Speaker 1: I found myself being addicted to it, where I'm like, okay, oh,
Speaker 1: it's been.
Speaker 2: Too peaceful for two weeks.
Speaker 1: Okay, we need to get in a fight or something,
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm like, why am I doing this
Speaker 1: to myself? It's self solmitaged, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: We have such derogatory names for people who are attached
Speaker 3: to drama or dependent on stress, as opposed to actually
Speaker 3: understanding this is truly an addiction. There's a sense of
Speaker 3: power that actually comes from being in the throes of drama,
Speaker 3: and it's intoxicating.
Speaker 2: It just makes you feel ALIVEE for a second.
Speaker 1: Happy Monday, Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you
Speaker 1: guys are feeling great. I am feeling I'm feeling good.
Speaker 1: I can't complain. I have a lot on my mind.
Speaker 1: I've been very pensive.
Speaker 2: The past couple of weeks. But I feel good and I'm.
Speaker 1: Happy, and I think this week's episode is going to
Speaker 1: be a really good one and one you'll find interesting
Speaker 1: because it's about our.
Speaker 2: Addiction to drama, y'all.
Speaker 1: Today's guest is going to explain to us what that means,
Speaker 1: what it looks like, and how we can deal with it.
Speaker 1: So stay tuned. This is Cheeky's and Chill. Okay, So
Speaker 1: our guest today is the wonderful doctor Scott Lyons. He's
Speaker 1: a holistic psychologist, an educator and author of the new
Speaker 1: book Addicted to Drama, Healing, Dependency on Crisis and Chaos
Speaker 1: in Yourself and others.
Speaker 2: Ooh, Scott, Hello, welcome, How are you.
Speaker 3: I'm great, How are you doing.
Speaker 2: I'm fabulous. Congratulations on your new book.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love the title, which is why you are here
Speaker 1: because I want to talk about your book. I want
Speaker 1: to talk about all things drama.
Speaker 3: We love the drama.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, Is it just like a human thing or
Speaker 1: is it just it is?
Speaker 3: We all have some we're all on the scale of
Speaker 3: an addiction and drama to some degree. And right it's entertaining.
Speaker 3: There's like we get something out of it too. It's
Speaker 3: not all bad, as we'll probably talk about.
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, so let's just let's dive right into it.
Speaker 1: I think it's super fascinating. I did reality TV for
Speaker 1: what about ten years, and it was we were the
Speaker 1: first Latin reality show, so I'm very proud of that.
Speaker 1: But as the years went on, I felt like they
Speaker 1: wanted more and more drama like stuff was being created
Speaker 1: that I was like, why why can't we just And
Speaker 1: I even see it with my post sometimes, so I'll
Speaker 1: post something super positive on Instagram and it doesn't get
Speaker 1: as many like interaction.
Speaker 2: It doesn't get a lot of interaction.
Speaker 1: It's to say when I post I don't know, like
Speaker 1: my ass or something, and it's like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: the more skin And I'm like, dude, I just wrote
Speaker 1: something so beautiful my past post and you guys ignored it.
Speaker 2: Why tell me why it's true?
Speaker 3: I mean, there are certain emotions that garner or get
Speaker 3: more attention, so like fear, aggressiveness, and seductiveness, like these
Speaker 3: are evolutionarily the things that grab our attention the most,
Speaker 3: and we're going to attend to them. And this is
Speaker 3: the danger of media in general. It is because they
Speaker 3: know this, so they're going to produce content that elicits
Speaker 3: the most amount of attention they can and it has
Speaker 3: a cost. It has a cost, meaning like that's what
Speaker 3: we get inundated with.
Speaker 1: Yes, And do you think that it's something that has
Speaker 1: been it's been like this for forever for a long time,
Speaker 1: or has it just been getting worse throughout the years
Speaker 1: or is it social media?
