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Speaker 1: Scrubbing in and Tanya rat An iHeartRadio podcast. Hello, everybody,

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Speaker 1: we are scrubbing. I'm back. It was a long time gone.

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Speaker 2: It felt like a long time gone.

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Speaker 1: It felt that way for me as well. It Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like I was just saying, like when I walked in,

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Speaker 1: we were talking about Phoebe, and I was saying, three

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Speaker 1: weeks was just a little too much. I used to

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Speaker 1: do that a lot more, but I don't think I've

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Speaker 1: ever done like three weeks straight being gone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it felt like you were gone for over a month.

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Speaker 1: Truly almost a month though that's one more week and

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Speaker 1: that would have been a month, right, that's how you

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Speaker 1: put it into respect.

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Speaker 2: Weeks month.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was close to that. But so we

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Speaker 1: went to Majorca, Spain first, and that was kind of

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Speaker 1: Haley's birthday trip and it was so amazing. I want

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Speaker 1: to move there.

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Speaker 2: Oh, not anytime soon. Let me tell you that.

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Speaker 1: Probably not anytime soon, but one day or just like

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Speaker 1: spend an extended time there.

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like a vacation, you know, that would

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Speaker 2: be the dream, Just a vacation Maorca.

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Speaker 1: Laura happened to be in London while we were there,

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Speaker 1: so she came for the first like day and a half,

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Speaker 1: so that was really fuzzy her and then Marla was

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Speaker 1: supposed to come but she had to work, so it

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Speaker 1: ended up just being me and Haley the rest of

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Speaker 1: the rest of the time, which was really fun. It

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Speaker 1: was like a you know, solo vacation before she started tour,

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Speaker 1: and it was like, I said, beautiful, And you know

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Speaker 1: what was really fascinating is that the whole time I

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Speaker 1: was in Europe and when we were in Spain, even

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Speaker 1: eating anything and everything, like the best food, but I

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Speaker 1: never felt sick. I never felt like my stomach hurt

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Speaker 1: or anything. So got me thinking thinking, just like what

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Speaker 1: we're putting into our bodies, don't I don't think about,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't really think about. But it had

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Speaker 1: me thinking because I could feel it, you know, but.

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Speaker 2: You felt good?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I felt good. Yeah. So then we went to

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Speaker 1: Haley started her tour in Scotland and Glasgow, so we

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Speaker 1: started there and then I slept on the bus twice.

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Speaker 1: Not my thing, not my thing at all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I didn't sleep at all, Like I'm talking, Maybe would

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Speaker 1: close my eyes and then it would be like I'd

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Speaker 1: wake up and it'd be the next hour like there

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Speaker 1: was never like a consistent sleep routine for me in there,

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Speaker 1: but then there was like hotels the rest of the time.

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Speaker 1: So I made it through. But just like the fear

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Speaker 1: of not like you can't poop on the bus, so

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Speaker 1: like the fear of like if something happened, like I

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Speaker 1: didn't have to go, but I was like, if something happens,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to go up ask the bus.

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Speaker 3: I could never you can't or you should?

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Speaker 1: No, you can't.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, It's not like I'm just gonna sneak one in

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Speaker 1: here because everyone will know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and.

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Speaker 1: You have to throw your toilet paper away. It was

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Speaker 1: just I don't I'm not a camper. I don't. I

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Speaker 1: never liked going to camp as a kid. I didn't

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Speaker 1: enjoy that. So it just was like this isn't for everybody,

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Speaker 1: but I'm happy for you. Yeah type vibes.

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Speaker 2: You know, how was it when you said goodbye to Haley?

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Speaker 1: I had a very I have not It's not been great. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Actually I had a lot of Scarboroughs messaging me saying

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Speaker 2: we something you post on your Instagram story about like

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Speaker 2: you're out a six point five the like I think

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Speaker 2: on Monday we need to check in on back and

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Speaker 2: see how she's doing. So I just wanted to make

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Speaker 2: sure that we take a moment to check in on you,

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Speaker 2: see how you're doing.

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Speaker 1: It's not good. I'm not great. This has probably been

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Speaker 1: the worst I've been like since we've been together. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I know, I cried so much leaving, Like

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Speaker 1: it was dramatic and I couldn't Like in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, this feels dramatic, but I couldn't stop.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so when do you see her again?

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Speaker 1: She comes back Friday night for a few days. When

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Speaker 1: it leaves for the US tour Friday, is like the

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Speaker 1: days have been long, long and hard. It's also hard

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Speaker 1: because she's nine hours ahead, so the time difference on

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Speaker 1: top of just being gone is you know, challenging. So yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: I would say six point five felt generous that I

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Speaker 1: gave myself, But so.

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Speaker 2: What are we feeling today?

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Speaker 1: No, Like, I feel like I'm just trying to decide,

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Speaker 1: like dramatically. Like dramatically, i'd say I'm like a four,

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Speaker 1: but like in the grand scheme of things, i'd say

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Speaker 1: I'm like a I think six point five is good. Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I'm just booking on my days.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna say, how can I help.

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Speaker 1: Let's pick a day that is, Donya'm back a day

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Speaker 1: or night. It's mostly the nights because like I'm alone,

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Speaker 1: she's asleep. Oh just me and Phoebe. If Phoebe's in

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Speaker 1: the room with me.

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Speaker 2: All right.

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Speaker 1: But last night I haven't slept, and I was like

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Speaker 1: that has been a big problem as well. I'm like

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Speaker 1: half so much anxiety. I haven't slept. It's been like

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Speaker 1: not well. But I took an edible, I took Oshawagonda gummies,

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Speaker 1: and I took a melotone.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, make sure I.

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Speaker 1: Slept, and yeah, wow, I slept very hard.

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Speaker 2: The Triple Threat.

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Speaker 1: I watched Miss Americana, the Taylor Swift documentary on that flat. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I've seen it so many times. It's like a comfort.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I do with the her Disney plus one,

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Speaker 2: the long long pond sessions.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I need to put that in the road, really

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Speaker 1: good to have in the back. Oh that would I

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Speaker 1: might do that one tonight. So I felt like to

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Speaker 1: that at like nine pm. And I woke up at

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Speaker 1: like six today and I deleted all my delivery apps.

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Speaker 1: That was the thing I was gonna do. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna if I want to go get something, I

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Speaker 1: can but I need I can go get it, or

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Speaker 1: I can get groceries and cook at home. And so

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Speaker 1: today I woke up and all I wanted was to

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Speaker 1: order like a cinnamon.

