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Speaker 1: Hey, this is aam. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: story Time podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy

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Speaker 1: stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend bought me a puppy I never wanted, so

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Speaker 3: I said, no, what are you a monster? For context,

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Speaker 3: I twenty seven female. I've always had pet dogs, cats,

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Speaker 3: even birds that fell from their nests. I also rescued

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Speaker 3: and re homed tons of animals, but I've never kept

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Speaker 3: a male pet. My mom didn't like them because I'm

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Speaker 3: hole peeing everywhere. Wow, But I guess I just got

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Speaker 3: used to only having girl pets. Plus, I love using

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Speaker 3: my dogs like pillows, and I'll admit the doggy boy

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Speaker 3: parts that are always a little too present make me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from a Cicada supremacy. And

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Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it and I'm Angie,

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm roley Man, and we're here to give

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Speaker 3: good advice goofiy, but we don't have all the answers

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Speaker 3: We're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation.

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Speaker 3: But if you would do anything differently, and let us

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Speaker 3: know in the comments. But anyway, Opie says, anyway, I've

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Speaker 3: had my dog, let's call her Luna, since I was seventeen.

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Speaker 3: She's my baby and she one hundred percent rules my life.

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Speaker 3: She's not really friendly with kids, other dogs, or most men,

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Speaker 3: but she at least kind of likes my boyfriend, thirty

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Speaker 3: one mail of two years. So my birthday was a

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Speaker 3: couple of weeks ago. My boyfriend told me that he

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Speaker 3: had a surprise, but it wasn't ready yet. Last Friday,

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Speaker 3: I came home from work and found him in my

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Speaker 3: apartment with a two month old German Shepherd male puppy

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Speaker 3: that he bought, complete with a balloon tied to its

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Speaker 3: collar that said Happy Birthday. He smiled and said, do

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Speaker 3: you like him? He's our new son. That's so cute.

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Speaker 3: I was shocked. The only words that came out were

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Speaker 3: where is Luna? He had locked my dog in the

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Speaker 3: bathroom because she growled at the puppy. I was furious.

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Speaker 3: We argued for about two hours. I told him to

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Speaker 3: take the puppy back with him. And not to come back.

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Speaker 3: He yelt some more and called me a misinterest because

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Speaker 3: apparently not wanting mail, pets, eagles, hating men. What are

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Speaker 3: your thoughts on that?

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Speaker 1: To go to my thoughts on that one, I was

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Speaker 1: clearly joking. It's crazy to actually say that's missionary, but

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Speaker 1: it's like, it's the same general premise of your dog

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Speaker 1: has genitals, and if you lay your head next to them,

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Speaker 1: you're still doing that. Whether it's a boy or a girl. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I understand, though there's a difference for sure. Maybe don't

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Speaker 1: lay your head in that one specific part of the dog.

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Speaker 3: He also said that I was weird for being uncomfortable

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Speaker 3: around dog peepies.

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Speaker 1: They are always peepies out.

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Speaker 3: They really are. When I told my friends and family,

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Speaker 3: everyone sided with me. However, my boyfriend kept sending me

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Speaker 3: videos of the puppies, saying that he didn't know what

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Speaker 3: to do with it since his apartment doesn't allow pets,

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Speaker 3: especially one that would grow so much, and begging me

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Speaker 3: to take it just until he finds accommodations. He said

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Speaker 3: I owed him because he spent so much money on

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Speaker 3: the puppy and was planning for it to live with me. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if that means that you owe it

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Speaker 3: to him. Yeah, I feel like, oh, he should probably

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Speaker 3: just do that. I don't think it's a big deal,

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Speaker 3: So not just do that. If it's not dog you

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Speaker 3: are attached to you, you don't have to lay on

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Speaker 3: it and use it as a pillow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not what dogs are. He's like, that's the

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Speaker 1: only reason I get dogs, right. You know how expensive

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Speaker 1: pillows are these days? Yeah, pillows not comfortable. Heated pillows

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Speaker 1: always breaking dog built in heater.

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Speaker 3: Built in heater. Its breath will kind of rock you

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Speaker 3: to sleep in a way. Breathing stomach, gross dog breath. Okay, well,

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Speaker 3: dog grows. But I don't want the puppy. My current

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Speaker 3: dog definitely wouldn't accept him, and in the videos I

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Speaker 3: can already see how destructive he's becoming. On the other hand,

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Speaker 3: the poor puppy is innocent in all of this. Should

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Speaker 3: I just suck it up and keep him with me

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Speaker 3: until my boyfriend we technically didn't break up yet, find

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Speaker 3: somewhere else to take him. Also, the puppy represents everything

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Speaker 3: I don't want in a pet. I feel like he's

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Speaker 3: just spot himself a dog but didn't really want to

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Speaker 3: take care of it, so we acted like the puppy

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Speaker 3: was my birthday present. So am I the a hole

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Speaker 3: for refusing to accept the puppy? Should I just take

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Speaker 3: him in for a while? And there are some comments come.

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Speaker 3: Number one says that was not a birthday present for you,

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Speaker 3: That was a gift for himself. He gets you an expensive,

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Speaker 3: high energy need to train and socialize puppy and thinks

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Speaker 3: he should get to peace out because it can't live

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Speaker 3: with me. So he gets all the fun at playing

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Speaker 3: with the puppy he wants, and sticks you with all

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Speaker 3: the bills the care your elderly dog. I couldn't care

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Speaker 3: less about your opinions on animals Genitalia, But you spend

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Speaker 3: more time talking about that than the fact that he

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Speaker 3: locked your elderly dog away in her own home without

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Speaker 3: you there and calls it a gift.

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Speaker 1: How much you woo the dog was in another room, right.

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Speaker 3: Dog was in another room.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't call it locking away your elderly dog. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's just in a different room for how long hours?

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Speaker 3: That's a good question.

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Speaker 1: We don't know eternity. Eternity because it's for an unknownsome

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Speaker 1: amount of time. Eternity. I think if you had left

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Speaker 1: the dog outside in the cold, the rain, in a box,

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Speaker 1: if you had gone out of your way to like not,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, that just seems like extra like and

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Speaker 1: you put the dog in a room, Well, he put

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Speaker 1: a dog in the room.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I do wonder like if the elderly dog like

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Speaker 3: just growled at the puppy and there wasn't any sort

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Speaker 3: of like attempt to kind of make the dog feel

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Speaker 3: better about it. That is an important thing that you

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Speaker 3: pay attention to to when you get a new dog.

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Speaker 3: You want to make sure that the other dogs aren't

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Speaker 3: gonna like write like, you want to make sure that

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Speaker 3: they're gonna get along.

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Speaker 1: But also you're bad at training your dog. Girl, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna say it, that's on you.

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Speaker 3: How much do you want a boyfriend that you think

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Speaker 3: any of this is acceptable? Coming number two says, if

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Speaker 3: he really wants to keep the puppy, he can get

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Speaker 3: a new apartment. It would be a pain, but it

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Speaker 3: is totally doable. He would just have to make it

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Speaker 3: happen and then actually take care of the puppy. Coming

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Speaker 3: number three says, I support adopts, don't shop, so I

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Speaker 3: would be appalled if someone bought me a dog. Opie

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Speaker 3: says it shocked me because I'm not the kind of

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Speaker 3: people who would ever buy a dog. But when we

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Speaker 3: were on our first two dates, I literally got out

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Speaker 3: of the car and into a drain because I saw

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Speaker 3: a little orange kitten. I cut our date short and

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Speaker 3: took thee into the vet. He called me the next

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Speaker 3: day to say that he was so moved by my

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Speaker 3: love for animals, and that's literally how we became official.

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Speaker 3: So it baffles me that he thought that this was okay,

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Speaker 3: or maybe he tried to use my love for animals

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Speaker 3: against me. We do have an edit to clarify some things.

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Speaker 3: Some people seem to think that I'm obsessed with dogs,

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Speaker 3: Genitalia and Luwell, I'm not. The issues with the puppy

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Speaker 3: ranking are I don't want another dog because I have

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Speaker 3: a dog. I don't want to raise a puppy ever again.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to own a dog that was bought.

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Speaker 3: I don't like large breeds. I don't want a male

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Speaker 3: dog because I prefer female dogs. The only reason I

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Speaker 3: included that I don't like dogs peepies is because I

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Speaker 3: don't want that in my house. I don't lose sleep

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Speaker 3: over it, but I prefer the smooth belly female dogs have.

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Speaker 3: What I told my boyfriend was something along the lines

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Speaker 3: of you disregarded everything I believe in a pet to

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Speaker 3: the extent that you even brought a male dog when

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Speaker 3: I told you that it wasn't my intention to even

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Speaker 3: own one. Then he called me weird and misinterest. That's

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Speaker 3: the only reason that I included that part in my post,

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Speaker 3: But in my attempt to keep everything short, I didn't

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Speaker 3: include all that. And for the people telling me to

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Speaker 3: grow up and say wiener, wiener, there it is. I

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Speaker 3: wasn't sure if I was able to say that my

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Speaker 3: only knowledge up and say no, which is actually really funny.

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Speaker 1: You said the medical one. That's the grown up one.

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Speaker 3: Because we can't say that, so wiener isn't actually the

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Speaker 3: right word because we can't be adults on this channels.

