Speaker 1: All from Jonathan. Okay, Hello, Oh my goodness. I did
Speaker 1: not expect to get out. How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm doing good. What's your name?
Speaker 3: John?
Speaker 1: Jonathan?
Speaker 2: Jonathan. Have have we ever spoken before? Jonathan?
Speaker 3: No? We have not.
Speaker 2: Well, Jonathan, what's up?
Speaker 3: Man?
Speaker 2: How can I get you today? What's what's uh? What's
Speaker 2: what's what's happening?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's Saturday. I'm just hanging around my house here.
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about alcohol.
Speaker 2: Go go ahead, man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very nerve wrecking to be on the call.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I think I texted you a while
Speaker 1: ago talking about like alcohol consumption. So I think I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna spill my brain now. So it's something that's
Speaker 1: kind of so. I've been drinking age for about seven
Speaker 1: eight years. You know, I never really ran before the
Speaker 1: age of twenty one, you know, like I know people
Speaker 1: did it in high school and everything, but I kind
Speaker 1: of had the upbringing where I didn't really know people
Speaker 1: were actually doing that. So the first few times I
Speaker 1: did actually drink, you know, I got super like nervous.
Speaker 1: But eventually I kind of start using it as like
Speaker 1: an escape mechanism, you know what I mean, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: like because before if I got like super if I
Speaker 1: would get super stressed, for example, I was pretty good
Speaker 1: at like just dealing with it and internally. But I
Speaker 1: think what I noticed over the years is I kind
Speaker 1: of used it as a stress response. I know that's
Speaker 1: like not the best thing to do, but it's hard
Speaker 1: not to. I think, like I'm not at the point
Speaker 1: of getting sick or anything or like being an alcoholic,
Speaker 1: so part of it is just like it's not that bad.
Speaker 1: I yeah, but you know what I mean, you don't
Speaker 1: have to go to AA meetings. But I think there
Speaker 1: are like you know, like if I'm like way stressed out,
Speaker 1: it's an option, where like I think part of it
Speaker 1: might be like it wasn't an option before, so because
Speaker 1: it's like a very's a quick and easy way to
Speaker 1: get something off your plate and kind of like get
Speaker 1: out of your get out of your head for a bit.
Speaker 1: So I think that is so I know that sounds
Speaker 1: really standard and everything, but I think the main thing
Speaker 1: about it was it feels like I'm going down to
Speaker 1: pass and like I spent kind of half today kind
Speaker 1: of self talking to myself, like, oh, because I have
Speaker 1: no alcohol in the house right now, and whenever I
Speaker 1: have no alcohol in the house, I kind of think,
Speaker 1: all right, it's up to you to not given to
Speaker 1: buy more or you know what I mean, because if
Speaker 1: I do have it in the house, I just just
Speaker 1: keep drinking it and not really be self aware about like, oh,
Speaker 1: you have worked tomorrow, you probably should calm down.
Speaker 2: You know, what are what are some of your triggers
Speaker 2: to drink alcohol? What are some things you notice are
Speaker 2: going on before you drink?
Speaker 1: I would say boredom is a big one, or like
Speaker 1: because I don't have a lot of friends, you know,
Speaker 1: so boredom or oh I'm kind of lonely, let me
Speaker 1: just do this, so like get out of my own
Speaker 1: head about it. Yeah, So I would say those two things,
Speaker 1: and I know, like like saying that like stress response,
Speaker 1: like if there's like a stressful situation. I also do
Speaker 1: some work. That's not really as much. It's more boredom.
Speaker 1: I would say, like I've actually have work I have
Speaker 1: to do. That's a good distraction, which is kind of weird.
Speaker 1: It's more like on weekend, I don't have anything to do.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, how am I gonna spend you know, It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have limited free time?
Speaker 2: What's that? What's that. I think I've said it before.
Speaker 2: What's that phrase, idle hands belonged to the devil? It's true?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I definitely.
Speaker 2: I mean, I you know, I'll talk to you about
Speaker 2: this for a little bit. I don't want to talk
Speaker 2: too much, only because I'm not a a.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a well trodden topic, addiction. But I
Speaker 2: guess he's like, yeah, yeah, I've been there before, where
Speaker 2: like you're just very lonely and so you have nothing
Speaker 2: to do, so why not just drink? Damn it. I
Speaker 2: had a thought in my head that I that I
Speaker 2: fucked up. All right, what's stopping you from from London
Speaker 2: to go to AA because I feel like it's a
Speaker 2: good place for you to find a community and just
Speaker 2: like help, you know, find other people who uh deal
Speaker 2: with the same issue.
Speaker 4: That's a good question.
Speaker 1: Is that bad?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: Maybe? I guess maybe in my mind I'm thinking like
Speaker 1: it has to act like I have to get fired.
Speaker 1: I have to like, you know, get fired from my
Speaker 1: job because of alcohol.
Speaker 2: Well, question of well, I don't like it's a question
Speaker 2: of whether or not it's that bad. It's really just
Speaker 2: a question of do you notice that it's a problem
Speaker 2: in your life, like, is is your Is it something
Speaker 2: you're worried about? It's something that's bothering you?
Speaker 1: And if it is, yeah, no it is bothering me,
Speaker 1: it's really you.
Speaker 2: Then it's something. If it's bothering you, then it's something
Speaker 2: that I think is worth you know, deal with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting, I guess, like because in my mind
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, like, it's not that bad yet, so I
Speaker 1: would be like wasting resources, you know what I mean
Speaker 1: if I actually did do that.
Speaker 2: No, you know, I don't think you're wasting resources. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because because I guess.
Speaker 3: You just.
Speaker 2: I mean bad or not bad. It's like it's something
Speaker 2: that you're trying to stop doing. And if it's something
Speaker 2: you're trying to stop doing, then I think it's important
Speaker 2: to look at the different triggers for it, right, like boredom,
Speaker 2: loneliness and go, Okay, how can I attack my boredom
Speaker 2: and my loneliness in such a way that gets me
Speaker 2: to stop drinking?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: I mean I feel you, man, I have the same
Speaker 2: thing when it comes to eating or getting higher or
Speaker 2: a lot of these other things. And it's really hard.
Speaker 2: I'm I guys, sit here and say it's as easy
Speaker 2: as fixing your loneliness issue, because it's a hard fucking
Speaker 2: issue to fix. But I mean I would have you,
Speaker 2: have you what what sort of steps have you taken
Speaker 2: to try to you know, rain in your boredom and
Speaker 2: your loneliness.
Speaker 1: I guess I just try to keep myself occupied, like
Speaker 1: with brainless hobby, so I end up like watching a
Speaker 1: lot of YouTube videos and crap, like play video games.
Speaker 1: Onliness is something that I haven't actually made very big
Speaker 1: attempts to like get over. And I think with that,
Speaker 1: like that, like loneliness, I was not normally during college,
Speaker 1: for example, because there are things to do in places
Speaker 1: to meet people. So as an adult, I think I
Speaker 1: just haven't found like a social group or something to
Speaker 1: like actually go out and do that. So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm also getting up in my age, so I
Speaker 1: would feel kind of weird because I live in a
Speaker 1: college town, so I would feel a little bit weird
Speaker 1: trying to go to places. And then there's people who
Speaker 1: are like eight years younger than me, and here's the
Speaker 1: weird old coming to try to make friends with you,
Speaker 1: you know, So I think part of that is like
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of clean up creepy in that regard, And
Speaker 1: I know that's like an unreasonable like to say that loud.
Speaker 1: It sounds ridiculous, you know what I mean. But I
Speaker 1: think it's an excuse I tell myself for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: But I think that's like, yeah, I guess maybe it's
Speaker 1: just a lot of excuses and I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: have like a whate is me kind of bit. You know,
Speaker 1: there's that Norm McDonald joke where it's like, oh, you
Speaker 1: have these bad diseases. My disease is that I drink
Speaker 1: a lot. I'm an alcoholic, you know. So, so I
Speaker 1: guess like that goes back to like that oh, it's
Speaker 1: not a real problem yet kind of thing. But I
Speaker 1: guess you mentioning, hey, man, you should friend support, I guess.
Speaker 3: But like.
Speaker 1: I guess like when you do seek support, maybe it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're you're not bad enough to get support. I guess
Speaker 1: have you ever felt that before? Yeah, of course, how
Speaker 1: do you like, how do you get over that?
Speaker 3: Cause?
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think that's I think that actually is
Speaker 2: a common thing. But it's kind of interesting because like
Speaker 2: you'll go to you know whatever, Maybe you go to
Speaker 2: a meeting and you're like Okay, well I'm not as
Speaker 2: bad as these folks, and maybe maybe that's helpful in
Speaker 2: some way, but I just don't wait. I think the
Speaker 2: idea of like let me wait until things are horrible
Speaker 2: to address the issue is it is bad, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, like, and as you're aware of it,
Speaker 2: like I mean, try try your best to to mitigate it.
Speaker 2: And I just sincerely, man, I wish I could be
Speaker 2: of more help to you right now. This is a
Speaker 2: problem I'm having doing this podcast lately. Is like, dude,
Speaker 2: like deal like making friends as an adult and uh,
Speaker 2: dealing with loneliness and boredom to not do your negative behaviors.
Speaker 2: Like I I I fucking don't know, bro, It's it's
Speaker 2: really hard. It's really goddamn hard.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah it is. It's really hard. But you gotta
Speaker 2: I don't this. I can't just I can't sit here
Speaker 2: and lecture you on how to do it because I
Speaker 2: don't fucking know how. But like it's just it's just
Speaker 2: what you gotta you gotta do.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, I guess like drawing parallels between like
Speaker 1: other types of behavior, yeah, you know, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're not the only one feeling crazy. I guess that's
Speaker 1: I guess that's.
Speaker 2: No, you're not dealing. Life is in. Life is crazy.
Speaker 2: Everyone around you is feeling crazy and it's your I guess.
Speaker 2: Just like thing you gotta figure out, you know. So yeah, dude,
Speaker 2: like best of luck, Like whatever it is that you
Speaker 2: can find that keeps you occupied so that you're not
Speaker 2: getting drunk all the time, Like never, never give up
Speaker 2: trying to find it, Like go do eight million different
Speaker 2: things until you find it. Go take a fucking archery
Speaker 2: glass and be like, all right instead of getting drunk,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna shoot a bow and arrow, like just anything
Speaker 2: that you can do to be out of your house
Speaker 2: around other people and not getting fucked up.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, maybe that's maybe, Like because I don't really
Speaker 1: have a reason to leave my house because I don't
Speaker 1: do anything right, you know, I don't have any like
Speaker 1: concrete hobbyists or anything.
Speaker 2: So right, just leave your house, man, Like I mean,
Speaker 2: what day?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: Today's Saturday?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What are you doing? What time is it where you are?
Speaker 1: It's almost six six?
Speaker 2: What's going on on a Saturday? Dude? Just any I
Speaker 2: swear to God, just anything, like go for a walk
Speaker 2: around your neighbor, what city you live in.
Speaker 1: I live in Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 2: You live in Columbus, Ohio. You just had to make
Speaker 2: this more difficult.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's nothing to do here. Yeah, I guess I
Speaker 1: could walk outside. And that's actually you could walk outside.
Speaker 2: You could walk outside. It sounds crazy, no, because here's
Speaker 2: the thing is, it's it kind of even comes back
Speaker 2: to this thing of like, well, it's not that bad,
Speaker 2: so I shouldn't get help, right are you? You're you know,
Speaker 2: you're like you'll discount just walking outside. You could walk
Speaker 2: even in goddamn Columbus, Ohio. You could just go take
Speaker 2: an hour walk around your fucking neighborhood and that's better.
Speaker 2: Even though it's like, oh, that's not even really anything,
Speaker 2: it's like it is something. It's better than you're outside
Speaker 2: of your house, you're looking at stuff you're not getting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know that's good. I guess like with walking,
Speaker 1: that's like a something. I have tried walking before, and
Speaker 1: I think, just to put it out loud to make
Speaker 1: myself more self aware. Sometimes I do something that's healthy
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, wow, I did something healthy. Time
Speaker 1: to reward myself, you know, So I guess that's something
Speaker 1: I have to be self aware about just to say
Speaker 1: that out loud. Sure, but hey, let's maybe I just
Speaker 1: gotta do that, you know.
Speaker 2: Sure, well I guess, like I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, just talking about it is helpful to be honest,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I dude, I really would just like go
Speaker 2: make just like sit down on your notesap or something,
Speaker 2: make a list of like as many things as you
Speaker 2: can possibly think of. That would be nice and good
Speaker 2: to do. I don't know, Man, they got they got,
Speaker 2: they got pickleball leagues in Columbus, Ohio. They have concerts
Speaker 2: in Columbus, Ohio. They have I know, you can meme
Speaker 2: on Columbus, Ohio endlessly, but they have, they have stuff,
Speaker 2: they have people doing things. Just come up with a
Speaker 2: list of like as many things as possible and just
Speaker 2: don't stop trying to get out of the house, and
Speaker 2: then let me know if that works.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, that's a good idea, making a list. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because just saying I need to do something isn't very helpful.
Speaker 1: I need to get concrete about it. Yeah yeah, m
Speaker 1: h yeah, good advice.
Speaker 2: And this is good. This is good that you're at
Speaker 2: least trying to work on this and instead of I
Speaker 2: think the Yeah, I just the idea of let me
Speaker 2: wait until my life is in complete ruins to It's like,
Speaker 2: look if it's like it's like it's like the gas
Speaker 2: light is on in your car and you're saying, well,
Speaker 2: let me wait until the car completely runs out of
Speaker 2: gas and I'm stranded on the highway for me to
Speaker 2: you know, fill my tank up with Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's really good. I think the
Speaker 1: softwareness is good. I think sometimes they do get into like,
Speaker 1: oh you know, oh fuck it, I'm gonna die anyway,
Speaker 1: I might as well just do things. You know, there's
Speaker 1: a whole there's a whole attitude that sometimes yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I don't have I really like I wish
Speaker 2: I had. I wish I had an answer for to
Speaker 2: you for that, because I mean, goddamn, yesterday I was
Speaker 2: eating I mean, yeah, dude, I really wish i'd answer
Speaker 2: this because goddamn, like yesterday, I'm eating a whole pizza
Speaker 2: and going crazy because I'm like, yeah, the same thing
Speaker 2: you're talking about, like why does anything matter? I'm getting
Speaker 2: existential about things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I.
Speaker 2: Like why I should you give a ship about not
Speaker 2: getting drunk and why should you try to do things
Speaker 2: with your life.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, but like that does happen?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yes, but you have like it's it's
Speaker 2: your I guess it's your like responsibility as a human
Speaker 2: being to like come up with your own answer to
Speaker 2: that question.
Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah, yeah, And if.
Speaker 2: You think hard enough about it, as I'm in this
Speaker 2: moment optimistic for you, you'll come up with something.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah, I think she's optimism.
Speaker 2: Even I'm optimistic for you, even though you live in Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your what's your name again, Jonathan? Jonathan? Is
Speaker 2: is there anything else you want to say about any
Speaker 2: of this or say at all before it before we go?
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing the show. Seriously, A lot of
Speaker 1: people are big fans.
Speaker 2: Thanks ma.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come to your life show eventually, but seriously,
Speaker 1: thank you for doing the show. It's a great comfort.
Speaker 1: Thanks man, and thanks for taking the call. I really
Speaker 1: did not expect you.
Speaker 2: To pick up go join a fucking laser tag. I
Speaker 2: bet they have. I bet there's a laser I'm serious,
Speaker 2: I bet there's a Laser Tag league like dumb shit
Speaker 2: like dude, I'm talking like dumb ass ship where You're like,
Speaker 2: there's no way something like that exists, and then you
Speaker 2: go online and it exists. Like, go join a fucking
Speaker 2: laser tag league in Columbus, Ohio. Somebody listening to this
Speaker 2: podcast right now is in a laser tag league in Columbus, Ohio,
Speaker 2: or knows somebody in a laser tag league. So I
Speaker 2: bet that exists. I swap. Please go on Google and
Speaker 2: search for laser tag League Columbus. Just like dumb fucking shit,
Speaker 2: just anything, you know, just anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, no, okay, I think I'll take
Speaker 1: a look into that. Oh man, cool. Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, Lyle.
Speaker 2: Take care of jo and good luck, good luck, Thank
Speaker 2: you so much. By I like that guy. I'm I'm
Speaker 2: with him, dude, I'm with him. I get it. I
Speaker 2: mean I am. So you know, I'm touring a lot lately,
Speaker 2: and I've been touring a lot for the past like
Speaker 2: year and a half two years, and it's been really
Speaker 2: great because it keeps me uh out out of the
Speaker 2: house and occupied and not idle. And then what happens
Speaker 2: is I'll go I'll have like a week or two
Speaker 2: weeks or three weeks or a month or so off
Speaker 2: of doing my shows, and I'll be at home and
Speaker 2: I'll be like, oh no, now I have nothing to do,
Speaker 2: and I'm I'm kind of paralyzed. And that's kind of when,
Speaker 2: you know, for me, the the existential thoughts come in
Speaker 2: of like, well, why the fuck should I not you know, uh,
Speaker 2: do X y Z destructive behavior? Because I'm gonna die anyway,
Speaker 2: and who gives a shit? Why should I care about
Speaker 2: making my life better? Why should I care about this
Speaker 2: and that? And you know that's why I that's why
Speaker 2: for me it was hard to talk to Jonathan just
Speaker 2: now because I have those same thoughts and I haven't
Speaker 2: figured out exactly I have. I have like in theory
Speaker 2: how I'm gonna deal with those thoughts, but I don't
Speaker 2: have in concrete like practice of how to fucking deal
Speaker 2: with them. But but in that theory, it's it's those things.
Speaker 2: It's like, well don't I just you know, join a
Speaker 2: laser tag league or some other things like why don't
Speaker 2: I just keep trying to figure out different ways to
Speaker 2: get out of my house and go do things so
Speaker 2: that I'm not going insane and eating horridbo sour gummy
Speaker 2: Cola bottles, which are the best candy. So yeah, good luck, Jonathan.
Speaker 2: Let me know if you figure something out, and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna do I'm gonna search that up. I live in
Speaker 2: a major city. I bet they have laser tag leagues. Also,
Speaker 2: leaving your house costs a lot of money. I guess
Speaker 2: that's why walking is good, right, because it's free to
Speaker 2: just walk around and it's good. And I met what
Speaker 2: I said to Jonathan because I was having these existential
Speaker 2: crazy thoughts last night, and what I do. I just
Speaker 2: walked for two hours. You can do that, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2: You can just if you if you ever look like
Speaker 2: next time you're on the internet and you see a
Speaker 2: tweet that pisces you off or something like that, or
Speaker 2: a real or you can if at any time, you
Speaker 2: can just put your phone on, fucking power it off
Speaker 2: and just go outside and walk for two hours. You
Speaker 2: can just do that. Any thought's available to you. It's
Speaker 2: free to just do that, and it's nice. It's really nice.
Speaker 2: I don't know I'm rambling right now, but uh yeah,
Speaker 2: that that that call it made me emotional because it
Speaker 2: taps into you know, ship that that feels very real.
Speaker 2: So I hope we get a callback from Jonathan uh
Speaker 2: where he's the He's the king of the Ohio laser
Speaker 2: tags scene. All right, thanks for calling attention listeners of
Speaker 2: the Therapy Gecko podcast. I have new tour dates on
Speaker 2: sale right now at therapy geckotour dot com. If you're
Speaker 2: a regular listener of this podcast but you haven't been
Speaker 2: to one of my live shows before, you should come out.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 2: It's it's a fun time. The format of the show
Speaker 2: is essentially a group Gecko therapy session, where members of
Speaker 2: the audience come on stage to share stuff from their lives,
Speaker 2: just like they do on the podcast, except instead of
Speaker 2: anonymously over the phone, it's the complete opposite. It's anonymously
Speaker 2: whatever the opposite of anonymous is. It's publicly in front
Speaker 2: of a few hundred people, which is a really cool
Speaker 2: and interesting thing to experience. And it's also mixed in
Speaker 2: with some presentations and material from me about my life,
Speaker 2: and I think that those presentations have been very fun
Speaker 2: and cool, So you should come. Tickets are on sale
Speaker 2: right now at therapy geckotour dot com for the following
Speaker 2: cities Nashville, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, Chicago, Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan,
Speaker 2: Grand Rapids, Michigan, San Jose, California, San Francisco, California, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington,
Speaker 2: New York City, Philadelphia, Washington, d C. Austin, Texas, Houston, Texas, Dallas, Texas, Greenville,
Speaker 2: South Carolina, Charlotte, North Carolina, Greensboro, North Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, Pittsburgh, PA, Buffalo,
Speaker 2: New York, Toronto, Canada, Los Angeles, California, and Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Speaker 2: Once again, that's therapy. Geckotour dot com for tickets. I
Speaker 2: hope you come to the show so that I can
Speaker 2: keep doing these shows every year because they are very
Speaker 2: fun and sick. All right, thanks all from Richard.
Speaker 1: Hello, Oh my god?
Speaker 3: Is this Lyle?
Speaker 2: Yes? Who is this?
Speaker 3: You can call me Richard, Richard.
Speaker 2: What's up?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 2: How's life?
Speaker 3: You know? My life is pretty good? But I'm having
Speaker 3: some problems? Well, hitman, Well, i think I've developed an
Speaker 3: addiction to pornography pretty bad.
Speaker 2: Huh okay, what uh? Hit me with it?
Speaker 3: Well? I find myself looking at videos very frequently, and
Speaker 3: I found it very hard to control myself and it
Speaker 3: makes me feel very very ashamed.
Speaker 2: Hm hmm. How often are we are we looking at videos?
Speaker 3: Uh, well, it depends. I've recently been trying to quit.
Speaker 3: I've been. I went for about a about ten days
Speaker 3: and then I relapsed. Uh what type of videos do
Speaker 3: I watch?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess how. I didn't ask that, I
Speaker 2: said I did. I didn't ask that. But it sounds
Speaker 2: like you want to talk about it. So I mean,
Speaker 2: if you do, go go for it.
Speaker 3: Uh. Well, it's again, it's not a very uh pleasant subject.
Speaker 3: I find it very embarrassing. Uh, I've been very dissensitized
Speaker 3: to it. But I believe I started pornography when I
Speaker 3: about fourteen. My parents in let the museum and a
Speaker 3: lot as a kid, and so I never really built
Speaker 3: up the tolerance to it.
Speaker 2: How old are you now? I am twenty mm, so
Speaker 2: I don't even know if you answer this. How often
Speaker 2: are you are you looking at born?
Speaker 3: About once a day? Okay, but I am you know,
Speaker 3: I'm a young male, so I'm able to go for
Speaker 3: quite a while.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you're looking at it once a day, but
Speaker 2: you're like for a long time, You're going like you know, it's.
Speaker 3: For an exceptional amount of time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, all right, And I mean let me ask
Speaker 2: you this, what are you? Where does the shame come from?
Speaker 2: Is it like, oh, I could have been doing something
Speaker 2: else with my time? Is it like a weird religious thing?
Speaker 2: Is that oh this is gross thing? Like what's what's
Speaker 2: going on inside of that shame?
Speaker 3: Well? I see it as it's a wasted my time obviously,
Speaker 3: but it's also a what am I doing with my
Speaker 3: life here? Why am I sitting here watching these figures
Speaker 3: when I could be out doing something? And that really
Speaker 3: eats at me because I feel like a loser.
Speaker 2: M It's weird, man, because look throughout my entire life
Speaker 2: and to this day, I've been you know, a crazy
Speaker 2: jack or offer, big jack or offer, big big porn guy.
Speaker 2: Not so much on the porn recently, but big jack
Speaker 2: or offer. And here's the thing, And this is something
Speaker 2: I don't think about that often. Is that, like I
Speaker 2: think in life, it's like ideally and this isn't this
Speaker 2: is not I don't want to preach about this because
Speaker 2: this is not how I actually live. This is how
Speaker 2: I'd like to live in theory. But like in theory,
Speaker 2: ideally you do things with your time that you either
Speaker 2: a are fully enjoying with no shame or b compound
Speaker 2: into things that like make your life better in the future.
Speaker 2: And you know, orgasm is a weird thing because it's
Speaker 2: like you enjoy it in the moment sort of, but
Speaker 2: not if but like if you're ashamed of it. It's
Speaker 2: like you're doing this thing that you didn't even really
Speaker 2: fully enjoy in the moment because you were ashamed of it.
Speaker 2: And you know, it's not like you know, when you
Speaker 2: are having sex in a relationship, where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: this is actually a thing I'm investing in that is compounding,
Speaker 2: you know, in my relationship. So it's get I get
Speaker 2: why you see it as a big fucking waste of time.
Speaker 2: And I look back at a lot of the time
Speaker 2: that I've spent doing that as a big fucking waste
Speaker 2: of time I had. I I mean, just a few
Speaker 2: days ago, dick in hand, I was watching porn and
Speaker 2: I was like, what am I doing with my life?
Speaker 2: So that's it is a tough uh, a toughie hmmm.
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, it seems like another part of me
Speaker 3: takes over right, and I can rationalize it and I
Speaker 3: can think what am I doing right now? And yet
Speaker 3: I still do it? And that's a big problem for
Speaker 3: me because I I can't tell if I'm a bad
Speaker 3: person for it. I'm not intentionally.
Speaker 2: Okay, what what do you mean by a bad person?
Speaker 3: Uh, for consuming this pornography as opposed to going out
Speaker 3: there and meeting people and doing good in society.
Speaker 2: Well, I would, I mean the whole thing of like
Speaker 2: bad I had a person good person like you're talking
Speaker 2: about like morally, I.
Speaker 3: Suppose morally, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I would. I don't know if
Speaker 2: I would be sitting here. Look, i don't know if
Speaker 2: I would be sitting here, you know, casting negative moral
Speaker 2: judgment upon you for you know, jacking off when you
Speaker 2: could be planting trees and volunteering and soup kitchens. But
Speaker 2: let's talk about just in the scope of like what's
Speaker 2: going to make your life more enjoyable, right, as opposed
Speaker 2: to like what's morally good and what's morally bad? I mean,
Speaker 2: what do you want to be doing with your life
Speaker 2: and with yourself?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm thinking I might want to become a welder.
Speaker 3: I mean, the pay is pretty good, and there's all
Speaker 3: these different types and it's it's a very interesting prospect.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure though, I'm I'm trying to figure out
Speaker 3: what I want to do with my life.
Speaker 2: Well, hey, you're getting better at polishing swords, of course,
Speaker 2: all right, you didn't think that was funny, but and
Speaker 2: it wasn't no funny, but but I mean, what could
Speaker 2: you what else would you be doing with your time now?
Speaker 3: I don't I don't know. I have like no prospects.
Speaker 3: I mean, I said the welding thing, but I don't
Speaker 3: have a direction in my life. And I've I've tried
Speaker 3: all the time. I've gone to people I've talked to,
Speaker 3: like counselors to try and get me into a subject,
Speaker 3: but I'm just I have a hard time figuring stuff out.
Speaker 2: What do the counselors tell you?
