1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: Now before we begin with this week's episode. Last week, 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 1: I mentioned that I am starting a new segment with 3 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 1: the listeners questions. So if you have any questions, any 4 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: comments and concerns, my therapist and I you know, I 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: gotta put my two sess in. We will be answering 6 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 1: your questions. So for those of you that have not 7 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: experienced therapy and you want to see what a glimpse 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,680 Speaker 1: of therapy would be like from experienced licensed therapists, please 9 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: make sure to email us at Hello at th h 10 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: E PhD podcast dot com. I think this would be 11 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: a great opportunity for you all that have not experienced therapy, 12 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: or even if you have experienced therapy and you just 13 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: want to get a second opinion, please make sure to 14 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:44,840 Speaker 1: email us UM and let's get all with this week's episode. Enjoy, y'all. 15 00:00:45,360 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 1: Welcome you are now listening to H Hey, guys, welcome 16 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: to this week's episode of the PhD Podcast. It's your girl, 17 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: eban A and I'm super excited about this week's episode. UM. 18 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: Before we begin, please make sure to follow me on 19 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl, at the PhD Podcast 20 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 1: and last for not least at eban A beauty. Um, 21 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: please make sure to follow me on Twitter at th 22 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,759 Speaker 1: E pH D Underscore, and last not least, please please 23 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: make sure to visit the website at www dot the 24 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. Now all of my guests are anonymous. 25 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: So let's begin this week's episode. So I am super 26 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: excited about having this conversation with my guests today. Um, 27 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 1: how are you feeling to my guests, I'm doing pretty good. Yeah, 28 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: I'm super excited. So before we get with the high 29 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: our conversation. So, I'm an avid reader. So like last year, 30 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: I read like fifty books, So I read books like crazy. 31 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: So yeah, I was in Barns and no book and 32 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 1: I saw her book. So when I saw it the 33 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 1: title Loan, I was just like what, Like it just 34 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 1: caught my eye. And then for those of you that 35 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,799 Speaker 1: aren't interested in her book, please make sure to email me. 36 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,519 Speaker 1: I'm gonna send it out an email about her book 37 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: cause her book like really inspired me in so many 38 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: different ways. And I also feel like I saw myself 39 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: in her book, Like I felt like I was reading 40 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,880 Speaker 1: chapters out of my life baby who. So I was 41 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:39,800 Speaker 1: going to get some other book and I kept walking 42 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 1: past her book and I was just like, who is 43 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: this girl? Where did she come from? So I picked 44 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 1: up her book and I read your book within four hours? Yeah, 45 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: like I could. Yeah, Like I'm telling you, like, your 46 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: story has inspired me so much, and I was like 47 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: praying and manifesting that I can have this interview with her. 48 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: So I'm really excited about this woman. I hope her 49 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,839 Speaker 1: story really do inspire you. So let's get started. Um. 50 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: So you are a Muslim woman. Yep. And I think 51 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: that what your story was definitely educational because there was 52 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: a lot of things that I feel like people don't 53 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: talk about. So my first question for you is, what 54 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: are some misconceptions about Muslim women? Um, there's so many, 55 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: Um you have misconceptions is kind of darting from each direction. Um, 56 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: as you run in the book. It's not like, oh, 57 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: just you know white people, like white women and white 58 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: men trying to get you. But there's like muslimn and 59 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 1: other Musli women, other Muslims who are who are not 60 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: African American who are trying to attack. So I think 61 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: you definitely get all types of stuff from all directions. Um, 62 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: when you are openly Muslim or in its open religion. 63 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: But right now, you know, Muslim and Islam is like 64 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: under the under the radar right now and uh kind 65 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: of under under the cho chopping black for getting attacked 66 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: and stereotypes and stuff like that. But I think some 67 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: of the major misconceptions of um being a Muslim and 68 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: stat you basically are not even a human like either 69 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 1: you're seen as UM just just a monolith. You are 70 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: either a terrorist you know, you're oppressed, or you're you're 71 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 1: you're really perfect and you don't have no issues at all. 72 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: You know, it's like it's you. You have a couple 73 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 1: of narratives, and then when you put black Muslim on there, 74 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 1: which is what I am, then it gets more, you know, 75 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: in depth, like oh she's Um, she can't she's not 76 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: a real Muslim because she's black, or she's uh, you 77 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 1: know convert. Yeah, it's it's very it's very and then 78 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: also I'm fat. So it's just like they're more like 79 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: misconceptions get piled on you. Um. One thing that I 80 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: like about about this topic is because you're very like 81 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: I think when once you start becoming comfortable who you are, 82 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: like you found your voice, so you because lett niggas 83 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: have it. But I felt like people see that as 84 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:06,559 Speaker 1: a canal on this podcast. But I felt like people 85 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 1: would feeling that since you weren't the typical like submissive woman, 86 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: that that was a problem for you. And I thought 87 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: that was just crazy because you couldn't be who you 88 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: really are. Yeah, um, I think. I mean as soon 89 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:24,120 Speaker 1: as you are kind of born with a vagina um, 90 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 1: you are automatically, you know, seen as something right, and 91 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: as soon as you come out back with with with 92 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: dark skin, it's basically supposedly a rap for you, right, 93 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: And so that is exactly what it was like. I 94 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,800 Speaker 1: was born like this, and anytime I would say something, 95 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 1: it would always be an issue. You know. I was 96 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: always and you'll see throughout the book it's just like, 97 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:47,799 Speaker 1: oh you need to shut up, like you always talking 98 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: and you always got something to say, like you saw 99 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: like your broken record. It's always no matter what I 100 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: tried to say, whether it was something that I thought about, um, 101 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 1: because I would say, I'm a pretty sort of confident person, 102 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: but I would really really hard to like be um 103 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 1: quiet myself and say the right things to not upset 104 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 1: people or make them uncomfortable. And even when I did that, 105 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: people still wasn't having it. And it's just it's I 106 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: was like, you know, I'm really like put it forth, 107 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: the effort to shut up and say the right things, 108 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 1: and you're still not happy. And so that's when I 109 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: was just like when the divorce happened, I was like, 110 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: funk all of that. It's over, Like it's over for everybody. 111 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 1: And I remember the day I was on because you know, 112 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:28,840 Speaker 1: I was still like an Instagram in Fluencer. I went 113 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 1: on Instagram. I was like, y'all, listen, the divorce was finalized, 114 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: and whoever you thought you knew, you didn't. You don't know, 115 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: so you can follow me right now. It's about to 116 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 1: get real real and that's it. That is it. And 117 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: people were like, yes, we want this, yes, because like 118 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not whatever y'all thought it was 119 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: and all this like little hei ha hot stuff. No, 120 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: like it's real deal right now. And I would never 121 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: let anyone's silence. Will never let anyone silence me again. 