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Speaker 1: Loka Tora Radio is a radiophonic novella.

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Speaker 2: Which is just a very extra way of saying a podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm fosa m.

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Speaker 2: And I am Mala.

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Speaker 1: Munos Lokatra Radio is yr Brima's favorite podcast, hosted by

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Speaker 1: us Mala and Viosa.

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Speaker 2: We're two ig friends turned podcast partners, breaking down pop culture, feminism,

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Speaker 2: sexual wellness, and offering fresh takes on trending topics through

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Speaker 2: nuanced interviews with up and coming LATINX creatives.

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Speaker 1: Known as Las Lokatas, Las Mamis of Myth and Bullshit

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Speaker 1: and Las Bocas Prosas. We were podcasting independently since twenty sixteen,

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Speaker 1: but joined iHeartMedia's Microtura network in twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 2: This year, we're continuing to share stories from the LATINX community.

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Speaker 1: Barto el Mundo, Welcome to season eight.

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Speaker 2: Are you listening?

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Speaker 1: O lao La Loka Motives, Welcome to Season eight of

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Speaker 1: Loca Tora Radio.

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Speaker 2: I'm Viosa and I am Mala.

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Speaker 1: You're tuning into Capitolo Sientos Senta Sinko one sixty five.

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Speaker 2: Over the years, we've created different segments and in show

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Speaker 2: series to diversify and switch up the type of episodes

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Speaker 2: we produce.

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Speaker 1: Like latinas and politics, loc epistemologies, fem defense, goddess worship,

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Speaker 1: weird things White women did, and so on and so on.

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Speaker 2: To add to our list of illustrious segments, we're bringing

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Speaker 2: you a brand new series for season eight called Me,

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Speaker 2: My Mental Health and I.

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Speaker 1: For the next few weeks, you'll hear from licensed therapists, artists,

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Speaker 1: and creators about mental health and the rise of social

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Speaker 1: media usage.

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Speaker 2: In this episode, we're talking about something just a little

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Speaker 2: bit taboo to some at least. We're talking about death

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Speaker 2: and grieving online.

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Speaker 1: In US Western culture, death is something we avoid talking about.

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Speaker 1: But for many Latinos LATINX folks, death is talked about

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Speaker 1: pretty openly.

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Speaker 2: But what about grief and the grieving process.

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Speaker 1: I think that there is a short window that we're

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Speaker 1: allowed to grieve, Like you have your allotted time for bereavement,

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Speaker 1: and then capitalism makes you go back to work and

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Speaker 1: you have to return to some type of quote normal.

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Speaker 2: Other ways that were sort of allowed to grieve publicly

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Speaker 2: is wearing all black, maybe going to a misa that's

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Speaker 2: dedicated to your deceased, praying the rosary, visiting the grave,

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Speaker 2: site as a family and eating with your with your

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Speaker 2: loved ones who have passed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's a lot of ways that Latinos

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Speaker 1: grieve and kind of have anniversaries of deaths as well,

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Speaker 1: which I have always found really interesting. It's not just

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Speaker 1: like this one funeral service. It's like every year after that,

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Speaker 1: there's some type of commemorating that happens, whether that be

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Speaker 1: going to the grave site like you said, on my

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Speaker 1: dad's side, my Provian side, we always do, or for

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Speaker 1: many years we would do like an anniversary misa and

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Speaker 1: so it would be just like a mesa at one

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Speaker 1: of the local parishes that would honor like our loved one.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that it's really interesting that for

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Speaker 1: us as Latinos Latinx folks, we find ways to kind

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Speaker 1: of come together and remember someone obviously there we have

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Speaker 1: holidays like Theeloos as well. So I just feel like

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Speaker 1: we process grief differently. Like not to overgeneralize, but I

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Speaker 1: do feel like there's somewhat of an openness to talk

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Speaker 1: about death at least.

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Speaker 2: And in that spirit, we're inviting a longtime pod friend,

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Speaker 2: Adriana Alejandre onto the episode today to talk about her

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Speaker 2: own personal and public grieving pro. Adriana is a licensed

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Speaker 2: therapist and creator of latinx Therapy, a directory and bilingual

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Speaker 2: podcast that destigmatizes mental health myths. We talk to Adriana

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Speaker 2: not only about her work as a licensed therapist, but

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Speaker 2: her experience coping with the loss of her mother. So

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Speaker 2: tune in, listen, and we hope that you get a

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Speaker 2: lot out of this conversation.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so today we are joined by the incredible Adriana Alejandre.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Look at O Radio.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I'm very honored

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Speaker 3: and excited to be here with you.

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Speaker 1: The honor is ours, truly.

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Speaker 2: We've been following your work online for many years now.

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Speaker 2: We've chatted previously about mental health, the internet, and the

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Speaker 2: Latino community, and today we're really excited to be sitting

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Speaker 2: down with you in person to follow up on that

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Speaker 2: conversation and talk a little bit more personally about not

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Speaker 2: only you as a mental health professional and content creator,

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Speaker 2: but just as as a mohead also, you know, moving

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Speaker 2: through life and dealing with your own obstacles and coping

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Speaker 2: in your own way with the things that you experience.

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Speaker 2: So thank you for joining us today.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm excited to have this very vulnerable and authentic conversation.

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Speaker 1: Just to get us started, Can you tell us a

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Speaker 1: little bit about you and who you are?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely so. I am thirty three years old as of recently,

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Speaker 3: and I have a thirteen year old now. So I'm

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Speaker 3: Ahikana i Watmalteca, very proud of both of those roots.

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Speaker 3: And I am a daughter of immigrants, I'm a sister,

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Speaker 3: and I'm a therapist in the state of California, a

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Speaker 3: mental health therapist specifically. But I also have had my

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Speaker 3: podcast and am right now currently doing a lot of

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Speaker 3: different projects, such as focusing on consultations and amplifying many

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Speaker 3: of LATINX therapist voices across the nation.

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Speaker 2: And you, for many years now have been running a

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Speaker 2: project called latinx Therapy. It's a multi platform platform. It

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Speaker 2: includes a podcast, and it includes a directory. Can you

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Speaker 2: tell us when you sat down and conceptualized LATINX therapy,

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Speaker 2: what was the thought process and how did it come

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Speaker 2: to be.

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Speaker 3: It came to be very organic, but out of a

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Speaker 3: lot of frustrated emotions because at the time it was

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Speaker 3: twenty seventeen and I had just gotten licensed and in

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Speaker 3: twenty seventeen you both know that podcasts were up and rising,

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Speaker 3: but not quite yet. And then mental health content on

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Speaker 3: social media was very minimal at the time, and so

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Speaker 3: my practice was thriving, and I felt very guilty that

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Speaker 3: there weren't that many that I could find at the

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Speaker 3: time sources for the community seeking Latina therapist, Latino therapist,

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Speaker 3: and I had a very long wait list, and I

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Speaker 3: had people coming from Bakersfield, people considering coming to my

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Speaker 3: office from San Diego, and I just didn't find that

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Speaker 3: to be fair. And I was like, no, Like I

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Speaker 3: remembered my father's words. He would always tell me, if

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Speaker 3: something and I'll say it in English, if something isn't created,

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Speaker 3: you can do it, doop with this aslo. And so

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Speaker 3: I was like, okay, let me just study podcasting. And

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Speaker 3: then from there my audience sent me emails and they

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Speaker 3: were like I never knew that I could choose a therapist,

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much. And so I was providing people

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Speaker 3: manually referrals, people in Illinois, people in New York, and

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Speaker 3: I barely had roots here in California Los Angeles, and

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Speaker 3: I found that I was burning out. So that's where

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Speaker 3: I decided I need to look into creating a website,

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Speaker 3: a directory.

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Speaker 1: I love that so much, that origin story. It's one

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Speaker 1: of my favorites. And you mentioned in twenty seventeen that

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Speaker 1: mental health content, mental health social media accounts weren't working

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Speaker 1: or didn't exist the way they do today. So can

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Speaker 1: you talk more about perhaps a rise in social media

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Speaker 1: mental health content specifically? Do you feel like there's more

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Speaker 1: like do you think it's all legitimate? Like where do

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Speaker 1: you think like the landscape in mental health content stands today.

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Speaker 3: Since twenty eighteen, which is when I officially launched LATINX Therapy,

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Speaker 3: I do believe that LATINX Therapy social media platforms or

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Speaker 3: some of the or was one of the most inspiring

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Speaker 3: content for a lot of therapists. Because when we're trained

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Speaker 3: right out of graduate school, they teach us you cannot

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Speaker 3: share about yourself. You are going to get sued, you

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Speaker 3: know if you do this, if you do that, And

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Speaker 3: so they put us in this little box where we

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Speaker 3: really can't or feel like we can't talk outside of

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Speaker 3: a room. And so to enter into this digital space

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Speaker 3: is very scary for a lot of therapists. And so

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Speaker 3: I think that in seeing the way that I would

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Speaker 3: do it, many other therapists, you know, decided to launch

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Speaker 3: their page, their social media platform as a as a

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Speaker 3: vlog or blog, or you know, just some form to

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Speaker 3: educate the community. There has been a rise in those years.

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Speaker 3: I would see many more therapists, and now I see

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Speaker 3: kind of therapists, coaches, advocates, and just anybody now talking

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Speaker 3: about mental health in general. And in regards to what

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Speaker 3: is credible and what is not credible, I think that's

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Speaker 3: definitely a trickier question. However, I think everybody has to

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Speaker 3: look at the source of where the information is coming

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Speaker 3: from and kind of hone in on your own critical

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Speaker 3: things skills when you are digesting information, because it's so

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Speaker 3: easy nowadays to scroll and hear something and believe it.

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Speaker 3: So that is where you have to rely on yourself

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Speaker 3: to see, Hey, who is the founder of this account,

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Speaker 3: this information that they're giving us, what is where are

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Speaker 3: the sources? Let me go ahead and do some research

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Speaker 3: to see if it is applicable to me or to

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Speaker 3: see what are the consequences of doing this for myself.

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Speaker 3: So instead of just kind of taking guidance and techniques

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Speaker 3: off of the Internet, we really have to pay attention

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Speaker 3: to our own history and really reflect on how that

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Speaker 3: can impact us positively and negatively.

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Speaker 2: And as a content creator and therapist, how do you

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Speaker 2: decide what type of content you're going to share on

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Speaker 2: your platforms? You film something, you review it, edit it.

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Speaker 2: What are your markers for whether or not that content

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Speaker 2: is something that you want to put out for the world.

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Speaker 3: It changes per season, if you will, or annually, because

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Speaker 3: I'm a human behind this screen, right, going through different

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Speaker 3: things in my own personal and professional life, and so

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Speaker 3: one thing is that I don't share things that I

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Speaker 3: haven't healed from just yet. And if in this case,

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Speaker 3: you know, recently, this last year, I did go through

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Speaker 3: something that I hadn't healed from. But I felt like

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Speaker 3: I needed community. I needed to be transparent about this

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Speaker 3: that I wasn't healed just yet. And in that case,

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Speaker 3: I was transparent that I wasn't well, and I made

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Speaker 3: I shared that in a form of storytelling versus it

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Speaker 3: being more educational. So I didn't tap into my therapist side.

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Speaker 3: I was tapping in as a human, as a daughter,

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Speaker 3: this is what I'm going through, and I made it

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Speaker 3: into a visual storytelling style.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you you know, speaking of that, You've been really

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Speaker 1: open and transparent about your grieving journey, and so I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask you more about that and what has

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Speaker 1: that experience been like for you to be so open

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Speaker 1: and vulnerable. Clearly there was that moment you decided, I'm

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Speaker 1: approaching this as a daughter, as a human, not necessarily

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Speaker 1: as a therapist, and really leaning on storytelling. So can

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Speaker 1: you tell us more about that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it was unexpected because, you know, prior

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Speaker 3: to me launching or rather sharing about my grief journey,

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Speaker 3: I had been experiencing really intense things with my mom,

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Speaker 3: who was sick. But I've shared before, she was a guatemalin, fierce,

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Speaker 3: angry little lady like she was always, you know, fighting

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Speaker 3: with someone. The neighbors us, like there was always someone

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Speaker 3: in the doghouse, and many times that was me. I

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Speaker 3: lived as her neighbor for so long, and I think

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Speaker 3: that I hadn't been posting for such a long time,

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Speaker 3: not even educational content or storytelling content. And so when

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Speaker 3: she suddenly passed away unexpectedly, we went into prayer mode

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Speaker 3: and family mode for a very long time, and I

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Speaker 3: felt at the end of that, I was like, I

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Speaker 3: really am craving for community, which is how I felt

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Speaker 3: in twenty eighteen when I launched LATINX Therapy. I launched

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Speaker 3: it honestly again because it was that sense of frustration

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Speaker 3: I felt. I felt like community would help fill a void,

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Speaker 3: and so when she passed last September, that was what

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Speaker 3: I was missing. I was missing the community that I

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Speaker 3: had created online, and I wanted them to witness what

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Speaker 3: I was going through because I knew and my core

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Speaker 3: and from my role as a therapist that I'm not alone,

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Speaker 3: that there's so many others that are experiencing this pain.

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Speaker 3: And I'm glad I did because I did get messages

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Speaker 3: from people saying, like, this is true content that I

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Speaker 3: wish more people saw because a lot of it was dark,

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Speaker 3: you know, and in the sense that in a very

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Speaker 3: literal sense, like where I admitted to not being able

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Speaker 3: to see color when I would go outside. There were

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Speaker 3: many days and you can actually see that many of

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Speaker 3: my videos don't have light because I was staying in

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Speaker 3: the dark for a while and I didn't even realize

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Speaker 3: that until I came out of that fog.

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Speaker 2: I remember in the past, you would share content about

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Speaker 2: your mother and struggles with your mother. How how have

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Speaker 2: you been able to transition from that place of coping

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Speaker 2: with your dynamic with your mother while she was here

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Speaker 2: and now coping with her being gone.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll take a little breath because these are things

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Speaker 3: that I haven't shared with anyone outside of my family

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Speaker 3: or my therapy spaces. But to be truly honest with

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Speaker 3: that question, I said everything I needed to say on

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Speaker 3: her deathbed when she was passing away. Everything, you know,

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Speaker 3: all the sories that I wanted to say, all the

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Speaker 3: thank yous that I wanted to say. I said it

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Speaker 3: as she was still on the ventilator in the ICU.

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Speaker 3: And so I'm very much at peace knowing that, knowing

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Speaker 3: that I just don't have any regrets. I did absolutely

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Speaker 3: everything as a daughter, as a person for her, and

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Speaker 3: I'm really that's all I could say, Like, I'm really

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Speaker 3: at peace with that. And there's also another side of

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Speaker 3: my brain that intellectualizes things, right, and that's that I

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Speaker 3: know that she experienced so many traumas, so for the

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Speaker 3: last couple years of her life, I knew psychologically why

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Speaker 3: she would behave in the way that she would now

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Speaker 3: would still frustrate me, of course, would I get annoyed

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Speaker 3: and want of vent to my community, Yeah, and I did,

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Speaker 3: But I didn't hold that against her. I was still

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Speaker 3: scared of her, but I didn't hold that against her

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Speaker 3: as a grudge, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely. And I also remember when you would tell

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Speaker 1: stories about your mother and the relationship and how it

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Speaker 1: changes over the years, And that was one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite things that you shared, because I feel like a

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Speaker 1: lot of us have complicated relationships with our moms. Not

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Speaker 1: everyone has this like picture perfect, like Latino family movie relationship.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I think mil and I are both fortunate that we've

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Speaker 1: shared a lot of positive experiences with our mothers on

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Speaker 1: this podcast specifically, but we also recognize like that's not

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Speaker 1: the case for lots of people. And so that was

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Speaker 1: one of my favorite things that you shared because I

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Speaker 1: think it's so important to the experience of people in

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Speaker 1: our community right that it's not like a Latino family movie.

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Speaker 1: And so for me witnessing you share this other side

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Speaker 1: of that relationship, I very much see it as like

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Speaker 1: this radical vulnerability that you're engaging with with all of us.

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Speaker 1: And so, like, how do you feel now, like moving forward,

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Speaker 1: as you're you're doing a lot of speaking engagements, You're

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Speaker 1: you have a nonprofit, like you're doing a lot like,

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Speaker 1: how are you taking care of yourself while also showing

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Speaker 1: up so vulnerably.

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Speaker 3: You're right that I carry a lot of different roles,

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Speaker 3: and I'm vulnerable in all the roles that I carry,

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Speaker 3: but I have taken too many roles, and I recognize

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Speaker 3: that that that's something that is one of my if

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Speaker 3: you will flaws, you know where I do try to

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Speaker 3: do a lot to fill certain emotional voids. And so recently,

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Speaker 3: somewhat recently this has been ongoing, I took inventory and

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Speaker 3: decided that with my therapist that providing individual therapy, doing

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Speaker 3: long term trauma work is something that I have to

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Speaker 3: pause because it's not something emotionally that I can manage

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Speaker 3: at the time. And I've actually been very authentic about

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Speaker 3: this with my clients, which going back is something graduate

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Speaker 3: school at that time when I was trained with frown upon.

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Speaker 3: But I think it's something so important for my clients

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Speaker 3: to know that I just can't provide the quality that

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Speaker 3: I wish to that I have been able to, and

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Speaker 3: they know why, and they know it's not personal. We've

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Speaker 3: talked about it, and so I'll return when I'm ready,

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Speaker 3: but at the moment, because I'm still processing the grief,

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Speaker 3: and the abuse and things that you know, I need

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Speaker 3: to continue processing. I just won't be able to provide

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Speaker 3: individual therapy, but I'm going to see how I can

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Speaker 3: balance the other roles. And so far, because I have

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Speaker 3: graduated clients and close them out, it has given me

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Speaker 3: capacity to take care of myself in the sense of

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Speaker 3: resting more, of learning how to cook, more, of returning

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Speaker 3: to my role as a mom. Because after she passed

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Speaker 3: that was another thing. I stopped paying attention to my son,

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Speaker 3: and as I don't even know he was entering seventh grade,

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Speaker 3: and so his grade suffered, his behavior suffered. And I'm

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Speaker 3: grateful that my partner, my husband, took over the parental

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Speaker 3: role one hundred percent, but he needed me and I

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Speaker 3: wasn't there. I was very absent, and so I'm back,

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Speaker 3: but I'm focusing more so on family and myself right now.

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Speaker 2: It's wonderful to hear that you're able to take that

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Speaker 2: step back and you can make that choice, especially the

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Speaker 2: direct service work. I'm sure you walk out of each

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Speaker 2: session and you carry all of those stories with you.

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Speaker 2: They don't just evaporate when you leave the therapy room.

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Speaker 2: I'm really curious, you know, from twenty seventeen to now,

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Speaker 2: we've lived through the Trump years, the pandemic, or in

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Speaker 2: this post pandemic space kind of sort of. And I'm

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Speaker 2: sure that not only yourself but your clients, you've seen

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Speaker 2: a lot of different people suffer different sorts of losses.

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Speaker 2: And I'm wondering what you've noticed, not only from your

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Speaker 2: personal experience but with your clients. How do Latinos tend

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Speaker 2: to cope with loss and how do Latinos tend to grieve?

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Speaker 3: That's a beautiful question, and there's definitely differences in various households,

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Speaker 3: and I think it also depends on from what I've

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Speaker 3: noticed as a therapist, it depends on people's trauma histories

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Speaker 3: and how much of their traumas that they've processed. Because

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Speaker 3: when an incident, whether it's grief or trauma or anxiety

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Speaker 3: or anything connected to mental health happens in our life,

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Speaker 3: we tend to get re triggered from things maybe that

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Speaker 3: we have stuffed away and kept away and have been

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Speaker 3: able to function without them, but they'll come out when

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Speaker 3: these new incidents happen. And so I think in general,

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Speaker 3: the way that Latinos tend to cope with grief, I

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Speaker 3: find it to be very beautiful, and from what I've

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Speaker 3: experienced and as a therapist and a person, I haven't

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Speaker 3: really noticed other cultures, so I can't speak to comparison,

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Speaker 3: but what I would say is that religiously, through this,

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Speaker 3: through losing my mother, I learned of the novenadio, which

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Speaker 3: is the I believe it's nine days of prayer. Personally,

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Speaker 3: we did eighteen days because we couldn't get a priest

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Speaker 3: to the hospital to bless her soul on the way out,

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Speaker 3: and so they doubled it for us, which is fine.

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Speaker 3: It was very intense, kind of like an eighteen day meditation, right,

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Speaker 3: But I learned that that's a form of community where

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Speaker 3: people come together and pray, focusing all of their energy

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Speaker 3: on that person, and then come in community afterwards to

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Speaker 3: break bread and be together. So that's one element of it.

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Speaker 3: The way that we grieve is also by allowing yantos

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Speaker 3: crying I'm not sure how to say yanthos in English.

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Speaker 1: Like sobs, like audible crying, whales, whales wailing.

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Speaker 3: Allowing whaling to happen, and not being judged by other

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Speaker 3: by your family members, And again this can vary from

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Speaker 3: household to household and how safe, we are to allow

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Speaker 3: our emotions out. So I don't want to overgeneralize, but

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Speaker 3: those two are definitely some of the biggest things that

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Speaker 3: I've noticed. And overall community, family, community, friend community. People

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Speaker 3: just come together when there is a lot It is

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Speaker 3: typically temporarily just at the start, you know, maybe the

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Speaker 3: first few days, the first couple of weeks, and then

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Speaker 3: I hear a lot of clients say, well, no one,

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Speaker 3: you know, that all stopped. No one has checked in

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Speaker 3: on me. Everybody expects me to go back to normal,

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Speaker 3: and I can't and I'm having difficulties. And so again,

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Speaker 3: everybody has their own journey with that. But within the

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Speaker 3: Latino community, I've definitely noticed so much community and food.

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Speaker 1: Lots of food.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely. I think if you've if you've ever gone to

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Speaker 2: a cemetery in a city where there's a lot of Latinos,

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Speaker 2: you've probably also seen like families getting together around the

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Speaker 2: grave site. I know my family in Bakersfield has been

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Speaker 2: doing that, like weekly with a relative who passed a

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Speaker 2: year ago and showing up in person with a food

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Speaker 2: truck with with music, with their favorite drink, what have you.

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Speaker 2: I am curious too about the fact that you have

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Speaker 2: been posting grief content about your grieving process pretty publicly now,

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Speaker 2: and I'm wondering how that, in and of itself, the

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Speaker 2: posting and the sharing of your grieving process online, how

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Speaker 2: that has helped you. If it has helped you.

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Speaker 3: It has helped me. It has helped me in the

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Speaker 3: sense that people are able to share their stories with me,

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Speaker 3: because I've had two other losses that I could think of,

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Speaker 3: but nothing has ever felt this painful for this long,

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Speaker 3: Like I remember that the first I cried straight for

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Speaker 3: two months, and so my face changed. It was poofy,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't recognize myself when I did actually start

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Speaker 3: seeing colors, and I was just like, whoa like just

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Speaker 3: seeing myself in the mirror. And so me posting was

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Speaker 3: a way to communicate to other people the pain and

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Speaker 3: also my confusion, and people through the comments were able

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Speaker 3: to share from their perspective what they went through and

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Speaker 3: what I could possibly expect. And I really appreciated that

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Speaker 3: because there were some things I didn't know about and

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Speaker 3: that I learned through other people's personal experiences. This isn't

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Speaker 3: something that can be taught through textbook.

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Speaker 1: What are some of the things if you're comfortable sharing

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Speaker 1: that people shared with you that maybe you didn't expect

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Speaker 1: to hear to learn about.

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Speaker 3: One of the things is someone told me all the

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Speaker 3: first will hurt, And when I first read that, I

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Speaker 3: didn't understand it. But then as I was going through

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Speaker 3: the first Christmas and not having the bunche that my

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Speaker 3: mom made annually, the first birthday, the first New Year,

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Speaker 3: like any little thing, even though we didn't spend time

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Speaker 3: together during New Year's perhaps or her birthday per her wish,

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Speaker 3: is it's still hurt. And so realizing that after every

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Speaker 3: single first, especially in this first year, has been so

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Speaker 3: helpful so that I emotionally prepare for these moments.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I wanted to go

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Speaker 1: back to something you said about like your either your

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Speaker 1: clients or people in the comments saying like everyone's there

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Speaker 1: until like maybe the services are over, and then it's

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Speaker 1: like no one's checking in anymore. So I wanted I

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Speaker 1: feel like because we don't in at least in Western

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Speaker 1: culture in the US specifically, we don't talk about death.

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Speaker 1: We don't talk about grieving as openly as like Latinos do,

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Speaker 1: and so I feel like a lot of the times,

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Speaker 1: if someone we know has lost someone, we don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do, We don't know what to say, we

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Speaker 1: are too afraid to say the wrong thing, and so

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Speaker 1: then we don't say anything, and that could be worse.

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Speaker 1: So I'm curious for you if there's ways that you

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Speaker 1: feel like we can better support our loved ones that

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Speaker 1: are experiencing loss.

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Speaker 3: You know, I think that it's sometimes silence can be

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Speaker 3: helpful because sometimes when people actually use words, and if

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Speaker 3: they're the wrong words, like painful words, they just hurt

435
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 3: so much more. And so in these moments, I actually

436
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 3: think that silence is very powerful and shows a lot

437
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 3: of patience and compassion. And other ways would be to

438
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 3: straight out ask your loved one, how can I support you?

439
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 3: What can I do? And sometimes they may not have

440
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 3: an answer, but to continue checking in and asking the

441
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 3: same question because one day they will have an answer.

442
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 3: And hey, sometimes some people maybe maybe don't ask for

443
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,400
Speaker 3: another week, you know, And to always remember to not

444
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,159
Speaker 3: take things personally, because that person is likely in a fog,

445
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 3: is likely processing something potentially traumatic connected to the loss.

446
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 3: We just don't know where they're right. And I do

447
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 3: find that in a lot of Latino households, people tend

448
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 3: to take someone else's grief personally, Oh, they don't want

449
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 3: to spend time with me, they don't want to come

450
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 3: out of their room, they don't want to eat my food,

451
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 3: you know, and they make it more so about them

452
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 3: when it really isn't. There is a loss of appetite

453
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:25,159
Speaker 3: that happens when you lose somebody. Everything changes, you know,

454
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 3: everything in regards to how you feel about others, your

455
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 3: perception about the world and yourself changes, and you're trying

456
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 3: to figure yourself out while adjusting to this new world,

457
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 3: new life without this person in it. And so I

458
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 3: think that people need to remember that that peace, to

459
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 3: not make it about themselves, and to just ask openly,

460
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 3: how can I support you and offer you know, I

461
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 3: think groceries if you know the person's kind of quote

462
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 3: unquote weakest or poorest traits in their life, Like for me,

463
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 3: it's cleaning and grocery shopping. My friends helped me in

464
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 3: those areas, and I appreciated it because they're things that

465
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 3: stressed the heck out of me because I don't like

466
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 3: doing them, but I know we have to, and so

467
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 3: them coming over was very helpful. And I remember, actually

468
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 3: because I had just moved into my new house one

469
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 3: of my neighbors told me to clean my backyard. I

470
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 3: was actually cleaning in the back and she's like, come, come,

471
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 3: and there's a language barrier. I think she was Russian

472
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 3: or is Russian or Armenian, and so I'm like wiping

473
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 3: my tears walking over and she's like clean clean, birds,

474
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 3: come clean clean, and I'm like, okay, I got the hint. Yeah,

475
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 3: you know, And I knew everything was falling apart back there,

476
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 3: Like I knew the previous owners had taken care of it,

477
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 3: and I just couldn't because of everything going on. So

478
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 3: I told a friend who loves gardening, and she came

479
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 3: with all her clippers and baskets and she was just

480
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 3: chopping up my fruits and it was wonderful.

481
00:29:58,600 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 2: You know.

482
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 3: She allowed her self to enjoy that moment and allowed

483
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 3: me to just sit and participate if I wanted to

484
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 3: or not if I didn't want to.

485
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 2: Do you do you think there's a phenomenon almost of

486
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: want wanting to not be like a burden to other

487
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 2: people and like being okay for others, right, Like, I

488
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 2: think there's something there with like you're saying, sometimes family

489
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 2: or community want you to feel better already, you know,

490
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: and just feel better, because then everybody else feels better.

491
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 2: And I guess, how do we how do we not

492
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 2: do that to others, you know, to folks who are grieving.

493
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,239
Speaker 2: It's such a long process. It can be you know,

494
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 2: I'm not really sure how to ask this, to ask

495
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 2: the question, but taking care of yourself first, you know,

496
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 2: before being okay so that other people are comfortable.

497
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 3: That's complicated because it's even embedded within our society, right

498
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 3: when when we look at the breathement time, I think

499
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 3: it did change this year, So forgive me if it's

500
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 3: not accurate, but I believe it's five days now.

501
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 2: It was three.

502
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 3: Days prior, wow, two or three days something like that,

503
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 3: at least here in La County. I'm not sure nationwide

504
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 3: what it is. I would assume it probably changes, right,

505
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 3: and so people are expected to return back to fully

506
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 3: functioning occupational mode after these days. And that's complicated because

507
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 3: there's some people that just any reminder, they'll cry on

508
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 3: the spot, right, any reminder, they'll just shut down. We

509
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 3: don't know how they respond to to stressors. But I

510
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 3: think it's just so complicated for us. One thing that

511
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 3: I will say for that answer for sure, is that people.

512
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 3: You know, we need to take care of our own selves,

513
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 3: and if we have difficulty asking for help, this is

514
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 3: the time to ask others for help and to lean

515
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 3: on our community. And I know that we may feel

516
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 3: like we're a burden for other people because we live

517
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 3: in a culture where that is the case, where expression

518
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 3: isn't allowed. What's more allowed is drinking and substances, you know,

519
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 3: to cope and self medicate, right, rather than talking about it.

520
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 3: And so I think that if we at least try

521
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 3: to write it out to someone on a note through

522
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 3: text or create a code word, which is actually something

523
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 3: I've worked with my clients where you know, when one

524
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 3: person says potato or unicorn, I'm just throwing out random

525
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 3: things here, but when one person uses that code word

526
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 3: between them, that's when they know I need to be

527
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 3: a little bit closer. This person, my loved one, needs

528
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 3: more of that support. But there's some people that still

529
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 3: feel icky right when talking about their emotions, and that's

530
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 3: normal and valid. So let's find creative ways as to

531
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 3: how we can get that support.

532
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: Absolutely, thank you so much for joining us today. Is

533
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 1: there any anything else you want to share about your

534
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: experience or just in general what you're up to like

535
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: this the time is yours.

536
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 3: You know. Going back to your question right now, Mala,

537
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 3: I definitely felt that sense of burden with all of

538
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 3: my grief content that I've been posting, and especially because

539
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 3: there was there were the one percent, and it's always

540
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 3: why is it the one percent that we pay attention

541
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 3: to versus like the ninety nine percent positive right.

542
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 2: Studio? So hard not to harp on that stick to us.

543
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 3: Yes, so they're like, you're strong, you'll get through it,

544
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 3: You'll be fine, you know things. And it was consistent

545
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 3: throughout different videos, and so that for me was like, Okay,

546
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 3: am I now being too griefy and burdening other people

547
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 3: now with my emotions? Am I creating LATINX therapy into

548
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 3: this grief portal now? And it made me wonder about

549
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 3: my content and my branding and things like that. And

550
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 3: I mean to be honest, I did switch a little bit.

551
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 3: It is still vulnerable, but in different ways. It is

552
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,919
Speaker 3: reflective of what I am experiencing. But I think these

553
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,919
Speaker 3: are things that we go through naturally, right where other

554
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 3: people influence our emotions.

555
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, I wanted to say this at

556
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: the top of our conversation that I even hate to

557
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: use the word content for the experience that you're documenting

558
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,760
Speaker 1: and you're choosing to share it with your social media following,

559
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 1: your digital community. But it's like, it's so much more

560
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: than content, right, It's your life, it's your experience, and

561
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: it's what you're going through. But I also wonder if

562
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: do you feel like, because you talked about in some

563
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 1: ways like creating this little like grief portal, you were

564
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: questioning like if that's what you were doing you, is

565
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 1: there a part of you that feels like you have

566
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 1: to continue publicly posting about your grief or do you

567
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 1: feel like, when I'm ready, I can close the chapter

568
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 1: on this area of like social media media content.

569
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 3: That's exactly how I feel. When I'm ready, I can

570
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 3: close it. I definitely feel ownership over LATINX therapy, and

571
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 3: I do listen to the community. I trust that I

572
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 3: have a good balance between what I share and how

573
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 3: I amplify other people's voices. So I hold myself accountable

574
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 3: for all of that, and I'm comfortable. I actually did

575
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 3: that with my YouTube where I was I had a

576
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 3: series honoring my mom, and I had about four other

577
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 3: interviews with other therapists, but I felt this is where

578
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 3: we stop, and I'm going to have to focus on

579
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 3: other topics with these other four clinicians.

580
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: Yeah that's incredible. I mean knowing when to stop and

581
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 1: knowing when like, Okay, this has served its purpose for

582
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: me now and I can move on to something else.

583
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

584
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's really powerful.

585
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 2: Really important. I think as content creators, as people who

586
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 2: share publicly on the Internet, it's this balance between what

587
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 2: the audience wants to see and what we want to share.

588
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:00,439
Speaker 4: Yep.

589
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 2: And I think that's great that you have that ownership,

590
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 2: especially over something so personal.

591
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 5: Yeah.

592
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of responsibility that comes with this,

593
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 3: but I think again, if we have that awareness and

594
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 3: we're tuning in, we can find the right balance.

595
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 2: So where can our listeners follow up with you and

596
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 2: follow not only the grief content that you've been sharing,

597
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 2: but past content, future content, and how can they be

598
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 2: supportive of your platform and all of your projects.

599
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 3: Well, we all know the algorithm has been funky for

600
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 3: a while, so definitely leaving a comment interacting with the

601
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 3: content on our social media platforms would be very helpful.

602
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:48,320
Speaker 3: And our platforms our LATINX Therapy everywhere, really, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, everywhere.

603
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 3: Our website is latinxtherapy dot com and Spanish that a

604
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 3: latinos com and if anybody is needing a therapist, they

605
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 3: can go on that side to find one and we

606
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 3: also have other bilo well resources there, including our podcast.

607
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 1: Thank you to Adriana Alejandra for sharing her journey with us,

608
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: for sharing time space vulnerability with us. Definitely check out

609
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 1: her platform latinx Therapy if you're not familiar with it

610
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: and let us know what you think of this episode.

611
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: You can always leave us a comment, share, visit our

612
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 2: website look at thordurradio dot com and leave us a

613
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 2: speak pipe voice memo if you related to this episode,

614
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 2: if you were moved by Adriana's story, or if you

615
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 2: have your own story that you want to share, you

616
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 2: can always leave a review also on Apple podcast, or

617
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 2: like I said, send us a voice memo and we

618
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 2: just might play it on a future episode of Look

619
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 2: at Our Radio.

620
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: Don't forget to share this episode with your prima, your friend,

621
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: your mom, everybody and subscribe to our newsletter at lok

622
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: atradio dot com and we will catch you next time.

623
00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 2: Best see those Radio a radio phonic novela, is executive

624
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,719
Speaker 2: produced and hosted by Me Mala Munos and viosa Fem.

625
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 1: Story editing by Me Fiosa.

626
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 2: Audio editing by Stephanie Franco.

627
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: Thank you to our locomotives, our listeners for all of

628
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 1: your support.

629
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 4: Besi Fos Loca Radio, a radio phonic.

630
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 2: Novela hosted by Mala Munos.

631
00:38:31,480 --> 00:39:06,760
Speaker 5: And viosa Fem.

632
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 4: Take us to your network, Yah,