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Speaker 2: Roll from where.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Donald's so good. No, I don't need

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Speaker 1: McDonalds cinnamon rolls, but that sounds probably delicious. There's a

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Speaker 1: place called Cinnaina cinnamon Yeah. Yeah, those are delicious, really good,

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Speaker 1: great way to start your Monday. But I did a

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Speaker 1: sugary ball. I didn't. I walked and had breakfast by

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Speaker 1: myself and I had an egg white omelet. Yeah. So wow,

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Speaker 1: health queen chick.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited about this journey for you. I was

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Speaker 2: messaging back and I said, if there's anything you ever

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Speaker 2: would like me to do with you, I'm happy to

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Speaker 2: do it with you. I actually had quite an experience

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Speaker 2: because you know, I've been eating this way for about

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Speaker 2: six months for my hashimotos. I've been gluten free, I've

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Speaker 2: been caffeine free, I've been really really clean. Right, So

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Speaker 2: I went to Miami this weekend for to celebrate Sofia's

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Speaker 2: birthday and on Friday night we went out and it

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Speaker 2: was like our big night out and we had dinner

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Speaker 2: and it was kind of like already not prefixed, but

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Speaker 2: ordered for you.

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Speaker 4: Know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not going to be the girl

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Speaker 2: that's like is there any gluten free options? I was like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I'm going to let myself enjoy. It's

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Speaker 2: really good Italian foods. So I was like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: let myself enjoy the pasta and just everything. I drank

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Speaker 2: espresso martinis so fun. I when I tell you we

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Speaker 2: got to the club, I was so ill. It was

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Speaker 2: not drunk, it was like like so sick from the food.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, I'm gonna have to leave, and

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Speaker 2: I'm bummed because like this is our big party night

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Speaker 2: for Sophia Sophia and I was like sitting on this

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Speaker 2: couch and Robbie was like, do you need to go home?

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Speaker 2: I'll go home with you. And I was like, and

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Speaker 2: Pauline is like, you just have to throw up. You

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Speaker 2: just have to throw up. I know that look in

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Speaker 2: your eye. You just need to And I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm at a club in Miami when these these stalls

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Speaker 2: are like not I was like, I cannot do that.

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Speaker 2: I haven't done this since college. But I was like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I think she's right. I just felt

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Speaker 2: like ill. So I go into this bathroom. Paulina brings

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Speaker 2: a water bottle with her and she's like, I got you,

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Speaker 2: let's go. I yack just like everything out and I

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Speaker 2: felt like incredible. After I was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: Like it really was just so much of what I

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Speaker 2: had I wasn't used to between espresso martinis are intense

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Speaker 2: and I haven't had caffeine in months. Yeah, on top

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Speaker 2: of everything that I just haven't had in my system

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Speaker 2: for like six months. It was and then I didn't

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Speaker 2: even drink the rest of the night. I was like

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Speaker 2: having the best time.

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Speaker 1: Wow. She was resurrected after.

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Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, baby, we're back.

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Speaker 1: So have you had any like come down from eating that,

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Speaker 1: Like did you notice your body change it all? Like?

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Speaker 2: No, I really again, it was like instantly I felt

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Speaker 2: so sick from it all. But since then, no, and

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Speaker 2: like I went back to kind of just like my

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Speaker 2: normal situation and I was I've been fine, but it

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Speaker 2: was really kind of jarring to experience that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I'm happy that I'm happy that there was

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Speaker 1: a turnaround for you. Yeah, there was a turn You

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Speaker 1: did what you needed to do, Yeah, and continue the night.

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Speaker 2: Yes, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: Party.

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Speaker 2: But what's so crazy is I'm like, I realize how

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Speaker 2: much I I used to party like hard. And it

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Speaker 2: wasn't even the out It wasn't It was not the

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Speaker 2: alcohol that made me sick. It was the food. But still,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't. I can't stay up that late anymore,

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Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? Like, I just can't

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Speaker 2: stay up till four in the morning anymore.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I don't think a lot of people can,

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Speaker 1: Like at a certain age, I think we go. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's so.

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Speaker 2: There was so many people out. I was like so

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Speaker 2: impressed with just like the amount of people night life. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and even when I left, we left at like three

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Speaker 2: thirty in the morning, there was still a whole bunch

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Speaker 2: of people there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I think I'm past that point in

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Speaker 1: my life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. It was fun for nights.

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Speaker 1: It's fun for night like when we went to Vegas

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Speaker 1: that one for that one night we were up super

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Speaker 1: late too. Correct it was great, but like it took

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Speaker 1: me a while to recover from that.

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Speaker 2: I feel yeah, I'm very tired today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And so then I flew back and I was really

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Speaker 2: excited because I had my flight book during the Love

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Speaker 2: Is Blind reunion.

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Speaker 1: Which you did on purpose. Correct, that was a strategic decision.

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Speaker 1: It fell into lace.

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Speaker 3: It just kind of all a live you booked your

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Speaker 3: flight to be home in time for the Love of

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Speaker 3: the mill.

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Speaker 2: I could watch it.

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Speaker 4: In the air, Okay, Oh yeah, Wi Fi on flat

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Speaker 4: planes is so choppy.

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Speaker 2: Not these days really, Okay? Yeah? No, Well I thought

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Speaker 2: it was me because I was like, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: But then I was like looking at social media and

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Speaker 2: saw that it was with this whole thing. So I

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Speaker 2: literally was refreshing that screen my entire flight. It was

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Speaker 2: such a buzzkill. I had nothing else.

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Speaker 1: To watch, nothing, but you had Netflix.

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Speaker 2: I had Netflix.

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Speaker 3: We had a million things to watch, but I.

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Speaker 2: Wanted to watch the Love Is Blind.

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Speaker 3: Sound a limited number of watched.

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Speaker 2: But then I was like that whole panic of I

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Speaker 2: don't want to see spoilers. I want to watch it,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to see spoilers. And then I saw

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Speaker 2: like Claudia.

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Speaker 1: Ashra, Aushray Ashre Ausri, Aushri Ashra. I don't I thought

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Speaker 1: it was a but I think Timothy whatever it was,

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Speaker 1: Timothy girl.

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Speaker 2: With no job, posted that she was able to watch it,

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Speaker 2: so like she got it last night, and so I

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Speaker 2: was having a lot of fomo not knowing what was

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Speaker 2: going on, not having access to it.

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Speaker 1: I'm confused though, So was it a glitch in this?

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Speaker 1: Like what happened?

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Speaker 2: So they it was supposed to go up at like

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Speaker 2: five o'clock.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So this is Netflix is new thing is live events.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: They had to be Chris Rock Special live, and so

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Speaker 4: they want to do more of that because all the

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Speaker 4: other streaming services are doing live stuff. Apple TV's getting

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Speaker 4: a live sports you know, so.

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Speaker 1: It's really live. It's happening.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So just PSA to streaming services if any of

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Speaker 2: you listened to this podcast. I don't care about live television.

