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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in scrub a dub dub.

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Speaker 1: You know, someone mentioned to me the other day or not,

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Speaker 1: actually they didn't even mention it to me, to mention

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Speaker 1: it on like ab scrubbing in video about how annoyed

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Speaker 1: they were by like my headphones were like twirled and

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Speaker 1: swirled and like up like this like the whole episode.

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Speaker 1: And so now I'm like a little bit like aware

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Speaker 1: of my my headphone situation.

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Speaker 3: When they're twirled and swirled, it.

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Speaker 1: Just doesn't strip. Yeah, so I'm just gonna fix myself

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Speaker 1: and then we're good.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for all the people who.

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Speaker 1: Pointed that out. Yeah, now it's like nice and gorgeous. Wow.

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Speaker 3: We couldn't have started episode without that. No, I agree

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Speaker 3: hitting that.

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Speaker 4: God addressed the elephant in the room.

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Speaker 1: Ye. I was gonna say something of the loss of podcast,

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Speaker 1: but it was all, you can't get the twisties.

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Speaker 3: No, no, you get the twisties.

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Speaker 1: Come back stronger, huh like some mo biles. She got

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Speaker 1: the twisties and she came back stronger. Oh yeah, fought

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Speaker 1: through it, that's right.

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Speaker 2: Did you know that our dear friend Taylor Banks did

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Speaker 2: a tweet. Yes, and it's like gone viral, Yeah, talking

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Speaker 2: about how Simon Biles is proof.

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Speaker 1: That taking mental taking time for your mental health makes

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Speaker 1: you stronger, not weaker.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, proud of her, me too. I saw I saw

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Speaker 1: her any Hale post it.

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Speaker 2: I've seen it everywhere, oh yeah, just like because it

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Speaker 2: was it went on like one of those viral Instagram

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Speaker 2: accounts you know that.

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Speaker 3: People reshare a lot. Yeah, so I've just seen it

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Speaker 3: all over the place.

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Speaker 4: It was really exciting because Taylor posts a lot of

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Speaker 4: really funny stuff a lot of the time, and like

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Speaker 4: this was just like a sincere, beautiful thing, you know.

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Speaker 1: But it's so true too, Like it's like so true.

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Speaker 1: She literally is proof that taking time for amount of

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Speaker 1: health makes you stronger, because everybody thinks it makes.

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Speaker 3: You it's like weak to be like, right, it's not weak.

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Speaker 1: It's not weak at all.

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Speaker 2: No, it's not weak at all. So today we have

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Speaker 2: speaking of not weak. Sometimes you just need advice and

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Speaker 2: that's not weak to ask for advice.

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Speaker 1: No, it's actually shows strength.

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Speaker 3: And that's what today's podcast is for.

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Speaker 2: Dear Bonia. So Mark is still in the chief state.

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Speaker 2: He's in Wisconsin. And is it called the Cheese State

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Speaker 2: or do I have I just made that up?

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Speaker 1: No, I think it is. It's like a nickname. Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's like Becca.

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Speaker 4: The technical nickname is the Badger State. But I think

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Speaker 4: they're so associated with cheese, you know you can call

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Speaker 4: it the cheese State.

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Speaker 3: The land of Cheese.

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Speaker 2: Mark is there anyway, So he is not in the

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Speaker 2: o R with us, so you know he will be back,

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Speaker 2: but in the well. In the meantime, Easton's taking over

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Speaker 2: dear Bonnia.

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Speaker 4: That's right, everybody. It's a big responsibility, but I'm proud

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Speaker 4: to do it. These are all from anonymous, so I'm

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Speaker 4: not going to announce who they're from because I don't know.

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Speaker 4: We'll do the first one here. I've been listening to

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Speaker 4: your podcast for over four years now, and I love you.

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Speaker 1: Both.

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Speaker 4: Me and my best friend have almost the same life

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Speaker 4: stories going on as you both. I am in a

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Speaker 4: closeted relationship with a woman and my best friend is

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Speaker 4: in a complicated relationship with a man with three kids.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes ask myself if I manifested this for us from

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Speaker 4: listening to your podcast. Question for Becca, what made you

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Speaker 4: sure that going public, including telling your family with Haley

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Speaker 4: was worth it. In question for Tanya, how did your

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Speaker 4: relationship with Robbie go from complicated before your breakup to

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Speaker 4: where you are now? What were your ultimatums to Robbie?

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Speaker 4: Thanks so much.

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Speaker 3: That's so funny.

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Speaker 2: If you listen to this podcast, you too may end

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Speaker 2: up with a woman or a man with the kids.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you think about it, like it is

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Speaker 1: very interesting and I think it's funny that she said.

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Speaker 1: I think we manifested it, but it's very much a reality.

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, well, I mean, especially like I I really

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Speaker 2: think that when you when you get to a certain age,

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Speaker 2: people are in different life phases, where like at the

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Speaker 2: age you are, a lot of the guys that you

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Speaker 2: were dating were either formally married or had kids. So

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Speaker 2: I think that's just just a product of and in

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Speaker 2: my case, you just never know never I.

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Speaker 1: Know, you know actually how I think I probably shouldn't

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Speaker 1: say this because I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Wow a tease.

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Speaker 1: Well, somebody posted a picture kissing a girl and so

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Speaker 1: everybody was like, oh, she is this like a hard launch.

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Speaker 1: She's coming out Maya jama She's the host of Love

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Speaker 1: Island UK.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm, I don't know, she's kissing a woman like

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Speaker 2: on like here, like, oh, I feel like British people kiss,

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Speaker 2: do they? Yeah, they like sometimes greet people kissing on

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Speaker 2: the lips. So yeah, I don't know, hard to.

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Speaker 1: Know, hard to know.

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Speaker 3: Happy for her either way.

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Speaker 1: Same.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So the question that I was asked was what

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Speaker 2: made you sure that going public, including telling your family

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Speaker 2: with Haley, was worth it?

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Speaker 3: Okay, so.

