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Speaker 1: What kind of cheer did you have in mind? Wrestle

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Speaker 1: wrestle to It's like a pretzel? What was it cheer?

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Speaker 1: Our friend Taylor does. She goes plants that do accurb y.

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Speaker 1: So I'm a little low vibe today and I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to bring the heat here on the edge heat with

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Speaker 1: some hot coffee. We just reminded me that drinking coffee

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Speaker 1: at five almost six pm, I'm gonna be fun. We

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Speaker 1: should have just gone straight for the wine. I mean

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Speaker 1: then it would have been a bad bad scene, I think,

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Speaker 1: but a slurry bad scene. I think that people love

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Speaker 1: that from us. Well, let's get the wine out there.

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Speaker 1: You got any caffeinated wine. I do not have caffeinated wine,

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Speaker 1: but they should invent that. That's actually an interesting concept.

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Speaker 1: That's for alcoholics to be like. They need to hit that.

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Speaker 1: They're like, whoa, it's like having a Red Bull vodka. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so people do create that. You're just turning out nobody

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Speaker 1: drinking a Red Bull vodka for breakfast? Maybe maybe any

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Speaker 1: okay chip report back on how lay you're up. So

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Speaker 1: we were just talking about I was like, what's my uptaking?

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Speaker 1: And I did? I went to the beach two weekends

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Speaker 1: in a row, which feels super like privilege. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe I got to do. But we had that bachelortte party,

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Speaker 1: and then I had um labor day. We were supposed

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Speaker 1: to be at Seven Peaks at music festival, which got canceled,

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Speaker 1: so some friends just kind of scheduled this little beach

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Speaker 1: trip to distract us from the sadness of that and

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Speaker 1: trying to not focus on COVID for one second and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: And it was really fun and great to be at

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Speaker 1: the beach and um that like that was sort of

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Speaker 1: all that's going on in my life. Like it feels

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Speaker 1: a little like lackluster, except that I've really gotten into

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Speaker 1: a couple of well I mean ish, not really, but

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Speaker 1: I'm just like sort of, I don't know, riding the

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Speaker 1: wave of all the ship going on maybe, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I had yeah, And so I had those two trips,

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Speaker 1: which kind of could lead into like the privilege aspect.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've been watching the show White Lotus. We

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Speaker 1: were talking about that. You do not have a little

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Speaker 1: bit of mixed reviews about this, but if you haven't

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Speaker 1: watched White Lotus, it's a really really good show. In

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Speaker 1: my opinion, is it on HBO Max HBO, so it's

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Speaker 1: a little tougher to get to. But I had to

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Speaker 1: get hbom Max since they started filming the Sex in

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Speaker 1: the City reboot because I was like a minute. Um.

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Speaker 1: But anyways, I've been watching it and it's all about

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Speaker 1: white privilege, right, and like when you hear about white privilege,

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Speaker 1: I think I've been talking about this a little bit,

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Speaker 1: like I'm starting to understand the concept more of how

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Speaker 1: I've grown up with privilege, and I just it was

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Speaker 1: not even on my radar. And there's just a lot

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Speaker 1: of awarenesses that have happened for me around this last year.

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Speaker 1: But watching a show about it and seeing these characters

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Speaker 1: and going, I know that character, there I am, or

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Speaker 1: there's something that happened is actually the most disgusting and

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Speaker 1: disturbing experience that I've felt in a while. Not in

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Speaker 1: a bad way though, characters you don't like any of

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Speaker 1: the characters, which I'm not like selling the show in

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Speaker 1: a great way right now, But the truth is it

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Speaker 1: sucks me in because I'm very much like feeling this

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Speaker 1: learning experience happening again because the stuff that we just

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Speaker 1: don't even think about, Like there's so many characters that

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Speaker 1: reminds me of certain experiences in my life, like that

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Speaker 1: either I have been under the you know, I've been

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Speaker 1: operating under that mentality or like the things that I've

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Speaker 1: gotten upset about, but I have not really understood why

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Speaker 1: I was upset. Like there's a lot about white male

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Speaker 1: privilege that triggers me in the show, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, but that has really been an issue

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Speaker 1: of mine with men for a long time, and I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of uncovering some of that stuff in my own

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Speaker 1: personal life, but like it it's seeing it on the

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Speaker 1: show has been like, Oh, that's why it bothers me,

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Speaker 1: because it is fucking privilege, Like it is like it's

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Speaker 1: not treating human beings with decency and respect like other humans,

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Speaker 1: even or white humans. It's just like operating from a

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Speaker 1: place of I am entitled to this and I deserve this,

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Speaker 1: and it's just so gross to see in it in

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Speaker 1: all in one place. Yeah, I mean, and like not

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Speaker 1: to I'm gonna try not to do any spoilers, but

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Speaker 1: it takes place on an island where the land has

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Speaker 1: basically been stolen from the natives, and the only natives

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Speaker 1: that you see are ones that work at the hotel,

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Speaker 1: most of which are the ones who like do like

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Speaker 1: native dances. Affected to say where it is in Hawaii? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I feel like, Um, I guess I was just picturing

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Speaker 1: it and wasn't realizing, like I wasn't panic of clear pure,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, it takes place in Hawaii and it's like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, like the only Hawaiians you see are like

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Speaker 1: work at the hotel and most of them are like

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Speaker 1: dancing at dinner. Yeah, and it's, um, it's just a

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Speaker 1: stark reminder of the fact that um, you white people

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Speaker 1: have gone in and just like trounstall over everything and

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Speaker 1: like like you've touched on this, Like the characters are despicable.

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Speaker 1: I don't really like any It is beautifully shot. The

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Speaker 1: story is pretty riveting. You It's it's like starts with

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Speaker 1: like a hook. I'm gonna give away the very beginning

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Speaker 1: because it doesn't give anything. This is going to tell

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Speaker 1: you why you need to watch it. Like it basically

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Speaker 1: starts in an airport and there's this like older white

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Speaker 1: couple sitting across from like a young sort of handsome,

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Speaker 1: um guy who's by himself. He was in the office.

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Speaker 1: Do you know that I loved him in the office.

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Speaker 1: He's a really good actor, because I fucking hate him

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Speaker 1: and this is despicable. But um, they're like asking him

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Speaker 1: questions and he said that he's coming back from his

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Speaker 1: honeymoon and they're like, well, where's your wife? And he

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Speaker 1: says something like why, why don't you mind your own

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Speaker 1: fucking business, And then it cuts to you see a

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Speaker 1: casket being loaded onto the plane and then it's like

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Speaker 1: white load and it goes back like one week ago something,

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Speaker 1: So you have no idea whose casket this is? Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but now I got to know who died. You told

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Speaker 1: me that story when we were at the bachelor party

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Speaker 1: and I was like, well, is it his? Why? I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's what you assume. She's gone sitting there all right,

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Speaker 1: But then it gets into the show and you're like, wait,

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Speaker 1: I have no idea who's in that casket. So that

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Speaker 1: just to give that disclaimer to we're not literally not

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Speaker 1: at all giving anything away. Um yeah, and then it's

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Speaker 1: just like the stories and it's all these different versions

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Speaker 1: of it, right, Like that kid you're talking about is

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Speaker 1: this rich white male then and it's like he's on

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Speaker 1: his honeymoon and there's a family. I think the kids

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Speaker 1: are so interesting to watch in that family dynamic because

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Speaker 1: and they bring their friend who has they bring a

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Speaker 1: friend who's a person of color, who is one of

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Speaker 1: the is the only guest at the hotel that we

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Speaker 1: experience is not white correct um, And just the dynamic

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Speaker 1: with that, I feel like they're really touch on what's

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Speaker 1: happening in our culture right now with like kids in

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Speaker 1: technology and just even all of the different programming that's

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Speaker 1: coming in now, and some of it's really good, right

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Speaker 1: like as far as um, gender identity and all of

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Speaker 1: those topics, it just touches on all of them. And

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Speaker 1: so I think it's like it's just a super fascinating

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Speaker 1: concept to look objectively at our society. It's like almost

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Speaker 1: like having like an out of body experience and you're

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Speaker 1: looking down and you're like, oh my god, all of

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Speaker 1: this is happening in my day to day all the time,

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Speaker 1: and we're kind of were just unaware of it. And

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Speaker 1: so I think that's why I'm so sucked in, Like

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Speaker 1: it's fascinating. I think only have like an episode and

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Speaker 1: a half left. Um, But then I started also because

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Speaker 1: I'm just like really into TV right now. I guess

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Speaker 1: what you do at the beach when you're like burnt.

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Speaker 1: It was what I did when I got back because

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Speaker 1: I'm exhausted. So I know, white loadus farbs, tired from

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Speaker 1: the tired from my two beach trips. Why um, but

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Speaker 1: so I started Nine Perfect Strangers last night. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: Like I literally when you walked in, I'm like, can

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Speaker 1: we record this? Because I can't get now. I can't

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Speaker 1: wait to get to it. It's for it's just like

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Speaker 1: right up my alley. First of all, I love Nicole Kidman.

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Speaker 1: I think she's an amazing A lot of people are

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Speaker 1: like complaining about her accent. I really I like it.

