WEBVTT - Ego Is Not Your Amigo 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:13.600 Hello, Hello, everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:18.560 of Cheeky's and Chill. This podcast is a space for 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:21.400 me to speak about anything and everything that's on my mind. 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:24.080 I have guests as well, so if you are a 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:28.000 new listener, welcome, thank you so much. Today is going 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:31.200 to be an episode just you and I and we're 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:33.280 going to be speaking on a topic that's been on 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:36.760 my mind and in my heart for a while, and 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:40.159 it is the ego and how it affects our life, 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:43.800 you guys, and how it's affected my life. And the 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.879 reason why I want to talk about this is because 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:52.880 having too much ego really affects your self esteem, affects 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:54.000 your relationships. 0:00:54.240 --> 0:00:56.720 And what I want to do w on. 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:58.800 Chegiz and Show more than anything, is help you become 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.800 the best version of yourself. So let's talk about everything 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:05.360 that has to do with ego. Because ego is not 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:10.639 You're an ego now with that being said, you guys, 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:15.600 ego is the way I see it. Ego is in 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:20.760 the flesh, Ego is in the mind, okay, and it 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:29.000 has ruined my life many times in many ways different situations. 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:32.200 I have had ego, Other people have had ego, and 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:38.119 I think it's important to talk about that because, especially 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:42.120 now in the world that we're living in, I feel 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:46.240 that it's more prominent. 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:50.360 It's everywhere. I don't know what it is. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.000 I don't know if it's social media. I have no clue, 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:56.800 but ego is definitely here. Maybe it's always been here. 0:01:56.840 --> 0:01:59.040 I just see it more because now I really know 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:01.240 what it is and I want. 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:02.200 Us to check ourselves. 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.640 We all have ego and it's something that we have 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:13.800 to control. So anyways ways that ego has affected my life, 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:19.720 I think ego affects my life more in relationships with partners. 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:24.600 And I've been thinking about this because I've noticed even 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.880 now in my relationship in my marriage with Emilio, sometimes 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:32.919 I snap and I don't snap like that on anyone else, 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:37.480 and it's not okay, And I think sometimes it's my 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:41.239 ego coming to like protect me. It's a fake armor 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:43.200 that comes to protect me because I'm like, no, you're 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:44.520 not going to take advantage of me. And I don't 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.120 want you to think now that we're married, you're going 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:49.520 to act a certain way or you can like it 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:51.640 just starts like boom. It's the walls that come up, 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:53.440 and it's my ego, and I have to sometimes I 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.760 check myself and it's just pride, you know. And I've 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.800 learned and it's a pattern in my life. And I 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.320 see how I've allowed ego to ruin my relationships in 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:06.880 the past, or how my other partners ex partners have 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.200 allowed ego to come into our life and ruin the 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:13.800 relationship because we're too proud to apologize. We're too proud 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:17.760 to be vulnerable. And that's one thing that I'm super 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:21.560 intentional about about just checking myself, whether it be in business, 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:26.400 in relationships and friendships, but especially in my relationship, I 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:28.320 have to ask myself, Okay, am I speaking from a 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:33.000 place of ego my flesh that just automatically wants to 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:36.440 just protect itself, Or am I speaking from the spirit? 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:38.320 Am I speaking from my soul? 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:44.480 And I check myself because I don't want to continue 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.400 having filled relationships. I want to be the best version 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:51.360 of myself for my partner because I'm happy because he 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:56.440 deserves it. And another way that ego has affected my 0:03:56.520 --> 0:04:00.800 life was with my relationship with my mom. I think 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:05.400 it was my mom's pride that didn't want to let 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.920 me in. And again she's not here, so this is 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:11.680 just these are my thoughts. She's not here to defend herself. 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:15.640 But I truly feel that if my mom would have 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.240 put her pride to the side and would have listened 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:21.320 to me or taken the time to hear me out, 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:24.839 I probably would have had the chance to speak to 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:30.200 her and to explain to her certain things before she passed. 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:35.320 And there's a fine line, okay, between being prideful or 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:41.440 taking a stand and setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is you 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:45.640 respecting yourself and respecting that something's not making you happy, 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:49.120 and you're setting a limit and saying, here, you know what, 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:53.719 you're hurting me, and I need to set this line 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.520 in this boundary in order for you not to hurt 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:58.400 me anymore. I can't allow it, you know what I mean. 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:01.680 That's just an example of a boundary. Now, having ego 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:03.720 is kind of like, oh, I'm not gonna apologize even 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:06.120 though I know I'm wrong. I'm not gonna apologize because no, 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:10.040 I'm not. No, but you think about it and you're like, damn, 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:11.480 I know I was wrong. I should probably should have 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:15.720 said sorry, but no, no, no, I'm not going to apologize. 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:18.160 I'm not why because they're going to see me as 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:22.040 weak and that's our ego. And the reason I want 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.159 to talk about this, you guys, is because I see how. 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:26.760 Much it kills things. 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:29.960 It kills anything and everything in its way, and we 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:33.719 have to be super careful with it, you guys. So 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:36.080 that's why I say, ego is not your ego, and 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.159 your life is so much better when you're able to 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.920 be vulnerable with your partner, with your friends, with putting 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:43.839 just pride to the side and saying, you know what, 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:45.960 I apologize, I. 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:47.799 Was wrong or I feel this way. 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:50.960 Or sometimes even people won't express their feelings or how 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:54.039 they're feeling that someone else is hurting them because they're 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:57.120 too afraid of looking weak. That's the ego. That's the 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:02.560 mind sometimes our thoughts, you guys. Or overthinking should I say, 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:05.640 overanalyzing things? And I'm telling you because I've done it 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:08.160 in the past. I overanalyze, I overthink and it just 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.560 gives me anxiety and it gives me depression, and it's 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:12.920 just like, dude, I gotta fucking stop this. And that's 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:16.120 just the ego playing tricks on you. We all have 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.919 a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel. 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.560 I try my best to listen to a little angel. Well, 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.320 sometimes people be pissing me off, and I'm like, you know, 0:06:26.000 --> 0:06:29.520 so I really didn't plan much. I just wanted to. 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:31.279 I had this on my heart and I was on 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.640 the treadmill and I called my producer and I said, hey, 0:06:33.680 --> 0:06:37.479 I really want to talk about this because it's something 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:41.120 that if we don't fix sooner rather than later, it 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:48.080 can kill love, like love between in a relationship, even 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:48.679 in family. 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:52.360 I've seen it in my own family. 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.160 This is I can't really say much, but I was 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.239 on a on a zoom call, a very important zoom 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:09.960 call with someone, and it was just so disheartening to 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:13.400 see this person. No matter how much I tried to say, hey, 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:17.520 let's try to figure a way to fix this, he 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:20.520 just was not no, no, it was just his ego 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:24.360 was like bigger than this fucking room. Like I'm just like, dude, 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:26.720 if you could just put that shit to the side 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:30.040 and speak to me from your heart and listen to me, 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:32.520 because your ego and your pride is not allowing you 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.280 to hear me and what I'm saying and I'm trying 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.040 to resolve this issue. And he was just like no, 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:41.640 like this and that, and it's just like, dude, living 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:43.000 in the past. 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.240 That's part of ego. It's like, dude, let that shit go. 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:50.960 Like life is too precious, life is too beautiful to 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:55.440 sit there in your own sorrow and not one will 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:57.920 apologize or talk about things or fix shit. And it's 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:02.200 just like I've seen it like ruin families, my family, 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:04.720 and that's why I was like, I want to talk 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:06.600 about this. I don't even know I have my cue 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:09.040 cards here, you guys. There's certain little things that I 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:11.040 can touch on, but I really just wanted to speak 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.960 from my heart and just tell you guys what I've 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:17.600 been thinking and things that are important to me in 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:18.720 this world that I feel like. 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.640 That's that's part of my purpose. 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:25.160 Is just if something comes to me and I'm in 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:29.160 my moment of prayer meditation and it just like downloads 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:31.720 in my brain or in my heart, is because I'm like, 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:33.199 I feel like I need to speak on it. And 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:48.800 that's why we have this podcast. You know, do I 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:52.240 struggle with ego in my personal life. In my personal life, 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:54.160 we just talked about it. I do struggle with it 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.000 more in my relationship and I have to check myself 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.080 constantly because that comes from. 0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:01.440 Trauma. 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:05.200 From stuff that I grew up seeing in my household, 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.040 and I just I feel like I need to be 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:10.000 a tough, tough woman. 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:13.439 No one's gonna hurt me. But it's like I've learned the. 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.760 Hard way that I can't be that way, that I 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.600 do have to be a little submissive. I do have 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:21.319 to feed the king in my partner, in my husband 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:26.120 now and tell him, hey, you hurt my feelings, when 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.400 before I was like, no, I've got no boo next. 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:31.960 It just I don't want to continue in that pattern. 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.400 So that's where I've struggled the most with ego is 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:38.320 in my relationships because I'm like, hey, nobody gonna hurt me. 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:41.679 I was like next, you know, and I'm like, no, 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:45.840 I'm dude, I'm in my thirties. I can't be like next, Next. 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:47.360 Like I got to settle down and I got to 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:49.360 figure out what the hell's wrong with me. So yes, 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.160 in my personal life, that's where I feel I struggle 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:56.320 with ego the most, with my siblings, not really in 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:59.480 my professional life. I wouldn't say that I have an 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:02.120 issue with ego. I just know what I want and 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:05.680 what I deserve, and I like people being fair and 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:08.680 I've learned to speak up and say what I want 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:11.120 and what I expect and what I don't like, and 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:13.640 if there's a doubt in my mind, I used to 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.400 not say anything, so I don't ruffle feathers and I 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:19.480 don't make things uncomfortable. Now I'm like, wait, I don't 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.679 feel comfortable with this. I'm kind of doubting here. Let 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:23.480 me ask a question. So I don't really feel like 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.160 ego plays a part in my professional life either. I'm 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:31.120 telling you it's just relationships. But I'm working on it, 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:34.240 you guys every single day. And there are times where 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:35.640 I'm like shit and my ego got in the way, 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:36.640 and I'll go tell the media bay, but. 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:37.120 I'm so sorry. 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:39.000 I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have talked to 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:40.880 you that way. My tone of voice wasn't right, because 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.640 it happens to be in my tone of voice sometimes 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:47.880 I can be a little bitch, you know, so check. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.640 I'm not perfect, you guys, and that's what it is. 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:52.400 That's why I like to talk to you guys, because 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:54.480 I'm not perfect, and I want you guys to learn 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:57.800 from me and learn from my mistakes and from things 0:10:57.840 --> 0:10:59.880 that I've done in my past, and the only way 0:10:59.920 --> 0:11:02.679 to do that is being vulnerable and speaking about it 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.080 and being willing to open my heart to you guys. 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:07.920 That's the only way we're going to change the world, guys, 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:12.000 is if we're willing to speak about our truth. So 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:16.600 that's my truth. Is there anything that triggers my ego 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:26.960 when people want to make a full of me? There's 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.800 just something where I'm like, uh ah, Because again, usually 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:33.000 this comes from trauma, you guys, from childhood, stuff that 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:36.160 we've seen, the stuff that we haven't healed. And sometimes 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.360 when people want to make a full of me or 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:40.280 do something and think that I'm not going to find 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:42.840 out or take my kindness for weakness, that's another episode, 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:44.520 you guys, that we need to kindness for weakness. 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:45.240 That's a whole other thing. 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:48.840 But something happens and my chest starts getting big and 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:51.680 I'm like, uh uh, I'm not dumb because for so 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.600 long in my childhood I felt dumb because I was 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:58.040 told that I wasn't smart and blah blah blah. So 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.440 it was something that I'm like, I want to be smart. 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:01.760 I want to read books. And we've talked about this 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:05.800 on the podcast. So when people try to question my 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:10.520 intelligence or think that I'm not gonna find something out 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.080 that pisses me off, and I'm just like my ego 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:14.280 and my chest starts going on my. 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:15.920 I'm gonna show you who the fuck I am, you know, 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:16.679 and I don't. 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:18.680 I don't know if you guys can relate to that, 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:21.000 but definitely that's one thing where it's like it triggers 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:26.240 my ego, and I'm like, no, absolutely not another thing 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:29.000 that triggers my ego. 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:34.640 Is and I guess it. 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:38.400 Honestly, guys, it does have to do with just trauma 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.840 and and things that, you know, that inner child. The 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:47.160 other day, I was at dinner with Emilio and it's 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:50.880 so funny. We were at dinner and I mispronounced a 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.040 word because I tend to do that quite a bit 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.480 and I don't know sometimes like the words just won't 0:12:56.480 --> 0:13:02.120 flow correctly or whatever. And he corrected me, but kinda laughed, 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:05.760 and it just kind of bothered me, and I was like, what, Like, 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:08.360 I think it has to do with anything that if 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:10.000 you're gonna try to come at me and make me 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.559 look dumb or feel dumb, like it just does something 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:16.960 to me. And I responded and I was very like 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:18.880 like I was rude. I was just like, why the 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:20.679 fuck are you laughing? Like we were having a nice 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:22.600 dinner and it was just he was just like no, 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:24.319 I was just smirking, like I wasn't like. 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:27.600 Laughing at you or you know. But it really triggered me, 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:29.880 and I just I felt it. 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.719 I felt it come from my gut all the way 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.280 up and I was like I was being mean, but 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.960 because I felt I felt dumb. I guess, and it's 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.600 something that I still need to work on. And I'm 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.160 I say it all the time. I don't care like 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:45.600 I'm I'm mispronounced words or whatever, but I love to learn, 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.199 so I'm like, okay, teach me, you know what I mean. 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:49.319 But I guess it's always how we deliver our message. 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:50.760 And I guess he didn't deliver it in the way 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.000 that I needed it, but it wasn't his fault. 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:54.120 But then it triggered me. 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.120 So it's stuff. I feel like the ego is stuff. 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.400 It's really an insecurity, you guys. That's when it comes 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.280 down to it. It's an insecurity that we have, a 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:06.600 deep rooted insecurity that we have that makes the ego 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:22.120 come out. Now that I'm talking about that the insecurities 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.600 in my relationship. I don't really struggle with Emilio's ego anymore. 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:28.280 It was just I think the first year of our 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:33.760 relationship because it was his first time dating someone famous, 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:36.760 you know, and he didn't know how to deal with it. 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:38.120 And he would tell me, He's like, I just I 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:41.080 don't know. There are things that I wouldn't even allow 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:43.840 my ex girlfriends to do. Like, for instance, if we 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.440 were in the car and I'd be texting because I 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:50.000 do a lot of my work while you know, people 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.640 are driving, my assistant or Emilio, and I would just like, 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:54.680 you know, I take advantage of like I'm not driving, 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:57.200 so I'm like answering emails, I'm doing this on social media, 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.920 blah blah blah blah. And he would get so upse 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:02.720 he'd be like, I need you to pay attention to me, 0:15:02.840 --> 0:15:08.120 like I'm not an uber driver, and I was like, well, 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.560 I'm working and you wudn't pay my bills. So we 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.080 would like it was a thing of what are you 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:14.600 doing on your phone? And he was like, oh, before 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:16.200 I would not allow my ex girlfriends to be on 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:17.080 their phone when I'm driving. 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:18.080 You pay attention to me. 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:19.400 I was like, well, that's not going to work here 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.160 because I'm busy and all my work is right here, so. 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:23.080 We would get into it. 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:26.080 So that's just a little tiny example of how I feel. 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.200 His ego in the first year was like no, like 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:33.200 he was kind of not mean, but he was just 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.160 a completely different person. And not like he was a 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:36.760 bad person that I wouldn't be with him if he was, 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.880 But the ego, it was just him like didn't know 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:41.720 how to deal with a woman like me. It was 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.720 his first time, you know. But now we don't have that. 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:47.280 Now he's very vulnerable, we both are. But I feel 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.120 like in this relationship, I have more of the ego 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.360 issues where they come up a little bit more often 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:54.600 in my past relationships. 0:15:54.640 --> 0:16:02.760 Though, Wow, was ego definitely not our ego. 0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:06.240 That is the reason why we probably did not well, 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:09.320 not probably, we did not work because of pride and ego, 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.040 And it was because at the end of the day, 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:15.960 they were insecure, even with the media. Now, he tells me, 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:18.160 I was insecure. I was insecure about like what if 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:20.080 you're gonna leave me, what if you're talking to someone else, 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:21.520 Like what if I'm not good enough for you? 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:23.400 All these things. But we talked about it, and. 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:26.400 Then I knew what was bothering him, and I filled 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.680 his cup with security and telling him everything he needed 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.720 to hear. And now that's why it's not an issue. 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:33.880 But I didn't know how to deal with it back then. 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:37.520 I just knew that my presence or what it is 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.640 that I did for a living, bothered my exes and 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:43.320 made them act a certain way, and didn't know how 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:45.520 to say sorry, and felt like, Okay, well, you think 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:47.720 you're this or you're that, well I'm gonna top you 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:49.280 and I'm gonna do. 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:50.800 Anything to stroke my ego. 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:54.560 And that's why I'll cheat, because I want to feel 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:59.160 like more of a man because I feel intimidated by 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:04.920 you or inadequate. And now I recognize it, and now 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:07.720 it's just instead of being upset, I feel more compassion 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.879 of like shit. I wish I would have known so 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:12.760 that I can help you work through that, not for 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:16.000 me because I'm happy now, but for you to be 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:17.640 a better man for the next girl. 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:19.320 But we all live and learn. 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:23.520 And I'm telling you. I remember telling one of my axes. 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:27.320 I was like, dude, your pride is bigger than anything 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.080 else on your body. If you know what I mean, 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.639 because I don't want but I was just like, dude, like, 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:37.280 you're ruining our relationship and it's just because of your 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:39.520 freaking pride, and it's just insecurity at the end of 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:42.880 the day. But I'm so grateful that I went through 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:46.040 all of those situations and those relationships because they helped 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.400 me become the woman that I need to be for 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:51.359 the relationship that I'm in now, and that I was 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:53.399 able to learn from that and speak to Emilio and 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:55.160 also just know that at the end of the day, 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.360 we all have it. We all have insecurities. I don't 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.480 give a shit who you are and what you do. 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:03.960 We all have insecurities. Is just recognizing those insecurities, addressing them, 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:07.760 and being willing to heal it and to speak to 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:09.720 whoever it may be. It could be your mother, it 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:11.359 could be your friend, it could be your partner, it 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:14.040 could be your sister, anything that's making you feel insecure. 0:18:14.080 --> 0:18:15.800 Once you let it out and bring it to light, 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:18.480 you start healing it and then the ego is no 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:19.400 longer an issue. 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:24.640 So all that to just say, ego. 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.960 Is insecurities, you guys, So that is my insecurity, I 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:31.680 guess I don't want to feel dumb. 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:33.639 I don't want to look dumb. I want to be smart. 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:36.840 I want which is why I'm so passionate about learning 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:40.679 and reading, because I want to better myself, because I 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:44.120 never want to be called stupid ever again. I don't 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.199 even like that word because I heard it when I 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:48.800 was young and it just stuck here and it really 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.360 really poisoned me. And that's what ego will do you, guys. 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.000 It'll poison your body, it'll poison your thoughts, it'll poison 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:57.960 your heart, and it will not allow you to. 0:18:57.960 --> 0:19:00.760 Be everything you can be. It will your potential. 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:05.359 So Kim, my assistant here, had a question and she's 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:10.159 asking if having no ego is good or bad? Right, Like, 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:11.719 should you have a little bit of ego? I think 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:15.040 you should have a little bit of pride, but good 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:19.879 healthy pride, pride and like you know, there is healthy ego, Like, 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:23.240 for instance, I. 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:23.920 Know who I am. 0:19:24.000 --> 0:19:26.919 Sometimes it could be coming off as you're conceited. No, 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:29.520 I'm just convinced of who I am and what I 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:33.600 bring to the table. It's not to belittle anyone. It's 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:36.560 not to make anyone feel less than or that I'm 0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:38.920 better than anyone. I think knowing that we're not better 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:42.560 than anyone or worse, we're just right there. I think 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:45.880 that's important to know. But knowing who you are and 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:52.480 your values and your attributes and everything that even your intelligence. 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.760 It's like, hey, like Kim, you can probably think, dude, 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:58.680 she's conceited. No, she's just confident. She knows who she is. 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:00.000 So there is it's all bound. 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:01.680 So what do I tell you guys on the podcast 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:06.240 every time is everything is balanced, and that's how you'll 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:07.919 be like, there's you got to balance it out. If 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:11.080 there's too much ego, Dude, you got to bring that 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:12.840 shit back because you do have to know who you 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:15.040 are and what you bring to the table and all 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:18.680 of your traits. It's important to know, but don't let 0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:21.639 that just become where it's way too much and you 0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:24.520 think you're better than other people. So you, guys, thank 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:27.960 you so much for listening to this, to this episode. 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:31.320 I hope that I was able to teach you a 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:34.119 little something. You know. It's still something that I'm working 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:37.840 through and I'm learning every single day, and as I 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:40.879 go and as I learn, I want to teach you guys, 0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:44.359 because again, knowledge is power and that's where. Now you 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:48.159 guys know why I'm so freak compassionate about education. 0:20:48.000 --> 0:20:50.200 And learning and always. 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:54.240 Learning something new, even if you already think you know 0:20:54.320 --> 0:20:55.920 everything is there's always. 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:59.040 Room to learn. And now you guys know why. It's 0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:01.359 my little trauma that I got. But anyways, you guys 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:02.240