122 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: Like that was the end of that. Another thing that 123 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: you brought up within your book, you talked about how 124 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: you were born a Muslim and you converted at the 125 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 1: age of six, So as you got older, did you 126 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: have a question your religion oh for sure. Um, I 127 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: think that's like a normal thing. If someone tells you 128 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 1: they have it, they're they're fucking lying. Because most people, 129 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: if not all people, there's always some type of question 130 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: on any on any journey that that you're taking in life, 131 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: anything you choose or your parents choose for you, there's 132 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: always the inkling of like is this the right way 133 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: to go? It's just the right way to live? Um, 134 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: like am I living in for somebody? Else? Am I 135 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: living in for myself? And again, like I always kind 136 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: of I think for me with my um relationship with 137 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: the Islam, it was like up and down. Um, I 138 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: never yeah, Like I never was like, um, I hate 139 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 1: Muslims and I don't want to you know, I don't. 140 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: I want to denounce the Slams. But there are certain 141 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: parts that I was like is this necessarily for me? Like? 142 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: Am I doing this right? Like everyone is sitting here 143 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: calling me sluts and bitches because I don't because I 144 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: wear a turban instead of like a traditional wrapped her job. 145 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: So it's just really the religion that I want to 146 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: be in. If this is like the scrutiny that I'm 147 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: gonna have to live with. And I had to again 148 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: go through the journey and figure out what her job 149 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 1: meant to me, figure out what modesty mat for me, 150 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 1: figure out what saw I meant for me. And Um, 151 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: even though there are certain things of it that I 152 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: prob that I, you know, wouldn't want to dibble in 153 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: or I wouldn't do personally, I'm so very much so 154 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 1: Muslim and that's okay, that's totally fine. Any times like this, 155 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: it's it's okay you do. It's everything or nothing, and 156 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: that's not how life. He is true. Um. One thing 157 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,719 Speaker 1: that I found interesting within your book, and this is 158 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: also an entire of your book, was how you talked 159 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,960 Speaker 1: about being fat and also a Muslim. And I thought 160 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 1: to myself, I'm like, wow, Like I felt like you've 161 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: noticed that at such a young aide. But then when 162 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: I was reading the story with your mom and you 163 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: being in a cloning store, it kind of like throughout 164 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: your whole childhood, it feel like you were just fat 165 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:58,200 Speaker 1: shame and it started within your household. Yeah, do you 166 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: think that? I mean ortunately a lot of I can't 167 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,959 Speaker 1: speak what everybody I can't really speak on like everybody 168 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,600 Speaker 1: else's like, um, you know, like the Asian or Latina 169 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,680 Speaker 1: or like Middle Eastern. But I mean from the stories 170 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,439 Speaker 1: that I've come up with a lot of families unfortunately 171 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: fat shame and that's the earliest, especially families. Yeah, that's 172 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 1: like the earliest abuse of like body shaming is coming 173 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 1: from family members and close friends. Um, in your household 174 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: and many for many girls and boys too, it starts 175 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 1: super early. Like I've heard people dieing like at six 176 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: seven eight, Like I'm just like that's toxic as fun, bro, 177 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: and so in my household, same thing. And like I 178 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,079 Speaker 1: always like to say, because like I feel like a 179 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,320 Speaker 1: lot of people think my mother like as they read it, 180 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:45,439 Speaker 1: they see her as like the bad guy, And I 181 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: tell people, my mom did My mom did the best 182 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: she could with what she had at that time. Um, 183 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: now she's doing some other stuff now, sure, but at 184 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 1: the time, you know, there are some things that we 185 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 1: shouldn't have saw or we shouldn't have been open to, 186 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: but we were. And so we can't change the past, 187 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: but we can't change our future. And so I think 188 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 1: with her, it was very cyclical, like her parents said 189 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,199 Speaker 1: it to her, her grandma, her great grandmother did it 190 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: to my grandmother. This this whole body shame and like 191 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,079 Speaker 1: just like fat shaming about um, your true skinny, your 192 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 1: to this. You know, your skin tone is this, and 193 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: your hair is good and her hair is you know, 194 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,559 Speaker 1: that type of ship was going on, and so unfortunately 195 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: it trickled down and to me and my siblings, and 196 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: so we definitely were were body shamed. I was body 197 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: shamed for my father, who wasn't even around but still 198 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: found the need to do. Yeah. I asked some questions 199 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: about that because he he reminded me so much of 200 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: my father, because my father is I hate to say 201 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: this term, but he's a crackhead. And when I was 202 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: reading a story about your father, I was just like, yo, 203 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 1: like the ship was very sad like it is, but 204 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,079 Speaker 1: I'm gonna actually questions about that because I really felt 205 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 1: like I was reading chapters that my story. It is 206 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: also one of those things that when you're going through 207 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,960 Speaker 1: it and you look back on its times, you'd be like, damn, like, 208 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,559 Speaker 1: and I'm the only person that's going through this ship. 209 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: So when you see that somebody else is going through it, 210 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: it's kind of refreshing to know that you're not alone 211 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: ininess and see where you ad now is just like 212 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 1: so amazing, but any Yeah, I mean I think it's 213 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: just crazy. I wish sometimes, like I wish that I 214 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 1: could attach something to my father for him to be 215 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: so fucked up, like him being a crackhead, which he's not. 216 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 1: He's still he's still messed up. So I'm just like, 217 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: you have no you make good money, like you're just 218 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,880 Speaker 1: you're you're just messed up in the head, like you're 219 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,680 Speaker 1: just not a good human vague there's no he doesn't 220 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: even have no issues other than some mental stuff that 221 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: would even cause him to be so mean to And 222 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: I honestly, yeah, I'm at the point now where it's 223 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 1: like I really I don't like saying I hate people, 224 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 1: but I need to go to go to therapy for this. 225 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: But I really hate him, um, and I don't and 226 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: I don't say about anyone but him personally. I mean, 227 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 1: I feel like with him, he definitely gave you a 228 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: reason for for what he did to you, Like when 229 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: I just read it, like it's one thing for a 230 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: parent to be absent, but for what he did to 231 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,679 Speaker 1: you and you were struggling like that was like, oh, 232 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 1: that literally like broke my heart, Like yeah, I'm still 233 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: shocked that he even did that, like, that is something 234 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: that I've not heard anybody's. Yeah, it was. It was 235 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: bad tell the people what he did, because I feel 236 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 1: like we jump in and people what he do what 237 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: he does well basically, I mean, it's crazy because there's 238 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,559 Speaker 1: other stories that I did put in the book about 