1 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: I found myself being addicted to it, where I'm like, okay, oh, 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:06,600 Speaker 1: it's been. 3 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 2: Too peaceful for two weeks. 4 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:08,880 Speaker 1: Okay, we need to get in a fight or something, 5 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: you know, and I'm like, why am I doing this 6 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: to myself? It's self solmitaged, you know what I mean. 7 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,800 Speaker 3: We have such derogatory names for people who are attached 8 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 3: to drama or dependent on stress, as opposed to actually 9 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 3: understanding this is truly an addiction. There's a sense of 10 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 3: power that actually comes from being in the throes of drama, 11 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 3: and it's intoxicating. 12 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 2: It just makes you feel ALIVEE for a second. 13 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:44,240 Speaker 1: Happy Monday, Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you 14 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:48,240 Speaker 1: guys are feeling great. I am feeling I'm feeling good. 15 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 1: I can't complain. I have a lot on my mind. 16 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 1: I've been very pensive. 17 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 2: The past couple of weeks. But I feel good and I'm. 18 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: Happy, and I think this week's episode is going to 19 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: be a really good one and one you'll find interesting 20 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: because it's about our. 21 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,919 Speaker 2: Addiction to drama, y'all. 22 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: Today's guest is going to explain to us what that means, 23 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,960 Speaker 1: what it looks like, and how we can deal with it. 24 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: So stay tuned. This is Cheeky's and Chill. Okay, So 25 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: our guest today is the wonderful doctor Scott Lyons. He's 26 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: a holistic psychologist, an educator and author of the new 27 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: book Addicted to Drama, Healing, Dependency on Crisis and Chaos 28 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: in Yourself and others. 29 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 2: Ooh, Scott, Hello, welcome, How are you. 30 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 3: I'm great, How are you doing. 31 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 2: I'm fabulous. Congratulations on your new book. 32 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. 33 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 2: I love it. 34 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: I love the title, which is why you are here 35 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: because I want to talk about your book. I want 36 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: to talk about all things drama. 37 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 3: We love the drama. 38 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, right, Is it just like a human thing or 39 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: is it just it is? 40 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 3: We all have some we're all on the scale of 41 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,919 Speaker 3: an addiction and drama to some degree. And right it's entertaining. 42 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 3: There's like we get something out of it too. It's 43 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 3: not all bad, as we'll probably talk about. 44 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, so let's just let's dive right into it. 45 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: I think it's super fascinating. I did reality TV for 46 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: what about ten years, and it was we were the 47 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: first Latin reality show, so I'm very proud of that. 48 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 1: But as the years went on, I felt like they 49 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 1: wanted more and more drama like stuff was being created 50 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,080 Speaker 1: that I was like, why why can't we just And 51 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,919 Speaker 1: I even see it with my post sometimes, so I'll 52 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 1: post something super positive on Instagram and it doesn't get 53 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,919 Speaker 1: as many like interaction. 54 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 2: It doesn't get a lot of interaction. 55 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: It's to say when I post I don't know, like 56 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 1: my ass or something, and it's like, yeah, you know, 57 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: the more skin And I'm like, dude, I just wrote 58 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: something so beautiful my past post and you guys ignored it. 59 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 2: Why tell me why it's true? 60 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 3: I mean, there are certain emotions that garner or get 61 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 3: more attention, so like fear, aggressiveness, and seductiveness, like these 62 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 3: are evolutionarily the things that grab our attention the most, 63 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 3: and we're going to attend to them. And this is 64 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 3: the danger of media in general. It is because they 65 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 3: know this, so they're going to produce content that elicits 66 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,799 Speaker 3: the most amount of attention they can and it has 67 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 3: a cost. It has a cost, meaning like that's what 68 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 3: we get inundated with. 69 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: Yes, And do you think that it's something that has 70 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 1: been it's been like this for forever for a long time, 71 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: or has it just been getting worse throughout the years 72 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: or is it social media? 