1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 2: Hello there, and welcome to the Cultivating her Space podcast 12 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 2: Live Herspace chat on Spotify Green Room. I'm Terry Lomax, speaker, author, 13 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 2: brand strategist in one half of the Cultivating her Space podcast, 14 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 2: which has new episodes every single Friday and bonus video 15 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 2: content for each episode on Patreon every Thursday night. 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Today, 32 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 2: we are having a juicy, juicy conversation no pun intended. Okay, 33 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 2: we're talking about Netflix's sex Life series, all right, and 34 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 2: we're just going to process some of the things that 35 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 2: we've noticed together, So get ready to you ready? 36 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: All right, Hey there, everyone, this is doctor Dom here 37 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: from the other half of the Cultivating her Space podcast. 38 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: Before we dive into this juicy discussion, we do want 39 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:21,639 Speaker 1: to go over a few housekeeping tips. So while we 40 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: know that this is a live show, we want to 41 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 1: prioritize the listening experience for everyone, and so we want 42 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: to make sure that when you are in this room 43 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 1: that if we do ask you to speak, that you 44 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: do speak from a quiet environment, and that you refrained 45 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 1: from self promoting, and that instead anything that you offer 46 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: is related to the content that we are discussing for 47 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: the day, and that you let folks connect with you 48 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: and reach out to you or organically. You want to 49 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: remember that givers gang. And so now we are going 50 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: to dive right in. So today we normally start off 51 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: with a quote of the day, but today we don't 52 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: need a quote because this particular show speaks for itself. 53 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: Sex life one more time, sex Life. I think just 54 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: the title is our quote. 55 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would definitely agree with that. Don And for 56 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,119 Speaker 2: those of you that have not heard of the show, 57 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 2: because we did do a poll on our Instagram at 58 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: her Space podcast and it was kind of half and half. 59 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 2: Half people were like, yeah, oh my gosh, I watched it. 60 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 2: It was crazy, and then the others were like, no, 61 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 2: like what's going on. So just the very overview. It's 62 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 2: a series on Netflix called sex Life Right, and it 63 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 2: depicts a suburban mother of two and it takes us 64 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 2: on this fantasy charge trip down memory lane that threatens 65 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,559 Speaker 2: her marriage to the perfect air quote husband and reignites 66 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 2: her passion to field relationship with her bad boy ex 67 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 2: and it brought up a lot for a lot of people. 68 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 2: When we did this poll, it was definitely one of 69 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 2: our most I want to say, viewed Instagram stories. Everyone 70 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 2: in our friend group has been talking about it, so 71 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 2: we're like, you know what, let's have the conversation. I 72 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 2: will say, there's so much that we can cover on 73 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 2: this topic. We're not going to be able to dive 74 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 2: into everything, but we're just going to touch on things 75 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 2: that we've noticed that are noteworthy to us. So if 76 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 2: we miss something, don't judge us. There's so much that 77 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 2: we can cover. Also, we're not here to necessarily judge, 78 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 2: and I know some people are very triggered by the 79 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 2: things that they saw. So we're just here to have 80 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 2: a conversation about what we've noticed. And I think first 81 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 2: what we should start off with is what others have 82 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 2: been saying about the show from our our networks. So 83 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 2: don you want to take it over and to talk 84 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 2: a bit about what have they been talking about in 85 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 2: these internet streets about sex life? 86 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: Yes, so people have been saying how they relate to 87 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: it right, how they have experienced marriage concerns, or they 88 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:27,599 Speaker 1: have experienced issues of fantasizing about an ex right or 89 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: the life that could have been right. But then also 90 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:37,040 Speaker 1: people are commenting, offering their opinions and judgments on the 91 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: decision making that happened for each person throughout the series 92 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:48,840 Speaker 1: right or the season. And to me, you know, when 93 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: I look at what people are saying, I think that 94 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: it's fascinating, right that like they're wanting us to talk 95 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 1: about it, that so many of our folks who are 96 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 1: who responded to our Instagram ram threads, we're saying, yes, 97 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: we need to dive into a conversation about sex and 98 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: marriage and what life looks like. Right, And I think 99 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 1: the thing that I want us to start off with, 100 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:22,799 Speaker 1: or that we can start off with, is this idea 101 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: of not feeling fulfilled in your marriage. So there's two pieces, right, 102 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 1: So the one piece of not feeling fulfilled in your marriage, 103 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: but then the second piece of is marriage about safety 104 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 1: or can you have it all? So I know, I 105 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 1: think I just threw out three different things that we 106 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: could talk about because the show just has so much, right, Like, 107 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: I started off just now with just one thing and 108 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: then I was like, no, wait, I want to add this, 109 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 1: and I want to add this, And I feel like 110 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: that was everyone's experience as they were watching it. Throughout 111 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: every episode, there were multiple things that you could process 112 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: or that you maybe you related to. 113 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: I would agree with that, and I know we had 114 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 2: a lot of listeners time in about different things that 115 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 2: we could discuss. But again, we are time as limited, 116 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 2: so we can't dive into everything. But I think it 117 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 2: will be neat for us to talk about what we 118 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 2: liked about the show. So I'll go ahead, and I mean, 119 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 2: there's so much that I did like about it, and 120 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 2: there were some areas for improvement, but I'll go ahead 121 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 2: and dive into what I like dom and I'd love 122 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 2: to hear your feedback on what you liked about the 123 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 2: show overall. So I really loved seeing that the main character, 124 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 2: her best friend, is a black woman named Sasha, and 125 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 2: I really loved that they showcased this highly successful black 126 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: woman who had her PhD, she had a book, and 127 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 2: she was sexually confident. She was a free woman, and 128 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 2: I think that a lot of times we already know 129 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 2: this double standard where a man he can go out 130 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 2: and have sex with all these women he'say, oh player 131 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 2: here man da da da or whatever, whatever. But when 132 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 2: a woman does, it's like, oh, she a hoe, she 133 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 2: a freak. She did she that, and it's like, so 134 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 2: I should own her sexuality. And yeah, she was getting 135 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 2: it popping, she was getting it in, but there's no judgment. Hey, 136 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 2: DJ Joe joining us live again, Thank you for showing up. 137 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:19,119 Speaker 2: And so we're talking about sex life right Netflix series here. 138 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 2: And I love that they depicted this black woman in 139 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 2: this empowering way. I thought that was really dope. The 140 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 2: other thing, oh hm, go ahead. 141 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,239 Speaker 1: Dal, I was gonna say, I found myself conflicted about 142 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: her right only why why? 143 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:33,719 Speaker 2: So? 144 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 1: Well? One, I mean I could easily relate to her 145 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: in the sense that I'm a black woman with a 146 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 1: PhD in psychology and taught at or teach at a university, 147 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:50,959 Speaker 1: right but then, and so I could appreciate them depicting 148 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: her in that way. But then I found myself a 149 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: little bit torn on. I love how they allowed her to, 150 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:05,559 Speaker 1: like you said, confidently and freely explore her sexuality. But 151 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: then my next thought after right after that, was oh, man, 152 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: but I wonder what it would have been like if 153 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: she had been the married woman exploring her issues with 154 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: her husband. Because I found myself a little like upset 155 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: that it feels like in shows like this that the 156 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 1: black woman who's the white woman's sidekick is the one 157 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: who is single. And it made me concerned about the 158 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 1: narrative that gets placed out there to the world about 159 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 1: black women. Right. So yeah, so I was conflicted because 160 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 1: I was like, go on, head, so I should get yours? 161 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: But wait, writers, can we get a show where the 162 00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 1: women are flipped? 163 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 2: Girl? You hit the nail the head. I agree with 164 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,880 Speaker 2: everything you just said. I think that is a great point, 165 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 2: and I would definitely feel I didn't. I don't know 166 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 2: if I. Maybe I did since that, but maybe it 167 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 2: didn't come consciously for me. Maybe maybe it was like 168 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 2: hanging out on myself consciously. That is a very good point, 169 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 2: don It's like, why should I be the sidekick? Also, 170 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 2: I do want to know. We're gonna try our best 171 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 2: not to share any spoilers. Okay, so if you haven't watched, 172 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 2: don't feel like you have to stop listening because we're 173 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 2: gonna try our best not to do that. And if 174 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 2: we do, dom just like give me the eye so 175 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 2: I know to be quiet. The other thing that I 176 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 2: really liked is that the show portrayed a woman who's 177 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,559 Speaker 2: a woman who was sexually unfulfilled, right, because I think 178 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 2: that a lot of times in real life down because 179 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 2: we know we were women, right and we have friends. 180 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 2: I in my experience, I feel like many of the 181 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 2: women that I know have high sex drives and some okay, 182 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 2: some have been unfulfilled in real life. And I think 183 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 2: oftentimes there's this misconception that or maybe it's a stereotype 184 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 2: that men are always the ones that want more sex 185 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 2: and are unfulfilled when it's like ahh, we try and 186 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 2: get a popa two like, we're not always pleased to 187 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:12,319 Speaker 2: We're not just like showing up like, oh man, I 188 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 2: have to have sex again. Some of us are excited 189 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,719 Speaker 2: about sex, right, And I think they did a really 190 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 2: good job of showing a woman or relationship where the 191 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 2: woman was unfulfilled, because I think that narrative isn't necessarily 192 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 2: shared often. What do you think about that one? 193 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: Don Yes, I love that and I love that how 194 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: it played out in this narrative that everything is not 195 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: as it seems right, that they're in a space where 196 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 1: they are onto the outside world it looks as if 197 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 1: they have everything picture perfect, right, and that what they 198 00:11:55,600 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: have is what everyone else should be aiming for, so 199 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: like relationship and couple's goals. But under the surface, the 200 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: real is that she is the one who is unfulfilled. 201 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 1: And I was here for it. I was totally here 202 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:22,199 Speaker 1: to see how she was exploring that that process, because 203 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: I agree with you that there are a lot of 204 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 1: women who are unfulfilled not just in their marriages, but 205 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: in romantic and sexual relationships in general. And we could 206 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 1: have a whole other conversation about what leads into that, 207 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 1: what's the cause of that, like patriarchy and all of 208 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: that misogyny, all of that right, conversation for another day. 209 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: But I truly appreciated that this show allowed. 210 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 2: That woman to explore. 211 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: What it means to be unfulfilled in your marriage and 212 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 1: what that really looks like when the perception or the 213 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 1: expectation is that you should be happy. 214 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, Tom, you preach it. I love it, 215 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 2: and I do want to shout out doctor a doctor. 216 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 2: I want to shout out DJ Joe, who is tuning 217 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 2: in live, who said, maybe it's because most men don't 218 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:28,559 Speaker 2: realize a sexual experience starts way before the act. Okay, yes, okay, 219 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 2: that is so true. And so here's the other thing. 220 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 2: I also love that it highlighted female sexual pleasure a 221 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 2: lot more than other shows. So you see four play, right, 222 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 2: you see the four play. You see the female masturbation, 223 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 2: which I think was also it was nice to be 224 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,679 Speaker 2: able to see that on screen. You see oral sex, 225 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 2: but the females and then you know, we got to 226 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 2: talk about I think it was episode episode three. Yeah, 227 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,960 Speaker 2: oh yes, yes, episode three, full male nudity. Were you 228 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 2: at were you at them? We don't see that often 229 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 2: and we always do it the woman's body parts, right, 230 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 2: we always see our body parts on screen. But to 231 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 2: see the male body on screen, I was like, yes, 232 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 2: show some penises on the screen, come on out, Yes, yes, 233 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 2: booty shots all that, it's guess yes. 234 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 1: I appreciated that as well. 235 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 2: Like that. 236 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: I think what that does is that normalizes female sexuality 237 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: and sensuality, right, that normalizes female desire and what it 238 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 1: means for for women female body people to have pleasure, 239 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 1: to seek pleasure, and the various ways in which they 240 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 1: can do it. Because if you watch all eight episodes, 241 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: you you get a full sense of what that is 242 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: like for a woman to truly explore her sexuality and 243 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 1: her sensuality. You know, another thing that I loved about 244 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: this show is the portrayal of what it looks like 245 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: the various ways in which you can engage in sexual activity. Right, 246 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,239 Speaker 1: It's not vanilla at the term that folks use. It's 247 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 1: not vanilla at. 248 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 2: All, not even a little bit. Okay, now to piggyback, 249 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 2: to piggyback off that dom. The other thing that was 250 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 2: really cool to see was performance anxiety from a male's perspective, 251 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 2: because I think that's also something that's realistic that we 252 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 2: don't really see in shows, right, or even if you 253 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 2: watch porn, you don't really see like, oh, this guy, 254 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 2: you know, he might be struggling to get it up 255 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,680 Speaker 2: or whatever it might be. So I think that that 256 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 2: also sets a realistic expectation for men who might be 257 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 2: tuning in, where's like, oh I can They may not 258 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 2: say it out loud, but it's like, oh I can 259 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 2: relate to him because I had that experience, and honestly, 260 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 2: that's okay, that's normal, especially depending on your age, your diet, 261 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 2: just how you're living your life, right or even I 262 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 2: don't know, is it hereditary too, I don't know. I 263 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 2: would assume it might be right, Yeah, but that's also 264 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 2: good to portray. 265 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 1: Exactly that, to normalize that men aren't all like that, 266 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 1: not all men are these sex gods, right, and that 267 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 1: and again going you know, just to clarify that vanilla 268 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: sex or vanilla engagement of sexual activity is not the 269 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: only way in which married people can engage in sexual activity. 270 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, now, dom you know, as a new mom, I 271 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 2: love the breastfeeding scenes. I love the company. I love that, 272 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,160 Speaker 2: you know, at one point, the main character Billy was 273 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 2: hand expressing the bathroom. And because that's the journey that 274 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 2: I'm not saying I hand expressed in the bathroom, but 275 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 2: because I'm a new mom and I'm experiencing a lot 276 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 2: of this stuff as far as the breastfeeding journey, it 277 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,679 Speaker 2: was nice to see that. Like at one point she 278 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 2: had leaky boobs out in public, and you know, she 279 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:17,920 Speaker 2: was she like leaked through her shirt and so I 280 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,840 Speaker 2: was like, hey, you're leaking, and she's like, oh my gosh. 281 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 2: So normalizing the breastfeeding journey, I think that is so important. 282 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,119 Speaker 2: And I love to see that because it made me 283 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 2: feel seen because I'm on this new journey and to 284 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,240 Speaker 2: see this mom who's up she's breastfeeding her new baby 285 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,920 Speaker 2: and she's going through all these things. That was pretty dope. 286 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,159 Speaker 2: And the last thing I'll say before we dive into 287 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 2: anything else about like maybe what we didn't like and improvements, 288 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 2: I would say the complexities of a woman who has 289 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 2: a great life and a great husband but wanting more. 290 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 2: I think that a lot of folks that girl. If 291 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,639 Speaker 2: you look at the reviews, I think it was like, 292 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 2: what was it? Is it rotten tomatoes? They were it 293 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,639 Speaker 2: was like five point five reviews. There were a lot 294 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 2: of people that were like super triggered by this, And 295 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, Billy may have gone about her actions 296 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 2: in a way that was maybe not as ethical as 297 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,959 Speaker 2: we would have wanted to see right, or maybe her 298 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,359 Speaker 2: moral compass was definitely compromised or it was questionable, but 299 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 2: her feelings were valid. Like, it's okay for you to 300 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 2: come to grips with your truth. And if you're in 301 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 2: a relationship, a long term relationship or any relationship, and 302 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 2: you find that you're unfulfilled, you're finding that you know, 303 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,399 Speaker 2: your sex life may not be what you wanted to be. 304 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,159 Speaker 2: Your partner might be an amazing parent, they might be 305 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 2: an amazing partner. They might do everything else that you 306 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,240 Speaker 2: want them to do, but if you're not fulfilled in 307 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 2: that way, it's okay for that to be your truth. 308 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,479 Speaker 2: And I feel like a lot of people were shunning 309 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 2: her and like, oh, she had the perfect man, why 310 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 2: can't you just be happy? Well, let me tell you, 311 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 2: in real life, there's lots of people that can resonate 312 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 2: with that. Right, there's one aspect of your relationship where 313 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 2: you are not fulfilled and you shouldn't be shamed or 314 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,160 Speaker 2: guilted because you feel that way, because you're a human 315 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 2: being and those are your feelings are valid. Now, the 316 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 2: way you go about it is a whole another story. 317 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 2: That's a whole nother story. 318 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 1: Yes you are. I think that communication is key in 319 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: those situations, right that, Like it is important. Well, first, 320 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: it's important to be attuned with self and know what 321 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: it is that you want. So I think that the 322 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 1: character Billy wouldn't have been. 323 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:21,800 Speaker 2: Able to. 324 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: Note or identify that she was unfulfilled if she hadn't 325 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 1: had other experiences to know what it's like to feel fulfilled. Right, 326 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:43,359 Speaker 1: if she hadn't had experiences where she learned to masturbate 327 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:48,800 Speaker 1: and pleasure herself, Right, if she hadn't had experiences where 328 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:54,959 Speaker 1: she was allowed to explore her sexuality in ways that 329 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:01,679 Speaker 1: made her feel safe, made her feel excited and turned on. 330 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,680 Speaker 1: So having had those experiences, she was she was then 331 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,919 Speaker 1: able to say or to identify that that what wasn't 332 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:20,080 Speaker 1: working for her right and then from there that's when 333 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: it's up to you, the person to communicate with their partner. 334 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: And if you watch the series, you see the issues 335 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: where that you see the issues with that. 336 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 2: Now dom that takes me to what I think could 337 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 2: have been improved or I didn't like because Billy never 338 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,359 Speaker 2: communicated to her husband initially about her past and how 339 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 2: you're going to have all these desires but you don't 340 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,639 Speaker 2: communicate him. And Cooper, her husband, he was down to 341 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,399 Speaker 2: try stuff. So like John actually been okay, if you 342 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 2: would have sought out counseling initially, if you would have 343 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,960 Speaker 2: told him that, Babe, I'm feeling this type of way, 344 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 2: like I'm having these desires, you could have gotten somewhere, 345 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 2: but you kept it to yourself. It was hidden. It 346 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,159 Speaker 2: was this big secret, so you don't know what the 347 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 2: relationship could have been because you didn't even communicate it. 348 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 2: So I think that's something that could have been improved 349 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 2: upon and something we can learn from the show. Transparency 350 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 2: and communication is key if you want your relationship to 351 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 2: work right and you don't know, yeah, how that could 352 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 2: have turned out? What about you anything else? You were like, hmm, 353 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 2: I don't like that. 354 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,359 Speaker 1: Well, see, I think the thing that you bring up 355 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:27,280 Speaker 1: about the communication like really says to us that couples 356 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:32,400 Speaker 1: to me stresses the importance of couple's therapy. Oh yeah, 357 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 1: and marriage counseling and what that really looks like and 358 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: having that from the beginning, right, So you have that 359 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:48,119 Speaker 1: pre marital therapy, and depending on what your how you 360 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,119 Speaker 1: choose engage in your with your partner, you may have 361 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,959 Speaker 1: couple's therapy before you get to that point of marriage, 362 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,879 Speaker 1: and then you continue at various points as needed to 363 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 1: have whole therapy to ensure that your relationship is in 364 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: the space that you want it to be. 365 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm a huge fan of couples therapy therapy just 366 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 2: in general, dom And I will say in closing that 367 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 2: I think that we you know, the question was posed, 368 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 2: can you have it all right? Can you have stability 369 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 2: and safety along with passion and thrill? And I think 370 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 2: you cannot think it depends on who you are. It 371 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,639 Speaker 2: depends on who you are and what you want and 372 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 2: what you desire. Because I know some people who enjoy 373 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 2: vanilla sex and that's their thing, as you and your partner, 374 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,920 Speaker 2: and there's nothing wrong with that, and that's what y'all like, 375 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,360 Speaker 2: and that's what that's what you do, do your thing, 376 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 2: do you think, No, no, shame, Like you may be fulfilled, 377 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 2: but another person might have a different desire. So I 378 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 2: think it depends. I think that we also learned that 379 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 2: it's much easier for you to teach someone to be 380 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 2: a good lover than it is to teach someone to 381 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,679 Speaker 2: be a good person or a good partner. Because although 382 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 2: Billy's husband may not have been as sexual experienced as 383 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,440 Speaker 2: she was, you may be able to teach someone possibly 384 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 2: right it depending on who you are or what you like. 385 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 2: But Brad her ex her bad boy X, he had 386 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 2: trouble with commitment and he was putting her through the works, 387 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 2: And you can't necessarily teach someone those things about character 388 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 2: right and about those different aspects of being a good partner, 389 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 2: not all the time, at least. I think those were 390 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 2: just some of the learnings. Again, there's so much that 391 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 2: we could have dove into as it relates to the conversation. 392 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,160 Speaker 2: But these are some of the key points that came 393 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 2: up for us. Anything else down that you might want 394 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 2: to cover, No. 395 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 1: I think we covered it all. I mean, I can't 396 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 1: stress enough. Both of us have pointed this out that communication, honesty, authenticity, transparency, 397 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: all of those things are key in a healthy relationship. 398 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:50,120 Speaker 1: And of course, you know therapy. I'm a huge, huge 399 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 1: proponent of therapy. So thank all of you for tuning 400 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: into this conversation. Whether you are catching the replay or 401 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 1: you are tuning in live, we appreciate you for being here. 402 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: Thank you to all the folks who engaged with us 403 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,680 Speaker 1: in the chat as we were having this live recording. 404 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 1: You can always find the replay of this green Room 405 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: chat on the Cultivating her Space podcast next Monday, and 406 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: you can find us here, same time, same place next Friday. 407 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,320 Speaker 1: That's one thirty pm Pacific, four thirty pm Eastern.