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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay, start time podcast hosts. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 1: two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two

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Speaker 1: more minutes before we get into this episode. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: got some ads coming up, so stick around.

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Speaker 2: Stick around.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend opened a timer and told me I only

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Speaker 1: have five minutes to talk.

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Speaker 3: Better make it quick.

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Speaker 1: Today was an interesting day. I visited a local cafe.

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Speaker 1: I wanted some bread. It sounded right in my head,

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Speaker 1: but I accidentally said baga, Okay, there we go. The

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Speaker 1: kitchen staff hadn't cleaned the grill properly. I ended up

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Speaker 1: with minor chemical burns to my mouth and lips. What

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Speaker 1: that's not a fun nursery rhyme. That's the police and

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Speaker 1: amber lamps were called. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 1: the art of ignorance And if you want to submit

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Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash showcase Storytime

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Speaker 1: stubburn it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm ke On, and

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Speaker 1: we're here to give good advice googly, but I don't

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Speaker 1: know all the answers to everything. Let us know what

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Speaker 1: you know in the comments it's marty pants, and OP says, so, hey,

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Speaker 1: I need to have some outside perspective. While relating this

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Speaker 1: story to my girlfriend of three months, she opened the

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Speaker 1: timer on her phone and said, you have five minutes

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Speaker 1: and started to the timer. Honestly, Oh, that's a long

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Speaker 1: time to tell the story that is that's a tight

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's a tight five.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you could probably tell it in like one minute.

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Speaker 2: Should we do this for you?

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Speaker 1: You told it to us five minutes that you are

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Speaker 1: going to tell a story of you going to the

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Speaker 1: hospital essentially right or there was an ambulance called Amberlance.

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Speaker 1: I was a bit stunned and lost for words in

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Speaker 1: the moment, so I made some lame joke and laughed

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Speaker 1: it off. But it's really bothering me that she was

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Speaker 1: so dismissive. Any tips on setting a boundary in a

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Speaker 1: healthy way. My gut reaction is that this is indefensible.

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Speaker 1: And there are some comments.

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Speaker 3: So you told her, yeah, I got chemical burns today

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Speaker 3: and I had to go to the hospital. And then

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Speaker 3: she was like, you have five minutes to tell this story.

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Speaker 3: You know, who's what's happening every second that you do

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Speaker 3: waste talking to me. I'm missing a call with the

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Speaker 3: president of freaking Denmark. Okay, I'm missing a call with

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Speaker 3: the president of Swaziland. I don't think they even have

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Speaker 3: a president, and I'm missing it.

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Speaker 1: I'm missing it for your story about you eight chemicals.

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Speaker 3: Oh, your lips are burned. Put some chopstick on them,

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Speaker 3: wrap it up.

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Speaker 1: I will say. I'm sitting here imagining doing that to

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend and it would be an immediate Oh, oh,

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Speaker 1: you have five minutes to get out of here before

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Speaker 1: I bury you. Like, what is this? No?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that would not slide?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? How do you go about setting this boundary? You go? Hey,

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Speaker 1: the timer thing felt like kind of like you hate me?

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Speaker 1: So do you? And if you don't, let's not do

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Speaker 1: that anymore. Please? We have some comments. Dkesh says, I'm

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Speaker 1: sorry that you're soon to be ex I hope GO

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Speaker 1: isn't interested in you were your life, but we are.

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Speaker 1: Tell us more about what happened. How did not cleaning

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Speaker 1: the grill end up with police coming? I'm sorry this

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Speaker 1: happened to you. Are you okay? Now?

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Speaker 3: I like that commentary? They felt like a kindergarten teacher. Well,

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Speaker 3: she didn't want to listen, but we're here to listen.

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Speaker 3: Tell us more about the grill.

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Speaker 1: Please tell us about how the chemicals in your mouth

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Speaker 1: led to the police being called.

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Speaker 3: Be very specific.

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Speaker 1: While I was eating a sandwich, I felt a burning

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Speaker 1: sensation in my tongue and lips.

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Speaker 3: I like that. Hope he is telling us more.

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Speaker 1: This is what happened. I thought it was chili. Initially,

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Speaker 1: he went, mmmm, this is a great flavor. So I

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Speaker 1: checked the menu and checked the ingredients. No chili. The

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Speaker 1: burning became more intense, and it felt like my skin

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Speaker 1: was blistering. So I told the waitress and the chef.

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Speaker 1: I asked if they had recently been cleaning, and the

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Speaker 1: chef told me that he had just cleaned the grill

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Speaker 1: with soda. But I could smell bleach. I told him this,

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Speaker 1: and he said he'd cleaned the floor with it.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's not what we want to hear.

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Speaker 1: Oops, I had a bleach sandwich and also it touched

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Speaker 1: the floor.

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Speaker 2: The only time I want that if it's the anime.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I immediately called the poison Information Center and they

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Speaker 1: told me to go to the emergency department. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to take the contaminated food with me to the hospital,

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Speaker 1: but the owner appeared, took possession of it and refused

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Speaker 1: to hand it over. Dahn I called the police. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: at this point I was just concerned about my health,

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Speaker 1: but had to wait until the police and then the

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Speaker 1: ambulance arrived. It was about an hour in total. The

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Speaker 1: staff rapidly re cleaned the kitchen prior to the police arriving.

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Speaker 1: The police said he didn't have to hand the food over.

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Speaker 1: The paramedics deemed that it wasn't worth a trip to

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Speaker 1: the emergency department. And the right side of my lips

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Speaker 1: and tongue are burned as if I ate super hot pizza.

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Speaker 3: Actually, how does he not have to hand the food

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Speaker 3: over because you paid for it?

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Speaker 1: But uh, it's your food. It's sort of like a

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Speaker 1: whoever smelt it, dealt it.

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Speaker 3: I can't or like finders keepers.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, whoever cooked it it, whoever cooked it, hooked.

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Speaker 3: It can't can't touch it now. Yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 3: if you pay for the food, they can can't take

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Speaker 3: it like that you're technically its owner.

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Speaker 1: They say, well, you weren't going to finish it anyway.

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Speaker 3: I hope that they gave you your money back.

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Speaker 1: That would be nice at least it'd be fun. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't sound like it. It sounds like they were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: look at this guy. He thinks she's all important with

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Speaker 1: his burns in his mouth. Because what I cleaned the

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Speaker 1: grill with bleach because it works great? It shut up? Mean,

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Speaker 1: you know what, give me back dead sandwich? And also

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Speaker 1: a crap, he's calling the police, get in there, clean

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Speaker 1: the clean the kitchen better.

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Speaker 3: Kind of crazy for me that they were just like

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Speaker 3: in the back cleaning, like, oh, he's just watching. He's like,

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Speaker 3: I see you, I see you cleaning.

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Speaker 1: I think it would be better to have called the

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Speaker 1: health department. Yeah. Anyways, at the time, the police said

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Speaker 1: I would be allowed to take a photo of the

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Speaker 1: food container. When he opened it, I immediately noticed that

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Speaker 1: the smaller bit of the sandwich, which I had highlighted

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Speaker 1: as the cause of the burning, was no longer there.

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Speaker 1: Someone in the cafe had obviously thrown it away. I

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Speaker 1: said this to the police, who were standing right next

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Speaker 1: to me, and they said there was no evidence it

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Speaker 1: was ever there, so they can't do anything about it.

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Speaker 1: I asked them to look in the bin and they said.

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Speaker 3: No, these guests are useless. HEAs like, my lips are blistering.

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Speaker 2: I pay taxes for this.

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Speaker 3: Genuinely, I do think that you have to call food

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Speaker 3: and health. That's I think that's the.

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Speaker 1: Only If I'm a cop, I'm also not doing that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not and what is that? So I

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Speaker 1: find a piece of sandwich, then what Opie's like?

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Speaker 3: You test it? That's gross? What you want me to

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Speaker 3: eat it?

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Speaker 1: We're going to send it to the lab newsflesh. We're

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Speaker 1: not sending it to the lab.

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Speaker 2: They look at Opie and they clearly point at the menu.

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Speaker 2: It says bleaches in your sandwich?

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Speaker 3: Is it just chilli? Did you think about that?

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Speaker 2: That's a secret ingredient, secret sauce.

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Speaker 1: Your insides are clean, You're welcome. I was furious about that.

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Speaker 1: The burning sensation stopped hours ago, but it still stings.

