WEBVTT - Singled Out 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.640 Hell, I suck at dating with the Ungler and Jared Haven. 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:12.160 I heard radio podcast what is Up, Sucky Daters? What 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:15.680 a beautiful week it is. Jared is back in Los Angeles. 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:18.600 I can feel his presence of a measly fifteen miles 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:22.759 away from me. Easton is in studio in Burbank, which 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:26.400 is maybe twenty miles away. I just feel the energy 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:29.800 of good vibes pulsing through the zoom screen right now. 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:32.559 How are you guys? We're just inching our way closer 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:38.440 back together until one day we're reunited in studio once again. Right. 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:41.800 It's funny. We we talked about it, or I think 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:43.840 Easterner Mark mentioned at the top of the podcast, before 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:47.479 we were recording, Jared was quarantining on the East Coast, 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:50.239 waiting things out, waiting for things to get better, and 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:52.199 here he comes back to Los Angeles on what might 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.960 be the worst day for the coronavirus. Yeah. I just 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:57.960 actually and I just figured we'd wait till Los Angeles 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:00.440 became an epicenter of the of the virus before decided 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.080 to fly back into it. You know, unbelievable. I know, 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:05.840 we quarantined for three and a half months over on 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:08.600 the East coast, planning on going back to the West coast, 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:10.440 and by the time we get here, it's just only 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:13.600 getting worse. But I mean, we're we're still quarantine, We're 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:16.320 still we're staying inside. We're not going anywhere. It's an 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:18.200 interesting strategy, Cot and I wonder if it's going to 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:20.320 pay off for them. Oh well, I guess we'll find out. 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:23.759 We've got a great episode for you guys today. We've 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:25.880 got Jared wants to ask me about Calin's birthday. I 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:27.360 just want to tease it a little bit, Jared. Sorry, 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:30.880 we have We've got a couple of guests calling in 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:35.000 that are gonna share their experiences while dating during quarantine 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:37.679 and the coronavirus. Have we talked to you guys. We 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:39.880 haven't talked to you since we saw your appearance on 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.360 Bachelor Greatest Seasons. Ever, I don't think we talked about 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:47.080 that at all. Uh, you're right. Well, we recorded last 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:49.320 time right before Calin's birthday and that was about two 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:52.680 weeks ago. So I have I have two questions for you. One, 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:56.600 how is Calin's birthday? What did you guys do? And two, Uh, 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:59.600 you revealed on the Greatest Seasons of all time that 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:03.720 you got a are not married, but you wear promise 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:06.360 rings pretty much. So finally we have our after like 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:09.960 nine months of speculation. It's it's kind of funny. Actually, 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.840 I'll get into the uh the Ring and the Greatest 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.200 of All Time episode in a minute, because the story 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.959 behind it's kind of funny. But Caitlin's birthday was good. 0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:20.880 We drove out to Las Vegas. Her parents live out there, 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:22.679 or her grandparents live out there, so we stayed with 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:27.360 them for about a week and uh we went to 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.280 like a restaurant on her birthday, which is a big 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:32.000 treat for us. Obviously, we social distance and war masks 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.200 when we weren't eating, but it was a good time. 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:36.360 She was stoked to be around her family. Her uncle 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:38.480 lives out there as well, so it was just nice 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:39.760 for us to be able to kind of get away. 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.320 And her grandparents have like a pool and a gym 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:44.120 and like a nice big house, which is just it's 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:45.799 nice to get away from the apartment where you feel 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:47.840 like you're kind of like a like a like a 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:51.880 mouse trapped in a cage sort of thing. Um, yeah, 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:54.440 the the I don't think that I did as well 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:56.480 for her birthday as she did for mine. She knocked 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:57.760 out of the park and she kind of set the 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:01.280 bar at like a unttatable level. But I did my best. 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:04.360 I you know, I got her some some sentimental presence 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:07.240 and uh, I just made sure to focus in on 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.280 her all day. Uh. And I would say that she 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:13.560 was pretty pleased with with how everything worked. I can't 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:15.120 I don't want to speak on her behalf, but that's 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:19.280 just my interpretation of it. Um. So yeah, that was it. 