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Speaker 2: Serena is here? Good morning, Serena. Welcome. Hi.

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Speaker 1: How's it going doing great? Serena?

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Speaker 2: What's going on in Sierrago? This is I mean, the

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Speaker 2: headline here is that you just had a baby.

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Speaker 1: What two months ago?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, two months ago, a little baby boy.

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Speaker 1: Yeahgula.

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Speaker 2: Since that's exciting you and your husband's in a little

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Speaker 2: biac So what what?

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Speaker 1: Well and tell the story, Serena.

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Speaker 2: So you had this baby, which is wonderful, and your

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Speaker 2: husband he's acting not acting right about this.

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Speaker 3: He's not And listen, you know, just to be clear,

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Speaker 3: I'm not, you know, considering leaving my husband. But lately,

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Speaker 3: you know, he told me he doesn't want the baby

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Speaker 3: sleeping in our room anymore.

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Speaker 1: And you know.

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Speaker 3: That's tough because you know, we had the baby two

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Speaker 3: months ago and he says that if I cared about

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Speaker 3: our relationship at all, I'll move the baby into his

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Speaker 3: own room.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you know, and that is I'm sorry to

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Speaker 2: rupt you, but is it the disruption? Is this sleeping disruption?

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Speaker 2: Is it?

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Speaker 1: Like? What is his issue? Why does he want the

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Speaker 1: baby in the room?

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Speaker 3: No, I you know, I'm not totally sure. Like he

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Speaker 3: just like gets visibly upset, like I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: he thinks I'm hogging the baby. And he gets visibly

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Speaker 3: upset when, you know, when I kiss the baby and

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Speaker 3: hug the baby, and he says, you never cuddle me

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Speaker 3: as much as him.

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Speaker 1: He's jealous of the baby.

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Speaker 3: Well, she's jealous of the baby.

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Speaker 2: I mean, what does he what does he expect you

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Speaker 2: to do exactly two months postpartuim is he expect you

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Speaker 2: to I guess at this point just to banish the child,

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Speaker 2: but the child in another room, like we didn't do this.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's all I know.

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Speaker 3: I know, I don't know. You know, he's saying that,

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Speaker 3: like ever since I gave birth, all I wanted to

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Speaker 3: be as a mom and not a wife. And you

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Speaker 3: know that's pretty intense. And he also gets upset because

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Speaker 3: you know, we decided I decided to breastfeed, even though

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Speaker 3: we had originally talked about not doing it.

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Speaker 1: That was an issue for him.

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Speaker 3: That was a really big issue for him.

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Speaker 1: Affect him.

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Speaker 2: I'm asking that question, Uh, Paulina as a mom, I'm

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Speaker 2: asking that question.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, I don't know the answer. But how does it

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Speaker 1: negatively affect him?

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Speaker 4: It showed in first and foremost mom can make that choice.

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Speaker 4: So and I congrats on doing that because the full

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Speaker 4: time job to breastfeed. The only issue well, and I

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Speaker 4: mean this quote is that he might not be able

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Speaker 4: to feed the baby at night via bottle or whatever. Right,

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Speaker 4: because sometimes they say mom wants to rest, how is

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Speaker 4: dad going to feed the baby?

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Speaker 1: But that you guys can figure.

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Speaker 2: That all out later your baby, or is too much

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Speaker 2: just more time, so mom has to dedicate to the baby.

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Speaker 2: As if if there were it was model feeding, then

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Speaker 2: I suppose anybody could feed the baby.

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Speaker 1: Correct, Okay, right?

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Speaker 3: You know, so it's just like you know, he says,

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Speaker 3: I treat him like an absentee father because I don't

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Speaker 3: tell him when the baby's getting a bath or when

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Speaker 3: you know, when he's going down for a nap, like

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Speaker 3: I make the decisions myself. But obviously I'm you know,

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Speaker 3: I'm not doing that on the purpose.

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Speaker 2: And I have a feeling that someone texted this, but

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Speaker 2: this has something to do with intimacy as well, which

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Speaker 2: you're two months postpartum, so I mean, aren't we a

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Speaker 2: little again, I'm not going to get too detailed about that,

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Speaker 2: but don't we wait a little longer than that anyway?

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Speaker 1: Isn't it? Is it sixty days?

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Speaker 4: Well, typically six weeks you have a good checkof you

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Speaker 4: go to a checkop, but they kind of clear you

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Speaker 4: or what not, depending you know, if you have c section,

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Speaker 4: if you have the vaginal birth. But in two months

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Speaker 4: you can still be in diapers. So I don't understand

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Speaker 4: what his.

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Speaker 2: Way, So we're not even really there yet, not there

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Speaker 2: yet necessarily not Yeah, so you.

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Speaker 3: Know, and obviously we're both just exhausted and I'm really

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Speaker 3: trying my best. And I just never imagined in a

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Speaker 3: million years he'd react like this.

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Speaker 2: I don't mean to be insensitive, Serena, but what did

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Speaker 2: he think was going to happen? I mean, you and

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Speaker 2: I realized it's an adjustment, but he's you know, you guys,

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Speaker 2: I assume discussed having children and you and you and

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Speaker 2: you conceived one, and for the last nine months you've

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Speaker 2: been you know, pregnant, you know, baking this this, this

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Speaker 2: little guy and now meybe. So I would think that

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Speaker 2: the transition would be sort of happening, right, like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we're adding to the family. There's going to be a

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Speaker 2: new obligation here, that's going to be someone something dividing

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Speaker 2: our attention a little bit.

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Speaker 1: We have another.