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Speaker 1: She's Russian in the show Russian, but it does kind

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Speaker 1: of come in and out. Yeah, I mean I get that,

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Speaker 1: but it's like I think it's meant to be slightly Russian. Well. Also,

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Speaker 1: it's just a hard thing to its Apparently she's stayed

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Speaker 1: in character for like six months. Are you serious? I

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Speaker 1: don't understand how people do that. Like she's kids, How

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Speaker 1: does she talk to her kids that way? Wow? Um? Well,

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Speaker 1: it's so it's based on a book and it's basically

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Speaker 1: like a retreat. Again, you can kind of how I

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Speaker 1: privileged to some of this stuff. But it goes into

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Speaker 1: watching these nine strangers go to um like a mind

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Speaker 1: body kind of place that ends up being a little

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Speaker 1: more intense. I mean, I'm only on episode two, so

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Speaker 1: I can't even really speak to it. But Nicole Kidman

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Speaker 1: is this healer and she's all these healers around her,

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Speaker 1: and like literally they go in and they're thinking they're

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Speaker 1: going to just get like a bunch of massages and

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Speaker 1: just do like this wellness drink and all this stuff.

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Speaker 1: And because he just wanted to go to the most

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Speaker 1: expensive spa, right, like a spa, like there's hot springs

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Speaker 1: and all of this stuff. And literally within meeting them

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Speaker 1: for the like the first second, she calls out their

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Speaker 1: ship like their hardcore, like you're an alcoholic drug addict.

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Speaker 1: Love how rich the characters are, Oh yeah, and they

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Speaker 1: all like I haven't even gotten to all their stories yet.

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Speaker 1: But they also really tap into every different dynamic that

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Speaker 1: you know, especially on this like social media culture that

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Speaker 1: we live and we're all painting these pictures of this life,

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Speaker 1: but like there's always a story that's really going on

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Speaker 1: behind it, and what is the truth and what is

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Speaker 1: the truth of us? That we even deny, you know,

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Speaker 1: like what are we not in touch with in ourselves?

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Speaker 1: And it's just so good, Like all of Melissa McCarthy

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Speaker 1: is in it. There's just like all these great actors.

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Speaker 1: Um um, he's the gay one. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah. I guess it's the best way to describe. Yes,

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Speaker 1: Regina Hall is in it. Regina so good, so good.

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Speaker 1: The guy with the beard is somebody too, but I

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Speaker 1: can't recognize him from a lot of things, but I

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Speaker 1: don't know, he's so good. Anyway to highly recommended shows

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Speaker 1: White Lotus and Nine Perfect Strangers, and that is the

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Speaker 1: update I have. Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna say a

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Speaker 1: few things speak to that a little bit, please you.

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Speaker 1: My friend told me that I need to watch White

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Speaker 1: Lotus like a month ago, month and a half ago,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like on the second episode on text her

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm so tense and I hate

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Speaker 1: these people. Why am I watching this? And she was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but you just have to. And it's

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Speaker 1: like it is so beautifully shot. Like if for any reason,

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Speaker 1: like if you have any cinephiles out there that like

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Speaker 1: watch this, like just watch it for like this cinephiles.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that was the thing, and looking from

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Speaker 1: holding the mic like got my pinky up, like I

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Speaker 1: want my glass of wine. Um, so I digress. Um.

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Speaker 1: It's really beautifully shot. So if anyone loves like that

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff, just beautiful cinematography, watch it for that.

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Speaker 1: I Um, I fucking hate of the characters. I did love. UM.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember the actor's name, but the guy who

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Speaker 1: played the plays the manager. That's kind of a mess

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Speaker 1: um so um. But one of the problems that I

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Speaker 1: really had with it was in a in in one

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Speaker 1: instance in particular, um, they lost the plot a little

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Speaker 1: bit um by there is a black woman. There's a

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Speaker 1: character that's played that is a black woman and falls

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Speaker 1: prey to the promises of a rich white woman. And um,

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Speaker 1: that drove me a little crazy because I felt like

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Speaker 1: it was just like her character to me, is was

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Speaker 1: wise beyond her years, you know, And I'm like, she

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have fallen for this bullshit anymore like women like

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Speaker 1: her age or because I think it's like I don't

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Speaker 1: feel like that. But then and then the other thing though,

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Speaker 1: is like sometimes I think it taps into so many

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Speaker 1: like things that we like, I can relate to this

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Speaker 1: in dating, Like you want to buy into the dream

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Speaker 1: of something, and so sometimes you might ignore red flags. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like you just you like look at the possibility even

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Speaker 1: you know, or like what it could be. And if

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Speaker 1: it's hitting a nerve in you that taps into some

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Speaker 1: sort of dream, I think you can get sucked and

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Speaker 1: really easily. So that's what I saw happening in that

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Speaker 1: capacity because like also I sort of bought in, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't really haven't seen how it plays out, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but um, yes, that really bothered you

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Speaker 1: because you brought that out really bothered me. I just

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Speaker 1: wished like they could have made a small tweak and

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Speaker 1: she could have been Native Islander because that still would

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Speaker 1: have made sense. She also could have just been a

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Speaker 1: white employee and it was still like it still would

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Speaker 1: have made sense. You thought they missed the mark because

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Speaker 1: she was black. Because she was black. I just felt

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Speaker 1: like because there was a fierceness to that character totally,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, she's too smart powerful, it's powerful. I

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Speaker 1: was like, she's too smart, Like she wouldn't have fallen

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Speaker 1: for this. So that drove me a little bit crazy

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Speaker 1: because I feel like, Um, I've read a few you know,

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Speaker 1: critics that have pointed that out too, and so I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, when you make a mistake like that, it

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Speaker 1: defeats the purpose of some of the other stuff that

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Speaker 1: you were nailing. Yeah, I can't speak to you because

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Speaker 1: I don't know how it plays out, and I also

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Speaker 1: don't want to give spla Okay, So the other thing

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Speaker 1: that just hearing you say the word white privilege, which

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Speaker 1: you know, obviously I am a beneficiary of and recognize.

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Speaker 1: I think one of the reasons why, um, white people

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Speaker 1: in particular have a hard time like wrapping their head

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Speaker 1: around the concept of it is simply the word privilege,

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Speaker 1: because um, there are a lot of disadvantaged white people.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there needs to be a new term

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Speaker 1: that's like I just looked up synonyms like white benefit,

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Speaker 1: you know, the benefit of being white. Um, it's just

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Speaker 1: white entitlement, you know, Like I mean, I wonder if

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Speaker 1: that would help people with it a little bit. To me,

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Speaker 1: it makes it a little bit more clear, like white benefit.

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Speaker 1: But isn't it like privilege that we're even trying to

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Speaker 1: like change the word totally. But like I'm uncomfortable with that. Well, No,

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Speaker 1: it's not. I mean, like, I'm perfectly uncomfortable in my

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Speaker 1: white privilege. I just want other fucking white people to

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Speaker 1: get it. So like that's why I think that there

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Speaker 1: needs to be some sort of change. Like, but you're right,

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Speaker 1: like white and I we're listening to this, they'd be

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Speaker 1: like fuck you, Like, no, it's what it is. Your

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Speaker 1: head out, so sorry you're offended. I'm so sorry. I

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Speaker 1: think that's the point. Offended is not what I'm worried about.

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Speaker 1: Stupid is what I'm worrying about. You know, can't change

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Speaker 1: you can't. You can't change stupid. And that's the problem.

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Speaker 1: Is like they're the ones that are the fucking you know,

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Speaker 1: they're the sand in our you know. Well, I think

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Speaker 1: this is a time and we've said this again, like

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Speaker 1: and I always get nervous talking about these topics because

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Speaker 1: it has been such a heated issue in the last year.

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Speaker 1: Um just because I know I don't know everything, but

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Speaker 1: all I can do is just keep trying to learn

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Speaker 1: and understand more. I wasn't even thinking about the privilege

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Speaker 1: that I have in my life where I expect an

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Speaker 1: uber in a certain amount of time and if I

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Speaker 1: don't get it, I'm fucking pissed, and it's like it

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Speaker 1: takes twenty minutes and that I'm like twenty minutes. You know,

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Speaker 1: Like we now live in such a society where we

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Speaker 1: literally expect instant gratification on all things, and like that

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Speaker 1: is privileged. Like, first of all, our lives didn't used

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Speaker 1: to be that way, but also like now that it's

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Speaker 1: become our thing, we're accustomed to the fact that it's

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Speaker 1: sort of shifted like out of that. During COVID and stuff,

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Speaker 1: I am finding myself completely irate at ridiculous topics issues

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Speaker 1: like oh my god, if I'd lost my cell phone,

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Speaker 1: I can't. I don't even have a clock. People don't

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Speaker 1: have to have like they're they're um, they're like cell

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Speaker 1: phone cases. Also where their I d and their credit

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Speaker 1: cards and money. I'm like, that is the biggest recipe

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Speaker 1: for disaster. Your car keys in there while you're at it,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like, why don't you

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Speaker 1: put your diabetes medical Well. I was having a conversation

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Speaker 1: with a friend at the beach about this, and he

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Speaker 1: made a really good point because he was like, the

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Speaker 1: interesting thing though, is like in our society it's being

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Speaker 1: so pointed to white people right now, which I think

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Speaker 1: is fair. You know, like we've had a run for

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Speaker 1: really long time in America that it just unequal and

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Speaker 1: so I can see why that's happening here. But and

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Speaker 1: this is very true. He made the point. He was like,

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Speaker 1: I think it's just privilege in general, because so many

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Speaker 1: other countries would look at any American and the fact

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Speaker 1: that like, like I've done work in Haiti before where

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Speaker 1: we've built houses and stuff, and like we built a

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Speaker 1: cinder block house for this woman, and I've never seen

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Speaker 1: someone literally go into convulsions because she was so grateful

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Speaker 1: to have actual walls and a roof and it was

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Speaker 1: made out of cinder blocks. It was nothing glamorous. It

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Speaker 1: was like I'm making that so like you know, yes,

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Speaker 1: you know it is not like super fancy, but but

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Speaker 1: the point is that she was so grateful to be

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Speaker 1: out of a tent where her daughter, like, and she

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Speaker 1: had such a risk of being raped every night, Like

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Speaker 1: could you fucking imagine that? Like, or the fact that

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Speaker 1: like we all drive cars here, are like a lot

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Speaker 1: of us, you know, and that's pretty much the norm.

