WEBVTT - Cultivating Hope Through Gratitude 0:00:04.853 --> 0:00:08.773 Come Back Stories is a production I've Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:09.333 --> 0:00:11.893 Welcome back, everyone to another episode of come Back Stories. 0:00:12.373 --> 0:00:14.533 I'm one of your co hosts, Darren Waller. I'm excited 0:00:14.533 --> 0:00:16.933 to be here with you guys for another episode along 0:00:16.973 --> 0:00:19.933 with my brother, my friend, mister Donnie Starkins. Donnie, how 0:00:19.973 --> 0:00:20.693 you doing, man. 0:00:20.973 --> 0:00:23.213 I'm doing great, man. I look forward to these days 0:00:23.253 --> 0:00:26.173 that we get to connect and drop in and today 0:00:26.173 --> 0:00:27.973 it's just going to be me and you, which I 0:00:28.013 --> 0:00:31.893 really value and appreciate these episodes where we actually don't 0:00:31.893 --> 0:00:32.773 have a guest on. 0:00:33.253 --> 0:00:37.773 No doubt, man, the flow is incredible. And I don't 0:00:37.813 --> 0:00:40.173 know about you, but I find myself at this time wondering, 0:00:40.293 --> 0:00:43.013 like where all the time has gone from this year. 0:00:43.813 --> 0:00:47.773 We're already approaching Thanksgiving, which is coming up this week, 0:00:48.213 --> 0:00:51.533 and it's like a great time, I know, for me 0:00:51.573 --> 0:00:55.453 to especially kind of slow down and start to reflect, 0:00:55.573 --> 0:00:59.053 start to look back on all the things I label 0:00:59.093 --> 0:01:02.053 as good things I label as bad things that are 0:01:02.333 --> 0:01:06.133 indifferent really just be like man like. It feels like 0:01:06.213 --> 0:01:09.693 every year time is going by faster and faster just 0:01:09.733 --> 0:01:13.933 accelerates the more that I get older, and that brings 0:01:13.973 --> 0:01:15.693 us to the topic that we want to discuss with 0:01:15.733 --> 0:01:17.933 you guys today, which is gratitude, which is a word 0:01:17.973 --> 0:01:22.493 you hear come out of our mouths a lot, mainly 0:01:22.533 --> 0:01:25.973 because it's a practice that we're still continuing to unfold 0:01:25.973 --> 0:01:30.093 in our own personal lives and knowing just how important 0:01:30.093 --> 0:01:33.413 it is. Like the day of Thanksgiving, the idea of 0:01:33.493 --> 0:01:37.013 Thanksgiving is a beautiful thing, you know, people coming together, 0:01:37.493 --> 0:01:39.613 spending that time with your family, your friends that you 0:01:39.653 --> 0:01:42.893 may not get to see as much, and cherishing that time, 0:01:43.333 --> 0:01:46.093 cherishing that connection. But at the same time, I feel 0:01:46.133 --> 0:01:48.093 like what I feel like we want to unpack today 0:01:48.173 --> 0:01:50.853 is how do we carry that vibe and that energy 0:01:50.933 --> 0:01:55.093 of Thanksgiving that we love and we appreciate. How do 0:01:55.133 --> 0:01:57.053 we bring that into our daily lives. How do we 0:01:57.053 --> 0:02:01.133 bring that into the moment to moment flow of our existence. 0:02:01.693 --> 0:02:04.133 And that's what we want to unpack with you guys 0:02:04.133 --> 0:02:04.573 here today. 0:02:05.653 --> 0:02:09.493 And I can't believe you started with that about time flying, 0:02:09.533 --> 0:02:11.813 and I still I feel so connected to you, even 0:02:11.933 --> 0:02:14.653 even though you're on opposite side of the country, and 0:02:14.693 --> 0:02:19.373 probably there's been more time elapsed where I haven't seen you, 0:02:19.453 --> 0:02:22.333 but just you saying that I've been trying to explain 0:02:22.373 --> 0:02:25.933 that to people like, like, does anybody else notice? I 0:02:25.973 --> 0:02:29.653 know time flies and people say it, but something right now, 0:02:29.773 --> 0:02:32.533 like this year of all years, and it's not like 0:02:32.613 --> 0:02:36.933 anything really crazy happened, but there's something very interesting happening. 