WEBVTT - Your New Daddy

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hey Champions, Simon, your mom's boyfriend. How are you

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<v Speaker 1>Goodn't you not too bad? Everything's coming up? Roses over here. Listen.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just calling because your mom and I are super

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<v Speaker 1>excited to have you come visit, so I thought i'd

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<v Speaker 1>reach out. Oh yeah, man, I'm excited to come visit

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<v Speaker 1>and looking forward to meeting you. Yeah, and don't worry

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<v Speaker 1>for your visit. Your mom and I'll try to keep

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<v Speaker 1>it down for you. What just kidding? Well okay, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, like I said, I'm looking forward to meeting

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<v Speaker 1>you for the first time. She speaks pretty highly of you,

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<v Speaker 1>so yeah, So I wanted to touch base and go

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<v Speaker 1>over a couple of things before you swing by. Is

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<v Speaker 1>that all right? Sure? What you want to talk about? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I was hoping once you get in you and I

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<v Speaker 1>could spend a little quality time together, maybe go to

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<v Speaker 1>the park or something, to teach out to throw a baseball,

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<v Speaker 1>throw baseball. Yeah, yeah, we never had that opportunity when

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<v Speaker 1>you were growing up, so I figured why not do

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<v Speaker 1>it now I've made I appreciate it, But like I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't get to see my mom so rarely that I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm happy to hang out together, but I don't really

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<v Speaker 1>want to go throw a baseball. Yeah, I'm just messing

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<v Speaker 1>with you. I know you can throw a ball. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean it's you know, I'm kind of your new dad,

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<v Speaker 1>So I thought i'd like a joke you're not my dad. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>well for now I'm not. Well, I mean, you're never

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<v Speaker 1>really gonna be my dad. I already have one of those. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Well that's why I wanted to call and talk to you. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so about my dad. The thing is, when you come

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<v Speaker 1>here to visit, I'm going to be popping the question

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<v Speaker 1>to your mom and i'd love to get your blessing.

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<v Speaker 1>Excuse me, M that's right, son, I'm gonna be doing it.

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<v Speaker 1>Well on what I'm not your son? First off, but

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<v Speaker 1>you've started dating two months ago, Like, this is way

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<v Speaker 1>too early to be proposing. I mean, I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>you guys are older, but like, um, I'm just gonna

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<v Speaker 1>say it. You're being very disrespectful right now. I'm being disrespectful.

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<v Speaker 1>You're calling me. We've never met, and you want me

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<v Speaker 1>to give you the blessing to propose to my mom

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<v Speaker 1>and the first time I meet you. Yeah, I was

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<v Speaker 1>going to say that when you visit you have a

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<v Speaker 1>bedtime at ten o'clock, but if you want to keep

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<v Speaker 1>back in this way, we can push it to nine. Hey, man,

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<v Speaker 1>cut the crap. I'm not your son. You can't talk

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<v Speaker 1>to me like this. I don't know where you get

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<v Speaker 1>off thinking you can. Okay, it sounds to me like

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<v Speaker 1>somebody needs a time out. Time out? Are you kidding me? No,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not. I am an adult. Like have you seen

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<v Speaker 1>pictures often as your new dad. You need to start

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<v Speaker 1>treating my dad. Okay, well, yes I am, and you

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<v Speaker 1>need to start treating me with some respect or no

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<v Speaker 1>more video games. Do you hear yourself? I'm thirty two

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<v Speaker 1>years old. Quit talking to me like I'm a little kid.

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<v Speaker 1>You sound like a moron. One more smart Alec comment

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<v Speaker 1>like that, and I'm taking the Xbox away? Whose xbox?

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<v Speaker 1>What are you talking about? I don't play video game

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<v Speaker 1>and I'll have you know I bought you an Xbox

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<v Speaker 1>for when you come visit, and I'm about to take

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<v Speaker 1>it away. Hey, look weird. Though I don't need gifts

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<v Speaker 1>from you, I don't want anything from you. I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>give you to the count of three to apologize and

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<v Speaker 1>change your attitude. Mister, do not believe this. Two and

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<v Speaker 1>a half, oh and three quarters. I'm waiting for a sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm waiting for a sorry. Keep waiting, man, you're a joke.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no way I'm ever going to apology. Okay, look,

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<v Speaker 1>I just can't do it. I was gonna get to

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<v Speaker 1>three and I just I love you so much I couldn't.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't even know me. I know so much about you, though,

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<v Speaker 1>because your mom and I are so close. We're talking

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<v Speaker 1>to me like you know me. I just can't wait

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<v Speaker 1>to see you and give you a big hug and

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<v Speaker 1>kiss when you get here. Man, if you're gonna try

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<v Speaker 1>to pull that kind of I'm not coming. Look the

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<v Speaker 1>moment my mom finds out to see you've been saying

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<v Speaker 1>to me your relationship's done. Oh well I have news

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<v Speaker 1>for you, chief. Your mom's right here, she's heard everything

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<v Speaker 1>she knows. No, she's not. She wouldn't sit there listen

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<v Speaker 1>that if she has put her on the phone. You

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<v Speaker 1>want to talk her, Okay, you ask for it. You

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<v Speaker 1>want me to put your mom on the phone, Yes, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>hold on, Oh please, hey, sweet as it's mommy. What

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<v Speaker 1>are you doing? Then start listening to your new daddy

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<v Speaker 1>because if you don't, Oh my god, you give us

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<v Speaker 1>books to speaking. How crazy are you? Men? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>not think I know my mom's own voice? This is not.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, dude, you're a psychopath. How the hell

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<v Speaker 1>she found you do not know? But like I'm calling

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<v Speaker 1>her now to just deal with Well, she found me

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<v Speaker 1>because this is a prank phone call, so her new

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<v Speaker 1>boyfriend is plank calling me to think that like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>this is gonna get off to a great start. How

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<v Speaker 1>crazy are you? No, this isn't her new boyfriend. This

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<v Speaker 1>is actually Jewel from Brook and Jewel in the morning

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<v Speaker 1>doing a phone tap on you. What it's a prank.

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<v Speaker 1>Your mom set you up. She said you're meeting your

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<v Speaker 1>new boyfriend this weekend and she wanted to mess with you.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you kidding me? No, I'm not. So you're not

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<v Speaker 1>dating my mom? No with a kid like you. No,

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<v Speaker 1>absolutely not. Oh my god. I would still like for

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<v Speaker 1>you to think about us throwing a baseball together, though,

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<v Speaker 1>No way, Hey, don't call me names like that or

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<v Speaker 1>I will have to ground you. I will do it, Okay, dads,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever you say