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Speaker 1: This is the most traumatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 1: Chris Harrison, Laurenzima coming to you today to open up

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Speaker 1: the playbook. And Laura and I were reading this article

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Speaker 1: about Sophia Vergara and Joe Mandanello and their divorce.

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Speaker 2: And what precipitated that divorce.

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Speaker 1: Sophia Vergara is shedding some light on that, and it

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Speaker 1: had to do with something that we've actually discussed before

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Speaker 1: and we've discussed in our marriage. We discussed before our marriage,

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Speaker 1: and that is having children. That seems to be the

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Speaker 1: impetus for this divorce, Elsie. And the interesting thing about this,

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Speaker 1: or something I found interesting, is it wasn't kind of

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Speaker 1: maybe the typical trope here, that is, the woman wanted

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Speaker 1: to have babies, the guy didn't and it didn't work out.

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Speaker 1: It was actually the exact opposite. Joe Mannganello is younger

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Speaker 1: than Sophia Vergara and he wants to have kids and

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Speaker 1: she is done with that part of her life and

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Speaker 1: that is what they have decided to break up about.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it was really surprising to people.

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Speaker 4: Virgara, who is now fifty one, said that she and Manganello,

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Speaker 4: who is forty seven were not on the same page

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Speaker 4: about expanding their family. She says, quote, my marriage broke

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Speaker 4: up because my husband was younger. He wanted to have kids,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't want to be an old mom. I

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Speaker 4: feel it's not fair to the baby. I respect whoever

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Speaker 4: does it, but that's not for me anymore. I had

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Speaker 4: a son at nineteen who is now thirty two. I'm

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Speaker 4: ready to be a grandmother, not a mother. So if

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Speaker 4: love comes along, he has to come along with his

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Speaker 4: own children. So yeah, that totally caught our eye because

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Speaker 4: I agree. First of all, it's a little different. Usually

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Speaker 4: I feel like, and I don't have data on this,

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Speaker 4: but I'm sitting here married do a guy who's older

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Speaker 4: than me. I think a lot of the time it's

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Speaker 4: an older guy and a younger woman in relationships, and

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Speaker 4: then this question of will we have kids comes up.

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Speaker 3: But a lot of.

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Speaker 4: People I'm seeing in the comments coming for her saying

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Speaker 4: why didn't you guys talk about this before you got married.

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Speaker 4: I don't know whether they did or not, but for

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Speaker 4: the sake this playbook, I kind of want to put

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Speaker 4: that conversation aside. I feel like we've talked about it before,

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Speaker 4: and there are obvious things like if they didn't talk

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Speaker 4: about it before they got married.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you and I, so of course you should have.

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Speaker 1: You and I said the same thing. My guess is

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Speaker 1: they did talk about this to a certain degree.

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Speaker 4: Adults who got married. Well, I mean they were married

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Speaker 4: about seven years, so they were both in their forties

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Speaker 4: when they got married. So these are adults. It's not

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Speaker 4: their first time around in a relationship. My guess is

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Speaker 4: they knew what they needed to talk about. And if

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Speaker 4: anybody needs a refresher from what we dictate as the

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Speaker 4: overlords of relationships, you got to talk about do you

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Speaker 4: want to have kids?

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Speaker 3: Where do you want to live? Where do you see

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Speaker 3: your life going?

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Speaker 4: These big picture topics and plans and goals and dreams

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Speaker 4: should of course be discussed before you get married, and

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Speaker 4: hopefully you're on the same page. Now. What I do

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Speaker 4: think they maybe got into the weeds on here is

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Speaker 4: either somebody hoping another person would change their mind and

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Speaker 4: maybe they weren't on about what they wanted, or somebody

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Speaker 4: did change their mind. Maybe before they got married, Joe

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Speaker 4: said no, I don't want to have kids, and maybe

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Speaker 4: he got older and he changed his mind, and that

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Speaker 4: I think is a much more complicated situation and it.

