WEBVTT - Dear Banya: The Bursting Bubble 0:00:00.640 --> 0:00:04.840 Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio Podcast. 0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:12.800 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in scrub a dub dub. 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:16.680 You know, someone mentioned to me the other day or not, 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:18.360 actually they didn't even mention it to me, to mention 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.360 it on like ab scrubbing in video about how annoyed 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:24.920 they were by like my headphones were like twirled and 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:27.640 swirled and like up like this like the whole episode. 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:32.080 And so now I'm like a little bit like aware 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.120 of my my headphone situation. 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:36.920 When they're twirled and swirled, it. 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:40.720 Just doesn't strip. Yeah, so I'm just gonna fix myself 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:42.760 and then we're good. 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:45.720 Thank you for all the people who. 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:50.720 Pointed that out. Yeah, now it's like nice and gorgeous. Wow. 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.880 We couldn't have started episode without that. No, I agree 0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:55.400 hitting that. 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.000 God addressed the elephant in the room. 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.760 Ye. I was gonna say something of the loss of podcast, 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:03.840 but it was all, you can't get the twisties. 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:05.679 No, no, you get the twisties. 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:12.200 Come back stronger, huh like some mo biles. She got 0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:14.680 the twisties and she came back stronger. Oh yeah, fought 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:15.880 through it, that's right. 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:19.880 Did you know that our dear friend Taylor Banks did 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:23.720 a tweet. Yes, and it's like gone viral, Yeah, talking 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:27.360 about how Simon Biles is proof. 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:30.320 That taking mental taking time for your mental health makes 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:31.440 you stronger, not weaker. 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:31.800 Yeah. 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:35.880 Yeah, proud of her, me too. I saw I saw 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:37.319 her any Hale post it. 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:40.920 I've seen it everywhere, oh yeah, just like because it 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:43.200 was it went on like one of those viral Instagram 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:44.280 accounts you know that. 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.399 People reshare a lot. Yeah, so I've just seen it 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:47.320 all over the place. 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.720 It was really exciting because Taylor posts a lot of 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:52.000 really funny stuff a lot of the time, and like 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:55.360 this was just like a sincere, beautiful thing, you know. 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.760 But it's so true too, Like it's like so true. 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:02.280 She literally is proof that taking time for amount of 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:05.559 health makes you stronger, because everybody thinks it makes. 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:09.560 You it's like weak to be like, right, it's not weak. 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:10.400 It's not weak at all. 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.880 No, it's not weak at all. So today we have 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:18.040 speaking of not weak. Sometimes you just need advice and 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:19.920 that's not weak to ask for advice. 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.040 No, it's actually shows strength. 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:24.359 And that's what today's podcast is for. 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:28.920 Dear Bonia. So Mark is still in the chief state. 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:32.000 He's in Wisconsin. And is it called the Cheese State 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.080 or do I have I just made that up? 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:37.000 No, I think it is. It's like a nickname. Okay, 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:38.080 it's like Becca. 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:43.160 The technical nickname is the Badger State. But I think 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:46.080 they're so associated with cheese, you know you can call 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:46.880 it the cheese State. 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:48.960 The land of Cheese. 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:52.680 Mark is there anyway, So he is not in the 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:56.160 o R with us, so you know he will be back, 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:59.200 but in the well. In the meantime, Easton's taking over 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:00.160 dear Bonnia. 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.720 That's right, everybody. It's a big responsibility, but I'm proud 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.600 to do it. These are all from anonymous, so I'm 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:08.400 not going to announce who they're from because I don't know. 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:11.720 We'll do the first one here. I've been listening to 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:13.880 your podcast for over four years now, and I love you. 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:14.200 Both. 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:16.519 Me and my best friend have almost the same life 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:18.520 stories going on as you both. I am in a 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.959 closeted relationship with a woman and my best friend is 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:23.400 in a complicated relationship with a man with three kids. 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:26.440 Sometimes ask myself if I manifested this for us from 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:30.040 listening to your podcast. Question for Becca, what made you 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:32.680 sure that going public, including telling your family with Haley 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.400 was worth it. In question for Tanya, how did your 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.600 relationship with Robbie go from complicated before your breakup to 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.320 where you are now? What were your ultimatums to Robbie? 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:42.120 Thanks so much. 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:44.240 That's so funny. 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:47.000 If you listen to this podcast, you too may end 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.520 up with a woman or a man with the kids. 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:53.000 Yeah, but if you think about it, like it is 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:54.640 very interesting and I think it's funny that she said. 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.480 I think we manifested it, but it's very much a reality. 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:03.120 Like yeah, well, I mean, especially like I I really 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:06.320 think that when you when you get to a certain age, 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:09.280 people are in different life phases, where like at the 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:10.800 age you are, a lot of the guys that you 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.680 were dating were either formally married or had kids. So 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.800 I think that's just just a product of and in 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:20.000 my case, you just never know never I. 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:22.280 Know, you know actually how I think I probably shouldn't 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:22.960 say this because I don't know. 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:25.080 Wow a tease. 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:28.760 Well, somebody posted a picture kissing a girl and so 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:31.440 everybody was like, oh, she is this like a hard launch. 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.039 She's coming out Maya jama She's the host of Love 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:34.680 Island UK. 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:38.200 Mm hmm, I don't know, she's kissing a woman like 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:42.320 on like here, like, oh, I feel like British people kiss, 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:45.320 do they? Yeah, they like sometimes greet people kissing on 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.640 the lips. So yeah, I don't know, hard to. 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:48.359 Know, hard to know. 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:49.640 Happy for her either way. 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:50.040 Same. 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:53.520 Okay, So the question that I was asked was what 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:56.520 made you sure that going public, including telling your family 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:57.400 with Haley, was worth it? 0:04:57.680 --> 0:04:58.160 Okay, so. 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:04.880 My I telling my family. I actually didn't get to 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:08.279 tell my family. Someone else told my family, like my parents. 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.120 Oh right, yeah, so I didn't get to do that, 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.760 And I don't know. It's kind of one of those 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:17.880 things where at the moment I was like so angry 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:19.599 because I felt like that should have been mine to 0:05:19.680 --> 0:05:22.200 share with them and do it all my time and 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:23.200 how I wanted to do it. 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:25.480 But on the other side, it was kind of like 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:26.719 ripping off a band aid. 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:30.040 So like in hindsight, I can look back and be like, 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.279 what it happened, It's done. 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:36.719 I don't, you know, think about it anymore. And so 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:39.320 that was very hard. 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:42.640 But again I didn't make that decision. So I don't 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:44.720 really have advice on that because I don't know when 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:48.039 how long I would have waited to do that. I 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:50.839 think it was hard being someone who's on social media 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.200 and posting with people speculating, and then if people that 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.800 I knew saw it, how it wouldn't get back to 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:59.599 my family and then stir the you know, bring up 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:04.279 the conversation. Because what happened was I was at Taylor 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:07.800 Swift's concert in Boston where Haley came out and performed 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:10.760 her song Curious with her, and I was. 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:14.240 My mom knew that I was. 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:16.000 I had told her I'm oh, I'm going to see 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:21.479 Haley and she was like, who is this girl? And 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:25.560 so she texted me and I was in Haley's dressing 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.240 room or green room, and Haley was with Taylor Swift, 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:31.040 and so Haley's mom was there, and Haley and her 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.839 mom were in Taylor Swift's dressing room with Taylor and 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:36.360 her mom, and then I was in Haley's green room 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:38.200 and I was like looking at all the videos I took. 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:39.920 I was like, this is the coolest thing ever. 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:44.120 And my mom texted me and she was like, is 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:46.080 do you like Haylee more than a friend? 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:48.960 I remember this, and then at the same. 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:51.160 Time, Haley's security guard came to get me and he 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:55.120 was like, hey, Haley, I mean Taylor wants to say hi, 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.560 So like come, you know, come with me to her 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:01.360 dressing room. So I'm having these two like massive things 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:04.080 happen that are so different. Like I'm like, I have 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.560 to call my mom, and also I'm gonna go, say, 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:12.800 go meet Taylor Swift. Right, So I went in to 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:16.600 her dressing room and she was so kind and warm 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:18.760 and it was such a great experience. But like all 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:20.240 I could think about was like, I need to go 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:23.240 call my mom. So I went on to Haley's tour 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:24.040 bus and called. 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:26.000 Chit chatting with Taylor Swift In the back of your mind, 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:27.239 you're just thinking about that textures. 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:31.040 Oh my gosh. Yes, I'm so such a crazy situation. 