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Speaker 2: I want taped and I want it on time. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't care. I've watched all their other reunions taped

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Speaker 2: and they were fine and great and wonderful, and they

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Speaker 2: were right on time when I needed them. So basically

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Speaker 2: was supposed to go up at five, and they sent

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Speaker 2: out this tweet that said, like love is late, We're

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Speaker 2: getting all the kinks figured out it'll be up in

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Speaker 2: like fifteen minutes. So then I just kind of sat back,

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Speaker 2: waited for fifteen minutes, kept checking, kept checking, and then

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Speaker 2: it just kind of kept getting pushed back. It was

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Speaker 2: like two hours later, and it was like crickets, like

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Speaker 2: they weren't saying anything, and then they said something like

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Speaker 2: it's going to be up tomorrow at noon, meaning today

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Speaker 2: at noon. But then I saw I saw Claudia posted

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Speaker 2: that she was watching it, So I'm like, how are

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Speaker 2: some people getting access to it and then other people

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Speaker 2: are not?

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Speaker 1: So you haven't seen it?

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Speaker 2: No, And I already know one spoiler.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I know. I couldn't. I don't know a

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Speaker 1: single thing about this season. I guess I just have

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Speaker 1: a hard time with reality TV when I feel like.

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Speaker 2: It's about love.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's about love, that's the thing.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's about like, well, the first season

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Speaker 1: was so pure to me, like it felt like no

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Speaker 1: one knew what to expect, and it blew up right

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Speaker 1: and everyone just like got so popular on social media,

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Speaker 1: kind of like how The Bachelor, but like times ten,

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Speaker 1: like because it's Netflix, it's global, so like they blew up.

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Speaker 1: So then anyone going on past the first season. It

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Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we know what this is gonna happen

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Speaker 1: for our career or whatever. We liked The Bachelor, I know,

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Speaker 1: but we went we social Media wasn't a thing when

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Speaker 1: I went on till after, but now it is, I know.

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Speaker 1: So it's the same thing. I have a hard time

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Speaker 1: with The Bachelor too because of this. Don't I watch

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Speaker 1: it but I'm not. I don't care because I'm like, Oh.

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Speaker 3: They might be there for the wrong reasons. Just what

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Speaker 3: she's trying to show, just.

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Speaker 1: Saying are they saying yes because they want to? Are

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Speaker 1: they saying yes because it's a money in the bank.

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Speaker 2: There's two people I don't know their names. I have

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Speaker 2: to look them up. Do you remember Hannah the two

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Speaker 2: from last season that are still together Brent Brendan.

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Speaker 1: No, Cameron and Lauren are still together from the first season.

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Speaker 2: No, from last season. There's a couple that like and

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Speaker 2: I knew it too. They are endgame Brennan and Alexa.

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Speaker 2: Brennan and Alexa.

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Speaker 1: You were very invested in them, so much that their

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Speaker 1: names escape to you.

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Speaker 2: You know, I don't look at labels. I just look

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Speaker 2: like people like.

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Speaker 1: Someone's name Okay. Anyways, so you felt like there were

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Speaker 1: some like real genuine like you You didn't even feel

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Speaker 1: awkward watching them interact because they felt meant to be.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's one couple that I like, I think are

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Speaker 2: good this season, and the rest of them I think

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Speaker 2: are not so good. Okay, So I'm really excited about

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Speaker 2: the reunion because I'm excited to see where they all

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Speaker 2: stand now.

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Speaker 1: So you like you like the kind of like messiness

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Speaker 1: chaos of it all too, like you're entertained by.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm entertained by. But you know what's so funny

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Speaker 2: is so I'm still We got back from our flight

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Speaker 2: and I still couldn't get it on Netflix. Ad come

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Speaker 2: and so Robbie goes, did you watch the Love the

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Speaker 2: Love Island UK Reunion? And I was like no? So

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Speaker 2: then we watched the Love and Season nine reunion last

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Speaker 2: night instead.

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Speaker 1: I tried to start that up again yesterday.

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Speaker 2: That is a great activity for you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but you know what, I realize that I don't

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Speaker 1: know what part of the show this is on. This

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00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,320
Speaker 1: might still be the first thing, but like new people

335
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 1: will come in and just say who they want to

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Speaker 1: pair up with, and even if they're in a couple,

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Speaker 1: they have to go with them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's all about exploring.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like that.

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Speaker 2: No, it's good.

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Speaker 1: But can the person say no?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Huh oh so yeah, yeah you can say no.

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Speaker 1: You can say Ron could have said no, oh yes,

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Speaker 1: exactly exactly. I would be the most unhinged personal not

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Speaker 1: show no.

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Speaker 2: But people do say no, like you Usually if they're

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Speaker 2: like really early days, they'll be open to it and

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Speaker 2: they'll go. But a lot like Tommy and Molly, Like

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Speaker 2: Tommy was like, no, that's my girl.

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Speaker 1: How soon did they hook up? Like how long did

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Speaker 1: the house fast? Did they? Because I like Ron and

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Speaker 1: Lana together.

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Speaker 2: Right until he did that. Just wait, it gets worse.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't know that he could say no. So

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Speaker 1: now I'm like, you can't say dang, that's yeah. I

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Speaker 1: would not I would not do well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So anyways, I'll report back on the uh Love

358
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Speaker 2: is Blind. Maybe I'll take.

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Speaker 1: That under my wing and start it today that we're actually.

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Speaker 2: Trying to get Chelsea and Kwame on on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I know who that is, but I can't wait to

362
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Speaker 1: know who they are. Yeah wait, I think I do

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Speaker 1: know who Kwame is because I saw a video of

364
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Speaker 1: him riding a bull. Yeah, I didn't like it.

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00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's sketched me. Okay, sketch Yeah, but I don't

366
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Speaker 2: want to like pollute your goin. I'll go in as

367
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Speaker 2: the purest and I go in with your walls down.

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Speaker 1: I had a significant revelation on my trip or like

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Speaker 1: after my well after my time with Haley. When I

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Speaker 1: got home. We talked about it, but I figured we

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Speaker 1: could take a break and I could come back and

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Speaker 1: talk about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, we're back.

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Speaker 1: So after I okay, my whole life and I feel

375
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Speaker 1: like we've even talked about this on the podcast when

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Speaker 1: we talk about attachment styles.

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Speaker 2: Attachment styles, let's lean back for this one. This feel

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Speaker 2: this is a therapy session and I'm into it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how therapeutic it'll be for anybody. It's

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00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 1: gonna be therapeutic, but I think it's a realization I

381
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 1: had so my whole life when it came to attachment style.

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Speaker 1: So there's a void it, there's anxious, there's uh disorganized,

383
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,960
Speaker 1: and there's another Some people's safe someone else and then

384
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,679
Speaker 1: their security secure. Yeah, but sometimes the disorganized is like

385
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,600
Speaker 1: a worded differently. But anyways, I've always been avoidant my

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00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:21,440
Speaker 1: whole life. I in every relationship, romantic, any type of friendship, whatever,

387
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 1: just kind of like if there's confrontation, just like avoid it.

388
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 1: We don't need to talk about it, sleep it under

389
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:30,159
Speaker 1: the rug. I don't care. Shut down. That's been my personality.

