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Speaker 1: I think I really want to go. Some days I

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Speaker 1: want to fallow love Mondy go Bay. I my heart

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Speaker 1: is wet elver heen Maysday, I think I really want

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Speaker 1: to go. Somedays I want to fallow love Mondy go Bay,

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Speaker 1: and my heart is we elva heen Maysday. How's it you?

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Speaker 2: Happy moment that again.

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Speaker 1: Dream a cross Susy.

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Speaker 3: You and me?

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Speaker 2: Hello, welcome back. This is good mom's bad choices. I'm

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Speaker 2: Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday. I hope you guys

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Speaker 2: are having a good week. I hope you guys are

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Speaker 2: getting ship done. Any of the intentions that you set

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Speaker 2: this week. If you didn't set any intentions, set them

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Speaker 2: today and kill that shit. Wonderful motivational speech that was

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Speaker 2: just greant. You know you can book me in air

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Speaker 2: Collocal College. I will do a community college for I

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Speaker 2: don't think, not quite ready for you know, ivy League,

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Speaker 2: but get there. Speaking of motivational speaking, Jamina's fucking cough Sorry.

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Speaker 4: Guys, I'm still coughing week forty seven. Still coughing.

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Speaker 2: Sorry. I would say that's not because she's smoking. By

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Speaker 2: the way, no, it's not.

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Speaker 4: In fact, Erica forbid me from smoking. Have you guys

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Speaker 4: watched on Netflix The Tony Robinson Experience or some shit? No,

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's hilarious. I guess he's like a

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Speaker 4: motivation Oh.

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Speaker 2: Right, right, that's this girl was like travels to see

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Speaker 2: him speak. This girl, I know, is she crazy? She

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Speaker 2: seems really level headed. It took a long time to

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Speaker 2: say that she's Australian. She's one of those Australian influencer girls. Okay,

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Speaker 2: we need to watch it. She seems really very positive.

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Speaker 4: He's it's hilarious. I'm honestly like, who the fuck is

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Speaker 4: going to see this guy?

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Speaker 2: Really? He's like, what's your problem? It's your dad, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: I know it.

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Speaker 4: You'll dad, it's actually I love my dad. Think a

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Speaker 4: little harder, she'll dad. It's black, no being giant white man.

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Speaker 4: But he's like telling everybody with their problems it's usually

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Speaker 4: their dad, Like he hates dads.

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Speaker 2: It is the dad. You might like him accurate, but

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Speaker 2: he's like a billionaire.

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Speaker 4: He's like so fucking rich, off this shit telling people

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Speaker 4: about their life problems their dad. So basically all that

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Speaker 4: to say, I support you. Being a modivational speaker at

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Speaker 4: community colleges so I think I'll be your assistant and

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Speaker 4: hopefully you make millions.

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Speaker 2: Right, there's a lot of I feel like, actually, community

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Speaker 2: colleges are widely underlooked for that, and there's so many

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Speaker 2: more of them, Like I could cake the fuck.

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Speaker 3: Up you could.

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Speaker 4: There was like certain like certain avenues like motivational speaking,

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Speaker 4: being a pastor, you know, like people when they're low.

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Speaker 2: I can be anything at this point, because I was

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Speaker 2: studying picture, I was sending screenshots to Jamila of all

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Speaker 2: because we were trying to find like different specialists to

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Speaker 2: come on and literally you can be a fucking specialist

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Speaker 2: in anything you want. Because there was like a specialist

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Speaker 2: in like sexual healings, a specialist in like like transitional

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Speaker 2: I don't even know. It was like some shit I

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Speaker 2: never even heard of, but I don't even know how

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Speaker 2: you become a specialist in it, Like is there a chorus?

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Speaker 2: But some of the shit was really weird, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, I could be a specialist in anything at

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Speaker 2: this point. Yeah, what was one of them I sent

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Speaker 2: to you? Like, I sent you a few of them.

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Speaker 2: Some of them were so ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: I was like, what professional parent, progressive parent scientology, Like

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Speaker 4: it's just anything, Which spiritualist, Yeah, which astrologists, parental mom, midwife, doula,

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Speaker 4: an astrology expert.

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Speaker 2: It was like, yeah, it was like a movement energy

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Speaker 2: spiritualist expert. Basically, make your own title and run with

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Speaker 2: that ship, you know what. Low key more power to

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Speaker 2: them because I don't claim to be a specialist in anything,

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Speaker 2: so they're obviously doing something right. And I'm you know.

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Speaker 4: We're podcasts, podcast engineer, photo shoot director, coordinated specialists.

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Speaker 2: Just made up. No, I'm a semi I'm a parenthood

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Speaker 2: open I fuck up sometimes specialist, that's what. Anyway, you're

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Speaker 2: what you missed it? You missed the whole story because

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Speaker 2: you'll have to you'll have to listen to my podcast

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Speaker 2: to find out. Anyway, Today we have a guest, Jess Hooper,

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Speaker 2: who was we were connected through a mutual friend of

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Speaker 2: ours Isoila Darden. Shout out to Soila. Whoila is always

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Speaker 2: like connecting me to amazing women, connecting me to like

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Speaker 2: amazing opportunities, speaking to women, talking about parenthood. You know,

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Speaker 2: she's a semi new mom herself. She's a one year

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Speaker 2: old who's so damn cute. She's pretty much the bomb

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Speaker 2: dot com. Yeah, like she's she's been. I'm so happy

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Speaker 2: that I met her and so she connected me to you.

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Speaker 2: So thank you so much for.

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Speaker 5: Coming, thank you for having me, and and yes, shout

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Speaker 5: out so other for the introductions and yeah, I'm excited

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Speaker 5: to be here.

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Speaker 2: Can you tell us about on the Fence? Yes, and

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Speaker 2: anything else you have going on right now.

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Speaker 5: So I'm doing a conversation series called on the Fence,

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Speaker 5: and it's about just that, about being on the fence

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Speaker 5: about big decisions, primarily motherhood, career, and relationships. It's been

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Speaker 5: coming up in my personal life a lot where I'll

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Speaker 5: have friends who are like, Okay, I don't want to

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Speaker 5: be a mom, and I'm like great, and I'm back

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Speaker 5: to the conversation that we were having before. But then

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Speaker 5: they start asking me about so link, so how did

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Speaker 5: you afford preschool?

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Speaker 3: And you know, like how are you know? How did

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Speaker 3: it impact your marriage?

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Speaker 5: And I'm like, you got a lot of questions for

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Speaker 5: somebody that don't want kids, like do you want to

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Speaker 5: tell me something? And then usually it turns out like, Okay,

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Speaker 5: well I'm saying I don't because I don't want kids

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Speaker 5: with my current partner. I don't know if I'm going

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Speaker 5: to be able to afford it, and I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 5: now we're getting somewhere. Because to just say you don't

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Speaker 5: want kids, I'm like, which is great if you don't,

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Speaker 5: but if it's actually an underlying reason, then like maybe

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Speaker 5: we can address that, like that can be changed, he

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Speaker 5: can be gone, or you can make more money or

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Speaker 5: whatever it is. So I just feel like I want

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Speaker 5: I want women to like just do whatever they want.

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Speaker 5: And I see that a lot of times. We always

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Speaker 5: have like, oh, well I would be doing this amazing shit,

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Speaker 5: but it's because of x y Z that I can't.

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Speaker 5: And I'm like, well, what if we got rid of

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Speaker 5: x y Z would you still? Would you not do it?

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Speaker 3: And usually the.

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Speaker 5: Answer is like you get a lot of resistance because

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Speaker 5: then she's like, actually it's these five other things and

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Speaker 5: just like.

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Speaker 3: Well you must just talk about it. I think everything.

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Speaker 2: Getting out of your own way, I think really essentially.

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Speaker 5: Is and it starts with a conversation. And I think

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Speaker 5: it has to be a certain type of conversation where

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Speaker 5: it's not judging.

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Speaker 3: It's not like well you just need to shoot together, or.

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Speaker 5: It's your dad, Like let's just have an honest conversation

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Speaker 5: about it, and I bring in experts, not just made.

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Speaker 3: Up specialists, actual expert You could look at the credentials

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Speaker 3: and everything to ask for people showing up to ask

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Speaker 3: questions too.

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Speaker 5: So this first one's on motherhood, and my first expert

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Speaker 5: is a midwife. She has the first credited birthing center

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Speaker 5: in Los Angeles. Her name's Elizabeth Backner and Elizabeth delivers

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Speaker 5: babies for a living.

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Speaker 2: Wait was that the graceful? Okay, it's so funny because

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Speaker 2: I actually went to her facility when I was pregnant,

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Speaker 2: because I think it's that one, is it. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I've stalked to her before.

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, never stop worthy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, No, her facility gets like I mean, and she

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Speaker 2: has a great reputation. I mean, I definitely I think

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Speaker 2: I googled birth centers and she was one of the

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Speaker 2: first ones that popped up, and yeah, that's amazing. I

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Speaker 2: actually I can't wait to hear you know her what

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Speaker 2: she has to say in perspective and everything.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, she's amazing, like, delivers babies for a living, has

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Speaker 5: a birth center, no children of her own, which I

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Speaker 5: thought was fascinating. I didn't realize that there were a

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Speaker 5: lot of midwives out there that have no children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of them, yeahtually, even Erica.

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Speaker 5: And so her reasons behind it were very layered and

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Speaker 5: she's very open about it. She has like a a

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Speaker 5: long Instagram post that I saw where she talks about,

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Speaker 5: you know, during her child bearing years, where like the

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Speaker 5: money wasn't right and the support wasn't right.

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Speaker 3: And you know, just making peace with that.

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Speaker 5: And and I think her quote is, you know, I'm

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Speaker 5: being a good parent by not having children.

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Speaker 2: Mmm.

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Speaker 5: And I just thought like, Okay, that's something we don't

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Speaker 5: talk about, like normally we just want to wag our

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Speaker 5: fingers at somebody like, you know, why aren't you doing

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Speaker 5: your your role as a woman by having a kid.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, that's her only duty in life? Every producer, No,

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Speaker 2: I think it's always I think, even me, like I've

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Speaker 2: had to unlearn things too, like when I hear people

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Speaker 2: that don't want to have kids, where I used to

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Speaker 2: hear when people would openly say that, like I have

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Speaker 2: a girlfriend, not a Lita on my girlfriend not Alita

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Speaker 2: who for as long as I can remember, I don't

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Speaker 2: want to have kids. I don't want to have kids.

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Speaker 2: And of course, when you're a teenager you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: well that makes sense me neither fuck kids right by.

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Speaker 2: And then but then as we approached into our twenties

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Speaker 2: mid twenties and we both are in relationships, and she

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Speaker 2: was still saying that, I was like, what's wrong with you?

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Speaker 2: You know? And you know that's just because of social conditioning, yes,

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Speaker 2: me thinking that that's a woman equals baby, you know,

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Speaker 2: And I think, like I've had to really like some

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Speaker 2: people just that's just not their calling and that's just

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Speaker 2: not and it's okay, and you know what better because

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Speaker 2: we don't need any more parents. No, no, no, we don't

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Speaker 2: need any more people have You don't need anymore. You

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Speaker 2: don't need any more people having kids that shouldn't be

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Speaker 2: having kids, you know, mistreating their children, not really like

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Speaker 2: being present for their kids, and putting making little assholes

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Speaker 2: more assholes in the world. We don't need any more assholes.

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of our podcasts has been centered

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Speaker 4: around I think a lot of our podcast has been

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Speaker 4: centered around just breaking out of the norms and the

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Speaker 4: programming that we've been taught, like not only as parents,

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Speaker 4: but as women, that we've been like soap programmed into

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Speaker 4: thinking certain ways and just that, like, we forget that.

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Speaker 4: We have to break that shit and start over and

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Speaker 4: redefine things for yourself because.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't make a lot of sense because you don't the.

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Speaker 4: Center of sole purpose. We don't have to have babies.

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Speaker 4: We don't have to have babies in a two parent home.

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Speaker 4: We don't have to stay married. We don't have to

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Speaker 4: be married. And that shit's okay too, you know, so

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Speaker 4: we don't have to have a partner.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like ever, all.

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Speaker 5: Of this kid's so overlooked, and I like you. I

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Speaker 5: googled birthing centers from when I was pregnant, and that's

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Speaker 5: how I found Elizabeth as well.

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Speaker 2: She was your wife.

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Speaker 5: She was awesome, she was and like, right out the gate,

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Speaker 5: I knew that this was the person I needed to

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Speaker 5: have around me. So the early part of my pregnancy,

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Speaker 5: I was terrified of miscarrying.

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Speaker 3: Like I just felt like this.

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Speaker 5: I don't even want to get excited about this baby,

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Speaker 5: because it's not gonna happen, if you.

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Speaker 2: Know what I mean. Ask you how old were you

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Speaker 2: when you got pregnant.

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Speaker 5: I'm twenty eight, twenty nine, so I was definitely a

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Speaker 5: grown ass person and married, and I just remember being

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Speaker 5: at my prenatal visits with her, and finally she asked

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Speaker 5: me one day, She's like, why are you so afraid

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Speaker 5: of losing this baby? And I'm pretty sure I didn't

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Speaker 5: give her this answer in that moment, But through years

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Speaker 5: of kind of unpacking it, I realized that I didn't

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Speaker 5: feel like I deserved my daughter. I didn't feel like

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Speaker 5: I yeah, I just didn't feel like I deserved her.

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Speaker 5: And it was from a lot of the programming that

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Speaker 5: we've been talking about of feeling like, well.

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Speaker 3: I didn't do life right, you know, air quote right.

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Speaker 5: So you know my family, they're very loving, but they

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Speaker 5: were very religious for a long time, and it was

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Speaker 5: like quite a few of the people, like in my

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Speaker 5: family and in our circle, like they did the purity

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Speaker 5: ring ceremony.

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Speaker 2: Like what is that?

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Speaker 3: Oh, that's where you pledge your allegiance to the Lord

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Speaker 3: that you're not going to have sex until you're married.

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Speaker 2: There's a ceremony in the church. Yeah, have you heard

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Speaker 2: of this?

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Speaker 3: I went to goth this.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, so much pressure.

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Speaker 6: WOA, how hold were you when you make like I

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Speaker 6: didn't make it.

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Speaker 2: I didn't make it. I didn't make it.

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Speaker 5: At no, I knew I was gonna be fucking you

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Speaker 5: make it sick. Yeah, yeah, so I was probably, you know,

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Speaker 5: sick on the day of the ceremony.

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Speaker 4: Trying to reschedule, Like did all the girls in the

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Speaker 4: church have you go that day?

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Speaker 2: Have you been to a ceremony? What does it consist of?

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Speaker 3: I haven't been.

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Speaker 2: We have so many questions.

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Speaker 3: I did not go.

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Speaker 2: What sect of Christianity is this?

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Speaker 3: I did not go.

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Speaker 5: I didn't want any parts of it. I would just

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Speaker 5: try to like leave the room if the conversation came up.

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Speaker 3: They never asked me.

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Speaker 2: To do it. Was this from your school or from your.

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Speaker 5: Parents, not even my parents, but like my church, and

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Speaker 5: so my cousins, like I think two of them did

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Speaker 5: it around what age was this like fifteen sixteen, Like

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Speaker 5: right around the time you start thinking about fucking.

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Speaker 2: Well, what about parents? Were they like you missed you?

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Speaker 5: They never pressured me to do it, But this is

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Speaker 5: just what I saw. So this is where I knew.

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Speaker 5: I was just taking it in and like nobody ever

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Speaker 5: asked me why I didn't do it, when was I

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Speaker 5: going to? I just saw it happening and didn't realize

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Speaker 5: I had carried it with me through adulthood, where I

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Speaker 5: was like, okay, you you didn't do any of the

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Speaker 5: things that you were supposed to do. You didn't wait

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Speaker 5: until you were married and you were out. Like everyone

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Speaker 5: has a whole phase.

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Speaker 2: I don't say you when you lost your originity?

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Speaker 3: Oh god, sixteen, when were you able?

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Speaker 2: I mean you said your parents were pretty religious. So

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Speaker 2: did they talk to you about sex? Were you able

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Speaker 2: to talk to Yes, she lost your virginity did you

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Speaker 2: talk to her about it?

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Speaker 3: By accident?

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Speaker 5: So she had a really good talk with me, and

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Speaker 5: it involved photographic evidence of what a STD would look like.

