Speaker 1: Come Back Stories is a production I've Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Welcome back, everyone to another episode of come Back Stories.
Speaker 2: I'm one of your co hosts, Darren Waller. I'm excited
Speaker 2: to be here with you guys for another episode along
Speaker 2: with my brother, my friend, mister Donnie Starkins. Donnie, how
Speaker 2: you doing, man.
Speaker 3: I'm doing great, man. I look forward to these days
Speaker 3: that we get to connect and drop in and today
Speaker 3: it's just going to be me and you, which I
Speaker 3: really value and appreciate these episodes where we actually don't
Speaker 3: have a guest on.
Speaker 2: No doubt, man, the flow is incredible. And I don't
Speaker 2: know about you, but I find myself at this time wondering,
Speaker 2: like where all the time has gone from this year.
Speaker 2: We're already approaching Thanksgiving, which is coming up this week,
Speaker 2: and it's like a great time, I know, for me
Speaker 2: to especially kind of slow down and start to reflect,
Speaker 2: start to look back on all the things I label
Speaker 2: as good things I label as bad things that are
Speaker 2: indifferent really just be like man like. It feels like
Speaker 2: every year time is going by faster and faster just
Speaker 2: accelerates the more that I get older, and that brings
Speaker 2: us to the topic that we want to discuss with
Speaker 2: you guys today, which is gratitude, which is a word
Speaker 2: you hear come out of our mouths a lot, mainly
Speaker 2: because it's a practice that we're still continuing to unfold
Speaker 2: in our own personal lives and knowing just how important
Speaker 2: it is. Like the day of Thanksgiving, the idea of
Speaker 2: Thanksgiving is a beautiful thing, you know, people coming together,
Speaker 2: spending that time with your family, your friends that you
Speaker 2: may not get to see as much, and cherishing that time,
Speaker 2: cherishing that connection. But at the same time, I feel
Speaker 2: like what I feel like we want to unpack today
Speaker 2: is how do we carry that vibe and that energy
Speaker 2: of Thanksgiving that we love and we appreciate. How do
Speaker 2: we bring that into our daily lives. How do we
Speaker 2: bring that into the moment to moment flow of our existence.
Speaker 2: And that's what we want to unpack with you guys
Speaker 2: here today.
Speaker 3: And I can't believe you started with that about time flying,
Speaker 3: and I still I feel so connected to you, even
Speaker 3: even though you're on opposite side of the country, and
Speaker 3: probably there's been more time elapsed where I haven't seen you,
Speaker 3: but just you saying that I've been trying to explain
Speaker 3: that to people like, like, does anybody else notice? I
Speaker 3: know time flies and people say it, but something right now,
Speaker 3: like this year of all years, and it's not like
Speaker 3: anything really crazy happened, but there's something very interesting happening.
Speaker 3: So I've been saying that to people and for you
Speaker 3: to start it off like that is, yeah, we have
Speaker 3: to if time is going that quick, which it is
Speaker 3: going quick, and technology makes things go quicker, that we
Speaker 3: have to take time to stop and pause. And yes,
Speaker 3: Thanksgiving is many things, but I think it's a beautiful
Speaker 3: opportunity to take a step back and really gain some
Speaker 3: perspective for the things that we are grateful for today.
Speaker 2: No doubt, man, Because for me especially, I know that
Speaker 2: there's times where I can fall into a little bit
Speaker 2: of like an autopilot mode and I'm just grinding and
Speaker 2: I'm just hustling, and I'm just trying to get things done,
Speaker 2: keeping a schedule full. And it's like, at what point
Speaker 2: do we hustle ourselves to death? You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: grind ourselves to this space to where our spiritual life
Speaker 2: gets boxed out, or just our emotional intelligence and the
Speaker 2: feel that we have for what's going on in our
Speaker 2: daily lives can start to fade and it's like, a man,
Speaker 2: i don't even know what's really going on. I'm just
Speaker 2: being swept with the current. And I felt like that
Speaker 2: a lot. I felt like that a little bit recently,
Speaker 2: definitely in spurts over the course of the year, over
Speaker 2: the course of my whole life. Man. And I know
Speaker 2: that that's not what I want to do. But how
Speaker 2: quickly I can forget when I'm doing things and get
Speaker 2: lost into that performance mode a little bit that hey, man,
Speaker 2: like the things that I should be most grateful for,
Speaker 2: don't I should myself to death, but the things that
Speaker 2: I should be taking into account, my health, my support system,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. Even the discomfort and the
Speaker 2: uncomfortable moments of my life, I can't. I don't view
Speaker 2: them through the lens that is most proper and most
Speaker 2: beneficial for me a lot of times. And but that's
Speaker 2: just me being human.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I need to be reeled back in, brought back into
Speaker 2: my center because there's there's no way I'm gonna be
Speaker 2: perfect at this. And I hope anybody listening knows that
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna hold you to be in perfect Donnie
Speaker 2: isn't either. We're just we're just trying to figure this
Speaker 2: thing out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's why we've been inspired to
Speaker 3: maybe at least during the holiday season, hit it with
Speaker 3: you guys, with maybe just us two, especially because we
Speaker 3: understand in the in the world of addiction, alcoholism and
Speaker 3: mental health that by the time that you listen to
Speaker 3: this podcast episode from Thanksgiving till after New Year's is
Speaker 3: when we see the world sees the spike, the big
Speaker 3: spike in addiction and mental health and alcoholism. So I
Speaker 3: remember these days, these using days, and how scary and
Speaker 3: how having to deal with family and the triggers and
Speaker 3: all of that stuff. So we want you to know
Speaker 3: that we're here with you. And again, this is just
Speaker 3: us continuing to fulfill a mission of reaching many as
Speaker 3: many people as possible to remind them that you're not alone.
