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Speaker 1: What is happening? Hello? How are you doing? You're fresh

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Speaker 1: as a daisy today, Actually, I know, I feel so fresh.

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Speaker 1: Showering is so annoying, you know what I mean, Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just so sick of of it. I know it's necessary,

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Speaker 1: and of course I do it, but I don't like it,

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Speaker 1: and I don't like blowing out my hair. I don't

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Speaker 1: like the act of showering. It's like you kind of

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Speaker 1: get uncomfortable while you're getting in and you're getting out,

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Speaker 1: but you have to like do it so you can

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Speaker 1: copy worm and also clean. I know. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 1: just basically watching washing my Pikachu, my butt and my

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Speaker 1: like under arms, and it doesn't really take that long,

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Speaker 1: but it's just annoying. No one takes quicker showers than I.

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Speaker 1: I did not give a fuck about that. I remember

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Speaker 1: Tiffany Hattish I was once did a show of hers

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Speaker 1: and she was like, why don't white girls wash their legs?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't know, but I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't wash my legs and she's like why, She's like,

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Speaker 1: you have to wash everything. I go, I don't. I

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Speaker 1: just I just feel like the soap goes down from

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Speaker 1: my shampoo and my hair everything falls down. So if

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Speaker 1: I've been out in public and used a public restroom,

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Speaker 1: I will wash the back of my thighs. However, so

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Speaker 1: I washed my butt getting dirty your legs. I washed

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Speaker 1: my butt cheeks and my butt hole because my butt

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Speaker 1: cheeks because I don't want to get any pimples on

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Speaker 1: my butt, you know what I mean. And that's disgusting.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's not disgusting. It happens, but it is.

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Speaker 1: It's not pleasant. I don't like when I look at

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Speaker 1: my butt in the mirror and there's like a little

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Speaker 1: red dot. I'm like, oh god, what is that? See?

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Speaker 1: I try to use the natural deodorant. I'm wearing real

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Speaker 1: stuff today, but I'm trying to not get Alzheimer's. But like,

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Speaker 1: I find that my pitts are stinky the second I

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Speaker 1: get out of the shower. I'm like, why don't even bother?

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Speaker 1: They're just always stinky. I find that I only get

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Speaker 1: be a well, No, my bo has definitely gotten worse

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Speaker 1: as I've aged, but it's still not that bad. But

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Speaker 1: I definitely get it when I drink coffee. I started

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Speaker 1: sweating a meatia when I drink coffee, So I just

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Speaker 1: feel like it's too much of a stimulant for me.

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Speaker 1: You're just all amped up. Yeah, I am amped up.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty Yeah. I have a lot to be amped

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Speaker 1: up about, namely ozempic. Ozempic. For those of you who

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Speaker 1: are have been living under a rock. Everyone is on ozempic,

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Speaker 1: is on this weight loss drug. I was taking semi

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Speaker 1: glue tide and I had no idea that is ax empic,

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Speaker 1: and I was wondering why I was nauseated for two

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Speaker 1: weeks straight. But I've been giving a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: I've been giving it to a lot of people. I'm

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Speaker 1: like running a whole thing out of my house because

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Speaker 1: people are it's like a miracle. I mean, people are sick,

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Speaker 1: but they're losing. But it's like it's a diabetes drug, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And the side effect is it kills your appetite. But

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Speaker 1: the thing is, it's just so unpleasant to be nauseous.

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Speaker 1: I guess you have to find the sweet spot that

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Speaker 1: doesn't make you nauseous and then slowly build it up

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Speaker 1: over time incrementally. But I can't pretend that I have

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Speaker 1: enough weight to lose to be on some sort of

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Speaker 1: weight loss drugs, So I mean, I'm just abusing my

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Speaker 1: body if I take that. I mean, like rips, You've

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Speaker 1: got your Ben Bruno, like you got your muscles, I know,

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Speaker 1: But imagine if this ozempic just makes me muscular, like

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Speaker 1: if it's a fat burning I have to look up

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Speaker 1: and see if it actually burns fat or if it

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Speaker 1: just kills your appetite, because it does make you feel

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Speaker 1: full faster, like I definitely when I took it, I

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Speaker 1: had more control over myself. And then I lowered my

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Speaker 1: dosage because I want to have an appetite. I just

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Speaker 1: don't want to go nuts, you know. And then my

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Speaker 1: cousin's on it, but she's taking such a small, small

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Speaker 1: amount that she doesn't even feel the effects of it,

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Speaker 1: and so she's like, my doctor's anantochronologists. She wants me

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Speaker 1: to be very safe and we have to go very slowly.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, come over to my house and

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Speaker 1: I'll give you the proper dosage. So for everyone out there,

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Speaker 1: talk to your doctor or come to my place and

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Speaker 1: I'll inject you with semi glutade. I have an update,

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Speaker 1: Chelsea from one of our collar Does anybody know that

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Speaker 1: Ben Bruno, my trainer, has gotten a gage. Oh yes,

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Speaker 1: I saw you got engaged to his girlfriend Nicole, who's

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Speaker 1: who's called No Bread. So anybody, anybody who's gluten free

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Speaker 1: or has still act disease or any of that, you

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Speaker 1: should follow her because she has like a lot of

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Speaker 1: great tips on how to eat without ever having anything bad. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and like recipes and stuff. She's a cute eat And

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Speaker 1: she also has the flattest stomach I think I've ever

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Speaker 1: seen on any woman. I guess that's what happens when

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Speaker 1: you don't have gluten that bloats you, right, because even

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Speaker 1: when I'm my body's banging, I don't have that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I feel like everybody these days, and it feels like

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Speaker 1: all the slebs Kim Kardashi and all those people. Sorry

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Speaker 1: I mentioned her name, but everyone's ribs forward, like everything

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Speaker 1: is about the ribs, and everyone's got these very flat stomachs.

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Speaker 1: Right now, have you noticed this trend? Well, it's ozempic asshole.

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Speaker 1: I told you that's the trend. Think that's what it is, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: I have an update from a collar. This is from

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Speaker 1: a who wrote in on our Dan Savage episode about

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Speaker 1: she and her husband had just gotten married and they

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Speaker 1: were like not having sex hardly at all, So she says, hi, again,

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Speaker 1: my initial letter probably lacked a lot of key details.

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Speaker 1: At the time, my husband and I weren't living together

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Speaker 1: and we were working completely different schedules. He's a bar

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Speaker 1: tender and I work night. Not living together, Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: is a big that'll kill your sex life. So we

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Speaker 1: really never sought each other to have sex. When we

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Speaker 1: did see each other for the one night a week

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Speaker 1: we could, there was a lot of pressure on us

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Speaker 1: to have sex, and pressure isn't really that sexy, which,

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Speaker 1: like I hear that he was also going through a

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Speaker 1: tough depression. I did take Chelsea and Dan's advice and

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Speaker 1: just letting go of things and letting things happen more naturally.

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Speaker 1: It was harder than I thought it would be. I

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Speaker 1: had to sit with the idea that his attraction to

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Speaker 1: me isn't only based on looks, but also on his

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Speaker 1: mood and the larger context that seems obvious. But in

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Speaker 1: order to truly let things go and happen naturally, I

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Speaker 1: had to really wrestle with the idea that his not

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Speaker 1: wanting sex doesn't mean there's something wrong with me or

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Speaker 1: that he doesn't love me. It is of course, still

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Speaker 1: a work in progress, and I'm healing from dealing with

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Speaker 1: neglect and childhood. We're having significantly more sex now that

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Speaker 1: we're living together, not quite as much as I would like,

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Speaker 1: since we still work opposite schedule, but I'm realizing that

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Speaker 1: we go through cycles in life and especially in marriage,

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Speaker 1: where we're having more sex or less sex, and that's normal.

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Speaker 1: I'm also realizing in talking to friends that not having

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Speaker 1: that much sex in the marriage is actually quite common.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we hear about husbands badgering their wives

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Speaker 1: for sex all the time, but we don't hear much

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Speaker 1: about wives who want more sex in their marriage. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure that there are plenty of wives who are in

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Speaker 1: the same position. So I hope this helps someone else

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Speaker 1: to Thank you for following up, sincerely, A. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I totally agree. I, for one, usually in our marriage,

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Speaker 1: or at least for the first decade, I was the

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Speaker 1: one who wanted more sex than he did. And it

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Speaker 1: changes changes from months to month, it changes from year

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Speaker 1: to year. Sometimes you're gonna have like tons of sex

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Speaker 1: or maybe more sporadic sex, but it might be even

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Speaker 1: better sex. But why were they fucking living together as

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Speaker 1: a married couple. I don't understand that. My guess is

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Speaker 1: probably like work related, work related. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: did that mean? She left that information out. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: a pretty crucial piece of information, So please include all

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Speaker 1: the details when you're right againsto teer Chelsea. Okay, we

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Speaker 1: take this ship really seriously. Yes, but also make your

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Speaker 1: emails brief please. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yet to be succinct.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, with all of the details. Listen, I love

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Speaker 1: bullet points, if you send me something with bullet points.

