WEBVTT - Money Changes Everything

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, everybody in this episode, will you marry me? And

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<v Speaker 1>as a follow up to that, will you help me

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<v Speaker 1>pay for the engagement ring? I just put on your finger.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Amy and TJ and rogues. Tell folks what

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<v Speaker 1>they probably already know. What is, as we have seen

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<v Speaker 1>in the surveys we've been watching and reading, the number

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<v Speaker 1>one cause of fights and disputes in relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>It is money. Money, money.

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<v Speaker 1>Now would you one hundred percent agree with that based

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<v Speaker 1>on your history the past thirty years of relationship?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, I would say that money has in one

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<v Speaker 2>of my relationships definitely caused a significant amount of problems.

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<v Speaker 2>And I actually think the money issue is maybe even

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<v Speaker 2>a symptom of a larger issue where you don't operate

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<v Speaker 2>the same way you don't maybe you have trust issues,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe you have different ways of operating through life, and

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<v Speaker 2>so it might, I think, point to a larger problem

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<v Speaker 2>just in terms of your compatibility a right.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's the number one reason for disputes and relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>And from also the surveys we see when it comes

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<v Speaker 1>absolutely to divorce, what is one of the leading causes

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<v Speaker 1>of divorce in this country?

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<v Speaker 2>Financial stress, money, Yes, And it's listed on every survey

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<v Speaker 2>you can look at pointing to that being a leading

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<v Speaker 2>cause of most divorces.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so most people we have we got enough issues

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<v Speaker 1>in a relationship, but we start off in a marriage.

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<v Speaker 1>And this comes from an oracle. A woman said that

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<v Speaker 1>she took issue with her now husband because she found

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<v Speaker 1>out after they got married that the ring that he

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<v Speaker 1>put on her finger and he used to propose to her,

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<v Speaker 1>he is now paying for and paying.

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<v Speaker 2>Off using the joint account.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, is this now. Your initial reaction when this was

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<v Speaker 1>forwarded to us was what? No, Well here, before we

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<v Speaker 1>get into the details of it, just seeing the headline,

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<v Speaker 1>what was your initial reaction?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, so, to me, the very significant phrase that stood

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<v Speaker 2>out to me was found out. She found out that

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<v Speaker 2>he was paying for the ring he proposed to her

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<v Speaker 2>with with their joint account. There was not a discussion.

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<v Speaker 2>She was surprised by it, and that I can understand

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<v Speaker 2>not having known that that was happening, or not having

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<v Speaker 2>discussed that that's how it was going to be paid for.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, let me take it one step further. Okay, that

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<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent agreement. She didn't know. So now she

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<v Speaker 1>has found out and it's been explained to you. Is

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<v Speaker 1>that something we can get past.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's something we could get past, because if you

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<v Speaker 2>don't have the money, you don't have the money. And

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<v Speaker 2>I know they are I mean, I'm going to get

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<v Speaker 2>into a little bit of the details here when I

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<v Speaker 2>say this, But I read that they were saving to

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<v Speaker 2>buy a house. So when you're actually talking about being

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<v Speaker 2>a couple, being united and putting your money towards joint

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<v Speaker 2>ventures as big as a house, then I understand why

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<v Speaker 2>maybe why would one person just have to take on

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<v Speaker 2>that expense, especially when it is a part of a wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not like he bought her birthday gift with it

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<v Speaker 2>and then had her pay for it. This is some

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<v Speaker 2>people could argue that the engagement ring is a part

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<v Speaker 2>of the wedding expense.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you argue?

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<v Speaker 2>I Initially, I think I would be a little put off, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>whoa you proposed to me with the ring that you

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't afford. That sounds stupid. So that would probably be

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<v Speaker 2>a little annoying to me. But I could get past it,

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<v Speaker 2>and I can understand, but initially I would be I

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<v Speaker 2>would be annoyed.

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<v Speaker 1>The next part of that is for me, what if

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<v Speaker 1>you helped pick out the ring, so you which I

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<v Speaker 1>saw on one of the wedding websites that seventy two

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<v Speaker 1>percent of couples end up picking out rings together. So

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<v Speaker 1>the man and woman and the women are a part

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<v Speaker 1>of it. So if you pick out a ring you

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<v Speaker 1>got your heart set on, and I know my raise

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<v Speaker 1>ain't coming for another six months now, is does that

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<v Speaker 1>change anything? You're telling me what I need to purchase

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<v Speaker 1>for you?

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<v Speaker 2>That absolutely changes it for me. Okay, Yes, if we

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<v Speaker 2>picked it out together and I knew exactly how much

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<v Speaker 2>it cost and we were choosing it together, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I actually think that's probably a smarter way to do it.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you if you got the element of surprise

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<v Speaker 2>and the guy wants to go make this gesture and

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<v Speaker 2>he decides what ring he wants to buy, and he

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<v Speaker 2>makes those choices, that is kind of on him. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>if you go together and do it, I absolutely think

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<v Speaker 2>that's a completely different situation.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, way, So that sounds he sounds pretty definitive. All

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<v Speaker 1>bets are off. If y'all picked it out together, y'all

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<v Speaker 1>should pay for it together.

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<v Speaker 2>I think you can. I think it's understandable and reasonable.

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<v Speaker 2>That you would, but I'm a big believer you need

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<v Speaker 2>to have a conversation about it. I mean, I think

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<v Speaker 2>that's the thing that was missing here, that they didn't

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<v Speaker 2>have a conversation about what was happening. So yes, if

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<v Speaker 2>they went to go pick it out together, I would

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<v Speaker 2>absolutely want to participate in that and have us do

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<v Speaker 2>a joint thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, okay, how do you go about have that conversation?

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<v Speaker 1>We picked out a ring together, But you have to

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<v Speaker 1>be under you have to have an agreement that we

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<v Speaker 1>are going to pay for this together.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to have an understanding about what each person

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<v Speaker 2>is financially capable of covering. And so yeah, say you know,

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<v Speaker 2>if you're the guy, hey babe, I really want to

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<v Speaker 2>get you the ring of your dreams, but I don't

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<v Speaker 2>have the money right now. I know, I totally get that.

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<v Speaker 2>I totally get that we have a hard time deciding

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<v Speaker 2>who's paying for dinner. So I you know, I think

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<v Speaker 2>I can understand toime.

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<v Speaker 1>We do what we don't have hard let me so

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<v Speaker 1>we don't have a hard time deciding.

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<v Speaker 2>We had a lot of back and forth in the beginning,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was quite funny because if I tried to

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<v Speaker 2>pay for some of it or all of it. I

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<v Speaker 2>got a Venmo back immediately with an extra five dollars attached,

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<v Speaker 2>saying that was funny. Sometimes you actually give me the

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<v Speaker 2>middle finger emoji.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll edit that out. Tell me. We are from a

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<v Speaker 1>different way, right, a different gener I want to say generation,

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<v Speaker 1>but still we are older folks see it in a

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<v Speaker 1>more traditional way. We go to dinner, the man pays.

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<v Speaker 1>That's just it. From the moment I joined ABC News,

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<v Speaker 1>you were already there. There's not a moment a day

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<v Speaker 1>in our ABC careers that I made more money than

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<v Speaker 1>you did. So but still, once we started dating, you

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<v Speaker 1>didn't pay for a meal. I didn't have some expectation

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<v Speaker 1>that I she's It's not like I was doing okay, right,

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm saying. But the point there being, it's

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<v Speaker 1>just in some of our minds that the guy always

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<v Speaker 1>always pays. And so we had to work this out,

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<v Speaker 1>you and I, and we have resolved it to where

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<v Speaker 1>we do we have a joint account now, to where

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<v Speaker 1>we go out, whatever we do. It's completely fifty to

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<v Speaker 1>fifty in everything. But this one threw me because the

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<v Speaker 1>first detail I wanted to hear was whether or not

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<v Speaker 1>they had a joint account already heading into the marriage, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>how long have they been together? Within a year or

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<v Speaker 1>two years? Have they already gotten their finances together? I

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<v Speaker 1>don't have that answer yet, because if you have a

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<v Speaker 1>joint account and I need to go buy you a

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<v Speaker 1>wedding ring, where am I supposed to pay? Where is

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<v Speaker 1>the money? All my money is going into our joint account,

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<v Speaker 1>So what are we supposed to do with that?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I hear you, I hear you. I do know

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<v Speaker 2>this detail. I know this detail that they got engaged

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<v Speaker 2>and one month later were married. So in that very

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<v Speaker 2>short month between the engagement and the wedding, they did

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<v Speaker 2>go in and have joint accounts. So they have a

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<v Speaker 2>joint account within a month. So if he couldn't have

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<v Speaker 2>paid that off within a month, there was nowhere for

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<v Speaker 2>it to come but from the join account.

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<v Speaker 1>But you're making the assumption that they only got the

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<v Speaker 1>joint account in that month. My argument is that have

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<v Speaker 1>they been together a year, two years, three year after

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<v Speaker 1>all that time, sometimes you might already have a joint

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<v Speaker 1>account together. So I don't know if this is the case.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's say there is a joint account, this is

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<v Speaker 1>all we have. I needs to go buy a wedding ring. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>all of my paychecks have been going into the joint account.

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<v Speaker 1>What how do I separate? How am I supposed to

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<v Speaker 1>go pay for the ring on my own? If all

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<v Speaker 1>my money's going in here? Do I put it on

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<v Speaker 1>a secret credit card? What am I supposed to do?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, that's that's a whole other chain of events.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's go off the rails.

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<v Speaker 2>Secret credit card.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll not go off the rails. But if we have

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<v Speaker 1>a joint account, you and I and I go and

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<v Speaker 1>I am going to buy you a ring, where is

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<v Speaker 1>the money supposed to come from?

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<v Speaker 2>I hear your point. That makes a lot of sense.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm assuming for her to be upset, there had

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<v Speaker 2>to have been separate accounts, at least at the time

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<v Speaker 2>the purchase of the wedding ring.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, and what did the we're going to get into

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<v Speaker 1>what this This young lady says she's twenty eight. I

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<v Speaker 1>think the husband is thirty as soon to be ex husband.

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<v Speaker 1>Emma's in here are our producer, Emma. What was her

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<v Speaker 1>first can you read me that first quote from the woman,

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<v Speaker 1>and this is this is fascinating.

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<v Speaker 3>Her first quote was I was just taking it back,

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<v Speaker 3>and honestly put off by the fact that he's making

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<v Speaker 3>me pay for a gift that he gave to me.

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<v Speaker 3>We have been having some arguments slightly, and he feels

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<v Speaker 3>that a ring is a wedding expense and it's only

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<v Speaker 3>fair that I contribute towards it too, and that as

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<v Speaker 3>a woman of this day, I shouldn't hesitate to be

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<v Speaker 3>an equal partner.

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<v Speaker 1>That that's the conversation that should have happen ahead of time. Exactly,

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<v Speaker 1>you're right, Okay, you can't. You can't argue with that.

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<v Speaker 1>But what is his argument? What does that make sense?

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<v Speaker 1>What if you would have said it ahead of time?

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<v Speaker 1>But he's making an assumption, which he shouldn't have. But

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<v Speaker 1>you give a gift, it's a conditional gift, right, so

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<v Speaker 1>he can get it back.

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<v Speaker 2>That's true.

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<v Speaker 1>But if she's contributed now to the paying of this

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<v Speaker 1>conditional gift.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's is it partly hers? Yes, it absolutely is.

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<v Speaker 2>And you're right because that is something of distinction when

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<v Speaker 2>you talk about an engagement ring. If the wedding doesn't happen,

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<v Speaker 2>the marriage doesn't happen. I believe it's within his legal

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<v Speaker 2>rights to get that ring back because it was a

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<v Speaker 2>promise for something, and so to that extent, yes, her

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<v Speaker 2>point is that's what you do. The man buys the

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<v Speaker 2>woman the ring, and then when you get married, that's

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<v Speaker 2>the promise.

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<v Speaker 1>And now the ring is hers legally, and that's what

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<v Speaker 1>courts have ruled all over this country, different states. That

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<v Speaker 1>has kind of been the consensus.

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<v Speaker 2>So to her point, if she's helped paid for it,

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<v Speaker 2>that's kind of taking away the whole point of what

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<v Speaker 2>the ring is. I get that. So, but I understand

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<v Speaker 2>what he's saying only if he had the conversation with

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<v Speaker 2>her ahead of time. I think there is an expectation

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<v Speaker 2>given all that we just said. Actually, now that we're

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<v Speaker 2>talking about what it represents and the legalities of what

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<v Speaker 2>the ring actually is, before and after the marriage, it

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<v Speaker 2>would make sense that there would be an expectation that

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<v Speaker 2>he and he alone would pay for it.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, what do you think about the fact that you

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<v Speaker 1>have a joint account, he's putting money into it, and

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<v Speaker 1>if he has to take some of his money out

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<v Speaker 1>of there to pay for the ring, does that make

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<v Speaker 1>you feel better even though you're still.

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<v Speaker 2>Taking out Yeah, I know, I mean that's that'shilarious. No,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, yes, but.

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<v Speaker 1>Does it make you feel better?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe? I guess maybe I think what it would be

0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.080
<v Speaker 2>for me would be the shock of it, Like he

0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:09.960
<v Speaker 2>hasn't talked about it, and all of a sudden you

0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.240
<v Speaker 2>start seeing money leaving your joint account and you think

0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.040
<v Speaker 2>to yourself, where what is this for? And then and

0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:18.720
<v Speaker 2>then the conversation happens. I think that's the biggest issue.

0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.480
<v Speaker 2>And avoidance is a huge part of this because I

0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:27.319
<v Speaker 2>was reading so many articles fascinating reading up about money, finances, relationships,

0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:30.839
<v Speaker 2>and it is one of those taboo topics that most

0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.600
<v Speaker 2>experts and people who are in relationships would agree with.

0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:37.560
<v Speaker 2>We'll talk about anything other than money, like it's easier

0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.160
<v Speaker 2>to talk about sex, it's easier to talk about, you know,

0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:44.920
<v Speaker 2>uncomfortable topics, even family, whatever, relationship issues. But people don't

0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.560
<v Speaker 2>want to talk about money. And in one article I read,

0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:50.760
<v Speaker 2>twenty five percent of the people surveyed did not know

0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.000
<v Speaker 2>how much their significant other made. They didn't even know

0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.840
<v Speaker 2>their salary. That's how much we don't talk about money

0:11:56.880 --> 0:11:58.720
<v Speaker 2>with one another. Oftentimes, what's her nick?

0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.160
<v Speaker 1>Emma, what's the She has a couple quotes here, Emma,

0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:02.040
<v Speaker 1>what was her? Next? One?

0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:05.240
<v Speaker 3>From the young lady, She says, First, you don't make

0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.880
<v Speaker 3>the recipient of a gift pay for the gift. An

0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:11.520
<v Speaker 3>engagement ring is considered a gift in the most modern societies,

0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:15.240
<v Speaker 3>even today, and I don't care if you disagree with that. Secondly,

0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:19.640
<v Speaker 3>I've unintentionally partially paid for two installments now, which makes

0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.240
<v Speaker 3>me a part owner of the ring.

0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:27.760
<v Speaker 2>I think that makes sense. I would agree with her

0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:31.440
<v Speaker 2>again without a conversation ahead of time or out, without saying,

0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 2>you know what, that's cool. I get it. We're in

0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:34.920
<v Speaker 2>this together and we're trying to say for a house,

0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.239
<v Speaker 2>which I think is totally reasonable. But without that conversation,

0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:40.679
<v Speaker 2>what she's saying to me makes sense.

0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:43.240
<v Speaker 1>Give me the last one, Emma.

0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.560
<v Speaker 3>If I knew my husband was going to be making

0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:48.520
<v Speaker 3>me pay for the ring, I wouldn't have agreed to

0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:49.040
<v Speaker 3>buy it.

0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:53.040
<v Speaker 1>In quotes making me pay. I mean, that's some in

0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:54.280
<v Speaker 1>Sindiari language.

0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 2>She's mad, she's pissed, let's be honest, she's so pishy,

0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:01.319
<v Speaker 2>took it to Reddit and want everyone else to weigh in.

0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:05.560
<v Speaker 2>And actually a lot of people were not on her side. Yeah,

0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:07.239
<v Speaker 2>to which you say, TJ.

0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.959
<v Speaker 1>We were we in a recent pot. It's just communication.

0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:13.960
<v Speaker 1>We talk. We talk about this all the time. The

0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:16.800
<v Speaker 1>shows we watch, it's all to see how people communicate

0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:20.000
<v Speaker 1>or don't communicate is the key to everything. It's it's

0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.480
<v Speaker 1>you can't it's hard to pick a right or wrong here.

0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.360
<v Speaker 1>There's some details we are we're certainly not privy to,

0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.600
<v Speaker 1>but I just all of your mon I am a

0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.560
<v Speaker 1>joint guy. But everything we bring in is it's a

0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:36.240
<v Speaker 1>joint situation, no matter who makes what. That's always been

0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.000
<v Speaker 1>my mindset, even yeah and yeah, as the guy who

0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.920
<v Speaker 1>has always been the higher earner in all of my relationships,

0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:47.040
<v Speaker 1>that's still that joint. Joint, joint, joint. Some people say

0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.440
<v Speaker 1>that's good. Somebody people say that's bad. Some say that's terrible,

0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:55.080
<v Speaker 1>a terrible idea. And then the other option is to joint.

0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:56.920
<v Speaker 1>You have your joint. I have my joint, and then

0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.080
<v Speaker 1>we excuse me, we have our individual accounts, and then

0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:02.160
<v Speaker 1>we have oneot not a big.

0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.400
<v Speaker 2>You know what, It's so funny. I've done it both ways.

0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:09.120
<v Speaker 2>I've had everything in a joint, and then I've had

0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:12.960
<v Speaker 2>a joint where you take you know, the household costs,

0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.959
<v Speaker 2>and you put in percentage wise based on your salary.

0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean I've done all sorts of crazy stuff and

0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.600
<v Speaker 2>then had your individual accounts, and I do get it

0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.080
<v Speaker 2>because it's kind of silly and semantics because if you

0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:28.000
<v Speaker 2>do get married, whatever you all have together is marital property.

0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.000
<v Speaker 2>So when it comes to if you end up divorcing

0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 2>or separating or having to split ways, you still end

0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.680
<v Speaker 2>up having to split everything fifty to fifty by law.

0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:38.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you can work out other arrangements, but technically

0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:40.760
<v Speaker 2>that is what legally you're supposed to do. So it

0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:43.760
<v Speaker 2>is maybe this silly notion of thinking I've got control

0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:46.040
<v Speaker 2>of my money and he's got control of his money.

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.240
<v Speaker 2>But the problem with that is this separate way of

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:53.880
<v Speaker 2>viewing how you're living your life, from vacations to meals

0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.160
<v Speaker 2>to whatever, and so it does create a separation. I

0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:58.960
<v Speaker 2>understand that, and it makes sense to me. But I

0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.800
<v Speaker 2>felt empowered to have my own account as a woman.

0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.200
<v Speaker 2>I will say that, and I will also add this,

0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:07.000
<v Speaker 2>it gets further complicated when you have children from other

0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:12.040
<v Speaker 2>marriages involved, because now you know, it gets really complicated.

0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:15.240
<v Speaker 2>Money is so it's such a taboo topic in so

0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:17.840
<v Speaker 2>many ways because because it's about power really at the

0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:18.520
<v Speaker 2>end of the day.

0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:21.480
<v Speaker 1>Right autonomy is a big part of this, right, Like

0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.160
<v Speaker 1>I said, if you're going to be splitting and get

0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:25.880
<v Speaker 1>a divorce, legally it is not going to make a difference.

0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:28.120
<v Speaker 1>But that is a big deal, and maybe more so

0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:31.760
<v Speaker 1>for women oftentimes who are not the primary bread wind

0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.200
<v Speaker 1>or excuse me not the higher earners in a house,

0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:37.160
<v Speaker 1>to have some kind of a feel like you don't

0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.480
<v Speaker 1>you're not dependent on the person you're married to. If

0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:40.800
<v Speaker 1>you want to go do this, do that have to

0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:42.560
<v Speaker 1>ask permission to use that money.

0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:44.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And that was that was huge for me, just

0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:49.440
<v Speaker 2>to feel autonomous and to feel like I was able

0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:51.200
<v Speaker 2>to take care of my daughter who I was bringing

0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:53.440
<v Speaker 2>in from another marriage. So I think, you know, that

0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:55.800
<v Speaker 2>can cause a whole other layer. I think of just

0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.840
<v Speaker 2>needing to feel like I am I'm responsible for these

0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:02.280
<v Speaker 2>other people and you're not. So I want to keep

0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 2>this money available to me to be able to put

0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:06.240
<v Speaker 2>into a five to twenty nine or all of those

0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.400
<v Speaker 2>other things. And also sometimes, I mean most of the times,

0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.280
<v Speaker 2>people have very different spending habits. So think about the fight.

0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.640
<v Speaker 2>If you've got the joint and one person's out spending

0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.400
<v Speaker 2>all this money on luxury items and the other person's shopping,

0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:19.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, very frugally. That can cause a lot of

0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.400
<v Speaker 2>problems too, But the transparency might be better.

0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.840
<v Speaker 1>But that he's shaking his ass andy out the court

0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:26.440
<v Speaker 1>in my eye, shaking his head. But the first thing

0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.920
<v Speaker 1>that came to mind. You can argue about somebody's spending habits,

0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:31.440
<v Speaker 1>the first thing they're going to say to you is, well,

0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.280
<v Speaker 1>is my money that can't be healthy?

0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:37.240
<v Speaker 2>No, it can't be. But if it's in a joint account,

0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:38.400
<v Speaker 2>wouldn't it even be worse?

0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.240
<v Speaker 1>But then that forces you to talk about it. You

0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.920
<v Speaker 1>have to have a discussion about those habits versus you

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.760
<v Speaker 1>don't like the way that person's living because they are

0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 1>you're spending all your money over there. We saw this

0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:52.600
<v Speaker 1>on one of the show what I don't know. We

0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.040
<v Speaker 1>saw this going down. You're complaining about somebody's habits, but

0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.320
<v Speaker 1>you can't control their habits because it's not your money.

0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:01.360
<v Speaker 1>But that's not a healthy way in my opinion.

0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.040
<v Speaker 2>You are right, you are correct in fact, So this

0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.199
<v Speaker 2>is the first time we've had this conversation about you

0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:08.360
<v Speaker 2>being all in with a joint that's I didn't know that.

0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:10.240
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know that that was the way you operated.

0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:16.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you're the higher earner very much like you're funny,

0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:18.400
<v Speaker 1>this is the first time in my advantage.

0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:25.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh. No. But I also feel uncomfortable being

0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.040
<v Speaker 2>a working woman who is able to take care of

0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:32.200
<v Speaker 2>herself to not contribute when it comes to going out

0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.399
<v Speaker 2>on dates and meals and all of that. So initially

0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:39.000
<v Speaker 2>when we first started dating, I felt really uncomfortable with

0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:41.680
<v Speaker 2>you paying for everything on one hand. On the other hand,

0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:45.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to be really honest here. I liked it.

0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:47.720
<v Speaker 2>It was there's this thing about women, like, do we

0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:50.560
<v Speaker 2>want to have this women's lib thing where we're independent

0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:52.800
<v Speaker 2>and we can do everything ourselves. But there's still something

0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:56.359
<v Speaker 2>in me that really appreciated the fact that you wanted

0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.359
<v Speaker 2>to pay for the bills and you actually not wanted to.

0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:00.960
<v Speaker 2>You insisted on it at all costs, And there was

0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:05.040
<v Speaker 2>something really I thought beautiful about that. I don't know,

0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:08.080
<v Speaker 2>you're a gentleman, You're you're you want to take care

0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:10.200
<v Speaker 2>of the person you're with, and you want to take

0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:12.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, you want to give financial support to that

0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:14.320
<v Speaker 2>person or just make them feel comfortable. That there was

0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.360
<v Speaker 2>something that I really did like about it. As much

0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:20.160
<v Speaker 2>as I have maybe railed against it, you know intellectually

0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:22.479
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to it felt good to know that

0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:23.879
<v Speaker 2>you were there saying I got this.

0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:36.320
<v Speaker 1>The other side to that, are there are women out

0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:40.280
<v Speaker 1>there who will absolutely voice their opposition to such a

0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:44.120
<v Speaker 1>thing modern times. I think the younger generation might see

0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:47.080
<v Speaker 1>you or feel about it differently. But do you think

0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:51.359
<v Speaker 1>most women will will say it to you publicly or

0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.920
<v Speaker 1>they'll they'll they'll they have a difficult time admitting that, Yeah,

0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:56.000
<v Speaker 1>I like it, Yes.

0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.960
<v Speaker 2>I actually was. I actually got smaller when I said it.

0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:00.919
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I'm going to be honest, and I

0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:03.359
<v Speaker 2>know some women will take issue with me, but I

0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.760
<v Speaker 2>liked it. I did, and I want to contribute, of course,

0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:10.880
<v Speaker 2>but just the gesture of it maybe was very meaningful

0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:11.080
<v Speaker 2>to me.

0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:12.840
<v Speaker 1>And I used to give you a hard time about.

0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:17.000
<v Speaker 1>We used to have to play like it was a

0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:21.320
<v Speaker 1>weird game we play in a restaurant going to the restroom,

0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.040
<v Speaker 1>like this is your fifth time Robock in the past

0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:28.360
<v Speaker 1>forty five minutes because you're trying to find the waiter, Tom, because.

0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.159
<v Speaker 2>The only way I knew that I could pay the

0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:33.040
<v Speaker 2>bill is if I got up and sneaked, you know,

0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:34.679
<v Speaker 2>a credit card over to the waiter and say can

0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:36.560
<v Speaker 2>you just take care of this? The problem was once

0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:39.600
<v Speaker 2>TJ found out the venmo back and forth started, Oh

0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:42.280
<v Speaker 2>my god, and the and TJ was brilliant and how

0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:44.600
<v Speaker 2>he ended the venmo because I knew it was never

0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:47.040
<v Speaker 2>going to end. He would venmo me back whatever the

0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.040
<v Speaker 2>bill was, plus five dollars, and then I'd do the

0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:51.560
<v Speaker 2>same thing back to him, and then he'd up at

0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:53.439
<v Speaker 2>ten dollars. It's like, I can do this all day.

0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:57.200
<v Speaker 2>I want to keep going. So and I knew he would,

0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:01.400
<v Speaker 2>and so finally I was just like, uncle, fine, all right, you.

0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.000
<v Speaker 1>Got it, because yeah, you cost me one hundred dollars

0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:06.560
<v Speaker 1>for lunch. Now I've had to pay you one hundred

0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:09.639
<v Speaker 1>and twenty dollars on top, just to make a point.

0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:13.480
<v Speaker 2>So finally we and we did. I was like, we

0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:16.520
<v Speaker 2>have to get a joint babe. I cannot because we

0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:19.280
<v Speaker 2>can't keep doing this. So we did eventually get a

0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:22.439
<v Speaker 2>joint account, but that was even that took longer than

0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:25.000
<v Speaker 2>it should have because we had paparazzi on us and

0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:26.720
<v Speaker 2>we didn't want them to see us going into the

0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:27.320
<v Speaker 2>bank together.

0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:28.399
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember that.

0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we were delayed getting a bank account together by

0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:34.159
<v Speaker 2>at least six months because we couldn't figure out. We

0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:36.920
<v Speaker 2>were on the phone with bankers. We were only trying

0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:38.640
<v Speaker 2>to figure out if we could open up a joint

0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:40.960
<v Speaker 2>account without physically having to go into the branch, and

0:20:41.000 --> 0:20:43.600
<v Speaker 2>the answer was no. We couldn't figure it out. So

0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:46.879
<v Speaker 2>we ended up delaying it by saying, so I'm still

0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:50.439
<v Speaker 2>way behind in having any sort of equality with you.

0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:52.399
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's just the truth.

0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:55.840
<v Speaker 1>No, it's it's not no, no, but that we don't

0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:58.440
<v Speaker 1>expect it to even out. I mean, we're not expecting

0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:01.240
<v Speaker 1>anything returnal you know what. The only thing and women

0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:03.680
<v Speaker 1>listen up to this. This is the only thing, Emma

0:21:04.400 --> 0:21:08.080
<v Speaker 1>that we ask at that dinner. And I wish folks

0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:11.320
<v Speaker 1>could see this, just that little gesture to where you're

0:21:11.359 --> 0:21:14.720
<v Speaker 1>kind of reaching towards your person. Yeah, you don't really

0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:17.920
<v Speaker 1>mean it. You don't really you're not gonna pay, we know,

0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:20.800
<v Speaker 1>but you just make the little effort like you're reaching

0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:23.960
<v Speaker 1>for it. And we know, Okay, she wants to wants

0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:25.600
<v Speaker 1>to try it. She's given an effort instead of just

0:21:25.640 --> 0:21:29.320
<v Speaker 1>sitting back waiting and expecting us to pay. That little

0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:31.200
<v Speaker 1>gesture is everything that's all we need.

0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:34.720
<v Speaker 2>I would never I can't imagine doing that, But I

0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:37.119
<v Speaker 2>guess and I don't know. We have some we have

0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:39.440
<v Speaker 2>two younger people with us. But part of the reason

0:21:39.520 --> 0:21:42.440
<v Speaker 2>I think why, maybe yes we want to women say

0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:44.360
<v Speaker 2>these days, we can take care of ourselves. We're making

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:45.879
<v Speaker 2>our own money, we don't need you to pay for it,

0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:47.640
<v Speaker 2>and you can and we get there a hundred percent.

0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.680
<v Speaker 2>But there also is this notion with money that there

0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:54.240
<v Speaker 2>are always strings attached. Is there an expectation of something,

0:21:54.880 --> 0:21:57.120
<v Speaker 2>of a second date, or of something to happen later,

0:21:57.359 --> 0:21:59.960
<v Speaker 2>or do I owe you? And no one wants to

0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:02.360
<v Speaker 2>feel like they owe someone, So I think maybe that

0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:04.960
<v Speaker 2>plays into it as well from a female perspective.

0:22:05.000 --> 0:22:07.800
<v Speaker 1>But is that only present in the first date or

0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:09.960
<v Speaker 1>second date? I mean, once you get into a relationship

0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:12.199
<v Speaker 1>and things are rolling, At what point, though, in a

0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:15.280
<v Speaker 1>relationship you're actually dating somebody, do you start to split

0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:17.719
<v Speaker 1>up the bill so you start to say, all right,

0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:19.280
<v Speaker 1>you take this with I'll take this. When does that

0:22:19.320 --> 0:22:19.840
<v Speaker 1>start happening?

0:22:19.880 --> 0:22:21.280
<v Speaker 2>I do TJ. When does that happen?

0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:25.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh, it hasn't happened yet. Not here again. Weird, you know,

0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:29.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. There's never ever a time where I

0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:34.480
<v Speaker 1>was ever dating anyone from high school on where there

0:22:34.560 --> 0:22:37.160
<v Speaker 1>was a point in the relationship where okay, now it's

0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:39.520
<v Speaker 1>time versus start splitting it up. I would prefer a

0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:43.200
<v Speaker 1>woman you pay for it instead of us splitting the check.

0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:46.520
<v Speaker 1>Splitting the check is embarrassing and impersonal and silly.

0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:48.280
<v Speaker 2>I think it puts you in the friend zone too.

0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:51.400
<v Speaker 2>It feels like friends split bills. That's what we do.

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:53.919
<v Speaker 2>I would much rather, as you put it, like I

0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:56.480
<v Speaker 2>got this one. You used to always say this, it

0:22:56.560 --> 0:22:59.560
<v Speaker 2>all evens out on the end, doesn't.

0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:03.359
<v Speaker 1>This is how I say, we spend enough time together,

0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:05.320
<v Speaker 1>but it doesn't even out because I went, we go

0:23:05.400 --> 0:23:08.400
<v Speaker 1>to dinner again, and you paid this time. But when

0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:10.880
<v Speaker 1>I am over at your place and you ordered the

0:23:11.040 --> 0:23:15.080
<v Speaker 1>prosecco and the stakes and you ordered the takeout here, right,

0:23:15.119 --> 0:23:18.480
<v Speaker 1>we're not keeping tabs of just we're together enough. You

0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:22.280
<v Speaker 1>you buzz me into the subway sometimes that's two seventy.

0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:25.080
<v Speaker 2>You have then mowed me to seventy five. And I

0:23:25.119 --> 0:23:27.520
<v Speaker 2>think you did it maybe two months ago, and I thought, really,

0:23:27.560 --> 0:23:29.960
<v Speaker 2>we're still here. You're calling me for the subway car.

0:23:30.040 --> 0:23:33.000
<v Speaker 1>Because I don't ever want you to feel like I

0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:36.120
<v Speaker 1>have an expectation that you should cover something, and it's

0:23:36.160 --> 0:23:38.040
<v Speaker 1>just it's going to be a thank you. It's going

0:23:38.080 --> 0:23:41.240
<v Speaker 1>to be something that acknowledges that you have done something

0:23:41.280 --> 0:23:43.960
<v Speaker 1>for me financially. Yes, if that's a two seventy five

0:23:44.000 --> 0:23:45.480
<v Speaker 1>subway rat, you.

0:23:45.400 --> 0:23:47.359
<v Speaker 2>Do take it to an extreme, but I also do

0:23:47.440 --> 0:23:50.919
<v Speaker 2>appreciate the intent behind it. And I just Emma, I

0:23:50.920 --> 0:23:53.560
<v Speaker 2>want to you. You go on a lot of first dates? Yes, yes,

0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:57.600
<v Speaker 2>Why do you introduce her like that? So? I guess

0:23:57.680 --> 0:23:59.919
<v Speaker 2>I was just jumping into the conversation we had had

0:24:00.440 --> 0:24:03.760
<v Speaker 2>before the podcast started, So I apologize. We had already

0:24:03.800 --> 0:24:08.080
<v Speaker 2>established that Emma as single and went on a first date. Sorry,

0:24:08.320 --> 0:24:10.720
<v Speaker 2>I jumped in and just thought the viewers were already

0:24:10.760 --> 0:24:14.760
<v Speaker 2>there and the listeners were already there anyway, So yes,

0:24:14.920 --> 0:24:19.960
<v Speaker 2>I apologize for that, Emma. But have you ever paid

0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:23.400
<v Speaker 2>for the meal or the activity on a first date?

0:24:23.880 --> 0:24:27.760
<v Speaker 3>No? I have not paid. I don't think I've paid

0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:31.560
<v Speaker 3>ever on the first date, not by choice. But I

0:24:31.600 --> 0:24:34.600
<v Speaker 3>think it's like you guys were perfectly saying that it's

0:24:34.640 --> 0:24:38.280
<v Speaker 3>the gesture of the man wanting to pay and me

0:24:38.480 --> 0:24:40.480
<v Speaker 3>accepting the kind gesture.

0:24:40.520 --> 0:24:44.480
<v Speaker 2>How would you feel if he suggested that you split it?

0:24:45.440 --> 0:24:48.760
<v Speaker 3>I would split it? But I don't think I would

0:24:48.760 --> 0:24:50.080
<v Speaker 3>go on a second date with it really.

0:24:50.800 --> 0:24:54.240
<v Speaker 1>Wow, Why though, why is that such a turn off

0:24:54.720 --> 0:24:57.040
<v Speaker 1>because you're twenty two? I just want to for folks

0:24:57.040 --> 0:24:58.080
<v Speaker 1>to know who youre talking to here.

0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:01.359
<v Speaker 3>I think it's because the men in my life have

0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:07.040
<v Speaker 3>treated me with that kind of kindness, and I like

0:25:07.119 --> 0:25:09.800
<v Speaker 3>being treated that way by a man because I know

0:25:09.840 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 3>that when they make money, they don't spend it as

0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:13.840
<v Speaker 3>often as girls do. So when they want to spend

0:25:13.840 --> 0:25:16.359
<v Speaker 3>money on a girl or spend money on something, I

0:25:16.359 --> 0:25:22.800
<v Speaker 3>feel like it has more power or there's something bigger

0:25:22.840 --> 0:25:23.360
<v Speaker 3>behind it.

0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:25.639
<v Speaker 1>So what would you say along the way of dating

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:28.879
<v Speaker 1>to where there would be an okay expectation of the

0:25:28.880 --> 0:25:31.080
<v Speaker 1>bill being split or for you starting to pay for

0:25:31.119 --> 0:25:31.600
<v Speaker 1>some of them?

0:25:31.680 --> 0:25:33.879
<v Speaker 3>I think once we were comfortable with each other and

0:25:34.040 --> 0:25:36.680
<v Speaker 3>liked each other, because I would I'm all for wanting

0:25:36.680 --> 0:25:39.200
<v Speaker 3>to split it or buy them Like I one time

0:25:39.240 --> 0:25:41.679
<v Speaker 3>I was asked to buy someone a hot chocolate and

0:25:41.680 --> 0:25:44.159
<v Speaker 3>I was so excited to buy and one because he

0:25:44.200 --> 0:25:47.080
<v Speaker 3>always bought me up all my drinks and food. So like,

0:25:47.119 --> 0:25:49.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm so into buying a guy a drink as well.

0:25:51.840 --> 0:25:55.479
<v Speaker 1>I'll go thanks for the stake, want some hot cocoa.

0:25:56.560 --> 0:25:58.160
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I believe we had some of those moments

0:25:58.200 --> 0:26:00.440
<v Speaker 2>where I would think it was really really, I'm like,

0:26:00.520 --> 0:26:03.119
<v Speaker 2>I got this one, and then you would laugh I

0:26:03.119 --> 0:26:05.760
<v Speaker 2>did it on purpose? Well please let me.

0:26:06.040 --> 0:26:08.040
<v Speaker 1>That would the hell out of me.

0:26:09.080 --> 0:26:11.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to give an example. We're at CBS getting like,

0:26:11.600 --> 0:26:13.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, I don't know shampoo. I got this one.

0:26:15.600 --> 0:26:17.120
<v Speaker 1>You know, we tried that for a while. We tried

0:26:17.160 --> 0:26:20.200
<v Speaker 1>the back and forth, but it always landed to where

0:26:20.240 --> 0:26:22.800
<v Speaker 1>you were buying happy hour drinks, right, and with the

0:26:22.800 --> 0:26:25.879
<v Speaker 1>bills thirty four hours. And for whatever reason, I'm at

0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:27.640
<v Speaker 1>per Se trying to I.

0:26:27.600 --> 0:26:29.760
<v Speaker 2>Was like Morton's Steakhouse, it's your turn, right.

0:26:32.800 --> 0:26:35.840
<v Speaker 1>This all was all spawned from this conversation about the

0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:42.000
<v Speaker 1>engagement ring, and I isn't it standard The guy gets

0:26:42.040 --> 0:26:46.880
<v Speaker 1>the ring, proposes, but then you pay for your wedding bands.

0:26:47.240 --> 0:26:48.680
<v Speaker 1>That's more of a joint expense.

0:26:48.760 --> 0:26:52.320
<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, yes, I think that is the traditional way

0:26:52.359 --> 0:26:54.080
<v Speaker 2>that people operate. I mean, you know, there's all sorts

0:26:54.119 --> 0:26:57.399
<v Speaker 2>of traditions surrounding weddings that people don't necessarily do. The

0:26:57.440 --> 0:26:59.919
<v Speaker 2>bride's family typically pays for the wedding, and the groom's

0:27:00.080 --> 0:27:02.480
<v Speaker 2>only typically pays for the rehearsal dinner. But you know

0:27:02.520 --> 0:27:05.879
<v Speaker 2>that doesn't always. That isn't always what happens these days.

0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:08.080
<v Speaker 2>And I just think, you know, with women, more women

0:27:08.160 --> 0:27:10.960
<v Speaker 2>being in the workforce and in the workplace and educated, like,

0:27:11.000 --> 0:27:14.080
<v Speaker 2>we're capable of paying for things in a way that

0:27:14.160 --> 0:27:16.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, past generations have not been. But I think

0:27:16.680 --> 0:27:21.000
<v Speaker 2>some people still point to something as specific as the

0:27:21.200 --> 0:27:23.320
<v Speaker 2>wage gap that still exists, and that could be a

0:27:23.320 --> 0:27:25.760
<v Speaker 2>reason why men should still make the offer to pay.

0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:29.080
<v Speaker 1>I saw that. It's interesting, that's an interesting way to

0:27:29.080 --> 0:27:32.639
<v Speaker 1>think about it, Like, hey, you're you're unfairly being paid

0:27:32.680 --> 0:27:34.760
<v Speaker 1>more than I am. Anyway, Yeah, you covered the meal.

0:27:35.160 --> 0:27:39.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh it's there's some logic to that. I mean, it's

0:27:39.600 --> 0:27:42.680
<v Speaker 1>you could never quantify that, but still there's some logic

0:27:42.760 --> 0:27:45.760
<v Speaker 1>to it. But the engagement ring part, and I would

0:27:45.760 --> 0:27:47.360
<v Speaker 1>love to talk to these two and maybe we'll get

0:27:47.359 --> 0:27:51.920
<v Speaker 1>a chance to at some point. Just the idea of

0:27:51.960 --> 0:27:54.880
<v Speaker 1>the engagement ring I can't imagine. But I look at

0:27:54.880 --> 0:27:58.639
<v Speaker 1>it this way. If you offered analyse a say, hey,

0:27:58.680 --> 0:28:00.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to buy your car, you wouldn't just tell

0:28:00.880 --> 0:28:03.720
<v Speaker 1>her go out pick whatever car you want, I pay

0:28:03.760 --> 0:28:05.960
<v Speaker 1>for it. No, right, so I go with that. With

0:28:06.040 --> 0:28:08.159
<v Speaker 1>the engagement ring, he had to have some kind of

0:28:08.200 --> 0:28:11.439
<v Speaker 1>an idea. He didn't just like, Hey, what ring do

0:28:11.480 --> 0:28:13.440
<v Speaker 1>you want and I'll go get whatever there had to be.

0:28:14.160 --> 0:28:17.280
<v Speaker 1>If you had to have contributed, I would guess to

0:28:17.359 --> 0:28:18.680
<v Speaker 1>the picking of the ring in.

0:28:18.600 --> 0:28:20.480
<v Speaker 2>Some way, the kind of rings she would like, the

0:28:20.520 --> 0:28:22.359
<v Speaker 2>size of rings she would like. I mean, most women

0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:26.200
<v Speaker 2>drop really heavy hints if they don't go shopping with

0:28:26.480 --> 0:28:29.880
<v Speaker 2>the boyfriend. It's very much like, Wow, I really like that,

0:28:30.000 --> 0:28:31.240
<v Speaker 2>you know, So I do think.

0:28:31.320 --> 0:28:31.879
<v Speaker 1>What do you like?

0:28:34.080 --> 0:28:41.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm simple? As I pointed out.

0:28:40.360 --> 0:28:45.760
<v Speaker 1>Both our producers like, no, really, what do you like?

0:28:45.880 --> 0:28:46.080
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:28:47.080 --> 0:28:49.840
<v Speaker 2>I I do like simple, I do like elegance, and

0:28:49.880 --> 0:28:50.880
<v Speaker 2>I don't like flashy.

0:28:51.080 --> 0:28:52.080
<v Speaker 1>So what is that?

0:28:52.680 --> 0:28:54.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't have an idea of it.

0:28:54.120 --> 0:29:01.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean it's funny, oh shape, you know, I really

0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:05.520
<v Speaker 2>really like. I don't know. I don't even need a diamond.

0:29:05.520 --> 0:29:07.280
<v Speaker 2>I really A band is fine question with me.

0:29:07.400 --> 0:29:13.880
<v Speaker 3>Yes, So, being on a second marriage, do you think

0:29:14.000 --> 0:29:18.400
<v Speaker 3>buying an engagement ring would deter a couple from getting

0:29:18.400 --> 0:29:19.800
<v Speaker 3>married again? Officially?

0:29:21.160 --> 0:29:25.480
<v Speaker 1>First of all, it would be the third marriage.

0:29:26.800 --> 0:29:28.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if you're asking for a friend that's something

0:29:28.960 --> 0:29:34.320
<v Speaker 2>else this would be so yeah, I mean my I

0:29:34.360 --> 0:29:37.480
<v Speaker 2>think it's one of those when it is your first

0:29:37.920 --> 0:29:41.760
<v Speaker 2>and hopefully it's your last engagement and wedding, I think

0:29:41.800 --> 0:29:43.720
<v Speaker 2>maybe there's more of an emphasis placed on all of

0:29:43.720 --> 0:29:46.280
<v Speaker 2>those traditional things, including an engagement ring. I don't feel

0:29:46.280 --> 0:29:48.520
<v Speaker 2>that way now. For me, it's about the relationship and

0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:51.960
<v Speaker 2>it's about the the commitment. It really isn't about the

0:29:52.000 --> 0:29:55.320
<v Speaker 2>symbol of it. But I totally get it the first

0:29:55.320 --> 0:29:57.800
<v Speaker 2>time and hopefully for most people the last time around,

0:29:57.880 --> 0:30:00.000
<v Speaker 2>it is important and it does signify something and there

0:30:00.160 --> 0:30:02.440
<v Speaker 2>something beautiful too, So I get why there are so

0:30:02.440 --> 0:30:07.000
<v Speaker 2>many expectations and so much money spent on these types

0:30:07.040 --> 0:30:10.560
<v Speaker 2>of of of I guess that's just like a symbol

0:30:10.720 --> 0:30:13.160
<v Speaker 2>of your commitment. I don't really place a lot of

0:30:13.240 --> 0:30:16.320
<v Speaker 2>value on that anymore. Just truthfully, I don't on the

0:30:16.360 --> 0:30:19.440
<v Speaker 2>traditions of it, well, yes, on the traditions of it

0:30:19.480 --> 0:30:21.880
<v Speaker 2>and having the ring, I just for me, that's not

0:30:22.520 --> 0:30:24.960
<v Speaker 2>it's not it's not even in my head. I couldn't

0:30:24.960 --> 0:30:27.080
<v Speaker 2>even tell you what I would want or what I

0:30:27.120 --> 0:30:31.080
<v Speaker 2>would what I would choose or yeah, and I wouldn't

0:30:31.040 --> 0:30:33.240
<v Speaker 2>want anybody to break the bank or spend money they

0:30:33.240 --> 0:30:34.160
<v Speaker 2>don't have ever.

0:30:35.560 --> 0:30:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Okay, somebody checked the time code on that he wants.

0:30:50.960 --> 0:30:53.640
<v Speaker 1>And we keep referring to these shows and they're they're

0:30:54.080 --> 0:30:58.240
<v Speaker 1>wildly entertaining, silly at times, but there's so fascinating to

0:30:58.280 --> 0:31:00.360
<v Speaker 1>listen to people talk about marriage and what they want

0:31:00.360 --> 0:31:03.880
<v Speaker 1>in their expectations. We're sitting here a whole conversation based

0:31:03.920 --> 0:31:06.760
<v Speaker 1>around a ring, right, and an engagement ring, and that

0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:08.680
<v Speaker 1>didn't go well, and you were just saying about the

0:31:08.720 --> 0:31:11.480
<v Speaker 1>traditions and first time around you were into this and

0:31:11.600 --> 0:31:14.960
<v Speaker 1>maybe not so more much. Now what do we always say? Now?

0:31:14.960 --> 0:31:18.880
<v Speaker 1>And hearing people discuss their relationships, they're focused so much

0:31:18.880 --> 0:31:22.400
<v Speaker 1>on I want a husband, I want a wife. This

0:31:22.520 --> 0:31:24.960
<v Speaker 1>is my dream wedding, this is my dream ring. So

0:31:25.160 --> 0:31:28.840
<v Speaker 1>much emphasis is put on the wedding and these traditions

0:31:28.880 --> 0:31:32.560
<v Speaker 1>and not enough on the actual relationship, the marriage. We

0:31:32.560 --> 0:31:36.160
<v Speaker 1>were talking about this this is our latest podcast. Right,

0:31:37.040 --> 0:31:40.360
<v Speaker 1>people have bad moments in a relationship, but that could

0:31:40.360 --> 0:31:42.760
<v Speaker 1>be a great relationship just to have some bad moments.

0:31:42.800 --> 0:31:46.080
<v Speaker 1>There are other relationships that are bad relationships and have

0:31:46.200 --> 0:31:46.960
<v Speaker 1>some great moments.

0:31:47.040 --> 0:31:47.240
<v Speaker 2>Yep.

0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Every once in a while. Don't ignore the fact that

0:31:50.400 --> 0:31:53.280
<v Speaker 1>you got a bad relationship, and we can't ignore the

0:31:53.280 --> 0:31:55.280
<v Speaker 1>fact that we got a great one just because we

0:31:55.360 --> 0:31:58.080
<v Speaker 1>have a couple of bad moments. And that is what

0:31:58.240 --> 0:32:02.120
<v Speaker 1>we have noticed is missing all the time as we

0:32:02.200 --> 0:32:07.600
<v Speaker 1>watch people communicate in relationships. And so this is another

0:32:07.840 --> 0:32:09.960
<v Speaker 1>we're talking about all this and money and this and that.

0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:14.400
<v Speaker 1>That's really not where the focus should be. And I

0:32:14.520 --> 0:32:16.120
<v Speaker 1>get it. Yes, we had to go through a lot

0:32:16.120 --> 0:32:19.760
<v Speaker 1>of experience and difficult experiences to get here. But I

0:32:19.800 --> 0:32:24.920
<v Speaker 1>could recommend to anybody you should not want to get

0:32:24.960 --> 0:32:29.760
<v Speaker 1>married until you find somebody you want to get married too.

0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:32.760
<v Speaker 1>Those are two different thing, right, people are twenty five

0:32:32.840 --> 0:32:34.920
<v Speaker 1>now and single, thirty and single, whatever. I want to

0:32:34.920 --> 0:32:36.080
<v Speaker 1>get married. I want to get married and want to

0:32:36.080 --> 0:32:39.000
<v Speaker 1>get married. Emma, you want to get married one day? Yes, okay,

0:32:40.240 --> 0:32:44.400
<v Speaker 1>I encourage you to change that thinking. Right, It sounds good,

0:32:44.440 --> 0:32:46.240
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like a fantasy. But there's gonna be somebody

0:32:46.280 --> 0:32:47.920
<v Speaker 1>that comes along in your life and you're going to

0:32:47.960 --> 0:32:50.800
<v Speaker 1>say I want to marry him instead of just wanting

0:32:50.840 --> 0:32:53.120
<v Speaker 1>to get married. And I could absolutely say that about you.

0:32:53.120 --> 0:32:54.840
<v Speaker 1>You're not going back and forth about this all the time,

0:32:55.120 --> 0:32:56.800
<v Speaker 1>like I want to marry you. I don't need to,

0:32:57.560 --> 0:33:00.840
<v Speaker 1>but I want to be married too, and that's such

0:33:00.880 --> 0:33:02.680
<v Speaker 1>a different thing as we sit here and talk about

0:33:02.720 --> 0:33:04.360
<v Speaker 1>engagement rings and joint account Yeah.

0:33:04.400 --> 0:33:07.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's interesting having gone through this now both

0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:12.520
<v Speaker 2>of us twice, and I know that can be joke material,

0:33:12.920 --> 0:33:16.920
<v Speaker 2>but I actually think it's been such hard earned. God,

0:33:17.080 --> 0:33:21.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean just I've learned so much through going through

0:33:21.760 --> 0:33:25.520
<v Speaker 2>both of those relationships and now being in this one

0:33:25.560 --> 0:33:30.040
<v Speaker 2>with you. And to your point, we all get caught

0:33:30.160 --> 0:33:33.360
<v Speaker 2>up in the traditions and in the expectations and in

0:33:33.440 --> 0:33:36.120
<v Speaker 2>what we think we're supposed to do or what looks

0:33:36.200 --> 0:33:39.480
<v Speaker 2>like the next thing to do. But interestingly, now with

0:33:39.560 --> 0:33:42.000
<v Speaker 2>the choice totally in front of us to get married

0:33:42.080 --> 0:33:44.480
<v Speaker 2>or not for us, we're kind of on the fence

0:33:44.520 --> 0:33:46.880
<v Speaker 2>and laughing about it because it doesn't matter because we

0:33:47.000 --> 0:33:49.200
<v Speaker 2>know we want to be with each other, we want

0:33:49.240 --> 0:33:52.000
<v Speaker 2>to marry each other. We don't have to necessarily get

0:33:52.000 --> 0:33:55.680
<v Speaker 2>married because of what that represents. It's almost for everyone

0:33:55.720 --> 0:33:57.880
<v Speaker 2>else and not for you, And so I just we've

0:33:57.880 --> 0:34:00.520
<v Speaker 2>been watching these shows and it's and I get it.

0:34:00.560 --> 0:34:02.960
<v Speaker 2>I've been swept up in it. We all have. But

0:34:03.080 --> 0:34:07.920
<v Speaker 2>it's about almost the you know, going through these moments

0:34:07.920 --> 0:34:10.560
<v Speaker 2>in life that you look forward to maybe as a

0:34:10.600 --> 0:34:13.560
<v Speaker 2>young girl or a young boy and then getting to

0:34:13.600 --> 0:34:15.840
<v Speaker 2>do those things, but it's not as focused on the

0:34:15.880 --> 0:34:19.920
<v Speaker 2>relationship and the person and what comes after the wedding.

0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:23.799
<v Speaker 2>All of that somehow gets lost in the shuffles so

0:34:23.920 --> 0:34:26.960
<v Speaker 2>many times, and then you're like, and in these shows

0:34:27.480 --> 0:34:29.719
<v Speaker 2>they say, oh, man, this isn't what I thought it

0:34:29.760 --> 0:34:32.120
<v Speaker 2>was gonna be. Yeah, this isn't what I signed up

0:34:32.120 --> 0:34:35.439
<v Speaker 2>for because the focus hasn't been on the person. So yes,

0:34:35.600 --> 0:34:38.439
<v Speaker 2>and I'm not faulting, cause we've all been there, and

0:34:38.680 --> 0:34:41.520
<v Speaker 2>I get the excitement of all of that and the

0:34:41.680 --> 0:34:45.239
<v Speaker 2>ring and the wedding dress and all of that. But

0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:48.000
<v Speaker 2>at the end of the day, it's about the relationship

0:34:48.040 --> 0:34:51.120
<v Speaker 2>and most importantly, it's about the communication. And that's what's

0:34:51.200 --> 0:34:54.000
<v Speaker 2>missing in this specific story is the communication.

0:34:54.360 --> 0:34:57.880
<v Speaker 1>Isn't that something we've gone all and talked about all

0:34:57.960 --> 0:35:01.479
<v Speaker 1>this That problem could have been solved with talking yep,

0:35:02.200 --> 0:35:03.040
<v Speaker 1>ibby damn.

0:35:02.880 --> 0:35:05.400
<v Speaker 2>Talking about money, talking about what you have and talking

0:35:05.400 --> 0:35:08.520
<v Speaker 2>about what you don't have. And that's okay too, you know.

0:35:08.600 --> 0:35:11.160
<v Speaker 2>I think, like you said, it's hard for men to

0:35:11.760 --> 0:35:15.640
<v Speaker 2>open up about not maybe having the amount of money

0:35:15.680 --> 0:35:17.440
<v Speaker 2>they want to have or And there's so many times

0:35:17.480 --> 0:35:19.799
<v Speaker 2>you see people not disclosing the debt they have because

0:35:19.800 --> 0:35:22.320
<v Speaker 2>when you marry someone, you don't just get their bank account,

0:35:22.400 --> 0:35:24.840
<v Speaker 2>you get their credit score and you get their debt

0:35:25.080 --> 0:35:27.520
<v Speaker 2>and that all is your responsibility too when you get married.

0:35:27.520 --> 0:35:29.960
<v Speaker 2>That people don't think about. So having these conversations about

0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:31.960
<v Speaker 2>money is very important.

0:35:32.000 --> 0:35:34.520
<v Speaker 1>Well, my credit score was higher and my debt was

0:35:34.560 --> 0:35:36.320
<v Speaker 1>lower before I bought the engagement ring.

0:35:39.080 --> 0:35:42.400
<v Speaker 2>Ah, yep, all of that matters. It all contributes to

0:35:42.600 --> 0:35:44.879
<v Speaker 2>the end game. And if you're in it together, it

0:35:45.000 --> 0:35:48.080
<v Speaker 2>is about figuring it out together. I mean, do you

0:35:48.160 --> 0:35:53.080
<v Speaker 2>consider yourselves partners in every way? Because marriage, gosh, it

0:35:53.160 --> 0:35:55.360
<v Speaker 2>started out as a business. Wasn't it a financial enterprise

0:35:55.440 --> 0:35:57.400
<v Speaker 2>to begin with? Isn't that really a lot of the

0:35:57.440 --> 0:36:00.719
<v Speaker 2>reasons why we even have marriage. So to not acknowledge

0:36:00.760 --> 0:36:03.080
<v Speaker 2>that there is a financial aspect to it and it

0:36:03.280 --> 0:36:07.680
<v Speaker 2>is a business agreement in a way. You're merging in

0:36:07.760 --> 0:36:10.080
<v Speaker 2>every way, including financially. But you and if you don't

0:36:10.120 --> 0:36:13.560
<v Speaker 2>talk about the finances behind it, what you bring to it,

0:36:14.760 --> 0:36:16.200
<v Speaker 2>that's the recipe for disaster.

0:36:16.400 --> 0:36:18.720
<v Speaker 1>Average costs of a an engagement ring in this country,

0:36:18.960 --> 0:36:20.640
<v Speaker 1>your guests would be how much handy.

0:36:21.880 --> 0:36:25.800
<v Speaker 4>I'd probably go with like their twenty thousand.

0:36:26.080 --> 0:36:31.200
<v Speaker 1>What where the hell did you grow up? Jesus Christ,

0:36:32.840 --> 0:36:34.720
<v Speaker 1>what would you say the average cost of a wedding

0:36:34.840 --> 0:36:36.560
<v Speaker 1>ring engagement ring in this country?

0:36:36.920 --> 0:36:37.720
<v Speaker 3>Fifty thousand?

0:36:37.920 --> 0:36:38.160
<v Speaker 1>What?

0:36:39.520 --> 0:36:42.479
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm telling you I already like my first one

0:36:42.520 --> 0:36:45.520
<v Speaker 2>was three thousand, and I didn't even really have one

0:36:45.520 --> 0:36:47.919
<v Speaker 2>the second time, so I did it was I didn't

0:36:47.960 --> 0:36:48.360
<v Speaker 2>So I was just.

0:36:48.360 --> 0:36:50.600
<v Speaker 4>Thinking, like inflation, maybe I am.

0:36:50.719 --> 0:36:53.200
<v Speaker 2>I am living in another world. If that's real. If

0:36:53.239 --> 0:36:54.720
<v Speaker 2>those numbers are close to being real.

0:36:54.600 --> 0:36:55.319
<v Speaker 1>Wow, they are not.

0:36:55.640 --> 0:36:59.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, they are actually Like I was, like, I really

0:36:59.560 --> 0:37:01.759
<v Speaker 2>think my one was three thousand dollars in my second

0:37:01.800 --> 0:37:02.640
<v Speaker 2>one didn't exist.

0:37:02.719 --> 0:37:06.640
<v Speaker 1>They are not close to being accurate. Actually, good, I

0:37:06.640 --> 0:37:09.080
<v Speaker 1>feel better now they're actually higher. I'm kidding. I'm kid,

0:37:09.160 --> 0:37:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm kidding. I'm getting it almost still out of my

0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:17.760
<v Speaker 1>im that the average is about fifty five hundred bucks. Okay,

0:37:17.800 --> 0:37:20.359
<v Speaker 1>the average in the country or a wedding for an

0:37:20.360 --> 0:37:23.040
<v Speaker 1>engagement ring. Now, what area of the country would you

0:37:23.040 --> 0:37:25.120
<v Speaker 1>say they're most expensive? Who's spending the most in?

0:37:25.160 --> 0:37:25.880
<v Speaker 2>What? Mukers?

0:37:26.280 --> 0:37:29.799
<v Speaker 1>The mid Atlantic area is actually where so up in

0:37:29.840 --> 0:37:33.040
<v Speaker 1>our region? So that's about seven grand average. And then

0:37:33.080 --> 0:37:36.120
<v Speaker 1>the Midwest. In the Midwest is the lowest average or

0:37:36.320 --> 0:37:38.400
<v Speaker 1>engagement rings about forty nine hundred bucks.

0:37:38.680 --> 0:37:40.560
<v Speaker 2>But still that's more than I thought. If you would

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:42.240
<v Speaker 2>ask me, I would have guessed thirty five hundred.

0:37:42.239 --> 0:37:44.920
<v Speaker 1>And that's a lot of money for anywhere in anybody.

0:37:44.920 --> 0:37:47.040
<v Speaker 1>This three old everybody's familiard. They still do the three

0:37:47.120 --> 0:37:47.480
<v Speaker 1>month thing.

0:37:47.880 --> 0:37:52.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, three months salary, that's what they say. Well, yeah, well,

0:37:52.880 --> 0:37:56.600
<v Speaker 2>then maybe I guess Andy and Ma's numbers would be

0:37:56.640 --> 0:37:59.240
<v Speaker 2>closer to correct if you talked about this region.

0:37:59.320 --> 0:38:03.080
<v Speaker 1>Yes, but the three month through and people still go

0:38:03.160 --> 0:38:04.959
<v Speaker 1>by that, and a lot of guys I would assume still

0:38:04.960 --> 0:38:07.839
<v Speaker 1>go by that. But it the experts will tell you

0:38:07.960 --> 0:38:11.640
<v Speaker 1>stop stop stop thinking about that number. Stop thinking about

0:38:11.640 --> 0:38:14.319
<v Speaker 1>a three month salary rule. They say it was just

0:38:14.440 --> 0:38:17.560
<v Speaker 1>made up by the industry, the jewelry industry, to try

0:38:17.560 --> 0:38:20.840
<v Speaker 1>to get people to spend money a higher amount on it.

0:38:20.880 --> 0:38:23.640
<v Speaker 2>I also think this is a cautionary tale because we

0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:26.040
<v Speaker 2>do know the close to fifty percent of all marriages

0:38:26.120 --> 0:38:28.480
<v Speaker 2>end in divorce. If you think you've got some valuable

0:38:28.520 --> 0:38:30.600
<v Speaker 2>property in a ring, no matter how much you've spent,

0:38:31.280 --> 0:38:33.560
<v Speaker 2>wait till you have to try to sell that said ring.

0:38:34.040 --> 0:38:37.279
<v Speaker 2>It is pennies to what you actually purchased. So these

0:38:37.480 --> 0:38:42.400
<v Speaker 2>these these beautiful pieces of jewelry don't appreciate. In fact,

0:38:42.440 --> 0:38:45.640
<v Speaker 2>it's like buying a car. The second you try to

0:38:45.680 --> 0:38:48.719
<v Speaker 2>sell it after you've purchased it, it goes down significantly

0:38:48.800 --> 0:38:51.239
<v Speaker 2>in value. So just just a little, just a little,

0:38:51.760 --> 0:38:52.239
<v Speaker 2>what do you do.

0:38:52.160 --> 0:38:53.920
<v Speaker 1>With that ring? Does somebody want a ring that has

0:38:53.920 --> 0:38:55.440
<v Speaker 1>a divorce on it? No?

0:38:55.800 --> 0:38:58.360
<v Speaker 2>I think you know you can sell it back to

0:38:58.400 --> 0:39:01.400
<v Speaker 2>a jeweler. You can, you know, give it to your daughter,

0:39:01.600 --> 0:39:04.799
<v Speaker 2>you know whatever. But yes, it's tough.

0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:07.560
<v Speaker 4>One question I have so like, I know, promise rings

0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:09.800
<v Speaker 4>have become like a really big thing. How do you

0:39:09.800 --> 0:39:11.720
<v Speaker 4>guys feel about that? Because they know, like Larisa Pippin

0:39:11.800 --> 0:39:15.000
<v Speaker 4>and Marcus Jordan did that and like and they're together.

0:39:16.239 --> 0:39:18.040
<v Speaker 2>I actually they might be back together again.

0:39:18.120 --> 0:39:21.279
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I'm just kidding in talking.

0:39:22.719 --> 0:39:25.399
<v Speaker 4>About both like the financial strain and engagement ring can

0:39:25.400 --> 0:39:28.480
<v Speaker 4>put on you and like the pressures of marriage kind

0:39:28.480 --> 0:39:31.080
<v Speaker 4>of staying away. Ah, Like it is a promise ring,

0:39:31.120 --> 0:39:33.400
<v Speaker 4>a compromise, I guess that's what I'm saying.

0:39:33.960 --> 0:39:38.320
<v Speaker 1>It seems so weird to to plan another prenuptial agreements

0:39:38.320 --> 0:39:42.320
<v Speaker 1>out there to plan for the potential demise of your marriage.

0:39:42.680 --> 0:39:45.360
<v Speaker 1>As you're planning for the marriage, right, I am buying

0:39:45.400 --> 0:39:47.839
<v Speaker 1>a ring just in case I get divorced. I am

0:39:47.840 --> 0:39:50.000
<v Speaker 1>going to only do a promise ring because things might

0:39:50.040 --> 0:39:52.400
<v Speaker 1>not work out. I get it that is probably the

0:39:52.440 --> 0:39:55.000
<v Speaker 1>safe thing to do given the numbers, But that is

0:39:55.000 --> 0:39:57.879
<v Speaker 1>something about that feels odd as I as I sit

0:39:57.920 --> 0:40:01.319
<v Speaker 1>here with you with a ring around your neck.

0:40:01.440 --> 0:40:09.359
<v Speaker 2>Yes, because we had that same conversation, so yes, and.

0:40:10.480 --> 0:40:16.560
<v Speaker 1>You were going to do this. Okay, Wall, let's not

0:40:16.640 --> 0:40:18.680
<v Speaker 1>do this. Okay, we'll skip it, but go ahead. I

0:40:18.680 --> 0:40:19.760
<v Speaker 1>don't have to answer his question.

0:40:25.080 --> 0:40:28.640
<v Speaker 2>I think any gesture of wanting to be together is beautiful,

0:40:29.280 --> 0:40:32.560
<v Speaker 2>and I think it's a beautiful thing to give or

0:40:32.600 --> 0:40:37.600
<v Speaker 2>to receive. And it's a promise, and there's nothing legally

0:40:37.640 --> 0:40:40.960
<v Speaker 2>binding you to that person. But I actually, as we've discussed,

0:40:41.000 --> 0:40:44.880
<v Speaker 2>don't mind that concept at all. What to just promise

0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:46.960
<v Speaker 2>to be together? We don't have to have a judge,

0:40:47.560 --> 0:40:48.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, sign something.

0:40:49.120 --> 0:40:50.799
<v Speaker 1>Weren't you all in here for the episode in which

0:40:50.840 --> 0:40:54.200
<v Speaker 1>she said he wanted you'll hear for that, right, Okay?

0:40:54.600 --> 0:40:56.719
<v Speaker 2>But I think there's something beautiful about that, I've told

0:40:56.760 --> 0:41:02.000
<v Speaker 2>you how much beautiful, I said, beautiful, No, and I

0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:05.279
<v Speaker 2>fully discussed how much I love Goldie Hawn and Kurt

0:41:05.320 --> 0:41:08.040
<v Speaker 2>Russell's relationship and they are not married.

0:41:08.239 --> 0:41:10.520
<v Speaker 1>And then what did she say? Guys right after that?

0:41:10.560 --> 0:41:12.600
<v Speaker 1>You you did not get away from the idea that, Yeah,

0:41:12.600 --> 0:41:14.760
<v Speaker 1>I intellectually, I know it's silly, but still I would

0:41:14.800 --> 0:41:17.279
<v Speaker 1>prefer a marriage and a judge to sign off it,

0:41:17.320 --> 0:41:21.280
<v Speaker 1>because it's it's it's it's it's more than a promise.

0:41:21.360 --> 0:41:23.359
<v Speaker 1>It's harder to break up. You actually said, I did.

0:41:23.400 --> 0:41:25.279
<v Speaker 2>I did, but I still can say that I think

0:41:25.320 --> 0:41:28.360
<v Speaker 2>the idea of the promise ring and the choice to

0:41:28.360 --> 0:41:29.640
<v Speaker 2>be together is a beautiful one.

0:41:30.480 --> 0:41:34.160
<v Speaker 1>All right, Well, we are rooting for this couple. Who

0:41:34.239 --> 0:41:36.200
<v Speaker 1>knows what happens to them. Maybe we'll we will get

0:41:36.200 --> 0:41:38.880
<v Speaker 1>a chance for them. But I'm always all, I just do.

0:41:39.000 --> 0:41:41.239
<v Speaker 1>I root for love and happiness, and I hope they

0:41:41.280 --> 0:41:45.000
<v Speaker 1>get this worked out, and if they don't, then I

0:41:45.040 --> 0:41:47.440
<v Speaker 1>hope they're okay down the road. I just it's it's

0:41:47.920 --> 0:41:50.440
<v Speaker 1>it's tough. I hate to hear them starting out this way.

0:41:50.680 --> 0:41:53.560
<v Speaker 2>But perhaps by her even bringing this up and having

0:41:53.560 --> 0:41:56.279
<v Speaker 2>a conversation about it, we're talking about it, maybe they

0:41:56.320 --> 0:41:58.440
<v Speaker 2>will have better conversations in the future. This is a

0:41:58.440 --> 0:42:01.000
<v Speaker 2>big warning, sound like, whoa screwed up here? We didn't

0:42:01.040 --> 0:42:03.640
<v Speaker 2>have this conversation then, but let's do it now and

0:42:03.719 --> 0:42:06.920
<v Speaker 2>let's keep doing it. And I think it's also something

0:42:06.960 --> 0:42:09.560
<v Speaker 2>I was surprised and then I had to reflect back

0:42:09.600 --> 0:42:11.759
<v Speaker 2>and be honest about how little I've talked about money

0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:15.920
<v Speaker 2>and how often it has bread resentment and frustration, and

0:42:16.400 --> 0:42:18.799
<v Speaker 2>you don't discuss it for whatever reason because it feels icky,

0:42:18.840 --> 0:42:21.759
<v Speaker 2>it feels tacky, right, But the truth is it's such

0:42:21.760 --> 0:42:24.720
<v Speaker 2>an important part of how you live your lives together,

0:42:25.320 --> 0:42:27.720
<v Speaker 2>and if you can't talk about that, there's probably bigger

0:42:27.719 --> 0:42:30.080
<v Speaker 2>problems you have to deal with as well. So it's

0:42:30.120 --> 0:42:35.000
<v Speaker 2>just a reminder to communicate and to talk about stuff.

0:42:35.840 --> 0:42:37.880
<v Speaker 2>Talking about the hard stuff is how you get through

0:42:38.280 --> 0:42:40.520
<v Speaker 2>the big things in life. And my mom always said this,

0:42:40.600 --> 0:42:43.319
<v Speaker 2>and we've talked about this. You're never fighting about what

0:42:43.360 --> 0:42:45.799
<v Speaker 2>you're fighting about. So you can fight about money, you

0:42:45.840 --> 0:42:47.879
<v Speaker 2>can fight about whatever, but at the end of the day,

0:42:47.880 --> 0:42:51.520
<v Speaker 2>it's pointing to a larger communication issue that you probably have.

0:42:52.000 --> 0:42:55.839
<v Speaker 1>Who are you fighting about? Just just yesterday we were

0:42:55.840 --> 0:42:57.640
<v Speaker 1>fighting about something.

0:42:57.320 --> 0:43:00.279
<v Speaker 2>I don't remember. I remember having a lovely day.

0:42:59.360 --> 0:43:03.040
<v Speaker 1>No, no, something on. We were disagreeing about something here

0:43:03.080 --> 0:43:08.080
<v Speaker 1>that was so ah. It was who ordering dinner, ordering

0:43:08.200 --> 0:43:10.319
<v Speaker 1>lunch or you say, I'd never tell you what my

0:43:10.440 --> 0:43:12.759
<v Speaker 1>order is, right, So we were fighting about that. So

0:43:12.800 --> 0:43:15.400
<v Speaker 1>what is our bigger issue? Because that's we were fighting

0:43:15.400 --> 0:43:17.279
<v Speaker 1>about something else? As your mom would say, right, you're

0:43:17.320 --> 0:43:19.279
<v Speaker 1>not really fighting about what you're fighting about. So what

0:43:19.320 --> 0:43:20.439
<v Speaker 1>are we really fighting about?

0:43:20.520 --> 0:43:24.600
<v Speaker 2>Rose, I don't know, right, Can you tell me?

0:43:24.920 --> 0:43:27.680
<v Speaker 1>No, me not sharing my appetizer order is a symbol

0:43:27.719 --> 0:43:28.760
<v Speaker 1>of a bigger problem.

0:43:30.000 --> 0:43:32.320
<v Speaker 2>Well, see, here's the deal. I don't think we were fighting.

0:43:32.400 --> 0:43:34.640
<v Speaker 2>I think we were teasing each other, which is different.

0:43:34.680 --> 0:43:36.440
<v Speaker 2>If we were actually fighting, then maybe I could come

0:43:36.520 --> 0:43:38.480
<v Speaker 2>up with what was behind it. But I think we

0:43:38.520 --> 0:43:39.120
<v Speaker 2>were just teasing.

0:43:39.280 --> 0:43:44.160
<v Speaker 1>All right, Well, Andy, we appreciate you all as always

0:43:44.360 --> 0:43:48.440
<v Speaker 1>chiming in here, and folks, look help you. You know what,

0:43:48.520 --> 0:43:50.640
<v Speaker 1>There's got to be a takeaway. Everybody goes through this

0:43:50.760 --> 0:43:53.319
<v Speaker 1>in relationships, so hopefully there's some takeaway which you can

0:43:53.360 --> 0:43:55.799
<v Speaker 1>always find us and chime in on the conversation if

0:43:55.800 --> 0:43:58.960
<v Speaker 1>you'd like. On our official instagram, the show's instagram at

0:43:59.280 --> 0:44:02.080
<v Speaker 1>Amy and t day podcast you can find us as well,

0:44:02.560 --> 0:44:05.319
<v Speaker 1>But until next time, roll up your parting thoughts to

0:44:05.480 --> 0:44:08.839
<v Speaker 1>all those lovers out there, talk

0:44:08.880 --> 0:44:09.399
<v Speaker 2>To each other.