73 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 2: Like what do you what's your opinion on that? 74 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 3: Yeah? So I mean this, this sort of addiction to 75 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 3: drama has always been here, like but in small doses 76 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 3: and small amounts. But with the like, you know, the 77 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 3: invention of social media, it became a stage to which 78 00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 3: everyone could perform their drama. And you know, there's something called, like, 79 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 3: it's this interesting theory called attentional economy. So it's like 80 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 3: it's basically saying, your attention is the most most important 81 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 3: commodity we have in the world. So I will do 82 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 3: anything at any cost to get your attention. And what 83 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,840 Speaker 3: gets your attention is what we kind of talked about before, 84 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 3: the like fear sexuality. It's something that will gets you 85 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 3: a stress response. Yeah, And so anything I can get 86 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 3: a rise out of you from is going to get 87 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 3: your attention, and I win at a cost. 88 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 2: At a cost. Yeah. 89 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: And do you think it has to do with also 90 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: like age or is it just because See the thing 91 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: is when I in my earlier years, in my younger years, 92 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 1: I did feel like even in relationships, I felt like 93 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: I just I get I used to get that high 94 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: of like, Okay, why is everything so peaceful. 95 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 2: Okay, let me just try to pick a fight or something. 96 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: And I grew up and I saw my mom go 97 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 1: through that with her relationships, and it could be that, 98 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:02,720 Speaker 1: but I found myself being addicted to it where I'm like, Okay, oh, 99 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: it's been too peaceful for two weeks. Okay, we need 100 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: get in a fight or something, you know, And I'm like, 101 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 1: why am I doing this to myself? 102 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 2: It's self solitaged, you know what I mean. 103 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 3: It's so many things like yeah, if it's been modeled 104 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 3: for us, if inter I mean, we're all so familiar 105 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 3: with interrupting our own peace, Like when was last time 106 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 3: you took a meditation class or a yoga or bath 107 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,360 Speaker 3: or walked through like a beautiful flower garden and started 108 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 3: thinking about like what you have to do next, or 109 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 3: a fight you had with someone, or even making up 110 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 3: a fight in your head, or thinking about what you 111 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 3: have to do for work on the following day. It's like, no, 112 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,039 Speaker 3: it's so hard for us as a culture, in our 113 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 3: urgency culture, to be at peace, but especially if it's 114 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 3: been modeled by our family members, where it's like if 115 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 3: fighting in high intensity and chaos and crisis is the 116 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 3: love language is the currency of love, then we will 117 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 3: mirror that in our own relationships. 118 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what. 119 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 1: And then I went to therapy and you know, and 120 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: it was, wait, this is not healthy and I want 121 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: to break if you want to call them generational curses, 122 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: like I want to be different, and now now I 123 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,279 Speaker 1: find myself. 124 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 2: It just makes me feel I don't know if. 125 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,280 Speaker 1: Anxiety is the right word, but if there's just too 126 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: much drama or too much like even gossip in a table, 127 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: I just I'm like, ugh, I'll go to the restroom 128 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: or I'm just like, you know what, I don't know. 129 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: I don't have the mental space. Maybe that's another thing. 130 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: I feel like I don't have a lot of mental 131 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: space anymore now that I'm like in my thirties, I'm like, uh, 132 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: hold on, like my brain, I have other things I 133 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: have to worry about. So I'm thinking, I wonder if 134 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 1: it'll just get better as we get older. 135 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 3: I think there's that I think you've clearly done the 136 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 3: work that like that's a sign of healing, where it's 137 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 3: like something inside of you, the alarm system is like, actually, 138 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 3: I don't need this extra stress. I don't need this chaos. 139 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 3: I don't need it anymore, and it doesn't feel right, 140 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,720 Speaker 3: it feels toxic. And so like what we might call anxiety, 141 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 3: it's just your internal alarm system that says, none of 142 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 3: this shit no more. And that's a deep sign of healing. 143 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 3: I mean, before that, it's often like we get bored 144 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 3: and we have to like tolerate the boredom because we're 145 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 3: so used to being in the fluctuations of life, of chaos, 146 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 3: of gossip, of like, you know, all the things that 147 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 3: disturb our peace, and there's something satisfying about it. 148 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, you feel like a high. 149 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 3: You know, you literally are high. So it's part of 150 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 3: like the stages of stress. In the first and second 151 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 3: stage of stress, which is called activation and mobilization, which 152 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 3: is like your body's getting ready to do something and 153 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 3: then you do it. You actually release endorphins, you release 154 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 3: pain relief in your body, and you get attacked. Yeah, 155 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 3: so we get it really attached to the pain relief 156 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 3: that comes with getting high off the stress, and we 157 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 3: become attached to it. And what's really fucked up is 158 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 3: we get withdrawal symptoms when we don't have it in 159 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 3: the shape of anxiety and boredom. 160 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's Okay, well that makes sense. 161 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 1: Yeah wow, you know, oh because where I was at 162 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: before and now where I'm at now, and you said 163 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: a key word, and this is like for the listeners. 164 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 1: If you're out there and you tend to be drawn 165 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: to like more drama on TikTok and all the social media, 166 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: you know, maybe this is something, this is this is 167 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: the the episode for you. But I mean, I'm not 168 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: saying that I don't. There's there are times where I'm like, 169 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: I feel toxic right now. I want to like I 170 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: want some shit in my life. Yeah, I want to 171 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: stir some shit up, but healing. Do you do you 172 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: feel that that that's probably what it is. It's is 173 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 1: it safe to say, in other words, that people that 174 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 1: are more addicted to drama or gossip or whatever, even 175 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: cyber bullying, is that someone that I mean, is it 176 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,719 Speaker 1: safe to say that there they need some healing in 177 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: their life, some meditation, some sin. 178 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, you're not an asshole. You're not fucked up 179 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 3: just because you have some propensity for drama. Like if 180 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 3: you like those relationships you had in your twenties where 181 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 3: you're like, it's peaceful, I'm gonna stir some shit up. 182 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 3: And then actually felt closer to them through like this, 183 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 3: like the stirring, the chaos, all of that. It doesn't 184 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 3: mean you're a bad person. And that's such an important 185 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 3: thing because like we have such derogatory names for people 186 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 3: who are attached to drama or dependent on stress. We 187 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 3: call them drama queens. It's like a really inflammatory like 188 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 3: attack on them as opposed to actually understanding like this 189 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 3: is truly an addiction that people cannot help. It is 190 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 3: a way that they are chasing the drama to avoid 191 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 3: their trauma. 192 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: Okay, wow, to avoid their okay yeah, because it's something 193 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: that just excites us for a second, you know, and 194 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: you know, going back to my twenties and fighting with 195 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: my you know, partners, it was just because I was like, okay, yeah, 196 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: because the makeup sex is going to be so awesome. 197 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: So yeah, let's just you know, fuction it up a 198 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,960 Speaker 1: little bit. And I'm like, but I'm like, oh my god, no, 199 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: I want to be different or whatever. 200 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 3: I said it. 201 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: The other day, I was like, I'm not a tousica anymore. 202 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: I'm not toxic anymore, you guys, I promise only once. 203 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 3: Why we dabble in the toxic drama shit. Yeah, and 204 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 3: you know it's it has that excitement like there's a 205 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:14,319 Speaker 3: reason we all watch shit on TV, or like it's intoxicating. 206 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 3: It's like the suspense of it, the stress of it. 207 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 3: There's a sense of power that actually comes from being 208 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 3: in the throes of drama, like when you're really in 209 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 3: a heightened stress response, there is a release of all 210 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 3: those endorphins. But also you feel powerful like yes, I 211 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 3: mean literally, there's shit coursing through your veins, hormones coursing 212 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 3: through your vein to make you actionable, to make you 213 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 3: powerful to do something, and it's intoxicating. Mm hmm. 214 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 2: It just makes you feel a life for a second. 215 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: You know, why did you decide to write a book 216 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: on this particular topic? 217 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 2: Did something happen? Did you just feel drawn to it? 218 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: Like, tell us a little bit more about your book 219 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 1: and then why the why behind it? 220 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 3: Well, I come from a long lineage of dramatics and 221 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 3: I did not fall far from that tree. I grew 222 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 3: up just chaotic. And it's not like again, like I 223 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 3: wasn't a bad person. I just like you, kept finding 224 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 3: these relationships that were toxic that I knew wouldn't work, 225 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 3: that I could get into constant fights with I would 226 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 3: make things bigger than they actually were. I would exaggerate, 227 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 3: I would intensify my emotions, my energy, my attention were 228 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 3: all bigger than what actually needed for a situation. It 229 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 3: would be like blowing out a birthday candle with a 230 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 3: fire extinguisher when you have your breath right here, or 231 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 3: it's starting to sprinkle outside a little rain, and you 232 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:54,200 Speaker 3: jump into a hurricane shelter. On the inside, it makes sense, 233 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 3: there's like this total way in which your energy, your attention, 234 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 3: your emotions are disproportionate to the action or what's needed. 235 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 3: And on the outside everyone's like what the fuck, Like 236 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 3: what's wrong with you? But it's so justified. It makes 237 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,080 Speaker 3: so much sense. Like the internal reality is like this 238 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 3: is my survival. Yeah, this is what needs to happen. 