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think about all the sex I've

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Speaker 1: had in my life and when there was ever like

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Speaker 1: a deficit of sex. Yeah, well, I mean when I

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Speaker 1: was in a relationship, I guess because I've never been married,

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Speaker 1: you know, but some men become unfuckable within the relationship,

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Speaker 1: like they do something that is a turn off, you know.

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Speaker 1: Like I remember a long a relationship a long time

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Speaker 1: ago that I was in and we lived together. There

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Speaker 1: was like a period towards the end where he just

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Speaker 1: was so needy, so needy that it was not sexy.

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Speaker 1: And then I would just pretend that I had a

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Speaker 1: east infection, like almost every week to get out of

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Speaker 1: sucking him and I would just be like, I have

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Speaker 1: another yeast infection, I have this. I mean, I would

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Speaker 1: have used COVID had it been before that, before COVID.

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Speaker 1: But that's another great way to get out of sex

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Speaker 1: in the beginning. It's always great, it's always fun. And

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Speaker 1: obviously that honeymoon period doesn't last. I guess I don't

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Speaker 1: know how long it lasts for I think it's like

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Speaker 1: a year, yeah, because it's gonna be different for everybody. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And when people do stuff like I just wish men

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Speaker 1: were aware of the behavior and women of the behavior

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Speaker 1: that makes us not want to have sex with you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like really jealous behaviors a turn off, really needy behavior,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know, does anyone like a needy guy?

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. And it's just it's so obvious

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Speaker 1: when you see it. You see the end of the

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Speaker 1: relationship when someone starts becoming needy and like, oh, like

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Speaker 1: don't go somewhere without me or don't do this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like you see the end in sight. Just because

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Speaker 1: it just drives someone away. You just have to like,

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Speaker 1: even if you don't feel it inside, you just gotta

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Speaker 1: be like cock sure, like I'll be here, you do

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Speaker 1: your thing. I'm great. Yeah, I think when you hold

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Speaker 1: onto something too tight, you're always gonna lose it. So

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Speaker 1: that's the lesson of the day. Yes, I've been meaning

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Speaker 1: to tell you that you're gonna have to get rid

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Speaker 1: of your social media accounts because we're going to combine

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Speaker 1: ours because you're not allowed to have your own anymore.

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Speaker 1: So I've been meaning to tell you. I've been meaning

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Speaker 1: to let you know what I'm what I'm about to do. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a death knell when you see somebody who's like

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Speaker 1: the couple's name is the Facebook account or Instagram account,

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Speaker 1: you're like controlling Chelsea. I have a question from one

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Speaker 1: of our listeners that's kind of about voting, and I

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Speaker 1: know you've been posting a ton about that lately. Yes, guys, voting.

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Speaker 1: You can vote early and the last day of voting

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Speaker 1: is November eight. If you are not registered to vote,

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Speaker 1: you can still register to vote. It is really really

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Speaker 1: important to be voting, guys. It's complicated and it's a

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Speaker 1: pain in the ass, and it's worth it. Awesome. So specifically,

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Speaker 1: Tom says, dear Chelsea, I just want to start out

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Speaker 1: by saying I love your podcast. I listened to it

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Speaker 1: every week during my six hour drive to Berkeley from

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Speaker 1: Fort Irwin, California to visit my husband. I'm a tw

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Speaker 1: the eight year old white gay guy in the army,

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Speaker 1: finishing up almost seven years, and I'm trying to be

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Speaker 1: a more responsible voter. I've gotten my past two ballots,

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Speaker 1: like most military people, absentee. Coming from a conservative household,

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Speaker 1: I was definitely brainwashed in my younger years into that mentality,

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Speaker 1: which obviously goes against my liberal and progressive ideals. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to vote more responsibly, but I find it difficult

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Speaker 1: to find information on local candidates and smaller races so

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Speaker 1: I know who to vote for. Do you know if

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Speaker 1: any good tools to find out more about people up

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Speaker 1: for election? Ballot PDA seems to be the biggest one,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't tell me anything on that person's voting

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Speaker 1: history and stuff like that. Thank you very respectfully, Tom Well,

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Speaker 1: Hi Tom Good questions, because, Yeah, there are a lot

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Speaker 1: of cheat sheets you can use, Like for instance, I

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Speaker 1: used the l A Times cheat sheep. There were a

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Speaker 1: couple of votes I didn't agree with that the l

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Speaker 1: Times had, so I used a progressive cheat sheet too.

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Speaker 1: There's some progressive outlet. But if you go to that candidate,

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Speaker 1: if you're deciding between two candidates, you can go to

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Speaker 1: that candidate's website and they should have a history of

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Speaker 1: everything that they voted on. If they do not have

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Speaker 1: a history of what they voted on, it's public information.

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Speaker 1: You just have to dig a little deeper and like

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Speaker 1: probably go to the state legislation for California and find

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Speaker 1: out which candidates you know voted for what. But for

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Speaker 1: anyone in the country, you have to find your progressive

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Speaker 1: liberal cheat sheet. They can't do that. Set support, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like a voter's guide, and those are easily attained because

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Speaker 1: when I looked it up, like five came up and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I picked the top two that

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Speaker 1: I know about. Because there's just too many measures on

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Speaker 1: every ballot and the wording is can be very confusing,

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Speaker 1: so they can kind of like, depending on which state

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Speaker 1: you live in, they can trick you into voting for

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Speaker 1: something that you really don't want to be voting for. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Another recommendation that a friend of mine actually gave me

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Speaker 1: was to go to a local chapter of an organization

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Speaker 1: that you know, share beliefs with. Maybe it's like white

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Speaker 1: people for Black Lives or whatever it is, and ask

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Speaker 1: them specifically about people in your area. And for those

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Speaker 1: local elections. Yeah, and for this elections specifically, it would

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Speaker 1: probably be any candidate that is pro you know, writes

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Speaker 1: abortion rights. I think that is probably the most important

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Speaker 1: issue on the ballot right now. And go vote. Yep,

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Speaker 1: fucking vote people. You can look if someone votes. If

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Speaker 1: I ever meet a man that wants to have sex

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Speaker 1: with me again that doesn't vote, it's not happening. Just

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Speaker 1: know that because I know there's a ton of straight

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Speaker 1: men listening. Oh you guys, I'm performing this weekend in

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Speaker 1: Tucson Saturday night and uh Colorado Springs, Colorado Sunday night. Yes,

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Speaker 1: tickets are still available for both shows. So bye some

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Speaker 1: okay bye. I'm excited about our guest today because I

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Speaker 1: haven't spoken to her in a long time and she's

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Speaker 1: a great actress. She's beautiful. I love watching her and

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Speaker 1: her lover and their baby. You can see how much

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Speaker 1: motherhood has changed her if you follow her on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: She has a new book coming out, a baby book

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Speaker 1: called A Name from the Sky, and she's a new

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Speaker 1: move called Marlow that's also coming out. So say Hello

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Speaker 1: to Diane Krueger. Hi, Hi alright, baby cakes, Hi are you?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god? I love you. I'm so happy to

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Speaker 1: see that beautiful face. Tom me too. It's been so long.

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Speaker 1: I know, I haven't seen you since when I was

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Speaker 1: last time I saw you. Let me think, let me

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Speaker 1: jog my memory. I feel like I always see you

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Speaker 1: at Vanity Fair every year, or at the Chateau Marmont.

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Speaker 1: I think we were once having a conversation at the

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Speaker 1: Chateau Marmont, bitching about our respective boyfriends at the time.

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Speaker 1: It's very like, where are you. I am in New

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Speaker 1: York right now. I want to tell you that I

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Speaker 1: follow you on Instagram and I have been so moved

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Speaker 1: by you having a baby and your reaction and just

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Speaker 1: how I can feel the love that you have for

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Speaker 1: being a mother and being in like a great healthy

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Speaker 1: relationship and watching you with your daughter. It's just so sweet.

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Speaker 1: It's really heartwarming. And I don't really appreciate children, so

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Speaker 1: that's saying a lot well coming from you. Then, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, Chelsea, it's like it's I never thought I

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Speaker 1: wanted kids to be honest. For a long time, I

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Speaker 1: didn't think so. And Nova was a surprise, and it's

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Speaker 1: just so amazing how life can be. She came at

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Speaker 1: the least expected but yet most wanted time in my life.

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Speaker 1: Really changed my life in the best possible way. That's sweet.