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Speaker 1: But like there you're rich if you have a car,

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Speaker 1: like we don't even think about that, and so many

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Speaker 1: of us are like, oh my god, my car is

336
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Speaker 1: so shittier. Oh my car is back in the shop,

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00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:10,560
Speaker 1: and it's like you have a car though, like we're

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Speaker 1: that is privilege, and that's where it all gets kind

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Speaker 1: of lost. I mean, it's even bigger than white privilege

340
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Speaker 1: is the whole point, you know, but I do think

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Speaker 1: it's the big focus right now. Probably should be white people,

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Speaker 1: and like, like you said, we're involved in that too,

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Speaker 1: because you have been given things a little more easily. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: that's my rant tell us about on sight, though I'm like,

345
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:42,840
Speaker 1: so I haven't really. We kind of decompressed a smish,

346
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,280
Speaker 1: but I was like, we're going to save it for

347
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,399
Speaker 1: the podcast, so give us the give us the deeds. Um. So,

348
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Speaker 1: I don't know if what did we tell people last

349
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Speaker 1: week that's where I was going or Okay, so um.

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Speaker 1: I spent last Wednesday through Saturday at this the most

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Speaker 1: beautiful place in the world called on Site. It's in

352
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Speaker 1: a place called Cumberland Furnace, Tennessee. It's like an hour

353
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Speaker 1: outside of Nashville, and it's just like old, big, old

354
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Speaker 1: mansion that they've added. Um not dorms UM what would

355
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Speaker 1: you call cabins UM that sleep like two to three

356
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Speaker 1: to four people, depending on the cabin you're in. And

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Speaker 1: UM it was UM a program that was designed for

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Speaker 1: music industry people. So they were like forty five of

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Speaker 1: us there. UM. It was called the Key of c

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Speaker 1: and I think it was like a play on the

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Speaker 1: word centered UM, and it was about on the objective

362
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Speaker 1: of the week was to sort of like us, to

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Speaker 1: digitally detox and to talk about sort of the effects

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Speaker 1: that you know, the loss that our industry has suffered

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Speaker 1: during covid. UM. That was the intention, you know. But UM,

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Speaker 1: I think that everyone went there with a little bit

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Speaker 1: more baggage than just that, you know, as as humans.

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Speaker 1: It's like of course, and I think that all of

369
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Speaker 1: us were really hoping to get like the real deal,

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Speaker 1: like on site deep dive. This was designed a little different.

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Speaker 1: Like normally UM for their living center programs, UM, you

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Speaker 1: would be and like you would have your group of

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Speaker 1: eight with a therapist assigned to you the whole time,

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Speaker 1: where you would do some larger group work and then

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Speaker 1: you do your breakouts in your group. Ours was a

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Speaker 1: little different. We would we would do like big group

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Speaker 1: sort of like lectures and then we would break into

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Speaker 1: smaller groups, but you would change who your group was.

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Speaker 1: Um So, I mean it was like we talked about

380
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Speaker 1: our family dynamics and you know, addiction to cell phones

381
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Speaker 1: and internet and those sorts of things, and um and

382
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Speaker 1: by the way, they take your phone from you when

383
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Speaker 1: you arrive that you don't have a computer. The only

384
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: way that people can reach you as an emergency phone

385
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 1: number that's answered twenty four hours a day. They will

386
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: not confirm or deny whether you're there or not. So

387
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Speaker 1: like they'll be like if you had called for me,

388
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,640
Speaker 1: they would be like, we cannot confirm that is neither

389
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 1: here nor not here. But what's the message? And I'll

390
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 1: take a message. And if it's three o'clock in the

391
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Speaker 1: morning and you're like, you know, I just peeed my

392
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Speaker 1: pants laughing and that's what you wanted to tell me,

393
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,480
Speaker 1: they would wake me up and tell me that, um so,

394
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 1: there is You're not completely cut off from the world,

395
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. But um My biggest fear going

396
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Speaker 1: into it, with knowing that it was like a bunch

397
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Speaker 1: of music industry people, was that it would be people

398
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 1: that I just like knew but wasn't close with and

399
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: I would have to get really vulnerable around because you

400
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 1: don't know what's going to come up, you know. Um

401
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 1: and um, one of my rooms. I'm not gonna say

402
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,679
Speaker 1: anybody's name because it's not fair to them, but um,

403
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: there was a guy in my room there. I had

404
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,879
Speaker 1: two roommates. One guy had never met or even heard of,

405
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 1: and another guy like kind of knew just in passing,

406
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 1: like we would say hi to each other if we

407
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 1: saw each other in a show, you know, but I

408
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 1: didn't really know much about him except for like where

409
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: he worked. And um, like it like we ended up

410
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 1: like creating this amazing bond I said to It was

411
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: like and I was a little worried that it even

412
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 1: came off like insulting. I was like, what a pleasant surprise.

413
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,719
Speaker 1: And it was less about like the surprise of like

414
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: who he was, but how I was surprised at like

415
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 1: the wall that I had like sort of put up

416
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 1: going into it, worried about people in his position, and

417
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: being like, wow, it was like really comfortable, like letting

418
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: my guard down. Like we would get up and we

419
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: go on early morning walks, and this is like I

420
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 1: would have never done this with this guy and Phil

421
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 1: you know, left to my own devices, but now I

422
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 1: would you know, I feel like I know him. So

423
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 1: it was like, so anyway, I won't go into like

424
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 1: really specific stuff, I will tell you putting my phone away,

425
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 1: I was like literally the whole drive there, and this

426
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 1: is gonna sound really irresponsible. I was texting and responding

427
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 1: to emails and calling people like yeah, I had to

428
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,479
Speaker 1: like get like the last minute in the sweetest thing,

429
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: Like the last text I got was from Lindsay, which

430
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,720
Speaker 1: you know and in the work world, like she's a

431
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,439
Speaker 1: huge priority for me, Like I think about it from

432
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: the moment I wake up to the moment I go

433
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 1: to bed, like how can I serve her career? You know?

434
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: And just and she had a lot of really big

435
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 1: stuff going on while I was gone, and I was

436
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,720
Speaker 1: just I wanted to make sure like nothing was going

437
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 1: to fall through the cracks, but at a certain point,

438
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 1: like it was out of my hands and she as

439
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: I was pulling into the property, I got a text

440
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 1: from her that was like I'm so proud of you,

441
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: like please let your your guard down, be vulnerable, like

442
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 1: make most of your time like and it was like

443
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: it kind of set me free. It was really nice.

444
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: I was able to hand over my phone and know

445
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: that like let go and let god. So um I um,

446
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 1: I just you know, it doesn't take very long that

447
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 1: you kind of forget about it. It was funny because

448
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 1: everyone would have fandom vibrates, um and the first time

449
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: I left my cam my my cabin, I did the

450
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 1: like phone, keys, wallet, I don't have any of those things.

451
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 1: But um, so back to my fear of like, um,

452
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,120
Speaker 1: you know, having to get vulnerable around people that I knew.

453
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 1: So there were five people that I knew there, um

454
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: one of which literally guy lives across the street from me,

455
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 1: like a few doors down, and I don't know him. Well,

456
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 1: he's like new to the block. Oh and we had

457
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 1: to wear masks the whole time, and so people look

458
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: really different with a mask on if you don't know them,

459
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 1: like if if it's a friend, you can picture what

460
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 1: their face looks like. But I was meeting a lot

461
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 1: of these people for the first time with their mask.

462
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 1: And then at dinner, when you're sitting down, you can

463
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: take the mask off and I'm like, oh, prettier than

464
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 1: I thought, you were handsome than I thought, or whatever.

465
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 1: But um, so this person came up to me and

466
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 1: when he saw my name, he was like, do you

467
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 1: live across the street from me? And I looked at

468
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: his name, I was like, I sure do. But um.

469
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,639
Speaker 1: Then there were four other people. One I knew pretty

470
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 1: well and the others were sort of like my roommate

471
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 1: where was like surface, And um, I met this amazing woman.

472
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 1: She was the first person that I met. And I

473
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 1: ended up in a group with the four people that

474
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,199
Speaker 1: I knew and her, and it was a We were

475
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 1: talking about these things called family sculpts, and it's where

476
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: you take your idea of like the makeup of your family.

477
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 1: So for me, it would be my mom, my dad,

478
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 1: my sister and me, and we would put it down

479
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 1: on paper and draw circles that represented like the positioning.

480
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 1: Like emotionally, I felt like I was closer to my

481
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: mom than my dad, but my sister was like closer

482
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 1: to my dad. So you put it on paper and

483
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: then you have to like explain it to your group

484
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: and walk through those feelings. And all of us bald

485
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: when we did it, Like I mean, it was like

486
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 1: we really went deep on it. And I'm sitting there

487
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 1: being like, fuck, this is literally my worst nightmare, but

488
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 1: it was the most um, you know, cathartic moment of

489
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: the whole weekend, and I feel like I will forever

490
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 1: be tied to those people because of that moment um.

491
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: And so it was really interesting because it was really

492
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 1: about the subject matter that like made it feel cathartic.

493
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: But I was like, in hindsight, I was like, and

494
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 1: I lived through that fear. Yeah, so I don't know,

495
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: I am dying to go back. Like I loved that

496
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: you said that that you wanted to go. I want

497
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,920
Speaker 1: to go to the real deep deep dive session because

498
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 1: I feel like it was we only really got to

499
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: scratch the surface surface because of the way that the

500
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,880
Speaker 1: program was designed. We only had one therapist for all

501
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: of us. Yeah, so it's like shorter. But that's what

502
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: I said to you. I think this was my response

503
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: when you said this to me when you got out.

504
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: But I was like, don't you feel like some of

505
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 1: this stuff can be overwhelming to people a lot of times,

506
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 1: especially because you don't know what to expect, right, and

507
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: so you're like, I don't want to do that, or

508
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: I don't need to do that, or like you said.

509
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: The second you guys are talking about family. You don't

510
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: realize regardless of if you hate your family, you're close

511
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: with your family. Everyone has family ship, you just do.

512
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: It's where we get all of our programming from. And

513
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: so like when someone brings it up and you actually

514
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: ask yourself certain questions that you've never had to think

515
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: about before, even if you're subconsciously operating from those places

516
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 1: all the time, it can be so emotional and you

517
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: kind of start to recognize, oh, there might be more

518
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: to this, and so now you have the cool opportunity

519
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: where you got to dip your toe in and you're like,

520
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 1: I want more, which has been my my experience with

521
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff as well, because it can be

522
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 1: really hard in the moment, but then the relief you

523
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 1: feel when you walk through it is just something like

524
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 1: I've never felt before. Well, this is a takeaway that

525
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: I'll share that. I mean, I guess it's a fairly

526
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: personal and like, um, we one of the exercises we

527
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: looked at, it's called like the Wheel of Feelings I

528
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 1: think it was called, And apparently you can buy this

529
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: online for like a dollar okay, and basically the center

530
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: are like the core. I would have taken a picture

531
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,880
Speaker 1: of it, but I don't have my phone. Are there

532
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: like core like main emotions like anger, sadness, happiness, joy,

533
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 1: And then as this as like it's got rings, like

534
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 1: the rings of a tree. And then it's like, okay,

535
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: these are some adjectives that describe that. And then as

536
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: you get further to the outside of the circle, it

537
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: is I'll try and find one and we should post

538
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: it so man visualize. Um, when you get on the outside,

539
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 1: it's like things you might be doing like grinding your teeth,

540
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: like clenching your fist like that, that like how they

541
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: associate with those things. And I raised my hand and

542
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,879
Speaker 1: I was like, how come on that wheel? That are

543
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: what I perceived to be negative emotions. And the guy

544
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,719
Speaker 1: the therapist was like, well, what do you mean by negative?

545
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: And I'm like things that you're not supposed to feel

546
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 1: like fascinating. And some guy, a guy in the class,

547
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: like raised his hand and he was like, I totally

548
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: get what you're saying, but like, to me, happiness doesn't

549
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: exist without sadness or fear or anger, and like you

550
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: cannot approach emotions are emotions and you should feel them.

551
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 1: And um, the therapist said a common mistake that parents make,

552
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: and my mother makes this to this day, she says

553
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: it to me. Parents will say all I care about

554
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 1: is that my children are happy. It's just weird like

555
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: programming thing. Where as children you learn and as an

556
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: adult my mom still I'm like, hey, mom, what do

557
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: you want for Christmas? All? I wanted my children home

558
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: and happy? So you don't feel like you could be anything?

559
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: But can you feel like you are failing if you

560
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 1: are not happy? And I like when that When I

561
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 1: heard that, I was like, I mean, you know me,

562
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: like that's exactly where I live. Really fucking angry or

563
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: really I literally don't think I don't And that doesn't

564
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: mean I don't feel anger. But I said to the therapist,

565
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 1: I was like, looking at all of these fucking words

566
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: up there makes me realize that I don't know my feelings.

567
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: Have a hard time identifying those feelings totally, I think,

568
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: and I think boys specifically have a harder programming to that.

569
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 1: Like y'all y'all get beat into from my experience with men,

570
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: it's it's really something that like I feel sorry for guys.

571
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: One is that they're basically conditioned to think that you

572
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 1: can be happy or you can be mad, but like,

573
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: don't be sad, don't be weak, don't be any of

574
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: the other things that are uncomfortable for other people to

575
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: experience when you're supposed to be the strong man, you know,

576
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: which is such a fucking facade, because the strongest men

577
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 1: feel all their feelings and that experience and I think

578
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: it's really rare. Well Miles, Miles ad Cox, who runs

579
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: a place, owns the place. Um, he wasn't supposed to speak,

580
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: but someone got sick, so he came in the day

581
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 1: after his vacation and he told this story of Um,

582
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: his kid had to go to school. Um, and it's

583
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: his first time going to school. You know, it's three,

584
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: I think three or four, and um, so you know,

585
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: he was like we had to like get him used

586
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: to wearing a mask, and it was like, you know,

587
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: you were for five minutes one day, fifteen minutes, and

588
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: like now he's like my kid like loves wearing his

589
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: mask and he's better about it than adults. But he

590
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: was like I sat in the backseat, my wife was driving,

591
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: and we like drive to the drop off and um,

592
00:30:53,600 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 1: his kid said, um, Daddy, I'm really scared and um,

593
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: and Miles said to him, do you know that it's

594
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: possible to be scared and brave at the same time.

595
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: And he said yes, And then he looked at me

596
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 1: and he said, will you be scared and brave with me?

597
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: Right now? And they both cried saying it, and they

598
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: both cried. And it's like such like an amazing like

599
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 1: of course you can be brave and scared, like in fact,

600
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 1: like you almost you have to be brave to be scared, right,

601
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: you have to be brave to say that you're scared. Well,

602
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 1: it's not, that's what they say. Courage isn't the absence

603
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: of fear, right, it's just taking the step anyway, even

604
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: when you feel scared, which God, why don't we start

605
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: conditioning ourselves to think that and feel the feelings of

606
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: whatever it is. But feelings are uncomfortable, especially when you

607
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: haven't been trained that they're okay, and said, what an

608
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: amazing realization you had, though, Like that is literally such

609
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 1: a gift. It's like, even if you walked away with

610
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: nothing else, what a great gift. I can't remember as

611
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: a kid like I I lived in my feelings like

612
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: I would see a dog hit on the side of

613
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 1: the road and I would like fucking lose it, like

614
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,959
Speaker 1: and my parents were never like boys don't cry like

615
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 1: they But at some point, and it was probably when

616
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 1: I realized I was gay and I had to start

617
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: like shielding myself. I started swallowing my feelings. And but

618
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: like there are you know, probably most households with boys,

619
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 1: like you're told not to cry. You're like you gotta

620
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 1: be tough. You're a man, you know, And it's like

621
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 1: that makes kids feel small, you know, you grow up

622
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 1: being like making yourself feel small. And it's like I

623
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 1: I I referenced, Um, you know, I don't have children,

624
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: so I don't have experience of child rearing, you know,

625
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: but I I get to witness it. And our friend Mary,

626
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: I think, is an awesome mom. And I see how

627
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: she addresses her kid when she's having emotional moments and

628
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,239
Speaker 1: she makes her talk about it. She's like, what are

629
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 1: what what's going on? Let's talk about it, Like what

630
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: are you feeling right now? Are you sad? Okay? Well yeah,

631
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: let's be sad. That's cool, And like it's so awesome

632
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: to witness that. And I think it's like it's also

633
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: we've evolved, like we're a different generation. Um. It was

634
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: so interesting to see that. Like basically everyone said that

635
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: they grew up in a house where no one showed emotions,

636
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: and I think it was just a sign of the times.

637
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: I think that's right. Yeah, I think it's changing, shifting.

638
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: I just think, to parents, I mean, that's the hardest

639
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 1: job there is, in my opinion, and even when you're

640
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: trying to give your kid a positive reinforcement, like my

641
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: parents would always say to me, you are such a joy,

642
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 1: Like because I was really happy as a kid, and um,

643
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 1: as I got older and like I am double water

644
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 1: signed for any of my astrology people out there that

645
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,239
Speaker 1: haven't heard me say that, And so I'm very I

646
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: feel the wave of all the emotions and I'm just

647
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: now at the age of thirty nine, starting to be like, wait,

648
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 1: this isn't I've always thought of it as like a

649
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: hindrance to my success or you know anything, because I'm

650
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 1: just can be all over the place. But really, yeah,

651
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: but like, as I'm learning to navigate that more and

652
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: I'm surrounding myself with people who accept me and and

653
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: my emotions, like, and I can look at it more

654
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 1: as like, oh no, this is a superpower because I

655
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: can be available to people in all these ways and

656
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: all of these things. But anyway, when they used to

657
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 1: say that, it was the same thing for me of

658
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: like you can't be anything but and so I became

659
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,479
Speaker 1: a really big people pleaser and and and I still

660
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: can go into that. But luckily, because I am so

661
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 1: fucking emotional, there's been moments in my life where I'm like,

662
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,359
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a fucking joy, you know,

663
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 1: like my anger will come out because I can't help myself.