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:21.240 And then yeah, we have Greatest of All Time, which 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:25.000 we recorded, uh not too long after or no, I 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:27.000 guess we recorded Greatest of All Time before because I 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.920 still had my hair and then we shaved my head 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:32.320 before we went to Vegas for her birthday. So we 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:34.000 record the Greatest at All Time. And I was kind 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:35.560 of like if you as to whether or not I 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:37.480 was like I even wanted to be part of it. Uh, 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:39.880 But at the end of the day, were like whatever, 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:41.120 Like what what do we have to lose? There's no 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:44.600 point in not doing it. Um. And we were supposed 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.400 to record at seven pm, and I like teet off 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.400 with my buddies at like three thirty pm in West 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.440 l A. And I was like, dude, I know that 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:55.680 we're probably not gonna be able to power through around 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:57.520 the golf in three hours, but we're gonna try it. Anyways. 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:59.840 And I was on the fifteen pole, uh, and I 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:01.400 was like, it's like it was like six thirty and 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:02.960 it was like a twenty minute drive, and so I 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:05.880 was like, I just basically beered off and was sprinting 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.840 through the golf course and I had like, uh, you know, 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:12.080 I had like two beers at the time too, so 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.560 I had a pee really bad. Uh. Get in the car, 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:19.200 get back to Kitlin's apartment literally at like seven oh five, 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:22.760 and the recording was supposed to start at seven um, 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:24.800 but it started a little bit later than expected. I 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:26.800 literally sat down, put the microphone on, and we started 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.279 recording right away. And then we answered the question of 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:33.600 the rings. And I like didn't really you know, I 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:35.240 kind of expected them to ask the question. I didn't 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:37.840 really like plan a response and anythink that, but uh, 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:40.359 but yeah, I answered it in that way that I 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:42.080 had never really answered it before. And after we were 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:44.000 done recording, Klin looked over at me and she goes, oh, 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:45.919 I can't believe you actually answered that with more of 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:47.800 a firm answer. Than you have been before, where it's 0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:50.040 always like this open ended what is it? What is 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:53.400 in it? Sort of thing. Um, So, yeah, it's the 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:57.560 intimidation of Chris Harrison. Chris Harrison, he should be a lawyer. 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:00.920 I guess it was. I was just like I was, Yeah, 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.920 I was like just so frazzled and flustered from having 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.960 like rush home so quickly, getting getting back to the apartment, 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:10.039 having to like put everything on, like the microphone and everything, 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:12.280 and like sitting down and call them like being going 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:14.240 with me for being so late, and so I was 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:15.880 just like in a mode where I was just like 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:17.440 I'm just gonna talk my butt off. What is it 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:19.760 about guys where we feel like we can just get 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.640 everything done in a time span that is impossible to 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:27.240 get things done in like if like, for example, if 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:28.960 we have to if like we have dinner at six, 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.640 I'll get in the shower at like five fifty. If 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:33.400 we have to leave the house by six, it's like, 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:34.960 all r, I'm gonna shower, and she's like it's five. 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:36.919 In ten minutes. I'm like, yeah, it'll be fine, and 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:38.880 then I'm ready by six, But like, why didn't I 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.920 shower an hour earlier. I don't know what the hell 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.000 was I I agree, but it does have a way 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:46.120 of always working itself out in my experience, at least 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.799 where it's like, yeah, if it's if you're gonna do something, 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:50.360 just wait till the last minute and it'll get done 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:52.400 when it gets done, I mean, and it never seems 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.040 to it's like, yeah, maybe it's let me down a 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:55.960 couple of times, but I would say it's it's more 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:58.200 successful more often than the majority of time it works 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:01.640 out well it was. I'm glad that Calin's birthday went well. 