Speaker 1: Hey there, folks, this is I Do Part two. You
Speaker 1: got in love right the first time around, you need
Speaker 1: to go ahead and get out of this podcast because
Speaker 1: it ain't the one for you. This is for folks
Speaker 1: who didn't get loved right the first time and maybe
Speaker 1: gave it a second, to third, or even fourth to try.
Speaker 1: Including mister Gary Turner. Yeah, you know him as the
Speaker 1: Golden Bachelorette. But he has a new book out and
Speaker 1: we had a great conversation with him about the new book.
Speaker 1: It's called Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss
Speaker 1: and Reality TV. We're going to pick it up now
Speaker 1: with part two of our conversation with the Golden Bachelor.
Speaker 2: May I ask how long your marriage was to your
Speaker 2: late wife?
Speaker 3: Forty three years?
Speaker 2: That's what I thought you said, forty three I wanted
Speaker 2: to make sure that that is remarkable. Do you think
Speaker 2: the experience you had? And of course there's no such
Speaker 2: thing as a perfect marriage, but it sounds like it
Speaker 2: was a loving marriage. It was a beautiful marriage. How
Speaker 2: much of that helped you make the decision you needed
Speaker 2: to make a to divorce Theresa and b to propose
Speaker 2: to Lanta.
Speaker 3: Well, that's a there's a lot to process.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, but I'm just curious the influence and the
Speaker 2: impact your first marriage had on all of those decisions
Speaker 2: in the perspective it gave you.
Speaker 3: Well, I think forty three years number one proves that
Speaker 3: I'm trainable more than anything else. But when you you know,
Speaker 3: you marry your childhood sweetheart and you grow up together
Speaker 3: and you grow these values and all that, you know
Speaker 3: what's important. You know what it takes to have a
Speaker 3: successful marriage. You know that there's going to be tough times.
Speaker 3: I mean it's just a given. No matter how much
Speaker 3: effort you put into it and how perfect you think
Speaker 3: things are, there's going to be tough times. So yeah,
Speaker 3: the lessons out of a forty three year marriage are
Speaker 3: definitely applicable to my situation with Teresa. The things that
Speaker 3: I found rewarding and fulfilling in that long term marriage
Speaker 3: weren't there. And recognizing that, you know, I tried to
Speaker 3: verbalize that, you know, Teresa, we need to develop some
Speaker 3: shared experiences, We need to develop memories together, things that block,
Speaker 3: you know, building blocks that we grow with, and those
Speaker 3: things just became impossible. I mean, in our duration of marriage,
Speaker 3: we were together, like I don't know, thirteen days or
Speaker 3: something like that. You know, I went to Jersey for
Speaker 3: five days and she came to Indiana for four and
Speaker 3: then there was a two days after the wedding and
Speaker 3: that was it. You can't build a relationship that way.
Speaker 3: It's it's simply not possible.
Speaker 2: You write about the fact that when you did come
Speaker 2: to see Teresa, she made you sleep on the couch.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's an embarrassing moment for me, and I'm
Speaker 4: sure sure you know it's probably doesn't make her feel
Speaker 4: real good either.
Speaker 5: But yeah, that's where you were.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm old and I'm mature
Speaker 3: enough to realize that a honeymoon at the age of
Speaker 3: seventy something is different than twenty something. But by the
Speaker 3: same token, you know, I've mentioned the need that I
Speaker 3: have for intimacy and sharing. That's not just physical intimacy.
Speaker 3: There are so many levels of that, some of which
Speaker 3: I've learned to be better at, even more recently. But
Speaker 3: when I get there and it's like time to, you know,
Speaker 3: make the bed and plan our day tomorrow, and she
Speaker 3: pulls out the sheets and throws them on the sofa
Speaker 3: and says, you know, I have a long work day tomorrow.
Speaker 3: I think it'd be better if you slept out here
Speaker 3: on the sofa. Okay, I would be understood. You're cracking up.
Speaker 1: You'd only known each other thirteen days. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to find a way to make sense of what
Speaker 1: she was suggesting. That's what I'm doing.