239 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 3: I have to get into that fight. And we don't 240 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 3: recognize that we are the problem because our internal world 241 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 3: is such chaos in avoiding the trauma, navigating the internal pain, 242 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 3: that we feel so out of sync with the rest 243 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,439 Speaker 3: of the world that we go seek or create the 244 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 3: circumstances the chaos on the outside world in order to 245 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: match our internal world so we don't feel so alone 246 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,320 Speaker 3: in this fucking world. 247 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, and is there like a special pill? Is there 248 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,080 Speaker 1: a solution? Is there a cure? Is this treatable? 249 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? 250 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: Just because, like you said, there's nothing necessarily wrong with you. 251 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 1: It's just I feel like, you know what, that's the 252 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: world that we live in today, and it is a choice. 253 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,719 Speaker 1: I mean, I choose to say, you know what, now, 254 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm in a different. 255 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 2: Space, you know. 256 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: But it does entertain you sometimes, you know, I love 257 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: watching the Kardashians, and you know, there's like a lot 258 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: of there's drama, you know what I mean, everywhere And 259 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say I don't enjoy it, but I'm 260 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: just like, what can we do or what do you 261 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 1: suggest for us to be less addicted to drama? 262 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 3: Well, the first thing I always recommend is start to 263 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 3: notice where you interrupt your own peace, where you feel 264 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 3: like a little edgy around stillness or quietness. And it's 265 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 3: not to say that that's what life should always be 266 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,200 Speaker 3: about as quietness, stillness, but it is a deep important 267 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 3: part of our own process of restoring our own energy 268 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 3: so that we can be adaptive and functional in this world. 269 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 3: It's like to say, if you never sleep, you would 270 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 3: probably go, oh, there's something wrong with that, but it's 271 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 3: so hard to recognize that you never actually rest or settle. 272 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 3: So start to recognize, like go take them at a 273 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 3: tation class and notice all the ways that you start 274 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,079 Speaker 3: to interrupt your ability to find peace or stillness or 275 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 3: quietude or ease. And when you can start to recognize it, 276 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 3: you can start to interrupt and go ooh, do I 277 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 3: want to challenge or interrupt this piece? Or am I 278 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 3: safe enough in this moment to truly settle to find ease? 279 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: And I do want to be clear guys, anyone and 280 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 1: everyone that is listening here, that there is a difference 281 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 1: between being a cyber bully and that type of drama 282 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 1: of like you're picking fights and you're out there like 283 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: commenting bad things to people or just being. 284 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 2: Judgmental, yeah, or just being a douche. 285 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I mean, Like, don't be a douche, 286 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: but I as yeah, exactly. 287 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 3: But it's like, why are you picking fights? Like It's true. 288 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 3: It's like I have people who troll me all the 289 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 3: time on social media, and I think it's funny to 290 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 3: be honest and sad because I have no reaction to it. 291 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, you have no idea what it 292 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 3: was like to grow up in my household, So my DearS, 293 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 3: nothing you say could even get a rise out of me. 294 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like whatever, whatever, bless. 295 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 3: You for trying it, and you're just not witty or 296 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 3: funny enough to actually get a response from me. But 297 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 3: I also don't like. There was one time someone was 298 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 3: writing in It was a couple of months ago, and 299 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 3: I started writing a response and I was like, Oh 300 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 3: my gosh, what am I doing. I am joining into 301 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 3: their chaos, And I was like, I don't need that 302 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 3: in my life. I'm having a great fucking day and 303 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 3: doing this. I'm gonna think about it later. I'm gonna 304 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 3: go tell all my friends what I wrote. I'm going 305 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 3: to screenshot it and put it into my stories, And 306 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 3: for what, it's going to keep the energy of that 307 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 3: shit alive, the chaos of that alive that I don't 308 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 3: need and no one else actually needs. Absolutely, the best 309 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 3: medicine is truly not engaging. 310 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna say. You have the choice 311 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: of either engaging or not. And in the beginning of 312 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: my career, I got so much crap. I got just 313 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: oh if it wasn't oh you're fat, you can't sing, 314 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 1: just so much stuff and it would really hurt my feelings. 315 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 2: I'm like, why are people so mean? Like they don't 316 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 2: even know me? 317 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 1: And I would just say it would really make me 318 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: sad because I would never do that, like honestly, I 319 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 1: wouldn't sit there and be like, oh you have I 320 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,200 Speaker 1: don't know just anything. 321 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 2: I just you know. 322 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 1: So it just took me a while to understand, and 323 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: I used to engage and I used to say, you 324 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 1: know what, you don't even know me this and is that. 325 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 2: We would go back and forth and it would rob 326 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 2: so much of my. 327 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: Time, my value time, and my energy, my mental space 328 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: until I just realized, dude, there's something going on there 329 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 1: that I'm not going to be a part of and 330 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 1: I'm not going to give it more light, you know, 331 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 1: because I'd start realizing there were people that would call 332 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,160 Speaker 1: me fat and I'd go to the profile and they 333 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: were sometimes even bigger than me, and I'm just like, 334 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: what are you doing? 335 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 2: That is not nice. 336 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: You shouldn't call anyone fat, even if you think they're fat, 337 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: and it's just like dude, so that I'm like, okay, 338 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: then I'm not going to take it personally, but it 339 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: was hard to get to that point and get over 340 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: that little hump, to be honest. 341 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 3: It's so hard. And first of all, you're amazing, and 342 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 3: it speaks so much to your own fucking journey of 343 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 3: being able to be so entrenched and in the like 344 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 3: the tornado of their chaos because they need that. They 345 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:23,159 Speaker 3: need that to feel in relationship to other people, I 346 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,719 Speaker 3: need you to be at my pain level so that 347 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 3: we can relate. It's truly, it's what's called weaponized empathy. 348 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 3: And it's like, I'm in such deep pain. I need 349 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 3: you to feel my pain because that's the only way 350 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 3: I can actually understand connection and relationship. 351 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know what that's now I pray for 352 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 1: those people. I'm like, you know what, I live in 353 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: the Universe's hand, in God's hands, because that's wow. 354 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 2: Yes, that's what it is. 355 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 3: You know. 356 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, something's going on? Or even 357 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 1: with road rage, you guys. I you know someone before 358 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: I'd be like, man, f you and you know they 359 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: would cut me off or flip me off or something, 360 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh whatever, I literally I go blow 361 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: my kiss, baby, I swear I'm just like, I'm not. 362 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 2: Even trying to be petty. 363 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know what, Bibyby, I'm not going 364 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: to let you ruin my day. I am too busy, 365 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,679 Speaker 1: I have too much going on, and you're not going 366 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 1: to function up for me, you know. 367 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 3: And on the flip side of that, it's like it's 368 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 3: you know, us walking away from that chaos. The people 369 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 3: who instigated is also kind of sad because it's like 370 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 3: that is their way of trying to connect of related. 371 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 3: It makes no sense because it's just about making sensation. 372 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,919 Speaker 3: It's about them having this deep experience of chaos and 373 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 3: crisis and you know, stirring shit up so they can 374 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 3: somehow in that world of chaos feel connected. 375 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, give us some type of satisfaction. 376 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, satisfaction. You know in my family, like when things 377 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,160 Speaker 3: were bad, that's when you were most seen. That's when 378 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 3: you were most attended to. And so like when I 379 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 3: was sick, when I would get in trouble at school, 380 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 3: when I would pick fights with my sister or other people, 381 00:18:56,119 --> 00:19:00,440 Speaker 3: I got attention. So that becomes my currency of love. 382 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 3: I go in my brain wires going, oh, when I 383 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,800 Speaker 3: stir shit up, when I'm not okay. When things aren't okay, 384 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,400 Speaker 3: when I'm a victim whatever it is, that's when I'm 385 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 3: truly going to be seen and that's what I carry 386 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,399 Speaker 3: into the rest of my life. From my childhood. 387 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 2: Well, you guys, listen to that. That is that is huge. 388 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 1: A lot of it has to do with our childhood 389 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,239 Speaker 1: and the attention that we got, and thank goodness, my 390 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 1: mother was very tough. She was just kind of like 391 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 1: if I was trying to act up to get attention, 392 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 1: it was like it was not happening. She's like, especially 393 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: with stuff that I went through as when I was younger, 394 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: like sexual abuse and stuff, She's like, I'm not going 395 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: to let you victimize yourself. You're not. No, we got 396 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 1: to keep going. It is what it is, and I'm 397 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 1: so grateful for that. It's just kind of like, this 398 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:46,200 Speaker 1: is a hard knock life and you got to keep going. 399 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,840 Speaker 1: But I do see that in other people that I know, 400 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: and I won't say names. You know that I'm like, 401 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: oh damn, it has to do with and there's nothing 402 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 1: wrong with it, guys. It's just recognizing it and just saying, okay, 403 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 1: what makes me happier. Basically, at the end of the 404 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,120 Speaker 1: day doesn't make you about a per it's just let 405 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: me if you want to heal it, if you want 406 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,359 Speaker 1: to live a more peaceful life, that's on you. You 407 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:14,640 Speaker 1: got to recognize it now, Scott, since you are from 408 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: New York and I know you guys are like again, 409 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 1: super straight up. We're going to talk about a touchy 410 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: subject and maybe people are you gonna get a little 411 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 1: weirded out. But do you feel that women are more 412 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: prone to drama than men? Or is it the same 413 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,920 Speaker 1: or is it men more than women. 414 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,680 Speaker 3: I love this question because I think people have such 415 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 3: an opinion coming in and they want me to validate 416 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,760 Speaker 3: that opinion. It was on this talk show where this 417 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 3: guy who's total douche, just a total fucking sexist douche, 418 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 3: which is not my vibe, and he was like, don't 419 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 3: you think women are more dramatic than men? I was like, No, 420 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,440 Speaker 3: what I think you're doing in the question is dramatic 421 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 3: and trying to get me to put logs on your 422 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,440 Speaker 3: fire of drama and I'm not interested. 423 00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,200 Speaker 2: I love that. 424 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 3: What I will say is in a culture where there 425 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,120 Speaker 3: are often gender norms, like men do it this way 426 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,399 Speaker 3: and women do it this way, we often follow suit, 427 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:13,120 Speaker 3: not that it's actually that way, Like it's more acceptable 428 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 3: quote unquote for women to share emotions, then the drama 429 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,360 Speaker 3: might be intensified and exaggerated through the vehicle of emotions. 430 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 3: If men are more expected to go do like crazy 431 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 3: shit like jump out of a plane and you know, 432 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 3: like whatever broia other shit that I've never done, then 433 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 3: then the extremes, then the drama, the intensification, the exaggeration, 434 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 3: the you know, disproportionate reactions are going to show up 435 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 3: in those ways. It might show up in fights, it 436 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,399 Speaker 3: might show up controlling, it might show up and jumping 437 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 3: out of a plane or bungee jumping over and over again. 438 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 3: It's but it has It doesn't matter what the action 439 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 3: or the vehicle. If the drama is, it's all about 440 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,159 Speaker 3: what is it doing to your nervous system. What is 441 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 3: it doing to your and your physiology and your brain. 442 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 3: It's all creating this REVVN stress response that you're living 443 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 3: off of, like a fucking battery pack. 444 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 2: Damn. I love that you're just like boom, this is 445 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:12,640 Speaker 2: what it is. 446 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: And now that we're on this topic, Okay, guys, I 447 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 1: don't know if you know, hopefully guys like men listen 448 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 1: to my podcast, but men that listen to my podcast, Okay, 449 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 1: I want you guys. 450 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 2: I just want you guys to know something. 451 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,920 Speaker 1: Yes, as women, we're just yes, we're more emotional, we're 452 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,199 Speaker 1: more connected to our emotions, whatever you want to call it. 453 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 1: But please don't ever tell a woman are you on 454 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 1: your period? You must be pmsing. 455 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,959 Speaker 2: Dude. I cannot with that. I cannot with that. 456 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:45,200 Speaker 3: Also, every single fucking human on this planet has hormone cycles. 457 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,239 Speaker 3: So sis men or whatever you want to call it, 458 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,679 Speaker 3: if that's you know where we're going. It goes on 459 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 3: three month cycles versus one month cycles, and so every 460 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 3: sis man also has certain time periods where they have 461 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 3: hormonal flexes and responses to those hormonal flexes. So it's 462 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 3: an absolute asshole thing to say to anyone as supposed 463 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 3: to just been like, hey boo, where are you at, Like, 464 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 3: what's happening? How you feel? And what do you need? 465 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 1: You good? 466 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 3: You know you're good? 467 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, come here, let me give you a hug, you know. 468 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, I just wanted to say that because I 469 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 1: was say wait before I appreciate it. Let me just 470 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 1: let the guys know, you know, it's not cool guys. Okay, 471 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,640 Speaker 1: we go through a lot as women. Okay, So anyways, well, 472 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: and it's so genderized. 473 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 3: I mean, like we have the term, the vernacular term 474 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 3: drama queen, but no one says like drama king or 475 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 3: drama they you know, like the the you know, it's 476 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 3: so specific and and so like it's in our language system. 