0:02:37.053 --> 0:02:39.773 So I've been saying that to people and for you 0:02:39.853 --> 0:02:43.213 to start it off like that is, yeah, we have 0:02:43.333 --> 0:02:46.493 to if time is going that quick, which it is 0:02:46.573 --> 0:02:49.693 going quick, and technology makes things go quicker, that we 0:02:49.813 --> 0:02:53.733 have to take time to stop and pause. And yes, 0:02:53.813 --> 0:02:57.453 Thanksgiving is many things, but I think it's a beautiful 0:02:57.453 --> 0:03:00.533 opportunity to take a step back and really gain some 0:03:00.573 --> 0:03:03.573 perspective for the things that we are grateful for today. 0:03:04.053 --> 0:03:08.333 No doubt, man, Because for me especially, I know that 0:03:08.693 --> 0:03:12.013 there's times where I can fall into a little bit 0:03:12.053 --> 0:03:15.453 of like an autopilot mode and I'm just grinding and 0:03:15.493 --> 0:03:18.653 I'm just hustling, and I'm just trying to get things done, 0:03:19.413 --> 0:03:22.253 keeping a schedule full. And it's like, at what point 0:03:22.293 --> 0:03:24.853 do we hustle ourselves to death? You know what I'm saying, 0:03:24.933 --> 0:03:29.693 grind ourselves to this space to where our spiritual life 0:03:29.693 --> 0:03:33.973 gets boxed out, or just our emotional intelligence and the 0:03:34.173 --> 0:03:36.053 feel that we have for what's going on in our 0:03:36.133 --> 0:03:39.133 daily lives can start to fade and it's like, a man, 0:03:39.133 --> 0:03:41.693 i don't even know what's really going on. I'm just 0:03:41.813 --> 0:03:44.973 being swept with the current. And I felt like that 0:03:45.053 --> 0:03:46.653 a lot. I felt like that a little bit recently, 0:03:47.453 --> 0:03:50.293 definitely in spurts over the course of the year, over 0:03:50.293 --> 0:03:54.373 the course of my whole life. Man. And I know 0:03:54.453 --> 0:03:56.533 that that's not what I want to do. But how 0:03:56.613 --> 0:04:00.453 quickly I can forget when I'm doing things and get 0:04:00.453 --> 0:04:04.373 lost into that performance mode a little bit that hey, man, 0:04:04.573 --> 0:04:08.933 like the things that I should be most grateful for, 0:04:09.133 --> 0:04:11.653 don't I should myself to death, but the things that 0:04:11.653 --> 0:04:17.133 I should be taking into account, my health, my support system, 0:04:18.093 --> 0:04:20.773 you know what I'm saying. Even the discomfort and the 0:04:20.853 --> 0:04:25.733 uncomfortable moments of my life, I can't. I don't view 0:04:25.733 --> 0:04:28.413 them through the lens that is most proper and most 0:04:28.453 --> 0:04:31.413 beneficial for me a lot of times. And but that's 0:04:31.453 --> 0:04:32.253 just me being human. 0:04:32.293 --> 0:04:32.453 You know. 0:04:32.493 --> 0:04:34.733 I need to be reeled back in, brought back into 0:04:34.773 --> 0:04:38.093 my center because there's there's no way I'm gonna be 0:04:38.093 --> 0:04:40.173 perfect at this. And I hope anybody listening knows that 0:04:40.733 --> 0:04:42.733 I ain't gonna hold you to be in perfect Donnie 0:04:42.773 --> 0:04:45.813 isn't either. We're just we're just trying to figure this 0:04:45.813 --> 0:04:46.213 thing out. 0:04:46.853 --> 0:04:49.013 Yeah, And I think that's why we've been inspired to 0:04:49.413 --> 0:04:52.773 maybe at least during the holiday season, hit it with 0:04:52.813 --> 0:04:57.653 you guys, with maybe just us two, especially because we 0:04:57.773 --> 0:05:01.613 understand in the in the world of addiction, alcoholism and 0:05:01.653 --> 0:05:04.133 mental health that by the time that you listen to 0:05:04.173 --> 0:05:08.333 this podcast episode from Thanksgiving till after New Year's is 0:05:08.413 --> 0:05:12.173 when we see the world sees the spike, the big 0:05:12.213 --> 0:05:17.053 spike in addiction and mental health and alcoholism. So I 0:05:17.173 --> 0:05:20.693 remember these days, these using days, and how scary and 0:05:20.733 --> 0:05:23.213 how having to deal with family and the triggers and 0:05:23.333 --> 0:05:26.733 all of that stuff. So we want you to know 0:05:26.813 --> 0:05:29.853 that we're here with you. And again, this is just 0:05:30.053 --> 0:05:34.573 us continuing to fulfill a mission of reaching many as 0:05:34.613 --> 0:05:37.693 many people as possible to remind them that you're not alone. 