Speaker 1: The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Stand Up Tour continues throughout
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four. For a full list of dates and tickets,
Speaker 1: go to the Craig Ferguson Show dot com slash tour.
Speaker 2: See you out there, the.
Speaker 1: Greig Ferguson show dot com slash Tour. My name is
Speaker 1: Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast is Joy. I
Speaker 1: talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness. Tom
Speaker 1: Lennon is an American treasure. If you only know him
Speaker 1: from his oiled legs, wearing shorty shorts and Reno nine
Speaker 1: one one, then you probably know enough. But I know
Speaker 1: a little more, and you're about to to have a
Speaker 1: listen to this. We're gonna start talking about Tom Cruise.
Speaker 1: That's how you know we started because we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about Tom Cruise right away because I have something
Speaker 1: to say about Tom Cruise and it's gonna happen.
Speaker 2: I'm not worried about it. You shouldn't be. Feel like
Speaker 2: at this point, if I was going to get blowback
Speaker 2: in my life from stuff I'd said and did, it
Speaker 2: would have happened.
Speaker 1: I hope that for me. Nah, I think I mean
Speaker 1: there's like two and a halfs late night over there.
Speaker 2: There's ship that I said, easily scrollable. There's gotta be
Speaker 2: something in there. God gotta be.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's fucking two and a half thousand hours.
Speaker 2: Gotta be. Yeah, no, it is. I mean we did
Speaker 2: two but at least luckily you never wrote anything down. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know, man.
Speaker 1: So here's what I was thinking, because we were we
Speaker 1: You mentioned Tom Cruise because you and Tom Cruz are
Speaker 1: the same height.
Speaker 2: Identical, but yeah, we've hung out twice once with the
Speaker 2: same height. One time we were definitely not How did
Speaker 2: that happen? It was mid buckles my mind. I've thought
Speaker 2: about it every single day since.
Speaker 1: You know what, Here's what I think about Tom Cruise,
Speaker 1: and then we're going to get back to how he
Speaker 1: can bend the laws of physics. All is that I
Speaker 1: used to like, say, you like derisive things, but Tom
Speaker 1: Hughes and Tom Cruise and Tom Hughes, Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Tom Hughes is the worst man. So I used to say, like,
Speaker 1: naughty jokes about Tom Cruise.
Speaker 2: Your live.
Speaker 1: Naughty jokes is your is your that's my thing. I
Speaker 1: would say your million.
Speaker 2: As they say in Quebec.
Speaker 1: But I have a theory about that, right, Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So here's what I think about Tom Cruise. He's a
Speaker 1: goddamn American hero and I and I approve of him
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. Same here, and here's why he's crazy.
Speaker 1: Oh sure, But but he doesn't make anyone else's problem. No,
Speaker 1: he uses it to provide top quality entertaining into whatever. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: And I I also wondered why I haven't been asked
Speaker 1: but he Yeah, well there is that.
Speaker 2: No, the best two times hanging out with that guy.
Speaker 2: So what did you do hanging out with Tom Cruise?
Speaker 2: One time? I did a table read with him, really,
Speaker 2: which was neat What was the table read for? It
Speaker 2: was a picture that never came out.
Speaker 1: I've made a bunch of those, most films I've been involved,
Speaker 1: it's never happened.
Speaker 2: You wrote a couple of movies. I've read at least
Speaker 2: a dozen that movies. I've been in a couple of movies.
Speaker 2: I'm not positive I saw them just because I heard
Speaker 2: they were so bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a collection of those. Yeah, Lady Wonder
Speaker 1: Dog right there, off the top of my money, this
Speaker 1: Landy the Wonder Dog is this a real picture. It's
Speaker 1: a real picture, and I'm in it. I haven't seen it,
Speaker 1: but it was.
Speaker 2: Was it a theatrical picture?
Speaker 1: I was certainly, I'm going I'm for sure when I
Speaker 1: listening to the diffic A big board is a huge
Speaker 1: word video? Remember that straight to video? It may have
Speaker 1: been that. Oh, I'm on a couple of straight videos.
Speaker 2: Sure. I got a picture on Rotten Tomatoes that's at
Speaker 2: a zero. Okay, that's tricky. That pretty bad. What's that picture?
Speaker 2: It's called? It's called Ottersville. It's with Michael Shannon, Ian McShane,
Speaker 2: some good actors. You're kidding me, Judy Greer, Christina Hendricks,
Speaker 2: Ron Pearlman. What Uh it's maybe just nobody voted? Oh
Speaker 2: it's no, No, they did. It's an atrocious film. How
Speaker 2: can that happen? Yeah? And we're all kind of bad
Speaker 2: in it. But it's got to be the director of that.
Speaker 2: Let's say that. Do you know what the say?
Speaker 1: My worst results on I had on the Rotten Tomatoes
Speaker 1: is I'm in that movie?
Speaker 2: And I wrote the movie? Oh is it? Oh? Is
Speaker 2: it a I'll be there, Oh I'll be there. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And I did write that movie? What is it? How
Speaker 2: about is it? It's I think it's like fifty something, batter
Speaker 2: you're shitting. That's magnificent. Is there is My Museum which
Speaker 2: I wrote, and I'm pretty proud. That's a great movie,
Speaker 2: thank you. It's at thirty four. Fuck up, that's nuts.
Speaker 2: That's the world we live in. That's a great movie.
Speaker 2: And now my my, so oh this is great. My
Speaker 2: son Oliver, whom I love you, I don't love him, can't.
Speaker 2: He's turned this on me now, it's amazing. So like, well,
Speaker 2: he'll ask if we can go see a movie and
Speaker 2: I'll you know, he'll be like, let's go see you know,
Speaker 2: the Nun two or three, or let's go see. He's
Speaker 2: in a very into horror and lots of stuff like this, right,
Speaker 2: And so I'll check the tomato meter and I'll be like,
Speaker 2: oh boy, I'm like, this sounds this one sounds like
Speaker 2: a real drag. It's at forty you know two, right,
Speaker 2: which is a splat.
Speaker 1: Right yeah, splots sixty or something, oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah yeah, And he's like higher than that of
Speaker 2: the Museum. Bro, Oh my god, I'm like, oh that's cold.
Speaker 2: Oh my, that's good that I raised this, you know,
Speaker 2: but this is the thing.
Speaker 1: Though, to be fair, he's got an interesting position to
Speaker 1: be only because your Dad at Night in the Museum
Speaker 1: is and he knows it because he's not an idiot.
Speaker 2: It's a fucking great movie. He's working the system. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he knows that he can that the system is a
Speaker 2: little bit rigged, and and that he can play that
Speaker 2: against me.
Speaker 1: Well, you know how you could prove that Night of
Speaker 1: the Museum is a great movie. It's because Night of
Speaker 1: the Museum too exists, right, and I wrote that right,
Speaker 1: So if they don't let you do another one unless
Speaker 1: the first one was totally awesome.
Speaker 2: Or or anyway so that it was a table read
Speaker 2: with Tom Cruise. So he did Night at the Museum
Speaker 2: the table read. No, although he and still are very
Speaker 2: close because they did Tropic Thunder, which I just let
Speaker 2: that see. But uh so, if you want Tom Cruise
Speaker 2: doesn't he won't read a script. Okay, it's not the
Speaker 2: way it works. Well, he's dyslexic. Yeah, apparently it's dyslexia,
Speaker 2: which I found very hard to believe because at the
Speaker 2: table read of a script he's never seen. Yeah, he
Speaker 2: gave an amazing performance. Yeah, I have movie star performance.
Speaker 1: Yeah maybe, Yeah, you're sure he hadn't walked through it
Speaker 1: with someone.
Speaker 2: Here to my hand, to god. He everyone tells you,
Speaker 2: they're like, he won't read it. He doesn't want to
Speaker 2: read it, right, he wants to put a table together
Speaker 2: and it'll they'll cast the best person for every part, right,
Speaker 2: tru I believe it. I had a very small part.