390
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 1: So I think that in life, and since I've dated Haley,

391
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,679
Speaker 1: I've had certain people who are like close to me,

392
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Speaker 1: I guess, shut down emotionally for me, of like being

393
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Speaker 1: there for me and there. And so I think in

394
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,359
Speaker 1: my relationship with Haley, I think that I've had this

395
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:57,280
Speaker 1: switch from avoidant to anxious. Yes, because in my mind,

396
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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, if people that I feel like are

397
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,680
Speaker 1: suppose to be there for me and support me and

398
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 1: like emotionally be there for me are able to shut down,

399
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,480
Speaker 1: then so like why wouldn't she at some point, like

400
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,399
Speaker 1: why wouldn't she be able to like walk away or

401
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 1: leave me or abandon me emotionally. So I've gone into

402
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,240
Speaker 1: this like from avoidant to anxious, which is a very

403
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 1: you don't want to go in that direction.

404
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 2: No, And also going from avoidant to anxious is like

405
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 2: even worse, I feel, because avoidant you're just.

406
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:30,119
Speaker 1: Like h yeah, well yeah, yeah, it's worse. But also

407
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm still kind of have both, Like I kind of

408
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,480
Speaker 1: am like I shut down, but I'm anxious about it.

409
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,320
Speaker 1: I'm not able to just like shut down and like

410
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 1: block it off. So it's like I've got both. The

411
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 1: goal when you're anxious or avoidant is to get to

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00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 1: a place where you're secure. So I thought with therapy

413
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,240
Speaker 1: from avoidant, I would go to secure. So this new

414
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: realization has been good for me because it's now I

415
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,720
Speaker 1: can be like, Okay, I can work on like you

416
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 1: know you can. You can grow with these things. It's

417
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 1: not like permanent, but it was interesting.

418
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,439
Speaker 4: But doesn't don't those styles change throughout the years, Like,

419
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 4: for example, you were avoidant because maybe that wasn't the one.

420
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,000
Speaker 4: Maybe you're anxious now because you're so in love. Maybe

421
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 4: twenty years from now you'll be secure because there's so

422
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 4: much behind you.

423
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:18,879
Speaker 3: Like doesn't it evolve?

424
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 1: Maybe, But like twenty years for me to be anxious

425
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 1: until I finally feel the caure is not good to

426
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,200
Speaker 1: think about. Yeah, I don't want to be anxious.

427
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 2: I long for the day that I may be securely attached.

428
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 2: I look at it with a hopeful heart for myself

429
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 2: someday that maybe.

430
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,880
Speaker 4: Maybe the marriage or maybe engagement, maybe it's that lifelong commitment, right,

431
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 4: maybe it turns it into secure attests.

432
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 2: You know what's interesting actually, as vanessla Shay because I

433
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,399
Speaker 2: have got on my mind, Vanessa Hudgens was just talking

434
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 2: about how she feels a sense of security now that

435
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 2: she's engaged, and I was like, I've maybe that is

436
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 2: the ticket. Maybe it isn't the form of like a

437
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 2: lifelong commitment, but the way I see it is like,

438
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 2: even if you're engaged, that's not there's nothing promised. People

439
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 2: could divorce people, you know, Like that's my mind.

440
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 3: There's no ring that doesn't just happen.

441
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 4: Like I feel like, I feel like I was anxious

442
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 4: before I got married, and I know that I'm secure now.

443
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 4: And I don't know at what point that switch flipped,

444
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 4: but I do think that happens.

445
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,120
Speaker 3: I think that comes with the territory.

446
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 4: I mean, you're gonna get anxious if you feel things

447
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 4: aren't going well, if you think the marriage is falling apart.

448
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 4: The anxiety will come back, of course, but I think

449
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,440
Speaker 4: the secure comes in once you make the lifelong, mutual commitment.

450
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,399
Speaker 5: Bless that day the hurdle of finding a judge in

451
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,639
Speaker 5: an attorney to dissolve the relationship. Well, it makes me

452
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 5: more secure, Like, if this person wants to leave, they

453
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 5: got a file paper, they can't just say that's true.

454
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,440
Speaker 3: There's a lot of hurdles. They got a real contract.

455
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, why I look forward to that, that moment in

456
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,679
Speaker 2: my life when that shift happens. I see it. I

457
00:20:58,760 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 2: do see it coming for me.

458
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 1: I see it coming for you too.

459
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 2: Yeah. I do feel like my anxious attachment has gotten

460
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 2: better in my relationship with Robbie than it has been

461
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 2: in the past, but it's definitely still there.

462
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't feel like you. I think there are

463
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: certain things where you're that maybe you struggle with, but

464
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: I don't feel like the anxiety that I once felt

465
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: for me.

466
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much. So I do feel that

467
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 2: shift as well in myself.

468
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:31,439
Speaker 1: Great. So, yeah, maybe it's not just a ring or marriage,

469
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: but we're so hopeful we want that. Yeah, we're looking

470
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 1: for that.

471
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're just really hopeful for the future.

472
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,400
Speaker 1: I did listen to your episode with Robbie. Oh yeah,

473
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:43,240
Speaker 1: and I was dying at you going to the bathroom

474
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 1: in front of him and him talking about the like

475
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: blank like stare on you know that look right. No,

476
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 1: I've never watched you.

477
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 2: Poo No, I know, but like that look of like

478
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 2: get like, hey, get out, I have to. I didn't

479
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 2: want to tell him what I was doing. I just didn't. Yeah,

480
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: I wouldn't. By the way, it's very exciting for me,

481
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 2: you know, like I have bathroom issues.

482
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: So that was like I was.

483
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 2: It was such a juxtaposition of emotions because on one hand,

484
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 2: I was very thrilled for myself that it was just happening, yeah,

485
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,119
Speaker 2: and freaked out because he was in the bathroom with me.

486
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm stressed about the usage of slipped out. So yeah.

487
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: But I also got this theory that Robbie can't smell.

488
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I will say, no, his sinuses are whack,

489
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 2: like he's got some sinus issues and like, and I've

490
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 2: tested this theory before because I like, actually let some

491
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 2: farts slip, and he doesn't smell a thing about something

492
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 2: he was He was.

493
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,639
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I didn't smell it. I'm like, yeah, I

494
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 1: don't think you can smell.

495
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 2: The Lord blessed me with a boyfriend who can't sell you.

496
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: Remember what you said, The Lord works mysterious way.

497
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's one of them right there, And that was.

498
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,080
Speaker 4: A tree a question, And I'm sorry I was in

499
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 4: here last week. I'm sorry I missed that episode. But

500
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,640
Speaker 4: I thought you weren't going to be using the bathroom

501
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 4: in front of partners moving forward.

502
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 1: I thought that was a new rule was still in place.

503
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning in, Mark, But it accidentally happened.

504
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 3: No, I understand that. I get that it sneaked out,

505
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 3: but you're still going Toumber one front.

506
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, we pee in front of each other.

507
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 3: But why, why? Why? I thought that? I thought that

508
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 3: was also off the.

509
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 2: Tabe pings, Ping's nothing, Ping's treat the eyes too.

510
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 3: I don't think it is my.