0:05:37.733 --> 0:05:39.693 And I know a lot of people are going to 0:05:39.773 --> 0:05:43.733 feel alone during the holidays, but we're here to tell 0:05:43.773 --> 0:05:45.573 you that you're not alone. And I know that saying 0:05:45.653 --> 0:05:49.973 can sound cliche, but it's a story that you're telling yourself. 0:05:50.053 --> 0:05:53.613 And when we weave in practices like gratitude, because there's 0:05:53.613 --> 0:05:55.613 going to be times in life where you're feeling stuck, 0:05:56.213 --> 0:05:58.973 like you really don't feel like you're moving forward, like 0:05:59.013 --> 0:06:01.853 everything isn't working out the way that you expected. And 0:06:01.893 --> 0:06:04.933 it's at these times where we actually lose person effective 0:06:05.493 --> 0:06:08.893 And it's at these times during Thanksgiving in the holidays, 0:06:08.933 --> 0:06:12.933 and we're seeing everybody else's Instagram post about how how 0:06:12.973 --> 0:06:15.413 good of a time they're having, which I mean, let's 0:06:15.493 --> 0:06:19.373 let's be real, like family time during the holidays can 0:06:19.413 --> 0:06:22.573 be very challenging for many and it always isn't what 0:06:22.613 --> 0:06:24.693 you think it is, and for a lot of people, 0:06:25.013 --> 0:06:27.013 a lot of people struggle. It's there's a lot of 0:06:27.013 --> 0:06:30.253 pain during this time. So you can tell that I'm 0:06:30.373 --> 0:06:33.333 super fired up about this because I remember how it was. 0:06:33.413 --> 0:06:38.093 And we want you to know that you know you're 0:06:38.093 --> 0:06:39.853 not alone and you can't do this alone. 0:06:40.653 --> 0:06:43.173 Amen, we are. We are with you, guys. We've been 0:06:43.213 --> 0:06:47.493 with you guys from the jump. We start this this show, 0:06:47.573 --> 0:06:51.453 this platform to tell you guys, or to educate you guys, 0:06:51.653 --> 0:06:54.613 or to you know, let you know what's what. We 0:06:55.093 --> 0:06:57.573 started the show because we are one of you. We 0:06:57.733 --> 0:07:01.813 have our struggles. I got struggles like I'm not immune, 0:07:02.053 --> 0:07:04.453 nor will I ever be. And we just want to. 0:07:04.493 --> 0:07:06.613 I know we wit you guys, and you know, I 0:07:06.613 --> 0:07:09.173 know that maybe some people listening thinking about a gratitude 0:07:09.173 --> 0:07:11.813 practice kind of like me, like I was intimidated by it. 0:07:11.893 --> 0:07:14.653 You know, I've and I can't tell you I've done 0:07:14.733 --> 0:07:19.053 a lot of gratitude lists in the last six years, 0:07:19.053 --> 0:07:21.413 since since my life has kind of taken a little 0:07:21.413 --> 0:07:23.933 bit of a different course. But even still in the 0:07:23.973 --> 0:07:26.853 midst of that, I can find myself kind of in 0:07:26.853 --> 0:07:30.093 the midst of my day maybe like grumbling, like maybe 0:07:30.093 --> 0:07:33.853 not vocally and out loud, but silently kind of complaining 0:07:33.853 --> 0:07:41.573 about things, or using sarcasm to kind of cut down people, 0:07:41.853 --> 0:07:45.333 or or the situation that I'm in because I don't 0:07:45.373 --> 0:07:48.893 like it, and basically saying I lose track of the 0:07:48.973 --> 0:07:52.333 gratitude practice that I've been cultivating. So it starts with 0:07:52.373 --> 0:07:55.373 one like not expecting perfection from yourself and knowing that 0:07:55.413 --> 0:07:57.373 this is a practice is going to continue to unfold 0:07:57.413 --> 0:08:00.853 over time. But I feel like it's proper for us 0:08:00.893 --> 0:08:03.373 right now to break down, like okay, like I want 0:08:03.413 --> 0:08:05.853 a gratitude practice, Like what does that look like? Like 0:08:06.133 --> 0:08:08.293 what are the thoughts? Like what can I ask myself? 