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Speaker 1: I am a yamlah, your host, your guide, a teacher

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Speaker 1: for salmon in a soft place to fall for others.

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Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until

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Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my

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Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the Our Spot, a

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Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. When I

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Speaker 1: look around the world today, I am really really concerned

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Speaker 1: about our young women. I'm concerned about them because some

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Speaker 1: of them feel so very lost to me, the things

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Speaker 1: that they're pursuing in the way that they see themselves

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Speaker 1: and see life. When I look out in the world today,

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Speaker 1: don't see a lot of things that nurture and support

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Speaker 1: our young women. See things on Facebook that demean them,

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Speaker 1: diminish them. I see things on social media that really,

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Speaker 1: to me, are not about building the soul of a woman,

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Speaker 1: the heart of a woman, the spirit of a woman.

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Speaker 1: And yet when I talk to young women, their questions

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Speaker 1: are just so exciting, and some of them, many of them,

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Speaker 1: based on what they're seeing and what they're hearing, they

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Speaker 1: feel they're not getting what they need, when the truth is,

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Speaker 1: many of them are exactly where they need to be

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Speaker 1: in their womanhood nests, but nobody is supporting that, and

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Speaker 1: nobody's talking about that. And so very often when I

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Speaker 1: talk to women in their forties and fifties who also

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Speaker 1: feel lost and left behind, I wreck agnize that as women,

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Speaker 1: we're not being guided anymore. We're not being nurtured and

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Speaker 1: supported through the stages of womanhood that are so important.

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Speaker 1: So today I just want to answer some women's questions.

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Speaker 1: Let's just talk. Let's just have a girlfriend conversation, because

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Speaker 1: I am a grandma and I am a auntie. I

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Speaker 1: just want to know what do you want to know

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Speaker 1: and what can I share with you that will support

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Speaker 1: you on your journey? Hello, but love and welcome to

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Speaker 1: the arts. But thank you for your patience. What is

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Speaker 1: your relationship challenge, issue dilemma that we're gonna chew on

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Speaker 1: together today? And I'm twenty eight years old, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm on a constant race of chasing happiness and joy.

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Speaker 1: I used to chase that through people and experiences, but

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Speaker 1: now I'm trying to chase happiness in myself. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've come along a way and living in

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Speaker 1: existence in this world with intention, but I still feel

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Speaker 1: like there's something inside of me that I just haven't

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Speaker 1: reached yet. So I just had a couple of questions

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Speaker 1: for you when you were twenty eight, What was your

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Speaker 1: self discovery journey like? And what advice would you give

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Speaker 1: to someone like myself trying to increase my self confidence,

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Speaker 1: myself words for myself seeing all those things, Well, that's

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Speaker 1: such a lovely and delicious question. Let me wipe the

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Speaker 1: corners of my mouth. When I was twenty eight years old,

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Speaker 1: I was crazy as hell. I was crazy as hell.

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Speaker 1: If you opened the dictionary and so dysfunctional, you would

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Speaker 1: have saw my picture. Now that may not beat true

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Speaker 1: for you, but that was true for me. I was

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Speaker 1: crazy as hell at twenty eight. I was in a

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Speaker 1: dysfunctional marriage and abusive marriage. I had three children. And

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Speaker 1: the thing that I discovered probably around twenty eight years old,

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Speaker 1: because that's such a pivotal time in a woman's life.

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Speaker 1: Twenty eight we're rolling right up on thirty and we're

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Speaker 1: transitioning from being the princess in life, you know, young, carefree, happy,

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Speaker 1: go lucky, to becoming a woman. So it's a critical

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Speaker 1: time in our life as a woman because it means

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Speaker 1: that we really got to look at who we are

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Speaker 1: and what we're doing, what works and what doesn't work,

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Speaker 1: and what we see is possible for ourselves. And at

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Speaker 1: twenty eight I didn't see any possibilities for myself none.

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Speaker 1: I was with a man who was beating every other day.

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Speaker 1: I had three children that I knew I had to

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Speaker 1: provide for. I had no family support, no education, no money,

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Speaker 1: and I was really managing that, trying to make it work.

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Speaker 1: But the key word that you said that is so wonderful.

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Speaker 1: What I realized that twenty eight is that I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a self. So I couldn't have worth or confidence,

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Speaker 1: or esteem or value because I never had a self.

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Speaker 1: I had who they told me I was. I had

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Speaker 1: who they demonstrated I was. I had what the world said.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a self. And that was my work

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Speaker 1: for many many years. Yeah, and that's one of my frustrations.

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Speaker 1: And like he's trying to figure out who I am

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Speaker 1: because she looked around me people who are seemingly like

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Speaker 1: in the knowing of the authentic self. I want that.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to ford who I am. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to rehearse so I am. I just want to

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Speaker 1: be me down to the core and it's just like frustrated. No,

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Speaker 1: you're in the right place, I'm telling you, did you

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Speaker 1: hear me? I was twenty eight, I was crazy as hell,

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Speaker 1: and I thought that I was supposed to know these things.

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Speaker 1: But as as I continued on my journey, as I

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Speaker 1: continued looking and asking, it unfolded so that by the

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Speaker 1: time I was thirty two, I was seated in myself

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Speaker 1: so that I could build my confidence and develop my

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Speaker 1: worth and strengthen my esteem and established my value. You

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Speaker 1: are exactly where you need to be right now at

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Speaker 1: the age or end. Isn't that wonderful? Yes? And you

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Speaker 1: know it's so unfortunate in our society that we think

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Speaker 1: we should know these things and we shouldn't. But you're

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Speaker 1: asking the right questions, beloved, at the right time. I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy for you. So what I can do is

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Speaker 1: give you the formula that I use. I can do

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Speaker 1: that for you, and then it's your journey. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Do you know how many women don't

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Speaker 1: know to ask this question at your age and so

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Speaker 1: they go around life lost. But you're right where you

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Speaker 1: need to be, doing exactly what you need to be

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Speaker 1: doing at this time. I promise you. So here are

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Speaker 1: the questions that you have to ask. And you get

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Speaker 1: these answers through your journal. You get these answers through

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Speaker 1: just trying out new things. You get these answers through

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Speaker 1: giving yourself permission to no thing. You get these answers

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Speaker 1: through prayer. You get these answers through meditation. And here's

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Speaker 1: the first one. Who am I? All right? And the

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Speaker 1: way you answer that question, and this is a really

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Speaker 1: good exercise. I am So you ask that question? Who

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Speaker 1: am I? I used to just write a list. I

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Speaker 1: am a woman, I am a mother, I am you know.

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Speaker 1: For me, I was a black woman. I'm a Native woman.

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Speaker 1: I am a sensitive person. I am a pain in

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Speaker 1: the butt sometimes I am you know, I am you know,

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Speaker 1: a creative woman. And I just would write a list

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Speaker 1: and then i'd go back through the list and I'd

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Speaker 1: cross out the things that I wasn't and I'd cross

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Speaker 1: out the things or I'd add more things to it.

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Speaker 1: And then I'd say, okay, so am I doing this?

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Speaker 1: Am I being a woman today? Am I being a

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Speaker 1: mother today? Am I being a paint in the butt today?

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Speaker 1: Am I being creative today? That's That's what I did

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Speaker 1: for years. So that's the first question, who am I?

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Speaker 1: The next question I would ask myself is what matters

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Speaker 1: to me? What matters to me? And again, this is

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Speaker 1: all journal work. This is all mirror work. Get in

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Speaker 1: the mirror, talk to yourself and write it out in

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Speaker 1: your journal. What matters to me. The other thing is, Okay,

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Speaker 1: these matters to me. You know what matters to me.

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Speaker 1: Peace matters to me, freedom matters to me. You know,

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Speaker 1: a beautiful home matters to me. Being a good person

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Speaker 1: matters to me. Being a good mom matters to me.

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Speaker 1: That straight cats have food that matters to me. And

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Speaker 1: then I asked myself, well am I am? Am I

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Speaker 1: being good mom today? Am I feeding the stray cats today?

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Speaker 1: Another question you ask yourself is what do I want?

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Speaker 1: What do I want? And you make your lists What

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Speaker 1: do I want? I want this out, I want to

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Speaker 1: car I want you know, I want to lose ten pounds.

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Speaker 1: I want to be a better person. What do I want?

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Speaker 1: And then I ask myself, Okay, what do I need

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Speaker 1: to do to be a more loving person? What do

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Speaker 1: I need to do to be a kind of person?

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Speaker 1: What do I need to do to be to have

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Speaker 1: more peace in my life? What do I need to

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Speaker 1: do to have more freedom in whatever matters to me?

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Speaker 1: And then what do I want? Just another thing to

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Speaker 1: think about? Right about? Focus on? And I mean, you

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Speaker 1: don't sit around writing this stuff all day. You go

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Speaker 1: about your life. But these are the questions. So when

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Speaker 1: certain things come up in your life, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to say, oh, you know, I ain't even arguing about

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Speaker 1: that because that don't matter to me. Or this is

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Speaker 1: this is not what I want. So I'm no longer

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Speaker 1: going to engage with this or you or it or

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Speaker 1: whatever it is. This is not what I want. I

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Speaker 1: don't want this. And you really broke down boundaries for

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Speaker 1: me in one of your artspots videos, because I have

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Speaker 1: been a whole much of your videos during a clime

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Speaker 1: of my life where I was super just anxiety depression,

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Speaker 1: and so I like drowned myself in your words wisdom man,

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Speaker 1: you taught me and you grow down what boundaries were,

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Speaker 1: and it really helps. But sometimes I feel like I'll

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Speaker 1: be going overboard with boundaries because I've been hurt. So well,

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Speaker 1: don't create boundaries because you've been hurt. Create boundaries to

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Speaker 1: keep yourself safe. Don't let it be the hurt that

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Speaker 1: draws the boundary, because then you'll put up a wall.

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Speaker 1: If you let what happened in the past establish what

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Speaker 1: you do now, you'll be creating a wall, not a boundary.

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Speaker 1: Does that make sense to you? Yes? Another good question

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Speaker 1: is what do I see for myself? That's really important,

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Speaker 1: particularly for a woman of your age. Can you see

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Speaker 1: it in your mind? Can you see things being different?

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Speaker 1: Can you see yourself growing? Can you see yourself with

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Speaker 1: that house, with that car, with the good job, with

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Speaker 1: the loving man. It's crazy because okay, yeah, I still

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Speaker 1: feel there's something missing its sides, but I definitely see

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Speaker 1: myself getting better. Is it missing or is it growing

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Speaker 1: and developing or is it just not mature yet. It

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Speaker 1: may be there, but it just hasn't matured because it

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Speaker 1: just wasn't time. See, in every woman's life, we have

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Speaker 1: a blessing that's something that we bring to life and

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Speaker 1: what we offer the world. We have a gift that

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Speaker 1: means there's something that we can do in a way

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Speaker 1: that nobody else can do it. Nobody All of us

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Speaker 1: have a gift. And it doesn't mean that we're going

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Speaker 1: to have a TV show or write a book or whatever.

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Speaker 1: It's some kind of gift. They may be listening and

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Speaker 1: maybe cooking, it may be whatever. Every woman has a gift.

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Speaker 1: Every woman has a lesson, something that she must learn

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Speaker 1: and master, and she's going to face that over and

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Speaker 1: over and over in her life until she learns a

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Speaker 1: lesson and until she masters it. Every woman has a grace,

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Speaker 1: meaning there's some gift that she continues to get from

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Speaker 1: the universe. It's an intimate connection that you know, she

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Speaker 1: gives to the universe. Like I'm a very loyal person.

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Speaker 1: I'm loyal. I'm loyal to a form fault. And sometimes

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Speaker 1: the grace that I receive is people who come who

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Speaker 1: can abuse my loyalty. God will just pluck them right

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Speaker 1: out my life. They just disappear, like my husband, Like

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Speaker 1: my husband who used to beat me, he just disappeared, Okay.

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Speaker 1: And every woman has an emotional character. We call it

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Speaker 1: her heart, and that's just who she is. Some women

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Speaker 1: are nurturers, some women are bullies, some women are controllers,

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Speaker 1: some women are good friends. We all have a heart

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Speaker 1: and we all have a healing something that we live

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Speaker 1: through this life to heal and we'll repeat it over

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Speaker 1: and over. So your lesson at your age it's tender

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Speaker 1: inner authority, meaning everything that you do, everything that you offer,

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Speaker 1: everything that comes from inner authority. And if it doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel right in your gut, I don't care who it is,

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Speaker 1: don't do it. So what you're saying you don't have

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Speaker 1: I think it's just developing. You had another question or

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Speaker 1: did I get them all? I think you've got all.

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Speaker 1: I just really appreciate you taking our call. It can

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Speaker 1: to me. You just a woman who I value the

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Speaker 1: things that you say and the steps that you take,

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Speaker 1: and I just really appreciate you speaking to me one

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Speaker 1: on one. Thank you. Do you have a grandma? I do.

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Speaker 1: She's so sweet. Lula May, Okay, Lula May. Let me

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Speaker 1: tell you something. You go sit with Lula May. You

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Speaker 1: go have tea with Lula May, and you ask her,

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Speaker 1: Lula May, grandma, what do you call a granny? Grandma? Grannie?

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Speaker 1: Tell I want to know everything you know about being

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Speaker 1: a woman. Now. I don't know what generation come she

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Speaker 1: comes through from, So some of those things you may

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Speaker 1: have to filter. But talk to Lula May. Because these

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Speaker 1: teachings that I'm sharing with you, this is what the

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Speaker 1: young girls used to get from Grandma before we had

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Speaker 1: social media. So you go to Lula May and you

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Speaker 1: ask her, tell me everything you can tell me about

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Speaker 1: being a woman, the good ad, What did you learn?

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Speaker 1: How'd you learn it? Because these are the teachings that

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Speaker 1: the elders, the wise women give to the young women.

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Speaker 1: But baby, I want you to hear this. You are

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Speaker 1: right on time. These are exactly the questions you should

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Speaker 1: be asking. And have faith that what you want it's

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Speaker 1: developing in you. Thank you for calling, beloved, Take a

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Speaker 1: care all right, I will bye bye. When I was young,

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Speaker 1: it was much more common for grandmothers and aunties to

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Speaker 1: teach the upcoming generation, you know, to guide them into womanhood.

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Speaker 1: I can remember when all my aunties would sit around

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Speaker 1: playing pinuckle and telling stories. And sometimes they would tell me,

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Speaker 1: come here, girl, let me tell you this, and other

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Speaker 1: times they would say, girl, go away, you don't need

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Speaker 1: to be hearing that. And now the further I get

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Speaker 1: into this our spot journey, the more I realized that

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Speaker 1: this type of guidance, grandma guidance, auntie guidance, wise woman

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Speaker 1: guidance is exactly what so many young women are missing today,

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Speaker 1: and as a result, they're going astray. After the break,

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Speaker 1: we'll come back with my second caller, who has a

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Speaker 1: similar issue, but for a very different reason. We'll talk

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Speaker 1: to her when we come back. Welcome back to the

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Speaker 1: our spot. Today, we're talking about guidance. Mothering means this teaching, nurturing, guiding, supporting, nourishing.

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Speaker 1: That's what mother means. She's the one who nourishes, who nurtures,

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Speaker 1: who guides, who supports, and some women don't know how

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Speaker 1: to do that. Take a listen. Greetings beloved, Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the art spot. I understand that you have a relationship

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Speaker 1: challenge you want us to chew on together today. Yes, ma'am, so,

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Speaker 1: I have a really straneous relationship with my mother. It

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Speaker 1: started when I was a kid and it kind of

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Speaker 1: evolved into something crazy. When I turned a teenager, I

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Speaker 1: was diagnosed as bipolar and autistic, and the way my mother,

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Speaker 1: the way my mother handled that just wasn't the best.

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Speaker 1: I come from a lineage. Okay, take a breath. Wait

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Speaker 1: a minute, take a breath right there. Take a breath

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Speaker 1: right there. Take a breath right there. I was diagnosed

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Speaker 1: as bipolar as a teenager, and the way my mother

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Speaker 1: handled it was not the best. And that made me

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Speaker 1: feel what what didn't make you feel the way your

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Speaker 1: mother handled abandoned. Okay, good, take a breath, because I

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Speaker 1: heard you say that, and then you were running on

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Speaker 1: to something else. But sometimes we have to stop and

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Speaker 1: witness our pain. Okay, good, made you feel abandoned and

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Speaker 1: then what happened? So you know, I don't think she

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Speaker 1: knew how to handle and deal with me. And I

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Speaker 1: granted I was rebellious, I was confused, I was angry.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what was going on with me. In hindsight,

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Speaker 1: I lived in a household where my stepfather was abusive,

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Speaker 1: and he also was abusing my mother, which caused him

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Speaker 1: to have a divorce, and she was just going through

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Speaker 1: her own bouts and whatnot as well. So the idea

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Speaker 1: of having the daughter being diagnosed as such through all

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Speaker 1: of this was something she was like, when I'm not

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Speaker 1: dealing with this. We're not doing this. Your grandmother's bipolar.

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Speaker 1: This that in the third not my child. I'm not

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Speaker 1: having it. So I was a little rebellious, or I

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Speaker 1: was a lot rebellious to the way that she wanted

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Speaker 1: me to seek. You know, care my mental illness was

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Speaker 1: used in defense and her divorce, but it really wasn't

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Speaker 1: a let's get down to the core of how do

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Speaker 1: I help you, Why do you feel the way that

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Speaker 1: you feel? How can I help you understand what your

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Speaker 1: illness is, and how can I help you progress through life?

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Speaker 1: With this, it just was always a tool against my stepfather.

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Speaker 1: So with that, I fought my mother on that and

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Speaker 1: I eventually was taken from her home by CPS, and

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Speaker 1: then she took me to court to be me mentally incompetent.

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Speaker 1: The judge threw that out because at the time I

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Speaker 1: was interning for a radio station was doing well. There

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Speaker 1: was just no way I was mentally competent. And because

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Speaker 1: that happened, people started looking at my mother's a certain

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Speaker 1: way and questioning her, and then that just became this

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Speaker 1: whole on war and just mirror campaign to the point

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Speaker 1: that I was exiled from my family. If anybody had

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Speaker 1: a relationship with me, my mother cut them off. I

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Speaker 1: couldn't have a relationship with my grandmother, I couldn't have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with my sister. The only person that I

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Speaker 1: had a relationship with was my stepfather, who again at

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Speaker 1: that time, was abusive, but he was the only one

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Speaker 1: that got a lawyer. It kind of helped me fight

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Speaker 1: this whole incompetent charge or a situation with my mom,

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Speaker 1: and my mom looked at me as was crazy. I

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Speaker 1: was the devil, I was the Antichrist because I was

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Speaker 1: working with him and this that in the third and

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Speaker 1: I tried to explain to my mother it wasn't me

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Speaker 1: trying to work with the enemy. I felt like I

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Speaker 1: was fighting for my life. You were trying to take

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Speaker 1: my rights away as a basic human being. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: this man probably used it as a pon in your divorce,

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Speaker 1: but what else was I supposed to do? You weren't

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Speaker 1: acting as a mother. So that's just been the ongoing

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Speaker 1: struggle for the past fifteen years. So I stopped talking

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Speaker 1: to my mother. I turned thirty last year and just

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Speaker 1: has struggled NonStop with this situation of just not feeling excepted,

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Speaker 1: not feeling onted, just being in horrible relationships with men,

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Speaker 1: not being able to have positive relationships with women in

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Speaker 1: my life, just struggling. So I finally started going through therapy,

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Speaker 1: started doing the work. I actually have one of your books,

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Speaker 1: and just going through each of my feelings like abandonment

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Speaker 1: and recognizing it and just trying to stop those feelings

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Speaker 1: at that moment, and it just seems like nothing has worked.

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Speaker 1: So I contacted my mother, hoping that maybe if I

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Speaker 1: were kindled this relationship, things which is magically go away

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Speaker 1: and be better. And for two weeks things are fine,

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Speaker 1: and my mother came. She came to visit me, to see,

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Speaker 1: you know, my house where I lived, my whole situation,

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Speaker 1: and it was almost as a she came with an agenda,

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Speaker 1: as if she just wanted to, you know, see what

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Speaker 1: was going on, see the negatives in my life, so

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Speaker 1: she can have the story to take back home to

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Speaker 1: further prove her case as to why I'm crazy and

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Speaker 1: why nobody should talk to me and deal with me.

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Speaker 1: This is like the most painful thing, Like I like

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Speaker 1: it literally, like I'm in a mental fault, Like I

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Speaker 1: just I get sick, like I mean, and I have

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Speaker 1: these bouts of where I just stay at home and

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Speaker 1: I'm in bed for days on end. And I know

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Speaker 1: a lot of it has to do with the fact

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Speaker 1: that I'm bipolar. I know a lot of it deals

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Speaker 1: with the anxiety and the anxiousness I get from being autistic.

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Speaker 1: But it just seems like what the hell is the

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Speaker 1: point of living, Like if this is the consistent consisus

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Speaker 1: of my life, I mean, what do I do? I

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Speaker 1: know this can't be what God meant for me? But

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Speaker 1: but how do I get above it? My moon be?

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Speaker 1: I'm mad like this, this can't be what this can't

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Speaker 1: be God has scripted from me. I don't just I

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Speaker 1: don't know what else to do anymore. I'm out of

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, you do know, you absolutely do know.

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Speaker 1: I'm so angry. I'm so angry. Yes, yeah, what are

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Speaker 1: you angry about? What are you angry about? Mother? I'm

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Speaker 1: angry that she would let me feel this way. I'm

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Speaker 1: angry that she's pride. She valued her pride over my life,

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Speaker 1: over my sanity, over my emotions. I'm angry at the

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Speaker 1: fact that my mother knows that the ship that she

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Speaker 1: does is wrong, but she doesn't have the audacity just

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Speaker 1: to be a human being in to say I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I understand certain things that I did was wrong. As

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Speaker 1: a parent, I can't get that from her. How can

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Speaker 1: the person that brought me into this world feel like

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Speaker 1: this about me? What did I do that it's so wrong?

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Speaker 1: I was a child? Well, let me ask you something.

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Speaker 1: You're not a child Now you're not a child. Now

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Speaker 1: you're an accomplished woman. And you may be bipolar, so what?

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Speaker 1: And you may be autistic, so what? You are an accomplished, bipolar,

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Speaker 1: autistic adult. Let me ask you this question, why do

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Speaker 1: you need it from your mother now? Because I love

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Speaker 1: my mother and I want my mother to love me.

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Speaker 1: She loves you the only way she knows how, and

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Speaker 1: it is not satisfactory. I heard you say that you're engaged.

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Speaker 1: Is this the first man you've ever been in relationship with? No,

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Speaker 1: it's not okay. So if you were in relationship with

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Speaker 1: a man and he wasn't loving you the way you

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Speaker 1: wanted to be loved, if he wasn't treating you the

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Speaker 1: way you wanted to be treated, he wasn't talking to

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Speaker 1: you the way you wanted to be spoken to, what

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Speaker 1: would you do? Would you stay in relationship with him? No?

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Speaker 1: I would leave? Oh yeah, So why can't you do

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00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: that with your mother? Because that's the woman that brought

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Speaker 1: me into this world. That's different me, that's the woman

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Speaker 1: that gave birth to you. There's a distinction between a

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Speaker 1: woman who gives birth and a woman who mothers. Those

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00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 1: are not the same thing. There's a lot of women

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Speaker 1: who give birth who are not mothers. They don't know

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Speaker 1: how to be, they don't want to be, they choose

400
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Speaker 1: not to be. They give the birth for whatever reason.

401
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that they're know how to mother. And

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00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. What if you chose a woman who

403
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: gave birth to you and doesn't know how to mother you. Now,

404
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: in the best case scenario, when she recognizes, okay, I'm

405
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,239
Speaker 1: not doing this right, she gets some help, you know,

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Speaker 1: some insight, usually from older women, her mother or her

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00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 1: mother's mother or auntie or somebody, and other women say,

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00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: you know, oh well, this is what it is. Deal

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00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: with it. And it sounds to me like that may

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Speaker 1: be what you're the woman who gave birth to you

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Speaker 1: is doing. So why do you need it from her today?

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00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: Because I've had I thought that I had it before.

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Speaker 1: The relationship that me and my mother had once upon

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Speaker 1: a time, before all of this transpired, my mother used

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Speaker 1: to be my best friend. I idolized my mother. I

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00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: looked up to my mother and to me, and the

417
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 1: blink of an eye for that to snap and just

418
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: disappear was really traumatic and I still have yet the

419
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 1: process that and I want that back. I greed that relationship,

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00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: that it's just something that I want and something that

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00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 1: I feel like I need. I don't know why I

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00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,400
Speaker 1: feel that way. I wish I didn't feel that way.

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Speaker 1: I pray that I didn't, But for whatever reason, it's

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Speaker 1: just like it's something that I well, it's something that

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00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: you want. You don't need it something that you want.

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00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: What you need is to be nurtured and nourished and supported.

427
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: That's what you need. You want it to come from

428
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: your mother. And I don't know how many ways she's

429
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: going to have to demonstrate to you that either she

430
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: doesn't want to or she can. It's unkind to you,

431
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: it's unloving to you. So now you're doing to yourself

432
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: what you accuse her of doing, which is abandoning you,

433
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: neglecting you, violating you, abusing you. You're doing it to

434
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: yourself now, and that will lead to the depression, and

435
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: that will lead to the end of my life. Because

436
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: your mother is your heart you No, she's a seat

437
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: in the core of your feeling. No, I mean why

438
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: you're crying like that because I hear and I understand

439
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: what you're saying, and I wish that there was just

440
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: the way that I didn't have that need like my

441
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: mother is my heart, my mother is. It's almost like

442
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: she's a driving factor and whatever I do, like I'm

443
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: gonna do this to show my mother, or I'm gonna

444
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: do this so she can see, or I'm gonna do

445
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: this and maybe one day she'll be like, oh, that's

446
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 1: my drive. It. She's always been a driving factor in

447
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: anything and everything that I do, even with trying to

448
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: do therapy and work on myself. Okay, maybe I am

449
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: this person that she thinks that I am, Well, let

450
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 1: me fix and work on myself. It's just it's like

451
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: she's always been that, just that that drive and everything

452
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: that I have. So just disconnecting from that don't matter

453
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: if it's painful or not. It's just a hard thing

454
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: to do because that's all that I have that connects

455
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: me to that woman. Having a relationship with her it's

456
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: literally I don't know, I feel like it's the only

457
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: thing I want in life. Honestly, a dysfunctional, abusive relationship

458
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: that you keep insisting is some other way, and it's

459
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 1: not another way. You do have a relationship with her.

460
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: It may not be the one you want, but it's

461
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: what you got. And until you accept that that's what

462
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 1: you got. You're never gonna have the one you want.

463
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: I want to ask you a question. I heard you

464
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: say that you've I guess you've established your career for yourself. Yeah,

465
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 1: and you're doing things in your life. Yeah. Why aren't

466
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: you enough for you? Why aren't you enough for you?

467
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, would you like to be? Oh? Yeah,

468
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,280
Speaker 1: that little girl that your mother abandoned and abused and

469
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: the way you experienced it, she's really running your life

470
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: because I don't hear this accomplished adult woman standing up

471
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 1: for herself and taking care of herself. I hear a

472
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: little girl who's dependent upon her mother. And maybe what life,

473
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: universe God is trying to tell you is you have

474
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: to be enough for you so that you don't need her.

475
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 1: You can want her, but right now you're in you're

476
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: standing in the knee, and as an adult, it's your

477
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: responsibility to provide for your own needs. And I'm not

478
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: making light of the situate. You know, there are people

479
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: who had great relationships with their moms and their moms die,

480
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: or there's people who had great relationships with their mom

481
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: and it fell apart, just like yours, for whatever reason.

482
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: But Your mother is not your supply. Your mother is

483
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 1: not your lifeline. You are the When are you going

484
00:31:54,760 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 1: to be enough for you? I don't know's I'm not

485
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: gonna say it sounds no, it doesn't sound easy. But

486
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 1: here are two things I want you to get. The

487
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 1: little girl. I don't know how old she is. She

488
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: sounds like to be maybe thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, because she's

489
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 1: very belligerent. This is what I want and I'm gonna

490
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: have it. And if I don't have it, I'm gonna

491
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: hold my breath till I turned purple. You gotta get

492
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 1: her in chat. And this is what you have to

493
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: tell her right now. You're a motherless shy. She just

494
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: has to know that, and she don't like it, and

495
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: she may be sad about it, she may be angry

496
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: about it. But right now, that fifteen year old inside

497
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: of you that's running your life, when did this breakdown happen?

498
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 1: When you and your mother when she took you to

499
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 1: court fifteen? Okay, you have to let her know you're

500
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: a motherless child. For whatever reason. Even though her mother

501
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: is alive, moving, breathing, talking, walking, whatever, she's a motherless shy.

502
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 1: Tell me what you hear me saying when I say

503
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: that to you, that I'm alone and I'm in this

504
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 1: world by myself, and that that's it. Now you know

505
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: that's not what I said, but that's what you heard,

506
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: and that's what's important. Because you have a fiance and

507
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: you have you. But if you feel alone and if

508
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: you feel like you're in this world by yourself, you're

509
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 1: thinking about the situation, and your thoughts lead you to

510
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: do certain things and require and demand certain things. And

511
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: until you get to the point where you are enough

512
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: for you, your mother will be the driving force in

513
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: your life. You've given her all your power and you

514
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: have this idyllic view of what it's going to look like.

515
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 1: Your mother is who she is. Cannot live the rest

516
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: of your life demanding, insisting, requiring, expecting something from somebody

517
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 1: that they've demonstrated they're not able or willing to give you.

518
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome back

519
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: to the our spot. Let's get back to the conversation.

520
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: You're a smart lady. The fact that your bipolar or

521
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: autistic you have had such a beautiful, clear conversation with me.

522
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: I want you to say something and let's see weird

523
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 1: lands in your body. Okay, okaya, say this for me.

524
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me.

525
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: Say it again. There's nothing wrong with me. Okay, take

526
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 1: a breath. I want you to drop below your neck.

527
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: You don't have to know how to do that. Just

528
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 1: hear what I'm saying. Drop below your neck, focus right

529
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: in the center of your chest, right between your breast,

530
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: and say it again. There is nothing wrong. Okay. Where

531
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 1: do you feel that in your body? My shoulders, Yeah,

532
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: your shoulders. Say it again and see if you're feel

533
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:22,360
Speaker 1: in any place different. Take a breath. Say it again.

534
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with there's nothing wrong with me. Ah now,

535
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: wh do you feel like? It's still on my shoulders

536
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 1: but it wasn't as as strong. There's nothing wrong with me.

537
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: Say it again. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm okay, yes, yeah,

538
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 1: come on, that's good. We're just we're just dislodging energy

539
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 1: from the I don't know how many scripts you have.

540
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: There's something wrong with me in your body. You're just

541
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 1: bringing it up, that's all. Yeah, to get it out. Yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah, breathe,

542
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,879
Speaker 1: Let's just say it again. There's nothing wrong with me.

543
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: With me, now you may have a diagnosis of being bipolar.

544
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 1: You may have a diagnosis of being autistic. Doesn't matter.

545
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong. Wrong is

546
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 1: the key word. There's nothing wrong with me. That's the

547
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 1: key word. These things may be going on, but there's

548
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with me. Doesn't mean I don't feel this way,

549
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 1: but there's nothing wrong with me. The next statement, I

550
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: really want you to be present with I am enough

551
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: for me. I may not always feel like it, but

552
00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: I'm enough for me. Yeah, and I'm angry that my

553
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 1: mother doesn't see it, but I am enough for me.

554
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: I'm angry that my mother doesn't see it. I'm enough

555
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 1: for me. That word, but I'm angry. But that word

556
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 1: stands for belief under transition. So there's a belief that

557
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: you hold that those statements will transform from being a

558
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 1: lie to being the truth whenever you say. But there's

559
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 1: a belief undergoing transition. So you have a belief that

560
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: there's something wrong with you. You have a belief that

561
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: your mother should You have a belief that your mother shouldn't.

562
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 1: You have a belief that because of what your mother did,

563
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:52,399
Speaker 1: it has limited you or whatever it's done to you,

564
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 1: it's nothing wrong with you and you are enough for you.

565
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:00,760
Speaker 1: That's where you got to get to breathe. You're not breathing.

566
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: You gotta learn how to breathe through. Tell me what

567
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,879
Speaker 1: you hear me saying. It doesn't matter what words you use.

568
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 1: I want to hear what's going on in your mind

569
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: that despite all of this, I'm enough. Hey, so even

570
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 1: you might want to make a little song out of it,

571
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 1: a little rap song. I'm a motherless child, but that's okay.

572
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with me today. Yeah, I'm gonna make

573
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: a whole monster out of it. Yeah, I'm enough for

574
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,879
Speaker 1: me today, and that's how it's gonna be. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,

575
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 1: I'm a motherless child and that's okay. Make it up,

576
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: because what you're just trying to do is break the

577
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 1: habit and transform those beliefs. Not taking your situation lightly

578
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: at all. You're just transforming those beliefs until you can

579
00:38:56,360 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 1: do better. I'm worthy of whatever I wanted. Yeah, as

580
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: to think, we don't know what she thinks. What if

581
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: she's a crazy one. You're putting all of your eggs

582
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: in her basket. Never thought about that? Yeah, so what

583
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:19,879
Speaker 1: if you're the healthiest one in the room, what if, Yeah,

584
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 1: what if all of this was just an opportunity for

585
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 1: you to learn how to be enough for you so

586
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: that you don't have to need her. What if you

587
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: can learn to prosper without her, be happy without her,

588
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,480
Speaker 1: live your life without her. What if doesn't mean you

589
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 1: can't send her a birthday card, a Christmas card? But

590
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: what if you choose not to? And none of this

591
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: is easy but you're built for it. Otherwise you wouldn't

592
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: be talking to me. You could be on Amazon shopping

593
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 1: for Choose and you over here talking to me. Okay,

594
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: I hear your brain turning. What are you thinking? I

595
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 1: can't leave you alone with them thoughts? What do you

596
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 1: think kid? Right now, that I don't deserve to carry

597
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 1: all of this, and I deserve to feel free, I

598
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: deserve to feel light. I mean, it makes sense to me,

599
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 1: even my relationships and interactions with other people. As a kid,

600
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: I never felt heard by my mother, and even sometimes

601
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: in disagreements with my fiance, I feel like I'm not heard,

602
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: or at work, I feel like I'm not at heard,

603
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 1: I'm not heard with friends, and it just all feems

604
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: from the same thing. And I want to offer you

605
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 1: a little coaching here. I heard you say I deserve.

606
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:37,240
Speaker 1: Absolutely you do. But until we free up that energy,

607
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to say, I choose because

608
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 1: choice is your power. When you say I deserve, whatever

609
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:49,839
Speaker 1: comes after that indicates that somebody has either taken it

610
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 1: or is withholding it. And I want you to be

611
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 1: squarely in the driver's seat of all of this. So

612
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: I choose to have what I'm worthy of. I choose

613
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 1: to have what I desire. I choose to be enough

614
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,359
Speaker 1: for myself. I choose to see myself as whole, hell,

615
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: healthy and complete. I've got some challenges, but I choose

616
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,360
Speaker 1: not to let those challenges run my life. I choose.

617
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 1: Choice is your power. Yes, you deserve it all, but

618
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 1: you've got to choose it. Does that make sense to you? Yeah?

619
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 1: Tell me what you know now that you didn't know

620
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: when you call. There's nothing wrong with me? All right,

621
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: now you better tell it. You better tell that truth?

622
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 1: And what else? And I am enough for me? Yeah?

623
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 1: And that's what I choose to be enough for me.

624
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 1: Good for you, all right, sweetie, Thank you, my love,

625
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 1: bye bye. I said it once and now say it again.

626
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god, do I have a new book to write?

627
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,720
Speaker 1: But here's what I'll teach each of you young ladies

628
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 1: listening or even the young man listening to me right now,

629
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: you are growing into your power and that is a

630
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:21,919
Speaker 1: sacred process, a sacred process that takes time. You don't

631
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: have to figure it all out right now. What you

632
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:31,719
Speaker 1: should be doing is exactly what you are doing. And

633
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: if you are a young lady, I want to encourage

634
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 1: you to look for a grandma or an auntie or

635
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:44,399
Speaker 1: a wise woman to guide you. And even when you

636
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: don't like what she is saying, listen, listen and keep

637
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 1: listening to the our Spot because it feels like I've

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Speaker 1: got a lot of guidance still to offer. See you

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Speaker 1: next time. I hope this has been helpful to someone,

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Speaker 1: And if you have a question about this or any

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Speaker 1: other relationship issue, you can call me live at seven

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Speaker 1: seven five three zero seven seven seven sixty eight. Now

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Speaker 1: be sure to follow me on social media for all

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Speaker 1: of the calling times, and until then, stay in peace

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Speaker 1: and not pieces. The R Spot is a production of

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Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from

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Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows,