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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I don't from a

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Speaker 1: step I ever told you production of My Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: So it is time for another happy hour. I don't

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Speaker 1: think this one's an unhappy hour. I think it might

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Speaker 1: be a nice healthy mix of happy hour and unhappy hour.

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Speaker 1: And also it's just kind of all over the place.

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Speaker 1: But that's where I am personally right now. I'll be

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Speaker 1: the judge at the end. Oh, perfect, perfect as always

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Speaker 1: with these, drink responsibly if you choose to do so.

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Speaker 1: We just want to give you a space to hang

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Speaker 1: out and relax with us, hopefully. So. I know we've

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Speaker 1: talked about dates before, and I'm really big into dates

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Speaker 1: on the calendar, and you're not so much correct. I

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Speaker 1: am the worst. How are you on anniversaries? Like? What

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Speaker 1: are your thoughts on them? My partner and I actually

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Speaker 1: talked about it because we've been together probably two or

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Speaker 1: three years, so we can't even actually decide our beginning date.

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Speaker 1: We don't have an anniversary, we don't have significant time frames.

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Speaker 1: It just doesn't exist. And that it doesn't bother me,

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Speaker 1: except for the fact that I'm like, should I yeah,

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Speaker 1: be bothered that I don't do this? Is this a thing?

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Speaker 1: That my a bad girlfriend and my non romantic Like,

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Speaker 1: is this a bad thing? That I'm not putting stock

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Speaker 1: into this because it's such a huge deal in so

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Speaker 1: many ways, like whether it's like a on a TV show,

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Speaker 1: is the catalyst of you know, an episode because oh no,

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Speaker 1: you forgot my anniversary type of thing, and it's so

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Speaker 1: looked down on. But it's not significant for me. I

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Speaker 1: barely remember birthdays, which is why I keep Facebook. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: the only reason I have Facebook is A for the

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Speaker 1: dog videos, B for the birthdates and see for events,

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Speaker 1: and that's the only reason I have it. I don't

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Speaker 1: really care about anything else, and so I'm the worst

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Speaker 1: with it. I do know my parents anniversary because it's

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Speaker 1: right before my birthday, and my mom's birthday because it

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Speaker 1: was right after my birthday, and then my sister's birthday

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Speaker 1: because it's right after Christmas. Got it. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, Well,

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Speaker 1: you've touched on a lot of things that I want

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Speaker 1: to get into in a second. And uh, I guess

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Speaker 1: first we should talk about what we're sipping on, and

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Speaker 1: we'll dive right in here. What are you drinking? So

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Speaker 1: I'm actually doing the no proof drink that we talked

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Speaker 1: about previously, which is the commegranate with ginger ile. So

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Speaker 1: in it it says the use pomegranate syrup, but all

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Speaker 1: I could find was the juice, but I just put

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Speaker 1: just a little and then I got the ginger ale

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Speaker 1: with a soda stream, so it cuts like I don't

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Speaker 1: use as much as if it was a straightforward soda.

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Speaker 1: So I do the mix. So yeah, I got my

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Speaker 1: little no proof. I forgot what they called it, but

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Speaker 1: it's just pomegranate and ginger that sounds lovely. It's really

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Speaker 1: refreshing about you. I just have a very simple jan

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Speaker 1: An tonic or carganjan and tonic because I like to

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Speaker 1: call it, and does have a millennium falcking cube. That's

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Speaker 1: an exciting thing about this one. But as probably as evident,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of ingredients around, so there's

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Speaker 1: gonna be some similar things in rotation in these happy

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Speaker 1: Hour segments. Um. Also, I just realized, like you know,

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Speaker 1: we say we're not sponsored by these things, which we aren't,

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Speaker 1: but the way our ads work in the future we

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Speaker 1: could be. But just know that current, at this current moment,

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Speaker 1: right we are not. Those are not our sponsors. Nothing

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Speaker 1: that we're just changed. We'll be very excited about that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: but you won't hear in this episode, because that's not

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Speaker 1: how a podcast work unless you're listening to this three

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Speaker 1: years down the road and all of a sudden you're like, wait,

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Speaker 1: because the ads do change. They do they do indeed,

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Speaker 1: so I guess behind the scenes, we're not actually recording

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Speaker 1: this on Thursday. It is a Tuesday. I have partner things,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, that's the other part is this week's my

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Speaker 1: partner's birthday, so Thursday we can't do it. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I have a special thing for my partner. So that's

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Speaker 1: why it is my fault. Yes, I'm absolutely blaming you,

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Speaker 1: but that's actually is one of the reasons this has

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Speaker 1: been on my mind because we talked about that recently,

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Speaker 1: that we have a lot of friends and co workers

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Speaker 1: who have birthdays coming up this week. I am someone

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Speaker 1: who is very big on dates, and so like, I

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Speaker 1: just to have these weird memories of even I could

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Speaker 1: tell you when I saw a movie in eleven. It's strange,

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Speaker 1: but so pop quiz, what's the date that we met?