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Speaker 3: But she did say it in other places and we

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Speaker 3: didn't walk that out, so maybe.

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Speaker 1: Ninus there it is.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't sure if I was able to say that

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Speaker 3: my only knowledge of Reddit were videos on TikTok with

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Speaker 3: bad gameplay of subway surfers in the background. So there's that.

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Speaker 3: If you want me to clarify something else, please let

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Speaker 3: me know. And one reason, but not the only reason

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Speaker 3: I don't particularly like male dogs is because my uncle

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Speaker 3: had a male rottweiler, very aggressive, and one time at

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Speaker 3: my grandma's house he jumped on me. I was like

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Speaker 3: five or six, and he tried to hump my face

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Speaker 3: with his red rocket all out. No, it freaked me out.

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Speaker 1: Not the puniness.

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Speaker 3: Baninas excited Baninas.

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Speaker 1: So really, after all of that, you're like, it's your

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Speaker 1: childhood trauma that you don't like male dogs.

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Speaker 3: That would have been a better clarification was trauma.

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Speaker 1: You're traumatized. Yeah, that's traumatizing. But also, do you know

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Speaker 1: why Rottlilers are so aggressive by nature? They were bred

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Speaker 1: to defend and pull meat sleds in Chicago.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's awesome.

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Speaker 1: So if anyone came scrounge around trying to take the meat,

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Speaker 1: they'd go and they'd rip them apart and then add

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Speaker 1: them to the meat and adam to the meat cart.

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Speaker 3: WHOA, yep, that's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's pretty wild.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean so here's the thing, though, is that

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Speaker 3: female dogs will hump you too, they just won't have

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Speaker 3: a red rocket in your face. That's all. That's the

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Speaker 3: only thing. But the humping is a dominance thing.

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Speaker 1: It's not Paninas.

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Speaker 3: But anyway, so my grandma had to get rid of

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Speaker 3: the dog after that. She had a large property in

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Speaker 3: another city and that's where they took him because nobody

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Speaker 3: wanted their kids near the dog. So there's the backstory,

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Speaker 3: and we do have an update. I think we should

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Speaker 3: just jump right in. So I didn't want to update

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Speaker 3: before talking to both my therapists and psychiatrists. So here

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Speaker 3: we go. First of all, the puppy is fine. The

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Speaker 3: day after my original post, my neighbor texted me around

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Speaker 3: two pm because she heard loud noises from my apartment.

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Speaker 3: She has a spare key. She and Luna are besties

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Speaker 3: and often go on walks when she works from home,

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Speaker 3: so she offered to check. Turns out the puppy was inside,

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Speaker 3: and Luna was just sitting on the couch glaring at

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Speaker 3: the puppy like she was personally offended. I told my

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Speaker 3: boss that I had a family emergency and rushed home.

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Speaker 3: My neighbor had been entertaining the puppy, but my apartment

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Speaker 3: was trashed. She agreed to take the puppy for a

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Speaker 3: few hours. While I cleaned, I realized a lot of

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Speaker 3: the mess didn't look like it was from the puppy.

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Speaker 3: Some of the papers seemed sheered, and not a single

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Speaker 3: tooth mark. I went to building management and they showed

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Speaker 3: me camera footage my ex boyfriend walking in with the puppy,

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Speaker 3: staying twenty minutes and leaving. I had them remove him

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Speaker 3: from the visitor list, and they even offered to change

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Speaker 3: my locks. I panicked a little and called my mom,

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Speaker 3: who told me to either call my godfather or find

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Speaker 3: a local shelter. My godfather said that he'll call all

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Speaker 3: his friends, many of whom have large breed experience. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 3: my neighbor brought the puppy back, tired from the park.

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Speaker 3: I'll admit he was adorable. A few hours later, my

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Speaker 3: godfather called to say one of his friends, a German

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Speaker 3: shepherd lover with two already, wanted to adopt him. This

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Speaker 3: is great, we're finding a place for him.

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Speaker 1: Like, yeah, that's getting the dog adopted by someone else.

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Speaker 1: Not an issue, not an issue, just yeah, no need

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Speaker 1: to stress about that happened easy at all.

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Speaker 3: Puppy's name is Kai now and apparently my godfather's friend

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Speaker 3: has tons of experience training big breeds. As for my ex,

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Speaker 3: I decided to call his mom because I still had

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Speaker 3: him blocked. If you guessed that he was jealous of Luna,

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Speaker 3: you'd be correct. He wanted to move in with me.

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Speaker 3: He thought Luna wasn't manly enough and that a German

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Speaker 3: shepherd would make me see reason. His plan was basically,

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Speaker 3: I'd find two dogs too much work, and I would

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Speaker 3: get over my obsession with Luna that's in quotes by

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Speaker 3: leaving her with my mom. Yes, really, his own mom

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Speaker 3: told him that she was disappointed and that she'd didn't

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Speaker 3: raise him to be sneaky and selfish. Good on that mom.

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Speaker 1: It's also like the dumbest idea ever. Yeah, that she

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Speaker 1: would be like, Okay, the brand new dog is the

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Speaker 1: dog I will now right take care of instead of

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Speaker 1: the one I've had forever.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, seniority counts when you're thinking about which dog you

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Speaker 3: got to get rid of. Yeah, the one you've had

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Speaker 3: for longer, that's gonna be the one that stays. Okay.

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Speaker 3: I told him that we were done and that Kai

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Speaker 3: had already been rehomed to a loving family. He tried

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Speaker 3: to get mad about me rehoming his dog, but his

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Speaker 3: mom reminded him that the puppy was a gift and

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Speaker 3: I could do whatever I wanted with him. I hugged

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Speaker 3: her goodbye and haven't spoken to him since. But we

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Speaker 3: have a little bit more into the story. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: good riddance. He definitely is red pilled if he's thinking

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Speaker 3: that whatever dog she has I don't remember the breed

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Speaker 3: is not manly enough and a German Shepherd would be better.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that dog's not manly enough. I want the dog

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Speaker 1: associated with the worst guy ever.

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Speaker 3: We do have more to the s Sorry. I also

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Speaker 3: talked this through with both my therapists and psychiatrists. I

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Speaker 3: talked to them about the whole situation and both agreed

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Speaker 3: separately that having preferences is not wrong. As long as

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Speaker 3: I'm not harming animals because of their gender, then there's

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Speaker 3: nothing wrong with not wanting them. Right now, I'm at

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Speaker 3: my mom's house with Luna, using some PTO to rest

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Speaker 3: and recover. This whole thing was exhausting, but at least

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Speaker 3: it ended with Kai in a good home and one

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Speaker 3: less toxic boyfriend of my life. There is an edit

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Speaker 3: to clarify. I called my ex's mom and told her

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Speaker 3: a summary of what happened. She told me that she

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Speaker 3: was going to call him and tell him to come

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Speaker 3: see her the next day, and then she'd let me

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Speaker 3: know when he was with her so we could talk.

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Speaker 3: After our discussion, I hugged her goodbye and left and

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Speaker 3: that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 1: My fiance wants to name our daughter after his deceased ex.

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Speaker 1: Should I let him?

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Speaker 3: Oh boy, what a question.

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Speaker 1: I twenty three female, met my fiance twenty seven male

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Speaker 1: when I was nineteen in college, four years ago, currently

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Speaker 1: seven months pregnant. We were having a play and pregnancy

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Speaker 1: and our daughter is due in October. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from user throwawaymri raw and if you want

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Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 1: Okay storytime suburt it. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Riley.

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Speaker 1: We are here to give good advice Goofiley, but we

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Speaker 1: don't have all the answers, so we only know what

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Speaker 1: we'd do if you would do something else, let us

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Speaker 1: know in the comments. Oh p says my fiance had

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Speaker 1: a high school sweetheart who he dated from freshman year

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Speaker 1: until his sophomore year in college. She passed away due

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Speaker 1: to Brest. I never knew her, but in the beginning

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Speaker 1: of our relationship he never failed to mention how she

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Speaker 1: was a beautiful person. He admitted to me that he

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Speaker 1: had always wanted to marry her and imagined them having kids.

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Speaker 1: He loves me very much and has always been a

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Speaker 1: great partner. Recently, we were on the topic of baby names.

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Speaker 1: I am mixed Ivorian and Brazilian and my fiance is

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Speaker 1: from Costa Rica. I was thinking of name Antonia, but

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Speaker 1: I was definitely open to other options. He suggested we

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Speaker 1: name our daughter after her, not as a middle name,

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Speaker 1: not a Gracie Anne kind of thing where you have

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Speaker 1: two names, but as her first name. His ex's name

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Speaker 1: is very unique and not something common where it could

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Speaker 1: be nicknamed differently or not be a direct tribute to her.

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Speaker 1: I believe her name is a cultural name as well,

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Speaker 1: and neither of us are from that culture. I told

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Speaker 1: him I'd be fine with it being her middle name

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Speaker 1: or even a nickname, but he told me he really

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Speaker 1: wanted to make her name his exes. I want to

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Speaker 1: make it clear that I have nothing against the idea

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Speaker 1: of naming kids after lost loved ones, but just not

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Speaker 1: my first baby. Have a strong feeling that our daughter

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Speaker 1: is going to look just like me, which will make

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Speaker 1: it more awkward. He just came home from work and

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Speaker 1: is in a really good mood. I feel tense writing

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Speaker 1: this next to him. Any advice, please, Conversation is always good.