239 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: what he's done, but I can't imagine he's like that 240 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 1: was at the top. That was just like there's some 241 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: can't have a whole book on what he's done. When 242 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: I was reading that, I was like, I know she's 243 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 1: admitted some things, because if he was willing to do that, 244 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 1: I know he did some other fun exactly that's what 245 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: he does. Um. Yeah. But so basically what's in the 246 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: book is that he basically, Um, I was so poor, 247 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: Like it was. I was poor to to to the 248 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 1: point where I was like I was in college. I 249 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: didn't have no family support my mom me and her 250 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 1: was you know, not really talking like that. And if 251 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: we were, she didn't have the money anywhere to support me. 252 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:00,120 Speaker 1: And I was just like, um, putting five dollars my 253 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: gas tank just to get to class. That's all I 254 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: could have. Four is five dollars. I was eating dinner 255 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: at friend's house, like I had a friend and family, 256 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 1: like a family of friends to go to their house 257 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: eat dinner every every night of the week. And that's 258 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: how I was eating. And so basically he in a 259 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: nutshell just um stole some of my school money, um 260 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: that I needed to get get to school with. And um, 261 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: he just was he was doing a lot of stuff 262 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 1: and I just I have not got closure for that stuff. 263 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,680 Speaker 1: And he's never apologized, like even even to that, I 264 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,839 Speaker 1: haven't talked to him. And I think over twelve or 265 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: thirteen years, he's still alive, he's still well, um, living 266 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: his best life and has never reached out to me, 267 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 1: never apologized for any of the things he's done. Um, 268 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 1: which I definitely need uh to get some therapy to 269 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 1: kind of get, you know, get through that because I 270 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: still have that. So I'm still holding onto it. Well 271 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna sing you my therapist information. 272 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: She is like, oh my god, she has helped me 273 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 1: through some of the worst experiences in my life and 274 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 1: I had to learn how to create my own closures. 275 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: So I definitely sent it to you because and then 276 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: she's a black woman, like I think you would really 277 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: like her, Like she is like I swear by her, 278 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,840 Speaker 1: like I even recommend her to some of the listeners, 279 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: and everybody loves her. Yeah, I specs to me on 280 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 1: your dad. I also thought it was pretty disgusting how 281 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: he didn't respect your religion and he was trying to 282 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: sneak and give you pork. What was wrong? And it's 283 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: funny now, but when I saw in my bed, I 284 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: was like, is he serious? Yeah? Because evil? Yes, I 285 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 1: don't know, like I'm trying to justify faiths and Paul's like, oh, well, 286 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: maybe this person is. Maybe they don't know. It's just 287 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: like why would you do that, Like it's no reason 288 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: for me to have that, There's no reason for me 289 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: to have that. It's but then it will be times 290 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: where if you didn't eat that, then you wouldn't eat 291 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: And meanwhile his whole family will be over there just 292 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: going to down. Like it was just heartbreaking. Yeah, he 293 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: did a lot of stuff. I don't know, I honestly thought. 294 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: And I always used to think, like why does he 295 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: hate me so much? Like what did I do? Like 296 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: I always remember like asking myself that when I was 297 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 1: a kid, like why does he hate me so much? 298 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: Like what did I do to him? And like I 299 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: because they always asked that it did, and like I 300 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 1: just I'd never answer myself back. But then some at 301 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: some point, you know, because you're young and you want 302 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: your father, because everybody's gotta father, but you and you're like, well, 303 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: why does he hate me? Like what did I do 304 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 1: to him? And then you're like, well, maybe it's just me. 305 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 1: Maybe I'm messed up, maybe I did something wrong and 306 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 1: that's why. And so you just internalize a lot of 307 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: ship and um, and then you started believing in a 308 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 1: sense yeah, and then you started like doing stuff that 309 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: you asked just to be doing. You're trying to feel 310 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 1: avoid or you just become really hard. You don't trust 311 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: niggas basically, that's I mean, I'm a lot better now, 312 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: but still there's like that seed inside of me that's 313 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: very very much so guarded when it comes to me 314 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 1: and especially men unfortunately. And I don't like to make 315 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 1: I don't like generalizing statements, but like with me and 316 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 1: my mental illness and my trauma that I've got from 317 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: you know me, and for the most part it has 318 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: been black man who have like done me really really bad. 319 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: So I have a very very I'm very guarded when 320 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: it comes to them and very untrusted, untrusting, and then 321 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: two men in general, I'm very entrusting as well. So yeah, 322 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: it's just it's crazy how the trickle down effect happens. 323 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: It's very so it's very prevalent when you get traumatized 324 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: by someone over many, many times and you're an adult now, 325 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 1: it's it's like, I don't trust nobody that looks like that, 326 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 1: anyone who sounds like that. But I also feel like 327 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: it's hard for you to believe it men because not 328 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: only just your father, but the other man that your 329 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: mom was married to was not good examples for sure. Yeah, 330 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: because yeah, because it's like you didn't experience trauma which 331 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: is this man, which is your father you or your 332 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 1: sperm don'tor because I was saying my sperm dontor, but 333 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: you experience it with other men that your mom was 334 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: married to. And it was kind of like with I 335 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 1: feel like with your mom, because I feel like your 336 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: mom was like in some sense that she was very overprotective, 337 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: but like, I don't have a good relationship with my 338 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: mom either. Someone I was reading your story with your 339 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: mom and I kind of like had empathy towards her 340 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: because I feel like she was just trying to protect 341 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 1: y'all in the sense of y'all not experience in the 342 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: trauma that she went through. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I 343 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: definitely feel like she was over a protective for a reason, 344 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: especially because she was, you know, um, sexually assaulted when 345 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: she was younger. Um, so I definitely understand that part. 346 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: But she didn't want you all around her husband, yeah, 347 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: at all at all. She was extremely she didn't want 348 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: us around anybody really, Like she cut off her own 349 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 1: family members and stuff, not because of us, but just 350 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: because she has some stuff going on with them, like 351 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,360 Speaker 1: and so we were very very much so so so 352 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: in her shale um in her own world, which is 353 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,399 Speaker 1: which caused a lot of issues for us because we 354 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: didn't know how to like thrive outside of her world 355 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: that she created for us because we were homeschooled, so 356 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 1: we didn't get a lot of you know, we were 357 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: around her. She wouldn't let to go to people's houses 358 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 1: like that. We couldn't go to family people, we couldn't 359 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 1: go to family member's house. So it was very very 360 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,640 Speaker 1: much so enclosed and so being so sheltered and then 361 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: going out to the world world that was very interesting 362 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: for a lot of me and my siblings. So, how 363 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 1: is your relationship with your mom now? Because I know 364 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 1: she is she is, she's still a little thick because 365 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: I know she had like a disorder where her joints. Right, Yeah, 366 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: she's still um yeah, it's getting worse unfortunately, unfortunately now. 367 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: So when my book dropped, um, how she So basically, UM, 368 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 1: only talk to my older sister like me and he 369 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 1: are very very tight, very very cool. My other siblings 370 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: are very weird. And then that's putting it nicely. Um there, 371 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: I don't have contact with him like that. Um, my 372 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 1: younger sister is enables my mother, and my mother enables her, 373 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: and so they both have some type of they both 374 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: have some toxic stuff going on that I told them 375 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 1: over and over again that I'm not going to be 376 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: involved in it, but they think I'm playing with them. 377 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 1: So basically, when my book got launched, I asked my mother, 378 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: that's what I'll run her card to, you know, bring 379 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,640 Speaker 1: her to the book signing. She had to worry about nothing. 380 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,400 Speaker 1: I was gonna pay for everything, you know, I didn't 381 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,679 Speaker 1: have the money like that anyway, but anyway, and I 382 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 1: was gonna make concessions for her to come and literally 383 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 1: where she lives, it's about forty minutes from to where 384 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,440 Speaker 1: my book signing was, and I had two of them. 385 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: She didn't come to either one of them. Um, and 386 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:33,440 Speaker 1: I was very hurt about that. And so I don't 387 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: know if she I was gonna tell her about the 388 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: book that day because leading up I didn't feel like 389 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: dealing with any of the theatrics of the book because 390 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 1: I was gonna tell her when she came to the 391 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: thing or whatever you know, about the book, and she 392 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,040 Speaker 1: didn't show up, and so it was a whole situation 393 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,360 Speaker 1: about that. Um, she tried to gas like me. So 394 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 1: right now we're in not a good place right now. 395 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: And it's been the books for ouce, the books for 396 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: now since October, and you have not had a conversation 397 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 1: because she she was a gas lighting. She's too busy 398 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 1: using her illness to people like ship And so right 399 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: now I'm in a place where it's just like I'm 400 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 1: not subjecting myself to abuse. Am I enabling your your 401 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: your ridiculousness. People are sick, but they don't get they 402 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: don't get to treat people like crap because they're sick. 403 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,919 Speaker 1: You know what I mean, And so because I only 404 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 1: have one parent I do the only reason I have 405 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: to cut her off is because I only have her left. 406 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: My grandparents were passed away, my father is not there, 407 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 1: so it's like I don't have anybody else to you 408 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's just like I'm still and 409 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,639 Speaker 1: I'm still in like the limbo of like what should 410 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: I do with the situation because obviously it's hurting me. Yeah, 411 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 1: so I'm right now, I'm not talking to her. Unfortunate, 412 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: I'm not giving you my therapist number because I don't 413 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: have a relationship with my mom or my father. And 414 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 1: at first I was like you like feeling kind of her, 415 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: but then again it was just like yo, like all 416 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 1: you have with yourself these days, like if you can't 417 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,879 Speaker 1: even if you can't even have your mom show up 418 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: and support you, it's just like when more can you 419 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: do at this point? You know? Yeah, I feel like 420 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: anything I do is like never, it's never. And it's 421 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 1: so funny. I'm the most decorated out of all my siblings, 422 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,560 Speaker 1: like like many many times over, like I am the 423 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: most like educated, I'm the most like well trobabled. I've 424 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: had like I've have two masters. My family does not care. 425 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: They've treated me like I've done something to them when 426 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,400 Speaker 1: I've literally just lived my best life aside from them. 427 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 1: And it's like they have they have resentment towards me 428 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: or since the type of vendetta, they can't bring themselves 429 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,440 Speaker 1: to celebrate my winds. And so because now I'm like, 430 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 1: well I don't care. I'm so do my own thing, 431 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,560 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, she doesn't care, she's too big for us. 432 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 1: Now It's like who said that, y'all? I write you 433 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: out to every single thing. You guys don't care. You 434 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 1: guys resent me, and so it's funny how it's just 435 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 1: like they don't care about me. Um and uh so, 436 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 1: which is bad because everyone's alive, everyone has cars, everyone 437 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,199 Speaker 1: got like the Internet, and nobody comes and supports me. 438 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: But I get Hello Loa from complete strangers, which is 439 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: very interesting. It's very interesting. The Yeah, it's just weird 440 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 1: because when I found you on Instagram and like you're 441 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: a popping like you get loved from everybody, all shapes 442 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: and sizes and color. So I mean that's just an 443 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: indicator of who you are as a person. You are 444 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: love and I know it stuns not to have that 445 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: love you media family, but sometimes you just have to 446 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 1: just keep it moving, you know. And speaking of your Instagram, 447 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: I know you're a big advocate for body positivity. Yes, 448 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: so when did you learn to love the body that 449 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 1: you're in? Because I also think with your book, you 450 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 1: did a great job of showing that transition from where 451 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:35,959 Speaker 1: you were in the beginning to where you at now 452 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:40,119 Speaker 1: and now you're like a damn they're a supermodel. So 453 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: how was that transition? Oh man, it's a difficult Like 454 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: still I think that people and that's why always people 455 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,199 Speaker 1: the hundreds and sit with my followers you because I 456 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 1: don't think people never show you the other side of success. 457 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: And by no means by saying I'm like a mega 458 00:22:56,119 --> 00:23:00,400 Speaker 1: super million follower account, but like I have done things 459 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: that I've never thought I would do, and other people 460 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,199 Speaker 1: would think that somebody who looks like me, like me 461 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: would never achieve or do. And so looking from the 462 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 1: other side of success, it's so interesting to be like, 463 00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: you might be modeling with the top models, but you 464 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: steal are mothered, you know what I'm saying, Like you 465 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: steal are mothered. It's like you don't necessarily fit in 466 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 1: even though you've made it to that point, and it's 467 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,879 Speaker 1: it's sometimes it's intimidating, like you can imposter syndrome. You 468 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 1: know your body, the more fear falls in there, like 469 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: you know your your fat phobic ideologies seat back in there. 470 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 1: And so even though you might see a beautiful picture 471 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 1: on the Internet and see me on sets with these 472 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: people who are like amazing and traveling around the world, 473 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,359 Speaker 1: I still have like these deep rooted insecurities that I 474 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 1: fight against and have definitely overcome half more than halfway, 475 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,399 Speaker 1: but they still sleep in. And I think there's a 476 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 1: misconception that just because you're popping on the Internet, that 477 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: means that you've got money, that means that you're just 478 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 1: like confident seven, that means that you're this you're a man? 479 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: Is that? And it's just like people who are popping 480 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: or successful, I still have issues. They just don't tell you. 481 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: And so I like to make I want to like 482 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,320 Speaker 1: so with my brand, it's I'm trying to bring the humanness, 483 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,440 Speaker 1: the human element back into the Internet and back into 484 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 1: social media, because at the end of the day, we're 485 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,359 Speaker 1: all human beings on social media. Doesn't matter if you 486 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: have three million followers, or three followers. You're you're a 487 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,960 Speaker 1: human being, and I want to show people the journey 488 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,000 Speaker 1: of where I came from to where I am now 489 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 1: and even the journey that will be five years from now. 490 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,879 Speaker 1: I want to show you the real deal behind the 491 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: scenes and what's happening, um, whether I'm booking gigs or 492 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 1: doing speaking engagements or I'm having like a mental breakdown, 493 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: like I want you to be right there with me. 494 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,880 Speaker 1: But do you think social media plays into that? Because 495 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: I feel like, even with myself, like sometimes I have 496 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,119 Speaker 1: to like like I don't have all the money that 497 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,919 Speaker 1: I want to have, right, So if I see somebody 498 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 1: else they got this trip, they got that, got that, 499 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,639 Speaker 1: and it plays into it. So do you think that 500 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 1: social media plays until like the fat shaming or the 501 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:02,639 Speaker 1: disrespect to different religions. I mean there's always there's I 502 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: think there's always gonna be the two sides of the coin. 503 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: There's always gonna be like social media is a vessel 504 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: for us to connect with other human beings, right, and 505 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: if that's through hatred, the natural connection, if it's through 506 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: love and positivity and empowerment, then that's going to be 507 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 1: your connection. Same thing with money, the same thing with 508 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: like any any anything I can say, I can say 509 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: personally that if I didn't have Instagram, I would not 510 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: be here right now. That's I would have a book deal, 511 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 1: I would not be working with Target, I would not 512 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 1: have um flowed and done anything within Europe without Instagram. 513 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 1: And so just yes, yes, there are so many trolls online. Yes, 514 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,520 Speaker 1: like social media can play into batphobia and it's homophobia 515 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,160 Speaker 1: and colorism and classism. Of course it can, but it's 516 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 1: like you need to be able to figure out how 517 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,000 Speaker 1: to shield yourself in these things. Also curate your feed 518 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: My feet is curated. If I feel like you're doing 519 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 1: two before and after pictures, I might have mad love 520 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: for you, but it's triggering to me. If you're talking 521 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: about some flat tummy t I'm sorry. I love get 522 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: your coins, but I'm gonna follow you. If you're talking 523 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: about like you know, if you're like trying to talk 524 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 1: about how partial babies are so cute over dark skied babies, 525 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm gonna following. Like you know what I'm saying, 526 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 1: Like if you if you want to do some stupid 527 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,760 Speaker 1: stuff that I don't want to see that, I'm gonna 528 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,399 Speaker 1: follow you. Now because I hate you, not because I 529 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 1: want to support you. But now you're now you're going 530 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: to the left, and I'm trying to get the right, 531 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 1: and so you have to be able to be like, 532 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,359 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna curate my feet because I 533 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: don't want to fall into the trap of seeing stuff 534 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 1: that triggers me. And so people have to understand that 535 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,200 Speaker 1: social media can be used for good or bad. I 536 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,000 Speaker 1: I want to I want to mostly use mine for 537 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,439 Speaker 1: something that's empowering and something that's gonna make me a 538 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: stronger individual. I'm not trying to hear and see all 539 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:49,359 Speaker 1: the extra stuff facts. I know. So you was married 540 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:53,080 Speaker 1: for almost a decade, which I was like shock, And 541 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to get too much energy to that 542 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 1: because I think you're just so dope. And I think 543 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to give too much of your book 544 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 1: away because your book is really amazing, but throughout your 545 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 1: teen year, I mean, that would just traumatize it. Within 546 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 1: this up, what would you say it was the number 547 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 1: one lesson you learn from that? Um? Wow, I think 548 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:15,760 Speaker 1: the number one lesson is that you really don't I 549 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 1: would say for people to stop trying to find other 550 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: people to feel fulfill you m or to make you whole. 551 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 1: And I think will Sniff said something very very similar 552 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,439 Speaker 1: when you're talking about like marriage and stuff with Jada 553 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,199 Speaker 1: and stuff like that, and how they're not looking to 554 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 1: complete each other, they're looking to enhance one another. And 555 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, it's so it's so simple, but 556 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:39,800 Speaker 1: we're always trying to a lot of us are scared 557 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: to be alone. A lot of us are afraid to 558 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,439 Speaker 1: sit with ourselves. That's why we have serial datas and 559 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 1: people who are and I'm very sex positive, people who 560 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 1: are um hyper sexual and to the point where they're 561 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:52,480 Speaker 1: not doing because they want to do what they're doing, 562 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:53,919 Speaker 1: it because they're trying to fill a void or they 563 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,480 Speaker 1: don't want to be alone. And we're doing these things 564 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 1: and we're hitting the same the same wall because we 565 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 1: are too afraid to really sit with ourselves and ask ourselves, 566 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: what do you want? Not on society told you to do? 567 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: Not the fairytale wedding. Not the fairytale, dude, How do 568 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: you create your own fairy tale and then invite someone 569 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 1: into that? And you guys invite each other into you 570 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 1: guys situations instead of being like, well I need him 571 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:21,199 Speaker 1: to fulfill me and make me a whole circle. No, 572 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,680 Speaker 1: that's not what you need. You need to be able 573 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 1: to fit for yourself and travel the world so low 574 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: and do things you've never done before and attain those things. 575 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 1: And sometimes you have to do those things alone. We 576 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,600 Speaker 1: we were just like and I tell myself that too. 577 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 1: After I got divorced, I'm like, well, I'm broken and 578 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: I need to have somebody so I can feel like 579 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,960 Speaker 1: i'm and I'm just like it. Basically I was doing 580 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 1: reckless stuff, which is also in the book, because I 581 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: was trying. I was trying to I was trying to 582 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,719 Speaker 1: fulfill a void, and I was just I was just 583 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: racking up bodies, just like everybody else was, and that 584 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 1: wasn't me. And I'm just like, you know what you 585 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 1: have to be. You're had to be by yourself. That 586 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: that's it. And yes it was Ana come Doble, Yes 587 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: it was painful, but now it was just like, I 588 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 1: want to get to a point where if I do 589 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: invite someone into my space whatever, whether serious or not serious, 590 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,600 Speaker 1: they need to serve a purpose and vice versa. If 591 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 1: we're not start serving each other's purpose, then there's no 592 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 1: point of us talking. So I'm very, very selective now. 593 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: I think I've learned what I don't want from the 594 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: from from us from the situation is that I need 595 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: to be selective and stop trying to change people, stop 596 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 1: trying to fill your void with something that's like ridiculous. 597 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 1: And I learned a lot for I think I learned 598 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: a lot from that um that that situation, in that 599 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 1: tenure relationship that went to I mean, he tried it, 600 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: he did, But do you think the reason one of 601 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 1: the reasons why you stay in the relationship for the 602 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 1: amount of time that you did results back to not 603 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 1: having it positive black man or just positive man figuring 604 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 1: your life. I think that I did not want to 605 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 1: get divorced because I didn't want to be a serial 606 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 1: marriage or like my mom, like and my system made 607 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,800 Speaker 1: a pact. We was like we would never, we would never, 608 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 1: like we literally made a pack like a couple of 609 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 1: times in life, like what she got married and I 610 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: got married. I was like, Nope, not doing it. And 611 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 1: so I kept like I kept to my province, like 612 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get married eighty thousand times, like I've 613 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 1: seen other women and me and do and my own mother. 614 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: And so that was one also is I put a 615 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 1: lot of time and effort into him because he was 616 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 1: definitely not what it was when I first met him, okay, 617 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 1: and I put a lot of effort and energy into 618 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,280 Speaker 1: that man. And so I was like, you know what, 619 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna let another bitch take my hard work. 620 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,240 Speaker 1: So it was pride, pride, it was like, but at 621 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: the same time, it's like, that's not. You chose to 622 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 1: be that person for him. You chose to put your 623 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,760 Speaker 1: time and energy and take away from you your cup 624 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 1: to putting his cup. You chose to do that. So 625 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: whatever happens happened. And so I had to get over 626 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 1: I have to humble myself and get over that and 627 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: be like, you know what, he's not your property, and yes, 628 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 1: MyoD else is going to deal with him the good 629 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: stuff that you've given him, but also they have to 630 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,680 Speaker 1: do with his bullshit too, because it's a lot of that. 631 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 1: And so I had to get out of that mindset. 632 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I built you, I made you, 633 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,840 Speaker 1: and da da da da, and you know your mind 634 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 1: and no, I had to get over that, like that's 635 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 1: not we can't do that to people. I was like, yo, 636 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,600 Speaker 1: this is to that. So some nerve. You show him 637 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: how to do a resume, got him a job, and 638 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: he had to know to move the way he was moving. 639 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: That's what they do. That's what they do. Unfortunately, that 640 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,040 Speaker 1: sounds just like see and like a guy trying to 641 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 1: finesse me now and like it never lasts because they 642 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: get because I tell I'm pretty blunt and gotta trying 643 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: to finesse me. I was like, honey, I've made I 644 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 1: wrote the book on finessing. Try again. They're like, oh, 645 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,480 Speaker 1: so you one of those. Yes, I one of those. Brother. 646 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: Keep it moving, brother. They'd be like, Okay, go find 647 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,960 Speaker 1: your next victim somewhere else. I had a whole relationship 648 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 1: stop exactly. I'm just curious because your mom was married. 649 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,440 Speaker 1: I think you said like five times, No, she was married, Um, 650 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,800 Speaker 1: I think nine times. I think two of them were 651 00:31:55,840 --> 00:32:00,360 Speaker 1: to the same person. So yeah, about like nine times times. 652 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: So what do you think that your mom talked to 653 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:07,320 Speaker 1: you about men um Well, it depends on like what era. 654 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: So when I was first, because it's like the first 655 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: ten years, the next two years, the next two years, 656 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: because I'm thirty, I think initially I think she taught 657 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,400 Speaker 1: us that they were disposable. That. Yeah, So like from 658 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,000 Speaker 1: an early age, I always thought men were so disposable, 659 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 1: Like I thought that they just came in cause issues 660 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 1: got you pregnant and then left. Like that's how like 661 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 1: I thought. That's what I thought me indeed, And so 662 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: from when I was like, you know, a little to 663 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 1: like maybe sixteen, I always thought they were disposable. And 664 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 1: so that also like made a heart for me to 665 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,880 Speaker 1: make connections with me and and stuff like that, because 666 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,400 Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, you can go, like at 667 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,120 Speaker 1: the end, like the most minor inconvenient you can go 668 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,920 Speaker 1: because I know you can go. And so it wasn't 669 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: even like, oh, let's talk about this, let's try about 670 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 1: this out. It was like, you can go. And so 671 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,840 Speaker 1: that's what I learned. Unfortunately from her, Um, I'd like 672 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: to have a better answer for you other than that, 673 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,520 Speaker 1: but I feel like that was that's what I learned 674 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,160 Speaker 1: from her them men are disposable. So let's talk about 675 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,200 Speaker 1: your breaking point with UM with therapy. When I was 676 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 1: reading in that chapter, I was like, yeah, I so 677 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,000 Speaker 1: feel hard this what was the breaking point for you 678 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 1: to attend therapy? Because I feel like it was a 679 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 1: struggle for you to even go, oh for sure. UM 680 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 1: So I've had like mental breaks throughout my life, um 681 00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,480 Speaker 1: a lot of time, like throughout my life or whatever, 682 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 1: and I never knew what they were because we didn't 683 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: really talk about mental illness when we were like little. 684 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,800 Speaker 1: Um So, like when I used to have them and 685 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,960 Speaker 1: I would be flipping out, freaking out, I would never 686 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: know what they were and never even cared to research 687 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: it because I want to talk about it. And so 688 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 1: the breaking point for me was when I was working 689 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 1: a job that I hated. I had just um, I 690 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: just not just just graduated, but I was married, um, 691 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 1: we have been married for a couple of years. I 692 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,800 Speaker 1: had left a job that was very abusive and like 693 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,080 Speaker 1: racist racist. I was only black girl and a white store. 694 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 1: I was a manager, I was young. They were mad 695 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 1: about it because I was educated and young and they 696 00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: couldn't take it, of course, and so I had to leave. 697 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: That situation was making me go very very crazy. I 698 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 1: was unemployed for a very long time. Finally got another 699 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: job that ended up being a lot worse, more diverse, 700 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,759 Speaker 1: but feel worse, and um, I started having really really 701 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:19,279 Speaker 1: bad mental breaks like anxiety, the depression, like anger, and um, 702 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 1: just like I was at the bottom of the barrel mentally, 703 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,200 Speaker 1: like I didn't think holly of myself. I didn't think 704 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,440 Speaker 1: holly of others. I hated myself and I hated other people. 705 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,680 Speaker 1: I don't want people. I don't want people talking to me. 706 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:31,480 Speaker 1: I don't I'm saying shipped to me. Let me sit 707 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,560 Speaker 1: at my anger and hatred for everything. And so the 708 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 1: breaking point for me, I think was when I went 709 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 1: to jail. That was that was like, that was like 710 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 1: the top breaking point. I was just like you are 711 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 1: in a master's program, you like are smart, like you 712 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 1: are not, Like no, you're not, no bum bitch, Why 713 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,840 Speaker 1: are you? Why are you sitting here right now? And 714 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 1: I started laughing at myself in the jail Celle, because 715 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: I was like, stupid, it looks so dumb right now, 716 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 1: I'm laughing at yourself that I was like laugh crying 717 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,400 Speaker 1: because because I looked so dumb, because because I allowed 718 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:08,520 Speaker 1: somebody to get me to that point of like almost 719 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,480 Speaker 1: like that could have went so bad, like I'm whatever 720 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 1: you believe in with it's God, like whatever, the entity 721 00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,919 Speaker 1: of the universe, whatever, Like I was really looking out 722 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 1: for me because that could have went so bad, Like 723 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: I was protected that that day because they could have 724 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,280 Speaker 1: been really really bad. I could have been in prison, 725 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,040 Speaker 1: I could have lost everything, and so like I knew that, 726 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: and I was like, you know what, never again when 727 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 1: I put my hands with somebody, Never again, while I 728 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 1: even get to the point where I'm just that angry 729 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,719 Speaker 1: where I black out, that would never happen again, and 730 00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:44,640 Speaker 1: I will draw my hardest. They do, they do, but exactly, 731 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,000 Speaker 1: And I was like, so I kept my promise. I've 732 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,600 Speaker 1: not touched anybody. I've not been to jail, not been arrested, 733 00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,879 Speaker 1: no police called on me since that day happened. And 734 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, I'm very proud of that because 735 00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,560 Speaker 1: like I definitely didn't give a funk. I was like, oh, jail, 736 00:35:57,640 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 1: put me in prison. I don't care, Like I was 737 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:07,960 Speaker 1: that person like put me in okay, prisoning you basically basically, So, 738 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,720 Speaker 1: how has that the therapy shaped who you are now? 739 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:15,480 Speaker 1: M I think that, UM. I think therapy has definitely 740 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 1: saved my life. Like, honestly, I'm actually looking for a 741 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: therapist now again um to with my insurance company. UM. 742 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,399 Speaker 1: And so finally I'm getting back in when I should 743 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,759 Speaker 1: have been got back in. But the five year stent 744 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,960 Speaker 1: that I did with like therapy prior to this. It's 745 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:33,240 Speaker 1: definitely made me a lot more um self aware because 746 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 1: like I have a personality disorder, and so I'm not 747 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: aware of certain things how they make people feel um 748 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 1: and so I'm more aware of people's feelings, aware of 749 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,800 Speaker 1: my own feelings. Boundaries have been set nowt Like boundaries 750 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:50,839 Speaker 1: is like my number one for every single year. Yeah, 751 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,759 Speaker 1: it's like boundaries and like you're you're breaking point of 752 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:55,799 Speaker 1: like when you do get to the blackout phase where 753 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 1: you're pulling out knives and gullins, how do you how 754 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 1: do you get step back three steps before we get 755 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 1: to that break your point? And I like, now I'm 756 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: a queen of getting my person walking out like I 757 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,479 Speaker 1: walked out of business meetings, I worked out of work, 758 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,600 Speaker 1: walking out of work meetings, I worked out of friend 759 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:14,479 Speaker 1: friend um conversations. Coming back, Nope, she's not coming back 760 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,439 Speaker 1: because because when I said I'm done, I'm done. So 761 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,880 Speaker 1: I am the queen of boundaries. I don't play that ship. 762 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 1: My piece is so much more than what it was before. 763 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,680 Speaker 1: Like I'm not losing my ship or with something that 764 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 1: can control, So I would leave, I would yeah, I've 765 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:34,279 Speaker 1: definitely left before. Yeah. Um, So one thing about this 766 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 1: book and that you constantly talking just putting emphasis on it, 767 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,359 Speaker 1: and I was just like wow, like because like you, like, 768 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 1: I was like so fucking angry these past couple of months, 769 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: and I just thought it was so beautiful how you 770 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,799 Speaker 1: told your story, how you shared it. Did you ever 771 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,600 Speaker 1: think that by using your anger that you would get 772 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,920 Speaker 1: the result that you have now with a book. M No, 773 00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 1: definitely not. Definitely not because you you can read the pain. 774 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:02,799 Speaker 1: Like I think that's why I just lay to it 775 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,759 Speaker 1: so much, because, like you, like I just know when 776 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,279 Speaker 1: it feels like when nothing is sticking to the damn wall, 777 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,719 Speaker 1: like you just so frustrated. So when you were just 778 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:13,479 Speaker 1: telling your story and like most black people, especially like women, 779 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,200 Speaker 1: like we just grow up in like traumatized and household 780 00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,279 Speaker 1: So it's just like I just thought it was just 781 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,279 Speaker 1: so amazing that you shared your story with us, and 782 00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: like for it to be a book and it's a 783 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: good book that we need to get to New York 784 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:30,640 Speaker 1: Times bestseller, that would be awesome. Um yeah, I never 785 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,600 Speaker 1: thought it was possible. Honestly, I think one thing I 786 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,759 Speaker 1: always ask myself, what makes you different from somebody else 787 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:38,279 Speaker 1: that you grew up with, because a lot of people 788 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 1: that I grew up with did not have not made it. Um, 789 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 1: they have basically succumbed to the trauma and now they're 790 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: doing it to their children, or they are sitting in 791 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,239 Speaker 1: it with the bloodshit as man, or they are you know, 792 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,000 Speaker 1: not living to their fullest potential. And I always ask myself, 793 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,000 Speaker 1: what makes you differ from the other people that have 794 00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 1: not made it? And I always say that I have, Well, 795 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,400 Speaker 1: I'm very diligent. I don't say no for answer. Also, 796 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: I'm very to use. I to use people's negativity. I 797 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,840 Speaker 1: have to use it to like push myself to go 798 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 1: further and do more and do better than them. Uh 799 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,680 Speaker 1: that I also, like I always I always kept hope 800 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 1: that there's something larger for me. There's something bigger for 801 00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,840 Speaker 1: me that we couldn't that we none of us could imagine. 802 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,160 Speaker 1: Like I always would tell myself every year, like there's 803 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,719 Speaker 1: something waited for you on the other side that you 804 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 1: can't even imagine. You have to keep going. And I 805 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 1: would tell myself that every year. Um. I don't know 806 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,080 Speaker 1: where that came from, but I felt it in my 807 00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,120 Speaker 1: heart and my soul, that something was meant for me 808 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,560 Speaker 1: that was bigger than what the funk I was living in, 809 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 1: what I was looking at, what people were telling me. 810 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 1: And I still believe that now, like I believe that 811 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,120 Speaker 1: one day I'm going to be a mobil Like that's it. 812 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,439 Speaker 1: I don't know how it's gonna happen and what's gonna 813 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 1: what's gonna happen. So, um, having me so transparent help 814 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,400 Speaker 1: you with you're healing because I can only imagine what 815 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,280 Speaker 1: you're reading in this right in this book, sharing these stories, 816 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,400 Speaker 1: having these commons station like it kind of brings up 817 00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: some type of phillis, does it? Um? Yeah, I mean 818 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,120 Speaker 1: they always bring up traumas. I think that when you 819 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,360 Speaker 1: talk about it morget easier. But um, there are certain 820 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,839 Speaker 1: topics I'm so like, mmmm, well, this is still very much, 821 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,880 Speaker 1: very much so painful to either talk about or to 822 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, remember. And the memoir I was in itself 823 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,839 Speaker 1: very painful to write because I had to bring up 824 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,480 Speaker 1: stuff that I had buried for ten years, five years, 825 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,759 Speaker 1: fifteen years, and to bring them to the hand and 826 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 1: actually write about them and even edit them was very 827 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,120 Speaker 1: very painful. Like I would have to take lots of breaks, 828 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:39,200 Speaker 1: I would cry a lot. Um, I would yeah, knaps 829 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,920 Speaker 1: and crying is how I wrote that book, um, like 830 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:43,840 Speaker 1: in between because there was just too much to recall 831 00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: some of those things. And so I haven't really read 832 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,600 Speaker 1: the book recently, but I did. Um, there's one essay 833 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,279 Speaker 1: that I read about I think the time when I 834 00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:53,080 Speaker 1: was like, um at the beach and I was just 835 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,919 Speaker 1: like about to admit myself to the psyche ward and 836 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:57,960 Speaker 1: I read that when I hadn't read it in like 837 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,120 Speaker 1: a year, And so of course that's the if you 838 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,440 Speaker 1: want to pick to read at this book signing and 839 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,839 Speaker 1: the tray and I started busting out crying and people 840 00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,400 Speaker 1: was an audience crying, and I was just like, damn no, 841 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,759 Speaker 1: but that's real ship, man, I'm telling you. Like, when 842 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,560 Speaker 1: I was reading your book, I was just like, yo, 843 00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,359 Speaker 1: like there's so many stories that I can relate to, 844 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: like with this childhood trauma, with my mom being with 845 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,480 Speaker 1: so many different men, but my daddy ain't being shipped, 846 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:24,080 Speaker 1: my abortion story, like being a relationship for so long, 847 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,480 Speaker 1: Like it was like, oh, I was just like, nah, 848 00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:31,680 Speaker 1: this ship is so fucking fire man. Yeah. Um, last, 849 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,400 Speaker 1: and at least, what does some advice you would give 850 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,920 Speaker 1: to our listeners on embracing their story and loving themselves 851 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:40,439 Speaker 1: more throughout it all. I think that I mean kind 852 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,760 Speaker 1: and going back to like what I told told myself 853 00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,680 Speaker 1: to get to where I am now. UM is that 854 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:50,000 Speaker 1: you know, on the other side of fear is greatness. 855 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,200 Speaker 1: Like you have to really look at you, you have 856 00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,040 Speaker 1: to really sit alone, and you have to ask yourself, 857 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,040 Speaker 1: what am I like most afraid of? Am I afraid 858 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,719 Speaker 1: of failing? Am I afraid of success? Like? Am I 859 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,200 Speaker 1: afraid of sitting us this resume out or starting this 860 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,120 Speaker 1: podcast or trying to start this career? Like what are 861 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,000 Speaker 1: you most afraid of? In life? And I want you 862 00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,160 Speaker 1: to dive all the way into it, like I want 863 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,359 Speaker 1: you to like for real, for real, like passionately dive 864 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,319 Speaker 1: into it. And like a lot of times people have 865 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,640 Speaker 1: the resources that we need. But at the same time, 866 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,239 Speaker 1: it's like we can create our own resources. A lot 867 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: of things can be done with just bothering with research, 868 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,720 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like with clearance, rack items 869 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,839 Speaker 1: with um borrowing things to other people. Like we can 870 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:34,160 Speaker 1: do things, and the best things that we do are 871 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,920 Speaker 1: these creative things that we do that are stemming from 872 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,480 Speaker 1: our traumas and our pain and stuff like that. And 873 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,080 Speaker 1: so I just feel like there's no reason for us 874 00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,279 Speaker 1: not to do what we want to do, Like there's 875 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:48,399 Speaker 1: not a reason. Like the human body is like it's 876 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,719 Speaker 1: I call it our temporary vessels. Yea, these bodies that 877 00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,880 Speaker 1: we have, our loners. This is not our bodies. And 878 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,920 Speaker 1: so if it's a loner and you knew how much 879 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,880 Speaker 1: time you had, what would you do, Like would you 880 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,200 Speaker 1: go and do the thing that you really want to do? 881 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,080 Speaker 1: So then what's stopping you? And I'm not saying I'm 882 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,120 Speaker 1: not saying it's easy to do it. It's not. But 883 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:11,440 Speaker 1: you have to, see you you have to try, like 884 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,400 Speaker 1: you owe it to yourself, you owe to the vessel 885 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,279 Speaker 1: that you have that's borrowed to at least try um. 886 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,480 Speaker 1: And the second thing I would say is to never 887 00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:23,960 Speaker 1: listen to other peoples because like people will really try 888 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:27,520 Speaker 1: to like just like derail you. And like I'm must say, 889 00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,279 Speaker 1: so I believe that there is there are people put 890 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,160 Speaker 1: in your life to to to boost you. And if 891 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,480 Speaker 1: people put in your life just to stop you from 892 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,279 Speaker 1: doing something, and you'll notice that when you're close to 893 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,440 Speaker 1: a breakthrough, that's when I start coming heavy. You cannot 894 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:46,480 Speaker 1: allow them. You cannot allow their negativity, their insecurities. And 895 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:50,600 Speaker 1: I'm talking about close family friends, maybe daddy, your husband, 896 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,480 Speaker 1: but everybody. You cannot allow them to tell you what 897 00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,520 Speaker 1: you can and cannot do, because you will lose a 898 00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,160 Speaker 1: lot of time by listening to people who don't know 899 00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:01,960 Speaker 1: what the fun is going on, I don't know what's 900 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:03,919 Speaker 1: going on in their life or their kids life trying 901 00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:05,560 Speaker 1: to tell you what you should do. So if you 902 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,520 Speaker 1: want to do it, then go do it and and 903 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:12,200 Speaker 1: shut off the they sayers. Yo, So I am like, 904 00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,520 Speaker 1: I know all the power. Like this bitch is really excited. 905 00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,960 Speaker 1: But I've been trying to get in contact and have 906 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,120 Speaker 1: this our guests on this episode for like the past 907 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,719 Speaker 1: two months. So like, and my birthday it is February eight, 908 00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,359 Speaker 1: so we recorded this episode on the third. So this 909 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,600 Speaker 1: is like the best birthday present ever because I'm telling you, 910 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:32,080 Speaker 1: your story has really just inspired me because I want 911 00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:34,960 Speaker 1: to eventually write my own book, and like, you're just 912 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,200 Speaker 1: such an inspiration. So as a birthday, give to one 913 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:41,359 Speaker 1: of my listeners whoever emails me first. I'm gonna stand 914 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,520 Speaker 1: you're a book of hers. I put a note inside 915 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,960 Speaker 1: of it, But like, I really want to try to 916 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,879 Speaker 1: go out and get her book because her, I mean, 917 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,960 Speaker 1: she's just so amazing y'all, and to hear her journey 918 00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:52,839 Speaker 1: now and see where she's at and if you want 919 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,680 Speaker 1: to connect with her, I definitely share about her her 920 00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:58,919 Speaker 1: Instagram information. But whoever emailed me first, I'm definitely gonna 921 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,480 Speaker 1: send your book because I just it is like this 922 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,640 Speaker 1: has been one of my favorite books this last year, 923 00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:05,520 Speaker 1: like love, love, love, So thank you so much for 924 00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,920 Speaker 1: inspiring me. If y'all have any questions, comments, or concerns, 925 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,120 Speaker 1: please email me and hello at th h E p 926 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:15,680 Speaker 1: HD podcast dot com. And until next time, dies later, 927 00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:16,560 Speaker 1: ye