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Speaker 1: So you weren't planning on having a baby. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, it's it

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Speaker 1: crossed my mind, and then you know, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's it's done. I'm too old, you know, it's not

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Speaker 1: going to happen. And it did. Well good. I'm glad

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Speaker 1: that it happened for you, because I you you also

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Speaker 1: just wrote a children's book based on probably becoming a mother,

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Speaker 1: I would presume, right, Well, the book is a little

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Speaker 1: bit about my childhood. So what happened was I was

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Speaker 1: in l A working and my mom from Germany was

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Speaker 1: in town to help me with Nova, and she was

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Speaker 1: both one, and you know, the world shut down and

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Speaker 1: weeks turned into months, and I hadn't spent this much

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Speaker 1: time with my mom since I was probably sixteen, because

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Speaker 1: I moved out so young, and so we you know,

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Speaker 1: started talking about my childhood and stuff I had forgotten

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Speaker 1: and remembered fondly with her, and I remember that she

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Speaker 1: told me the meaning of my name because I was

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Speaker 1: really teased for my name, which seems incordible because it's Diane.

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Speaker 1: It's not that unusual, but where I'm from, it was.

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Speaker 1: And she really did change my life because it made

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Speaker 1: she made me feel special. And I'm named after Diane,

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Speaker 1: the goddess of Hunt. And I was a very odd kid.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have many friends. My best friend was my

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Speaker 1: pet bunny Benny, who was a real buddy who would

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Speaker 1: come to school with me on a leash every day,

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Speaker 1: and so kids thought I was crazy. And I loved

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Speaker 1: to read, and my best friends with the characters in

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Speaker 1: my books. So I felt very unseen. And she changed

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Speaker 1: my life that way by explaining to you the meaning

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Speaker 1: of your name. Yeah, I just felt like, what could

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Speaker 1: be so special about me? You know, a little for me?

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Speaker 1: Could I be ever im as powerful as this god is?

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Speaker 1: And could my life have a destiny in a way

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Speaker 1: that was different and special? And so when you know

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Speaker 1: Nova was born, I remember we were thinking so hard

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Speaker 1: about how to name her, and I just started writing

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Speaker 1: it down and that's kind of how it happened. I

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Speaker 1: found an editor, and I mean it's been two years

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Speaker 1: in the making. Wow, So how is your relationship changed

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Speaker 1: with your own mom. Since you've had a child, has

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Speaker 1: it changed, It's changed a lot. I finally understand I'm

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Speaker 1: conditional love. You know. I think I moved out very young.

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Speaker 1: I had a very complicated situation, family situation at home,

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Speaker 1: so my mom kind of lost out of all the

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Speaker 1: good years. I guess you get with your daughter, you know,

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Speaker 1: when you become friends and things are not so hard anymore.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I never really came home after I

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Speaker 1: moved out, and so my daughter brought us back together

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Speaker 1: because I I didn't know that my mom would step

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Speaker 1: up as such a great grand parent. You know, she

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Speaker 1: really is here when I need her. It makes me

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Speaker 1: feel so much better about going to work, you know,

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Speaker 1: not having her being raised by nanny's when I'm away,

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Speaker 1: and just seeing her kindness. It's just really been a

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Speaker 1: watership moment for me. Um. You know, we still have

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Speaker 1: our differences, of course, but I find myself to be

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Speaker 1: much kinder these days. Yeah. Yeah, So when you moved

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Speaker 1: at sixteen, where did you go Paris to start modeling,

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Speaker 1: acting exactly modeling Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and then New

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Speaker 1: York at eighteen, and you know, back and forth, so

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Speaker 1: you speak French, German, English, anything else. No, that's it.

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Speaker 1: And are you teaching your daughter? Are do you? You

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Speaker 1: speak to her in French and German as well? Not

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Speaker 1: so much in French, even though you know, we live

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Speaker 1: in Paris right now for a year as a family,

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Speaker 1: just for work reasons, and she's going to school there

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Speaker 1: as well, French English bilingual school, and she's going to

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Speaker 1: a German school once a week, so hopefully she'll get it.

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Speaker 1: Oh cute, I love that. Yeah, I know. I've been

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Speaker 1: trying to learn Spanish for about seven years, so I

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Speaker 1: mean the real key ingredient to everybody is to fucking

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Speaker 1: learn it as a baby so you don't have to

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Speaker 1: learn it as an adult because we should all know

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Speaker 1: multiple languages. And I'm sick of my I have my

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Speaker 1: first Spanish class tomorrow. By the way, I'm really she

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Speaker 1: does pretty well. I came back from Spain. We were

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Speaker 1: in my Orca for a month. That I came back.

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Speaker 1: I told my housekeeper, I'm like, listen, don't speak anything

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Speaker 1: but Spanish. We're only speaking Spanish from now and I

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Speaker 1: need to level up. And I mean it's really limiting her. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I haven't understand the word. She's said since our return,

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Speaker 1: so it's really limiting our conversation. But also talk to

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Speaker 1: me about you and Norman. You're not married, right, No,

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Speaker 1: not yet? You got engaged. Oh you did? Congratulations, Thank you.

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Speaker 1: He's a cute I love Norman. I met him once,

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Speaker 1: I did an interview with him, and I liked him

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Speaker 1: a lot. So I was very happy to find out

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Speaker 1: about you guys getting together because you seem like a

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Speaker 1: great hair and I know that you've been in you

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Speaker 1: had a lot, a couple of relationships prior to that

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Speaker 1: and longer ones. So talk to us a little bit

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Speaker 1: about how you're life has changed by being in this

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Speaker 1: relationship and how you know you've grown. You know, I

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Speaker 1: think that I'm much more my own person. I don't

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Speaker 1: tend to I mean, that might sound really dark, but

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Speaker 1: you know, I hope things will work out with Norman,

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Speaker 1: will always be together, but I've kind of grown into

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Speaker 1: being more independent, you know, being hopefully actually a better partner,

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Speaker 1: you know, where I let him do his thing, support

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Speaker 1: him and what he wants to do, but reserve the

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Speaker 1: rights that I want the same for myself. And I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to really live the life of a good family

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Speaker 1: where we model to our child that it's okay to

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Speaker 1: be absent, it's okay to work, but it's the most

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Speaker 1: important thing is to be a family and uphold those traditions.

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Speaker 1: And I really want to show up and I need

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Speaker 1: him to show up, you know. Yeah. I I feel

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Speaker 1: like as we get how old are you, Diane, and

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Speaker 1: oh you are okay, we're almost the same age on

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Speaker 1: forty seven. I feel like as we get into our forties,

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Speaker 1: you hear that a lot, that you come into your

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Speaker 1: own and off. But it's like very true about the

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Speaker 1: maturity level that used to be a dirty word to me.

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Speaker 1: Like when people said, you know, you have to be

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Speaker 1: more mature, grow up, I'd be like, I don't ever

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Speaker 1: want to grow up. I always want to be like this,

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Speaker 1: you know. I want to be like crazy and and

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Speaker 1: and spontaneous. And I kind of confused what mature is,

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Speaker 1: you know. And now that I'm at this age, it's

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Speaker 1: so nice to handle things with a level of maturation.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes in many instances for the first time, even ending

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Speaker 1: relationships or having difficult conversations are just so much more

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Speaker 1: mature and less dramatic because yes, yes, like the drama

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Speaker 1: and the thirst for drama that I experienced when I

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Speaker 1: was younger. I always regretted it. I always regretted the

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Speaker 1: way I would handle things or end things, whether it

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Speaker 1: be a romantic relationship or a friendship. And there's a

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Speaker 1: very calm, knowing nous that comes after forty especially after

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Speaker 1: forty five, And I can't wait to see what happens

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Speaker 1: because I don't really want to get any more mature

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Speaker 1: than this. You know what I mean this, I feel

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Speaker 1: them in my sweet spot and that I have accountability

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Speaker 1: and I can listen to differing opinions and then actually

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Speaker 1: be like oh, instead of being fixed on my opinion,

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Speaker 1: Whereas I was like that in my thirties. I thought

426
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: I knew everything and you couldn't tell me differently. I

427
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 1: like the idea of being able to change your opinions

428
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 1: now I agree. I mean, there are things I don't

429
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 1: know about you, but I accepted a lot of things

430
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 1: in previous relationships that I just wouldn't anymore. Not because

431
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: they they were bad people, whatever. They make me do

432
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 1: things that I didn't want to do, But I just

433
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 1: know I'm not going to be happy with certain criterias.

434
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 1: I'm not meant, you know what I'm saying. So I

435
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 1: won't settle for less if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely,

436
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 1: that's how I feel too. It's like there's a level

437
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 1: of standard, you know, like there's a standard now that

438
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: you have to be above that line. And it's nice

439
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,679
Speaker 1: to know that about yourself without questioning it. Like I

440
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 1: remember being in my thirties always asking everybody about their

441
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,199
Speaker 1: opinion about everything, and now I just ask few and

442
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,679
Speaker 1: fewer people because I don't care what everybody thinks. It's like,

443
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 1: you know what you think, and you know what your

444
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: opinions are. You ask yourself. Yeah, and there's a nice

445
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 1: that's a great feeling as a woman to be like, no,

446
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 1: I know what the right thing to do here is

447
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:17,439
Speaker 1: and not relying on other people for their interference anyway. Okay,

448
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 1: so we're gonna we're taking calls people zoom in. They

449
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 1: ask us really fucking serious questions. So get ready to Diane. Okay,

450
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:27,479
Speaker 1: we're giving them life advice. Oh oh god. All right,

451
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 1: Before we do that, we're gonna take a really quick break,

452
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: and we're gonna take a quick break and we're gonna

453
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 1: be right back and we're back fantastic. Well, we're back

454
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 1: with Chelsea and Diane Krueger. This first email actually fits

455
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 1: right in with what you were talking about just now.

456
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 1: So this first email comes from tired Mama. You're Chelsea.

457
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 1: I'm a mom of two young boys and also work

458
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: a full time job as a heavy equipment operator. I'm

459
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: a shift worker, which means I work days and nights

460
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 1: twelve hour shifts and often work overtime. I'm trying to

461
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: get ahead financially and contribute to providing for my family.

462
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: My husband works full time as well the same schedule

463
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,880
Speaker 1: and also has done his fair share of overtime while

464
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 1: I was on maternity leave. My issue is I often

465
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 1: feel guilty taking time for myself in regards to self care, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture,

466
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,640
Speaker 1: and yoga because I'm working so much, so in doing

467
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: any of those things, I have less time available to

468
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 1: spend with my kids. After every shift, my body aches.

469
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, yet I forced myself to work more overtime.

470
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: My husband has made comments in the past about me,

471
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 1: quote not making my kids a priority. When I had

472
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 1: a babysitter lined up so I could play softball, I

473
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 1: was only able to make it three games last summer.

474
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed to mention anything about my hobbies or

475
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 1: passions because I just don't have time to pursue them.

476
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 1: I can't even say anything negative about my husband, as

477
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: he's a great dad and rarely takes any time for

478
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: himself either. He believes that work is the only time

479
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 1: he can handle being away from his kids and wants

480
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 1: to spend all of his free time with them. It's

481
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: one of the things that I love most about him,

482
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: but it's also causing tension and resentment in our relationship.

483
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 1: How do I go about creating a healthy work life

484
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 1: balance that won't give me major mom guilt? Signed another

485
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 1: tired guilty mama. Oh, it's so hard to be a

486
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: parent so much work? Well, that sounds tough. I mean

487
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 1: it is tough and the best of times, and that

488
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 1: sounds like a really tough situation. Yeah, I would say,

489
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: first of all, just because he wants to be with

490
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 1: his kids all the time, that's great. Obviously, that's a

491
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 1: great quality. But you're not the same person, and you

492
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: have different brains and different genetic makeups and different needs

493
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,439
Speaker 1: and different wants. And if you sit down and explain

494
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: to him that and that this will help you be

495
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: a better parent at home, It's like putting that oxygen

496
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: mask on yourself before you put it on anyone else.

497
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 1: It's like, you have to take care of yourself, especially

498
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,400
Speaker 1: when you're working at like you know, manual label. Yeah, absolutely,

499
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 1: Like that's not easy on your body. So it's not

500
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: even just for that, it's for your own health and

501
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 1: longevity an ability to work those extra hours. And I

502
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 1: know that you said that you need the money and

503
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: and it's a financial situation. But if there's any chance

504
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: that you don't have to work extra hard, like, please don't.

505
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: I understand if you need to do it, you've got

506
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: to do it, but if you don't, it's like that's

507
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: giving yourself the gift of time as well. Everybody needs

508
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 1: to recuperate and rest from whatever they do. So I

509
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 1: would really advise sitting down with your husband and just

510
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: laying it all out. Please don't make me feel guilty

511
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: for taking care of myself and explain, you know, in

512
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: the sweetest way, like what this job does to you physically,

513
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,439
Speaker 1: and figure out a solution between the two of you

514
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 1: that it feels like a compromise because it can't just

515
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 1: be black or white, like you've got to have a

516
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: little bit you know, He's got to give you something

517
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 1: that you can do in your spare time to kind

518
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 1: of recoup, whether it's a massage or you go and

519
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: play softball or whatever. Yeah, I think in this case,

520
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: it would come down to having a conversation with your

521
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: husband about this is what I need from this relationship

522
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: and this family, and this is what you need and

523
00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 1: want from this relationship. So as partners, how can we decide, Okay,

524
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: this X amount of time per week you a lot

525
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 1: from my self care. Whatever I want to do in

526
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: that time doesn't matter if I want to go softball

527
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: or I want to go to take a massage, but

528
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: these two hours per week with three hours per week

529
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 1: are for me, and then decide which ones are for

530
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: him so that he doesn't feel guilty, right, so, and

531
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: then stick to that. But there's really I totally get

532
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 1: where she's coming from, that guilt. I mean, I feel

533
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: it when I'm making a movie and it's you know,

534
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: fourteen hour days and I don't see her for you know,

535
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: and I'm double shifting and she's crying. It's it's it's tough,

536
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 1: But partnership is really maybe she has family, maybe a

537
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: family to help out every once in a long you know. Yeah,

538
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: I love that you said that you have your mom

539
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: come and help with Nova, and that she's a resource

540
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: for you and having her have that extra time with

541
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: her Grandma's probably amazing. And the other thing I would

542
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,199
Speaker 1: say is, you know, if there's not family in the

543
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 1: area and you can't afford a babysitter, find a friend

544
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,639
Speaker 1: who's got kids around the same age and do that

545
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: for a each other. So you know, Tuesdays will watch

546
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: your kids for a few hours. Thursdays you watch our

547
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 1: kids for a few hours, so you have that time.

548
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: And the other thing too, is you do need time

549
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 1: to reconnect with your husband. Like, if you guys are

550
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 1: going to have a partnership that can withstand raising kids

551
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: and long hours and all that stuff, you have to

552
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 1: set aside a little bit of time for each other

553
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 1: as well, even if it's just a little bit each

554
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 1: week or you know, a small amount of time every night. Yeah. Absolutely,

555
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't a huge problem. It's just something

556
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: that you should It's actually a good way to like

557
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: practice problem solving within your marriage when things come up,

558
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 1: because your husband sounds awesome and there's no way when

559
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: you talk to him in a real way about how

560
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 1: you're feeling. That he won't be responsive to that. You know,

561
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: he just has to hear it more specifically from you

562
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: in a more measured kind of way, without the children around,

563
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: without any distractions. So yes, have that conversation, and yes,

564
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: and we wish you well and please keep us posted. Yes.

565
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Paul Att. She'sa is dear Chelsea.

566
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: I met my husband almost nine years ago at a

567
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: work conference. We met, fell in love, and I moved

568
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 1: to Quebec to become a stepmom and we married all

569
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: another two years now. We have eighteen year old twins

570
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: and a twenty year old, all living at home two

571
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,359
Speaker 1: weeks on, two weeks off and not pulling their weight.

572
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: The oldest is working and going to school. The twins

573
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 1: are working but not going to school. Their bond with

574
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 1: their dad is tight and they prefer to be at

575
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 1: our house all the time. I understand because we live

576
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: on the water with all the water sports toys available

577
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: to them. But I'm a fifty three year old woman

578
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: who was raised apart from my siblings, have never had

579
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: a roommate and lived most of my adult life alone

580
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: in my own house. Moving to Quebec, I was thrust

581
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 1: into disorder and immediately put on the hat of a stepmom,

582
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: a short order chef, cleaning lady, laundress, taxi driver, et cetera.

583
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: At first it was new and I had the energy

584
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: for it. But now, as a step parent of adult kids,

585
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 1: I want my clean, orderly alone time at least a

586
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: couple of days a week. My husband doesn't understand or agree.

587
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: Am I being unreasonable? Thank you for your time, paul At.

588
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: I think the theme today is women need to be alone.

589
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 1: You need alone time. Why don't you guys get about this?

590
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: And when we were having our our pre interview, call

591
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: poor paul At like she's she was outside taking some

592
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: time to have this conversation with me, and literally in

593
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: the span of five minutes she got interrupted like three times.

594
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: I was like, you're not It's true, Hi, Paulat, Hi, Hi, Hi,

595
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. Yeah, our pleasure. Diane is our

596
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: special guest today. So wait, wait, wait, she she's actually

597
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: a mother. Actually, Diane, you go first, being that you

598
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: are the only mother in this room besides Paula. Well listen,

599
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: I'm I don't consider herself a step mom, but my

600
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: better half has a twenty three year old. He doesn't

601
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: live with us, But I would say, and this is

602
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: just me, so call me mean spirited, but I one

603
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 1: agree with you. It is your house, it is your rules.

604
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: I think if you do suck it up and you

605
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: are an excellent mom to these kids or your stepmom

606
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 1: taking them to work or whatever they're doing, they and

607
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: twenty they need to clean their ship up. Are you

608
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 1: teaching my four year old to clean up one? Yeah?

609
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: I don't think that it gets in the easier. I

610
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 1: think that with my husband's kids, they were a lot

611
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: better when they were younger, like listening and cleaning up

612
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: and stuff, and they've kind of gotten to the point

613
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: where they know everything, you know, and so even though

614
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: they want to be treated like adults, they don't necessarily

615
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: want to, like, you know, pay for them on house

616
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: paper or clothes, you know, stuff like that. So it's

617
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: kind of what's your husband's take on the situation. My husband,

618
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: he's very giving, He's a very very he's a giver.

619
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 1: He would just keep on giving, giving, giving. I believe

620
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: I think that he pulls back because he sees how

621
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 1: it text me. So he's he is being a little

622
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,959
Speaker 1: bit respectful. There's a lot of times where he's like,

623
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: what's the big deal? You know, But it's a big

624
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: deal because it affects me inside. It affects me how

625
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: my you know, how my days go. And so I

626
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: guess I I kind of feel a little bit. I'm

627
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: a little bit desserting of the children and there development

628
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: because I do need that alone time. So I don't

629
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 1: know how it affects them, and I'm kind of concerned

630
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: with that too. Well, you have you had a conversation

631
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: with your husband about this. I have, But there goes

632
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: a long period time where he's very understanding and then

633
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 1: something happens, Like the most recent thing is my husband

634
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: he his oldest son wanted to have his girlfriends spending

635
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 1: the night. They've been dating together for a couple of months,

636
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 1: and I said, you know, I wasn't really ready for that.

637
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: He hasn't really been participating in the house. You know,

638
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 1: let's have a game plan, let's not do that, let's

639
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: not agree to this now. And then the son helps

640
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: him out with a couple of things around the house,

641
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, you know, it just

642
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: changes and he's like, oh yeah, so, by the way,

643
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: the girlfriend is spending night tonight I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah,

644
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 1: he's got to talk to you about that stuff. But

645
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: that's not almost like inviting another roommate. Yeah and yeah,

646
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 1: and that's not going to happen. No. But also that's

647
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: not a good partner, right, he can't make those decisions

648
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: without you. I think you can only be in a

649
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 1: partnership if you get from it what you need, right.

650
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: And he I understand that he wants to be a

651
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: good dad, and he's you know, he's the father of

652
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: these children, so I'm sure there's guilt of having a

653
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: divorce and whatever else is going on in his head

654
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 1: and being wanting to be a fun dad and all

655
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: that stuff. I would suggest writing down your needs and

656
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 1: an ideal world what needs to happen. And then even

657
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: if you want to write a dog is sometimes they

658
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: feel like emails or like a written thing is easier

659
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: to digest than talking face to face at first, right,

660
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: because you don't have an emotion, you don't have to

661
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: react to it with the other person. And then one

662
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: solution I could already see is that you say to him, Okay,

663
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: like one day a week, two days a week, I

664
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: really need my alone time, So I need you, I

665
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: need you to schedule time with your children, take them

666
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: to the park, take them to I don't know, in

667
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: the city, movies, whatever. But I need the house for

668
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: myself from eight to six. I don't need see any

669
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: of you. And then you know, he needs to do

670
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 1: that to make you happy, because otherwise, I mean, that's

671
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: not fair on you. It's not a partnership. Yeah, I agree, Paula.

672
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 1: You had also mentioned there's a bit of a language

673
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: barrier because the kids are friends speaking and you're in right, Yeah,

674
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: so they're they're English is a lot better now since

675
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 1: you know, I've known them for like eight years, but

676
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: my French is not as good. But there is still that.

677
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: So I think that kind of affected that the beginning

678
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: or the forming of the relationship because they wouldn't come

679
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: to me for a lot of things. You know, um,

680
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 1: they would come to me where's my dad? But that

681
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 1: was kind about it. So yeah, that's definitely, well, that's

682
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 1: the perfect you can use that as a scapegoat, like

683
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 1: obviously we've got our signals crossed here. I agree with Diane.

684
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 1: I always think it's better to write something down before

685
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 1: you say it. But I think a good family meeting

686
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,400
Speaker 1: is in order because people respect boundaries. They don't like

687
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: it hearing it at first, but ultimately it's proven that

688
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 1: people understand. Once you've set a boundary, people understand that

689
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,439
Speaker 1: they need to respect that, you know what I mean,

690
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: And then that instills more respect in them. And you

691
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: can say it like you know that it was a

692
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 1: language barrier, and maybe you didn't make yourself clear, but

693
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 1: there's no reason they shouldn't be cleaning up after themselves

694
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 1: in your house. There's no reason. I had in a

695
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,240
Speaker 1: situation like that with my family and all my nieces

696
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: and nephews one summer, and I had to write the

697
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: whole family a letter about what the normal things to

698
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 1: do and respectful things to do as teenagers, Like you

699
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,399
Speaker 1: don't get to leave your dishes out, you don't get

700
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: to leave your laundry out. You're not their cleaning lady.

701
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,720
Speaker 1: You're their stepmother, and you're a human being who needs

702
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,800
Speaker 1: her own space. And you know you didn't have children.

703
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: You're happy to have these people in your life and

704
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: you love them, I'm sure, but this was a situation

705
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: that you came into. So to have them think about

706
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: that and understand that a little bit better, and that

707
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: you're an individual who needs your own private situation going

708
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,479
Speaker 1: on and you're alone time, thank you. I also think

709
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: like there might be a conversation about what age is

710
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: the right age to start paying rent, and maybe that

711
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: rent just goes towards a cleaning lady who comes once

712
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 1: week and I can clean up after their messes. But

713
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: I also find if moving out as kind of the

714
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 1: goal at some point, eventually charging a twentysomething rent is

715
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 1: a good way to help them move that direction strategy. Yeah, yeah,

716
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: it's hard. And then you know, one of the when

717
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 1: the sense, they'll send us like a picture of a

718
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,720
Speaker 1: bike that he wants to buy, and I'm like, three

719
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:53,399
Speaker 1: months rent right there? What are you doing? So did

720
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: you say the twenty year old lives with you? Two?

721
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: All three of them? Oh yeah, yeah, they should trans

722
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: start transitioning out of that. But that's something you can

723
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 1: talk to with your husband for you bring that up,

724
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: because let's ease into this conversation so that you get

725
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: good results, right, so that they're responsive, because who can

726
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: argue with a conversation about cleaning up after yourself. It's

727
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 1: not a really arguable vantage point, you know, right, And

728
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: I love the idea of you know, as Diane said,

729
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 1: like writing down those dates and times like this is

730
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 1: when I have the house to myself, you guys go

731
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 1: out and like that's a non negotiable. Yeah. I like

732
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 1: that because it gives me a control about too. I

733
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: think that that's a lot of what I'm missing, is

734
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 1: like some kind of control in my life, and to

735
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: be able to expect when you're going to have the

736
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: house to yourself, you know, setting that expectation of like, okay,

737
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 1: this is my time exactly. Well, thank you, Yeah, thanks

738
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 1: for calling in, Paula. Good luck with everything. Thanks, I

739
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Have a great line to take care. Bye. Thanks,

740
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 1: I an bye. I wouldn't be down with any eighteen

741
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 1: year olds living with me under any circumstance. They could visit,

742
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: and that's an even visiting can't go on forever, you

743
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I'm not down with that, like ongoing.

744
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: I love being alone. I can't even tell you. I

745
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: mean I can. I could go on and on about it.

746
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: It's just so nice. I just love sleeping alone, you know.

747
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: I mean not that I would do I do I do.

748
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 1: I mean only just because I'm fresh out of a

749
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 1: relationship where I slept with somebody every night, and I

750
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: like my dogs in my bed, and I like to

751
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,959
Speaker 1: like I just like I like to be alone in bed.

752
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: You're a good sleeper too, and I love sleeping. I

753
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: fucking love to sleep. I mean I could sleep for

754
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: like ten hours. So yeah, yeah, that is a problem.

755
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: It is definitely the ongoing dispute in our family too,

756
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: because I like to go to bed early because I

757
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 1: have to get up early, and my better half does not,

758
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 1: so he's a night owl. Yeah, and he doesn't get

759
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: up to to go to school. I do you know

760
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,240
Speaker 1: what time do you like to go to bed, Diane?

761
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 1: Oh my god, if I could, I'm not kidding, you know.

762
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 1: She's in bed by nine. I'm sucking exhausted. I'd like,

763
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: I'd like wanted down half a bottle of wine and

764
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: just pass out. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm with you, and

765
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 1: I don't have a baby, so I can't even imagine

766
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,399
Speaker 1: how exhausting it must be. I mean, if I could

767
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: go to bed at eight and feel like I could

768
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 1: tell that to people, I would be doing that. Sometimes

769
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: I stay out just in case somebody asked me what

770
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 1: time I went to bed, and I don't want to

771
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 1: sound It's like an asshole that I went to bed

772
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: at eight o'clock. Last night. We were at dinner. I know,

773
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 1: I was at dinner with two girlfriends and I was like, okay,

774
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,800
Speaker 1: we had dinner at seven thirty. At nine thirty probably,

775
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I have to get home. I have

776
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: to be in best by ten. And they're like, oh

777
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 1: my god, You're so ridiculous, and I'm like, no, I'm not.

778
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: I love it. I love sleeping, but that's I mean,

779
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 1: it's a good thing to know about yourself, so you

780
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 1: can just be like, I'm in a piece out now,

781
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: especially when I'm in a great hotel. I also love

782
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: that that coziness with the nice sheets and the nice pillows. Yeah.

783
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 1: Now they have this new thing where you can I

784
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 1: forget what it's called. Ben Bruno was telling me about

785
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: it this morning at my workout, like a temperature mattress

786
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: where you can adjust the temperature. Yeah, I need to

787
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,399
Speaker 1: get one of those, because no, you can either get

788
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,240
Speaker 1: the mattress or you can get the top of a mattress.

789
00:38:58,239 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 1: It's called something. I'll find out the name of it.

790
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: Do you like to sleep in a freezing bedroom? Or

791
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: sixty degrees? Is what my preference, and which is difficult

792
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 1: because most men don't. I once had a boyfriend who

793
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 1: wore a scarf every night because he was like, it's

794
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 1: so fucking cold in here, I'm gonna catch pneumonia, and

795
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,320
Speaker 1: I love sleeping in an ice box. Dude, you're a Norman.

796
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 1: Are the same? I fucking hate it really well, you're Europeans.

797
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 1: Europeans don't like the cold at night. No, that's not Yeah,

798
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: it's in your blood. No, but there's cold, and there's

799
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: sixty five ice block, like you know, No, it's cold

800
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 1: while you're under the covers. No, that's crazy. Did you

801
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 1: guys just moved to l A or No, we've sold

802
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 1: our house and l are actually in New York. We

803
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: live in New York, but in Paris for a year.

804
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: Oh I thought I read something that you went to

805
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: a table read in Norman bought you guys a house

806
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: without you know, he did? He did, which is fun.

807
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,320
Speaker 1: So we were there. We were there during during the pandemic,

808
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 1: which was great with a kid and everything. But then, uh, yeah,

809
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 1: we're just not l A people. I think I can

810
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: hear you. I'm I would like a real good excuse

811
00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: to move to New York because I'm over all, like

812
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 1: I will, We'll have to do remote. Yeah, I'm over LA.

813
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 1: I find l A to be whenever I'm gone. I mean,

814
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: I'm not here a lot because I'm usually on tour.

815
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: I travel a lot. I spend my winter skiing and Whistler.

816
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: But when i come back after being home for like

817
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 1: two weeks, I'm just like, I gotta get the funk

818
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 1: out of here. It's just too much. It's too stupid

819
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: this town, it's too thulous. Are you in the city

820
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: or where are you? What time? Yeah? Well right now.

821
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: Unfortunately I'm in Beverly Hills because I'm in a rental

822
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 1: and I'm building a house in Brentwood, which will be

823
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: done in the winter time, and that'll be nice because

824
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: that's more private. I just don't like the pressure of

825
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 1: going out all the time in l A. When people

826
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: know you're around, you kind of feel obligated to show

827
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 1: up to things. I hate that. I want to do

828
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: what I want to do, you know, I'm a little

829
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: bit selfish that way. That's why I leave town for

830
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: months at a time. Okay, who do we have next? Well,

831
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: our next color is Rachel, she says. Dear Chelsea I've

832
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: lived my entire life in a ten hour segment of

833
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,760
Speaker 1: I five between California and Oregon, and I find myself

834
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 1: dreaming daily about life beyond such a small bit of

835
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 1: the world. My husband loves where we live. What's a

836
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 1: ten hour segment? What does that mean like within a

837
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: ten hour drive? I know, it's just just sort of

838
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 1: an artful way of describing it. My husband loves where

839
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 1: we live, surrounded by friends and family, good reliable work,

840
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 1: the perfect home. But I want to create more experiences

841
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 1: for us. He says he's interested too, but I also

842
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 1: hear him saying regularly how much he loves living where

843
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 1: we do, having weekly game nights, pickleball games, and more.

844
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 1: It hurts my heart to think about taking him away

845
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 1: from all that, but my heart also aches for a

846
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:46,280
Speaker 1: life beyond southern Oregon. I want to experience several different lives,

847
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 1: study abroad by getting my PhD, and planned last minute

848
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,800
Speaker 1: weekend train trips to new countries. That said, I struggle

849
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 1: with high anxiety, so I'm quite understanding that the dream

850
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: of mine might be short lived. We might go abroad,

851
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 1: and then I decide that's not what I thought it

852
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: would be, and hate it. And we're back within six months.

853
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 1: I'm so torn. I don't know what to do or

854
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: where to start. Any ideas are greatly welcomed. Rachel and Nathan.

855
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we have our first couple. I love this.

856
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: I did like couple's counseling for years. Hi, I was fabulous. Hi,

857
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:22,800
Speaker 1: thank you for having us. Yeah, Diane Krueger's our special

858
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:30,240
Speaker 1: guest today. And you know already, well are you all? Catherine? Likewise, well,

859
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: so you know you mentioned also Rachel that like you

860
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 1: have a little bit of anxiety of like if you

861
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,879
Speaker 1: do go abroad or you do go study somewhere else,

862
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: then you know Nathan is going to have a lot

863
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: of free time and be going to make friends and everything,

864
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 1: and tell us a little bit about that. Yes, I

865
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 1: am quite a little bundle of anxiety. And when we

866
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 1: talk about the potential of going abroad and moving abroad,

867
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: Nathan's brought up I'm an invert. I'm happy every night

868
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: at home reading with that don't want to do. And

869
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I I can just find friends. I'll

870
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 1: find places to go play board games if people hang

871
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,720
Speaker 1: out with and as he says that, and I say, absolutely,

872
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 1: my anxiety is like, but will I be comfortable with that?

873
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: And I don't know if I will feel safe if

874
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 1: I'm home alone and you're out in the world and

875
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 1: it's a world I don't know, I'm not comfortable with,

876
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: And I just worry that, like, if I can't do

877
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 1: that for him, would that version of us being abroad

878
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 1: be okay with him? I'd be enough for him if

879
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 1: it's just me at home and not let with me

880
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 1: not letting him be out. And then I feel bad

881
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:32,879
Speaker 1: about that too if that's the reality of it. So

882
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 1: it is that only that's okay? Is the only option

883
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,240
Speaker 1: moving abroad? Like what about moving somewhere within the country,

884
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,439
Speaker 1: so it's not such a big leak? Is that an option? Yeah?

885
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: I think so, yes, I want to do it all.

886
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 1: So I sawing Halter. I had this moment where I

887
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: realized I've only lived in a ten hour window by

888
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: five my entire life, and he's only lived in like

889
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 1: a four hour window. And so I'm like, the world's

890
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 1: too big. I need to experience at all. I want

891
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 1: to know what it's like to level the East Coast.

892
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 1: But then all so abroad and I see pictures of

893
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: all these different countries and I don't just get this

894
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 1: feeling of like how fun it would be. I have

895
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: a guttural like I need to be either, I need

896
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 1: to experience it. But why why, I like, pack up

897
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: and leave your old life behind? Can you not go

898
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: for a month in an airbnb in Italy and just

899
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 1: live there for a months if you like it? I

900
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 1: would love to try that. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't

901
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:27,319
Speaker 1: give up my house before I knew I really liked Rome.

902
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 1: That seems you know what I mean? Yeah, I totally agree.

903
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: I like having something to fall back on and I

904
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 1: feel more comfortable. I think we have a good a

905
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: good life here in Oregon. And yeah, that's I think

906
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: where some of the anxiety for me is coming from

907
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: is if we just like packed up and moved away

908
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: without knowing what reality would really look like. Yeah, I

909
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 1: think that's reasonable to have anxiety about that. Do you

910
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 1: have a place in mind, like are you obsessed with

911
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:58,760
Speaker 1: going to live in a certain part of the world

912
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 1: or is it just anywhere? I like the did like

913
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: getting my PhD a rod and then we're stable and

914
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 1: we're in one space, and then we could wake up

915
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 1: on the weekend and be like, let's take a train

916
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 1: trip into who knows where. And then the other part

917
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 1: of me loves kind of the nomadic lifestyle of like

918
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: being three weeks in one town or country and then

919
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: just picking up and going to another one. And I

920
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 1: don't want to sell the home because I want to

921
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 1: have a place to come back to. I want to

922
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 1: InCor and knowing if it doesn't work out. Nathan's really analytical.