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Speaker 3: I feel like it'd be good to find out, like

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Speaker 3: why exactly we would want that. I can assume why,

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Speaker 3: but it would be good to hear him put it

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Speaker 3: in words, to hear like specifically why, like would he

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Speaker 3: see it as her reborn in a way or see

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Speaker 3: it yeah right? Or what do you see it? I

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Speaker 3: don't know, it's like just some sort of tribute. Would

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Speaker 3: this change his mind of how he would view the

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Speaker 3: kid or view op What other ways does his grieving

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Speaker 3: still like linger and affect his everyday life. I have

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Speaker 3: a lot of questions.

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Speaker 1: I think the way that you could approach this is

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Speaker 1: just being like, look, I understand what happened with her,

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Speaker 1: and she's gone. You want to do something special to

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Speaker 1: pay tribute to her, but this is our child. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And given the way that you continue to express that

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Speaker 1: you feel about your you know ex who passed away,

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's not the way to pay tribute

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Speaker 1: to her. In a way that's respectful to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: Let's see what the internet has to say. Come and

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Speaker 1: her one. Yeah, I wouldn't want my partner doing that,

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Speaker 1: to be honest, nothing personal. Just like you said, not

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Speaker 1: the first baby, and definitely not the first name, especially

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Speaker 1: if it isn't common or doesn't fit your cultural I

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Speaker 1: thought the same thing, says op. His ex was Middle Eastern,

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Speaker 1: and I'm half Latina and he is Latino. The questions

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Speaker 1: regarding her name would be endless. Commentry two says, I

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Speaker 1: think it's perfectly fine for him to ask, and it's

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Speaker 1: perfectly fine for you to not want it. Names for

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Speaker 1: a baby of a couple are a two yes situation. However,

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Speaker 1: I do find it a bit odd that you feel

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Speaker 1: a specific type of way since this is your first

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Speaker 1: baby rather than any baby, but I guess that's not

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Speaker 1: the topic here. OPI says, I am conflicted about naming

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Speaker 1: my firstborn after her, because what if this is the

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Speaker 1: only girl I have, or if I can't conceive after this.

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Speaker 1: I've always wanted a daughter, and I really wanted her

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Speaker 1: to have a meaningful name. Not that naming her after

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Speaker 1: his ex isn't meaningful. Commentary three did he grieve her properly?

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Speaker 1: It's okay to talk about her, but still talking a

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Speaker 1: lot about how beautiful she is and now he wanted

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Speaker 1: to marry her and have kids with her feels like

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Speaker 1: it's too much. You are seven years or so passed

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Speaker 1: when she passed on, But you should dig into what

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Speaker 1: he did regard ard and grieving and how he got

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Speaker 1: back into the dating scene. You being so young when

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Speaker 1: you got together after a major traumatic loss for him

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Speaker 1: is concerning as well. Is the age gap horrible? It's

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Speaker 1: kind of borderline at that age, But add in the

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Speaker 1: trauma he went through, and I wonder it's tough to

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Speaker 1: navigate loss of a serious significant other. So just make

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Speaker 1: sure you both are going in with your eyes wide

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Speaker 1: open to how he's truly managed his grief. How adamant

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Speaker 1: is he about this. If he's really pushing for it,

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Speaker 1: you two need to get to counseling as soon as possible.

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Speaker 1: You're being very kind suggesting her name or a variant

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Speaker 1: be linked to a middle name, But I'd be wary

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Speaker 1: he'd call your kid by their middle name. Oh, he replies.

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Speaker 1: He is still open to names, but he's brought up

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Speaker 1: naming her after his ex maybe twice. He used to

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Speaker 1: visit her grave in the beginning of our relationship years ago,

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Speaker 1: but doesn't anymore. He doesn't bring her up often. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: call my shot. He's still visiting that grave. He's not

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Speaker 1: telling you about it. Why would he? Well, I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 1: imagine that. It's like you visit your ex's grave and

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Speaker 1: it's like, you're not gonna go home and be like, hey, Honnie,

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Speaker 1: I was at her grave again today. It's like he

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Speaker 1: probably picked up that you were uncomfortable by it, and

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Speaker 1: we're like, all right, well, I just won't tell her

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Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, because what are you gonna do?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's possible.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Grief can last for a long time,

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Speaker 1: for sure. Grief is complex. I've talked to him before

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Speaker 1: about his feelings towards her, and I think it's clear

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Speaker 1: that he is very into me and doesn't still love her.

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Speaker 1: But I'm so confused as to why he would suggest

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Speaker 1: it on the idea that Opie's boyfriend is probably not

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Speaker 1: done with grieving the passing of his late girlfriend, op

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Speaker 1: he replies, you think I really hope he is ready

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Speaker 1: for the responsibility of being a dad more importantly a husband,

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Speaker 1: But I really hope he isn't still stuck on her.

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Speaker 1: And there's an update. Update starts with bad news, good news.

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Speaker 1: What do you think the bad news is?

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Speaker 3: I'm so nervous. What do I think it is? I

408
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Speaker 3: think he's still hung up on her. I don't actually know.

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Speaker 3: I have no idea.

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Speaker 1: I think bad news he's been lying and he's still

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Speaker 1: going to the grave. Good news, he's open to not

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Speaker 1: making your child named after her, hopefully.

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Speaker 3: Guess see, there's a lot of ways that this could go.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know. I feel like it is

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Speaker 3: interesting that, like, if he is supposedly over it, I'm

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Speaker 3: sure there's still love for her. I wouldn't guess that

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Speaker 3: he doesn't love her anymore. I don't think it's that.

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Speaker 3: Maybe that's just kind of a way to communicate that, like,

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Speaker 3: you know, maybe he's still like attached to her or

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Speaker 3: something like that. Maybe that's what she was trying to say.

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Speaker 1: It was recommended to my fiance, and he read it

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Speaker 1: and connected the dots. He knew it was him. He

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Speaker 1: saw my user name, and he knows I love Mally

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Speaker 1: Raw the producer, and it was quite obviously me awkward.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't upset. Okay, that's the good news, and I insisted,

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Speaker 1: but he only asked because he thought it would be

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Speaker 1: a good gesture. He's completely open to therapy and marriage counseling.

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Speaker 1: I still feel very iffy about this whole situation, and

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Speaker 1: if things don't go well in marriage counseling and I

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Speaker 1: don't get the honesty I need, it's raps good news.

431
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 1: My daughter will be named Antonia. Hmmm, not isra Sama,

432
00:19:58,760 --> 00:19:59,880
Speaker 1: which is his ex's name.

433
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:00,439
Speaker 4: oOoOO.

434
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: I won't lie. Being pregnant and reading through some of

435
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 1: these comments hurt, but perhaps you were right. Maybe I

436
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 1: need to realize the truth. Hopefully positive updates coming soon.

437
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: Comment number one, Oh good, because it's honestly a huge

438
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,439
Speaker 1: red flag. He wanted to name your child after an

439
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 1: ex and definitely need to do therapy before getting married.

440
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 1: Are you sure he has grieved his ex properly? I'd

441
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 1: hold off getting married anytime soon. A down voted comment says.

442
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 2: There are so many beautiful ways to honor so and

443
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 2: you've lost without intertwining their memory with your child's identity,

444
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,639
Speaker 2: perhaps creating a foundation in her name, supporting a cause

445
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 2: she cared about, or writing a tribute could be more

446
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 2: meaningful ways to keep her memory alive. Your daughter deserves

447
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 2: to be celebrated purely for who she is, carrying forward

448
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 2: your shared future, not someone else's past. Sending you strength

449
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,159
Speaker 2: as you navigate this conversation.

450
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 1: That was down voted. I went in with a funny

451
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 1: voice because I thought it was going to be a

452
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 1: bad comment. That wasn't really that bad at all.

453
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,679
Speaker 3: It's a great comment. It's very true.

454
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 1: Who downvoted that?

455
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 3: Riley?

456
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 1: Okay. Some more comments from the best of Redator's update.

457
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 1: Comment one. I've heard multiple stories of men naming their

458
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: daughters after their exes and affair partners. I wonder why

459
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: they do it. Can we just acknowledge Isra Sama is

460
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 1: a dope name.

461
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 3: It is a pretty cool name. You imagine He's like, well,

462
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 3: I mean I really had that name fats out before

463
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 3: I dated her, and then now it has this meaning.

464
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 3: But like, I still really like that name.

465
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 1: But honestly, ant is also well. I hit the Mongolian

466
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 1: throat singing note there for like you did quarter second

467
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:36,920
Speaker 1: he did dang brought it out of me. Reply. I

468
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 1: think it's a bit weird because assuming they thought the

469
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: deceased were attractive and dated them. Aaron likely had the

470
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 1: spicy relations with them, Like, why would you remind yourself

471
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: of that with a child. I don't really like naming

472
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 1: after people anyway. Middle names are fine, but it always

473
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 1: ends up being a fuss with families dictating that multiple

474
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 1: babies should have which name, getting salty about not having

475
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 1: passed on the legacy, blah blah blah. I'm biased, though.

476
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: My family has a weird competition thing with naming their

477
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 1: kids after my great granddad. I never met him, but

478
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 1: he was apparently a very decent and kind man. But

479
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 1: that's not the issue. The problem is people expect a

480
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 1: massive amount of praise and adoration for doing it. They

481
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: do it for that reason. It's bizarre. My uncle had

482
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: three more kids in his late fifties, and I know

483
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 1: he named the son after his grandfather to get back

484
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 1: in his mother's good graces. Didn't work, though she's hateful,

485
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 1: doesn't really care for him or his younger children. She

486
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 1: only likes his firstborn son. So go figure comment to

487
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,959
Speaker 1: says nothing says you love your wife like naming your

488
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 1: child after someone you'd rather have had kids with. To

489
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: be clear, I don't think that you should name your

490
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 1: daughter with OP after your ex. However, I don't think

491
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: it's necessarily like it's just like a I want to

492
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 1: constantly be reminded that I like this person better than you.

493
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's complicated. I think grief and that

494
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,840
Speaker 1: kind of stuff is complicated. I think he can be

495
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: moved on and still one do that, But at the

496
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: same time, it can be you know, as soon as

497
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: your current partner goes Yo, that's weird, and I don't

498
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 1: like that you gotta go all right, totally fair, Yeah,

499
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 1: totally understandable. I just wanted to float it because the

500
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: name is also so cool.

501
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like it also doesn't necessarily mean that

502
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 3: he likes the ex more than his current wife.

503
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: Right, I feel like it doesn't. I really don't think

504
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: it's yes exactly.

505
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 3: It just means that he's just grieving, that's all.

506
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. Another reply says, not just that, but she is

507
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: passed away. This isn't someone he broke up with or

508
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 1: who moved away. She is gone, gone forever, and shrined

509
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: as someone flawless in his mind. Reply Honestly, I'd say

510
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 1: it would be worse if she wasn't passed away. I agree, Well, yeah,

511
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 1: imagine naming your child after the one who got away,

512
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 1: who is still out there. At least a passed away

513
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,199
Speaker 1: woman isn't going to run into you one day wondering

514
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,399
Speaker 1: why the hecker X of over seven years married and

515
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: still named his baby after her. Comment three children should

516
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,120
Speaker 1: not be used as living memorials for someone's grief, specifically

517
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: in a situation like this, it's not fair to anyone involved.

518
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: A reply. In Ashkenazi tradition, children are named for the deceased,

519
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 1: but not those that passed away tragically young. That's bad luck.

520
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 1: It would be one thing if the name was for

521
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: a grandmother or aunt and counterbalanced by someone long lived.

522
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: But dad's tragically young girlfriend is no bueno. And that's

523
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: the end of that story.

524
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 3: My boyfriend demanded I comfort him after he failed to

525
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,919
Speaker 3: do the same to me.

526
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 1: What did he do? Hug you with shand paper.

527
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 3: My boyfriend forty one male or x now, I guess,

528
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 3: has been fighting with me forty female this whole week.

529
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 3: Three giant blow ups since Tuesday night, with minor ones

530
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 3: in between, and I've just had enough. By the way,

531
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 3: this comes from a great value popcorn, And if you

532
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories go to the r

533
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime, sepread it and I'm Angie, I'm Dakota,

534
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 3: I'm riling, and we're here to give good advice goofully.

535
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,360
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We're just here

536
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 3: to say what we would do in these situations. But

537
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 3: let us know if you you would do the same

538
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 3: or something different in the comments below. So oh P

539
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 3: says now to explain why I might not be getting

540
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 3: the cake. We all live together in a studio and

541
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 3: he has two daughters, eleven and fourteen. His youngest birthday

542
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 3: is today, Monday, the eighth, as of writing this, at

543
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,120
Speaker 3: three in the morning. At around eight thirty pm on Sunday,

544
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 3: he told me that he's leaving this coming weekend. I

545
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 3: was confused. I thought maybe he was going to visit someone,

546
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 3: maybe his mom, since her health hasn't been great. So

547
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 3: he asked him to explain, and he said that he's

548
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 3: just leaving this weekend and he's not coming back.

549
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,200
Speaker 1: Huh what, Well, I guess that means it's it's over.

550
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,679
Speaker 3: I'm not leaving on a trip, I'm leaving you.

551
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:39,959
Speaker 1: I'm leaving forever.

552
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 3: I was just like, okay, that's your decision. I guess.

553
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 3: He wouldn't say where he was going, just that he's

554
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 3: leaving and he won't have to pay anything to live there.

555
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 3: And that's when he started rating me what. So many

556
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 3: insults came at me. I didn't know what to do,

557
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 3: so I just kept saying to go, I don't care.

558
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 3: I'll give him back partial rent and he can leave.

559
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 3: He's pissed about having to pay rent. He holds it

560
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 3: over my head all the time. For four years, I've

561
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 3: been dealing with these types of blow ups, and somehow

562
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,119
Speaker 3: I got roped into taking care of his two kids

563
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 3: on a regular basis. This includes driving them everywhere to

564
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 3: and from school, the store, playgrounds, anywhere. I also spend

565
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 3: my ebt i'm disabled, on them and any money that

566
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 3: I've gotten, at least some of it has gone to

567
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 3: him or the kids. I'm the only one that cooks

568
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 3: real meals, I'm the one who does most out of

569
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 3: the cleaning. But to him, no, no, I'm lazy. All

570
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 3: of this and he still expects me to pick up

571
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 3: his kids this week and get the cake. But what

572
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 3: if I didn't. His actions are going to directly impact

573
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 3: his kids. Okay, I'm guessing one of the kid's birthdays

574
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 3: coming up. This is the cake that we're getting. That's

575
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 3: the cake cake for the youngest kid.

576
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: And we can eat it too well, not if he leaves.

577
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 3: Not if any can't, then he can't. And he's going

578
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,439
Speaker 3: to tell them that I've always hated their guts and

579
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 3: I'm doing this to spite them. He said that that's

580
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 3: what he's going to tell them if I don't get

581
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:02,639
Speaker 3: the cake. That is so insane. That's like sociopath behavior.

582
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 3: If you don't get this cake after doing everything else,

583
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell the kids that you've always hated them

584
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 3: if you don't get them their birthday cake.

585
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 1: What a terrible father that is. So you don't get

586
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,360
Speaker 1: them this cake, I'm gonna traumatize my children emotionally. Yeah,

587
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: and because you care about them more than me. Ah yeah,

588
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 1: I know you're gonna add the red land. Oh my gosh,

589
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:23,360
Speaker 1: it's crazy.

590
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 3: So what am I supposed to do? I've got twelve

591
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 3: hours to decide. Would I be the a hole if

592
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 3: I didn't do it and his daughter suffers from his behavior?

593
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 3: Is this going too far? There isn't edit. Since I

594
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 3: think I confused some people, He's not leaving now. It's

595
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 3: not the weekend, so five days from now, he's still

596
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 3: expecting you need to do all these things while he's

597
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 3: still here, including the cake. Also, his kid's mother is

598
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 3: in the picture, but they live here the majority of

599
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 3: the time. We do have an update, But whatsh you do?

600
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 1: I'd be telling me to get out of the freaking house. Yeah,

601
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: is he on the lease? Is he legally like entitled

602
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 1: to be there? Because if he's not, I'd be like,

603
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: you can go ahead and move out right now. You

604
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: can go ahead and collect your things, move out, take

605
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: the kids to mom's place. We're going tell them whatever

606
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 1: you want. You're no longer a part of my life.

607
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: Any damage you do to your children is not my fault.

608
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 3: I think you could say or give a little note

609
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 3: to the kids or something, I like, just hey, by

610
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 3: the way, I really love you. Your dad told me

611
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 3: that if I didn't do some things, then he would

612
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 3: tell you that I really don't like you, or he

613
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 3: would say a lot of mean things saying that I

614
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 3: said those mean things. But I assure you that that's

615
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 3: not the case. Your dad just wasn't treating me very nicely.

616
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 1: So I kid proof letter for that yeah, yeah, exactly where.

617
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: It's just like we are fighting. We are grown up fighting,

618
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 1: and sometimes grown ups fight and they say things to

619
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: try to hurt the other grown up that might accidentally

620
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: hurt the kids. So I'm writing you this so that

621
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 1: you never accidentally think that I hate you. They don't.

622
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 3: This is proof. But we do have an update, so obligatory.

623
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 3: Thank you for all the comments. It really helps me

624
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 3: soart through my emotions and make the decision to get

625
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 3: the cake. It wasn't her fault. Who am I to

626
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 3: ruin her birthday? My thoughts are a bit jumbled, so

627
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: things maybe out of order here, But first things first.

628
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 3: Last week, my grandmother took a turn for the worse.

629
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 3: I've been caring for her, being there if she needed something,

630
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,479
Speaker 3: doctor's appointments, et cetera. But Friday, my mom and I

631
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,959
Speaker 3: came home and found her in the kitchen, unable to

632
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 3: form words, confused and scared. We just had a nurse

633
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 3: there a couple hours prior, and she was talking fine.

634
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 3: Her health issues are a plenty, but this was completely

635
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 3: new and completely out of nowhere, so I took responsibility

636
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 3: for her medications over the weekend. The on call doctor

637
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 3: said that she didn't need to go to the hospital.

638
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 3: I don't know why, so we managed at home until

639
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 3: we heard from her primary who said that she should go.

640
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 3: Sunday afternoon, paramedics took her to the hospital. I bring

641
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 3: this up because of what happened mid Monday morning after

642
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 3: my first post. I was coming back home and my

643
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 3: mom called me. Apparently, doctors are now saying that she's

644
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: at her end of life stage and she is to

645
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 3: come home, will be kept comfortable, and is predicted to

646
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: pass away within the next week. Oh my gosh. And

647
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 3: this is the week that he's leaving too so much

648
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 3: in one week, Oh my goodness. So of course I'm crying.

649
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 3: When I walked into my apartment where my soon to

650
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 3: be ex is sitting, I'm still talking to my mom

651
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 3: about plans and how things are expected to go. He

652
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 3: hears me. I know he hears me, and when I

653
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 3: get off the phone, he asks what's going on, and

654
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 3: I tell him. He gives me a touch of sympathy,

655
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 3: and I just told him that this will be one

656
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 3: of the hardest weeks of my life. She's expected to

657
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 3: pass away. I will be caring for her around the

658
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 3: clock with her nurses and he's been arguing with me,

659
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 3: and now I have to deal with him leaving in

660
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 3: the stress of that, this is the perfect time for

661
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,479
Speaker 3: him to blame me. I guess whatever. I just let

662
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 3: him talk. I had been up for nearly twenty four

663
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 3: hours straight. I'm exhausted, I'm hurting, and my gosh, dang

664
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 3: period just showed up. So f you bro shut up?

665
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 3: What would he even think to blame you for in

666
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 3: that moment? What could he come up with so creative?

667
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 3: He's gotta be oh my.

668
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: You were born oooh ah, it's your fault.

669
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 3: I just like, really don't like that you're crying around me.

670
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 3: Really is bringing down the moon food? And frick you

671
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 3: for that, honestly. So I left for an hour or so.

672
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 3: When I got back, I find him crying on the bed.

673
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 3: I feign empathy and ask what's wrong. Apparently his mom

674
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 3: is in the hospital. She's been having mental health issues

675
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 3: and whin mia for a couple weeks. Her apartment was

676
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 3: a mess. He hadn't been paying rent, and his sister

677
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 3: is trying to get power of attorney because she's deemed

678
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 3: a danger to herself and others. I don't know what

679
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: the f is going on. He's trying to get me

680
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 3: to comfort him. All I can do is sit there,

681
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 3: stare off into the distance and silently cry. And I'm

682
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 3: not sad. I'm effing angry. I'm angry at him for

683
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 3: wanting me to do what he was unwilling to do

684
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 3: for me. As I talked about my grandma, the longer

685
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 3: I listened, the more upset I got, and I distanced myself,

686
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 3: eventually just tuning it out and letting him deal with

687
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 3: his emotions on his own. I can't handle him in

688
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 3: mine at the same time. Anyway, We've both gathered ourselves

689
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 3: and it comes time to pick up his kid and

690
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 3: the cake. She wanted to choose her cake, so I

691
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 3: took them to the store, but I stayed in the car.

692
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: I was so tired I passed out for the time

693
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 3: that they were in there, and woke up to my

694
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 3: own snoring just before they got back. Thankfully, that gave

695
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: me just enough energy to get back home. We got

696
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 3: back home, I pretended everything was normal. We did the cake.

697
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 3: When his oldest got home she's in middle school, and

698
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 3: gets out an hour later. He lit the candles, saying

699
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 3: happy Birthday, opened gifts, Happy moment, for the kiddos. Once

700
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 3: everyone was settled with their cake, I slipped away to

701
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 3: my mom's side of the house to get some sleep.

702
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 3: I managed to message the kid's mom using an old

703
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 3: Facebook account I had i'd forgotten. I reached out to

704
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 3: her before on there and told her what's up. A

705
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 3: lot of people were asking about her in the comments,

706
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 3: and we had always been friendly with each other. Am

707
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 3: My soon to be ex filled my head with a

708
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 3: lot of crap about her, that she was harmful, neglectful,

709
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 3: didn't like the kids, and I just spilled all of

710
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 3: this crap about everything he's said to me. In fact,

711
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 3: he said this about multiple exes. I should have seen

712
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 3: this coming, but I'm a little too trustful. It turns

713
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 3: out it's all.

714
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 1: Lies, lies and deception.

715
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 3: Lies menilli mmmmmmmm. Today, Tuesday morning, I took his youngest

716
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 3: to school. Her mom wasn't able to get here early

717
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 3: enough to do it, so I did it for her,

718
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 3: not for him. She's going to have to pick up

719
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 3: the slack, miswork, et cetera, so I could do it

720
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 3: one more time. Afterwards, soon to be ex is sitting

721
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 3: on the other side of the room with his oldest

722
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 3: and I'm eavesdropping what's he doing bashing me to her

723
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 3: how he was the one helping me, and that sometimes

724
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 3: you help someone and it blows up in your face,

725
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 3: and that I'm hunting him out. I'm the reason he

726
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 3: won't see her for a while. I'm the reason he'll

727
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 3: be homeless. But he was the one to tell me

728
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 3: that he's leaving. So I message their mom and just

729
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 3: ask her to tell them the Truth's right, it is

730
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 3: a little bit more to the story. But well, I'm

731
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 3: glad that maybe the mom can do something with the

732
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 3: kids and can, you know, reassure them of the truth.

733
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: I think at this point, you put on a bunch

734
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 1: of green witch makeup and you put on the point

735
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 1: he had, yeah, and you just go around going.

736
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm making your dad homeless.

737
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then the kids will be like, oh my god,

738
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: yeah she really was a witch. There you go, she was.

739
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 3: A witch the whole time.

740
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: And then he's just crazy yeah, and then you go, wow,

741
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: get out of my right. No, all you can do

742
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: is just be like, well, this guy is a cartoonishly

743
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: bad father. He's literally emotionally scarring his children. Yeah by

744
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: saying this stuff to them, Yeah, dude, and giving them

745
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 1: trust issues. So I think all you can do is

746
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,439
Speaker 1: just tell the ex wife and like, look, he's saying

747
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 1: all this stuff. He please said it right with your

748
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 1: kids that I don't think that way and that their

749
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,240
Speaker 1: father's a scumbag.

750
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks, thank you very much, thank you very much.

751
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 3: There is a little bit more to the story. So

752
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 3: the big fat cherry on top, he's now backtracking to

753
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 3: me saying that he never said that he was leaving,

754
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 3: and then he said he didn't know if he was leaving.

755
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 3: He's quote scared of what's going to happen. He doesn't

756
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 3: know this person he's been talking to you, or if

757
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 3: they'll even let him live there. But I I told him,

758
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 3: tough effing crap. Maybe, just maybe, if you didn't make

759
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,319
Speaker 3: your bed, you wouldn't be lying in it right now,

760
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 3: pack up and go. So here we are. A lot

761
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 3: can happen in twenty four hours. I guess I can't

762
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 3: wait until this weekend comes. I'll be spending most of

763
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 3: my time with my grandma or my mom, and he

764
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 3: can be here alone taking care of what needs to

765
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 3: be taken care of. And in the future, somewhere out there,

766
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 3: there's going to be a woman who thinks that I

767
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 3: chased him with a chainsaw and that's the end of

768
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 3: that story.

769
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.

770
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I

771
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 1: chose my father over my mother even though he cheated.

772
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,720
Speaker 5: That makes it sound like your mom is something worse.

773
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 1: I fifteen male, am the oldest of three. My brother

774
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 1: is the middle eleven, and my sister is the youngest

775
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: at eight. My family had always been kind of messy,

776
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: and I knew that from the beginning, but growing up

777
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: I always felt outcasted from my mother and her side

778
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: of the family, which is mostly just her sister, since

779
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,359
Speaker 1: my mom is not close with her parents. By the way,

780
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: this comes from user lived Society eighteen twenty eight, and

781
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

782
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:10,280
Speaker 1: the r slash Okay storytime subbreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly,

783
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 1: and we try to give our best advice goofy, but

784
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,399
Speaker 1: we haven't experienced all of these situations before, so if

785
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 1: you have, let us know what you would do in

786
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: the comments. Op says I noticed this mostly as my

787
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 1: brother and sister got older. It was like night and day.

788
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 1: For example, at school, if I made some crappy painting,

789
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: my mom wouldn't even look at it. But now with

790
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: my brother and more so my sister, anything she makes

791
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 1: is like it was touched by the hand of God

792
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: and it gets displayed everywhere. My aunt, my mom's sister,

793
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: would never ask how my day was or anything, and

794
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 1: hardly talk to me if I wanted to tell her something,

795
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: she didn't care. But with my brother and sister, she's

796
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: the warmest person, so nice, so kind, and so much fun,

797
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 1: but never that with me. My mom would sometimes not

798
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: set a plate for me at the table and I

799
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: had to get my own In a family Christmas card.

800
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 1: One year, she used a picture without me in it.

801
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: I used to hear my mom and dad fight about

802
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: this a lot, especially when I was younger. My dad

803
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 1: would always just ask her to try. And I think

804
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 1: it's finally clicked for me now that I'm the reason

805
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: for this divorce, partly apart from the cheating, and my

806
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 1: dad and his family were the opposite of this. They

807
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: loved me. I have a great relationship with my father

808
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 1: and he's the best father ever. Sorry this is all

809
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: over the place. This part was really long, so I

810
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 1: tried to cut it down. About a few days before

811
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 1: my parents told us about the divorce, I got in

812
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: a huge fight with my mom and kind of my dad,

813
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: but he was just kind of there over unrelated things.

814
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: And during that I asked her why she didn't love me.

815
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: I think in a moment of anger, she admitted she

816
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: didn't want me. This is brutal.

817
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 5: Oh my god, hophe Yeah.

818
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: I say, side with your dad no matter how much

819
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:00,240
Speaker 1: he cheated on your mom, because your mom hates you.

820
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,839
Speaker 5: Sounds like your mom's just miserable too. Maybe that like what,

821
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:04,800
Speaker 5: I don't.

822
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,719
Speaker 1: Know, miserable over you for some reason, like it was

823
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 1: the first kid and she didn't want kids or something,

824
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: and it's like you're what ruined her life according to her,

825
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: which is not true.

826
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, and definitely don't blame yourself for this divorce.

827
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's her actions and behavior as they cause the divorce.

828
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: You're just you're a byproduct of existence, like or not

829
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 1: a byproduct a casualty. Yeah, you were caught in the crossfire.

830
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: At that moment, my dad basically exploded on her and

831
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: sent me to bed. I think I shut down after this.

832
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: I just remember being pathetic and crying in my bed

833
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 1: that night, when my parents sat us down and informed

834
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: me and my siblings they were getting divorced, I felt

835
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: numb to it. My siblings were so distraught, but I

836
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: felt numb, and I still do. My aunt was there

837
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 1: and was telling me and my siblings to get ready

838
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:55,959
Speaker 1: to leave and that we were going to go stay

839
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 1: with my mom for a while. In that moment, I

840
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: got really upset because I do not want to go

841
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 1: live with a woman who never wanted me and then

842
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: proceeded to treat me like crap throughout my life and

843
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 1: clearly did not love me. I didn't mention that initially,

844
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,279
Speaker 1: so I told my aunt, mom and dad that I

845
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 1: didn't want to leave the house I grew up in

846
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 1: to go stay at my aunt's house with my mom.

847
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,360
Speaker 1: My mother just looked sad, but I walked out of

848
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 1: the kitchen into my bedroom to go be alone. The

849
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: audacity of your mother to act sad. Wait, what she's

850
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 1: so sad about? What you would think at the way

851
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: that she talks about you. She'd have like, you know,

852
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: Confederate ready to go prepared. Yeah, she did this to herself.

853
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:40,439
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, wait, the consequences of my actions? No, no,

854
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 1: all I said, was I don't want you? I never

855
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: did it.

856
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 5: Oh my god.

857
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: Crazy. My aunt followed me and wanted to talk to me.

858
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: She seemed very upset with me. She said that my

859
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 1: siblings look up to me, which is true. I am

860
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 1: basically a third parent, and I need to be there

861
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:03,720
Speaker 1: for my mother in this hard time. Holy parentification manh Yeah.

862
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 5: He needs to be there for your mother that has

863
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 5: openly told you that she doesn't care about you.

864
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: And has actively not been there for you. I told

865
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 1: her something like I don't want to be there for

866
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 1: that witch, and my aunt got really mad at me

867
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: and told me I didn't understand and that my dad

868
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: cheated and I should support my mom. And that's the

869
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: moment I learned, he cheated.

870
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:26,720
Speaker 5: That's what it says.

871
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's crazy. In that moment, I honestly didn't care

872
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,720
Speaker 1: he cheated. Looking back, I do think it was crappy.

873
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,959
Speaker 1: My dad cheated on my mom, and I got really

874
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 1: mad and brought up everything and asked her why I

875
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: would support someone who doesn't love me and didn't want me.

876
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: I brought up all the things throughout my life that

877
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 1: felt big to me. My aunt basically told me that

878
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 1: it was a complicated situation when it came to me,

879
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: and that I couldn't resent my mother for it. Does

880
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 1: that mean, well, yeah, I need elaboration. You can't just

881
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 1: drop my dad cheated and then not elaborate on why

882
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: it's so complicated that my mom seems to outwardly hate me.

883
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 5: It's just a complicated situation.

884
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:12,760
Speaker 1: At this point, my parents came up because we were yelling,

885
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: and I was then left alone in my room when

886
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,439
Speaker 1: they got her to leave. It's been a few weeks

887
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,319
Speaker 1: since then and I'm staying with my dad. My mother

888
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 1: wants to talk to me, and I do not. I

889
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: feel especially pathetic in regards to my siblings. They really

890
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: look up to me, and I'm not with them to

891
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 1: help them through this hard time, and I've basically abandoned them.

892
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 1: It's just it's so hard because you've clearly been made

893
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:39,760
Speaker 1: to feel responsible for everything when these are your parents' children,

894
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: they're your siblings, but they're also eleven and eight. They

895
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 1: need to be taken care of by their parents. I

896
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: feel pathetic crying about all this when I should be

897
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: trying to be proactive, calling my siblings and texting them,

898
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: but instead I sit there and cry. My sister also

899
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: overheard my fight with my aunt, and her, being eight,

900
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 1: didn't understand half the things we thought about, but she

901
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: looked it up and now she thinks my mother tried

902
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 1: to unalive me, and she won't take any explanation. My

903
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:14,280
Speaker 1: mom and aunt offered her, what did you talk about?

904
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 1: It's complicated. My sister is also distraught and thinks our

905
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 1: mother hates me and is trying to separate us. My

906
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,359
Speaker 1: brother and me haven't really talked, but I think he's

907
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: taking it the best out of all of us. According

908
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 1: to my dad, my mom and aunt want to explain

909
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 1: to my sister that my mom did not try to

910
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: unlive me and that my mom does not hate me.

911
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: My dad does not want me to hate my mom.

912
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 1: He wants me to talk to her because he wants

913
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 1: me to have a relationship with her. I think I

914
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 1: just hate her for treating me so differently and rather

915
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: badly from my siblings growing up, and I don't want

916
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: to talk to her again. As for my dad cheating,

917
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 1: he was a piece of crab for that, but when

918
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 1: I look at him, I can't bring myself to truly care,

919
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,280
Speaker 1: and I know that makes me terrible, but I feel

920
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: so conflicted. I love my dad. He's been nothing but

921
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 1: supportive to me in the best way a father can be,

922
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: but I don't want to talk to anyone. I've hardly

923
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: spoken to any of my extended family, hardly spoken to

924
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 1: my siblings, and I feel so lost, but also right

925
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: in the situation, but also like a total a hole

926
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:22,440
Speaker 1: because my dad is wrong for cheating, but he doesn't

927
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 1: act wrong, and I'm supporting him even though he cheated.

928
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for how long this was? Am I the

929
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: a hole? I need someone to give me the cold,

930
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 1: hard truth and there is an update.

931
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 5: Oh my god, No, you're not the ale Opie. You

932
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 5: need so much therapy though, hey.

933
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: You're just fifteen. It's of course the hardest thing ever

934
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: that you could possibly be dealing with. I'd be on

935
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 1: my dad's side too, if my mom treated me that way.

936
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 5: It's not even like that he's uh Opie male, I

937
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:57,240
Speaker 5: believe So it's not even that Opie is like on

938
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,359
Speaker 5: their dad's side. It's just you don't want to live

939
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 5: with someone who doesn't care about you, like you never

940
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,359
Speaker 5: went to your mom and was like he was right

941
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,400
Speaker 5: to cheat on you, Like you literally were just like

942
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 5: I don't want to go live with you exactly.

943
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: It's like, out of all of the information I have,

944
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 1: I would still rather be with my dad because honestly,

945
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 1: you treat me terribly right.

946
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 5: And that's not wrong to say in any way.

947
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 1: You like told me straight up that you didn't want me,

948
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: So I'll take myself out of the equation and stay

949
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,919
Speaker 1: with dad. I don't think you'll be around him because

950
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: he cheated on you, which ope saying is wrong, which

951
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even be able to do that at fifteen.

952
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 1: I'd be full. I'd be full, like scorched earth mode.

953
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: But you know whatever, it's Uh, it's complicated. You need

954
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: to be You need that entire situation explained to you

955
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 1: in detail, if immediately it can't just be like, oh,

956
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 1: you need to look past this because it's complicated. No,

957
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: explain to me why yeah that There is an update

958
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 1: small update from the area post. I hardly slept last

959
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: night and feel terrible at school, so my dad picked

960
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 1: me up and we went out to lunch. Then when

961
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 1: we got home, I finally had built up enough courage

962
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: to ask him questions about what was on my mind

963
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: and things brought up by people in my post The

964
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 1: conversation was surprisingly productive and honest. I mentioned in a

965
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 1: comment on my original post, but in my family we

966
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 1: never really talked about hard things or feelings. Basically, me

967
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: and my dad's conversation went like this. I asked my

968
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: dad about his affair partner and basically what happened there.

969
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 1: This was something I wanted to know but also didn't,

970
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: but still decided to ask in case she would be

971
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 1: moving in. My dad explained that his affair went on

972
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 1: for five months. He felt drained with my mother and

973
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: made a terrible decision. He said the affair was discovered

974
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 1: not from my mom going through his phone or something,

975
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 1: but him confessing as the more it went on, the

976
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: more terrible my dad felt. He felt like a terrible

977
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 1: father coming home to his kids after cheating on their mother.

978
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: As he put it, my dad says he's not going

979
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: to be talking to the woman anymore at all, and

980
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: plans on not dating or marrying anyone new until me

981
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:05,279
Speaker 1: and my siblings are all adults. There's a little bit

982
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: more story here.

983
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 5: I mean, anyone who cheats like that's a terrible thing

984
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 5: to do. Like obviously the dad is well in the

985
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 5: wrong for that, but that is like completely besides the

986
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 5: fact in this story you just don't want to stay

987
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 5: with your mom because she doesn't treat you well, and

988
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 5: that's valid.

989
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 1: Tagging everything away, Yeah that, and you need to have

990
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 1: that explained.

991
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 5: The cheating like really doesn't change much about the fact

992
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,759
Speaker 5: that your mom has admitted that she doesn't care for you.

993
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,280
Speaker 1: Honestly, dude, if I'm with a partner and they openly

994
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: are like, yeah, I just don't even care about our child,

995
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 1: I find it very difficult to stay present and connected

996
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 1: in that relationship. But again, not a green light to

997
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 1: just go cheat. But it's like, then, just believe that

998
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 1: relationship is fundamentally over the moment you're talking about our

999
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 1: kid like that.

1000
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:00,479
Speaker 5: I wonder how much the dad knew on that, because

1001
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 5: it seems like it's very much like the mom and

1002
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:03,399
Speaker 5: the ant kind of thing.

1003
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, who knows, We don't. Oh, he certainly doesn't. I

1004
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 1: hope they get to know. Let's finish this story on

1005
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 1: the brighter side. My grandparents are going to take me

1006
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 1: and my siblings out on the weekend to do some

1007
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: fun stuff to take our minds off all the chaos.

1008
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to that, as I hope with my

1009
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: grandparents around, I won't have to answer many questions, and

1010
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: of course I get to see my siblings. I'm also

1011
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 1: feeling better writing my feelings out, even if it was

1012
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 1: for strangers on Reddit helped. I did not broach the

1013
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: topic of therapy with my father like many people suggested.

1014
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: But I am going to write my mom a letter

1015
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: and start journaling despite what many people said. I am

1016
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 1: going to have a conversation with my mother after I

1017
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 1: give her my letter and she reads and processes it.

1018
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 1: I don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon.

1019
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story.

1020
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 5: Oh, I want to know what happened. That's I mean,

1021
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 5: a lot of people seem to be doing letters, which

1022
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 5: like if that's the best way to get your feelings

1023
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 5: out there and process them, but kind of be able

1024
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 5: to take that step back then yeah, that's great.

1025
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey John og host here, we're gonna get back

1026
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 1: to this episode. But a quick three minute break of

1027
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 1: ads from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

1028
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 5: I refuse to take care of my sister because of

1029
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 5: my mother's actions.

1030
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,440
Speaker 1: That's a complicated family tree.

1031
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 5: I forty one female, am really struggling emotionally to navigate this.

1032
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 5: My mother, seventy five, lives in my basement, which is

1033
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:38,400
Speaker 5: a two bedroom, one bath unit with a kitchen and laundry,

1034
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 5: along with my sister forty three, female with down syndrome.

1035
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from e zeemps and.

1036
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 6: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

1037
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,280
Speaker 6: the r slash Okay story time sub reddit. I'm Carly,

1038
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, and we'll try to give our best advice.

1039
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 6: But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

1040
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 6: if you have, let us know in the comments and

1041
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 6: OPI says. My ex husband and I bought this home

1042
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,879
Speaker 6: in twenty eighteen and finished the basement to accommodate their

1043
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 6: moving in. She had done a lot to help us

1044
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 6: by providing daycare for our daughter and in general she

1045
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 6: was a supportive presence in my life. I had always

1046
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 6: had a positive relationship with my mother, so it seemed

1047
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 6: like a way to pay her back for all.

1048
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 5: She had done for us. She put in about forty

1049
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 5: k of what she had left in her retirement account

1050
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:32,360
Speaker 5: to add the kitchen and second bathroom to accommodate their needs.

1051
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:35,760
Speaker 5: She was not on the mortgage, but did pay rent

1052
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 5: about a third of the cost. A few years into

1053
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 5: living together, I discovered my now ex was having an

1054
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 5: affair with.

1055
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:44,240
Speaker 1: A co worker.

1056
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:50,320
Speaker 5: I immediately filed for divorce. As happens, I had to refinance

1057
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 5: to get him off the mortgage, but I was not

1058
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,840
Speaker 5: making enough money to carry the new loan by myself.

1059
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 5: Not wanting us to all lose our home, I reluctantly

1060
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 5: put my my mother on the mortgage. Flash forward a

1061
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:05,800
Speaker 5: few years and I am moving on with my life.

1062
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 5: My partner moved into the home and has been here

1063
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 5: about a year. He and my mother get along great,

1064
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 5: but I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with her changing behavior.

1065
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:22,240
Speaker 5: She became more invasive in my space, letting herself in,

1066
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:26,959
Speaker 5: inserting herself into conversations and asking multiple times daily for

1067
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 5: honeydew tasks with little regard for my time, space, or feelings.

1068
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,879
Speaker 5: After working up the courage with my therapist, I sat

1069
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 5: down with my journal to talk about how I was feeling.

1070
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 5: I focused on the Ie statements, explaining how it made

1071
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 5: me feel losing the sanctity of my space and how

1072
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 5: anxious it made me in my new relationship to have

1073
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 5: her constant presence and demands. I told her how much

1074
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 5: I love and appreciate her, and that I could not

1075
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 5: stand the tension anymore.

1076
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 4: Uh.

1077
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 5: I asked her to give me space to ask before entering,

1078
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 5: and to maybe just write down a list of things

1079
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 5: I could do weekly instead of the constant bombardment. Her

1080
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 5: reaction was shocking. She sat emotionless and stone faced as

1081
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 5: I sobbed and told me I was overreacting and none

1082
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 5: of this was a big deal. After that conversation, everything changed.

1083
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 5: She immediately began putting together her will, and a few

1084
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 5: months later she sat my partner and me down to

1085
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 5: review it. She opened the conversation by proclaiming, now, you

1086
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,480
Speaker 5: have always told me you would take care of your

1087
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 5: sister after I passed away. I interjected to clarify that

1088
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 5: not only had I never agreed to that, she had

1089
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:45,840
Speaker 5: never even asked. As she has no money or assets

1090
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 5: apart from whatever part of the house could be considered hers,

1091
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 5: she was setting up a special needs trust for my sister,

1092
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 5: which both her life insurance and my estranged fathers would fund.

1093
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 5: I would be getting nothing, nothing but the privilege of

1094
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 5: managing all end of life needs for her, plus my

1095
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:08,239
Speaker 5: sister and everything that comes with it. For clarification, I

1096
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 5: asked if I would at least be in charge of

1097
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:13,400
Speaker 5: the special needs trust so I could use the money

1098
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 5: to provide care. She assured me that of course I would.

1099
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 5: Flash forward another few months and we had the meeting

1100
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:23,800
Speaker 5: with the estate lawyer. As we reviewed the trust, the

1101
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,359
Speaker 5: lawyer mentioned in passing that we would discuss a few

1102
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:30,359
Speaker 5: things as I was listed third as trustee. My mother

1103
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 5: frantically tried to divert the conversation before I spoke loudly

1104
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:37,800
Speaker 5: over her and asked the lawyer what he meant. Well,

1105
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 5: he meant exactly that I was the third trustee. In

1106
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 5: the event of my mother's passing, the trust and control

1107
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,640
Speaker 5: of the money would first go to my eldest aunt.

1108
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 5: Upon her passing, it would pass to my second eldest aunt.

1109
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:55,799
Speaker 5: Only then would I be managing the funds all while

1110
00:52:55,880 --> 00:53:00,440
Speaker 5: keeping my sister in my home and providing care for her. Yeah,

1111
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 5: I gotta stop profess because I'm very split here because obviously,

1112
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 5: like I would, I don't have to manage anyone that

1113
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 5: has special needs living in my home. But like if

1114
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 5: if you said that you don't want the responsibility of

1115
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 5: doing it, then to me, it sounds like she's passing

1116
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 5: it to her aunts, who probably agreed to deal with it.

1117
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 5: She is living in your home, which done is like,

1118
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 5: why aren't you just doing it? But you said you

1119
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 5: didn't want to take care of her.

1120
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, so anyone, anyone who's going to be taking care

1121
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,360
Speaker 1: of her then should be managing the money. But it

1122
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 1: sounds like she is going to be taking care of

1123
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: her sister, right, so that if if you are going

1124
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 1: to be taking care of your sister, you should one

1125
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:38,760
Speaker 1: hundred percent be the one in charge of the funds

1126
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 1: relegated to taking care of your sister.

1127
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 5: But I thought you said you didn't want to take

1128
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 5: care of your sister.

1129
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 1: I think it is a situation where it was like

1130
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 1: I don't but I guess. But if that's what's happening,

1131
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: I'll do that. And then you're just being, you know,

1132
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: positioned in a place where you could you would be

1133
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 1: beholden to the ants whims. It's ridiculous and it's honestly,

1134
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,480
Speaker 1: it sounds more like a legal matter than anything else.

1135
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, that just I mean, I feel like we're getting

1136
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 5: into that anyway.

1137
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 4: Uh.

1138
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 5: I objected on the spot, saying that whoever managed the

1139
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,879
Speaker 5: finances should also be managing my sister and I would

1140
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:16,360
Speaker 5: not be doing it until this was changed. After a

1141
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 5: lot of back and forth, she relented and agreed to

1142
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 5: put me in charge of the trust. Her rationale was,

1143
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 5: I figured it would be just one less thing for

1144
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 5: you to worry about, since you will have so much

1145
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 5: else on your plate.

1146
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: Shut up, girl, of not have to worry about reaching

1147
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,839
Speaker 1: out to my aunts in order to get the money

1148
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:37,759
Speaker 1: I needed to help my sister. Are you crazy? You're

1149
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:38,959
Speaker 1: making it twice as hard.

1150
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 5: Uh what how could that possibly make anything easier? I

1151
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:45,520
Speaker 5: would have had to get approval from my aunts to

1152
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 5: get the money I needed to provide care. And then yesterday,

1153
00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 5: as I worked remotely, she tiptoed into my office and

1154
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 5: set the new paperwork on my desk without a word.

1155
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 5: When I reviewed it, I realized she'd added a paragraph

1156
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 5: specifying that if my sister were to pass away, the

1157
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 5: trust would dissolve and any residual funds or property in

1158
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 5: the name of the trust would fall to my eldest aunt.

1159
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:16,880
Speaker 5: I was floored. Her explanation was that it was just

1160
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 5: a mistake. She claimed we did not even need to

1161
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,279
Speaker 5: change it, insisting that my aunt would just give me

1162
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 5: all the money or what she said. The mistake happened

1163
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,719
Speaker 5: because when they updated it to make me trustee, they

1164
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:33,439
Speaker 5: neglected to update the part about where the money goes

1165
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 5: at the end. Even if that were true, the original

1166
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 5: document still meant the money would bypass me and go

1167
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 5: straight to my aunt. From a logical perspective, her decisions

1168
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 5: are wildly irrational. From an emotional perspective, it hurts even more.

1169
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 5: Why after taking care of her handicapped daughter, would my

1170
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 5: thank you be to hand everything over to my aunt.

1171
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 5: I am devastated at every step she has made it

1172
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 5: clear she does not want me to have anything at

1173
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:07,399
Speaker 5: the end except the stress and burden of caregiving. Yeah,

1174
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 5: the mom is being stupid with.

1175
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 1: This will Yeah she's she's pulling some funky moves.

1176
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 5: She she'd be on funky with it. But uh OPI

1177
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 5: you gotta just tell her you don't want to take

1178
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 5: care of your sister, because you really sound like you

1179
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 5: do not want to take care of your sister.

1180
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 1: I mean, would the aunts even be willing to right

1181
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 1: then do it? I don't think so, That's what I'm saying.

1182
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 1: I don't think they were ever involved. I don't think

1183
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 1: I think she sat down and said as you've said before,

1184
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:38,040
Speaker 1: you will be taking care of your sister once I'm gone,

1185
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 1: and OPI's like, I've literally never said that ever in

1186
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 1: my life.

1187
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 5: My thing is like, so the sister is living in

1188
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 5: the basement with the mom, so she kind of has

1189
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 5: her own space already. I wonder if there's like a

1190
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 5: level of independence that the sister would have without the

1191
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 5: mom there, or like could maintain And if like the

1192
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:58,319
Speaker 5: sister really doesn't want to, could they use that money

1193
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,080
Speaker 5: to like bring someone to live there with her kind

1194
00:57:01,120 --> 00:57:01,479
Speaker 5: of thing?

1195
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean, if there's enough money in the trust

1196
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 7: to pay for care, like, if that's what they need.

1197
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,240
Speaker 7: I don't know that be like a way around everything,

1198
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 7: just like I'm not even like the money's just going

1199
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 7: straight to an aid like, but then it's still like

1200
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 7: you have your sister and like another person just like

1201
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 7: living in your basement.

1202
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, the sister and the mom right now, and the

1203
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 5: mom's acting like a stranger at this point.

1204
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 1: She's just a really really hard situation.

1205
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, and then there is what she has done

1206
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 5: to my sister. Okay, uh, she has down syndrome. And

1207
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 5: for those who know it's not a passing away sentence.

1208
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 5: My sister could have been so much more than what

1209
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 5: my mother forced her to become. Instead, she is obese, unhealthy,

1210
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 5: socially and emotionally stunted, and a shut in. She does

1211
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 5: nothing for herself anymore. Though she was once capable, she

1212
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 5: is angry, reclusive, and altogether miserable. And soon she will

1213
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 5: be my responsibility. So here I am riddled with guilt, anxiety,

1214
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 5: and grief over the path ahead. Do I keep taking

1215
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 5: it on the chin for my mom? Do I take

1216
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 5: on the burden of caregiving, knowing I cannot trust that

1217
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 5: I will have the financial support to complete the task.

1218
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 5: In my heart, I know too much has happened for

1219
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 5: me to ever continue like this. But telling her I

1220
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 5: am resigning my responsibilities to my sister will trigger a

1221
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 5: chain reaction. It may lead to me losing my home

1222
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 5: as she will take every penny she can, and to

1223
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:33,280
Speaker 5: never again having a relationship with her or my sister,

1224
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 5: the only family I really have. But that also seems

1225
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 5: like the only way I might ever hope for peace

1226
00:58:40,160 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 5: in my life. What should I do? What would you do?

1227
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:49,480
Speaker 5: Internet strangers? We have an update, but do you know

1228
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 5: you got any other suggestions?

1229
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 1: Well? I would cry? Yeah, that's a lot, that's so much.

1230
00:58:57,960 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what I would do.

1231
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 1: This is one of those stories.

1232
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 5: Where it's situation that's just oh my god, I should

1233
00:59:05,240 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 5: feel bad.

1234
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 1: I would try to. I would try to get you know,

1235
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:10,880
Speaker 1: whatever that money is in the trust to take care

1236
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 1: of my sister. I would use that money to have

1237
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 1: her taken care of him some way. But it's like,

1238
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:15,959
Speaker 1: I gotta have my own peace.

1239
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 5: I gotta Yeah, we have an update update. I finally

1240
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 5: took the advice of so many and connected with a

1241
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 5: real estate attorney. I learned that a fair and equitable

1242
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 5: division of property would likely be the court's outcome, meaning

1243
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 5: my mother would not be entitled to the fifty percent

1244
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 5: of a house she did not purchase. This reassured me greatly.

1245
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 5: I also spoke with a broker who explained the process

1246
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:45,240
Speaker 5: and what I would need to pay her out legally

1247
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:48,960
Speaker 5: and ethically. This gave me confidence in my position and

1248
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:52,360
Speaker 5: reassured me that this decision would not financially ruin me.

1249
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 5: This made me reflect on my future. If another child

1250
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 5: was on the horizon, could I really consider taking on

1251
00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:03,680
Speaker 5: my I disabled sisters full time care? Something shifted in

1252
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 5: me I felt sure of the choice I was making. Tonight,

1253
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 5: I finally sat down with my mother and, through tears

1254
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 5: and regret, told her I could not do it. I

1255
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:15,840
Speaker 5: cannot take care of my sister, at least not in

1256
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 5: the way she imagined. Consistent with her. Her effect was flat,

1257
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 5: but she did let me speak this time. I told

1258
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 5: her everything, how much this has hurt me, and that

1259
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 5: while I was sorry, I knew it was the right choice.

1260
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you're fully right in whatever

1261
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: you've decided to do. It's you know.

1262
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:39,480
Speaker 5: I hope that the comments offered real life like I

1263
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,080
Speaker 5: hope people that have gone through this had.

1264
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,920
Speaker 1: Offered you yeah, good advice. It sounds like they did, yeah,

1265
01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: legal advice, real rock in a hard place equation.

1266
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 5: It was long and emotional, but I am walking away

1267
01:00:50,520 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 5: feeling like an elephant lifted its foot from my chest.

1268
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 5: We talked about what is next. They may move closer

1269
01:00:57,120 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 5: to her family, Maybe we will refine it. Chants to

1270
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 5: get her off the mortgage and add my partner. Maybe

1271
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:07,640
Speaker 5: we will sell. Sometimes I feel this house is cursed anyway,

1272
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 5: whatever happens, I told her, my biggest hope is to

1273
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 5: regain the relationship. We once had. Maybe my mom is

1274
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 5: now a pod.

1275
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 1: Person, a pod person someone grown in a.

1276
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:25,240
Speaker 4: Pod Okay, I don't who knows, not me. The conversation

1277
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,120
Speaker 4: went better than I expected. For the first time in

1278
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 4: a year, I feel peace and hope for my future.

1279
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:33,160
Speaker 4: It was the wake up call I needed to take

1280
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,840
Speaker 4: back control of my life. And that's the end of

1281
01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:36,440
Speaker 4: that story.

1282
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 1: I'm glad you woke up and took some control.

1283
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 5: That was wild story.