WEBVTT - Our Addiction to Drama 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:06.200 I found myself being addicted to it, where I'm like, okay, oh, 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:06.600 it's been. 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.480 Too peaceful for two weeks. 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:08.880 Okay, we need to get in a fight or something, 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:10.480 you know, and I'm like, why am I doing this 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:12.840 to myself? It's self solmitaged, you know what I mean. 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:16.800 We have such derogatory names for people who are attached 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:20.040 to drama or dependent on stress, as opposed to actually 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:25.360 understanding this is truly an addiction. There's a sense of 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:28.960 power that actually comes from being in the throes of drama, 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:30.720 and it's intoxicating. 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:33.839 It just makes you feel ALIVEE for a second. 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:44.240 Happy Monday, Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:48.240 guys are feeling great. I am feeling I'm feeling good. 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:50.560 I can't complain. I have a lot on my mind. 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:52.840 I've been very pensive. 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:55.080 The past couple of weeks. But I feel good and I'm. 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:57.840 Happy, and I think this week's episode is going to 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:01.160 be a really good one and one you'll find interesting 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:02.960 because it's about our. 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:04.919 Addiction to drama, y'all. 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.440 Today's guest is going to explain to us what that means, 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:10.960 what it looks like, and how we can deal with it. 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:20.520 So stay tuned. This is Cheeky's and Chill. Okay, So 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:23.640 our guest today is the wonderful doctor Scott Lyons. He's 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:27.520 a holistic psychologist, an educator and author of the new 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:32.720 book Addicted to Drama, Healing, Dependency on Crisis and Chaos 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:34.720 in Yourself and others. 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.840 Ooh, Scott, Hello, welcome, How are you. 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.160 I'm great, How are you doing. 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.640 I'm fabulous. Congratulations on your new book. 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:43.679 Thank you so much. 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:44.840 I love it. 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.960 I love the title, which is why you are here 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:49.440 because I want to talk about your book. I want 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:51.200 to talk about all things drama. 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:53.440 We love the drama. 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:56.600 Yeah, right, Is it just like a human thing or 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:58.440 is it just it is? 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.000 We all have some we're all on the scale of 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:05.919 an addiction and drama to some degree. And right it's entertaining. 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.480 There's like we get something out of it too. It's 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:11.280 not all bad, as we'll probably talk about. 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:13.720 Yes, okay, so let's just let's dive right into it. 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:17.400 I think it's super fascinating. I did reality TV for 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:22.120 what about ten years, and it was we were the 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:25.040 first Latin reality show, so I'm very proud of that. 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:28.040 But as the years went on, I felt like they 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:30.920 wanted more and more drama like stuff was being created 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:34.080 that I was like, why why can't we just And 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:35.919 I even see it with my post sometimes, so I'll 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.079 post something super positive on Instagram and it doesn't get 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:40.919 as many like interaction. 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:42.160 It doesn't get a lot of interaction. 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:43.760 It's to say when I post I don't know, like 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:46.360 my ass or something, and it's like, yeah, you know, 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:48.120 the more skin And I'm like, dude, I just wrote 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.680 something so beautiful my past post and you guys ignored it. 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.880 Why tell me why it's true? 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:58.320 I mean, there are certain emotions that garner or get 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:06.160 more attention, so like fear, aggressiveness, and seductiveness, like these 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:10.240 are evolutionarily the things that grab our attention the most, 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:12.480 and we're going to attend to them. And this is 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.400 the danger of media in general. It is because they 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:20.200 know this, so they're going to produce content that elicits 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:23.799 the most amount of attention they can and it has 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:27.000 a cost. It has a cost, meaning like that's what 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.120 we get inundated with. 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:31.280 Yes, And do you think that it's something that has 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:35.080 been it's been like this for forever for a long time, 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:38.000 or has it just been getting worse throughout the years 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:39.040 or is it social media? 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:40.680 Like what do you what's your opinion on that? 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:45.240 Yeah? So I mean this, this sort of addiction to 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:49.920 drama has always been here, like but in small doses 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:52.960 and small amounts. But with the like, you know, the 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.320 invention of social media, it became a stage to which 0:03:56.360 --> 0:04:01.120 everyone could perform their drama. And you know, there's something called, like, 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:04.720 it's this interesting theory called attentional economy. So it's like 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:09.480 it's basically saying, your attention is the most most important 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.080 commodity we have in the world. So I will do 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:15.640 anything at any cost to get your attention. And what 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:19.840 gets your attention is what we kind of talked about before, 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:25.640 the like fear sexuality. It's something that will gets you 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:29.240 a stress response. Yeah, And so anything I can get 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.520 a rise out of you from is going to get 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.159 your attention, and I win at a cost. 