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Speaker 2: My I telling my family. I actually didn't get to

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Speaker 2: tell my family. Someone else told my family, like my parents.

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Speaker 2: Oh right, yeah, so I didn't get to do that,

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Speaker 2: And I don't know. It's kind of one of those

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Speaker 2: things where at the moment I was like so angry

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Speaker 2: because I felt like that should have been mine to

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Speaker 2: share with them and do it all my time and

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Speaker 2: how I wanted to do it.

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Speaker 3: But on the other side, it was kind of like

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Speaker 3: ripping off a band aid.

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Speaker 2: So like in hindsight, I can look back and be like,

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Speaker 2: what it happened, It's done.

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Speaker 3: I don't, you know, think about it anymore. And so

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Speaker 3: that was very hard.

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Speaker 2: But again I didn't make that decision. So I don't

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Speaker 2: really have advice on that because I don't know when

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Speaker 2: how long I would have waited to do that. I

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Speaker 2: think it was hard being someone who's on social media

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Speaker 2: and posting with people speculating, and then if people that

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Speaker 2: I knew saw it, how it wouldn't get back to

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Speaker 2: my family and then stir the you know, bring up

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Speaker 2: the conversation. Because what happened was I was at Taylor

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Speaker 2: Swift's concert in Boston where Haley came out and performed

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Speaker 2: her song Curious with her, and I was.

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Speaker 3: My mom knew that I was.

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Speaker 2: I had told her I'm oh, I'm going to see

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Speaker 2: Haley and she was like, who is this girl? And

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Speaker 2: so she texted me and I was in Haley's dressing

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Speaker 2: room or green room, and Haley was with Taylor Swift,

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Speaker 2: and so Haley's mom was there, and Haley and her

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Speaker 2: mom were in Taylor Swift's dressing room with Taylor and

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Speaker 2: her mom, and then I was in Haley's green room

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Speaker 2: and I was like looking at all the videos I took.

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Speaker 3: I was like, this is the coolest thing ever.

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Speaker 2: And my mom texted me and she was like, is

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Speaker 2: do you like Haylee more than a friend?

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Speaker 3: I remember this, and then at the same.

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Speaker 2: Time, Haley's security guard came to get me and he

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Speaker 2: was like, hey, Haley, I mean Taylor wants to say hi,

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Speaker 2: So like come, you know, come with me to her

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Speaker 2: dressing room. So I'm having these two like massive things

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Speaker 2: happen that are so different. Like I'm like, I have

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Speaker 2: to call my mom, and also I'm gonna go, say,

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Speaker 2: go meet Taylor Swift. Right, So I went in to

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Speaker 2: her dressing room and she was so kind and warm

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Speaker 2: and it was such a great experience. But like all

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Speaker 2: I could think about was like, I need to go

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Speaker 2: call my mom. So I went on to Haley's tour

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Speaker 2: bus and called.

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Speaker 1: Chit chatting with Taylor Swift In the back of your mind,

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Speaker 1: you're just thinking about that textures.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Yes, I'm so such a crazy situation.

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Speaker 1: And like I feel, you know those people that can

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Speaker 1: like truly genuinely block things out in the moment, like

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Speaker 1: if they need to, like let's say you needed to perform,

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Speaker 1: or let's say you were going on stage, or let's

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Speaker 1: say you needed to like be in that moment like

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Speaker 1: you're meeting Taylor Swift. Don't you wish you were that

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Speaker 1: person that could just like block that out and like

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Speaker 1: really be present.

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Speaker 3: I think anything else I could have blocked out.

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Speaker 2: I think it was specifically that was a that was

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Speaker 2: just something I couldn't block out entirely. But so I

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Speaker 2: called my mom and it was a really difficult conversation, honestly,

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Speaker 2: and again it wasn't on my term, so that also

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Speaker 2: made it harder. But to answer your question, I think

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Speaker 2: when I went public that was four years later because

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Speaker 2: I met Haley in April and then my family found

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Speaker 2: out in July, and so that was, you know, the

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Speaker 2: public thing came.

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Speaker 3: Four years later.

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Speaker 2: And what really sparked it was I was reading Seven

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Speaker 2: Husbands of Evelyn Hugo And if you've read the book,

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Speaker 2: then this will make sense to you. But I remember

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Speaker 2: I got to the end of the book and I

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Speaker 2: had this moment where I was like, I cannot live

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Speaker 2: my life not sharing the most like special, meaningful thing

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Speaker 2: that I've ever experienced. Like I'm going to live my

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Speaker 2: life worried about what other people will think and not

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Speaker 2: sharing something that's so incredibly valuable to me due to

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Speaker 2: what other people might say or think or like due

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Speaker 2: to their expectations of me. And that was like a

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Speaker 2: huge moment where there was a shift for me and

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Speaker 2: how I how I thought about our public, our relationship

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Speaker 2: being public, and I remember thinking thinking about all the

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Speaker 2: people I had in my life that loved us so

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Speaker 2: much and loved our love and celebrated us and supported us,

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Speaker 2: and I thought.

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Speaker 3: I have such a huge.

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Speaker 2: And also thinking about the podcast listeners, like think about

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Speaker 2: the scrubbers, knowing that a ton of them knew about

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Speaker 2: me and Hay, we're so respectful. We're respectful, and also

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Speaker 2: I knew that they loved me and we're gonna just

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Speaker 2: wanted me to be happy, and so like I had

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Speaker 2: this moment where I was like kind of taking like

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Speaker 2: literally taking an assessment in my mind of like all

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Speaker 2: this support system that I had that I knew that

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Speaker 2: I had, and thinking, am I happy with this? Like

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Speaker 2: if this is all, if everyone else doesn't support me

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Speaker 2: and walks away and is negative about this, does this

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Speaker 2: feel like enough? And I finally was like, yes, it

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Speaker 2: feels like I have enough, and like I will get

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Speaker 2: an new a new group of people who love me

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Speaker 2: and support me for the ones who leave, And I

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Speaker 2: think that was what it was.