511
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 4: Mike, Mike the marriage I'm involved with the relationship I'm with.

512
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 4: There's no there's no waste release in front of the partner.

513
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 2: Oh interesting, No, we pee in front of each other.

514
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 2: That's not a thing that.

515
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:49,959
Speaker 5: Not only is it not happening in front of us,

516
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 5: it's not even mentioned. Right, there's a lot of going

517
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 5: in the bathroom to wash my hands.

518
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 1: Wow, really, you really keeping mysterious?

519
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 2: I p in front of Becca to me, Yeah, but

520
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 2: with Haley, we will be in front of each other.

521
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,959
Speaker 1: But I like my private I mean, I just like

522
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 1: we could closed door situation. There's no open door policy,

523
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: and like if we're at a let's say we're at

524
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: a restaurant or something and there's a one like a

525
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: one person stall, she and I will go in together

526
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 1: just like pee at the same time somewhere.

527
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 2: Just that's weird.

528
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,439
Speaker 1: Really, See I don't think that's weird. Oh oh I

529
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: do have my friends too.

530
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, we it's not like.

531
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 2: Open door policy. But we were like getting ready to

532
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 2: go on a flight, so it was like pee, brush

533
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 2: your teeth, pat Like, so.

534
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 3: There's one bathroom in the house for.

535
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 2: Us, oh the kids were for us. Yeah, one bathroom. Right,

536
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 2: there's a lot of stuff happening.

537
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 3: I think in that scenario I would have.

538
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 4: Excuse myself or excuse my wife in that scenario, especially

539
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,719
Speaker 4: if there was any chance I had won.

540
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 3: In the chamber.

541
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 1: Too, there was like it was a it was the

542
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: amount of time that was spent, like he was looking

543
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 1: at her and like analyzing.

544
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 2: Her facially, Like there was a lot times and that

545
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 2: was just like this.

546
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: And he was brushing his teeth during this time. Yes,

547
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: that's stressful. Yeah, it's all very stress Yet I would

548
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 1: say Hey, I don't want to give too many details,

549
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: but I need you to leave. Thank you so much.

550
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we did come up with this thing. It's

551
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 2: called business call. Likely I got to go a business call, yeah,

552
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 2: and that would be like I have to go to

553
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 2: use the restroom, but what.

554
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,560
Speaker 1: About an emergency business call has come through exit?

555
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 2: You know Hindsight's twenty twenty.

556
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

557
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, But it is funny because when when we were

558
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 2: in Cabo, I was I texted Becca. I was listening

559
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 2: to this audiobook that she's been telling me to listen to,

560
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 2: The Untethered Soul, and we didn't tell a story on

561
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 2: the podcast. When Robbie was here, I forgot about it. It

562
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 2: was so funny because we're like laying out and he's

563
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 2: on like the chair behind me, and I'm like in

564
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,639
Speaker 2: the chair that's like in the pool, and I have

565
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: my earbuds in and all of a sudden, he just

566
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 2: hears me going, yeah, yeah, that's good. Oh, Like I'm

567
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 2: like the you know, as I'm listening to these revelations

568
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 2: from the book, and he's like, didn't know I was

569
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,959
Speaker 2: listening to He's like, Babe, what's going on. I was like,

570
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 2: I'm not centered makes sense now, Like I was having

571
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 2: all these like like making verbal noises to the audiobook

572
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 2: that I was listening to in my ears, and then

573
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 2: I texted back and I was like, wow, this book.

574
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:20,879
Speaker 3: Wow.

575
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: So you're just like a I have.

576
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,880
Speaker 2: An untethered soul adjacent I'm not quite there yet.

577
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so you have an untethered just like

578
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 1: dialogue with yourself out loud.

579
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it really brought up these interesting points that

580
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,880
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh.

581
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: I need to keep reading it. Maybe do you listen?

582
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: Have you found listening to the audiobook is good? Like

583
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 1: do you like that version or do you wish you

584
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: were reading it?

585
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 2: I like to do both. When when I buy a pool,

586
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 2: I don't enjoy getting like books all sweaty and like gross,

587
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: So I like audiobooks when I'm like out, but I

588
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 2: prefer books like in bed.

589
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: Okay, good to know because I was like, I need

590
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: to I really need to continue reading it. Yeah, everybody

591
00:26:59,560 --> 00:26:59,880
Speaker 1: you want.

592
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 2: To pick that book up and give it a whirl.

593
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 1: I've heard of that life like I've literally heard people

594
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 1: say it's changed our life. So I'm it changed a

595
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: portion of my life. Did you finish it?

596
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 2: No?

597
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: Oh?

598
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 2: But That's what I'm saying. Like I've only listened to

599
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 2: a couple of chapters and man, you don't even recognize

600
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 2: me anymore.

601
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like she felt it all did. Okay, So

602
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 1: you brought up Vanessa Hudgens talking about being secure and

603
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: just this morning we have discovered that Zac Efron followed

604
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 1: Vanessa Hudgens on Instagram.

605
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 2: Are you sure about this as it's been confirmed?

606
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a screenshot of it who he follows? But

607
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: do you want to are you gonna check?

608
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna follow this.

609
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like she's engaged, she's moved on, But it's.

610
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 2: Always interesting Vanessa Hudgens what she does not follow him back?

611
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: Oh? Do you think he was like reliving memories or

612
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: like watched maybe a TikTok montage when they were together.

613
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 2: And I'm convinced this has something to do with high

614
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 2: school methics, musical high school musical? Are they're working on

615
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 2: something together? This isn't just some like Willia Nilly follow.

616
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: Well, she didn't follow him.

617
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 3: So something you're saying publicity stunt? Yeah, isn't that fun?

618
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 3: Isn't that? Isn't that a crazy world they live in?

619
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 4: Like can you imagine if you followed someone who became

620
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 4: headline news.

621
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, you had like thee a relationship like that

622
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: that was like so people were so obsessed with it,

623
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: and then you had this like very public breakup and

624
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: then followed that person.

625
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 5: I mean, I dream of having a headline that says,

626
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 5: Eastern Allen has unfollowed RBS breaking news.

627
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 3: Something like that's never going to happen. Then they come up, yeah,

628
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 3: you ever knows.

629
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: And then also Sean Mendez and Camila Cabeo spotted making

630
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 1: out at Coachella.

631
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, because of them got that photo, by the way,

632
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 4: one of them kissing.

633
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 3: The whole thing.

634
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: He Ronnie got the photo of them like interacting, not

635
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: the video of them kissing.

636
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: It's a video, well video slash photo.

637
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 3: Well whatever kiss was there.

638
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, because yeah, Ronnie got a video he put he

639
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 2: put in our kiss I group chat. There's this picture

640
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: that he got of Camila and Sean like talking to

641
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 2: each other, like very closely. And he was kind of

642
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 2: going through the debate of like do I post this,

643
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 2: do I not post this? Do I post this? Do

644
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 2: I not post this? And then that photo that he

645
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 2: posted kind of got picked up by all these outlets,

646
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 2: and then later on somebody got video of them like kissing.