Speaker 2: I refuse to believe that. But uh Ian.
Speaker 1: McShane also with that one, Ian mc senat.
Speaker 2: He's a great actor. He's a great actor, not scary
Speaker 2: in person as he as you think.
Speaker 1: He's like al swearing jing and oh god, he's so scary,
Speaker 1: masterpiece dead would he's.
Speaker 2: One of the scariest guys. And then he's a real doll.
Speaker 2: Yeah you know he's loving man.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but that happens he's acting.
Speaker 2: He's just it's just pretending to You should know that man.
Speaker 2: Now there's people that are seem so scary and then
Speaker 2: you meet them and they're a doll. And Nally Vincent
Speaker 2: Price was like that doll. Yeah yeah, because you know
Speaker 2: he he scared me when I was a kid. Then
Speaker 2: there's big but you meete who are exactly a scary.
Speaker 1: There are people who are meant to be nice. Then
Speaker 1: you meet them and they are fucking.
Speaker 2: It wasn't. It wasn't an asshole, but he's scared the
Speaker 2: sh I met Kendal Fenian and Las Vegas. Right. He
Speaker 2: yelled at me, what why it? It wasn't.
Speaker 1: It was a rough night for everybody, okay, and will
Speaker 1: you you guys drink in non?
Speaker 2: Not together?
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: But I'd taken his friend away for a little while
Speaker 2: to go see George Lopez, and then I brought him back.
Speaker 2: It was part of the big they'd moved the Aspen
Speaker 2: Comedy Festival to Vegas, right, And uh, it was when
Speaker 2: Sopranos is the biggest show in the world.
Speaker 1: I remember I wouldn't have any of the Sopranos on
Speaker 1: my late night show because I loved the show so much.
Speaker 2: You don't want to ruin it. I didn't want to
Speaker 2: break it. Don't want to ruin it. So Jenny and
Speaker 2: I my my wife and are at Caesar's. We're doing
Speaker 2: the festival, and we come down the elevator and who's
Speaker 2: walking by with a foot long cigar and roll like
Speaker 2: a thousand, one hundred dollars bills and that he's counting. Gandelphini.
Speaker 2: I love this and I'm like, and my shows were
Speaker 2: done on I'd probably had a glass or two of wine.
Speaker 2: Am I do we just follow him to see where
Speaker 2: he's going? Yeah, so we did. Maybe he thought you
Speaker 2: were the Feds. He might have, but this was a
Speaker 2: real trip. Speaking of how much you love the show,
Speaker 2: don't Meet your Heroes. Followed Gandalfini through the casino to
Speaker 2: where he was going to the high stakes blackjack area,
Speaker 2: and the guy that he's meeting start waves hello to me,
Speaker 2: and Jenny is like, Jenny Hi, And we forgot that
Speaker 2: we had a mutual friend with Gandelfini. This guy, Gandelfini
Speaker 2: is playing blackjack at a table with Michael Impiliodie, the
Speaker 2: guy who is Johnny Sack, Johnny Sack, Polly Walnuts and
Speaker 2: like little Stephen. This is crazy. Sure, this is an episode.
Speaker 2: It was the HBO Festival, so they'd put everybody and
Speaker 2: gave him a thing. YadA, YadA, YadA. It was really
Speaker 2: insane to see all those guys together. Later on, I
Speaker 2: had to go tell Gandalfini where his friend had gone to,
Speaker 2: and I guess he'd had a really bad night at
Speaker 2: the blackjack table and he was screaming at the concierge
Speaker 2: at the Caesars really.
Speaker 1: Yes, this is before smartphones, so yeah, yeah, like a
Speaker 1: twenty something kid is that.
Speaker 2: He was like, oh, I mister, you know so uh gnafen,
Speaker 2: he's yelling at the the concierge. Was he yelling at him?
Speaker 2: I think he thought that the black jacks the table
Speaker 2: was rigged.
Speaker 4: So he was a little toasted that as well, which,
Speaker 4: by the way, black Chuck is rigged. It's it's I mean,
Speaker 4: it's just the odds. Yeah, the whole thing is rigged.
Speaker 4: You're going it is rigged.
Speaker 2: You're gonna lose. Yeah, that's just math. But so he
Speaker 2: was yelling at the young employee at the thing about
Speaker 2: how the blackjack table was rigged against him and his friends,
Speaker 2: who happened to literally be literally the Sopranos. That was
Speaker 2: just scared the ship. I was so scary. And I
Speaker 2: see that he's yelling at the concierge, and I think
Speaker 2: I'm worried that he's lost his friend who I had
Speaker 2: taken to go see George Love You're you're the friend
Speaker 2: is mysterious. The friend is real nice, He's just an
Speaker 2: actor guy that we know. But yeah, but.
Speaker 1: You're keeping him out of it for a reason. Well
Speaker 1: is he in the witness protection.
Speaker 2: All right? But so so I lean in. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: the guy's name is Lenny, And I'm like, hey, yup,
Speaker 2: So I lean into it. I'm going to back off
Speaker 2: the mic, yeah, because what happened to the next was
Speaker 2: so scary. So I lean into Gandolphin. He was screaming
Speaker 2: at the guy at the desk, and I say, excuse me,
Speaker 2: mister GANDELFHENI uh if Lenny went to go find you
Speaker 2: with the nightclub called Pure James. Gandolfini turns to me
Speaker 2: and says.
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't know that.
Speaker 2: And that was scary my heart. Yeah, like broke. I
Speaker 2: just got yelled at by my favorite TV character. He
Speaker 2: was so mad at me.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, you can look at it that way,
Speaker 1: but you could also look at it the way as like,
Speaker 1: because he yelled at Carmela and he loved her.
Speaker 2: He loved Carmela and and so I think it's okay,
Speaker 2: and then but then he so I started, I like,
Speaker 2: my lips started quivering, and I thought I was going
Speaker 2: to cry. And I grabbed Jenny's hand and I ran
Speaker 2: round the corner. I'm like, James Kendolphini just yelled at me,
Speaker 2: and then he came around the corner a few minutes later.
Speaker 2: Jenny's like, he's right behind you, and I'm like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, he's gonna yell at me more again. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's gonna really yell at you this time. And he
Speaker 2: tapped me on the shoulder and he said, yeah, you
Speaker 2: do a show, Yeah, you have a show. I said, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I do a show called Reena and II one. He said, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's great, it's a great it's a great show, really good,
Speaker 2: and then he walked away. And so then I went
Speaker 2: back to the concierge and I'm like, what what happened?
Speaker 2: He was screaming at you, and then he screamed at
Speaker 2: me and he said, oh, he said that the blackjack
Speaker 2: tables were rigged and he was super super mad and
Speaker 2: he was screaming at me. And then he said and
Speaker 2: then you came up to him. And I actually didn't
Speaker 2: know who that was. I haven't seen the Sopranos. But
Speaker 2: when you after you left, I said, the concier said that.
Speaker 2: He said to Kendel Foinie, oh you're friends with Lieutenant Dangle,
Speaker 2: said you were, Oh that's so funny, and Kendelpinia apparently said,
Speaker 2: having just yelled at me, he said to the concierge, Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's just great. He's a great guy, great guy. So
Speaker 2: it was the scariest night anyway, meeting your Well, yeah,
Speaker 2: I had this thing.
Speaker 1: I do have this thing about meeting heroes that like,
Speaker 1: I never I wouldn't allow the.
Speaker 2: Late night bookers to approach David boyd No. I don't
Speaker 2: know if he would ever have done the show.
Speaker 1: Of course he would have, but I would think he
Speaker 1: would like, you're not allowed to even get in touch
Speaker 1: with him because if he turns up and there's nothing
Speaker 1: you can do.