477 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,400 Speaker 3: How expected that drama is in a specific gender when 478 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:58,919 Speaker 3: it's it's not. It's absolutely not because the It's like 479 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,320 Speaker 3: it's like saying one addiction only belonged like the alcohol 480 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 3: addiction only belongs to one gender. 481 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 2: I love that. 482 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,440 Speaker 1: I love that you we just cleared that up. It's 483 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,879 Speaker 1: not about oh, women are more dramatic than men. No, 484 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 1: I just feel like it just has to do with 485 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 1: our internal stuff, you know, whether you have a penis 486 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 1: or a vagina. 487 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:22,359 Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, and if you were someone who grew up 488 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 3: in a household where emotions were repressed, suppressed, you know, 489 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 3: locked down, or certain emotions were locked down, then the 490 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,760 Speaker 3: expression of it by another person is going to seem 491 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:39,200 Speaker 3: bigger because yours is so small. Yes, it's all about perception. 492 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 1: It's all about perception, you guys. Okay, how do you 493 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: deal with someone who's addicted to drama because it could 494 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: be tiring to be pulled into that. 495 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, if I ask every one of your audience members, 496 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 3: do you know someone addicted to drama, They're all going 497 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 3: to raise their hand, maybe both hands probably and jump 498 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 3: up and down and be like this person, this person, 499 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 3: and yeah, like you. Even right now, you can think 500 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,159 Speaker 3: of a few people. Now if I said to your audience, now, 501 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 3: raise your hand if you're addicted to drama, most of 502 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,679 Speaker 3: them would not raise their hand. You and I are 503 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,640 Speaker 3: being very transparent because we've gone through the healing process 504 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 3: and are able to go like, oh shit, we were 505 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,919 Speaker 3: attached to that shit, we were dependent on that. But 506 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,400 Speaker 3: the majority of us are going to be focusing on 507 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 3: how to deal with other people who are addicted drama. 508 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 3: How do we conserve our energy? And it's a really 509 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 3: important question because here is something crazy. An addiction to 510 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 3: drama or someone who is constantly in stress is contagious. 511 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 3: It is physiologically contagious. If I start to get anxious 512 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,679 Speaker 3: and stress out, I'm getting nervous because I'm talking it 513 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 3: with celebrity. That you would and you know you're going 514 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:56,399 Speaker 3: to you have these special neurons, this special part of 515 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,919 Speaker 3: your body that actually start to pick it up register 516 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 3: and mirror my response. And that's so crazy, right. And 517 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,640 Speaker 3: So when we think about, like how do I deal 518 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,439 Speaker 3: with someone who's addicted to drama like my mom, my 519 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 3: sister in law, my brother, my whomever, my teacher, my 520 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 3: blah blah blah, it's not just walking away. It's also 521 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 3: dealing with the fact that we are having a similar 522 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 3: response in our body as they are producing as part 523 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 3: of their own addiction to drama distress. 524 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, And like I said earlier too, like I have 525 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: a few people and I take them in doses or 526 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like I love this person and I accept 527 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 1: them for who they are and I'm not going to 528 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,359 Speaker 1: judge your criticize, and I don't want It's not like 529 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:42,639 Speaker 1: I don't want them in my life. 530 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:43,720 Speaker 2: I just don't engage. 531 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: And also I mentally and emotionally prepare before I hang 532 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,199 Speaker 1: out with them, just kind of like cover myself. I 533 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 1: do it like mentally spiritually, and I'm like, okay, I 534 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: have meditated. I'm good, and no matter what happens today, 535 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: no one else should be able to disturb that because 536 00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: I have already centered myself. 537 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 3: I've learned yeah. 538 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 1: And if there's just someone that's completely toxic and it's 539 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,199 Speaker 1: just not good for me, then that that is so 540 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 1: different from oh, they're just you know, they're just like 541 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: they like cheese, may they like this, they like that, whatever. 542 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: You know, If the person's toxic, I'm like, I'm so sorry. 543 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:13,439 Speaker 2: I love you. 544 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna love you from far away. You're just not 545 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,920 Speaker 1: good for me. But I do have a friend, and yeah, 546 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: that's basically what I do. I'm just like, Okay, I'm 547 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: gonna mentally prepare because I got to hang out with 548 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,879 Speaker 1: this person and that's it, and I'm okay, it doesn't 549 00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: affect me the way it used to. 550 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 3: That's another sign of deep healing is where we can 551 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,119 Speaker 3: be resilient in the face of other people's chaos and 552 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,040 Speaker 3: crisis and be like, oh, I'm not going to be 553 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,880 Speaker 3: pulled in to your tornado of crisis. I'm just I'm 554 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,520 Speaker 3: going to keep grounding and anchoring myself. I'm going to 555 