664
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 1: You know. It's like my emotions overtake anything that I

665
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,720
Speaker 1: can control most of the time. But um so, anyway,

666
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: I just think it's like the hard thing experience because

667
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 1: they were trying to be positive to me, as like

668
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: we just love you so much and you're such a joy.

669
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: We're so grateful you're our daughter, and we feel like

670
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 1: it's such a gift, you know, all of that stuff,

671
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 1: and we had to really work through them not saying

672
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 1: that to me anymore. And that's in that same capacity.

673
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 1: You know, it's tough because it's like you don't I know,

674
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,280
Speaker 1: like I've I've never felt anything but love by my parents,

675
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: you know, but they are at there. There are mistakes

676
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: that they made natural, So I think part of the

677
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: struggle is like it's not blame. Isn't the right even

678
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: though it feels like blame. Um, Basically it's it's more

679
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 1: of like finding the courage just to communicate and set boundaries,

680
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 1: and you can't do anything different until you're aware, right,

681
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 1: And that's the other thing with my parents. Without like

682
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,399
Speaker 1: me looking at the stuff that affected me, I would

683
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 1: never be able to heal from it. But you're, like

684
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: you said, I don't have to sit here and be

685
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: mad and blame and all that stuff. Like maybe that's

686
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 1: a part of the process at some points, but like

687
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 1: everybody is genuinely doing the best they can at any

688
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 1: given time. I do believe that, and especially our parents,

689
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: you know, like with the tools they had at the time.

690
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: Like I'm lucky that my parents have evolved and grown

691
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 1: through the years too, so I can see the change

692
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 1: in them, which has probably been one of the driving

693
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: forces in me constantly wanting to like grow and be

694
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,240
Speaker 1: self aware and look at how I can be better

695
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: in relationship versus just getting stuck and being like stubborn

696
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: in that, you know, because it's been acceptable in my

697
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 1: family and for me too, it's like part of me

698
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 1: wanted to come out of that and be like, let's

699
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: dive into this with your parents and like start fixing ship.

700
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, pump the brakes, bitch, like focus

701
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 1: more on Like like you said, you cannot change things

702
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: until you're aware of it, but you also can't. My

703
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 1: job is not to fix my parents. My job is

704
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: to fix me, and in doing so, set the boundaries

705
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 1: that say, this is how I'm going to exist and

706
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,319
Speaker 1: if you want to, if you want to participate in

707
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,439
Speaker 1: my life, this is the space that you get to fill.

708
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 1: And then they can choose to change or not to

709
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 1: like fit into my life. And but the truth is

710
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,439
Speaker 1: is like, because I've put up all these walls like

711
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: they don't, I don't give them the space to truly

712
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,280
Speaker 1: be in my life. And so I need to work

713
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 1: that bullshit out to like let them in before I

714
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: go at them and be like, look at all the

715
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: funked up ship you did because I was a participant

716
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: in it too. Of course, well as an adult, we

717
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: all are. And that's been like the biggest thing of

718
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: me not being about blame is like Okay, no, it's

719
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: actually now it's time for me to take responsibility for

720
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: my own actions at this point because I'm thirty nuts, like,

721
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: it's not my mother's fault that I do X Y

722
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: and Z. It's not my dad's fault that I do

723
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: X Y and Z. It's not on me. And in

724
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 1: action is an action when it comes to work like this,

725
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 1: like not doing anything isn't helping anything. So um, you

726
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 1: know it's look where ever evolving creatures and it feels

727
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: like an insurmountable hill to climb. Um. This was another

728
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: major takeaway. They have a two percent change rule, so

729
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 1: they like the example that the therapist gave it was

730
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 1: he was like, I was vegan once and it was

731
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 1: the hardest thirty eight hours of my life. And he

732
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 1: was like, you know, like we we tend to like

733
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: make these massive decisions like I'm gonna do this and

734
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go all in, I'm gonna do it, and

735
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: then we fail. And he the way that they showed

736
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 1: a visual example is if a plane takes off from

737
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: Boston around trip flight and flies to Los Angeles, if

738
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 1: they're off course by two percent, when they come back,

739
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: they land in New York City. So it's a big

740
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 1: over a lot of time or an amount of time

741
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 1: two percent can affect great change. So rather than trying

742
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: to like change of things going at two percent, give

743
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 1: yourself the grace to take a little bit of time

744
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 1: and make small changes that in the long run will

745
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 1: make great change in your life. Well that's why in

746
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: twelve Step they say one day at a time. And

747
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 1: that's like a big thing. I know, Um, I've heard

748
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 1: about in a a they say, you know, the first

749
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,240
Speaker 1: three months, like you're gonna be in this pink cloud

750
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: because you all of a sudden have these new awarenesses

751
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 1: and you just want to tell the world. You're like,

752
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: oh my god, listen to this, and you're it's like exciting, right,

753
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: and then the reality sets in of like oh this

754
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:14,760
Speaker 1: is how I have to live the rest of my life.

755
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: And like you bump up against hard things in your

756
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: life and you're like, oh, I want to grab a

757
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 1: drink or whatever whatever your drug of choices for all

758
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 1: of them. But like, um, yeah, that's why they say,

759
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 1: like it's more about over time consistency and you can

760
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 1: always slip so little thing and do little things literally

761
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,879
Speaker 1: one day at a time. I'll tell you the two things,

762
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,439
Speaker 1: the two like two percent changes that I'm doing. I'm

763
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: never going through a drive through again. So I'm not

764
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,839
Speaker 1: saying I'm like, won't eat fast food, okay, but I'm

765
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,840
Speaker 1: not going to go through a drive through okay because

766
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: it's a slippery slope. And I say, you know you're

767
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: going through the drive through, there good boundaries for like

768
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,800
Speaker 1: you're setting for yourself. Yeah, I'm not going to go

769
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 1: through a drive through. And um, I this little I've

770
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:01,240
Speaker 1: got a little yellow notebook right here. Okay. Um We're

771
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: we're all very addicted to our phones. Like there's no

772
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: doubt about it. Um. I have learned um in the

773
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,919
Speaker 1: days since now that I'm back at work, like it's

774
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 1: nearly impost, Like I can't throw this thing away, like

775
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 1: addiction aside, Like it is impossible for me to do

776
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 1: my job with that. But what it is not impossible

777
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 1: to do is when I'm with a friend and we're

778
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: connecting on a real level, I don't need this to communicate.

779
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: And so if like we're talking about something and I'm

780
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: guilty of this, like say we're talking about White Lotus

781
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 1: and we're like, what's that that actor's name? Oh, I

782
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 1: don't know, I'll google it, and the next thing I know,

783
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: I'm answering text. I'm looking at Instagram and I'm not

784
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 1: the moment. So I have this book. I have this

785
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,399
Speaker 1: book now, so when a moment like that arises, I'll

786
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 1: write it down. Yes it, We'll take me at the

787
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 1: moment for a second. But there's nothing in this book

788
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: that's going to like keep me in the book, right,

789
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: you won't get distracted by anything. So when I get home,

790
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: I can look it up and text you the name

791
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 1: of the actor. Okay, it's I mean, I will tell you.

792
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,919
Speaker 1: It's a little annoying to have to carry this book around,

793
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,239
Speaker 1: but it's small. It's like the size of a you know,

794
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:21,399
Speaker 1: an android probably shots fired. Well, I want to kind

795
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: of touch on um. I mean we went we might

796
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: not even need our topic. No, well I'll do. I

797
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 1: think it's kind of relevant to what you were just

798
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: saying about the phones, because we were literally sitting here

799
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 1: talking about a topic or all day. We have been

800
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 1: going back and forth and back and forth, and I

801
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: just said to you, I'm like, I can't think of

802
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:43,320
Speaker 1: anything that isn't dark right now because of the oversaturation

803
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 1: of negative news. And you were like, well, you said

804
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 1: two things. You said, well, I haven't read the news

805
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 1: in a week, and then I thought that was great,

806
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 1: but then you also said that all of the stuff

807
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 1: that you just told us about one side, You're like, well,

808
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: it's gone in two days because I just got there,

809
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 1: rom back in and it's not gone. Obviously, just touched

810
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: base with all of it. But I think it's interesting

811
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 1: our oversaturation because of our phones and all of this

812
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 1: stuff and all of the negative news. Um, how we

813
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 1: can maintain our mental health And that's what you and

814
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about a little bit. And I

815
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 1: think it actually transitions perfectly from on site, like it's

816
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,959
Speaker 1: just like you had this amazing experience, then you get

817
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,959
Speaker 1: thrown back into the world again and it's like, oh ship,

818
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 1: here I am, and here's all the chaos, all of

819
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,399
Speaker 1: the like boundaryless stuff that I used to do. How

820
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: do you maintain the good stuff you learned in on

821
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 1: site with all of that just thrown back at you.