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Speaker 1: The only reason I mentioned it to the cafe was

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Speaker 1: to know what I had come in contact with and

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Speaker 1: to make them aware so other customers weren't affected. Bread

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Speaker 1: Bider one two three says there's a rhetoric that if

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Speaker 1: you're exhausted by your partner's work, rants you each get

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Speaker 1: a timer to rant. First, it's not usually just five minutes,

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Speaker 1: and second, it's not a strict rule. Sometimes you just

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Speaker 1: need to vent third. It should be agreed upon and

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Speaker 1: discussed first, and it's incredibly rude to just unilaterally decide

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Speaker 1: that's how the conversation goes. Did she use the timer

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Speaker 1: on herself? Opie says, yes, I've heard this before in

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Speaker 1: relation to work rants. I was actually just retelling the story.

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to meet her mother tomorrow for the first time,

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Speaker 1: and she mentioned that I shouldn't bring up this incident.

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Speaker 1: My first thought was, you're asking me to censor myself

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Speaker 1: so your mother will like me. She's forty five. No,

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Speaker 1: there was no discussion about this rule beforehand. It sounds

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Speaker 1: reasonable if both agree on it. I'm struggling with whether

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Speaker 1: a boundary needed to be set here. Surely you don't

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Speaker 1: sit down with someone and say pulling out a stopwatch

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Speaker 1: and timing a conversation is unacceptable. Normally I'd place a

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Speaker 1: boundary and see if it gets breached. But this seems

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Speaker 1: beyond the pale.

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Speaker 3: So was she just trying to prep you for her

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Speaker 3: mom and make you practice telling your story under five minutes?

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Speaker 1: To be honest? Like I agree with her, She's like,

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Speaker 1: don't tell that, storty, my mom doesn't sound like a banger. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I ate bleach at the shop. And also they all

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Speaker 1: won and I lost, Like, yeah, I ate bleach at

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Speaker 1: the shop, and then the shopkeeper big dogged me and

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Speaker 1: threw away the evidence of my bleach eating and the

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Speaker 1: police didn't help me. And also they called an ambulance

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Speaker 1: but I didn't need to go to the er.

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Speaker 3: And your girlfriend already heard the story. I'm a little

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Speaker 3: unclear on that.

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Speaker 1: It just sounds like a story from like a scene

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Speaker 1: in like Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David is just

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Speaker 1: being like unreasonable, but like he was also slighted, but

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Speaker 1: then his reaction to it just makes everything worse instead

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Speaker 1: of better. Yeah, not blaming you for eating bleach sandwich,

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Speaker 1: but it's like there comes a time when everyone has

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Speaker 1: to take the take the l when it shows up

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Speaker 1: and just move off tough. Yeah, you just don't ever

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Speaker 1: eat there again. Yeah, probably write a review like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I ate a bleach sandwich here, and then they covered

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Speaker 1: it up and I did not order it to be clear. Uh.

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Speaker 1: This same commenter replies, I would not be dating a

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Speaker 1: forty five year old who's behaving like a college student

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Speaker 1: afraid parents are going to cut them off. But that's

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Speaker 1: just me. Why doesn't she want you to tell this story.

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Speaker 1: It's not like you did anything wrong, Opie says. I

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Speaker 1: assume it's because I involved the police. The cafe owner

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Speaker 1: wouldn't hand over the contaminated food, the poison information line

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Speaker 1: told me to go to the emergency department. I wanted

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Speaker 1: the food because I thought the hospital might need to

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Speaker 1: know what the substance was. Silent Dash says, at this stage,

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Speaker 1: it may be best to explore why she thinks that

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Speaker 1: type of behavior is acceptable. Let her know that it's

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Speaker 1: disrespectful and that you aren't going to censor yourself. If

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Speaker 1: you get an apology, then maybe it could be worth

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Speaker 1: sticking around. If you get pushback or any negative reaction,

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Speaker 1: you should probably end it before it gets serious. If

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Speaker 1: she has this kind of behavior now, it will only

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Speaker 1: deepen as the relationship continues. Personally, I would end it

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Speaker 1: and tell her that her behavior is the reason why

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Speaker 1: it's over. Opie says, thanks for your thoughtful and honest answer.

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Speaker 1: I'm fifty to fifty on bothering to discuss or attempt

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Speaker 1: to understand her thinking here. The upside is that I

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Speaker 1: can practice asserting myself and give her an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: walk it back by one hundred percent agree with walking

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Speaker 1: if she pushes back or becomes defensive. Another comment or

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Speaker 1: all for Reddit says, this is really interesting and dismissive

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Speaker 1: behavior that you would never expect from a loved one.

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Speaker 1: She's taking you for granted. Red flag. Ope, he says, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can't help but think what would need to happen

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Speaker 1: to be allowed ten minutes. Yeah, honestly, like, it's crazy

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Speaker 1: to me that that's just the level of disrespect is

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Speaker 1: not like immediately like, yeah, hey, so I'm not even

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Speaker 1: gonna tell the story because what did what did? What

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Speaker 1: are you? What did you just do?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Well, I really want to understand why she thought

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Speaker 3: that was the way to go about it, because I

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Speaker 3: do think it is like someone said in the comments, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: you shouldn't have to censor yourself to her, ma, I disagree.

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Speaker 3: I think you should in some like areas censor stories.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that you need to tell your partner's

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Speaker 3: mom or like partner's parents the nitty gritty of every story.

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Speaker 3: But also if she had a problem with the story

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Speaker 3: and was like I don't necessarily want you to bring

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Speaker 3: that up to my mom. She could be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I don't think that's like super Like my mom doesn't

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Speaker 3: really like.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's not even that she started the timer, Like no,

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Speaker 1: what I'm.

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Speaker 3: Saying, that's what I'm saying. If she had a problem

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Speaker 3: with it, she could have been an adult and say, hey,

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Speaker 3: my mom would be comfortable with that, like.

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Speaker 1: Can you not go out?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and said she started the timer and.

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Speaker 1: Now she's the same. Energy is like the woman at

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Speaker 1: the produce market. Her partner grabs the food that she

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Speaker 1: just put in the bag to show her and she

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Speaker 1: puts it back in the stall because she now thinks

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Speaker 1: that he chose it even though it was hert It's like,

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Speaker 1: there's just fundamentally no respect for you whatsoever.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Fancy Edition eighty ninety says, imagine a lifetime of having

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Speaker 1: to condense all your thoughts, stories, and conversations to five

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Speaker 1: minutes before a blaring timer goes off. This is really

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Speaker 1: rude behavior and definitely shows a lack of empathy on

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Speaker 1: her part. I would be pretty offended and upset if

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Speaker 1: anyone did this to me, let alone my partner. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I hope, he says. It does feel pretty invalidating and

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Speaker 1: there's an update. I hope you invalidate this relationship me too.

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Speaker 3: What do you think about that, Dakota? Hold on, hold on?

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Speaker 1: Do you have something you want to share with the class?

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Speaker 3: What do you think about that, Dakota?

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Speaker 1: Are you sharing something you have five minutes? It immediately

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Speaker 1: feels bad, even as a joke. Immediately. Anyway, there's an update.

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Speaker 1: You know you've got juice in your head. Too much

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Speaker 1: juice you too much update. I told her this morning

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Speaker 1: that I was shocked. She pulled out a timer and

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Speaker 1: felt unsupported and dismissed. She said she understood without an apology,

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Speaker 1: and followed with but you were repeating yourself, like my

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Speaker 1: ex used to.

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Speaker 2: What now it's all coming together?

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Speaker 3: She's like my ex used to say the same thing. Sometimes.

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Speaker 1: My ex used to bleach eat bleach all.

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Speaker 3: Day, and I'm pissed off.

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Speaker 1: I'm sick of it.

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Speaker 3: He used to work at that bleach restaurant and he'd

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Speaker 3: come home and say, oh, another customer is complaining about

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Speaker 3: my bleach sandwich, and you know how many times out

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Speaker 3: of here, but the bleach sandwich too many? And now

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Speaker 3: you come home and you say, oh, my lips are

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Speaker 3: burned from the blea sandwich. I can't take it anymore.

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Speaker 1: Like aye, yay, I thought I got out of this life.

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Speaker 1: So I said that even if that were the case,

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Speaker 1: she had other options, like, for example, just telling me

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Speaker 1: I only slept four hours and it would be too

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Speaker 1: draining to meet her mother, so I decided to stay

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Speaker 1: home and sleep. Her response was, what will I tell

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Speaker 1: my mother? I said, tell her what happened, reference under five,

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Speaker 1: but keep it under five minutes, referencing her previous statement

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Speaker 1: that I shouldn't mention it to her mother. And we've

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Speaker 1: got quite a bit left. I just want to say,

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Speaker 1: break up with this woman, Yeah, break up with this woman.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't like your stories.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, pull up a timer and give

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Speaker 2: it like five seconds and one, two, three, four, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm breaking up with you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, a five minute time where you say,

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Speaker 1: this is the last five minutes of our relationships. Of

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Speaker 1: anything you want to say to me.