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Speaker 1: Happens quite a lot, Lauren and I, And the reason

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Speaker 1: we really wanted to dive into this today is just

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Speaker 1: that we have people in our life several actually now

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Speaker 1: that have had this exact issue, and it is one

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Speaker 1: of two things. It's one the person that supposedly had

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Speaker 1: the conversation pre marriage wasn't one hundred percent honest with

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Speaker 1: their emotions and feelings. And what I mean by that

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Speaker 1: is they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, and they kind of

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Speaker 1: just want to get married or they want to just

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Speaker 1: move the pond to the next space, and so they

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Speaker 1: give in a little bit, but deep down they really

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Speaker 1: don't mean what they're saying and they come to realize that.

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Speaker 1: Or secondly, we all change, we all have the ability to.

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Speaker 1: Who knows what Joe Mannganello did. Maybe he was hanging

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Speaker 1: around his buddies who just had a kid, and he's like, man,

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Speaker 1: that fire is still burning in my life and you

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Speaker 1: know what, I do want to have a baby. And

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Speaker 1: he doesn't make them a liar, doesn't make them a

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Speaker 1: bad guy. It's just he's had a change of heart.

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Speaker 1: My guess that's probably what happened in all of this.

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Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is Sophia stood by her guns

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Speaker 1: and said, no, that's not where I'm going in my life.

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Speaker 1: That is not happiness for me. It's not how I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be a good wife. It's not how I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be a good mother. And I say to that,

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Speaker 1: good on you, Sophia regard. Good for you to understand

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Speaker 1: yourself and go against something that's probably not very popular,

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Speaker 1: and that is a woman saying I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: be a mom.

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Speaker 3: I get that again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, not to mom again, And so good for you

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Speaker 1: for maybe taking a little heat on this, maybe a

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Speaker 1: little backlash. I don't know what the world will say

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Speaker 1: about it, but I'm really proud of her.

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Speaker 2: For being a mom is hard. Being a parent is hard.

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Speaker 1: It takes everything to be even an average parent, much

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Speaker 1: less a great one. So if you know you don't

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Speaker 1: have that in you don't subject a child to that.

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Speaker 1: I respect her decision very much.

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Speaker 4: I think we're dealing with one of the hardest what

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Speaker 4: ifs of a relationship, right because a kids are probably

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Speaker 4: the biggest discussion you have with somebody.

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Speaker 1: I would say financials and children are the top two.

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Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, about are we going to get married and

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Speaker 4: spend our lives together, and I'll be honest, this is

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Speaker 4: something that still and I love you and I'm glad

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Speaker 4: we're married, and I do feel like I have a

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Speaker 4: partner I can get through anything with. But you and

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Speaker 4: I have talked about this before. The what if, the

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Speaker 4: will we change thing? Yeah, scares me and I don't

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Speaker 4: know that.

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Speaker 3: I have an answer to it.

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Speaker 4: Maybe you have an answer and you're about to tell

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Speaker 4: me right now because you're older and wiser. But like

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Speaker 4: I look, for example, at the death of my dad,

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Speaker 4: that experience changed me as a person. People who knew

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Speaker 4: me in college my dad died towards the end of

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Speaker 4: me being in college, Like somebody could come out tomorrow

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Speaker 4: and be like, oh, I knew Lauren she was a sophomore,

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Speaker 4: and I would say, I'm really different than how you knew.

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Speaker 1: She was foot loose and fancy free and care in

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Speaker 1: the world.

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Speaker 4: Well on it, I was probably brattier, I was probably

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Speaker 4: more self absorbed. Like it completely changed my perspective on

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Speaker 4: the world. Of course, it didn't fully change everything about me.

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Speaker 4: But I bring that up because we life is going

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Speaker 4: to throw stuff at us and we are all going

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Speaker 4: to have experiences, an accident, an illness, anything a job

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Speaker 4: lost that will change us.

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Speaker 3: So how how do you.