0:08:08.293 --> 0:08:10.733 How can I check in and I feel like one 0:08:10.853 --> 0:08:13.893 Like one way to start is like even if you 0:08:13.973 --> 0:08:18.013 haven't had an amazing life or your comeback story feels 0:08:18.013 --> 0:08:20.853 like it hasn't happened yet, we can start with like, hey, like, 0:08:20.893 --> 0:08:24.253 what's one good thing that's happened to me this week? 0:08:24.253 --> 0:08:28.493 What's one good thing that's happened for you? Like, because 0:08:28.493 --> 0:08:30.453 there's there's no way you can sit here and tell 0:08:30.493 --> 0:08:33.493 me that there's not one good thing that's happened this 0:08:33.573 --> 0:08:37.173 week if you don't sit down and analyze your life, 0:08:37.413 --> 0:08:41.693 reflect on one thing, Like if it's you only all, 0:08:41.733 --> 0:08:43.933 but you just woke up today, then that may be 0:08:44.053 --> 0:08:46.973 all it is. But there's at least one good thing, 0:08:47.413 --> 0:08:51.333 and that we can start there, Like, if that's all 0:08:51.333 --> 0:08:54.373 our gratitude practice is, is hey, I check it at 0:08:54.373 --> 0:08:57.253 the end of the week and find one thing. Let's 0:08:57.293 --> 0:08:59.853 go like we're doing this thing. We're getting started and 0:08:59.893 --> 0:09:02.293 we're rolling. So don't feel like it's got to be 0:09:02.373 --> 0:09:07.973 this magnificent journaling episode or you know, every single part 0:09:07.973 --> 0:09:10.773 of your day you're just smelling every single rose and 0:09:11.333 --> 0:09:13.973 you know, feeling like you've got to have it all together. No, like, 0:09:14.213 --> 0:09:16.853 let's just find a place to start and roll from there. 0:09:17.093 --> 0:09:19.373 Yeah, I love that, and I think it's just good 0:09:19.453 --> 0:09:22.653 for anybody listening that says well, because gratitude is kind 0:09:22.653 --> 0:09:24.453 of like this. It's another one of those kind of 0:09:24.493 --> 0:09:29.613 cliche things, maybe often a term that's overused sometimes maybe 0:09:29.733 --> 0:09:33.093 rarely or not as often embodied, Like we're talking about 0:09:33.133 --> 0:09:36.093 it and people are sharing it. But the reason why, 0:09:36.213 --> 0:09:38.333 I mean, the big reason the science behind it is 0:09:38.333 --> 0:09:42.013 because it helps us overcome all these hardwired the hardwired 0:09:42.013 --> 0:09:45.853 negativity bias, which back in the day, it was in 0:09:45.893 --> 0:09:48.293 the caveman days when you know, we had to look 0:09:48.613 --> 0:09:51.693 for the saber to tiger, so we had to be 0:09:51.773 --> 0:09:53.853 on the lookout for something to go wrong or else 0:09:54.013 --> 0:09:55.613 we would dye. I mean, that's just how it was. 0:09:55.653 --> 0:09:59.933 And so this negativity bias is hardwired. And it's funny 0:09:59.933 --> 0:10:02.413 because remember we had Michael Gervais on the show and 0:10:02.453 --> 0:10:06.293 he was talking about today's modern tooth saberduth tigers carrying 0:10:06.293 --> 0:10:08.733 what other people think, and I was like, wow, that's 0:10:08.733 --> 0:10:12.093 so powerful. But going back to understanding why we do this, 0:10:12.173 --> 0:10:15.293 we are conditioned to just look for the things that 0:10:15.333 --> 0:10:17.853 are going wrong. It's just how it is. So when 0:10:17.853 --> 0:10:20.973 we accept that and we understand that there's not something 0:10:21.053 --> 0:10:24.573 wrong with us. It's just like deep, deep, many many 0:10:24.733 --> 0:10:29.533 years and generations of conditioning. That's why we practice. And Darren, 0:10:29.573 --> 0:10:32.173 you know, when we would do our coaching sessions, it 0:10:32.373 --> 0:10:36.053 was we would always start with, like, what's going well? 0:10:36.093 --> 0:10:38.493 And the reason we talk about what's going well is 0:10:38.493 --> 0:10:41.413 because we're so used to talking about what's not going well, 0:10:41.573 --> 0:10:43.653 and when we talk about what's not going well well, 0:10:43.693 --> 0:10:46.973 it has us feeling demotivated and uninspired. But when we 0:10:47.053 --> 0:10:50.453 talk about what's going well first, that's kind of what 0:10:50.533 --> 0:10:53.933 has us feeling feeling good. It's like, you know, the 0:10:54.013 --> 0:10:56.813 reason we practice gratitude is because we're our tension goes, 0:10:56.933 --> 0:10:59.893 energy flows, and if we focus on the good, like 0:10:59.933 --> 0:11:03.093 guess what happens, more good happens in our lives. If 0:11:03.133 --> 0:11:04.653 you wake up in the morning and you turn on 0:11:04.693 --> 0:11:08.093 the news, and that's the beginning of your practice and 0:11:08.133 --> 0:11:12.893 the foundation of your day, I mean, that's a fear written, shaky, 0:11:12.933 --> 0:11:15.773 shaky foundation. You wake up in the morning and take 0:11:15.813 --> 0:11:19.093 a few deep breaths, right, or at least maybe just 0:11:19.133 --> 0:11:21.533 think of a few things you're grateful for. As you 0:11:21.573 --> 0:11:25.533 advance to practice, you can actually cultivate the feeling of gratitude, 0:11:25.613 --> 0:11:28.173 like feeling it in your bones, feeling it in your body. 0:11:28.693 --> 0:11:31.453 That's how you really start to gain a practice that 0:11:31.493 --> 0:11:34.773 doesn't feel monotonous because I mean, Darren, we've done this, 0:11:35.013 --> 0:11:37.653 You've written plenty of times, and it's like, oh, I'm 0:11:37.693 --> 0:11:40.733 riting the same shit every day, and that's like our mind, 0:11:40.813 --> 0:11:43.933 the chatter, you know, the little self sabotage voice that's 0:11:44.213 --> 0:11:47.933 chirping up. But it's more about just practicing and doing 0:11:47.973 --> 0:11:52.013 it again, because especially if you said you're gonna do it, 0:11:52.053 --> 0:11:54.613 because we talk about this all the time about keeping 0:11:54.693 --> 0:11:57.773 the promises you make to yourself. So it's it's big 0:11:57.853 --> 0:12:00.293 in many ways, and it's just a beautiful practice. And 0:12:00.333 --> 0:12:01.493 that's why we're talking about it. 0:12:03.213 --> 0:12:06.893 Man so well said my wife and I we had 0:12:06.933 --> 0:12:12.813 about an hour plus car ride last night and she 0:12:12.893 --> 0:12:14.853 put on this audiobook that somebody sent her. It's called 0:12:14.893 --> 0:12:20.013 Peaks and Valleys. If you haven't checked that out, comeback Stories, Family, 0:12:20.013 --> 0:12:22.813 go check that out. But essentially, like in the first 0:12:22.893 --> 0:12:26.013 couple of chapters, you know, it's a fictional story, and 0:12:26.053 --> 0:12:29.053 it says, man that's up on this peak, an old 0:12:29.053 --> 0:12:30.733 man's up on this peak, and a young man kind 0:12:30.733 --> 0:12:32.293 of gets to this peak. 0:12:32.493 --> 0:12:32.973 And. 0:12:35.533 --> 0:12:38.413 As opposed to his perspective being like, yes, I made 0:12:38.453 --> 0:12:41.853 it up here to this peak, he says like, like, 0:12:41.973 --> 0:12:45.373 damn it, I missed it, like he missed the sunset 0:12:45.413 --> 0:12:48.253 because it was later in the day. And you know, 0:12:48.293 --> 0:12:50.253 old Man's like, you know, you made it to a 0:12:50.293 --> 0:12:52.773 place that you've always wanted to come, yet the only 0:12:52.773 --> 0:12:55.493 thing that you could focus on was what you're missing 0:12:55.493 --> 0:12:58.293 out on. And he basically says, the peaks and the 0:12:58.373 --> 0:13:01.973 valleys of your life aren't destinations, but the peaks are 0:13:02.013 --> 0:13:06.893 when you're most grounded and in tune with gratitude, and 0:13:06.933 --> 0:13:09.653 the valleys are when you're caught up in the longing 0:13:09.773 --> 0:13:13.733 for what's not there. And that just I'm right in 0:13:13.773 --> 0:13:16.653 the car. I'm just like like ad libbing to it 0:13:17.133 --> 0:13:19.413 as the story as the story is kind of unfolding 0:13:19.453 --> 0:13:22.333 and only a couple chapters in, but I feel like 0:13:22.373 --> 0:13:26.213 that's such a great way to put it. Like where 0:13:26.333 --> 0:13:28.013 a lot of us think that we're going to be 0:13:28.093 --> 0:13:30.053 grateful when we get