Speaker 2: What if it goes badly? Right now?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And the reason why I want to because I
Speaker 1: had heard through the great he likes you. Though I
Speaker 1: know you were laughing at the show, I had done
Speaker 1: a sketch yeah no, no, yeah, he does on his
Speaker 1: sixtieth birthday, which is seriously how long ago it was,
Speaker 1: because I'm sixty one now, But on his sixtieth birthday,
Speaker 1: I did a sketch in the show where like I
Speaker 1: sang as David Boy because I can do David Boy going,
Speaker 1: I'm going down the shops to get some bin that's
Speaker 1: it and some that's it.
Speaker 2: You know, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: And it was just like old guy stuff gets off
Speaker 1: my and he apparently thought it was very funny. And
Speaker 1: then I thought, but if he comes on, I don't
Speaker 1: know I would I wouldn't be like that, No, I'd
Speaker 1: be I was still I still believed in the myth
Speaker 1: at that point.
Speaker 2: It's a bell you can't unring. Well that that that's right,
Speaker 2: that is it's a bell you can't unring.
Speaker 1: Like Morris is a big one for you. You ever
Speaker 1: meet Mars.
Speaker 2: Him a couple of times.
Speaker 1: Disappointing, Okay, disappointing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it's it's very sort of very imagine Chili's
Speaker 3: chili thinking about it's just so chilly dells and stuff.
Speaker 2: If only we could all think about that. Of course,
Speaker 2: if we want washed in blood, you know, it's just
Speaker 2: always a thing. So I had I had speaking of
Speaker 2: your your bowie thing. I went to see the Springsteen's
Speaker 2: Broadway show, oh yeah, and uh and it was amazing,
Speaker 2: you know, and it was like Springsteen and you're sitting
Speaker 2: right there, you know.
Speaker 1: And if I heard he had a peptic ulcer, I
Speaker 1: was like, of course, of course that would explain it.
Speaker 1: I've had that kind of ulcerated selfigus thing. It's oh
Speaker 1: it has to be. I don't know how he could
Speaker 1: sing for this long. Yeah, no, it's amazing.
Speaker 2: So I'm walking out of the theater to see Springsteen
Speaker 2: and one of his security guys there's like guy kind
Speaker 2: of wrangles the stage door area, keeps people just a
Speaker 2: little bit away and stuff. And then there's another guy
Speaker 2: like at the door, but there's another guy who's just
Speaker 2: kind of like street guy, keeping it safe for the loss,
Speaker 2: give it real. And he goes, oh, hey, man, are
Speaker 2: you are you going to see the boss backstage?
Speaker 1: Because I guess he knows me. And I was like, no, no,
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to.
Speaker 2: Now I have to well, and the security guy's like,
Speaker 2: go ahead, man, no, no, no, go go go on go
Speaker 2: on back. Just say, Ronnie, just go ahead, go go
Speaker 2: on back and meet the boss. And I'm standing there.
Speaker 2: I'm standing in the street and I'm looking at this
Speaker 2: guy and there's another security guy right, and there's probably
Speaker 2: another guy after that.
Speaker 1: Sure yeah, and then Bell and Jack Nicholson, and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, my next thought is okay, so let's say I
Speaker 2: get past next Thanks security guy. Great, so I've made
Speaker 2: it past two security guys who love me. Then I
Speaker 2: get let's say I get to the boss. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: his eyes don't light up. Yeah, he doesn't know who
Speaker 2: you are maybe at all? Right, and that's lightly. I
Speaker 2: mean you don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean you've done a lot of stuff in nine
Speaker 1: one one is like everybody loves that show.
Speaker 2: You would think, but like, what if the boss didn't
Speaker 2: care and didn't know and didn't care? Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: you're overthinking it. Did you did you go? Did you
Speaker 2: get through? I didn't go through because I was so scared.
Speaker 2: I was like, if on the off chance that he
Speaker 2: does and go like, what if I get through and
Speaker 2: he goes.
Speaker 1: Ronnie, you're you're fucking me?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 5: How are these randos? We got randos getting back here?
Speaker 2: What are we doing? Ronnie? But he wouldn't say that
Speaker 2: in front of you? Then what if he did? He
Speaker 2: wouldn't he's boss, Ronnie, you're fucking me.
Speaker 5: This is just back here, and he's got his fingers
Speaker 5: in the seven layer dip and then of a bitch,
Speaker 5: Ronnie get the get out.
Speaker 1: No, but then and then Ronnie loses his job. In
Speaker 1: this scenario, it's horrible.
Speaker 2: This is a terrible and then I take Ronnie has
Speaker 2: to live with me for a while eleven year house.
Speaker 2: He's like, man, I really thought.
Speaker 1: The Boss Tom and the Roadie is recorded in front
Speaker 1: of a live studio audience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, I sent I sent him back to see
Speaker 2: the Boss, and the Boss was just mat I Boss
Speaker 2: probably pretends to know you. Well, that's so. I mean,
Speaker 2: haven't you done that when you've been introduced to one
Speaker 2: day long?
Speaker 1: Because I did this once once where I get introduced
Speaker 1: the Costello backstage and I was like, and he said, hello, Craig,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. And I was like, knows you,
Speaker 1: he knows my name. And then I saw a guy
Speaker 1: literally a household name though.
Speaker 2: You know, there was a guy who it's a Craig Ferguson.
Speaker 2: He got a handle, he's got handles. Get a guy
Speaker 2: that goes it's Craig fergus.
Speaker 1: Now, the problem is it doesn't work when it's not
Speaker 1: Craig Ferguson, because the guy only.
Speaker 2: Says the guy whisky works for you, exactly, Craig fergus,
Speaker 2: Craig figus. It's a guy.
Speaker 1: There's a guy Coronie that used to work for Chris
Speaker 1: fucked up till he fucked up and.
Speaker 2: He was letting Randos in. Rando's were back.
Speaker 1: The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascals Stand Up Tour continues throughout
Speaker 1: the United States in twenty twenty four. For a full
Speaker 1: list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig Ferguson
Speaker 1: show dot com Slash Tour.
Speaker 2: So you are there.
Speaker 1: You're on the road right now, right working with the State,
Speaker 1: which is kind of a rock band situation to be in.
Speaker 2: And that's that's a cult outfit, very very very much
Speaker 2: so in that Remember how the Clash never made any money. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they had to live in like squad apartments and stuff.
Speaker 2: Clash that was a lot to do with miss management, drugs.
Speaker 2: Is that? Is that what you're sure?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're too old for both of those. Well yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: but no, it is a lot like being in a band.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you get a band back together, do
Speaker 1: you guys have like backstage antics?
Speaker 2: And like do we have antics too? We fight a
Speaker 2: we fight a lot. We're still fighting. Absolutely. It's a
Speaker 2: good lord. But it's always about the work, you know.
Speaker 2: It's like never we never have personal stuff. We're all
Speaker 2: you know, we the State the Comedy Group got together
Speaker 2: in nineteen nineties eighty eight Shut the Front Door. So
Speaker 2: we've been together since I was eighteen years old and
Speaker 2: now I'm fifty three, so it's still God'm sixty one. Man,
Speaker 2: it's fucking it's fucking bad. Yeah, when do we guess
Speaker 2: we get to quit at some point? Yeah? I tried
Speaker 2: it the way you did not try I know, and
Speaker 2: then I noticed that. And then the next thing I
Speaker 2: noticed is dates everywhere, and you got two podcasts and
Speaker 2: you're on tour everywhere. Quitting my fuck, No, for sure,
Speaker 2: of course, you know. So by the way, everyone said
Speaker 2: that about you. As soon as you were like I'm
Speaker 2: not to chill out for a minute, I'm like, Craig is, yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, Chris got a chill out for seem like
Speaker 2: the guy who improvises a twenty minute monologue.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was when you do that at home, Like
Speaker 1: Megan's like, I think maybe you should go do this.
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, hey, you know what, Megan, you know
Speaker 2: what happened. But I came in through the kitchen door.
