WEBVTT - A Life Changing Grunt

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<v Speaker 1>Scrubbing in and Tanya rat An iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>we are scrubbing. I'm back. It was a long time gone.

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<v Speaker 2>It felt like a long time gone.

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<v Speaker 1>It felt that way for me as well. It Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>like I was just saying, like when I walked in,

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<v Speaker 1>we were talking about Phoebe, and I was saying, three

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<v Speaker 1>weeks was just a little too much. I used to

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<v Speaker 1>do that a lot more, but I don't think I've

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<v Speaker 1>ever done like three weeks straight being gone.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it felt like you were gone for over a month.

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<v Speaker 1>Truly almost a month though that's one more week and

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<v Speaker 1>that would have been a month, right, that's how you

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<v Speaker 1>put it into respect.

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<v Speaker 2>Weeks month.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I was close to that. But so we

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<v Speaker 1>went to Majorca, Spain first, and that was kind of

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<v Speaker 1>Haley's birthday trip and it was so amazing. I want

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<v Speaker 1>to move there.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, not anytime soon. Let me tell you that.

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<v Speaker 1>Probably not anytime soon, but one day or just like

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<v Speaker 1>spend an extended time there.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I feel like a vacation, you know, that would

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<v Speaker 2>be the dream, Just a vacation Maorca.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura happened to be in London while we were there,

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<v Speaker 1>so she came for the first like day and a half,

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<v Speaker 1>so that was really fuzzy her and then Marla was

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<v Speaker 1>supposed to come but she had to work, so it

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<v Speaker 1>ended up just being me and Haley the rest of

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of the time, which was really fun. It

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<v Speaker 1>was like a you know, solo vacation before she started tour,

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<v Speaker 1>and it was like, I said, beautiful, And you know

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<v Speaker 1>what was really fascinating is that the whole time I

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<v Speaker 1>was in Europe and when we were in Spain, even

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<v Speaker 1>eating anything and everything, like the best food, but I

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<v Speaker 1>never felt sick. I never felt like my stomach hurt

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<v Speaker 1>or anything. So got me thinking thinking, just like what

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<v Speaker 1>we're putting into our bodies, don't I don't think about,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I don't really think about. But it had

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<v Speaker 1>me thinking because I could feel it, you know, but.

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<v Speaker 2>You felt good?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I felt good. Yeah. So then we went to

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<v Speaker 1>Haley started her tour in Scotland and Glasgow, so we

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<v Speaker 1>started there and then I slept on the bus twice.

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<v Speaker 1>Not my thing, not my thing at all.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't sleep at all, Like I'm talking, Maybe would

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<v Speaker 1>close my eyes and then it would be like I'd

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<v Speaker 1>wake up and it'd be the next hour like there

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<v Speaker 1>was never like a consistent sleep routine for me in there,

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<v Speaker 1>but then there was like hotels the rest of the time.

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<v Speaker 1>So I made it through. But just like the fear

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<v Speaker 1>of not like you can't poop on the bus, so

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<v Speaker 1>like the fear of like if something happened, like I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have to go, but I was like, if something happens,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna have to go up ask the bus.

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<v Speaker 3>I could never you can't or you should?

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<v Speaker 1>No, you can't.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, It's not like I'm just gonna sneak one in

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<v Speaker 1>here because everyone will know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and.

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<v Speaker 1>You have to throw your toilet paper away. It was

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<v Speaker 1>just I don't I'm not a camper. I don't. I

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<v Speaker 1>never liked going to camp as a kid. I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>enjoy that. So it just was like this isn't for everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm happy for you. Yeah type vibes.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, how was it when you said goodbye to Haley?

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<v Speaker 1>I had a very I have not It's not been great. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Actually I had a lot of Scarboroughs messaging me saying

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<v Speaker 2>we something you post on your Instagram story about like

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<v Speaker 2>you're out a six point five the like I think

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<v Speaker 2>on Monday we need to check in on back and

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<v Speaker 2>see how she's doing. So I just wanted to make

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<v Speaker 2>sure that we take a moment to check in on you,

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<v Speaker 2>see how you're doing.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not good. I'm not great. This has probably been

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<v Speaker 1>the worst I've been like since we've been together. Oh

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<v Speaker 1>my god, I know, I cried so much leaving, Like

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<v Speaker 1>it was dramatic and I couldn't Like in my mind,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, this feels dramatic, but I couldn't stop.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so when do you see her again?

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<v Speaker 1>She comes back Friday night for a few days. When

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<v Speaker 1>it leaves for the US tour Friday, is like the

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<v Speaker 1>days have been long, long and hard. It's also hard

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<v Speaker 1>because she's nine hours ahead, so the time difference on

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<v Speaker 1>top of just being gone is you know, challenging. So yeah, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I would say six point five felt generous that I

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<v Speaker 1>gave myself, But so.

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<v Speaker 2>What are we feeling today?

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<v Speaker 1>No, Like, I feel like I'm just trying to decide,

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<v Speaker 1>like dramatically. Like dramatically, i'd say I'm like a four,

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<v Speaker 1>but like in the grand scheme of things, i'd say

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like a I think six point five is good. Okay, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>so I'm just booking on my days.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna say, how can I help.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's pick a day that is, Donya'm back a day

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<v Speaker 1>or night. It's mostly the nights because like I'm alone,

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<v Speaker 1>she's asleep. Oh just me and Phoebe. If Phoebe's in

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<v Speaker 1>the room with me.

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<v Speaker 2>All right.

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<v Speaker 1>But last night I haven't slept, and I was like

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<v Speaker 1>that has been a big problem as well. I'm like

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<v Speaker 1>half so much anxiety. I haven't slept. It's been like

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<v Speaker 1>not well. But I took an edible, I took Oshawagonda gummies,

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<v Speaker 1>and I took a melotone.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, make sure I.

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<v Speaker 1>Slept, and yeah, wow, I slept very hard.

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<v Speaker 2>The Triple Threat.

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<v Speaker 1>I watched Miss Americana, the Taylor Swift documentary on that flat. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I've seen it so many times. It's like a comfort.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's what I do with the her Disney plus one,

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<v Speaker 2>the long long pond sessions.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I need to put that in the road, really

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<v Speaker 1>good to have in the back. Oh that would I

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<v Speaker 1>might do that one tonight. So I felt like to

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<v Speaker 1>that at like nine pm. And I woke up at

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<v Speaker 1>like six today and I deleted all my delivery apps.

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<v Speaker 1>That was the thing I was gonna do. I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna if I want to go get something, I

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<v Speaker 1>can but I need I can go get it, or

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<v Speaker 1>I can get groceries and cook at home. And so

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<v Speaker 1>today I woke up and all I wanted was to

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<v Speaker 1>order like a cinnamon.

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<v Speaker 2>Roll from where.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, Donald's so good. No, I don't need

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<v Speaker 1>McDonalds cinnamon rolls, but that sounds probably delicious. There's a

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<v Speaker 1>place called Cinnaina cinnamon Yeah. Yeah, those are delicious, really good,

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<v Speaker 1>great way to start your Monday. But I did a

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<v Speaker 1>sugary ball. I didn't. I walked and had breakfast by

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<v Speaker 1>myself and I had an egg white omelet. Yeah. So wow,

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<v Speaker 1>health queen chick.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm excited about this journey for you. I was

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<v Speaker 2>messaging back and I said, if there's anything you ever

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<v Speaker 2>would like me to do with you, I'm happy to

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<v Speaker 2>do it with you. I actually had quite an experience

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<v Speaker 2>because you know, I've been eating this way for about

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<v Speaker 2>six months for my hashimotos. I've been gluten free, I've

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<v Speaker 2>been caffeine free, I've been really really clean. Right, So

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<v Speaker 2>I went to Miami this weekend for to celebrate Sofia's

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<v Speaker 2>birthday and on Friday night we went out and it

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<v Speaker 2>was like our big night out and we had dinner

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<v Speaker 2>and it was kind of like already not prefixed, but

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<v Speaker 2>ordered for you.

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<v Speaker 4>Know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I'm not going to be the girl

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<v Speaker 2>that's like is there any gluten free options? I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm going to let myself enjoy. It's

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<v Speaker 2>really good Italian foods. So I was like, I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>let myself enjoy the pasta and just everything. I drank

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<v Speaker 2>espresso martinis so fun. I when I tell you we

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<v Speaker 2>got to the club, I was so ill. It was

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<v Speaker 2>not drunk, it was like like so sick from the food.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, I'm gonna have to leave, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm bummed because like this is our big party night

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<v Speaker 2>for Sophia Sophia and I was like sitting on this

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<v Speaker 2>couch and Robbie was like, do you need to go home?

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<v Speaker 2>I'll go home with you. And I was like, and

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<v Speaker 2>Pauline is like, you just have to throw up. You

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<v Speaker 2>just have to throw up. I know that look in

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<v Speaker 2>your eye. You just need to And I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm at a club in Miami when these these stalls

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<v Speaker 2>are like not I was like, I cannot do that.

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<v Speaker 2>I haven't done this since college. But I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what, I think she's right. I just felt

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<v Speaker 2>like ill. So I go into this bathroom. Paulina brings

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<v Speaker 2>a water bottle with her and she's like, I got you,

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<v Speaker 2>let's go. I yack just like everything out and I

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<v Speaker 2>felt like incredible. After I was like, oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>Like it really was just so much of what I

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<v Speaker 2>had I wasn't used to between espresso martinis are intense

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<v Speaker 2>and I haven't had caffeine in months. Yeah, on top

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<v Speaker 2>of everything that I just haven't had in my system

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<v Speaker 2>for like six months. It was and then I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>even drink the rest of the night. I was like

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<v Speaker 2>having the best time.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow. She was resurrected after.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, yeah, baby, we're back.

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<v Speaker 1>So have you had any like come down from eating that,

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<v Speaker 1>Like did you notice your body change it all? Like?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I really again, it was like instantly I felt

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<v Speaker 2>so sick from it all. But since then, no, and

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<v Speaker 2>like I went back to kind of just like my

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<v Speaker 2>normal situation and I was I've been fine, but it

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<v Speaker 2>was really kind of jarring to experience that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well, I'm happy that I'm happy that there was

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<v Speaker 1>a turnaround for you. Yeah, there was a turn You

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<v Speaker 1>did what you needed to do, Yeah, and continue the night.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 1>Party.

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<v Speaker 2>But what's so crazy is I'm like, I realize how

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<v Speaker 2>much I I used to party like hard. And it

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't even the out It wasn't It was not the

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<v Speaker 2>alcohol that made me sick. It was the food. But still,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I can't. I can't stay up that late anymore,

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<v Speaker 2>do you know what I mean? Like, I just can't

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<v Speaker 2>stay up till four in the morning anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean, I don't think a lot of people can,

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<v Speaker 1>Like at a certain age, I think we go. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's so.