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Speaker 3: She's a nurse. Oh so, oh no, it's kind of

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Speaker 3: a horror reference. It's actually good.

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Speaker 2: No, they they did it to us in school. It's

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Speaker 2: like sex and they show you the clips of all. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but sometimes it's better if it's coming from a parent.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like when you're just sitting at the kitchen table

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Speaker 5: and she's like, I'm sure, yeah, this is untreated. And

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Speaker 5: she wasn't showing it to me to like say, don't.

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Speaker 2: Have sex, but this is what could happen.

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Speaker 5: She was like, just make sure you're like always being

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Speaker 5: safe about it. So for me that was liberating. I

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Speaker 5: was like, Okay, I can go out and have all

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Speaker 5: the sex that.

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Speaker 2: I will do it right.

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Speaker 3: I was never afraid of.

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Speaker 5: It, Like, okay, you know the first time you have sex,

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Speaker 5: you're gonna catch a disease and have a baby.

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Speaker 3: I was like, not the way I'm having sex. I'm good.

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Speaker 2: Did your parents wait till marriage?

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Speaker 3: I don't think so.

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Speaker 5: I never asked them. But they got married like three

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Speaker 5: months after meeting each other.

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Speaker 4: Some of them.

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Speaker 2: They're like no, or maybe they were like, look, let's

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Speaker 2: get married so we can get too wicked.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it was.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 3: Actually, you know, I know for a fact my mom didn't.

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Speaker 2: Are they still married?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 5: No, they were in the military, So I feel like

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Speaker 5: that probably into it too, like you want to get

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Speaker 5: married quick so they can't separate you.

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Speaker 2: But oh, I didn't know that was a thing either.

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Speaker 3: Oh, military people love getting married.

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Speaker 4: They do.

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Speaker 2: I thought that was for the benefits. I thought so too.

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Speaker 2: So it's because then you can't get like like you

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Speaker 2: always have to be together wherever you go, you're if

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Speaker 2: you're transferred.

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Speaker 3: Here to Yeah, that's why they'd be so quick to

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Speaker 3: get married.

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Speaker 2: Got it interesting?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So if you ever just want a quick husband, find.

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Speaker 2: You won't find me or any of my family members

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Speaker 2: in the military. Actually, it's so funny that you said that,

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Speaker 2: because my brother was like military. Yeah. To my stepdad

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Speaker 2: was like, did he discourage that? Immediate?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely?

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Speaker 2: I was like, what the fuck did you say? He

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Speaker 2: was like, I was like, WHOA hold up? Cool, right,

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Speaker 2: he's because my brother's in a place now where he's

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Speaker 2: may know where he wants to what he wants to do,

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Speaker 2: where he wants to be. I mean, he's gonna go

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Speaker 2: to college regardless. I mean for some I'm not with

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Speaker 2: the military, Well the fuck no. I mean shout out

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Speaker 2: to the people that I've you know, projected our country

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Speaker 2: and all those things. I don't that lightly, you know,

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Speaker 2: because it's necessary, But for me personally and my family,

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Speaker 2: like it scares me. It's scary.

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Speaker 4: I just think, especially as like a woman of color,

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Speaker 4: I can't imagine like sending my black child to protect

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Speaker 4: a country that's never protected us.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't really make a lot of sense.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of conflict with it.

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Speaker 5: So my my family is heavily military and and I

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Speaker 5: you know, they're very aware of like, Okay, this country

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Speaker 5: really ain't for you that.

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Speaker 2: Way, but the benefits that you can get. I'm here.

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Speaker 3: I'm here for what I can and you.

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Speaker 5: Know, I've seen people come up with it and my

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Speaker 5: parents definitely benefited from it. But I always tell Peven, like,

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Speaker 5: the reason I didn't join is because my parents did,

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Speaker 5: Like they did it so that I wouldn't have to.

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Speaker 5: So I think a lot of people that are looking

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Speaker 5: to join, maybe they're looking to do it so that

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Speaker 5: their kids in the future won't have to.

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Speaker 4: And you know, it's it bothers me. And I think

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Speaker 4: also like like economically where you are, it makes a

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Speaker 4: different yea, And it what bothers me. I know that

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Speaker 4: for some people it isn't out, and that makes sense.

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Speaker 4: You can get in and get out, get your education.

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Speaker 4: But I think that I'm bothering me about the militaries.

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Speaker 4: A lot of times they target kids in the inner city.

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Speaker 4: You know, if you see those setups, they're like in

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Speaker 4: the hood and in places trying to recruit people, and

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Speaker 4: it's just like it just gives me an uneasy feeling,

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Speaker 4: like go to your own neighborhood with that ship.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, but then at the same time, it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: for some of these kids, and I know they don't go,

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Speaker 2: they're gonna be getting their asses in trouble. That's like

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Speaker 2: I get it. It's like a double edged sword.

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Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, benefits. Then there's also like it's it's

382
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Speaker 5: definitely complex. I think if you can make it work

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00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 5: for you, then you're you're good if you just go

384
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Speaker 5: and you're like, I didn't get ship out of it?

385
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Speaker 2: The system?

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00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, like are we are? We quoting Players Club quotes?

387
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Speaker 3: I love this is that's the Players Club kind of

388
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Speaker 3: what is it? Make the money they make you?

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Speaker 2: Okay, well that's interesting. I mean so so then because

390
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Speaker 2: of that, your upbringing and you know, you're maybe were

391
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Speaker 2: y did were I know your family was religious, but

392
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Speaker 2: were you religious enough at any point? No.

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Speaker 5: I would show up because I had to, but I

394
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 5: was never like fully invested in it. So I think

395
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Speaker 5: also I was battling with that, like should I have

396
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 5: been more committed to it? And you know, why don't

397
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 5: I believe the same things that they believe in?

398
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Speaker 3: And all of this just showed up.

399
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Speaker 5: I I'd been like kind of going through life without

400
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,000
Speaker 5: even thinking about it, and it's just like so far gone.

401
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,320
Speaker 3: I'm like I'm happy I'm doing me.

402
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 5: And then during the pregnancy that's when at all, like

403
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 5: just kind of came rushing back at me like, oh,

404
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,679
Speaker 5: you're not at peace with a lot of this M

405
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,479
Speaker 5: to the point where you don't think you deserve your

406
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:43,240
Speaker 5: baby MM. And Elizabeth asking me that, and she I

407
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 5: think it made such a difference because she didn't just

408
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,199
Speaker 5: brush me off like no, no, it's fine, you're just

409
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Speaker 5: you're being ridiculous, like cause.

410
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 2: She could have and like you have doctors probably would

411
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Speaker 2: have yeah.

412
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Speaker 3: And so she was like, no, let's talk about this.

413
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,920
Speaker 3: And it was that.

414
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 5: And then just going through the pregnancy of me realizing

415
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 5: the financial that I was about to take on, Like

416
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,679
Speaker 5: my anxiety just shot up throughout the entire time, so

417
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 5: I didn't really get to enjoy being pregnant. I was

418
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,640
Speaker 5: so caught up and how are we gonna afford this?

419
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,119
Speaker 5: And I had a high deductible all my health insurance

420
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 5: and just all this crazy shit that eventually got worked

421
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,640
Speaker 5: out M. But I was like, I see why people

422
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,240
Speaker 5: would say nah, O D I'd never sign up for

423
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 5: this MM, because once I was in it, I was like, oh,

424
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 5: I don't, I can't. I don't know if I can

425
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 5: do this MM. And I was a step mom before

426
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Speaker 5: I got pregnant. So my husband's ten years older than me,

427
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,159
Speaker 5: and I think at the time his daughter was like

428
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 5: ten or eleven. But by the time I was pregnant

429
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,879
Speaker 5: with a Mirah, she was like fourteen or fifteen somewhere

430
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 5: in there. M.

431
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Speaker 3: And he wanted her in the delivery room.

432
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Speaker 2: MM.

433
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,879
Speaker 5: I didn't want anyone in the delivery room mm again,

434
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,359
Speaker 5: because I was still terrified that something was gonna go wrong, even.

435
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 3: Up to the very last minute.

436
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 5: Wow, Okay, So I was like, I just want my

437
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 5: mom and my husband and of course any medical people

438
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 5: that need to be there. And Elizabeth helped me navigate,

439
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 5: like how to have that conversation of I don't want

440
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 5: your daughter in the delivery room. It's nothing against her,

441
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 5: it's nothing against you. This is just where I'm at.

442
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,600
Speaker 5: And I don't think I would have been able to

443
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 5: have that type of conversation without hurting feelings without.

444
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,920
Speaker 2: How did he? How did he was he receptive to

445
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 2: that or was it not? At first?

446
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 5: That's why I had to recruit her into help, because

447
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 5: at first, I like, just at the mere mention of.

448
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,679
Speaker 2: It, why was it so important for his daughter to

449
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 2: be there?

450
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 5: I think because he wasn't there for her birth. I

451
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 5: feel like he was trying to make up for something.

452
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 4: I can understand it. I wouldn't want Luna to be

453
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 4: in the room when if I get birked again, he.

454
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:38,879
Speaker 3: Said, you wouldn't.

455
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 2: I would, but that's your daughter. But it's it's it's

456
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:49,719
Speaker 2: but it's his daughter, it's her sibling. So likeent delivery,

457
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,320
Speaker 2: and it was one thing if she had a daughter already.

458
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 2: And then he was like, I don't want your daughter

459
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 2: in the birth of our daughter.

460
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean yeah, I can see him like

461
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 4: wanting to make up for But I I because I

462
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 4: know how much that's important for me. Even if her

463
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 4: dad is not gonna be the same dad, I can

464
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 4: get it. But that's I mean, that's a that's a

465
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 4: tough situation to be had. I mean, it's a tough

466
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 4: situation to be a step parent period.

467
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 2: Whoof.

468
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 4: And I have another girlfriend who's going through it like

469
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 4: right now with a teenager daughter, and it's.

470
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,879
Speaker 3: Like, it's not for the faint of heart, it's not.

471
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 4: It's not like that is a struggle within itself. How

472
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 4: do you deal with that? Is her?

473
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: Is her mother very active in her life?

474
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 3: Yes?

475
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: And so is your relationship with her mother copesthetic.

476
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 5: Kind of it's like it's kind of non existent. Okay,

477
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 5: so coming and see her, well not anymore so. Uh

478
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,919
Speaker 5: Now her name, my step daughter's name is Jackie jack

479
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 5: He's twenty.

480
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 3: One years old.

481
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,479
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, so she's living her life.

482
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 3: Yes, she's living her life. Everybody's good now.

483
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 5: But during that that time between like age of eleven

484
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 5: to age seventeen or so, it was awful most of

485
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 5: the time, and I didn't have much interaction with her mother,

486
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 5: and I was I was disappointed by that, but I

487
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 5: knew I couldn't force a relationship with her, like I

488
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,560
Speaker 5: would love to be like Will and Jada and what

489
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 5: was the other. Yeah, I I would love that. That

490
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,919
Speaker 5: was my goal, like, and we can do family vacations together.

491
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 5: Since was like n okay, hi and bye, Like I

492
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 5: have no interest in being your friend, and I was like,

493
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 5: that's okay, M I understand that. But you know, Jackie

494
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 5: had a lot of loyalty to her mom, and I

495
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 5: think it showed up and like making sure that she

496
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 5: didn't get too close to me m or at least

497
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,919
Speaker 5: that's how I interpreted, cause she was never just like

498
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 5: outwardly like a dick to me. But she was definitely

499
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 5: just like she wouldn't speak when I was in the room.

500
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 2: She wouldn't speak to you.

501
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 3: No, at my own house, ooh girl, yes hm.

502
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 5: And so the the weekend visits were something that I

503
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 5: began to just to dread.

504
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 4: Dread, yeah, cause at this point, it's like another low

505
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 4: key grown woman in your house not speaking.

506
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 5: To you, shade and you every chance, did you ever

507
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 5: try to like have a conversation with her?

508
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:57,360
Speaker 2: I did.

509
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 5: I did, and and I would talk to my husband

510
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 5: about it because when we moved in together, we got

511
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 5: a two bedroom right out the gate because I was like, Okay,

512
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 5: she'll be here for a spring and summer break and

513
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 5: she's gonna be spending weekends here, so I want her

514
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 5: to have her own room so she feels really at home.

515
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 5: And she might have stayed in that room like twice

516
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 5: and the and the ten year span, I was like, okay,

517
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 5: well we're paying extra.

518
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 3: Rent, have a room here for you that you want.

519
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 3: No parts of is because she wouldn't spend the night okay.

520
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 2: It was always and she couldn't be like not forced.

521
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 4: I mean like I'm not at eleven. At eleven, you're

522
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 4: not like you're staying with your dad tonight.

523
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 5: And I wouldn't want that, Like that would be the

524
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 5: most awkward night ever of I'm forced to stay here.

525
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 3: Like I don't want to be that person.

526
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: I feel like I would make like it is she

527
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 2: is she close with your daughter? Or now? Actually?

528
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 3: Yeah?

529
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 2: Has your relationship grown since then? Are you guys cool now?

530
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 3: Are yeah? We're cool?

531
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 5: Now we're closed, i'd say cool, like because we don't

532
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 5: text or like go back and for like that. But

533
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 5: when she when she comes over, we are cool and

534
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,120
Speaker 5: like and I'm happy to see her when she comes.

535
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 5: It's not like back in the day where I was like, fuck,

536
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 5: it's right, and I would I believe all my friends up,

537
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:09,439
Speaker 5: don't you have that?

538
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 2: Don't you want me to come over? Yeah?

539
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 3: I gotta go do that thing within people this week.

540
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 2: Right, you gotta really love someone to like taking their kids.

541
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 4: And it's funny to say that because I realized we're

542
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 4: both parents and at some point somebody is going to

543
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 4: have to do that for my child, and I mean,

544
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 4: and we may have to do that for somebody else,

545
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 4: like we're not spring chicken.

546
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 2: So but it's okay. It's easier now because they're so young.

547
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 2: But when you step into a relationship and the daughter's.

548
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,639
Speaker 4: Especially like because like just like my friend at that point,

549
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,240
Speaker 4: she had no kids, she had no experience, nothing like

550
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 4: at least we have kids, and even now having a kid,

551
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 4: if we stepped into someone's life and their kid is

552
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 4: ten or eleven, we haven't had experience in that age group.

553
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 2: So sorry, that would be difficult, you know.

554
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 4: Because it changes every year, the age and especially with

555
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 4: women with the daughter, and actually we had we had

556
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 4: something write in and ask us about this, like can

557
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 4: you guys touch on this, because basically the daughter hated

558
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 4: her and.

559
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,360
Speaker 2: It was making her life a living hell.

560
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 4: And even my girlfriend, my best friend, who is dealing

561
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 4: with this right now, she got into it like an

562
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 4: all not a physical arterucation, but like a yelling thing,

563
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 4: and basically she ends up moving out of the house

564
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 4: with them.

565
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 2: I think a lot of.

566
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 4: Times it's the daughter moved her her fiance's daughter ended

567
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 4: up moving back in with her mom. But I think

568
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 4: a lot of that animosity that's like directly a lot

569
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 4: of times with the step mom or stepparent is because

570
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 4: they have issues with their actual parent, and then you

571
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 4: have to kind of like pick up all the shit

572
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 4: because you're taking it up on you because and you.

573
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 3: Have to just you have to just take it because

574
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 3: you you.

575
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: Want to let you want to marry, you want to

576
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 2: love this person.

577
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 5: You want to love this person, and you you start

578
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 5: to realize that, like I can't be a crazy person

579
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,199
Speaker 5: arguing with a child. Like as frustrated as I would be,

580
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 5: sometimes I'm like, I don't even have a fully developed

581
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 5: brain yet. I'm not finna go back and forth with you.

582
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,360
Speaker 5: But like you still have to catch yourself.

583
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 4: Because just like my girlfriend was like, I'm look, you

584
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 4: wanted to fight her, and I was like, yo, you cannot.

585
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 4: I can't be going back and forth with her. She's sixteen.

586
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 4: She's like, I told her to get the fuck out.

587
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 4: I was like, you're gonna damage her for life. And

588
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 4: she's like, I know, and I feel terrible about it,

589
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 4: but I'm miserable and I'm unhappy and I can't do

590
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 4: it in my house. And it's easy to look at

591
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 4: it from the outside like she's a child, she's her,

592
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 4: she's damaged.

593
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: Hold her. So when you're in it, yeah, like I

594
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 2: will kill you. Your sympathy is like, look, you have

595
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 2: love in a beautiful house. We take care of you.