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Speaker 3: Go ahead and say it, get it in there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm done. I'm done with you at the end

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Speaker 1: of this tight five babe.

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Speaker 3: I think it could be annoying if you was constantly

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Speaker 3: opinion stuff. That's not how you address that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. At all, maybe we actually op is in the

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Speaker 1: wrong entirely and they are the most annoying person on

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Speaker 1: the place.

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Speaker 3: He just sees like every minute he's like, yeah, and

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Speaker 3: then die had bleach, and like two minutes later he's like,

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Speaker 3: did I tell you about how I had bleach?

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Speaker 1: It's like every it's just telling a story where it's

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Speaker 1: every single detail. Yeah, It's like I was at the

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Speaker 1: store and the store it was one of those stores

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Speaker 1: where the windows are like they're big, but they're not

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Speaker 1: as big as like the windows and like kind of

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Speaker 1: like a department store but they're kind of smaller. And

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Speaker 1: the door, the glass door glass door had like a

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Speaker 1: bar in it where it's like it splits the window

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Speaker 1: between the top and the bottom. And I thought that

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Speaker 1: was kind of cool. Maybe we should install a door

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Speaker 1: like that for our backyard. Yeah. Ope, he says, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I do talk quite a bit. I could talk about

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Speaker 1: bikes and bruis for hours in like minded company, I'd

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Speaker 1: have no issue with a mate telling me to stop.

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Speaker 1: But this was a strange and really stressful situation at

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Speaker 1: the cafe, being told to go to the emergency department

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Speaker 1: due to oral chemical burns while having to stand around

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Speaker 1: waiting for the police and ambulance to arrive while suspecting

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Speaker 1: the owner would destroy the evidence, which he did, was

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Speaker 1: effing crazy. So yes, there is no future with her.

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Speaker 1: I'll be in my head counting words and measuring minutes

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Speaker 1: while talking, which is no way to communicate. And we

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Speaker 1: have some more comments here. Individual resource nine says, I

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Speaker 1: have a friend who really talks a lot. He goes

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Speaker 1: on and on and on and on, and he won't

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Speaker 1: stop until or unless I tell him to stop. It's

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Speaker 1: just the way he is, and I've known him since

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Speaker 1: we were little kids. I would never pull a timer

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Speaker 1: and tell him he has five minutes and then I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna stop listening. That's the most disrespectful and rude thing

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Speaker 1: I could possibly do. Your girlfriend is an insensitive ahole

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Speaker 1: who doesn't care about your feelings and grossly disrespected you.

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Speaker 1: She is the opposite of supportive and caring. Big red flag,

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Speaker 1: big red flat, big old red flag waving it. And

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Speaker 1: there's an edit to add. My friend is married to

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Speaker 1: someone who literally tells him to stop talking. She does

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Speaker 1: it nicely and respectfully. After she feels he's reached whatever limit,

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Speaker 1: she will lean in and politely put her hand on

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Speaker 1: his arm and just sort of say, hey, that's a

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Speaker 1: great story, but let's let Jimbob talk for a bit,

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Speaker 1: while smiling. Talk now, yes, jim Bob, baby, I love

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Speaker 1: you Jim Bobs and waiting jim Bob's turn. She does

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00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,440
Speaker 1: it while smiling and treating him kindly. My friend knows

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Speaker 1: that he never stops talking, and he greatly appreciates that

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00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,800
Speaker 1: she is awesome and has never treated him with this

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Speaker 1: respect or without patience and kindness. Oh P replies, Yeah.

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00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 1: Each person has a different limit for conversations, depending on interests, topics,

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Speaker 1: and audience. I didn't even consider that i'd have to

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Speaker 1: shorten a story about the emergency room, police paramedics and

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00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,360
Speaker 1: chemical burns. I'm self aware enough to know that I'll

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Speaker 1: be thinking, modifying, and monitoring whether what I say is

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Speaker 1: important enough to keep someone else happy according to their rules.

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Speaker 3: And there it goes.

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Speaker 1: That feels like the wrong way to end that. Yeah Ob,

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Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, and I will be critically aware of

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Speaker 1: everything I say and whether or not it's even worth

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Speaker 1: using my breath on it from now on all for

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Speaker 1: other people. Thank you for helping me.

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Speaker 3: I think, I mean, I think you'll think about that

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Speaker 3: for a little bit. But then when you're a talker,

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Speaker 3: you just get right back to it at a certain point.

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Speaker 1: Talker's talk, bro, Talker's gotta talk. Sometimes. You got a

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Speaker 1: yap you're a yapologist. Okay, you went to school, you studied,

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00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 1: you got a degree in yap ology, and you want

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Speaker 1: to let it fly.

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00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, let it. Let it sore. But we got another

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Speaker 3: story coming right up.

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00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,639
Speaker 1: Yeah we do.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend did nothing but play video games all day.

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Speaker 1: Dude, We're cool.

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Speaker 3: God, I'm so pee oed, and I need outside perspective

387
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 3: because right now I'm just so frustrated. I twenty seven female,

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00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,480
Speaker 3: left for work at eight thirty this morning and got

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Speaker 3: home at seven thirty this evening. I had told my

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00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,080
Speaker 3: partner twenty eight mail throughout the day that it was

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Speaker 3: a stressful day and let him know when I was

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Speaker 3: leaving work. I have a one point two five. I

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Speaker 3: would one into one and twenty five, one hour and

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Speaker 3: twenty five minute.

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Speaker 1: Drive one and twenty five.

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Speaker 3: I have a one hour and twenty five minute drive home.

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00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 1: No, it's that's one hour and fifteen minutes. Yeah, wait

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Speaker 1: is it one point twenty five? I don't know what

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Speaker 1: they want from in a quarter.

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00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,520
Speaker 3: Is that what they're saying, I guess, so.

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00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 2: Why don't they just going it like an hour and

402
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 2: a half.

403
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,879
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna say I lit it over an hour

404
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 3: drive a stressful day. By the way, this comes from

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00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,639
Speaker 3: at Ordinary fifty twenty two. And if you want to

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00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,520
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

407
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,120
Speaker 3: storytime subpured it and we're here to give good advice scoofly.

408
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,440
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 3: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

410
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 3: do in the comments. And Opie says, when I got

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00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,399
Speaker 3: home two and a half hours after he ended work,

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00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 3: he had been playing rocketly. I don't know what that is.

413
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 2: You don't know what that is. Oh, it's soccer but

414
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,960
Speaker 2: with cars both but.

415
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,879
Speaker 3: Like extreme and had dot dot dot vacuumed earlier in

416
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 3: the morning, and that's it from my perspective. There were

417
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 3: still the litter boxes to scoop so the cat doesn't

418
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 3: pee on the floor. The dishwasher needed to be run.

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00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,720
Speaker 3: That's like the easiest one. He just had to turn

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Speaker 3: it on.

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00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 1: But baby, I can only press buttons if it's game related, Bucketly,

422
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 1: I can't be wasting my butt. My fingers can only

423
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 1: he presses a certain number of buttons per lifetime.

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Speaker 3: Laundry needed to be folded and put away. Our sheets

425
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 3: were two plus weeks old and needed to be washed.

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00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: That's not true, and we had basically.

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00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,119
Speaker 3: No groceries in the house, so I did all of

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00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 3: those things. He helped the full laundry, but only after

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00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 3: I started doing other housework, and I still folded half

430
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 3: the laundry. For context, my partner works in tech from

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00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 3: home as no commute, works a normal nine to five

432
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,640
Speaker 3: and doesn't have to constantly deal with people all day.

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00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 3: I work in the behavior field, which consists largely of

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00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,160
Speaker 3: problem solving almost all day with very few breaks, while

435
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 3: interacting with many difficult people. I am thinking and planning

436
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,560
Speaker 3: all day, and that is not an exaggeration. I'm not

437
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 3: saying my partner's job isn't work or that he doesn't

438
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 3: have hard days sometimes, but I genuinely do not think

439
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 3: it's as draining as mine is, at least not on

440
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,879
Speaker 3: a regular basis. Most days, he doesn't even have to

441
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 3: work a full eight hour day, and he doesn't have

442
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 3: a commute. He also doesn't have a car in the winter.

443
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 3: His only vehicle is it's a sports car, which gets

444
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 3: put in storage, so there are certain chores I literally

445
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,920
Speaker 3: have to do because he can't pretty much any errands.

446
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,159
Speaker 3: We got into a fight because I felt like he

447
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 3: checked out of our partnership by putting in the bare minimum.

448
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,400
Speaker 3: After I communicated how late i'd be home, he felt

449
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 3: that I should have saved some chores for him.

450
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 1: Did you not have those things you should have done?