Speaker 3: The ones that I've gone to and I've talked to,
Speaker 3: I'm talking about like college counselors. I'm trying to figure
Speaker 3: out classes, and they I've tried. I've like set a
Speaker 3: subject like I'm interested in technology, but I also think
Speaker 3: that I think a technical job is going to be
Speaker 3: outclassed by AI in a few years, and so I'm
Speaker 3: not sure if that's what I wants to come too.
Speaker 3: But i know welding is a thing are going to
Speaker 3: be forever.
Speaker 2: You know, do you have any friends, Like, are you
Speaker 2: how's your social life?
Speaker 3: My social life is pretty it's pretty destitute. I mean
Speaker 3: I have I'm a pretty isolated person. I live pretty
Speaker 3: far out of town and I talk to people in
Speaker 3: high school, but I didn't like stay after class and
Speaker 3: do activities. And I haven't really had a lot of
Speaker 3: friends per se. I've had online friends, but that's the
Speaker 3: whole o their story, but not like physical like in
Speaker 3: person friends. They're more like acquaintances.
Speaker 2: M yeah, man, I think a lot of this stuff
Speaker 2: is just like symptom Like a lot of this stuff
Speaker 2: is just symptoms of other areas in life being like
Speaker 2: kind of lackluster. And it's a tall order to go, okay, well,
Speaker 2: go build a social life and go find a vocation
Speaker 2: and uh, you know, get your shit together right. It's
Speaker 2: a tall order that you never even really quite fill.
Speaker 2: This is a process. It's like a leaky bucket. I mean, okay,
Speaker 2: let's do that. Have you been to a real therapist
Speaker 2: to talk about any of this.
Speaker 3: No, I haven't, And I think that it would. I
Speaker 3: know it's stupid to think this way, but I think
Speaker 3: it would make me weaker as a person that because
Speaker 3: of admitting that I can't handle this on my own.
Speaker 4: M h.
Speaker 3: M hmm. I know that's illogical. Obviously, I'm not a
Speaker 3: weaker person for asking for help, but that's what I feel.
Speaker 2: M yeah, I'm uh, I'm I'm I'm stuck.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't. I can't sit here and tell
Speaker 2: you I haven't felt the same.
Speaker 3: I mean, COVID made everything worse. Man, it was my
Speaker 3: last two years of high school, and then I didn't
Speaker 3: get to see anybody for two years solid. I just
Speaker 3: made everything worse, sentuated the whole situation.
Speaker 2: Why don't you, I mean, I'll tell you the same
Speaker 2: thing I told the last guy. Man, It's like, why
Speaker 2: didn't you just do things that get you out of
Speaker 2: your house? Do you live in a in a college camp?
Speaker 2: Do you live in a college place? Do you live
Speaker 2: are you in school?
Speaker 3: No, I'm I'm living at my parents' house. Okay, that's
Speaker 3: that was That's fun to admit there's.
Speaker 2: Something wrong with that. What is what can you do
Speaker 2: to get yourself out of the house and with other people?
Speaker 3: Well, I've been going to the gym. I've been talk
Speaker 3: with people there. I met an old guy there taught
Speaker 3: me how to do some workout stuff. I mean, I
Speaker 3: was overweight for most of my childhood, so I was
Speaker 3: very socially stunned. I felt like I wasn't deserving of love.
Speaker 3: I suppose, m. Well, I'm therapizing myself. Here.
Speaker 2: Are you learning anything as you're therapizing yourself?
Speaker 3: I think so. I think that experiences make the person,
Speaker 3: and I think that I need to get out probably
Speaker 3: more and meet more people and build my brain to
Speaker 3: tolerate people more as opposed to just retreating into my
Speaker 3: savor space because I think that it's probably a comfort
Speaker 3: thing right where I do it because I'm stressed and
Speaker 3: I feel like this is the only way to unstress myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, dude, it fucking goes. It really fucking
Speaker 2: goes back to what we were just talking about, of
Speaker 2: like you retreating to your comfort zone because you get
Speaker 2: those existential thoughts of like, well, what's the point of
Speaker 2: like building my life or making it better? And everyone
Speaker 2: has their own way of getting past those existential thoughts.
Speaker 2: Some people go through life lucky enough to never have
Speaker 2: any of that shit pop into their brain just because
Speaker 2: of things magically worked out, and other people struggle with
Speaker 2: it immensely and never figure it out. But uh, I mean,
Speaker 2: you just gotta find your own reason to do it.
Speaker 2: And you're so young. It's like just to leave your
Speaker 2: house just for the sake of leaving your house. I mean,
Speaker 2: you give a shit enough to call me and want
Speaker 2: to talk about this stuff, right, So.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like my life should be improving. I've lost
Speaker 3: sixty pounds, I feel better, and yet I don't feel better.
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, I don't know either. God damn it,
Speaker 2: I don't know either. This is this is uh a
Speaker 2: struggle today because I I It's like, I don't I
Speaker 2: feel right now. It's like, bro, fuck man, fuck, just
Speaker 2: just uh just get out of the house. Man, just
Speaker 2: get out of the house. However, you can just go
Speaker 2: for a walk.
Speaker 3: Go for a walk. Well that does That supposedly makes
Speaker 3: you happy, according to the Internet, So maybe that's the solution.
Speaker 3: Just get out there and walk more. Just be trailed
Speaker 3: through my house.
Speaker 2: Fail it up, dude, can I I'm gonna drop something
Speaker 2: here real quick, just for the listeners for and people have.
Speaker 2: This might be a controversial thing to say, but I've
Speaker 2: actually been getting a lot This is real, Like I've
Speaker 2: actually been getting like a lot of mileage off of
Speaker 2: typing my problems into chat GPT. Chat GPT is like
Speaker 2: a crazy good therapist if you ever I don't know
Speaker 2: if you've ever given that a shot, but uh, it
Speaker 2: actually does come up with like pretty fucking if you
Speaker 2: can't afford therapy, or like you just need something right
Speaker 2: fucking now, it actually and I've done this, this is
Speaker 2: kind of just what I do now. It actually gives
Speaker 2: you pretty good objective logical feedback if you need just
Speaker 2: a little something in the moment.
Speaker 3: Well, let's how it's its system works. It just takes
Speaker 3: information from the Internet and compiles into a coherent answer.
Speaker 2: Right, something like that. I don't know how any of
Speaker 2: this shit works, but that's the that's the therapy. Gecko saying,
Speaker 2: have you tried asking chat GPT instead?
Speaker 3: That is so DYSTOPI and asking an AI about your problems.
Speaker 2: Bro, It's so weird because it were weird, because it's
Speaker 2: so weird because the AI, I mean, you're talking to
Speaker 2: me right now, and it's like the AI works better
Speaker 2: than a human sometimes.
Speaker 3: Well it doesn't have that that human element is just
Speaker 3: purely logical, so maybe it would be slightly better stuff.