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:04.440 Significant other birthdays are always high pressure. I always feel 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:06.760 like I suck at giving Ashley gifts. I feel I 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.440 feel the same way you do. I feel like actually 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.520 always out gives me because she's just so good at it. 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:13.080 I don't know if it's a girl thing or maybe 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:15.400 Calin and Ashley are just specifically really good at giving gifts. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.599 But I'm sure you did a wonderful job, team, because 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:20.680 you've been doing uh You're you're a very sweet, sentimental guy. 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.000 So if you gave sentimental gifts that Calin, I'm sure. 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.800 I think birthdays are especially hard because there's an expectation 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:28.479 there whereas like if you're just getting gifts throughout the 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:31.320 year for like random days, like just for like a Wednesday, 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:32.920 like you come home with flowers or something like that. 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:36.400 Like those I think are more thoughtful because there is 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.920 no expectation. But there's also a lot more pressure on 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.920 the birthdays because it's like, Okay, it's their birthday. What 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:43.960 are you gonna do for him? Are you gonna equal 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.359 or exceed what they did for you? Are you going 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:47.840 to come in a little bit lower to kind of 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:51.200 like re recalibrate and restabilize what's going on here? So 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:56.240 birthdays tricky. Do you get random gifts for Forklin? And 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:59.960 if so, what are they? Yeah, I mean I'll like, uh, 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.119 like I got her some artwork to hang for her apartment. Uh, 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.440 little things throughout the week, like I'll get her flowers 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.240 or I will like if I'm out golfing with my buddies, 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:09.680 I'll be sure to like come home with dinner or 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:11.480 something like that, Like small things like that, you know 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.160 what I mean, So that you care? That makes sense? 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:15.160 What what type of flowers do you get? Kaylin? Do 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:17.880 you give her roses? No? I'm not not a big 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.080 rose guy. Even before the bachelor. I was never a 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.760 big rose guy. Like, yeah, I had gotten girlfriends roses before, 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:24.760 but I think there's just a little too cliche. I 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:26.840 like to go with like the lilies or the tulips. 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:30.840 Those are very I'm definitely not a red rose guy. 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:32.800 I can never give actually a red rose just because 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:35.000 it's too weird now, but I get well, the thing 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.640 about roses is different colors have different meaning. Like orange roses. 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:42.840 I mean I think they mean like passion and pink 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:46.240 roses every like the white rose, I think it's a 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:48.440 friendship rose. So don't get a white rose. I think 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:51.080 yellows friendship. Yellows friendship. Okay, so don't get a yellow one, 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:53.560 whichever one it is. Let us know sucky daters that 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:55.720 help I suck a dating Instagram coming below. Let us 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.360 know which rose is meaning for each color, because I 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:00.840 truthfully don't know. But yeah, I like to think of 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:03.800 different things too. Um. I used to be a lot better. 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:07.680 I will say, after Ashley and I got married, I've 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:10.920 been slacking. I still get her random gifts here and there, 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.360 but I used to do it like on a weekly basis, 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.040 And I really gotta start putting more effort into that 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:19.080 I'm sure, just like we all do. UM, but I 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:20.880 do want to talk about something before we have. So, 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:23.960 like Dean said, we have a panel of single people 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:28.200 during this COVID nineteen pandemic, and I'm very interested to 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:31.560 get their perspective on dating and relationships right now, because 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:33.680 obviously Dean and I are in relationships and we're very 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:36.960 lucky because we're quarantine with their significant other. Or maybe 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:40.640 not so lucky, but uh, just kidding. Uh. There was 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:42.599 an article, Dean that I wanted to talk to you 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:45.520 about that I was perusing the internet for and uh 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:48.480 it's about commitment issues, people with commitment issues, And I 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.400 thought who better to speak on this than our very 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:53.560 own Dean Angler, who has been very public about his 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:57.080 uh commitment issues. Uh. And how you're getting so much 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:58.800 better at it, which is pretty cool. We're watching you 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:01.360 grow in front of our eyes. But it's it's from 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:03.720 a website called your tango dot com. Not sure what 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.960 the website is, but regardless, Uh. And the title says 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.000 eight facts about dating people with commitment issues, as written 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.719 by a woman who has them. So, Dean, I want 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:16.920 to talk about these eight commitment issues, uh, or these 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.960 eight facts that apparently you need to know about dating 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:21.520 someone with commitment issues, and I want to see if 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:23.120 you agree with them or if you disagree with them. 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:25.880 Got it? Yeah, let's hear it alright. So Number one, 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:30.440 you cannot change someone else's fear of commitment and says, 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:32.120 if you're dating someone who has a fear of commitment 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.240 with the belief that they will commit to you if 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.920 you give them the time, love them enough, or show 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:39.760 them how great relationships can be, you're setting yourself up 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:42.079 for heartbreak. There's only one person who can change someone's 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:45.079 commitment issues, and that is the person who has them themselves. 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.040 And people only change themselves if they say see a 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:53.120 need for change. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:55.400 For me, from my experience, it was very much the 0:09:55.440 --> 0:10:00.320 same thing. Uh. I can never speak and say exact that. 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:02.240 Girls that I have dated have tried to break me 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.880 out of my commitment phobia, but it wasn't until I 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:07.720 addressed it within myself that I was really able to 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:10.240 overcome it, if you will, So it's definitely something that 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:12.200 you have to tackle with it within yourself. And if 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:14.560 anybody is listening out there who feels like they're dating 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.640 somewhere or want to date someone who they feel like 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:20.320 has commitment issues, then you should probably listen up because 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:24.480 you might see their perspective on things. Number two, people 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:28.319 with commitment issues get portrayed as bad guys or bad girls, 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.040 but we're so not, not all of us anyway. Not 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:36.040 wanting commitment doesn't mean we're uncaring or selfish. It doesn't 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.280 mean we don't care about you or want you in 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:41.520 our life. It just means we don't foresee wanting a commitment, 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:44.760 and we aren't going to pretend otherwise. If we pretended 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.760 we wanted that stuff just to get close to you, 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:50.320 that would be careless, uncaring, and selfish. And there are 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:53.520 some jerks who do do that. Those are the bad guys. 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:56.600 If we're telling you up front, we're If we're telling 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.560 you about it upfront, our commitment ship, commitment issues up front, 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:02.200 we're doing it because we want you to understand what 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:04.760 it means to date us, so you can make a 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:08.839 decision with your eyes wide open. I agree, and I've 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:13.120 actually been criticized for this in the past, where I 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:17.839 am overly expressive and communicative of my shortcomings, especially when 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:20.760 it comes to commitment, and I like kind of leave 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.359 it up to the girls to make the decision for themselves. 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:25.480 So I think you can kind of go both ways. 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:27.120 It's like, yeah, all you're doing is giving them information, 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:30.839 but at the same time, like maybe your actions say otherwise, 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.240 and so they're putting stock in your actions and not 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:36.120 so much into your words. But I do agree, like 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.439 to an extent, I think that it's obviously a lot 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:42.560 worse to like lie about things just to kind of 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:45.559 get what they want from you, which is typically you know, sex. 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:49.800 I guess you would say, um, but from my experience, 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.440 I never thought of myself as a bad guy. I 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:52.880 just thought that I've got a lot of issues, and 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:54.360 I still got a lot of issues. I'm still working 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:55.599 on it, but i'd like to I don't like to 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:56.839 think that I'm a bad guy. You're not a bad 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.080 guy at all, and don't we all have issues. I remember, 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:02.320 actually before we became good friends, watching you on Bachelor 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:06.280 in Paradise season four and really just not understanding why 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:10.000 you were so villainized because you're you made mistakes. But 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:11.839 I mean we've talked about this on the podcast before. 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:15.439 You were very honest with everybody. You weren't lying to anyone, 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:17.720 and even when that stuff was going on, I was like, 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:19.320 I know this looks bad, but I'm just like telling 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:22.480 telling everyone involved in what's going on exactly what's going 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:24.959 on with the other person too, so they can like, like, 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.920 I almost wanted one of them, And this is entirely 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:31.520 like my idios idiosity. I wanted. I was being overly 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.720 communicative with both of them because I wanted one of 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:35.640 them to dump me and essentially make my mind up 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.120 for me. And that was, you know, obviously twenty year 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:39.720 old Dean being an idiot. I don't I wouldn't do 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:42.200 that anymore. I don't recommend it to other people, but 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.120 I think that was where my mindset was at the time. 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.120 I was like, you guys, make this decision for me. 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.000 The first one to dump me, I'll just end up 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:50.760 with the other one. It's not I don't recommend it. 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:52.839 I don't think. I'm not proud of it, but I 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:54.360 think that's what was going through my head at the time. Yeah, 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.600 I see where you're coming from. Maybe not the smartest, 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.280 but I totally get your point. Number Three, people who 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:03.480 fear committing see relationships differently. Society has this obsession with 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:07.559 committed relationships and marriage as the pinnacle of existence, and well, 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:10.880 we don't buy it. We think there are a mirrored 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.720 ways to have a relationship and it doesn't always have 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:18.360 to look like what our parents had. Did I write 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:22.600 this art because it's by some guy named Dean Ungler, 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:27.760 I don't know, babies. I whole heartily agree with that 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.199 too as a society, and not to not to take 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:33.199 away anything from marriage. I know you're married, markis and 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:37.000 are all married beautiful relationships, but we set this standard 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:40.600 for any relationship that you're always working up to get 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:42.439 married and if you don't reach marriage, it was a 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.360 failed relationship. And I think that that's just not entirely true. 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:49.040 I think that younger generations are beginning to see that. 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.520 Uh and well, I do think that marriage is a 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:57.520 beautiful uh sink relationship between two people. It's like a 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.360 great thing to have happened. I don't think it's necess sarily. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.040 It doesn't have to always be the end of be 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:05.200 all for any relationship. I agree, and this is coming 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.600 from someone who's married. Number four. We're the best people 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:12.360 to talk to about our commitment issues. We all have 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.840 our own reasons for shying away from commitment more often 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:17.920 than not. It's not because we want our love life 0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:20.880 to resemble in all you can eat buffet, but that 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:24.440 isn't always the case. What we tell you might make 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:28.040 more sense to you than you think, or maybe it won't, 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:32.320 but it'll definitely be more accurate than what anyone else 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:34.920 has to say about it. That's pretty generic, but I 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:36.920 guess I agree with it. I think a self aware 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:41.400 of commitment fobe is an incredibly reliable source for someone 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:44.880 that's dealing with dating issues. They're like, I have friends 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.200 who are commitment fobes, but who on the surface try 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.800 not to be, pretend not to be, act like they're not, 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.760 speak like they're not, but they really really are, and 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:55.680 you don't, like, you don't really get anywhere during in 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:58.640 a conversation with them because they're not willing to I guess, 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:01.480 express what they are. They're not willing to address it. 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:03.720 And then because of that, like all of their advice 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:07.880 becomes astercized, ostracizes out a word, you put an aster 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:09.560 on it because you don't really you kind of have 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.280 to take with a grain of salt, you know, Yeah, 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.680 I agree, number fine people with commitment issues tend to 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.400 make accepting partners. The thing is, since we're not planning 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.840 on legally binding ourselves to anyone, we don't care all 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:21.680 that much about some of the stuff that other people 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:25.080 are going to get hung up on. Your messiness, bad credit, 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:29.360 low paying job, messy divorce, debt, horrible driving record doesn't 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:32.680 affect most of us in any real way. Are you 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:37.000 a cool human who maybe has a messy life, whatever 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:40.320 it happens. If you're a walking disaster, it's a problem. 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:45.720 But generally speaking, that stuff is your business, not ours. Yeah. Yeah, 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:47.840 I agree with that too. I guess I think I'm 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:49.720 kind of more on the giving end of the messiness 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:51.960 than the receiving end of the messiness. But maybe that's 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:53.680 why I'm such a commitment fobus, because I know that 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:57.040 the person that's gonna eventually, if if it happens, commit 0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:59.240 to me, they're gonna have to deal with my you know, look, 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:04.520 credit score, a messiness, laziness. Oh yeah, smells. I told 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:08.880 Ashley we first started, before we started dating, I was like, listen, 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:12.600 you have a total different perception of what I actually am. 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:15.640 I am a in mess and get ready for you. 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.800 Number six people with a fear of commitment can still 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:22.240 be capable of feeling incredibly deep love. We know, we 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.840 know this goes against everything anyone thinks about us, but 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.240 it's true for a lot of us. It's what scares 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.720 us the most about relationships. We feel things intensely, we 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:35.040 love wholeheartedly, and it's often bitten us in the behind 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:38.480 adds that an aversion to following the fairytale script and 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:42.160 loving becomes a complicated thing. But if we fall for you, 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:45.600 it's going to be that earth shattering, life changing kind 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.600 of love. It probably will not lead to a ring 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.920 or a picket fence, but it will be its own 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.840 kind of beauty. Yeah, yeah, great. Do you feel like 0:16:55.840 --> 0:17:02.000 you love deeply? Dean? Uh took a question and I 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.160 don't really know how to answer that. I think that 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:09.440 I have. I think that I am continuing to work 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.600 on my ability to feel that way again if I 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:13.199 want to feel that way again. I don't think I'm 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.520 there yet. Uh. But you look back on any level, 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:18.320 and we've talked about this and quite a bit of 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:20.800 depth on this podcast before, is like the kind of 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:23.840 love that you felt for your high school sweetheart is 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:26.240 never gonna be be able to be replicated because it's 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:28.679 like you're an idiot when you were sixteen years and 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.919 it's the first time you felt those feelings. Yeah, like 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:36.040 the first time exactly like that. It's very impactful, right, Uh. 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.320 And so as time moves on, I don't know, all right, Well, 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:39.520 we do have our guests on the line, so we 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.600 will finish the last two seven and a a little 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:44.600 bit later in the podcast, but right now we have 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:46.800 our guests who are waiting on the line. And before 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.520 we get to our panel of single people dating during 0:17:49.560 --> 0:18:03.119 this COVID nineteen pandemic, let's take a quick break. Welcome 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.840 back to help I suck at dating. Uh. Dean and 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:08.640 Jared here obviously, and we have a great panel that's 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:12.240 joining us right now. Uh. Of well, to be frank 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.960 single people, because we're a dating podcast, and Dean and 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:18.359 I are both obviously in relationships, and we want to 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:21.600 get the perspective of people who are dating right now. 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:24.320 And I'd love to know the world of dating, especially 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:27.800 with everything that's going on with social distancing and quarantine 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:30.800 and all that. So let me introduce the panel one 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:34.840 by one. First, from California, the Bay Area. She's twenty 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.840 years old. She's a senior at San Diego State universitily 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.000 and she is in an It's complicated relationships which will 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:45.560 dive into a Lanta uh later, Hannah, Hannah, thanks for 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:50.120 joining us. Yeah, of course. Oh how you doing good? 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:52.000 How are you? I miss you guys. I know we 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:54.439 miss you too. Sorry, Hannah. I didn't even realize it 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:56.200 was you until I looked at a little gallery. Honna. 0:18:56.440 --> 0:19:01.119 You you've you've helped us in a Uh. Have you 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:04.320 been on the podcast before? I know this is my 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:08.639 first time. Oh well yes, And for the listeners out there, 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:10.639