822
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 1: You know, it's so easy to just fall back into

823
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 1: the trap. Yeah, I mean I think my little two

824
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 1: percent changes, like I'm gonna I'm gonna unsubscribe from every

825
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,720
Speaker 1: like news newsletter that I get. Yeah, I'm not gonna

826
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 1: have it coming at me. Like I feel like there

827
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 1: was a time and a place for news, and you know, I, um,

828
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:58,919
Speaker 1: I feel like I got into it because I felt

829
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: like I always needed to have something to talk about

830
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 1: with somebody. I needed to be informed on things. But

831
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,839
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, like, I haven't missed, and I

832
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: know it's it became like a reflex, Like when I

833
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 1: was had a moment of like, okay, I need to

834
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: turn my brain off for a second. I would just

835
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 1: type CNN like expecting there to be probably some big,

836
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:22,280
Speaker 1: bad news story that I could sort of like distract

837
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: myself with. And I have not missed looking up news

838
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 1: at all. I haven't felt uninformed. Um, and I feel

839
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: like I've been like all my conversations with my friends

840
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: have been like so much more on a human level

841
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:41,320
Speaker 1: than being like, hey, let's talk about you know, the

842
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 1: the building that caved in in Florida. You know what

843
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 1: I mean. It's like because that even though I was,

844
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 1: it's incredibly sad and it's so tragic, like it had

845
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: nothing to do with me, you know, So to make

846
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 1: that to give that space in my life and my mind,

847
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: and I'm surely it was called things stress. It's bad

848
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: news can't be good for you. Um, you know, it's

849
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 1: that stuff is unhealthy. So you know, look, I know

850
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: it's there's a lot of gray area, and it's a

851
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 1: fine line to walk because there are injustices happening in

852
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: the world that I want to be informed about and

853
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: I want to stand up for the people that are,

854
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 1: you know, on the wrong side of the injustice. Um,

855
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: you know, but I also cannot carry the weight of

856
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: everyone's problems on my shoulders. Well, I think it's so

857
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: interesting what you said when you're like, I mean, that

858
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,799
Speaker 1: doesn't affect me, that like the Florida building or whatever,

859
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: and and that is actually mentality I'm trying to change

860
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: with it myself, because I think that I got really

861
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: accustomed to only focusing on the tragic things that affected me,

862
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 1: and then, like I recently kind of got triggered back

863
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,240
Speaker 1: into some stuff because the hurricane that hit Louisiana and

864
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: then New York and New Jersey and all that stuff,

865
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 1: and watching people lose their houses to floods. My grandparents

866
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:57,320
Speaker 1: left their house a couple of years ago, and nobody

867
00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: was talking about it, and I remember being like, oh my,

868
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 1: I got it. You don't realize either, like when you

869
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 1: lose your house in a flood or like a tornado

870
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 1: or things like that, like losing everything. You don't realize

871
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 1: what that feels like. Like I remember just going through

872
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: stuff that I had seen my entire life, and it

873
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 1: was just drenched, and like they didn't have any clothes,

874
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 1: Like they didn't have toothbrushes. Like you don't realize the

875
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: safety that your home gives us, you know, And that's

876
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: like another privilege that we most of us have, is

877
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 1: to have a roof over our head. And so I

878
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 1: have consciously been trying to pay more attention to all

879
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 1: the things, even the things that like are not in

880
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 1: my day to day they affect me life. You know.

881
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 1: That's like one of my I don't know if it's

882
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: like an amends I'm trying to make or if it's

883
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 1: just something I'm trying to do to be better. Um,

884
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 1: but in the same vein, I have been honestly borderline

885
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 1: depressed for a really like about a year and a

886
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 1: half now, and like I'm really having to come to

887
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:02,320
Speaker 1: terms with that and how it's affected my life, my creativity,

888
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 1: myself and just like my joy that I bring to

889
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 1: people like my parents, Like they probably couldn't say that

890
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 1: to me all the time. Now you know, because I

891
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: just feel like I'm walking around with a cloud over

892
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: my head, like waiting for the next shooter drop, because

893
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 1: the shoe fucking dropped, you know, Like my world felt

894
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 1: like it just completely disappeared, And um, I'm sure that's

895
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 1: why they were even doing the thing at on side

896
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,359
Speaker 1: that they were doing, Like it was just like this

897
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 1: collective trauma happening and there wasn't really anywhere to turn

898
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,280
Speaker 1: for people to support you fully because everyone was going

899
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:37,080
Speaker 1: through something. And it hasn't just been the music business

900
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:40,800
Speaker 1: disappearing or COVID in general, or it's been all the things,

901
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,479
Speaker 1: Like I just feel like our world is getting turned

902
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: upside down for a bigger spiritual purpose right now. But

903
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 1: I think that I'm realizing the impact that just like

904
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: kind of deep diving on the news every day, so

905
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,720
Speaker 1: I do feel informed and I can have the conversations

906
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: or because of my job, I feel like it's important

907
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: not to live in the dark. Um, But the effect

908
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: that's having all my mental health and so then it's

909
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 1: sort of in the same thing that you're saying, like

910
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 1: I don't think that we're we have the capacity to

911
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 1: carry it all all the time. So anyway, I found

912
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 1: an article because I was like, Okay, well, what are

913
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: we going to actually talk about? But we're bumping up

914
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 1: against reality when we can't find a topic to make

915
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 1: people laugh, Like we're like, you want to talk about abortion? Yeah,

916
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 1: that's not funny. Uh so um. But there is a

917
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: fine line too, of the responsibility of talking about the

918
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 1: real ship happening versus like living in the fluff world

919
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: of fake social media world. Said, well, what I the

920
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:38,800
Speaker 1: conversations around abortion, in particular what's going on in Texas

921
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: that I do find humor in is like when people

922
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:45,479
Speaker 1: fucking nail it on memes, you know, like so many

923
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 1: good ones that just like me, I don't know, like

924
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 1: truly Um yeah, I mean, and I could get real

925
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: dark on that topic. I've gotten in multiple fights on

926
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 1: my Instagram the last week over that topic because I

927
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 1: just have very strong feelings about it. But um, let's

928
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 1: not go there today. Anyway, I found this article on

929
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 1: very well Mind and it was like, is watching the

930
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: news bad for mental health? And they're like, yes, essentially yes.

931
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 1: And it's like, obviously anxiety and depression has gone up

932
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 1: immensely in because of all the pandemic stuff happening. But

933
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:26,759
Speaker 1: a lot of that is because we're over consuming the

934
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: news all the time. And um, I don't think that

935
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 1: that means don't watch the news ever, But basically this

936
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 1: article talks about how it impacts your mental health, but

937
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: then also like how you can manage it, because like,

938
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: like you said, we want to be informed. We don't

939
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:44,000
Speaker 1: want to be in the dark on these certain topics.

940
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: We want to be able to make informed decisions about

941
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 1: these serious things happening in our personal like that are

942
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: affecting us personally and in our lives. And how do

943
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,359
Speaker 1: we do that? And so one of the things I

944
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: said in here was limit your time each day, which

945
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: I thought was really good. They say, like thirty minutes

946
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 1: less than thirty minutes of social media scrolling is probably

947
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: the best. And I was like, whoa, I'm going to

948
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 1: take social media off my phone. I think it's I

949
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:11,719
Speaker 1: don't blame me. If I could, I would. I'm to

950
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 1: that point, um leaving don't leave your television or your

951
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,439
Speaker 1: news stream on, like and I we do that all

952
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 1: the time in the house, Like it's just on in

953
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 1: the background sometimes and I don't realize the negativity happening.

954
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 1: But we were even driving the other day and like

955
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 1: NPR was on. It was like in the morning, you know,

956
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 1: you're just like trying to catch up on this stuff.

957
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 1: And then I realized, oh my god, I've been in

958
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 1: a terrible mood all day because that's how I started

959
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 1: my morning. You start with the negativity. Then it's a

960
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: schedule a worried time, which I thought was really good

961
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,400
Speaker 1: because I will like find myself doing it all day.

962
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 1: But if you say, like I've heard people talk about

963
00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 1: this with grief, well you get fifteen minutes of this

964
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: day to cry, and like that's a really harsh one

965
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: and I don't think that that always works, but like

966
00:49:56,880 --> 00:50:00,720
Speaker 1: kind of scheduling the time so that then it's like, okay,

967
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: time is up. Okay, what am I going to do

968
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 1: to get myself out of this and go be positive?

969
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 1: So scheduling worried time, gauge how you feel before watching

970
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: Like we just mindlessly to pick up our phone, yes,

971
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: and like either start watching the news or scrolling through

972
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 1: our phones like on Twitter, like reading the trending topics

973
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: or whatever. And like if you're already in kind of

974
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 1: a dark place, that's not the best thing to do,

975
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:27,760
Speaker 1: you know, like kind of like if you're already feeling

976
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: pessimistic or anxious or angry. Even probably not the thing

977
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 1: to do is go pick up your phone because it's

978
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:37,719
Speaker 1: just going to exacerbate all those feelings. UM watch reliable

979
00:50:37,760 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 1: news outlets. That's a big one. I think people have

980
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 1: a lot of debates on what those are, but it's

981
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: about figuring out which news outlets you believe and buy

982
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 1: into and then kind of sticking with that and not like,

983
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:54,359
Speaker 1: I don't know, that was a tough one. I've heard

984
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,800
Speaker 1: not to stick with one because it becomes an echo chamber.

985
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: Well I don't think I mean like stick with CNN

986
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: or Fox Sneeze, you know what I'm saying, because those

987
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:06,480
Speaker 1: are very obviously one sided in my opinion, right, and

988
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 1: I mean I watched all of them, but especially if

989
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,239
Speaker 1: you're looking at it online, they learn like what kind

990
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:15,760
Speaker 1: of articles you like, and it's serve they tend to serve.

991
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: The algorithm will serve you things that like like fit

992
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 1: what you seem to end the computer, things you enjoy.

993
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: So it becomes the thing I can't stand when people

994
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 1: are like, well, coronavirus isn't real. It's only because you

995
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: watch that one network, And I'm like or is it

996
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: because you only watch the other network. But it's like

997
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 1: it's just like I would argue that the six dead

998
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:37,399
Speaker 1: people in our country would tell you it's very real,

999
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:41,359
Speaker 1: you know, Like I mean, obviously people know where we're

1000
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 1: staying on this time, but I mean you do have

1001
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: to be able to make informed decisions, like you need

1002
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: to have the facts about the vaccine and all that stuff.

1003
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 1: But like again you were like, well, my doctor gave

1004
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 1: me the facts, not seeing it, I can choose it

1005
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: because of news. I personally like the skim because they

1006
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: kind of have like the topet points and they keep

1007
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 1: things a little bit lighter most of the time or

1008
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 1: like and I know that sounds really like, So I

1009
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:09,360
Speaker 1: love the scam because it's and I try not to

1010
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: read in the mornings anymore because I don't like to

1011
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 1: need to do my quiet time and meditation instead. But

1012
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 1: it gives you the bullet points and it's like they're

1013
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 1: funny and clever and so it's not so doomsday feeling, um,

1014
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 1: but things like that that you pick a certain avenue

1015
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 1: that works for you and then maybe stick to like

1016
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,440
Speaker 1: one or two of those things and don't oversaturate yourself

1017
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 1: all the time. This one says, subscribe to a newsletter podcast,

1018
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 1: so kind of in the same vein of what I

1019
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: was saying. And then I love this recite a helpful mantra,

1020
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 1: Like they said, toxic disaster reporting has no power over me,

1021
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 1: And a lot of people might be like, oh woo woo,

1022
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: figure out what works for you, But like it's the

1023
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: same thing as checking, engaging what you feel before you

1024
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: go read it. You know, limit your exposure to other stressors,

1025
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: do something healthy after watching the news, go for a walk,

1026
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 1: things like that. Um, and then if you get a

1027
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: little dark and you need to get it up, find

1028
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 1: a therapist and talk about it. Because I do think

1029
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 1: these times are like really really hard on that. Like

1030
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 1: I mean the fact that we sat all day and

1031
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 1: I was just like, yeah, this isn't hitting, This isn't

1032
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:19,880
Speaker 1: because all the fluff stuff almost seems silly, right, But

1033
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 1: then like I want to like bring people joy on

1034
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 1: a Friday morning and not be like one of the

1035
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:31,320
Speaker 1: same of doomsday. There you are bringing your joy, bringing

1036
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: up just kidding. Something that I thought was interesting too,

1037
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: because when I started to like research this particular topic

1038
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:49,799
Speaker 1: was that it was really hard to find a legitimate

1039
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 1: news source that would tell you not to read the news. Wait, oh,

1040
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 1: it was mostly like opinion pieces on medium or like blogs.

1041
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 1: I've never heard of dot com, but I, um, I

1042
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,600
Speaker 1: did find this one's a little old, so I'll skip

1043
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,879
Speaker 1: the stuff that's like irrelevant to like the cell phone

1044
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 1: usage and stuff. That's because this was written in two

1045
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 1: thousand thirteen, but it's still I think these things like, Um,

1046
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 1: it's from the Guardian, which is a British um publication,

1047
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 1: and the headline is news is bad for you and

1048
00:54:21,719 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 1: giving up reading it will make you happier, which I

1049
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:28,759
Speaker 1: think is really funny coming from a media outlet and

1050
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 1: a legitimate media Read us but don't read us, and

1051
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,359
Speaker 1: some of the things that like, I think these points

1052
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,799
Speaker 1: are really relevant today. It says news is toxic to

1053
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:41,880
Speaker 1: your body. It contains triggers. Um. It constantly triggers the

1054
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 1: limb um, the limbic system. Panicky stories spur the cascades

1055
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 1: of cortisol. This deregulates your immune system and inhabits the

1056
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 1: release of growth hormones. In other words, your body finds

1057
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:58,279
Speaker 1: itself in a state of chronic stress. Um. Yeah, so

1058
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,360
Speaker 1: it's like it can cause you lose your hair, impaired

1059
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 1: digestion like crazy shit. Um. It also says, um, the

1060
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 1: news works like a drug a story. As stories developed,

1061
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 1: we want to know how they continue. So like when

1062
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 1: you think about that, like the constant feed, and like,

1063
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:17,759
Speaker 1: I know that's why I was going back, like, well,

1064
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 1: now how many bodies have been founded? How many bodies

1065
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 1: have been found? It's like, um, news waste your time.

1066
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 1: And it says like if you might read it fifteen

1067
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:28,320
Speaker 1: minutes in the morning, fifteen minutes before bed, fifteen minutes

1068
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 1: at lunch, next thing you know, you're reading five minutes,

1069
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 1: five minutes, five minutes, and an hour of your day

1070
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 1: has literally been wasted just reading news. Um, it makes

1071
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:40,520
Speaker 1: you passive. News stories are overwhelmingly about things that you

1072
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 1: cannot influence. The daily repetition of news about things that

1073
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 1: we can't act upon makes us passive because we're just observers.

1074
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 1: At that point. Um, you know we were you were

1075
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: talking about like I forget the point that the exact

1076
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,320
Speaker 1: point that you made, but it was like, I mean, honestly,

1077
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 1: bad news is great for business. We love to tell

1078
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 1: bad news. It hooks us. It's a click bait. Yeah,

1079
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: it's clickbait. It's like headline grabbing. Um. But like you

1080
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,800
Speaker 1: were talking about the floods, and it's like quite honestly,

1081
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:13,800
Speaker 1: like the floods did not affect me, like they didn't

1082
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 1: they were close by the ones that in Nashville. Um.

1083
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:21,560
Speaker 1: And I do think that the news needs to figure

1084
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 1: out a way to be more compassionate because those people

1085
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 1: need help, but they should not be a source of

1086
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:30,759
Speaker 1: drama for us because it does get dramatized, Like I

1087
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:33,240
Speaker 1: find myself, I want to look at the disaster photos

1088
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 1: that does nothing like basically what it should be, a

1089
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 1: real human stories of like this is what I lost,

1090
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 1: this is what I need, and not just like this

1091
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 1: click baiting thing. So how can we still be informed

1092
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 1: so that those people aren't forgotten? But it's not about

1093
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 1: like bastardizing their story, you know. And I feel like

1094
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 1: the news media on both sides of the aisle benefit

1095
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 1: from bastardizing and like dramatizing these stories. I mean, that

1096
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:05,439
Speaker 1: is such a big example of human conditioning, like all

1097
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 1: of it. I mean, think about my experience of being

1098
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:11,720
Speaker 1: in the news and how I was so fucking devastated,

1099
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:15,440
Speaker 1: Like it was so terrible for me on all levels,

1100
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 1: and it was like complete character, assassination, all the stuff,

1101
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: and people were more interested in that than actually the

1102
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:26,479
Speaker 1: truth because they wanted the sensationalized, like false story because

1103
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 1: it was more interesting, you know, like whatever, and it

1104
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 1: just wasn't even true, right, So it's it was the

1105
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 1: most devastating experience of the human condition to me to

1106
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 1: watch people thrive off of hating on me for something

1107
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 1: that never even happened. Yeah, and it's like there are

1108
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 1: master media manipulators out there. Oh my god, they're fucking

1109
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:51,640
Speaker 1: lying at the time. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't

1110
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 1: matter because if the people that are consuming it want

1111
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: to believe it, that's it. That's their truth. I still

1112
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 1: get people saying to me like that, and I'm like,

1113
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 1: you do know this isn't true, right, Like I'm getting

1114
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: so are we still talking about this like it never happened?

1115
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:08,280
Speaker 1: But I mean I do think like the actual news

1116
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 1: please places, not the tmz s or like the tablish

1117
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:15,920
Speaker 1: that have a responsibility to deliver real information and they

1118
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 1: sensationalize a lot of it. But you know, it's that

1119
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 1: it's such a fine line, like I don't want to

1120
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:23,000
Speaker 1: get into those battles of people being like this is

1121
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 1: what we're saying, I'll give you a real life example,

1122
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 1: and I wish I could quote it perfect. Actually I

1123
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:33,320
Speaker 1: might be able to um, So there he goes, it's

1124
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:37,440
Speaker 1: because I want to quote it directly. But um. When

1125
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 1: obviously we talked about Lindsay l I work with Lindsay

1126
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 1: l Um. When we put out this, her last record,

1127
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 1: she shared a story about being sexually assaulted when and

1128
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 1: it came out online first and then it wasn't on

1129
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: people dot com and then it was um in print,

1130
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 1: a beautiful like print story that was longer, so the

1131
00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:02,840
Speaker 1: editorial was a little different. And the headline online was

1132
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 1: country star admits to being raped or something like that,

1133
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 1: and the headline in print was like Lindsay L's struggle

1134
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: through sexual assault into like it was like very like

1135
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 1: fluffy and positives like really positive through struggle or whatever.

1136
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 1: And it was just like, wait, why are these headlines different?

1137
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 1: Because they want fucking clicks, they want to pass along,

1138
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:28,919
Speaker 1: they want those things, and it's like it's still told

1139
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 1: the same story, you know. And but it was to

1140
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 1: get someone's attention once they've sold you the magazine. They

1141
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:39,440
Speaker 1: sold you the magazine like they probably want I would

1142
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:41,480
Speaker 1: because I would imagine that the reader of the People

1143
00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 1: magazine is either a casual reader in like a doctor's office,

1144
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 1: or they're probably a little bit older and they don't

1145
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: want um a lot of negativity, like they don't want

1146
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 1: that drama passing it along the line, yeah, passing it

1147
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 1: online and like posting it on Facebook and ship what

1148
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 1: gets a click? But like something that sounds terrible, Oh mom,

1149
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 1: was all Kristen Cavalary's ex best friend accused of affair

1150
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 1: with current husband or whatever. And then it's like you

1151
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 1: go into the article and it's like, well, Kristen admits

1152
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 1: this never happened, and I'm like, thanks, why not lead

1153
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: with Kristin knows it's not true? How about Christin's a

1154
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 1: fucking liar. Sorry, sometimes the anger still comes out. Maybe

1155
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:31,240
Speaker 1: she's not anymore. We'll just give her them well compassionate

1156
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:35,360
Speaker 1: but anyway, Um, yeah, I just think it's like we

1157
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:37,439
Speaker 1: do have to be careful what we're consuming, and it's

1158
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:40,480
Speaker 1: super important to pick, you know, like outlets that you

1159
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: trust and believe in and also read the facts if

1160
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:47,960
Speaker 1: you're going to get into the science behind things like

1161
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 1: we always talk about or um, just not like skimming

1162
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 1: the headline and like read the real article, but also

1163
01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: be aware of what you're consuming for your own mental health.

1164
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:58,680
Speaker 1: Like I think the whole point of this whole statement

1165
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,320
Speaker 1: it was just yeah, was just like, really, let's pay

1166
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 1: more attention to the importance of our mental health, because

1167
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 1: as you experienced this weekend, there's stuff that you weren't

1168
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 1: even aware of. Like I have that awareness happening to

1169
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,360
Speaker 1: me a lot lately too, And it's just like we

1170
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: are all in a collective trauma. Still, I really do

1171
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:20,200
Speaker 1: believe that, and so take care of yourselves, you guys

1172
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 1: somewhere all of our story. Okay, I'm just gonna do

1173
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,280
Speaker 1: one listener email because we are like super short on

1174
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 1: time today. This one comes from Jocelyn. She says, I

1175
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 1: love that you'll talk about the tough stuff. I just

1176
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:33,200
Speaker 1: wanted to comment on your talk about sexualization. If you

1177
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:34,960
Speaker 1: want to show your body in a bikini because you

1178
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 1: think you look good and you feel good, do it,

1179
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 1: but be transparent, right a caption that has rooted in

1180
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 1: empowerment like damn, I feel good, instead of a caption

1181
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 1: that bates compliments like oh I'm such a bloated whale,

1182
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,280
Speaker 1: knowing people will tell you the contrary and leave you

1183
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 1: a bunch of fire and emoji hearts heart emojis. Excuse me.

1184
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 1: I think it's dangerous differentiating between when it comes from

1185
01:01:57,160 --> 01:01:59,680
Speaker 1: a place of having confidence versus a place of craving

1186
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:02,479
Speaker 1: valid asian, and I think the danger increases when people

1187
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,240
Speaker 1: chase that validation and start to think that they are entitled,

1188
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 1: which is when they lose sight of the collective and

1189
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 1: start only to only consider individual. Once I saw a

1190
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 1: TikTok of a mom who said she was sick of

1191
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 1: people telling her to stop wearing a thong bikini to

1192
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 1: her family water park. She commented that she has sons

1193
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:19,920
Speaker 1: and they see her dress this way all the time,

1194
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:25,640
Speaker 1: and added that kids will eventually see things anyway. I don't.

1195
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 1: I do not think there's anything wrong with sex, because

1196
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:29,720
Speaker 1: I think it is a natural part of life. But

1197
01:02:29,760 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 1: I will not be having sex in front of a

1198
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:35,200
Speaker 1: kid anytime soon. Have you ever seen there's that clip?

1199
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 1: I think it's um sorry, this is a side tangent,

1200
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 1: but it just went through my head. I think it's

1201
01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:42,400
Speaker 1: Kenny Powers and it's Will Ferrell's character and they talk

1202
01:02:42,440 --> 01:02:44,439
Speaker 1: about the sun walking in the mom goes, oh my god,

1203
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:46,560
Speaker 1: our son just saw us have sex and he goes

1204
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 1: let him watch so messed up. Okay, maybe that's an

1205
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:54,440
Speaker 1: extreme example, but all to say that people are no

1206
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 1: longer inclined to use discretion and forgetting that maybe there

1207
01:02:56,880 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 1: are certain things that are meant for certain time and place. Anyway,

1208
01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:03,120
Speaker 1: that was from Jocelyn. This is that big debate that

1209
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,320
Speaker 1: I brought up about, Like, am I playing into the

1210
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:09,800
Speaker 1: oversexualization that came from the patriarchy? Um? Am, I like

1211
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:13,480
Speaker 1: doing what I do because I have, you know, collaborations

1212
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 1: with certain companies and it's a part of my business

1213
01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:19,400
Speaker 1: to do fashion stuff what And we talked about it

1214
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 1: being about the intention. I think she agrees with that. Yeah,

1215
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 1: I agree with her. I think I do. Think it's like,

1216
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:29,000
Speaker 1: I mean, there's an Instagram account that's like, um, it's

1217
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:33,479
Speaker 1: something like uh something. It's something that's got the word

1218
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 1: caption and it's about like ludicrous caption or whatever. It's

1219
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 1: like where it's like a girl or a guy who's

1220
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:43,120
Speaker 1: like scantily cloud and they're like, I'm really worried about

1221
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 1: climate change with I think it's irrelevant caption. Yeah, And

1222
01:03:47,320 --> 01:03:50,680
Speaker 1: it's like you're sitting on like your naked and BALI

1223
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 1: what are you so worried about right, you know, it's tough.

1224
01:03:54,160 --> 01:03:56,680
Speaker 1: I mean I think that the influencer game has changed.

1225
01:03:56,720 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: I know, like I've dealt with that too, Like it

1226
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:01,280
Speaker 1: has shifted great, and so everyone's kind of trying to

1227
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 1: navigate because that is what it was working for a

1228
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:07,240
Speaker 1: total times because no one was reading was really the

1229
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 1: people that were like calling him out for well, and

1230
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:12,760
Speaker 1: also nobody was really talking about deep stuff like that

1231
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 1: has really shifted on Instagram, I think specifically. But yeah,

1232
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:19,040
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know the answer, but I do

1233
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:21,800
Speaker 1: think having an awareness again is the big thing. But

1234
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:24,840
Speaker 1: also like asking yourself, like what is my intention and

1235
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: is it just like yeah, I feel great today and

1236
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 1: like look how cute the suit is or whatever it is.

1237
01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, you could just be that you

1238
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:35,120
Speaker 1: feel good and you're feeling yourself, but just own it. Yeah,

1239
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,440
Speaker 1: you got to own it. Anyway, we threw a lot

1240
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:40,040
Speaker 1: of guys today. I feel good about it though, Like

1241
01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 1: you feel good, you feel good. I feel like we

1242
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:45,400
Speaker 1: came into this a little worry that like we had

1243
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 1: no idea what we're going to talk about, and it

1244
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:50,919
Speaker 1: like flowed out and felt really sincere and well, you guys,

1245
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 1: let us know if you feel the same. If you do,

1246
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 1: I mean, should I make a dog for a noise

1247
01:04:56,400 --> 01:05:00,240
Speaker 1: or something like like like a hot one? Do you

1248
01:05:00,240 --> 01:05:03,280
Speaker 1: always got to go to the hot Well, they're so

1249
01:05:04,680 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 1: that's what they are. I can smell one right now. Anyway.

1250
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:11,440
Speaker 1: I hope you guys have a great rest of your Friday.

1251
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:14,240
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to all of our different topics and

1252
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,240
Speaker 1: I hope that you all got something out of it.

1253
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:18,920
Speaker 1: Take care of yourselves, I think that's our big thing.

1254
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:23,040
Speaker 1: And also when you got your weekend and your act

1255
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:26,760
Speaker 1: acting casual. No fuck, let me start. When you go

1256
01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 1: into your weekend, you're living on the edge. Take care

1257
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 1: of your mental health and always remember to act casual.

1258
01:05:32,040 --> 01:05:33,680
Speaker 1: Close bye bye