Speaker 3: But that's kind of that's a dark road to go
Speaker 3: down thinking about like that, because we need humans for
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff. That's that's what the companies are thinking.
Speaker 3: They where they do those robocalls things or you call
Speaker 3: them up and you need to talk to somebody, but
Speaker 3: it just a robot.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure people are gonna get mad at
Speaker 2: me and be like, well, you're telling people to put
Speaker 2: their I'm just literally saying this is my personal anecdote
Speaker 2: of this ship. But anyway, I mean, well, all right,
Speaker 2: let me before I kick you out of here. I mean,
Speaker 2: is there any other way that this phone call can
Speaker 2: be helpful to you before we go anything else that
Speaker 2: that maybe I can try to help you with.
Speaker 3: No, But I do have one more thing to say. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't know if you're interested in losing weight. It
Speaker 3: all a while. I don't think you are. But if
Speaker 3: you are, or you just want to feel better about yourself, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm not doing like an ad rate here or anything.
Speaker 3: I was doing an Yeah, well, this is just my
Speaker 3: experience what happened to me. I tried the carnivore diet
Speaker 3: where you just like eat and eat and you only
Speaker 3: eat salt and butter, and I lost sixty pounds and
Speaker 3: I didn't even really work out, and then I started
Speaker 3: to work out because I felt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's the ketogenic diet. I am. I
Speaker 2: really don't want to talk about this shit on here
Speaker 2: because I do not know what I am talking about
Speaker 2: in even in the mental health realm, let alone in
Speaker 2: the physical health health realm. But I mean, yeah, when
Speaker 2: you eat just protein, ye, I mean yeah, when you
Speaker 2: eat when you when you eat no, I mean yeah,
Speaker 2: when you eat all protein and no carbs, you will
Speaker 2: definitely lose weight.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was good. It's like regardless, I thank you
Speaker 3: for talking to me, Kyle or not Kyle Lyle, I
Speaker 3: really appreciate it. I sure someone to talk to good.
Speaker 2: I hope this was this was helpful because I I
Speaker 2: really I've said this a thousand times, but I really
Speaker 2: am having a hard time with like these advice how
Speaker 2: do I deal with the woes of life calls? Because
Speaker 2: I really, uh struggle with it all myself and I
Speaker 2: don't know. But I hope this commiseration was helpful in
Speaker 2: any way, shape or form. What's your name again?
Speaker 3: You can call me Richard or rich.
Speaker 2: Rich Thanks for calling rich good.
Speaker 3: Luck, Thanks man, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Take care.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, it's it's hard because I really do, I
Speaker 2: try to. I think of this podcast not really as
Speaker 2: like a advice show, Like I look at it more
Speaker 2: as like a human interest story show, because I'm more
Speaker 2: interested in having people come on here and I'm like
Speaker 2: kind of learning about their lives and like what's going
Speaker 2: on with them, and you know, like experiencing the world
Speaker 2: through these quasi anonymous just accounts of life. Like I
Speaker 2: think that's interesting. That's more interesting to me than like,
Speaker 2: here's advice from a guy who fucking has no idea
Speaker 2: what he's doing. But I mean, you know, I try,
Speaker 2: I'll try my best. I'll try my best and uh
Speaker 2: just you know, ruin people's lives by telling them to
Speaker 2: take the advice of an AI computer. But uh yeah whatever, man,
Speaker 2: thanks for calling. I hope everything works out.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, how's.
Speaker 2: It going good? So this is just real quick. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna give some context. So this is I don't usually
Speaker 2: do this. In fact, I've never done this, but I'm
Speaker 2: gonna do this right now. So this is this is
Speaker 2: mave right. Yes, so we're gonna this is my first
Speaker 2: I have four years of doing this show. This is
Speaker 2: my first intentional follow up call with a previous caller.
Speaker 2: May if you're the caller who a few weeks ago
Speaker 2: talked about wanting how you were thinking about whether or
Speaker 2: not you're going to date this felon right?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay, and how how did that go for you?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 6: So we were talking on FaceTime, this is one of
Speaker 6: the first times we really face timed, and he had
Speaker 6: his shirt off and out of nowhere on his shoulder,
Speaker 6: I see a goddamn swastika tattoo, and so obviously I
Speaker 6: was like, hey, is that what I think it is?
Speaker 6: And he was like, yeah, I did it to myself
Speaker 6: in prison. And I was like, okay, I can't do this,
Speaker 6: and he tried to say, no, it's it's not what
Speaker 6: you think it means. It's a Norse mythology symbol that
Speaker 6: the meaning was taken away, but it means brotherhood and
Speaker 6: all of this stuff. And I was like, no, no,
Speaker 6: I'm not I don't care what you think it means.
Speaker 6: That's just not okay.
Speaker 2: That's almost as bad as the monster energy tattoo. It is.
Speaker 4: I agree with that. It's close.
Speaker 2: So real quick, are you going to keep dating him?
Speaker 6: No? No, of course I blocked him on everything absolutely.
Speaker 2: Well, May thanks for giving us an update. I hope
Speaker 2: that you find somebody with like final to find a
Speaker 2: guy with a nice like Mickey mouse tattoo or something.
Speaker 6: I agree with that. Thanks for following up.
Speaker 2: All right, take care of MeV you too.
Speaker 6: Bye bye.
Speaker 4: Hello?
Speaker 2: Hello? What is your name?
Speaker 4: Name's Amy?
Speaker 2: Amy? What's going on? Amy? How How can I be
Speaker 2: a lizard on the phone for you today?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 4: I'm really excited because I didn't think that you were
Speaker 4: going to answer. So I'm very nervous.
Speaker 2: Nah, don't be nervous. It's just we're just too uh
Speaker 2: human beings. Well, I guess I'm with You're a human
Speaker 2: being and I'm a lizard. But we're just we're just
Speaker 2: talking on the phone. Man, what's up?
Speaker 4: Okay? All right? So I wanted to talk to you
Speaker 4: about something because I kind of wanted a little bit
Speaker 4: of advice.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: So well, okay, so you had gotten what I had
Speaker 4: texted you, right.
Speaker 2: No, I have, I have, I have no context. Let's
Speaker 2: start from from nothing.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: So I feel like I have a little bit of
Speaker 4: an issue, and my issue is this. Okay, So I
Speaker 4: feel like I've been through a lot in my life. Okay,
Speaker 4: Like I've kind of had a little bit of a
Speaker 4: hard upbringing, very difficult upbringing, and I feel like because
Speaker 4: of that, the way that I behave in my relationship
Speaker 4: dynamic is really detrimental to the possible like excess of
Speaker 4: this relationship. I just I feel like I sabotage things sometimes,
Speaker 4: and I kind of like self diagnosed myself with like
Speaker 4: a potential mental disorder of like a plethora of them.
Speaker 4: But obviously, you know, I haven't went to like an
Speaker 4: actual professional, so I don't know if you know my
Speaker 4: diagnoses are correct. I'd assume they're probably not. But I
Speaker 4: guess my question is, like, how could I be less
Speaker 4: problematic in my relationship dynamic so that I can have
Speaker 4: one that is healthy? Because when I get in moments
Speaker 4: where I feel like I'm being overly emotional about something,
Speaker 4: it's hard for me to like like rationalize like actually
Speaker 4: approaching a situation in a healthy way, and I usually
Speaker 4: just take the the negative road.
Speaker 2: And so listen, So I'm I'm I'm happy to talk
Speaker 2: to you about this just uh as a as a
Speaker 2: random stranger on the internet. But but before I do
Speaker 2: talk to you about this, you know, within that context
Speaker 2: we have you you know, you say that you've like
Speaker 2: self diagnosed yourself with a like a mental disorder, Like
Speaker 2: is this something that you've talked to like actual like
Speaker 2: therapists and psychiatrists about.
Speaker 4: So I have went to a therapist once before, and
Speaker 4: he was not like he was pretty terrible, like we
Speaker 4: just didn't really Like I was trying to explain to him,
Speaker 4: like all of these destructive behaviorisms that I have, and
Speaker 4: he was just not he was like not acknowledging them,
Speaker 4: and it made me feel like like he kept like,
Speaker 4: how do I explain this? Like he kept making it
Speaker 4: seem like the things I was bringing up were things
Speaker 4: that were like, no, not a big deal, but like
Speaker 4: in my head, I was like, dude, like you don't understand,
Speaker 4: Like I feel like I'm not being the best partner
Speaker 4: and I'm very much so aware of that, and he's
Speaker 4: you know what I mean, And it was kind of
Speaker 4: like brushed off, like now so.
Speaker 2: You know what, Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm down to
Speaker 2: talk to you about it, but I just wanted to
Speaker 2: make sure that you know you you uh, I am
Speaker 2: not the first line of defense. Oh totally okay. So
Speaker 2: I mean what are these behaviors that you say are
Speaker 2: destructive to your relationships?
Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like sometimes when I have
Speaker 4: a situation where we are like not seeing eye to eye,
Speaker 4: I feel like I've become like overtly emotional about it,
Speaker 4: and instead of me understanding like his perspective, I feel
Speaker 4: like I'm being very vague. Instead of me understanding his perspective,
Speaker 4: I like kind of create things in my mind that
Speaker 4: he would is potentially doing towards me, but I don't.
Speaker 4: It's like, it's not that he actually is. It's just
Speaker 4: I'm so overtly emotional that I'm jumping to a bunch
Speaker 4: of conclusions in my head and then those you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, yes, and then those conclusions seem like
Speaker 4: real mhm you know.
Speaker 2: So the reason why you should talk to a real
Speaker 2: therapist at all, like we can talk about but the
Speaker 2: reason why she sharked a real therapist is because, like
Speaker 2: a real therapist will probably be able to tell you like, Okay,
Speaker 2: you probably feel this way because of this thing that happened.
Speaker 2: I've seen this one hundred times. Here's what you should
Speaker 2: do based on the research that I have on this
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. So you should do that, but I mean,
Speaker 2: from my dumb ass perspective, it's like, uh, if you're
Speaker 2: jumping into conclusions of what you just you just can't
Speaker 2: conclude what another person might be thinking or feeling or
Speaker 2: planning or any of that stuff. All you can do
Speaker 2: is talk to them, and if you want to choose
Speaker 2: not to believe them or to believe them, it's like,
Speaker 2: I mean, all you can do is communicate with this person, right,
Speaker 2: So if you think that this go ahead, what are
Speaker 2: you gonna say?
Speaker 4: Do you think that? Like? Okay, so like how you
Speaker 4: had just said, like if you don't believe them, right, like,
Speaker 4: you ask them and they're like, I'm not doing that,
Speaker 4: and you're like in your head, you're like, yeah you are.
Speaker 4: Is that like kind of a little that's like a
Speaker 4: little weird, right, because like you should be able to
Speaker 4: like how am I going to be able to tell
Speaker 4: someone else if they're being honest or transparent? It's not
Speaker 4: like I'm a reader, so like, why would I assume
Speaker 4: that they're just lying to me? I?
Speaker 2: Do you know what? That's actually that's an interesting thing
Speaker 2: to think about. I kind of think a working theory
Speaker 2: with this is like, look, because it's all on you, right,
Speaker 2: I mean, you're not. You can't control other people, whether
Speaker 2: or not other people are gonna lie to you or not.
Speaker 2: But you can. But you can. You can be like.
Speaker 5: Look, I'm going to decide for myself that I'm gonna
Speaker 5: believe what this person is telling me at face value.
Speaker 2: And if I find out later that this person was
Speaker 2: lying to me, I accept that as a risk of
Speaker 2: my decision. And I'm making this decision because I think
Speaker 2: it'll make my life better and because I know what
Speaker 2: it's like in the past to have been walking around
Speaker 2: not trusting anyone, being super paranoid and not being able
Speaker 2: to not being able to trust anyone, and I don't
Speaker 2: like how that made me feel, and I don't like
Speaker 2: that lifestyle. So I'm gonna decide to be less like that.
Speaker 2: And if, again, if I find out later that it
Speaker 2: I was wrong, I accept that as a risk that
Speaker 2: I'm willing to take because I want to be less
Speaker 2: paranoid and I want to be happier and have less anxiety.
Speaker 2: That's just a theory that I have. And I don't
Speaker 2: know if that I don't know if what I said
Speaker 2: just resonated. I don't know if what I said resonates
Speaker 2: with you. But if it does, that's that's you know
Speaker 2: kind of how I think about it.
Speaker 4: Yes, that actually does. That was perfect because the reason
Speaker 4: why I feel like he said was like spot on,
Speaker 4: because this morning I tried to start some bullshit, right, So,
Speaker 4: like we got into an argument last night and I
Speaker 4: wanted to roll it over into like the next day
Speaker 4: and like kind of like start where we left off
Speaker 4: in a way and continue on the bullshit. And so
Speaker 4: what he had said to me was, Okay, like you're
Speaker 4: like essentially like you're going to start You're starting this
Speaker 4: day off already shitty, Like you're choosing to start this day.
Speaker 2: Can I can I interject for like a second, so
Speaker 2: like when you like very very briefly tell me what
Speaker 2: was the argument about.
Speaker 4: It's so stupid. Okay, So it's so fucking stupid, all right.
Speaker 4: So basically, we had moved into a neighborhood and I
Speaker 4: have social anxiety, and so I kind of wanted to
Speaker 4: like meet my neighbors and stuff like that. But I
Speaker 4: kind of had a plan on how I wanted to
Speaker 4: introduce myself, and it was like an inclusion with him,
Speaker 4: Like I was like, oh, maybe we can get some
Speaker 4: cup and like bring them over and say like, Hi,
Speaker 4: my name is this, my name is that whatever, and
Speaker 4: like we can form a bond. Right. So basically what
Speaker 4: had happened is he had met the neighbors like without me, right,
Speaker 4: And so my feelings were hurt because now I felt like, oh,
Speaker 4: he has cultivated a relationship with these people, and instead
Speaker 4: of us going with my idea, he took it upon
Speaker 4: himself to go and like introduce himself and meet these
Speaker 4: people without me, And so I kind of felt a
Speaker 4: little bit slighted. My feelings were hurt. And so like
Speaker 4: yesterday specifically, he was like outside like doing yard stuff,
Speaker 4: just like normal shit, and the neighbor he was like
Speaker 4: talking to him and stuff like that, and they were
Speaker 4: all like you know, going back and forth and talking,
Speaker 4: and I felt really left out, Like I heard them talking,
Speaker 4: and I like hurt my feelings and it brought up
Speaker 4: the same anger that I had the day I found
Speaker 4: out that he like went introduced himself without me, and
Speaker 4: I don't know, dude, Like I was like sitting there
Speaker 4: and I was like feeling how I felt right, and
Speaker 4: I like got all I was getting hot and like
Speaker 4: my heart was beating all fast, and I felt really
Speaker 4: angry and I didn't know why, Like I felt like
Speaker 4: maybe this is like a trauma response from like when
Speaker 4: I was younger, maybe feeling like left out or like included,
Speaker 4: or like being alone, and so like I'm kind of
Speaker 4: trying to like navigate that share right now because that's
Speaker 4: what I feel like is being heard. So I know
Speaker 4: it's stupid.
Speaker 2: So I have a couple thoughts on this. It's like
Speaker 2: one when so when you're when you made that decision,
Speaker 2: you Okay, I'm gonna roll over. This argument is like
Speaker 2: I think anytime anytime you're like in an argument, like
Speaker 2: if I were you, I would think to myself, like
Speaker 2: what am I? What am I trying to serve right now?
Speaker 2: Because like if you're in an argument and you're screaming
Speaker 2: at somebody and you're like, let me bring this up,
Speaker 2: Let me bring that up, Let me bring that up,
Speaker 2: like a lot of times, like if you really examine it,
Speaker 2: you're serving your anger. You're just serving like vindication and anger,
Speaker 2: which is not actually helpful to you and your goals
Speaker 2: because really you're I mean, in this situation specifically, your
Speaker 2: goal is to like you want to overcome your social
Speaker 2: anxiety because you know it'll make your life better. And
Speaker 2: I do think.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: This thing of like your husband like introduced himself to
Speaker 2: the neighbors without you, and like you know, you're sitting,
Speaker 2: you're in You're in your and I feel for you
Speaker 2: because in your head you recognize you're like this is ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Why do I feel this way? I feel bad that
Speaker 2: I even feel this way, And I think that's a
Speaker 2: good thing to recognize. And on top of that, just
Speaker 2: recognize that, like, Okay, my journey to overcoming my social
Speaker 2: anxiety is my own responsibility and it's not my husband's fault,
Speaker 2: Like it's it's on me to be like, Okay, I
Speaker 2: gotta summon the thing of like let me just go
Speaker 2: over there and say what's up to my neighbors, like
Speaker 2: and my and my husband is not in between me
Speaker 2: and summoning the courage to go do that. And so
Speaker 2: I think just breaking every fucking thing down into what
Speaker 2: is my goal and what's going to help me get there,
Speaker 2: and everything else is complete fucking bullshit, you know, everything
Speaker 2: else is Everything else is really what's in the way.
Speaker 2: It's not my husband, it's in the way. It's like
Speaker 2: me trying to serve anger and vindication and all these
Speaker 2: things by like yelling or bringing arguments up, it's doesn't
Speaker 2: actually serve my real goal, which is to overcome my
Speaker 2: social anxiety, to make my relationships better and to be happier.
Speaker 2: And when you and when you, when you frame it
Speaker 2: and you're talking to your husband and you're saying these
Speaker 2: things like, Okay, what's actually gonna make my life better?
Speaker 2: And what's gonna make my life better is figuring out
Speaker 2: how am I going to summon the courage that's needed
Speaker 2: to go next door and say what's up to my neighbors?
Speaker 2: And then and when you're sitting there like yelling at
Speaker 2: your husband's because he went and you know, introduce himself
Speaker 2: to the neighbors without you, it's like you're kinda you're
Speaker 2: so far off from where you actually want to be
Speaker 2: to serve your goals? Does that make sense? Does that?
Speaker 2: Is that fair? Does that resonate? Yeah?
Speaker 4: That's fair. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah that makes sense. That's interesting.
Speaker 4: I feel like an asshole?
Speaker 2: Well, look, I mean does feeling like, I mean, even
Speaker 2: right now, like, does feeling like an asshole serve your goals?
Speaker 2: Or is it just going to be you beating yourself
Speaker 2: up further, which will get you further into your emotions
Speaker 2: and then you'll further you know, go into vindictiveness, like
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like that's just like like
Speaker 2: like beating yourself up, just beating yourself up serve your
Speaker 2: goals of improving your relationships, being happier, and overcoming your
Speaker 2: social anxiety. And if you, I think the answer is no,
Speaker 2: So yeah, I would just every every step you take
Speaker 2: moving forward, be like, Okay, how is this going to
Speaker 2: serve my underlying goals? You know?
Speaker 4: Yeah that actually that's that's yeah. That was really good advice. Actually, yeah, well.
Speaker 2: Is there is there? That was cool. I was actually
Speaker 2: one of the first times in a while I felt
Speaker 2: like I gave good advice on this podcast. So I'm
Speaker 2: stoked at that.
Speaker 4: You know, I listened to you all the time. You
Speaker 4: give great advice. I had no idea what this call
Speaker 4: was going to be. I didn't have any expectations. I
Speaker 4: didn't even know if you were going to call me.
Speaker 4: But that was great advice. Yeah, you do a really
Speaker 4: good job just in general. But like this is very
Speaker 4: helpful to me.
Speaker 2: Thanks man, I'm trying. I felt lot. I felt pretty
Speaker 2: locked in just now, Yeah.
Speaker 4: You were locked in. Yeah you are pretty locked in.
Speaker 2: I felt pretty all right, cool, this was this was
Speaker 2: actually almost I think this is actually even more helpful
Speaker 2: to me than to you. So thank you for calling me.
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4: No, I don't really have I don't have much to provide.
Speaker 4: I just think that I don't know. If I were
Speaker 4: to give anything, it would be like, I don't know.
Speaker 4: Just don't let your negative thoughts consume you. I guess
Speaker 4: sometimes we're really far off, like the reality of the situation. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's what I think.
Speaker 2: Well, take care and uh good, good luck talking to
Speaker 2: the neighbors.
Speaker 4: Thanks all right, take care man, you too. Bye. Never
Speaker 4: Bed goes on the line taking your phone calls.
Speaker 5: Every night, Never goes to his side.
Speaker 2: He's teaching you cloud of your life, but he's not ready.
Speaker 5: An expert