is, I know.
Speaker 1: So it's the same thing. I have a hard time
Speaker 1: with The Bachelor too because of this. Don't I watch
Speaker 1: it but I'm not. I don't care because I'm like, Oh.
Speaker 3: They might be there for the wrong reasons. Just what
Speaker 3: she's trying to show, just.
Speaker 1: Saying are they saying yes because they want to? Are
Speaker 1: they saying yes because it's a money in the bank.
Speaker 2: There's two people I don't know their names. I have
Speaker 2: to look them up. Do you remember Hannah the two
Speaker 2: from last season that are still together Brent Brendan.
Speaker 1: No, Cameron and Lauren are still together from the first season.
Speaker 2: No, from last season. There's a couple that like and
Speaker 2: I knew it too. They are endgame Brennan and Alexa.
Speaker 2: Brennan and Alexa.
Speaker 1: You were very invested in them, so much that their
Speaker 1: names escape to you.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't look at labels. I just look
Speaker 2: like people like.
Speaker 1: Someone's name Okay. Anyways, so you felt like there were
Speaker 1: some like real genuine like you You didn't even feel
Speaker 1: awkward watching them interact because they felt meant to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's one couple that I like, I think are
Speaker 2: good this season, and the rest of them I think
Speaker 2: are not so good. Okay, So I'm really excited about
Speaker 2: the reunion because I'm excited to see where they all
Speaker 2: stand now.
Speaker 1: So you like you like the kind of like messiness
Speaker 1: chaos of it all too, like you're entertained by.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm entertained by. But you know what's so funny
Speaker 2: is so I'm still We got back from our flight
Speaker 2: and I still couldn't get it on Netflix. Ad come
Speaker 2: and so Robbie goes, did you watch the Love the
Speaker 2: Love Island UK Reunion? And I was like no? So
Speaker 2: then we watched the Love and Season nine reunion last
Speaker 2: night instead.
Speaker 1: I tried to start that up again yesterday.
Speaker 2: That is a great activity for you.
Speaker 1: Yes, but you know what, I realize that I don't
Speaker 1: know what part of the show this is on. This
Speaker 1: might still be the first thing, but like new people
Speaker 1: will come in and just say who they want to
Speaker 1: pair up with, and even if they're in a couple,
Speaker 1: they have to go with them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's all about exploring.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like that.
Speaker 2: No, it's good.
Speaker 1: But can the person say no?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Huh oh so yeah, yeah you can say no.
Speaker 1: You can say Ron could have said no, oh yes,
Speaker 1: exactly exactly. I would be the most unhinged personal not
Speaker 1: show no.
Speaker 2: But people do say no, like you Usually if they're
Speaker 2: like really early days, they'll be open to it and
Speaker 2: they'll go. But a lot like Tommy and Molly, Like
Speaker 2: Tommy was like, no, that's my girl.
Speaker 1: How soon did they hook up? Like how long did
Speaker 1: the house fast? Did they? Because I like Ron and
Speaker 1: Lana together.
Speaker 2: Right until he did that. Just wait, it gets worse.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know that he could say no. So
Speaker 1: now I'm like, you can't say dang, that's yeah. I
Speaker 1: would not I would not do well.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So anyways, I'll report back on the uh Love
Speaker 2: is Blind. Maybe I'll take.
Speaker 1: That under my wing and start it today that we're actually.
Speaker 2: Trying to get Chelsea and Kwame on on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I know who that is, but I can't wait to
Speaker 1: know who they are. Yeah wait, I think I do
Speaker 1: know who Kwame is because I saw a video of
Speaker 1: him riding a bull. Yeah, I didn't like it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's sketched me. Okay, sketch Yeah, but I don't
Speaker 2: want to like pollute your goin. I'll go in as
Speaker 2: the purest and I go in with your walls down.
Speaker 1: I had a significant revelation on my trip or like
Speaker 1: after my well after my time with Haley. When I
Speaker 1: got home. We talked about it, but I figured we
Speaker 1: could take a break and I could come back and
Speaker 1: talk about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, we're back.
Speaker 1: So after I okay, my whole life and I feel
Speaker 1: like we've even talked about this on the podcast when
Speaker 1: we talk about attachment styles.
Speaker 2: Attachment styles, let's lean back for this one. This feel
Speaker 2: this is a therapy session and I'm into it.
Speaker 1: I don't know how therapeutic it'll be for anybody. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be therapeutic, but I think it's a realization I
Speaker 1: had so my whole life when it came to attachment style.
Speaker 1: So there's a void it, there's anxious, there's uh disorganized,
Speaker 1: and there's another Some people's safe someone else and then
Speaker 1: their security secure. Yeah, but sometimes the disorganized is like
Speaker 1: a worded differently. But anyways, I've always been avoidant my
Speaker 1: whole life. I in every relationship, romantic, any type of friendship, whatever,
Speaker 1: just kind of like if there's confrontation, just like avoid it.
Speaker 1: We don't need to talk about it, sleep it under
Speaker 1: the rug. I don't care. Shut down. That's been my personality.
Speaker 1: So I think that in life, and since I've dated Haley,
Speaker 1: I've had certain people who are like close to me,
Speaker 1: I guess, shut down emotionally for me, of like being
Speaker 1: there for me and there. And so I think in
Speaker 1: my relationship with Haley, I think that I've had this
Speaker 1: switch from avoidant to anxious. Yes, because in my mind,
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, if people that I feel like are
Speaker 1: suppose to be there for me and support me and
Speaker 1: like emotionally be there for me are able to shut down,
Speaker 1: then so like why wouldn't she at some point, like
Speaker 1: why wouldn't she be able to like walk away or
Speaker 1: leave me or abandon me emotionally. So I've gone into
Speaker 1: this like from avoidant to anxious, which is a very
Speaker 1: you don't want to go in that direction.
Speaker 2: No, And also going from avoidant to anxious is like
Speaker 2: even worse, I feel, because avoidant you're just.
Speaker 1: Like h yeah, well yeah, yeah, it's worse. But also
Speaker 1: I'm still kind of have both, Like I kind of
Speaker 1: am like I shut down, but I'm anxious about it.
Speaker 1: I'm not able to just like shut down and like
Speaker 1: block it off. So it's like I've got both. The
Speaker 1: goal when you're anxious or avoidant is to get to
Speaker 1: a place where you're secure. So I thought with therapy
Speaker 1: from avoidant, I would go to secure. So this new
Speaker 1: realization has been good for me because it's now I
Speaker 1: can be like, Okay, I can work on like you
Speaker 1: know you can. You can grow with these things. It's
Speaker 1: not like permanent, but it was interesting.
Speaker 4: But doesn't don't those styles change throughout the years, Like,
Speaker 4: for example, you were avoidant because maybe that wasn't the one.
Speaker 4: Maybe you're anxious now because you're so in love. Maybe
Speaker 4: twenty years from now you'll be secure because there's so
Speaker 4: much behind you.
Speaker 3: Like doesn't it evolve?
Speaker 1: Maybe, But like twenty years for me to be anxious
Speaker 1: until I finally feel the caure is not good to
Speaker 1: think about. Yeah, I don't want to be anxious.
Speaker 2: I long for the day that I may be securely attached.
Speaker 2: I look at it with a hopeful heart for myself
Speaker 2: someday that maybe.
Speaker 4: Maybe the marriage or maybe engagement, maybe it's that lifelong commitment, right,
Speaker 4: maybe it turns it into secure attests.
Speaker 2: You know what's interesting actually, as vanessla Shay because I
Speaker 2: have got on my mind, Vanessa Hudgens was just talking
Speaker 2: about how she feels a sense of security now that
Speaker 2: she's engaged, and I was like, I've maybe that is
Speaker 2: the ticket. Maybe it isn't the form of like a
Speaker 2: lifelong commitment, but the way I see it is like,
Speaker 2: even if you're engaged, that's not there's nothing promised. People
Speaker 2: could divorce people, you know, Like that's my mind.
Speaker 3: There's no ring that doesn't just happen.
Speaker 4: Like I feel like, I feel like I was anxious
Speaker 4: before I got married, and I know that I'm secure now.
Speaker 4: And I don't know at what point that switch flipped,
Speaker 4: but I do think that happens.
Speaker 3: I think that comes with the territory.
Speaker 4: I mean, you're gonna get anxious if you feel things
Speaker 4: aren't going well, if you think the marriage is falling apart.
Speaker 4: The anxiety will come back, of course, but I think
Speaker 4: the secure comes in once you make the lifelong, mutual commitment.
Speaker 5: Bless that day the hurdle of finding a judge in
Speaker 5: an attorney to dissolve the relationship. Well, it makes me
Speaker 5: more secure, Like, if this person wants to leave, they
Speaker 5: got a file paper, they can't just say that's true.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of hurdles. They got a real contract.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why I look forward to that, that moment in
Speaker 2: my life when that shift happens. I see it. I
Speaker 2: do see it coming for me.
Speaker 1: I see it coming for you too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I do feel like my anxious attachment has gotten
Speaker 2: better in my relationship with Robbie than it has been
Speaker 2: in the past, but it's definitely still there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't feel like you. I think there are
Speaker 1: certain things where you're that maybe you struggle with, but
Speaker 1: I don't feel like the anxiety that I once felt
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much. So I do feel that
Speaker 2: shift as well in myself.
Speaker 1: Great. So, yeah, maybe it's not just a ring or marriage,
Speaker 1: but we're so hopeful we want that. Yeah, we're looking
Speaker 1: for that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're just really hopeful for the future.
Speaker 1: I did listen to your episode with Robbie. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was dying at you going to the bathroom
Speaker 1: in front of him and him talking about the like
Speaker 1: blank like stare on you know that look right. No,
Speaker 1: I've never watched you.
Speaker 2: Poo No, I know, but like that look of like
Speaker 2: get like, hey, get out, I have to. I didn't
Speaker 2: want to tell him what I was doing. I just didn't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't. By the way, it's very exciting for me,
Speaker 2: you know, like I have bathroom issues.
Speaker 1: So that was like I was.
Speaker 2: It was such a juxtaposition of emotions because on one hand,
Speaker 2: I was very thrilled for myself that it was just happening, yeah,
Speaker 2: and freaked out because he was in the bathroom with me.
Speaker 1: I'm stressed about the usage of slipped out. So yeah.
Speaker 1: But I also got this theory that Robbie can't smell.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I will say, no, his sinuses are whack,
Speaker 2: like he's got some sinus issues and like, and I've
Speaker 2: tested this theory before because I like, actually let some
Speaker 2: farts slip, and he doesn't smell a thing about something
Speaker 2: he was He was.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I didn't smell it. I'm like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think you can smell.
Speaker 2: The Lord blessed me with a boyfriend who can't sell you.
Speaker 1: Remember what you said, The Lord works mysterious way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's one of them right there, And that was.
Speaker 4: A tree a question, And I'm sorry I was in
Speaker 4: here last week. I'm sorry I missed that episode. But
Speaker 4: I thought you weren't going to be using the bathroom
Speaker 4: in front of partners moving forward.
Speaker 1: I thought that was a new rule was still in place.
Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning in, Mark, But it accidentally happened.
Speaker 3: No, I understand that. I get that it sneaked out,
Speaker 3: but you're still going Toumber one front.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we pee in front of each other.
Speaker 3: But why, why? Why? I thought that? I thought that
Speaker 3: was also off the.
Speaker 2: Tabe pings, Ping's nothing, Ping's treat the eyes too.
Speaker 3: I don't think it is my.
Speaker 4: Mike, Mike the marriage I'm involved with the relationship I'm with.
Speaker 4: There's no there's no waste release in front of the partner.
Speaker 2: Oh interesting, No, we pee in front of each other.
Speaker 2: That's not a thing that.
Speaker 5: Not only is it not happening in front of us,
Speaker 5: it's not even mentioned. Right, there's a lot of going
Speaker 5: in the bathroom to wash my hands.
Speaker 1: Wow, really, you really keeping mysterious?
Speaker 2: I p in front of Becca to me, Yeah, but
Speaker 2: with Haley, we will be in front of each other.
Speaker 1: But I like my private I mean, I just like
Speaker 1: we could closed door situation. There's no open door policy,
Speaker 1: and like if we're at a let's say we're at
Speaker 1: a restaurant or something and there's a one like a
Speaker 1: one person stall, she and I will go in together
Speaker 1: just like pee at the same time somewhere.
Speaker 2: Just that's weird.
Speaker 1: Really, See I don't think that's weird. Oh oh I
Speaker 1: do have my friends too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we it's not like.
Speaker 2: Open door policy. But we were like getting ready to
Speaker 2: go on a flight, so it was like pee, brush
Speaker 2: your teeth, pat Like, so.
Speaker 3: There's one bathroom in the house for.
Speaker 2: Us, oh the kids were for us. Yeah, one bathroom. Right,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of stuff happening.
Speaker 3: I think in that scenario I would have.
Speaker 4: Excuse myself or excuse my wife in that scenario, especially
Speaker 4: if there was any chance I had won.
Speaker 3: In the chamber.
Speaker 1: Too, there was like it was a it was the
Speaker 1: amount of time that was spent, like he was looking
Speaker 1: at her and like analyzing.
Speaker 2: Her facially, Like there was a lot times and that
Speaker 2: was just like this.
Speaker 1: And he was brushing his teeth during this time. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's stressful. Yeah, it's all very stress Yet I would
Speaker 1: say Hey, I don't want to give too many details,
Speaker 1: but I need you to leave. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we did come up with this thing. It's
Speaker 2: called business call. Likely I got to go a business call, yeah,
Speaker 2: and that would be like I have to go to
Speaker 2: use the restroom, but what.
Speaker 1: About an emergency business call has come through exit?
Speaker 2: You know Hindsight's twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But it is funny because when when we were
Speaker 2: in Cabo, I was I texted Becca. I was listening
Speaker 2: to this audiobook that she's been telling me to listen to,
Speaker 2: The Untethered Soul, and we didn't tell a story on
Speaker 2: the podcast. When Robbie was here, I forgot about it. It
Speaker 2: was so funny because we're like laying out and he's
Speaker 2: on like the chair behind me, and I'm like in
Speaker 2: the chair that's like in the pool, and I have
Speaker 2: my earbuds in and all of a sudden, he just
Speaker 2: hears me going, yeah, yeah, that's good. Oh, Like I'm
Speaker 2: like the you know, as I'm listening to these revelations
Speaker 2: from the book, and he's like, didn't know I was
Speaker 2: listening to He's like, Babe, what's going on. I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm not centered makes sense now, Like I was having
Speaker 2: all these like like making verbal noises to the audiobook
Speaker 2: that I was listening to in my ears, and then
Speaker 2: I texted back and I was like, wow, this book.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: So you're just like a I have.