Speaker 2: Like what do you what's your opinion on that?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So I mean this, this sort of addiction to
Speaker 3: drama has always been here, like but in small doses
Speaker 3: and small amounts. But with the like, you know, the
Speaker 3: invention of social media, it became a stage to which
Speaker 3: everyone could perform their drama. And you know, there's something called, like,
Speaker 3: it's this interesting theory called attentional economy. So it's like
Speaker 3: it's basically saying, your attention is the most most important
Speaker 3: commodity we have in the world. So I will do
Speaker 3: anything at any cost to get your attention. And what
Speaker 3: gets your attention is what we kind of talked about before,
Speaker 3: the like fear sexuality. It's something that will gets you
Speaker 3: a stress response. Yeah, And so anything I can get
Speaker 3: a rise out of you from is going to get
Speaker 3: your attention, and I win at a cost.
Speaker 2: At a cost. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And do you think it has to do with also
Speaker 1: like age or is it just because See the thing
Speaker 1: is when I in my earlier years, in my younger years,
Speaker 1: I did feel like even in relationships, I felt like
Speaker 1: I just I get I used to get that high
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, why is everything so peaceful.
Speaker 2: Okay, let me just try to pick a fight or something.
Speaker 1: And I grew up and I saw my mom go
Speaker 1: through that with her relationships, and it could be that,
Speaker 1: but I found myself being addicted to it where I'm like, Okay, oh,
Speaker 1: it's been too peaceful for two weeks. Okay, we need
Speaker 1: get in a fight or something, you know, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: why am I doing this to myself?
Speaker 2: It's self solitaged, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: It's so many things like yeah, if it's been modeled
Speaker 3: for us, if inter I mean, we're all so familiar
Speaker 3: with interrupting our own peace, Like when was last time
Speaker 3: you took a meditation class or a yoga or bath
Speaker 3: or walked through like a beautiful flower garden and started
Speaker 3: thinking about like what you have to do next, or
Speaker 3: a fight you had with someone, or even making up
Speaker 3: a fight in your head, or thinking about what you
Speaker 3: have to do for work on the following day. It's like, no,
Speaker 3: it's so hard for us as a culture, in our
Speaker 3: urgency culture, to be at peace, but especially if it's
Speaker 3: been modeled by our family members, where it's like if
Speaker 3: fighting in high intensity and chaos and crisis is the
Speaker 3: love language is the currency of love, then we will
Speaker 3: mirror that in our own relationships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 1: And then I went to therapy and you know, and
Speaker 1: it was, wait, this is not healthy and I want
Speaker 1: to break if you want to call them generational curses,
Speaker 1: like I want to be different, and now now I
Speaker 1: find myself.
Speaker 2: It just makes me feel I don't know if.
Speaker 1: Anxiety is the right word, but if there's just too
Speaker 1: much drama or too much like even gossip in a table,
Speaker 1: I just I'm like, ugh, I'll go to the restroom
Speaker 1: or I'm just like, you know what, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't have the mental space. Maybe that's another thing.
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't have a lot of mental
Speaker 1: space anymore now that I'm like in my thirties, I'm like, uh,
Speaker 1: hold on, like my brain, I have other things I
Speaker 1: have to worry about. So I'm thinking, I wonder if
Speaker 1: it'll just get better as we get older.
Speaker 3: I think there's that I think you've clearly done the
Speaker 3: work that like that's a sign of healing, where it's
Speaker 3: like something inside of you, the alarm system is like, actually,
Speaker 3: I don't need this extra stress. I don't need this chaos.
Speaker 3: I don't need it anymore, and it doesn't feel right,
Speaker 3: it feels toxic. And so like what we might call anxiety,
Speaker 3: it's just your internal alarm system that says, none of
Speaker 3: this shit no more. And that's a deep sign of healing.
Speaker 3: I mean, before that, it's often like we get bored
Speaker 3: and we have to like tolerate the boredom because we're
Speaker 3: so used to being in the fluctuations of life, of chaos,
Speaker 3: of gossip, of like, you know, all the things that
Speaker 3: disturb our peace, and there's something satisfying about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you feel like a high.
Speaker 3: You know, you literally are high. So it's part of
Speaker 3: like the stages of stress. In the first and second
Speaker 3: stage of stress, which is called activation and mobilization, which
Speaker 3: is like your body's getting ready to do something and
Speaker 3: then you do it. You actually release endorphins, you release
Speaker 3: pain relief in your body, and you get attacked. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so we get it really attached to the pain relief
Speaker 3: that comes with getting high off the stress, and we
Speaker 3: become attached to it. And what's really fucked up is
Speaker 3: we get withdrawal symptoms when we don't have it in
Speaker 3: the shape of anxiety and boredom.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's Okay, well that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, you know, oh because where I was at
Speaker 1: before and now where I'm at now, and you said
Speaker 1: a key word, and this is like for the listeners.