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:34.640 And like I feel, you know those people that can 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.120 like truly genuinely block things out in the moment, like 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.000 if they need to, like let's say you needed to perform, 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:41.560 or let's say you were going on stage, or let's 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.680 say you needed to like be in that moment like 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.000 you're meeting Taylor Swift. Don't you wish you were that 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.800 person that could just like block that out and like 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:49.720 really be present. 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:52.120 I think anything else I could have blocked out. 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:56.440 I think it was specifically that was a that was 0:07:56.480 --> 0:08:00.640 just something I couldn't block out entirely. But so I 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:04.600 called my mom and it was a really difficult conversation, honestly, 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.679 and again it wasn't on my term, so that also 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:10.960 made it harder. But to answer your question, I think 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:14.520 when I went public that was four years later because 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:19.200 I met Haley in April and then my family found 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:23.520 out in July, and so that was, you know, the 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:24.640 public thing came. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:25.280 Four years later. 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:30.840 And what really sparked it was I was reading Seven 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:34.800 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo And if you've read the book, 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:36.800 then this will make sense to you. But I remember 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:38.920 I got to the end of the book and I 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:43.240 had this moment where I was like, I cannot live 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:50.120 my life not sharing the most like special, meaningful thing 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:53.120 that I've ever experienced. Like I'm going to live my 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:56.880 life worried about what other people will think and not 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:00.960 sharing something that's so incredibly valuable to me due to 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:03.319 what other people might say or think or like due 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:06.240 to their expectations of me. And that was like a 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:09.320 huge moment where there was a shift for me and 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.920 how I how I thought about our public, our relationship 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:16.680 being public, and I remember thinking thinking about all the 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:18.840 people I had in my life that loved us so 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:22.240 much and loved our love and celebrated us and supported us, 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:23.000 and I thought. 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:24.600 I have such a huge. 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:28.000 And also thinking about the podcast listeners, like think about 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:31.240 the scrubbers, knowing that a ton of them knew about 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.280 me and Hay, we're so respectful. We're respectful, and also 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:36.560 I knew that they loved me and we're gonna just 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:38.600 wanted me to be happy, and so like I had 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:41.120 this moment where I was like kind of taking like 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:43.520 literally taking an assessment in my mind of like all 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:45.960 this support system that I had that I knew that 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:49.400 I had, and thinking, am I happy with this? Like 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.400 if this is all, if everyone else doesn't support me 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:55.160 and walks away and is negative about this, does this 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:57.520 feel like enough? And I finally was like, yes, it 0:09:57.520 --> 0:09:59.800 feels like I have enough, and like I will get 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.719 an new a new group of people who love me 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:06.360 and support me for the ones who leave, And I 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:07.480 think that was what it was. 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:09.120 I just felt ready to share. 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.920 Like in my mind, I thought, why should I not 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:15.240 get to share this? Why do other people get to 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:17.760 share their love and get to feel celebrated, and I 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:20.319 feel like I can't do it, you know, So that 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:21.960 was a shit for me. It just felt worth it, 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:25.640 and Haley the whole time fell worth it, like I 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:27.760 never once I remember I've said this so many times, 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:31.880 but I remember when I met her thinking the direction 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.040 I could go, Like if I ignored this and didn't 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.680 go through with falling in love with this person and 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.320 seeing where it could go, I would literally think about 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:42.960 her forever, like, and I thought, how how unfair to 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:44.840 somebody else if I marry a man? 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:46.520 And I'm always like, what could have happened? 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:47.160 You know? 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:49.720 The crazy thing is that so many people do that, 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:52.720 I know, so then they're because they can't they just 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:56.000 like can't accept themselves. So they're like, it's just easier 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:57.800 for me to go this other path. 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.520 I know, And I think that's why. Obviously, you know, 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:03.160 people are always like, it's so important that what you're 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:06.160 doing talking about your relationship, but people like Hailey, like 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:09.040 being someone who was kind of one of the first 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.679 to do it in her industry and talk so openly 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:16.440 about loving herself and who she loved, is so incredibly valuable, 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.960 And I just I am happy that I get to 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:21.560 be a part of that for people. 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.599 So sorry that was a long answer, but it is 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:25.839 a great answer. 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.080 It's a great answer, And I think just it's like, 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:31.080 you know, I think sometimes you I don't know if 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:34.360 you feel maybe like oh it doesn't matter, but like 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:37.160 it matters so much because I think that a lot 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.920 of people have those same thoughts, but they're too scared 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:43.280 to yeah, to live their life that way, I know, 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:43.839 and it should. 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:46.480 It sucks that it is scary, you know. It sucks 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:47.120 that it's scary. 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:49.600 Love. We think like we're in twenty twenty four. I 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:51.880 also think we're in a bubble being in La Yeah, 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.840 And so for us it's like, of course, you know 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:56.840 how like you told me you made out with Hailey 0:11:56.880 --> 0:11:58.920 and I was like, oh, like I was more excited 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:02.560 than like shocked. Yeah, right right. And I think that 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:05.360 we're in a bubble, and the more we talk about it, 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.280 the more that we share, the better. I think the 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.000 bubble is just going to get bigger, you know, and 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:10.520 then it's going. 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.720 To burst, wow, burst with comfetti. 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:14.560 Yeah. 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:18.640 Yeah, So that's how I knew it was worth it. 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:19.319 Wow. 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:23.560 I get so emotional when I hear this I know. 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:25.520 I can barely look at you when I talk about it. 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:26.960 I don't want to cry. 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:31.280 It's just so I don't know, okay, because like like you 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:34.360 just said, like I I I could just be who 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.439 I am because you know, I'm a cisgendered white male. 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:41.240 Everything like the world's made for me and I it 0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:44.880 breaks my heart and it makes me so devastated when I 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:48.360 think about people that can't live like that. Yeah, and 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:51.199 just like having to make that decision and do that, 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:55.400 it's it's incredible. I applaud you, I'm and I'm I'm 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:59.079 just excited where we're headed as a society. I want 0:12:59.080 --> 0:12:59.839 that bubble to burst. 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:02.679 I do too. I get bigger, it just gonna get bigger. 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.120 The minute you talked about it, the bubble got bigger, 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.280 and the minute another person talks about it, the bubble 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.200 gets bigger, and then it just gets bigger and bigger. 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:11.559 So there you go, Anonymous. 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:15.360 I think that helped, Yeah, I'm sure. 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:19.920 I hope it helps somebody. And how did you know 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:21.600 about Robbie? 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:28.080 Oh uh? I think dating somebody with children is just 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:34.800 complicated in and of itself, and I think that for us. 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:42.800 I think that Robbie had preconceived notions of certain things, 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:45.160 like he put parameters around relationships that he was going 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.720 to have in his life that just didn't work in reality. 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.040 And I think a lot of people do that. They 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:53.320 want to protect their kids. They and people judge everyone 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:56.040 for everything, like oh, you introduced your kids to them 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.800 so flippantly, and like that's so irresponsible. But it's like, 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:02.640 if that's what's working for this person, then like that's 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.680 working for you know. Like some people want their kids 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:06.640 to meet somebody right away to see if they mesh. 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:08.920 And I think Robbie's thing was like I don't want 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.480 my kids to meet anyone unless until I'm engaged, and 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:14.120 that was kind of like his thing, and I'm like 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:16.040 it got to a point where I was just like 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:18.960 it's just not realistic, you know, like you have to 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.800 see if there's a relationship there and how they how 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:25.600 me and the kids interact, and it comes from a 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.400 place of a loving place and wanting to protect ultimately, 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:29.960 and so it was like I never really fought it 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:31.720 that hard, but I think it got to a point 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.080 where it had been like several several I was ready. 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:35.800 I knew he was the one, So I was like, 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:39.440 at what point, like, you actually can't propose to me 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:41.440 until I meet your children. 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.320 Yes, I didn't realize that was one of his rules. 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.120 I feel like he definitely, I definitely told you that 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:47.080 I had to get engaged. 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:48.800 I thought he meant just knowing that you were going 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:50.920 to be the one. He that until he knew someone 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:52.760 was the one. I didn't know it was like till 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:53.720 he got engaged. 