923
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 1: He he likes ask the why, and I'm like, why not,

924
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 1: you know, And so we're kind of in a different area,

925
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 1: I think, with meeting in the middle. And I think

926
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,400
Speaker 1: the other thing that worries me is at the end

927
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: of the day, he says, I would do anything for you,

928
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 1: whatever brings you joy in life. I want to do

929
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: that and make that happen for you. But then I

930
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 1: also worry if I'm affecting his happiness. I don't want

931
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 1: to do that, and I don't want to be selfish,

932
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 1: and I don't know where that line is for both

933
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:54,760
Speaker 1: of us to be happy. But you don't. You don't

934
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 1: know until you go there. That's like, that's like saying,

935
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: what if the world ends next week and I haven't

936
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: tacked up my pictures. I mean, it's just like it's

937
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:05,840
Speaker 1: like you don't know until you do it. You just

938
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: gotta jump the ship. Don't sell your house, go for

939
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 1: a month long vacation, see what it's like, look at

940
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 1: the universities. I don't know. Whatever you want to do,

941
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: come home, go to Paris on Christmas for two weeks

942
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:18,959
Speaker 1: and see if if you guys love it. I feel

943
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 1: like it's a waste of time to talk about what

944
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: could be. Yeah, you're not doing it. You're living in

945
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 1: your anxiety I think a little bit too much, like

946
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 1: you're worried about all of these things that you'll never

947
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 1: know unless you take a leap of faith. And as

948
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: long as you guys who seem really solid, like you

949
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 1: have a solid relationship and a solid foundation, as long

950
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: as you guys commit to each other that you're going

951
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 1: to do this as an experiment and you're gonna go

952
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:42,839
Speaker 1: look at schools and you're going to spend a month

953
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 1: in some part of Italy or France or England or

954
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:49,720
Speaker 1: whatever whatever floats your boat. Just do it and commit

955
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: to doing it together and seeing and having an open

956
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 1: communication about it the whole time. When you find someplace

957
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: that you love and that you love that you feel

958
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 1: like you long, you're gonna know immediately you're both going

959
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: to feel it, you know what I mean. So it's

960
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: like you can't answer that question before you take that

961
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 1: leap of faith. You know, you have to trust the process,

962
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 1: trust the unknown, and trust the universe is going to

963
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 1: show up for you in a way where you're going

964
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:17,800
Speaker 1: to be somewhere and you're gonna go, oh my god.

965
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 1: It could be Amsterdam, you guys could be like, holy shit,

966
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: this is where we belong. This is where I see

967
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 1: myself living for the next five years. And then you

968
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 1: can come back and sell your house and take care

969
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: of that. But yeah, you definitely want to go experiment.

970
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: You know, are you financially able to do that? You guys, Yeah, yeah,

971
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 1: we we are financially. It's just getting that time off

972
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: from work can be tricky. We both have jobs, and

973
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: you know, they've been fine with us taking a week

974
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 1: or two, but if it was a little bit longer

975
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 1: and be a little bit more of a conversation, yeah,

976
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: and you know, I think that's a conversation that's worth having.

977
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: My younger brother, this is pre pandemic. He and his

978
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,359
Speaker 1: wife got married and they wanted to go travel, so

979
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,399
Speaker 1: they set up a time that was like six months

980
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 1: that they want to travel South America, and his work

981
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 1: initially was like, Nope, we don't do work from home.

982
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 1: We don't do remote no way. And he kind of

983
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 1: kept after it and they were like, all right, if

984
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 1: you create a proposal about what that would look like,

985
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 1: what you're hours would look like, what the relationship to

986
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: the business looks like. He did. He created this whole

987
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: proposal and it then became the work from home manual

988
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 1: for the entire company. So, and of course there's so

989
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:32,320
Speaker 1: many things you can do from anywhere these days. Maybe

990
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: that's maybe not the line of work that you're in,

991
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 1: but there might be other options as well. But yeah,

992
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: if you can't afford to like just have your house empty,

993
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:42,919
Speaker 1: you can always think about airbn being it. You could

994
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 1: rent it out and you know, even if that is

995
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 1: for a month, like Diane said, or when you find

996
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 1: the right place for six months or for a year,

997
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: so you sort of always know there's that place to

998
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 1: come home to if and when you need it. That

999
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 1: would be a great idea. Yeah, and if you can

1000
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 1: work from Italy or wherever you guys, just I we've

1001
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,279
Speaker 1: already decided you're going to Italy apparently, but if you

1002
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 1: could work, if you could work from somewhere, you know,

1003
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 1: even if it's like, Okay, we're gonna take two weeks off,

1004
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: in the other two weeks, I'm gonna be available. You know.

1005
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 1: Obviously it's a different time zone and different and there's

1006
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: a big time difference, but still, like, I'm sure there's

1007
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: ways around it. If you guys are intent on doing this,

1008
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: which you seem to be, and be honest with them,

1009
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 1: you know, this is your wife's desires to go look

1010
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 1: at master programs or whatever and and just be available

1011
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 1: for whatever compromise you can make work wise. Yeah. I

1012
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: also think I'm working about getting Italian citizenship through bloodline,

1013
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 1: and that won't happen for a couple of years. So

1014
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: he makes him like great, whenever it happens, we can

1015
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 1: talk about this, like they'll let's go now, like we're

1016
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: not probably tomorrow, let's do some version of this now.

1017
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: And I think I'm very like we'll start dipping your

1018
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 1: toe in that water. Yeah. Absolutely. I just got my

1019
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:52,399
Speaker 1: German citizenship because my mother is German, and it took

1020
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: me two and a half years to get it. F

1021
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 1: y I but she's been traveling. But and I was

1022
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 1: paying somebody to do this for me, and it took

1023
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 1: a long time. So don't wait for that, you know

1024
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: what I mean. The other thing I think you have

1025
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 1: to look at is, you know, obviously, Rachel, you've got

1026
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 1: this amazing guy. He's like, whatever you want to do,

1027
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 1: whatever makes you happy, let's go do it. He loves you.

1028
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 1: So I think one thing you need to examine is

1029
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: what's coming up for you and makes you feel so

1030
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:26,839
Speaker 1: scared and emotional about, Like if you want to stay

1031
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: home with a book and he wants to go to

1032
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: a cafe and meet people and you know, go to

1033
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:34,919
Speaker 1: a meetup group. It doesn't mean that you're not enough

1034
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,919
Speaker 1: for him. He loves you exactly the way you are.

1035
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: He loves that you're staying home to read a book

1036
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,439
Speaker 1: and like have a cozy time. But he is also

1037
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 1: going to need you know that outside stimulation. But outlets.

1038
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,240
Speaker 1: We all need our own outlets, and they're not always

1039
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 1: We don't share outlets. Just like you can't use the

1040
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: same outlet in France that you use in America. We

1041
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: all we all don't have the same outlets. What I

1042
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 1: need to do is different than what my partner is

1043
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 1: going to want to do, you know, and it's also

1044
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 1: nice to be like, cool, go do that, I'll be here. Yeah,

1045
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 1: it's very liberating, Like Dianne was just talking about that earlier,

1046
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 1: like getting to the level and your relationship and a

1047
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 1: maturity level where you're not threatened by somebody going and

1048
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 1: doing their own thing because there's a trust and a

1049
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 1: foundation that has been built, and it's good for people

1050
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 1: to go and do their own thing. It's good for

1051
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: people to have hobbies. If you didn't want to go

1052
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 1: play pickleball or join these things, that would be weird,

1053
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: like it's it's it's more dynamic for you both to

1054
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:30,440
Speaker 1: have individual aspects of yourself that you don't necessarily share

1055
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: all the time. I have want of this and agree.

1056
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:37,720
Speaker 1: My concern is more if I'm gonna be too scared

1057
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 1: to have him out in the world like that. Anxiety

1058
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: pieces my my huge and guides about safety, and I

1059
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,439
Speaker 1: worry like even like last night he was out playing

1060
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,839
Speaker 1: soccer and I was like, oh, no, training, you got

1061
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 1: in a car crash. And so that's something I've been

1062
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 1: working out pretenders by therapist. Yes, So if I worried

1063
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 1: about going out and then I don't want them to

1064
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 1: go out. Yeah, if I take away that little joy like,

1065
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just well, I think once you practice,

1066
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:08,320
Speaker 1: have you made any progress? Look? Yeah, therapies for everyone,

1067
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:14,320
Speaker 1: just net way. Yeah, So I would just add that

1068
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:17,919
Speaker 1: Rachel doesn't stop me from going out. She just has

1069
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: these feelings she sort of deals with while I'm out,

1070
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 1: and some anxiety there. But she's not like campering my

1071
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:28,839
Speaker 1: life and like locking me change at home all the time.

1072
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:31,279
Speaker 1: So and do you check in with her a lot

1073
00:52:31,360 --> 00:52:35,760
Speaker 1: to ameliorate any of her fears. Yes, yeah, we except

1074
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 1: for when I forget too and then that's been an issue.

1075
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: But yes, we we try. We have a whole texting

1076
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:43,400
Speaker 1: routine when I'm out and not at home. So I

1077
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 1: have a girlfriend like that. She freaks out when her

1078
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: husband goes on bike rides. He goes every Sunday morning,

1079
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: and she every Sunday morning, She's like, what if something happened?

1080
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 1: What if something happened? And I'm like, what what is this?

1081
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 1: I had never seen? I'm like, what do you mean what?

1082
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 1: He's on a fucking bike ride when he goes every Sunday,

1083
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 1: She's like, but every Sunday it happens so it's like

1084
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: this pathology that exists. So I know that what you're

1085
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:07,359
Speaker 1: talking about is prevalent or exists. But yeah, the more

1086
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: you let him go out, does that help you with

1087
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 1: dealing with it? Yeah? And I think it's the idea

1088
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:16,359
Speaker 1: whereas I know, once I'm there, I can see like, oh,

1089
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 1: the world feels normal and safe here. I don't know

1090
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: what I'm scared about, but I just need to get there,

1091
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: you know, to that point, and to physically be in

1092
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:26,320
Speaker 1: that space and recognize like this is a very normal space.

1093
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 1: How funny that I want to not join you in

1094
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 1: do my own thing and I don't worry about it.

1095
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:35,880
Speaker 1: But that's also in theory. So yeah, you have to stop.

1096
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,359
Speaker 1: You have to stop projecting all of your fears. I mean,

1097
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: a good exercise. It's just to stop, Like when you're

1098
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 1: gonna say it out loud, don't you have to say

1099
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 1: the opposite and internalize it to yourself, like, this is

1100
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 1: not a real fear. This is something that I have

1101
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 1: going on in my narrative that's speaking to me. It's

1102
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 1: that voice in the back of my head that's not

1103
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,359
Speaker 1: the real you. And you have to separate those two things.

1104
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: We have the real us, and then we have that voice,

1105
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 1: and that voice is just oh, he's trying to get

1106
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 1: into us, you know, So you can exert control and

1107
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 1: power over this situation by knowing that you're stronger than

1108
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:09,360
Speaker 1: that voice. Yeah, that was a real game changer for

1109
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:12,879
Speaker 1: me recently, was your thoughts just because they pop into

1110
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 1: her and are not always true, And sometimes you can

1111
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: have that like overarching like all right, my brain wants

1112
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 1: to tell me that this is a scary, frightening thing

1113
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 1: that my husband's like going out and having a good

1114
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,800
Speaker 1: time with, you know, with our friends or with whoever

1115
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: he might be unsafe, maybe he meets somebody likes better

1116
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:32,399
Speaker 1: than me, whatever. But also the reminding yourself like that's

1117
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 1: just a thought that's popping into my head. It doesn't

1118
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 1: make it true. Yeah, I really like the word used narrative.

1119
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 1: I think like that's the narrative I'm telling myself, and

1120
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: that's like that's so easily skewed, and like I can

1121
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:48,399
Speaker 1: rewrite that narrative and take control of it. Or yeah,

1122
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:51,520
Speaker 1: and when he's out, you can switch the flip the dialogue,

1123
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 1: like Nathan's safe right now, Nathan's having a good time

1124
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,839
Speaker 1: right now, Nathan's playing pickleball right now, and you keep

1125
00:54:56,920 --> 00:55:00,280
Speaker 1: repeating that, and like the vibe will change event sally.

1126
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,480
Speaker 1: It will take time, but you've already been in therapy

1127
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 1: about it. So it's just a matter of really just

1128
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:07,359
Speaker 1: shifting your thinking, you know, and remembering that you are

1129
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 1: in charge of your thoughts and your emotions and your actions. Sorry,

1130
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 1: I shouldn't say you're in charge of your thoughts, because

1131
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:14,320
Speaker 1: what you just said is true. We have thoughts that

1132
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 1: pop into our head all the time. It's like when

1133
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 1: my mom my sister had her baby, she goes, all

1134
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 1: I can think about is dropping my baby. All I

1135
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 1: can think about is dropping my baby, and it's like

1136
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 1: she can't control that coming into her head. But she

1137
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,959
Speaker 1: had to understand she's not going to drop her baby.

1138
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 1: Like she's not gonna do that. You know. It's like

1139
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 1: irrational thoughts. So yeah, as long as you can try

1140
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: to frame them, I think you'll be fine. And yeah,

1141
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 1: go on that vacation. You guys have a great marriage.

1142
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 1: Go like, experience it, take a bunch of risks and

1143
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:41,279
Speaker 1: see where you land. You may go and be like

1144
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to live anywhere other than Oregon. You

1145
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 1: never know, Yeah, I would be so upset if I

1146
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 1: let my fears about what what ifs take away the

1147
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:55,360
Speaker 1: possibility of living abroad and or other states and just

1148
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:59,279
Speaker 1: having that adventure together. So well, I want your next

1149
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 1: amount to us to be from Italy. I would love

1150
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:06,959
Speaker 1: that we went tony dated. I can't stop thinking about

1151
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 1: it still, So okay, Okay, Well have fun you guys,

1152
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 1: keep us posted. Thank you so much, Dianne. That was

1153
00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:17,439
Speaker 1: especially to Chelsea Catherine. Thank you so much. Hi guys,

1154
00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: thank you all for joining us by a lot of

1155
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 1: domestic issues today. Girls. Well, let's take a quick break

1156
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back to wrap up with Diana

1157
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:38,799
Speaker 1: and Chelsea. Okay, and we're back with Diane Krueger. We're

1158
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 1: going to wrap up our episode. Yes, and Diane, do

1159
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 1: you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea? Oh my god, Chelsea,

1160
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:47,880
Speaker 1: just tell me how to live. I follow you on

1161
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 1: Instagram and your life seems like a rock star. I

1162
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:55,280
Speaker 1: just want to be you. Well, you had a baby,

1163
00:56:55,480 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 1: so parties, parties over, parties over. You made your bed

1164
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,000
Speaker 1: and now you have to lie in it for eighteen

1165
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 1: years or if you're or if you're those kids from

1166
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 1: that other marriage until their twenty but I'm sure as

1167
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: your mother. I'm sure as a mother, you probably even

1168
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 1: the thought of your kids leaving, especially a daughter, is

1169
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 1: so terrifying to even think that there's a day that

1170
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:23,160
Speaker 1: she's gonna want to go to college or leave home terrifying.

1171
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: I want her to be changed. I make her say,

1172
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to stay with you. You know that book

1173
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 1: I Love You Whoever like? It's the children's book, and

1174
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 1: it's about this kid growing up right, And it's about

1175
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 1: the mother coming into the room every night and when

1176
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 1: the kids asleep, and she holds them and she sings

1177
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 1: from the songs saying I love you forever. I like

1178
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:41,880
Speaker 1: you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby,

1179
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 1: you'll be And I like make her repeat it all

1180
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 1: the time so that she won't. At one point, the

1181
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 1: mother grows old and the kid moves across town and

1182
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 1: basically she then dies, and I make her say to

1183
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: me that she will never move across town. That's funny.

1184
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 1: A new book is called A Name from the Sky.

1185
00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 1: By the way, it's a great children's book. Great Christmas

1186
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 1: gift for everybody who needs to get little kids some presents.

1187
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a bunch of my friends that

1188
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 1: all have babies, and congratulations on that, and and congratulations

1189
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 1: on being a happy camper these days. Sister, Thank you,

1190
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 1: I thank you so much. It was so lovely to

1191
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 1: talk to you guys to psychwise. Nice to meet you.

1192
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: Have a great day. Bye bye bye. So I'm winding

1193
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 1: up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming

1194
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 1: to a screeching halt at the end of the year.

1195
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 1: I have my last dates coming up, and these are

1196
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 1: the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch from

1197
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 1: the website Chelsea Handler dot com if you want Vaccinating

1198
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 1: and Horning merch or Captain's hats that say We're the

1199
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,720
Speaker 1: Captain's now for women only, our t shirts for men

1200
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: and your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.

1201
00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:56,800
Speaker 1: I only have a few dates left. I'm going to Tucson, Arizona.

1202
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 1: November five is Tucson, November six is Colorado Springs, and

1203
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 1: then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa,

1204
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 1: a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,

1205
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:19,480
Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania, wilkes Berry Pennsylvania

1206
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 1: there I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,

1207
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,400
Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date

1208
00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. So this will be

1209
00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 1: the last of me performing listeners. If you are enjoying

1210
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,200
Speaker 1: what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That

1211
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:41,000
Speaker 1: is our podcast, and you can rate us if you want. Yeah,

1212
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 1: that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference

1213
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 1: for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, Subscribing

1214
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 1: giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in

1215
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 1: who all we get served too, and helping spread the word. Okay, yeah, yeah,

1216
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 1: subscribe and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. I'm

1217
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 1: trying to find what our rating is. So if you'd

1218
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at

1219
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is

1220
01:00:08,200 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump,

1221
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.