WEBVTT - EP. 34 CLIP* 50/50 in Open Relationships

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<v Speaker 1>In my last relationship, and I talked about this last

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<v Speaker 1>week too, Like I mentioned open, this is before we

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<v Speaker 1>did this? Was this before we did the recording? I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like it was you had his email and I

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<v Speaker 1>saw he was still communicating with some bitches that I

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<v Speaker 1>had actually forbid him. Like I would never like say

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<v Speaker 1>you can't be friends with these people, but these particular

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<v Speaker 1>two people, like they've vandalized ship, They've done dumb ship.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, and once we start elevating and these

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<v Speaker 1>people are still in your life, like they see red

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<v Speaker 1>when they don't get their fucking weight. So I don't

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<v Speaker 1>ever want that type of person around me man or woman,

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<v Speaker 1>And you should feel the same way. But he was

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<v Speaker 1>still communicating with them, So I'm like, listen, you want

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<v Speaker 1>an open relationship, Like that's how I started the conversation,

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<v Speaker 1>Like do you? So, then that way you won't feel

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<v Speaker 1>like you're having a sneak. You won't have to do

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<v Speaker 1>this via email. You could just text them or call

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<v Speaker 1>them on the phone in front of me if you

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to, just as long as you know I'm on

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<v Speaker 1>the same type of time. But that's not something that

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<v Speaker 1>and maybe this is, uh, this is would you say

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<v Speaker 1>that an open relationship, you see that more in the

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<v Speaker 1>white community as opposed to black Like, how many people,

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<v Speaker 1>how many black people beyond an open relationship? What the

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<v Speaker 1>guy and girlfriend relationship? Big big lariously. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>We have a ton of couples and open relationships. But

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<v Speaker 1>I've met mostly white people. Yeah, mostly white people, like

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<v Speaker 1>usually weird white people. But are they still together? I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like this, this would be the um case study.

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<v Speaker 1>Most of them are married, or that's what I'm saying, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like relationships like that may last longer because

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<v Speaker 1>what do you have? You have nothing to hide. I

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<v Speaker 1>think with regard to that, it starts that way if

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<v Speaker 1>that any point later in the relationship you introduce it,

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<v Speaker 1>not unless you're just very open with everything else like that.

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<v Speaker 1>That was a conversation in my last relation because he

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<v Speaker 1>he was like, you know, before we break up, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>we should try and open relation. I'm like, no, because

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<v Speaker 1>when we first met, you were doing you and I

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<v Speaker 1>was doing me this much waiting on you, so you

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<v Speaker 1>no longer have that opportunity. I would do something like

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<v Speaker 1>that with a new person, where we set those ground

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<v Speaker 1>rules one yeah, like that, I can't I can't do

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<v Speaker 1>that because you've lost that grace. And then I would

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<v Speaker 1>say to you, as you meet new people and men especially,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like, maybe don't reveal everything, but like talk about

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<v Speaker 1>that last relationship and how like this became a problem

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<v Speaker 1>and like we maybe should have started at the beginning

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<v Speaker 1>and then maybe it could have seen how it went

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<v Speaker 1>versus like you literally see him still sneaking and you're like, yo,

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<v Speaker 1>so do you want to open relationship for I can't

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<v Speaker 1>see you like yes, like what the fun? And then

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<v Speaker 1>just see his reaction too, because it's like you'll see

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<v Speaker 1>like he'll either he'll either get insecure and be like

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<v Speaker 1>want to protect his side, bitches, or he'll be like

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<v Speaker 1>and not want you to do it, or he'll be like, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, I got three other people I'm already talking to,

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<v Speaker 1>Like go ahead, you can talk to people and then

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<v Speaker 1>we can see where this goes. Like but not to

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<v Speaker 1>just but like as far as like what happens long term,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like I haven't really been able to follow up

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<v Speaker 1>like with people that I met like online or like

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<v Speaker 1>that I talked to you that we're in open relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's like oftentimes it just seems like if it

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<v Speaker 1>started that way, it's better and it has a long

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<v Speaker 1>term potential versus like whenever it gets introduced later as

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<v Speaker 1>a ditch effort to save the relationship. No, it's like

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<v Speaker 1>having a kid to save your marriage. It's like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's too your it's too gone, like you guys know,

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<v Speaker 1>because I think it's another misconception, or maybe I said

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<v Speaker 1>that before, but it's like people don't think that individuals

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<v Speaker 1>and open relationships are committed to one another. Like y'all committed,

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<v Speaker 1>y'all committed to whatever it is together, whatever it is,

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<v Speaker 1>and yeah, that's that's an importance, And it just seems

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<v Speaker 1>like a stronger a stronger relationship as far as I'm concerned.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the projection. That's the projection where they project in

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<v Speaker 1>their ego what they would think. Oh, if I'm in

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<v Speaker 1>that situation, then we're not committed to each other. Because

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<v Speaker 1>my version of commitment is you do exactly what the

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<v Speaker 1>funk I want you to do whenever the funk I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to do it. That's insecurity. That's ego projecting.

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<v Speaker 1>That should happen to me all the time. It literally

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<v Speaker 1>it would hurt. It would hurt my heart though, because

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<v Speaker 1>people would be coming at me straight up, don't even

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<v Speaker 1>know me. They're like, and then they just straight up

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<v Speaker 1>killing me, just like you are this, you are that,

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<v Speaker 1>you need Jesus, you need this, you need that. You

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<v Speaker 1>don't know it's this child. They're in fake ass monogamous

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<v Speaker 1>relationships where where he's sucking a bunch of business and

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<v Speaker 1>then one day you like, funk that I'm gonna go

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<v Speaker 1>a nigger, Like that's just what happens, and it's just

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<v Speaker 1>is And here's a lot to tell your stad was

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<v Speaker 1>all about it. Yeah you okay. So I was saying

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<v Speaker 1>something earlier and she just I think I got the

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<v Speaker 1>indicator that she disagreed. I was talking about the long

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<v Speaker 1>term thing, like if you start with it, it's good.

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<v Speaker 1>If you try to introduce it later, it's bad. She

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<v Speaker 1>had to rebuttal to that. I think. I'm just thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about the people that we do know, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think they I don't think any of them started out

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<v Speaker 1>in an open relationship, like we're the only ones I

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<v Speaker 1>know that have started that, But they did start with

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<v Speaker 1>open communication and openness, so like they may not have

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<v Speaker 1>been actively having sets with other people, but they were

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<v Speaker 1>able to openly communicate about things that they wanted and

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<v Speaker 1>what they just anything communication wise, if you're able to

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<v Speaker 1>communicate with and be honest with your partner, then I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like it's okay to introduced this idea, like, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, we're both always horny, maybe we should other people?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you think, you know, or whatever it might be.

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<v Speaker 1>I think if you're able to openly communicate with your partner,

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<v Speaker 1>then I don't think there'd be anything wrong about bringing

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<v Speaker 1>up this idea. Yeah, that's probably a projection of mine too,

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<v Speaker 1>because based on based on my experience with having its

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<v Speaker 1>start and then it be you know, successful, So like

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<v Speaker 1>that's probably just that's that's my subjective experience. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>like we were openly communicating. We weren't in an open

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<v Speaker 1>relationship when we started dating. Was it was unspoken