Speaker 3: And I know a lot of people are going to
Speaker 3: feel alone during the holidays, but we're here to tell
Speaker 3: you that you're not alone. And I know that saying
Speaker 3: can sound cliche, but it's a story that you're telling yourself.
Speaker 3: And when we weave in practices like gratitude, because there's
Speaker 3: going to be times in life where you're feeling stuck,
Speaker 3: like you really don't feel like you're moving forward, like
Speaker 3: everything isn't working out the way that you expected. And
Speaker 3: it's at these times where we actually lose person effective
Speaker 3: And it's at these times during Thanksgiving in the holidays,
Speaker 3: and we're seeing everybody else's Instagram post about how how
Speaker 3: good of a time they're having, which I mean, let's
Speaker 3: let's be real, like family time during the holidays can
Speaker 3: be very challenging for many and it always isn't what
Speaker 3: you think it is, and for a lot of people,
Speaker 3: a lot of people struggle. It's there's a lot of
Speaker 3: pain during this time. So you can tell that I'm
Speaker 3: super fired up about this because I remember how it was.
Speaker 3: And we want you to know that you know you're
Speaker 3: not alone and you can't do this alone.
Speaker 2: Amen, we are. We are with you, guys. We've been
Speaker 2: with you guys from the jump. We start this this show,
Speaker 2: this platform to tell you guys, or to educate you guys,
Speaker 2: or to you know, let you know what's what. We
Speaker 2: started the show because we are one of you. We
Speaker 2: have our struggles. I got struggles like I'm not immune,
Speaker 2: nor will I ever be. And we just want to.
Speaker 2: I know we wit you guys, and you know, I
Speaker 2: know that maybe some people listening thinking about a gratitude
Speaker 2: practice kind of like me, like I was intimidated by it.
Speaker 2: You know, I've and I can't tell you I've done
Speaker 2: a lot of gratitude lists in the last six years,
Speaker 2: since since my life has kind of taken a little
Speaker 2: bit of a different course. But even still in the
Speaker 2: midst of that, I can find myself kind of in
Speaker 2: the midst of my day maybe like grumbling, like maybe
Speaker 2: not vocally and out loud, but silently kind of complaining
Speaker 2: about things, or using sarcasm to kind of cut down people,
Speaker 2: or or the situation that I'm in because I don't
Speaker 2: like it, and basically saying I lose track of the
Speaker 2: gratitude practice that I've been cultivating. So it starts with
Speaker 2: one like not expecting perfection from yourself and knowing that
Speaker 2: this is a practice is going to continue to unfold
Speaker 2: over time. But I feel like it's proper for us
Speaker 2: right now to break down, like okay, like I want
Speaker 2: a gratitude practice, Like what does that look like? Like
Speaker 2: what are the thoughts? Like what can I ask myself?
Speaker 2: How can I check in and I feel like one
Speaker 2: Like one way to start is like even if you
Speaker 2: haven't had an amazing life or your comeback story feels
Speaker 2: like it hasn't happened yet, we can start with like, hey, like,
Speaker 2: what's one good thing that's happened to me this week?
Speaker 2: What's one good thing that's happened for you? Like, because
Speaker 2: there's there's no way you can sit here and tell
Speaker 2: me that there's not one good thing that's happened this
Speaker 2: week if you don't sit down and analyze your life,
Speaker 2: reflect on one thing, Like if it's you only all,
Speaker 2: but you just woke up today, then that may be
Speaker 2: all it is. But there's at least one good thing,
Speaker 2: and that we can start there, Like, if that's all
Speaker 2: our gratitude practice is, is hey, I check it at
Speaker 2: the end of the week and find one thing. Let's
Speaker 2: go like we're doing this thing. We're getting started and
Speaker 2: we're rolling. So don't feel like it's got to be
Speaker 2: this magnificent journaling episode or you know, every single part
Speaker 2: of your day you're just smelling every single rose and
Speaker 2: you know, feeling like you've got to have it all together. No, like,
Speaker 2: let's just find a place to start and roll from there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that, and I think it's just good
Speaker 3: for anybody listening that says well, because gratitude is kind
Speaker 3: of like this. It's another one of those kind of
Speaker 3: cliche things, maybe often a term that's overused sometimes maybe
Speaker 3: rarely or not as often embodied, Like we're talking about
Speaker 3: it and people are sharing it. But the reason why,
Speaker 3: I mean, the big reason the science behind it is
Speaker 3: because it helps us overcome all these hardwired the hardwired
Speaker 3: negativity bias, which back in the day, it was in
Speaker 3: the caveman days when you know, we had to look
Speaker 3: for the saber to tiger, so we had to be
Speaker 3: on the lookout for something to go wrong or else
Speaker 3: we would dye. I mean, that's just how it was.
Speaker 3: And so this negativity bias is hardwired. And it's funny
Speaker 3: because remember we had Michael Gervais on the show and
Speaker 3: he was talking about today's modern tooth saberduth tigers carrying
Speaker 3: what other people think, and I was like, wow, that's
Speaker 3: so powerful. But going back to understanding why we do this,
Speaker 3: we are conditioned to just look for the things that
Speaker 3: are going wrong. It's just how it is. So when
Speaker 3: we accept that and we understand that there's not something
Speaker 3: wrong with us. It's just like deep, deep, many many
Speaker 3: years and generations of conditioning. That's why we practice. And Darren,
Speaker 3: you know, when we would do our coaching sessions, it
Speaker 3: was we would always start with, like, what's going well?