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Speaker 4: Enter marriage and say, like, I don't know, Maybe the

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Speaker 4: answer is that you don't say we are together no

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Speaker 4: matter what, because like you're applauding Sophia Rigara on hey,

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Speaker 4: she said, I'm sorry we have to get divorced.

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Speaker 1: I should have preface this whole thing by saying this

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Speaker 1: is heartbreaking. This sucks, It really sucks. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: assume that they had a lovely marriage and that they

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Speaker 1: love each other, and when you think of something lovely

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Speaker 1: dissolving because of this, that sucks.

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Speaker 2: I hate this for both of them.

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Speaker 1: I fully feel Joe Manjanello because I was in his

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Speaker 1: shoes where I wanted to have kids and I did,

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Speaker 1: and so I would have hated if my you know,

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Speaker 1: first wife, if she we had gotten married and we

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Speaker 1: were young and you assume that, hey, we're going to

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Speaker 1: get me young and have kids, and if she said no,

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Speaker 1: that would have broken my heart and it would have

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Speaker 1: driven me to break up. And so I respect them both,

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Speaker 1: I said Sophia, but I also really respect Joe for

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Speaker 1: stating by his guns and saying no, this is something

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Speaker 1: that really means a lot to me. I want to

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Speaker 1: have children, and I'm forty seven. I can't waste the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life, you know.

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Speaker 2: Doing that. So good on both of them.

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Speaker 1: I really respect it, but it just my heartaches for

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Speaker 1: them because they seem I don't know them. I saw them,

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Speaker 1: you know, I interviewed both of them. They're lovely, and

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Speaker 1: so you think, oh, there's this lovely couple who have

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Speaker 1: love in their lives and everything other than this could

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Speaker 1: have been great. And it sucks that that's what drove

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Speaker 1: the wedge. And so while I respected, it really is

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Speaker 1: heartbreaking that this.

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Speaker 2: Is what they have to walk away from. They're walk away.

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Speaker 1: They're walking away from love, right because they both some

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Speaker 1: different things.

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Speaker 3: So much easier when someone is an a hole and you.

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Speaker 1: Walk away totally, you can sleep better because I mean

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Speaker 1: you're like, it would be like you and I right

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Speaker 1: now if there was just something like that that drove

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Speaker 1: a wedge between us.

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Speaker 3: We know couples.

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Speaker 4: As we were saying, yeah, I can think of just

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Speaker 4: off the top of my head, four or five couples

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Speaker 4: we know who have had.

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Speaker 3: This issue are going through it right now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I know I'm thinking of one couple,

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Speaker 4: and the woman in that couple it was the same.

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Speaker 4: She did not want to have kids, and they got married.

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Speaker 4: They'd had these discussions, and then their late thirties hit

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Speaker 4: and the husband says, I think I've changed my mind.

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Speaker 4: I want to have kids now. In that case, she

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Speaker 4: whatever you want to call it, gave in. And obviously

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Speaker 4: this woman loves her children and she is a great

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Speaker 4: mom and loves her children passionately, but she is honest

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Speaker 4: about being like, you know, this isn't really something I

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Speaker 4: wanted to do, and this isn't necessarily the way I

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Speaker 4: saw my life going. And I think there's a there's

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Speaker 4: a scary frustration, maybe resentment that can build in the marriage.

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Speaker 1: What happens often, and what has particularly happened in some

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Speaker 1: of these cases, is they had kids. The husband is

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Speaker 1: very successful, he is traveling, he's working, he's going. So

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Speaker 1: the mom, especially when they're younger, not only did she

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Speaker 1: really not see this life, but now she's a stay

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Speaker 1: at home mom or she's really having to dive in

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Speaker 1: with the kids, whereas the dad's kind of out doing

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Speaker 1: his thing. That creates resentment, It creates a lot of problems.

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Speaker 4: I think maybe the reason Sophia is able to walk away.

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Speaker 4: And I'm not saying these friends of ours, we know

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Speaker 4: she get divorced, but she was already a mom. She

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Speaker 4: knew the reality of parenting. And gosh, that's scary too.

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Speaker 4: If nobody's had kids and then one person decides and

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Speaker 4: then the other person's I mean, what you're faced with

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Speaker 4: is does somebody kind of give in or do you

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Speaker 4: walk away from each other. We know another couple right

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Speaker 4: now where Yeah, I have a friend who's changed her mind.

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Speaker 4: In this case, the woman and she didn't think she

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Speaker 4: wants steff kids, and now she does thinks she wants

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Speaker 4: stuff kids, and her and her husband are dealing with

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Speaker 4: what are we going to do? Yeah, and they don't

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Speaker 4: have an answer.

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Speaker 2: And well that's the problem is there is no easy answer.

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Speaker 1: Me. I went into dating you, and I was very

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Speaker 1: clear with everyone I dated for the ten or eleven

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Speaker 1: years postm divorce, like, I have two wonderful children. They

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Speaker 1: are healthy, God you know, knock on wood, God bless,

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Speaker 1: and I've gotten them to a stage in life that

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Speaker 1: there were empty nesters. It's like the thought of starting

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Speaker 1: over that's not for me. I know, there's plenty of

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Speaker 1: people my Joe Manner Janello is not too far off

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Speaker 1: from where forty seven. That's not the craziest thing in

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Speaker 1: the world to have kids at forty seven, and even

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Speaker 1: you know Sophia at fifty one or fifty two. So

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Speaker 1: I'm not begrudging that at all.

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Speaker 2: That's just me. That's where I am.

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Speaker 1: I was very sure that's not something I wanted to do.

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Speaker 1: And it would have been a deal breaker if you

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Speaker 1: had come into our relationship even while we were falling

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Speaker 1: in love. But we had those conversations earlier. You're like, babe,

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Speaker 1: I'm just telling you I want to have kids. I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, that's just not in the car for me,

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Speaker 1: and I don't want you to resent me.

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Speaker 2: That would have been horrible.

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Speaker 4: I think what we're learning in this moment in real time,

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Speaker 4: deal breakers are never not deal breakers.

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Speaker 3: They are deal breakers before.

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Speaker 4: You get into the relationship, in the beginning, in the

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Speaker 4: early dating stages.

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Speaker 3: They are deal breakers.

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Speaker 4: When you're discussing are we going to get married? And

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Speaker 4: those deal breakers remain after you get married.

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Speaker 1: I should anyway, And this is where I say, when

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Speaker 1: I say I respected Sophia, you bring up the great

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Speaker 1: point I respect that the deal breaker that she probably

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Speaker 1: established before the marriage is still one now and she's

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Speaker 1: not just giving in because I have seen that, and

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Speaker 1: that's where you run into trouble, and that's where we

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Speaker 1: see our friends running.

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Speaker 4: You start to sacrifice. And look, it's hard because again

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Speaker 4: we're saying people can change. Someone might not want to

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Speaker 4: be a parent and then have kids and they totally

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Speaker 4: change and having the kid totally changes them. But I

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Speaker 4: do think there's something critical when you're in a relationship

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Speaker 4: about maintaining your own like standards, your morals for yourself,

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Speaker 4: your standards for yourself, what you want, because if you

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Speaker 4: lose sight of that goalpost, and if you lose sight

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Speaker 4: of yourself, you're not going to be a good partner

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Speaker 4: in a relationship anyway, and the relationship is going to

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Speaker 4: dissolve anyway. Like you have to maintain that or nobody's happy.

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Speaker 1: And you have to give so much of yourself to

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Speaker 1: be a parent. You have to be so selfless, you

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Speaker 1: have to be. And that's one thing I was like,

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Speaker 1: I realized, I'm at the point in my life where

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of ready to be a little more selfish again.

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Speaker 1: A career working again, so many of the traveling and

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Speaker 1: just I'm at a different stage than where I was

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Speaker 1: when I wanted to be the A y s O

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Speaker 1: soccer coach I wanted any way, it's it's the kind

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Speaker 1: of governing, it's it's the all youth soccer.

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Speaker 2: It's you, it's youth.

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Speaker 3: I took a shot.

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Speaker 1: It's it's like the you know, it's it's what kids

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Speaker 1: soccer is organization.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: I coached Josh and Taylor and everything. I was at

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Speaker 1: everything I did Mommy and me, I changed the digregtion.

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Speaker 2: I did you.

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Speaker 3: Go with your ex or were you there so long?

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Speaker 2: I often did? I often did it solo.

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Speaker 1: And we should we should do a part well because

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Speaker 1: sometimes we had.

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Speaker 3: Two kids, like you guys are alternating going to the class.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and so we should talk about that because the

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Speaker 1: way I would love to do a playbook on how

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Speaker 1: dads are looked upon.

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Speaker 2: As opposed to mom?

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Speaker 3: Are you the only dad in the room?

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Speaker 2: Often?

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Speaker 3: Really often, just like when we go to.

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Speaker 4: Pilate's and I always tell the money, there's usually one

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Speaker 4: guy in the class, and today it's really going to.

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Speaker 1: Be treated like maybe the biggest idiot that had fallen

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Speaker 1: off a turn up truck.

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Speaker 3: Give me an example, I mean.

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Speaker 1: Just they it's like they spoon feed you of like oh, like.

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Speaker 3: They're like, this is the butt.

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Speaker 1: You're a man, so clearly you have no idea what

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Speaker 1: you're doing parenting this child. We will you know so, dad?

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Speaker 1: They would you know that's they always say. It's like,

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Speaker 1: OHI kids, okay, dad, you know this is this these

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Speaker 1: are the instructions for you, you idiot. And it's like

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Speaker 1: really demeaning. It's really demeaning. It's like you just want

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Speaker 1: to be looked upon like the same, right equal, but

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Speaker 1: you're not. You're definitely treated differently as a dad. They

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Speaker 1: just assume you have no idea. They assume this is

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Speaker 1: the first time you've seen your child and it's the

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Speaker 1: first time you've ever interacted with other human beings.

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Speaker 4: Did that continue as you became a single dad you

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Speaker 4: had more and more of those experiences. Did you encounter

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Speaker 4: that a lot if you were alone with the kids.

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Speaker 4: It's something people thought, this guy's for sure.

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Speaker 1: They just assume parent teacher conferences, all these things. They

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Speaker 1: just they spoon feed you. They start talking in this

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Speaker 1: elementary level to like stoop down to your level to

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Speaker 1: like I'm good, I'm up to date on what my

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Speaker 1: kids are up to. I'm present in their lives, but

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Speaker 1: they just and look, maybe it's a safe assumption, and

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm sure that is the option, you know,

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Speaker 1: the typical thing back in the day. But it was

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Speaker 1: something that really struck me and I took offense to

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Speaker 1: it a lot, and I just kind of had to

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Speaker 1: swallow it of like, okay, treat me like an idiot.

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Speaker 1: My question for you there is the change of heart,

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Speaker 1: But then what about the changer, Like the person that

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Speaker 1: goes you know what I really do want kids, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna just wear him down. I can get to him

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Speaker 1: or her. Eventually I can just bend their will. He'll

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Speaker 1: come around or she'll come around. Your thoughts on that person,

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Speaker 1: because that to me is very dangerous.

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Speaker 4: Very dangerous. Again, builds resentment not gonna end well. I

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Speaker 4: think when you start manipulating, I mean, look, we can

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Speaker 4: all laugh about the way we manipulate our partner as

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Speaker 4: well as you do a little bit. But when you're

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Speaker 4: talking about manipulating their moral fabric, their character, their dreams,

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Speaker 4: the fabric of who they are, They're going to resent

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Speaker 4: you and you're going to resent yourself later. And it's

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Speaker 4: only going to tear away at the relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what's not fair is let's just assume it's the guy.

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Speaker 1: So you know, the woman definitely wants to break him down,

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Speaker 1: and she's thinking, I'm going to marry him and then

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Speaker 1: he'll change. Well, the guy thinks they have this understanding.

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Speaker 1: This person thinks I've hit the mother load. I love

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Speaker 1: this woman we have we're on the same page. We're

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Speaker 1: going to be traveling, we're going to be footloose and

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Speaker 1: fancy free and all along.

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Speaker 2: She's on this.

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Speaker 1: Countdown to I got five to seven years to break

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Speaker 1: his will. That's a very dangerous thing because you're not

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Speaker 1: on the same page anymore. You're living separate lives. You're

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Speaker 1: living a separate love life, and that is that's it's

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Speaker 1: a recipe for disaster.

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Speaker 4: So, as a man, give me advice on this, because

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Speaker 4: I think rhetoric women get a lot. Is men mature

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Speaker 4: slower than women. He just needs some time to grow up.

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Speaker 4: He's still a boy, not a man. Give him some time.

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Speaker 4: He's going to grow out of this. And so I

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Speaker 4: think women say yes in relationships a lot. I know

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Speaker 4: I to have in the past, because like in your twenties,

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Speaker 4: you're thinking Oh, he's just got to grow up a

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Speaker 4: little bit, and like, I'm more mature than he is,

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Speaker 4: and he just needs time to get there. But his like,

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Speaker 4: his core is good and he's going to get there.

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Speaker 4: Is that a fantasy we should not be buying into.

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Speaker 1: I mean no, no, I mean I'm just gonna come

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Speaker 1: out and say it. No, Because if you're you're in Vegas,

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Speaker 1: you're rolling the dice. You're hoping that this guy who

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Speaker 1: loves fantasy football, loves video games and loves drinking beer

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Speaker 1: or whatever, is that ever going to change? Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean we all evolve, we become different. But at the

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Speaker 1: same time, I would say, no, have those conversations if

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Speaker 1: he's not even remotely open to it, Like, no, babe,

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Speaker 1: I'm never gonna have kids. I don't ever want to

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Speaker 1: do that. I'm a big believer of believe people when

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Speaker 1: they say it, like when they're making it easy for

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Speaker 1: you and they're actually saying the quiet part out loud,

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Speaker 1: Believe them. Do we evolve and do we all change

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Speaker 1: as men and women? Of course, and it can go

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Speaker 1: the opposite direction where you were gung hole about having

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Speaker 1: kids and all of a sudden you don't want to. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we all have to have the grace where we can change.

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Speaker 2: Here.

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Speaker 4: You just hit on something so brilliant, though, which is

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Speaker 4: when you're analyzing your relationship, you cannot bet on like.

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Speaker 3: What you hope coming true.

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Speaker 4: You can't take that gamble because that is really really

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Speaker 4: brilliant because you you're like, oh, well, hopefully he'll gore

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Speaker 4: out of it. But you can't bet your life and

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Speaker 4: your future on that hope. I mean, I had a

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Speaker 4: guy say to me once, yeah, I think like when

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Speaker 4: I have a kid, I'll get it together.

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Speaker 3: That'll help me get it together.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh.

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Speaker 4: And I'm like, well, that's a pretty big gamble to take, right,

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Speaker 4: You're going to bring a person into the world and

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Speaker 4: hope that person makes you better. And then what you know,

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Speaker 4: say I'm the mom in this scenario, and then I'm

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Speaker 4: at baseball practice and I'm like, oh, yeah, honey, Dad's

403
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Speaker 4: not here today because he said he was going to

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Speaker 4: get his crap together when you came into the world,

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Speaker 4: but he didn't.

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Speaker 2: He's not quite there yet.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's at home with the video games. So in look, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's a big you should not You can't. You can't

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Speaker 3: take that risk.

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Speaker 1: As you and I have learned, and even in the

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Speaker 1: short time we've been married, life throws enough stuff at

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Speaker 1: you that you have to deal with that listening and

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Speaker 1: knowing what's coming where someone is said out loud, I

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Speaker 1: don't want this, I'm not going to change. You're going

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Speaker 1: to have to deal with that and everything else life

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Speaker 1: throws at you in the best of circumstances, when you

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Speaker 1: have a great part or like I do. I hope

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Speaker 1: you do too, a true teammate who's going to go

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Speaker 1: through the ups, the downs, people dying, people sick, the

420
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Speaker 1: craziest of things. That life is hard as it is

421
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Speaker 1: trying to go through it with your partner, much less

422
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Speaker 1: you're trying to bend their will. You're trying to change them,

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Speaker 1: You're hoping they grow up. You're not going to be

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Speaker 1: able to do all those things. It will lead to sadness, resentment,

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Speaker 1: and ultimately, hopefully you're going to walk away because you're

426
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Speaker 1: not you have we all have one life.

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Speaker 3: And it's really goodding deep now we all have one life.

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Speaker 2: No, but it's like life is.

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Speaker 1: Life is short, but it's equally long, and so to

430
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Speaker 1: waste your days trying to change somebody only to hit

431
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Speaker 1: your head against a wall ten years later and realize

432
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Speaker 1: you just wasted a decade.

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Speaker 3: I go back to, is.

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Speaker 4: I believe we should all help our partners grow. I

435
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Speaker 4: don't think we should help our partners change. Like I

436
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 4: don't think I've said to people a lot. You can't

437
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 4: get somebody to ground zero. Someone has to arrive to you,

438
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 4: like you're going to need to work on the release.

439
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 4: You're going to need to work on things like your

440
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 4: communication and how you do life together.

441
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 3: So you can't like fix that person.

442
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 4: That person has to come to you pretty well, okay,

443
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 4: And again that doesn't mean you're not going to uncover

444
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:17,199
Speaker 4: some stuff, but certainly look at someone and maybe what

445
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 4: we tell ourselves is, Okay, can I grow with this person?

446
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,360
Speaker 4: Can I see them evolving well? And can can I

447
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 4: help them on that journey? Not okay, this person is

448
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 4: like six things they need to change on. That's a

449
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 4: dangerous place to start from. And now I got to

450
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 4: ask the big question, though, which is okay, we've talked.

451
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 4: Maybe kids are always a deal breaker and if someone

452
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 4: changes their mind. Look, you and I are both divorced.

453
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 4: Maybe we're saying you just said you applauded Sophia regard

454
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 4: and Joey and Janelle want splitting up. What are other

455
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,200
Speaker 4: forever deal breakers? That might mean your marriage isn't forever.

456
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,639
Speaker 4: That might be a deal breaker down the road, just

457
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 4: like they were a deal breaker when you talk before

458
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 4: you ever walk down there.

459
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 1: You know what's funny is and I'm trying. I'm wrecking

460
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 1: my brain. I can't think of anything else. So life

461
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:14,959
Speaker 1: altering like kids, you know, it's like finances. Finances are

462
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: something that will cause divorce and it's something you need

463
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 1: to discuss and be on the same page. I think

464
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:25,919
Speaker 1: you have to have that economic you know, equilibrium as

465
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: you come into a relationship and understand each other. But

466
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: like if you start spending crazily, now, could it lead

467
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:33,959
Speaker 1: to a divorce?

468
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 4: Sure?

469
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 2: But adding kids, you're adding.

470
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 3: A human It's irreversible decision. Yeah, I think that's the.

471
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 1: So many other things can change of like, oh, we

472
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: can figure out the credit card thing.

473
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 2: We can figure out.

474
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 4: Right, if you find out your partner gets in a

475
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 4: ton of debt, you're like, Okay, you made a mistake.

476
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 3: Like are they sorry? Are they wanting it to? Let's

477
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 3: work through it together. You have a kid. The kid

478
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 3: is here and you're.

479
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: Not going back once you're married. I'm not sure anything

480
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,639
Speaker 1: is bigger than that. I think that is apex mountain

481
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 1: on this. And you know, I think as we kind

482
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 1: of wrap this whole thing up, going back to the

483
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,479
Speaker 1: Joe and Sophia of it all, I guess my advice

484
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 1: and take away after listening to you and talking this

485
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: out is, even if you are married, be honest and

486
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,919
Speaker 1: have that conversation, whether you had it before or not,

487
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 1: I think, circle back and have that conversation again. Are

488
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: we still on the same page and be honest with me.

489
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 1: Is this something you really are in the back of

490
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 1: your mind hoping I will change? And if you are

491
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: the man or the woman that wants to be the changer,

492
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 1: come clean and say you know what, babe, this might

493
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 1: shake this whole snow globe up. And I'm not saying

494
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: we need to break up, but I honestly am quietly

495
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 1: hoping that we are going to have a baby someday.

496
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 1: Be honest, like, it's not fair keeping your person the

497
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 1: other person in jail and in the dark on that not.

498
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,360
Speaker 3: Far to you order them. I mean, again, you're both

499
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 3: going to suffer.

500
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 4: I think you're so right because we joke all the

501
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 4: time about how marriage is a contract and it's the

502
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 4: only contract that you don't revisit, negotiate every job. You're

503
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 4: the truth is finance your house.

504
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 2: But you and the truth as you can.

505
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: I mean, we sit here as divorced people, the truth

506
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 1: as you can have those conversations. And by the way,

507
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: it's not always going to lead to divorce. I'm not

508
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 1: saying that. It's just sometimes it will lead to the

509
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 1: opposite of that. It will build you and make you stronger.

510
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, we are still on the same page,

511
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: Like you and I still check in with each other

512
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,120
Speaker 1: of like little things, even like.

513
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 3: You just want to get a dog, yeah in the.

514
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: Interesting No, No, we're not. We're we literally just had

515
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 1: that conversation. But you checked in with me the other

516
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 1: day about like something it's not big, but you're like

517
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,160
Speaker 1: you still want to travel, Like do you still want

518
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 1: to do the things we were talking about doing? And

519
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: I said, you know, and we made sure that we're

520
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,879
Speaker 1: still on the same page, even from little things on

521
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: up to having kids. I think, look, I'm not saying

522
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:46,959
Speaker 1: marriage is dispensable and all that.

523
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 2: I don't.

524
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not messing with the sanctity of marriage.

525
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: It is important to me and it's holy to me,

526
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 1: but it is something that can change, and it shouldn't.

527
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,360
Speaker 1: It's it's not so sanctimonious that you can't you need

528
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 1: to ruin the rest of your life.

529
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 4: Right, And I think we got to have some grace

530
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 4: for people on that because I guarantee you anybody you

531
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 4: talk to, they can come up with a reason why

532
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: it would be okay to end a marriage. I mean

533
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 4: down to the simple thing of like, you know, if

534
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 4: you're in an abusive situation and something like, everybody has

535
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 4: a reason that they're like okay, So let's keep talking.

536
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 3: Respect each other's reasons.

537
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 4: And yes, we are sitting here today applauding Joe Manjanello

538
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,880
Speaker 4: and Sophia Vergara on splitting up, and we wish them

539
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 4: both the best.

540
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 1: Just like we're doing here. Have those conversations, and don't

541
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: be afraid to be honest, just like we're honest with

542
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,199
Speaker 1: you when we get a chance to talk, and we

543
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: always love it, and we will do it again next

544
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: time because we have a lot more to talk about.

545
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most

546
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: Dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write us a

547
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars.

548
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:54,640
Speaker 2: I'll talk to you next time.