Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode
Speaker 1: of Cheeky's and Chill. This podcast is a space for
Speaker 1: me to speak about anything and everything that's on my mind.
Speaker 1: I have guests as well, so if you are a
Speaker 1: new listener, welcome, thank you so much. Today is going
Speaker 1: to be an episode just you and I and we're
Speaker 1: going to be speaking on a topic that's been on
Speaker 1: my mind and in my heart for a while, and
Speaker 1: it is the ego and how it affects our life,
Speaker 1: you guys, and how it's affected my life. And the
Speaker 1: reason why I want to talk about this is because
Speaker 1: having too much ego really affects your self esteem, affects
Speaker 1: your relationships.
Speaker 2: And what I want to do w on.
Speaker 1: Chegiz and Show more than anything, is help you become
Speaker 1: the best version of yourself. So let's talk about everything
Speaker 1: that has to do with ego. Because ego is not
Speaker 1: You're an ego now with that being said, you guys,
Speaker 1: ego is the way I see it. Ego is in
Speaker 1: the flesh, Ego is in the mind, okay, and it
Speaker 1: has ruined my life many times in many ways different situations.
Speaker 1: I have had ego, Other people have had ego, and
Speaker 1: I think it's important to talk about that because, especially
Speaker 1: now in the world that we're living in, I feel
Speaker 1: that it's more prominent.
Speaker 2: It's everywhere. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's social media. I have no clue,
Speaker 1: but ego is definitely here. Maybe it's always been here.
Speaker 1: I just see it more because now I really know
Speaker 1: what it is and I want.
Speaker 2: Us to check ourselves.
Speaker 1: We all have ego and it's something that we have
Speaker 1: to control. So anyways ways that ego has affected my life,
Speaker 1: I think ego affects my life more in relationships with partners.
Speaker 1: And I've been thinking about this because I've noticed even
Speaker 1: now in my relationship in my marriage with Emilio, sometimes
Speaker 1: I snap and I don't snap like that on anyone else,
Speaker 1: and it's not okay, And I think sometimes it's my
Speaker 1: ego coming to like protect me. It's a fake armor
Speaker 1: that comes to protect me because I'm like, no, you're
Speaker 1: not going to take advantage of me. And I don't
Speaker 1: want you to think now that we're married, you're going
Speaker 1: to act a certain way or you can like it
Speaker 1: just starts like boom. It's the walls that come up,
Speaker 1: and it's my ego, and I have to sometimes I
Speaker 1: check myself and it's just pride, you know. And I've
Speaker 1: learned and it's a pattern in my life. And I
Speaker 1: see how I've allowed ego to ruin my relationships in
Speaker 1: the past, or how my other partners ex partners have
Speaker 1: allowed ego to come into our life and ruin the
Speaker 1: relationship because we're too proud to apologize. We're too proud
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable. And that's one thing that I'm super
Speaker 1: intentional about about just checking myself, whether it be in business,
Speaker 1: in relationships and friendships, but especially in my relationship, I
Speaker 1: have to ask myself, Okay, am I speaking from a
Speaker 1: place of ego my flesh that just automatically wants to
Speaker 1: just protect itself, Or am I speaking from the spirit?
Speaker 2: Am I speaking from my soul?
Speaker 1: And I check myself because I don't want to continue
Speaker 1: having filled relationships. I want to be the best version
Speaker 1: of myself for my partner because I'm happy because he
Speaker 1: deserves it. And another way that ego has affected my
Speaker 1: life was with my relationship with my mom. I think
Speaker 1: it was my mom's pride that didn't want to let
Speaker 1: me in. And again she's not here, so this is
Speaker 1: just these are my thoughts. She's not here to defend herself.
Speaker 1: But I truly feel that if my mom would have
Speaker 1: put her pride to the side and would have listened
Speaker 1: to me or taken the time to hear me out,
Speaker 1: I probably would have had the chance to speak to
Speaker 1: her and to explain to her certain things before she passed.
Speaker 1: And there's a fine line, okay, between being prideful or
Speaker 1: taking a stand and setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is you
Speaker 1: respecting yourself and respecting that something's not making you happy,
Speaker 1: and you're setting a limit and saying, here, you know what,
Speaker 1: you're hurting me, and I need to set this line
Speaker 1: in this boundary in order for you not to hurt
Speaker 1: me anymore. I can't allow it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's just an example of a boundary. Now, having ego
Speaker 1: is kind of like, oh, I'm not gonna apologize even
Speaker 1: though I know I'm wrong. I'm not gonna apologize because no,
Speaker 1: I'm not. No, but you think about it and you're like, damn,
Speaker 1: I know I was wrong. I should probably should have
Speaker 1: said sorry, but no, no, no, I'm not going to apologize.
Speaker 1: I'm not why because they're going to see me as
Speaker 1: weak and that's our ego. And the reason I want
Speaker 1: to talk about this, you guys, is because I see how.
Speaker 2: Much it kills things.
Speaker 1: It kills anything and everything in its way, and we
Speaker 1: have to be super careful with it, you guys. So
Speaker 1: that's why I say, ego is not your ego, and
Speaker 1: your life is so much better when you're able to
Speaker 1: be vulnerable with your partner, with your friends, with putting
Speaker 1: just pride to the side and saying, you know what,
Speaker 1: I apologize, I.
Speaker 2: Was wrong or I feel this way.
Speaker 1: Or sometimes even people won't express their feelings or how
Speaker 1: they're feeling that someone else is hurting them because they're
Speaker 1: too afraid of looking weak. That's the ego. That's the
Speaker 1: mind sometimes our thoughts, you guys. Or overthinking should I say,
Speaker 1: overanalyzing things? And I'm telling you because I've done it
Speaker 1: in the past. I overanalyze, I overthink and it just
Speaker 1: gives me anxiety and it gives me depression, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, dude, I gotta fucking stop this. And that's
Speaker 1: just the ego playing tricks on you. We all have
Speaker 1: a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel.
Speaker 1: I try my best to listen to a little angel. Well,
Speaker 1: sometimes people be pissing me off, and I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: so I really didn't plan much. I just wanted to.
Speaker 1: I had this on my heart and I was on
Speaker 1: the treadmill and I called my producer and I said, hey,
Speaker 1: I really want to talk about this because it's something
Speaker 1: that if we don't fix sooner rather than later, it
Speaker 1: can kill love, like love between in a relationship, even
Speaker 1: in family.
Speaker 2: I've seen it in my own family.
Speaker 1: This is I can't really say much, but I was
Speaker 1: on a on a zoom call, a very important zoom
Speaker 1: call with someone, and it was just so disheartening to
Speaker 1: see this person. No matter how much I tried to say, hey,
Speaker 1: let's try to figure a way to fix this, he
Speaker 1: just was not no, no, it was just his ego
Speaker 1: was like bigger than this fucking room. Like I'm just like, dude,
Speaker 1: if you could just put that shit to the side
Speaker 1: and speak to me from your heart and listen to me,
Speaker 1: because your ego and your pride is not allowing you
Speaker 1: to hear me and what I'm saying and I'm trying
Speaker 1: to resolve this issue. And he was just like no,
Speaker 1: like this and that, and it's just like, dude, living
Speaker 1: in the past.
Speaker 2: That's part of ego. It's like, dude, let that shit go.
Speaker 1: Like life is too precious, life is too beautiful to
Speaker 1: sit there in your own sorrow and not one will
Speaker 1: apologize or talk about things or fix shit. And it's
Speaker 1: just like I've seen it like ruin families, my family,
Speaker 1: and that's why I was like, I want to talk
Speaker 1: about this. I don't even know I have my cue
Speaker 1: cards here, you guys. There's certain little things that I
Speaker 1: can touch on, but I really just wanted to speak
Speaker 1: from my heart and just tell you guys what I've
Speaker 1: been thinking and things that are important to me in
Speaker 1: this world that I feel like.
Speaker 2: That's that's part of my purpose.
Speaker 1: Is just if something comes to me and I'm in
Speaker 1: my moment of prayer meditation and it just like downloads
Speaker 1: in my brain or in my heart, is because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to speak on it. And
Speaker 1: that's why we have this podcast. You know, do I
Speaker 1: struggle with ego in my personal life. In my personal life,
Speaker 1: we just talked about it. I do struggle with it
Speaker 1: more in my relationship and I have to check myself
Speaker 1: constantly because that comes from.
Speaker 2: Trauma.
Speaker 1: From stuff that I grew up seeing in my household,
Speaker 1: and I just I feel like I need to be
Speaker 1: a tough, tough woman.
Speaker 2: No one's gonna hurt me. But it's like I've learned the.
Speaker 1: Hard way that I can't be that way, that I
Speaker 1: do have to be a little submissive. I do have
Speaker 1: to feed the king in my partner, in my husband
Speaker 1: now and tell him, hey, you hurt my feelings, when
Speaker 1: before I was like, no, I've got no boo next.
Speaker 1: It just I don't want to continue in that pattern.
Speaker 1: So that's where I've struggled the most with ego is
Speaker 1: in my relationships because I'm like, hey, nobody gonna hurt me.
Speaker 1: I was like next, you know, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm dude, I'm in my thirties. I can't be like next, Next.
Speaker 1: Like I got to settle down and I got to
Speaker 1: figure out what the hell's wrong with me. So yes,
Speaker 1: in my personal life, that's where I feel I struggle
Speaker 1: with ego the most, with my siblings, not really in
Speaker 1: my professional life. I wouldn't say that I have an
Speaker 1: issue with ego. I just know what I want and
Speaker 1: what I deserve, and I like people being fair and
Speaker 1: I've learned to speak up and say what I want
Speaker 1: and what I expect and what I don't like, and
Speaker 1: if there's a doubt in my mind, I used to
Speaker 1: not say anything, so I don't ruffle feathers and I
Speaker 1: don't make things uncomfortable. Now I'm like, wait, I don't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with this. I'm kind of doubting here. Let
Speaker 1: me ask a question. So I don't really feel like
Speaker 1: ego plays a part in my professional life either. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you it's just relationships. But I'm working on it,
Speaker 1: you guys every single day. And there are times where
Speaker 1: I'm like shit and my ego got in the way,
Speaker 1: and I'll go tell the media bay, but.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have talked to
Speaker 1: you that way. My tone of voice wasn't right, because
Speaker 1: it happens to be in my tone of voice sometimes
Speaker 1: I can be a little bitch, you know, so check.
Speaker 1: I'm not perfect, you guys, and that's what it is.
Speaker 1: That's why I like to talk to you guys, because
Speaker 1: I'm not perfect, and I want you guys to learn
Speaker 1: from me and learn from my mistakes and from things
Speaker 1: that I've done in my past, and the only way
Speaker 1: to do that is being vulnerable and speaking about it
Speaker 1: and being willing to open my heart to you guys.
Speaker 1: That's the only way we're going to change the world, guys,
Speaker 1: is if we're willing to speak about our truth. So
Speaker 1: that's my truth. Is there anything that triggers my ego
Speaker 1: when people want to make a full of me? There's
Speaker 1: just something where I'm like, uh ah, Because again, usually
Speaker 1: this comes from trauma, you guys, from childhood, stuff that
Speaker 1: we've seen, the stuff that we haven't healed. And sometimes
Speaker 1: when people want to make a full of me or
Speaker 1: do something and think that I'm not going to find
Speaker 1: out or take my kindness for weakness, that's another episode,
Speaker 1: you guys, that we need to kindness for weakness.
Speaker 2: That's a whole other thing.
Speaker 1: But something happens and my chest starts getting big and
Speaker 1: I'm like, uh uh, I'm not dumb because for so
Speaker 1: long in my childhood I felt dumb because I was
Speaker 1: told that I wasn't smart and blah blah blah. So
Speaker 1: it was something that I'm like, I want to be smart.
Speaker 1: I want to read books. And we've talked about this
Speaker 1: on the podcast. So when people try to question my
Speaker 1: intelligence or think that I'm not gonna find something out
Speaker 1: that pisses me off, and I'm just like my ego
Speaker 1: and my chest starts going on my.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna show you who the fuck I am, you know,
Speaker 2: and I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys can relate to that,
Speaker 1: but definitely that's one thing where it's like it triggers
Speaker 1: my ego, and I'm like, no, absolutely not another thing
Speaker 1: that triggers my ego.
Speaker 2: Is and I guess it.
Speaker 1: Honestly, guys, it does have to do with just trauma
Speaker 1: and and things that, you know, that inner child. The
Speaker 1: other day, I was at dinner with Emilio and it's
Speaker 1: so funny. We were at dinner and I mispronounced a
Speaker 1: word because I tend to do that quite a bit
Speaker 1: and I don't know sometimes like the words just won't
Speaker 1: flow correctly or whatever. And he corrected me, but kinda laughed,
Speaker 1: and it just kind of bothered me, and I was like, what, Like,
Speaker 1: I think it has to do with anything that if
Speaker 1: you're gonna try to come at me and make me
Speaker 1: look dumb or feel dumb, like it just does something
Speaker 1: to me. And I responded and I was very like
Speaker 1: like I was rude. I was just like, why the
Speaker 1: fuck are you laughing? Like we were having a nice
Speaker 1: dinner and it was just he was just like no,
Speaker 1: I was just smirking, like I wasn't like.
Speaker 2: Laughing at you or you know. But it really triggered me,
Speaker 2: and I just I felt it.
Speaker 1: I felt it come from my gut all the way
Speaker 1: up and I was like I was being mean, but
Speaker 1: because I felt I felt dumb. I guess, and it's
Speaker 1: something that I still need to work on. And I'm
Speaker 1: I say it all the time. I don't care like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm mispronounced words or whatever, but I love to learn,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, okay, teach me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But I guess it's always how we deliver our message.
Speaker 1: And I guess he didn't deliver it in the way
Speaker 1: that I needed it, but it wasn't his fault.
Speaker 2: But then it triggered me.
Speaker 1: So it's stuff. I feel like the ego is stuff.
Speaker 1: It's really an insecurity, you guys. That's when it comes
Speaker 1: down to it. It's an insecurity that we have, a
Speaker 1: deep rooted insecurity that we have that makes the ego
Speaker 1: come out. Now that I'm talking about that the insecurities
Speaker 1: in my relationship. I don't really struggle with Emilio's ego anymore.
Speaker 1: It was just I think the first year of our
Speaker 1: relationship because it was his first time dating someone famous,
Speaker 1: you know, and he didn't know how to deal with it.
Speaker 1: And he would tell me, He's like, I just I
Speaker 1: don't know. There are things that I wouldn't even allow
Speaker 1: my ex girlfriends to do. Like, for instance, if we
Speaker 1: were in the car and I'd be texting because I
Speaker 1: do a lot of my work while you know, people
Speaker 1: are driving, my assistant or Emilio, and I would just like,
Speaker 1: you know, I take advantage of like I'm not driving,
Speaker 1: so I'm like answering emails, I'm doing this on social media,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. And he would get so upse
Speaker 1: he'd be like, I need you to pay attention to me,
Speaker 1: like I'm not an uber driver, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm working and you wudn't pay my bills. So we
Speaker 1: would like it was a thing of what are you
Speaker 1: doing on your phone? And he was like, oh, before
Speaker 1: I would not allow my ex girlfriends to be on
Speaker 1: their phone when I'm driving.
Speaker 2: You pay attention to me.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's not going to work here
Speaker 1: because I'm busy and all my work is right here, so.
Speaker 2: We would get into it.
Speaker 1: So that's just a little tiny example of how I feel.
Speaker 1: His ego in the first year was like no, like
Speaker 1: he was kind of not mean, but he was just
Speaker 1: a completely different person. And not like he was a
Speaker 1: bad person that I wouldn't be with him if he was,
Speaker 1: But the ego, it was just him like didn't know
Speaker 1: how to deal with a woman like me. It was
Speaker 1: his first time, you know. But now we don't have that.
Speaker 1: Now he's very vulnerable, we both are. But I feel
Speaker 1: like in this relationship, I have more of the ego
Speaker 1: issues where they come up a little bit more often
Speaker 1: in my past relationships.
Speaker 2: Though, Wow, was ego definitely not our ego.
Speaker 1: That is the reason why we probably did not well,
Speaker 1: not probably, we did not work because of pride and ego,
Speaker 1: And it was because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: they were insecure, even with the media. Now, he tells me,
Speaker 1: I was insecure. I was insecure about like what if
Speaker 1: you're gonna leave me, what if you're talking to someone else,
Speaker 1: Like what if I'm not good enough for you?
Speaker 2: All these things. But we talked about it, and.
Speaker 1: Then I knew what was bothering him, and I filled
Speaker 1: his cup with security and telling him everything he needed
Speaker 1: to hear. And now that's why it's not an issue.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know how to deal with it back then.
Speaker 1: I just knew that my presence or what it is
Speaker 1: that I did for a living, bothered my exes and
Speaker 1: made them act a certain way, and didn't know how
Speaker 1: to say sorry, and felt like, Okay, well, you think
Speaker 1: you're this or you're that, well I'm gonna top you
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do.
Speaker 2: Anything to stroke my ego.
Speaker 1: And that's why I'll cheat, because I want to feel
Speaker 1: like more of a man because I feel intimidated by
Speaker 1: you or inadequate. And now I recognize it, and now
Speaker 1: it's just instead of being upset, I feel more compassion
Speaker 1: of like shit. I wish I would have known so
Speaker 1: that I can help you work through that, not for
Speaker 1: me because I'm happy now, but for you to be
Speaker 1: a better man for the next girl.
Speaker 2: But we all live and learn.
Speaker 1: And I'm telling you. I remember telling one of my axes.
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, your pride is bigger than anything
Speaker 1: else on your body. If you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because I don't want but I was just like, dude, like,
Speaker 1: you're ruining our relationship and it's just because of your
Speaker 1: freaking pride, and it's just insecurity at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. But I'm so grateful that I went through
Speaker 1: all of those situations and those relationships because they helped
Speaker 1: me become the woman that I need to be for
Speaker 1: the relationship that I'm in now, and that I was
Speaker 1: able to learn from that and speak to Emilio and
Speaker 1: also just know that at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: we all have it. We all have insecurities. I don't
Speaker 1: give a shit who you are and what you do.
Speaker 1: We all have insecurities. Is just recognizing those insecurities, addressing them,
Speaker 1: and being willing to heal it and to speak to
Speaker 1: whoever it may be. It could be your mother, it
Speaker 1: could be your friend, it could be your partner, it
Speaker 1: could be your sister, anything that's making you feel insecure.
Speaker 1: Once you let it out and bring it to light,
Speaker 1: you start healing it and then the ego is no
Speaker 1: longer an issue.
Speaker 2: So all that to just say, ego.
Speaker 1: Is insecurities, you guys, So that is my insecurity, I
Speaker 1: guess I don't want to feel dumb.
Speaker 2: I don't want to look dumb. I want to be smart.
Speaker 1: I want which is why I'm so passionate about learning
Speaker 1: and reading, because I want to better myself, because I
Speaker 1: never want to be called stupid ever again. I don't
Speaker 1: even like that word because I heard it when I
Speaker 1: was young and it just stuck here and it really
Speaker 1: really poisoned me. And that's what ego will do you, guys.
Speaker 1: It'll poison your body, it'll poison your thoughts, it'll poison
Speaker 1: your heart, and it will not allow you to.
Speaker 2: Be everything you can be. It will your potential.
Speaker 1: So Kim, my assistant here, had a question and she's
Speaker 1: asking if having no ego is good or bad? Right, Like,
Speaker 1: should you have a little bit of ego? I think
Speaker 1: you should have a little bit of pride, but good
Speaker 1: healthy pride, pride and like you know, there is healthy ego, Like,
Speaker 1: for instance, I.
Speaker 2: Know who I am.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it could be coming off as you're conceited. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just convinced of who I am and what I
Speaker 1: bring to the table. It's not to belittle anyone. It's
Speaker 1: not to make anyone feel less than or that I'm
Speaker 1: better than anyone. I think knowing that we're not better
Speaker 1: than anyone or worse, we're just right there. I think
Speaker 1: that's important to know. But knowing who you are and
Speaker 1: your values and your attributes and everything that even your intelligence.
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, like Kim, you can probably think, dude,
Speaker 1: she's conceited. No, she's just confident. She knows who she is.
Speaker 2: So there is it's all bound.
Speaker 1: So what do I tell you guys on the podcast
Speaker 1: every time is everything is balanced, and that's how you'll
Speaker 1: be like, there's you got to balance it out. If
Speaker 1: there's too much ego, Dude, you got to bring that
Speaker 1: shit back because you do have to know who you
Speaker 1: are and what you bring to the table and all
Speaker 1: of your traits. It's important to know, but don't let
Speaker 1: that just become where it's way too much and you
Speaker 1: think you're better than other people. So you, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening to this, to this episode.
Speaker 1: I hope that I was able to teach you a
Speaker 1: little something. You know. It's still something that I'm working
Speaker 1: through and I'm learning every single day, and as I
Speaker 1: go and as I learn, I want to teach you guys,
Speaker 1: because again, knowledge is power and that's where. Now you
Speaker 1: guys know why I'm so freak compassionate about education.
Speaker 2: And learning and always.
Speaker 1: Learning something new, even if you already think you know
Speaker 1: everything is there's always.
Speaker 2: Room to learn. And now you guys know why. It's
Speaker 2: my little trauma that I got. But anyways, you guys
Speaker 2: lets kiro much.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, and I will catch you on
Speaker 1: the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill.
Speaker 2: Ego is not your ego.
Speaker 1: Remember this is a production of iHeartRadio and mikea podcast Network.
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