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.280 Yeah, it was like to be like, kids, I want 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.720 you to meet someone you're a new mom the parents. 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:05.000 Yeah, I mean maybe it could have been what Becca said. 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:06.000 I think it was. 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:07.840 I think you were like, he doesn't want to introduce 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:10.560 him until he unless he knows it's the one. 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:10.960 Yeah. 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:13.280 Yeah, right, that seems more logical. 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.120 Yeah, I don't think he and that doesn't feel protective 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.600 proposing to someone after putting a ring on it. 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.080 Yeah. So I think that there was a lot of that. 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:27.200 And I also think everybody has different like levels of comfortability. 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.640 Like I get messages all the time people asking me like, 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:33.040 when's the appropriate time to meet somebody's kids, And I 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:36.960 always say, like, it's it's such a personal decision, like 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.360 somebody could you could meet somebody's kids after a week 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.680 and some people go the route of saying this is 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:45.760 you know, mommy's friend whatever, like daddy's friend. We never 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:48.520 did that route. It was always like this is Tanya, 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:52.400 this is my girlfriend. Like we never played that friend game, 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:54.720 but some people do and like that's the way like 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:56.320 easing their you know. It's like, I just think it's 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.280 such a personal choice. So I think for your friend 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:02.160 that's dating the the man with three kids, you just 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:04.000 have to kind of like listen to where they are, 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.920 respect that decision because it is their kids, but also 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.760 come to a middle ground and like a compromise, because 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:12.680 I think that's been like the biggest thing with Robbie 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:14.800 and I is like, if he has one hard stance 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:16.480 and I have another hardstance, how do we like meet 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:18.800 in the middle. And I think that's also really important. 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:20.960 So I feel like we did. Obviously we met in 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:24.200 the middle because we did not get engaged before I 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:28.400 met the kids. But it was a really long time. 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:33.560 I didn't meet them until like nine months in and 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:38.160 then you broke up, and then it broke up, yeah, 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:39.640 but then you got back together and then we got 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:40.120 back together. 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:42.560 But I think it was a I mean I think 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:46.240 there was a lot of conversations and heard conversations, Yeah, 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.560 because you were like, I'm ready to meet the kids. 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:49.880 Like let me. 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:51.920 Three months. 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:55.840 I was like, and it's like that this is this 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:57.680 is where I stand on this. So there was like 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:01.320 a go hud, go ahead, a lot of cosas. 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:02.560 And I think it was an interesting time, and I 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:05.639 think the pandemic did play a role because we just 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:09.200 got so comfortable being in like our small little bubble. 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:10.440 It's just like the two of us, you know what 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:11.960 I mean. And then when he was leave, he was 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:13.560 with the kids, and then when he wasn't with the kids, 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:15.360 he was with me, right, And so we were kind 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.080 of in that phase for a long time that I 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.760 don't think would naturally have been there if we weren't 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.640 in like lockdown, that's true, you know what I mean, 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:23.479 Like that would have been more instances for me to 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:28.960 meet them and like more like the gatherings, whereas there 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:31.359 was you know, four or five months in that span 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:33.600 where it was like nobody was seeing each other, nobody 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:35.159 was doing anything. So it just kind of made it 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.640 easier to stay in like that little like bubble, right, 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:42.399 which probably worked out for how he was feeling. He 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:45.159 was feeling, Yeah, and it didn't make me feel weird 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:47.600 because I was like, I'm not seeing anybody else, you 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:48.880 know what I mean. Like it just kind of made 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.000 it easier for both of us, I think. But once 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.800 everybody started seeing each other again and like life started 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.800 kind of slowly coming back to normal and ready, yeah, 0:17:58.000 --> 0:17:58.400 let's go. 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:01.560 Yeah, I agree. I think it's such a personal thing. 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.359 And I think it's like it's dependent on the kids, 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:06.960 It's dependent on the situation. 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:09.760 How long have they been separated, you know, Like it's 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.400 just it's so complicated. And I don't think I ever 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:15.080 gave him like ultimatums. I don't think I was just 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:17.159 like ultimatum is such like a tricky word. I think 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:20.520 I was very blunt about my expectations and my wants 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.159