596
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 4: That's what she said. What the fuck is your problem? Yeah,

597
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 4: you have nothing to complain about. But in her mind,

598
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 4: you know, you see your dad or your parent moving

599
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 4: with this new person, start this new life, have this

600
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:58,159
Speaker 4: new house.

601
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 2: You playing babies, playing family over here. But yeo, where

602
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 2: were you X, Y and Z in these times?

603
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 3: Oh when I felt that?

604
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 4: You know, like that, now you know you're playing family

605
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 4: matters up in this bitch, you know, And I think

606
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 4: a lot of times like the parent, the actual parent

607
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 4: has to deal with that and not let it like just.

608
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 5: Oh, I would get on him too, like you, you

609
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 5: need to check some of this, Like you see her

610
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 5: come in here and just be completely disrespectful, like, yes.

611
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 3: She's not coming in here and cussing me out, but

612
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 3: she's not speaking, she's not even speaking, like not acknowledging me.

613
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 2: Did that cause rifts in the marriage relationship?

614
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 3: Yes and no.

615
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:38,399
Speaker 5: So'm I'm fortunate enough where he's very receptive to that

616
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 5: kind of stuff.

617
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 3: And he's very self aware.

618
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 5: So even if he may not spot it as it's happening,

619
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 5: if you pointed out to him, he's smart enough to

620
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 5: be like, okay, I see that, So he would try

621
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 5: to you know, I guess try to be like the

622
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 5: middle man. And he's very like much about peace. He

623
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 5: doesn't like conflict. And I'm like, sometimes you got to

624
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 5: turn up like I get this piece that you on

625
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 5: today today. Yeah, so, but I'm glad I had that

626
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 5: energy in the house that we both couldn't be on

627
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 5: some today.

628
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 3: Is the data turn up? Right?

629
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,880
Speaker 5: But yeah, I would just be hurt most of the time,

630
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 5: and I was like, I don't know what to do,

631
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 5: and talking to him and his friends, they're like, we'll

632
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 5: take her to get her eyebrows done, or like, take

633
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 5: her to get this, take her to Sephor. I was like,

634
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 5: so you want me to buy her? And I could

635
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 5: get your card, I couldn't do it. I was like,

636
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 5: if she don't like me, it's not gonna be because

637
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 5: I bought you. Yeah, because I'm fun beauty step mama

638
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,880
Speaker 5: who takes you to Sephor every time you come.

639
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,679
Speaker 2: Home around whatever.

640
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 3: And then I was just like and then I was like,

641
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 3: y'all are men. You don't understand what it's like if

642
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 3: we dropped this woman's daughter off tomorrow with perfectly arched eyebrows.

643
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 2: That she didn't pay for it, and she didn't approve.

644
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 3: It was like, y'all gonna get my ass. B're trying

645
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 3: to be cute.

646
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: Because you think this is a good solution. Did happen

647
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 2: over here? Yes? Oh your your dad's girlfriend get She

648
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 2: wasn't her girlfriend. It was the sisters who I don't

649
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 2: even call my aunts because I can't still fucking stand them.

650
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 2: But yeah, they're evil. They relaxed my hair. Oh shit

651
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 2: that it was like art project.

652
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 4: No, they relax your hair, your curly ass hair, and

653
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 4: my mom and lived crying what's cursed?

654
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 2: You didn't understand what the big deal was. My mom

655
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 2: got it wet and then I didn't curl, and she

656
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 2: was like, what the fuck? So yeah, I feel that. Yeah,

657
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 2: I was like your mom was.

658
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 5: You can't bring somebody's child looking different, even if it

659
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 5: looks good, because they were like, oh, take her to

660
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 5: get her hair done, like you know how the good

661
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 5: hair places. I was like, I don't care how amazing

662
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 5: she looks. If we drop her off and you say

663
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 5: I got it done, it's gonna be an issue. It's

664
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,239
Speaker 5: gonna be an issue. And they couldn't understand. They were like, you, well,

665
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 5: you're just not trying to bond with her, I'm like.

666
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 2: No, I'm not trying to send her back looking different.

667
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like I'm just I'm also not trying

668
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 3: to get beat.

669
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 2: Up, like I know my boundaries.

670
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 5: So yeah, when she turned about seventeen, we had a

671
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 5: really cool conversation, like she offered an apology.

672
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: And wow, where did that come from? Do you think?

673
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,280
Speaker 3: I think it was conversations that she and her dad

674
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 3: my husband were having. And then it was like it's.

675
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 2: And I'll say, you had a baby.

676
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 5: But at that point, yeah, and it was like and

677
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 5: we're closer to the end, like you're almost eighteen now,

678
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 5: Like you can play this whole I'm loyal to my

679
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 5: mom game all you want. But it's like we've been

680
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 5: here offering up family to you and we can't make

681
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 5: you accept.

682
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 2: It is her mom or married.

683
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 3: Kind of relationship, Yeah, very long term relationship. I might

684
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 3: as well be married.

685
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 4: I wonder how her relationship is with the guy.

686
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 3: She refers to him as dad.

687
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 7: What.

688
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, this whole thing is like super complicated, like poisoning

689
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 3: her brand, not poisoning.

690
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 4: But I mean obviously your like what you say around

691
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 4: your kid, and the influence is major and as.

692
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 2: A mom, especially with the daughter.

693
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 4: You know, we have the most of the control, you know,

694
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 4: like what we say goes most of the time mostly,

695
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 4: So wow, and I know that.

696
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: Has to Does your husband offended or hurt by that?

697
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 5: I asked him right out the game early on, because

698
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 5: when as soon as you heard her saying yeah, I

699
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 5: was like, how do you feel about this? And he's

700
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 5: like again, he's so peaceful and so calm. He's like,

701
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 5: you know, it doesn't matter what she calls me. I

702
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 5: know who I am in her life, and.

703
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 4: Like, I wish i'd be like again again, like everything

704
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 4: was stopped, Like.

705
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 2: What did you stop? Oh my god, I'm like getting angry.

706
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 2: You said him what?

707
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, So because I'm like the first time I heard

708
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 3: her saying I was just like, oh, so this is

709
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: what we're doing.

710
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 2: She mom, She.

711
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 5: Calls him by his first name, She calls him Jammel,

712
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 5: and she calls uh the guy that her mom has.

713
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 4: Been with, Like but well wait, she calls your husband

714
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 4: person yes, and calls him dad.

715
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's because y'all should have made her sleep over

716
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 2: in that room.

717
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 3: All that was happening before I even got to they.

718
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: So clearly there is some ship between yeah, her dad, yeah,

719
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 2: and that's why there's a lot of tension, yeah with you.

720
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 2: So when I came in, a lot of it it

721
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 2: was pre existing.

722
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've got nothing to do with this, so I'm

723
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 5: not going to jump through hoops to try to figure that.

724
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 2: Okay, but it's all making sense.

725
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 5: And I had people around me like, well, you know,

726
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,239
Speaker 5: once you marry a man with children, like that's your

727
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 5: child now too, and you have to do X, Y Z,

728
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 5: And I'm like, but if you knew the full situation,

729
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 5: you would know that none of this shit is applable,

730
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 5: like it don't apply here. And I feel like we

731
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 5: do that with everything in life. We feel like, oh, well,

732
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 5: if you're in this situation, this is how it has

733
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 5: to play out, and no one's paying attention to like

734
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 5: the details and the bad story, like the solution you

735
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 5: offered me might just make everything worse. And you sen

736
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 5: up here judging me for not taking your solution when

737
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 5: you haven't looked at everything so well.

738
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 2: I think is a lot of times, as women and

739
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 2: you know men too, we look at situations and we judge.

740
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 2: I think I don't know if the people that were

741
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 2: offering you advice had children or not, or they did

742
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 2: maybe but they've probably never been in this type of situation.

743
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 4: You know.

744
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 2: It's I mean I think about I mean, I had

745
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 2: a stepfather too. I have a stepfather, and he entered

746
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 2: into my life around age seven, okay, and my mom

747
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 2: and dated other guys and had boyfriends and stuff, and

748
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 2: early on I established early on, I think I always

749
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 2: liked him, and then there was that crucial moment where

750
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 2: like I needed to be corrected and he tried to

751
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 2: correct me, and I was like, you ain't my daddy, nigga, yeah,

752
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 2: And he took that so personally because he is very

753
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 2: much it's very sensitive pisces and wants to keep the peace.

754
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 2: There's one overstep boundaries. But I think sometimes that can

755
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 2: be good. But then also that can also be passive

756
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 2: in a way, and children don't understand passiveness. There's it's

757
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 2: either you want to be my daddy or like a

758
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 2: father figure to me, or you're not. And for him,

759
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 2: like that was all it took for him to be like,

760
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 2: I'm bowing out. I'll just be your mom's boyfriend now

761
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: has been is not married, but whatever, they've been together

762
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 2: over twenty years and I'm not going to cross that

763
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: boundary again. Whereas I wish she would have not listened

764
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 2: to that and still tried, you know, because I didn't

765
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,399
Speaker 2: have a father. My dad was around, but he wasn't

766
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 2: really around at that point at that time in my life.

767
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: And I wish because those kids like, we don't we

768
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 2: don't really know what's good for us. Yeah, you know,

769
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 2: we just say shit because we're angry. We're angry. Yeah.

770
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 5: And that was something that I struggled with because I

771
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 5: felt like, Okay, maybe I should be more hands on

772
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 5: whether it feels like it's wants or not. But I

773
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 5: was like, she has an active mother in her life

774
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 5: that she lives with. She has a man in her

775
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 5: house that is serving as a father.

776
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,399
Speaker 2: That's a different situation. Yeah.

777
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 5: And like at the time they were living with the grandparents,

778
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 5: I was like, so she got a whole lot of

779
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 5: parents around the.

780
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 2: Whole maybe too many, yeah, And.

781
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 3: I felt like it was too many.

782
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,280
Speaker 5: So I have people like, no, you're supposed to step

783
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 5: in and be you know, a bonus mom or whatever,

784
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:52,800
Speaker 5: and I'm.

785
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 3: Just like, sis got like five parents already, Like no.

786
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 4: I can see myself like saying one thing right now

787
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 4: and then being in the situation in me like fuck it,

788
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 4: don't care.

789
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 2: I know me, Like I don't care.

790
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 4: I could see myself like me from the outside looking

791
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 4: at right now.

792
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 2: It's like you should try. You need to get in there,

793
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 2: you need to start the relationship. Like me.

794
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,959
Speaker 4: Like imagining myself in that situation, I would be like, yeah,

795
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,280
Speaker 4: let's go to the mall. I'm gonna be cool, so then.

796
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 2: You'll like me.

797
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 4: But then, like if I was actually in that situation,

798
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 4: with the way my attitude is set up, I could.

799
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 3: Be like, bye, yeah, I'm going to the by myself.

800
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 5: You need daddy obviously. Yeah, I definitely have some babout

801
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 5: moments or I'll just be like.

802
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you guys deal with that.

803
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my.

804
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: God, we have trouble in our future.

805
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 3: No, it's all of it is manageable.

806
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 2: Like that means we gotta find men soon. I think.

807
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 2: I think. I think what's different in our situation is

808
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 2: that our kids' fathers are active in their life. I'm

809
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 2: not saying he wasn't yet, Like I calls her dad daddy,

810
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 2: and it's a daddy's girl in a lot of ways.

811
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 2: You know, anything can happen that can shift at any point.

812
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 2: I prayed, I pray that never does, because the whole

813
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 2: reason I never wanted kids was because my daddy was

814
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 2: not around, and I felt like, if I have a child,

815
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 2: I want to know that both parents are going to

816
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 2: make an effort to be parents, because I didn't have that.

817
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 2: But I do. Even though our relationship, even though it's different,

818
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 2: it's different than I would have imagined in my head.

819
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 2: I would have imagined that I'm married, that we're living

820
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 2: in the same household. But at least I can say, like, actually,

821
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 2: it's funny because we when we interviewed someone else recently

822
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 2: and I said, well, you're a single parent and she's like, well,

823
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 2: I'm not a single parent because her dad is still

824
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 2: active in her life. And I said, I've heard.

825
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 4: People say, like, we're not allowed to use that term

826
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 4: single parent because single parent is reserved for people who's

827
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 4: the other parent is completely absent, not present.

828
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 2: But I'm like, I'm single and I'm a parent. Yeah,

829
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 2: so yeah, I'm a single parent. I disagree with that. Yeah,

830
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 2: and then like I'm a co parent parent, Like what

831
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 2: the fuck is that?

832
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 4: I'm a single cold parenting parent, but yeah, that's so interesting.

833
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so now you have a five year old

834
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 2: and so through gate. So did you get birth at

835
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 2: home because.

836
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 3: You had even that change.

837
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 5: So I was I was supposed to deliver at Graceful

838
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,359
Speaker 5: at the birthing center, and then when I was at

839
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,359
Speaker 5: thirty eight weeks, they saw that I was measuring much

840
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 5: smaller than where I should have been. So they were like, Okay,

841
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 5: we think you should go get a sonogram. Like something's up.

842
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,959
Speaker 5: She's not the size she's supposed to be. Fast forward,

843
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 5: I find out I have to be induced. They're like,

844
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 5: she's not growing. She's not growing at thirty.

845
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 2: Four weeks as soon as you went to the hospital.

846
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, because generally, I just want to be clear because

847
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 4: I'm if nobody knows, I'm obsessed with birth and I'm obsessed.

848
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 2: With home birth, and I wanted to have home birth

849
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 2: really bad.

850
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 4: But I'm pretty sure you at no point, you don't

851
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 4: have to go get a sonogram if you proceed with

852
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 4: no my midwife told her to go get it up.

853
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

854
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 4: Had she not said that, you usually go the whole

855
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 4: pregnancy just with the midwife, you'd never go to a sonogram.

856
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 6: Yeah.

857
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:56,799
Speaker 3: This is and this is what I loved about, Like

858
00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 3: how how wise they are. Yeah, they no point, and

859
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 3: you're just like, don't worry, we can handle it. She's like, ooh,

860
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 3: I don't know about this.

861
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:03,919
Speaker 2: You need to go see someone.

862
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:04,800
Speaker 3: You can go see someone.

863
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 5: And when that confirmed what the midwife saw in the

864
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 5: birth and center, because they're just using like old school

865
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 5: measuring tape yea, and from that they were able to

866
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 5: tell something was up. So I was just like, okay,

867
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 5: now I really trust her. And they were just like, yeah,

868
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 5: she stopped growing at thirty four weeks, like we do

869
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 5: not know why.

870
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 2: So did that play into your all your fears? Oh yes?

871
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 2: And I was.

872
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 5: Like, see, I told y'all. I told y'all like in

873
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 5: my head, I was like I knew it. And they

874
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,439
Speaker 5: were just like, no, she's just small. We don't know why,

875
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 5: so we just need to get her out and find

876
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 5: out why. So I had to be induced and pots

877
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 5: oh yeah, the whole line, the balloon to like to

878
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 5: dilate all of it, all of it. But even that,

879
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 5: like none of it was terrible.

880
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:46,359
Speaker 3: It was just time.

881
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 2: It's just and it's different from your how you imagine.

882
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 2: Oh yes, so it's disappointing.

883
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 4: Not okay, No, I mean I'm against the medical the

884
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:55,760
Speaker 4: medical system period.

885
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 2: But I mean like it got done. I was healthy,

886
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 2: It was fine. Yeah, it was it the best shit ever.

887
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 4: Like how I experiencing like orgasming and a in.

888
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: My living room net right, orgasm It's called orgasmic birth.

889
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 3: Orgasmic birth.

890
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,879
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's what you were hoping for. Yeah.

891
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, but once they put a balloon up there, you.

892
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,959
Speaker 4: Once they put any medical interruption in, you're fucked. Yeah,

893
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 4: it it starts hurting.

894
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 3: So delivered, everything was easy. And when she came.

895
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 5: Out there like, okay, so she's just little, there's nothing wrong,

896
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 5: really little lass maybe.

897
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 2: So how many pounds was she? U?

898
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 3: Five pounds seven ounces?

899
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 5: So you you gave birth vasal I did, yeah, and

900
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 5: all that was great, But I had so graceful came

901
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 5: with me to Cedar Sinai, so I still had my

902
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 5: midwives there. I was getting acupuncture and like you know,

903
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 5: breathing exercises in the in the delivery room at the hospital.

904
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:48,720
Speaker 5: So it was nice to have a little bit of both,

905
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 5: even though it was completely unplanned. Like they're like, we're

906
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 5: gonna try to make it as much of a birthing

907
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 5: center experience as we can. But and they have a

908
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 5: good relationship with Cedar Sinai. So it wasn't like, you know,

909
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 5: the doctors and nurses weren't just like, Okay, who's this

910
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 5: crazy ass woman over here with the acupuncture needs? Okay,

911
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 5: like you know, give us your updates. Yeah, they were

912
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 5: very welcoming and it was just a big old team

913
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:10,439
Speaker 5: in there I give.

914
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 2: Birth and suitors too, and they are very cool.

915
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

916
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 2: I had about forty people in the room, not when

917
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 2: I gave birth, but they were like, you can have

918
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 2: as many people as many people can fit in this room,

919
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 2: can come up here. I literally had there's a photo

920
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 2: I should post it on on our page, but there's

921
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: a photo of literally forty people in the room and

922
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 2: me just like drugged and we're watching I think I've

923
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 2: said this before, and we're watching christ Jenner's first interview

924
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 2: at Caitlin and Freddy was like, why do we have

925
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 2: to watch this? Oh so beautiful. I just got to

926
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 2: hear them so she's amazing. Yeah by you? Okay, yes

927
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:01,480
Speaker 2: if what okay, please people be right back. I need

928
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 2: to Okay, we're back, Sorry about that.

929
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,280
Speaker 3: Where uh delivery and delivery?

930
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, so yeah, birth was easy, I mean as easy

931
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 5: as birth can be.

932
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 3: But it was.

933
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 5: It was just good having the graceful team there with

934
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 5: me because I felt like once they said oh you

935
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 5: have to be a du so, I was like, okay,

936
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 5: so all of my plans are now out the window.

937
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 2: Literally every all of my friends have the same exact well,

938
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 2: very few of my friends have had like perfect birth. Alana,

939
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 2: like I had a c section unplanned. She was gonna

940
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 2: be to have her home birth. Alana's had perfect births.

941
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,879
Speaker 2: Nisha was she was have a perfect home birth too.

942
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 4: She didn't have had a good one then went as planned.

943
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 2: Most of them don't go as planned. Yeah, so if

944
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 2: you're planning to have a baby, just don't get married

945
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,839
Speaker 2: to your birth plan, please. I try to tell people that,

946
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 2: you know what.

947
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 4: That was my when and I told people my birth

948
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 4: plan and they said, don't get married to it.

949
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 2: I wanted to kill them too. I want to. I

950
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 2: want to just tak my teeth into their side ship

951
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 2: to hate people going against my optimism. Me too, I

952
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: would say that you don't give me your negative mess.

953
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 2: But they were right though, and that's why I would

954
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 2: try to tell to my girl, I know you have

955
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 2: a plan, but don't get married to this.

956
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 4: I know, but don't tell women who are pregnant that

957
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 4: why because because you'll learn it happens, it learns.

958
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 3: I tell them before they're pregnant. Yeah, and that like

959
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 3: the hormonal doesn't happen.

960
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 2: I think if you're already a mom and you're already

961
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 2: had this happened to you, Like, well.

962
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 4: I think it's the first crack I think I could

963
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 4: in the first crash course into momhood.

964
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:52,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, bitch, nothing goes like you planned.

965
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 3: That's why you needed to have down.

966
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,879
Speaker 2: Just fucked up, get used to it. That's what it is,

967
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 2: like ha ha jataha. I thought it would. You don't

968
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 2: have a plan anymore, I guess, you know. And also

969
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,399
Speaker 2: when you're pregnant, everyone has a fucking opinion. So yeah,

970
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:06,720
Speaker 2: so you don't want your dead min's opinions.

971
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,919
Speaker 4: Some my my baby's daddy's cousin was like, awesome, don't

972
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 4: be naming her no like African shit either, Like, don't

973
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 4: get real, you know. I was like, bitch, you're about

974
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 4: to name her the africanness name I can find.

975
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:29,879
Speaker 2: You're gonna pull up Rachel. Yeah, so long her new name.

976
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 2: Loves the long Nigerian name. Yeah, but back so I

977
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 2: want to get back to the shame thing. So how

978
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 2: what were you gonna Sayause I.

979
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 4: Was gonna say the same thing, but there was one

980
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 4: thing I wanted to say about the shame thing. I

981
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 4: don't think a lot of women realize that when you

982
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,320
Speaker 4: are when you become pregnant, there are all these things.

983
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's something that's like being pregnant,

984
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:54,919
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's just like obviously.

985
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 2: There's a huge shift happening. You're building a person in

986
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 2: your body.

987
00:43:57,239 --> 00:44:00,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I think there is this thing that happens

988
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 4: because I've also read and heard about once you get

989
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 4: pregnant and when you're in even in the process of

990
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 4: giving birth, a lot of trauma comes up. If you've

991
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 4: experienced any sexual trauma, any sexual violations. A lot of times,

992
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 4: if you haven't resolved or or like worked past those things,

993
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 4: sometimes it will slow down your birth process because you

994
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 4: have you hold shame in your body and you're holding

995
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 4: on to this this traumatic experience. Like your womb holds

996
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 4: a lot of energy and it's your root chakra. And

997
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 4: if you're even if you don't want to like be

998
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 4: all hippie and shit, you should because because it's true,

999
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:48,440
Speaker 4: there's like these these metaphysical you know, correlations and your

1000
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,240
Speaker 4: physical and your spiritual body.

1001
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 2: And I don't think I really realized it until.

1002
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 4: I got I've always been kind of obsessed with about

1003
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 4: birth because my best friend SHAWNI gave birth all at

1004
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 4: home too, twins, and and I've always had this weird

1005
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,800
Speaker 4: connection with birth. But as I started to read in research,

1006
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 4: I realize, like there's so much healing that has to

1007
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 4: be done and so much self reflecting because it will

1008
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 4: come up and not just like trauma, but like your

1009
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 4: relationship with your mom, like all these things, and if

1010
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 4: you don't address them, sometimes during birth, your vagina will

1011
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 4: close back up, like you could start dilating, and then

1012
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,800
Speaker 4: the fear will can overcome you and you will literally

1013
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 4: regress in your like dilation. So there's just all these

1014
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 4: things to consider that you don't even think about and

1015
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 4: you don't even realize, Like you didn't realize and even

1016
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 4: when you said that to us on the phone talking

1017
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 4: about this topic about the shame because I'm a pretty

1018
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:47,919
Speaker 4: liberated woman and I'm pretty open about who I am

1019
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 4: and my sexual freedoms and how I like just in general,

1020
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:54,399
Speaker 4: I don't think I hold a lot of.

1021
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 2: Shame in it.

1022
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 3: I didn't think I did either.

1023
00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:00,280
Speaker 2: You don't think that you do. However, we live in.

1024
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:04,760
Speaker 4: A society that doesn't accept like a sexually liberated woman,

1025
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 4: and it is there is guilt a result, like around

1026
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 4: all sex. You know, there's so much guilt about just

1027
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:17,880
Speaker 4: being sexually active and having just you know, unattached sex

1028
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 4: that like that men don't experience, and if you don't

1029
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 4: really really get in tune with it, and even like

1030
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 4: even now, I probably deal with it even in your

1031
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 4: amongst your friends circles and your social groups, and people

1032
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 4: that are supposed to support you and love you judge

1033
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 4: you because they're because they're also only a product of

1034
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 4: their social environment and they don't know better. And sometimes

1035
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 4: if you, you know, like if you're not really rooted

1036
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 4: in who the fuck you are and the decisions you've

1037
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 4: made and that the past is the past, and you know,

1038
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 4: just that shit happens, all these things can play into

1039
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 4: you know, who you are as a person and who

1040
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 4: you are as a parent, and even into your pregnancy. Yeah, so,

1041
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,720
Speaker 4: like I think that was like a really good topic,

1042
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 4: the shame of being a woman I am.

1043
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 5: I I sawt therapy during my pregnancy it wasn't the

1044
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 5: first time, but it was very specific of I was like,

1045
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 5: I don't want this to come up in the delivery room.

1046
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 5: I don't want this to be a place where I

1047
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 5: parent from of shame and her of like you know,

1048
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 5: don't you wear that?

1049
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 2: And you know.

1050
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:16,760
Speaker 3: When you're in the presence.

1051
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 5: Of men, you better cover up and like all this old,

1052
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 5: old shit that I didn't subscribe to as myself, but

1053
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 5: I knew it was in there, like in my head somewhere.

1054
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 5: So I was like, let's I know, it's not a

1055
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 5: terrible amount of time, like pregnancy is only for so long.

1056
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 5: I was like, but let's try to work through as

1057
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 5: much as this shit right now before she gets here.

1058
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 5: So that was between like my you know, kind of

1059
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 5: random emails to Elizabeth or her team all the time

1060
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 5: like okay, I'm I'm feeling this, Like how do I

1061
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 5: talk to him about not wanting his daughter there? Or

1062
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 5: how do I tell this person this about the pregnancy.

1063
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 5: I had a whole team. I had Elizabeth, I had

1064
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:55,040
Speaker 5: my therapist, had my husband, like he was as understanding

1065
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 5: as he could be, and he had like two other

1066
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 5: friends that were also therapists. He's like, listen, it's not

1067
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 5: gonna be super legit because these are just friends of mine,

1068
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 5: You're not their actual patient. He's like, but if you

1069
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 5: need more help, we will get you more help.

1070
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 2: So did you talk to your husband about like, because

1071
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 2: I know your shame came from a few different sources,

1072
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 2: did you talk to him about because I know when

1073
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 2: we spoke, you sped specifically that one of the things

1074
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 2: was like the sexual your sexual past, yeah, and that

1075
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:22,879
Speaker 2: you felt like because of that.

1076
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,800
Speaker 5: I talked him about it, and he knew my past

1077
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 5: like I when when I met him, Like, he never

1078
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:31,840
Speaker 5: asked me like you know, the whole how many people

1079
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 5: type thing? But I volunteered certain information because I was like, listen,

1080
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,920
Speaker 5: everybody in LA knows everybody, So I'm going to give

1081
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 5: you a few names here that I think you might

1082
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:44,800
Speaker 5: run into, especially with him doing the poetry lounge. And

1083
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 5: luckily it was never like any of his actual friends,

1084
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 5: but some of the names that I gave him sure

1085
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 5: enough showed.

1086
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 3: Up to perform. So like, and how did he deal

1087
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 3: with that? He texted me like, you wore was here

1088
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 3: spin home last night?

1089
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, I deserve that, now, you don't

1090
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,879
Speaker 5: Like it was like a playful teasing thing.

1091
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 3: You know. I was like, okay, but I'm glad that

1092
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 3: he knew who it was. Like I told him. I

1093
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 3: was like, I never want to.

1094
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 5: Put you in an awkward situation where we go to

1095
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,239
Speaker 5: an event somewhere like why, like what's the inside joke

1096
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 5: that I'm not in it? So I was like, I

1097
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 5: gave him certain information.

1098
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,799
Speaker 2: Did he give that to you? He did, okay, because

1099
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 2: I was just saying, it seems like because he's older

1100
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,240
Speaker 2: and he's been in that realm and he's smart.

1101
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:26,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he's been in that poetry realm.

1102
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 2: I'm sure he's you know, had his fun throughout the years,

1103
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,800
Speaker 2: and these people are like regulars.

1104
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 3: Oh, you know, he had to some of them. He

1105
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,839
Speaker 3: had to just because it was still fair.

1106
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 5: There was still so much part of the scene, and

1107
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,280
Speaker 5: so I knew who was who in the room.

1108
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: You know. It's so funny. I was thinking about this

1109
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 2: the other day because the guy I'm seeing, he we

1110
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 2: know some of this a lot of the same people.

1111
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 2: And there's one person in particular that I had I've

1112
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 2: slept with, and I know that they're cool ish. Actually

1113
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,719
Speaker 2: I know they are cool but recently posts him and

1114
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 2: then I was like, oh damn, Like do I need

1115
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 2: to tell him this? I mean, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend,

1116
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 2: but like I feel like maybe it's a conversation, but

1117
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 2: then how do you bring that up?

1118
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 5: Like, by the way, that's why it was talentinebles.

1119
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 2: It was tell me I may have smashed It was

1120
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 2: one time and only one time.

1121
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:21,600
Speaker 5: I when I presented it wasn't like in a you know,

1122
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 5: but you know, he don't leave me type thing.

1123
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 3: I was like, I just don't ever want you to.

1124
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 2: Feel stupid much worried about that.

1125
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 4: You know.

1126
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 2: What's funny about this, though, too, is because I know

1127
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 2: he's had sex with a girl that I know, he's

1128
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:35,359
Speaker 2: never volunteered the information. Like we've talked about her, I've

1129
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 2: mentioned her, and she's a she's not a good friend

1130
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 2: of mine, but we're totally cool, Like I love her,

1131
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 2: Like if I saw her today, I'd be like, you know,

1132
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:46,240
Speaker 2: and I've mentioned her, and he's never volunteered that information

1133
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:48,919
Speaker 2: to me, And so I'm always thinking, like I wonder

1134
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:49,839
Speaker 2: if he would or.

1135
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,280
Speaker 4: If it's going to take me to volunteer the information

1136
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 4: for them to him to think volunteer, not that it

1137
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 4: obviously doesn't matter to me, But I just I've had

1138
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:00,839
Speaker 4: that thought like should I tell him?

1139
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 5: Like, and I think it just depends on like how

1140
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 5: the other people act, Like if you know the person

1141
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 5: that you fuck with, is that type of like shady persons?

1142
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1143
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and a few of them.

1144
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 5: I was like, listen, he is messy, so let's messy books. Yeah,

1145
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 5: let's just not do this. And I only offered up

1146
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 5: the messy ones.

1147
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 2: Do you think So now that you know you went

1148
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 2: to therapy, you have your daughter, does the shame pop

1149
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 2: up now for you? Still? Sometimes? And maybe not shame,

1150
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 2: but like maybe the the you're the things you're trying

1151
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 2: to unlearn, Like have you noticed you've had to check

1152
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,240
Speaker 2: yourself like you've done stuff and be like, oh shit, that's.

1153
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 5: A different things Like and now it's just like, okay,

1154
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 5: so I've resolved the shame around my sexual past. But

1155
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 5: then it'll be like, okay, well you didn't finish school,

1156
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 5: so like let's let's let's dig in on that. Let's

1157
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 5: talk about how that makes you a shitty person, and.

1158
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 3: So it'll just cool.

1159
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 2: How am I gonna tell my daughter she needs to? Yes?

1160
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 3: So it just jumps to two different subject matters.

1161
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 5: But now I'm much better about noticing what it is

1162
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 5: in that moment, and I'm like, Okay, I know where

1163
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 5: we are right now, and you need to stop. Yeah,

1164
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 5: I need to stop, or I need to call. Like

1165
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,439
Speaker 5: I have certain friends that I'll hit up and they're

1166
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 5: just like, you're tripping. I'll talk you through it, but

1167
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 5: just know you're being dumb right now. And now it's

1168
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:16,960
Speaker 5: much easier to manage. And I feel like it's because

1169
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 5: I've had the awkward conversations around it, and so now

1170
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:23,359
Speaker 5: I'm just like, you know, this advocate of everybody having

1171
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 5: weird ass conversations and not necessarily like divulging, you know,

1172
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 5: personal information to me or to anyone if they're not

1173
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 5: ready to. But I just feel like you have to

1174
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 5: address it otherwise it just stays in your head and

1175
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 5: then you start believing it.

1176
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 2: And there's so many women out here that feel the

1177
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:41,320
Speaker 2: same way. And I think that's what me and Jamila

1178
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 2: have discovered just through podcasting, and I'm sure like, oh,

1179
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,680
Speaker 2: we're not the only ones that feel this way. Oh wait,

1180
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:47,479
Speaker 2: that happened to you.

1181
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 4: Too, and kind of finding like growth in the shit

1182
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 4: that you've done, like everybody has some shit.

1183
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 2: Growth And also like feeling finding some sort of empowerment

1184
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 2: in it, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, yeah

1185
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 2: I did that ship and so did a lot of them,

1186
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 2: so did your mom. Right, so what?

1187
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 4: But you know what this conversation makes me because I'm

1188
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 4: thinking talking to you, I'm like examining my own shame

1189
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 4: and when I felt it, or like if I've acknowledged it,

1190
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 4: or if I'm like just so badass, I don't have

1191
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 4: no shame, and then if I'm just like telling myself that,

1192
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 4: because of course there's that too, But you know what

1193
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 4: I realized it takes you have to you have to

1194
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 4: be aware of the of the shame, like how people

1195
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 4: try to use that against you, particularly meant because like

1196
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,799
Speaker 4: obviously when you have a partner that's mature enough to

1197
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 4: like have a conversation and like we could see you know,

1198
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 4: it's it's just like you know, first of all, I

1199
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 4: always tell people like did you think when you met me?

1200
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 2: I was a virgin? Did you think I know how

1201
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 2: to ride that dick like that? For no reason? Or

1202
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 2: these skills didn't come from nowhere practice?

1203
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 4: This is practice, baby, Yes, better'd be happy you caught

1204
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 4: me right now, right, But I was in a relationship

1205
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 4: that was so much based on shaming me and picking

1206
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:09,520
Speaker 4: out like picking picking, picking picking at shit, like knowing

1207
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 4: stuff about me because like we've known each other for

1208
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 4: so long that I was okay with certain things, but then.

1209
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 2: Like I could, I could feel myself like.

1210
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:22,320
Speaker 4: Being in a great area about it because this person

1211
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 4: was like trying to make me feel guilty about it.

1212
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,840
Speaker 4: And so one day I was like, dude, like he

1213
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 4: tried to tell my best friend something about me that I, oh,

1214
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 4: it was my paid sex hory uh submission, my own

1215
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 4: submission to the podcast, and I had like written about it,

1216
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 4: and he tried to like out me to Danielle, who's

1217
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:44,240
Speaker 4: I've done for twenty five years, And I was like, dude,

1218
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 4: she knows all my business.

1219
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 2: You are ashamed of it. I'm not. You can't make

1220
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:53,240
Speaker 2: me feel bad about something I don't feel bad about.

1221
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 4: And it took me to like really examine that in

1222
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 4: myself and be like, dude, you're barking up the wrong

1223
00:54:58,239 --> 00:54:59,399
Speaker 4: tree because only you care.

1224
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,719
Speaker 2: I don't. Well, that's I mean, that's very strong of you,

1225
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 2: because very easily could a man or anyone make you

1226
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 2: feel shameful about something you never even thought you had

1227
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,719
Speaker 2: shame around. You could be like, I'm what was wrong

1228
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 2: with that? And then he can shame you and you

1229
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 2: be like, oh shit, maybe I am well. I mean

1230
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 2: there was obviously things that are not.

1231
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 4: Traditional, you know, and there's things that I mean, you know,

1232
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:24,399
Speaker 4: I wouldn't like recommend anyone do too.

1233
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:26,759
Speaker 2: Luckily, I you know, it.

1234
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 4: Was they were good learning experiences for me, but like

1235
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:35,279
Speaker 4: being aware of that and picking a partner that is

1236
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:38,320
Speaker 4: mature enough like to be like, Okay, you're a human

1237
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:40,880
Speaker 4: just like me, and you've done shit before. This is

1238
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:46,520
Speaker 4: so so important because that relationship, Like I didn't realize it,

1239
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 4: but I was fucking depressed for years, years sitting up

1240
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 4: like being miserable with somebody and like it was weird

1241
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 4: because I think he loved me, but like he couldn't

1242
00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:59,439
Speaker 4: understand me and so he couldn't accept it.

1243
00:55:59,360 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 2: You know.

1244
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:02,719
Speaker 4: So it's just like this this constant battle, and even

1245
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 4: in regular conversations I would have like I think I

1246
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 4: found like all these letters from high.

1247
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:09,479
Speaker 2: School and I remember click cringing, like oh.

1248
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 4: No, don't find anything from the seventh grade about that

1249
00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 4: boy name. So you know, like it's gonna start this

1250
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:16,960
Speaker 4: shit all over again, because we had known each other

1251
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 4: that long. But I'm just like I had to get

1252
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:22,839
Speaker 4: past that and get out of that relationship and grow

1253
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 4: out of it to like feel empowered again.

1254
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 2: Because yeah, I didne a lot of shit, But it's so.

1255
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 4: Important to pick a partner that empowers you and that

1256
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 4: is mature enough to understand, Like, you wouldn't get me

1257
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 4: right now if it wasn't for the experiences that I've

1258
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:41,240
Speaker 4: had up until this point. I'm who I am because

1259
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 4: of everything that I've done right up until right now.

1260
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, So if you like this per person, you like.

1261
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 4: All of that period, and I don't ask me how

1262
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 4: many people I stuck with, I don't know, same, it's

1263
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 4: a dumbest us.

1264
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,640
Speaker 2: But you're still gonna smash right.

1265
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 4: So it's just like just to be a woman is

1266
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 4: such a like to be a woman and to have

1267
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:07,880
Speaker 4: had sex and lived your life is just like such

1268
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 4: an odd place. Like socially, there's just this weird I mean,

1269
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 4: obviously we're in a place that's like we're becoming more

1270
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 4: sexually liberated. We can talk about it, we can have

1271
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 4: these conversations as mothers, Oh God, God forbid, mothers, how did.

1272
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 2: You get here? You don't deserve a husband, will you

1273
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 2: should be shunned for life.

1274
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 4: So it's just it's crazy, but it makes me realize

1275
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 4: how how fucking and vital and important it is in

1276
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 4: my next relationship that that be like we can.

1277
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 2: Have the conversation and it not be like icedly like sweat, Yeah.

1278
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 5: You can't use the information against person later.

1279
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I.

1280
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 5: Never encountered that with him, So I think that helped

1281
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 5: a lot. That I was able to provide information with him.

1282
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 5: We would have just honest conversations. He never hit me

1283
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 5: with the you know, the body count question.

1284
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 2: He was like litten, the older, Yeah, more mature. That

1285
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 2: helps twenty.

1286
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 8: Five in man years, right, But that that definitely helped,

1287
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 8: But it still didn't stop the It obviously didn't stop

1288
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 8: it from after we got married and me getting pregnant, like,

1289
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 8: it still came up and I realized like.

1290
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 3: Okay, this is my ship, but he's not throwing this

1291
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 3: back in my face.

1292
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 2: It's just you.

1293
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 3: My family's not saying that this is all me.

1294
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 5: And that's when it was like, Okay, you need to

1295
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 5: go seek professional help because you're just driving yourself insane.

1296
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 2: And social society will drive you insane.

1297
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 4: Like the things that were like we swallow and accept

1298
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 4: not realizing or accepting it because like I didn't grow

1299
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 4: up in a religious, know kind of religious background.

1300
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 2: But of course there was comments. Of course there was

1301
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 2: things being said.

1302
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 4: Watch TV here, people have conversations and these these ideas,

1303
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 4: you know, transform how you feel about yourself.

1304
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:49,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Instagram and like just the social commentary. You can't

1305
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:57,920
Speaker 3: turn a home into the house, and you just like, so.

1306
00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 2: That's how I like. They they don't have a job,

1307
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 2: and they doing sheet because they laid it down. And

1308
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 2: guess how many times they had to do that to

1309
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 2: get to where they are to be an expert? Can

1310
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 2: you think that out to all the homes in the house?

1311
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 2: I am pro pro how I mean, but I mean

1312
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:21,520
Speaker 2: they're fucking First of all, it's not a hell. You're

1313
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 2: not a help, You're just a human, like just a human.

1314
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 2: Got exercising your sexual rights? Yeah, freely? Have you.

1315
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 3: What's happening here?

1316
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 2: I'm coughing, Eric's shaking her legs. Have you have you experienced.

1317
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 4: Any like like specific times you felt shame or like

1318
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 4: even in.

1319
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 2: Parenthood or I mean, of course I've experienced shame, like.

1320
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:54,240
Speaker 4: Just in general, like like I don't know what do

1321
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 4: they call it?

1322
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 2: Slut shaming?

1323
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 3: Shame?

1324
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 2: Of course, of course I have. I mean we're women.

1325
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:04,080
Speaker 2: I think every woman has experienced slutshaming. I mean honestly,

1326
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 2: it's like you're not a woman unless until you've experienced

1327
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:11,400
Speaker 2: such the most conservative experience. People will make up some shit,

1328
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,040
Speaker 2: but as far as like shame goes, Like as a parent,

1329
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 2: I never I didn't experience like your experience, But I'm

1330
01:00:16,520 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 2: not feeling like I deserved my child. I think sometimes

1331
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 2: even like now, sometimes I feel like especially now because

1332
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,320
Speaker 2: Irie is getting older and asking me a lot of

1333
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 2: questions about what things mean and how to define things

1334
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 2: and Mommy, what does this word mean? Mommy? Why is this?

1335
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:35,919
Speaker 2: Why is that? What is that?

1336
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: What?

1337
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,800
Speaker 2: And I'm like, shit, Like literally, we were having this

1338
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 2: conversation the other day and Iri was like I was like,

1339
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 2: I was mad at her because she was not listening,

1340
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:48,200
Speaker 2: and I was like, you are this is unacceptable behavior.

1341
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 2: And I was like, do you know what unacceptable WANs?

1342
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 2: And She's like no, what does it mean? And I

1343
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 2: was like, I mean, I don't like the shame. And

1344
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 2: I was like, wait, that's not a good answer. Let

1345
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,800
Speaker 2: me try to find this. So yeah, sometimes I'm like,

1346
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 2: am I smart? Like how do I question again? And

1347
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, She's gonna get older and

1348
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:12,560
Speaker 2: like start taking all these different like English history, all

1349
01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 2: these things, and I'm like, I think it's it's already

1350
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 2: starting to pop up where I'm questioning. I think, like you,

1351
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 2: I didn't finish college. A lot of my friends have

1352
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:24,640
Speaker 2: their masters, you know, they're you know, highly intelligent in

1353
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 2: that sense of the word. And it's something I've I've

1354
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 2: felt insecure about, especially too, like I work in a

1355
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 2: business that you know, my mom founded a really amazing

1356
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 2: company and I'm you know, she looks to me for

1357
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:45,120
Speaker 2: advice and at some point I might take over this company.

1358
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 2: And sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy, Like I

1359
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 2: don't know everything. I don't know these people went to

1360
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 2: school for this shit. These people like have worked for

1361
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 2: major brands and know how this works. And I'm just like,

1362
01:01:56,360 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 2: sometimes I feel unworthy of the things that I have.

1363
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 2: And also like, am I smart? How am I going

1364
01:02:03,280 --> 01:02:05,200
Speaker 2: to tell my daughter that I didn't finish college but

1365
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:07,920
Speaker 2: I want her to finish college? And how am I

1366
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:12,000
Speaker 2: going to help her with her homework? Like and not

1367
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 2: know what this means? And because when it comes to math.

1368
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:17,280
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, honey, Iri. Let me just tell you now,

1369
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 2: if you're listening to this in the future, I'm sorry, baby,

1370
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:22,320
Speaker 2: I'm so fucking that that's what.

1371
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 3: That's what tutors are for. And I was like, and.

1372
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,600
Speaker 2: Math is not my strongest at all.

1373
01:02:27,760 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, and I will hustle enough write your English paper.

1374
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:35,720
Speaker 2: However, Yeah, so I think some of that like has

1375
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 2: come up for me as far as like feeling ashamed

1376
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:41,400
Speaker 2: that I don't maybe I could be more educated in

1377
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 2: different ways.

1378
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 5: But there's so much self awareness and even saying that

1379
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 5: instead of just going out into the world and just

1380
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 5: assuming I'm smart, I know everything and you don't, masses can't. Like,

1381
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:53,760
Speaker 5: I feel like that opens you up that you're more

1382
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 5: likely to ask for help and more likely to do

1383
01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:58,040
Speaker 5: more research because you're already thinking.

1384
01:02:57,960 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 3: Every dog answer.

1385
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:01,520
Speaker 2: And I say that, And that's how I kind of

1386
01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 2: talk myself off that ledge. I was like, I can

1387
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 2: start educating myself today if I wanted to. There's really

1388
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:09,840
Speaker 2: no excuse, you know, I could start educating myself so

1389
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:11,680
Speaker 2: that when she is in high school, I already know,

1390
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:14,000
Speaker 2: like I can read, I can brush up on some shit,

1391
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 2: you know, what I mean.

1392
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:18,760
Speaker 4: My god, speaking of that, did you guys see I

1393
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:23,200
Speaker 4: know I showed Erica Erica Badu's homeschooling post. Oh yeah, no,

1394
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,280
Speaker 4: well it is so it's going to make anyone in

1395
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 4: the world feel inadequate and drum as hell. As soon

1396
01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 4: as I saw it, I was like, oh my god,

1397
01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 4: I don't know shit, how am I going to teach

1398
01:03:34,080 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 4: my child anything?

1399
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 2: It was so deep.

1400
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:39,919
Speaker 3: Well she's deep. Let me tell you the whole time.

1401
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:42,560
Speaker 2: Do you want to hear what she said? Yes, just

1402
01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 2: if you want to feel even more inadequate.

1403
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 4: She said, she's talking about a homeschool, and she says,

1404
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 4: when Daddy is home, Wait, the whole drill knows. If

1405
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,840
Speaker 4: the whole family knows the drill, the whole family got

1406
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 4: to get involved. When Big Bro comes home from college

1407
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 4: botany major, he teaches botany in psychology. When Daddy is

1408
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 4: Jay Electronica, he teaches world planetary history and geography. When

1409
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,640
Speaker 4: Big Sis ninth grade is done with her work, she

1410
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 4: teaches art and French.

1411
01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 2: I'll handle.

1412
01:04:10,960 --> 01:04:19,439
Speaker 4: The physics, math, lit, sociology, health science, astronomy, astrology, meditation, religion, economics,

1413
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 4: art appreciation, filmmaking, quantum science, molecular physics, et cetera. So

1414
01:04:26,720 --> 01:04:30,440
Speaker 4: fourteen things plus, but our main focus is human compassion

1415
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:32,960
Speaker 4: or matters of the heart. We are guiding Mars to

1416
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 4: see the world through her own lens. She will understand

1417
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 4: that she must experience the consequences of her own choices

1418
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:39,040
Speaker 4: and judgments.

1419
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 2: It is not necessary that she becomes.

1420
01:04:40,840 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 4: A mini Erica or mini j After all, we are

1421
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 4: all still becoming lots of love.

1422
01:04:48,320 --> 01:04:49,840
Speaker 2: We need to pick up a book. I need to

1423
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 2: learn molecular science.

1424
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:53,920
Speaker 3: You know what I heard when I listened to it.

1425
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:55,760
Speaker 3: I was like, basically, if your kid lives in La

1426
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 3: let me see this. Let me tell you. Okay, so

1427
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:01,640
Speaker 3: maybe not by but what is that? It's like gardening?

1428
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe you've got a backyard, got back covered? Okay,

1429
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:07,960
Speaker 2: find me. Okay, break it down. Break it down for

1430
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:09,880
Speaker 2: us so we don't feel so inadequate lineography.

1431
01:05:09,920 --> 01:05:11,200
Speaker 3: Your kids gonna spend a lot of time in the

1432
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 3: backseat on these freeways.

1433
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:15,160
Speaker 2: Okay, if you're you gonna be traveling with me, so

1434
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 2: we're gonna go country to country. So that's yo.

1435
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 5: But I'm not even wait, okay, I'm talking about just

1436
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 5: for our kids living in this city, math and and okay,

1437
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:28,280
Speaker 5: they're gonna teach you a kid them sociology. Right around

1438
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:30,880
Speaker 5: the city. You get to study people. Okay, that's all

1439
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:33,760
Speaker 5: that is. See that lady at the supermarket, she was

1440
01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:37,400
Speaker 5: a bitch health science. To take them to their doctor's appointment.

1441
01:05:37,480 --> 01:05:40,920
Speaker 5: Walk them through what's happening. Bam, got it covered. Astronomy,

1442
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 5: look outside, bitch astrology. Tell them about they signed meditation. Okay,

1443
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:49,600
Speaker 5: y'all can go to yoga together. Religion, optional, economics, talk

1444
01:05:49,640 --> 01:05:52,680
Speaker 5: to them about the family budget, art appreciation, take.

1445
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,360
Speaker 3: Them to the art walk downtown. Filmmaking.

1446
01:05:55,680 --> 01:05:58,360
Speaker 5: That's what iPhones are for. Y'all are recording ship right now,

1447
01:05:58,440 --> 01:05:59,400
Speaker 5: y'all are filmmakers.

1448
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:02,960
Speaker 3: Quantum science and you don't need all that does not

1449
01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 3: even mean That's why I said you don't even need it,

1450
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 3: because I don't know what it means.

1451
01:06:08,840 --> 01:06:11,720
Speaker 5: Molecular physics also know, but you can cross off a

1452
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:13,400
Speaker 5: bunch of them by just living in the city of

1453
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:13,960
Speaker 5: Los Angeles.

1454
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:15,360
Speaker 3: Our appreciation.

1455
01:06:16,480 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 2: Because I was like, wow, that's true, you're right, you're right.

1456
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 2: I'm glad you broke it down for us. Yeah, that's

1457
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:23,560
Speaker 2: living in the city. Thank you.

1458
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:24,720
Speaker 3: You will get all of that and more.

1459
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:29,760
Speaker 2: Sorry, for cutting you off. No, no, no, no.

1460
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:32,720
Speaker 4: It just I thought, and I was like, damn. And

1461
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 4: she's also has like seven Grammys. How did you teach

1462
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 4: fourteen topics? Fourteen homeschool subjects? Get a Grammy and be

1463
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:40,320
Speaker 4: rich and be fly and be bombed.

1464
01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 2: But that's what we know.

1465
01:06:42,360 --> 01:06:44,959
Speaker 4: But that's we're working progress, and that's what she says

1466
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:46,800
Speaker 4: all at the end, which I thought was the most beautiful.

1467
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 2: We're all becoming and that's so.

1468
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 3: But y'all can make a list like that today, be like,

1469
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:53,440
Speaker 3: I'm teaching my kids.

1470
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 2: You know what, I've already teaching iris, geography, sociology all

1471
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:00,600
Speaker 2: the time. Oh my god, can I tell you something?

1472
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:04,840
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yesterday Freddy came over and was like,

1473
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:08,640
Speaker 2: that's fine. Everyone knows that's my baby daddy. My baby

1474
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:13,480
Speaker 2: daddy's name is Freddy. Guys, Okay, hey Freddy, it's not

1475
01:07:13,520 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 2: that hard to figure.

1476
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:18,120
Speaker 3: No, happy bay.

1477
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:22,800
Speaker 2: He don't get blurred with. So he came over and

1478
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:24,720
Speaker 2: was like, do you know what your daughter said to

1479
01:07:24,760 --> 01:07:26,800
Speaker 2: me the other day? And I was like what And

1480
01:07:26,840 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 2: she was like, Irie, what did what did you say?

1481
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:31,760
Speaker 2: Mommy said that people the people she doesn't like, and

1482
01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:36,280
Speaker 2: she was like, white people I almost passed the funk out.

1483
01:07:36,360 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 2: I was like what, She's like, yeah, mommy, white people

1484
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:39,600
Speaker 2: are bad.

1485
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:40,120
Speaker 4: No.

1486
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:43,320
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, no, no, they're not.

1487
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:46,160
Speaker 2: I was like, they're not bad. I'm a little bit

1488
01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:50,920
Speaker 2: of white like so, and you know, like, we have

1489
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 2: white people in our lives that we love. There's a

1490
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:55,480
Speaker 2: lot of amazing white people in this world, don't. I

1491
01:07:55,480 --> 01:07:57,320
Speaker 2: don't want you going around telling people that you all

1492
01:07:57,560 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 2: you have white friends at school, you know. Like, but

1493
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 2: I was just like, oh my god, there's like is

1494
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 2: this what I'm teaching her? Like? Is this is this

1495
01:08:06,160 --> 01:08:08,520
Speaker 2: what she picked up off all the fucking beautiful things

1496
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:09,920
Speaker 2: I tell my daughter daily.

1497
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 4: Like she gotta be careful because even remember I tell

1498
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:13,040
Speaker 4: me that black Sanna, She's like, I don't want to

1499
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:14,640
Speaker 4: see black sand I want to see white sand.

1500
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:17,120
Speaker 2: I was like, I think this is where that conversation

1501
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:19,519
Speaker 2: came from. I think that's where she that that moment

1502
01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:21,720
Speaker 2: we were talking about that in the car, that is

1503
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:23,720
Speaker 2: where she got it from. I remember we were talking

1504
01:08:23,720 --> 01:08:26,080
Speaker 2: about something, We're talking about something racial, and I said

1505
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:27,960
Speaker 2: something like that's why white people do that shit, And

1506
01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:31,320
Speaker 2: I think something like that translated into negativity, and I

1507
01:08:31,320 --> 01:08:33,240
Speaker 2: do not want my daughter thinking that white people are

1508
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:35,479
Speaker 2: bad because they're not. There are a lot of bad

1509
01:08:35,560 --> 01:08:36,920
Speaker 2: black This is what I said to her. I said,

1510
01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:39,439
Speaker 2: there are bad There are bad white people, but they're

1511
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:42,479
Speaker 2: also bad Black people, and there are bad brown people.

1512
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:45,400
Speaker 2: There are just bad people in general. It doesn't matter.

1513
01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:49,599
Speaker 2: It's not like designated to the color of your skin, right,

1514
01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:53,600
Speaker 2: Like yes, absolutely, like black people, you know, deal with

1515
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:57,040
Speaker 2: a lot of bad ship from other races, specifically white people.

1516
01:08:57,040 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 4: But that's that alone, is a complex thing that your child.

1517
01:09:00,479 --> 01:09:02,160
Speaker 4: Because we were watching a documentary the one that I

1518
01:09:02,160 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 4: need to correct myself. It wasn't called black paraphernilia. It

1519
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 4: was called black memorabilia. I was really high that week

1520
01:09:10,479 --> 01:09:14,360
Speaker 4: and soa and drinking Cannieen last week. I was acting dumb.

1521
01:09:14,439 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 4: It's because I was high. But there was all these

1522
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:18,920
Speaker 4: images when I was playing Sorry to Cut You Off,

1523
01:09:20,520 --> 01:09:23,720
Speaker 4: and there was like pictures of people being hang and

1524
01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:26,680
Speaker 4: like white people watching, and like Luda was in and

1525
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:28,040
Speaker 4: out of their room, and I was like, is this

1526
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:31,200
Speaker 4: too graphic to be showing her? But I remember watching

1527
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,080
Speaker 4: like very graphic things as achild. My dad like made

1528
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,040
Speaker 4: me watch Malcolm X. I watched like all types of

1529
01:09:35,040 --> 01:09:35,759
Speaker 4: adult movies.

1530
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:36,920
Speaker 3: It's an ongoing lesson.

1531
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:38,559
Speaker 5: So I think if they hear you say something like

1532
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:41,360
Speaker 5: that in traffic or they see the images, you know

1533
01:09:41,400 --> 01:09:43,840
Speaker 5: that the conversation is going to be ongoing, probably for

1534
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,519
Speaker 5: the rest of their lives, right, But.

1535
01:09:45,560 --> 01:09:47,559
Speaker 2: Like, when do you introduce it? Like I mean, even

1536
01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:50,040
Speaker 2: like I have a lot of most of the books

1537
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:52,240
Speaker 2: I reader, a lot of them are like, you know,

1538
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:55,160
Speaker 2: girls that look like her, And there's one specifically that

1539
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:57,519
Speaker 2: is Martin Luther King. I had a dream book and

1540
01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:00,639
Speaker 2: it's for kids, and there was like a part where

1541
01:10:00,640 --> 01:10:03,479
Speaker 2: they were talking about segregation and how they were how

1542
01:10:03,479 --> 01:10:05,920
Speaker 2: they were talking about it was very like surface, but

1543
01:10:05,960 --> 01:10:08,160
Speaker 2: it got to the point but she wanted to she

1544
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:10,479
Speaker 2: didn't understand it, and she was asking me, like, why

1545
01:10:10,479 --> 01:10:13,479
Speaker 2: are those kids being mean to her? And I was like, well,

1546
01:10:13,479 --> 01:10:16,439
Speaker 2: because they don't look like her and so they don't

1547
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:18,560
Speaker 2: understand that we're all the same and we should be

1548
01:10:18,600 --> 01:10:21,680
Speaker 2: treated equally. And she's like why because they're white, And

1549
01:10:21,720 --> 01:10:24,200
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah.

1550
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:26,920
Speaker 3: If in that moment that's the true.

1551
01:10:28,040 --> 01:10:29,880
Speaker 2: I didn't want to lie to her like that's not

1552
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 2: fair either, but also like I don't want her living

1553
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,439
Speaker 2: her life having a chip on her shoulder. I want

1554
01:10:34,479 --> 01:10:37,520
Speaker 2: her to experience people and come to her own conclusion

1555
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:39,800
Speaker 2: about people, not because her mommy said something in the

1556
01:10:39,840 --> 01:10:42,400
Speaker 2: car one day and white people are bad. Like I

1557
01:10:42,439 --> 01:10:46,800
Speaker 2: was like, fuck no, because because I come from a

1558
01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:50,519
Speaker 2: multi cultural family, I'm not all black on my family.

1559
01:10:50,560 --> 01:10:53,040
Speaker 2: My grandfather was Irish and Portuguese. He looked like a

1560
01:10:53,080 --> 01:10:55,720
Speaker 2: white man he identified as well. I don't know if

1561
01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:57,439
Speaker 2: he identified as white. Actually that's a good question. I

1562
01:10:57,439 --> 01:10:59,720
Speaker 2: wish I could ask him that he's no longer here

1563
01:11:00,040 --> 01:11:03,640
Speaker 2: you missy pop up. But like I looked at him

1564
01:11:03,640 --> 01:11:07,519
Speaker 2: as white, you know, And it's a part of me

1565
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:10,120
Speaker 2: that I just never I've never really embraced because I

1566
01:11:10,120 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 2: didn't feel like I don't identify as white period. That's

1567
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 2: not my experience, you know.

1568
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:17,760
Speaker 4: And so I look at our friend group, look at

1569
01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,720
Speaker 4: our like I just saw her guessue we're trying to

1570
01:11:19,760 --> 01:11:20,759
Speaker 4: like find I was like, I don't.

1571
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,000
Speaker 2: Really have that many black friends. Oh yeah, you were

1572
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:24,160
Speaker 2: just like I was like, texted to one of your

1573
01:11:24,200 --> 01:11:27,920
Speaker 2: black friends, and I was like, wait, oh shit, hold on,

1574
01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:30,840
Speaker 2: oh wait, here's one on. Hold on.

1575
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:35,880
Speaker 4: But but it's such a tricky, tricky, tricky thing because

1576
01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:37,880
Speaker 4: I mean First of all, we're human.

1577
01:11:37,880 --> 01:11:38,760
Speaker 2: We're gonna fuck up and not.

1578
01:11:38,880 --> 01:11:41,400
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously we're the farthest thing from being like

1579
01:11:41,680 --> 01:11:44,800
Speaker 4: prejudiced or racist. But and on the flip side, I

1580
01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:47,759
Speaker 4: find Alna like always wanting to play in like certain

1581
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,639
Speaker 4: people's hair or saying like I want hair.

1582
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:52,000
Speaker 2: Flowing long hair.

1583
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:54,720
Speaker 4: Like so and slow, and I'm just like, here we go,

1584
01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:56,519
Speaker 4: here we go, you know, And it's.

1585
01:11:56,439 --> 01:11:58,719
Speaker 2: Just this constant fucking battle.

1586
01:11:58,720 --> 01:12:00,120
Speaker 4: I don't want you to think like this is more

1587
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:02,479
Speaker 4: beautiful or this is better, and you don't have to

1588
01:12:02,520 --> 01:12:05,400
Speaker 4: counteract that by saying black white people are bad or

1589
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:08,439
Speaker 4: they're not beautiful. Because I posted something one time and

1590
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:10,679
Speaker 4: everybody was like, well, why are you teaching your daughter

1591
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:11,839
Speaker 4: that white people are beautiful?

1592
01:12:12,040 --> 01:12:13,160
Speaker 2: Bit I didn't say that.

1593
01:12:13,360 --> 01:12:16,200
Speaker 4: Calm down, Okay, everybody knows the European standard beauty is

1594
01:12:16,280 --> 01:12:16,840
Speaker 4: top notch.

1595
01:12:17,120 --> 01:12:19,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this is not a society, non in real life,

1596
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:21,720
Speaker 2: not in real life. No, obviously, I don't mean like

1597
01:12:21,760 --> 01:12:23,280
Speaker 2: not top notch. I mean like, but that that's what's

1598
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:26,479
Speaker 2: going to be pushed on our kids regardless without any effort.

1599
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:28,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, so if I don't counteract it with her with

1600
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:31,040
Speaker 4: images of stuff, and I just told Erica this. We

1601
01:12:31,040 --> 01:12:33,000
Speaker 4: were like watching a Laura A commercial and there's like

1602
01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:35,800
Speaker 4: a multicultural one and there was like a curly haired one.

1603
01:12:35,840 --> 01:12:37,920
Speaker 2: She's like, she has hair like me, and it's like, yes,

1604
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:42,080
Speaker 2: U Street does. Curly is the bomb. Curly can go

1605
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:42,920
Speaker 2: straight or curly.

1606
01:12:42,960 --> 01:12:45,400
Speaker 3: So when you go on curly, I know, well, I

1607
01:12:45,439 --> 01:12:47,880
Speaker 3: was just gonna say that, Like I I did not

1608
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:50,280
Speaker 3: want the hair conversation to start really early in my

1609
01:12:50,320 --> 01:12:53,200
Speaker 3: house because like a lot of women, especially in my age,

1610
01:12:53,200 --> 01:12:55,080
Speaker 3: like thirty and up, we all have the same story

1611
01:12:55,160 --> 01:12:56,559
Speaker 3: like my mom. But I relaxed around my hair.

1612
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:58,800
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, So I was like, I don't want her

1613
01:12:58,840 --> 01:13:01,519
Speaker 5: to ask me for this. So I made the decision

1614
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:05,320
Speaker 5: not to wear my hair straight for longs. I had

1615
01:13:05,400 --> 01:13:07,000
Speaker 5: locks when when I first had her, and then I

1616
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:09,240
Speaker 5: cut him off and I was like, look, we match.

1617
01:13:09,280 --> 01:13:11,559
Speaker 3: We both have like a little short curly froze.

1618
01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:14,240
Speaker 5: And now I'll get a blowout every once in a while,

1619
01:13:14,280 --> 01:13:17,559
Speaker 5: but never like bone straight. It's still big and I

1620
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:20,320
Speaker 5: think for what I've seen with her is like she

1621
01:13:20,360 --> 01:13:21,599
Speaker 5: always wants to do what I'm doing.

1622
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:23,960
Speaker 2: Me too. My I was always like, Mommy, I want

1623
01:13:23,960 --> 01:13:25,559
Speaker 2: my hair to look like yours, even yesterday, I had

1624
01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:27,479
Speaker 2: my hair pulled back so it looked like it was straight,

1625
01:13:27,479 --> 01:13:29,920
Speaker 2: but it wasn't. She's like, can you take your hair out?

1626
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:31,559
Speaker 2: And I want your hair to look like mine.

1627
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:33,040
Speaker 3: You want to be twins.

1628
01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:34,960
Speaker 4: And I I was like, I told Air cause the

1629
01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:36,800
Speaker 4: other day I was like straightening my hair and she

1630
01:13:36,920 --> 01:13:37,479
Speaker 4: was watching me.

1631
01:13:37,560 --> 01:13:38,240
Speaker 2: Lenna was watching me.

1632
01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 4: I was like, Fuck, I'm doing everything I'm I preach

1633
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:43,960
Speaker 4: against and you know.

1634
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:45,920
Speaker 2: And it's so funny cause I'm so pro black. I'm

1635
01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:47,719
Speaker 2: so pro this, and.

1636
01:13:49,240 --> 01:13:51,040
Speaker 3: I don't think it takes away.

1637
01:13:50,640 --> 01:13:51,759
Speaker 2: I I it doesn't.

1638
01:13:52,240 --> 01:13:54,920
Speaker 4: But like I realized, like cause when I was pregnant,

1639
01:13:54,960 --> 01:13:58,800
Speaker 4: I shaved my head and just started a new Yeah.

1640
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:01,440
Speaker 4: But I hate to say this and it's the shallowest

1641
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:05,439
Speaker 4: part of me. But like living in LA and being

1642
01:14:05,479 --> 01:14:13,320
Speaker 4: a black girl with a fade, I mean it works

1643
01:14:13,320 --> 01:14:14,160
Speaker 4: for like Amber Rose.

1644
01:14:14,400 --> 01:14:16,840
Speaker 3: I don't know my best friend, her name's Ayana. She

1645
01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:18,960
Speaker 3: kills a faith so heals you.

1646
01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:22,559
Speaker 4: But like I realized in those moments, like granted I

1647
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:25,200
Speaker 4: was pregnant, and like after it got like a certain land,

1648
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:27,800
Speaker 4: like a curly Friday, like I started getting braids, but

1649
01:14:28,240 --> 01:14:31,439
Speaker 4: it made me realize, like it's me like I'm insecure

1650
01:14:31,439 --> 01:14:32,720
Speaker 4: about it, Like I don't want to go to the

1651
01:14:32,720 --> 01:14:35,600
Speaker 4: club because I don't want I don't want to risk.

1652
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:38,080
Speaker 2: Someone being like, oh, you guys can get in, but

1653
01:14:38,160 --> 01:14:38,519
Speaker 2: not her.

1654
01:14:39,040 --> 01:14:41,680
Speaker 4: Because growing up in La, first of all, I know

1655
01:14:41,760 --> 01:14:43,639
Speaker 4: we've been going to the club for like four thousand years,

1656
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:47,760
Speaker 4: way before we were twenty one. I've seen so much

1657
01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:50,840
Speaker 4: racial profiling at the club in Hollywood.

1658
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,840
Speaker 2: First of all, most of my friends, I'm not even

1659
01:14:52,880 --> 01:14:55,080
Speaker 2: just the club because you cannot say your hair you

1660
01:14:55,120 --> 01:14:58,000
Speaker 2: did not not You're not basing your hair based off

1661
01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:01,120
Speaker 2: the club. First of all, hair, because that's what it

1662
01:15:01,200 --> 01:15:02,519
Speaker 2: sounds like right now, I.

1663
01:15:04,439 --> 01:15:11,280
Speaker 6: Need club hair, must get into the club. But I

1664
01:15:11,320 --> 01:15:13,479
Speaker 6: do get like in La, it's hard because you do

1665
01:15:13,560 --> 01:15:14,760
Speaker 6: feel like I know.

1666
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:18,479
Speaker 2: What your point is. I have to clarify that because

1667
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:20,360
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, people are going to think me.

1668
01:15:21,680 --> 01:15:23,600
Speaker 3: So I told my husband all the time, I was like,

1669
01:15:23,960 --> 01:15:25,639
Speaker 3: I was telling I'm like, you have no idea, how

1670
01:15:25,680 --> 01:15:28,280
Speaker 3: fine I am south of the Tin, Like, when I

1671
01:15:28,360 --> 01:15:31,280
Speaker 3: go south of the Tin, I'm in. I'm I'm that chip.

1672
01:15:31,640 --> 01:15:35,760
Speaker 3: But otherwise I can get ignored pretty easily, depends on

1673
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:36,280
Speaker 3: where you're going.

1674
01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:40,080
Speaker 2: I'm so tainted to Inglewood. Yeah, I do. I think

1675
01:15:40,160 --> 01:15:43,960
Speaker 2: a lot of our hair choices are revolved around men

1676
01:15:44,400 --> 01:15:48,679
Speaker 2: would think, because I've noticed as curly hair girl, that

1677
01:15:49,000 --> 01:15:54,519
Speaker 2: it's changed now because curly is it's in now, all right,

1678
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:57,080
Speaker 2: then has been in for a while a few years,

1679
01:15:57,160 --> 01:15:59,840
Speaker 2: four or five years. But before that, I would notice

1680
01:15:59,880 --> 01:16:01,439
Speaker 2: that I would get so much more attention when my

1681
01:16:01,439 --> 01:16:04,080
Speaker 2: hair was straight. Yep. Sometimes my hair could get like

1682
01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:05,719
Speaker 2: I used to have longer hand it was very big,

1683
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:08,519
Speaker 2: like a big aff, like big curl curly afro. So

1684
01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 2: I would get attention for that too, yep, because it's

1685
01:16:10,960 --> 01:16:15,000
Speaker 2: like an accessory. But it was like different attention. May'd

1686
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:17,040
Speaker 2: be like, damn, your hair so flying, that's so dope.

1687
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:17,559
Speaker 2: And on my hair is.

1688
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:20,400
Speaker 5: Straight, be like, oh you're so sexy, Yes, you fine,

1689
01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:23,800
Speaker 5: and and then like we can't we can't not talk

1690
01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:28,280
Speaker 5: about like how certain textures are preferred and not every

1691
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:30,040
Speaker 5: black woman is gonna have actual curls.

1692
01:16:30,040 --> 01:16:32,160
Speaker 3: It might just like be kinky afro texture.

1693
01:16:32,240 --> 01:16:34,040
Speaker 2: Your hair is literally exactly like my daughter.

1694
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:35,559
Speaker 3: I saw that.

1695
01:16:35,600 --> 01:16:36,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's what I.

1696
01:16:38,320 --> 01:16:41,840
Speaker 5: But I I was very aware of that too, like

1697
01:16:41,840 --> 01:16:44,240
Speaker 5: when when wearing my hair, like especially if I really

1698
01:16:44,320 --> 01:16:46,320
Speaker 5: like take time to make them define and like use

1699
01:16:46,360 --> 01:16:46,880
Speaker 5: the product the way.

1700
01:16:47,479 --> 01:16:48,280
Speaker 2: That's a whole difference.

1701
01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:50,280
Speaker 5: And then if everyone I get so many more compliments,

1702
01:16:50,280 --> 01:16:52,080
Speaker 5: like when it's really defined, oh my god, your hair

1703
01:16:52,160 --> 01:16:54,040
Speaker 5: so beautiful, it was just like kind of big and poofy,

1704
01:16:54,200 --> 01:16:57,240
Speaker 5: or like oh hey, I'm like okay, So the more

1705
01:16:57,280 --> 01:16:59,960
Speaker 5: I can make it look like almost wet, then we're

1706
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:01,920
Speaker 5: just like, yeah, that's the look right there. And so

1707
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:06,160
Speaker 5: I've had conversations with friends, like especially my friends that

1708
01:17:06,280 --> 01:17:08,320
Speaker 5: don't have curly hair. They're like, so I'm doing twist

1709
01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:12,720
Speaker 5: outs and breakouts like anything, trying to texture, and I'm

1710
01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:15,760
Speaker 5: just like, I wouldn't even I wouldn't want to do that.

1711
01:17:15,840 --> 01:17:17,479
Speaker 5: So it's like you can't even be like, oh, be

1712
01:17:17,560 --> 01:17:19,719
Speaker 5: natural to every woman because this is washing.

1713
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:19,960
Speaker 2: Gohugh.

1714
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:22,760
Speaker 3: So I'm like, great, hour and twenty minutes we end.

1715
01:17:22,760 --> 01:17:24,880
Speaker 3: We out. If I had to sit and twist every night,

1716
01:17:25,680 --> 01:17:27,439
Speaker 3: i'd either be baldhead or lace.

1717
01:17:27,479 --> 01:17:33,040
Speaker 2: For watching YouTube tutorials, I'm like, who has time twist

1718
01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:35,760
Speaker 2: every night? I'm like, and this video was sped up,

1719
01:17:35,760 --> 01:17:39,760
Speaker 2: so I know this shit took about one hour. Rod yeah,

1720
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:42,880
Speaker 2: the rods, Yeah, I tried, and they're uncomfortable and I

1721
01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:44,200
Speaker 2: look better with shorter hair.

1722
01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:48,120
Speaker 4: And honestly, like a short curly fro is not that

1723
01:17:48,240 --> 01:17:49,920
Speaker 4: cute on me, Like I mean, I've had it.

1724
01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:52,080
Speaker 2: It's look kind of cute, but like there's no versatility.

1725
01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:54,479
Speaker 2: Actually your hair. When we did the shoot and we

1726
01:17:54,560 --> 01:17:56,880
Speaker 2: have that little mini fro, curly hair on it, look

1727
01:17:56,960 --> 01:18:00,000
Speaker 2: you looked hellicute and that hair. It takes a long

1728
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:02,360
Speaker 2: You have to unfuck yourself, I know.

1729
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:08,920
Speaker 4: But even this whole conversation, it's all about how we

1730
01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:15,240
Speaker 4: allow social stigmas and social like other people's opinions to

1731
01:18:15,320 --> 01:18:18,240
Speaker 4: shame us, shame us, and that goes into beauty, that

1732
01:18:18,280 --> 01:18:20,240
Speaker 4: goes into our sexual past and history.

1733
01:18:20,240 --> 01:18:24,360
Speaker 2: They're just every other. Everything is so like and.

1734
01:18:24,479 --> 01:18:26,719
Speaker 4: And I'd like to say that I'm like, I don't

1735
01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:29,639
Speaker 4: I don't give a fuck about people's opinions. But even

1736
01:18:29,680 --> 01:18:32,760
Speaker 4: in these conversations, I'm like, oh shit, I'm fucked up

1737
01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:34,679
Speaker 4: because I'm first.

1738
01:18:34,439 --> 01:18:36,040
Speaker 2: Of all, I'm not obsessed with going to the club

1739
01:18:36,080 --> 01:18:38,799
Speaker 2: because not anymore.

1740
01:18:41,760 --> 01:18:45,160
Speaker 4: But like, especially growing up in the valley, being like

1741
01:18:45,560 --> 01:18:49,639
Speaker 4: one of three black people, it's impossible to not notice

1742
01:18:49,640 --> 01:18:50,200
Speaker 4: certain things.

1743
01:18:50,240 --> 01:18:52,840
Speaker 2: It's impossible to not be aware of yourself. It's not

1744
01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:55,960
Speaker 2: impossible to not see what guys early on in your

1745
01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:59,360
Speaker 2: youth are attracted to and how can I fit into that.

1746
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:03,519
Speaker 2: I used to remember like dreaming, like praying, like oh,

1747
01:19:03,560 --> 01:19:03,840
Speaker 2: I just.

1748
01:19:03,760 --> 01:19:05,840
Speaker 9: Want to get in the pool and swiam and get

1749
01:19:05,840 --> 01:19:10,080
Speaker 9: out and like shake my hair so annoying, Why God,

1750
01:19:10,439 --> 01:19:12,920
Speaker 9: why why can't I just go with the pool like

1751
01:19:12,960 --> 01:19:13,759
Speaker 9: everybody else?

1752
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:16,160
Speaker 4: Like it was the end of my world, like I

1753
01:19:16,160 --> 01:19:19,519
Speaker 4: couldn't understand it. And of course I love myself. Of

1754
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:21,400
Speaker 4: course I love my natural hair. Like do I feel

1755
01:19:21,439 --> 01:19:24,080
Speaker 4: like doing my natural hair every day? Because when I

1756
01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:27,120
Speaker 4: cut it off and then grew it back, oh my god,

1757
01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:28,479
Speaker 4: so much work.

1758
01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:30,879
Speaker 2: Okay, it was like I was gonna live in a scarf.

1759
01:19:31,680 --> 01:19:33,600
Speaker 2: It was just so once you get but once you

1760
01:19:33,680 --> 01:19:36,800
Speaker 2: get into the it's all about habit and training your

1761
01:19:36,800 --> 01:19:38,320
Speaker 2: hair routine.

1762
01:19:38,479 --> 01:19:41,439
Speaker 5: Because I use the same three products every time. If

1763
01:19:41,479 --> 01:19:42,720
Speaker 5: I run out of them, I was like, oh, then

1764
01:19:42,760 --> 01:19:44,280
Speaker 5: this is a head wrap day because I don't have

1765
01:19:44,360 --> 01:19:45,680
Speaker 5: my special you know.

1766
01:19:45,960 --> 01:19:48,040
Speaker 4: And I don't feel like finding the products. I didn't

1767
01:19:48,040 --> 01:19:50,240
Speaker 4: feel like redefining the curls. I was just like, fuck it,

1768
01:19:50,280 --> 01:19:52,720
Speaker 4: cut it off and permit I know how to do

1769
01:19:52,760 --> 01:19:55,600
Speaker 4: that hairstyle. Good because I've had in my whole a

1770
01:19:55,640 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 4: doll that my hair has been short.

1771
01:19:57,040 --> 01:20:00,559
Speaker 2: But this conversation is making me reflect on my self.

1772
01:20:00,479 --> 01:20:03,479
Speaker 4: Guys, and I'm me as a mother and the images

1773
01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:05,000
Speaker 4: I want my child to see and the ship that

1774
01:20:05,080 --> 01:20:05,960
Speaker 4: I say and don't do.

1775
01:20:07,360 --> 01:20:10,400
Speaker 2: So yes, I'll re examine this conversation.

1776
01:20:10,760 --> 01:20:13,439
Speaker 3: I'm constantly re examining it about myself.

1777
01:20:16,320 --> 01:20:20,759
Speaker 2: She we do our horri hor We have a horry submission.

1778
01:20:20,800 --> 01:20:22,599
Speaker 2: Do you know what horror? I don't know if you've okay,

1779
01:20:22,600 --> 01:20:32,760
Speaker 2: so you know what horror story is? Hor stories. We

1780
01:20:32,800 --> 01:20:35,400
Speaker 2: have a worry from one of our listeners who is

1781
01:20:35,520 --> 01:20:37,240
Speaker 2: one of our Oh no, we're allowed to say. I'm

1782
01:20:37,240 --> 01:20:38,640
Speaker 2: not gonna say her now. I'm just gonna say, we

1783
01:20:38,720 --> 01:20:40,639
Speaker 2: love you, hey girl, hay.

1784
01:20:40,560 --> 01:20:49,479
Speaker 4: Uy, Okay. Once upon a time, I'm excid. So many

1785
01:20:49,600 --> 01:20:52,080
Speaker 4: years ago I had a fuck buddy. The dick was

1786
01:20:52,120 --> 01:20:55,640
Speaker 4: a one girth and lem plus he could pick me up.

1787
01:20:55,840 --> 01:20:58,800
Speaker 4: Mind you, I'm well over two hundred pounds attached to

1788
01:20:58,840 --> 01:20:59,400
Speaker 4: that bomb.

1789
01:20:59,479 --> 01:21:01,839
Speaker 2: Dick was broke dude who.

1790
01:21:01,680 --> 01:21:05,880
Speaker 4: Couch dived from relative to relative's place. I shamelessly fucked

1791
01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:10,040
Speaker 4: him at the club, his grandma's, numerous friend's houses, my place,

1792
01:21:10,080 --> 01:21:13,200
Speaker 4: when the kids were gone. One day, I'm at work

1793
01:21:13,240 --> 01:21:15,920
Speaker 4: in West LA and I get a sext from him.

1794
01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:17,760
Speaker 2: He's staying in Palmdale.

1795
01:21:17,760 --> 01:21:20,760
Speaker 4: At this point, my brain was like, no, bitch, we

1796
01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:23,839
Speaker 4: are not driving two hours for the d My pussy

1797
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:27,599
Speaker 4: was like, bitch, we are going on this sex venture.

1798
01:21:28,760 --> 01:21:31,320
Speaker 4: I tell my boss I'm not feeling well and start

1799
01:21:31,360 --> 01:21:31,920
Speaker 4: my journey.

1800
01:21:32,600 --> 01:21:33,120
Speaker 2: I can't.

1801
01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:36,599
Speaker 4: I get there and we immediately go at it. As

1802
01:21:36,640 --> 01:21:39,280
Speaker 4: I'm riding him and about to come, I also feel

1803
01:21:39,280 --> 01:21:39,559
Speaker 4: like I.

1804
01:21:39,520 --> 01:21:40,080
Speaker 2: Have to poop.

1805
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:46,439
Speaker 4: I cannot. I ignore my body and get mine. Then

1806
01:21:46,880 --> 01:21:55,960
Speaker 4: I smell poop. I am horrified and embarrassed. I tell

1807
01:21:56,040 --> 01:22:00,240
Speaker 4: him to hand me the wipes and look away.

1808
01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:04,599
Speaker 2: Oh my god, girl. We are in a mini mansion,

1809
01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:05,240
Speaker 2: so he.

1810
01:22:05,280 --> 01:22:07,240
Speaker 4: Goes to one side of the house to shower and

1811
01:22:07,280 --> 01:22:09,760
Speaker 4: I go to another. I'm sitting there like he will

1812
01:22:09,840 --> 01:22:13,120
Speaker 4: never want to fuck me again. Psych As I'm wrapping

1813
01:22:13,200 --> 01:22:15,559
Speaker 4: up my shower, he hops it and fucks me there

1814
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:18,640
Speaker 4: in the kitchen garage everywhere.

1815
01:22:19,200 --> 01:22:20,280
Speaker 2: Fast forward two years.

1816
01:22:20,160 --> 01:22:22,559
Speaker 4: Later, He's now married with two kids, and every now

1817
01:22:22,600 --> 01:22:24,680
Speaker 4: and then he texts to check in on me and

1818
01:22:24,760 --> 01:22:29,040
Speaker 4: ask if I'm having accidents, and no, never have till

1819
01:22:29,040 --> 01:22:29,439
Speaker 4: this day.

1820
01:22:29,479 --> 01:22:31,599
Speaker 2: No one has ever tested the limitations of my.

1821
01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:34,600
Speaker 4: Body the way this man has the best stick is

1822
01:22:34,600 --> 01:22:36,160
Speaker 4: always attached to a fuck boy.

1823
01:22:37,120 --> 01:22:37,439
Speaker 2: Amen.

1824
01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:40,160
Speaker 3: So he sucked the shit out of her.

1825
01:22:40,840 --> 01:22:43,759
Speaker 2: Literally, I have so many questions. Was it in her ass?

1826
01:22:44,360 --> 01:22:46,559
Speaker 2: I don't think so, Oh, you know what you will. Actually,

1827
01:22:46,760 --> 01:22:49,040
Speaker 2: this is not the first poop story I've heard of.

1828
01:22:49,640 --> 01:22:51,840
Speaker 2: My other girlfriend who is actually a listener, and she's

1829
01:22:51,840 --> 01:22:54,080
Speaker 2: probably listening to it now. This is gonna listen to

1830
01:22:54,120 --> 01:22:58,799
Speaker 2: this on Wednesday. I mean today is has a similar

1831
01:22:58,840 --> 01:23:02,519
Speaker 2: situation where she was right her guy and who can

1832
01:23:02,520 --> 01:23:04,000
Speaker 2: I and.

1833
01:23:04,479 --> 01:23:05,719
Speaker 3: Was it wasn't anal either?

1834
01:23:06,680 --> 01:23:07,000
Speaker 2: Wow?

1835
01:23:07,200 --> 01:23:09,080
Speaker 3: Because I'm always afraid it's gonna happen during anal.

1836
01:23:09,240 --> 01:23:12,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, never worry about it any other time. Right now

1837
01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:14,240
Speaker 2: I'm scared, thinks right.

1838
01:23:14,840 --> 01:23:16,840
Speaker 3: Okay, so empty your bows before the dick.

1839
01:23:17,720 --> 01:23:19,920
Speaker 2: You never felt like that, like when you're like in

1840
01:23:20,160 --> 01:23:22,160
Speaker 2: like you're coming or an orgasm, because you know, it's

1841
01:23:22,160 --> 01:23:24,599
Speaker 2: like a push sensation. It's like almost feels like you're

1842
01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:28,200
Speaker 2: pushing a little bit. Never only I've only gotten scared

1843
01:23:28,240 --> 01:23:28,679
Speaker 2: during anal.

1844
01:23:30,680 --> 01:23:42,400
Speaker 7: I probably happy like quietly, not with the sound effect.

1845
01:23:42,840 --> 01:23:45,639
Speaker 4: I mean, I've had a bad experience with an anal situation.

1846
01:23:47,000 --> 01:23:50,600
Speaker 4: I know, mortified, but I mean, how can you be

1847
01:23:50,640 --> 01:23:53,120
Speaker 4: mortified you already know the risk. Yeah that's how I

1848
01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:56,559
Speaker 4: feel like, but still it's still mortifying.

1849
01:23:56,600 --> 01:23:57,120
Speaker 2: But you know, I.

1850
01:23:57,080 --> 01:24:00,840
Speaker 5: Honestly like if I if I feel like it's gonna

1851
01:24:00,840 --> 01:24:03,080
Speaker 5: be happening, like that's what I'm really clean about my diet.

1852
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,000
Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, we're eating all this fast food and ship,

1853
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:06,080
Speaker 5: I gotta be well, that's.

1854
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:07,840
Speaker 3: Even my ruffage.

1855
01:24:08,200 --> 01:24:11,280
Speaker 4: I asked my gay friend and he said they fast

1856
01:24:11,400 --> 01:24:14,840
Speaker 4: for like twelve hours and but yeah, who has time.

1857
01:24:14,920 --> 01:24:16,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not gonna do watch what I'm eating.

1858
01:24:16,880 --> 01:24:20,880
Speaker 2: Who's that prepared? Yeah, I don't know. I can't. It's

1859
01:24:20,960 --> 01:24:25,240
Speaker 2: too much, like too much, there's too much with that.

1860
01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:26,800
Speaker 3: I feel like there has to be some prep work

1861
01:24:26,880 --> 01:24:28,000
Speaker 3: with anal, like just.

1862
01:24:28,880 --> 01:24:31,200
Speaker 4: Like I felt like put the wash cloth with your

1863
01:24:31,240 --> 01:24:33,400
Speaker 4: two fingers and do like I've never had a problem

1864
01:24:33,439 --> 01:24:36,479
Speaker 4: even and I'm never prepared either, and also like not

1865
01:24:36,600 --> 01:24:40,439
Speaker 4: gonna win because that is and also at my stomach issues.

1866
01:24:40,479 --> 01:24:42,840
Speaker 2: So I've always been like, should I be doing this

1867
01:24:42,920 --> 01:24:47,120
Speaker 2: because the bitch Sometimes that's the making ship. So I

1868
01:24:47,120 --> 01:24:50,599
Speaker 2: get real nervous, but it's never happened. Oh, my god, it.

1869
01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:52,920
Speaker 4: Happened to me and like, luckily it wasn't like smelly.

1870
01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:55,120
Speaker 4: I was like, are you sharing his I'm sure, I'm like,

1871
01:24:55,479 --> 01:24:59,000
Speaker 4: look away, go away, stop talking, don't don't speak of

1872
01:24:59,040 --> 01:24:59,400
Speaker 4: this again.

1873
01:25:01,200 --> 01:25:02,519
Speaker 2: I don't remember me.

1874
01:25:03,120 --> 01:25:07,920
Speaker 4: I think I was like, just go you can't make

1875
01:25:08,000 --> 01:25:11,360
Speaker 4: up out like I'm never much. I don't know what

1876
01:25:11,360 --> 01:25:13,920
Speaker 4: you're talking about. Never happen to turn on the movie.

1877
01:25:14,400 --> 01:25:16,160
Speaker 4: Literally like I don't. I'm one of those people like

1878
01:25:16,280 --> 01:25:20,080
Speaker 4: even okay, if you follow me on Instagram Mila underscore Mapo,

1879
01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:22,880
Speaker 4: sometimes I get drunk and show my boobs on my

1880
01:25:22,920 --> 01:25:24,200
Speaker 4: Insta story.

1881
01:25:24,800 --> 01:25:27,800
Speaker 2: I actually all miss all the time. If I get

1882
01:25:27,800 --> 01:25:28,360
Speaker 2: too drunk.

1883
01:25:28,479 --> 01:25:30,720
Speaker 4: The next day, I'm like what, I get all these

1884
01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:33,599
Speaker 4: dms and I've known, I know I've done it. I'm

1885
01:25:33,640 --> 01:25:36,160
Speaker 4: so embarrassed. I won't look at them. I just I

1886
01:25:36,200 --> 01:25:39,559
Speaker 4: justly it didn't happen that way. I will not look

1887
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:40,800
Speaker 4: at what I've done the night before.

1888
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:43,240
Speaker 2: Because I get Jamila in a photo booth drunk, Because

1889
01:25:43,320 --> 01:25:46,880
Speaker 2: guaranteed I have so many photo with pictures at different

1890
01:25:46,960 --> 01:25:48,600
Speaker 2: locations of Jamila's.

1891
01:25:48,160 --> 01:25:49,840
Speaker 4: Boobs, you would think my boobs were like the most

1892
01:25:49,880 --> 01:25:53,640
Speaker 4: volumptuous big double dtitties you could find you.

1893
01:25:53,800 --> 01:25:55,800
Speaker 2: I can't keep them in the shirt, but I get drunk.

1894
01:25:56,240 --> 01:25:58,040
Speaker 4: You would think I'm the top of this model of

1895
01:25:58,080 --> 01:26:01,599
Speaker 4: the century because they will not stay in the shirt.

1896
01:26:02,080 --> 01:26:05,639
Speaker 2: But anyway, thank you for that, Horri. That was grand,

1897
01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:07,960
Speaker 2: That was great. Thanks Gross, But you know what, that

1898
01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:08,880
Speaker 2: was a lesson from God.

1899
01:26:09,000 --> 01:26:11,479
Speaker 4: You knew better than to be driving to Palmdale's missing

1900
01:26:11,600 --> 01:26:14,280
Speaker 4: work for that dick, work from broke Dick.

1901
01:26:15,160 --> 01:26:16,320
Speaker 3: What's happened to the best of us?

1902
01:26:16,960 --> 01:26:17,360
Speaker 2: I've done.

1903
01:26:17,960 --> 01:26:20,439
Speaker 3: I haven't left work for it, so I haven't.

1904
01:26:20,560 --> 01:26:23,240
Speaker 2: No, No, I've done some weird but I have that.

1905
01:26:23,360 --> 01:26:26,640
Speaker 2: I've done some fake, faking, fake sick, all types of

1906
01:26:26,680 --> 01:26:28,920
Speaker 2: ship like I should go to hell. People call a

1907
01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:31,680
Speaker 2: work in ten minutes. People then people then die for

1908
01:26:31,720 --> 01:26:37,439
Speaker 2: the dick. Someone died. I'm so sorry to come get

1909
01:26:37,479 --> 01:26:41,280
Speaker 2: me on my break for the dick. Oh my god. Anyway,

1910
01:26:41,320 --> 01:26:42,960
Speaker 2: I got to go because I just realized what time

1911
01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:47,519
Speaker 2: it is. Oh shit. But anyway, thank you guys for

1912
01:26:47,560 --> 01:26:49,439
Speaker 2: tuning in and tell us where to reach you.

1913
01:26:50,120 --> 01:26:53,240
Speaker 5: Yes, you can find me at on the fence dot life.

1914
01:26:53,760 --> 01:26:55,559
Speaker 5: That's where you can find out about the conversation I'm

1915
01:26:55,560 --> 01:26:58,479
Speaker 5: having with Elizabeth and what day is that? That's going

1916
01:26:58,560 --> 01:27:03,400
Speaker 5: to be on Thursday, the twenty first, asking and then yes,

1917
01:27:03,439 --> 01:27:05,200
Speaker 5: February twenty first, second.

1918
01:27:04,920 --> 01:27:07,360
Speaker 2: Tomorrow and where oh that's tomorrow.

1919
01:27:07,720 --> 01:27:11,479
Speaker 4: No, we are lying, this comes out on the twentyeth Okay,

1920
01:27:11,520 --> 01:27:13,439
Speaker 4: so tomorrow at Rita House.

1921
01:27:13,600 --> 01:27:16,360
Speaker 5: Uh, that's Riata House is a coworking co working space.

1922
01:27:16,479 --> 01:27:19,080
Speaker 5: It's on third, like right down the street from the Grove.

1923
01:27:19,640 --> 01:27:23,120
Speaker 5: Gorgeous space. It looks like the old Hollywood glamorous house.

1924
01:27:23,160 --> 01:27:25,719
Speaker 5: And I wanted the conversation to feel like it's happening

1925
01:27:25,720 --> 01:27:28,400
Speaker 5: in a living room. So it's a fireside chat with

1926
01:27:28,479 --> 01:27:31,840
Speaker 5: an actual fireplace and hopefully it'll be cold enough tomorrow

1927
01:27:31,840 --> 01:27:32,160
Speaker 5: where we.

1928
01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:35,920
Speaker 3: Can light it and and they can RSVP. And yeah,

1929
01:27:35,960 --> 01:27:37,320
Speaker 3: all that information is on my page.

1930
01:27:37,320 --> 01:27:39,679
Speaker 5: So if you follow me on Instagram, on the Fence

1931
01:27:39,680 --> 01:27:41,960
Speaker 5: dot Life, that's also the website is on the.

1932
01:27:41,880 --> 01:27:45,559
Speaker 3: Fence do life and you can get tickets there. And yeah,

1933
01:27:45,600 --> 01:27:47,280
Speaker 3: I hope to see y'all there.

1934
01:27:47,360 --> 01:27:48,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll be there.

1935
01:27:48,560 --> 01:27:49,760
Speaker 3: Good conversation.

1936
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:54,160
Speaker 2: And make sure you ch make sure you I don't

1937
01:27:54,160 --> 01:27:56,800
Speaker 2: know if you've subscribed to our newsletter, but you should

1938
01:27:56,800 --> 01:27:59,800
Speaker 2: definitely subscribe to our newsletter. It's on our website. For

1939
01:27:59,840 --> 01:28:01,520
Speaker 2: all things.

1940
01:28:02,000 --> 01:28:06,440
Speaker 4: Us, more of us and more of us if Instagram

1941
01:28:06,479 --> 01:28:07,719
Speaker 4: and our website is not enough.

1942
01:28:07,840 --> 01:28:11,720
Speaker 2: Well, updates on things we maybe missed on the podcast.

1943
01:28:11,800 --> 01:28:15,040
Speaker 2: Also events, speaking of which, we have our first year,

1944
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:17,400
Speaker 2: our one year anniversary coming up and we're having a

1945
01:28:17,439 --> 01:28:22,320
Speaker 2: party March sixteenth. You can get the details on newsletter

1946
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:27,400
Speaker 2: the newsletter Good Momsbad Choices dot com. Yes, and also

1947
01:28:27,439 --> 01:28:30,080
Speaker 2: make sure to follow us at Good Mom's Bad Choices,

1948
01:28:30,320 --> 01:28:31,880
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.

1949
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:32,080
Speaker 3: Wow.

1950
01:28:33,720 --> 01:28:37,920
Speaker 2: But yeah, anyway, Bye bye, you guys, have a great week.

1951
01:28:41,520 --> 01:28:46,320
Speaker 1: I think I really want to go some day month

1952
01:28:49,200 --> 01:28:52,479
Speaker 1: and the heen mayday.

1953
01:28:53,960 --> 01:28:55,840
Speaker 10: He love baby want to smoke on Madrid And I've

1954
01:28:55,840 --> 01:28:56,760
Speaker 10: already even close to me.

1955
01:28:56,840 --> 01:28:59,800
Speaker 3: Said, oh love bro brother dance, litt baby dance, little baby.

1956
01:28:59,760 --> 01:29:01,880
Speaker 10: Small niggas off the castoline so the back was in

1957
01:29:01,960 --> 01:29:04,200
Speaker 10: the back was up it lavishly. Ooh, that's my man.

1958
01:29:04,160 --> 01:29:06,000
Speaker 2: To go back. I know my nigga liked me.

1959
01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:08,000
Speaker 3: I know he cook his carry spicy. I know he

1960
01:29:08,120 --> 01:29:09,040
Speaker 3: eat me like I'm wipey.

1961
01:29:09,160 --> 01:29:09,639
Speaker 2: You know my.

1962
01:29:09,640 --> 01:29:11,960
Speaker 10: Hotel over pricey, so he gonna fuck me like I'm

1963
01:29:12,000 --> 01:29:14,360
Speaker 10: over classy. Bit you only use a coaster. Now I'm

1964
01:29:14,360 --> 01:29:15,960
Speaker 10: swimming in the money with a duck you too, Ritter

1965
01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:18,120
Speaker 10: Tony Morrison and a nigga canoe because it bentually by

1966
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:19,720
Speaker 10: a freedom, because the big second Dick and the knew

1967
01:29:19,760 --> 01:29:22,559
Speaker 10: what dinas and yes and yes, I'm problematic too, and

1968
01:29:22,680 --> 01:29:24,280
Speaker 10: yes and yes I look him up boy.

1969
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:25,240
Speaker 3: Yes I really do.

1970
01:29:25,680 --> 01:29:28,439
Speaker 10: Protection as a wave wave because we be open too

1971
01:29:28,800 --> 01:29:30,559
Speaker 10: to make the thank you for my baby.

1972
01:29:30,640 --> 01:29:32,879
Speaker 2: I'm in love with you.