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Speaker 1: We met It was September, near your birthday, because it

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Speaker 1: was I don't remember the exact day. I think it's

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Speaker 1: the fourteen. I have no way to check that, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know asking you, but I just wanted to

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Speaker 1: say I'm probably way off because it was hot. It's

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Speaker 1: always hot this Atlanta. It's true. If I think about

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Speaker 1: it more, I bet you I can get it. But

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Speaker 1: today is our coworker, Holly's birthday. It's May, by the way,

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Speaker 1: which is also when a new Hope came out in

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Speaker 1: Star Wars. Because she thought it was made just for her.

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Speaker 1: It's one of the reasons she loves it so much.

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Speaker 1: Obviously she was a kid, but very exciting. This also

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Speaker 1: happens to be the day that the Winter Soldier plot

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Speaker 1: twist was revealed into comics. Was also a very sad

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Speaker 1: day when of your anniversary of George Floyd's to death,

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Speaker 1: which is something that people are marking around the world.

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Speaker 1: But it is also my parents anniversary and I for

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Speaker 1: some reason, even though my dad is dead and my

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Speaker 1: parents weren't even really together for many years leading up

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Speaker 1: into his death, I still think about it. And when

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Speaker 1: I was a kid, I would go all out on

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Speaker 1: their anniversary, like I would save up my allowance and

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Speaker 1: I would get these gifts that I had no business buying,

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Speaker 1: and I would make the meals. And now I look

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Speaker 1: back and I think that's so strange. But because I'm

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Speaker 1: like used me at that, I don't even though I

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Speaker 1: put a lot of stock into dates. When I in

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Speaker 1: the only really serious relationship I had, we didn't do

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Speaker 1: anniversary things either, and we chose a date because it

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Speaker 1: seemed like it was kind of important to him. He

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Speaker 1: liked kind of those romantic things, but we never did

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Speaker 1: anything big on it or anything like that. And I

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Speaker 1: I've just been thinking about about that, and I wonder,

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Speaker 1: at least in that case, it was almost like I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to reminder of an anniversary of this is

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Speaker 1: a time where it's a chance for the person to

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Speaker 1: remember why they shouldn't be with you, or like another

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Speaker 1: year is gone in my waist, time doesn't freaking countdown

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Speaker 1: of what have we been doing? Right? Has it been

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Speaker 1: worth it? Like you were supposed to assess everything? And

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Speaker 1: that it feels odd at the same time because I

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Speaker 1: also love giving gifts, so one of my favorite things

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Speaker 1: about I will go all out for someone's birthday, and

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Speaker 1: to the detriment that I know. I think specifically like

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Speaker 1: my partner and people around me who it's been a

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Speaker 1: rough year and people don't have money, people can't get

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Speaker 1: the money. Economist is really bad right now. The only

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Speaker 1: people who are getting rich are the richer. We know this,

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Speaker 1: but for me, it's the first time I've actually been

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Speaker 1: able to afford to give things, so even to the

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Speaker 1: point that my family is kind of shocked, because typically

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Speaker 1: I'm the one that needed to borrow twenty bugs every

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Speaker 1: month for gas. If you want to see me, you

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Speaker 1: better send me gas money. Kind of kind of that

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Speaker 1: level and out of my forty years, the last five years,

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Speaker 1: and that has something to do with the fact that

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Speaker 1: I worked three jobs at one point, like I finally

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Speaker 1: got to the point that I could do the things

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Speaker 1: that I want to and giving gifts is one of

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Speaker 1: my favorite things. But I'm trying to also keep in

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Speaker 1: mind people feel guilty. I don't like that. I feel

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Speaker 1: also indebted and feels uneven, and I'm trying to balance that.

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Speaker 1: And of course it sounds so privileged. I know this,

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Speaker 1: and I get this because I've been on the other

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Speaker 1: side as the person who wants to go all out

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Speaker 1: and I can't. And if you do that for me,

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Speaker 1: the level of guilt. All I can think of was like,

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Speaker 1: don't do this. So I feel like there's this whole imbalance.

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Speaker 1: Of course, some people will actually go all out and

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Speaker 1: make it a competition, so as a divorced parent, we

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Speaker 1: know that could be a problematic thing, but just it

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Speaker 1: feels like this added pressure of doing that, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: it kind of comes back down to it's like is

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Speaker 1: it really a good thing or is it all about

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Speaker 1: capitalism once again? Yes, Oh, and we're going to talk

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Speaker 1: about that in a second, because yeah, yeah, I when

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Speaker 1: I think back, I know lot of people have been

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Speaker 1: looking back on past relationships during this quarantine time, and

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Speaker 1: then I'm trying to when I look at why I

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Speaker 1: was so desperate to celebrate my parents anniversary that I

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Speaker 1: like every year still think of it as opposed to

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Speaker 1: my own relationship, where I was like, let's not, let's

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Speaker 1: not celebrate it. I do think some of it was

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Speaker 1: I was really desperate to keep my parents together because

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Speaker 1: I thought I was just that kid that was like

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Speaker 1: they're gonna they're gonna leave and they're going to break up,

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Speaker 1: whereas I I was very uncertain in my own relationship,

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Speaker 1: and going back to like what you said, Samantha about

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Speaker 1: the sitcoms, it's kind of a plot where the woman

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Speaker 1: gets Usually it's a woman gets really mad that the

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Speaker 1: dude forgot the anniversary, didn't get a gift, whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: And even though in theory it sounds like she is

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Speaker 1: in the right and he screwed up, it's almost always

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Speaker 1: painted that she's being needy and ridiculous and why can't

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Speaker 1: it just calm down right? And so I was almost

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Speaker 1: trying to be like, it's okay, we don't have to

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Speaker 1: do that thing right. I'm cool, I'm not like the

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Speaker 1: sitcom women. We don't have to do it right. Which

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Speaker 1: we always know that the sitcom women are the butt

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Speaker 1: of the jokes, the one that doesn't have any sense

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Speaker 1: of humor, or the one who was overbearing and over

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Speaker 1: the top and so emotional whatever whatnot. We know that

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Speaker 1: we saw this and miss stout buyer too, even though

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Speaker 1: we're absolutely kind of like, no, if the father was

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Speaker 1: like that in real life, yeah he would be problematic,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, that's definitely a thing too, of like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we made this idea of what romance is, and

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Speaker 1: if you're not perfect in it, then you're the disappointment

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Speaker 1: is almost the relationship and thing to an extent. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it certainly can be like people. Some people put a

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Speaker 1: lot of stock into those things. And I wonder if

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Speaker 1: my mom, like I learned from my mom, and maybe

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Speaker 1: she didn't. I feel like she wanted to make a

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Speaker 1: big deal about the anniversary either. So I felt like

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Speaker 1: I had to do it for her because I thought

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Speaker 1: that that's what romance was, that there should be this

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Speaker 1: big romantic thing and my dad wasn't doing it. So

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Speaker 1: I was right, which feels very strange now that I'm

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Speaker 1: adult looking back on it. Man, I could go under

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Speaker 1: perentification wish, Yes, just episode And like I recently went

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Speaker 1: home for Mother's Day and I found this old post

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Speaker 1: it note and it had all of these meals I

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Speaker 1: planned for them based on each of their favorite foods

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Speaker 1: that I would make on that day, just like I

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Speaker 1: would really go all out. And when my parents did

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Speaker 1: go through their sort of split, I started getting my

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Speaker 1: mom gifts on that day. But well, that says a lot. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was kind of spiteful. I was spiteful. But I

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Speaker 1: do feel like it is a double double edged sword

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Speaker 1: for women, and that's something we've discussed a lot, and

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of you listeners probably do feel

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Speaker 1: around kind of this holiday emotional labor that there is

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Speaker 1: this pressure to mark events and make people happy. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, when it comes to something like

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Speaker 1: an anniversary, you don't want to appear needy or emotional,

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Speaker 1: and we just see a lot of gas lighting and

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Speaker 1: things like sitcoms around that. And I do feel like

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Speaker 1: there's this whole aspect for me of like you have

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Speaker 1: to earn your love and you have to provide these

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Speaker 1: gifts and do these physical tangible things that you could

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Speaker 1: like put on a piece of paper and sec I'm

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Speaker 1: a decent person, right, you want to keep me around? Um,

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Speaker 1: I am worth having around. It's just like a lot

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Speaker 1: of complicated, almost impossible things to reconcile around it. But

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Speaker 1: also on the other hey it again, if this is

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Speaker 1: something that means something to you, If this is something

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Speaker 1: that is important to you, that's okay too. And that's

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Speaker 1: kind of that balance of like if you do have

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Speaker 1: a partner to understand each other where they're at. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's part of the bigger picture is are

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Speaker 1: we listening, do we understand what is important to other people?