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Speaker 3: I just felt ready to share.

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Speaker 2: Like in my mind, I thought, why should I not

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Speaker 2: get to share this? Why do other people get to

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Speaker 2: share their love and get to feel celebrated, and I

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Speaker 2: feel like I can't do it, you know, So that

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Speaker 2: was a shit for me. It just felt worth it,

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Speaker 2: and Haley the whole time fell worth it, like I

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Speaker 2: never once I remember I've said this so many times,

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Speaker 2: but I remember when I met her thinking the direction

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Speaker 2: I could go, Like if I ignored this and didn't

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Speaker 2: go through with falling in love with this person and

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Speaker 2: seeing where it could go, I would literally think about

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Speaker 2: her forever, like, and I thought, how how unfair to

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Speaker 2: somebody else if I marry a man?

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Speaker 3: And I'm always like, what could have happened?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: The crazy thing is that so many people do that,

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Speaker 1: I know, so then they're because they can't they just

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Speaker 1: like can't accept themselves. So they're like, it's just easier

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Speaker 1: for me to go this other path.

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Speaker 2: I know, And I think that's why. Obviously, you know,

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Speaker 2: people are always like, it's so important that what you're

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Speaker 2: doing talking about your relationship, but people like Hailey, like

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Speaker 2: being someone who was kind of one of the first

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Speaker 2: to do it in her industry and talk so openly

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Speaker 2: about loving herself and who she loved, is so incredibly valuable,

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Speaker 2: And I just I am happy that I get to

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Speaker 2: be a part of that for people.

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Speaker 3: So sorry that was a long answer, but it is

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Speaker 3: a great answer.

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Speaker 1: It's a great answer, And I think just it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think sometimes you I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you feel maybe like oh it doesn't matter, but like

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Speaker 1: it matters so much because I think that a lot

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Speaker 1: of people have those same thoughts, but they're too scared

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Speaker 1: to yeah, to live their life that way, I know,

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Speaker 1: and it should.

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Speaker 3: It sucks that it is scary, you know. It sucks

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Speaker 3: that it's scary.

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Speaker 1: Love. We think like we're in twenty twenty four. I

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Speaker 1: also think we're in a bubble being in La Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And so for us it's like, of course, you know

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Speaker 1: how like you told me you made out with Hailey

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, like I was more excited

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Speaker 1: than like shocked. Yeah, right right. And I think that

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Speaker 1: we're in a bubble, and the more we talk about it,

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Speaker 1: the more that we share, the better. I think the

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Speaker 1: bubble is just going to get bigger, you know, and

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Speaker 1: then it's going.

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Speaker 3: To burst, wow, burst with comfetti.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's how I knew it was worth it.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: I get so emotional when I hear this I know.

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Speaker 3: I can barely look at you when I talk about it.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to cry.

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Speaker 4: It's just so I don't know, okay, because like like you

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Speaker 4: just said, like I I I could just be who

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Speaker 4: I am because you know, I'm a cisgendered white male.

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Speaker 4: Everything like the world's made for me and I it

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Speaker 4: breaks my heart and it makes me so devastated when I

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Speaker 4: think about people that can't live like that. Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: just like having to make that decision and do that,

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Speaker 4: it's it's incredible. I applaud you, I'm and I'm I'm

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Speaker 4: just excited where we're headed as a society. I want

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Speaker 4: that bubble to burst.

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Speaker 1: I do too. I get bigger, it just gonna get bigger.

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Speaker 1: The minute you talked about it, the bubble got bigger,

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Speaker 1: and the minute another person talks about it, the bubble

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Speaker 1: gets bigger, and then it just gets bigger and bigger.

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Speaker 3: So there you go, Anonymous.

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Speaker 1: I think that helped, Yeah, I'm sure.

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Speaker 2: I hope it helps somebody. And how did you know

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Speaker 2: about Robbie?

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Speaker 1: Oh uh? I think dating somebody with children is just

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Speaker 1: complicated in and of itself, and I think that for us.

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Speaker 1: I think that Robbie had preconceived notions of certain things,

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Speaker 1: like he put parameters around relationships that he was going

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Speaker 1: to have in his life that just didn't work in reality.

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Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people do that. They

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Speaker 1: want to protect their kids. They and people judge everyone

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Speaker 1: for everything, like oh, you introduced your kids to them

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Speaker 1: so flippantly, and like that's so irresponsible. But it's like,

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Speaker 1: if that's what's working for this person, then like that's

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Speaker 1: working for you know. Like some people want their kids

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Speaker 1: to meet somebody right away to see if they mesh.

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Speaker 1: And I think Robbie's thing was like I don't want

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Speaker 1: my kids to meet anyone unless until I'm engaged, and

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Speaker 1: that was kind of like his thing, and I'm like

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Speaker 1: it got to a point where I was just like

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Speaker 1: it's just not realistic, you know, like you have to

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Speaker 1: see if there's a relationship there and how they how

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Speaker 1: me and the kids interact, and it comes from a

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Speaker 1: place of a loving place and wanting to protect ultimately,

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Speaker 1: and so it was like I never really fought it

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Speaker 1: that hard, but I think it got to a point

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Speaker 1: where it had been like several several I was ready.

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Speaker 1: I knew he was the one, So I was like,

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Speaker 1: at what point, like, you actually can't propose to me

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Speaker 1: until I meet your children.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I didn't realize that was one of his rules.

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Speaker 1: I feel like he definitely, I definitely told you that

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Speaker 1: I had to get engaged.

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Speaker 2: I thought he meant just knowing that you were going

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Speaker 2: to be the one. He that until he knew someone

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Speaker 2: was the one. I didn't know it was like till

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Speaker 2: he got engaged.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like to be like, kids, I want

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Speaker 4: you to meet someone you're a new mom the parents.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean maybe it could have been what Becca said.

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Speaker 5: I think it was.

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Speaker 2: I think you were like, he doesn't want to introduce

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Speaker 2: him until he unless he knows it's the one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, right, that seems more logical.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think he and that doesn't feel protective

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Speaker 2: proposing to someone after putting a ring on it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So I think that there was a lot of that.

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Speaker 1: And I also think everybody has different like levels of comfortability.

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Speaker 1: Like I get messages all the time people asking me like,

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Speaker 1: when's the appropriate time to meet somebody's kids, And I

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Speaker 1: always say, like, it's it's such a personal decision, like

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Speaker 1: somebody could you could meet somebody's kids after a week

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Speaker 1: and some people go the route of saying this is

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Speaker 1: you know, mommy's friend whatever, like daddy's friend. We never

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Speaker 1: did that route. It was always like this is Tanya,

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Speaker 1: this is my girlfriend. Like we never played that friend game,

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Speaker 1: but some people do and like that's the way like

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Speaker 1: easing their you know. It's like, I just think it's

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Speaker 1: such a personal choice. So I think for your friend

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Speaker 1: that's dating the the man with three kids, you just

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Speaker 1: have to kind of like listen to where they are,

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Speaker 1: respect that decision because it is their kids, but also

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Speaker 1: come to a middle ground and like a compromise, because

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Speaker 1: I think that's been like the biggest thing with Robbie

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Speaker 1: and I is like, if he has one hard stance

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Speaker 1: and I have another hardstance, how do we like meet

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Speaker 1: in the middle. And I think that's also really important.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like we did. Obviously we met in

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Speaker 1: the middle because we did not get engaged before I

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Speaker 1: met the kids. But it was a really long time.

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Speaker 1: I didn't meet them until like nine months in and

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Speaker 1: then you broke up, and then it broke up, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but then you got back together and then we got

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Speaker 1: back together.

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Speaker 2: But I think it was a I mean I think

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Speaker 2: there was a lot of conversations and heard conversations, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because you were like, I'm ready to meet the kids.

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Speaker 3: Like let me.

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Speaker 1: Three months.

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Speaker 2: I was like, and it's like that this is this

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Speaker 2: is where I stand on this. So there was like

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Speaker 2: a go hud, go ahead, a lot of cosas.

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Speaker 1: And I think it was an interesting time, and I

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00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,639
Speaker 1: think the pandemic did play a role because we just

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Speaker 1: got so comfortable being in like our small little bubble.

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Speaker 1: It's just like the two of us, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. And then when he was leave, he was

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Speaker 1: with the kids, and then when he wasn't with the kids,

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Speaker 1: he was with me, right, And so we were kind

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Speaker 1: of in that phase for a long time that I

377
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Speaker 1: don't think would naturally have been there if we weren't

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Speaker 1: in like lockdown, that's true, you know what I mean,

379
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Speaker 1: Like that would have been more instances for me to

380
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Speaker 1: meet them and like more like the gatherings, whereas there

381
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Speaker 1: was you know, four or five months in that span

382
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Speaker 1: where it was like nobody was seeing each other, nobody

383
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Speaker 1: was doing anything. So it just kind of made it

384
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Speaker 1: easier to stay in like that little like bubble, right,

385
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,399
Speaker 1: which probably worked out for how he was feeling. He

386
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Speaker 1: was feeling, Yeah, and it didn't make me feel weird

387
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 1: because I was like, I'm not seeing anybody else, you

388
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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like it just kind of made

389
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Speaker 1: it easier for both of us, I think. But once

390
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,800
Speaker 1: everybody started seeing each other again and like life started

391
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 1: kind of slowly coming back to normal and ready, yeah,

392
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Speaker 1: let's go.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. I think it's such a personal thing.

394
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Speaker 2: And I think it's like it's dependent on the kids,

395
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Speaker 2: It's dependent on the situation.

396
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Speaker 1: How long have they been separated, you know, Like it's

397
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,400
Speaker 1: just it's so complicated. And I don't think I ever

398
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: gave him like ultimatums. I don't think I was just

399
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,159
Speaker 1: like ultimatum is such like a tricky word. I think

400
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,520
Speaker 1: I was very blunt about my expectations and my wants

401
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,159
Speaker 1: and desires. But I never was just like, okay, you

402
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Speaker 1: introduced me the kids tomorrow, or I'm out.

403
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Speaker 3: I think there are a few of those moments, really

404
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,639
Speaker 3: I heard. I don't know if you told him, but

405
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,000
Speaker 3: you told me I did. Yeah, like if certain things

406
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Speaker 3: didn't happen by a certain time.

407
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,920
Speaker 1: You were out in the beginning or like the whole time. Oh,

408
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:47,679
Speaker 1: maybe I was subconscious. Maybe maybe it was just invented

409
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: to me because I was like, I feel like ultimatums

410
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 1: are very tricky because I think I did that.

411
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Speaker 2: I think having a boundary for yourself is I don't

412
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Speaker 2: think that's a bad I think ultimatums are. I think

413
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 2: ultimatums are always presented negatively. But I think having a

414
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,399
Speaker 2: boundary for yourself or being like, hey, like this is

415
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 2: the timeline that I'm you know, you know, you were

416
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,919
Speaker 2: ready to get engaged early on, and yeah, and you

417
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,840
Speaker 2: waited longer than you.

418
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 3: Initially planned to.

419
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Speaker 1: Or I would have liked or you would have liked.

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Speaker 3: Right, But I'm saying like, I also think if you're

421
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 3: kind of.

422
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,919
Speaker 2: Like, hey, you know, should get off the pot, like sorry,

423
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 2: it's the.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I just came right out, Becca. We

425
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Speaker 1: have a PG program here and I was inspired by

426
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,640
Speaker 1: your languages.

427
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Speaker 2: But yeah, I think that you can have boundaries for

428
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 2: yourself and it doesn't it doesn't have to be like

429
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 2: if you don't do this, I'm out. But I think

430
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 2: it can be like, hey, this is my expectation. Just

431
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 2: to give your heads up, rh Bro, he came around,

432
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 2: but Anonymous, I feel very hopeful for both you and

433
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,760
Speaker 2: your best friend and I hope that all the things

434
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,440
Speaker 2: work out that to bring you happiness.

435
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 1: Me too. I think there's pros and con to every relationship.

436
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 1: I really do. I think there's pros and cons to

437
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 1: There's pros to dating a man with kids, there's consudating

438
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 1: a man with kids. There's pros edating a woman, there's

439
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: consudating a woman. There's pros to dating someone who's never

440
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 1: been married, that's in their fifties or sixties, and then

441
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,480
Speaker 1: there's cons with that, you know what I mean, like

442
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,720
Speaker 1: somebody being so stuck in their single ways. So it's

443
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 1: just like there's pros and cons to every relationship.

444
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 3: It's pretty I mean, it's pretty amazing. Like relationships in

445
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,360
Speaker 3: general are pretty amazing to be able to make them

446
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 3: work because we are all so complexant and we are

447
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,440
Speaker 3: raised different and we think different, we see the world differently,

448
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 3: So finding someone to work through those differences with is

449
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 3: what I was.

450
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,159
Speaker 1: Just having this conversation with a friend of mine the

451
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:50,159
Speaker 1: other day because she's so, what's the word strict or

452
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 1: not strict, but with ending up with the Jewish man,

453
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: and I'm just like wanting to wanting a Jew like

454
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,639
Speaker 1: that was like her thing Jewish man, and and I

455
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,640
Speaker 1: was like, that was my on my list for many years,

456
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,120
Speaker 1: Christian man, and like, look who I ended up with,

457
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: you know, like and she's you know, she was just

458
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 1: like I just don't think that I could see myself

459
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 1: having a Christmas tree or like celebrating Christmas. And I

460
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: was like, you could very much find the Catholic or

461
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 1: a Christian or not Jewish any you know, like non

462
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: Jewish person that doesn't want to have a Christmas tree

463
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 1: or doesn't want to celebrate Christmas, you know what I mean, Like,

464
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 1: I just I don't think those two things have to

465
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 1: be one and the same.

466
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,919
Speaker 2: But here's I think that you were willing, Like I

467
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 2: think you were looking for someone who like child. I

468
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: think you had other things on your list, and I

469
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 2: think you were willing to be open to learning about

470
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 2: a new religion and culture and like that was very

471
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 2: much your personality of like welcoming that. And I think

472
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 2: some people and I think it's okay to want someone

473
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 2: who has like certain core things. Your core value was

474
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,959
Speaker 2: to be like respectful and open to anyone and everyone,

475
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:01,360
Speaker 2: and it's like the beauty of your spirit and who

476
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 2: you are as a person, right, But I do think

477
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 2: it's okay to like seek out Like if she's like,

478
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 2: I just I want the ease of being with someone

479
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 2: who's Jewish, totally.

480
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: I forget that, or if it's that important the belief

481
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,919
Speaker 1: in the Yeah that's what that is so important. But

482
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,160
Speaker 1: I think it was the It was the sentiment of like,

483
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: I can't see myself with a Christmas tree or I

484
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 1: can't see myself celebrating Christmas. And I was like, that's

485
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 1: not synonymous with what you're looking for. Do you know

486
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 1: what I mean? Just because somebody is not isn't Jewish

487
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they celebrate Christmas or want to or

488
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: want to have a Christmas tree, you know what I mean?

489
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, she might end up buying ornaments for someone.

490
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: I just think we put a lot of restrictions. I

491
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: mean true that we don't necessarily when you think it through,

492
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: like shed never thought of it that way. She was

493
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 1: like huh, because I was like, is it that you like?

494
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,199
Speaker 1: What is it? You know? When she's like, well, I

495
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 1: do I want to celebrate the holidays and all the

496
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 1: Jewish holidays, and I go I celebrate all the Jewish

497
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 1: holidays with Robbie. Mm hmm.

498
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 3: You know it's finding someone who respects.

499
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 1: Right, She's like, I'd never thought about it that way,

500
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 1: and I was like, let's take that little restriction off

501
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 1: your dating app.

502
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 2: Then I know we're all programmed and like ingrained to

503
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 2: like think we have a certain type of person we're

504
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: supposed to be with.

505
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 4: You're such a Charlotte. It's so interesting, just such a Charlotte.

506
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 4: And it's like so interesting. How much like your journey

507
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:27,400
Speaker 4: parallels hers.

508
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 1: It's crazy.

509
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 4: Huh yeah, I mean you didn't have the whole McDougal situation.

510
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 1: But right, no, actually never had a situation like that.

511
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 2: You are so sure. I'm kind of ready for it,

512
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 2: and just like that, I'm ready to hate watching me too.

513
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 1: Is it out?

514
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 4: I think it's coming, it's coming. Did you see the

515
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,400
Speaker 4: fake filming notices that they had. Someone was putting up

516
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 4: like notices they're filming and just like that, but they

517
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 4: had the plot. They had fake plot lines like I'm

518
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,919
Speaker 4: gonna try and pull one up, like like Carrie is

519
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 4: having lunch and like all of her teeth keep falling

520
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 4: out and look stuff like that. Anyway, I'm excited. I'm

521
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 4: excited for that too. But we have so many more

522
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 4: letters here.

523
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 1: Shall we?

524
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 3: Take a bird.

525
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: I think we probably should in twenty four minutes.

526
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,439
Speaker 4: I think it's a legal thing. We have to take

527
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 4: a break.

528
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 3: We're back, We're back.

529
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh no, she's choking.

530
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 3: Okay, she's back.

531
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 2: That was a long we really that was an in depth,

532
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 2: thorough answer.

533
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:49,880
Speaker 1: You know, it felt deep.

534
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 3: Sometimes they hit like that. Sometimes they hit Sometimes there's

535
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 3: something to say.

536
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 1: And there was a lot to say.

537
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 4: There's a lot to say, so so you know, if

538
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 4: you pour your heart into a question and we brush

539
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 4: right by, sorry, that's going. Let's do another one. Also

540
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 4: from anonymous. My best friend has really low self esteem.

541
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 4: But she is the kindest, smartest, funniest person you could

542
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 4: ever meet. Two exclamation points on top of that, she's

543
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 4: absolutely gorgeous, but she cannot see any of it. She

544
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 4: can barely look at herself in the mirror at times,

545
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 4: and it's heartbreaking. The other day she told me that

546
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 4: when we were talking about life, she said, in a

547
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 4: laughing off kind of way, nobody would want this, while

548
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 4: pointing to herself. I think it stems from her brother,

549
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 4: who would say very unkind things to her throughout her

550
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 4: childhood and adult life. It feels like she's accepted that

551
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,239
Speaker 4: she's not going to find anyone ever, and she has

552
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,200
Speaker 4: given up. I tell her how great of a catch

553
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 4: she is, but it falls on deaf ears. How can

554
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 4: I help her see herself for who she is and

555
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 4: what she is? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Love

556
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 4: the podcast so.

557
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 2: Sad.

558
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hate that.

559
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 2: I think that you are doing what you can do

560
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 2: as a best friend, which is remind her of how

561
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 2: wonderful she is, spend time with her, lift her up.

562
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we I know that sometimes we try to.

563
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 2: I do this sometimes where I try to fix things

564
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,399
Speaker 2: that someone else's problems or what they're going to My

565
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 2: brain goes like, how can I fix it?

566
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 3: What can I do? And unfortunately, the truth is that

567
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: that's gonna be something she's gonna have to find in herself.

568
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 3: Like as kind of like know corny as it sounds like,

569
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 3: that's such a deep rooted issue that no one on

570
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 3: the outside or external is going to be able to

571
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 3: fix for her.

572
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: I know some I have two ideas that I think

573
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 1: could help. Again, I know it's gonna sound cheesy, but

574
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 1: I used to do this stuff and it worked. But

575
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 1: like writing the post it notes and like putting them

576
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: up in the kitchen, the bathroom, whatever, like whatever I

577
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 1: was lacking or feeling bad about, I would write the

578
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 1: opposite on a post it and just kind of always

579
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 1: look at it. And I think there's just something subconsciously

580
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: when you're looking at something day in and day out

581
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: that just like starts to seep in. I think it

582
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,360
Speaker 1: just I do believe in that power of that. So

583
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: maybe you can, like I don't want to tell you,

584
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: just have her do it, because then it's almost like

585
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 1: maybe do it with her, like suggest that you guys

586
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: do it together and put them up and like you

587
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 1: do yours and then she does hers, and like you

588
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: do it together, but it's like your own personal things.

589
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 1: So that could be something that maybe is helpful helpful

590
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: to her. And I don't know if your friend goes

591
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: to therapy, but I do feel like therapy would really

592
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: like help in that way because she would be able

593
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 1: to kind of get through. And I don't I think

594
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: suggesting therapy to somebody because I think you can say

595
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: in a very nice way, like I think you have

596
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: such a negative opinion about yourself, and like you don't

597
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 1: see yourself the way that I see you, And I

598
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,679
Speaker 1: feel like maybe if you went and talked to somebody,

599
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,439
Speaker 1: you could really get to the root of that, because

600
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: it's such a shame, Like it makes me sad that

601
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: you don't see yourself the way that I see you

602
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 1: and see everything that you have to offer, and you

603
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: are such an amazing catch, and I think that if

604
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: you really talk to somebody, you could kind of unpack

605
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: these all the insecurities and these things that have been

606
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,360
Speaker 1: flooding you for your entire life.

607
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that.

608
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess this isn't directly from the friend,

609
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 2: but her saying that her brother would say really unkind

610
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,439
Speaker 2: things to her throughout her childhood. I think even in

611
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 2: I've never I've never struggled specifically with these this type

612
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 2: of thought process of like feeling like no one would

613
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 2: love me. But I think that I in couple therapy,

614
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 2: I realized I had a lot of like insecurities that

615
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 2: caused me to react to certain things in my relationship.

616
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 2: And I think just talking to someone and kind of

617
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: like peeling back layers of where something stems from can

618
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 2: be such a helpful thing. So I think I agree,

619
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 2: so suggesting therapy in a way that's like, hey, I

620
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 2: am never going to be able to fix what makes

621
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 2: you feel insecure. I think you're so wonderful and beautiful

622
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 2: and so lovable, and that's why i'm your friend, because

623
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 2: I see those things in you, but I want you

624
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 2: to be able to see them in yourself. And I

625
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 2: think it would be so helpful and just like uplifting

626
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 2: for you to talk to someone who's like, who doesn't

627
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 2: even know you.

628
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also think too, when you say it

629
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: falls on deaf ears, I really don't think it does.

630
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: Like I do think you should continue to encourage and

631
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 1: support and say those nice things because like I have

632
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: had thoughts like that nobody's gonna want this, and not

633
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: like pointing at myself like my body and like that

634
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: type of stuff, but like when I was going through

635
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 1: date after date after date and like not working out

636
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 1: and like different thing after different thing, like it does.

637
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: It defeats you. It makes you feel like nobody's ever

638
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: gonna want this, you know, like it's obviously has to

639
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: do with me. It's something with me. So I have

640
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: had these thoughts, and I think that I've been able

641
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 1: to push through them and like I would succumb to

642
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 1: them at some points. I'm sure you've saw some of

643
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: that in me, but I could pull myself out of

644
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 1: it because I did have so many people around me

645
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: in my life encouraging me and like showing me what

646
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 1: I really was and what I had to offer. I mean,

647
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: so I feel like, don't underestimate the power of you

648
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: and your other friends still saying all those things to her.

649
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, I definitely continue to be encouraging as a friend.

650
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 2: I don't I think that she hears you. She just

651
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 2: doesn't believe it for herself. Right, What were things that

652
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: you did aside from the posts? What did you do

653
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 2: that made you feel better or more confident?

654
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 1: Eating ice cream and watching Gilmore Girl did not make.

655
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 2: Sometimes, I think, But I don't think that made you

656
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 2: feel I think I'm trying to think what she could

657
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 2: do with her friend.

658
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 3: That would be like encouraging.

659
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 1: All physical activity, I think, like going on hikes. Like

660
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: I leaned a lot on running for some reason, and

661
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: I found a lot of Like I don't know, it

662
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: wasn't I don't like running, but I like what it

663
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: did for me mentally. It would like I felt like

664
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: I had free, like head clarity when I would run.

665
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: I felt good about myself after I ran so I

666
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 1: just think like all of yeah, all of those things.

667
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, sometimes we get so in our head.

668
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 2: It's like so when you run, all you can all

669
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 2: I could think about when I work out is how

670
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 2: miserable and uncomfortable I am. So any other thought that

671
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: I went into the workout with is erased for a

672
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 2: moment in time, and then.

673
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: Like delusional things too, like you know, like I loved

674
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: clearing out space for my potential new partner and like

675
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: setting a table for him at the dinner table, and

676
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: like you know, just like I know sounds crazy, but

677
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 1: like delusional stuff like that, Like I enjoyed that.

678
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also, you know, writing that kind of a

679
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 2: complicated relationship with like religion and stuff, but like my

680
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 2: faith has always been something that I feel like give

681
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 2: me a lot of confidence. So I don't know like

682
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 2: where she is in that, but maybe finding worth in

683
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 2: stuff that's not so I don't want to say vapid,

684
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 2: but like something that's you know, based on.

685
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: I don't like, no, I get what you're saying. There's

686
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: a lot out there that doesn't have to be religion

687
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: based too, Like there's a lot of ted talks. There's

688
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: a lot like I remember I would lean on there.

689
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: I can't remember her name now, I follow her on Instagram,

690
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,959
Speaker 1: but she was some somebody that was in church who

691
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 1: was kind of on the same journey as me, and

692
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: she would find like her she like a butterfly thing,

693
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: but it wasn't butterflies, And like, I found so much

694
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: hope in her story. So maybe if she found someone

695
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 1: that like was kind of going through or have had

696
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 1: the same type of feelings that she's having and then

697
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: really like leaned in, like followed that person on Instagram

698
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: or like read her books or whatever it is, I

699
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: kind of just like lean into that hope and that

700
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: that's like also a really good thing.

701
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

702
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 2: But I think you're a really good friend, and I

703
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 2: think you care about her, and I hope that she

704
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 2: finds peace and like love for herself that you.

705
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 3: See in her.

706
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 2: It's hard to watch people you love go through something

707
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 2: like that that you can't physically, folks.

708
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, she's lucky to have a friend like you, Anonymous.

709
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 5: Agree, all right?

710
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: One more for also from Anonymous. As previously stated, this

711
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 4: past week, a large group of coworkers and I traveled

712
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 4: to an on site work meeting myself in about fifteen

713
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 4: others proceeded to go out for a few cocktails, which

714
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 4: is standard for these types of meetings. However, I could

715
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 4: tell others we're drinking more heavily than normal, and so

716
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 4: I dismissed myself. Early around three thirty am, I was

717
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 4: woken from a commotion in the hallway and saw my boss,

718
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 4: who was a senior leader at my company, and a

719
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 4: female coworker walking into her bedroom together. She is single

720
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 4: with no kids, but he's married with kids, which makes

721
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 4: matters so much worse. I don't believe they saw me,

722
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 4: but now I feel like I have this huge secret

723
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 4: that is making me feel so uncomfortable. It's obviously not

724
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 4: my place to get involved from a personal perspective, but

725
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 4: how do I proceed professionally? Do I act like I

726
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: didn't see anything. Do we move on as if everything

727
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 4: is normal. I had also went to wanting to ensure

728
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 4: my coworker didn't feel pressured or forced. With him being

729
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 4: a senior leader, I work with both often. I don't

730
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 4: know how to look past this. I also have a

731
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 4: one on one meeting with him next week, and I'm

732
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 4: already uncomfortable thinking about it. I've been a Day one

733
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 4: listener and appreciate all the laps over the years. Thank

734
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,760
Speaker 4: you guys so much. You love to hear you feedback.

735
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: Ooh, yis yikes, this is a TV show a movie.

736
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,359
Speaker 1: So the picture realized that I would give and then

737
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,400
Speaker 1: when you like, put it in your own context of

738
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: your own life. I don't know if I could execute.

739
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 3: Okay, let's put it in the context of your own life.

740
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 2: You see Syany with Oryan.

741
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 3: Into a room. What do you do?

742
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 1: That's a perfect analog, I know, but I just can't

743
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: picture it. But let me try.

744
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 3: Okay, go deep, go deep.

745
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,399
Speaker 1: I would have to say something to her.

746
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:56,479
Speaker 3: What would you say?

747
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 1: It was three thirty in the morning and I saw

748
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: you walk into the bedroom with him. I'm uncomfortable with

749
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: this information. I just needed to let you know that

750
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: I know. And that's it, no, honestly, because then it

751
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: puts it on them because then they know that you

752
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: don't know and they saw, so then that's on them.

753
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 2: Like can you please don't say anything to anyway?

754
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:22,360
Speaker 3: Please?

755
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: I can give you that, but I can't assure you

756
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: that other people didn't see what I saw, because there

757
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: was I saw other people around. Just say that I

758
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 1: saw other people around in the hallway.

759
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 3: But what if she she didn't say that, Well.

760
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: Now she can say that, so I can say, I

761
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 1: can give you my word that I'm not going to

762
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 1: say anything, but I can't assure you that I'm the

763
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 1: only one that saw something. So I just wanted to

764
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 1: just let you know. And that's it, because then it

765
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: puts it on them, because I what I don't think

766
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,840
Speaker 1: you should do is like go tell the other person's

767
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: husband or wife. Yeah, just getting involved in that way

768
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: feels not the move. But if you put it on

769
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 1: them that you saw, you're not threatening to go tell anyone.