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:35.520 At a cost. Yeah. 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:37.320 And do you think it has to do with also 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:40.960 like age or is it just because See the thing 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:43.320 is when I in my earlier years, in my younger years, 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:47.159 I did feel like even in relationships, I felt like 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:49.560 I just I get I used to get that high 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.160 of like, Okay, why is everything so peaceful. 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.080 Okay, let me just try to pick a fight or something. 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:55.880 And I grew up and I saw my mom go 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:58.279 through that with her relationships, and it could be that, 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:02.720 but I found myself being addicted to it where I'm like, Okay, oh, 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:04.440 it's been too peaceful for two weeks. Okay, we need 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:06.240 get in a fight or something, you know, And I'm like, 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:07.719 why am I doing this to myself? 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:09.440 It's self solitaged, you know what I mean. 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.880 It's so many things like yeah, if it's been modeled 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:14.480 for us, if inter I mean, we're all so familiar 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.480 with interrupting our own peace, Like when was last time 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.279 you took a meditation class or a yoga or bath 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:23.360 or walked through like a beautiful flower garden and started 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:25.960 thinking about like what you have to do next, or 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.720 a fight you had with someone, or even making up 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:31.480 a fight in your head, or thinking about what you 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.240 have to do for work on the following day. It's like, no, 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.039 it's so hard for us as a culture, in our 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:41.160 urgency culture, to be at peace, but especially if it's 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:44.039 been modeled by our family members, where it's like if 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:48.600 fighting in high intensity and chaos and crisis is the 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:52.120 love language is the currency of love, then we will 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:54.280 mirror that in our own relationships. 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:55.680 Yeah, that's what. 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.880 And then I went to therapy and you know, and 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.600 it was, wait, this is not healthy and I want 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:06.159 to break if you want to call them generational curses, 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:10.120 like I want to be different, and now now I 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:11.279 find myself. 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.920 It just makes me feel I don't know if. 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.280 Anxiety is the right word, but if there's just too 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:19.640 much drama or too much like even gossip in a table, 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:21.880 I just I'm like, ugh, I'll go to the restroom 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.279 or I'm just like, you know what, I don't know. 0:06:24.320 --> 0:06:26.320 I don't have the mental space. Maybe that's another thing. 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:27.640 I feel like I don't have a lot of mental 0:06:27.640 --> 0:06:30.320 space anymore now that I'm like in my thirties, I'm like, uh, 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.200 hold on, like my brain, I have other things I 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:34.920 have to worry about. So I'm thinking, I wonder if 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:36.839 it'll just get better as we get older. 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.200 I think there's that I think you've clearly done the 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:42.080 work that like that's a sign of healing, where it's 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:45.520 like something inside of you, the alarm system is like, actually, 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:49.240 I don't need this extra stress. I don't need this chaos. 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.760 I don't need it anymore, and it doesn't feel right, 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:55.720 it feels toxic. And so like what we might call anxiety, 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:59.040 it's just your internal alarm system that says, none of 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:02.840 this shit no more. And that's a deep sign of healing. 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:06.000 I mean, before that, it's often like we get bored 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:09.159 and we have to like tolerate the boredom because we're 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:12.720 so used to being in the fluctuations of life, of chaos, 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:16.160 of gossip, of like, you know, all the things that 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:19.720 disturb our peace, and there's something satisfying about it. 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:21.080 Yeah, you feel like a high. 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:25.080 You know, you literally are high. So it's part of 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:28.000 like the stages of stress. In the first and second 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:31.200 stage of stress, which is called activation and mobilization, which 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.680 is like your body's getting ready to do something and 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:37.720 then you do it. You actually release endorphins, you release 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:41.400 pain relief in your body, and you get attacked. Yeah, 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.800 so we get it really attached to the pain relief 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:46.840 that comes with getting high off the stress, and we 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:50.320 become attached to it. And what's really fucked up is 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:52.800 we get withdrawal symptoms when we don't have it in 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.040 the shape of anxiety and boredom. 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:57.720 Oh my god, it's Okay, well that makes sense. 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:01.040 Yeah wow, you know, oh because where I was at 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:03.440 before and now where I'm at now, and you said 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.320 a key word, and this is like for the listeners. 