to a certain place or a 0:13:30.053 --> 0:13:32.573 certain thing happens in our life where we get a 0:13:32.613 --> 0:13:37.573 certain achievement, as opposed to just being grateful for what's 0:13:37.613 --> 0:13:41.733 around us currently and how we're just setting ourselves up 0:13:41.733 --> 0:13:47.733 for loneliness, you know, depression when we're longing for things 0:13:47.773 --> 0:13:51.173 that we don't have. And it's just like what a 0:13:51.213 --> 0:13:54.733 powerful perspective, right, Like nobody teaches us these things, you know, 0:13:55.213 --> 0:13:58.133 Like it's I'm thirty one and I'm still trying to 0:13:58.693 --> 0:14:00.613 get a grip on that. Like I know it's the truth, 0:14:00.653 --> 0:14:02.173 but it's still like I still want to go the 0:14:02.213 --> 0:14:03.053 other direction, you know. 0:14:03.453 --> 0:14:07.413 Yeah, man, I'm just like, as you're walking through telling 0:14:07.453 --> 0:14:10.773 that story and giving us the vision of you driving 0:14:10.893 --> 0:14:15.013 with Kelsey, I just I'm so grateful for the podcast 0:14:15.053 --> 0:14:18.613 because the podcast is where you guys connected and who 0:14:18.693 --> 0:14:21.253 knew that you know, less than a couple of years 0:14:21.293 --> 0:14:24.293 later that you'd be talking about what you're talking about. 0:14:24.333 --> 0:14:26.973 And it makes me so happy that the things you're 0:14:27.013 --> 0:14:29.413 listening to and the content that you're taking in and 0:14:29.453 --> 0:14:33.973 the conversations that you're having with your partner is like everything, 0:14:34.133 --> 0:14:37.213 like a what a gift that you found a partner? Dude, 0:14:37.253 --> 0:14:39.293 She's the best. I was listening to her. I was 0:14:39.293 --> 0:14:42.333 watching her Instagram today, her stories, and she started to 0:14:42.333 --> 0:14:46.813 get serious about like having negative beliefs about something and 0:14:46.853 --> 0:14:49.053 I was like, whoa, she's going to go like political 0:14:49.653 --> 0:14:51.813 on this or something, and I didn't think she would 0:14:51.813 --> 0:14:53.933 do that. And then she turned to your cat, dude, 0:14:53.933 --> 0:14:57.253 and I think she's falling in love with your cat. 0:14:58.333 --> 0:15:01.773 Yeah. No, man, there's a match made in heaven. Man. 0:15:01.773 --> 0:15:05.093 They're definitely drawn to each other. It's pretty pretty cool 0:15:05.133 --> 0:15:08.053 to see. But but yeah, but yeah, bro, it's like, 0:15:08.573 --> 0:15:11.053 you know, it is a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful 0:15:11.213 --> 0:15:13.293 thing to be in the place that we are. You know, 0:15:14.213 --> 0:15:18.053 you talk about reflecting on this year. The transition is 0:15:18.333 --> 0:15:20.973 is challenging, you know, and we're too, you know, pretty 0:15:20.973 --> 0:15:24.093 strong will, strong minded people, and we want to focus on, like, 0:15:24.453 --> 0:15:27.013 you know, not necessarily what the situation is, but how 0:15:27.013 --> 0:15:30.573 we can make the most of a situation with as 0:15:30.613 --> 0:15:33.013 far as like the transition and moving out here and 0:15:33.053 --> 0:15:36.133 being away from each other. But you know, there's like 0:15:36.173 --> 0:15:40.573 a study out there that the top three most stressful 0:15:40.613 --> 0:15:46.773 things are you know, changing your environment, moving, changing your job, 0:15:47.293 --> 0:15:51.973 and like relational change. And it's the top three things 0:15:51.973 --> 0:15:54.573 on the on the list that would stress you out 0:15:54.613 --> 0:15:58.533 the most. We got, you know, combined a sandwich you know, 0:15:58.613 --> 0:16:01.933 of of all three and dealing with all of the 0:16:01.933 --> 0:16:06.133 emotions that come with that. You know, there's been you know, 0:16:06.213 --> 0:16:07.813 plenty of moments I look back on that a victory 0:16:07.853 --> 0:16:10.333 and moments where it's just like, man, we just gotta 0:16:11.253 --> 0:16:15.093 find a way through this. But I'm grateful that we 0:16:15.213 --> 0:16:18.893 have and that we still are. Man, It's just it's crazy. 