Speaker 2: An untethered soul adjacent I'm not quite there yet.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so you have an untethered just like
Speaker 1: dialogue with yourself out loud.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it really brought up these interesting points that
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: I need to keep reading it. Maybe do you listen?
Speaker 1: Have you found listening to the audiobook is good? Like
Speaker 1: do you like that version or do you wish you
Speaker 1: were reading it?
Speaker 2: I like to do both. When when I buy a pool,
Speaker 2: I don't enjoy getting like books all sweaty and like gross,
Speaker 2: So I like audiobooks when I'm like out, but I
Speaker 2: prefer books like in bed.
Speaker 1: Okay, good to know because I was like, I need
Speaker 1: to I really need to continue reading it. Yeah, everybody
Speaker 1: you want.
Speaker 2: To pick that book up and give it a whirl.
Speaker 1: I've heard of that life like I've literally heard people
Speaker 1: say it's changed our life. So I'm it changed a
Speaker 1: portion of my life. Did you finish it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: But That's what I'm saying. Like I've only listened to
Speaker 2: a couple of chapters and man, you don't even recognize
Speaker 2: me anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like she felt it all did. Okay, So
Speaker 1: you brought up Vanessa Hudgens talking about being secure and
Speaker 1: just this morning we have discovered that Zac Efron followed
Speaker 1: Vanessa Hudgens on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Are you sure about this as it's been confirmed?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a screenshot of it who he follows? But
Speaker 1: do you want to are you gonna check?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna follow this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like she's engaged, she's moved on, But it's.
Speaker 2: Always interesting Vanessa Hudgens what she does not follow him back?
Speaker 1: Oh? Do you think he was like reliving memories or
Speaker 1: like watched maybe a TikTok montage when they were together.
Speaker 2: And I'm convinced this has something to do with high
Speaker 2: school methics, musical high school musical? Are they're working on
Speaker 2: something together? This isn't just some like Willia Nilly follow.
Speaker 1: Well, she didn't follow him.
Speaker 3: So something you're saying publicity stunt? Yeah, isn't that fun?
Speaker 3: Isn't that? Isn't that a crazy world they live in?
Speaker 4: Like can you imagine if you followed someone who became
Speaker 4: headline news.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, you had like thee a relationship like that
Speaker 1: that was like so people were so obsessed with it,
Speaker 1: and then you had this like very public breakup and
Speaker 1: then followed that person.
Speaker 5: I mean, I dream of having a headline that says,
Speaker 5: Eastern Allen has unfollowed RBS breaking news.
Speaker 3: Something like that's never going to happen. Then they come up, yeah,
Speaker 3: you ever knows.
Speaker 1: And then also Sean Mendez and Camila Cabeo spotted making
Speaker 1: out at Coachella.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because of them got that photo, by the way,
Speaker 4: one of them kissing.
Speaker 3: The whole thing.
Speaker 2: He Ronnie got the photo of them like interacting, not
Speaker 2: the video of them kissing.
Speaker 1: It's a video, well video slash photo.
Speaker 3: Well whatever kiss was there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because yeah, Ronnie got a video he put he
Speaker 2: put in our kiss I group chat. There's this picture
Speaker 2: that he got of Camila and Sean like talking to
Speaker 2: each other, like very closely. And he was kind of
Speaker 2: going through the debate of like do I post this,
Speaker 2: do I not post this? Do I post this? Do
Speaker 2: I not post this? And then that photo that he
Speaker 2: posted kind of got picked up by all these outlets,
Speaker 2: and then later on somebody got video of them like kissing.
Speaker 1: I'm shocked, are you yes?
Speaker 2: Yes? Why what's shocking?
Speaker 3: You're the one that has.
Speaker 1: Solve them never lasting. So I'm like, I can't believe
Speaker 1: this reunion.
Speaker 3: I think they're still never lasting.
Speaker 1: Tanya, I mean, yeah, maybe it means nothing. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to like having it. I know, I'm not I
Speaker 1: don't even think they'll get back together and have a relationship.
Speaker 2: But our apparently are back together. It's not yours, but yeah,
Speaker 2: she said to paparazzi. But it was very like passerby
Speaker 2: because the paparazzi said like well. The paparazzi said like,
Speaker 2: are you guys back together? And she was not even
Speaker 2: looking at him. She was like talking to her friend
Speaker 2: and she was like yes. I was like, is that
Speaker 2: your friend.
Speaker 1: I'm like she could just be like yeah, like leave
Speaker 1: me alone. It means nothing.
Speaker 2: I just think, like, you don't make out at Coachella
Speaker 2: unless you want to be seen making out at Coachella.
Speaker 1: No, I agree one thousand percent, but yeah, And a
Speaker 1: lot of people are asking my thoughts about Joe and
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift if I had a feeling about them.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I know that. You know what's so crazy
Speaker 2: is that we didn't even ask you about them because
Speaker 2: we thought they were They're not like.
Speaker 1: A like people know, but people don't like they're not.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: No, no, yeah, that one was. It was fuzzy. It's fuzzy.
Speaker 1: My feeling on them was fuzzy. Oh so you couldn't
Speaker 1: get like I've been breaking up. I'm not like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm shocked because I don't think we knew
Speaker 1: a lot. We had no information on their relationship in general.
Speaker 1: But you know how I feel about I just want
Speaker 1: Taylor to be happy.
Speaker 2: I I just like, I just wanted to be happy.
Speaker 1: If she's happy with him, I want her to be
Speaker 1: with him, and she's happy without him. I'm happy for
Speaker 1: her without him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we never got your take on it because you
Speaker 2: were gone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gone. Were you sad She's sad? I'm sad.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I don't like that's what that's the feeling.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't feel shocked. I was just kind
Speaker 1: of like, oh wow, very sagittarius of you.
Speaker 2: Why they just kind of adapt other emotions.
Speaker 1: Well when it's like the hero of our generation Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: Then yeah, I want her to feel whatever she wants
Speaker 1: to feel, and I'm on board with her.
Speaker 2: You see her stepping out for her first like solo
Speaker 2: night in those butterfly pants.
Speaker 1: I sure did thought of you. I wonder where those
Speaker 1: are from.
Speaker 2: They're sold out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you got on that quick, real quick.
Speaker 2: I was like, my girl, Taylor's going through a rebirth.
Speaker 1: I I know what my thought process was when this
Speaker 1: happened is that we don't know anything, whether it was
Speaker 1: him or her or whatever. But either way, breaking up
Speaker 1: is so hard, whether you're the one to initiate it
Speaker 1: or you're the one who gets broken up with. And
Speaker 1: the fact that.
Speaker 2: She just has harder when you're the one broken up with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but still like to get out on the stage
Speaker 1: and like sing, you know, like be on every night
Speaker 1: after night. That's a lot for someone to do. And
Speaker 1: I mean she's a business woman, she's gonna do it too,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: But that's a difference between a professional and an amateur.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, because that is hard.
Speaker 2: I remember I had I did my Modern Woman workshop
Speaker 2: the day the day after robbing, and I broke up
Speaker 2: and I was like, how am I just gonna like
Speaker 2: be fine during this thing. I have to like talk
Speaker 2: and engage, and I'm like I can't even like stop
Speaker 2: crying for five seconds. Yeah, I had to put my
Speaker 2: face in a bowl of ice stop myself from crying.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, she is a professional and she knows what
Speaker 1: she's doing. She's got a good team around her.
Speaker 4: How do you feel about her doing different songs in
Speaker 4: each tour stop and then hope and not repeat anything,
Speaker 4: because to me, that's stressful. She she's like, oh I
Speaker 4: don't get to see that one because by the times
Speaker 4: you get to La, She's gonna do a lot.
Speaker 3: Of different songs.
Speaker 1: My favorite moments that I've seen of her when she
Speaker 1: kind of like messes up or does like you know,
Speaker 1: something's not working and she's just like, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: I love seeing because I think when I think of
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, I'm like, she's just this like bigger than life,
Speaker 1: like has everything lined up, like there could how could
Speaker 1: there be a mistake at that level? But it's like
Speaker 1: I like how she handles it. She's very just like human. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which she is a human, I get it, But.
Speaker 2: I do feel personally attacked that she swapped out in
Speaker 2: Visible Strength for the one.
Speaker 1: Yeah that I was wondering how you were navigating those.
Speaker 2: Not summer thrilled about it, but I get it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because that song was like very obviously about Joe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you have.
Speaker 4: A friend who wants to hear Clean in the LA shows.
Speaker 4: So she checks nervous, she wants to hear peace, oh piece.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, Claudia. Every day she checks, let's to make
Speaker 2: sure she hasn't sung piece yet.
Speaker 1: I am gonna be sad when if I'm not there
Speaker 1: when I know she's gonna do out of the Woods
Speaker 1: on the piano and I just know it, and she
Speaker 1: did a Grammy performance of it, and it's one of
Speaker 1: my favorite songs she's ever done. And I just I
Speaker 1: know she's gonna do it, and I don't know where,
Speaker 1: but I hope it's if I go to a show,
Speaker 1: I hope it's aid that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess you kind of just have to
Speaker 1: go in being like it is what it is. It is.
Speaker 1: I have no control.
Speaker 2: Such is life, you know, such is life. You can't
Speaker 2: control what happens. You just control your reaction.
Speaker 1: When I realize this thing about the attachment styles, I
Speaker 1: was listening to a podcast on it, and she was saying,
Speaker 1: this woman was saying, she was talking about how you
Speaker 1: like regulate your nervous system and how that's what gets
Speaker 1: out of like when we start overthinking, our nervous system
Speaker 1: gets so anxious. But she was saying, a lot of
Speaker 1: times someone might think that you're wanting to control them,
Speaker 1: but it's not that you want to control them. It's
Speaker 1: that you want to feel in control. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's so you're not trying. It's not that you're trying
Speaker 1: to control someone else. You just want to feel like
Speaker 1: you're in control, which is a big difference of that issue,
Speaker 1: because like I feel like sometimes when I don't feel
Speaker 1: in control, that's what I panic about, and it can
Speaker 1: come across of like I'm trying to control something when
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't feel safe, so I want
Speaker 1: to feel in control.
Speaker 4: Right, The person being controlled might be very offended by
Speaker 4: That was always not about them.
Speaker 1: At all, just about yeah, that's good stuff, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. I didn't It wasn't me. I think we
Speaker 1: are going to take a break and come back. Really,
Speaker 1: I was reading over them last night, so we'll be
Speaker 1: back with some tough emails, all right, we are back,
Speaker 1: and yeah, we have some intense emails today, so Mark,
Speaker 1: you take it away.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Becker.
Speaker 4: They're both anonymous, and this first one says I recently
Speaker 4: won on a cruise for a girl's trip. We quickly
Speaker 4: became friends with lots of new people. One thing led
Speaker 4: to another, and I made a really great connection with
Speaker 4: a guy.
Speaker 3: But I'm married.
Speaker 4: I've been married a year, and I'm afraid that I settled.
Speaker 4: I've been unhappy for a while, but my husband has
Speaker 4: no idea and this will completely blindside him. On the cruise,
Speaker 4: I did end up hooking up with this new guy,
Speaker 4: and we've remained in contact and could really make this work.
Speaker 4: I want to ask for a divorce, but I'm conflicted
Speaker 4: on how I should tell him. Does he need to
Speaker 4: know the whole truth or do I protect him and
Speaker 4: just explain to him about how unhappy I've been.
Speaker 1: First of all, you remember how he said that arene
Speaker 1: or marriage really makes you feel safe here?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Ming ming ming Ming, ming ming ming.
Speaker 1: I was shocked at the end of this, you know,
Speaker 1: because I wasn't expecting the question to be so like
Speaker 1: cut throat.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh right, I thought she was gonna
Speaker 2: be like, should I stay with my husband or do
Speaker 2: I pursue this guy? And now she's like, no, I'm
Speaker 2: going to pursue this guy, but what do I.
Speaker 1: Do with my huse He's like, DONIA tell him or not?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I absolutely think you should have a very honest conversation
Speaker 1: with your husband.
Speaker 4: I think that you need to slow down here, though,
Speaker 4: don't you think no?
Speaker 2: No, oh, she feels like she's settled.
Speaker 4: Okay, but do you owe to him to give this
Speaker 4: something of a shot, Like, I know this bright and shiny,
Speaker 4: happy new thing is exciting right now, but you are married.
Speaker 4: I feel like you owe something to your partner.
Speaker 2: There, she owes the truth. I do think she should
Speaker 2: tell him what happened, but maybe if she tells him
Speaker 2: what happened, he might want a divorce.
Speaker 1: I think the first step here is at least slowing
Speaker 1: down to have the conversation, and I think it should
Speaker 1: be a very honest conversation. I don't think you do
Speaker 1: him any favors protecting him by not telling the full
Speaker 1: truth of what happened. I think you need to take
Speaker 1: accountability for your actions, and if you want to leave
Speaker 1: this marriage and be with this person, then you need
Speaker 1: to be, you know, just as honest and upfront with
Speaker 1: your feelings and tell him what happened, because I don't
Speaker 1: think that it's fair to think that you're protecting him
Speaker 1: by just saying you're you're unhappy and want to leave.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's fair.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, But how much of this is this
Speaker 4: other guy? Did she feel like she was settling before
Speaker 4: she met this other guy? Does she wanted divorce before
Speaker 4: she met this other guy. I'm worried that this bright
Speaker 4: show on a new thing is causing her a warped
Speaker 4: view of her marriage, which may not be that bad,
Speaker 4: and he may be.
Speaker 3: A good guy.
Speaker 1: Well let him just I mean, I think at this
Speaker 1: point it's up to the husband's decision to be like,
Speaker 1: she cheated. Yeah, she cheated. No matter what way you
Speaker 1: slice the cake, she cheated. So I think that that's
Speaker 1: the first conversation is saying like, hey, I went on
Speaker 1: this vacation, I had a connection with someone else, and
Speaker 1: you know, maybe they've had conversations about her being unhappy.
Speaker 1: I don't, we don't know that. I don't think she's
Speaker 1: she said, I've been unhappy for a while. Oh, he
Speaker 1: has no idea so he's shucked.
Speaker 2: That's interesting because that is a problem if you've been
Speaker 2: unhappy for a while and your husband has no idea.
Speaker 2: That I think is a problem. I feel like there's
Speaker 2: something that women take on. We want to try and
Speaker 2: protect either like the guy or the other person, and
Speaker 2: so we like take all of this on and we
Speaker 2: don't want to share our feelings or share how things
Speaker 2: are affecting us until we bottle it up, and that
Speaker 2: makes you unhappy, when really, if you communicate and you
Speaker 2: let those feelings out, maybe you can prevent all this
Speaker 2: because then maybe you won't be unhappy in your marriage.
Speaker 1: But part of me, I'm thinking about to what Mark
Speaker 1: said about how did she is she really unhappy or
Speaker 1: did she have a connection, and go, I don't have
Speaker 1: that with my husband. I'm settling because like I don't
Speaker 1: have this like exciting rush of emotions, and like I
Speaker 1: feel like when people meet in especially on a vacation,
Speaker 1: you're on a cruise, you're like relaxed, and then you
Speaker 1: have a connection. It also feels like exciting and like
Speaker 1: dangerous because you're doing something that you're not supposed to do.
Speaker 1: You know, It's like, are these feelings once you get
Speaker 1: back to real life with this new guy. Is it
Speaker 1: going to be as magical as you've put in your
Speaker 1: head that it is that you've like left your marriage.
Speaker 2: For I have a feeling that she might tell him
Speaker 2: about the infidelity and he might want the divorce.
Speaker 3: Maybe.
Speaker 4: But men and women cheat for different reasons, right, Men
Speaker 4: cheat because they're for sexual reasons, for lustful reasons. I
Speaker 4: feel like women cheat because they're not getting something they
Speaker 4: need from their husband. Emotional could be physically whatever, but
Speaker 4: men she physical reasons. I feel like women sheet more
Speaker 4: for emotional reasons. Yeah, if my wife told me that
Speaker 4: she was developing feelings for someone else, I'd try to
Speaker 4: figure out what I was not giving her, what I
Speaker 4: can do more to make her happy, because clearly she's
Speaker 4: not happy. I would try to fix it. If I
Speaker 4: were this guy, I wouldn't say goodbye. It's only been
Speaker 4: a year, so we'll see, but I would try to
Speaker 4: fix it if I were him. If you want out,
Speaker 4: you're just gonna have to do it because he may not.
Speaker 1: And my other thought is she's like we've been I've
Speaker 1: been in contact with this guy and could really make
Speaker 1: it work. What if he's kind of like that was
Speaker 1: just a vacation flling and I'm not trying to have
Speaker 1: anything serious.
Speaker 3: I think there's a good chance of thating.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that she needs to base her decision
Speaker 2: on her marriage, not based on this guy at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. I think she needs to like make
Speaker 1: a decision that she what she wants out of life
Speaker 1: and not and not not based this guy. And also
Speaker 1: I think you are upfront and tell your husband the
Speaker 1: whole truth, because I think you've, you know, broken the
Speaker 1: promise of you're married to him, So you've broken that trust.
Speaker 1: So I think it's to even be able to leave
Speaker 1: with like a good conscious you need to tell him
Speaker 1: what happened.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you got to remember all the things that
Speaker 4: made you want to spend the rest of your life
Speaker 4: with this person, all the way back in twenty twenty two,
Speaker 4: you know, all the way back that was not that
Speaker 4: long ago, that you've decided to spend your entire life
Speaker 4: with this guy.
Speaker 3: He's got to have some good qualities. There's got to
Speaker 3: be something there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't have enough information.
Speaker 4: Why why don't you know about that married you do
Speaker 4: rush into these days? No evidence of that is Yes,
Speaker 4: I think we have to assume that there are good
Speaker 4: reasons for this marriage.
Speaker 2: Correct. We don't know what this marriage. But I do
Speaker 2: think a lot of people rush into marriage because it's
Speaker 2: just the right time, it's what they're supposed to do.
Speaker 2: People get scared, they don't want to get older, they
Speaker 2: want having babies. I think there's a lot of reasons
Speaker 2: that people get married that are not for the right reasons.
Speaker 1: Or they say yes and then it gets to the
Speaker 1: wedding and they're like, I'm not I'm not sure I
Speaker 1: want this, but there's so much done already I can't leave.
Speaker 1: So we don't know enough details of the situation, but
Speaker 1: I think you need to have the whole The question
Speaker 1: was does he need to know the whole truth? And
Speaker 1: my opinion is yes, Yeah, all right.
Speaker 4: Next to an anonymous long time listener, I'd love to
Speaker 4: get some advice in a situation with my ex. We
Speaker 4: dated almost ten years, got engaged in year nine.
Speaker 3: He has a long.
Speaker 4: History of cheating, both physically and emotionally. I knew of
Speaker 4: most of it during the relationship, but often was made
Speaker 4: to feel like I'm crazy or making something out of nothing.
Speaker 3: Well, some of it came out after I broke off
Speaker 3: our engagement as well.
Speaker 4: I went through a very very dark period after as
Speaker 4: I still thought he was the love of my life.
Speaker 4: Fast forward to now, it's been about a year and
Speaker 4: a half after I broke it off.
Speaker 3: We are still in each other's lives.
Speaker 4: We are finally able to speak without wanting to kill
Speaker 4: each other and somewhat rekindling things.
Speaker 3: I've been in therapy, so is he.
Speaker 4: He's starting to go to church, which is wild, and
Speaker 4: doing Bible study to make him a better man his words.
Speaker 4: He's taken a lot of accountability and seems like he's
Speaker 4: done a lot of growing where discovering the possibility of
Speaker 4: trying things again. I'm very aware of my worth now
Speaker 4: and require that we go to therapy together and take
Speaker 4: this very slow. However, he isn't putting that much effort,
Speaker 4: in my opinion, and I'm the one driving the conversation
Speaker 4: of what are we doing. We've hung out, we've talked.
Speaker 4: I feel like we're way past the talking stage and
Speaker 4: more of the let's dive in and see if we
Speaker 4: can do this stage. But maybe I'm wrong in rushing
Speaker 4: that portion, or am I just being dumb altogether?
Speaker 3: Please help me.
Speaker 1: I think nine years of being able to cheat physically
Speaker 1: and emotionally on someone that's you know how Tonia talks
Speaker 1: about character.
Speaker 2: He is that's a character flaw. It's a character flaw
Speaker 2: for sure. And I think I'm just going to say this.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes because we invest so much time into somebody,
Speaker 2: we let that cloud our judgment because you don't want
Speaker 2: to feel like you wasted ten years of your life
Speaker 2: on somebody that isn't going to be in your life forever.
Speaker 2: And I think sometimes we let that time cloud are
Speaker 2: actual judgment on this person, and I think you lose
Speaker 2: You're not seeing the forest through the trees. Does that
Speaker 2: make sense? So like you're so attached to the fact that, oh,
Speaker 2: I've been dating this person for ten years, but marriage
Speaker 2: is what it is, and it's nature is your lifetime.
Speaker 2: So it's like, yes, maybe you waste it. I don't
Speaker 2: even consider it wasted because you obviously learned a lot.
Speaker 2: But like ten years on this person, it's okay because
Speaker 2: you still have so much of your life ahead of
Speaker 2: your ahead of you, and I think that you can
Speaker 2: find somebody that's not making you question all these things.
Speaker 2: And I do think I will say it. I do
Speaker 2: think that cheating does prove a part of character, and
Speaker 2: I think character is one of the most important things
Speaker 2: when you're in a relationship.
Speaker 1: And I do think. I think people can change and grow,
Speaker 1: and I think you can become a better person. But
Speaker 1: I also think you've done so much work on yourself,
Speaker 1: and you even said like you have discovered your worth.
Speaker 1: And I think that if you've gotten to that place
Speaker 1: and you've been able to live without him, I think
Speaker 1: you move on and like and find someone who isn't
Speaker 1: going to make you question or like immediately need to
Speaker 1: get into therapy with because you need to feel like
Speaker 1: you can trust him. Like, I think you should be
Speaker 1: able to feel safe in a relationship, and I don't
Speaker 1: think you've had that for ten years. So I think
Speaker 1: you give yourself the gift of moving on from this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know it's hard because.
Speaker 1: You invest so much time and you grow with someone,
Speaker 1: But I think that you have found your worth and
Speaker 1: who you are as an individual, and I think you
Speaker 1: allow her to experience a love that you deserve.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. Give out. Yeah, I don't Yeah,
Speaker 3: give out. Yeah, it's all bad. It's all bad, and
Speaker 3: you've got to eat somebody else. Wait, till you.
Speaker 4: Find out what the life your life is like when
Speaker 4: you date someone else. Yeah, it's really going to be
Speaker 4: lovely for you. He's going to be a better person.
Speaker 4: Let him be a better person another person.
Speaker 1: Exactly. It's like you're meant to be, but not made
Speaker 1: to last.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, say it again.
Speaker 1: Meant to be, not made to last?
Speaker 2: Twenty three three.
Speaker 1: All right, we have a podcast this Thursday. We are
Speaker 1: interviewing Jason Murray Smith. She is an influencer podcaster. I
Speaker 1: love her. She's one of my favorite people to follow
Speaker 1: on social media, and we're gonna sit down and chat
Speaker 1: with her for Thursday's episodes. So we'll be back on Thursday.
Speaker 1: Hee bye.