Speaker 1: I think I really want to go. Some days I
Speaker 1: want to fallow love Mondy go Bay. I my heart
Speaker 1: is wet elver heen Maysday, I think I really want
Speaker 1: to go. Somedays I want to fallow love Mondy go Bay,
Speaker 1: and my heart is we elva heen Maysday. How's it you?
Speaker 2: Happy moment that again.
Speaker 1: Dream a cross Susy.
Speaker 3: You and me?
Speaker 2: Hello, welcome back. This is good mom's bad choices. I'm
Speaker 2: Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday. I hope you guys
Speaker 2: are having a good week. I hope you guys are
Speaker 2: getting ship done. Any of the intentions that you set
Speaker 2: this week. If you didn't set any intentions, set them
Speaker 2: today and kill that shit. Wonderful motivational speech that was
Speaker 2: just greant. You know you can book me in air
Speaker 2: Collocal College. I will do a community college for I
Speaker 2: don't think, not quite ready for you know, ivy League,
Speaker 2: but get there. Speaking of motivational speaking, Jamina's fucking cough Sorry.
Speaker 4: Guys, I'm still coughing week forty seven. Still coughing.
Speaker 2: Sorry. I would say that's not because she's smoking. By
Speaker 2: the way, no, it's not.
Speaker 4: In fact, Erica forbid me from smoking. Have you guys
Speaker 4: watched on Netflix The Tony Robinson Experience or some shit? No,
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's hilarious. I guess he's like a
Speaker 4: motivation Oh.
Speaker 2: Right, right, that's this girl was like travels to see
Speaker 2: him speak. This girl, I know, is she crazy? She
Speaker 2: seems really level headed. It took a long time to
Speaker 2: say that she's Australian. She's one of those Australian influencer girls. Okay,
Speaker 2: we need to watch it. She seems really very positive.
Speaker 4: He's it's hilarious. I'm honestly like, who the fuck is
Speaker 4: going to see this guy?
Speaker 2: Really? He's like, what's your problem? It's your dad, isn't it.
Speaker 2: I know it.
Speaker 4: You'll dad, it's actually I love my dad. Think a
Speaker 4: little harder, she'll dad. It's black, no being giant white man.
Speaker 4: But he's like telling everybody with their problems it's usually
Speaker 4: their dad, Like he hates dads.
Speaker 2: It is the dad. You might like him accurate, but
Speaker 2: he's like a billionaire.
Speaker 4: He's like so fucking rich, off this shit telling people
Speaker 4: about their life problems their dad. So basically all that
Speaker 4: to say, I support you. Being a modivational speaker at
Speaker 4: community colleges so I think I'll be your assistant and
Speaker 4: hopefully you make millions.
Speaker 2: Right, there's a lot of I feel like, actually, community
Speaker 2: colleges are widely underlooked for that, and there's so many
Speaker 2: more of them, Like I could cake the fuck.
Speaker 3: Up you could.
Speaker 4: There was like certain like certain avenues like motivational speaking,
Speaker 4: being a pastor, you know, like people when they're low.
Speaker 2: I can be anything at this point, because I was
Speaker 2: studying picture, I was sending screenshots to Jamila of all
Speaker 2: because we were trying to find like different specialists to
Speaker 2: come on and literally you can be a fucking specialist
Speaker 2: in anything you want. Because there was like a specialist
Speaker 2: in like sexual healings, a specialist in like like transitional
Speaker 2: I don't even know. It was like some shit I
Speaker 2: never even heard of, but I don't even know how
Speaker 2: you become a specialist in it, Like is there a chorus?
Speaker 2: But some of the shit was really weird, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I could be a specialist in anything at
Speaker 2: this point. Yeah, what was one of them I sent
Speaker 2: to you? Like, I sent you a few of them.
Speaker 2: Some of them were so ridiculous.
Speaker 4: I was like, what professional parent, progressive parent scientology, Like
Speaker 4: it's just anything, Which spiritualist, Yeah, which astrologists, parental mom, midwife, doula,
Speaker 4: an astrology expert.
Speaker 2: It was like, yeah, it was like a movement energy
Speaker 2: spiritualist expert. Basically, make your own title and run with
Speaker 2: that ship, you know what. Low key more power to
Speaker 2: them because I don't claim to be a specialist in anything,
Speaker 2: so they're obviously doing something right. And I'm you know.
Speaker 4: We're podcasts, podcast engineer, photo shoot director, coordinated specialists.
Speaker 2: Just made up. No, I'm a semi I'm a parenthood
Speaker 2: open I fuck up sometimes specialist, that's what. Anyway, you're
Speaker 2: what you missed it? You missed the whole story because
Speaker 2: you'll have to you'll have to listen to my podcast
Speaker 2: to find out. Anyway, Today we have a guest, Jess Hooper,
Speaker 2: who was we were connected through a mutual friend of
Speaker 2: ours Isoila Darden. Shout out to Soila. Whoila is always
Speaker 2: like connecting me to amazing women, connecting me to like
Speaker 2: amazing opportunities, speaking to women, talking about parenthood. You know,
Speaker 2: she's a semi new mom herself. She's a one year
Speaker 2: old who's so damn cute. She's pretty much the bomb
Speaker 2: dot com. Yeah, like she's she's been. I'm so happy
Speaker 2: that I met her and so she connected me to you.
Speaker 2: So thank you so much for.
Speaker 5: Coming, thank you for having me, and and yes, shout
Speaker 5: out so other for the introductions and yeah, I'm excited
Speaker 5: to be here.
Speaker 2: Can you tell us about on the Fence? Yes, and
Speaker 2: anything else you have going on right now.
Speaker 5: So I'm doing a conversation series called on the Fence,
Speaker 5: and it's about just that, about being on the fence
Speaker 5: about big decisions, primarily motherhood, career, and relationships. It's been
Speaker 5: coming up in my personal life a lot where I'll
Speaker 5: have friends who are like, Okay, I don't want to
Speaker 5: be a mom, and I'm like great, and I'm back
Speaker 5: to the conversation that we were having before. But then
Speaker 5: they start asking me about so link, so how did
Speaker 5: you afford preschool?
Speaker 3: And you know, like how are you know? How did
Speaker 3: it impact your marriage?
Speaker 5: And I'm like, you got a lot of questions for
Speaker 5: somebody that don't want kids, like do you want to
Speaker 5: tell me something? And then usually it turns out like, Okay,
Speaker 5: well I'm saying I don't because I don't want kids
Speaker 5: with my current partner. I don't know if I'm going
Speaker 5: to be able to afford it, and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 5: now we're getting somewhere. Because to just say you don't
Speaker 5: want kids, I'm like, which is great if you don't,
Speaker 5: but if it's actually an underlying reason, then like maybe
Speaker 5: we can address that, like that can be changed, he
Speaker 5: can be gone, or you can make more money or
Speaker 5: whatever it is. So I just feel like I want
Speaker 5: I want women to like just do whatever they want.
Speaker 5: And I see that a lot of times. We always
Speaker 5: have like, oh, well I would be doing this amazing shit,
Speaker 5: but it's because of x y Z that I can't.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, well, what if we got rid of
Speaker 5: x y Z would you still? Would you not do it?
Speaker 3: And usually the.
Speaker 5: Answer is like you get a lot of resistance because
Speaker 5: then she's like, actually it's these five other things and
Speaker 5: just like.
Speaker 3: Well you must just talk about it. I think everything.
Speaker 2: Getting out of your own way, I think really essentially.
Speaker 5: Is and it starts with a conversation. And I think
Speaker 5: it has to be a certain type of conversation where
Speaker 5: it's not judging.
Speaker 3: It's not like well you just need to shoot together, or.
Speaker 5: It's your dad, Like let's just have an honest conversation
Speaker 5: about it, and I bring in experts, not just made.
Speaker 3: Up specialists, actual expert You could look at the credentials
Speaker 3: and everything to ask for people showing up to ask
Speaker 3: questions too.
Speaker 5: So this first one's on motherhood, and my first expert
Speaker 5: is a midwife. She has the first credited birthing center
Speaker 5: in Los Angeles. Her name's Elizabeth Backner and Elizabeth delivers
Speaker 5: babies for a living.
Speaker 2: Wait was that the graceful? Okay, it's so funny because
Speaker 2: I actually went to her facility when I was pregnant,
Speaker 2: because I think it's that one, is it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I've stalked to her before.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, never stop worthy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, her facility gets like I mean, and she
Speaker 2: has a great reputation. I mean, I definitely I think
Speaker 2: I googled birth centers and she was one of the
Speaker 2: first ones that popped up, and yeah, that's amazing. I
Speaker 2: actually I can't wait to hear you know her what
Speaker 2: she has to say in perspective and everything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's amazing, like, delivers babies for a living, has
Speaker 5: a birth center, no children of her own, which I
Speaker 5: thought was fascinating. I didn't realize that there were a
Speaker 5: lot of midwives out there that have no children.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of them, yeahtually, even Erica.
Speaker 5: And so her reasons behind it were very layered and
Speaker 5: she's very open about it. She has like a a
Speaker 5: long Instagram post that I saw where she talks about,
Speaker 5: you know, during her child bearing years, where like the
Speaker 5: money wasn't right and the support wasn't right.
Speaker 3: And you know, just making peace with that.
Speaker 5: And and I think her quote is, you know, I'm
Speaker 5: being a good parent by not having children.
Speaker 2: Mmm.
Speaker 5: And I just thought like, Okay, that's something we don't
Speaker 5: talk about, like normally we just want to wag our
Speaker 5: fingers at somebody like, you know, why aren't you doing
Speaker 5: your your role as a woman by having a kid.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, that's her only duty in life? Every producer, No,
Speaker 2: I think it's always I think, even me, like I've
Speaker 2: had to unlearn things too, like when I hear people
Speaker 2: that don't want to have kids, where I used to
Speaker 2: hear when people would openly say that, like I have
Speaker 2: a girlfriend, not a Lita on my girlfriend not Alita
Speaker 2: who for as long as I can remember, I don't
Speaker 2: want to have kids. I don't want to have kids.
Speaker 2: And of course, when you're a teenager you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: well that makes sense me neither fuck kids right by.
Speaker 2: And then but then as we approached into our twenties
Speaker 2: mid twenties and we both are in relationships, and she
Speaker 2: was still saying that, I was like, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2: You know? And you know that's just because of social conditioning, yes,
Speaker 2: me thinking that that's a woman equals baby, you know,
Speaker 2: And I think, like I've had to really like some
Speaker 2: people just that's just not their calling and that's just
Speaker 2: not and it's okay, and you know what better because
Speaker 2: we don't need any more parents. No, no, no, we don't
Speaker 2: need any more people have You don't need anymore. You
Speaker 2: don't need any more people having kids that shouldn't be
Speaker 2: having kids, you know, mistreating their children, not really like
Speaker 2: being present for their kids, and putting making little assholes
Speaker 2: more assholes in the world. We don't need any more assholes.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of our podcasts has been centered
Speaker 4: around I think a lot of our podcast has been
Speaker 4: centered around just breaking out of the norms and the
Speaker 4: programming that we've been taught, like not only as parents,
Speaker 4: but as women, that we've been like soap programmed into
Speaker 4: thinking certain ways and just that, like, we forget that.
Speaker 4: We have to break that shit and start over and
Speaker 4: redefine things for yourself because.
Speaker 2: It doesn't make a lot of sense because you don't the.
Speaker 4: Center of sole purpose. We don't have to have babies.
Speaker 4: We don't have to have babies in a two parent home.
Speaker 4: We don't have to stay married. We don't have to
Speaker 4: be married. And that shit's okay too, you know, so
Speaker 4: we don't have to have a partner.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like ever, all.
Speaker 5: Of this kid's so overlooked, and I like you. I
Speaker 5: googled birthing centers from when I was pregnant, and that's
Speaker 5: how I found Elizabeth as well.
Speaker 2: She was your wife.
Speaker 5: She was awesome, she was and like, right out the gate,
Speaker 5: I knew that this was the person I needed to
Speaker 5: have around me. So the early part of my pregnancy,
Speaker 5: I was terrified of miscarrying.
Speaker 3: Like I just felt like this.
Speaker 5: I don't even want to get excited about this baby,
Speaker 5: because it's not gonna happen, if you.
Speaker 2: Know what I mean. Ask you how old were you
Speaker 2: when you got pregnant.
Speaker 5: I'm twenty eight, twenty nine, so I was definitely a
Speaker 5: grown ass person and married, and I just remember being
Speaker 5: at my prenatal visits with her, and finally she asked
Speaker 5: me one day, She's like, why are you so afraid
Speaker 5: of losing this baby? And I'm pretty sure I didn't
Speaker 5: give her this answer in that moment, But through years
Speaker 5: of kind of unpacking it, I realized that I didn't
Speaker 5: feel like I deserved my daughter. I didn't feel like
Speaker 5: I yeah, I just didn't feel like I deserved her.
Speaker 5: And it was from a lot of the programming that
Speaker 5: we've been talking about of feeling like, well.
Speaker 3: I didn't do life right, you know, air quote right.