Speaker 3: I think the bigger question is this the first night.
Speaker 3: Had that been a legitimate thing? Okay, I got a
Speaker 3: big day tomorrow, I got a lot of important work
Speaker 3: to I tell you. Okay, that's a that's a concession
Speaker 3: I make. But when it was the next night, and
Speaker 3: the next night and the next night, that's what got me.
Speaker 1: It's like it was a busy work week for her.
Speaker 2: Can I ask you this without seeming to just overt
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: But do you do.
Speaker 2: You regret marrying Teresa?
Speaker 3: I do, and and you know I I regret all
Speaker 3: the pain and agony to the people that surround me
Speaker 3: as much as to her and her kids. You know,
Speaker 3: it was a tumultuous time for everyone involved. And yeah,
Speaker 3: I should have been smarter and she should have been smarter.
Speaker 3: But yeah, if I had it to do over, I wouldn't
Speaker 3: do it, absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But if you had done it, differently, she might not
Speaker 1: be sitting in the room with us right now, right exactly.
Speaker 1: So it all works out exactly the way of supposed
Speaker 1: to do, did it not? How has it been on
Speaker 1: this tour? And again I invited your fiance into the
Speaker 1: room here. I said, no, I don't sit out here,
Speaker 1: come hang with us. She said, oh, I just want
Speaker 1: to stay out of the way. But then we sit
Speaker 1: here and we're talking about your past relationships. We're talking
Speaker 1: about what I mean. I know she saw you on
Speaker 1: TV and she know how it all went down. But
Speaker 1: you're in the midst of this media tour with the
Speaker 1: book to where you are having to repeatedly talk about it.
Speaker 1: Is it difficult?
Speaker 3: Awkward?
Speaker 1: How has it been having to have public conversations about
Speaker 1: your past relationships with your love seeing being very close by.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good question. Early on in the relationship,
Speaker 3: we're probably sixty days into it, maybe a little bit more.
Speaker 3: I sent Landa the transcript and I said, listen, you
Speaker 3: need to know what's going to be in this book.
Speaker 3: You saw what was on the show. I don't want
Speaker 3: you to be caught off guard with something.
Speaker 1: She read it.
Speaker 3: I remember a couple of days of silence, look at
Speaker 3: her face, figure on her and she she came back
Speaker 3: and she and you know, so, I'm I'm on needles
Speaker 3: and pins because I knew early on this was the
Speaker 3: woman for me. And I said, so, what do you think?
Speaker 3: And in her most diplomatic way, she goes, well, I
Speaker 3: needed a little time to process some of this stuff.
Speaker 5: What do you think? Or did she tell you what
Speaker 5: the hardest part for her was?
Speaker 3: No, but my indicators are the things that she's asked
Speaker 3: follow up questions about. So yeah, that was that was
Speaker 3: the That was the spot for me. I go, oh,
Speaker 3: we need to talk about this a little bit more,
Speaker 3: or that a little bit more.
Speaker 2: Did you have anyone else who was a part of
Speaker 2: the Golden Bachelor, including Theresa herself? Did you give anyone
Speaker 2: else any advanced copy or any opportunity to weigh in
Speaker 2: on what you had written?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I didn't. The only other person that saw the manuscript
Speaker 3: was my two daughters, and I would ask them, am
Speaker 3: I too harsh? Here? You know? I do I appear insensitive?
Speaker 3: I wanted to be honest. I wanted to be forthright,
Speaker 3: but I didn't want to be cruel. I didn't want
Speaker 3: to you know, so yeah. They twice. They sent it back.
Speaker 3: They said, yeah, yeah, you need to tone this down,
Speaker 3: and you need to tone that down.
Speaker 2: And os mid Westerners tend to be were nice, but
Speaker 2: we tend to be unvarnished in the sense that we
Speaker 2: don't sugarcoat a lot. Sometimes I have noticed that as
Speaker 2: part of we're nice, but we're honest to a fault sometimes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably pretty well said.