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,120 Speaker 3: do the work on me so that if I want 556 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,760 Speaker 3: to be in relationship to you, I can be. I'm 557 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 3: gonna set my boundaries. I'm going to be like, babes, 558 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 3: I love you, I have a half an hour for you, 559 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 3: or you know, it's really We're going to go take 560 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,840 Speaker 3: a walk. I'm not going to be stuck in a 561 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,240 Speaker 3: room with you where I can't motor and move some 562 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 3: of my own reasons sponse that I'm having about you. Yeah, 563 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:04,920 Speaker 3: so I go we go take a walk around the lake, 564 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,639 Speaker 3: or hey, I love that you have or I totally 565 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,359 Speaker 3: hear you have a lot of stuff going on in 566 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 3: your life. It feels hard. I get that. I also 567 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 3: need from my own preservation, like ten minutes of us 568 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 3: talking about like the good of the world, or like 569 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 3: some cool shit that's happening. A TV show that's actually 570 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,719 Speaker 3: like feels positive and exciting, whatever it is, or like 571 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:29,200 Speaker 3: this podcast I just listened to about drama. Yep, whatever 572 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 3: it is. Yeah, whatever it is. It's like, you are 573 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 3: in charge of your own health. If you want to 574 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 3: be with someone or be in proximity to someone who 575 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 3: is addicted to drama, take your power. 576 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: Back, Yes, yes, take your power back. And there is 577 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 1: so much power in saying no, thank you. And you 578 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: know what, I'd rather not talk about that, you know, 579 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: or I don't want to hear about it. 580 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 2: Can we talk about something else? 581 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 1: Like the way Scott just said like, there is just 582 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,440 Speaker 1: so much power in that and just you know, and 583 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: that person doesn't respect it, that's an indication that maybe 584 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: you shouldn't hang around or be around that person if 585 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,960 Speaker 1: they can't respect your decisions and your wishes. 586 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:10,680 Speaker 2: Scott, thank you so much. 587 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 1: Honestly, I enjoyed the conversation and I know my listeners 588 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: will too. And I want you to please share your 589 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,720 Speaker 1: social media. Where can everyone find you? Do have a website? 590 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:19,600 Speaker 2: Tell me all of it? 591 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 3: Oh, thank you well, first of all, thank you and 592 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:27,760 Speaker 3: thank you for your interest and your radical transparency. Yeah, 593 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 3: people can find me. I'm on social media's at doctor 594 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 3: Scott Lions. Dr Scott Lions. I have a website if 595 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 3: you want to take a quiz about are you addicted drama? 596 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 3: Do you know someone addicted drama? There's a quiz on 597 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 3: my website. It's kind of fun. I can love that. 598 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,719 Speaker 2: I love quizzes, by the way, you love quizzes. 599 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,240 Speaker 3: All right, I'm going to send you the quiz and 600 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 3: we are going to compare our answers. Compare answers from 601 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 3: like now versus when we were in our twenties. 602 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 2: I love that. 603 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 3: Oh my god. Okay, yes, and that's at dr Scoutlions 604 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 3: dot com as well, and you can get the book 605 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 3: wherever you want, wherever It's books are sold. 606 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,080 Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, check it out. 607 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 1: It is called Addicted to Drama, Healing, Dependency on Crisis 608 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,760 Speaker 1: and Chaos in yourself and others. You guys, so check 609 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 1: it out. But you, guys, thank you so much for listening. 610 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,680 Speaker 1: And as you know, I like to leave you with 611 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: a quote, and the quote is, those who spend time 612 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,040 Speaker 1: looking for the faults and others usually spend no time 613 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 1: to correct their own. 614 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,280 Speaker 2: Damn play that back, rewind that. 615 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 1: Okay, that's yes, Mike Drop. Yes, thank you guys so 616 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 1: much for listening. I love you guys, and I'll see 617 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 1: you here on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill 618 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:59,400 Speaker 1: Best those guys, do you need advice on love, relationships, 619 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that 620 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,600 Speaker 1: my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode 621 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: drop each week. 622 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,240 Speaker 2: I'll be answering all your questions. 623 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: Just leave me a voice message Monday. All you have 624 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 1: to do is go to speak Pipe dot com slash 625 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 1: Cheekys and Chill Podcast and record your questions. 626 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a 627 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 2: production of. 628 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:31,400 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and the Micauldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram 629 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,360 Speaker 1: at Michael Doura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c 630 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,120 Speaker 1: h i q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, 631 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 632 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 1: to your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube.