WEBVTT - Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner's Regrets 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:20.159 Hey there, folks, this is I Do Part two. You 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:22.400 got in love right the first time around, you need 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.160 to go ahead and get out of this podcast because 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:26.239 it ain't the one for you. This is for folks 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:28.360 who didn't get loved right the first time and maybe 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:30.880 gave it a second, to third, or even fourth to try. 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:34.400 Including mister Gary Turner. Yeah, you know him as the 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:37.279 Golden Bachelorette. But he has a new book out and 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.680 we had a great conversation with him about the new book. 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:43.440 It's called Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:45.639 and Reality TV. We're going to pick it up now 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:48.760 with part two of our conversation with the Golden Bachelor. 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:51.839 May I ask how long your marriage was to your 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:52.440 late wife? 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:53.840 Forty three years? 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:55.520 That's what I thought you said, forty three I wanted 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:58.080 to make sure that that is remarkable. Do you think 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:01.000 the experience you had? And of course there's no such 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.520 thing as a perfect marriage, but it sounds like it 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.000 was a loving marriage. It was a beautiful marriage. How 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:09.160 much of that helped you make the decision you needed 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:14.160 to make a to divorce Theresa and b to propose 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:14.680 to Lanta. 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:16.959 Well, that's a there's a lot to process. 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:19.400 Yes, yes, but I'm just curious the influence and the 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:22.080 impact your first marriage had on all of those decisions 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:23.280 in the perspective it gave you. 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:25.760 Well, I think forty three years number one proves that 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:31.840 I'm trainable more than anything else. But when you you know, 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:35.279 you marry your childhood sweetheart and you grow up together 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:39.160 and you grow these values and all that, you know 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:42.120 what's important. You know what it takes to have a 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:46.440 successful marriage. You know that there's going to be tough times. 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:49.280 I mean it's just a given. No matter how much 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:51.800 effort you put into it and how perfect you think 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.200 things are, there's going to be tough times. So yeah, 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:57.880 the lessons out of a forty three year marriage are 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:03.200 definitely applicable to my situation with Teresa. The things that 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:08.560 I found rewarding and fulfilling in that long term marriage 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:13.920 weren't there. And recognizing that, you know, I tried to 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:17.600 verbalize that, you know, Teresa, we need to develop some 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:22.200 shared experiences, We need to develop memories together, things that block, 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.919 you know, building blocks that we grow with, and those 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:30.040 things just became impossible. I mean, in our duration of marriage, 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:32.840 we were together, like I don't know, thirteen days or 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.240 something like that. You know, I went to Jersey for 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.560 five days and she came to Indiana for four and 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:41.000 then there was a two days after the wedding and 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:46.000 that was it. You can't build a relationship that way. 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:47.840 It's it's simply not possible. 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.000 You write about the fact that when you did come 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.320 to see Teresa, she made you sleep on the couch. 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:59.840 Yeah, yeah, that's an embarrassing moment for me, and I'm 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:03.080 sure sure you know it's probably doesn't make her feel 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:03.919 real good either. 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:05.240 But yeah, that's where you were. 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:10.120 Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm old and I'm mature 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:12.320 enough to realize that a honeymoon at the age of 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:15.760 seventy something is different than twenty something. But by the 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:19.560 same token, you know, I've mentioned the need that I 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:24.200 have for intimacy and sharing. That's not just physical intimacy. 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:27.160 There are so many levels of that, some of which 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.359 I've learned to be better at, even more recently. But 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:34.960 when I get there and it's like time to, you know, 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.520 make the bed and plan our day tomorrow, and she 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:40.840 pulls out the sheets and throws them on the sofa 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:43.440 and says, you know, I have a long work day tomorrow. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:45.640 I think it'd be better if you slept out here 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:50.640 on the sofa. Okay, I would be understood. You're cracking up. 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:55.000 You'd only known each other thirteen days. I mean, I'm 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.080 trying to find a way to make sense of what 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.040 she was suggesting. That's what I'm doing. 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:02.760 I think the bigger question is this the first night. 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.760 Had that been a legitimate thing? Okay, I got a 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:07.920 big day tomorrow, I got a lot of important work 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:10.720 to I tell you. Okay, that's a that's a concession 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:12.800 I make. But when it was the next night, and 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:16.320 the next night and the next night, that's what got me. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:26.160 It's like it was a busy work week for her. 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:32.080 Can I ask you this without seeming to just overt 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:32.400 I guess. 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:35.880 But do you do. 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:38.479 You regret marrying Teresa? 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:44.400 I do, and and you know I I regret all 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:48.479 the pain and agony to the people that surround me 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:52.720 as much as to her and her kids. You know, 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:57.520 it was a tumultuous time for everyone involved. And yeah, 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.680 I should have been smarter and she should have been smarter. 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:04.400 But yeah, if I had it to do over, I wouldn't 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:05.760 do it, absolutely not. 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:09.680 But if you had done it, differently, she might not 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:11.920 be sitting in the room with us right now, right exactly. 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.960 So it all works out exactly the way of supposed 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:18.520 to do, did it not? How has it been on 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:22.520 this tour? And again I invited your fiance into the 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.040 room here. I said, no, I don't sit out here, 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:25.880 come hang with us. She said, oh, I just want 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:28.000 to stay out of the way. But then we sit 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:31.599 here and we're talking about your past relationships. We're talking 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:33.200 about what I mean. I know she saw you on 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:34.880 TV and she know how it all went down. But 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:37.400 you're in the midst of this media tour with the 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:41.040 book to where you are having to repeatedly talk about it. 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:42.000 Is it difficult? 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:42.680 Awkward? 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:46.719 How has it been having to have public conversations about 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:50.440 your past relationships with your love seeing being very close by. 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:54.080 Yeah, it's a good question. Early on in the relationship, 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:56.560 we're probably sixty days into it, maybe a little bit more. 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:01.760 I sent Landa the transcript and I said, listen, you 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.520 need to know what's going to be in this book. 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:08.360 You saw what was on the show. I don't want 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:10.719 you to be caught off guard with something. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:12.440 She read it. 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.040 I remember a couple of days of silence, look at 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:20.200 her face, figure on her and she she came back 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.279 and she and you know, so, I'm I'm on needles 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.520 and pins because I knew early on this was the 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:29.919 woman for me. And I said, so, what do you think? 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:34.280 And in her most diplomatic way, she goes, well, I 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:37.120 needed a little time to process some of this stuff. 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.400 What do you think? Or did she tell you what 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.080 the hardest part for her was? 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:48.040 No, but my indicators are the things that she's asked 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:54.440 follow up questions about. So yeah, that was that was 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:57.839 the That was the spot for me. I go, oh, 0:06:58.040 --> 0:06:59.960 we need to talk about this a little bit more, 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:02.480 or that a little bit more. 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:15.280 Did you have anyone else who was a part of 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.960 the Golden Bachelor, including Theresa herself? Did you give anyone 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:23.720 else any advanced copy or any opportunity to weigh in 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:24.960 on what you had written? 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:25.440 No? 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:29.680 I didn't. The only other person that saw the manuscript 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:34.320 was my two daughters, and I would ask them, am 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:38.760 I too harsh? Here? You know? I do I appear insensitive? 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:42.160 I wanted to be honest. I wanted to be forthright, 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.640 but I didn't want to be cruel. I didn't want 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:49.600 to you know, so yeah. They twice. They sent it back. 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.320 They said, yeah, yeah, you need to tone this down, 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:54.600 and you need to tone that down. 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:59.520 And os mid Westerners tend to be were nice, but 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:02.200 we tend to be unvarnished in the sense that we 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:06.320 don't sugarcoat a lot. Sometimes I have noticed that as 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:10.120 part of we're nice, but we're honest to a fault sometimes. 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:12.200 Yeah, that's probably pretty well said. 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:15.200 You know, what were the areas that you wanted your 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:17.800 daughters to you know, I check this part. Let me 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:19.440 know if I was too harsh. What were some of 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:21.800 those sections that you thought were a little much. 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:25.760 Well, all right, I'll answer that in general terms. All right, 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:32.120 there were areas where I talked about some of the 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:37.720 problems disagreements that I had with Teresa, her perspective on 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:41.959 those things and my perspective on those things. And they said, 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:46.040 h you've gone over the line here. You need to 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:50.439 tone that back. And I trusted my daughters because they 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:55.960 had seen every minute of the show and the aftermath 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:58.319 and all of it play out. I mean, they were 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:01.520 first person players in it, and so consequently and the 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:04.600 two of them with two different perspectives, this is the 0:09:04.640 --> 0:09:08.520 perfect spot. And they gave me good advice. They gave 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:09.240 me good advice. 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:11.960 That's amazing. Daughters will do that. And how old are 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:15.520 your girls now? I'm not you can give a decade 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.560 like decade. 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:19.800 But they're older in forty three, fifty. 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:22.880 Oh wow, that's amazing. That is so hard to believe 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:27.280 that you have thought, but that's remarkable. What did they 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:32.280 think of your time on the Golden Bachelor? Did they 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:34.680 enjoy it? Were they were? 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:34.920 They? 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:37.880 Was it hard for them to deal with watching their 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:38.960 dad in that position? 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.320 They were over the moon happy about it. They were thrilled. 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:47.520 They did repeatedly say Dad, we hated it at every 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:53.200 Rose ceremony when you felt the separation coming and the 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:58.120 rejection what I thought was rejection of friends. So they 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:01.560 were very empathetic about that part. But man, I mean 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.840 they had a ball with this whole process. They were 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:05.880 in it one hundred percent. 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:08.199 Very cool. 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:10.280 All right, So how about wedding plans? Do you all 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:13.160 have any? What are what are the next steps? 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.640 Yeah, we need to get to that. We haven't gotten 0:10:16.679 --> 0:10:22.920 there yet. Quite honestly, being engaged is like way fun. 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.679 Beyonce is fun, right, Yeah. 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:32.600 I was really thrilled about you know, the proposal and 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.920 putting it out there that hey, we're officially a couple, 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:42.000 but that basking in that has really overridden and some 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:44.800 of the practical things of life, you know, traveling and 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.280 so forth. So we haven't really gotten to the point 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:48.480 where we've talked about it yet. 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:53.079 How about this, Why you all could be together, continue 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:55.120 to be together the rest of your lives. You know 0:10:55.200 --> 0:11:00.720 each other eight nine months? Why make the decision to pose? 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.160 Help people get insight into that you didn't have to 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:05.440 do it this fast, You didn't have to do it 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:07.840 at all, really and still be committed to each other. 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:10.400 Why was it important? And I'm really curious about your 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:15.559 answer here, Why did you want to get married again? 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:21.520 So number one, when I was one hundred percent certain 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:25.040 that she was the right person, I was at ease 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.439 at making that decision. So that was the first threshold 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:34.560 to get past. Number two. I really wanted to puff 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:37.880 my chest out and show the world that I had 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:42.800 the best thing I could possibly have. It was a 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:47.719 pride thing, not an avarice thing. I was. I am 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.840 so proud of her sitting here. She makes me a 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.400 better person, And that was one of the most difficult 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:58.040 things on my checklist when I was looking for a 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:01.240 partner making me a better person, and she does. 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:04.120 What are the other things? What was it cooking? What 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:07.160 was the thing that came up? There were food issues. 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:08.559 Here, food issues with Theresa. 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.560 I'm not comparing your the two, but there were some 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:14.480 issues that you spoke of and it it got our 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:16.680 attention because it had to do with us. She doesn't 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.360 eat carbs, right, we're keto by the way. 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.280 Well, at least we are together that we can annoy 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:22.760 one another. 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:28.120 Strange, we annoy other people with our collective diets. 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:31.720 But it is important that you can have a dinner 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.080 with somebody, make dinner together and have it work. 0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:38.319 Yes, and so a good example is she will knock 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.800 me over to get to dessert first. Both love dessert. 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.080 It's like we don't have very many restrictions and that's 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:49.040 probably not the most healthy, but it is joyful. Yes, yeah, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.520 and you know she yanked sugar out of my hand 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:53.960 because the doctor said, you know, that's something I need 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:58.240 to cut back on. But we pick and choose what 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:02.600 we want to enjoy. Last night we had we split 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.640 a terra masou rather than each of us having one 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:09.199 or more. So you know, we've really learned to cut back, 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:13.640 but the joy of all of life is pretty great. 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:17.120 You right in your book that you felt empty when 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:20.760 you were proposing to Teresa. What did you feel like 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:22.360 when you were proposing to Lana? 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:27.800 Overjoyed? You know, the the energy in my chest was 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:32.320 just about to burst, and it was I don't know. 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.920 I mean, there's a lot of little side stories with it. 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:38.520 Lenna and I have started this alter ego thing where 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:41.480 she's Darlene and I'm Randy and we give each other, 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:44.760 you know, fuck, I'll say, damn it. 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:48.080 Darlene, Why Darlene and Randy? Who did you come up 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:48.360 with that? 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:52.760 You know, there's sort of stereotypical Arkansas names. 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:58.920 So when I proposed, we were in Asheville. I've never 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:02.280 told this story, but it's freaking hilarious. It'd be funnier 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:06.400 if you were actually there. But it's missing. We pull 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.320 into the hotel and it's misty, and we get our 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.800 luggage in. She goes, oh, I forgot my jacket. Will 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:13.559 you go out and get my jacket. I go out 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.000 and get the jacket. I come back in. There's some 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:19.560 highway workers walking by the lobby, and I go. 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:24.960 Damn it Darlene, and she goes and don't start with me, Randy, 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:30.720 and the guy that was on the highway crew looked 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:31.960 and he laughed. 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.080 His ass off all the way down the hall. It 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:39.680 was hilarious. So this joy, this fun, all this energy 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.120 goes up to the hotel room and that's where I 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.280 proposed to her. I mean, it wasn't probably as glamorous 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:49.600 as as many proposals could be, but I did a 0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:52.720 little magic trick, a little sleight of hand and revealed 0:14:52.720 --> 0:15:06.200 the ring and we had a frigging ball. 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:09.040 We've heard this from so many people who are experts 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.080 in relationships. If you can have fun with each other, 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:16.080 have fun, even at each other's expense, tease joke like 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:20.760 that is the sign of actual real compatibility, companionship something 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.400 that relationships that can last are built on fun. 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:26.840 It is. It absolutely is. One of the characteristics that 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:30.320 I think we both enjoy is slightly giving the other 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:32.920 person a little grief about something, you know, a little 0:15:32.920 --> 0:15:34.040 bit making fun of them. 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:34.600 We do. 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.840 But yeah, when you can both laugh at it, that's 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:40.440 the joy that sounds. 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:43.440 Like friendship to me. And this is something we were 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:45.840 friends for eight years before we ever started dating. And 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:48.840 we always say you have to have a foundation of friendship. 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:52.640 Every issue you ever had with Teresa, if you all 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:56.440 had years of friendship already established, she would know you're 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:58.760 eating habits, you would know hers, and you're nobody. That 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:02.280 would be a compromise, right. It's a different feel and dynamic, 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:04.840 and it sounds like eight or nine months. Where are 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.400 you all? You and Lanta on friendship right now? How 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:10.280 do you where? Would you say that is? 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:15.440 I think we say you're my best buddy, you're my 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:20.320 best buddy, and in the mornings we say every day 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.840 because we have to choose each other every day. So 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:28.440 the friendship part, I think has been very natural, coming, 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:37.080 very easy. Some of the levels of things that we do, revelations. Oddly, 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:40.760 I've never been embarrassed in front of her, and I 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:43.800 don't think she's been embarrassed in front of me at anything. 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.680 And we sort of joke about some of our friends 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:53.560 and their level of things they do. It's it's just fun, 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:55.120 but that's what friends do. 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.080 Yeah, you know, it's so true. 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:01.080 I love the fact that for every one listening, you know, 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.440 I think everyone wherever they are in their life, thinks, 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:06.440 oh I'm too old. I won't be able to do 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:08.600 this again. I won't be able to find that again 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:12.600 and to see your joy and to see all the 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:14.920 things you have to look forward to at seventy four. 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:19.520 It's truly, it's it's inspirational and it's infectious, and it 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.480 just it's a reminder to people that it's never too late, 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:26.200 and you're an example of that, and I just love 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.520 it's so it is so contagious being in the. 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:30.199 Room with you right now. 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:33.840 Oh, thanks, because it is never too late. You just 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.760 it's work. You have to put in the effort, you 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:38.520 have to do all the things that put you in 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.920 the right situations to find people and all of that. 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:47.480 But it's rewarding. You know. I think we're designed to 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.040 be a couple, you know, I don't think we're supposed 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:53.640 to be by ourselves. So when you find the right person, man, 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:55.520 it is so easy though, it is so fun. 0:17:57.960 --> 0:17:59.240 Yes, Darlen is a good one. 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.119 Darlen is a damn that I loved darling. 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.480 Oh, that good old Arlene, I'll tell you, even with 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:08.600 all her problems, you know, what do you have? You 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:10.600 know what I hate to I'm not gonna end on 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:14.120 him on a red flag note, well, let me ask, 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.639 because it almost it sounds like incense and candles right 0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:19.800 now to everybody. But I'm sure you've had a moment 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:22.520 at least after proposal, getting ready to propose, or maybe 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:24.800 somebody was in your ear when you had a beat. 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:28.400 So maybe I shouldn't because of blank? Was there ever 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.040 a blank? Well, because she lives here, I do this 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.520 and she likes this, or or our families are that. 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:37.040 Was there any little bit of a maybe I. 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:41.120 Shouldn't because blank? What would the reason have been if 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:45.720 they're in If there was, I don't remember it gotcha. 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:50.160 You know, the the backgrounds that we had of being 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:53.600 in the Midwest, and you know she grew up close 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:57.000 to where I lived, and the family characteristics that we 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:00.400 both share and all those things. I just I really 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:03.680 don't remember any of those times when I had to 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:06.160 check up and go ooh, Do I need to think 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:10.639 about this a little bit more than I am. There wasn't. 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:12.000 I haven't had that moment. 0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:14.159 It's so interesting. I'm curious. 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.880 Do you think that, having had the I don't want 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:18.159 to put words in your mouth that it was a 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.639 bad experience, but it sounds like it wasn't a positive 0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:23.800 experience your relationship with Teresa. Do you think that that 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:30.239 created more of a like you trusted how good it 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:34.480 was with Lanna because you had just recognized or experienced 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.280 how bad it could get or how bad it could 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:37.280 be with someone else. 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:41.080 So yeah, I would more say it like this, your 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:45.439 radar is way up. You're really you're guarding yourself a 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:49.000 little bit. You're going, Okay, the next person that I 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.879 think is a possibility for a life partner has to 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:54.600 be a little bit better than just maybe what my 0:19:54.680 --> 0:20:00.440 threshold was six months ago. And yeah, so she blew 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:02.920 their way, She blew. 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:03.520 The roof off a bit. 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:07.119 Yeah, a couple of people saw it ahead of time. 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:08.720 Last thing for me about the book, and certainly the 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:11.640 last thing I'm mentioning Teresa. Did she see the book 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.840 ahead of time? No, talk to her ahead of time? 0:20:14.040 --> 0:20:17.240 She sent me a text wanted to know what was 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.520 in the book that I had written about her, and 0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:20.840 I kind of dodged that. 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:24.000 Okay, a book written about her, it's not. She's in 0:20:24.040 --> 0:20:25.960 there a lot, but we couldn't classify this as the 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.239 book about just that marriage about her. 0:20:28.440 --> 0:20:31.119 I mean, you know, the story starts back when you 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:32.960 know I was in high school, and it tell us 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:36.320 about how I proposed to Tony, you know, my very 0:20:36.400 --> 0:20:40.400 first wife of forty three years, and about my kids 0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:43.639 in the life we had together, and and on and on. 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:45.800 I mean, it's I don't want to call it a memoir. 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:48.119 I don't want to, you know, I'd like to think 0:20:48.160 --> 0:20:49.199 there's no label for it. 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:54.840 Yeah, what's the biggest takeaway you'd like people to leave 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:56.960 with after they read your book? What do you want 0:20:57.000 --> 0:20:58.040 them to leave with? 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:04.280 There's a story towards the end of the book and 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:06.480 I'm not going to talk about it here. I want 0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:08.800 people to actually read it and see the build up. 0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:13.560 But I think the lesson to be learned is that 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:17.120 no matter what life throws at you, that you can 0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:20.760 come out on top if you keep positive. If you 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:23.440 let yourself get down on a long term basis, yeah, 0:21:23.480 --> 0:21:26.240 you're going to become a couch potato. You're done. You're 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:29.080 not going to have value to bring to a community. 0:21:29.760 --> 0:21:33.040 And if you bring that value and you keep yourself 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:37.399 positive and alert and alive, and and you're the person 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:40.920 that you want to hang out with, you're going to 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:42.280 be fine. 0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:45.119 I love that you're the person you want to hang 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:47.960 out with That's that's something I think we skip over 0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:50.639 sometimes we don't recognize what I want to be friends 0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:50.879 with me. 0:21:51.240 --> 0:21:53.560 That sounds like something me and my ego sit up 0:21:53.600 --> 0:21:54.600 and do all the time. 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:55.520 Like. 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:00.680 I'm the coolest and I know. 0:22:02.960 --> 0:22:07.679 Gary, Gary Turner, it was so lovely to actually get 0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:11.000