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<v Speaker 2>There was so many people out. I was like so

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<v Speaker 2>impressed with just like the amount of people night life. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and even when I left, we left at like three

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<v Speaker 2>thirty in the morning, there was still a whole bunch

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<v Speaker 2>of people there.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I think I'm past that point in

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<v Speaker 1>my life.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was. It was fun for nights.

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<v Speaker 1>It's fun for night like when we went to Vegas

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<v Speaker 1>that one for that one night we were up super

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<v Speaker 1>late too. Correct it was great, but like it took

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<v Speaker 1>me a while to recover from that.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel yeah, I'm very tired today.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>And so then I flew back and I was really

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<v Speaker 2>excited because I had my flight book during the Love

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<v Speaker 2>Is Blind reunion.

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<v Speaker 1>Which you did on purpose. Correct, that was a strategic decision.

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<v Speaker 1>It fell into lace.

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<v Speaker 3>It just kind of all a live you booked your

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<v Speaker 3>flight to be home in time for the Love of

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<v Speaker 3>the mill.

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<v Speaker 2>I could watch it.

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<v Speaker 4>In the air, Okay, Oh yeah, Wi Fi on flat

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<v Speaker 4>planes is so choppy.

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<v Speaker 2>Not these days really, Okay? Yeah? No, Well I thought

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<v Speaker 2>it was me because I was like, oh my gosh.

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<v Speaker 2>But then I was like looking at social media and

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<v Speaker 2>saw that it was with this whole thing. So I

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<v Speaker 2>literally was refreshing that screen my entire flight. It was

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<v Speaker 2>such a buzzkill. I had nothing else.

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<v Speaker 1>To watch, nothing, but you had Netflix.

0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:20.200
<v Speaker 2>I had Netflix.

0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:21.760
<v Speaker 3>We had a million things to watch, but I.

0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:23.240
<v Speaker 2>Wanted to watch the Love Is Blind.

0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.560
<v Speaker 3>Sound a limited number of watched.

0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:27.839
<v Speaker 2>But then I was like that whole panic of I

0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:29.880
<v Speaker 2>don't want to see spoilers. I want to watch it,

0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:31.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to see spoilers. And then I saw

0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:33.240
<v Speaker 2>like Claudia.

0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:38.480
<v Speaker 1>Ashra, Aushray Ashre Ausri, Aushri Ashra. I don't I thought

0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:41.840
<v Speaker 1>it was a but I think Timothy whatever it was,

0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:43.920
<v Speaker 1>Timothy girl.

0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:46.920
<v Speaker 2>With no job, posted that she was able to watch it,

0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:50.560
<v Speaker 2>so like she got it last night, and so I

0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.840
<v Speaker 2>was having a lot of fomo not knowing what was

0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:55.600
<v Speaker 2>going on, not having access to it.

0:10:55.720 --> 0:10:58.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm confused though, So was it a glitch in this?

0:10:58.440 --> 0:10:59.439
<v Speaker 1>Like what happened?

0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.640
<v Speaker 2>So they it was supposed to go up at like

0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:02.600
<v Speaker 2>five o'clock.

0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:04.960
<v Speaker 3>Okay, So this is Netflix is new thing is live events.

0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:05.079
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:07.200
<v Speaker 4>They had to be Chris Rock Special live, and so

0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:08.840
<v Speaker 4>they want to do more of that because all the

0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:12.480
<v Speaker 4>other streaming services are doing live stuff. Apple TV's getting

0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:13.800
<v Speaker 4>a live sports you know, so.

0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:15.360
<v Speaker 1>It's really live. It's happening.

0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:19.280
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So just PSA to streaming services if any of

0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:23.960
<v Speaker 2>you listened to this podcast. I don't care about live television.

0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:27.559
<v Speaker 2>I want taped and I want it on time. Yeah,

0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:30.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't care. I've watched all their other reunions taped

0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:33.200
<v Speaker 2>and they were fine and great and wonderful, and they

0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.360
<v Speaker 2>were right on time when I needed them. So basically

0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:37.760
<v Speaker 2>was supposed to go up at five, and they sent

0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:39.719
<v Speaker 2>out this tweet that said, like love is late, We're

0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:41.560
<v Speaker 2>getting all the kinks figured out it'll be up in

0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:44.559
<v Speaker 2>like fifteen minutes. So then I just kind of sat back,

0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:46.920
<v Speaker 2>waited for fifteen minutes, kept checking, kept checking, and then

0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:48.400
<v Speaker 2>it just kind of kept getting pushed back. It was

0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:50.000
<v Speaker 2>like two hours later, and it was like crickets, like

0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:52.760
<v Speaker 2>they weren't saying anything, and then they said something like

0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:56.240
<v Speaker 2>it's going to be up tomorrow at noon, meaning today

0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.839
<v Speaker 2>at noon. But then I saw I saw Claudia posted

0:11:59.880 --> 0:12:01.320
<v Speaker 2>that she was watching it, So I'm like, how are

0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.319
<v Speaker 2>some people getting access to it and then other people

0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:03.560
<v Speaker 2>are not?

0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:05.080
<v Speaker 1>So you haven't seen it?

0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:08.400
<v Speaker 2>No, And I already know one spoiler.

0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, I know. I couldn't. I don't know a

0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:16.520
<v Speaker 1>single thing about this season. I guess I just have

0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:19.600
<v Speaker 1>a hard time with reality TV when I feel like.

0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:22.080
<v Speaker 2>It's about love.

0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:25.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like it's about love, that's the thing.

0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:30.440
<v Speaker 1>I feel like it's about like, well, the first season

0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:32.400
<v Speaker 1>was so pure to me, like it felt like no

0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.920
<v Speaker 1>one knew what to expect, and it blew up right

0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:37.880
<v Speaker 1>and everyone just like got so popular on social media,

0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.240
<v Speaker 1>kind of like how The Bachelor, but like times ten,

0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.800
<v Speaker 1>like because it's Netflix, it's global, so like they blew up.

0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:46.880
<v Speaker 1>So then anyone going on past the first season. It

0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:48.640
<v Speaker 1>was like, Okay, we know what this is gonna happen

0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:50.720
<v Speaker 1>for our career or whatever. We liked The Bachelor, I know,

0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:53.400
<v Speaker 1>but we went we social Media wasn't a thing when

0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:56.000
<v Speaker 1>I went on till after, but now it is, I know.

0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:57.800
<v Speaker 1>So it's the same thing. I have a hard time

0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.840
<v Speaker 1>with The Bachelor too because of this. Don't I watch

0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:04.240
<v Speaker 1>it but I'm not. I don't care because I'm like, Oh.

0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:06.800
<v Speaker 3>They might be there for the wrong reasons. Just what

0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:07.960
<v Speaker 3>she's trying to show, just.

0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.160
<v Speaker 1>Saying are they saying yes because they want to? Are

0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:13.480
<v Speaker 1>they saying yes because it's a money in the bank.

0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:16.400
<v Speaker 2>There's two people I don't know their names. I have

0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:18.319
<v Speaker 2>to look them up. Do you remember Hannah the two

0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.640
<v Speaker 2>from last season that are still together Brent Brendan.

0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.240
<v Speaker 1>No, Cameron and Lauren are still together from the first season.

0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:28.200
<v Speaker 2>No, from last season. There's a couple that like and

0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:32.360
<v Speaker 2>I knew it too. They are endgame Brennan and Alexa.

0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:34.360
<v Speaker 2>Brennan and Alexa.

0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:37.280
<v Speaker 1>You were very invested in them, so much that their

0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:38.280
<v Speaker 1>names escape to you.

0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.160
<v Speaker 2>You know, I don't look at labels. I just look

0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:43.240
<v Speaker 2>like people like.

0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:50.280
<v Speaker 1>Someone's name Okay. Anyways, so you felt like there were

0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:53.040
<v Speaker 1>some like real genuine like you You didn't even feel

0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:55.720
<v Speaker 1>awkward watching them interact because they felt meant to be.

0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's one couple that I like, I think are

0:13:58.280 --> 0:13:59.960
<v Speaker 2>good this season, and the rest of them I think

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.960
<v Speaker 2>are not so good. Okay, So I'm really excited about

0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:05.640
<v Speaker 2>the reunion because I'm excited to see where they all

0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:06.120
<v Speaker 2>stand now.

0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:09.160
<v Speaker 1>So you like you like the kind of like messiness

0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.120
<v Speaker 1>chaos of it all too, like you're entertained by.

0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:13.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm entertained by. But you know what's so funny

0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:15.960
<v Speaker 2>is so I'm still We got back from our flight

0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:17.760
<v Speaker 2>and I still couldn't get it on Netflix. Ad come

0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:20.920
<v Speaker 2>and so Robbie goes, did you watch the Love the

0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:25.040
<v Speaker 2>Love Island UK Reunion? And I was like no? So

0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.080
<v Speaker 2>then we watched the Love and Season nine reunion last

0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:28.680
<v Speaker 2>night instead.

0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:30.600
<v Speaker 1>I tried to start that up again yesterday.

0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:32.880
<v Speaker 2>That is a great activity for you.

0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:37.240
<v Speaker 1>Yes, but you know what, I realize that I don't

0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:38.960
<v Speaker 1>know what part of the show this is on. This

0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.320
<v Speaker 1>might still be the first thing, but like new people

0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.040
<v Speaker 1>will come in and just say who they want to

0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:44.920
<v Speaker 1>pair up with, and even if they're in a couple,

0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:46.440
<v Speaker 1>they have to go with them.

0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:47.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because it's all about exploring.

0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:49.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't like that.

0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:50.680
<v Speaker 2>No, it's good.

0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:52.960
<v Speaker 1>But can the person say no?

0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Huh oh so yeah, yeah you can say no.

0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 1>You can say Ron could have said no, oh yes,

0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:03.240
<v Speaker 1>exactly exactly. I would be the most unhinged personal not

0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:04.120
<v Speaker 1>show no.

0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:07.600
<v Speaker 2>But people do say no, like you Usually if they're

0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:09.680
<v Speaker 2>like really early days, they'll be open to it and

0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.640
<v Speaker 2>they'll go. But a lot like Tommy and Molly, Like

0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.280
<v Speaker 2>Tommy was like, no, that's my girl.

0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:18.120
<v Speaker 1>How soon did they hook up? Like how long did

0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.880
<v Speaker 1>the house fast? Did they? Because I like Ron and

0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Lana together.

0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:25.560
<v Speaker 2>Right until he did that. Just wait, it gets worse.

0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:27.400
<v Speaker 1>But I didn't know that he could say no. So

0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.480
<v Speaker 1>now I'm like, you can't say dang, that's yeah. I

0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:31.880
<v Speaker 1>would not I would not do well.

0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:37.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So anyways, I'll report back on the uh Love

0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:39.240
<v Speaker 2>is Blind. Maybe I'll take.

0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:42.239
<v Speaker 1>That under my wing and start it today that we're actually.

0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.160
<v Speaker 2>Trying to get Chelsea and Kwame on on the podcast.

0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:45.760
<v Speaker 1>I know who that is, but I can't wait to

0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:49.080
<v Speaker 1>know who they are. Yeah wait, I think I do

0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:51.040
<v Speaker 1>know who Kwame is because I saw a video of

0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.080
<v Speaker 1>him riding a bull. Yeah, I didn't like it.

0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:57.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, he's sketched me. Okay, sketch Yeah, but I don't

0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:02.560
<v Speaker 2>want to like pollute your goin. I'll go in as

0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:06.080
<v Speaker 2>the purest and I go in with your walls down.

0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:11.800
<v Speaker 1>I had a significant revelation on my trip or like

0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:15.040
<v Speaker 1>after my well after my time with Haley. When I

0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:17.200
<v Speaker 1>got home. We talked about it, but I figured we

0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.080
<v Speaker 1>could take a break and I could come back and

0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:19.680
<v Speaker 1>talk about it.

0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, all right, we're back.

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.880
<v Speaker 1>So after I okay, my whole life and I feel

0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.000
<v Speaker 1>like we've even talked about this on the podcast when

0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:45.480
<v Speaker 1>we talk about attachment styles.

0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:48.360
<v Speaker 2>Attachment styles, let's lean back for this one. This feel

0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:50.440
<v Speaker 2>this is a therapy session and I'm into it.

0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know how therapeutic it'll be for anybody. It's

0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.120
<v Speaker 1>gonna be therapeutic, but I think it's a realization I

0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.920
<v Speaker 1>had so my whole life when it came to attachment style.

0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:05.159
<v Speaker 1>So there's a void it, there's anxious, there's uh disorganized,

0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:08.960
<v Speaker 1>and there's another Some people's safe someone else and then

0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.679
<v Speaker 1>their security secure. Yeah, but sometimes the disorganized is like

0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:16.600
<v Speaker 1>a worded differently. But anyways, I've always been avoidant my

0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:21.440
<v Speaker 1>whole life. I in every relationship, romantic, any type of friendship, whatever,

0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:24.480
<v Speaker 1>just kind of like if there's confrontation, just like avoid it.

0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.200
<v Speaker 1>We don't need to talk about it, sleep it under

0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:30.159
<v Speaker 1>the rug. I don't care. Shut down. That's been my personality.

0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:36.080
<v Speaker 1>So I think that in life, and since I've dated Haley,

0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:38.679
<v Speaker 1>I've had certain people who are like close to me,

0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:45.520
<v Speaker 1>I guess, shut down emotionally for me, of like being

0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:48.520
<v Speaker 1>there for me and there. And so I think in

0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:51.359
<v Speaker 1>my relationship with Haley, I think that I've had this

0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:57.280
<v Speaker 1>switch from avoidant to anxious. Yes, because in my mind,

0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:59.639
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, well, if people that I feel like are

0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:01.680
<v Speaker 1>suppose to be there for me and support me and

0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:05.320
<v Speaker 1>like emotionally be there for me are able to shut down,

0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:09.480
<v Speaker 1>then so like why wouldn't she at some point, like

0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:11.399
<v Speaker 1>why wouldn't she be able to like walk away or

0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.560
<v Speaker 1>leave me or abandon me emotionally. So I've gone into

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:18.240
<v Speaker 1>this like from avoidant to anxious, which is a very

0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.359
<v Speaker 1>you don't want to go in that direction.

0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.240
<v Speaker 2>No, And also going from avoidant to anxious is like

0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:25.960
<v Speaker 2>even worse, I feel, because avoidant you're just.

0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:30.119
<v Speaker 1>Like h yeah, well yeah, yeah, it's worse. But also

0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:33.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm still kind of have both, Like I kind of

0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:36.480
<v Speaker 1>am like I shut down, but I'm anxious about it.

0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:38.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm not able to just like shut down and like

0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.760
<v Speaker 1>block it off. So it's like I've got both. The

0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:45.080
<v Speaker 1>goal when you're anxious or avoidant is to get to

0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:48.480
<v Speaker 1>a place where you're secure. So I thought with therapy

0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:52.240
<v Speaker 1>from avoidant, I would go to secure. So this new

0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:56.760
<v Speaker 1>realization has been good for me because it's now I

0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:58.720
<v Speaker 1>can be like, Okay, I can work on like you

0:18:58.760 --> 0:19:02.960
<v Speaker 1>know you can. You can grow with these things. It's

0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:05.520
<v Speaker 1>not like permanent, but it was interesting.

0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.439
<v Speaker 4>But doesn't don't those styles change throughout the years, Like,

0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:11.600
<v Speaker 4>for example, you were avoidant because maybe that wasn't the one.

0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:15.000
<v Speaker 4>Maybe you're anxious now because you're so in love. Maybe

0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.240
<v Speaker 4>twenty years from now you'll be secure because there's so

0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:18.000
<v Speaker 4>much behind you.

0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:18.879
<v Speaker 3>Like doesn't it evolve?

0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:22.560
<v Speaker 1>Maybe, But like twenty years for me to be anxious

0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.560
<v Speaker 1>until I finally feel the caure is not good to

0:19:25.640 --> 0:19:28.200
<v Speaker 1>think about. Yeah, I don't want to be anxious.

0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:32.840
<v Speaker 2>I long for the day that I may be securely attached.

0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:38.080
<v Speaker 2>I look at it with a hopeful heart for myself

0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:40.240
<v Speaker 2>someday that maybe.

0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:43.880
<v Speaker 4>Maybe the marriage or maybe engagement, maybe it's that lifelong commitment, right,

0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:45.840
<v Speaker 4>maybe it turns it into secure attests.

0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:49.159
<v Speaker 2>You know what's interesting actually, as vanessla Shay because I

0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.399
<v Speaker 2>have got on my mind, Vanessa Hudgens was just talking

0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:55.399
<v Speaker 2>about how she feels a sense of security now that

0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.840
<v Speaker 2>she's engaged, and I was like, I've maybe that is

0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:00.960
<v Speaker 2>the ticket. Maybe it isn't the form of like a

0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.560
<v Speaker 2>lifelong commitment, but the way I see it is like,

0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:07.440
<v Speaker 2>even if you're engaged, that's not there's nothing promised. People

0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:09.920
<v Speaker 2>could divorce people, you know, Like that's my mind.

0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:13.639
<v Speaker 3>There's no ring that doesn't just happen.

0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.000
<v Speaker 4>Like I feel like, I feel like I was anxious

0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:19.160
<v Speaker 4>before I got married, and I know that I'm secure now.

0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:21.440
<v Speaker 4>And I don't know at what point that switch flipped,

0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:23.879
<v Speaker 4>but I do think that happens.

0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:25.120
<v Speaker 3>I think that comes with the territory.

0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:26.800
<v Speaker 4>I mean, you're gonna get anxious if you feel things

0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:29.280
<v Speaker 4>aren't going well, if you think the marriage is falling apart.

0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:31.800
<v Speaker 4>The anxiety will come back, of course, but I think

0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:35.440
<v Speaker 4>the secure comes in once you make the lifelong, mutual commitment.

0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:39.399
<v Speaker 5>Bless that day the hurdle of finding a judge in

0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:42.639
<v Speaker 5>an attorney to dissolve the relationship. Well, it makes me

0:20:42.800 --> 0:20:45.280
<v Speaker 5>more secure, Like, if this person wants to leave, they

0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:48.280
<v Speaker 5>got a file paper, they can't just say that's true.

0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:51.440
<v Speaker 3>There's a lot of hurdles. They got a real contract.

0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:55.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, why I look forward to that, that moment in

0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:58.679
<v Speaker 2>my life when that shift happens. I see it. I

0:20:58.760 --> 0:20:59.800
<v Speaker 2>do see it coming for me.

0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:01.960
<v Speaker 1>I see it coming for you too.

0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:06.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I do feel like my anxious attachment has gotten

0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:09.320
<v Speaker 2>better in my relationship with Robbie than it has been

0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:11.880
<v Speaker 2>in the past, but it's definitely still there.

0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:16.479
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't feel like you. I think there are

0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:20.399
<v Speaker 1>certain things where you're that maybe you struggle with, but

0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:23.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like the anxiety that I once felt

0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:23.280
<v Speaker 1>for me.

0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:25.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, thank you so much. So I do feel that

0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:27.080
<v Speaker 2>shift as well in myself.

0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:31.439
<v Speaker 1>Great. So, yeah, maybe it's not just a ring or marriage,

0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:33.960
<v Speaker 1>but we're so hopeful we want that. Yeah, we're looking

0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:34.199
<v Speaker 1>for that.

0:21:34.320 --> 0:21:36.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we're just really hopeful for the future.

0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:39.400
<v Speaker 1>I did listen to your episode with Robbie. Oh yeah,

0:21:39.480 --> 0:21:43.240
<v Speaker 1>and I was dying at you going to the bathroom

0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:45.840
<v Speaker 1>in front of him and him talking about the like

0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:49.840
<v Speaker 1>blank like stare on you know that look right. No,

0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:50.920
<v Speaker 1>I've never watched you.

0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:53.280
<v Speaker 2>Poo No, I know, but like that look of like

0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:57.920
<v Speaker 2>get like, hey, get out, I have to. I didn't

0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:02.200
<v Speaker 2>want to tell him what I was doing. I just didn't. Yeah,

0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:04.600
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't. By the way, it's very exciting for me,

0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:06.359
<v Speaker 2>you know, like I have bathroom issues.

0:22:06.400 --> 0:22:07.520
<v Speaker 1>So that was like I was.

0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:10.600
<v Speaker 2>It was such a juxtaposition of emotions because on one hand,

0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:13.240
<v Speaker 2>I was very thrilled for myself that it was just happening, yeah,

0:22:13.640 --> 0:22:17.119
<v Speaker 2>and freaked out because he was in the bathroom with me.

0:22:17.200 --> 0:22:24.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm stressed about the usage of slipped out. So yeah.

0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:28.720
<v Speaker 1>But I also got this theory that Robbie can't smell.

0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:31.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I will say, no, his sinuses are whack,

0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:35.359
<v Speaker 2>like he's got some sinus issues and like, and I've

0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:38.199
<v Speaker 2>tested this theory before because I like, actually let some

0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:44.720
<v Speaker 2>farts slip, and he doesn't smell a thing about something

0:22:45.600 --> 0:22:46.800
<v Speaker 2>he was He was.

0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:48.639
<v Speaker 1>Like, yeah, I didn't smell it. I'm like, yeah, I

0:22:48.640 --> 0:22:49.639
<v Speaker 1>don't think you can smell.

0:22:50.920 --> 0:22:53.600
<v Speaker 2>The Lord blessed me with a boyfriend who can't sell you.