0:16:18.933 --> 0:16:22.293 And I hope people can take away from that that, 0:16:22.733 --> 0:16:27.213 you know, it's not necessarily what's happening to you or 0:16:27.253 --> 0:16:31.093 happening around you that has to be the defining factor 0:16:31.493 --> 0:16:34.893 in your perspective or your gratitude or where you may 0:16:34.893 --> 0:16:39.213 feel like your life is heading, if anything, Like, I'm 0:16:39.253 --> 0:16:42.293 grateful for the adversity because like, I have no evidence 0:16:42.333 --> 0:16:45.053 to not be grateful for it, even though in my 0:16:45.133 --> 0:16:47.053 daily life. You can catch me if you had the 0:16:47.133 --> 0:16:49.773 audio to my mind, I'd be like man like, but 0:16:50.293 --> 0:16:53.453 I have no evidence to not feel like my life 0:16:53.493 --> 0:16:55.773 is going to continue to get better, because that's all 0:16:55.773 --> 0:16:58.533 it's ever done. Like even from the place of overdose, 0:16:58.613 --> 0:17:01.773 even from you know, places of loneliness and feel like 0:17:01.813 --> 0:17:04.373 there was no purpose in my life. Like, there's clear 0:17:04.733 --> 0:17:08.933 evidence that my life it continues to get better. But 0:17:10.733 --> 0:17:13.133 you can lose still lose tat you know, Yeah. 0:17:13.173 --> 0:17:16.453 I mean, yeah, you hit. I would call that the trifecta. 0:17:16.533 --> 0:17:19.093 That's like the ultimate trifecta of what you've got thrown 0:17:19.133 --> 0:17:23.293 at you as far as adversity, right, And I've told 0:17:23.293 --> 0:17:26.413 you this before, and you know this truth of God 0:17:26.453 --> 0:17:28.573 will never give you more than you can handle. And 0:17:28.613 --> 0:17:30.893 when it comes to the NFL and everything that you've 0:17:31.093 --> 0:17:34.773 faced and continue to face as far as adversity, like 0:17:34.893 --> 0:17:37.493 I will remind you and this is I believe to 0:17:37.573 --> 0:17:41.933 be a fact that you have more tools than one 0:17:42.093 --> 0:17:44.933 ninety nine point nine percent of the league. So you 0:17:44.973 --> 0:17:47.373 can you can deal with this. You can deal with 0:17:47.413 --> 0:17:49.893 the adversity and the shit that's going on this year 0:17:50.013 --> 0:17:52.693 that I mean, it's not what we envision and it's 0:17:52.773 --> 0:17:55.933 it's but it's I have evidence that I feel like 0:17:56.613 --> 0:18:01.373 your gratitude practice from four or five years ago is 0:18:01.413 --> 0:18:04.293 the reason why you can have the perspective that you 0:18:04.373 --> 0:18:06.733 have today. So it's like, you know, you kind of 0:18:06.773 --> 0:18:08.973 plant seeds and then when shit hits the fan that 0:18:09.053 --> 0:18:11.693 you can dig deep for that perspective. I don't think 0:18:11.733 --> 0:18:14.653 you can just you know, start a gratitude practice the 0:18:14.733 --> 0:18:16.693 day before and something bad happened and you're going to 0:18:16.773 --> 0:18:19.573 be able to just see the good in it. It's 0:18:19.613 --> 0:18:22.533 a practice and I think that's what sets us up 0:18:22.573 --> 0:18:24.813 for all the curve balls in the adversity that life 0:18:24.853 --> 0:18:27.933 throws us, and we can always choose to see the good. 0:18:30.213 --> 0:18:34.733 Facts. And you know, for those of you that you 0:18:34.773 --> 0:18:38.973 know are maybe struggling with okay, like, what's something good 0:18:39.013 --> 0:18:43.253 that's happened this week for my gratitude practice? Okay, Like 0:18:43.373 --> 0:18:45.333 I feel you on that. There's been weeks where I'm like, 0:18:45.373 --> 0:18:46.413 you know, I feel like I can't get out my 0:18:46.453 --> 0:18:48.853 own way. You know, things are just not bouncing my way. 0:18:49.013 --> 0:18:52.053 But you know, we could also shift to you know, 0:18:52.893 --> 0:18:56.733 who am I grateful for? Like people wise, like who's 0:18:56.773 --> 0:18:59.813 helped me become the person I am today? You know 0:18:59.893 --> 0:19:03.733 what's Who's somebody that even though I've made a lot 0:19:03.773 --> 0:19:06.133 of mistakes, even though I may have fallen on my face, 0:19:06.253 --> 0:19:08.413 they're always there to help pick me up. They're always 0:19:08.453 --> 0:19:11.293 there to comfort me and speak encouragement into my life, 0:19:11.373 --> 0:19:15.893 like find something or someone, because there's no way that 0:19:16.213 --> 0:19:19.853 we're doing life without the people around us. Like I'm 0:19:19.853 --> 0:19:23.333 grateful for the people in my life, like my wife, 0:19:23.373 --> 0:19:28.493 like you Donnie, like my friends. That especially because you guys, 0:19:28.613 --> 0:19:33.933 challenge me when I'm isolating or you know, I'm not 0:19:34.413 --> 0:19:40.173 staying connected or I'm trying to withdraw in fear or 0:19:40.413 --> 0:19:44.413 anxiety or something about the future stressing me out, Like 0:19:45.013 --> 0:19:48.893 you guys challenge me to stay connected and make sure 0:19:48.933 --> 0:19:51.573 I'm talking about things and make sure that you know 0:19:52.133 --> 0:19:55.413 I'm being myself and I'm smiling and I'm laughing, and 0:19:55.453 --> 0:19:58.053 I'm just like getting all these things off my chest 0:19:58.053 --> 0:20:02.093 instead of holding them in. So like I said, like, 0:20:02.133 --> 0:20:06.733 there's no way that every there's not one good thing 0:20:06.773 --> 0:20:08.493 that's happening in your week or in your day. And 0:20:08.533 --> 0:20:11.573 at the same time, there's no way that you can't 0:20:12.173 --> 0:20:15.333 scan your life, your existence at any point and not 0:20:15.413 --> 0:20:19.813 find somebody that you could be grateful for for whatever 0:20:19.853 --> 0:20:21.573 it was they did for you, or them just being 0:20:21.613 --> 0:20:26.133 there their overall presence, Like there's somebody there, and we 0:20:26.213 --> 0:20:29.093 just challenge you to sit with it. However long it 0:20:29.093 --> 0:20:31.173 takes for you to arrive to that point where you 0:20:31.173 --> 0:20:33.933 start to feel that gratitude for those people flow in. 0:20:35.293 --> 0:20:36.973 We're here with you, and however long it takes is 0:20:37.013 --> 0:20:40.413 however long it takes. But telling you there's somebody out there. 0:20:40.773 --> 0:20:42.893 Yeah, and if there's not somebody, And I think Darren 0:20:42.933 --> 0:20:44.773 and I will go toe to toe with anybody that 0:20:45.333 --> 0:20:48.493 would argue that that they have nothing to be grateful for, 0:20:48.533 --> 0:20:51.693 because if you don't have anybody and you're isolated, then 0:20:51.733 --> 0:20:54.933 you have something there that's keeping you isolated, so you 0:20:54.973 --> 0:20:57.613 can be grateful for that something that's keeping you isolated. 0:20:57.853 --> 0:21:01.333 So it's just like it's proof that it's perspective in 0:21:01.373 --> 0:21:03.933 a mindset, just like everything. And you know, Darren and 0:21:03.973 --> 0:21:07.333 I talk a lot about controlling the controllables, and one 0:21:07.413 --> 0:21:09.333 of the things we do have control over is our 0:21:09.413 --> 0:21:13.293 It's our it's our attitude and our perspective. And so 0:21:13.493 --> 0:21:15.653 you know, if you don't like what you're seeing, sometimes 0:21:15.693 --> 0:21:18.013 you have to you have to change the way, you 0:21:18.053 --> 0:21:20.973 have to change where you stand, or you have to shift, 0:21:21.013 --> 0:21:23.973 or you have to maybe do some work so that 0:21:24.053 --> 0:21:26.493 the lens that you're looking through. I've looked through people 0:21:26.533 --> 0:21:30.853 through lenses of resentment and judgment, and you know, had 0:21:31.013 --> 0:21:34.693 different exercises that I've gone through where that's been lifted 0:21:34.693 --> 0:21:36.893 and then I can like see that person for who 0:21:36.933 --> 0:21:40.373 they are today and not something they did or something 0:21:40.413 --> 0:21:44.093