Speaker 2: I came in through the kitchen door. Let me tell
Speaker 2: you about the.
Speaker 1: Kitchen door and She's like, you could be doing this
Speaker 1: in Vancouver, Vancouver needs you yourself.
Speaker 2: County, Yeah, Merrillville. It's I'm playing all those places. Of
Speaker 2: course you are. I see you get in the state.
Speaker 2: You're right in the same gigs, right we uh yeah.
Speaker 2: We've actually only tested the show out so far once
Speaker 2: and then we've got a bunch a lot of dates
Speaker 2: coming up and after November. So yeah, you excited about that?
Speaker 2: I am. You know it. There is nothing like No,
Speaker 2: it's nothing. It's great.
Speaker 1: It's really fun, and it's it's not replaceable with a
Speaker 1: I no no, yeah, a little Abba.
Speaker 2: Are doing a show which is holograms. There are a
Speaker 2: K pop out. I think that the or the Japanese
Speaker 2: I love singer who say I don't want to see
Speaker 2: an alba Ai show?
Speaker 1: Oh you know you do want to see it, and
Speaker 1: you want to see it with me, and you want
Speaker 1: to bring Jenny and okay, and I'll take Meghan and
Speaker 1: I have a written at the two Arena. I'm serious.
Speaker 1: It's hologram. I'm from the nineteen eight I'm yeah. But
Speaker 1: it's with their permission. Oh yeah, they're they're making money
Speaker 1: from it. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean it's their
Speaker 1: songs and they're you know, and it's them young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, see this is a problem. This is where comes
Speaker 2: a little bit of a black mirror episode for me.
Speaker 2: The brunette sort of redhead from Abba. Yeah, let's see
Speaker 2: it's Benny Bjorn and yeah, yeah, I think it's a.
Speaker 2: I think it's a I might carry a crush for
Speaker 2: her that has not died. I hear. Yeah, I'm kind
Speaker 2: of the same. That's a tough it's it like I'm worried.
Speaker 2: That's the same way I'm worried about. Like, I don't
Speaker 2: know if my family is gonna let me just buy
Speaker 2: tickets to the Taylor Swift movie because it seems dubious. Well,
Speaker 2: his dad so excited to go see the Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: Are you excited to see the Taylor Swift noting?
Speaker 2: Damn it? I am. Yeah, see, I know unless I
Speaker 2: get nothing.
Speaker 1: But I hear nothing but nice things that Jack Taylor Swift,
Speaker 1: and certainly the music that I've heard is fabulous and
Speaker 1: uh balpy and catchy and all the things.
Speaker 2: He's not for me, but no, no, everything is for
Speaker 2: you know. I mean, it's it's but and.
Speaker 1: Also she doesn't give six like guy, I like her
Speaker 1: making music for me.
Speaker 2: I like her. I like her guitar playing actually a lot,
Speaker 2: and she and I own an identical guitar. Because Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: Trying to make you and Taylor Swift kind of be
Speaker 1: so mazed because you want the same. You're right, your
Speaker 1: family shouldn't let you go. No, No, it's weird. Why
Speaker 1: his dad want to go see the Taylor Swift movie
Speaker 1: is just weird. Well, you're you're allowed to like what
Speaker 1: you like. I mean, you don't like to go and
Speaker 1: see the movie. Well, this is what you don't get
Speaker 1: even weird about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I actually think i'd be finding the Taylor
Speaker 2: Swift movie. Yea, I do. I worry. You know, part
Speaker 2: of my happy adult life is that the idea of
Speaker 2: the young ladies from from But don't exist anymore. So
Speaker 2: now these monsters with their no but they're holograms. No
Speaker 2: they they they look really real. No, I don't think
Speaker 2: this is good for me to go see. Oh, because
Speaker 2: you've aged, I've aged, and somehow young Agoneatha from Abba.
Speaker 2: But it's a good black mirror. It's a black mirror.
Speaker 1: It isn't interesting stuff I have I have. I thought
Speaker 1: it was just you know I was in my age
Speaker 1: because I actually am aging.
Speaker 2: And then I think, no, it's not that it's.
Speaker 1: Because of robots, it's because of the it's because of
Speaker 1: ai is. Other people are not aging, they're not And filters, Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course that'll fair.
Speaker 2: Filters. You're on the social medias, aren't you. I am,
Speaker 2: but I would yeah, I'd love not to be. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think everybody talks the same about it. It's funny.
Speaker 1: It's like living in La. Like when you leave La
Speaker 1: and everyone around it, did you leave La? And you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd love to do that.
Speaker 2: Leave, but yeah, it's hard. You can't. It's hard you
Speaker 2: and I have And then we're both sitting here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm both sitting in a studio in La,
Speaker 1: in the middle of La. You know what I think
Speaker 1: it was some British film director said about La. I
Speaker 1: think it's a It's the absolutely accurate description of it.
Speaker 1: It said, La is a town where you turn up,
Speaker 1: you get off the plane, you go to the hotel,
Speaker 1: you put it on your suitcase, you go out, you
Speaker 1: lie out by the pool, you have an app.
Speaker 2: You wake up later. It's twenty years.
Speaker 1: It's it feels a little bit because I was here
Speaker 1: twenty three years, like eleven here.
Speaker 2: I come here to work, and I come here to
Speaker 2: see friends.
Speaker 1: And I come here to to do business, but I
Speaker 1: don't live here anymore.
Speaker 2: I was sort of thought that Los Angeles felt a
Speaker 2: little bit like the way people describe like working on
Speaker 2: an oil rig. You know, you go out and work
Speaker 2: on the oil rig. You don't stay there for the
Speaker 2: theater scene and for like the social times. You go
Speaker 2: get the fucking oil, the oil out and get the
Speaker 2: fuck and then goes somewhere lovely. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But the thing is that the trick with California is
Speaker 1: that plenty of it is.
Speaker 2: Lovely, so lovely, yeah, so close to Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I kind of like we left and now I don't know.
Speaker 1: We're in New York a lot of the time, and
Speaker 1: it's like, I love see New York is a good
Speaker 1: city to get older.
Speaker 2: And it's great. That's actually my backup plan.
Speaker 1: It's I'm telling you it's great because you just walk
Speaker 1: outside your show every day. And also you walk around
Speaker 1: everybody's not like like everybody in La that Garrison Quila thing.
Speaker 1: Everyone's in the mid thirties. Even the children are in
Speaker 1: their mid very good point. But in New York, people
Speaker 1: like it's just a smortgage boarder. Just everybody like people
Speaker 1: with one bag, guy, one small eye, big hand, a
Speaker 1: little hand, you know, one hundred years old, you know,
Speaker 1: fifteen years old, and people are shuffling around really rich people,
Speaker 1: really poor people, people without hats.
Speaker 2: I never thought I really leave New York. New York
Speaker 2: was weird when I got to New York. Oh well,
Speaker 2: I mean you worked at Save the Robots. I did, Yeah,
Speaker 2: put you ever there? I probably was there. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: probably worked there. Yeah, I've read that I worked there.
Speaker 2: So we got I got to New York in nineteen
Speaker 2: eighty eight. Yeah you would have been there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I stopped working there. But we didn't have any money
Speaker 2: or anything. We were really poor. Yeah, but it was
Speaker 2: the after hours club. I didn't know it, but until
Speaker 2: two eight that was Can you imagine because two guys
Speaker 2: who now have dinner at five, I would love to
Speaker 2: have dinner at five. I'd like to have dinner out
Speaker 2: of the way by five, a.
Speaker 1: Club, And we used to go to places, but the
Speaker 1: afteros club thing that was going on then you could.
Speaker 2: You couldn't have that now. I'm like people were openly
Speaker 2: doing drugs. We went to a place. There was a
Speaker 2: place in the East Village that was an after hours
Speaker 2: place called Brownie's. I can talk about it because there's
Speaker 2: no weight with there. It was not Brownies the music club.