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Speaker 1: Is it something that's getting to the point that it

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Speaker 1: is causing a lot of strife, then you you need

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Speaker 1: to have a conversation about why that is, whether it's

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Speaker 1: with yourself alone, about why am I doing this, why

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Speaker 1: am I adding this pressure, or as to if you

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Speaker 1: can't communicate why that is. You know, for my family

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Speaker 1: and my dad, he's really sentimental, but he's not one

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Speaker 1: of those that does all the gifts and like, he's

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Speaker 1: my dad. Since I was in college, he decided that

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Speaker 1: he needed to send me Valentine's Day candy. I don't

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Speaker 1: know where it came from. He's never done that. He

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Speaker 1: never really did that for my mother. All of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: it just started happening. So I was like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: that's very sweet. I don't necessarily celebrate Valentine's Day. You're

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Speaker 1: around for our Valentine's Day and you've got some sucks.

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Speaker 1: I love them too, But that's that's kind of that

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Speaker 1: level of how I see it. But you know, I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, cool, But a date that's really important

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Speaker 1: to him that he wants me to celebrate but I

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Speaker 1: don't always celebrate is my adoption day. So I was

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Speaker 1: adopted in July, and honestly, I forgot that date and

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Speaker 1: I forget every year until my dad saves me a text,

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Speaker 1: and I'm kind of like, what's happening, What's happening. And

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that he does that in that it doesn't

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Speaker 1: ignore what a significant day, life changing day jolting data

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Speaker 1: is for me, but he sees that as a way

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Speaker 1: of celebrating for him. So it's kind of a weird

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Speaker 1: date to me, but also to me that day is

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Speaker 1: more important than my birthday to certain extents, So there's

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Speaker 1: definitely that whole and and me trying to understand why

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Speaker 1: it's important to him has been a battle for me.

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Speaker 1: Even the understanding that, yeah, it is important, and I'm

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Speaker 1: okay and understand seeing that and compromising with that and

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Speaker 1: celebrating that with him, but I have a lot of

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Speaker 1: mixed emotions around it. Yeah, And I'm really glad you

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Speaker 1: brought up the point about communication because I think even

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Speaker 1: though we say it all the time and I think

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Speaker 1: most of us know it, we all still struggle with it.

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Speaker 1: And when I look back on how I felt around

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Speaker 1: celebrating anniverrtues with my last partner and how he felt,

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Speaker 1: it was so much of me being insecure and trying

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Speaker 1: to please him and just not communicating any of my

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Speaker 1: concerns or worries or that, and me just trying to

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Speaker 1: be cool and be the easy going girlfriend. Right. It's

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Speaker 1: such a passing conversation. I was like, so, is this

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Speaker 1: something that's important to you, Like, I've had several of

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Speaker 1: those with different people, Like, if this is you need

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Speaker 1: to tell me now, Like not is going to go

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Speaker 1: out over my head? That's done. So do we need

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Speaker 1: to talk about having it in the first rate? Do

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Speaker 1: we do? We need to talk about having a date?

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Speaker 1: And I did say, I mean I was curious, like, so,

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Speaker 1: when do you consider the beginning of our relationship. It

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Speaker 1: was significantly shorter than my date. It's not a big deal.

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Speaker 1: And I understood why I was significantly shorter date. I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's another good point though. Its like, again, I couldn't

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Speaker 1: have said in our last relationship either, because we did

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Speaker 1: start out as friends and I think he would consider

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Speaker 1: dating weight earlier than I did. But then he chose

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Speaker 1: a date because he was like this is when we

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Speaker 1: sat down and talked about it, and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's the date. I'm happy for it. That's another thing

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Speaker 1: that I've been dealing with two that we've been talking

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Speaker 1: about is I feel like I get so in my

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Speaker 1: head about what other people want, and I have so

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Speaker 1: many trust issues that I couldn't even even told him

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Speaker 1: what I wanted for sure, I would just have so

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Speaker 1: much out. And something else that I'm doing dealing with

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Speaker 1: is something called catastrophizing, which is when you think the

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Speaker 1: absolute worst thing is going to happen, right, and so

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Speaker 1: recently Samantha has I lost my phone, which is sucks,

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Speaker 1: but it's fine. But my big concern was that I

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Speaker 1: was going to lose all my friends who were there

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Speaker 1: that night because they would think I was so ridiculous

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Speaker 1: and can't keep my life together that they'd be like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to hang out with her anymore. That

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Speaker 1: was like the first thing my big concern. So that's

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Speaker 1: something that I'm trying to deal with. But I think

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Speaker 1: that also comes up when you're talking about these really

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Speaker 1: complicated or they can be really complicated of emotions around

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Speaker 1: an event, right and around just yourself and your own

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Speaker 1: insecurities and self esteem that's often there. I would go

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Speaker 1: immediately to the worst, like if I don't if I

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Speaker 1: make a big deal out of this, that's the end.

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Speaker 1: Of the relationship, right. I mean, I'm definitely the one

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Speaker 1: who's like, I can't get into my email, I've been fired.

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Speaker 1: But that's where my mind goes. Immediately, I was name,

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Speaker 1: I'm same. I did want to go back to the

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Speaker 1: thing about capitalism because I was really curious about the

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Speaker 1: whole you know, year one is the anniversary gift, is

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Speaker 1: this and to this, So I didn't go on a

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Speaker 1: deep dive, but very briefly. Apparently this kind of tradition

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Speaker 1: of year based anniversary gifts goes back to the Middle Ages.

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Speaker 1: It was very common in Germany by the eighteenth century.

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Speaker 1: In eighteen fifty nine edition of the Old Farmer's Almanac

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Speaker 1: red one month from marriage makes a sugar wedding, one

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Speaker 1: year makes a paper wedding. Then would at five, ten

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Speaker 1: for ten like t I n silver for twenty five,

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Speaker 1: golden at fifty, and diamond at seventy five. But you

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Speaker 1: were correct. Capitalism was a big part of this. All

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Speaker 1: American jewelry companies helped invent yearly presence in the twentieth century.

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Speaker 1: And I want to go over some of my favorites

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Speaker 1: from the Chicago Public Library list conveyances for the thirty

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Speaker 1: second improved real estate for the forty, second strees for

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Speaker 1: original poetry for the fort and optical goods for the

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Speaker 1: forty like telescopes are microscopes? Oh man? Jewelry companies got

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Speaker 1: screwed over. You know they're mad because they don't get

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Speaker 1: into like the what fifties? Maybe silver comes around in

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Speaker 1: twenty five, but as of today, not all of those

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Speaker 1: anniversaries happen anymore. But paper come on, I guess that

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Speaker 1: makes sense. You start out small. I think the last

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Speaker 1: one was like platinum or something. But if you've never

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Speaker 1: reached that, it's true. Three jewelry companies. I do want

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Speaker 1: to say, like I'm I'm laughing at this, but I'm

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Speaker 1: also somebody who would really enjoy, like if I was

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Speaker 1: in a goofy relationship with a partner who would also

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Speaker 1: enjoy it, like going through this and getting like a microscope.

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Speaker 1: I no mockery at all. Again, it's about like what

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Speaker 1: what works for you, how you want to mark the

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Speaker 1: occasion and what makes you happy. It's just, uh, I

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Speaker 1: don't know why. Every year on the state I think

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Speaker 1: about I think about anniversaries and my parents anniversary, and

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Speaker 1: I just want to talk about some of that with

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Speaker 1: all of you. So I just got my partner plants.

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Speaker 1: What year is that? Plants? Is a year? I know

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Speaker 1: it has to be. I feel like it's pretty early,

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Speaker 1: might be, I would hope. So I think it's like eleven. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's okay, we're not there. You gotta take it back now.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to give any wrong ideas well as

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Speaker 1: always cheers, cheers, Thanks for joining us for this happy hour.

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Speaker 1: I would love so much to hear if anyone has

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Speaker 1: any anniversary traditions that they would like to share, If

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Speaker 1: they have any goofy anniversaries. I love those. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely. You can emails at Steffi a Mom Stuff

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Speaker 1: that I Hurt Me dot com. You can find us

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Speaker 1: on Twitter at moms to podcast, or an Instagram at

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Speaker 1: Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as always to our

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Speaker 1: super producer Christina, Thank you and thanks to you for

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Speaker 1: listening Stuff I've Never Told You. Use a production of

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Speaker 1: iHeart Radio for more podcast from I Heeart Radio is

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Speaker 1: the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen

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Speaker 1: to your favorite show. H