770
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: You're not threatening to go tell anyone at work, but

771
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 1: you're putting them on alert. You're giving them that eye emojis.

772
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 4: You're also not insinuing anything because I don't want to

773
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 4: like defend what's happening here.

774
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,439
Speaker 1: But right, she could have followed him in the room

775
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,280
Speaker 1: and gotten a hair tie left.

776
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 4: There have been times where I've traveled with coworkers they

777
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,400
Speaker 4: could have and lent someone my phone charger. Yeah, and

778
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 4: had to go and get the charger and then immediately

779
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 4: le Right, you know that this could be It's probably not,

780
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 4: but it could be innocent.

781
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 1: I don't know.

782
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,399
Speaker 2: It could be, and I hope for everyone's saying that

783
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 2: that's the case, that she was just needing a hairtyie

784
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 2: from her male boss who always has hair ties on hand.

785
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: I use hair type as as the only I could

786
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: think of, but Easan was better with the charger. Yeah.

787
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:58,000
Speaker 3: I love the idea of just saying, here's my only

788
00:36:58,320 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 3: here's my question.

789
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 2: Though, what if you tell siciny and then she goes

790
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 2: Ryan Tania knows about us, and he's like, we got

791
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 2: to get rid of her.

792
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

793
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 4: I was just fired from my job.

794
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 3: Because I listen to your advice.

795
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:23,720
Speaker 1: Shot, are you guys hiring? I think you stay silent,

796
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 1: Just stay silent and let karma do its thing.

797
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 3: I think it's work.

798
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 2: I think it's uncomfortable, but like it's like just you

799
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 2: don't know what happened. You don't want to get involved,

800
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 2: Like the last thing you want to do is get involved,

801
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 2: and unfortunately you were the one that saw it.

802
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 3: But I just think that you set yourself up for

803
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 3: putting your position want to get.

804
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: In professionally, gosh, I mean, let this be a lesson

805
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: that when everybody's heavily drinking, you just keep drinking as well,

806
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: so you just pass out for the whole night and

807
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:01,320
Speaker 1: you don't see anything after the hours of midnight. You

808
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: just pass out and you pass out hard.

809
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 2: You know what.

810
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 1: Let me a lesson to it, shall I think the

811
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 1: lesson if.

812
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,919
Speaker 3: I could, if I were her and I could go back.

813
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 3: I think if I could do this, I'd go. If

814
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 3: I saw them, I'd be like.

815
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, what three three in the morning.

816
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd make it be known. Yeah, hey, or you'll

817
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 3: just getting back look like it's fine. Yeah, let him

818
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 3: know in that moment, and then that's it. That's it.

819
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 3: You didn't do anything wrong.

820
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was just checking for my room service.

821
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a that's a really unfortunate situation. I

822
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 2: think the best thing that you can do, it's just

823
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: not just so that was.

824
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 1: My initial That's always my initial advice is just stay out.

825
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 1: I always say stay out of it. But then when

826
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 1: you put in the context of my own life, I'm like,

827
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: I couldn't see her every day and just sit here like,

828
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 1: you know, I think I could.

829
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 2: I mean, the only the only other advice I'd say

830
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 2: other than staying out of it is to have a

831
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 2: comation with your coworker and say like, hey, just to

832
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:08,399
Speaker 2: be totally transparent. I wait, I saw y'all come home,

833
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 2: and I saw you go into his room.

834
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:09,919
Speaker 3: I don't.

835
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 2: I just, oh my gosh, it's just I don't know

836
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,359
Speaker 2: what happened. I know, That's what I'm saying. I think

837
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 2: your best bet is to say.

838
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 1: Out of it getting a job. This just seems like

839
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 1: a bad environment. Honestly, I don't think.

840
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,879
Speaker 3: So I think just let this be work and don't

841
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 3: have a like don't let like.

842
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 1: I know, but sometimes like you work, you go to

843
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: your work to work. Your work is your life, you know,

844
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 1: Like I get it. It's not your life, but it's

845
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: like you're you go to work every day like it

846
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 1: does bleed into you know. And if you're uncomfortable and

847
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 1: these people are like cheating and like not great people,

848
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: like don't I don't know.

849
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm saying, don't you have a personal relationships

850
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,600
Speaker 2: outside of work with your with sisany like you have

851
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 2: you have friendships with them outside of work. I don't

852
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 2: know if these are those types of friends. So I'm saying,

853
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 2: if they're not, then let work be work, and personally like, don't,

854
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 2: don't I don't have personal relationships with these people?

855
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:03,280
Speaker 3: If you don't already.

856
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: Could that be a lesson to us all?

857
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 3: Don't have personal relationship?

858
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: Keep drinking if you remember, remember, keep drinking and don't

859
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,399
Speaker 1: see anything you shouldn't see.

860
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, great advice.

861
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.

862
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 3: I think we should end on that one. Yeah, so good,

863
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 3: good luck to everyone.

864
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:27,320
Speaker 2: We always love having dear Bonia questions, So keep them coming,

865
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 2: keep them coming, and we'll keep the advice rolling.

866
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 1: Roll and roll and roll and rolling, rolling like a river. No,

867
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: what is that corn? Keep rolling?

868
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 5: Roll and roll and rolling, roll and roll and roll

869
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 5: and rolling.

870
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 3: I remember that.

871
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 1: Yeah that was a big Yeah, big biscuits.

872
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,879
Speaker 3: We learned something new about to corn. You're a big

873
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:54,359
Speaker 3: corn fan.

874
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: Backwards k or backwards are backwards? Are correct?

875
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 3: So yeah, you were just like John may Or, Shakira

876
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 3: Corn and lumb biscuit.

877
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: That's right. Wow about an identity crisis.

878
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 3: You're finding yourself. Yeah, we love you so much.

879
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: You love y'all.

880
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 2: Have a great week and hope all of your problems

881
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 2: disappear on the weekend.

882
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: Yes, I love you so much, Love you.

883
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 4: Bye.