Speaker 1: You know, what were the areas that you wanted your
Speaker 1: daughters to you know, I check this part. Let me
Speaker 1: know if I was too harsh. What were some of
Speaker 1: those sections that you thought were a little much.
Speaker 3: Well, all right, I'll answer that in general terms. All right,
Speaker 3: there were areas where I talked about some of the
Speaker 3: problems disagreements that I had with Teresa, her perspective on
Speaker 3: those things and my perspective on those things. And they said,
Speaker 3: h you've gone over the line here. You need to
Speaker 3: tone that back. And I trusted my daughters because they
Speaker 3: had seen every minute of the show and the aftermath
Speaker 3: and all of it play out. I mean, they were
Speaker 3: first person players in it, and so consequently and the
Speaker 3: two of them with two different perspectives, this is the
Speaker 3: perfect spot. And they gave me good advice. They gave
Speaker 3: me good advice.
Speaker 5: That's amazing. Daughters will do that. And how old are
Speaker 5: your girls now? I'm not you can give a decade
Speaker 5: like decade.
Speaker 3: But they're older in forty three, fifty.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's amazing. That is so hard to believe
Speaker 2: that you have thought, but that's remarkable. What did they
Speaker 2: think of your time on the Golden Bachelor? Did they
Speaker 2: enjoy it? Were they were?
Speaker 4: They?
Speaker 2: Was it hard for them to deal with watching their
Speaker 2: dad in that position?
Speaker 3: They were over the moon happy about it. They were thrilled.
Speaker 3: They did repeatedly say Dad, we hated it at every
Speaker 3: Rose ceremony when you felt the separation coming and the
Speaker 3: rejection what I thought was rejection of friends. So they
Speaker 3: were very empathetic about that part. But man, I mean
Speaker 3: they had a ball with this whole process. They were
Speaker 3: in it one hundred percent.
Speaker 5: Very cool.
Speaker 2: All right, So how about wedding plans? Do you all
Speaker 2: have any? What are what are the next steps?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we need to get to that. We haven't gotten
Speaker 3: there yet. Quite honestly, being engaged is like way fun.
Speaker 5: Beyonce is fun, right, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was really thrilled about you know, the proposal and
Speaker 3: putting it out there that hey, we're officially a couple,
Speaker 3: but that basking in that has really overridden and some
Speaker 3: of the practical things of life, you know, traveling and
Speaker 3: so forth. So we haven't really gotten to the point
Speaker 3: where we've talked about it yet.
Speaker 1: How about this, Why you all could be together, continue
Speaker 1: to be together the rest of your lives. You know
Speaker 1: each other eight nine months? Why make the decision to pose?
Speaker 1: Help people get insight into that you didn't have to
Speaker 1: do it this fast, You didn't have to do it
Speaker 1: at all, really and still be committed to each other.
Speaker 1: Why was it important? And I'm really curious about your
Speaker 1: answer here, Why did you want to get married again?
Speaker 3: So number one, when I was one hundred percent certain
Speaker 3: that she was the right person, I was at ease
Speaker 3: at making that decision. So that was the first threshold
Speaker 3: to get past. Number two. I really wanted to puff
Speaker 3: my chest out and show the world that I had
Speaker 3: the best thing I could possibly have. It was a
Speaker 3: pride thing, not an avarice thing. I was. I am
Speaker 3: so proud of her sitting here. She makes me a
Speaker 3: better person, And that was one of the most difficult
Speaker 3: things on my checklist when I was looking for a
Speaker 3: partner making me a better person, and she does.
Speaker 1: What are the other things? What was it cooking? What
Speaker 1: was the thing that came up? There were food issues.
Speaker 5: Here, food issues with Theresa.
Speaker 1: I'm not comparing your the two, but there were some
Speaker 1: issues that you spoke of and it it got our
Speaker 1: attention because it had to do with us. She doesn't
Speaker 1: eat carbs, right, we're keto by the way.
Speaker 5: Well, at least we are together that we can annoy
Speaker 5: one another.
Speaker 1: Strange, we annoy other people with our collective diets.