Speaker 1: If you're out there and you tend to be drawn
Speaker 1: to like more drama on TikTok and all the social media,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe this is something, this is this is
Speaker 1: the the episode for you. But I mean, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that I don't. There's there are times where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I feel toxic right now. I want to like I
Speaker 1: want some shit in my life. Yeah, I want to
Speaker 1: stir some shit up, but healing. Do you do you
Speaker 1: feel that that that's probably what it is. It's is
Speaker 1: it safe to say, in other words, that people that
Speaker 1: are more addicted to drama or gossip or whatever, even
Speaker 1: cyber bullying, is that someone that I mean, is it
Speaker 1: safe to say that there they need some healing in
Speaker 1: their life, some meditation, some sin.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, you're not an asshole. You're not fucked up
Speaker 3: just because you have some propensity for drama. Like if
Speaker 3: you like those relationships you had in your twenties where
Speaker 3: you're like, it's peaceful, I'm gonna stir some shit up.
Speaker 3: And then actually felt closer to them through like this,
Speaker 3: like the stirring, the chaos, all of that. It doesn't
Speaker 3: mean you're a bad person. And that's such an important
Speaker 3: thing because like we have such derogatory names for people
Speaker 3: who are attached to drama or dependent on stress. We
Speaker 3: call them drama queens. It's like a really inflammatory like
Speaker 3: attack on them as opposed to actually understanding like this
Speaker 3: is truly an addiction that people cannot help. It is
Speaker 3: a way that they are chasing the drama to avoid
Speaker 3: their trauma.
Speaker 1: Okay, wow, to avoid their okay yeah, because it's something
Speaker 1: that just excites us for a second, you know, and
Speaker 1: you know, going back to my twenties and fighting with
Speaker 1: my you know, partners, it was just because I was like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: because the makeup sex is going to be so awesome.
Speaker 1: So yeah, let's just you know, fuction it up a
Speaker 1: little bit. And I'm like, but I'm like, oh my god, no,
Speaker 1: I want to be different or whatever.
Speaker 3: I said it.
Speaker 1: The other day, I was like, I'm not a tousica anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm not toxic anymore, you guys, I promise only once.
Speaker 3: Why we dabble in the toxic drama shit. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: you know it's it has that excitement like there's a
Speaker 3: reason we all watch shit on TV, or like it's intoxicating.
Speaker 3: It's like the suspense of it, the stress of it.
Speaker 3: There's a sense of power that actually comes from being
Speaker 3: in the throes of drama, like when you're really in
Speaker 3: a heightened stress response, there is a release of all
Speaker 3: those endorphins. But also you feel powerful like yes, I
Speaker 3: mean literally, there's shit coursing through your veins, hormones coursing
Speaker 3: through your vein to make you actionable, to make you
Speaker 3: powerful to do something, and it's intoxicating. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: It just makes you feel a life for a second.
Speaker 1: You know, why did you decide to write a book
Speaker 1: on this particular topic?
Speaker 2: Did something happen? Did you just feel drawn to it?
Speaker 1: Like, tell us a little bit more about your book
Speaker 1: and then why the why behind it?
Speaker 3: Well, I come from a long lineage of dramatics and
Speaker 3: I did not fall far from that tree. I grew
Speaker 3: up just chaotic. And it's not like again, like I
Speaker 3: wasn't a bad person. I just like you, kept finding
Speaker 3: these relationships that were toxic that I knew wouldn't work,
Speaker 3: that I could get into constant fights with I would
Speaker 3: make things bigger than they actually were. I would exaggerate,
Speaker 3: I would intensify my emotions, my energy, my attention were
Speaker 3: all bigger than what actually needed for a situation. It
Speaker 3: would be like blowing out a birthday candle with a
Speaker 3: fire extinguisher when you have your breath right here, or
Speaker 3: it's starting to sprinkle outside a little rain, and you
Speaker 3: jump into a hurricane shelter. On the inside, it makes sense,
Speaker 3: there's like this total way in which your energy, your attention,
Speaker 3: your emotions are disproportionate to the action or what's needed.
Speaker 3: And on the outside everyone's like what the fuck, Like
Speaker 3: what's wrong with you? But it's so justified. It makes
Speaker 3: so much sense. Like the internal reality is like this
Speaker 3: is my survival. Yeah, this is what needs to happen.
Speaker 3: I have to get into that fight. And we don't
Speaker 3: recognize that we are the problem because our internal world
Speaker 3: is such chaos in avoiding the trauma, navigating the internal pain,
Speaker 3: that we feel so out of sync with the rest
Speaker 3: of the world that we go seek or create the
Speaker 3: circumstances the chaos on the outside world in order to
Speaker 3: match our internal world so we don't feel so alone
Speaker 3: in this fucking world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and is there like a special pill? Is there
Speaker 1: a solution? Is there a cure? Is this treatable?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Just because, like you said, there's nothing necessarily wrong with you.
Speaker 1: It's just I feel like, you know what, that's the
Speaker 1: world that we live in today, and it is a choice.
Speaker 1: I mean, I choose to say, you know what, now,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm in a different.
Speaker 2: Space, you know.
Speaker 1: But it does entertain you sometimes, you know, I love
Speaker 1: watching the Kardashians, and you know, there's like a lot
Speaker 1: of there's drama, you know what I mean, everywhere And
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I don't enjoy it, but I'm
Speaker 1: just like, what can we do or what do you
Speaker 1: suggest for us to be less addicted to drama?
Speaker 3: Well, the first thing I always recommend is start to
Speaker 3: notice where you interrupt your own peace, where you feel
Speaker 3: like a little edgy around stillness or quietness. And it's
Speaker 3: not to say that that's what life should always be
Speaker 3: about as quietness, stillness, but it is a deep important
Speaker 3: part of our own process of restoring our own energy
Speaker 3: so that we can be adaptive and functional in this world.
Speaker 3: It's like to say, if you never sleep, you would
Speaker 3: probably go, oh, there's something wrong with that, but it's
Speaker 3: so hard to recognize that you never actually rest or settle.
Speaker 3: So start to recognize, like go take them at a
Speaker 3: tation class and notice all the ways that you start
Speaker 3: to interrupt your ability to find peace or stillness or
Speaker 3: quietude or ease. And when you can start to recognize it,
Speaker 3: you can start to interrupt and go ooh, do I
Speaker 3: want to challenge or interrupt this piece? Or am I
Speaker 3: safe enough in this moment to truly settle to find ease?
Speaker 1: And I do want to be clear guys, anyone and
Speaker 1: everyone that is listening here, that there is a difference
Speaker 1: between being a cyber bully and that type of drama
Speaker 1: of like you're picking fights and you're out there like
Speaker 1: commenting bad things to people or just being.
Speaker 2: Judgmental, yeah, or just being a douche.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I mean, Like, don't be a douche,
Speaker 1: but I as yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: But it's like, why are you picking fights? Like It's true.
Speaker 3: It's like I have people who troll me all the
Speaker 3: time on social media, and I think it's funny to
Speaker 3: be honest and sad because I have no reaction to it.
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, you have no idea what it
Speaker 3: was like to grow up in my household, So my DearS,
Speaker 3: nothing you say could even get a rise out of me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like whatever, whatever, bless.
Speaker 3: You for trying it, and you're just not witty or
Speaker 3: funny enough to actually get a response from me. But
Speaker 3: I also don't like. There was one time someone was
Speaker 3: writing in It was a couple of months ago, and
Speaker 3: I started writing a response and I was like, Oh
Speaker 3: my gosh, what am I doing. I am joining into
Speaker 3: their chaos, And I was like, I don't need that
Speaker 3: in my life. I'm having a great fucking day and
Speaker 3: doing this. I'm gonna think about it later. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: go tell all my friends what I wrote. I'm going
Speaker 3: to screenshot it and put it into my stories, And
Speaker 3: for what, it's going to keep the energy of that
Speaker 3: shit alive, the chaos of that alive that I don't
Speaker 3: need and no one else actually needs. Absolutely, the best
Speaker 3: medicine is truly not engaging.
Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna say. You have the choice
Speaker 1: of either engaging or not. And in the beginning of
Speaker 1: my career, I got so much crap. I got just
Speaker 1: oh if it wasn't oh you're fat, you can't sing,
Speaker 1: just so much stuff and it would really hurt my feelings.
Speaker 2: I'm like, why are people so mean? Like they don't
Speaker 2: even know me?
Speaker 1: And I would just say it would really make me
Speaker 1: sad because I would never do that, like honestly, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't sit there and be like, oh you have I
Speaker 1: don't know just anything.
Speaker 2: I just you know.
Speaker 1: So it just took me a while to understand, and
Speaker 1: I used to engage and I used to say, you
Speaker 1: know what, you don't even know me this and is that.
Speaker 2: We would go back and forth and it would rob
Speaker 2: so much of my.
Speaker 1: Time, my value time, and my energy, my mental space
Speaker 1: until I just realized, dude, there's something going on there
Speaker 1: that I'm not going to be a part of and
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give it more light, you know,
Speaker 1: because I'd start realizing there were people that would call
Speaker 1: me fat and I'd go to the profile and they
Speaker 1: were sometimes even bigger than me, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing?
Speaker 2: That is not nice.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't call anyone fat, even if you think they're fat,
Speaker 1: and it's just like dude, so that I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: then I'm not going to take it personally, but it
Speaker 1: was hard to get to that point and get over
Speaker 1: that little hump, to be honest.
Speaker 3: It's so hard. And first of all, you're amazing, and
Speaker 3: it speaks so much to your own fucking journey of
Speaker 3: being able to be so entrenched and in the like
Speaker 3: the tornado of their chaos because they need that. They
Speaker 3: need that to feel in relationship to other people, I
Speaker 3: need you to be at my pain level so that
Speaker 3: we can relate. It's truly, it's what's called weaponized empathy.
Speaker 3: And it's like, I'm in such deep pain. I need
Speaker 3: you to feel my pain because that's the only way
Speaker 3: I can actually understand connection and relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know what that's now I pray for
Speaker 1: those people. I'm like, you know what, I live in
Speaker 1: the Universe's hand, in God's hands, because that's wow.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what it is.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, something's going on? Or even
Speaker 1: with road rage, you guys. I you know someone before
Speaker 1: I'd be like, man, f you and you know they
Speaker 1: would cut me off or flip me off or something,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh whatever, I literally I go blow
Speaker 1: my kiss, baby, I swear I'm just like, I'm not.
Speaker 2: Even trying to be petty.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know what, Bibyby, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to let you ruin my day. I am too busy,
Speaker 1: I have too much going on, and you're not going
Speaker 1: to function up for me, you know.
Speaker 3: And on the flip side of that, it's like it's
Speaker 3: you know, us walking away from that chaos. The people
Speaker 3: who instigated is also kind of sad because it's like
Speaker 3: that is their way of trying to connect of related.
Speaker 3: It makes no sense because it's just about making sensation.
Speaker 3: It's about them having this deep experience of chaos and
Speaker 3: crisis and you know, stirring shit up so they can
Speaker 3: somehow in that world of chaos feel connected.
Speaker 2: Yeah, give us some type of satisfaction.
Speaker 3: Yeah, satisfaction. You know in my family, like when things
Speaker 3: were bad, that's when you were most seen. That's when
Speaker 3: you were most attended to. And so like when I
Speaker 3: was sick, when I would get in trouble at school,
Speaker 3: when I would pick fights with my sister or other people,
Speaker 3: I got attention. So that becomes my currency of love.
Speaker 3: I go in my brain wires going, oh, when I
Speaker 3: stir shit up, when I'm not okay. When things aren't okay,
Speaker 3: when I'm a victim whatever it is, that's when I'm
Speaker 3: truly going to be seen and that's what I carry
Speaker 3: into the rest of my life. From my childhood.
Speaker 2: Well, you guys, listen to that. That is that is huge.
Speaker 1: A lot of it has to do with our childhood
Speaker 1: and the attention that we got, and thank goodness, my
Speaker 1: mother was very tough. She was just kind of like
Speaker 1: if I was trying to act up to get attention,
Speaker 1: it was like it was not happening. She's like, especially
Speaker 1: with stuff that I went through as when I was younger,
Speaker 1: like sexual abuse and stuff, She's like, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to let you victimize yourself. You're not. No, we got
Speaker 1: to keep going. It is what it is, and I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful for that. It's just kind of like, this
Speaker 1: is a hard knock life and you got to keep going.
Speaker 1: But I do see that in other people that I know,
Speaker 1: and I won't say names. You know that I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh damn, it has to do with and there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with it, guys. It's just recognizing it and just saying, okay,
Speaker 1: what makes me happier. Basically, at the end of the
Speaker 1: day doesn't make you about a per it's just let
Speaker 1: me if you want to heal it, if you want
Speaker 1: to live a more peaceful life, that's on you. You
Speaker 1: got to recognize it now, Scott, since you are from
Speaker 1: New York and I know you guys are like again,
Speaker 1: super straight up. We're going to talk about a touchy
Speaker 1: subject and maybe people are you gonna get a little
Speaker 1: weirded out. But do you feel that women are more
Speaker 1: prone to drama than men? Or is it the same
Speaker 1: or is it men more than women.
Speaker 3: I love this question because I think people have such
Speaker 3: an opinion coming in and they want me to validate
Speaker 3: that opinion. It was on this talk show where this
Speaker 3: guy who's total douche, just a total fucking sexist douche,
Speaker 3: which is not my vibe, and he was like, don't
Speaker 3: you think women are more dramatic than men? I was like, No,
Speaker 3: what I think you're doing in the question is dramatic
Speaker 3: and trying to get me to put logs on your
Speaker 3: fire of drama and I'm not interested.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: What I will say is in a culture where there
Speaker 3: are often gender norms, like men do it this way
Speaker 3: and women do it this way, we often follow suit,
Speaker 3: not that it's actually that way, Like it's more acceptable
Speaker 3: quote unquote for women to share emotions, then the drama
Speaker 3: might be intensified and exaggerated through the vehicle of emotions.
Speaker 3: If men are more expected to go do like crazy
Speaker 3: shit like jump out of a plane and you know,
Speaker 3: like whatever broia other shit that I've never done, then
Speaker 3: then the extremes, then the drama, the intensification, the exaggeration,
Speaker 3: the you know, disproportionate reactions are going to show up
Speaker 3: in those ways. It might show up in fights, it
Speaker 3: might show up controlling, it might show up and jumping
Speaker 3: out of a plane or bungee jumping over and over again.
Speaker 3: It's but it has It doesn't matter what the action
Speaker 3: or the vehicle. If the drama is, it's all about
Speaker 3: what is it doing to your nervous system. What is
Speaker 3: it doing to your and your physiology and your brain.
Speaker 3: It's all creating this REVVN stress response that you're living
Speaker 3: off of, like a fucking battery pack.
Speaker 2: Damn. I love that you're just like boom, this is
Speaker 2: what it is.
Speaker 1: And now that we're on this topic, Okay, guys, I
Speaker 1: don't know if you know, hopefully guys like men listen
Speaker 1: to my podcast, but men that listen to my podcast, Okay,
Speaker 1: I want you guys.
Speaker 2: I just want you guys to know something.
Speaker 1: Yes, as women, we're just yes, we're more emotional, we're
Speaker 1: more connected to our emotions, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 1: But please don't ever tell a woman are you on
Speaker 1: your period? You must be pmsing.
Speaker 2: Dude. I cannot with that. I cannot with that.
Speaker 3: Also, every single fucking human on this planet has hormone cycles.
Speaker 3: So sis men or whatever you want to call it,
Speaker 3: if that's you know where we're going. It goes on
Speaker 3: three month cycles versus one month cycles, and so every
Speaker 3: sis man also has certain time periods where they have
Speaker 3: hormonal flexes and responses to those hormonal flexes. So it's
Speaker 3: an absolute asshole thing to say to anyone as supposed
Speaker 3: to just been like, hey boo, where are you at, Like,
Speaker 3: what's happening? How you feel? And what do you need?
Speaker 1: You good?
Speaker 3: You know you're good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, come here, let me give you a hug, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, I just wanted to say that because I
Speaker 1: was say wait before I appreciate it. Let me just
Speaker 1: let the guys know, you know, it's not cool guys. Okay,
Speaker 1: we go through a lot as women. Okay, So anyways, well,
Speaker 1: and it's so genderized.
Speaker 3: I mean, like we have the term, the vernacular term
Speaker 3: drama queen, but no one says like drama king or
Speaker 3: drama they you know, like the the you know, it's
Speaker 3: so specific and and so like it's in our language system.
Speaker 3: How expected that drama is in a specific gender when
Speaker 3: it's it's not. It's absolutely not because the It's like
Speaker 3: it's like saying one addiction only belonged like the alcohol
Speaker 3: addiction only belongs to one gender.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that you we just cleared that up. It's
Speaker 1: not about oh, women are more dramatic than men. No,
Speaker 1: I just feel like it just has to do with
Speaker 1: our internal stuff, you know, whether you have a penis
Speaker 1: or a vagina.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, and if you were someone who grew up
Speaker 3: in a household where emotions were repressed, suppressed, you know,
Speaker 3: locked down, or certain emotions were locked down, then the
Speaker 3: expression of it by another person is going to seem
Speaker 3: bigger because yours is so small. Yes, it's all about perception.
Speaker 1: It's all about perception, you guys. Okay, how do you
Speaker 1: deal with someone who's addicted to drama because it could
Speaker 1: be tiring to be pulled into that.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, if I ask every one of your audience members,
Speaker 3: do you know someone addicted to drama, They're all going
Speaker 3: to raise their hand, maybe both hands probably and jump
Speaker 3: up and down and be like this person, this person,
Speaker 3: and yeah, like you. Even right now, you can think
Speaker 3: of a few people. Now if I said to your audience, now,
Speaker 3: raise your hand if you're addicted to drama, most of
Speaker 3: them would not raise their hand. You and I are
Speaker 3: being very transparent because we've gone through the healing process
Speaker 3: and are able to go like, oh shit, we were
Speaker 3: attached to that shit, we were dependent on that. But
Speaker 3: the majority of us are going to be focusing on
Speaker 3: how to deal with other people who are addicted drama.
Speaker 3: How do we conserve our energy? And it's a really
Speaker 3: important question because here is something crazy. An addiction to
Speaker 3: drama or someone who is constantly in stress is contagious.
Speaker 3: It is physiologically contagious. If I start to get anxious
Speaker 3: and stress out, I'm getting nervous because I'm talking it
Speaker 3: with celebrity. That you would and you know you're going
Speaker 3: to you have these special neurons, this special part of
Speaker 3: your body that actually start to pick it up register
Speaker 3: and mirror my response. And that's so crazy, right. And
Speaker 3: So when we think about, like how do I deal
Speaker 3: with someone who's addicted to drama like my mom, my
Speaker 3: sister in law, my brother, my whomever, my teacher, my
Speaker 3: blah blah blah, it's not just walking away. It's also
Speaker 3: dealing with the fact that we are having a similar
Speaker 3: response in our body as they are producing as part
Speaker 3: of their own addiction to drama distress.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like I said earlier too, like I have
Speaker 1: a few people and I take them in doses or
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like I love this person and I accept
Speaker 1: them for who they are and I'm not going to
Speaker 1: judge your criticize, and I don't want It's not like
Speaker 1: I don't want them in my life.
Speaker 2: I just don't engage.
Speaker 1: And also I mentally and emotionally prepare before I hang
Speaker 1: out with them, just kind of like cover myself. I
Speaker 1: do it like mentally spiritually, and I'm like, okay, I
Speaker 1: have meditated. I'm good, and no matter what happens today,
Speaker 1: no one else should be able to disturb that because
Speaker 1: I have already centered myself.
Speaker 3: I've learned yeah.
Speaker 1: And if there's just someone that's completely toxic and it's
Speaker 1: just not good for me, then that that is so
Speaker 1: different from oh, they're just you know, they're just like
Speaker 1: they like cheese, may they like this, they like that, whatever.
Speaker 1: You know, If the person's toxic, I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna love you from far away. You're just not
Speaker 1: good for me. But I do have a friend, and yeah,
Speaker 1: that's basically what I do. I'm just like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna mentally prepare because I got to hang out with
Speaker 1: this person and that's it, and I'm okay, it doesn't
Speaker 1: affect me the way it used to.
Speaker 3: That's another sign of deep healing is where we can
Speaker 3: be resilient in the face of other people's chaos and
Speaker 3: crisis and be like, oh, I'm not going to be
Speaker 3: pulled in to your tornado of crisis. I'm just I'm
Speaker 3: going to keep grounding and anchoring myself. I'm going to
Speaker 3: do the work on me so that if I want
Speaker 3: to be in relationship to you, I can be. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna set my boundaries. I'm going to be like, babes,
Speaker 3: I love you, I have a half an hour for you,
Speaker 3: or you know, it's really We're going to go take
Speaker 3: a walk. I'm not going to be stuck in a
Speaker 3: room with you where I can't motor and move some
Speaker 3: of my own reasons sponse that I'm having about you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I go we go take a walk around the lake,
Speaker 3: or hey, I love that you have or I totally
Speaker 3: hear you have a lot of stuff going on in
Speaker 3: your life. It feels hard. I get that. I also
Speaker 3: need from my own preservation, like ten minutes of us
Speaker 3: talking about like the good of the world, or like
Speaker 3: some cool shit that's happening. A TV show that's actually
Speaker 3: like feels positive and exciting, whatever it is, or like
Speaker 3: this podcast I just listened to about drama. Yep, whatever
Speaker 3: it is. Yeah, whatever it is. It's like, you are
Speaker 3: in charge of your own health. If you want to
Speaker 3: be with someone or be in proximity to someone who
Speaker 3: is addicted to drama, take your power.
Speaker 1: Back, Yes, yes, take your power back. And there is
Speaker 1: so much power in saying no, thank you. And you
Speaker 1: know what, I'd rather not talk about that, you know,
Speaker 1: or I don't want to hear about it.
Speaker 2: Can we talk about something else?
Speaker 1: Like the way Scott just said like, there is just
Speaker 1: so much power in that and just you know, and
Speaker 1: that person doesn't respect it, that's an indication that maybe
Speaker 1: you shouldn't hang around or be around that person if
Speaker 1: they can't respect your decisions and your wishes.
Speaker 2: Scott, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I enjoyed the conversation and I know my listeners
Speaker 1: will too. And I want you to please share your
Speaker 1: social media. Where can everyone find you? Do have a website?
Speaker 2: Tell me all of it?
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you well, first of all, thank you and
Speaker 3: thank you for your interest and your radical transparency. Yeah,
Speaker 3: people can find me. I'm on social media's at doctor
Speaker 3: Scott Lions. Dr Scott Lions. I have a website if
Speaker 3: you want to take a quiz about are you addicted drama?
Speaker 3: Do you know someone addicted drama? There's a quiz on
Speaker 3: my website. It's kind of fun. I can love that.
Speaker 2: I love quizzes, by the way, you love quizzes.
Speaker 3: All right, I'm going to send you the quiz and
Speaker 3: we are going to compare our answers. Compare answers from
Speaker 3: like now versus when we were in our twenties.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Okay, yes, and that's at dr Scoutlions
Speaker 3: dot com as well, and you can get the book
Speaker 3: wherever you want, wherever It's books are sold.
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, check it out.
Speaker 1: It is called Addicted to Drama, Healing, Dependency on Crisis
Speaker 1: and Chaos in yourself and others. You guys, so check
Speaker 1: it out. But you, guys, thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1: And as you know, I like to leave you with
Speaker 1: a quote, and the quote is, those who spend time
Speaker 1: looking for the faults and others usually spend no time
Speaker 1: to correct their own.
Speaker 2: Damn play that back, rewind that.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's yes, Mike Drop. Yes, thank you guys so
Speaker 1: much for listening. I love you guys, and I'll see
Speaker 1: you here on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill
Speaker 1: Best those guys, do you need advice on love, relationships,
Speaker 1: health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that
Speaker 1: my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
Speaker 1: drop each week.
Speaker 2: I'll be answering all your questions.
Speaker 1: Just leave me a voice message Monday. All you have
Speaker 1: to do is go to speak Pipe dot com slash
Speaker 1: Cheekys and Chill Podcast and record your questions.
Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a
Speaker 2: production of.
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