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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes.

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Speaker 3: And we'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 2: My husband always ruins my birthday.

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Speaker 3: You're not invited to my birthday party.

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Speaker 2: Canceled from coming to my birthday party. I thought you

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Speaker 2: were gonna do a third one.

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Speaker 4: It is my forty one female birthday.

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Speaker 2: Happy birth today today, Happy birthday, Happy boar birthday.

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Speaker 4: My husband, forty nine male of nineteen years can be

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Speaker 4: an ale.

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Speaker 2: I don't need anyone to tell me that.

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Speaker 4: His crappy behavior is few and far between, though most

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Speaker 4: of the time we get along.

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Speaker 2: We love each other the spices.

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Speaker 4: Sleep is great and fairly frequent. He's very unselfish in

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Speaker 4: the boudoir and helps out around the house and jumps

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Speaker 4: in with the kids whenever needed. Generally a good husband

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Speaker 4: with some bad quality. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 4: user accurate Swimmer three twenty six and if you want

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Speaker 4: usbmit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 4: Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota I'm Sophia.

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Speaker 5: And I'm Keon, and let's see what ops to say.

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Speaker 4: The problem arises when we try to resolve conflict. He

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Speaker 4: becomes extremely defensive to the point of aggression. Hence this post.

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Speaker 2: Your husband sounds bad.

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Speaker 3: Sounds bad. And also I did the math twenty and

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Speaker 3: twenty eight. Not crazy, but if he's acting like this,

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Speaker 3: bad sounds a little not great.

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Speaker 4: Last year, on my birthday, I didn't quote tell him

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Speaker 4: clearly enough what I wanted while we were planning the evening.

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Speaker 4: He ended up snapping at me and then giving me

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Speaker 4: then the silent treatment, the snilent treatment. It's when you

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Speaker 4: snap and give him the silence snapy. I hate the

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Speaker 4: snilent treatment. I cried while driving myself and our kids

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Speaker 4: to the trampoline park.

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Speaker 2: That's where I wanted to go. I love it, he

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Speaker 2: does it.

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Speaker 3: That sounds like so much much fun.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you hate a trampoline park?

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Speaker 3: Are you gonna hit a trampline park? Are you? Are

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Speaker 3: you just not? You have no joy in your heart

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Speaker 3: to lose. I really want to go back to the

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Speaker 3: trampoline park now that I have muscles.

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Speaker 2: He's afraid of the what so I.

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Speaker 3: Can do the Ninja Warrior section.

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Speaker 4: There's a ninja warrior, so you need muscles to go

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Speaker 4: to the trampoline, gares I, when you would jump, would

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Speaker 4: you just like collapse?

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Speaker 5: Like?

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Speaker 3: Ah, the jumping part anyway.

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Speaker 4: That's why he doesn't like the trampoline parts. He's not

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Speaker 4: strong enough.

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Speaker 2: This year, I was clear.

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Speaker 4: I said I wanted to go to the pool or

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Speaker 4: maybe that adventure park nearby. Think David Busters, but with

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Speaker 4: a zip line sick. He told me not to plan

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Speaker 4: anything because he had a surprise.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, he needs to stop planning things or surprising you. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you need to plan everything just so you can have

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Speaker 3: a fun day.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, clearly this guy is not He doesn't know what

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Speaker 4: you like, not equipped to plan. While I was out

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Speaker 4: running a quick errand with my daughter today, he called

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Speaker 4: me and told me to come home because the surprise

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Speaker 4: was almost there. The surprise was he invited my mother

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Speaker 4: over for the day. My mother and I aren't close.

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Speaker 4: She's emotionally cold and distant, sometimes flat out rude. He

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Speaker 4: knows this. Our relationship is unfulfilling. It best disappointing. At worst,

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Speaker 4: she'll literally pretend I'm not speaking and start talking to

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Speaker 4: someone else. Mid sentence, we don't spend time together, and

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Speaker 4: it's not like he likes her either. So far, today

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Speaker 4: we had twenty minutes at the table for cake, then

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Speaker 4: he went into the hot tub alone, and now he's

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Speaker 4: downstairs playing video games. I'm stuck here with my mom,

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Speaker 4: who will probably stay until bad time.

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Speaker 3: It feels like he hired a babysitter who you don't

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Speaker 3: like for you.

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Speaker 2: This is an adult.

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Speaker 3: So that he didn't have to hang out with you.

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Speaker 4: Hiring the OP to babysit you, and the OP is

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Speaker 4: your mom in the OP, which is unfortunate.

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Speaker 3: Truly, I don't understand, because he could just let you

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Speaker 3: go if you really hated the Chaplain park. It's still

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Speaker 3: insane that he won't come to you on your birth

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Speaker 3: like come with you on your birthday. But he could

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Speaker 3: just let you go with the kids and then plan

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Speaker 3: something nice after you come back.

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Speaker 4: He's like, I don't want to feel left out while

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Speaker 4: you guys enjoy all the trampolines that I hate.

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Speaker 3: He's not even spending time with you, so why not

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Speaker 3: let you do something that you want to do.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this guy sucks.

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Speaker 2: I feel like my day is ruined.

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Speaker 4: I'm seething In all fairness to him, he did buy

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Speaker 4: me flowers and several pieces of coach jewelry, even though

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Speaker 4: I don't wear jewelry, which he knows.

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Speaker 2: So it's useless.

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Speaker 3: Useless.

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Speaker 4: It feels like he threw money at the day, invited

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Speaker 4: my mom over to babysit me, and now he's off

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Speaker 4: the hook to do whatever he wants. I feel angry

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Speaker 4: and overlooked, handled, and then abandoned.

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Speaker 3: Well, yeah, that's exactly what he did.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly what he did birthday. That's exactly what he

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Speaker 2: dia birthday.

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Speaker 4: How do I bring this up without it turning into

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Speaker 4: a huge fight, fight fight, Let them fight. I want

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Speaker 4: to talk, not trigger a blow up, but I'm furious.

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Speaker 4: Please give me a blueprint for how to handle this.

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Speaker 4: And we have some relevant comments, But how would you

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Speaker 4: handle this?

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Speaker 3: Sofia, Okay, Honestly, nothing I've heard about this guy has

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Speaker 3: been anything pleasant. She said. He's good sometimes, but for

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Speaker 3: the most part, he's kind of not good. So divorce,

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Speaker 3: I'm just kidding. No, you've been married for nineteen years

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Speaker 3: and you have kids. Don't divorce yet. But I think

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Speaker 3: that you have a conversation with him and you say, hey,

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Speaker 3: if you think that you're having trouble figuring out what

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Speaker 3: I want for my birthday, let me plan it next year.

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Speaker 3: Let me just plan and then I just want you

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Speaker 3: to come be with me. That's it. Just want you

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Speaker 3: to be there. I'll plan it.

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Speaker 5: All you gotta do is ask yeah, if you cared.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, But the thing is he knows what she wants

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Speaker 3: to do. Yeah, So I just be like, you know

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Speaker 3: what I want to do? You know, I don't have

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Speaker 3: a good relationship with my mom. It felt like you

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Speaker 3: didn't see me, and on this day that's supposed to

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Speaker 3: be about me. And if you can't, like, if you

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Speaker 3: feel like you really just don't know what I want

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Speaker 3: on my birthday, you can't figure it out, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: plan it, but I do want to know. I do

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Speaker 3: want you to know that you've let me down.

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Speaker 5: Here's what you do, Opie. You do what Sophia and

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Speaker 5: I do. Instead of a birthday, you do a birth month.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, dude, we should have a combined birthday party

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Speaker 3: because I I'll already have two other parties, so we can.

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Speaker 5: Just and I already have like ten other events.

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Speaker 3: Exactly, so we'll just combine birthday party, just one of

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Speaker 3: our our multiple birthday.

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Speaker 5: Yes, we're gonna have kofia.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you birthday.

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Speaker 4: But yes. Instead of to do this without a fight,

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Speaker 4: you just go like, so what why why did you

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Speaker 4: just invite my mom over for my birthday?

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Speaker 3: You don't like her? I don't like her. What was

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Speaker 3: the thought process there?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, just questions why did this happen?

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Speaker 3: Do you like my mom? No? Do I like my mom?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 3: So why why?

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Speaker 4: Wielder of aphorisms says that my dear stranger is total

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Speaker 4: bs uh. That's not a birthday, that's punishment with a

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Speaker 4: consolation prize?

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Speaker 3: What's the consolation prize?

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Speaker 2: And I don't know that. I don't I truly don't know.

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Speaker 4: May I suggest that you plan your own birthdays librations

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Speaker 4: going forward? He should not contribute anything at all. Happy

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Speaker 4: birthday and sorry, Ope, he says, thank you. I tried

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Speaker 4: to plan it. That's when no oh no oh no

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Speaker 4: oh no.

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Speaker 2: What is it? Where did it go?

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Speaker 3: We'll try it. I'll explain what's going on. So basically, ope,

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Speaker 3: he it's her birthday today, except probably not today, but

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Speaker 3: whenever this was posted, and all she wanted to do

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Speaker 3: was go to the trampoline Park, and instead of listening

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Speaker 3: to what she wanted to do, her husband invited her

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Speaker 3: mom over, who she doesn't really like and he doesn't like,

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Speaker 3: and then like ignored her and when to play video games.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Field, he's got a lazy husband who's completely He's

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Speaker 4: checked into the hotel California.

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Speaker 3: Ain't that the truth? Are you ready?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: You can never check out?

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Speaker 2: OPI replies, thank you.

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Speaker 4: I tried to plan it, and that's when I was

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Speaker 4: told not to because of said surprise. I guess I

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Speaker 4: need to plan it earlier and more forcefully. Lurker the

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Speaker 4: pip says, next time I tell him no, I want

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Speaker 4: to plan my birthday. He new he screwed you over

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Speaker 4: and bailed on you.

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Speaker 2: He chose this.

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Speaker 4: You told him what you wanted and he decided to

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Speaker 4: do something miserable and bail on you.

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Speaker 2: Does he even love you?

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Speaker 4: Are there other issues? Ohp he says, I'm not sure.

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Speaker 4: I think he wants to love me. Being a family

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Speaker 4: guy is important to him after having no dad in

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Speaker 4: his life growing up.

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Speaker 2: Does he love me? I don't know?

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Speaker 4: Oh, oh, this has gotten real bad.

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Speaker 3: Oh well, if we don't know if he loves you

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Speaker 3: or not, that's.

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Speaker 5: Oh mmm, oh no, he might like me.

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Speaker 3: You gotta have a conversation about that.

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Speaker 5: I think he likes me on weekends, and that's it.

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Speaker 2: He likes me on the weekend.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, I gotta go to castling with your husband asap.

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Speaker 2: Ohp.

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Speaker 4: He says, we get along well ninety nine percent of

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Speaker 4: the time. But I don't force this issue anymore. His

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Speaker 4: work keeps him away a lot of the time. So

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Speaker 4: I live in a sweet little with my kids. I'm

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Speaker 4: close with them, even the teens. I try to let

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Speaker 4: them in my religious faith meet all my needs. That's

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Speaker 4: difficult when I feel actively hurt and there's an update.

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Speaker 3: But that's it. She's religious, probably feels like she can't divorce.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it just sounds like a sounds like you guys.

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Speaker 4: Maybe you're like, he's fine ninety nine percent of the time,

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Speaker 4: and he's gone ninety eight percent of the time, so

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Speaker 4: you only see him two percent of the time, and half.

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Speaker 5: Of that is bad, bad quick math girl.

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Speaker 3: Like, I really think, I honestly think now less of

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Speaker 3: a joking way, you should divorce because you don't even

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Speaker 3: know if he loves you. I mean, have a conversation first,

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Speaker 3: of course, go to counseling, but like nineteen, how long

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Speaker 3: have you not known whether or not he loves you?

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Speaker 3: Cause that's kind of crazy.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, when was the love checked out? Or was it

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Speaker 5: even there to begin with? That's yeah?

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Speaker 3: Or was this just kind of like you were young,

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Speaker 3: you had kids, you maybe were raised in a religious

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Speaker 3: you know, kind of expectations.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: The fact that we get along together is like that

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Speaker 5: shouldn't be your pause.

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Speaker 3: Like you guys are kind of roommates, Yeah, not even

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Speaker 3: very good ones.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, there's an update. We spoke about it today.

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Speaker 4: It began with some crappy defensiveness, but calmed down after

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Speaker 4: a few minutes to regroup. His answer to me was

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Speaker 4: that in mentioning to him how good my mom was

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Speaker 4: doing in her grieving process, he interpreted that to mean

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Speaker 4: my relationship with her was doing good. He actually invited

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Speaker 4: my sister and brother in law, who couldn't make it

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Speaker 4: at the last minute. She is late in pregnancy and

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Speaker 4: has frequent migraines now, And it wasn't just supposed to

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Speaker 4: be my mom, which makes way more sense to me.

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Speaker 2: I told him I was disappointed, but.

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Speaker 4: He still abandoned you all day and went downstairs and

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Speaker 4: played video games alone without you.

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Speaker 3: There's really no excuse.

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Speaker 4: That's like so flimsy, really no excuse. I told him

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Speaker 4: I was disappointed. He asked if I wanted to go

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Speaker 4: out Friday to a movie and dinner. I said no,

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Speaker 4: I want to do water Park. Yes, so he agreed.

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Speaker 3: Good.

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Speaker 4: He's presently on the website to buy tickets. I also

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Speaker 4: wanted to address a few of the comments suggesting that

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Speaker 4: getting along isn't being happy, and it's possible I've phrased

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Speaker 4: it wrong. We actually have a good time together. It

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Speaker 4: isn't just non argumentative. It is good. Like he rubs

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Speaker 4: my back and picks up my prescriptions and notices when

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Speaker 4: I'm stressed out and asks.

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Speaker 2: If I need an afternoon out.

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Speaker 3: But if you don't know if he loves you, that

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Speaker 3: that is a conversation that needs to be had.

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Speaker 4: You youth and your love, You youth, I ever loved

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Speaker 4: each other?

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Speaker 2: Don't you know?

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Speaker 4: Marriage is about a four oh one K and split

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Speaker 4: assets and prescription pickups.

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Speaker 3: It feels like that is It's like the only thing

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Speaker 3: holding them together is obligation, and I really don't want

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Speaker 3: that for uop. I mean again, nineteen years marriage, kids

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Speaker 3: don't jump, don't run to divorce, that's the first option.

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Speaker 3: But have conversations about this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we are horrible at conflict resolution. That's it.

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Speaker 4: I make his appointments and light the fireplace and make

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Speaker 4: dinner so it's welcome when he walks into the door.

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Speaker 4: I'm aware that I'm the partner who cares more. It

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Speaker 4: is what it is. He's presently watching cartoons and painting

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Speaker 4: our daughter's nails.

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Speaker 3: That's cute.

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Speaker 4: My romantic fulfillment isn't the only thing at play here,

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Speaker 4: and it also isn't an unsolvable problem. I appreciate all

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Speaker 4: the responses, and there are more relevant comments, Op adding

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Speaker 4: in the comments, Yes, I know we have issues.

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Speaker 2: I realize his behavior is not acceptable.

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Speaker 4: I also realize that half the problem is that I've

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Speaker 4: been accepting it. As pathologically defensive as he is, I'm

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Speaker 4: pathologically averse to conflict. I'll eat something for ten years

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Speaker 4: because I'm scared to say anything to anyone. Ten years

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Speaker 4: eaten boiled carrots and mushy peas.

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Speaker 3: You're like, so good.

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Speaker 4: This is not just him, it's my whole family. I'm

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Speaker 4: a product of my environment too, And asking how how

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Speaker 4: is Op's husband around holidays? He's usually pretty decent about holidays.

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Speaker 4: He stays up to wrap all the presents. I make

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Speaker 4: a house full of rhyming clues for the kids to

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Speaker 4: find their Easter basket and Christmas stockings, which he gets

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Speaker 4: into if he's home. Like when I said idyllic little bubble,

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Speaker 4: I meant it abandoned. Kid never saw anything like this

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Speaker 4: up close, so he learns as he goes. Has had

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Speaker 4: to relearn everything that ever helped him survive, and he's

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Speaker 4: gotten pasted a lot, mostly through counseling and recovery programs.

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Speaker 2: I want to make this as balanced.

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Speaker 4: As possible because I hate Reddit stories that paint one

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Speaker 4: person as a hero and one as a villain by

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00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,760
Speaker 4: cherry picking information. I'm aware his faults regarding his temper

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00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,079
Speaker 4: are extremely toxic. This is a person with good traits

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Speaker 4: who will see a single mom and her kids in

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Speaker 4: line at subway and slip the cashier enough to buy

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Speaker 4: their whole meal and never be the word that it

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Speaker 4: was him who cut my dad's lawn an hour away.

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Speaker 4: When his CHF made it impossible to walk across the yard.

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Speaker 4: He's ready to apologize after he realizes he's screwed up.

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Speaker 2: He doesn't like gaslight me or blame me later.

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Speaker 5: Congestive heart failure.

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Speaker 4: Dang, thank you, Cheryl, congestive heart failure. Well there's a

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Speaker 4: second update. So I guess he's just a terrible little

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Speaker 4: birthday man.

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Speaker 3: Well, it just seems like he's not fulfilling a lot

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Speaker 3: of areas of the relationship and she's not bringing it up,

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Speaker 3: and that's the problem. It's like they just have They

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Speaker 3: haven't had a conversation in twenty years, you know. That's

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Speaker 3: and it feels like all of their problems have been

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Speaker 3: building and building and building because she's too afraid to

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Speaker 3: talk about it.

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Speaker 5: It feels like the relationship got very stale. Yeah, and

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Speaker 5: everyone just settled. Everyone's like, all right, cool, you're just

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Speaker 5: you're distracted with your own thing. I'm distracted with the kids.

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Speaker 3: Literally, She's like, I don't know if he loves me,

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Speaker 3: but you know, do I need him to love me.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. It's like we've been together for so long at

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Speaker 5: this point, it's just like we're just happy. I mean,

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Speaker 5: like we can go about our day.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, five, we feel fine.

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00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, we high five each other and we give him

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Speaker 5: like a little like like hey.

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Speaker 2: What's up, you know, to how's it going, sport?

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Speaker 5: Literally like a to talk.

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Speaker 2: How are you doing, champ? Yeah, all right, let's get

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Speaker 2: into this. Second update eleven months later, Oh things have happened.

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Speaker 3: I sure hope so or maybe this We're about to

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Speaker 3: get another birthday coming up. Yeah, and she's like, I'm

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Speaker 3: planning my birthday.

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Speaker 4: Uh oh stop. Update eleven months later. I'm about to

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Speaker 4: turn forty two, So time for an update. This past

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00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,760
Speaker 4: year we had a point of no return that pushed

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00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,360
Speaker 4: us into counseling. It's been nothing like I expected. The

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00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,680
Speaker 4: program wherein requires you to stay in your circle, meaning

349
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 4: you can only answer questions about yourself, your habits, beliefs,

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00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,120
Speaker 4: and responses, not your partners, just yours. Like I mentioned before,

351
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Speaker 4: my religious faith emphasizes faithfulness, humility, and self denial in marriage.

352
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,960
Speaker 4: But I've come to realize that codependency isn't a sacrificial virtue.

353
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Speaker 4: It's being a self aggrandizing murdyrer, stepping over the boundaries

354
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Speaker 4: God does set for the marriage. My biblical advice is

355
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Speaker 4: don't don't do that. Forgiveness and patients are important, but

356
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Speaker 4: being a doormat and allowing sin in your home is not.

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Speaker 4: His progress has run parallel to mind. He started recognizing

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00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,280
Speaker 4: destructive and harmful patterns as his responsibility, not something I

359
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,640
Speaker 4: caused by what I did or said. Whether I made

360
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:04,520
Speaker 4: a benign comment that triggered his PTSD or hypothetically smashed

361
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,920
Speaker 4: his windshield with a baseball bat, his reaction was still his.

362
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,840
Speaker 4: To own a perceived attack, even a real one, doesn't

363
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 4: justify turning around and hurting me emotionally with his temper.

364
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,480
Speaker 4: I reread a lot of the comments on my original post.

365
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,280
Speaker 4: Some made wild assumptions, and others hit the nail on

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00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:25,360
Speaker 4: the head. Yes, he was selfish on certain issues, and no,

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00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,600
Speaker 4: I didn't have the self esteem or courage to speak

368
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,240
Speaker 4: up back then. Now, almost a year later, we've done

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00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 4: some hard things, still doing them, things like being honest

370
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,600
Speaker 4: about who we are to ourselves, to God, to our circle,

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Speaker 4: to each other. It's unfamiliar territory. I feel incredibly vulnerable,

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Speaker 4: But I don't want my daughters to grow up and

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Speaker 4: repeat this. I have an obligation to show them that

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00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,000
Speaker 4: people can do better if they want to. The other day,

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00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,560
Speaker 4: he apologized to our daughters for how he had behaved

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00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,000
Speaker 4: in front of them than to our son.

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Speaker 2: But first and foremost.

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Speaker 3: To me, this turned out really well. I'm really happy

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00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,280
Speaker 3: that they finally spoke like it. I like it.

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00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 2: That's just what I'm saying.

381
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,200
Speaker 3: I was like, you know, like, I don't actually mean

382
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,160
Speaker 3: divorce because you guys have been together for so long

383
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,640
Speaker 3: and I have such like an intertwined life. And also

384
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,720
Speaker 3: because you never actually talked about these issues. So don't

385
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,800
Speaker 3: jump to divorce or leaving your partner before you've actually

386
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 3: had a conversation, because that kind of communication and relationship

387
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:23,040
Speaker 3: style follows you into your next relationship. Yeah, it doesn't

388
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 3: fix anything. It just isn't like a little band aid.

389
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 3: It's like, Okay, we got rid of the problem, but

390
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,119
Speaker 3: you got rid of the symptom, but the underlying problem

391
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:32,640
Speaker 3: is still there.

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00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,399
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it also shows your kids, you know, that

393
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 5: set them up for like what kind of relationship they

394
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,680
Speaker 5: want or what they don't want.

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Speaker 3: It's like, no, we're not, like, I don't want to

396
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 3: show you guys that it's okay to accept this type

397
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 3: of behavior in a relationship. There should be love and

398
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 3: if there isn't, then either you got to find a

399
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 3: way to fix that or we break up divorce.

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00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 2: You know exactly, So props to you guys, let's finish

401
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:54,240
Speaker 2: this story.

402
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,560
Speaker 4: We're planning a trip for my birthday without my mother.

403
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:58,439
Speaker 3: Huh.

404
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 4: At the end of the day, you know your partner.

405
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 4: I knew he could change. I knew he wasn't just

406
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,919
Speaker 4: playing a role. He wanted to be more. He just

407
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,520
Speaker 4: lacked the skills. I knew I should change too, but

408
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,680
Speaker 4: I told myself I couldn't. It was easier to stay

409
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,600
Speaker 4: codependent and anxious and expect him to carry all the weight.

410
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 4: If your partner has the character and commitment to grow,

411
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 4: he can. But if you think the problems have nothing

412
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 4: to do with you, you're wrong. Even if your only

413
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 4: role is allowing them to continue. Forgiveness without accountability is

414
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,479
Speaker 4: just permission to do it again.

415
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:34,720
Speaker 2: Bars, bars uhh, I'm snap. What was it? I don't

416
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,880
Speaker 2: snaprifice snapper it crackle pop snapped.

417
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:43,239
Speaker 3: Anyway, folks, that's that. That's that. I love it. I

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00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,280
Speaker 3: love a story where things get better.

419
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 2: Oh, forgiveness without accountability is just permission to do it again.

420
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 3: Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Oh but folks, we got another story

421
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,320
Speaker 3: to read, and we are going to get into this

422
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 3: next story. I refuse to attend my son's wedding because

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Speaker 3: of my cheating wife.

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00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,040
Speaker 2: That's a good reason.

425
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 3: And trigger warning emotional abuse. And also this comes directly

426
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 3: from the r slash okay Storytime Subbert, you're kidding me,

427
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 3: I ain't okay. I fifty three male was married to

428
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,479
Speaker 3: my ex fifty one female for twenty three years. We

429
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 3: met in college and had a spark right away. We

430
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,679
Speaker 3: had dated for just a short time before we got engaged.

431
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 3: We had a lot of the same goals and beliefs,

432
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 3: same religious beliefs, number of kids we wanted, life goals,

433
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 3: et cetera. We supported each other as we finished college

434
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Speaker 3: and had our first son in our last year of college.

435
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Just Perspective thirty eight

436
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,800
Speaker 3: forty three And if you want to submit your own stories,

437
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,479
Speaker 3: go to the r slash okay storytime. Separate it. So

438
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,679
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon. And when I

439
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 3: graduated from college, I was lucky enough to get a

440
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,880
Speaker 3: job in a small town near my family. My family

441
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 3: loved my ex. For context, I had a great childhood. Ooh,

442
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,680
Speaker 3: looky here.

443
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 4: Wow, that's real cool to big briches, big show off.

444
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 5: And look where you you are now.

445
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,200
Speaker 3: My parents were very loving and always supported me. Her

446
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,080
Speaker 3: parents were very controlling, and she often told me how

447
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:10,280
Speaker 3: hard her childhood was, and even though she loved her parents,

448
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,440
Speaker 3: felt her household growing up was not a healthy environment.

449
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 3: So when my parents and sisters accepted her as just

450
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 3: part of the family, she told me often how much

451
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 3: she loved my family. For the next few years, we

452
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 3: lived a simple life. I was a school teacher, so

453
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,959
Speaker 3: we didn't have a lot of money, but we had

454
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,680
Speaker 3: a nice home because of some land my parents gave us.

455
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 3: We had three more sons over the next several years.

456
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,480
Speaker 3: She was able to be a stay at home mom

457
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,600
Speaker 3: while I worked and picked up odd jobs here and

458
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 3: there to help supplement my teaching income. We both grew

459
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 3: up in poorer homes, so money and lavish things just

460
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 3: weren't important to us. We were just happy with our

461
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 3: little family, or so I thought.

462
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 2: Done done done.

463
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,679
Speaker 3: Once our boys got a little older, we decided to

464
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 3: invest in a small business in town to be able

465
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 3: to give our boys jobs. Like I said, this is

466
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 3: a small town without a lot of opportunity. We bought

467
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 3: a small restaurant, just a little diner, and gave our

468
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,639
Speaker 3: older boys jobs while my parents helped watch our younger boys.

469
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 4: Nepotism, Wow right, so out outright?

470
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: Wow? No, I'm just kidding. That's fine.

471
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 3: We also hired local high school kids to help as well.

472
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 3: My ex let's call her Nina, would work just part

473
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 3: time hours while the kids were in school, then turn

474
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 3: it over to our nighttime manager so she could be

475
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,919
Speaker 3: home with the kids. II let's call me. Craig was

476
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 3: transferred to a school in a town about twenty to

477
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 3: thirty minute drive away. But I would help in the

478
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 3: business on weekends and holidays and whenever I could.

479
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: Good Jay, that's good on you, Craig.

480
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 3: Goods on, Craig.

481
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 2: Craig.

482
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,640
Speaker 3: I also took care of all of the money side

483
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 3: of the business, so Nina just had to worry about

484
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 3: the day to day. We seem to be having a

485
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 3: great marriage. At least I was happy.

486
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:53,440
Speaker 4: Hey, when Craig's happy, everyone's happy except Nina.

487
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 3: Fast forward to twenty years into our marriage. Nina comes

488
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,400
Speaker 3: to me and tells me she's upset with my family.

489
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 3: Her parents had recently retired to our state from another

490
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:05,919
Speaker 3: state about a five hour drive away. She tells me

491
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,360
Speaker 3: she's moving and taking the boys and doesn't care if

492
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:13,199
Speaker 3: I go or not. What you can't just do that?

493
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 2: You can't do that.

494
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,480
Speaker 3: I was floored. I asked her what the issues were

495
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 3: with my family, and she just said that she never

496
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 3: really felt comfortable with them and wanted to be closer

497
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 3: to her parents. I tried to get more, but that's

498
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 3: all she would give me. I didn't want to lose

499
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 3: my family, so I agreed. I started looking for teaching

500
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 3: jobs in the new city and was able to find

501
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,479
Speaker 3: one right away, so we sold our home and our

502
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 3: business and packed up and moved in with her parents.

503
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 3: It feels like y'all didn't have any plan. You just left.

504
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 4: Is she doing this because she already cheated, or is

505
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 4: she doing this so she can get closer to the

506
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 4: person she wants to cheat with.

507
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know. Is she trying to

508
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 3: get further away from her cheating partner or closer it's

509
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 3: the question. My boys did not like the move, especially

510
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 3: the fact that we had to move in with her parents.

511
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 3: They're not very loving with my boys, and even though

512
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 3: they said they were happy to have us, they seemed

513
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 3: annoyed every minute we were there. Luckily, we were only

514
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 3: there for three months before we were able to get

515
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 3: into a nice house from the sale of our house

516
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 3: and business, nicer than anything we had ever had. Finally,

517
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,360
Speaker 3: I thought Nina would be happy.

518
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 2: Nope.

519
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 3: As soon as we got settled into the new house,

520
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 3: she began to get distant. Our spicy sleep life became nonexistent.

521
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 3: Everything I did annoyed her. We had always been a

522
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,719
Speaker 3: religious family, but she stopped going to church with us.

523
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 3: I tried to talk with her, ask her to go

524
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: to counseling, but she just insisted nothing was wrong. That

525
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 3: would be the most frustrating thing to me. And because

526
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 3: something is wrong, I'm telling you something's wrong. I don't

527
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 3: like how this is going. There's a problem. Nu Uh,

528
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 3: you can't say nothing's wrong. I don't care if you

529
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 3: think nothing's wrong. I'm telling you something is wrong.

530
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 2: But what if I said Nahuh?

531
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 3: What if I uner reverse said no, there's nothing wrong anything?

532
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 2: Now you go nope? Nah?

533
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 3: After over a year a year and a half of this,

534
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 3: I finally had had enough. I sat her down and

535
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 3: said we had to talk. She told me that she

536
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,360
Speaker 3: loved me, but she wasn't in love with me anymore.

537
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 3: I was obviously devastated. I asked her what I had

538
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 3: done and she just said she was just a different

539
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 3: personnel or she was with a different person.

540
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 4: Yo, I'm a different person because I've been with a

541
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,479
Speaker 4: different person.

542
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 3: I've been cheated on you. Oh. At the time, she

543
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 3: was working and I was working two jobs to make

544
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 3: sure we could make ends meet. I didn't know how

545
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 3: we were going to go through divorce and afford to live.

546
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 3: I just went in my room and cried. I didn't

547
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 3: sleep that night. The next day just happened to be

548
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 3: Father's Day. I went for a drive and I called

549
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 3: home to tell my dad Happy Father's Day and told

550
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 3: them what had happened the night before. Happy Father's Day, Dad,

551
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 3: my wife's leaving me.

552
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 2: Happy Father's Day.

553
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 3: Dad.

554
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 2: Esus skunk, Jesus skunk. She's a skink stinker.

555
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 3: My dad proceeds to tell me that he needed to

556
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 3: tell me. Oh no, oh, no, Nina had been cheating

557
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 3: on me. One of our high school employees, Oh, who

558
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 3: was a daughter of my dad's best friend, had left

559
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 3: or purse at our restaurant one night and went back

560
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 3: to get it. When she walked in to get it,

561
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 3: she caught my ex and a guy in the back

562
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 3: room having spicy sleep. I'm glad, I finished that sentence. Yeah,

563
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 3: me too, almost really concerning. She told her dad and

564
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 3: he told my dad. He told me he didn't want

565
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 3: to tell me because he didn't want to break up

566
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 3: our marriage. But since she was already ending it, I

567
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 3: should know, why didn't you tell him? I would be

568
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 3: so upset with my father if he didn't tell me this.

569
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 3: If he knew this and didn't say anything. I wonder

570
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,479
Speaker 3: if it's like religious like cultural stuff kind of, you know,

571
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 3: they said that they were both religious, they go to church.

572
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 3: Maybe he was like, I don't want to lead to

573
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 3: a divorce if I can help it. But come on,

574
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 3: come on.

575
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 2: What are you gonna do, buddy?

576
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 4: Are you gonna like put on a mission impossible mask

577
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 4: and I pretend to be the other guy.

578
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 2: Wall, it's over.

579
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 3: It's over.

580
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 4: She's banging buddy in the back of the restaurant. Oh boy,

581
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 4: that's unsanitary.

582
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 2: By the way.

583
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna drop some grades on that restaurant.

584
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 2: You know something in that restaurant.

585
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 3: Eoo, yeah, dad, that sucks. That was not cool. I

586
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 3: just went numb. I think I just hung up the

587
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 3: phone and stared out my car window. I drove back

588
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 3: home and texted my ex to please meet me in

589
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 3: the car. She came to the car and I told

590
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,239
Speaker 3: her what I knew. She tried to deny it, but

591
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 3: I told her how I knew, and she finally admitted it.

592
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 3: I asked her who, and it was one of the

593
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 3: guys from our couple friends we used to hang out with.

594
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 3: I used to golf with him all the time. It

595
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 3: was like a knife in the back. She had no

596
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 3: emotion as she was telling me this, But now the

597
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 3: past two years all made sense. Why she wanted to

598
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 3: move away, why she was so distant. The next week,

599
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 3: I just went through the motions. I called a therapist

600
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 3: and just bared my soul. It didn't help. I didn't

601
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 3: know what to do. After a week, I started to

602
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 3: think about things in our relationship, things I had seen, heard,

603
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 3: suspected over the years, and just blew them off because

604
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 3: I trusted her. I confronted her and basically told her

605
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 3: I was sure he wasn't the only one. I guess

606
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 3: the guilt finally got to her because she finally had

607
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 3: a look of remorse for the first.

608
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 2: Oh oh no, the damn is breaking. Yeah.

609
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 3: She then began the trickle through he wasn't the only one.

610
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,679
Speaker 3: At first, it was three, then five, and finally seven.

611
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: She had seven affair partners over four years. She was

612
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 3: basically using our restaurant as her own personal wre.

613
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 4: House, her own personal silly goose factory.

614
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 5: No wonder, there's extra cream in the back ew.

615
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 3: That's crazy. You're employing your kids there, and you're telling

616
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 3: me that that. No one ever found out until that

617
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 3: one high school kid.

618
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 5: This crab did.

619
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 2: What did this wreck?

620
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,359
Speaker 3: Any guy that would show interest, she would base sickly

621
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 3: spread her legs for them. I also found out that

622
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 3: one of the guys was an ex con ice stealer,

623
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 3: and she was smoking ice with them as well. Understand,

624
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 3: we don't even drink, smoke nothing. I mean, yeah, they're

625
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 3: regular church goers. I would assume you weren't. She also

626
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 3: contracted an STI and told me that she had a UTI,

627
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 3: so I would stay away from her while she was

628
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 3: taking medication to clear it up. Yikes, go get tested. Ope.

629
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 3: I asked her if she ever used protection with any

630
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 3: of them, and she said, no.

631
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 2: You idiots, okay a no sah.

632
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,239
Speaker 3: From that point on, for the next two months, I

633
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 3: was just in robot mode. I got tested for sdis

634
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 3: and fortunately was negative. I couldn't eat or sleep. I

635
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 3: lost thirty pounds in less than a month. She begged

636
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 3: me not to tell her parents or our kids. They

637
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 3: probably know. I can't even remember agreeing to this. Because

638
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 3: of finances, I agreed to use a mediator instead of

639
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 3: lawyers for the divorce.

640
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 2: Big mistake.

641
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 3: She definitely took advantage of my state of mind. She

642
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 3: ended up keeping the house and fifty to fifty custody

643
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 3: of the kids. Dang. I moved into an apartment about

644
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 3: five minutes away. Because I was working two full time jobs.

645
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,959
Speaker 3: I ended up paying child support for my two youngest kids.

646
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 3: My two oldest had graduated by now. This left me

647
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 3: with four years of child support. I just agreed because

648
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 3: I wanted it all to be over. There is a

649
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 3: little bit left of this story, ouch, ouch. I would

650
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 3: be so angry with my father if he knew for

651
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 3: seemingly a while that she was cheating on me. Just

652
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 3: puts you in danger fully put you in danger. Could

653
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 3: have contracted ANSTI. If you know that people are getting

654
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 3: cheated on, let him know, especially if your children and

655
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 3: or family member or close friend. Let him know you

656
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 3: don't want them to get an STI do you anyway,

657
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 3: there's a little bit left to this. She sucks.

658
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 4: She needs to go get her stink glands unstunk because

659
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 4: she's a dirty little skunk lady.

660
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 3: Yep.

661
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 4: And I hate so much that she finessed you out

662
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 4: of the house.

663
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 3: That sucks.

664
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 2: That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

665
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 3: More. Child, you know, custody and out of.

666
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 4: Your house, lawyer, my house. We moved because you cheated

667
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 4: on me with seven guys my house.

668
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 3: There's a little bit left don here.

669
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to this juicy story, but a

670
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: quick three minute break of aths from our sponsors.

671
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 3: We are now in a bigger city, so I do

672
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 3: not see her at all. My kids are now all adults.

673
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 3: Two of them now know, two of them still do not.

674
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 3: I forgot the name of this story. Her parents still

675
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 3: think I was the cause of it all. I would

676
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 3: tell them. I would tell them I have not had

677
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 3: contact with her for almost six years. When I've seen

678
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: her in passing, I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

679
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 3: Even to this day, I have not been able to

680
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 3: hold onto a relationship for more than three months. Yes,

681
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 3: I am in therapy, but I am a mess for sure.

682
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 3: She was the love of my life. Even though time

683
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 3: has made it better, I still find myself lost at times.

684
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 3: Now my son is getting married. I know he wants

685
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 3: us both there, but I don't think I can be

686
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 3: in the same room with her and her fani Roski.

687
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 4: You are still entirely lost. Yeah, you are still You

688
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:18,959
Speaker 4: were never not lost.

689
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 2: You are constantly lost right now, constantly you let is

690
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 2: she still? She's still doing scheduled narcotics? Do you know?

691
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,320
Speaker 4: Did the judge know that is a good Does her

692
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 4: family know that she's cheated on you with seven men

693
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 4: without using protection? We know they don't tell them.

694
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 3: That is a great point. She was doing like she

695
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 3: was regularly using and still got fifty you know, fifty

696
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 3: others custody of the kids.

697
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, you don't owe her a damn no, brother.

698
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 3: I know it's selfish, but I think I will be

699
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 3: physically sick at the sight of her. I don't know

700
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 3: what to do. I am sure I will get over it, dude,

701
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 3: but I don't know what to do. Brother.

702
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 4: If you get physically sick, just make sure it's on her.

703
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 4: Just make sure you direct it ato at her.

704
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 3: I have tried to talk to my son about it,

705
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 3: but he thinks I'm overreacting. What do I do?

706
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 2: Does he know they need to all know the truth?

707
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 2: Silly goose man?

708
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 3: If he doesn't know, you need to tell them, brother.

709
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is one of those times where like, oh

710
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 5: it's a little secret. No, people need to understand why

711
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 5: you're feeling like this. Yeah, you don't need to do

712
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 5: this so you can make your make her feel better.

713
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe maybe this is what you need. Maybe

714
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 3: you need people to know that it wasn't you who

715
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 3: like caused all of this. But folks, that's the end

716
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 3: of that story, and we've got another one. I do

717
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 3: think everyone should know, But I think it's there is

718
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 3: a way to tell them. I think that you know.

719
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 3: I mean, you can't talk to your wife anymore clearly,

720
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 3: so maybe like have your I feel like I don't know.

721
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 3: I feel like if two of your kids know, I

722
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 3: feel like your other kids would know, you know.

723
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I feel like I don't know.

724
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 5: Also, they hope you did say, like they're a little

725
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 5: bit older, like they're maybe they wanted to hide it,

726
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 5: but like at this point, and maybe two of them

727
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 5: are really close with mom. But like even at that point,

728
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 5: it what's the point, you know, who's this for At

729
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 5: the end of the day, do what's best for you.

730
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, and keep going to therapy because you clearly need it.

731
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, this was one of ours.

732
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 3: So it's just like, oh, I.

733
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: Forgot from my perspective the Jedi are you?

734
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 3: I forgot it was one of our own people.

735
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 2: I didn't.

736
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 3: Oh, please get.

737
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 4: It, brother, I'm not. The gloves are not on off.

738
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 4: The gloves are win to the so much when you're

739
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 4: mad or when you're glad.

740
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 2: Either way, cold water.

741
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 4: You've got massive problems to figure out regarding what happened

742
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 4: with you and your ex wife.

743
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 3: And I guess I mean, if you truly, like, I'll

744
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 3: give you more real advice, if you truly cannot go

745
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 3: to this wedding because you will have a panic attack,

746
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,640
Speaker 3: tell your child that say like, hey, I understand you

747
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,479
Speaker 3: might not see it as such, but like, I've been

748
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 3: going to therapy for this and I really want to

749
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 3: be there for you, but I think that it would

750
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 3: cause more of a scene me being there. Yeah, you know,

751
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 3: it's like it's not like, oh I hate her so

752
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 3: much that I yeah, I just would yell at her.

753
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 3: It's like I literally physically can't be in the same

754
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: room with her without having this physical reaction. And hopefully

755
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 3: your kid will understand. But be honest, you know it's

756
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 3: been years. I think that you can give that honesty

757
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 3: without it being like negative for the kids. But ouch,

758
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 3: good luck, Opy. We love you.

759
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 2: Best of luck, Opy, good luck.

760
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 3: So we're going to get into this next story.

761
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 4: Oh boy. This one's also from the subreddit.

762
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,439
Speaker 3: I hope it's not so sad.

763
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 4: My boyfriend prioritizes his baby mama over me.

764
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,400
Speaker 3: Well, he should be your ex boyfriend. We had a

765
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 3: baby with her, that's true.

766
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 4: I have been part of the Okay fan since before

767
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 4: Riley was a part of the show.

768
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 3: Who longtime Okay fan and listen every day And I'm

769
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 3: hoping you guys can help me as I really value

770
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 3: your thoughts in opinion.

771
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna locking in, lock in. He did have

772
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 4: a baby with her, though, we'll see. My boyfriend and

773
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 4: I have been together for six years, living together for five.

774
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 4: We're both forty one, with one son each from previous relationships.

775
00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:16,760
Speaker 4: My son is sixteen, an honor student starting his first job,

776
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 4: always helpful and generally working hard to become a successful adult.

777
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 2: His dad barely.

778
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 4: Sees him and has been in and out of prison

779
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 4: for the last eleven years since our divorce.

780
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: Our son doesn't want to be like him.

781
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user future np doctor,

782
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

783
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime sub bred it. I'm Dakota, I'm.

784
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 5: Sophia, I'm Keon, and let's see.

785
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 2: What ops to say.

786
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 4: So, my boyfriend's son just turned twelve, makes good grades

787
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 4: now and is much more well behaved than he used

788
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 4: to be In kindergarten, the school only allowed him half days,

789
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 4: and he repeated it a second time.

790
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 3: Due to this behavior, his kids repeat kindergarten.

791
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 2: That's all right, You're like, we can't handle your kid.

792
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,840
Speaker 4: He's only allowed to be here half the day. It

793
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,479
Speaker 4: sounds like a skill issue with the kindergarten more than.

794
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 3: A problem with your Can you figure it out?

795
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 5: I repeated preschool, So.

796
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 2: I got nothing funny to say about that.

797
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 5: That one's kind of me.

798
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 3: I know, thot, I know a lot of guys who

799
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 3: repeatd because of behavior issues. Is that?

800
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: Do I know why you didn't?

801
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 3: Yeah?

802
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 5: Do you want to say I just didn't talk? I

803
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 5: didn't talk, and my parents thought like, he's like, oh no,

804
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 5: he doesn't know how to talking.

805
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 3: He just wasn't.

806
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 5: I was just very anxious. I was a very shy kid.

807
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 5: I just didn't like talking.

808
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 2: You know why.

809
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 5: All I did was point Golton, you know.

810
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 4: Why, because the ghosts were too busy talking to you.

811
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 4: You couldn't make your own sentences. But you don't remember.

812
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 5: Anymore as Yeah. All My mom was like, you didn't

813
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 5: really talk until you're like four or five, and all

814
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 5: you did was point stuff and what hmmm. I was like,

815
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 5: oh that makes sense.

816
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 2: Have you ever heard this?

817
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 3: No?

818
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 5: Ok?

819
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 2: Okay.

820
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 4: So, he couldn't keep his hands to himself at school

821
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 4: and during pee wee football, constantly getting into trouble for

822
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 4: not listening. He was in trouble at school constantly, even

823
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 4: pulling the fire alarm once whoa. Finally, the school pushed

824
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 4: his mom to put him on eighty eight dem DS

825
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 4: and he calmed down.

826
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,320
Speaker 3: He just had ADHD.

827
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 2: He just needed stimulant medicine.

828
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 3: He just needed to be medicaated.

829
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: He just needed amphetamines. Yes.

830
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,839
Speaker 4: Now he is very well behaved, respectful and makes good

831
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 4: grades and helps when asked the issue with him is

832
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,720
Speaker 4: that as a typical twelve year old boy, he's completely

833
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 4: engrossed in electronics. He barely comes out of his room

834
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 4: to eat, he used the bathroom, or even speak.

835
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 2: He's just beeping and booping. He's making beet boop, zeepsorp noises.

836
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 3: Honestly, I feel like, if your child's not coming out

837
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 3: of the room because they're playing video games, do we

838
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 3: take those video games away?

839
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 5: No? Mom?

840
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 4: I feel like, no, mom, video games taking gold pro.

841
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,439
Speaker 3: I don't want my kid to be locked in the room.

842
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 4: Also, it's not video games, it's electronics. What if he's

843
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 4: building robots, Sofia, you're just making an assumption.

844
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 3: Well, he's got to build him outside.

845
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 2: I don't understand boy technology.

846
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 3: I was. I lived with a boy, I live my boys.

847
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 2: I couldn't even keep his straight face. That's such a

848
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 2: ridiculous thing to say.

849
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 3: Waiting on my kid's gonna be I'm gonna lock the door.

850
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 2: You're gonna lock the door and.

851
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 3: They're gonna stay outside.

852
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 4: Oh, Jerna actually locked the door and play the games

853
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 4: in their room and go oh this is so fun,

854
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 4: and they're gonna.

855
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 3: Go yeah, yeah, please. My mom just told me to

856
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 3: play out. She would give me her mom told you

857
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 3: to touch clue and and and I would make little

858
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 3: houses for fairies. And then I would bring all my

859
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 3: littlest pet shops outside, and I would use Djenga blocks,

860
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 3: and I would create houses with my friends and they

861
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 3: would all be It would be great.

862
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 2: Actually it was lit man.

863
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,800
Speaker 3: I was creating houses out of rocks and sticks in mud.

864
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 2: It's incredible. Yeah, that's girl technology.

865
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 3: Yes, girl technology is the stone age.

866
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 4: Okay, So he's not coming out of his room an

867
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 4: unhealthy level of not coming out of the room. Even

868
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 4: though we've had talks multiple times about bathing and teeth brushing,

869
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 4: he still has to be told every single time, or

870
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 4: he never would. I don't believe we should have to

871
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 4: tell him each day to brush his teeth, bathe, and

872
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 4: put on clean clothes.

873
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 2: By the way, he's on stimulant medication, so you kind

874
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 2: of do.

875
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not just like I feel like, I will say,

876
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,280
Speaker 3: because we know that he has ADHD and he's twelve,

877
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 3: I think that this is you know, we actually do

878
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 3: have to tell him every day to do those things.

879
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 3: And maybe there's ways that we can work around us

880
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 3: where we like get him into a habit and we

881
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 3: have a routine that is a little bit more normalized.

882
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 3: But I do think also, because again he is ADHD,

883
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 3: you can be more likely to kind of get locked

884
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 3: into like an obsessive with things like video games.

885
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 4: So I yeah, and the medication can do that too.

886
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 4: You also, Yeah, medication can not necessarily make you hyper

887
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 4: focus on.

888
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 2: Studying or being a good little boy.

889
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 4: It could make you hyper focus on whatever he's doing

890
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 4: in there.

891
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think he probably just needs a lot more

892
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 3: attention from you guys than maybe a kid who didn't

893
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 3: have his you know, set of like medical or like

894
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 3: a ADHD and stuff.

895
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 4: When I try to force consequences, they never get upheld

896
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 4: by his dad when I'm not home, which is a lot.

897
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 3: See, that's a problem.

898
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 4: He's not a self starter, even though he's smart. A

899
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 4: homework assignment that should take twenty minutes will take several

900
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 4: hours with one of us adults constantly standing over him

901
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 4: and fussing to get it done. He has a mom

902
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 4: that is always in his life. There is no legal

903
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 4: custody agreement. They share him equally and allow him to

904
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,280
Speaker 4: go between houses as he wants, which is fine, except

905
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 4: his mom lives about an hour away with her parents

906
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 4: since they split. This can sometimes cause hardship with transportation

907
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 4: in school, but we've.

908
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 2: Made it work. Most of the work falls on my

909
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 2: boyfriend and me. He pays her child.

910
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 4: Support every week of his own accord, because we believe

911
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 4: that's what he should do as a dad. We also

912
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 4: pay for ninety percent of school trips, the yearbook every year,

913
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 4: one hundred percent of school supplies, and half the cost

914
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 4: of his after school program. Baby Mama even called saying

915
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 4: twelve year old had no clothes at her house because

916
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 4: of a growth spurt. We went and bought him new clothes,

917
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 4: then bought more and sent them to her house.

918
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 3: Oh and also really quick, just for you guys, the

919
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 3: characters are not named Dakota and Sofia. We just are

920
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 3: doing this new thing where we tell you, guys are

921
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 3: names for our podcast listeners.

922
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,800
Speaker 4: Oh god, and tldrs picking up our yeah names.

923
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, just to be clear, because someone I think

924
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 3: earlier asked if the characters were named Dakota and Sophia.

925
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 3: They are not. We are Dakota and Sofia.

926
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 4: Their sons are excelling academically as also a horrible TLDR.

927
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 3: Yeah.

928
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 4: Anyway, she claims she couldn't afford new clothes, even though

929
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 4: she has a job and no bills because her parents

930
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 4: pay everything, including her car insurance and cell phone bill,

931
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 4: and give.

932
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 2: Her the car that she drives.

933
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 4: I grew up in a blended family where the kids

934
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 4: weren't treated equally, so I've made it a point to

935
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 4: always treat our boys equally. My boyfriend doesn't always do that,

936
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 4: but tries his best. He and Baby Mama. I have

937
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 4: always treated twelve year old like a small child. Boyfriend

938
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 4: is just now starting to treat him like the preteen

939
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 4: he is. At baby Mama's. He doesn't have his own

940
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 4: room and still shares a bed with her because there

941
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,399
Speaker 4: isn't a room for him and no chance of her

942
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 4: moving out since she's helping care for her mom who

943
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:03,320
Speaker 4: has cancer.

944
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,800
Speaker 3: I mean, I know they haven't done a custody agreement,

945
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 3: but I'm pretty sure that you're supposed to provide like

946
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,359
Speaker 3: if they went the legal route you I'm pretty sure

947
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,280
Speaker 3: you're supposed to provide them.

948
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 2: Like they did bed they did not go to the legal.

949
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, because they went around it.

950
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 3: I guess she doesn't have to do that, but I

951
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 3: correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure if

952
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 3: you are trying to get custody, you have to prove

953
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,720
Speaker 3: that you have like a bed for your.

954
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,760
Speaker 2: Child, couch couch.

955
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean your twelve year old boys shouldn't be

956
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 3: sleeping every night with his mom if you can, if

957
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 3: you have another option, you can.

958
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,439
Speaker 2: Put a tent in the living room with a sleeping bag.

959
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:38,279
Speaker 2: That'll be fun.

960
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,359
Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't want to say I put it out back.

961
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,760
Speaker 2: Get him outside of that electronics room. Yeah, in the backyard.

962
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's circumstances. Okay, where is okay or not okay,

963
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 3: but where it makes sense because you don't have a

964
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 3: lot of money or like financial reasons blah blah blah.

965
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 3: But if there is another option in this case, dad,

966
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 3: then he shouldn't be sleeping in the bed with his mom.

967
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 3: Yeah that, James Pon says. I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

968
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure if they had gone through the legal route,

969
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 3: it probably would not have been allowed.

970
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 2: Okay.

971
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 4: Twelve year old hates not having his own space and

972
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,320
Speaker 4: being treated like a five year old, so he recently

973
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 4: started spending more time in our house, where he has

974
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 4: his own room. The kids got out of school last

975
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 4: week and are starting back August eleventh. For the entire

976
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 4: summer he's been with us except maybe two weeks. And

977
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 4: boyfriend still pays child support every week. What I don't

978
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 4: know if this is okay.

979
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 3: It's because they didn't get the legal routes. I mean,

980
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 3: he's giving all of these things that he thinks he

981
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 3: needs to do, but you don't need to do that.

982
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 2: He's not there. He's not kid's not there.

983
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 3: You were paying her money when the kid, when your

984
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 3: kid was staying there, and she's not even using that

985
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 3: money to give him a space, like you should be

986
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 3: get just give that money your girl, forgive the money

987
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,320
Speaker 3: to pay Yeah, why are you paying your ex?

988
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 4: Maybe it's to help take care of her parents. Yeah,

989
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 4: but like that's not then that's different. No ops, it's

990
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 4: not just.

991
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 2: The child support payment. That's a different thing.

992
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 3: I think because you're one of our own, go have

993
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 3: a conversation with your boyfriend and say, like, normally, when

994
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 3: you have a custody agreements, which you guys don't have,

995
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 3: like a formal one, you're supposed to provide your child

996
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 3: with a space, a bed. There are a lot of requirements.

997
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,280
Speaker 3: He doesn't have that. As mom's we can provide that here.

998
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 4: Well, I think it's already his prerogative that the kid

999
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 4: is the one who decides where he wants to be.

1000
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 4: So it's like, if the kid doesn't want to be there,

1001
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 4: he doesn't, which is like, right, he can.

1002
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 2: Just stay here.

1003
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 3: So again, well, but that's further point. If he's not

1004
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 3: staying there, then you also don't have to pay child

1005
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 3: support for a child that you're already supporting.

1006
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 2: Exactly.

1007
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 4: His ex is very self absorbed and hard to deal with,

1008
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 4: so he hates talking to her because he hates confrontation.

1009
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 2: It's easier than fighting with her.

1010
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 4: Recently, baby Mama has been in the hospital for about

1011
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:44,720
Speaker 4: two weeks.

1012
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 2: It started with a fall where she couldn't get up.

1013
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 4: She is a bigger girl, about three hundred pounds, so

1014
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 4: we thought she couldn't get up because of that, But

1015
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 4: when they took her to the hospital, she said she

1016
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 4: was numb from the neck down and couldn't support her

1017
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 4: weight to stand or walk, and was barely able to

1018
00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 4: feed herself.

1019
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 3: God, did she just paralyze?

1020
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 2: Well that's extreme.

1021
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 3: Well, now she definitely can't care for the child. Well yeah,

1022
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 3: well I'm just saying, don't like.

1023
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 2: Well, no, I just yeah, yeah, accurate.

1024
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 4: She's thirty seven and has a few other issues, but

1025
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 4: nothing that should be causing this. She's been transferred between

1026
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 4: multiple hospitals because no one can figure out what's going on.

1027
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,439
Speaker 4: When we found out, we knew twelve year old would

1028
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 4: be staying with us indefinitely until she's better. Boyfriend and

1029
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 4: I had a conversation about school since it's about to start.

1030
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 4: We decided going to the middle school five minutes from

1031
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 4: our house instead of an hour away where her parents live,

1032
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 4: would be the best option, since it's our responsibility to

1033
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 4: care for him, not theirs. She can't care for herself,

1034
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,799
Speaker 4: much less a child. He brought up homeschool during our

1035
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 4: conversation because she had mentioned it.

1036
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:41,920
Speaker 2: I reminded him what.

1037
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 4: A nightmare homeschooling was during the pandemic and how bad

1038
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 4: it is just to do normal homework with twelve year old.

1039
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:53,360
Speaker 3: I also think, like for him specifically for what he needs,

1040
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 3: that would not be helpful, like for having like a

1041
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 3: child with ADHD who like I just don't I don't

1042
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 3: think that would necessarily be helpful.

1043
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 2: Agreed, unless you.

1044
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 3: Can provide like so much care, like you would have

1045
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,240
Speaker 3: to be on it for everything.

1046
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 4: You'd have to like handcuff his hand to your hand

1047
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 4: so you could grab the pencil and write stuff for him,

1048
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 4: because just gonna be so distracted at all.

1049
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I mean the amount of effort that you're putting

1050
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 3: into like telling him to shower, telling him to brush

1051
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 3: his teeth. You're gonna have to do that level for

1052
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,399
Speaker 3: all of his studies. So like, be ready if you're

1053
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 3: going to do that.

1054
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1055
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 2: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1056
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 2: that keep the show going.

1057
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 4: I also asked him to consider how we would have

1058
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 4: time for homeschooling. He works five nights a week midnight

1059
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 4: to eight am, and sleeps daily from ten or eleven

1060
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 4: until six or seven. I'm currently in school for my

1061
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 4: doctor Nurse practice to become a nurse practitioner and have

1062
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: both clinical and class and homework, plus my full time job.

1063
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 2: At the local hospital.

1064
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 4: I also have a total care disabled brother that lives

1065
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 4: with us with my mom and we help care for them.

1066
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 4: Plus I have a side hustle as a baker for

1067
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 4: extra income.

1068
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 2: Okay, so you have your mom does it all.

1069
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,320
Speaker 3: You are caring for your brother you're caring for a

1070
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 3: child who has a lot of needs specifically, that's tough.

1071
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 2: Yep, don't know how you do it.

1072
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 3: You a lot on you and your baking.

1073
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 2: How does she do it?

1074
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 3: How does she do it?

1075
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 4: We don't have time for homeschool and it's toxic just

1076
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 4: doing normal homework, so we don't have the patience either.

1077
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 4: He agreed during our talk and said he would let

1078
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 4: baby Mama know we could transfer him to our nearby

1079
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,439
Speaker 4: middle school when he took twelve year old to see

1080
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 4: her at the hospital. When he came home, he was

1081
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 4: complaining of a stomach ache and went to bed, then

1082
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 4: got up and went to work without telling me how

1083
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 4: the conversation went. I assumed he's stuck to what we

1084
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:41,680
Speaker 4: talked about. The next morning, he called me on the

1085
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:44,280
Speaker 4: way home from work, as he always does. After talking

1086
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 4: for about ten minutes with no mention of the hospital trip,

1087
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 4: I finally asked if he was ever going.

1088
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: To tell me what happened.

1089
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 4: He responded that they had talked about it and would

1090
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 4: be trying home schooling.

1091
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, did you think that one was just going to

1092
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:56,759
Speaker 2: fly under the radar? My guy?

1093
00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 4: So he lied, Why does it matter what she has?

1094
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,480
Speaker 4: To say she's not taking care of your kid, like.

1095
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 3: It really doesn't matter what she has to say. She

1096
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 3: does not have the funds, nor the time or the

1097
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 3: space to take care of your kid.

1098
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 4: She is numb from the neck down, or she's not

1099
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:13,959
Speaker 4: homeschooling your kid she.

1100
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 3: Doesn't have the time space. What was the third one?

1101
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:16,959
Speaker 2: I continuum?

1102
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 3: Dang it? Function was the fourth one?

1103
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 2: I was gonna have ad Okay. I was angry, hurt,

1104
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 2: and upset.

1105
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 4: I asked why after our conversation, was that the decision,

1106
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 4: and he stated she wanted to try it to see

1107
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 4: if it worked. We argued and got off the phone

1108
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 4: since I was at work. I have friends who homeschool,

1109
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 4: so I know more than the average person with no

1110
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 4: exposure to it. But even with that basic knowledge, I

1111
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:41,879
Speaker 4: know this isn't what's best for twelve year old. I've

1112
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,800
Speaker 4: been a nurse for twenty two years and have studied

1113
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 4: childhood development several times. I have an ADNBSN MSN, NBC,

1114
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,719
Speaker 4: and I am now working on my DNP. I am

1115
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 4: currently in my pediatrics rotation. I know that living with

1116
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 4: us full time suddenly and not getting to see his

1117
00:48:57,239 --> 00:49:00,080
Speaker 4: mom and grandparents as often, plus his mom being sick

1118
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 4: and him changing from elementary to middle school are a

1119
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,760
Speaker 4: lot of life changes very fast. This can be traumatic

1120
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,479
Speaker 4: if not handled with care. Add to that his need

1121
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 4: for structure. I feel like homeschooling will be detrimental and

1122
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,480
Speaker 4: then he'll be behind and struggle in school. Correct I

1123
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 4: would assume I'm no doctor, nurse practitioner, but yeah, it

1124
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 4: sounds like.

1125
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 2: The child needs to go to school.

1126
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 3: I think you sit your partner down and you say, hey,

1127
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 3: I don't know, like if you're planning to homeschool him,

1128
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 3: but I can't do that. Just say like, I cannot

1129
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 3: do that. If you were expecting me to do it,

1130
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 3: I cannot and I will not. So you're gonna have

1131
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,239
Speaker 3: to do it all because your baby mom's not gonna help,

1132
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:40,480
Speaker 3: So it's gonna be on you. Do you have time

1133
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:41,479
Speaker 3: to do that? Yep.

1134
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,360
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoy never sleeping.

1135
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 3: Again because I'm not doing it.

1136
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:47,080
Speaker 4: Either you do it all or we both get arrested

1137
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 4: for truancy. I spent the day at work thinking about

1138
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 4: this and did a literal five minute Google search to

1139
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 4: learn more about homeschooling than I went home and tried

1140
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:56,760
Speaker 4: to talk to boyfriend. I started by asking what program

1141
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 4: would be used to homeschool. Would it be through the

1142
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 4: mail or online? If online? Do they know the state laws?

1143
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 4: We live in North Carolina and she lives in South Carolina.

1144
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 4: Some states require online classes and attendance, and who would

1145
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,439
Speaker 4: be buying the computer? I also asked if they knew

1146
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:15,240
Speaker 4: homeschooling wasn't just sit and do work. You're basically teaching

1147
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,239
Speaker 4: yourself and it requires trips to co ops to meet

1148
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:22,040
Speaker 4: other homeschoolers and do hands on portions of work. To

1149
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 4: all these questions, he responded, I don't know. Come on,

1150
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 4: so you're.

1151
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,759
Speaker 3: Not doing it, then you guys are doing some like

1152
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 3: these parents are not up, but like your boyfriend is

1153
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:35,439
Speaker 3: doing such a disservice to his son, and it's really

1154
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,839
Speaker 3: it's really upsetting. This kid is not getting the help

1155
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 3: that he needs.

1156
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 2: True.

1157
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 4: So I asked what he and baby Mama talked about then,

1158
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 4: and he responded, I don't know what you want from me.

1159
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 2: I want the kid to go to school.

1160
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 3: She's told you what she wants from you.

1161
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 2: You know exactly what I want from you. I want

1162
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:52,840
Speaker 2: you to say we're gonna send the kid of school.

1163
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,240
Speaker 3: Pretty straightforward. Put the middle dry five minutes away, pretty

1164
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 3: cut and dry.

1165
00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 4: I said, I expected that you went to talk to

1166
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 4: her and come home with a plan. I'm willing to

1167
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 4: try anything if there's a good plan in place. I

1168
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 4: told him that since he wouldn't tell me about the conversation,

1169
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 4: all I could do was go on my assumptions. To me,

1170
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 4: it appeared as if he completely forgot about our conversation

1171
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 4: when with her and just rolled over.

1172
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:15,800
Speaker 2: And agreed to do what she wants.

1173
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 4: The only reason she wants to homeschool is to try

1174
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 4: to keep twelve year old from living with us. He's

1175
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 4: told us he has to go ask if he can

1176
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 4: come to our house, like asking to go to a friend's,

1177
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 4: and if she says no, then he can't come. We argued,

1178
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 4: and I yelled, which I know isn't right, But when

1179
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 4: he asked me not to yell, I quit and tried

1180
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 4: to more calmly explain.

1181
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 2: I said, if we.

1182
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 4: Took all other issues out, like her choice, my choice,

1183
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 4: and even what's best for the twelve year old, I

1184
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 4: just didn't understand the logistics of how it would work.

1185
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,800
Speaker 4: I told him why not put him in public school?

1186
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 4: And when we found out more about what her health

1187
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 4: future looks like, then consider homeschool that way, at least

1188
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:53,760
Speaker 4: he wouldn't get behind he shot this down.

1189
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:58,440
Speaker 3: Oh, this would be so incredibly frustrating for me, Like,

1190
00:51:58,480 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry it'ld be that you have to deal

1191
00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 3: it because I mean, you are the only one who

1192
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 3: apparently cares about this kid's future, but you don't even

1193
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:09,760
Speaker 3: get like the main say, because you're not his parent,

1194
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 3: even though you're the one parenting the most. So frustrating.

1195
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 2: Yes, I would have a completely.

1196
00:52:15,560 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 3: Different view on my partner personally after this whole fiasca.

1197
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 4: I would we have a little bit left here, let's

1198
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 4: finish it off. I feel like he's putting her opinion

1199
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 4: above mine when it's our family that it will one

1200
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 4: hundred percent effect. She's in the hospital for who knows

1201
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 4: how long and can't do any of the legwork for

1202
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 4: her home school other than putting her first just so

1203
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 4: he doesn't have to have a confrontation. He really is

1204
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 4: the best partner and does so much to help me.

1205
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,279
Speaker 4: Without him, I couldn't do all the things I do

1206
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,840
Speaker 4: for school and work, which I do for our family's future.

1207
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 4: But I don't think he considers our future. This has

1208
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:50,800
Speaker 4: really put a strain on our relationship. Since it happened

1209
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 4: a couple days ago, we haven't really spoken much or

1210
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 4: even touched each other. I'm hurt and constantly feel like

1211
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 4: vomiting or crying, which I have been doing a lot of.

1212
00:52:58,920 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 2: What do I do?

1213
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 4: Am I the a hole and making this a bigger

1214
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,839
Speaker 4: issue than it is. I don't want to end the relationship.

1215
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 4: I think you need to be like, why are we

1216
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:10,720
Speaker 4: letting her dick? She's not his mother, is not apparent

1217
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,959
Speaker 4: to him, yeah, and is incapable of doing the things

1218
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 4: that she's suggesting you to do. So you're basically just

1219
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:20,279
Speaker 4: saying what that I have to stop doing every It's

1220
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 4: just not gonna work. There's a solution that works, and

1221
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 4: this solution that doesn't, homeschool's not gonna work.

1222
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 3: I think that you, I know you've already done it,

1223
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 3: like you've done everything that we've suggested, honestly, But I

1224
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,880
Speaker 3: think because you have the thing of like feeling like

1225
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 3: you needed to yell, which I get because this is

1226
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 3: so frustrating. But I think you write down all of

1227
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 3: your points. You say one, she is his are your

1228
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:43,319
Speaker 3: son's mom is not able to like she does, She's

1229
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,760
Speaker 3: not physically able to take care of him. She doesn't

1230
00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 3: have a space, so you know, he needs to be here.

1231
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 3: I'm not going to have the time to homeschool him.

1232
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 3: These are the steps and things that like, just like

1233
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:55,880
Speaker 3: write it all out. These are what you need to

1234
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 3: fulfill if you homeschool your child. Can you do these?

1235
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:01,480
Speaker 3: Do you have the time to do these? Do you

1236
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 3: have like the you know where with all the know how,

1237
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 3: et cetera to figure all this out? And if you

1238
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,280
Speaker 3: think it, if you think that you could do it, fine,

1239
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 3: that's your kid. But I'm not going to be helping

1240
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 3: you homeschool your child when I don't think it's the

1241
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 3: right solution. Yes, and just like have that all written

1242
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 3: out so you don't even have to go to like

1243
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 3: the anger. And at that point if he does try

1244
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,919
Speaker 3: and put it on you, then I would reconsider the relationship.

1245
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:28,399
Speaker 3: It's frustrating though, very frustrating.

1246
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:29,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would.

1247
00:54:29,800 --> 00:54:32,440
Speaker 4: Also there's a lot of comments saying it's time for

1248
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:34,520
Speaker 4: a formal custody agreement agreed.

1249
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:37,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe that's the thing to approach it with. It's like, hey,

1250
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 3: I know you guys didn't want to do a formal

1251
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,520
Speaker 3: custody agreement, but this is just not working for your kid.

1252
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 2: Bring that up, and.

1253
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,879
Speaker 3: Also like bring up, your child sleeping in the bed

1254
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 3: with his mom at twelve years old is not benefiting him.

1255
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story and the

1256
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 3: end of this episode. So if you love us, make

1257
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 3: sure to subscribe We love you, and see it tomorrow