Speaker 5: So you know my family, they're very loving, but they
Speaker 5: were very religious for a long time, and it was
Speaker 5: like quite a few of the people, like in my
Speaker 5: family and in our circle, like they did the purity
Speaker 5: ring ceremony.
Speaker 2: Like what is that?
Speaker 3: Oh, that's where you pledge your allegiance to the Lord
Speaker 3: that you're not going to have sex until you're married.
Speaker 2: There's a ceremony in the church. Yeah, have you heard
Speaker 2: of this?
Speaker 3: I went to goth this.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, so much pressure.
Speaker 6: WOA, how hold were you when you make like I
Speaker 6: didn't make it.
Speaker 2: I didn't make it. I didn't make it.
Speaker 5: At no, I knew I was gonna be fucking you
Speaker 5: make it sick. Yeah, yeah, so I was probably, you know,
Speaker 5: sick on the day of the ceremony.
Speaker 4: Trying to reschedule, Like did all the girls in the
Speaker 4: church have you go that day?
Speaker 2: Have you been to a ceremony? What does it consist of?
Speaker 3: I haven't been.
Speaker 2: We have so many questions.
Speaker 3: I did not go.
Speaker 2: What sect of Christianity is this?
Speaker 3: I did not go.
Speaker 5: I didn't want any parts of it. I would just
Speaker 5: try to like leave the room if the conversation came up.
Speaker 3: They never asked me.
Speaker 2: To do it. Was this from your school or from your.
Speaker 5: Parents, not even my parents, but like my church, and
Speaker 5: so my cousins, like I think two of them did
Speaker 5: it around what age was this like fifteen sixteen, Like
Speaker 5: right around the time you start thinking about fucking.
Speaker 2: Well, what about parents? Were they like you missed you?
Speaker 5: They never pressured me to do it, But this is
Speaker 5: just what I saw. So this is where I knew.
Speaker 5: I was just taking it in and like nobody ever
Speaker 5: asked me why I didn't do it, when was I
Speaker 5: going to? I just saw it happening and didn't realize
Speaker 5: I had carried it with me through adulthood, where I
Speaker 5: was like, okay, you you didn't do any of the
Speaker 5: things that you were supposed to do. You didn't wait
Speaker 5: until you were married and you were out. Like everyone
Speaker 5: has a whole phase.
Speaker 2: I don't say you when you lost your originity?
Speaker 3: Oh god, sixteen, when were you able?
Speaker 2: I mean you said your parents were pretty religious. So
Speaker 2: did they talk to you about sex? Were you able
Speaker 2: to talk to Yes, she lost your virginity did you
Speaker 2: talk to her about it?
Speaker 3: By accident?
Speaker 5: So she had a really good talk with me, and
Speaker 5: it involved photographic evidence of what a STD would look like.
Speaker 3: She's a nurse. Oh so, oh no, it's kind of
Speaker 3: a horror reference. It's actually good.
Speaker 2: No, they they did it to us in school. It's
Speaker 2: like sex and they show you the clips of all. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but sometimes it's better if it's coming from a parent.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like when you're just sitting at the kitchen table
Speaker 5: and she's like, I'm sure, yeah, this is untreated. And
Speaker 5: she wasn't showing it to me to like say, don't.
Speaker 2: Have sex, but this is what could happen.
Speaker 5: She was like, just make sure you're like always being
Speaker 5: safe about it. So for me that was liberating. I
Speaker 5: was like, Okay, I can go out and have all
Speaker 5: the sex that.
Speaker 2: I will do it right.
Speaker 3: I was never afraid of.
Speaker 5: It, Like, okay, you know the first time you have sex,
Speaker 5: you're gonna catch a disease and have a baby.
Speaker 3: I was like, not the way I'm having sex. I'm good.
Speaker 2: Did your parents wait till marriage?
Speaker 3: I don't think so.
Speaker 5: I never asked them. But they got married like three
Speaker 5: months after meeting each other.
Speaker 4: Some of them.
Speaker 2: They're like no, or maybe they were like, look, let's
Speaker 2: get married so we can get too wicked.
Speaker 3: I don't think it was.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: Actually, you know, I know for a fact my mom didn't.
Speaker 2: Are they still married?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: No, they were in the military, So I feel like
Speaker 5: that probably into it too, like you want to get
Speaker 5: married quick so they can't separate you.
Speaker 2: But oh, I didn't know that was a thing either.
Speaker 3: Oh, military people love getting married.
Speaker 4: They do.
Speaker 2: I thought that was for the benefits. I thought so too.
Speaker 2: So it's because then you can't get like like you
Speaker 2: always have to be together wherever you go, you're if
Speaker 2: you're transferred.
Speaker 3: Here to Yeah, that's why they'd be so quick to
Speaker 3: get married.
Speaker 2: Got it interesting?
Speaker 3: Okay, So if you ever just want a quick husband, find.
Speaker 2: You won't find me or any of my family members
Speaker 2: in the military. Actually, it's so funny that you said that,
Speaker 2: because my brother was like military. Yeah. To my stepdad
Speaker 2: was like, did he discourage that? Immediate?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 2: I was like, what the fuck did you say? He
Speaker 2: was like, I was like, WHOA hold up? Cool, right,
Speaker 2: he's because my brother's in a place now where he's
Speaker 2: may know where he wants to what he wants to do,
Speaker 2: where he wants to be. I mean, he's gonna go
Speaker 2: to college regardless. I mean for some I'm not with
Speaker 2: the military, Well the fuck no. I mean shout out
Speaker 2: to the people that I've you know, projected our country
Speaker 2: and all those things. I don't that lightly, you know,
Speaker 2: because it's necessary, But for me personally and my family,
Speaker 2: like it scares me. It's scary.
Speaker 4: I just think, especially as like a woman of color,
Speaker 4: I can't imagine like sending my black child to protect
Speaker 4: a country that's never protected us.
Speaker 2: It doesn't really make a lot of sense.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of conflict with it.
Speaker 5: So my my family is heavily military and and I
Speaker 5: you know, they're very aware of like, Okay, this country
Speaker 5: really ain't for you that.
Speaker 2: Way, but the benefits that you can get. I'm here.
Speaker 3: I'm here for what I can and you.
Speaker 5: Know, I've seen people come up with it and my
Speaker 5: parents definitely benefited from it. But I always tell Peven, like,
Speaker 5: the reason I didn't join is because my parents did,
Speaker 5: Like they did it so that I wouldn't have to.
Speaker 5: So I think a lot of people that are looking
Speaker 5: to join, maybe they're looking to do it so that
Speaker 5: their kids in the future won't have to.
Speaker 4: And you know, it's it bothers me. And I think
Speaker 4: also like like economically where you are, it makes a
Speaker 4: different yea, And it what bothers me. I know that
Speaker 4: for some people it isn't out, and that makes sense.
Speaker 4: You can get in and get out, get your education.
Speaker 4: But I think that I'm bothering me about the militaries.
Speaker 4: A lot of times they target kids in the inner city.
Speaker 4: You know, if you see those setups, they're like in
Speaker 4: the hood and in places trying to recruit people, and
Speaker 4: it's just like it just gives me an uneasy feeling,
Speaker 4: like go to your own neighborhood with that ship.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, but then at the same time, it's like, well,
Speaker 2: for some of these kids, and I know they don't go,
Speaker 2: they're gonna be getting their asses in trouble. That's like
Speaker 2: I get it. It's like a double edged sword.
Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, benefits. Then there's also like it's it's
Speaker 5: definitely complex. I think if you can make it work
Speaker 5: for you, then you're you're good if you just go
Speaker 5: and you're like, I didn't get ship out of it?
Speaker 2: The system?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like are we are? We quoting Players Club quotes?
Speaker 3: I love this is that's the Players Club kind of
Speaker 3: what is it? Make the money they make you?
Speaker 2: Okay, well that's interesting. I mean so so then because
Speaker 2: of that, your upbringing and you know, you're maybe were
Speaker 2: y did were I know your family was religious, but
Speaker 2: were you religious enough at any point? No.
Speaker 5: I would show up because I had to, but I
Speaker 5: was never like fully invested in it. So I think
Speaker 5: also I was battling with that, like should I have
Speaker 5: been more committed to it? And you know, why don't
Speaker 5: I believe the same things that they believe in?
Speaker 3: And all of this just showed up.
Speaker 5: I I'd been like kind of going through life without
Speaker 5: even thinking about it, and it's just like so far gone.
Speaker 3: I'm like I'm happy I'm doing me.
Speaker 5: And then during the pregnancy that's when at all, like
Speaker 5: just kind of came rushing back at me like, oh,
Speaker 5: you're not at peace with a lot of this M
Speaker 5: to the point where you don't think you deserve your
Speaker 5: baby MM. And Elizabeth asking me that, and she I
Speaker 5: think it made such a difference because she didn't just
Speaker 5: brush me off like no, no, it's fine, you're just
Speaker 5: you're being ridiculous, like cause.
Speaker 2: She could have and like you have doctors probably would
Speaker 2: have yeah.
Speaker 3: And so she was like, no, let's talk about this.
Speaker 3: And it was that.
Speaker 5: And then just going through the pregnancy of me realizing
Speaker 5: the financial that I was about to take on, Like
Speaker 5: my anxiety just shot up throughout the entire time, so
Speaker 5: I didn't really get to enjoy being pregnant. I was
Speaker 5: so caught up and how are we gonna afford this?
Speaker 5: And I had a high deductible all my health insurance
Speaker 5: and just all this crazy shit that eventually got worked
Speaker 5: out M. But I was like, I see why people
Speaker 5: would say nah, O D I'd never sign up for
Speaker 5: this MM, because once I was in it, I was like, oh,
Speaker 5: I don't, I can't. I don't know if I can
Speaker 5: do this MM. And I was a step mom before
Speaker 5: I got pregnant. So my husband's ten years older than me,
Speaker 5: and I think at the time his daughter was like
Speaker 5: ten or eleven. But by the time I was pregnant
Speaker 5: with a Mirah, she was like fourteen or fifteen somewhere
Speaker 5: in there. M.
Speaker 3: And he wanted her in the delivery room.
Speaker 2: MM.
Speaker 5: I didn't want anyone in the delivery room mm again,
Speaker 5: because I was still terrified that something was gonna go wrong, even.
Speaker 3: Up to the very last minute.
Speaker 5: Wow, Okay, So I was like, I just want my
Speaker 5: mom and my husband and of course any medical people
Speaker 5: that need to be there. And Elizabeth helped me navigate,
Speaker 5: like how to have that conversation of I don't want
Speaker 5: your daughter in the delivery room. It's nothing against her,
Speaker 5: it's nothing against you. This is just where I'm at.
Speaker 5: And I don't think I would have been able to
Speaker 5: have that type of conversation without hurting feelings without.
Speaker 2: How did he? How did he was he receptive to
Speaker 2: that or was it not? At first?
Speaker 5: That's why I had to recruit her into help, because
Speaker 5: at first, I like, just at the mere mention of.
Speaker 2: It, why was it so important for his daughter to
Speaker 2: be there?
Speaker 5: I think because he wasn't there for her birth. I
Speaker 5: feel like he was trying to make up for something.
Speaker 4: I can understand it. I wouldn't want Luna to be
Speaker 4: in the room when if I get birked again, he.
Speaker 3: Said, you wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I would, but that's your daughter. But it's it's it's
Speaker 2: but it's his daughter, it's her sibling. So likeent delivery,
Speaker 2: and it was one thing if she had a daughter already.
Speaker 2: And then he was like, I don't want your daughter
Speaker 2: in the birth of our daughter.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean yeah, I can see him like
Speaker 4: wanting to make up for But I I because I
Speaker 4: know how much that's important for me. Even if her
Speaker 4: dad is not gonna be the same dad, I can
Speaker 4: get it. But that's I mean, that's a that's a
Speaker 4: tough situation to be had. I mean, it's a tough
Speaker 4: situation to be a step parent period.
Speaker 2: Whoof.
Speaker 4: And I have another girlfriend who's going through it like
Speaker 4: right now with a teenager daughter, and it's.
Speaker 3: Like, it's not for the faint of heart, it's not.
Speaker 4: It's not like that is a struggle within itself. How
Speaker 4: do you deal with that? Is her?
Speaker 2: Is her mother very active in her life?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: And so is your relationship with her mother copesthetic.
Speaker 5: Kind of it's like it's kind of non existent. Okay,
Speaker 5: so coming and see her, well not anymore so. Uh
Speaker 5: Now her name, my step daughter's name is Jackie jack
Speaker 5: He's twenty.
Speaker 3: One years old.
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, so she's living her life.
Speaker 3: Yes, she's living her life. Everybody's good now.
Speaker 5: But during that that time between like age of eleven
Speaker 5: to age seventeen or so, it was awful most of
Speaker 5: the time, and I didn't have much interaction with her mother,
Speaker 5: and I was I was disappointed by that, but I
Speaker 5: knew I couldn't force a relationship with her, like I
Speaker 5: would love to be like Will and Jada and what
Speaker 5: was the other. Yeah, I I would love that. That
Speaker 5: was my goal, like, and we can do family vacations together.
Speaker 5: Since was like n okay, hi and bye, Like I
Speaker 5: have no interest in being your friend, and I was like,
Speaker 5: that's okay, M I understand that. But you know, Jackie
Speaker 5: had a lot of loyalty to her mom, and I
Speaker 5: think it showed up and like making sure that she
Speaker 5: didn't get too close to me m or at least
Speaker 5: that's how I interpreted, cause she was never just like
Speaker 5: outwardly like a dick to me. But she was definitely
Speaker 5: just like she wouldn't speak when I was in the room.
Speaker 2: She wouldn't speak to you.
Speaker 3: No, at my own house, ooh girl, yes hm.
Speaker 5: And so the the weekend visits were something that I
Speaker 5: began to just to dread.
Speaker 4: Dread, yeah, cause at this point, it's like another low
Speaker 4: key grown woman in your house not speaking.
Speaker 5: To you, shade and you every chance, did you ever
Speaker 5: try to like have a conversation with her?
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 5: I did, and and I would talk to my husband
Speaker 5: about it because when we moved in together, we got
Speaker 5: a two bedroom right out the gate because I was like, Okay,
Speaker 5: she'll be here for a spring and summer break and
Speaker 5: she's gonna be spending weekends here, so I want her
Speaker 5: to have her own room so she feels really at home.
Speaker 5: And she might have stayed in that room like twice
Speaker 5: and the and the ten year span, I was like, okay,
Speaker 5: well we're paying extra.
Speaker 3: Rent, have a room here for you that you want.
Speaker 3: No parts of is because she wouldn't spend the night okay.
Speaker 2: It was always and she couldn't be like not forced.
Speaker 4: I mean like I'm not at eleven. At eleven, you're
Speaker 4: not like you're staying with your dad tonight.
Speaker 5: And I wouldn't want that, Like that would be the
Speaker 5: most awkward night ever of I'm forced to stay here.
Speaker 3: Like I don't want to be that person.
Speaker 2: I feel like I would make like it is she
Speaker 2: is she close with your daughter? Or now? Actually?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Has your relationship grown since then? Are you guys cool now?
Speaker 3: Are yeah? We're cool?
Speaker 5: Now we're closed, i'd say cool, like because we don't
Speaker 5: text or like go back and for like that. But
Speaker 5: when she when she comes over, we are cool and
Speaker 5: like and I'm happy to see her when she comes.
Speaker 5: It's not like back in the day where I was like, fuck,
Speaker 5: it's right, and I would I believe all my friends up,
Speaker 5: don't you have that?
Speaker 2: Don't you want me to come over? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I gotta go do that thing within people this week.
Speaker 2: Right, you gotta really love someone to like taking their kids.
Speaker 4: And it's funny to say that because I realized we're
Speaker 4: both parents and at some point somebody is going to
Speaker 4: have to do that for my child, and I mean,
Speaker 4: and we may have to do that for somebody else,
Speaker 4: like we're not spring chicken.
Speaker 2: So but it's okay. It's easier now because they're so young.
Speaker 2: But when you step into a relationship and the daughter's.
Speaker 4: Especially like because like just like my friend at that point,
Speaker 4: she had no kids, she had no experience, nothing like
Speaker 4: at least we have kids, and even now having a kid,
Speaker 4: if we stepped into someone's life and their kid is
Speaker 4: ten or eleven, we haven't had experience in that age group.
Speaker 2: So sorry, that would be difficult, you know.
Speaker 4: Because it changes every year, the age and especially with
Speaker 4: women with the daughter, and actually we had we had
Speaker 4: something write in and ask us about this, like can
Speaker 4: you guys touch on this, because basically the daughter hated
Speaker 4: her and.
Speaker 2: It was making her life a living hell.
Speaker 4: And even my girlfriend, my best friend, who is dealing
Speaker 4: with this right now, she got into it like an
Speaker 4: all not a physical arterucation, but like a yelling thing,
Speaker 4: and basically she ends up moving out of the house
Speaker 4: with them.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of.
Speaker 4: Times it's the daughter moved her her fiance's daughter ended
Speaker 4: up moving back in with her mom. But I think
Speaker 4: a lot of that animosity that's like directly a lot
Speaker 4: of times with the step mom or stepparent is because
Speaker 4: they have issues with their actual parent, and then you
Speaker 4: have to kind of like pick up all the shit
Speaker 4: because you're taking it up on you because and you.
Speaker 3: Have to just you have to just take it because
Speaker 3: you you.
Speaker 2: Want to let you want to marry, you want to
Speaker 2: love this person.
Speaker 5: You want to love this person, and you you start
Speaker 5: to realize that, like I can't be a crazy person
Speaker 5: arguing with a child. Like as frustrated as I would be,
Speaker 5: sometimes I'm like, I don't even have a fully developed
Speaker 5: brain yet. I'm not finna go back and forth with you.
Speaker 5: But like you still have to catch yourself.
Speaker 4: Because just like my girlfriend was like, I'm look, you
Speaker 4: wanted to fight her, and I was like, yo, you cannot.
Speaker 4: I can't be going back and forth with her. She's sixteen.
Speaker 4: She's like, I told her to get the fuck out.
Speaker 4: I was like, you're gonna damage her for life. And
Speaker 4: she's like, I know, and I feel terrible about it,
Speaker 4: but I'm miserable and I'm unhappy and I can't do
Speaker 4: it in my house. And it's easy to look at
Speaker 4: it from the outside like she's a child, she's her,
Speaker 4: she's damaged.
Speaker 2: Hold her. So when you're in it, yeah, like I
Speaker 2: will kill you. Your sympathy is like, look, you have
Speaker 2: love in a beautiful house. We take care of you.
Speaker 4: That's what she said. What the fuck is your problem? Yeah,
Speaker 4: you have nothing to complain about. But in her mind,
Speaker 4: you know, you see your dad or your parent moving
Speaker 4: with this new person, start this new life, have this
Speaker 4: new house.
Speaker 2: You playing babies, playing family over here. But yeo, where
Speaker 2: were you X, Y and Z in these times?
Speaker 3: Oh when I felt that?
Speaker 4: You know, like that, now you know you're playing family
Speaker 4: matters up in this bitch, you know, And I think
Speaker 4: a lot of times like the parent, the actual parent
Speaker 4: has to deal with that and not let it like just.
Speaker 5: Oh, I would get on him too, like you, you
Speaker 5: need to check some of this, Like you see her
Speaker 5: come in here and just be completely disrespectful, like, yes.
Speaker 3: She's not coming in here and cussing me out, but
Speaker 3: she's not speaking, she's not even speaking, like not acknowledging me.
Speaker 2: Did that cause rifts in the marriage relationship?
Speaker 3: Yes and no.
Speaker 5: So'm I'm fortunate enough where he's very receptive to that
Speaker 5: kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: And he's very self aware.
Speaker 5: So even if he may not spot it as it's happening,
Speaker 5: if you pointed out to him, he's smart enough to
Speaker 5: be like, okay, I see that, So he would try
Speaker 5: to you know, I guess try to be like the
Speaker 5: middle man. And he's very like much about peace. He
Speaker 5: doesn't like conflict. And I'm like, sometimes you got to
Speaker 5: turn up like I get this piece that you on
Speaker 5: today today. Yeah, so, but I'm glad I had that
Speaker 5: energy in the house that we both couldn't be on
Speaker 5: some today.
Speaker 3: Is the data turn up? Right?
Speaker 5: But yeah, I would just be hurt most of the time,
Speaker 5: and I was like, I don't know what to do,
Speaker 5: and talking to him and his friends, they're like, we'll
Speaker 5: take her to get her eyebrows done, or like, take
Speaker 5: her to get this, take her to Sephor. I was like,
Speaker 5: so you want me to buy her? And I could
Speaker 5: get your card, I couldn't do it. I was like,
Speaker 5: if she don't like me, it's not gonna be because
Speaker 5: I bought you. Yeah, because I'm fun beauty step mama
Speaker 5: who takes you to Sephor every time you come.
Speaker 2: Home around whatever.
Speaker 3: And then I was just like and then I was like,
Speaker 3: y'all are men. You don't understand what it's like if
Speaker 3: we dropped this woman's daughter off tomorrow with perfectly arched eyebrows.
Speaker 2: That she didn't pay for it, and she didn't approve.
Speaker 3: It was like, y'all gonna get my ass. B're trying
Speaker 3: to be cute.
Speaker 2: Because you think this is a good solution. Did happen
Speaker 2: over here? Yes? Oh your your dad's girlfriend get She
Speaker 2: wasn't her girlfriend. It was the sisters who I don't
Speaker 2: even call my aunts because I can't still fucking stand them.
Speaker 2: But yeah, they're evil. They relaxed my hair. Oh shit
Speaker 2: that it was like art project.
Speaker 4: No, they relax your hair, your curly ass hair, and
Speaker 4: my mom and lived crying what's cursed?
Speaker 2: You didn't understand what the big deal was. My mom
Speaker 2: got it wet and then I didn't curl, and she
Speaker 2: was like, what the fuck? So yeah, I feel that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was like your mom was.
Speaker 5: You can't bring somebody's child looking different, even if it
Speaker 5: looks good, because they were like, oh, take her to
Speaker 5: get her hair done, like you know how the good
Speaker 5: hair places. I was like, I don't care how amazing
Speaker 5: she looks. If we drop her off and you say
Speaker 5: I got it done, it's gonna be an issue. It's
Speaker 5: gonna be an issue. And they couldn't understand. They were like, you, well,
Speaker 5: you're just not trying to bond with her, I'm like.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not trying to send her back looking different.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like I'm just I'm also not trying
Speaker 3: to get beat.
Speaker 2: Up, like I know my boundaries.
Speaker 5: So yeah, when she turned about seventeen, we had a
Speaker 5: really cool conversation, like she offered an apology.
Speaker 2: And wow, where did that come from? Do you think?
Speaker 3: I think it was conversations that she and her dad
Speaker 3: my husband were having. And then it was like it's.
Speaker 2: And I'll say, you had a baby.
Speaker 5: But at that point, yeah, and it was like and
Speaker 5: we're closer to the end, like you're almost eighteen now,
Speaker 5: Like you can play this whole I'm loyal to my
Speaker 5: mom game all you want. But it's like we've been
Speaker 5: here offering up family to you and we can't make
Speaker 5: you accept.
Speaker 2: It is her mom or married.
Speaker 3: Kind of relationship, Yeah, very long term relationship. I might
Speaker 3: as well be married.
Speaker 4: I wonder how her relationship is with the guy.
Speaker 3: She refers to him as dad.
Speaker 7: What.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this whole thing is like super complicated, like poisoning
Speaker 3: her brand, not poisoning.
Speaker 4: But I mean obviously your like what you say around
Speaker 4: your kid, and the influence is major and as.
Speaker 2: A mom, especially with the daughter.
Speaker 4: You know, we have the most of the control, you know,
Speaker 4: like what we say goes most of the time mostly,
Speaker 4: So wow, and I know that.
Speaker 2: Has to Does your husband offended or hurt by that?
Speaker 5: I asked him right out the game early on, because
Speaker 5: when as soon as you heard her saying yeah, I
Speaker 5: was like, how do you feel about this? And he's
Speaker 5: like again, he's so peaceful and so calm. He's like,
Speaker 5: you know, it doesn't matter what she calls me. I
Speaker 5: know who I am in her life, and.
Speaker 4: Like, I wish i'd be like again again, like everything
Speaker 4: was stopped, Like.
Speaker 2: What did you stop? Oh my god, I'm like getting angry.
Speaker 2: You said him what?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So because I'm like the first time I heard
Speaker 3: her saying I was just like, oh, so this is
Speaker 3: what we're doing.
Speaker 2: She mom, She.
Speaker 5: Calls him by his first name, She calls him Jammel,
Speaker 5: and she calls uh the guy that her mom has.
Speaker 4: Been with, Like but well wait, she calls your husband
Speaker 4: person yes, and calls him dad.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's because y'all should have made her sleep over
Speaker 2: in that room.
Speaker 3: All that was happening before I even got to they.
Speaker 2: So clearly there is some ship between yeah, her dad, yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's why there's a lot of tension, yeah with you.
Speaker 2: So when I came in, a lot of it it
Speaker 2: was pre existing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've got nothing to do with this, so I'm
Speaker 5: not going to jump through hoops to try to figure that.
Speaker 2: Okay, but it's all making sense.
Speaker 5: And I had people around me like, well, you know,
Speaker 5: once you marry a man with children, like that's your
Speaker 5: child now too, and you have to do X, Y Z,
Speaker 5: And I'm like, but if you knew the full situation,
Speaker 5: you would know that none of this shit is applable,
Speaker 5: like it don't apply here. And I feel like we
Speaker 5: do that with everything in life. We feel like, oh, well,
Speaker 5: if you're in this situation, this is how it has
Speaker 5: to play out, and no one's paying attention to like
Speaker 5: the details and the bad story, like the solution you
Speaker 5: offered me might just make everything worse. And you sen
Speaker 5: up here judging me for not taking your solution when
Speaker 5: you haven't looked at everything so well.
Speaker 2: I think is a lot of times, as women and
Speaker 2: you know men too, we look at situations and we judge.
Speaker 2: I think I don't know if the people that were
Speaker 2: offering you advice had children or not, or they did
Speaker 2: maybe but they've probably never been in this type of situation.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: It's I mean I think about I mean, I had
Speaker 2: a stepfather too. I have a stepfather, and he entered
Speaker 2: into my life around age seven, okay, and my mom
Speaker 2: and dated other guys and had boyfriends and stuff, and
Speaker 2: early on I established early on, I think I always
Speaker 2: liked him, and then there was that crucial moment where
Speaker 2: like I needed to be corrected and he tried to
Speaker 2: correct me, and I was like, you ain't my daddy, nigga, yeah,
Speaker 2: And he took that so personally because he is very
Speaker 2: much it's very sensitive pisces and wants to keep the peace.
Speaker 2: There's one overstep boundaries. But I think sometimes that can
Speaker 2: be good. But then also that can also be passive
Speaker 2: in a way, and children don't understand passiveness. There's it's
Speaker 2: either you want to be my daddy or like a
Speaker 2: father figure to me, or you're not. And for him,
Speaker 2: like that was all it took for him to be like,
Speaker 2: I'm bowing out. I'll just be your mom's boyfriend now
Speaker 2: has been is not married, but whatever, they've been together
Speaker 2: over twenty years and I'm not going to cross that
Speaker 2: boundary again. Whereas I wish she would have not listened
Speaker 2: to that and still tried, you know, because I didn't
Speaker 2: have a father. My dad was around, but he wasn't
Speaker 2: really around at that point at that time in my life.
Speaker 2: And I wish because those kids like, we don't we
Speaker 2: don't really know what's good for us. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: we just say shit because we're angry. We're angry. Yeah.
Speaker 5: And that was something that I struggled with because I
Speaker 5: felt like, Okay, maybe I should be more hands on
Speaker 5: whether it feels like it's wants or not. But I
Speaker 5: was like, she has an active mother in her life
Speaker 5: that she lives with. She has a man in her
Speaker 5: house that is serving as a father.
Speaker 2: That's a different situation. Yeah.
Speaker 5: And like at the time they were living with the grandparents,
Speaker 5: I was like, so she got a whole lot of
Speaker 5: parents around the.
Speaker 2: Whole maybe too many, yeah, And.
Speaker 3: I felt like it was too many.
Speaker 5: So I have people like, no, you're supposed to step
Speaker 5: in and be you know, a bonus mom or whatever,
Speaker 5: and I'm.
Speaker 3: Just like, sis got like five parents already, Like no.
Speaker 4: I can see myself like saying one thing right now
Speaker 4: and then being in the situation in me like fuck it,
Speaker 4: don't care.
Speaker 2: I know me, Like I don't care.
Speaker 4: I could see myself like me from the outside looking
Speaker 4: at right now.
Speaker 2: It's like you should try. You need to get in there,
Speaker 2: you need to start the relationship. Like me.
Speaker 4: Like imagining myself in that situation, I would be like, yeah,
Speaker 4: let's go to the mall. I'm gonna be cool, so then.
Speaker 2: You'll like me.
Speaker 4: But then, like if I was actually in that situation,
Speaker 4: with the way my attitude is set up, I could.
Speaker 3: Be like, bye, yeah, I'm going to the by myself.
Speaker 5: You need daddy obviously. Yeah, I definitely have some babout
Speaker 5: moments or I'll just be like.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you guys deal with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my.
Speaker 2: God, we have trouble in our future.
Speaker 3: No, it's all of it is manageable.
Speaker 2: Like that means we gotta find men soon. I think.
Speaker 2: I think. I think what's different in our situation is
Speaker 2: that our kids' fathers are active in their life. I'm
Speaker 2: not saying he wasn't yet, Like I calls her dad daddy,
Speaker 2: and it's a daddy's girl in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2: You know, anything can happen that can shift at any point.
Speaker 2: I prayed, I pray that never does, because the whole
Speaker 2: reason I never wanted kids was because my daddy was
Speaker 2: not around, and I felt like, if I have a child,
Speaker 2: I want to know that both parents are going to
Speaker 2: make an effort to be parents, because I didn't have that.
Speaker 2: But I do. Even though our relationship, even though it's different,
Speaker 2: it's different than I would have imagined in my head.
Speaker 2: I would have imagined that I'm married, that we're living
Speaker 2: in the same household. But at least I can say, like, actually,
Speaker 2: it's funny because we when we interviewed someone else recently
Speaker 2: and I said, well, you're a single parent and she's like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm not a single parent because her dad is still
Speaker 2: active in her life. And I said, I've heard.
Speaker 4: People say, like, we're not allowed to use that term
Speaker 4: single parent because single parent is reserved for people who's
Speaker 4: the other parent is completely absent, not present.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, I'm single and I'm a parent. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so yeah, I'm a single parent. I disagree with that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then like I'm a co parent parent, Like what
Speaker 2: the fuck is that?
Speaker 4: I'm a single cold parenting parent, but yeah, that's so interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so now you have a five year old
Speaker 2: and so through gate. So did you get birth at
Speaker 2: home because.
Speaker 3: You had even that change.
Speaker 5: So I was I was supposed to deliver at Graceful
Speaker 5: at the birthing center, and then when I was at
Speaker 5: thirty eight weeks, they saw that I was measuring much
Speaker 5: smaller than where I should have been. So they were like, Okay,
Speaker 5: we think you should go get a sonogram. Like something's up.
Speaker 5: She's not the size she's supposed to be. Fast forward,
Speaker 5: I find out I have to be induced. They're like,
Speaker 5: she's not growing. She's not growing at thirty.
Speaker 2: Four weeks as soon as you went to the hospital.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because generally, I just want to be clear because
Speaker 4: I'm if nobody knows, I'm obsessed with birth and I'm obsessed.
Speaker 2: With home birth, and I wanted to have home birth
Speaker 2: really bad.
Speaker 4: But I'm pretty sure you at no point, you don't
Speaker 4: have to go get a sonogram if you proceed with
Speaker 4: no my midwife told her to go get it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Had she not said that, you usually go the whole
Speaker 4: pregnancy just with the midwife, you'd never go to a sonogram.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 3: This is and this is what I loved about, Like
Speaker 3: how how wise they are. Yeah, they no point, and
Speaker 3: you're just like, don't worry, we can handle it. She's like, ooh,
Speaker 3: I don't know about this.
Speaker 2: You need to go see someone.
Speaker 3: You can go see someone.
Speaker 5: And when that confirmed what the midwife saw in the
Speaker 5: birth and center, because they're just using like old school
Speaker 5: measuring tape yea, and from that they were able to
Speaker 5: tell something was up. So I was just like, okay,
Speaker 5: now I really trust her. And they were just like, yeah,
Speaker 5: she stopped growing at thirty four weeks, like we do
Speaker 5: not know why.
Speaker 2: So did that play into your all your fears? Oh yes?
Speaker 2: And I was.
Speaker 5: Like, see, I told y'all. I told y'all like in
Speaker 5: my head, I was like I knew it. And they
Speaker 5: were just like, no, she's just small. We don't know why,
Speaker 5: so we just need to get her out and find
Speaker 5: out why. So I had to be induced and pots
Speaker 5: oh yeah, the whole line, the balloon to like to
Speaker 5: dilate all of it, all of it. But even that,
Speaker 5: like none of it was terrible.
Speaker 3: It was just time.
Speaker 2: It's just and it's different from your how you imagine.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, so it's disappointing.
Speaker 4: Not okay, No, I mean I'm against the medical the
Speaker 4: medical system period.
Speaker 2: But I mean like it got done. I was healthy,
Speaker 2: It was fine. Yeah, it was it the best shit ever.
Speaker 4: Like how I experiencing like orgasming and a in.
Speaker 2: My living room net right, orgasm It's called orgasmic birth.
Speaker 3: Orgasmic birth.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's what you were hoping for. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but once they put a balloon up there, you.
Speaker 4: Once they put any medical interruption in, you're fucked. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it it starts hurting.
Speaker 3: So delivered, everything was easy. And when she came.
Speaker 5: Out there like, okay, so she's just little, there's nothing wrong,
Speaker 5: really little lass maybe.
Speaker 2: So how many pounds was she? U?
Speaker 3: Five pounds seven ounces?
Speaker 5: So you you gave birth vasal I did, yeah, and
Speaker 5: all that was great, But I had so graceful came
Speaker 5: with me to Cedar Sinai, so I still had my
Speaker 5: midwives there. I was getting acupuncture and like you know,
Speaker 5: breathing exercises in the in the delivery room at the hospital.
Speaker 5: So it was nice to have a little bit of both,
Speaker 5: even though it was completely unplanned. Like they're like, we're
Speaker 5: gonna try to make it as much of a birthing
Speaker 5: center experience as we can. But and they have a
Speaker 5: good relationship with Cedar Sinai. So it wasn't like, you know,
Speaker 5: the doctors and nurses weren't just like, Okay, who's this
Speaker 5: crazy ass woman over here with the acupuncture needs? Okay,
Speaker 5: like you know, give us your updates. Yeah, they were
Speaker 5: very welcoming and it was just a big old team
Speaker 5: in there I give.
Speaker 2: Birth and suitors too, and they are very cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I had about forty people in the room, not when
Speaker 2: I gave birth, but they were like, you can have
Speaker 2: as many people as many people can fit in this room,
Speaker 2: can come up here. I literally had there's a photo
Speaker 2: I should post it on on our page, but there's
Speaker 2: a photo of literally forty people in the room and
Speaker 2: me just like drugged and we're watching I think I've
Speaker 2: said this before, and we're watching christ Jenner's first interview
Speaker 2: at Caitlin and Freddy was like, why do we have
Speaker 2: to watch this? Oh so beautiful. I just got to
Speaker 2: hear them so she's amazing. Yeah by you? Okay, yes
Speaker 2: if what okay, please people be right back. I need
Speaker 2: to Okay, we're back, Sorry about that.
Speaker 3: Where uh delivery and delivery?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so yeah, birth was easy, I mean as easy
Speaker 5: as birth can be.
Speaker 3: But it was.
Speaker 5: It was just good having the graceful team there with
Speaker 5: me because I felt like once they said oh you
Speaker 5: have to be a du so, I was like, okay,
Speaker 5: so all of my plans are now out the window.
Speaker 2: Literally every all of my friends have the same exact well,
Speaker 2: very few of my friends have had like perfect birth. Alana,
Speaker 2: like I had a c section unplanned. She was gonna
Speaker 2: be to have her home birth. Alana's had perfect births.
Speaker 2: Nisha was she was have a perfect home birth too.
Speaker 4: She didn't have had a good one then went as planned.
Speaker 2: Most of them don't go as planned. Yeah, so if
Speaker 2: you're planning to have a baby, just don't get married
Speaker 2: to your birth plan, please. I try to tell people that,
Speaker 2: you know what.
Speaker 4: That was my when and I told people my birth
Speaker 4: plan and they said, don't get married to it.
Speaker 2: I wanted to kill them too. I want to. I
Speaker 2: want to just tak my teeth into their side ship
Speaker 2: to hate people going against my optimism. Me too, I
Speaker 2: would say that you don't give me your negative mess.
Speaker 2: But they were right though, and that's why I would
Speaker 2: try to tell to my girl, I know you have
Speaker 2: a plan, but don't get married to this.
Speaker 4: I know, but don't tell women who are pregnant that
Speaker 4: why because because you'll learn it happens, it learns.
Speaker 3: I tell them before they're pregnant. Yeah, and that like
Speaker 3: the hormonal doesn't happen.
Speaker 2: I think if you're already a mom and you're already
Speaker 2: had this happened to you, Like, well.
Speaker 4: I think it's the first crack I think I could
Speaker 4: in the first crash course into momhood.
Speaker 2: Yeah, bitch, nothing goes like you planned.
Speaker 3: That's why you needed to have down.
Speaker 2: Just fucked up, get used to it. That's what it is,
Speaker 2: like ha ha jataha. I thought it would. You don't
Speaker 2: have a plan anymore, I guess, you know. And also
Speaker 2: when you're pregnant, everyone has a fucking opinion. So yeah,
Speaker 2: so you don't want your dead min's opinions.
Speaker 4: Some my my baby's daddy's cousin was like, awesome, don't
Speaker 4: be naming her no like African shit either, Like, don't
Speaker 4: get real, you know. I was like, bitch, you're about
Speaker 4: to name her the africanness name I can find.
Speaker 2: You're gonna pull up Rachel. Yeah, so long her new name.
Speaker 2: Loves the long Nigerian name. Yeah, but back so I
Speaker 2: want to get back to the shame thing. So how
Speaker 2: what were you gonna Sayause I.
Speaker 4: Was gonna say the same thing, but there was one
Speaker 4: thing I wanted to say about the shame thing. I
Speaker 4: don't think a lot of women realize that when you
Speaker 4: are when you become pregnant, there are all these things.
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's something that's like being pregnant,
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's just like obviously.
Speaker 2: There's a huge shift happening. You're building a person in
Speaker 2: your body.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I think there is this thing that happens
Speaker 4: because I've also read and heard about once you get
Speaker 4: pregnant and when you're in even in the process of
Speaker 4: giving birth, a lot of trauma comes up. If you've
Speaker 4: experienced any sexual trauma, any sexual violations. A lot of times,
Speaker 4: if you haven't resolved or or like worked past those things,
Speaker 4: sometimes it will slow down your birth process because you
Speaker 4: have you hold shame in your body and you're holding
Speaker 4: on to this this traumatic experience. Like your womb holds
Speaker 4: a lot of energy and it's your root chakra. And
Speaker 4: if you're even if you don't want to like be
Speaker 4: all hippie and shit, you should because because it's true,
Speaker 4: there's like these these metaphysical you know, correlations and your
Speaker 4: physical and your spiritual body.
Speaker 2: And I don't think I really realized it until.
Speaker 4: I got I've always been kind of obsessed with about
Speaker 4: birth because my best friend SHAWNI gave birth all at
Speaker 4: home too, twins, and and I've always had this weird
Speaker 4: connection with birth. But as I started to read in research,
Speaker 4: I realize, like there's so much healing that has to
Speaker 4: be done and so much self reflecting because it will
Speaker 4: come up and not just like trauma, but like your
Speaker 4: relationship with your mom, like all these things, and if
Speaker 4: you don't address them, sometimes during birth, your vagina will
Speaker 4: close back up, like you could start dilating, and then
Speaker 4: the fear will can overcome you and you will literally
Speaker 4: regress in your like dilation. So there's just all these
Speaker 4: things to consider that you don't even think about and
Speaker 4: you don't even realize, Like you didn't realize and even
Speaker 4: when you said that to us on the phone talking
Speaker 4: about this topic about the shame because I'm a pretty
Speaker 4: liberated woman and I'm pretty open about who I am
Speaker 4: and my sexual freedoms and how I like just in general,
Speaker 4: I don't think I hold a lot of.
Speaker 2: Shame in it.
Speaker 3: I didn't think I did either.
Speaker 2: You don't think that you do. However, we live in.
Speaker 4: A society that doesn't accept like a sexually liberated woman,
Speaker 4: and it is there is guilt a result, like around
Speaker 4: all sex. You know, there's so much guilt about just
Speaker 4: being sexually active and having just you know, unattached sex
Speaker 4: that like that men don't experience, and if you don't
Speaker 4: really really get in tune with it, and even like
Speaker 4: even now, I probably deal with it even in your
Speaker 4: amongst your friends circles and your social groups, and people
Speaker 4: that are supposed to support you and love you judge
Speaker 4: you because they're because they're also only a product of
Speaker 4: their social environment and they don't know better. And sometimes
Speaker 4: if you, you know, like if you're not really rooted
Speaker 4: in who the fuck you are and the decisions you've
Speaker 4: made and that the past is the past, and you know,
Speaker 4: just that shit happens, all these things can play into
Speaker 4: you know, who you are as a person and who
Speaker 4: you are as a parent, and even into your pregnancy. Yeah, so,
Speaker 4: like I think that was like a really good topic,
Speaker 4: the shame of being a woman I am.
Speaker 5: I I sawt therapy during my pregnancy it wasn't the
Speaker 5: first time, but it was very specific of I was like,
Speaker 5: I don't want this to come up in the delivery room.
Speaker 5: I don't want this to be a place where I
Speaker 5: parent from of shame and her of like you know,
Speaker 5: don't you wear that?
Speaker 2: And you know.
Speaker 3: When you're in the presence.
Speaker 5: Of men, you better cover up and like all this old,
Speaker 5: old shit that I didn't subscribe to as myself, but
Speaker 5: I knew it was in there, like in my head somewhere.
Speaker 5: So I was like, let's I know, it's not a
Speaker 5: terrible amount of time, like pregnancy is only for so long.
Speaker 5: I was like, but let's try to work through as
Speaker 5: much as this shit right now before she gets here.
Speaker 5: So that was between like my you know, kind of
Speaker 5: random emails to Elizabeth or her team all the time
Speaker 5: like okay, I'm I'm feeling this, Like how do I
Speaker 5: talk to him about not wanting his daughter there? Or
Speaker 5: how do I tell this person this about the pregnancy.
Speaker 5: I had a whole team. I had Elizabeth, I had
Speaker 5: my therapist, had my husband, like he was as understanding
Speaker 5: as he could be, and he had like two other
Speaker 5: friends that were also therapists. He's like, listen, it's not
Speaker 5: gonna be super legit because these are just friends of mine,
Speaker 5: You're not their actual patient. He's like, but if you
Speaker 5: need more help, we will get you more help.
Speaker 2: So did you talk to your husband about like, because
Speaker 2: I know your shame came from a few different sources,
Speaker 2: did you talk to him about because I know when
Speaker 2: we spoke, you sped specifically that one of the things
Speaker 2: was like the sexual your sexual past, yeah, and that
Speaker 2: you felt like because of that.
Speaker 5: I talked him about it, and he knew my past
Speaker 5: like I when when I met him, Like, he never
Speaker 5: asked me like you know, the whole how many people
Speaker 5: type thing? But I volunteered certain information because I was like, listen,
Speaker 5: everybody in LA knows everybody, So I'm going to give
Speaker 5: you a few names here that I think you might
Speaker 5: run into, especially with him doing the poetry lounge. And
Speaker 5: luckily it was never like any of his actual friends,
Speaker 5: but some of the names that I gave him sure
Speaker 5: enough showed.
Speaker 3: Up to perform. So like, and how did he deal
Speaker 3: with that? He texted me like, you wore was here
Speaker 3: spin home last night?
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, I deserve that, now, you don't
Speaker 5: Like it was like a playful teasing thing.
Speaker 3: You know. I was like, okay, but I'm glad that
Speaker 3: he knew who it was. Like I told him. I
Speaker 3: was like, I never want to.
Speaker 5: Put you in an awkward situation where we go to
Speaker 5: an event somewhere like why, like what's the inside joke
Speaker 5: that I'm not in it? So I was like, I
Speaker 5: gave him certain information.
Speaker 2: Did he give that to you? He did, okay, because
Speaker 2: I was just saying, it seems like because he's older
Speaker 2: and he's been in that realm and he's smart.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he's been in that poetry realm.
Speaker 2: I'm sure he's you know, had his fun throughout the years,
Speaker 2: and these people are like regulars.
Speaker 3: Oh, you know, he had to some of them. He
Speaker 3: had to just because it was still fair.
Speaker 5: There was still so much part of the scene, and
Speaker 5: so I knew who was who in the room.
Speaker 2: You know. It's so funny. I was thinking about this
Speaker 2: the other day because the guy I'm seeing, he we
Speaker 2: know some of this a lot of the same people.
Speaker 2: And there's one person in particular that I had I've
Speaker 2: slept with, and I know that they're cool ish. Actually
Speaker 2: I know they are cool but recently posts him and
Speaker 2: then I was like, oh damn, Like do I need
Speaker 2: to tell him this? I mean, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend,
Speaker 2: but like I feel like maybe it's a conversation, but
Speaker 2: then how do you bring that up?
Speaker 5: Like, by the way, that's why it was talentinebles.
Speaker 2: It was tell me I may have smashed It was
Speaker 2: one time and only one time.
Speaker 5: I when I presented it wasn't like in a you know,
Speaker 5: but you know, he don't leave me type thing.
Speaker 3: I was like, I just don't ever want you to.
Speaker 2: Feel stupid much worried about that.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: What's funny about this, though, too, is because I know
Speaker 2: he's had sex with a girl that I know, he's
Speaker 2: never volunteered the information. Like we've talked about her, I've
Speaker 2: mentioned her, and she's a she's not a good friend
Speaker 2: of mine, but we're totally cool, Like I love her,
Speaker 2: Like if I saw her today, I'd be like, you know,
Speaker 2: and I've mentioned her, and he's never volunteered that information
Speaker 2: to me, And so I'm always thinking, like I wonder
Speaker 2: if he would or.
Speaker 4: If it's going to take me to volunteer the information
Speaker 4: for them to him to think volunteer, not that it
Speaker 4: obviously doesn't matter to me, But I just I've had
Speaker 4: that thought like should I tell him?
Speaker 5: Like, and I think it just depends on like how
Speaker 5: the other people act, Like if you know the person
Speaker 5: that you fuck with, is that type of like shady persons?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and a few of them.
Speaker 5: I was like, listen, he is messy, so let's messy books. Yeah,
Speaker 5: let's just not do this. And I only offered up
Speaker 5: the messy ones.
Speaker 2: Do you think So now that you know you went
Speaker 2: to therapy, you have your daughter, does the shame pop
Speaker 2: up now for you? Still? Sometimes? And maybe not shame,
Speaker 2: but like maybe the the you're the things you're trying
Speaker 2: to unlearn, Like have you noticed you've had to check
Speaker 2: yourself like you've done stuff and be like, oh shit, that's.
Speaker 5: A different things Like and now it's just like, okay,
Speaker 5: so I've resolved the shame around my sexual past. But
Speaker 5: then it'll be like, okay, well you didn't finish school,
Speaker 5: so like let's let's let's dig in on that. Let's
Speaker 5: talk about how that makes you a shitty person, and.
Speaker 3: So it'll just cool.
Speaker 2: How am I gonna tell my daughter she needs to? Yes?
Speaker 3: So it just jumps to two different subject matters.
Speaker 5: But now I'm much better about noticing what it is
Speaker 5: in that moment, and I'm like, Okay, I know where
Speaker 5: we are right now, and you need to stop. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I need to stop, or I need to call. Like
Speaker 5: I have certain friends that I'll hit up and they're
Speaker 5: just like, you're tripping. I'll talk you through it, but
Speaker 5: just know you're being dumb right now. And now it's
Speaker 5: much easier to manage. And I feel like it's because
Speaker 5: I've had the awkward conversations around it, and so now
Speaker 5: I'm just like, you know, this advocate of everybody having
Speaker 5: weird ass conversations and not necessarily like divulging, you know,
Speaker 5: personal information to me or to anyone if they're not
Speaker 5: ready to. But I just feel like you have to
Speaker 5: address it otherwise it just stays in your head and
Speaker 5: then you start believing it.
Speaker 2: And there's so many women out here that feel the
Speaker 2: same way. And I think that's what me and Jamila
Speaker 2: have discovered just through podcasting, and I'm sure like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're not the only ones that feel this way. Oh wait,
Speaker 2: that happened to you.
Speaker 4: Too, and kind of finding like growth in the shit
Speaker 4: that you've done, like everybody has some shit.
Speaker 2: Growth And also like feeling finding some sort of empowerment
Speaker 2: in it, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, yeah
Speaker 2: I did that ship and so did a lot of them,
Speaker 2: so did your mom. Right, so what?
Speaker 4: But you know what this conversation makes me because I'm
Speaker 4: thinking talking to you, I'm like examining my own shame
Speaker 4: and when I felt it, or like if I've acknowledged it,
Speaker 4: or if I'm like just so badass, I don't have
Speaker 4: no shame, and then if I'm just like telling myself that,
Speaker 4: because of course there's that too, But you know what
Speaker 4: I realized it takes you have to you have to
Speaker 4: be aware of the of the shame, like how people
Speaker 4: try to use that against you, particularly meant because like
Speaker 4: obviously when you have a partner that's mature enough to
Speaker 4: like have a conversation and like we could see you know,
Speaker 4: it's it's just like you know, first of all, I
Speaker 4: always tell people like did you think when you met me?
Speaker 2: I was a virgin? Did you think I know how
Speaker 2: to ride that dick like that? For no reason? Or
Speaker 2: these skills didn't come from nowhere practice?
Speaker 4: This is practice, baby, Yes, better'd be happy you caught
Speaker 4: me right now, right, But I was in a relationship
Speaker 4: that was so much based on shaming me and picking
Speaker 4: out like picking picking, picking picking at shit, like knowing
Speaker 4: stuff about me because like we've known each other for
Speaker 4: so long that I was okay with certain things, but then.
Speaker 2: Like I could, I could feel myself like.
Speaker 4: Being in a great area about it because this person
Speaker 4: was like trying to make me feel guilty about it.
Speaker 4: And so one day I was like, dude, like he
Speaker 4: tried to tell my best friend something about me that I, oh,
Speaker 4: it was my paid sex hory uh submission, my own
Speaker 4: submission to the podcast, and I had like written about it,
Speaker 4: and he tried to like out me to Danielle, who's
Speaker 4: I've done for twenty five years, And I was like, dude,
Speaker 4: she knows all my business.
Speaker 2: You are ashamed of it. I'm not. You can't make
Speaker 2: me feel bad about something I don't feel bad about.
Speaker 4: And it took me to like really examine that in
Speaker 4: myself and be like, dude, you're barking up the wrong
Speaker 4: tree because only you care.
Speaker 2: I don't. Well, that's I mean, that's very strong of you,
Speaker 2: because very easily could a man or anyone make you
Speaker 2: feel shameful about something you never even thought you had
Speaker 2: shame around. You could be like, I'm what was wrong
Speaker 2: with that? And then he can shame you and you
Speaker 2: be like, oh shit, maybe I am well. I mean
Speaker 2: there was obviously things that are not.
Speaker 4: Traditional, you know, and there's things that I mean, you know,
Speaker 4: I wouldn't like recommend anyone do too.
Speaker 2: Luckily, I you know, it.
Speaker 4: Was they were good learning experiences for me, but like
Speaker 4: being aware of that and picking a partner that is
Speaker 4: mature enough like to be like, Okay, you're a human
Speaker 4: just like me, and you've done shit before. This is
Speaker 4: so so important because that relationship, Like I didn't realize it,
Speaker 4: but I was fucking depressed for years, years sitting up
Speaker 4: like being miserable with somebody and like it was weird
Speaker 4: because I think he loved me, but like he couldn't
Speaker 4: understand me and so he couldn't accept it.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: So it's just like this this constant battle, and even
Speaker 4: in regular conversations I would have like I think I
Speaker 4: found like all these letters from high.
Speaker 2: School and I remember click cringing, like oh.
Speaker 4: No, don't find anything from the seventh grade about that
Speaker 4: boy name. So you know, like it's gonna start this
Speaker 4: shit all over again, because we had known each other
Speaker 4: that long. But I'm just like I had to get
Speaker 4: past that and get out of that relationship and grow
Speaker 4: out of it to like feel empowered again.
Speaker 2: Because yeah, I didne a lot of shit, But it's so.
Speaker 4: Important to pick a partner that empowers you and that
Speaker 4: is mature enough to understand, Like, you wouldn't get me
Speaker 4: right now if it wasn't for the experiences that I've
Speaker 4: had up until this point. I'm who I am because
Speaker 4: of everything that I've done right up until right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So if you like this per person, you like.
Speaker 4: All of that period, and I don't ask me how
Speaker 4: many people I stuck with, I don't know, same, it's
Speaker 4: a dumbest us.
Speaker 2: But you're still gonna smash right.
Speaker 4: So it's just like just to be a woman is
Speaker 4: such a like to be a woman and to have
Speaker 4: had sex and lived your life is just like such
Speaker 4: an odd place. Like socially, there's just this weird I mean,
Speaker 4: obviously we're in a place that's like we're becoming more
Speaker 4: sexually liberated. We can talk about it, we can have
Speaker 4: these conversations as mothers, Oh God, God forbid, mothers, how did.
Speaker 2: You get here? You don't deserve a husband, will you
Speaker 2: should be shunned for life.
Speaker 4: So it's just it's crazy, but it makes me realize
Speaker 4: how how fucking and vital and important it is in
Speaker 4: my next relationship that that be like we can.
Speaker 2: Have the conversation and it not be like icedly like sweat, Yeah.
Speaker 5: You can't use the information against person later.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I.
Speaker 5: Never encountered that with him, So I think that helped
Speaker 5: a lot. That I was able to provide information with him.
Speaker 5: We would have just honest conversations. He never hit me
Speaker 5: with the you know, the body count question.
Speaker 2: He was like litten, the older, Yeah, more mature. That
Speaker 2: helps twenty.
Speaker 8: Five in man years, right, But that that definitely helped,
Speaker 8: But it still didn't stop the It obviously didn't stop
Speaker 8: it from after we got married and me getting pregnant, like,
Speaker 8: it still came up and I realized like.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is my ship, but he's not throwing this
Speaker 3: back in my face.
Speaker 2: It's just you.
Speaker 3: My family's not saying that this is all me.
Speaker 5: And that's when it was like, Okay, you need to
Speaker 5: go seek professional help because you're just driving yourself insane.
Speaker 2: And social society will drive you insane.
Speaker 4: Like the things that were like we swallow and accept
Speaker 4: not realizing or accepting it because like I didn't grow
Speaker 4: up in a religious, know kind of religious background.
Speaker 2: But of course there was comments. Of course there was
Speaker 2: things being said.
Speaker 4: Watch TV here, people have conversations and these these ideas,
Speaker 4: you know, transform how you feel about yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Instagram and like just the social commentary. You can't
Speaker 3: turn a home into the house, and you just like, so.
Speaker 2: That's how I like. They they don't have a job,
Speaker 2: and they doing sheet because they laid it down. And
Speaker 2: guess how many times they had to do that to
Speaker 2: get to where they are to be an expert? Can
Speaker 2: you think that out to all the homes in the house?
Speaker 2: I am pro pro how I mean, but I mean
Speaker 2: they're fucking First of all, it's not a hell. You're
Speaker 2: not a help, You're just a human, like just a human.
Speaker 2: Got exercising your sexual rights? Yeah, freely? Have you.
Speaker 3: What's happening here?
Speaker 2: I'm coughing, Eric's shaking her legs. Have you have you experienced.
Speaker 4: Any like like specific times you felt shame or like
Speaker 4: even in.
Speaker 2: Parenthood or I mean, of course I've experienced shame, like.
Speaker 4: Just in general, like like I don't know what do
Speaker 4: they call it?
Speaker 2: Slut shaming?
Speaker 3: Shame?
Speaker 2: Of course, of course I have. I mean we're women.
Speaker 2: I think every woman has experienced slutshaming. I mean honestly,
Speaker 2: it's like you're not a woman unless until you've experienced
Speaker 2: such the most conservative experience. People will make up some shit,
Speaker 2: but as far as like shame goes, Like as a parent,
Speaker 2: I never I didn't experience like your experience, But I'm
Speaker 2: not feeling like I deserved my child. I think sometimes
Speaker 2: even like now, sometimes I feel like especially now because
Speaker 2: Irie is getting older and asking me a lot of
Speaker 2: questions about what things mean and how to define things
Speaker 2: and Mommy, what does this word mean? Mommy? Why is this?
Speaker 2: Why is that? What is that?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, shit, Like literally, we were having this
Speaker 2: conversation the other day and Iri was like I was like,
Speaker 2: I was mad at her because she was not listening,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you are this is unacceptable behavior.
Speaker 2: And I was like, do you know what unacceptable WANs?
Speaker 2: And She's like no, what does it mean? And I
Speaker 2: was like, I mean, I don't like the shame. And
Speaker 2: I was like, wait, that's not a good answer. Let
Speaker 2: me try to find this. So yeah, sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 2: am I smart? Like how do I question again? And
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, She's gonna get older and
Speaker 2: like start taking all these different like English history, all
Speaker 2: these things, and I'm like, I think it's it's already
Speaker 2: starting to pop up where I'm questioning. I think, like you,
Speaker 2: I didn't finish college. A lot of my friends have
Speaker 2: their masters, you know, they're you know, highly intelligent in
Speaker 2: that sense of the word. And it's something I've I've
Speaker 2: felt insecure about, especially too, like I work in a
Speaker 2: business that you know, my mom founded a really amazing
Speaker 2: company and I'm you know, she looks to me for
Speaker 2: advice and at some point I might take over this company.
Speaker 2: And sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy, Like I
Speaker 2: don't know everything. I don't know these people went to
Speaker 2: school for this shit. These people like have worked for
Speaker 2: major brands and know how this works. And I'm just like,
Speaker 2: sometimes I feel unworthy of the things that I have.
Speaker 2: And also like, am I smart? How am I going
Speaker 2: to tell my daughter that I didn't finish college but
Speaker 2: I want her to finish college? And how am I
Speaker 2: going to help her with her homework? Like and not
Speaker 2: know what this means? And because when it comes to math.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, honey, Iri. Let me just tell you now,
Speaker 2: if you're listening to this in the future, I'm sorry, baby,
Speaker 2: I'm so fucking that that's what.
Speaker 3: That's what tutors are for. And I was like, and.
Speaker 2: Math is not my strongest at all.
Speaker 3: I'm like, and I will hustle enough write your English paper.
Speaker 2: However, Yeah, so I think some of that like has
Speaker 2: come up for me as far as like feeling ashamed
Speaker 2: that I don't maybe I could be more educated in
Speaker 2: different ways.
Speaker 5: But there's so much self awareness and even saying that
Speaker 5: instead of just going out into the world and just
Speaker 5: assuming I'm smart, I know everything and you don't, masses can't. Like,
Speaker 5: I feel like that opens you up that you're more
Speaker 5: likely to ask for help and more likely to do
Speaker 5: more research because you're already thinking.
Speaker 3: Every dog answer.
Speaker 2: And I say that, And that's how I kind of
Speaker 2: talk myself off that ledge. I was like, I can
Speaker 2: start educating myself today if I wanted to. There's really
Speaker 2: no excuse, you know, I could start educating myself so
Speaker 2: that when she is in high school, I already know,
Speaker 2: like I can read, I can brush up on some shit,
Speaker 2: you know, what I mean.
Speaker 4: My god, speaking of that, did you guys see I
Speaker 4: know I showed Erica Erica Badu's homeschooling post. Oh yeah, no,
Speaker 4: well it is so it's going to make anyone in
Speaker 4: the world feel inadequate and drum as hell. As soon
Speaker 4: as I saw it, I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: I don't know shit, how am I going to teach
Speaker 4: my child anything?
Speaker 2: It was so deep.
Speaker 3: Well she's deep. Let me tell you the whole time.
Speaker 2: Do you want to hear what she said? Yes, just
Speaker 2: if you want to feel even more inadequate.
Speaker 4: She said, she's talking about a homeschool, and she says,
Speaker 4: when Daddy is home, Wait, the whole drill knows. If
Speaker 4: the whole family knows the drill, the whole family got
Speaker 4: to get involved. When Big Bro comes home from college
Speaker 4: botany major, he teaches botany in psychology. When Daddy is
Speaker 4: Jay Electronica, he teaches world planetary history and geography. When
Speaker 4: Big Sis ninth grade is done with her work, she
Speaker 4: teaches art and French.
Speaker 2: I'll handle.
Speaker 4: The physics, math, lit, sociology, health science, astronomy, astrology, meditation, religion, economics,
Speaker 4: art appreciation, filmmaking, quantum science, molecular physics, et cetera. So
Speaker 4: fourteen things plus, but our main focus is human compassion
Speaker 4: or matters of the heart. We are guiding Mars to
Speaker 4: see the world through her own lens. She will understand
Speaker 4: that she must experience the consequences of her own choices
Speaker 4: and judgments.
Speaker 2: It is not necessary that she becomes.
Speaker 4: A mini Erica or mini j After all, we are
Speaker 4: all still becoming lots of love.
Speaker 2: We need to pick up a book. I need to
Speaker 2: learn molecular science.
Speaker 3: You know what I heard when I listened to it.
Speaker 3: I was like, basically, if your kid lives in La
Speaker 3: let me see this. Let me tell you. Okay, so
Speaker 3: maybe not by but what is that? It's like gardening?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe you've got a backyard, got back covered? Okay,
Speaker 2: find me. Okay, break it down. Break it down for
Speaker 2: us so we don't feel so inadequate lineography.
Speaker 3: Your kids gonna spend a lot of time in the
Speaker 3: backseat on these freeways.
Speaker 2: Okay, if you're you gonna be traveling with me, so
Speaker 2: we're gonna go country to country. So that's yo.
Speaker 5: But I'm not even wait, okay, I'm talking about just
Speaker 5: for our kids living in this city, math and and okay,
Speaker 5: they're gonna teach you a kid them sociology. Right around
Speaker 5: the city. You get to study people. Okay, that's all
Speaker 5: that is. See that lady at the supermarket, she was
Speaker 5: a bitch health science. To take them to their doctor's appointment.
Speaker 5: Walk them through what's happening. Bam, got it covered. Astronomy,
Speaker 5: look outside, bitch astrology. Tell them about they signed meditation. Okay,
Speaker 5: y'all can go to yoga together. Religion, optional, economics, talk
Speaker 5: to them about the family budget, art appreciation, take.
Speaker 3: Them to the art walk downtown. Filmmaking.
Speaker 5: That's what iPhones are for. Y'all are recording ship right now,
Speaker 5: y'all are filmmakers.
Speaker 3: Quantum science and you don't need all that does not
Speaker 3: even mean That's why I said you don't even need it,
Speaker 3: because I don't know what it means.
Speaker 5: Molecular physics also know, but you can cross off a
Speaker 5: bunch of them by just living in the city of
Speaker 5: Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: Our appreciation.
Speaker 2: Because I was like, wow, that's true, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you broke it down for us. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: living in the city. Thank you.
Speaker 3: You will get all of that and more.
Speaker 2: Sorry, for cutting you off. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 4: It just I thought, and I was like, damn. And
Speaker 4: she's also has like seven Grammys. How did you teach
Speaker 4: fourteen topics? Fourteen homeschool subjects? Get a Grammy and be
Speaker 4: rich and be fly and be bombed.
Speaker 2: But that's what we know.
Speaker 4: But that's we're working progress, and that's what she says
Speaker 4: all at the end, which I thought was the most beautiful.
Speaker 2: We're all becoming and that's so.
Speaker 3: But y'all can make a list like that today, be like,
Speaker 3: I'm teaching my kids.
Speaker 2: You know what, I've already teaching iris, geography, sociology all
Speaker 2: the time. Oh my god, can I tell you something?
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yesterday Freddy came over and was like,
Speaker 2: that's fine. Everyone knows that's my baby daddy. My baby
Speaker 2: daddy's name is Freddy. Guys, Okay, hey Freddy, it's not
Speaker 2: that hard to figure.
Speaker 3: No, happy bay.
Speaker 2: He don't get blurred with. So he came over and
Speaker 2: was like, do you know what your daughter said to
Speaker 2: me the other day? And I was like what And
Speaker 2: she was like, Irie, what did what did you say?
Speaker 2: Mommy said that people the people she doesn't like, and
Speaker 2: she was like, white people I almost passed the funk out.
Speaker 2: I was like what, She's like, yeah, mommy, white people
Speaker 2: are bad.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, no, no, they're not.
Speaker 2: I was like, they're not bad. I'm a little bit
Speaker 2: of white like so, and you know, like, we have
Speaker 2: white people in our lives that we love. There's a
Speaker 2: lot of amazing white people in this world, don't. I
Speaker 2: don't want you going around telling people that you all
Speaker 2: you have white friends at school, you know. Like, but
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh my god, there's like is
Speaker 2: this what I'm teaching her? Like? Is this is this
Speaker 2: what she picked up off all the fucking beautiful things
Speaker 2: I tell my daughter daily.
Speaker 4: Like she gotta be careful because even remember I tell
Speaker 4: me that black Sanna, She's like, I don't want to
Speaker 4: see black sand I want to see white sand.
Speaker 2: I was like, I think this is where that conversation
Speaker 2: came from. I think that's where she that that moment
Speaker 2: we were talking about that in the car, that is
Speaker 2: where she got it from. I remember we were talking
Speaker 2: about something, We're talking about something racial, and I said
Speaker 2: something like that's why white people do that shit, And
Speaker 2: I think something like that translated into negativity, and I
Speaker 2: do not want my daughter thinking that white people are
Speaker 2: bad because they're not. There are a lot of bad
Speaker 2: black This is what I said to her. I said,
Speaker 2: there are bad There are bad white people, but they're
Speaker 2: also bad Black people, and there are bad brown people.
Speaker 2: There are just bad people in general. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It's not like designated to the color of your skin, right,
Speaker 2: Like yes, absolutely, like black people, you know, deal with
Speaker 2: a lot of bad ship from other races, specifically white people.
Speaker 4: But that's that alone, is a complex thing that your child.
Speaker 4: Because we were watching a documentary the one that I
Speaker 4: need to correct myself. It wasn't called black paraphernilia. It
Speaker 4: was called black memorabilia. I was really high that week
Speaker 4: and soa and drinking Cannieen last week. I was acting dumb.
Speaker 4: It's because I was high. But there was all these
Speaker 4: images when I was playing Sorry to Cut You Off,
Speaker 4: and there was like pictures of people being hang and
Speaker 4: like white people watching, and like Luda was in and
Speaker 4: out of their room, and I was like, is this
Speaker 4: too graphic to be showing her? But I remember watching
Speaker 4: like very graphic things as achild. My dad like made
Speaker 4: me watch Malcolm X. I watched like all types of
Speaker 4: adult movies.
Speaker 3: It's an ongoing lesson.
Speaker 5: So I think if they hear you say something like
Speaker 5: that in traffic or they see the images, you know
Speaker 5: that the conversation is going to be ongoing, probably for
Speaker 5: the rest of their lives, right, But.
Speaker 2: Like, when do you introduce it? Like I mean, even
Speaker 2: like I have a lot of most of the books
Speaker 2: I reader, a lot of them are like, you know,
Speaker 2: girls that look like her, And there's one specifically that
Speaker 2: is Martin Luther King. I had a dream book and
Speaker 2: it's for kids, and there was like a part where
Speaker 2: they were talking about segregation and how they were how
Speaker 2: they were talking about it was very like surface, but
Speaker 2: it got to the point but she wanted to she
Speaker 2: didn't understand it, and she was asking me, like, why
Speaker 2: are those kids being mean to her? And I was like, well,
Speaker 2: because they don't look like her and so they don't
Speaker 2: understand that we're all the same and we should be
Speaker 2: treated equally. And she's like why because they're white, And
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah.
Speaker 3: If in that moment that's the true.
Speaker 2: I didn't want to lie to her like that's not
Speaker 2: fair either, but also like I don't want her living
Speaker 2: her life having a chip on her shoulder. I want
Speaker 2: her to experience people and come to her own conclusion
Speaker 2: about people, not because her mommy said something in the
Speaker 2: car one day and white people are bad. Like I
Speaker 2: was like, fuck no, because because I come from a
Speaker 2: multi cultural family, I'm not all black on my family.
Speaker 2: My grandfather was Irish and Portuguese. He looked like a
Speaker 2: white man he identified as well. I don't know if
Speaker 2: he identified as white. Actually that's a good question. I
Speaker 2: wish I could ask him that he's no longer here
Speaker 2: you missy pop up. But like I looked at him
Speaker 2: as white, you know, And it's a part of me
Speaker 2: that I just never I've never really embraced because I
Speaker 2: didn't feel like I don't identify as white period. That's
Speaker 2: not my experience, you know.
Speaker 4: And so I look at our friend group, look at
Speaker 4: our like I just saw her guessue we're trying to
Speaker 4: like find I was like, I don't.
Speaker 2: Really have that many black friends. Oh yeah, you were
Speaker 2: just like I was like, texted to one of your
Speaker 2: black friends, and I was like, wait, oh shit, hold on,
Speaker 2: oh wait, here's one on. Hold on.
Speaker 4: But but it's such a tricky, tricky, tricky thing because
Speaker 4: I mean First of all, we're human.
Speaker 2: We're gonna fuck up and not.
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously we're the farthest thing from being like
Speaker 4: prejudiced or racist. But and on the flip side, I
Speaker 4: find Alna like always wanting to play in like certain
Speaker 4: people's hair or saying like I want hair.
Speaker 2: Flowing long hair.
Speaker 4: Like so and slow, and I'm just like, here we go,
Speaker 4: here we go, you know, And it's.
Speaker 2: Just this constant fucking battle.
Speaker 4: I don't want you to think like this is more
Speaker 4: beautiful or this is better, and you don't have to
Speaker 4: counteract that by saying black white people are bad or
Speaker 4: they're not beautiful. Because I posted something one time and
Speaker 4: everybody was like, well, why are you teaching your daughter
Speaker 4: that white people are beautiful?
Speaker 2: Bit I didn't say that.
Speaker 4: Calm down, Okay, everybody knows the European standard beauty is
Speaker 4: top notch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this is not a society, non in real life,
Speaker 2: not in real life. No, obviously, I don't mean like
Speaker 2: not top notch. I mean like, but that that's what's
Speaker 2: going to be pushed on our kids regardless without any effort.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so if I don't counteract it with her with
Speaker 4: images of stuff, and I just told Erica this. We
Speaker 4: were like watching a Laura A commercial and there's like
Speaker 4: a multicultural one and there was like a curly haired one.
Speaker 2: She's like, she has hair like me, and it's like, yes,
Speaker 2: U Street does. Curly is the bomb. Curly can go
Speaker 2: straight or curly.
Speaker 3: So when you go on curly, I know, well, I
Speaker 3: was just gonna say that, Like I I did not
Speaker 3: want the hair conversation to start really early in my
Speaker 3: house because like a lot of women, especially in my age,
Speaker 3: like thirty and up, we all have the same story
Speaker 3: like my mom. But I relaxed around my hair.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, So I was like, I don't want her
Speaker 5: to ask me for this. So I made the decision
Speaker 5: not to wear my hair straight for longs. I had
Speaker 5: locks when when I first had her, and then I
Speaker 5: cut him off and I was like, look, we match.
Speaker 3: We both have like a little short curly froze.
Speaker 5: And now I'll get a blowout every once in a while,
Speaker 5: but never like bone straight. It's still big and I
Speaker 5: think for what I've seen with her is like she
Speaker 5: always wants to do what I'm doing.
Speaker 2: Me too. My I was always like, Mommy, I want
Speaker 2: my hair to look like yours, even yesterday, I had
Speaker 2: my hair pulled back so it looked like it was straight,
Speaker 2: but it wasn't. She's like, can you take your hair out?
Speaker 2: And I want your hair to look like mine.
Speaker 3: You want to be twins.
Speaker 4: And I I was like, I told Air cause the
Speaker 4: other day I was like straightening my hair and she
Speaker 4: was watching me.
Speaker 2: Lenna was watching me.
Speaker 4: I was like, Fuck, I'm doing everything I'm I preach
Speaker 4: against and you know.
Speaker 2: And it's so funny cause I'm so pro black. I'm
Speaker 2: so pro this, and.
Speaker 3: I don't think it takes away.
Speaker 2: I I it doesn't.
Speaker 4: But like I realized, like cause when I was pregnant,
Speaker 4: I shaved my head and just started a new Yeah.
Speaker 4: But I hate to say this and it's the shallowest
Speaker 4: part of me. But like living in LA and being
Speaker 4: a black girl with a fade, I mean it works
Speaker 4: for like Amber Rose.
Speaker 3: I don't know my best friend, her name's Ayana. She
Speaker 3: kills a faith so heals you.
Speaker 4: But like I realized in those moments, like granted I
Speaker 4: was pregnant, and like after it got like a certain land,
Speaker 4: like a curly Friday, like I started getting braids, but
Speaker 4: it made me realize, like it's me like I'm insecure
Speaker 4: about it, Like I don't want to go to the
Speaker 4: club because I don't want I don't want to risk.
Speaker 2: Someone being like, oh, you guys can get in, but
Speaker 2: not her.
Speaker 4: Because growing up in La, first of all, I know
Speaker 4: we've been going to the club for like four thousand years,
Speaker 4: way before we were twenty one. I've seen so much
Speaker 4: racial profiling at the club in Hollywood.
Speaker 2: First of all, most of my friends, I'm not even
Speaker 2: just the club because you cannot say your hair you
Speaker 2: did not not You're not basing your hair based off
Speaker 2: the club. First of all, hair, because that's what it
Speaker 2: sounds like right now, I.
Speaker 6: Need club hair, must get into the club. But I
Speaker 6: do get like in La, it's hard because you do
Speaker 6: feel like I know.
Speaker 2: What your point is. I have to clarify that because
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, people are going to think me.
Speaker 3: So I told my husband all the time, I was like,
Speaker 3: I was telling I'm like, you have no idea, how
Speaker 3: fine I am south of the Tin, Like, when I
Speaker 3: go south of the Tin, I'm in. I'm I'm that chip.
Speaker 3: But otherwise I can get ignored pretty easily, depends on
Speaker 3: where you're going.
Speaker 2: I'm so tainted to Inglewood. Yeah, I do. I think
Speaker 2: a lot of our hair choices are revolved around men
Speaker 2: would think, because I've noticed as curly hair girl, that
Speaker 2: it's changed now because curly is it's in now, all right,
Speaker 2: then has been in for a while a few years,
Speaker 2: four or five years. But before that, I would notice
Speaker 2: that I would get so much more attention when my
Speaker 2: hair was straight. Yep. Sometimes my hair could get like
Speaker 2: I used to have longer hand it was very big,
Speaker 2: like a big aff, like big curl curly afro. So
Speaker 2: I would get attention for that too, yep, because it's
Speaker 2: like an accessory. But it was like different attention. May'd
Speaker 2: be like, damn, your hair so flying, that's so dope.
Speaker 2: And on my hair is.
Speaker 5: Straight, be like, oh you're so sexy, Yes, you fine,
Speaker 5: and and then like we can't we can't not talk
Speaker 5: about like how certain textures are preferred and not every
Speaker 5: black woman is gonna have actual curls.
Speaker 3: It might just like be kinky afro texture.
Speaker 2: Your hair is literally exactly like my daughter.
Speaker 3: I saw that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's what I.
Speaker 5: But I I was very aware of that too, like
Speaker 5: when when wearing my hair, like especially if I really
Speaker 5: like take time to make them define and like use
Speaker 5: the product the way.
Speaker 2: That's a whole difference.
Speaker 5: And then if everyone I get so many more compliments,
Speaker 5: like when it's really defined, oh my god, your hair
Speaker 5: so beautiful, it was just like kind of big and poofy,
Speaker 5: or like oh hey, I'm like okay, So the more
Speaker 5: I can make it look like almost wet, then we're
Speaker 5: just like, yeah, that's the look right there. And so
Speaker 5: I've had conversations with friends, like especially my friends that
Speaker 5: don't have curly hair. They're like, so I'm doing twist
Speaker 5: outs and breakouts like anything, trying to texture, and I'm
Speaker 5: just like, I wouldn't even I wouldn't want to do that.
Speaker 5: So it's like you can't even be like, oh, be
Speaker 5: natural to every woman because this is washing.
Speaker 2: Gohugh.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, great, hour and twenty minutes we end.
Speaker 3: We out. If I had to sit and twist every night,
Speaker 3: i'd either be baldhead or lace.
Speaker 2: For watching YouTube tutorials, I'm like, who has time twist
Speaker 2: every night? I'm like, and this video was sped up,
Speaker 2: so I know this shit took about one hour. Rod yeah,
Speaker 2: the rods, Yeah, I tried, and they're uncomfortable and I
Speaker 2: look better with shorter hair.
Speaker 4: And honestly, like a short curly fro is not that
Speaker 4: cute on me, Like I mean, I've had it.
Speaker 2: It's look kind of cute, but like there's no versatility.
Speaker 2: Actually your hair. When we did the shoot and we
Speaker 2: have that little mini fro, curly hair on it, look
Speaker 2: you looked hellicute and that hair. It takes a long
Speaker 2: You have to unfuck yourself, I know.
Speaker 4: But even this whole conversation, it's all about how we
Speaker 4: allow social stigmas and social like other people's opinions to
Speaker 4: shame us, shame us, and that goes into beauty, that
Speaker 4: goes into our sexual past and history.
Speaker 2: They're just every other. Everything is so like and.
Speaker 4: And I'd like to say that I'm like, I don't
Speaker 4: I don't give a fuck about people's opinions. But even
Speaker 4: in these conversations, I'm like, oh shit, I'm fucked up
Speaker 4: because I'm first.
Speaker 2: Of all, I'm not obsessed with going to the club
Speaker 2: because not anymore.
Speaker 4: But like, especially growing up in the valley, being like
Speaker 4: one of three black people, it's impossible to not notice
Speaker 4: certain things.
Speaker 2: It's impossible to not be aware of yourself. It's not
Speaker 2: impossible to not see what guys early on in your
Speaker 2: youth are attracted to and how can I fit into that.
Speaker 2: I used to remember like dreaming, like praying, like oh,
Speaker 2: I just.
Speaker 9: Want to get in the pool and swiam and get
Speaker 9: out and like shake my hair so annoying, Why God,
Speaker 9: why why can't I just go with the pool like
Speaker 9: everybody else?
Speaker 4: Like it was the end of my world, like I
Speaker 4: couldn't understand it. And of course I love myself. Of
Speaker 4: course I love my natural hair. Like do I feel
Speaker 4: like doing my natural hair every day? Because when I
Speaker 4: cut it off and then grew it back, oh my god,
Speaker 4: so much work.
Speaker 2: Okay, it was like I was gonna live in a scarf.
Speaker 2: It was just so once you get but once you
Speaker 2: get into the it's all about habit and training your
Speaker 2: hair routine.
Speaker 5: Because I use the same three products every time. If
Speaker 5: I run out of them, I was like, oh, then
Speaker 5: this is a head wrap day because I don't have
Speaker 5: my special you know.
Speaker 4: And I don't feel like finding the products. I didn't
Speaker 4: feel like redefining the curls. I was just like, fuck it,
Speaker 4: cut it off and permit I know how to do
Speaker 4: that hairstyle. Good because I've had in my whole a
Speaker 4: doll that my hair has been short.
Speaker 2: But this conversation is making me reflect on my self.
Speaker 4: Guys, and I'm me as a mother and the images
Speaker 4: I want my child to see and the ship that
Speaker 4: I say and don't do.
Speaker 2: So yes, I'll re examine this conversation.
Speaker 3: I'm constantly re examining it about myself.
Speaker 2: She we do our horri hor We have a horry submission.
Speaker 2: Do you know what horror? I don't know if you've okay,
Speaker 2: so you know what horror story is? Hor stories. We
Speaker 2: have a worry from one of our listeners who is
Speaker 2: one of our Oh no, we're allowed to say. I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna say her now. I'm just gonna say, we
Speaker 2: love you, hey girl, hay.
Speaker 4: Uy, Okay. Once upon a time, I'm excid. So many
Speaker 4: years ago I had a fuck buddy. The dick was
Speaker 4: a one girth and lem plus he could pick me up.
Speaker 4: Mind you, I'm well over two hundred pounds attached to
Speaker 4: that bomb.
Speaker 2: Dick was broke dude who.
Speaker 4: Couch dived from relative to relative's place. I shamelessly fucked
Speaker 4: him at the club, his grandma's, numerous friend's houses, my place,
Speaker 4: when the kids were gone. One day, I'm at work
Speaker 4: in West LA and I get a sext from him.
Speaker 2: He's staying in Palmdale.
Speaker 4: At this point, my brain was like, no, bitch, we
Speaker 4: are not driving two hours for the d My pussy
Speaker 4: was like, bitch, we are going on this sex venture.
Speaker 4: I tell my boss I'm not feeling well and start
Speaker 4: my journey.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 4: I get there and we immediately go at it. As
Speaker 4: I'm riding him and about to come, I also feel
Speaker 4: like I.
Speaker 2: Have to poop.
Speaker 4: I cannot. I ignore my body and get mine. Then
Speaker 4: I smell poop. I am horrified and embarrassed. I tell
Speaker 4: him to hand me the wipes and look away.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, girl. We are in a mini mansion,
Speaker 2: so he.
Speaker 4: Goes to one side of the house to shower and
Speaker 4: I go to another. I'm sitting there like he will
Speaker 4: never want to fuck me again. Psych As I'm wrapping
Speaker 4: up my shower, he hops it and fucks me there
Speaker 4: in the kitchen garage everywhere.
Speaker 2: Fast forward two years.
Speaker 4: Later, He's now married with two kids, and every now
Speaker 4: and then he texts to check in on me and
Speaker 4: ask if I'm having accidents, and no, never have till
Speaker 4: this day.
Speaker 2: No one has ever tested the limitations of my.
Speaker 4: Body the way this man has the best stick is
Speaker 4: always attached to a fuck boy.
Speaker 2: Amen.
Speaker 3: So he sucked the shit out of her.
Speaker 2: Literally, I have so many questions. Was it in her ass?
Speaker 2: I don't think so, Oh, you know what you will. Actually,
Speaker 2: this is not the first poop story I've heard of.
Speaker 2: My other girlfriend who is actually a listener, and she's
Speaker 2: probably listening to it now. This is gonna listen to
Speaker 2: this on Wednesday. I mean today is has a similar
Speaker 2: situation where she was right her guy and who can
Speaker 2: I and.
Speaker 3: Was it wasn't anal either?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 3: Because I'm always afraid it's gonna happen during anal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, never worry about it any other time. Right now
Speaker 2: I'm scared, thinks right.
Speaker 3: Okay, so empty your bows before the dick.
Speaker 2: You never felt like that, like when you're like in
Speaker 2: like you're coming or an orgasm, because you know, it's
Speaker 2: like a push sensation. It's like almost feels like you're
Speaker 2: pushing a little bit. Never only I've only gotten scared
Speaker 2: during anal.
Speaker 7: I probably happy like quietly, not with the sound effect.
Speaker 4: I mean, I've had a bad experience with an anal situation.
Speaker 4: I know, mortified, but I mean, how can you be
Speaker 4: mortified you already know the risk. Yeah that's how I
Speaker 4: feel like, but still it's still mortifying.
Speaker 2: But you know, I.
Speaker 5: Honestly like if I if I feel like it's gonna
Speaker 5: be happening, like that's what I'm really clean about my diet.
Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, we're eating all this fast food and ship,
Speaker 5: I gotta be well, that's.
Speaker 3: Even my ruffage.
Speaker 4: I asked my gay friend and he said they fast
Speaker 4: for like twelve hours and but yeah, who has time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not gonna do watch what I'm eating.
Speaker 2: Who's that prepared? Yeah, I don't know. I can't. It's
Speaker 2: too much, like too much, there's too much with that.
Speaker 3: I feel like there has to be some prep work
Speaker 3: with anal, like just.
Speaker 4: Like I felt like put the wash cloth with your
Speaker 4: two fingers and do like I've never had a problem
Speaker 4: even and I'm never prepared either, and also like not
Speaker 4: gonna win because that is and also at my stomach issues.
Speaker 2: So I've always been like, should I be doing this
Speaker 2: because the bitch Sometimes that's the making ship. So I
Speaker 2: get real nervous, but it's never happened. Oh, my god, it.
Speaker 4: Happened to me and like, luckily it wasn't like smelly.
Speaker 4: I was like, are you sharing his I'm sure, I'm like,
Speaker 4: look away, go away, stop talking, don't don't speak of
Speaker 4: this again.
Speaker 2: I don't remember me.
Speaker 4: I think I was like, just go you can't make
Speaker 4: up out like I'm never much. I don't know what
Speaker 4: you're talking about. Never happen to turn on the movie.
Speaker 4: Literally like I don't. I'm one of those people like
Speaker 4: even okay, if you follow me on Instagram Mila underscore Mapo,
Speaker 4: sometimes I get drunk and show my boobs on my
Speaker 4: Insta story.
Speaker 2: I actually all miss all the time. If I get
Speaker 2: too drunk.
Speaker 4: The next day, I'm like what, I get all these
Speaker 4: dms and I've known, I know I've done it. I'm
Speaker 4: so embarrassed. I won't look at them. I just I
Speaker 4: justly it didn't happen that way. I will not look
Speaker 4: at what I've done the night before.
Speaker 2: Because I get Jamila in a photo booth drunk, Because
Speaker 2: guaranteed I have so many photo with pictures at different
Speaker 2: locations of Jamila's.
Speaker 4: Boobs, you would think my boobs were like the most
Speaker 4: volumptuous big double dtitties you could find you.
Speaker 2: I can't keep them in the shirt, but I get drunk.
Speaker 4: You would think I'm the top of this model of
Speaker 4: the century because they will not stay in the shirt.
Speaker 2: But anyway, thank you for that, Horri. That was grand,
Speaker 2: That was great. Thanks Gross, But you know what, that
Speaker 2: was a lesson from God.
Speaker 4: You knew better than to be driving to Palmdale's missing
Speaker 4: work for that dick, work from broke Dick.
Speaker 3: What's happened to the best of us?
Speaker 2: I've done.
Speaker 3: I haven't left work for it, so I haven't.
Speaker 2: No, No, I've done some weird but I have that.
Speaker 2: I've done some fake, faking, fake sick, all types of
Speaker 2: ship like I should go to hell. People call a
Speaker 2: work in ten minutes. People then people then die for
Speaker 2: the dick. Someone died. I'm so sorry to come get
Speaker 2: me on my break for the dick. Oh my god. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I got to go because I just realized what time
Speaker 2: it is. Oh shit. But anyway, thank you guys for
Speaker 2: tuning in and tell us where to reach you.
Speaker 5: Yes, you can find me at on the fence dot life.
Speaker 5: That's where you can find out about the conversation I'm
Speaker 5: having with Elizabeth and what day is that? That's going
Speaker 5: to be on Thursday, the twenty first, asking and then yes,
Speaker 5: February twenty first, second.
Speaker 2: Tomorrow and where oh that's tomorrow.
Speaker 4: No, we are lying, this comes out on the twentyeth Okay,
Speaker 4: so tomorrow at Rita House.
Speaker 5: Uh, that's Riata House is a coworking co working space.
Speaker 5: It's on third, like right down the street from the Grove.
Speaker 5: Gorgeous space. It looks like the old Hollywood glamorous house.
Speaker 5: And I wanted the conversation to feel like it's happening
Speaker 5: in a living room. So it's a fireside chat with
Speaker 5: an actual fireplace and hopefully it'll be cold enough tomorrow
Speaker 5: where we.
Speaker 3: Can light it and and they can RSVP. And yeah,
Speaker 3: all that information is on my page.
Speaker 5: So if you follow me on Instagram, on the Fence
Speaker 5: dot Life, that's also the website is on the.
Speaker 3: Fence do life and you can get tickets there. And yeah,
Speaker 3: I hope to see y'all there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll be there.
Speaker 3: Good conversation.
Speaker 2: And make sure you ch make sure you I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've subscribed to our newsletter, but you should
Speaker 2: definitely subscribe to our newsletter. It's on our website. For
Speaker 2: all things.
Speaker 4: Us, more of us and more of us if Instagram
Speaker 4: and our website is not enough.
Speaker 2: Well, updates on things we maybe missed on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Also events, speaking of which, we have our first year,
Speaker 2: our one year anniversary coming up and we're having a
Speaker 2: party March sixteenth. You can get the details on newsletter
Speaker 2: the newsletter Good Momsbad Choices dot com. Yes, and also
Speaker 2: make sure to follow us at Good Mom's Bad Choices,
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: But yeah, anyway, Bye bye, you guys, have a great week.
Speaker 1: I think I really want to go some day month
Speaker 1: and the heen mayday.
Speaker 10: He love baby want to smoke on Madrid And I've
Speaker 10: already even close to me.
Speaker 3: Said, oh love bro brother dance, litt baby dance, little baby.
Speaker 10: Small niggas off the castoline so the back was in
Speaker 10: the back was up it lavishly. Ooh, that's my man.
Speaker 2: To go back. I know my nigga liked me.
Speaker 3: I know he cook his carry spicy. I know he
Speaker 3: eat me like I'm wipey.
Speaker 2: You know my.
Speaker 10: Hotel over pricey, so he gonna fuck me like I'm
Speaker 10: over classy. Bit you only use a coaster. Now I'm
Speaker 10: swimming in the money with a duck you too, Ritter
Speaker 10: Tony Morrison and a nigga canoe because it bentually by
Speaker 10: a freedom, because the big second Dick and the knew
Speaker 10: what dinas and yes and yes, I'm problematic too, and
Speaker 10: yes and yes I look him up boy.
Speaker 3: Yes I really do.
Speaker 10: Protection as a wave wave because we be open too
Speaker 10: to make the thank you for my baby.
Speaker 2: I'm in love with you.