0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:56.040
<v Speaker 1>Remember what you said, The Lord works mysterious way.

0:22:56.160 --> 0:22:58.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's one of them right there, And that was.

0:22:58.320 --> 0:23:00.080
<v Speaker 4>A tree a question, And I'm sorry I was in

0:23:00.119 --> 0:23:02.280
<v Speaker 4>here last week. I'm sorry I missed that episode. But

0:23:02.840 --> 0:23:04.640
<v Speaker 4>I thought you weren't going to be using the bathroom

0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:06.320
<v Speaker 4>in front of partners moving forward.

0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:09.080
<v Speaker 1>I thought that was a new rule was still in place.

0:23:09.880 --> 0:23:14.320
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for tuning in, Mark, But it accidentally happened.

0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:16.520
<v Speaker 3>No, I understand that. I get that it sneaked out,

0:23:16.760 --> 0:23:18.280
<v Speaker 3>but you're still going Toumber one front.

0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:21.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we pee in front of each other.

0:23:21.560 --> 0:23:23.760
<v Speaker 3>But why, why? Why? I thought that? I thought that

0:23:23.840 --> 0:23:24.600
<v Speaker 3>was also off the.

0:23:24.520 --> 0:23:30.080
<v Speaker 2>Tabe pings, Ping's nothing, Ping's treat the eyes too.

0:23:30.240 --> 0:23:32.439
<v Speaker 3>I don't think it is my.

0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:38.760
<v Speaker 4>Mike, Mike the marriage I'm involved with the relationship I'm with.

0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:43.280
<v Speaker 4>There's no there's no waste release in front of the partner.

0:23:43.359 --> 0:23:45.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh interesting, No, we pee in front of each other.

0:23:45.800 --> 0:23:48.000
<v Speaker 2>That's not a thing that.

0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:49.959
<v Speaker 5>Not only is it not happening in front of us,

0:23:49.960 --> 0:23:52.400
<v Speaker 5>it's not even mentioned. Right, there's a lot of going

0:23:52.440 --> 0:23:53.720
<v Speaker 5>in the bathroom to wash my hands.

0:23:54.320 --> 0:23:57.720
<v Speaker 1>Wow, really, you really keeping mysterious?

0:23:58.000 --> 0:24:01.560
<v Speaker 2>I p in front of Becca to me, Yeah, but

0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.760
<v Speaker 2>with Haley, we will be in front of each other.

0:24:04.800 --> 0:24:06.959
<v Speaker 1>But I like my private I mean, I just like

0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:10.720
<v Speaker 1>we could closed door situation. There's no open door policy,

0:24:10.760 --> 0:24:13.119
<v Speaker 1>and like if we're at a let's say we're at

0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:14.960
<v Speaker 1>a restaurant or something and there's a one like a

0:24:15.000 --> 0:24:17.600
<v Speaker 1>one person stall, she and I will go in together

0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:19.000
<v Speaker 1>just like pee at the same time somewhere.

0:24:19.119 --> 0:24:19.800
<v Speaker 2>Just that's weird.

0:24:20.240 --> 0:24:22.439
<v Speaker 1>Really, See I don't think that's weird. Oh oh I

0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:23.560
<v Speaker 1>do have my friends too.

0:24:23.680 --> 0:24:25.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, we it's not like.

0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:27.720
<v Speaker 2>Open door policy. But we were like getting ready to

0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:29.399
<v Speaker 2>go on a flight, so it was like pee, brush

0:24:29.400 --> 0:24:30.400
<v Speaker 2>your teeth, pat Like, so.

0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:32.720
<v Speaker 3>There's one bathroom in the house for.

0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:38.359
<v Speaker 2>Us, oh the kids were for us. Yeah, one bathroom. Right,

0:24:38.720 --> 0:24:39.879
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of stuff happening.

0:24:39.960 --> 0:24:41.880
<v Speaker 3>I think in that scenario I would have.

0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:48.520
<v Speaker 4>Excuse myself or excuse my wife in that scenario, especially

0:24:48.560 --> 0:24:49.719
<v Speaker 4>if there was any chance I had won.

0:24:49.760 --> 0:24:50.520
<v Speaker 3>In the chamber.

0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:54.760
<v Speaker 1>Too, there was like it was a it was the

0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:57.359
<v Speaker 1>amount of time that was spent, like he was looking

0:24:57.400 --> 0:24:59.159
<v Speaker 1>at her and like analyzing.

0:24:58.680 --> 0:25:01.919
<v Speaker 2>Her facially, Like there was a lot times and that

0:25:02.040 --> 0:25:02.720
<v Speaker 2>was just like this.

0:25:03.119 --> 0:25:06.280
<v Speaker 1>And he was brushing his teeth during this time. Yes,

0:25:06.440 --> 0:25:09.760
<v Speaker 1>that's stressful. Yeah, it's all very stress Yet I would

0:25:09.800 --> 0:25:12.640
<v Speaker 1>say Hey, I don't want to give too many details,

0:25:12.680 --> 0:25:15.080
<v Speaker 1>but I need you to leave. Thank you so much.

0:25:15.440 --> 0:25:17.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, we did come up with this thing. It's

0:25:17.600 --> 0:25:20.400
<v Speaker 2>called business call. Likely I got to go a business call, yeah,

0:25:20.600 --> 0:25:21.680
<v Speaker 2>and that would be like I have to go to

0:25:21.840 --> 0:25:24.360
<v Speaker 2>use the restroom, but what.

0:25:24.359 --> 0:25:27.560
<v Speaker 1>About an emergency business call has come through exit?

0:25:27.640 --> 0:25:29.080
<v Speaker 2>You know Hindsight's twenty twenty.

0:25:29.200 --> 0:25:29.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:25:29.440 --> 0:25:32.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, But it is funny because when when we were

0:25:33.240 --> 0:25:36.520
<v Speaker 2>in Cabo, I was I texted Becca. I was listening

0:25:36.520 --> 0:25:39.119
<v Speaker 2>to this audiobook that she's been telling me to listen to,

0:25:39.119 --> 0:25:42.320
<v Speaker 2>The Untethered Soul, and we didn't tell a story on

0:25:42.359 --> 0:25:44.560
<v Speaker 2>the podcast. When Robbie was here, I forgot about it. It

0:25:44.520 --> 0:25:47.040
<v Speaker 2>was so funny because we're like laying out and he's

0:25:47.119 --> 0:25:48.840
<v Speaker 2>on like the chair behind me, and I'm like in

0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:51.639
<v Speaker 2>the chair that's like in the pool, and I have

0:25:51.720 --> 0:25:53.280
<v Speaker 2>my earbuds in and all of a sudden, he just

0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:59.520
<v Speaker 2>hears me going, yeah, yeah, that's good. Oh, Like I'm

0:25:59.560 --> 0:26:02.720
<v Speaker 2>like the you know, as I'm listening to these revelations

0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:04.720
<v Speaker 2>from the book, and he's like, didn't know I was

0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:06.959
<v Speaker 2>listening to He's like, Babe, what's going on. I was like,

0:26:07.280 --> 0:26:12.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm not centered makes sense now, Like I was having

0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:16.720
<v Speaker 2>all these like like making verbal noises to the audiobook

0:26:16.760 --> 0:26:18.159
<v Speaker 2>that I was listening to in my ears, and then

0:26:18.200 --> 0:26:20.399
<v Speaker 2>I texted back and I was like, wow, this book.

0:26:20.600 --> 0:26:20.879
<v Speaker 3>Wow.

0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:22.760
<v Speaker 1>So you're just like a I have.

0:26:22.720 --> 0:26:25.880
<v Speaker 2>An untethered soul adjacent I'm not quite there yet.

0:26:25.920 --> 0:26:28.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, yeah, so you have an untethered just like

0:26:28.800 --> 0:26:30.160
<v Speaker 1>dialogue with yourself out loud.

0:26:30.280 --> 0:26:33.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but it really brought up these interesting points that

0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:35.880
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh my gosh.

0:26:34.960 --> 0:26:37.600
<v Speaker 1>I need to keep reading it. Maybe do you listen?

0:26:38.000 --> 0:26:40.320
<v Speaker 1>Have you found listening to the audiobook is good? Like

0:26:40.359 --> 0:26:41.760
<v Speaker 1>do you like that version or do you wish you

0:26:41.760 --> 0:26:42.320
<v Speaker 1>were reading it?

0:26:42.560 --> 0:26:45.040
<v Speaker 2>I like to do both. When when I buy a pool,

0:26:45.240 --> 0:26:48.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't enjoy getting like books all sweaty and like gross,

0:26:48.560 --> 0:26:50.800
<v Speaker 2>So I like audiobooks when I'm like out, but I

0:26:50.800 --> 0:26:52.000
<v Speaker 2>prefer books like in bed.

0:26:52.440 --> 0:26:56.280
<v Speaker 1>Okay, good to know because I was like, I need

0:26:56.320 --> 0:26:59.520
<v Speaker 1>to I really need to continue reading it. Yeah, everybody

0:26:59.560 --> 0:26:59.880
<v Speaker 1>you want.

0:26:59.800 --> 0:27:01.360
<v Speaker 2>To pick that book up and give it a whirl.

0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:04.160
<v Speaker 1>I've heard of that life like I've literally heard people

0:27:04.200 --> 0:27:07.240
<v Speaker 1>say it's changed our life. So I'm it changed a

0:27:07.320 --> 0:27:09.520
<v Speaker 1>portion of my life. Did you finish it?

0:27:09.800 --> 0:27:10.000
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:27:10.080 --> 0:27:10.399
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:12.280
<v Speaker 2>But That's what I'm saying. Like I've only listened to

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:15.159
<v Speaker 2>a couple of chapters and man, you don't even recognize

0:27:15.200 --> 0:27:15.520
<v Speaker 2>me anymore.

0:27:16.680 --> 0:27:20.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, just like she felt it all did. Okay, So

0:27:20.680 --> 0:27:23.640
<v Speaker 1>you brought up Vanessa Hudgens talking about being secure and

0:27:24.160 --> 0:27:28.040
<v Speaker 1>just this morning we have discovered that Zac Efron followed

0:27:28.080 --> 0:27:29.440
<v Speaker 1>Vanessa Hudgens on Instagram.

0:27:29.440 --> 0:27:31.200
<v Speaker 2>Are you sure about this as it's been confirmed?

0:27:31.359 --> 0:27:34.679
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, there's a screenshot of it who he follows? But

0:27:34.720 --> 0:27:35.840
<v Speaker 1>do you want to are you gonna check?

0:27:35.960 --> 0:27:36.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm gonna follow this.

0:27:37.240 --> 0:27:41.119
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And like she's engaged, she's moved on, But it's.

0:27:40.960 --> 0:27:45.640
<v Speaker 2>Always interesting Vanessa Hudgens what she does not follow him back?

0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:50.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Do you think he was like reliving memories or

0:27:50.119 --> 0:27:53.119
<v Speaker 1>like watched maybe a TikTok montage when they were together.

0:27:53.440 --> 0:27:57.520
<v Speaker 2>And I'm convinced this has something to do with high

0:27:57.520 --> 0:28:02.800
<v Speaker 2>school methics, musical high school musical? Are they're working on

0:28:02.880 --> 0:28:06.280
<v Speaker 2>something together? This isn't just some like Willia Nilly follow.

0:28:06.320 --> 0:28:07.480
<v Speaker 1>Well, she didn't follow him.

0:28:07.560 --> 0:28:11.320
<v Speaker 3>So something you're saying publicity stunt? Yeah, isn't that fun?

0:28:11.359 --> 0:28:13.159
<v Speaker 3>Isn't that? Isn't that a crazy world they live in?

0:28:13.240 --> 0:28:15.160
<v Speaker 4>Like can you imagine if you followed someone who became

0:28:15.359 --> 0:28:16.480
<v Speaker 4>headline news.

0:28:16.920 --> 0:28:20.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, you had like thee a relationship like that

0:28:20.680 --> 0:28:23.280
<v Speaker 1>that was like so people were so obsessed with it,

0:28:23.320 --> 0:28:26.760
<v Speaker 1>and then you had this like very public breakup and

0:28:26.800 --> 0:28:28.000
<v Speaker 1>then followed that person.

0:28:28.840 --> 0:28:30.680
<v Speaker 5>I mean, I dream of having a headline that says,

0:28:30.840 --> 0:28:34.200
<v Speaker 5>Eastern Allen has unfollowed RBS breaking news.

0:28:34.520 --> 0:28:37.040
<v Speaker 3>Something like that's never going to happen. Then they come up, yeah,

0:28:37.080 --> 0:28:38.360
<v Speaker 3>you ever knows.

0:28:40.400 --> 0:28:45.120
<v Speaker 1>And then also Sean Mendez and Camila Cabeo spotted making

0:28:45.160 --> 0:28:46.480
<v Speaker 1>out at Coachella.

0:28:46.960 --> 0:28:50.440
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, because of them got that photo, by the way,

0:28:52.080 --> 0:28:53.040
<v Speaker 4>one of them kissing.

0:28:54.080 --> 0:28:54.520
<v Speaker 3>The whole thing.

0:28:54.960 --> 0:28:57.960
<v Speaker 2>He Ronnie got the photo of them like interacting, not

0:28:58.080 --> 0:28:59.000
<v Speaker 2>the video of them kissing.

0:29:00.040 --> 0:29:02.880
<v Speaker 1>It's a video, well video slash photo.

0:29:03.920 --> 0:29:05.040
<v Speaker 3>Well whatever kiss was there.

0:29:05.120 --> 0:29:07.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because yeah, Ronnie got a video he put he

0:29:08.040 --> 0:29:10.520
<v Speaker 2>put in our kiss I group chat. There's this picture

0:29:10.560 --> 0:29:12.680
<v Speaker 2>that he got of Camila and Sean like talking to

0:29:12.720 --> 0:29:14.720
<v Speaker 2>each other, like very closely. And he was kind of

0:29:14.720 --> 0:29:16.400
<v Speaker 2>going through the debate of like do I post this,

0:29:16.480 --> 0:29:17.920
<v Speaker 2>do I not post this? Do I post this? Do

0:29:18.000 --> 0:29:19.960
<v Speaker 2>I not post this? And then that photo that he

0:29:20.000 --> 0:29:22.760
<v Speaker 2>posted kind of got picked up by all these outlets,

0:29:23.200 --> 0:29:26.440
<v Speaker 2>and then later on somebody got video of them like kissing.

0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:30.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm shocked, are you yes?

0:29:31.800 --> 0:29:33.480
<v Speaker 2>Yes? Why what's shocking?

0:29:36.240 --> 0:29:37.080
<v Speaker 3>You're the one that has.

0:29:39.080 --> 0:29:44.400
<v Speaker 1>Solve them never lasting. So I'm like, I can't believe

0:29:44.520 --> 0:29:45.160
<v Speaker 1>this reunion.

0:29:45.360 --> 0:29:46.680
<v Speaker 3>I think they're still never lasting.

0:29:48.040 --> 0:29:50.520
<v Speaker 1>Tanya, I mean, yeah, maybe it means nothing. I just

0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:52.840
<v Speaker 1>wanted to like having it. I know, I'm not I

0:29:52.840 --> 0:29:55.040
<v Speaker 1>don't even think they'll get back together and have a relationship.

0:29:55.080 --> 0:30:01.840
<v Speaker 2>But our apparently are back together. It's not yours, but yeah,

0:30:01.960 --> 0:30:05.520
<v Speaker 2>she said to paparazzi. But it was very like passerby

0:30:06.240 --> 0:30:09.880
<v Speaker 2>because the paparazzi said like well. The paparazzi said like,

0:30:09.880 --> 0:30:11.480
<v Speaker 2>are you guys back together? And she was not even

0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:12.800
<v Speaker 2>looking at him. She was like talking to her friend

0:30:12.840 --> 0:30:15.680
<v Speaker 2>and she was like yes. I was like, is that

0:30:16.040 --> 0:30:16.440
<v Speaker 2>your friend.

0:30:17.400 --> 0:30:19.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm like she could just be like yeah, like leave

0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:20.880
<v Speaker 1>me alone. It means nothing.

0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:23.320
<v Speaker 2>I just think, like, you don't make out at Coachella

0:30:24.200 --> 0:30:26.520
<v Speaker 2>unless you want to be seen making out at Coachella.

0:30:27.240 --> 0:30:32.160
<v Speaker 1>No, I agree one thousand percent, but yeah, And a

0:30:32.240 --> 0:30:34.480
<v Speaker 1>lot of people are asking my thoughts about Joe and

0:30:34.600 --> 0:30:37.200
<v Speaker 1>Taylor Swift if I had a feeling about them.

0:30:37.160 --> 0:30:39.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I know that. You know what's so crazy

0:30:39.640 --> 0:30:42.560
<v Speaker 2>is that we didn't even ask you about them because

0:30:42.560 --> 0:30:43.880
<v Speaker 2>we thought they were They're not like.

0:30:43.760 --> 0:30:47.400
<v Speaker 1>A like people know, but people don't like they're not.

0:30:47.440 --> 0:30:47.880
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:30:48.040 --> 0:30:57.840
<v Speaker 1>No, no, yeah, that one was. It was fuzzy. It's fuzzy.

0:30:58.120 --> 0:31:00.360
<v Speaker 1>My feeling on them was fuzzy. Oh so you couldn't

0:31:00.360 --> 0:31:02.520
<v Speaker 1>get like I've been breaking up. I'm not like, oh

0:31:02.560 --> 0:31:04.920
<v Speaker 1>my gosh, I'm shocked because I don't think we knew

0:31:04.920 --> 0:31:07.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot. We had no information on their relationship in general.

0:31:08.320 --> 0:31:09.959
<v Speaker 1>But you know how I feel about I just want

0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:10.760
<v Speaker 1>Taylor to be happy.

0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:12.920
<v Speaker 2>I I just like, I just wanted to be happy.

0:31:13.040 --> 0:31:14.880
<v Speaker 1>If she's happy with him, I want her to be

0:31:15.000 --> 0:31:17.120
<v Speaker 1>with him, and she's happy without him. I'm happy for

0:31:17.160 --> 0:31:17.880
<v Speaker 1>her without him.

0:31:18.120 --> 0:31:19.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we never got your take on it because you

0:31:19.920 --> 0:31:20.440
<v Speaker 2>were gone.

0:31:20.760 --> 0:31:25.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was gone. Were you sad She's sad? I'm sad.

0:31:26.160 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't. I don't like that's what that's the feeling.

0:31:28.200 --> 0:31:30.320
<v Speaker 1>I didn't. I didn't feel shocked. I was just kind

0:31:30.320 --> 0:31:32.400
<v Speaker 1>of like, oh wow, very sagittarius of you.

0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:36.920
<v Speaker 2>Why they just kind of adapt other emotions.

0:31:37.840 --> 0:31:42.760
<v Speaker 1>Well when it's like the hero of our generation Taylor Swift.

0:31:42.800 --> 0:31:45.760
<v Speaker 1>Then yeah, I want her to feel whatever she wants

0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:47.239
<v Speaker 1>to feel, and I'm on board with her.

0:31:47.480 --> 0:31:50.080
<v Speaker 2>You see her stepping out for her first like solo

0:31:50.240 --> 0:31:51.440
<v Speaker 2>night in those butterfly pants.

0:31:51.480 --> 0:31:53.480
<v Speaker 1>I sure did thought of you. I wonder where those

0:31:53.520 --> 0:31:53.800
<v Speaker 1>are from.

0:31:54.000 --> 0:31:54.680
<v Speaker 2>They're sold out.

0:31:55.120 --> 0:31:59.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well you got on that quick, real quick.

0:32:00.280 --> 0:32:02.480
<v Speaker 2>I was like, my girl, Taylor's going through a rebirth.

0:32:02.760 --> 0:32:05.440
<v Speaker 1>I I know what my thought process was when this

0:32:05.520 --> 0:32:08.360
<v Speaker 1>happened is that we don't know anything, whether it was

0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:13.200
<v Speaker 1>him or her or whatever. But either way, breaking up

0:32:13.320 --> 0:32:15.560
<v Speaker 1>is so hard, whether you're the one to initiate it

0:32:15.680 --> 0:32:17.200
<v Speaker 1>or you're the one who gets broken up with. And

0:32:17.240 --> 0:32:17.720
<v Speaker 1>the fact that.

0:32:17.680 --> 0:32:19.680
<v Speaker 2>She just has harder when you're the one broken up with.

0:32:21.560 --> 0:32:25.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but still like to get out on the stage

0:32:25.160 --> 0:32:28.200
<v Speaker 1>and like sing, you know, like be on every night

0:32:28.240 --> 0:32:30.720
<v Speaker 1>after night. That's a lot for someone to do. And

0:32:30.760 --> 0:32:32.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean she's a business woman, she's gonna do it too,

0:32:32.840 --> 0:32:33.040
<v Speaker 1>you know.

0:32:33.880 --> 0:32:36.240
<v Speaker 2>But that's a difference between a professional and an amateur.

0:32:36.720 --> 0:32:38.560
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm, because that is hard.

0:32:38.600 --> 0:32:40.880
<v Speaker 2>I remember I had I did my Modern Woman workshop

0:32:41.440 --> 0:32:44.640
<v Speaker 2>the day the day after robbing, and I broke up

0:32:45.440 --> 0:32:47.320
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, how am I just gonna like

0:32:48.680 --> 0:32:51.560
<v Speaker 2>be fine during this thing. I have to like talk

0:32:51.680 --> 0:32:53.840
<v Speaker 2>and engage, and I'm like I can't even like stop

0:32:53.880 --> 0:32:55.720
<v Speaker 2>crying for five seconds. Yeah, I had to put my

0:32:55.760 --> 0:32:59.120
<v Speaker 2>face in a bowl of ice stop myself from crying.

0:32:59.320 --> 0:33:02.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Well, she is a professional and she knows what

0:33:02.760 --> 0:33:05.280
<v Speaker 1>she's doing. She's got a good team around her.

0:33:05.520 --> 0:33:08.240
<v Speaker 4>How do you feel about her doing different songs in

0:33:08.280 --> 0:33:10.720
<v Speaker 4>each tour stop and then hope and not repeat anything,

0:33:10.720 --> 0:33:15.760
<v Speaker 4>because to me, that's stressful. She she's like, oh I

0:33:15.800 --> 0:33:17.160
<v Speaker 4>don't get to see that one because by the times

0:33:17.160 --> 0:33:18.720
<v Speaker 4>you get to La, She's gonna do a lot.

0:33:18.560 --> 0:33:19.280
<v Speaker 3>Of different songs.

0:33:19.480 --> 0:33:22.040
<v Speaker 1>My favorite moments that I've seen of her when she

0:33:22.120 --> 0:33:24.200
<v Speaker 1>kind of like messes up or does like you know,

0:33:24.280 --> 0:33:26.840
<v Speaker 1>something's not working and she's just like, hey, you know,

0:33:27.160 --> 0:33:29.840
<v Speaker 1>I love seeing because I think when I think of

0:33:29.880 --> 0:33:33.160
<v Speaker 1>Taylor Swift, I'm like, she's just this like bigger than life,

0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:35.880
<v Speaker 1>like has everything lined up, like there could how could

0:33:35.880 --> 0:33:38.520
<v Speaker 1>there be a mistake at that level? But it's like

0:33:38.960 --> 0:33:43.320
<v Speaker 1>I like how she handles it. She's very just like human. Yeah,

0:33:43.320 --> 0:33:44.640
<v Speaker 1>which she is a human, I get it, But.

0:33:44.680 --> 0:33:47.160
<v Speaker 2>I do feel personally attacked that she swapped out in

0:33:47.240 --> 0:33:48.920
<v Speaker 2>Visible Strength for the one.

0:33:49.040 --> 0:33:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah that I was wondering how you were navigating those.

0:33:51.840 --> 0:33:54.960
<v Speaker 2>Not summer thrilled about it, but I get it.

0:33:55.840 --> 0:33:59.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because that song was like very obviously about Joe.

0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:00.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you have.

0:34:00.600 --> 0:34:02.840
<v Speaker 4>A friend who wants to hear Clean in the LA shows.

0:34:02.880 --> 0:34:06.960
<v Speaker 4>So she checks nervous, she wants to hear peace, oh piece.

0:34:06.760 --> 0:34:11.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, Claudia. Every day she checks, let's to make

0:34:11.560 --> 0:34:12.959
<v Speaker 2>sure she hasn't sung piece yet.

0:34:13.640 --> 0:34:16.680
<v Speaker 1>I am gonna be sad when if I'm not there

0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:18.680
<v Speaker 1>when I know she's gonna do out of the Woods

0:34:18.680 --> 0:34:21.160
<v Speaker 1>on the piano and I just know it, and she

0:34:21.239 --> 0:34:23.600
<v Speaker 1>did a Grammy performance of it, and it's one of

0:34:23.680 --> 0:34:27.080
<v Speaker 1>my favorite songs she's ever done. And I just I

0:34:27.120 --> 0:34:29.040
<v Speaker 1>know she's gonna do it, and I don't know where,

0:34:30.080 --> 0:34:31.919
<v Speaker 1>but I hope it's if I go to a show,

0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:32.919
<v Speaker 1>I hope it's aid that one.

0:34:33.080 --> 0:34:33.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:34:33.920 --> 0:34:35.520
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, I guess you kind of just have to

0:34:35.560 --> 0:34:37.920
<v Speaker 1>go in being like it is what it is. It is.

0:34:37.920 --> 0:34:38.840
<v Speaker 1>I have no control.

0:34:39.000 --> 0:34:41.080
<v Speaker 2>Such is life, you know, such is life. You can't

0:34:41.080 --> 0:34:44.680
<v Speaker 2>control what happens. You just control your reaction.

0:34:44.920 --> 0:34:46.800
<v Speaker 1>When I realize this thing about the attachment styles, I

0:34:46.840 --> 0:34:50.560
<v Speaker 1>was listening to a podcast on it, and she was saying,

0:34:50.760 --> 0:34:52.880
<v Speaker 1>this woman was saying, she was talking about how you

0:34:52.920 --> 0:34:55.400
<v Speaker 1>like regulate your nervous system and how that's what gets

0:34:55.400 --> 0:34:58.240
<v Speaker 1>out of like when we start overthinking, our nervous system

0:34:58.280 --> 0:35:01.840
<v Speaker 1>gets so anxious. But she was saying, a lot of

0:35:01.880 --> 0:35:06.439
<v Speaker 1>times someone might think that you're wanting to control them,

0:35:06.560 --> 0:35:08.799
<v Speaker 1>but it's not that you want to control them. It's

0:35:08.840 --> 0:35:11.279
<v Speaker 1>that you want to feel in control. And I was like, oh,

0:35:11.360 --> 0:35:13.960
<v Speaker 1>that's so you're not trying. It's not that you're trying

0:35:14.000 --> 0:35:16.360
<v Speaker 1>to control someone else. You just want to feel like

0:35:16.400 --> 0:35:22.200
<v Speaker 1>you're in control, which is a big difference of that issue,

0:35:22.800 --> 0:35:24.959
<v Speaker 1>because like I feel like sometimes when I don't feel

0:35:24.960 --> 0:35:27.399
<v Speaker 1>in control, that's what I panic about, and it can

0:35:27.440 --> 0:35:30.000
<v Speaker 1>come across of like I'm trying to control something when

0:35:30.040 --> 0:35:32.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like, I don't feel safe, so I want

0:35:32.560 --> 0:35:34.560
<v Speaker 1>to feel in control.

0:35:34.719 --> 0:35:38.120
<v Speaker 4>Right, The person being controlled might be very offended by

0:35:38.120 --> 0:35:39.480
<v Speaker 4>That was always not about them.

0:35:39.360 --> 0:35:42.120
<v Speaker 1>At all, just about yeah, that's good stuff, thank you

0:35:42.160 --> 0:35:45.640
<v Speaker 1>so much. I didn't It wasn't me. I think we

0:35:46.280 --> 0:35:49.160
<v Speaker 1>are going to take a break and come back. Really,

0:35:49.160 --> 0:35:51.640
<v Speaker 1>I was reading over them last night, so we'll be

0:35:51.680 --> 0:36:14.560
<v Speaker 1>back with some tough emails, all right, we are back,

0:36:14.719 --> 0:36:18.400
<v Speaker 1>and yeah, we have some intense emails today, so Mark,

0:36:18.480 --> 0:36:20.120
<v Speaker 1>you take it away.

0:36:20.120 --> 0:36:21.040
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much, Becker.

0:36:21.080 --> 0:36:23.560
<v Speaker 4>They're both anonymous, and this first one says I recently

0:36:23.600 --> 0:36:25.760
<v Speaker 4>won on a cruise for a girl's trip. We quickly

0:36:25.840 --> 0:36:28.200
<v Speaker 4>became friends with lots of new people. One thing led

0:36:28.239 --> 0:36:30.640
<v Speaker 4>to another, and I made a really great connection with

0:36:30.719 --> 0:36:31.080
<v Speaker 4>a guy.

0:36:31.600 --> 0:36:32.400
<v Speaker 3>But I'm married.

0:36:32.920 --> 0:36:36.080
<v Speaker 4>I've been married a year, and I'm afraid that I settled.

0:36:36.760 --> 0:36:38.879
<v Speaker 4>I've been unhappy for a while, but my husband has

0:36:38.920 --> 0:36:42.520
<v Speaker 4>no idea and this will completely blindside him. On the cruise,

0:36:42.880 --> 0:36:44.799
<v Speaker 4>I did end up hooking up with this new guy,

0:36:45.160 --> 0:36:48.280
<v Speaker 4>and we've remained in contact and could really make this work.

0:36:49.200 --> 0:36:51.240
<v Speaker 4>I want to ask for a divorce, but I'm conflicted

0:36:51.280 --> 0:36:52.840
<v Speaker 4>on how I should tell him. Does he need to

0:36:52.880 --> 0:36:54.400
<v Speaker 4>know the whole truth or do I protect him and

0:36:54.440 --> 0:36:56.359
<v Speaker 4>just explain to him about how unhappy I've been.

0:36:57.440 --> 0:37:00.000
<v Speaker 1>First of all, you remember how he said that arene

0:37:00.400 --> 0:37:03.640
<v Speaker 1>or marriage really makes you feel safe here?

0:37:03.840 --> 0:37:05.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Ming ming ming Ming, ming ming ming.

0:37:08.600 --> 0:37:11.279
<v Speaker 1>I was shocked at the end of this, you know,

0:37:11.360 --> 0:37:14.120
<v Speaker 1>because I wasn't expecting the question to be so like

0:37:14.200 --> 0:37:14.840
<v Speaker 1>cut throat.

0:37:15.239 --> 0:37:17.520
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh right, I thought she was gonna

0:37:17.520 --> 0:37:19.480
<v Speaker 2>be like, should I stay with my husband or do

0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:21.680
<v Speaker 2>I pursue this guy? And now she's like, no, I'm

0:37:21.680 --> 0:37:23.960
<v Speaker 2>going to pursue this guy, but what do I.

0:37:23.920 --> 0:37:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Do with my huse He's like, DONIA tell him or not?

0:37:26.000 --> 0:37:27.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:37:27.840 --> 0:37:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I absolutely think you should have a very honest conversation

0:37:32.320 --> 0:37:33.080
<v Speaker 1>with your husband.

0:37:33.160 --> 0:37:35.759
<v Speaker 4>I think that you need to slow down here, though,

0:37:35.920 --> 0:37:37.399
<v Speaker 4>don't you think no?

0:37:37.400 --> 0:37:40.440
<v Speaker 2>No, oh, she feels like she's settled.

0:37:41.560 --> 0:37:44.319
<v Speaker 4>Okay, but do you owe to him to give this

0:37:44.360 --> 0:37:46.960
<v Speaker 4>something of a shot, Like, I know this bright and shiny,

0:37:47.000 --> 0:37:50.320
<v Speaker 4>happy new thing is exciting right now, but you are married.

0:37:50.400 --> 0:37:52.240
<v Speaker 4>I feel like you owe something to your partner.

0:37:52.239 --> 0:37:54.959
<v Speaker 2>There, she owes the truth. I do think she should

0:37:54.960 --> 0:37:56.440
<v Speaker 2>tell him what happened, but maybe if she tells him

0:37:56.480 --> 0:37:58.000
<v Speaker 2>what happened, he might want a divorce.

0:37:59.560 --> 0:38:04.200
<v Speaker 1>I think the first step here is at least slowing

0:38:04.239 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 1>down to have the conversation, and I think it should

0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:08.520
<v Speaker 1>be a very honest conversation. I don't think you do

0:38:08.640 --> 0:38:12.200
<v Speaker 1>him any favors protecting him by not telling the full

0:38:12.239 --> 0:38:16.640
<v Speaker 1>truth of what happened. I think you need to take

0:38:16.680 --> 0:38:21.160
<v Speaker 1>accountability for your actions, and if you want to leave

0:38:21.200 --> 0:38:23.239
<v Speaker 1>this marriage and be with this person, then you need

0:38:23.280 --> 0:38:28.400
<v Speaker 1>to be, you know, just as honest and upfront with

0:38:28.440 --> 0:38:32.160
<v Speaker 1>your feelings and tell him what happened, because I don't

0:38:32.200 --> 0:38:36.319
<v Speaker 1>think that it's fair to think that you're protecting him

0:38:36.360 --> 0:38:38.719
<v Speaker 1>by just saying you're you're unhappy and want to leave.

0:38:39.200 --> 0:38:40.439
<v Speaker 1>I don't think that's fair.

0:38:41.680 --> 0:38:43.879
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I agree, But how much of this is this

0:38:43.920 --> 0:38:46.840
<v Speaker 4>other guy? Did she feel like she was settling before

0:38:46.880 --> 0:38:48.880
<v Speaker 4>she met this other guy? Does she wanted divorce before

0:38:48.880 --> 0:38:51.160
<v Speaker 4>she met this other guy. I'm worried that this bright

0:38:51.200 --> 0:38:53.480
<v Speaker 4>show on a new thing is causing her a warped

0:38:53.680 --> 0:38:55.680
<v Speaker 4>view of her marriage, which may not be that bad,

0:38:55.719 --> 0:38:56.279
<v Speaker 4>and he may be.

0:38:56.239 --> 0:38:56.759
<v Speaker 3>A good guy.

0:38:57.800 --> 0:38:59.440
<v Speaker 1>Well let him just I mean, I think at this

0:38:59.560 --> 0:39:02.040
<v Speaker 1>point it's up to the husband's decision to be like,

0:39:02.400 --> 0:39:05.360
<v Speaker 1>she cheated. Yeah, she cheated. No matter what way you

0:39:05.400 --> 0:39:09.520
<v Speaker 1>slice the cake, she cheated. So I think that that's

0:39:09.560 --> 0:39:12.400
<v Speaker 1>the first conversation is saying like, hey, I went on

0:39:12.440 --> 0:39:15.520
<v Speaker 1>this vacation, I had a connection with someone else, and

0:39:16.000 --> 0:39:18.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, maybe they've had conversations about her being unhappy.

0:39:19.040 --> 0:39:21.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't, we don't know that. I don't think she's

0:39:21.880 --> 0:39:24.040
<v Speaker 1>she said, I've been unhappy for a while. Oh, he

0:39:24.120 --> 0:39:29.800
<v Speaker 1>has no idea so he's shucked.

0:39:30.080 --> 0:39:32.839
<v Speaker 2>That's interesting because that is a problem if you've been

0:39:32.920 --> 0:39:35.360
<v Speaker 2>unhappy for a while and your husband has no idea.

0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:37.799
<v Speaker 2>That I think is a problem. I feel like there's

0:39:37.840 --> 0:39:40.840
<v Speaker 2>something that women take on. We want to try and

0:39:40.920 --> 0:39:44.239
<v Speaker 2>protect either like the guy or the other person, and

0:39:44.280 --> 0:39:46.320
<v Speaker 2>so we like take all of this on and we

0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:48.640
<v Speaker 2>don't want to share our feelings or share how things

0:39:48.680 --> 0:39:50.520
<v Speaker 2>are affecting us until we bottle it up, and that

0:39:50.560 --> 0:39:54.799
<v Speaker 2>makes you unhappy, when really, if you communicate and you

0:39:54.880 --> 0:39:57.080
<v Speaker 2>let those feelings out, maybe you can prevent all this

0:39:57.120 --> 0:39:59.200
<v Speaker 2>because then maybe you won't be unhappy in your marriage.

0:39:59.239 --> 0:40:02.279
<v Speaker 1>But part of me, I'm thinking about to what Mark

0:40:02.360 --> 0:40:06.799
<v Speaker 1>said about how did she is she really unhappy or

0:40:06.800 --> 0:40:09.440
<v Speaker 1>did she have a connection, and go, I don't have

0:40:09.520 --> 0:40:13.600
<v Speaker 1>that with my husband. I'm settling because like I don't

0:40:13.640 --> 0:40:16.680
<v Speaker 1>have this like exciting rush of emotions, and like I

0:40:16.719 --> 0:40:19.720
<v Speaker 1>feel like when people meet in especially on a vacation,

0:40:19.880 --> 0:40:23.080
<v Speaker 1>you're on a cruise, you're like relaxed, and then you

0:40:23.080 --> 0:40:25.920
<v Speaker 1>have a connection. It also feels like exciting and like

0:40:26.160 --> 0:40:28.960
<v Speaker 1>dangerous because you're doing something that you're not supposed to do.

0:40:29.080 --> 0:40:31.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, It's like, are these feelings once you get

0:40:31.920 --> 0:40:34.480
<v Speaker 1>back to real life with this new guy. Is it

0:40:34.560 --> 0:40:36.799
<v Speaker 1>going to be as magical as you've put in your

0:40:36.840 --> 0:40:39.760
<v Speaker 1>head that it is that you've like left your marriage.

0:40:39.680 --> 0:40:44.719
<v Speaker 2>For I have a feeling that she might tell him

0:40:44.719 --> 0:40:47.640
<v Speaker 2>about the infidelity and he might want the divorce.

0:40:47.760 --> 0:40:48.040
<v Speaker 3>Maybe.

0:40:48.040 --> 0:40:51.399
<v Speaker 4>But men and women cheat for different reasons, right, Men

0:40:51.520 --> 0:40:55.440
<v Speaker 4>cheat because they're for sexual reasons, for lustful reasons. I

0:40:55.440 --> 0:40:58.359
<v Speaker 4>feel like women cheat because they're not getting something they

0:40:58.400 --> 0:41:02.160
<v Speaker 4>need from their husband. Emotional could be physically whatever, but

0:41:02.200 --> 0:41:04.080
<v Speaker 4>men she physical reasons. I feel like women sheet more

0:41:04.080 --> 0:41:06.440
<v Speaker 4>for emotional reasons. Yeah, if my wife told me that

0:41:06.480 --> 0:41:08.719
<v Speaker 4>she was developing feelings for someone else, I'd try to

0:41:08.719 --> 0:41:11.400
<v Speaker 4>figure out what I was not giving her, what I

0:41:11.440 --> 0:41:14.319
<v Speaker 4>can do more to make her happy, because clearly she's

0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:16.880
<v Speaker 4>not happy. I would try to fix it. If I

0:41:16.920 --> 0:41:19.239
<v Speaker 4>were this guy, I wouldn't say goodbye. It's only been

0:41:19.239 --> 0:41:21.400
<v Speaker 4>a year, so we'll see, but I would try to

0:41:21.440 --> 0:41:23.279
<v Speaker 4>fix it if I were him. If you want out,

0:41:23.400 --> 0:41:25.239
<v Speaker 4>you're just gonna have to do it because he may not.

0:41:28.360 --> 0:41:31.640
<v Speaker 1>And my other thought is she's like we've been I've

0:41:31.640 --> 0:41:33.359
<v Speaker 1>been in contact with this guy and could really make

0:41:33.360 --> 0:41:35.239
<v Speaker 1>it work. What if he's kind of like that was

0:41:35.280 --> 0:41:38.080
<v Speaker 1>just a vacation flling and I'm not trying to have

0:41:38.160 --> 0:41:39.000
<v Speaker 1>anything serious.

0:41:40.000 --> 0:41:41.280
<v Speaker 3>I think there's a good chance of thating.

0:41:41.280 --> 0:41:43.080
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think that she needs to base her decision

0:41:43.160 --> 0:41:45.919
<v Speaker 2>on her marriage, not based on this guy at all.

0:41:46.160 --> 0:41:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I agree. I think she needs to like make

0:41:49.000 --> 0:41:52.200
<v Speaker 1>a decision that she what she wants out of life

0:41:52.239 --> 0:41:55.399
<v Speaker 1>and not and not not based this guy. And also

0:41:55.560 --> 0:41:58.600
<v Speaker 1>I think you are upfront and tell your husband the

0:41:58.600 --> 0:42:01.759
<v Speaker 1>whole truth, because I think you've, you know, broken the

0:42:01.840 --> 0:42:06.720
<v Speaker 1>promise of you're married to him, So you've broken that trust.

0:42:06.800 --> 0:42:09.879
<v Speaker 1>So I think it's to even be able to leave

0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:14.120
<v Speaker 1>with like a good conscious you need to tell him

0:42:14.160 --> 0:42:14.800
<v Speaker 1>what happened.

0:42:14.960 --> 0:42:16.680
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and you got to remember all the things that

0:42:16.719 --> 0:42:18.120
<v Speaker 4>made you want to spend the rest of your life

0:42:18.160 --> 0:42:20.439
<v Speaker 4>with this person, all the way back in twenty twenty two,

0:42:22.000 --> 0:42:24.000
<v Speaker 4>you know, all the way back that was not that

0:42:24.040 --> 0:42:26.359
<v Speaker 4>long ago, that you've decided to spend your entire life

0:42:26.400 --> 0:42:26.799
<v Speaker 4>with this guy.

0:42:26.800 --> 0:42:28.480
<v Speaker 3>He's got to have some good qualities. There's got to

0:42:28.480 --> 0:42:29.160
<v Speaker 3>be something there.

0:42:30.640 --> 0:42:32.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we don't have enough information.

0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:36.920
<v Speaker 4>Why why don't you know about that married you do

0:42:37.000 --> 0:42:39.120
<v Speaker 4>rush into these days? No evidence of that is Yes,

0:42:39.160 --> 0:42:40.879
<v Speaker 4>I think we have to assume that there are good

0:42:40.880 --> 0:42:41.840
<v Speaker 4>reasons for this marriage.

0:42:41.840 --> 0:42:43.520
<v Speaker 2>Correct. We don't know what this marriage. But I do

0:42:43.640 --> 0:42:46.799
<v Speaker 2>think a lot of people rush into marriage because it's

0:42:46.840 --> 0:42:48.920
<v Speaker 2>just the right time, it's what they're supposed to do.

0:42:49.880 --> 0:42:52.000
<v Speaker 2>People get scared, they don't want to get older, they

0:42:52.040 --> 0:42:54.000
<v Speaker 2>want having babies. I think there's a lot of reasons

0:42:54.040 --> 0:42:57.320
<v Speaker 2>that people get married that are not for the right reasons.

0:42:57.480 --> 0:42:58.960
<v Speaker 1>Or they say yes and then it gets to the

0:42:59.080 --> 0:43:00.480
<v Speaker 1>wedding and they're like, I'm not I'm not sure I

0:43:00.520 --> 0:43:02.879
<v Speaker 1>want this, but there's so much done already I can't leave.

0:43:02.960 --> 0:43:05.600
<v Speaker 1>So we don't know enough details of the situation, but

0:43:06.480 --> 0:43:08.440
<v Speaker 1>I think you need to have the whole The question

0:43:08.560 --> 0:43:10.400
<v Speaker 1>was does he need to know the whole truth? And

0:43:10.480 --> 0:43:14.839
<v Speaker 1>my opinion is yes, Yeah, all right.

0:43:14.880 --> 0:43:16.640
<v Speaker 4>Next to an anonymous long time listener, I'd love to

0:43:16.680 --> 0:43:18.799
<v Speaker 4>get some advice in a situation with my ex. We

0:43:18.880 --> 0:43:22.200
<v Speaker 4>dated almost ten years, got engaged in year nine.

0:43:22.680 --> 0:43:23.440
<v Speaker 3>He has a long.

0:43:23.360 --> 0:43:26.600
<v Speaker 4>History of cheating, both physically and emotionally. I knew of

0:43:26.680 --> 0:43:28.680
<v Speaker 4>most of it during the relationship, but often was made

0:43:28.719 --> 0:43:31.160
<v Speaker 4>to feel like I'm crazy or making something out of nothing.

0:43:31.880 --> 0:43:33.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, some of it came out after I broke off

0:43:33.600 --> 0:43:34.680
<v Speaker 3>our engagement as well.

0:43:34.880 --> 0:43:37.359
<v Speaker 4>I went through a very very dark period after as

0:43:37.360 --> 0:43:39.360
<v Speaker 4>I still thought he was the love of my life.

0:43:39.520 --> 0:43:41.000
<v Speaker 4>Fast forward to now, it's been about a year and

0:43:41.040 --> 0:43:43.000
<v Speaker 4>a half after I broke it off.

0:43:43.200 --> 0:43:44.480
<v Speaker 3>We are still in each other's lives.

0:43:44.600 --> 0:43:46.839
<v Speaker 4>We are finally able to speak without wanting to kill

0:43:46.880 --> 0:43:48.800
<v Speaker 4>each other and somewhat rekindling things.

0:43:49.040 --> 0:43:51.319
<v Speaker 3>I've been in therapy, so is he.

0:43:51.320 --> 0:43:53.359
<v Speaker 4>He's starting to go to church, which is wild, and

0:43:53.400 --> 0:43:55.960
<v Speaker 4>doing Bible study to make him a better man his words.

0:43:56.520 --> 0:43:58.600
<v Speaker 4>He's taken a lot of accountability and seems like he's

0:43:58.600 --> 0:44:01.000
<v Speaker 4>done a lot of growing where discovering the possibility of

0:44:01.040 --> 0:44:03.520
<v Speaker 4>trying things again. I'm very aware of my worth now

0:44:03.560 --> 0:44:05.520
<v Speaker 4>and require that we go to therapy together and take

0:44:05.560 --> 0:44:09.120
<v Speaker 4>this very slow. However, he isn't putting that much effort,

0:44:09.280 --> 0:44:11.440
<v Speaker 4>in my opinion, and I'm the one driving the conversation

0:44:11.520 --> 0:44:13.640
<v Speaker 4>of what are we doing. We've hung out, we've talked.

0:44:14.080 --> 0:44:16.040
<v Speaker 4>I feel like we're way past the talking stage and

0:44:16.040 --> 0:44:17.360
<v Speaker 4>more of the let's dive in and see if we

0:44:17.400 --> 0:44:19.360
<v Speaker 4>can do this stage. But maybe I'm wrong in rushing

0:44:19.360 --> 0:44:21.280
<v Speaker 4>that portion, or am I just being dumb altogether?

0:44:21.400 --> 0:44:22.000
<v Speaker 3>Please help me.

0:44:27.320 --> 0:44:31.719
<v Speaker 1>I think nine years of being able to cheat physically

0:44:31.800 --> 0:44:35.959
<v Speaker 1>and emotionally on someone that's you know how Tonia talks

0:44:35.960 --> 0:44:37.040
<v Speaker 1>about character.

0:44:37.560 --> 0:44:40.040
<v Speaker 2>He is that's a character flaw. It's a character flaw

0:44:40.120 --> 0:44:42.839
<v Speaker 2>for sure. And I think I'm just going to say this.

0:44:43.000 --> 0:44:47.040
<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes because we invest so much time into somebody,

0:44:47.080 --> 0:44:49.640
<v Speaker 2>we let that cloud our judgment because you don't want

0:44:49.640 --> 0:44:51.760
<v Speaker 2>to feel like you wasted ten years of your life

0:44:52.320 --> 0:44:55.360
<v Speaker 2>on somebody that isn't going to be in your life forever.

0:44:55.760 --> 0:44:59.880
<v Speaker 2>And I think sometimes we let that time cloud are

0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:03.120
<v Speaker 2>actual judgment on this person, and I think you lose

0:45:03.320 --> 0:45:05.560
<v Speaker 2>You're not seeing the forest through the trees. Does that

0:45:05.560 --> 0:45:08.239
<v Speaker 2>make sense? So like you're so attached to the fact that, oh,

0:45:08.239 --> 0:45:12.239
<v Speaker 2>I've been dating this person for ten years, but marriage

0:45:12.719 --> 0:45:15.279
<v Speaker 2>is what it is, and it's nature is your lifetime.

0:45:16.000 --> 0:45:19.040
<v Speaker 2>So it's like, yes, maybe you waste it. I don't

0:45:19.080 --> 0:45:21.160
<v Speaker 2>even consider it wasted because you obviously learned a lot.

0:45:21.200 --> 0:45:24.160
<v Speaker 2>But like ten years on this person, it's okay because

0:45:24.200 --> 0:45:26.120
<v Speaker 2>you still have so much of your life ahead of

0:45:26.120 --> 0:45:28.480
<v Speaker 2>your ahead of you, and I think that you can

0:45:28.520 --> 0:45:32.479
<v Speaker 2>find somebody that's not making you question all these things.

0:45:32.520 --> 0:45:34.960
<v Speaker 2>And I do think I will say it. I do

0:45:35.080 --> 0:45:39.640
<v Speaker 2>think that cheating does prove a part of character, and

0:45:39.719 --> 0:45:41.719
<v Speaker 2>I think character is one of the most important things

0:45:41.719 --> 0:45:42.839
<v Speaker 2>when you're in a relationship.

0:45:43.360 --> 0:45:46.000
<v Speaker 1>And I do think. I think people can change and grow,

0:45:46.040 --> 0:45:48.080
<v Speaker 1>and I think you can become a better person. But

0:45:48.160 --> 0:45:50.799
<v Speaker 1>I also think you've done so much work on yourself,

0:45:50.880 --> 0:45:54.240
<v Speaker 1>and you even said like you have discovered your worth.

0:45:54.440 --> 0:45:57.960
<v Speaker 1>And I think that if you've gotten to that place

0:45:58.000 --> 0:46:00.200
<v Speaker 1>and you've been able to live without him, I think

0:46:00.280 --> 0:46:04.399
<v Speaker 1>you move on and like and find someone who isn't

0:46:04.440 --> 0:46:06.800
<v Speaker 1>going to make you question or like immediately need to

0:46:06.800 --> 0:46:09.600
<v Speaker 1>get into therapy with because you need to feel like

0:46:09.640 --> 0:46:11.000
<v Speaker 1>you can trust him. Like, I think you should be

0:46:11.040 --> 0:46:13.640
<v Speaker 1>able to feel safe in a relationship, and I don't

0:46:13.680 --> 0:46:15.279
<v Speaker 1>think you've had that for ten years. So I think

0:46:15.320 --> 0:46:17.719
<v Speaker 1>you give yourself the gift of moving on from this.

0:46:18.040 --> 0:46:20.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I know it's hard because.

0:46:19.840 --> 0:46:22.440
<v Speaker 1>You invest so much time and you grow with someone,

0:46:22.520 --> 0:46:26.080
<v Speaker 1>But I think that you have found your worth and

0:46:26.120 --> 0:46:28.680
<v Speaker 1>who you are as an individual, and I think you

0:46:28.760 --> 0:46:31.320
<v Speaker 1>allow her to experience a love that you deserve.

0:46:31.719 --> 0:46:36.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. Give out. Yeah, I don't Yeah,

0:46:36.960 --> 0:46:39.799
<v Speaker 3>give out. Yeah, it's all bad. It's all bad, and

0:46:39.840 --> 0:46:42.000
<v Speaker 3>you've got to eat somebody else. Wait, till you.

0:46:41.960 --> 0:46:44.000
<v Speaker 4>Find out what the life your life is like when

0:46:44.000 --> 0:46:46.400
<v Speaker 4>you date someone else. Yeah, it's really going to be

0:46:46.480 --> 0:46:48.680
<v Speaker 4>lovely for you. He's going to be a better person.

0:46:48.960 --> 0:46:50.719
<v Speaker 4>Let him be a better person another person.

0:46:51.160 --> 0:46:53.919
<v Speaker 1>Exactly. It's like you're meant to be, but not made

0:46:53.920 --> 0:46:54.440
<v Speaker 1>to last.

0:46:55.360 --> 0:46:57.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, say it again.

0:46:57.160 --> 0:46:59.200
<v Speaker 1>Meant to be, not made to last?

0:46:59.640 --> 0:47:01.480
<v Speaker 2>Twenty three three.

0:47:02.480 --> 0:47:06.439
<v Speaker 1>All right, we have a podcast this Thursday. We are

0:47:06.680 --> 0:47:10.680
<v Speaker 1>interviewing Jason Murray Smith. She is an influencer podcaster. I

0:47:10.760 --> 0:47:13.040
<v Speaker 1>love her. She's one of my favorite people to follow

0:47:13.200 --> 0:47:16.879
<v Speaker 1>on social media, and we're gonna sit down and chat

0:47:16.880 --> 0:47:20.399
<v Speaker 1>with her for Thursday's episodes. So we'll be back on Thursday.

0:47:20.920 --> 0:47:22.560
<v Speaker 1>Hee bye.