Speaker 2: But it is important that you can have a dinner
Speaker 2: with somebody, make dinner together and have it work.
Speaker 3: Yes, and so a good example is she will knock
Speaker 3: me over to get to dessert first. Both love dessert.
Speaker 3: It's like we don't have very many restrictions and that's
Speaker 3: probably not the most healthy, but it is joyful. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 3: and you know she yanked sugar out of my hand
Speaker 3: because the doctor said, you know, that's something I need
Speaker 3: to cut back on. But we pick and choose what
Speaker 3: we want to enjoy. Last night we had we split
Speaker 3: a terra masou rather than each of us having one
Speaker 3: or more. So you know, we've really learned to cut back,
Speaker 3: but the joy of all of life is pretty great.
Speaker 2: You right in your book that you felt empty when
Speaker 2: you were proposing to Teresa. What did you feel like
Speaker 2: when you were proposing to Lana?
Speaker 3: Overjoyed? You know, the the energy in my chest was
Speaker 3: just about to burst, and it was I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's a lot of little side stories with it.
Speaker 3: Lenna and I have started this alter ego thing where
Speaker 3: she's Darlene and I'm Randy and we give each other,
Speaker 3: you know, fuck, I'll say, damn it.
Speaker 1: Darlene, Why Darlene and Randy? Who did you come up
Speaker 1: with that?
Speaker 6: You know, there's sort of stereotypical Arkansas names.
Speaker 3: So when I proposed, we were in Asheville. I've never
Speaker 3: told this story, but it's freaking hilarious. It'd be funnier
Speaker 3: if you were actually there. But it's missing. We pull
Speaker 3: into the hotel and it's misty, and we get our
Speaker 3: luggage in. She goes, oh, I forgot my jacket. Will
Speaker 3: you go out and get my jacket. I go out
Speaker 3: and get the jacket. I come back in. There's some
Speaker 3: highway workers walking by the lobby, and I go.
Speaker 6: Damn it Darlene, and she goes and don't start with me, Randy,
Speaker 6: and the guy that was on the highway crew looked
Speaker 6: and he laughed.
Speaker 3: His ass off all the way down the hall. It
Speaker 3: was hilarious. So this joy, this fun, all this energy
Speaker 3: goes up to the hotel room and that's where I
Speaker 3: proposed to her. I mean, it wasn't probably as glamorous
Speaker 3: as as many proposals could be, but I did a
Speaker 3: little magic trick, a little sleight of hand and revealed
Speaker 3: the ring and we had a frigging ball.
Speaker 2: We've heard this from so many people who are experts
Speaker 2: in relationships. If you can have fun with each other,
Speaker 2: have fun, even at each other's expense, tease joke like
Speaker 2: that is the sign of actual real compatibility, companionship something
Speaker 2: that relationships that can last are built on fun.
Speaker 3: It is. It absolutely is. One of the characteristics that
Speaker 3: I think we both enjoy is slightly giving the other
Speaker 3: person a little grief about something, you know, a little
Speaker 3: bit making fun of them.
Speaker 6: We do.
Speaker 3: But yeah, when you can both laugh at it, that's
Speaker 3: the joy that sounds.
Speaker 1: Like friendship to me. And this is something we were
Speaker 1: friends for eight years before we ever started dating. And
Speaker 1: we always say you have to have a foundation of friendship.
Speaker 1: Every issue you ever had with Teresa, if you all
Speaker 1: had years of friendship already established, she would know you're
Speaker 1: eating habits, you would know hers, and you're nobody. That
Speaker 1: would be a compromise, right. It's a different feel and dynamic,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like eight or nine months. Where are
Speaker 1: you all? You and Lanta on friendship right now? How
Speaker 1: do you where? Would you say that is?
Speaker 3: I think we say you're my best buddy, you're my
Speaker 3: best buddy, and in the mornings we say every day
Speaker 3: because we have to choose each other every day. So
Speaker 3: the friendship part, I think has been very natural, coming,
Speaker 3: very easy. Some of the levels of things that we do, revelations. Oddly,
Speaker 3: I've never been embarrassed in front of her, and I
Speaker 3: don't think she's been embarrassed in front of me at anything.
Speaker 3: And we sort of joke about some of our friends
Speaker 3: and their level of things they do. It's it's just fun,
Speaker 3: but that's what friends do.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, it's so true.
Speaker 2: I love the fact that for every one listening, you know,
Speaker 2: I think everyone wherever they are in their life, thinks,
Speaker 2: oh I'm too old. I won't be able to do
Speaker 2: this again. I won't be able to find that again
Speaker 2: and to see your joy and to see all the
Speaker 2: things you have to look forward to at seventy four.
Speaker 2: It's truly, it's it's inspirational and it's infectious, and it
Speaker 2: just it's a reminder to people that it's never too late,
Speaker 2: and you're an example of that, and I just love
Speaker 2: it's so it is so contagious being in the.
Speaker 5: Room with you right now.
Speaker 3: Oh, thanks, because it is never too late. You just
Speaker 3: it's work. You have to put in the effort, you
Speaker 3: have to do all the things that put you in
Speaker 3: the right situations to find people and all of that.
Speaker 3: But it's rewarding. You know. I think we're designed to
Speaker 3: be a couple, you know, I don't think we're supposed
Speaker 3: to be by ourselves. So when you find the right person, man,
Speaker 3: it is so easy though, it is so fun.
Speaker 1: Yes, Darlen is a good one.
Speaker 3: Darlen is a damn that I loved darling.
Speaker 1: Oh, that good old Arlene, I'll tell you, even with
Speaker 1: all her problems, you know, what do you have? You
Speaker 1: know what I hate to I'm not gonna end on
Speaker 1: him on a red flag note, well, let me ask,
Speaker 1: because it almost it sounds like incense and candles right
Speaker 1: now to everybody. But I'm sure you've had a moment
Speaker 1: at least after proposal, getting ready to propose, or maybe
Speaker 1: somebody was in your ear when you had a beat.
Speaker 1: So maybe I shouldn't because of blank? Was there ever
Speaker 1: a blank? Well, because she lives here, I do this
Speaker 1: and she likes this, or or our families are that.
Speaker 1: Was there any little bit of a maybe I.
Speaker 3: Shouldn't because blank? What would the reason have been if
Speaker 3: they're in If there was, I don't remember it gotcha.
Speaker 3: You know, the the backgrounds that we had of being
Speaker 3: in the Midwest, and you know she grew up close
Speaker 3: to where I lived, and the family characteristics that we
Speaker 3: both share and all those things. I just I really
Speaker 3: don't remember any of those times when I had to
Speaker 3: check up and go ooh, Do I need to think
Speaker 3: about this a little bit more than I am. There wasn't.
Speaker 3: I haven't had that moment.
Speaker 5: It's so interesting. I'm curious.
Speaker 2: Do you think that, having had the I don't want
Speaker 2: to put words in your mouth that it was a
Speaker 2: bad experience, but it sounds like it wasn't a positive
Speaker 2: experience your relationship with Teresa. Do you think that that
Speaker 2: created more of a like you trusted how good it
Speaker 2: was with Lanna because you had just recognized or experienced
Speaker 2: how bad it could get or how bad it could
Speaker 2: be with someone else.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I would more say it like this, your
Speaker 3: radar is way up. You're really you're guarding yourself a
Speaker 3: little bit. You're going, Okay, the next person that I
Speaker 3: think is a possibility for a life partner has to
Speaker 3: be a little bit better than just maybe what my
Speaker 3: threshold was six months ago. And yeah, so she blew
Speaker 3: their way, She blew.
Speaker 5: The roof off a bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a couple of people saw it ahead of time.
Speaker 1: Last thing for me about the book, and certainly the
Speaker 1: last thing I'm mentioning Teresa. Did she see the book
Speaker 1: ahead of time? No, talk to her ahead of time?
Speaker 3: She sent me a text wanted to know what was
Speaker 3: in the book that I had written about her, and
Speaker 3: I kind of dodged that.
Speaker 1: Okay, a book written about her, it's not. She's in
Speaker 1: there a lot, but we couldn't classify this as the
Speaker 1: book about just that marriage about her.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, the story starts back when you
Speaker 3: know I was in high school, and it tell us
Speaker 3: about how I proposed to Tony, you know, my very
Speaker 3: first wife of forty three years, and about my kids
Speaker 3: in the life we had together, and and on and on.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's I don't want to call it a memoir.
Speaker 3: I don't want to, you know, I'd like to think
Speaker 3: there's no label for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's the biggest takeaway you'd like people to leave
Speaker 2: with after they read your book? What do you want
Speaker 2: them to leave with?
Speaker 3: There's a story towards the end of the book and
Speaker 3: I'm not going to talk about it here. I want
Speaker 3: people to actually read it and see the build up.
Speaker 3: But I think the lesson to be learned is that
Speaker 3: no matter what life throws at you, that you can
Speaker 3: come out on top if you keep positive. If you
Speaker 3: let yourself get down on a long term basis, yeah,
Speaker 3: you're going to become a couch potato. You're done. You're
Speaker 3: not going to have value to bring to a community.
Speaker 3: And if you bring that value and you keep yourself
Speaker 3: positive and alert and alive, and and you're the person
Speaker 3: that you want to hang out with, you're going to
Speaker 3: be fine.
Speaker 2: I love that you're the person you want to hang
Speaker 2: out with That's that's something I think we skip over
Speaker 2: sometimes we don't recognize what I want to be friends
Speaker 2: with me.
Speaker 1: That sounds like something me and my ego sit up
Speaker 1: and do all the time.
Speaker 3: Like.
Speaker 1: I'm the coolest and I know.
Speaker 2: Gary, Gary Turner, it was so lovely to actually get
Speaker 2: down personal with you and speak with you and not
Speaker 2: just have you be the person who's the golden Bachelor,
Speaker 2: and so much was written, so much was said. We
Speaker 2: so recognize what that feels like, and so thank you
Speaker 2: for being willing to set the record straight, tell your
Speaker 2: side of things, on your terms with your book.
Speaker 5: That is that is the way to set the record straight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, it is, And we do want everybody
Speaker 1: to know that the book is out now. You can
Speaker 1: get it everywhere that books are sold. It is Golden
Speaker 1: Years what I've learned from Love Loss and reality TV.
Speaker 1: We want to say thank you, Gary, but also Lana.
Speaker 1: She does not have a microphone in front of her. However,
Speaker 1: she has been sitting in this room the entire time
Speaker 1: and giving us very good feedback. We can tell if
Speaker 1: we're on the right track with our conversation based on
Speaker 1: her expressions. So I took the conversation a different direction
Speaker 1: when she frowned a little bit, Yeah, she did not
Speaker 1: at all. I'm teasing, folks.
Speaker 2: So thank you Gary, and we wish you the best
Speaker 2: of luck and so excited I want to hear all about.
Speaker 5: The wedding when you do have those details.
Speaker 3: Thank you. You guys were a joy to talk to
Speaker 3: you this morning. This is awesome.
Speaker 1: It had everything to do with you. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 1: We did not get that that world that we were
Speaker 1: up very late last night. I did not get a
Speaker 1: lot of sleep. You change the day. I am not kidding.
Speaker 1: The two of you have changed our day. This is enlightning.
Speaker 1: So really, thank you both for being here and we
Speaker 1: will follow you and see you soon.
Speaker 3: All right, brother, thank you.
Speaker 5: Thanks, all right everyone. Gary's book Golden Years is out now.
Speaker 2: And if you are listening and you're thinking, hey, I
Speaker 2: need some advice when it comes to my love life,
Speaker 2: well then you can call us or you can email us.
Speaker 5: All the info is in the show notes.
Speaker 2: We are here to help follow us on socials and
Speaker 2: make sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do
Speaker 2: Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is
Speaker 2: the main objective.