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:10.720 If you're out there and you tend to be drawn 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.760 to like more drama on TikTok and all the social media, 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:16.040 you know, maybe this is something, this is this is 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:18.520 the the episode for you. But I mean, I'm not 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.520 saying that I don't. There's there are times where I'm like, 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:22.200 I feel toxic right now. I want to like I 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.120 want some shit in my life. Yeah, I want to 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:30.360 stir some shit up, but healing. Do you do you 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:32.760 feel that that that's probably what it is. It's is 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:35.960 it safe to say, in other words, that people that 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:39.679 are more addicted to drama or gossip or whatever, even 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:43.760 cyber bullying, is that someone that I mean, is it 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:45.719 safe to say that there they need some healing in 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:47.360 their life, some meditation, some sin. 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.680 Yeah. Look, you're not an asshole. You're not fucked up 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:54.000 just because you have some propensity for drama. Like if 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:56.920 you like those relationships you had in your twenties where 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.160 you're like, it's peaceful, I'm gonna stir some shit up. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:03.840 And then actually felt closer to them through like this, 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:07.360 like the stirring, the chaos, all of that. It doesn't 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:09.960 mean you're a bad person. And that's such an important 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:13.960 thing because like we have such derogatory names for people 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:17.200 who are attached to drama or dependent on stress. We 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:21.040 call them drama queens. It's like a really inflammatory like 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:25.520 attack on them as opposed to actually understanding like this 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:30.320 is truly an addiction that people cannot help. It is 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.840 a way that they are chasing the drama to avoid 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:34.480 their trauma. 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:38.600 Okay, wow, to avoid their okay yeah, because it's something 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:40.640 that just excites us for a second, you know, and 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:43.400 you know, going back to my twenties and fighting with 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:46.240 my you know, partners, it was just because I was like, okay, yeah, 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:47.880 because the makeup sex is going to be so awesome. 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:50.120 So yeah, let's just you know, fuction it up a 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.960 little bit. And I'm like, but I'm like, oh my god, no, 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:55.600 I want to be different or whatever. 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:56.240 I said it. 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.040 The other day, I was like, I'm not a tousica anymore. 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:01.400 I'm not toxic anymore, you guys, I promise only once. 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.720 Why we dabble in the toxic drama shit. Yeah, and 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:09.200 you know it's it has that excitement like there's a 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:14.319 reason we all watch shit on TV, or like it's intoxicating. 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:16.920 It's like the suspense of it, the stress of it. 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:20.800 There's a sense of power that actually comes from being 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.040 in the throes of drama, like when you're really in 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:27.520 a heightened stress response, there is a release of all 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.600 those endorphins. But also you feel powerful like yes, I 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:35.000 mean literally, there's shit coursing through your veins, hormones coursing 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:38.000 through your vein to make you actionable, to make you 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:42.360 powerful to do something, and it's intoxicating. Mm hmm. 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:44.960 It just makes you feel a life for a second. 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:54.360 You know, why did you decide to write a book 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:55.760 on this particular topic? 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.040 Did something happen? Did you just feel drawn to it? 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.000 Like, tell us a little bit more about your book 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:01.520 and then why the why behind it? 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:06.000 Well, I come from a long lineage of dramatics and 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:10.880 I did not fall far from that tree. I grew 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:16.080 up just chaotic. And it's not like again, like I 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:19.320 wasn't a bad person. I just like you, kept finding 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:22.520 these relationships that were toxic that I knew wouldn't work, 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:25.160 that I could get into constant fights with I would 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:28.880 make things bigger than they actually were. I would exaggerate, 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:35.280 I would intensify my emotions, my energy, my attention were 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:39.440 all bigger than what actually needed for a situation. It 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:43.160 would be like blowing out a birthday candle with a 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:47.400 fire extinguisher when you have your breath right here, or 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.080 it's starting to sprinkle outside a little rain, and you 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:54.200 jump into a hurricane shelter. On the inside, it makes sense, 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.760 there's like this total way in which your energy, your attention, 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:01.720 your emotions are disproportionate to the action or what's needed. 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:05.600 And on the outside everyone's like what the fuck, Like 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.160 what's wrong with you? But it's so justified. It makes 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.080 so much sense. Like the internal reality is like this 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.000 is my survival. Yeah, this is what needs to happen. 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:18.600 I have to get into that fight. And we don't 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:23.040 recognize that we are the problem because our internal world 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:27.720 is such chaos in avoiding the trauma, navigating the internal pain, 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:31.160 that we feel so out of sync with the rest 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:34.439 of the world that we go seek or create the 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:38.520 circumstances the chaos on the outside world in order to 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:41.120 match our internal world so we don't feel so alone 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:42.320 in this fucking world. 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:47.760 Yeah, and is there like a special pill? Is there 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:51.080 a solution? Is there a cure? Is this treatable? 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:52.000 You know what I mean? 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:55.600 Just because, like you said, there's nothing necessarily wrong with you. 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.600 It's just I feel like, you know what, that's the 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:01.000 world that we live in today, and it is a choice. 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:02.719 I mean, I choose to say, you know what, now, 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:03.880 I'm like, I'm in a different. 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:04.240 Space, you know. 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:07.360 But it does entertain you sometimes, you know, I love 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:11.200 watching the Kardashians, and you know, there's like a lot 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.080 of there's drama, you know what I mean, everywhere And 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:15.800 I'm not gonna say I don't enjoy it, but I'm 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:18.480 just like, what can we do or what do you 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:22.760 suggest for us to be less addicted to drama? 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.640 Well, the first thing I always recommend is start to 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:29.560 notice where you interrupt your own peace, where you feel 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:34.320 like a little edgy around stillness or quietness. And it's 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.440 not to say that that's what life should always be 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:40.200 about as quietness, stillness, but it is a deep important 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:44.320 part of our own process of restoring our own energy 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.000 so that we can be adaptive and functional in this world. 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:50.880 It's like to say, if you never sleep, you would 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:53.280 probably go, oh, there's something wrong with that, but it's 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.800 so hard to recognize that you never actually rest or settle. 0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:59.920 So start to recognize, like go take them at a 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.920 tation class and notice all the ways that you start 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:07.079 to interrupt your ability to find peace or stillness or 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:11.120 quietude or ease. And when you can start to recognize it, 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:14.200 you can start to interrupt and go ooh, do I 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:18.720 want to challenge or interrupt this piece? Or am I 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:24.160 safe enough in this moment to truly settle to find ease? 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:27.720 And I do want to be clear guys, anyone and 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:31.040 everyone that is listening here, that there is a difference 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:34.040 between being a cyber bully and that type of drama 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.400 of like you're picking fights and you're out there like 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:39.160 commenting bad things to people or just being. 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.640 Judgmental, yeah, or just being a douche. 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:45.320 Okay, you know what I mean, Like, don't be a douche, 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.560 but I as yeah, exactly. 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:50.880 But it's like, why are you picking fights? Like It's true. 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.000 It's like I have people who troll me all the 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.080 time on social media, and I think it's funny to 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:59.440 be honest and sad because I have no reaction to it. 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:01.960 I was like, Oh, you have no idea what it 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.720 was like to grow up in my household, So my DearS, 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.800 nothing you say could even get a rise out of me. 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:10.400 Yeah, you're like whatever, whatever, bless. 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:12.680 You for trying it, and you're just not witty or 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.840 funny enough to actually get a response from me. But 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.800 I also don't like. There was one time someone was 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:21.080 writing in It was a couple of months ago, and 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.520 I started writing a response and I was like, Oh 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:28.480 my gosh, what am I doing. I am joining into 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:30.640 their chaos, And I was like, I don't need that 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:33.840 in my life. I'm having a great fucking day and 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.880 doing this. I'm gonna think about it later. I'm gonna 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:38.880 go tell all my friends what I wrote. I'm going 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.680 to screenshot it and put it into my stories, And 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:46.320 for what, it's going to keep the energy of that 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:49.400 shit alive, the chaos of that alive that I don't 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:53.000 need and no one else actually needs. Absolutely, the best 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:55.920 medicine is truly not engaging. 0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:58.120 That's what I was gonna say. You have the choice 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:00.360 of either engaging or not. And in the beginning of 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.200 my career, I got so much crap. I got just 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.720 oh if it wasn't oh you're fat, you can't sing, 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:09.680 just so much stuff and it would really hurt my feelings. 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:12.200 I'm like, why are people so mean? Like they don't 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:12.760 even know me? 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:14.520 And I would just say it would really make me 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:17.760 sad because I would never do that, like honestly, I 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.040 wouldn't sit there and be like, oh you have I 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:21.200 don't know just anything. 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:22.200 I just you know. 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.280 So it just took me a while to understand, and 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.120 I used to engage and I used to say, you 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:27.760 know what, you don't even know me this and is that. 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:29.280 We would go back and forth and it would rob 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:30.040 so much of my. 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:33.640 Time, my value time, and my energy, my mental space 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:37.320 until I just realized, dude, there's something going on there 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:39.520 that I'm not going to be a part of and 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:42.520 I'm not going to give it more light, you know, 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.720 because I'd start realizing there were people that would call 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:48.160 me fat and I'd go to the profile and they 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:50.160 were sometimes even bigger than me, and I'm just like, 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:51.040 what are you doing? 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:52.000 That is not nice. 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:54.280 You shouldn't call anyone fat, even if you think they're fat, 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:56.720 and it's just like dude, so that I'm like, okay, 0:16:56.800 --> 0:16:59.560 then I'm not going to take it personally, but it 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.640 was hard to get to that point and get over 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.840 that little hump, to be honest. 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:07.480 It's so hard. And first of all, you're amazing, and 0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:11.280 it speaks so much to your own fucking journey of 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:15.800 being able to be so entrenched and in the like 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:20.280 the tornado of their chaos because they need that. They 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:23.159 need that to feel in relationship to other people, I 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:25.719 need you to be at my pain level so that 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:29.560 we can relate. It's truly, it's what's called weaponized empathy. 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.160 And it's like, I'm in such deep pain. I need 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.640 you to feel my pain because that's the only way 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.240 I can actually understand connection and relationship. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:40.800 Yeah, and you know what that's now I pray for 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:43.520 those people. I'm like, you know what, I live in 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:46.600 the Universe's hand, in God's hands, because that's wow. 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:47.840 Yes, that's what it is. 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:47.960 You know. 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.560 I'm like, you know what, something's going on? Or even 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.640 with road rage, you guys. I you know someone before 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:55.320 I'd be like, man, f you and you know they 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:57.080 would cut me off or flip me off or something, 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:00.280 and I'm like, oh whatever, I literally I go blow 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:03.280 my kiss, baby, I swear I'm just like, I'm not. 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:04.000 Even trying to be petty. 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.560 I'm just like, you know what, Bibyby, I'm not going 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:08.399 to let you ruin my day. I am too busy, 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:10.679 I have too much going on, and you're not going 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.280 to function up for me, you know. 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:14.880 And on the flip side of that, it's like it's 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:17.800 you know, us walking away from that chaos. The people 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:20.879 who instigated is also kind of sad because it's like 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:23.240 that is their way of trying to connect of related. 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:27.000 It makes no sense because it's just about making sensation. 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:31.919 It's about them having this deep experience of chaos and 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:35.280 crisis and you know, stirring shit up so they can 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.240 somehow in that world of chaos feel connected. 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:39.880 Yeah, give us some type of satisfaction. 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:44.280 Yeah, satisfaction. You know in my family, like when things 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:47.160 were bad, that's when you were most seen. That's when 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:50.320 you were most attended to. And so like when I 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:52.920 was sick, when I would get in trouble at school, 0:18:53.160 --> 0:18:55.840 when I would pick fights with my sister or other people, 0:18:56.119 --> 0:19:00.440 I got attention. So that becomes my currency of love. 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.080 I go in my brain wires going, oh, when I 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:07.800 stir shit up, when I'm not okay. When things aren't okay, 0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:11.400 when I'm a victim whatever it is, that's when I'm 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:13.720 truly going to be seen and that's what I carry 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:16.399 into the rest of my life. From my childhood. 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:20.879 Well, you guys, listen to that. That is that is huge. 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:23.359 A lot of it has to do with our childhood 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:26.239 and the attention that we got, and thank goodness, my 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:28.640 mother was very tough. She was just kind of like 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:31.040 if I was trying to act up to get attention, 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:33.000 it was like it was not happening. She's like, especially 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:35.800 with stuff that I went through as when I was younger, 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:37.359 like sexual abuse and stuff, She's like, I'm not going 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:40.080 to let you victimize yourself. You're not. No, we got 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:41.720 to keep going. It is what it is, and I'm 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:43.280 so grateful for that. It's just kind of like, this 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:46.200 is a hard knock life and you got to keep going. 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:48.840 But I do see that in other people that I know, 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.480 and I won't say names. You know that I'm like, 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:53.560