451
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 3: That we could do more the next day, and that

452
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 3: I should stop stressing about getting it all done when

453
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 3: I get home from a long bit. He never expects

454
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,919
Speaker 3: me to make him a list, but he also doesn't

455
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 3: like my timeline of completing things. But that's adulthood to me,

456
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 3: and we were already playing catch up from being away

457
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 3: this weekend. I wasn't causing stress. The stress was coming

458
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 3: from things barely being done when he had the time

459
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,399
Speaker 3: and I didn't. It was a hard day, and I

460
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 3: ate when the house is dirty and I can't relax.

461
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 3: I also reminded him that someday, when we have kids,

462
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 3: there are only going to be more chores that don't

463
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 3: wait for his timeline of picking away at them throughout

464
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,640
Speaker 3: the week and the work ethic he demonstrated yesterday made

465
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 3: me work worried he won't be able to handle it

466
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 3: or take the initiative. I didn't want to drive to

467
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 3: and a half hours round trip, work an eight hour day,

468
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 3: and come home to act as an unpaid household manager.

469
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 3: These are chores I should not have to ask to

470
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 3: be done, and I don't want us to have to

471
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 3: create a schedule. A schedule doesn't take into account energy

472
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 3: fluctuations in our daily lives. I am not expecting him

473
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,439
Speaker 3: to do all the chores, of course, I still expect

474
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,479
Speaker 3: to do my part. But on days where I'm at

475
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 3: ten percent and communicated that with him and he's at

476
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,679
Speaker 3: eighty percent, I don't want to have to ask him

477
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 3: to pick up the slack. I do it for him

478
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 3: all the time when our energies are worsed. I also

479
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 3: pointed out that there are a number of chores that

480
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 3: I do almost exclusively. If I don't clean the bathrooms,

481
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 3: wash our sheets, wash the couch cushions and throw blankets,

482
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 3: fully clean the kitchen counters, dust, clean the cat's dishes,

483
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 3: or clean out the refrigerator, it's unlikely he'll notice those things.

484
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,919
Speaker 1: And do them, So you do all of the hard.

485
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:59,359
Speaker 3: Chores and he does the video games. For those specific chores,

486
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 3: I usually have to point out to him that they

487
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 3: need to be done. Also, if I don't plan meals

488
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 3: or grocery shop, he can't because he can't go pick

489
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 3: them up.

490
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: What kind of car does he have to put it

491
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,679
Speaker 1: in storage for the winter? Oh, it's like, where do

492
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,919
Speaker 1: you guys have that car? Is he driving? Like a

493
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: priceless heirloom car? And he's like, I can't drive it

494
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: when it snows.

495
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 3: It's just crazy to have a type of car that

496
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 3: you can't drive in the snow when you live in

497
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 3: the snow.

498
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 1: Also, my dog, I know you don't want to make

499
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: a schedule. Make the schedule. Yeah, what are we talking about?

500
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 1: Make the schedule and then when the energy fluctuations happen,

501
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 1: you communicate them. But make the schedule. That's step one.

502
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 3: And to have all these frustrations turned around on me

503
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,640
Speaker 3: and be told you're just stressing yourself out, I got

504
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 3: pissed and slept on the couch.

505
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, so I.

506
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 3: Am out the ale for getting so angry over a

507
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,479
Speaker 3: one day chores issue. Or was it a valid reaction?

508
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: Was that? Oh, you were not angry enough, and I'm.

509
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,120
Speaker 3: Not interested in the just break up comments. He's an

510
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,880
Speaker 3: incredible partner in so many other ways and every things

511
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 3: to work on. I'm not looking for an easy out.

512
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 3: I just want to know if my reaction was unreasonable.

513
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 3: We've got more story. But what do you think.

514
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 1: I think you just need to make a schedule. Yeah,

515
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: and you had a bad day. You had a bad day,

516
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: and you need to make a schedule. And then there's

517
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,919
Speaker 1: no reason that he can like forget or like he

518
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: literally was like, you're to save some chores for me.

519
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: It's like a dude, there's plenty.

520
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 3: There's so many.

521
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,679
Speaker 1: Here's the list of stuff to do. If me have

522
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: long day, you have short day, you do some worse stuff.

523
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 3: Yep, that's kind of it.

524
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: There's this skeedge figure it out.

525
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 2: I would even have done the like the chores when

526
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 2: you got home. I would have been like, what do

527
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 2: you want to do?

528
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 1: Chores?

529
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: Do all of this?

530
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: Yeah?

531
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess it's suthing you do it now, but

532
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: like now you can.

533
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 3: Do it, yeah, because it's not fair for you to

534
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 3: have to say every time what he needs to do.

535
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 3: But if you just have that list of chores and

536
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 3: maybe I don't know you check off or whatever. Whenever

537
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 3: you finish something, then he knows what's left. That's the

538
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 3: solution there at it. The following story refers to only

539
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 3: the one time. People are assuming this is what it's

540
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 3: like when I come home every day. I would like

541
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 3: to clarify that this was an odd day, not the norm.

542
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 3: I'm asking if I overacted and acted like an ale,

543
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 3: or if I'm valid for my mini crashout. I'm not

544
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 3: asking if he's a horrible partner and if I should

545
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 3: leave him. Also, neither of us were yelling. We both

546
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 3: just said some really blunt things with an irritated tone.

547
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 3: We don't do yelling, name calling, belittling, degrading, any of that.

548
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 3: It's not us. My idea of a fight is when

549
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 3: we don't resolve the issue that night, and there is

550
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 3: an update, let's get to it. Woo yikes. The number

551
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 3: of people who feel it's reasonable to judge my entire

552
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 3: four year relationship based on one post written in the

553
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 3: heat of frustration is kind of sad.

554
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 1: Hey, it's red it, it's just what we do. Read it. Yep,

555
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: you shouldn't erode it.

556
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 2: Then I was gonna say you came to one of

557
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 2: the worst spots.

558
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: You came to the land of breakup, get divorced.

559
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 3: When our lives are running on a usual schedule, he

560
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 3: does his fifty to fifty ab normal daily chores. I

561
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 3: don't routinely have to ask him to do laundry, dishes,

562
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 3: or vacuuming on a normal basis. We do those on

563
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 3: a natural schedule. Pretty evil. I had a conversation with

564
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 3: him this evening as partners. He apologized for how he

565
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 3: made me feel yesterday, and we both discussed our perspectives.

566
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 3: His side is that he knows all the things that

567
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 3: need to be done in the house. He just has

568
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 3: a different threshold for when is too dirty and they

569
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 3: need to be done, so before he even realizes that

570
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,640
Speaker 3: I consider them dirty, I'm already doing them. I will

571
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 3: admit that I have a higher clean standard than most people.

572
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 3: I grew up in a very tidy house and have

573
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 3: definitely carried some of that into my adult life. It's

574
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: not so bad that it's a mental illness, it's just

575
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 3: higher than I think the average persons is. We agree

576
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 3: that we would settle on a general frequency for all

577
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 3: chores and check in with each other daily before I

578
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 3: leave work, communicate what our capacities are.

579
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: Bro just make the freak wise the reluctance to make

580
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: this is the easiest schedulable thing of all time. It's

581
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: what everyone does. This stort start everyone shortrit everyone does that.

582
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 3: He said, He's okay with that, even if there are

583
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 3: a lot of days where my capacity is much lower

584
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 3: than his. That way, if one of us is feeling

585
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 3: super low capacity, the other knows where they need to

586
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 3: pick up the slack without the other having to explicitly

587
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 3: tell them what to do. Thank you to the people's c.

588
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: Thank you to the people's counselor the.

589
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,120
Speaker 3: People's counselor read it. Thank you to the couple's counselor

590
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 3: who commented that we should establish a baseline and communicate

591
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 3: when one of us is not able to meet that baseline.

592
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 3: Someone asked, and it was a totally fair point. But

593
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 3: I did just accept my current job in July. My

594
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 3: previous job was about twenty five minutes away from home,

595
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 3: So since July there have been some spuzzy hobbies to

596
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,479
Speaker 3: work out in a dynamic that was previously stable for

597
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: two years. Oh kinks ah, I'm a lot more tired

598
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 3: than it used to be. When we moved in together

599
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 3: two and a half years ago, he definitely wasn't doing

600
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 3: fifty to fifty for even the basic chores. He was

601
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 3: used to his own routine of when to do things,

602
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,120
Speaker 3: and it took him some time to adapt to living

603
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 3: with someone who had a different routine and expectation. He

604
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,120
Speaker 3: has since formed a lot of new habits he did

605
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,679
Speaker 3: not have before because he does care about how he

606
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 3: makes me feel. It honestly took him about six months

607
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 3: to a year to work that out, and we are

608
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 3: only five months into my new job. So to those

609
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 3: who jumped right to he'll never change, that's ludicrous.

610
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: You say it like it took him this long to

611
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 1: figure it out, but it's like, how long did it

612
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 1: take you to be clear about what your expectations were? Yeah,

613
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,119
Speaker 1: because it feels like your whole vibe is that. It's like, well,

614
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have to say anything and he should be

615
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: able to read my mind.

616
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 3: I think we just need more communication about this before

617
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 3: it just bubbles over. He's already made a lot of

618
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 3: changes and is completely willing to continue to do so

619
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 3: what change doesn't happen all at once? Not if you

620
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 3: don't communicate about it.

621
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: You gotta you gotta pick one, communicate or don't.

622
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, nothing changes, especially when it involves skills and habits

623
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 3: that take time to develop. We also discussed how we

624
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 3: approach the return to regular life after a trip. I

625
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 3: like to play catch up all at once because the

626
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 3: house makes me uncomfortable when we're super behind. He likes

627
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 3: to pick away at chores more slowly, knowing we'll be

628
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 3: caught up and back on our natural cycle within three

629
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,160
Speaker 3: to four days. I told him that leaves me uncomfortable

630
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 3: in our home for several days, and he agreed that

631
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 3: one day with both of us doing extra chores is

632
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 3: less uncomfortable to him than my discomfort from being behind

633
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 3: on things that make our space feel dirty. The last

634
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 3: thing we discussed was our differences in job fields. He

635
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 3: acknowledged that his job is less demanding, and while it's

636
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: equally as valid as a successful career, and I'm not

637
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 3: taking that away from him, it does leave him with

638
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 3: an overall higher capacity and more free time than mine.

639
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: So that's why we don't want to do this schedule,

640
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: because we don't think the schedule would be fair to us.

641
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, when I got this from the beginning of the

642
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 2: story where ope, he's like, he works from home, I

643
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 2: work with people. He gets to just chill at home

644
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 2: all day. I have to work with people, and like,

645
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: I have to drive two hours away. It's not fair.

646
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 3: Then you just make the schedule fair. Yeah, you would

647
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 3: just have less and he would have more.

648
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, he admitted he could.

649
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 3: Definitely afford to spend more of us downtime during and

650
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 3: after his workday doing things to be helpful to the

651
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 3: whole household. Bingo, there's a little bit left to this story.

652
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 3: Any final thoughts.

653
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is always works well on all women. Relax,

654
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: take a just chill out.

655
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 3: Dude, Have you thought about not doing this?

656
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: Yeah? Have you thought about being chill? No? I'm sorry.

657
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: On a real level, it sounds like you have. You

658
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: guys have a pretty healthy overall relationship. Yeah, but that

659
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 1: you just need to, you know, probably put it all

660
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 1: on the table a little bit and be like, hey,

661
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: I feel like your job is easier than mine. I

662
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: feel like that means you could do more chores than me.

663
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 3: Or maybe not even easier, but just say like less

664
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 3: time consuming.

665
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you gotta work from there. Because if

666
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: he's like, no, you can't just be like, well, you're

667
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: the devil.

668
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta find a way to have an honest

669
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 3: communication conversation without having an argument.

670
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 2: I don't know from what I've gone from op. The

671
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 2: boyfriend's pretty just like, yeah, you just need to tell me.

672
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: He let. I was just like, Okay, leave some chores

673
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 1: for me. It's like she just does all of them.

674
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: And it's like, why didn't he do this?

675
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 2: And he's like, hey, and I should.

676
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 1: I didn't tell him to do it.

677
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 2: Like not defending it, but he's just like, I'm boy,

678
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 2: I'm dumb.

679
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 3: You should know how to do it. But so if

680
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 3: you want to be with him and have a lasting relationship.

681
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 1: I think, look, I think he probably does know how

682
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: to do it. Like I know how to make my bed.

683
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 1: My threshold for needing to make my.

684
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: Bed is very high, thank goodness.

685
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: My girlfriend's threshold for making her bed is literally microscopic.

686
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: Like I'm talking like getting into bed at the end

687
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 1: of the day, but making the bed right before.

688
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 3: Bed gotta be made. I didn't used to make my

689
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 3: bed all the time, but God swooping in here, like

690
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 3: you know, two years ago, I make it every day.

691
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 1: I do it sometime point being I had one where

692
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 1: to go.

693
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 2: You have a bed.

694
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 3: Dakota's gonna find that point.

695
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: I just got to wash my sheets.

696
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 3: Overall, I would say that I feel my frustrations from

697
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 3: yesterday are valid, and he fully acknowledges that, but my

698
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 3: approach was not exactly based on respectful communication or collaboration.

699
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 3: We both agree that we conversed in ways we were

700
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 3: not proud of when tensions were high, but today we

701
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 3: returned to our roots. Are respectful, clear communication, that's solution oriented.

702
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 3: He cares a lot and knows where he needs to

703
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 3: pay a little closer attention, and I know that there

704
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 3: are ways to clearly communicate my capacity to cue him

705
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 3: to take on more than his usual contribution without making

706
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 3: me feel like I have to give him instructions like

707
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 3: a manager. Seems like you guys figured out something.

708
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: Why is it that You're like, maybe it's job related.

709
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: It's like I have to give him instructions like a manager.

710
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 3: Well, I think that's how I mean. I think that's

711
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 3: how he's been doing in the past. He's like, I

712
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 3: don't know what to do, and she's like, okay, this,

713
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 3: this is this, and it's not being died.

714
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: If y'all have completely different standards of what is a mess,

715
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 1: then you need to give him instructions because he literally

716
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 1: does not see the problem.

717
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 2: I was also say, y'all, what they've been dating for

718
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 2: like four years two or they have they've been living

719
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 2: together for like.

720
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 3: Oh, maybe they've been living together.

721
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 2: Okay, even if you're living together for two years, you

722
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 2: shouldn't know your partner's standards of cleaning. And yet it

723
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 2: shouldn't be like you shouldn't meet their standards or they

724
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 2: shouldn't meet yours, but you should have a compromise of like, okay,

725
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 2: let's do at least comfortable for everyone here kind of thing.

726
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: I think, Well, no, I could still improve. Let's be real.

727
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 1: My best friend growing up was a hoarder or not

728
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: a well I guess, well we he We were teenagers,

729
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: so he was not anything yet, but we were. His

730
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 1: house was a hoarding a hoarded house, not like not

731
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 1: to the level of like what you see on TV,

732
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, there's mess. Yeah, And so I, over

733
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: the course of many years, was just accustomed to this,

734
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 1: like there's a mouse in Sophia's house. There was a

735
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: mouse in his house. We named it.

736
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 2: What was his name?

737
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 3: Fred, it's you know what, I have a lot of

738
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 3: sympathy for people who have mice in their house.

739
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: Friends and mouse.

740
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 3: Hard to get rid of this mouse.

741
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: I slept down there in that basement that mouse. We

742
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: played Halo three nice hard to get rid of this mice.

743
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: Looking back on it, I'm like, WHOA, that's I do?

744
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 1: I have black lung now because of that?

745
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 2: Like?

746
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 1: It was gross? It was gross?

747
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 2: What was your point in all that?

748
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: Like, sometimes people have different tole instance from what a

749
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 1: mess is.

750
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 3: But we've got another story, folks, and we're going to

751
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: get into it.

752
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,239
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

753
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

754
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors. I bought a gift

755
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: for my friend and it accidentally started a feud.

756
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 3: Did you give someone Helen of Troy again?

757
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 1: This happened a few years ago, but came up recently,

758
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 1: and with permission from everyone involved, we decided to settle

759
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: this once and for all. I twenty eight female, have

760
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: a close friend Mark, twenty eight male, that I've known

761
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: since elementary school. You probably see where this is going.

762
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: We have never been attracted to each other I'm a

763
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: tomboy and he is a meathead. But we bought a.

764
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 3: Boy in the Meathead we'd never work today.

765
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: Welcome to ninety eight point five.

766
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 2: What about tom Head and meat Boy.

767
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: I'm tomboy, you know, I'm meadhead tom Head, but we

768
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: both love cars and that has kept us close all

769
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: these years.

770
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 2: Is it the movie Cars?

771
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: The movie Cars? Lightning McQueen. We both love Owen Wilson. Yeah.

772
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user sweet Speach ninety

773
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: fifty four. And if you want to submit your own stories,

774
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: go to the r slash Okay storytime subred at where

775
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 1: this story was submitted. And we're here to give good

776
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 1: advice kofully, but we don't have all the answers were goofballs.

777
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 1: Let us know what your answers would be in the comments.

778
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: If you're a lawyer, doctor, king, because you've probably got

779
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 1: all come.

780
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 3: It's a lawyer, doctor, he's a king and a joker.

781
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:23,360
Speaker 1: I didn't know where that was going.

782
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 2: Steve Miller. Was that a Steve Miller joke?

783
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: Okay?

784
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 2: Phenomenal?

785
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: There have been a couple of times he had a

786
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: girlfriend who didn't like how close he was to me,

787
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,760
Speaker 1: and I accepted that his love life was more important

788
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 1: than me, so I backed off, but we always came

789
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 1: back to each other. In twenty nineteen, he started dating Jesse,

790
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 1: thirty one female. Jesse is a girl. I introduced them

791
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 1: and we were all close. Although Jesse isn't into cars,

792
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 1: so I still hung out with Mark without her and

793
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,879
Speaker 1: that was never a problem. When the pandemic struck, Mark

794
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: was working from home. He had a nineteen sixty seven

795
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: Cadillac El Dorado that he had been working to store.

796
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 1: Since he was working from home, he had a lot

797
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: more time to work on it. He and Jesse had

798
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: just gotten engaged, and I was married to my then husband.

799
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 3: Heck yeah.

800
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: Jesse was laid off from her retail job, but was

801
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 1: working on her master's degree anyway, so she was doing

802
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: that at home and Mark was supporting her. I lost

803
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: my job during the pandeshmic as well, but ended up

804
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 1: getting a higher paying job rather quickly. Since I have

805
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 1: a Class A license and has MATT endorsement.

806
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 3: I don't know what that means.

807
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 1: He is endorsed by Hazardous Materials.

808
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 3: Pretty cool.

809
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: My husband at the time continued to work his job

810
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 1: with little interruption. A few weeks before Mark's thirty fourth birthday,

811
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: Jesse asked me about a present for Mark. Mark doesn't

812
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,280
Speaker 1: normally like presents, and I usually get him some tool

813
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: or car parts because I usually know what he needs

814
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: and wants. If you ever bought a tool or a

815
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 1: car part or a car person, you probably know they

816
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: don't usually need anything a non car person can think of.

817
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: He typically tells anyone something vague like I don't need

818
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: any or I just want your company, give me your business.

819
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: I would like you to sign over the rights to

820
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: your company.

821
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:07,840
Speaker 2: He wants your company.

822
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,320
Speaker 1: Huh like a company?

823
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 3: What?

824
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:10,479
Speaker 2: Oh boy?

825
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: He said, I just want your company.

826
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 3: Don't give it to him.

827
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 1: Are you did you fall asleep?

828
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 3: No, I'm just confused.

829
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: Do you smell toast?

830
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 2: No?

831
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:21,760
Speaker 3: Good, Let's go back a sentence.

832
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 1: Maybe he can be really annoying like that. Okay, Jesse

833
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: said he had been hinting he wants a body row.

834
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 1: Tisseriy what, and ask me what that was and how

835
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: much it costs. I explained to her that it was

836
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: expensive like twelve to fifteen hundred dollars with shipping, which

837
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 1: would be another one hundred two hundred bucks, and was

838
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: a special piece of equipment. Used to do bodywork. It

839
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 1: was something he would use to restore his El Dorado,

840
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 1: but I didn't think she would want to spend that

841
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: much money. A week before his birthday, she was starting

842
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: to panic because she still didn't have a present. I

843
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 1: decided to go online and check what I could find

844
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 1: for body row tisseries and found one that wasn't too

845
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: much was available close enough to pick up without shipping.

846
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: I had consumed a few adult beverages and it was

847
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 1: late at night, so I figured I would just buy

848
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 1: it and tell her the next day.

849
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,320
Speaker 2: Here you go, Just to give you guys an idea.

850
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm thinking of chicken right now.

851
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a chicken.

852
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 3: Wait, so they're buying the thingy that brings up It's like, yeah,

853
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 3: it's you can rotate the body, so remove the car.

854
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 2: The car shouldn't be there. But to give you an idea,

855
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 2: what the car, Yeah.

856
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 3: You rotate it. Lack a rotisseriy chicken, Yeah understood, rotisseriy.

857
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 2: That sounds kind of yummy right now.

858
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 1: The next day, I printed out an item description that

859
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: she could give him, since it was too big to

860
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: wrap and hand to him. When I gave it to her,

861
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 1: she didn't seem as happy as I had imagined. She

862
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: seemed confused. I'm not known for my ability to read

863
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: social cues, so I just shrugged it off. On Mark's birthday,

864
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: she gave him the item description with a card, and

865
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,879
Speaker 1: he was really excited. I volunteered to help him pick

866
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: it up with my truck. The next day, when we

867
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: got to the place to pick it up, I realized

868
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: I made a fatal mistake. I put my name on

869
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: the order. I thought I hit it, but he saw

870
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 1: it anyway. A few hours after dropping him in the

871
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: equipment off, Jesse called me furious. Apparently he asked her

872
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: about it, and she told him I had bought it

873
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 1: for her. She said it was an inappropriate gift, It

874
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 1: was inappropriate to do that for someone else's fiance, and

875
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,240
Speaker 1: that I was taking advantage of her because she doesn't

876
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:21,439
Speaker 1: have a job to pay for luxurious gifts. What so, Hi,

877
00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: I helped you, actually, and this could have just been

878
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: a gift where it was like, oh, P helped me

879
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 1: find this for you, and yeah, they ordered it, but

880
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 1: like I want to get it for you, and whatever.

881
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: What right she's mad at you for helping her? Is

882
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 1: that where you guys discuss though, cause it's like you

883
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: did say it was like, oh, well, like she might

884
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 1: not want to pay that much, but you found one

885
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: that was more reasonable. Yeah, were you guys on the

886
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 1: same page of like, yeah, this is a gift from

887
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: you to him. I just facilitated it. Is she paying

888
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,399
Speaker 1: you back? What's going on? Because if she's not, then yeah,

889
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: it would feel weird. Yeah, but then it wouldn't have

890
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: ever been posed as like, oh, well, here's the item description.

891
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: I got this thing for you. It should have been

892
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: entirely transparent what it happened. A few hours later, she

893
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: texted and apologized for yelling, which I accepted and asked

894
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: if we could meet up. When we met, she explained

895
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: that I should have known she was insecure about finances,

896
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: but whatever, hindsight's twenty twenty, regardless of the circumstances, I

897
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 1: should have known that dropping twelve hundred on another woman's

898
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 1: fiance was inappropriate. I told her that I was just

899
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: trying to be nice and that I thought I was

900
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 1: helping because she didn't have the money and she deserved

901
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,240
Speaker 1: to be able to buy things like that for her fiance.

902
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 1: I also admitted that since we share tools, a lot.

903
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,800
Speaker 1: I selfishly hoped I could use it after his project

904
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 1: was done.

905
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 3: So Opie knows that the Jesse right wants to buy

906
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 3: this thing for Opie's friend, so Opie helps financially, and

907
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 3: then it comes in their name, and then Jesse's like.

908
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 1: How dare you?

909
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 3: That's too expensive? Even though it was it was commune.

910
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: That's weird. I just think there wasn't enough communication about

911
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 1: why or what or what this was supposed to mean.

912
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: I guess not if you are going to buy someone

913
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,359
Speaker 1: else's fiance a twelve hundred dollars gift and make it

914
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 1: be from them, it should be really clear.

915
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, that it's from them. It just seems like she

916
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 3: was complete Yeah. Schmudd says she was fine with them

917
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 3: until the name of the mistake do It seemed like

918
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 3: she was fine with Opie buying it and giving it

919
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 3: your fiance as long as he didn't know that OPI

920
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 3: had anything to do with it.

921
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 1: And she was fine until she got exposed as a

922
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: barok baroque alert. I'm just kidding, yeap, No, he means it.

923
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: He means every word, but I do. I do mean

924
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: it when I say this was a very poorly executed idea.

925
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: Not a bad idea, it was very poorly executed. At

926
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: the same time, if I'm your friend's partner and you

927
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 1: come to me and you say, hey, I got this

928
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: thing for twelve hundred bucks for your fiance because you

929
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 1: said you were looking for it and I found one,

930
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh my god, that's incredible. Wait, so

931
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,920
Speaker 1: what happens? Am I going to pay you back? Like?

932
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: Do we sort of a payment plan so I could

933
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,839
Speaker 1: pay you back maybe like one hundred bucks two hundred

934
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: bucks a month? Yeah, you know what? And also like,

935
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: why you did this without asking me? If I wanted

936
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 1: to do this with you.

937
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 3: You could have just made it like a wedding gift.

938
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: Really, that's true.

939
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 3: I've just done that.

940
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 1: But you know, you live and you learn it's true.

941
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: We've since patched things up and are still close. I

942
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: was her bridesmaid at their wedding, and they let me

943
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 1: move in after my husband passed away, and they even

944
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 1: introduced me to my current wife. But every once in

945
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 1: a while Jesse brings up this incident and we have

946
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: a lighthearted debate about who is right. Oh, and my

947
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 1: el Camino body is currently on the body rotisseory in

948
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,800
Speaker 1: my garage. So was I the a hole for buying

949
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 1: this gift for her to give to him?

950
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 3: No, I just think there was a lot of miscommunication

951
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 3: going on. It seems like you guys figured it out though.

952
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 1: Something either of you were a holes. I think it

953
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 1: was just a nice idea that was executed with like

954
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: one percent effectiveness.

955
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's all right, it happens.

956
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:05,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's the nday story.

957
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 3: Sorry, it sure is.

958
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam og host. We're gonnet back to these

959
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: delectable stories.

960
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to

961
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 3: help support the show. My partner disrespected me after I

962
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 3: helped him build his career.

963
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:21,280
Speaker 1: Well it's time to tear it down.

964
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 3: I Female thirty six love my job. I get to

965
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 3: help people and also get to meet pretty interesting people.

966
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:31,320
Speaker 3: I'm coming here because I abruptly ended my relationship Greg

967
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 3: Mail thirty eight, and he's asking for answers. I'm heard

968
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 3: and want to stay away because whatever I did for

969
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 3: him came from the heart, but it wasn't received with sincerity.

970
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 3: My doubt here is whether I should enclosure for his daughter,

971
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 3: Female sixteen. By the way, this comes from Straight Signal

972
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 3: eight nine four eight and if you want to submit

973
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime,

974
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 3: separate it and we're here to give good advice. Youflee,

975
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 3: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

976
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:55,759
Speaker 3: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

977
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 3: do in the comments and OP says, I have a

978
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 3: good career, good benefits, and I make good bonuses. My

979
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 3: company sent me abroad, and upon closing that project What's

980
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 3: her Name, I had a few weeks off until we

981
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 3: took on the next assignment. During that time, I devoted

982
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,439
Speaker 3: my energy to helping Greg's career. I saw nothing wrong

983
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,760
Speaker 3: with it. It made sense to help a love one. Plus,

984
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 3: nothing would have made me happier than to see him succeed.

985
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 3: He'd always made me feel appreciated. We were building a

986
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 3: future together, and I didn't consider myself selfish. This was

987
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 3: a serious relationship and we had talked about marriage. I

988
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 3: filed an RFP on his behalf and started his network

989
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 3: with some of my own contacts. I don't want to

990
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:35,800
Speaker 3: make this too long, but I will say that things

991
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 3: started to work out. No, he didn't get contracts yet,

992
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 3: but I helped to meet people who could assist him

993
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 3: I never got paid because he couldn't afford a consultant.

994
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 3: But that's not the point. What bothers me is that

995
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 3: once he started making progress, his attitude towards me changed.

996
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 3: He became critical of my DIY projects and called them

997
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 3: a waste of time. He said, I.

998
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: Could be doing more productive things, like building your whole

999
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 1: business for scratch where I helped you.

1000
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:03,839
Speaker 3: With that, like helping you all the time.

1001
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:04,359
Speaker 1: M hmm.

1002
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:07,280
Speaker 3: He also disapproved of me assisting one of my friends

1003
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,959
Speaker 3: in her pastry shop when one of her employees was sick.

1004
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 3: I've done this like a dozen times, and I don't

1005
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 3: need him to tell me whether I can help my friend.

1006
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 3: And I told him that. He said that I could

1007
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 3: do whatever I wanted. But an executive behind a counter

1008
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 3: looked weird. How would they know that OP was an executive.

1009
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 3: He's like, everyone comes in and they immediately know that

1010
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 3: you're an executive, and they're like, what she doing behind

1011
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 3: a pastry counter? Everyone thinks that.

1012
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: Be he's doing like career eugenics. Like it's He's like,

1013
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 1: you can just tell you're a fool of a man.

1014
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 3: You're a fool of a man. I called him out

1015
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 3: because I found it offensive and I wanted him to

1016
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 3: respect my friends.

1017
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: He should.

1018
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 3: I misunderstood and apologized, so he didn't win the RFP.

1019
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 3: It was expected, as I had explained that we were

1020
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 3: submitting as an exercise, there would be competitors with a

1021
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 3: huge track record. We attended events and did lots of

1022
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 3: things together. We were talking on the phone the other

1023
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 3: day and he said his daughter would be his plus

1024
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 3: one on every single event he attends when his company

1025
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 3: takes off her background. He's referring to executive only outreach

1026
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 3: activities held in our district. He said his daughter deserves

1027
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 3: it and that he sees it as appropriate. I asked

1028
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 3: if I would be included, and he said his portrait

1029
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 3: of family should be just him and her in official

1030
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 3: situations because we're not married. It doesn't feel like he's

1031
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,399
Speaker 3: planning to marry you. Then he doesn't even have that,

1032
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 3: you know, the business hasn't even taken off, and he's saying,

1033
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 3: in the future, just could be me and my daughter.

1034
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 3: And know he's like, oh, am I gonna be there.

1035
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:32,479
Speaker 1: He's like, we're not married.

1036
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 3: We're not gonna be married then either.

1037
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 1: And this contextually, after having set up the whole LA

1038
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: operation for him, essentially with your own contacts. I'm going

1039
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:43,760
Speaker 1: back to them and being like, hey, so it turns

1040
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 1: out that and you know that you shouldn't do any

1041
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: business with this company, and then you leave.

1042
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 3: I didn't say anything because I didn't know how to

1043
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 3: approach him at that moment, but I was livid the

1044
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 3: way he said we're not married, at a tone that

1045
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 3: I didn't like. I have no doubt that his daughter

1046
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 3: deserves to share her father's moments, but that doesn't mean

1047
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 3: I shouldn't be there. I wasn't counting on being excluded.

1048
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 3: He'd always maintain that I'm family in the past, but

1049
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 3: he had a tiny taste of what could be achieved,

1050
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 3: and now I need to get ready to be tossed aside.

1051
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 3: This has nothing to do with his daughter. It has

1052
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 3: to do with the way he sees me now. I'm

1053
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 3: uncomfortable with everything and constantly being asked to do things.

1054
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 3: I was very happy to help, but it is one

1055
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 3: thing to do it from the heart and another to

1056
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 3: allow him to use me. He said things about my

1057
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,399
Speaker 3: contacts not replying to his calls, claiming that they don't

1058
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 3: care for me if they don't have the deference to

1059
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 3: reply knowing that I introduced him. He doesn't understand that

1060
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 3: these are very busy people. I usually did follow up messages,

1061
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:42,280
Speaker 3: but I'm not doing that anymore. There is a little

1062
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 3: bit left to this story, any final thoughts.

1063
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 1: You make a business baby with somebody and then all

1064
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: of a sudden they want full custody. It's none of

1065
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:51,879
Speaker 1: your business, baby, That's what he's saying.

1066
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I don't think that means that. You know,

1067
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 3: it seems like you're pretty helpful with all of your

1068
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:57,840
Speaker 3: friends and lake loved ones, So I don't think you

1069
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 3: should stop doing that. But uh, in in this case

1070
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 3: with this guy, seems like he's taken advantage. I asked

1071
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 3: him about this later, and he said, I'm droughting. Get

1072
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 3: a glass of water.

1073
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 1: Help.

1074
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 3: I'm a little one inch maan and I fell into

1075
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 3: a glass of water.

1076
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: Help.

1077
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 3: Is he just saying, like, oh, you're making this like

1078
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 3: a mountain out of am ohill?

1079
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 1: I think, so, yeah, that's that's I've never heard drowning

1080
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:19,320
Speaker 1: in a glass of water before.

1081
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 3: I did finish helping his daughter with our school research

1082
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:25,760
Speaker 3: project literature, but I have stopped doing business related activities

1083
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 3: for him. His daughter and I have a cordial relationship,

1084
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 3: but we're not close, although we do get along. I

1085
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 3: spent a few days without initiating contact, and I felt

1086
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,720
Speaker 3: less bad about what's happening. So I'm taking the ghosting route.

1087
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 3: What don't ghost this guy.

1088
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 2: It's Danny Phantom, He's going ghost.

1089
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:47,359
Speaker 1: I support this? What yeah? Why just the thought of

1090
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 1: like building up this thing together And it's like, yeah,

1091
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: never is my name explicitly on all this stuff, but

1092
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, I did this for you, for us? No,

1093
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 1: I agree, and then just being old like yeah no,

1094
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 1: like also like you're not a part of this and

1095
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 1: we're not married because we're not married. And also it's

1096
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 1: like you're not gonna comment to any of the executive

1097
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 1: like events because it's for my daughter, and like you

1098
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 1: did your daughter help make the business? Yeah?

1099
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 3: No, Like we you absolutely break up worthy you gotta,

1100
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 3: I don't know, you gotta break up. It's just you

1101
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 3: have to be mature. I think, I think, I think

1102
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,360
Speaker 3: I think ghosting is like kind of childish.

1103
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,760
Speaker 1: But it might. But you don't have to be mature

1104
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 1: right now. You can just like be like and I

1105
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 1: will just keep and I will disappear. Then you'll give

1106
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 1: you exactly what you want. You want me on the

1107
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:35,760
Speaker 1: outside there I am. I'm all the way on the outside,

1108
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:38,320
Speaker 1: And especially when he says like, well we're not married,

1109
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: it's like if you said it in a way where

1110
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: it's like and we're never gonna be It's like, okay, I.

1111
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 3: Think i'd buy officially break up rather but you do

1112
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 3: you know I do agree that you should leave. He

1113
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 3: wants an explanation and has been sending me links to

1114
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 3: other RFPs. I have no interest in applying. Intend I'm sending.

1115
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 1: He's sending you links to do more work to help him.

1116
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 3: I have no interest in applying, and end on setting

1117
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 3: his daughter my Christmas gift. I already bought it. He's

1118
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 3: been blowing up my phone and texting some of his

1119
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,719
Speaker 3: messages imply that I'm irresponsible and that I know he's

1120
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 3: counting on this to send his daughter to college. I

1121
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 3: have really lost all desire to talk to him because

1122
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 3: I feel really stupid. Am I the ale for offering

1123
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 3: no closure? And there's some comments common Wan says, not

1124
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,600
Speaker 3: the ale. You're putting so much time, effort, and your

1125
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 3: own reputation into helping him succeed, And he seemed to

1126
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,720
Speaker 3: have zero respect for all of that. Once he started

1127
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,879
Speaker 3: gaining a bit of traction due to all your hard work,

1128
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:35,360
Speaker 3: he seemed to get a tad too arrogant, like he

1129
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 3: was suddenly super successful when he really wasn't. He really

1130
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:40,240
Speaker 3: took you for granted, and sounds like he was starting

1131
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 3: to use you for your contacts last knowledge he clearly

1132
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 3: doesn't have himself. It also sounds like he had no

1133
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 3: intention of sharing his success with you at all. Not

1134
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 3: that you need it, as you're clearly successful yourself, but

1135
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, am, And he says, not

1136
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,400
Speaker 3: the ale, but maybe just one message saying I'm breaking

1137
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 3: up with you. Yeah, I think you just just get

1138
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 3: it over with so then he doesn't you anymore. Since

1139
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 3: you're so experienced in this, you can manage your own business.

1140
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 3: You clearly don't need my out because you know it all.

1141
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 3: Best of luck, and then block him on everything. You

1142
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:10,840
Speaker 3: can send a text to the daughter saying you've broken

1143
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 3: up with her dad. Whatever Christmas present for her to

1144
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 3: pick up or arrange to drop off. I don't trust

1145
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 3: the dad with the present. You can obviously ghost him

1146
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,279
Speaker 3: if you want, just might be cleaner to send that

1147
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 3: one text and then block him on everything that's personally.

1148
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 3: I think that's better just sticking the high road. It's

1149
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 3: always better unless there's an element of like safety or

1150
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,800
Speaker 3: you know, your concern for your safety. I think ghosting

1151
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 3: is usually like he shouldn't do that.

1152
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 2: I think just a simple text, you don't you don't

1153
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:38,879
Speaker 2: have to own like an in in person. I think,

1154
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,439
Speaker 2: like I'm done with you, good luck.

1155
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 3: I think if we ghosted everyone who was kind of

1156
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 3: a butt and we broke up with them for it,

1157
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,439
Speaker 3: then people will be ghosting just non stop. That's why

1158
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 3: you break up with people.

1159
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 1: But that's this isn't just kind of a butt' But

1160
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 1: he wasn't wasn't. This is a massive level of like awfulness. Yes,

1161
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: this is like yeah, this is like walking out of

1162
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 1: like your bad job without saying anything I hate. And

1163
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 1: it's like should you give them two weeks? Yeah, but

1164
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: they should have thought about that before they disrespected me

1165
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 1: to such a degree that I could not bring myself

1166
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 1: to walk through the doors one more time.

1167
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 3: I think, unless you're worried about your safety, or if

1168
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 3: there's like some sort of like abuse situation going on,

1169
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 3: just just send the at least the text. Even a text,

1170
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 3: I think is a little while for a long term relationship,

1171
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 3: but at least a text comments from.

1172
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 1: Video consequences for anything you do that's not true. You

1173
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: can do that that's not true. Literally whatever you.

1174
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:36,240
Speaker 3: Want, okayd code is giving bad advice.

1175
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 1: Oh it's great.

1176
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 3: It is giving googly so it's all right, Anna. We've

1177
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 3: got some comments from the video Bridezilla discarded me after

1178
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,720
Speaker 3: using me for her wedding, and this was posted November

1179
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 3: twenty second, twenty twenty five. Doldr from story one is ope.

1180
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,279
Speaker 3: A longtime friend was promised a key role as a

1181
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 3: bridesmaid and unofficial co made of honor for a childhood

1182
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,800
Speaker 3: friend's wedding. She spent months or organizing events, running errands,

1183
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 3: and covering expenses. On the wedding day, she was suddenly

1184
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:09,319
Speaker 3: pushed out, replaced in the bridle party, blocked and excluded.

1185
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,760
Speaker 3: She ended up enjoying the weekend more with other guests

1186
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 3: and realized the couple only valued her free labor and status.

1187
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 3: If you're curious to know the full story, you can

1188
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 3: go watch the full video.

1189
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 1: A real bug move.

1190
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, I vaguely remember the story, but we've got some

1191
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 3: comments from persons.

1192
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,320
Speaker 1: A creepy crawler because that was a that was a

1193
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 1: real insectoid type move.

1194
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 2: Comment number one by Lauren mcmurdy saying the fact that

1195
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,720
Speaker 2: they didn't own the dress, I'd be calling the cops

1196
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:38,319
Speaker 2: to get my dress back, leaving with my dress, and

1197
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 2: by the time I got back to that airport, there'd

1198
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 2: be nobody in their social circle that didn't know what

1199
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 2: they did.

1200
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can you just go scorched earth on them.

1201
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1202
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 3: I think op ended up doing it right though.

1203
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:53,880
Speaker 2: Cats Treat ninety four to thirty four, OPI, you aren't

1204
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,800
Speaker 2: allowed a lawyer in small claims. You have to represent yourself.

1205
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 2: There are a few exceptions, but this situation does not apply.

1206
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,360
Speaker 2: She should absolutely have sued them for the cost of

1207
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 2: the dress that they stole, Yeah, and the cost of

1208
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 2: her flights and accommodations since she traveled there due to

1209
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:09,879
Speaker 2: their false declarations.

1210
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then they just kind of said, no, you're not.

1211
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: You know, easy, easy hack for anybody representing themselves in court.

1212
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 1: You just have to take on a really like Southern style,

1213
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 1: like a Ben wap Blanc style accent, yourana do believe

1214
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: you've your money I spent on my dress must be

1215
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:30,800
Speaker 1: reimburst to me.

1216
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 3: And he's like I think he's right.

1217
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're gonna bang their funny hammer and go, dude,

1218
00:53:35,160 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 1: this guy all right, yeah, give him like five thousand,

1219
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 1: don't more money? I don't know. Yeah, send them to jail.

1220
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 2: And continuing Cat's treats comment, she had an invitation to

1221
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 2: the wedding but was refused entry. She paid for the tickets, hotel,

1222
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 2: and dress for nothing. Worse than nothing since it was

1223
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:52,800
Speaker 2: used by the cousin.

1224
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, even worse.

1225
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,280
Speaker 2: Umbra dixit Rafficio says, ah, sabotage that wedding.

1226
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 3: Yep, just get in there, steal it back. Put like

1227
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 3: a put like a put a fish in their cake.

1228
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 1: Fish cake delicious thu, but like it's a fish.

1229
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 2: Cake is so good, fish cake so good, yum yum.

1230
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,919
Speaker 1: I put a whole halibit in an angel food cake.

1231
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:14,879
Speaker 2: I don't know how I feel about.

1232
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,240
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, that's okay, That's that is what I was thinking.

1233
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 2: A last comment here by soul Child one three seven

1234
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 2: saying I'm literally raging over how they treated Opian the

1235
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 2: first story. Very hurtful and messed up. Hope some sort

1236
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 2: of justice happens eventually.

1237
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 3: Crossing my fingers for it. Those are all the comments

1238
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 3: and that's the end of the episode, so if you

1239
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 3: love us, make sure to subscribe

1240
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: We love you, and see it amorrow.