Speaker 3: And the reason we talk about what's going well is
Speaker 3: because we're so used to talking about what's not going well,
Speaker 3: and when we talk about what's not going well well,
Speaker 3: it has us feeling demotivated and uninspired. But when we
Speaker 3: talk about what's going well first, that's kind of what
Speaker 3: has us feeling feeling good. It's like, you know, the
Speaker 3: reason we practice gratitude is because we're our tension goes,
Speaker 3: energy flows, and if we focus on the good, like
Speaker 3: guess what happens, more good happens in our lives. If
Speaker 3: you wake up in the morning and you turn on
Speaker 3: the news, and that's the beginning of your practice and
Speaker 3: the foundation of your day, I mean, that's a fear written, shaky,
Speaker 3: shaky foundation. You wake up in the morning and take
Speaker 3: a few deep breaths, right, or at least maybe just
Speaker 3: think of a few things you're grateful for. As you
Speaker 3: advance to practice, you can actually cultivate the feeling of gratitude,
Speaker 3: like feeling it in your bones, feeling it in your body.
Speaker 3: That's how you really start to gain a practice that
Speaker 3: doesn't feel monotonous because I mean, Darren, we've done this,
Speaker 3: You've written plenty of times, and it's like, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: riting the same shit every day, and that's like our mind,
Speaker 3: the chatter, you know, the little self sabotage voice that's
Speaker 3: chirping up. But it's more about just practicing and doing
Speaker 3: it again, because especially if you said you're gonna do it,
Speaker 3: because we talk about this all the time about keeping
Speaker 3: the promises you make to yourself. So it's it's big
Speaker 3: in many ways, and it's just a beautiful practice. And
Speaker 3: that's why we're talking about it.
Speaker 2: Man so well said my wife and I we had
Speaker 2: about an hour plus car ride last night and she
Speaker 2: put on this audiobook that somebody sent her. It's called
Speaker 2: Peaks and Valleys. If you haven't checked that out, comeback Stories, Family,
Speaker 2: go check that out. But essentially, like in the first
Speaker 2: couple of chapters, you know, it's a fictional story, and
Speaker 2: it says, man that's up on this peak, an old
Speaker 2: man's up on this peak, and a young man kind
Speaker 2: of gets to this peak.
Speaker 3: And.
Speaker 2: As opposed to his perspective being like, yes, I made
Speaker 2: it up here to this peak, he says like, like,
Speaker 2: damn it, I missed it, like he missed the sunset
Speaker 2: because it was later in the day. And you know,
Speaker 2: old Man's like, you know, you made it to a
Speaker 2: place that you've always wanted to come, yet the only
Speaker 2: thing that you could focus on was what you're missing
Speaker 2: out on. And he basically says, the peaks and the
Speaker 2: valleys of your life aren't destinations, but the peaks are
Speaker 2: when you're most grounded and in tune with gratitude, and
Speaker 2: the valleys are when you're caught up in the longing
Speaker 2: for what's not there. And that just I'm right in
Speaker 2: the car. I'm just like like ad libbing to it
Speaker 2: as the story as the story is kind of unfolding
Speaker 2: and only a couple chapters in, but I feel like
Speaker 2: that's such a great way to put it. Like where
Speaker 2: a lot of us think that we're going to be
Speaker 2: grateful when we get to a certain place or a
Speaker 2: certain thing happens in our life where we get a
Speaker 2: certain achievement, as opposed to just being grateful for what's
Speaker 2: around us currently and how we're just setting ourselves up
Speaker 2: for loneliness, you know, depression when we're longing for things
Speaker 2: that we don't have. And it's just like what a
Speaker 2: powerful perspective, right, Like nobody teaches us these things, you know,
Speaker 2: Like it's I'm thirty one and I'm still trying to
Speaker 2: get a grip on that. Like I know it's the truth,
Speaker 2: but it's still like I still want to go the
Speaker 2: other direction, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, I'm just like, as you're walking through telling
Speaker 3: that story and giving us the vision of you driving
Speaker 3: with Kelsey, I just I'm so grateful for the podcast
Speaker 3: because the podcast is where you guys connected and who
Speaker 3: knew that you know, less than a couple of years
Speaker 3: later that you'd be talking about what you're talking about.
Speaker 3: And it makes me so happy that the things you're
Speaker 3: listening to and the content that you're taking in and
Speaker 3: the conversations that you're having with your partner is like everything,
Speaker 3: like a what a gift that you found a partner? Dude,
Speaker 3: She's the best. I was listening to her. I was
Speaker 3: watching her Instagram today, her stories, and she started to
Speaker 3: get serious about like having negative beliefs about something and
Speaker 3: I was like, whoa, she's going to go like political
Speaker 3: on this or something, and I didn't think she would
Speaker 3: do that. And then she turned to your cat, dude,
Speaker 3: and I think she's falling in love with your cat.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, man, there's a match made in heaven. Man.
Speaker 2: They're definitely drawn to each other. It's pretty pretty cool
Speaker 2: to see. But but yeah, but yeah, bro, it's like,
Speaker 2: you know, it is a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful
Speaker 2: thing to be in the place that we are. You know,
Speaker 2: you talk about reflecting on this year. The transition is
Speaker 2: is challenging, you know, and we're too, you know, pretty
Speaker 2: strong will, strong minded people, and we want to focus on, like,
Speaker 2: you know, not necessarily what the situation is, but how
Speaker 2: we can make the most of a situation with as
Speaker 2: far as like the transition and moving out here and
Speaker 2: being away from each other. But you know, there's like
Speaker 2: a study out there that the top three most stressful
Speaker 2: things are you know, changing your environment, moving, changing your job,
Speaker 2: and like relational change. And it's the top three things
Speaker 2: on the on the list that would stress you out
Speaker 2: the most. We got, you know, combined a sandwich you know,
Speaker 2: of of all three and dealing with all of the
Speaker 2: emotions that come with that. You know, there's been you know,
Speaker 2: plenty of moments I look back on that a victory
Speaker 2: and moments where it's just like, man, we just gotta
Speaker 2: find a way through this. But I'm grateful that we
Speaker 2: have and that we still are. Man, It's just it's crazy.
Speaker 2: And I hope people can take away from that that,
Speaker 2: you know, it's not necessarily what's happening to you or
Speaker 2: happening around you that has to be the defining factor
Speaker 2: in your perspective or your gratitude or where you may
Speaker 2: feel like your life is heading, if anything, Like, I'm
Speaker 2: grateful for the adversity because like, I have no evidence
Speaker 2: to not be grateful for it, even though in my
Speaker 2: daily life. You can catch me if you had the
Speaker 2: audio to my mind, I'd be like man like, but
Speaker 2: I have no evidence to not feel like my life
Speaker 2: is going to continue to get better, because that's all
Speaker 2: it's ever done. Like even from the place of overdose,
Speaker 2: even from you know, places of loneliness and feel like
Speaker 2: there was no purpose in my life. Like, there's clear
Speaker 2: evidence that my life it continues to get better. But
Speaker 2: you can lose still lose tat you know, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, you hit. I would call that the trifecta.
Speaker 3: That's like the ultimate trifecta of what you've got thrown
Speaker 3: at you as far as adversity, right, And I've told
Speaker 3: you this before, and you know this truth of God
Speaker 3: will never give you more than you can handle. And
Speaker 3: when it comes to the NFL and everything that you've
Speaker 3: faced and continue to face as far as adversity, like
Speaker 3: I will remind you and this is I believe to
Speaker 3: be a fact that you have more tools than one
Speaker 3: ninety nine point nine percent of the league. So you
Speaker 3: can you can deal with this. You can deal with
Speaker 3: the adversity and the shit that's going on this year
Speaker 3: that I mean, it's not what we envision and it's
Speaker 3: it's but it's I have evidence that I feel like
Speaker 3: your gratitude practice from four or five years ago is
Speaker 3: the reason why you can have the perspective that you
Speaker 3: have today. So it's like, you know, you kind of
Speaker 3: plant seeds and then when shit hits the fan that
Speaker 3: you can dig deep for that perspective. I don't think
Speaker 3: you can just you know, start a gratitude practice the
Speaker 3: day before and something bad happened and you're going to
Speaker 3: be able to just see the good in it. It's
Speaker 3: a practice and I think that's what sets us up
Speaker 3: for all the curve balls in the adversity that life
Speaker 3: throws us, and we can always choose to see the good.
Speaker 2: Facts. And you know, for those of you that you
Speaker 2: know are maybe struggling with okay, like, what's something good
Speaker 2: that's happened this week for my gratitude practice? Okay, Like
Speaker 2: I feel you on that. There's been weeks where I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like I can't get out my
Speaker 2: own way. You know, things are just not bouncing my way.
Speaker 2: But you know, we could also shift to you know,
Speaker 2: who am I grateful for? Like people wise, like who's
Speaker 2: helped me become the person I am today? You know
Speaker 2: what's Who's somebody that even though I've made a lot
Speaker 2: of mistakes, even though I may have fallen on my face,
Speaker 2: they're always there to help pick me up. They're always
Speaker 2: there to comfort me and speak encouragement into my life,
Speaker 2: like find something or someone, because there's no way that
Speaker 2: we're doing life without the people around us. Like I'm
Speaker 2: grateful for the people in my life, like my wife,
Speaker 2: like you Donnie, like my friends. That especially because you guys,
Speaker 2: challenge me when I'm isolating or you know, I'm not
Speaker 2: staying connected or I'm trying to withdraw in fear or
Speaker 2: anxiety or something about the future stressing me out, Like
Speaker 2: you guys challenge me to stay connected and make sure
Speaker 2: I'm talking about things and make sure that you know
Speaker 2: I'm being myself and I'm smiling and I'm laughing, and
Speaker 2: I'm just like getting all these things off my chest
Speaker 2: instead of holding them in. So like I said, like,
Speaker 2: there's no way that every there's not one good thing
Speaker 2: that's happening in your week or in your day. And
Speaker 2: at the same time, there's no way that you can't
Speaker 2: scan your life, your existence at any point and not
Speaker 2: find somebody that you could be grateful for for whatever
Speaker 2: it was they did for you, or them just being
Speaker 2: there their overall presence, Like there's somebody there, and we
Speaker 2: just challenge you to sit with it. However long it
Speaker 2: takes for you to arrive to that point where you
Speaker 2: start to feel that gratitude for those people flow in.
Speaker 2: We're here with you, and however long it takes is
Speaker 2: however long it takes. But telling you there's somebody out there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if there's not somebody, And I think Darren
Speaker 3: and I will go toe to toe with anybody that
Speaker 3: would argue that that they have nothing to be grateful for,
Speaker 3: because if you don't have anybody and you're isolated, then
Speaker 3: you have something there that's keeping you isolated, so you
Speaker 3: can be grateful for that something that's keeping you isolated.
Speaker 3: So it's just like it's proof that it's perspective in
Speaker 3: a mindset, just like everything. And you know, Darren and
Speaker 3: I talk a lot about controlling the controllables, and one
Speaker 3: of the things we do have control over is our
Speaker 3: It's our it's our attitude and our perspective. And so
Speaker 3: you know, if you don't like what you're seeing, sometimes
Speaker 3: you have to you have to change the way, you
Speaker 3: have to change where you stand, or you have to shift,
Speaker 3: or you have to maybe do some work so that
Speaker 3: the lens that you're looking through. I've looked through people
Speaker 3: through lenses of resentment and judgment, and you know, had
Speaker 3: different exercises that I've gone through where that's been lifted
Speaker 3: and then I can like see that person for who
Speaker 3: they are today and not something they did or something
Speaker 3: they said a year ago. So yeah, man, this is
Speaker 3: so powerful. I had a good question I wanted to
Speaker 3: ask you. That kind of weaves back into the podcast
Speaker 3: as far as like childhood stuff, like on a lighter note,
Speaker 3: what what for you? Like what aspects of your childhood
Speaker 3: or like your neighborhood were you most grateful for or
Speaker 3: are you most grateful for?
Speaker 2: Oh? Man, I go back to playing in the cul
Speaker 2: de sac. There was this, Uh, there was a culder
Speaker 2: sack in my neighborhood, like two houses down at the
Speaker 2: bottom of this hill. And man, we played every sport
Speaker 2: knowing the man like you know, parents would kick you
Speaker 2: out the door and locked the door, say go play outside,
Speaker 2: and uh, I don't know. My boy Wave, Marcy, his
Speaker 2: brother Red, my boy Dalton kindle like we were the
Speaker 2: main for in that colder sack. I don't know if
Speaker 2: they watching it, but shout out of y'all. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean every sporting on the man, we were out there
Speaker 2: just ripping and running, just trying things like we don't
Speaker 2: know what we're doing. We're doing wrestling moves. We were uh,
Speaker 2: diehard wrestling fans. But I look back to my childhood
Speaker 2: and I was free in those moments, Like there was
Speaker 2: a lot of times in my childhood. Like even at
Speaker 2: that age, like when I would go to school, I'd
Speaker 2: be like anxious, trying to figure out where I fit in.
Speaker 2: Like I talk about from the very first episode of
Speaker 2: the show, like how my it was very confusing, like
Speaker 2: I and just alienating. I didn't know where I fit in.
Speaker 2: But in that caul desact, man, I felt like I
Speaker 2: could do anything I wanted to do, be anybody I
Speaker 2: wanted to be, and just hang out with these with
Speaker 2: these guys man. And you know, that's a feeling I
Speaker 2: look back on in my life and I'm just like,
Speaker 2: sometimes I'm like, where has that gone? In the midst
Speaker 2: of all my doing, in the midst of all my accomplishing.
Speaker 2: How often am I connecting and feeling about what I'm
Speaker 2: doing right now? How do I how often do I
Speaker 2: feel the way I felt like when I was in
Speaker 2: that cul Des act. You know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 2: that's something that pops out in my head immediately. What
Speaker 2: about you, though?
Speaker 3: Man? It's and mine's mine's the same answer, But just
Speaker 3: hearing yours, it sounds like that coul A Sack, you
Speaker 3: felt safe, You felt safe and free, right, and that's
Speaker 3: when you were able to just be you and be
Speaker 3: that authentic version of you. That was enough no matter
Speaker 3: what your skin tone was, but mine was mine was
Speaker 3: the same. I grew up and I lived in a
Speaker 3: coul a sac and in our backyard the complex, like
Speaker 3: the housing complex we lived in, there was all these
Speaker 3: like green belts, so the backyards there was there was
Speaker 3: a backyard, but then there was green belts. And my
Speaker 3: backyard was like this perfect almost like a baseball field
Speaker 3: to the other people's backyards. There was this green belt
Speaker 3: and big trees, and the big tree was called the
Speaker 3: green Monster. So like we were out there every single day,
Speaker 3: baseball or football, you know, before school, after school. It
Speaker 3: was NonStop. And to me that was like everything to
Speaker 3: be able to play outside every single day. I mean,
Speaker 3: I don't know, I you know, I was living in
Speaker 3: Arizona most of my life. I live in California. Now.
Speaker 3: I see so many more kids outside here, but I
Speaker 3: think it's mainly because of the ocean and they're on
Speaker 3: their e bikes and they're surfing. But in a lot
Speaker 3: of places, like kids aren't doing that anymore, and it's
Speaker 3: it's it's very scary to know what what that long
Speaker 3: term effect could be because we're talking about the most
Speaker 3: the most powerful moments of our lives that happened when
Speaker 3: we were out there, And so I don't know what
Speaker 3: they're doing now, but I have I have to guess
Speaker 3: it has to do with a screen and playing some
Speaker 3: games or being on technology. And that's scary.
Speaker 2: Shoot, man, I was just having a conversation about that
Speaker 2: with somebody the other day. But but yeah, man, it's
Speaker 2: just like, yeah, like we were talking about, like to
Speaker 2: like instead of us being outside in the park playing
Speaker 2: like like dudes and kids will be on like two
Speaker 2: K playing my part like with an avatar, or like
Speaker 2: on Fortnite, like they'll get on the hang out on
Speaker 2: the game, as opposed to like going outside and hanging out,
Speaker 2: you know. And it's just like what hanging out when
Speaker 2: we were a kid out there in those cul de
Speaker 2: sacs and those environments like and we would do anything,
Speaker 2: try anything, Like I feel like that was just like hope,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like what couldn't we do?
Speaker 2: Who couldn't we be? And I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: the engine for hope is gratitude, because it's like why
Speaker 2: I hope for something better in the in the future
Speaker 2: down the road if I can't find that feeling exactly
Speaker 2: where I'm at, like, because this is this is the
Speaker 2: only place I could be, This is the only moment
Speaker 2: I've been promised. If I'm not cultivating the habit of
Speaker 2: you know, that joy and that that feeling, that contentment
Speaker 2: of just running with the pack of just wild kids
Speaker 2: man like feeling that like in that moment and embracing
Speaker 2: for what it is. How could I possibly do that
Speaker 2: at a further moment if I haven't created the groundedness
Speaker 2: and the rootedness to be able to practice that right here,
Speaker 2: right now. And I feel like such a such a
Speaker 2: lost art man because I'm guilty of it too at times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but but it's so deep what you're saying, because
Speaker 3: the gratitude is the train, right, It's what keeps it going.
Speaker 3: But I think hope. We have that hope when we're young,
Speaker 3: because we are free and like maybe some shit has
Speaker 3: happened to us, but we're not really aware of it yet,
Speaker 3: like the subconscious stuff, but like we haven't been hurt,
Speaker 3: our hearts haven't been broken, like none of that has happened.
Speaker 3: So we start to lose hope as the world throws
Speaker 3: us curveballs, and people you know, do hurtful things to us,
Speaker 3: and things happen, and I think that's where we start
Speaker 3: to lose hope and lose perspective. So the only way
Speaker 3: to find that hope is to direct your thinking and
Speaker 3: your energy towards something positive. So it's always going to
Speaker 3: come back to gratitude. And you know, if you resist it,
Speaker 3: you would have to look at like what what's the resistance,
Speaker 3: Like where's that resistance coming from? And just get super
Speaker 3: clear on it. I mean, the science shows why this works,
Speaker 3: and this is why we're talking about it. And I think, gosh,
Speaker 3: I can think of so many opportunities, just like little
Speaker 3: stuff like I last week, you know, had issues had
Speaker 3: issues with my car. Right car battery dies, But it's like,
Speaker 3: what are you going to do? I have a car? Like,
Speaker 3: at least I have a car, and I know that like,
Speaker 3: oh hey, it's at least I have a car to
Speaker 3: have a battery that died in right, And I know
Speaker 3: that sounds nice and all, but that's really what I thought.
Speaker 3: And so it proves to me that this shit works.
Speaker 3: You know, what's like, what's a really hard lesson that
Speaker 3: you're in your whole life that happened like a hard
Speaker 3: lesson that you're grateful that you learned.
Speaker 2: That's such a great question. I mean, I gotta go
Speaker 2: back to, you know, just my story and with my
Speaker 2: addiction and how everything culminated as far as that's concerned,
Speaker 2: and the lesson in that, the lesson in overdosing, the
Speaker 2: lesson in crashing and burning in the way that I
Speaker 2: thought was the route to peace or to fulfillment in
Speaker 2: my life. I had to learn that there is no
Speaker 2: world that exists where numbing out the negative emotions, the
Speaker 2: negative experiences, and trying to only experience it's positive ones
Speaker 2: is going to give me the balance that I need
Speaker 2: to live a wholesome life, a life that I can
Speaker 2: look at, look in the mirror and be like this
Speaker 2: is it, Like right here, in this moment, this is it.
Speaker 2: And my story had to unfold the way that it
Speaker 2: did in order for me to be able to see
Speaker 2: a different path, which is oh, I have to feel everything.
Speaker 2: I have to feel the doubt, I have to feel
Speaker 2: the fear. I have to feel the disappointment, I have
Speaker 2: to feel the anger. Like there's no way I can
Speaker 2: just stuff these things aside and think like, oh, Okay,
Speaker 2: the only thing that's left is happy. The only thing
Speaker 2: that's left is you know, just bunnies and rainbows, you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, like positive things. That's not the
Speaker 2: case because the balance of everything, the dichotomy of everything,
Speaker 2: is thrown off, because if oh, this is good, how
Speaker 2: do I know this is good? How do I know
Speaker 2: this is what I'm seeking after? How do I know
Speaker 2: that this is something that is what my heart and
Speaker 2: my soul are truly longing for. If I don't know
Speaker 2: what's not what I'm not really longing for, that I'm
Speaker 2: trying to mask behind, or that I'm trying to pursue
Speaker 2: just to get relief as opposed to getting freedom. So
Speaker 2: I would say, you know, we talk about our stories
Speaker 2: a bunch on here, We harpen on it because there's
Speaker 2: still so much meaning that we can take from those experiences,
Speaker 2: like I can now, like just you asking that question
Speaker 2: sparked that in me, and I'm like wow, Like I
Speaker 2: haven't even thought of it until the words started coming
Speaker 2: out of my mouth, Like that's a hard lesson that
Speaker 2: I had to learn. That is really a serving me
Speaker 2: more than anything else, maybe serving me in my life today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're explaining like the duality of things. And I
Speaker 3: think for me that that answer goes my answer to
Speaker 3: the question of the hard lesson that I'm great that
Speaker 3: I learned was the lesson of selfishness and self centeredness
Speaker 3: and doing my fourth step and I remember just like
Speaker 3: looking at this four step in this inventory and it
Speaker 3: just screamed selfishness. It's if for those of you that
Speaker 3: don't know, it's just doing an inventory and basically looking
Speaker 3: at your character defects, and it screamed selfishness and self centeredness.
Speaker 3: So the lesson that I've been given for for my
Speaker 3: life because of the gift of recovery and the gift
Speaker 3: of desperation and being so selfish all of these decisions
Speaker 3: that I made that led to a self destruction, a
Speaker 3: self destruction that was also an overdose, but I still
Speaker 3: wasn't done right and it was it was all about me.
Speaker 3: And so the gift is we've been given the antidote
Speaker 3: to that and that service.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 3: You know, selfishly, it's the greatest gift ever because it
Speaker 3: just it keeps us out of our own way. I mean,
Speaker 3: Darren and I talking to you right now, Yes we
Speaker 3: are being a certain but you have to understand how
Speaker 3: much we are benefiting off this also, so it like
Speaker 3: it fills both parties and that's that's like, it's the
Speaker 3: gift that keeps on giving, And that's that's our work
Speaker 3: here is just to figure out, like, you know, what
Speaker 3: our natural gifts and talents are, what are the passions
Speaker 3: and the things that we believe in and stand for
Speaker 3: and the causes, and then how can we share those gifts?
Speaker 3: Be it our time, our finances, our love, our creative
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: Facts. Man, It's like, I feel like what you just
Speaker 2: said is a great angle towards gratitude and it's a
Speaker 2: simple one. It's like, you know, if I'm not feeling
Speaker 2: that gratitude, I'm struggling from place for places to find it.
Speaker 2: Is it maybe because all I'm focused on is me?
Speaker 2: Is it? Maybe because all I'm focused on is the
Speaker 2: thoughts that are spinning in my head why things aren't
Speaker 2: going my way, why I'm not where I should be
Speaker 2: at this very moment, Like why I'm my? What about me?
Speaker 2: What about this? You know? And I asked that because
Speaker 2: I can be there and I need to be reminded
Speaker 2: even still to this day that go out and go
Speaker 2: out and help somebody, Go out and meet meet a
Speaker 2: need for somebody. Go out and do something for somebody
Speaker 2: and expect nothing in return, and see how and see
Speaker 2: how you feel after that. That's that's gratitude. I'm telling you, Like,
Speaker 2: as a human being, the way that we're wired, no
Speaker 2: matter how much pain, hate, any emotion, maybe in your heart,
Speaker 2: you go out there and do something for somebody and
Speaker 2: expect nothing in return, and watch watch them light up,
Speaker 2: watch them be grateful. And tell me that's not going
Speaker 2: to stir something up on the inside of you. I
Speaker 2: refuse to believe anything other than that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know it ties back to when we
Speaker 3: started to be of service. In my first service commitment
Speaker 3: was setting up the chairs and making coffee for a
Speaker 3: seven am meeting, a man's meeting on Saturday mornings. And
Speaker 3: once my sponsor asked me to say yes to that
Speaker 3: service commitment that next Saturday for the first time, and
Speaker 3: I don't know since the last time I played a
Speaker 3: day of baseball, I felt a sense of purpose and
Speaker 3: all I was doing was setting up chairs and making coffee.
Speaker 3: But I did that for a year, and I did
Speaker 3: it with my sponsor, and my sponsor has thirty plus
Speaker 3: years sober, and he had kind of straight away he
Speaker 3: was good. But it even brought him back in to
Speaker 3: connect to the program and to connect to us. So
Speaker 3: I'll never forget those lessons early on and the feeling
Speaker 3: of contribution that I had when I you know, because
Speaker 3: it didn't feel like I was really doing anything but
Speaker 3: taking and causing big messes, you know, anywhere I would
Speaker 3: step foot man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like I feel like that right there.
Speaker 2: Somebody can take a bit of hope from that right there.
Speaker 2: Like people think that in order for them to co
Speaker 2: tribute to a situation, to an environment, to a workplace,
Speaker 2: they have to do something miraculous, like they got to
Speaker 2: do something that nobody's ever seen before in order in
Speaker 2: order to feel grateful, in order to feel like they're appreciated,
Speaker 2: When all you really got to do is meet the
Speaker 2: situation at hand. If it's a small thing, if it's
Speaker 2: picking up somebody's plate, if it's offering to throw something
Speaker 2: away from somebody, to grab something for somebody. Hey, I
Speaker 2: see your swamp with what you got going. Is there
Speaker 2: any way I can help take some off your plate,
Speaker 2: help your experience better, Like it doesn't have to be
Speaker 2: a major thing, like you can provide value. You are
Speaker 2: valuable by doing the small everyday things that you do,
Speaker 2: like take that, chew on that, take that everywhere that
Speaker 2: you go. Because it's the truth. We don't have to
Speaker 2: have a certain number of followers, we don't have to
Speaker 2: have our resume, we don't have to be popping like
Speaker 2: you know, a list, like those things don't matter in
Speaker 2: the grand scheme of things, Like at the end of
Speaker 2: the day on your life, you'll be able to look
Speaker 2: back on what mattered the most and what it was. Man,
Speaker 2: was I available to people? Did I leave this world
Speaker 2: a better place than where I found it? And that
Speaker 2: doesn't take miraculous things or miraculous works. It just takes
Speaker 2: the little thing, the next right thing, the next thing
Speaker 2: that you feel in your heart that you should be
Speaker 2: doing and be connected to.
Speaker 3: So good man, Yeah, it's I think we're gonna not
Speaker 3: provide a lot of these questions to you on the
Speaker 3: audio and the video if you're listening, but we will
Speaker 3: make sure that we get you in the in the
Speaker 3: show notes a link to these questions. I think this
Speaker 3: is a great time during Thanksgiving or during during that
Speaker 3: weekend or you know, as it leads up to the
Speaker 3: holidays to spend time reflecting on these questions and you know,
Speaker 3: just a sneak preview of some of the questions. I mean,
Speaker 3: like Darren said early on, if you just start off
Speaker 3: and you just reflect on, like what's one good thing
Speaker 3: that happened to you this week, it's so easy to
Speaker 3: lose sight of what's gone good in a really busy
Speaker 3: week or when things maybe aren't going well, and so
Speaker 3: we want to like really again celebrate the wins. I
Speaker 3: would highly recommend, and I did this early on in recovery,
Speaker 3: is find two close friends or three close friends or
Speaker 3: one close friend and start a gratitude text chain. So
Speaker 3: every day you're just texting three things you're grateful for.
Speaker 3: It sets up another layer of accountability, which makes you
Speaker 3: more likely to follow through on it. And it's a
Speaker 3: great way to connect with anybody you're looking to connect to.
Speaker 3: So you can look at that, you can look at
Speaker 3: the winds of like what's improved in your in your
Speaker 3: life from like this time last year, like celebrating those
Speaker 3: little wins, what progress or maybe what's good about today,
Speaker 3: like what's better about today than yesterday? But we Darren
Speaker 3: and I put together some questions that I think if
Speaker 3: you spend some intentional time reflecting on and feel free
Speaker 3: to share them, that you'll really use this time to
Speaker 3: stop and pause and take a step back and understand
Speaker 3: that gratitude really does change the way we see the
Speaker 3: world and it turns what we have into enough, what
Speaker 3: we have today into enough. So yeah, no matter what
Speaker 3: you're going through, there's always something you can be grateful for,
Speaker 3: and if anything, for the breath that you're taking right now,
Speaker 3: because we take our breath for granted, but you know,
Speaker 3: the breath is the access point to the present moment
Speaker 3: and the mind body connection. It's our way back home
Speaker 3: into our hearts, right, and so like just taking one
Speaker 3: breath sometimes can be enough. So yeah, we could talk
Speaker 3: about this all all day long, but I'm gonna let
Speaker 3: Darren wrap us up, and yeah, stay in the practice practice.
Speaker 3: I promise you, this practice of gratitude will change the
Speaker 3: way you see the world.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, well said Donnie. And I feel like with
Speaker 2: the key with this gratitude process is self compassion man
Speaker 2: Like for me, a real life example for me, sometimes
Speaker 2: when I do gratitude lists, I'll write down like that
Speaker 2: I woke up this morning, or that the sun the
Speaker 2: sunshine coming through my window, and there's a voice in
Speaker 2: my head that's like, man, this is cheesy, dog, this
Speaker 2: is this is corny, Like what are we doing here?
Speaker 2: Like you really think this is gonna turn your life
Speaker 2: around or be something huge, And you have to be
Speaker 2: gentle with that voice. You gotta be welcoming up that
Speaker 2: voice and be like okay, like but recognize, hey, this
Speaker 2: is new, Like I'm gonna face resistance in anything new
Speaker 2: that I'm trying to do that is going to turn
Speaker 2: into something powerful. So I just challenge you to offer
Speaker 2: yourself compassion in that resistance. When you hear that voice,
Speaker 2: come in greet it and say, hey, this isn't this
Speaker 2: isn't the place, Like I allow myself to grow and
Speaker 2: take baby steps in the beginning of new things I'm
Speaker 2: trying to implement in my life. So I hope you
Speaker 2: guys are able to find some compassion in that and
Speaker 2: definitely check those questions out that Donnie was saying. There's
Speaker 2: some powerful stuff in there. There's some stuff that could
Speaker 2: really shift your perspective, really have you to sit in
Speaker 2: silence and figure out the things that could ultimately change
Speaker 2: your life, So share those questions with people in your life. Friends,
Speaker 2: whoever send us what you wrote, like, we're here with
Speaker 2: you and we just want to help see you grow.
Speaker 2: So check those questions out because Done does a great
Speaker 2: job of always providing questions and documents that are game changers, man,
Speaker 2: So check those out, and you know, hope you guys
Speaker 2: have a wonderful holiday however you celebrate, whoever you celebrate with.
Speaker 2: You know, it's a time to where, you know, if
Speaker 2: you want to start practicing your gratitude practice, start right then,
Speaker 2: because there's a lot to be thankful for in that
Speaker 2: moment and every other moment that is to follow in
Speaker 2: our lives. So we appreciate you, guys. We're grateful for
Speaker 2: y'all for coming and rocking with us, still out here
Speaker 2: two years later doing this show on this mission, and yeah,
Speaker 2: we appreciate you. Donnie. I love you, man, love you brother.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Man, I wanted to I forgot to mention. I'm
Speaker 3: actually doing a meditation challenge, Gratitude meditation challenge that's going
Speaker 3: to start the Monday after Thanksgiving. So I'm not about
Speaker 3: doing it during Thanksgiving because that's easy. So it's like, Okay,
Speaker 3: are you still as grateful as you were on Thursday
Speaker 3: as you are on Monday. So starting that Monday, I'll
Speaker 3: be sending out a this is all through text for
Speaker 3: my texting platform, and I'll share that number in a
Speaker 3: sec I don't even know it by heart, but I'll
Speaker 3: be giving out sending out a gratitude meditation, some type
Speaker 3: of meditation every single day. It'll be a video meditation,
Speaker 3: but you can also listen audio, and so this will
Speaker 3: be a great way to kick start your your gratitude practice.
Speaker 3: You know, Darren and I are believers, but it's like
Speaker 3: it's a practice and what we practice grows stronger. So
Speaker 3: all you'll text stay Grateful to the phone number four
Speaker 3: eights and we'll try to put that on the show
Speaker 3: notes too, but hopefully that'll kick you off to a
Speaker 3: good gratitude practice. But happy Thanksgiving everybody, and thanks for listening.
Speaker 3: And if this episode inspired you, please share it, share
Speaker 3: the love tag us, post it on Instagram. We'll repost it.
Speaker 3: We just want to reach as many people as possible
Speaker 3: and share the love, especially this time of the year.
Speaker 2: So we're out, no doubt, We out of here. Lay
Speaker 2: Off Peace.
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