Speaker 2: There was another place where it was owned by this
Speaker 2: guy who had a cowboy hat and he had a revolver.
Speaker 2: Was he English? No, he was an African American gentleman.
Speaker 2: And the only things they sold were like cams of paps,
Speaker 2: blue ribbon and dime bags of cocaine. I think I've
Speaker 2: been there, Yeah, yeah, I think that was it. You
Speaker 2: were not allowed to curse. You could do You could
Speaker 2: literally sit and have paps and do cocaine with a
Speaker 2: guy and a cowboy hat with a pistol. If you cursed,
Speaker 2: which our friend of mine did at the pool table,
Speaker 2: it was a real issue for the owner and he
Speaker 2: was just like, fellas, I'm going to ask you one
Speaker 2: more time with my pistol and my paths. Wow. New
Speaker 2: York was it was? Fuck, It was a thing. There
Speaker 2: was casinos that just were yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Remember, and I wrote about this, but I was in
Speaker 1: a barcoll Murphy's and the Upper East sized. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's there anymore. But I keep going looking for
Speaker 1: it because I live in the Upper East now, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, is it here?
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: But we went out one.
Speaker 1: Night and then we went over to the West Side
Speaker 1: and it was during the troubles and there was a
Speaker 1: lot of IRA stuff and these guys were there. I
Speaker 1: got a shit kicked out me when we were out
Speaker 1: for one night, and I mean, like, really, I go, like,
Speaker 1: they're kind of beaten up that I'd probably go to
Speaker 1: hospital now. I was hitting the face now you were still. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well if I could, if I could be up now,
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: Know if i'd recover.
Speaker 1: God, I go, yeah, I mean like I I turned
Speaker 1: the wrong way, and oh my god, everything hurts all
Speaker 1: the time. New York. I make clicking noises just standing up.
Speaker 2: We got as the state. We got beaten up twice.
Speaker 2: At least. Did you get beaten up many times? For
Speaker 2: the material? I got? No? No, no, just New York
Speaker 2: in the eighties. Oh right, my first, my first getting
Speaker 2: this shit kicked out of me in New York. I
Speaker 2: only be it was eighty fall of nineteen eighty eight.
Speaker 2: I was wearing it like a bright yellow bow tie.
Speaker 2: I just come from you know what, you deserve it.
Speaker 2: I actually deserved it. I was frolicking up Broadway at
Speaker 2: three o'clock in the morning, singing, Pippin' got beaten, oh man.
Speaker 2: But you know, getting beaten on the street in New
Speaker 2: York used used to be a thing, used to be
Speaker 2: a thing. Yeah, and here's a weird thing I'm going
Speaker 2: to say about it that may not be popular. People
Speaker 2: in New York, I think, have better manners and for
Speaker 2: the most part, behave well because there's a solid chance
Speaker 2: you're gonna get clocked. In New York and in LA
Speaker 2: everybody's just bitching and moaning in their cars. You can't
Speaker 2: hear them. Everybody's in a bubble, screaming profanities at you.
Speaker 1: I think this is that's not I don't think that's
Speaker 1: I don't think it's unrealistic.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 1: I had a friend from Texas who used to wear
Speaker 1: a hat and carry a gun, and he used to say.
Speaker 2: In Texas in Los Angeles, yeah, and he used to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but he would.
Speaker 2: Say, an armed society is a polite society. I get
Speaker 2: weird about that one. Yeah, but you say it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that. I subscribe to that notion, But
Speaker 2: I do. I do think a society where occasionally say
Speaker 2: their own thing, you gets like somebody gives you like
Speaker 2: a real quick bop to the face. I'm pretty much
Speaker 2: in favor of that. Well, you know, you're you're Irish.
Speaker 1: That said, you know, that's kind of what it is
Speaker 1: to be fair, exactly what it is?
Speaker 2: Iris? What are you like just off the boat? When
Speaker 2: did your people get I got to show you just
Speaker 2: off the boat? Yeah? Did? I didn't show you my
Speaker 2: twenty three and meters. It's ridiculous. Mostly potatoes. It's literally
Speaker 2: it sent me a potato. It turns into yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean because I mean nobody got iris. You know, everybody
Speaker 2: has like a little bit of something else. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't all iris. Yeah, I'm all. Well, but what it
Speaker 2: says is it doesn't differentiate, which is crazy, but it's
Speaker 2: it just shows the England, the British Isles and nothing else.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, that's a lot of different influences there. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's I mean, because as the Irish and the Cats.
Speaker 2: And the you know, and then I don't know what
Speaker 2: the Scotts had made.
Speaker 1: No Italians. I got no Italians. Is that's the important
Speaker 1: part for me? That's the important part. I think I've
Speaker 1: got a lot of Italian obviously. Look I've never done
Speaker 1: it twenty Street me because I don't want your six
Speaker 1: Look at your the gorgeous head of hair you have, crazy,
Speaker 1: I've got to be Italian.
Speaker 2: This is not just the hair of a Scots No,
Speaker 2: it's definitely an Italian. I think that is Well, not
Speaker 2: that movies. The Scott's had great hair, but they're all
Speaker 2: dead in battles too, though, yeah, you know they Well,
Speaker 2: the thing is my family always had good hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there was alcohol involved, and I drank a lot.
Speaker 1: About what I'm saying is that you're an alcoholic.
Speaker 2: Your hair will be good. Your hair's fine, right, it's
Speaker 2: doing right. What were we talking about New York and
Speaker 2: the eighties getting beaten up? Yeah, well that's overnight. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The IRA used to be a thing. People loving the IRA,
Speaker 2: people in New York and Chicago just openly loving the IRA.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was a little different where I grew up because
Speaker 2: it was like doorsteps. Yeah. Yeah, and well that was
Speaker 2: a weird, a very icky part about growing up in
Speaker 2: the West Side of Chicago, which we never talked about
Speaker 2: until we all got sort of publicly shamed by Bono.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, it was very interesting. You would go
Speaker 2: to you'd go to I was at a YouTube concert
Speaker 2: very early, yeah, and the Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, and
Speaker 2: it's you know, all these Irish immigrants, you know, kids
Speaker 2: of the Irish Diasthmir and you know you two's this
Speaker 2: is eighty four eighty six something like that, very really early,
Speaker 2: and Bono would you know, say in the show, like,
Speaker 2: you know, there's a there's a war half none of
Speaker 2: my country, and the Chicago audience would go would all cheer,
Speaker 2: and I was probably part of that, and then he
Speaker 2: would say no, he was, well, he was. He was
Speaker 2: very cool about it. I mean, it'd be like award
Speaker 2: that nobody wants that's killing children and you can't support this,
Speaker 2: and this is some kind and where everybody was like,
Speaker 2: oh shit, and we feel bad. Yeah, and then we
Speaker 2: feel bad. But it took something like it took someone
Speaker 2: like that to make everybody realize what a shitty thing
Speaker 2: that we were, like like publicly just like we're right
Speaker 2: ryeing this crazy thing. Yeah, and yeah, it was a
Speaker 2: lot more. I don't know. I mean it's even now
Speaker 2: I'm sixty one years old.
Speaker 1: Then the you know, the good fight, the agreement has
Speaker 1: happened that, you know, things have changed so much over there,
Speaker 1: and I'm still terrified to talk about it because it's
Speaker 1: fucking dangerous. Yeah, and when you're in a certain company
Speaker 1: in Scotland and Ireland, for sure, it's still fucking dangerous.
Speaker 2: And I don't I can't. I kind of avoided it
Speaker 2: when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: I avoided talking about it at all in the same
Speaker 1: way actually that now when I do stand up, I
Speaker 1: don't do any politics.
Speaker 2: I don't know anything. I actually think that's why the
Speaker 2: state is still popular. Yeah, we never you never. We
Speaker 2: never did like weird impressions of like anybody. We didn't
Speaker 2: give a shit about. Like if we'd done like tons
Speaker 2: of George W. Bull and what would we have done.
Speaker 2: I guess it would have been Bush Senior or so
Speaker 2: I don't know, you like, what would that would not be? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So how long were you guys together? You did? Like
Speaker 2: how many seasons? Like ten seasons? No? No, no, So
Speaker 2: we did well, we got together in eighty eight. We
Speaker 2: were we were just the comedy club at NYU, right,
Speaker 2: and so we were doing like live theater shows and
Speaker 2: things like that, and then we did a show with
Speaker 2: John Stewart for MTV that was fucking awful show. It's
Speaker 2: called You Brought It, You watch it. It was horrible,
Speaker 2: but John Stewart was awesome in it. He got the
Speaker 2: John Stewart Show and we got the State. Right. So
Speaker 2: we did three seasons on MTV. Right.
Speaker 1: We got negative two stars in the New York Post
Speaker 1: the first season negative. That's one of my first of
Speaker 1: you in Late Night in the New York Post they
Speaker 1: said it looked like he.
Speaker 2: Was wearing a wake hate speech.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was just like, you wouldn't be allowed to
Speaker 1: that now. No, you can't just say they didn't like
Speaker 1: the way I looked, and they just.
Speaker 2: Went after me. Oh my god, I didn't think how
Speaker 2: good you and you were really good at it? I no,
Speaker 2: I have first I feel like I guess maybe I can't.
Speaker 2: At first I think you were though, well, this is
Speaker 2: a great effect. None of us remember stick out together.
Speaker 2: We did three seasons there. We thought we were real badasses. Weirdly,
Speaker 2: we did numbers that were awesome, like the ratings on
Speaker 2: MTV were like, really you can good? Yeah? Uh, And
Speaker 2: then we thought we were hot ship, which is a
Speaker 2: great idea.
Speaker 1: Always a great I think you are, but to be
Speaker 1: it is a good thing to look back on.
Speaker 2: And then we we thought we were hot shit we
Speaker 2: got instead of we had we had an offer to
Speaker 2: do more shows at MTV. We didn't know how many,
Speaker 2: but it was it maybe would have been good. Or
Speaker 2: we had an offer from CBS for two specials and
Speaker 2: if those went well, we would be like a CBS
Speaker 2: like big show. That's print your own money. Though, That's
Speaker 2: what everybody was really excited about. So we shot a
Speaker 2: special for CBS, which got wonderful reviews. Okay, literally, no
Speaker 2: one fucking watched. We all got together to watch it,
Speaker 2: and I remember the most exciting thing that happened is
Speaker 2: there was a thunderstorm warning came on on CBS during
Speaker 2: our special. It was legendarily bad ratings. Alan King was
Speaker 2: on it for some reason, and he was really kind
Speaker 2: of mean to the whole thing sucked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then I'm sorry here that well, and then
Speaker 1: but then we you know, sort of we keep being
Speaker 1: like we're like, I don't know, We're like Vince Clark
Speaker 1: in depeche Mode, like so State sort of breaks up
Speaker 1: half of us turns into a show called Viva Variety,
Speaker 1: the other house.
Speaker 2: I love to do a show called Stello. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: So it's like we we're still on tour. Everybody's been
Speaker 2: on Reno nine one, We've all been in.
Speaker 1: Michael in the frame, Michael and Black Lives and of
Speaker 1: course in the frame for the in the late night show.
Speaker 2: It was me and he wanted that job so badly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I was on one of his tryout shows. Yeah, he
Speaker 2: was good at it. I saw his tryout show. I
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, he's going to get it. Did you
Speaker 2: think so? Yeah? I did. Yeah, I totally thought he
Speaker 2: was going to get it.
Speaker 1: I remember calling, uh CBS Michael, who was the producer,
Speaker 1: You remember, Michael, this, this is the guy you think.
Speaker 2: I really love. I love I think he would love
Speaker 2: to hear that.
Speaker 1: No. I thought he was I mean, I didn't want
Speaker 1: him to get it for obvious reasons, but I thought
Speaker 1: he was good.
Speaker 2: I did a bit with him when he went on
Speaker 2: one of those shows, and I remember thinking, I, you know, like,
Speaker 2: this is one of my closest best friends in the
Speaker 2: entire world. And I remember thinking, I don't know if
Speaker 2: he's good at talking to people like this. I'm not sure,
Speaker 2: this is like I think I think I said it.
Speaker 2: I think he would have done it. That's fine. But
Speaker 2: he was just coming off of being the pets dot
Speaker 2: Com sock puppet, so of course he was. He was
Speaker 2: pretty pretty hot. Yeah, he was. He would be hot
Speaker 2: share at that point. I would come sock puppet.
Speaker 1: That was two years out from being a banana on
Speaker 1: the Drew Carrey Show. So I was also, oh god,
Speaker 1: also peking, that's a good one.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Nice.
Speaker 1: That's lost media now the Drew carry Show. You can't
Speaker 1: see it anywhere.
Speaker 2: You can't see it all.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 1: I think maybe there's there's some kind of copyright this
Speaker 1: shit going on with it with music or something, but
Speaker 1: you can't see it on any of the streaming services.
Speaker 2: I've kept the State off of DVD for like fifteen
Speaker 2: twenty years. Yeah, I think it must be a similar
Speaker 2: was a music thing, so we actually somebody had to
Speaker 2: go through and replace every single piece of the famous music.
Speaker 1: I think that's a situation.
Speaker 2: It's a bummer. Yeah, it's something like that anyway. D
Speaker 2: Drake Beder knows about it. He Drake is a fascinating cat.
Speaker 2: He lives bucks away from me. Yeah, yeah, he's an
Speaker 2: amazing guy.
Speaker 1: He's one of the best actors I've ever worked with. Stunning,
Speaker 1: He's an incredible actor. And there's a guy and I said,
Speaker 1: he's been on this podcast and I said to him,
Speaker 1: you really grew up.
Speaker 2: I mean because he was when I first met him.
Speaker 2: He's a bit of a deck and he's I think
Speaker 2: he can come off like that sometimes. And this is
Speaker 2: I say this, I love this man and we are
Speaker 2: very close. I wrote, I wrote his daughter's uh application college?
Speaker 2: Is that one of those? Is that? By the way,
Speaker 2: she didn't get it? Okay, so I blew it. That
Speaker 2: was such a great letter. I'm a great college letter writer. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I go, I go aggressive. Yeah, that's prob. No, weird. No,
Speaker 2: it's actually worked a bunch of times. Really. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: I write a college letter that starts with like, look,
Speaker 2: you do not want to go to war with me?
Speaker 2: And you know what, it's mostly worked out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, No, you write the letter for the applicant.
Speaker 1: Aren't they meant to write their own? No?
Speaker 2: No, no, you got to you gotta go like a recommendation
Speaker 2: left right, Okay, I've written a couple of them. Now,
Speaker 2: I got a pretty good track record, right, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: but I go funny. I mean, I go funny and
Speaker 2: I go aggressive. Well, I've got one more to get
Speaker 2: through college. So uh maybe for Liam's you can you
Speaker 2: can do. Oh absolutely, I'll pull up big guns for
Speaker 2: that one. Yeah, Liam, I know where we're going here.
Speaker 2: My boy doesn't seem like college material and I love it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's a million dollars I get to just keep. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know if Liam will go to college, but
Speaker 2: they'll be statues. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, it's so funny.
Speaker 2: Everybody's like, well, make sure the boy gets tutored and
Speaker 2: really works hard and does these things. And I'm like, really,
Speaker 2: because like to go where to go to like a
Speaker 2: stuff you learn stuff on YouTube.
Speaker 1: It's it's an interesting thing because I you know, Megan,
Speaker 1: as you know is my wife is is a very
Speaker 1: highly educated, clever Area day believer in academia. I dropped
Speaker 1: out of high school when I was just turned sixteen,
Speaker 1: and so she can sell the college thing to the kids,
Speaker 1: but I can't, unfortunately.
Speaker 2: But there's a like, well you know about it, yeah,
Speaker 2: and how's the castle? Yeah? Yeah, you sure didn't have
Speaker 2: to do. But that's that was luck. It was a
Speaker 2: little bit a lot of work at Did you go
Speaker 2: to college? I did?
Speaker 1: I went to n YU.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, of course you did, because that's for the
Speaker 2: state thing.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But the funny, funny detail. I was accepted to college
Speaker 2: on academic probation because my high school grades were not great.
Speaker 2: What were you going to study a college?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: Well, I actually I started at the theaters school. It
Speaker 2: was handy because n YU was nice. You could audition because,
Speaker 2: like I.
Speaker 1: Seem that seems realistic for a theater skill idea.
Speaker 2: But like Northwestern, uh, which was my first choice, I
Speaker 2: wanted to go to the theater school.
Speaker 1: There's no audition.
Speaker 2: He's a ship actor, but he's great.
Speaker 7: You just have to be smartest. You just have to
Speaker 7: be smart, which how smart? Hope says, No, he don't know,
Speaker 7: doesn't need to be I mean really a talking plant
Speaker 7: a great actor.
Speaker 2: You just have to be able to read a little bit.
Speaker 2: You don't even really have to really, you know. So
Speaker 2: I got a bold rejection from Northwestern, right, and Northwestern
Speaker 2: and n YU accepted me with the asterisk. If I
Speaker 2: got a C in any class in my freshman year,
Speaker 2: I would be kicked out. Oh my god, which you
Speaker 2: obviously did great motivators. Great, you know, dick around. So
Speaker 2: did you finish college? I did, actually did finish. So
Speaker 2: you're not fully qualified. I'm a fully qualified bachelor of
Speaker 2: the arts, right, So if you have some arts that
Speaker 2: need to be a bachelor.
Speaker 1: I think that that could be a good show. It's
Speaker 1: a dating show, Bachelor, and it's all the art Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Do you ever go to the Met? Do you know
Speaker 1: the Met when they have the French impressionists. That's really good,
Speaker 1: isn't it. I really like that in there. So I
Speaker 1: was in there the other day and they have I'm
Speaker 1: looking at the French, which is the impression that you're
Speaker 1: looking at somebody who likes specifically. Yeah, there was a
Speaker 1: pretty I knew you were going to ask you this.
Speaker 1: There was a Prisian street scene. I can't remember it,
Speaker 1: and I love it. I just like going hanging out
Speaker 1: near it. And I can't remember I who did it,
Speaker 1: which I'm apologized, But you know what, it might be Renoir,
Speaker 1: It might be I don't know sure. But I go
Speaker 1: to the Van Go exhibit because the Van Go exhibits
Speaker 1: on right now in the Met, and they have Starry
Speaker 1: Night there and which is amazing.
Speaker 2: It's an amazing, stunning same person. It has its own luminescence,
Speaker 2: it creates its own lene. It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1: But as I'm standing there, I have to pick my
Speaker 1: moment to look at the picture because of everyone holding
Speaker 1: their phone to take a picture. Just look at it, right.
Speaker 1: But this is an interesting thing to me because I
Speaker 1: think all performance, all human society is changing right now.
Speaker 1: We're in a very odd place in human history where analogue, personal,
Speaker 1: bionic personal memory is gone. Everything you will be remembered
Speaker 1: like you can now make abba as they were when
Speaker 1: you were a young man.
Speaker 2: This is a problem because then I go to the
Speaker 2: show and then I'm like, hey, can I go meet
Speaker 2: her after? And they're like, sir, you can't meet She
Speaker 2: doesn't she doesn't exist. And I'm like, I demand I
Speaker 2: meet her.
Speaker 1: And then you go there and it's the same roadie
Speaker 1: that wouldn't let you in the.
Speaker 2: Killing me you.
Speaker 1: Want to go to see and yet you get through
Speaker 1: there and.
Speaker 2: She's not there. It's just like a little box. It's like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm all of the memories of an armor,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: But it isn't a odd thing because memory is wonderful.
Speaker 1: I like memory because I everybody remembers things a little
Speaker 1: bit differently, but phones don't.
Speaker 2: Phones remember exactly exactly correctly. And you'll soften it for you.
Speaker 2: I wonder, because you know, we have a great big
Speaker 2: computer in the kitchen in the house that always runs
Speaker 2: your photo life. And is it does it make my
Speaker 2: memory better or worse? Makes it worse? It makes it worse,
Speaker 2: I'm sure of it, because you're just like, oh, at
Speaker 2: some point I'll think about let me rephrase that. I
Speaker 2: don't know if it makes it worse, it makes it different,
Speaker 2: it's too accurate. Yeah, it's not human.
Speaker 1: The human thing is that you create a story of
Speaker 1: what happened. Remember that time we went to the pizza
Speaker 1: place and you took your pants off, you know, and
Speaker 1: your dad stuff the things.
Speaker 2: You can have a real fondness. I think I do too,
Speaker 2: for you know, like there's so I have so many
Speaker 2: ex girlfriends that I have one photograph of if or
Speaker 2: if barely right, you know, and that's like such a
Speaker 2: neat you know, in a way, it's like it's kind
Speaker 2: of more interesting because yeah, yeah, yeah, and you have
Speaker 2: to think about it. Yeah, I went to I went
Speaker 2: to London with Susan for like two weeks and there's
Speaker 2: almost no photos of it at all. It was just
Speaker 2: like a I know, I have to think about it.
Speaker 1: And I wonder, though, I wonder what happens with that,
Speaker 1: because no matter how much Quadure is like me and
Speaker 1: you will approach quaduredom I'm very close. Well you get there,
Speaker 1: it's not gonna change anything.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 1: You can complain about it, but it's not gonna it's
Speaker 1: not gonna change anything. And I wonder if that's just
Speaker 1: what it's like to get old. It's like just the
Speaker 1: world starts to seem scary and alien, and it's not
Speaker 1: really scary and alien.
Speaker 2: It's just this is a great question. I've wondered this
Speaker 2: exact thing, because the world does seem pretty scary right now,
Speaker 2: even walking here to this strange, a pretty sketchy area
Speaker 2: of Hollywood. I mean, this is be scary for a
Speaker 2: good fifty years were peg in the meter. But yeah,
Speaker 2: like I wonder, am I just growing into the phase
Speaker 2: where I bitch about everything? Yeah? You know, yeah, like
Speaker 2: does everybody just do that at some point?
Speaker 7: I don't know it just like my Abba was better, Yeah,
Speaker 7: she was a human, lady.
Speaker 2: Human I prefer robots is not perfect. I would go
Speaker 2: see album and sometimes they would mess up. No, come on, man,
Speaker 2: you went to you.
Speaker 1: May have got a bet too fat at that point,
Speaker 1: but I wonder, I don't, I don't know. It might be,
Speaker 1: but I think that's okay too. Yeah, I think you
Speaker 1: have to embrace the strangeness of aging. This is I'm
Speaker 1: talking to myself because you're not at that point. I'm
Speaker 1: getting real, real, real close.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fucking sixty one though, Tom, I mean, yeah, it's
Speaker 2: on the age that my my grandfather, who basically was
Speaker 2: my identical twin, dropped dead. So I just kind of, yeah,
Speaker 2: you gotta make Hey what did he talk about, van
Speaker 2: go make Hay while the sun shines? Yeah, a strange
Speaker 2: experimental He had looked at me about a drug that
Speaker 2: he was allergic to ended up killing him. Right, We're
Speaker 2: not talking last week then, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: this is I was a child.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, so but these things, you know, I think
Speaker 1: that my dad when he was my age, had been
Speaker 1: retired for a year.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but life of a glass Wigan.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, now yeah, come year, Brack was so outside
Speaker 1: the it's a little different. But I started, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, I fucking started brushing my teeth.
Speaker 2: That's what brush your teeth.
Speaker 5: For.
Speaker 2: God, brush your teeth brought last time I went to Ashole,
Speaker 2: when I went to see you in Scotland a butter
Speaker 2: t shirt that's there was such a great T shirt
Speaker 2: that says says people make Glasgow and I love this
Speaker 2: shirt and I wear it all the time. And then
Speaker 2: I looked up the hashtag of people make Glasgow and
Speaker 2: it's always the worst fights. It's a guy. There's like
Speaker 2: a naked guy fighting a lady and he uses a
Speaker 2: bike as a weapon.
Speaker 1: I know that.
Speaker 2: Have you seen under always under the hashtag people make Glasgow.
Speaker 2: We do that in our family, so funny.
Speaker 1: Send each other things the worst use oh my god.
Speaker 2: But it's always got that upbeat hashtag.
Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly, but there was one about a
Speaker 1: nurse who lost her lawsuit for an unfair dismissal because.
Speaker 6: She had a field come and see had claimed that
Speaker 6: there was a ghost and in the hospital that was
Speaker 6: farthing and blaming it on her and she got fired
Speaker 6: because of that.
Speaker 2: People make Glasgow. People make Glasgow.
Speaker 1: I mean it's quite a place, but of course it's
Speaker 1: a very odd hybrid of Ireland in Scotland.
Speaker 2: Glasgow. I really like Glasgow. Fucking old hybrid of Ireland
Speaker 2: in America. I am mostly Ireland.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: Last time I was in Glasgow, I want to go
Speaker 2: see you. It was it was one hundred and two
Speaker 2: degrees in Glasgow. Yeah, that's right, go weird there. It
Speaker 2: was really intense. It's strange. It's not now it's very good, yeah,
Speaker 2: because it was Actually Glasgow at one hundred and two
Speaker 2: is not good because you know what happens. It's tough.
Speaker 1: People start coming out wearing what they think is the
Speaker 1: appropriate clothing for hot weather, and it's.
Speaker 2: Not fucking pretty. Then I went to Garvin Beach where
Speaker 2: with weird Al Yankovic and Weird Alan Allen's family, and
Speaker 2: we went to a great little I'm not going to
Speaker 2: say the name of it, right, we'll bleep it right
Speaker 2: around the corner and oh yeah, and I decided to
Speaker 2: try like the spicy wet pork. And I never eat
Speaker 2: I don't meat meat hardly really. Ever, what I did
Speaker 2: was doing a win in Rome thing. Right, So it's
Speaker 2: one hundred and two in Glasgow. You had spicy web pork.
Speaker 2: Oh oh was it good? No, car, it wasn't good.
Speaker 2: It's a good buddy. Hadn't dealt with pork in like
Speaker 2: a kind of a long time, and it was. It
Speaker 2: was one of the roughest nights of my entire life.
Speaker 2: Just a long walk because you're gurgling full of yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I had that once in Paris. Actually I had.
Speaker 1: I had been vegan for four years, and I thought,
Speaker 1: I'm having an ice cream. Oh, just the lactose dairy
Speaker 1: ice cream colon, having not had dairy for four years.
Speaker 2: No, my tough to a bathroom in Paris, I'll tell you.
Speaker 1: I was accepting anything anything like a whole with foot
Speaker 1: pads on either side.
Speaker 2: Tough.
Speaker 1: And there was a lot on the way home anyway,
Speaker 1: you know. That's that's why I had a long walk.
Speaker 1: Pooping through Paris.
Speaker 2: Pooping through Paris, you gotta you gotta do it once.
Speaker 1: See, that's how romantic Paris is, even when you've got
Speaker 1: the trots, it's kind of romantic.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: All right, Well we're kind of done here, Okay, we
Speaker 1: established what is joy for you?
Speaker 2: I will say, and it may seem silly. I would
Speaker 2: write sketches every day for the joy of it. I
Speaker 2: would sit for absolutely for no one, and I would
Speaker 2: just I could, I could write every day for no
Speaker 2: one but myself and love it and truly truly love it.
Speaker 2: I think that's kind of nice. Yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 2: a little bit cheesy, but it No, it's not cheap.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I people will send me either they'll send me
Speaker 2: their kid or something and be like, hey, you got
Speaker 2: to tell my kid how to write movies. Yeah, you're
Speaker 2: gonna take my kid. Kid. Somebody will be like, well,
Speaker 2: you get on like a zoom and just tell my
Speaker 2: kid what they do.
Speaker 1: So they don't like to send the kid around to
Speaker 1: your house. No, God, No, that's kind of weird, you
Speaker 1: know what. Yeah, But and then that's my my question
Speaker 1: is always, would you do this every day for free?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Because mostly you will. I'm like, hey, yeah, mostly
Speaker 2: you're gone. That's fucking true. Yeah, the paydays are sometimes.
Speaker 1: But you know what's weird about it, because I totally
Speaker 1: agree with you. But the weird thing is is that,
Speaker 1: like I I tried to retire and I couldn't because
Speaker 1: I haven't been working since I worked in the fucking
Speaker 1: bar in Glasgow. I haven't had a real job for
Speaker 1: forty years.
Speaker 2: But you worked real hard yep, But it felt like fun.
Speaker 2: It's kind of war. It felt like fun. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: kind of dicking around. It doesn't doesn't feel like work.
Speaker 2: Doesn't feel like work.
Speaker 1: And then the times when I've tried to work, like
Speaker 1: when I directed movies and stuff like that, they suck
Speaker 1: because I don't like doing that.
Speaker 2: I don't like doing that either, especially I especially hate directing.
Speaker 2: Oh it's awful. It's not my apparently, it's not my personality.
Speaker 2: No mine, neither. I meet folks who have that personality
Speaker 2: and they're great at it. They're still great at it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it's a very different level of drive to be
Speaker 2: that sort of person and I think I'm Once I
Speaker 2: got over the idea of this want to direct notion
Speaker 2: that everybody had. I had that once you get over it,
Speaker 2: you're gonna feel better. I had it, you know.
Speaker 1: When I really knew it was over for me, I
Speaker 1: had a conversation with Quentin Tarantino about now you can
Speaker 1: direct like crazy?
Speaker 2: Oh sure?
Speaker 1: And so I was telling them that I didn't enjoy
Speaker 1: the directing experience, and he said, well, didn't you have
Speaker 1: the whole movie in your head before you shot it?
Speaker 1: And I said no, and he went, well, I do
Speaker 1: when I make a movie, of course. Well there, no,
Speaker 1: there we go, there we go. That's why you're Quentin
Speaker 1: Tarantino and I'm the cheeky monkey man l.
Speaker 2: But there you go. All right, Tom, Well you you
Speaker 2: are a joy. By the way. The other thing that
Speaker 2: brings me joy, I would say, is like I think
Speaker 2: I came on your show. Oh gosh, oh are we
Speaker 2: have fifteen twenty years ago now thirty something times? Yeah,
Speaker 2: but that I still consider my friendship with you is
Speaker 2: something that has brought me a tremendous amount of joy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's knowing your family.
Speaker 1: Meeting and you're fucking weird, you know, and you're and
Speaker 1: I like that because I've got some friends who aren't there.
Speaker 1: You've also got some really cool friends with some fucking
Speaker 1: great weird friends.
Speaker 4: I really do, not really do.
Speaker 2: My life is really a Wes Anderson movie. It actually is.
Speaker 2: It really is live in a fucking Wes Anderson movie.
Speaker 2: My own time. It's a good one. But if Wes
Speaker 2: Anderson was to look at my life and be like,
Speaker 2: it's a little yeah, yeah, it's down, Yeah, it's too much. Well,
Speaker 2: I mean this is beyond royal tattle ball. All right,
Speaker 2: we gotta go the best