647
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: I'm shocked, are you yes?

648
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 2: Yes? Why what's shocking?

649
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 3: You're the one that has.

650
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 1: Solve them never lasting. So I'm like, I can't believe

651
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: this reunion.

652
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 3: I think they're still never lasting.

653
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 1: Tanya, I mean, yeah, maybe it means nothing. I just

654
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: wanted to like having it. I know, I'm not I

655
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: don't even think they'll get back together and have a relationship.

656
00:29:55,080 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 2: But our apparently are back together. It's not yours, but yeah,

657
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 2: she said to paparazzi. But it was very like passerby

658
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 2: because the paparazzi said like well. The paparazzi said like,

659
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 2: are you guys back together? And she was not even

660
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 2: looking at him. She was like talking to her friend

661
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 2: and she was like yes. I was like, is that

662
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 2: your friend.

663
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 1: I'm like she could just be like yeah, like leave

664
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: me alone. It means nothing.

665
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 2: I just think, like, you don't make out at Coachella

666
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: unless you want to be seen making out at Coachella.

667
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: No, I agree one thousand percent, but yeah, And a

668
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: lot of people are asking my thoughts about Joe and

669
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift if I had a feeling about them.

670
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I know that. You know what's so crazy

671
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 2: is that we didn't even ask you about them because

672
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 2: we thought they were They're not like.

673
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: A like people know, but people don't like they're not.

674
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 2: I don't know.

675
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 1: No, no, yeah, that one was. It was fuzzy. It's fuzzy.

676
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: My feeling on them was fuzzy. Oh so you couldn't

677
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: get like I've been breaking up. I'm not like, oh

678
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm shocked because I don't think we knew

679
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: a lot. We had no information on their relationship in general.

680
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,959
Speaker 1: But you know how I feel about I just want

681
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: Taylor to be happy.

682
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 2: I I just like, I just wanted to be happy.

683
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 1: If she's happy with him, I want her to be

684
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: with him, and she's happy without him. I'm happy for

685
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 1: her without him.

686
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, we never got your take on it because you

687
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 2: were gone.

688
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was gone. Were you sad She's sad? I'm sad.

689
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I don't like that's what that's the feeling.

690
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't feel shocked. I was just kind

691
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: of like, oh wow, very sagittarius of you.

692
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 2: Why they just kind of adapt other emotions.

693
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: Well when it's like the hero of our generation Taylor Swift.

694
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: Then yeah, I want her to feel whatever she wants

695
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,239
Speaker 1: to feel, and I'm on board with her.

696
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 2: You see her stepping out for her first like solo

697
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 2: night in those butterfly pants.

698
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: I sure did thought of you. I wonder where those

699
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: are from.

700
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 2: They're sold out.

701
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you got on that quick, real quick.

702
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 2: I was like, my girl, Taylor's going through a rebirth.

703
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: I I know what my thought process was when this

704
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 1: happened is that we don't know anything, whether it was

705
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 1: him or her or whatever. But either way, breaking up

706
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: is so hard, whether you're the one to initiate it

707
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: or you're the one who gets broken up with. And

708
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 1: the fact that.

709
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 2: She just has harder when you're the one broken up with.

710
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, but still like to get out on the stage

711
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: and like sing, you know, like be on every night

712
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 1: after night. That's a lot for someone to do. And

713
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: I mean she's a business woman, she's gonna do it too,

714
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: you know.

715
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 2: But that's a difference between a professional and an amateur.

716
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, because that is hard.

717
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 2: I remember I had I did my Modern Woman workshop

718
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 2: the day the day after robbing, and I broke up

719
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 2: and I was like, how am I just gonna like

720
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 2: be fine during this thing. I have to like talk

721
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 2: and engage, and I'm like I can't even like stop

722
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 2: crying for five seconds. Yeah, I had to put my

723
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 2: face in a bowl of ice stop myself from crying.

724
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,719
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, she is a professional and she knows what

725
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: she's doing. She's got a good team around her.

726
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 4: How do you feel about her doing different songs in

727
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 4: each tour stop and then hope and not repeat anything,

728
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 4: because to me, that's stressful. She she's like, oh I

729
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 4: don't get to see that one because by the times

730
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 4: you get to La, She's gonna do a lot.

731
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 3: Of different songs.

732
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 1: My favorite moments that I've seen of her when she

733
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 1: kind of like messes up or does like you know,

734
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: something's not working and she's just like, hey, you know,

735
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 1: I love seeing because I think when I think of

736
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, I'm like, she's just this like bigger than life,

737
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: like has everything lined up, like there could how could

738
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: there be a mistake at that level? But it's like

739
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 1: I like how she handles it. She's very just like human. Yeah,

740
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 1: which she is a human, I get it, But.

741
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: I do feel personally attacked that she swapped out in

742
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 2: Visible Strength for the one.

743
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 1: Yeah that I was wondering how you were navigating those.

744
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 2: Not summer thrilled about it, but I get it.

745
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, because that song was like very obviously about Joe.

746
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you have.

747
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 4: A friend who wants to hear Clean in the LA shows.

748
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 4: So she checks nervous, she wants to hear peace, oh piece.

749
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, Claudia. Every day she checks, let's to make

750
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:12,959
Speaker 2: sure she hasn't sung piece yet.

751
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: I am gonna be sad when if I'm not there

752
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: when I know she's gonna do out of the Woods

753
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: on the piano and I just know it, and she

754
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: did a Grammy performance of it, and it's one of

755
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 1: my favorite songs she's ever done. And I just I

756
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: know she's gonna do it, and I don't know where,

757
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:31,919
Speaker 1: but I hope it's if I go to a show,

758
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 1: I hope it's aid that one.

759
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:33,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

760
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess you kind of just have to

761
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 1: go in being like it is what it is. It is.

762
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: I have no control.

763
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 2: Such is life, you know, such is life. You can't

764
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 2: control what happens. You just control your reaction.

765
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 1: When I realize this thing about the attachment styles, I

766
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: was listening to a podcast on it, and she was saying,

767
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: this woman was saying, she was talking about how you

768
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: like regulate your nervous system and how that's what gets

769
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 1: out of like when we start overthinking, our nervous system

770
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: gets so anxious. But she was saying, a lot of

771
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:06,439
Speaker 1: times someone might think that you're wanting to control them,

772
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 1: but it's not that you want to control them. It's

773
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 1: that you want to feel in control. And I was like, oh,

774
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 1: that's so you're not trying. It's not that you're trying

775
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 1: to control someone else. You just want to feel like

776
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: you're in control, which is a big difference of that issue,

777
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:24,959
Speaker 1: because like I feel like sometimes when I don't feel

778
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,399
Speaker 1: in control, that's what I panic about, and it can

779
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: come across of like I'm trying to control something when

780
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't feel safe, so I want

781
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: to feel in control.

782
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 4: Right, The person being controlled might be very offended by

783
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 4: That was always not about them.

784
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 1: At all, just about yeah, that's good stuff, thank you

785
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: so much. I didn't It wasn't me. I think we

786
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: are going to take a break and come back. Really,

787
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 1: I was reading over them last night, so we'll be

788
00:35:51,680 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: back with some tough emails, all right, we are back,

789
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: and yeah, we have some intense emails today, so Mark,

790
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: you take it away.

791
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Becker.

792
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 4: They're both anonymous, and this first one says I recently

793
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,760
Speaker 4: won on a cruise for a girl's trip. We quickly

794
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 4: became friends with lots of new people. One thing led

795
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 4: to another, and I made a really great connection with

796
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 4: a guy.

797
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 3: But I'm married.

798
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 4: I've been married a year, and I'm afraid that I settled.

799
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 4: I've been unhappy for a while, but my husband has

800
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 4: no idea and this will completely blindside him. On the cruise,

801
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 4: I did end up hooking up with this new guy,

802
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,280
Speaker 4: and we've remained in contact and could really make this work.

803
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,240
Speaker 4: I want to ask for a divorce, but I'm conflicted

804
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,840
Speaker 4: on how I should tell him. Does he need to

805
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,400
Speaker 4: know the whole truth or do I protect him and

806
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,359
Speaker 4: just explain to him about how unhappy I've been.

807
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 1: First of all, you remember how he said that arene

808
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: or marriage really makes you feel safe here?

809
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 2: Yeah? Ming ming ming Ming, ming ming ming.

810
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: I was shocked at the end of this, you know,

811
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 1: because I wasn't expecting the question to be so like

812
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:14,840
Speaker 1: cut throat.

813
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 2: I was like, oh right, I thought she was gonna

814
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 2: be like, should I stay with my husband or do

815
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 2: I pursue this guy? And now she's like, no, I'm

816
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 2: going to pursue this guy, but what do I.

817
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 1: Do with my huse He's like, DONIA tell him or not?

818
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

819
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 1: I absolutely think you should have a very honest conversation

820
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 1: with your husband.

821
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 4: I think that you need to slow down here, though,

822
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 4: don't you think no?

823
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 2: No, oh, she feels like she's settled.

824
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 4: Okay, but do you owe to him to give this

825
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 4: something of a shot, Like, I know this bright and shiny,

826
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 4: happy new thing is exciting right now, but you are married.

827
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 4: I feel like you owe something to your partner.

828
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,959
Speaker 2: There, she owes the truth. I do think she should

829
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 2: tell him what happened, but maybe if she tells him

830
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 2: what happened, he might want a divorce.

831
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 1: I think the first step here is at least slowing

832
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: down to have the conversation, and I think it should

833
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: be a very honest conversation. I don't think you do

834
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: him any favors protecting him by not telling the full

835
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 1: truth of what happened. I think you need to take

836
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: accountability for your actions, and if you want to leave

837
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: this marriage and be with this person, then you need

838
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 1: to be, you know, just as honest and upfront with

839
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: your feelings and tell him what happened, because I don't

840
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:36,319
Speaker 1: think that it's fair to think that you're protecting him

841
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 1: by just saying you're you're unhappy and want to leave.

842
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:40,439
Speaker 1: I don't think that's fair.

843
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, But how much of this is this

844
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,840
Speaker 4: other guy? Did she feel like she was settling before

845
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 4: she met this other guy? Does she wanted divorce before

846
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 4: she met this other guy. I'm worried that this bright

847
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 4: show on a new thing is causing her a warped

848
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 4: view of her marriage, which may not be that bad,

849
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 4: and he may be.

850
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 3: A good guy.

851
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 1: Well let him just I mean, I think at this

852
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: point it's up to the husband's decision to be like,

853
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 1: she cheated. Yeah, she cheated. No matter what way you

854
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: slice the cake, she cheated. So I think that that's

855
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 1: the first conversation is saying like, hey, I went on

856
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: this vacation, I had a connection with someone else, and

857
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 1: you know, maybe they've had conversations about her being unhappy.

858
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,760
Speaker 1: I don't, we don't know that. I don't think she's

859
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: she said, I've been unhappy for a while. Oh, he

860
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 1: has no idea so he's shucked.

861
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 2: That's interesting because that is a problem if you've been

862
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 2: unhappy for a while and your husband has no idea.

863
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 2: That I think is a problem. I feel like there's

864
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 2: something that women take on. We want to try and

865
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 2: protect either like the guy or the other person, and

866
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 2: so we like take all of this on and we

867
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 2: don't want to share our feelings or share how things

868
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 2: are affecting us until we bottle it up, and that

869
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 2: makes you unhappy, when really, if you communicate and you

870
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: let those feelings out, maybe you can prevent all this

871
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 2: because then maybe you won't be unhappy in your marriage.

872
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: But part of me, I'm thinking about to what Mark

873
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 1: said about how did she is she really unhappy or

874
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 1: did she have a connection, and go, I don't have

875
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: that with my husband. I'm settling because like I don't

876
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: have this like exciting rush of emotions, and like I

877
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,720
Speaker 1: feel like when people meet in especially on a vacation,

878
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: you're on a cruise, you're like relaxed, and then you

879
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 1: have a connection. It also feels like exciting and like

880
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 1: dangerous because you're doing something that you're not supposed to do.

881
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 1: You know, It's like, are these feelings once you get

882
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: back to real life with this new guy. Is it

883
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,799
Speaker 1: going to be as magical as you've put in your

884
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,760
Speaker 1: head that it is that you've like left your marriage.

885
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 2: For I have a feeling that she might tell him

886
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 2: about the infidelity and he might want the divorce.

887
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 3: Maybe.

888
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:51,399
Speaker 4: But men and women cheat for different reasons, right, Men

889
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 4: cheat because they're for sexual reasons, for lustful reasons. I

890
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,359
Speaker 4: feel like women cheat because they're not getting something they

891
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 4: need from their husband. Emotional could be physically whatever, but

892
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 4: men she physical reasons. I feel like women sheet more

893
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 4: for emotional reasons. Yeah, if my wife told me that

894
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,719
Speaker 4: she was developing feelings for someone else, I'd try to

895
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 4: figure out what I was not giving her, what I

896
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 4: can do more to make her happy, because clearly she's

897
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 4: not happy. I would try to fix it. If I

898
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 4: were this guy, I wouldn't say goodbye. It's only been

899
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 4: a year, so we'll see, but I would try to

900
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 4: fix it if I were him. If you want out,

901
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 4: you're just gonna have to do it because he may not.

902
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 1: And my other thought is she's like we've been I've

903
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 1: been in contact with this guy and could really make

904
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 1: it work. What if he's kind of like that was

905
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: just a vacation flling and I'm not trying to have

906
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: anything serious.

907
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 3: I think there's a good chance of thating.

908
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 2: Well, I think that she needs to base her decision

909
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,919
Speaker 2: on her marriage, not based on this guy at all.

910
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. I think she needs to like make

911
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 1: a decision that she what she wants out of life

912
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,399
Speaker 1: and not and not not based this guy. And also

913
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: I think you are upfront and tell your husband the

914
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 1: whole truth, because I think you've, you know, broken the

915
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:06,720
Speaker 1: promise of you're married to him, So you've broken that trust.

916
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 1: So I think it's to even be able to leave

917
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: with like a good conscious you need to tell him

918
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 1: what happened.

919
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you got to remember all the things that

920
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: made you want to spend the rest of your life

921
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,439
Speaker 4: with this person, all the way back in twenty twenty two,

922
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 4: you know, all the way back that was not that

923
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,359
Speaker 4: long ago, that you've decided to spend your entire life

924
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 4: with this guy.

925
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 3: He's got to have some good qualities. There's got to

926
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 3: be something there.

927
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't have enough information.

928
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 4: Why why don't you know about that married you do

929
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 4: rush into these days? No evidence of that is Yes,

930
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,879
Speaker 4: I think we have to assume that there are good

931
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:41,840
Speaker 4: reasons for this marriage.

932
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 2: Correct. We don't know what this marriage. But I do

933
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:46,799
Speaker 2: think a lot of people rush into marriage because it's

934
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 2: just the right time, it's what they're supposed to do.

935
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 2: People get scared, they don't want to get older, they

936
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 2: want having babies. I think there's a lot of reasons

937
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,320
Speaker 2: that people get married that are not for the right reasons.

938
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: Or they say yes and then it gets to the

939
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,480
Speaker 1: wedding and they're like, I'm not I'm not sure I

940
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 1: want this, but there's so much done already I can't leave.

941
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: So we don't know enough details of the situation, but

942
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 1: I think you need to have the whole The question

943
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: was does he need to know the whole truth? And

944
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 1: my opinion is yes, Yeah, all right.

945
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 4: Next to an anonymous long time listener, I'd love to

946
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 4: get some advice in a situation with my ex. We

947
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 4: dated almost ten years, got engaged in year nine.

948
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 3: He has a long.

949
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 4: History of cheating, both physically and emotionally. I knew of

950
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 4: most of it during the relationship, but often was made

951
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 4: to feel like I'm crazy or making something out of nothing.

952
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 3: Well, some of it came out after I broke off

953
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 3: our engagement as well.

954
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 4: I went through a very very dark period after as

955
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 4: I still thought he was the love of my life.

956
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 4: Fast forward to now, it's been about a year and

957
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 4: a half after I broke it off.

958
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 3: We are still in each other's lives.

959
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,839
Speaker 4: We are finally able to speak without wanting to kill

960
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 4: each other and somewhat rekindling things.

961
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 3: I've been in therapy, so is he.

962
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 4: He's starting to go to church, which is wild, and

963
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 4: doing Bible study to make him a better man his words.

964
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 4: He's taken a lot of accountability and seems like he's

965
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 4: done a lot of growing where discovering the possibility of

966
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 4: trying things again. I'm very aware of my worth now

967
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 4: and require that we go to therapy together and take

968
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 4: this very slow. However, he isn't putting that much effort,

969
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 4: in my opinion, and I'm the one driving the conversation

970
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 4: of what are we doing. We've hung out, we've talked.

971
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 4: I feel like we're way past the talking stage and

972
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 4: more of the let's dive in and see if we

973
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 4: can do this stage. But maybe I'm wrong in rushing

974
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,280
Speaker 4: that portion, or am I just being dumb altogether?

975
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 3: Please help me.

976
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 1: I think nine years of being able to cheat physically

977
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,959
Speaker 1: and emotionally on someone that's you know how Tonia talks

978
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 1: about character.

979
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 2: He is that's a character flaw. It's a character flaw

980
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 2: for sure. And I think I'm just going to say this.

981
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 2: I think sometimes because we invest so much time into somebody,

982
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 2: we let that cloud our judgment because you don't want

983
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 2: to feel like you wasted ten years of your life

984
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 2: on somebody that isn't going to be in your life forever.

985
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 2: And I think sometimes we let that time cloud are

986
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 2: actual judgment on this person, and I think you lose

987
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 2: You're not seeing the forest through the trees. Does that

988
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 2: make sense? So like you're so attached to the fact that, oh,

989
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:12,239
Speaker 2: I've been dating this person for ten years, but marriage

990
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 2: is what it is, and it's nature is your lifetime.

991
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 2: So it's like, yes, maybe you waste it. I don't

992
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 2: even consider it wasted because you obviously learned a lot.

993
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 2: But like ten years on this person, it's okay because

994
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 2: you still have so much of your life ahead of

995
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 2: your ahead of you, and I think that you can

996
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:32,479
Speaker 2: find somebody that's not making you question all these things.

997
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 2: And I do think I will say it. I do

998
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 2: think that cheating does prove a part of character, and

999
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:41,719
Speaker 2: I think character is one of the most important things

1000
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:42,839
Speaker 2: when you're in a relationship.

1001
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 1: And I do think. I think people can change and grow,

1002
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 1: and I think you can become a better person. But

1003
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,799
Speaker 1: I also think you've done so much work on yourself,

1004
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,240
Speaker 1: and you even said like you have discovered your worth.

1005
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: And I think that if you've gotten to that place

1006
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: and you've been able to live without him, I think

1007
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:04,399
Speaker 1: you move on and like and find someone who isn't

1008
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 1: going to make you question or like immediately need to

1009
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: get into therapy with because you need to feel like

1010
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: you can trust him. Like, I think you should be

1011
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: able to feel safe in a relationship, and I don't

1012
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 1: think you've had that for ten years. So I think

1013
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: you give yourself the gift of moving on from this.

1014
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know it's hard because.

1015
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 1: You invest so much time and you grow with someone,

1016
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 1: But I think that you have found your worth and

1017
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: who you are as an individual, and I think you

1018
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 1: allow her to experience a love that you deserve.

1019
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. Give out. Yeah, I don't Yeah,

1020
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 3: give out. Yeah, it's all bad. It's all bad, and

1021
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 3: you've got to eat somebody else. Wait, till you.

1022
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 4: Find out what the life your life is like when

1023
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 4: you date someone else. Yeah, it's really going to be

1024
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 4: lovely for you. He's going to be a better person.

1025
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 4: Let him be a better person another person.

1026
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,919
Speaker 1: Exactly. It's like you're meant to be, but not made

1027
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 1: to last.

1028
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, say it again.

1029
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 1: Meant to be, not made to last?

1030
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 2: Twenty three three.

1031
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,439
Speaker 1: All right, we have a podcast this Thursday. We are

1032
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: interviewing Jason Murray Smith. She is an influencer podcaster. I

1033
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: love her. She's one of my favorite people to follow

1034
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 1: on social media, and we're gonna sit down and chat

1035
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:20,399
Speaker 1: with her for Thursday's episodes. So we'll be back on Thursday.

1036
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: Hee bye.