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Speaker 2: But I guess I don't understand why he's surprised that

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Speaker 2: you have to raise the kid and that you can't

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Speaker 2: just put the kid in another room and pay attention

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Speaker 2: to me all the time, Like it's it's very much

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Speaker 2: me behavior.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, totally, And you know, like you said, It's not

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Speaker 3: like we just decided to do this overnight. You know,

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Speaker 3: this was a discussion, this was many months of talking

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Speaker 3: about it, and obviously the baby needs more right now

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Speaker 3: at this stage, and like it's just temporary.

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Speaker 5: It goes by so quickly, and I just he just

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Speaker 5: can't see that, and I think he's taking it really personally,

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Speaker 5: and I did not expect to set off from him,

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Speaker 5: and I just I just don't know what to do.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry to be negative, but this is him making

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Speaker 2: this about him. He's not being considerate of you. He's

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Speaker 2: not being considerate of what you're going through. He's not

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Speaker 2: being considerate of what the child needs.

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Speaker 6: It.

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Speaker 2: Clearly isn't ready to make the adjustment that he's going

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Speaker 2: to have to share your attention now with another human.

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Speaker 2: He's acting like this is a surprise, like he wasn't

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Speaker 2: involved in the process of making the kid the postpartum.

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Speaker 1: I don't know the answer either.

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Speaker 2: But I mean, I get that someone just said mental

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Speaker 2: health as well as a new debt. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if that means that a man's mental health his wild Look,

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Speaker 2: this is a transition, for sure, but making her feel

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Speaker 2: bad about tending to the child I think is really

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Speaker 2: the wrong way to go.

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Speaker 1: I agree.

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Speaker 4: I mean, listen, everyone's world is upside down right now,

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Speaker 4: right especially you as a brand new mom.

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Speaker 1: Just everything you're going through.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you are in the thick of it, and

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Speaker 4: I feel like if anything the husband has to your

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Speaker 4: husband has to be so supportive of anything that you

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Speaker 4: need in that moment. And because he's not, he's focused

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Speaker 4: on his I don't even know what he's focused on.

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Speaker 4: If he just wants you, you know, intimately, or whatever

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Speaker 4: like that that needs put to the side. I'm sorry

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Speaker 4: you guys, well, once again, have all the amazing sex

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Speaker 4: and all the amazing times together and dance and all

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Speaker 4: of that, but right now, I think like your focus

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Speaker 4: should be truly both on the baby get.

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Speaker 2: Two months out, honestly, and and not that his needs

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Speaker 2: don't matter. I don't mean to just dump on this guy,

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Speaker 2: but two months after having a baby, he needs to

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Speaker 2: be focused on what's best for you and the baby

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Speaker 2: and his needs can be met down the road. And yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I don't think his needs are going to any

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Speaker 2: closer to being met when he's just like the baby,

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Speaker 2: these are not This is not a good sign for me.

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Speaker 2: And again I don't have any experience in any of this,

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Speaker 2: but it just doesn't feel right to me, and the

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Speaker 2: texts are overwhelmingly in favor of this is really bad.

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Speaker 2: And I'm sorry to say that to you because I

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Speaker 2: know you just had a baby with this guy, but

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Speaker 2: this is really not the kind of supportive, you know,

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Speaker 2: selfless behavior that you would hope from someone after what

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Speaker 2: you just went through. But let me take some phone

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Speaker 2: calls on this and see if you know. And by

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Speaker 2: the way, you're welcome to feel differently about it, and

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Speaker 2: maybe you can enlighten us in some ways because the

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Speaker 2: men in the room here have never had a baby,

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Speaker 2: so I don't I admittedly do not know. To me though,

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Speaker 2: my thought is it feels bad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel so. I feel so bad for you, mama.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know again, I'm not like thinking about

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Speaker 3: leaving him, but just like, I just feel like this

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Speaker 3: confirms everything that I've sort of been thinking, and you know,

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Speaker 3: I don't want to lose myself or my marriage. You know.

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Speaker 2: Well, good luck to you, and let's see what some

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Speaker 2: people have to here. And I appreciate you sharing and

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Speaker 2: all the best. Have a great day. Thanks you too,

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Speaker 2: y serena maternal mental health professional. Men go through postpartum

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Speaker 2: mood changes and postpartum depression. It's a maternal mental I'm

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Speaker 2: a maternal mental health professional.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so that may be what he's experiencing.

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Speaker 2: But it doesn't necessarily change the negative effect it's having

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Speaker 2: on her and the pressure it's adding to what has

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Speaker 2: to be done. It's not a choice to care for

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Speaker 2: the baby, correct, So you know, it's not like she

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Speaker 2: can just go I'll do a little less of that.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Julie, good morning, Good morning.

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Speaker 2: Hi Julie, So you just heard this this situation, but

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Speaker 2: this woman is is experiencing sort of a negative reaction

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Speaker 2: from her husband that all of a sudden, there's this

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Speaker 2: this new being that she's having to devote so much

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Speaker 2: attention to.

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Speaker 1: What do you think when you hear tell the story.

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Speaker 7: It's your reminiscent. We have three kids and they do

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Speaker 7: get jealous, and that's the bottom line. And he's going

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Speaker 7: to have to figure out You're gonna have to talk

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Speaker 7: to somebody and deal with his emotions because this is

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Speaker 7: a newborn. They need they need the parents. There's no

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Speaker 7: one taking care of the baby, and he's just going

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Speaker 7: to have to step up a little bit and do

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Speaker 7: what's best for the family right now. Now, I'm not

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Speaker 7: saying that marriage doesn't come first, but you know, dude

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Speaker 7: needs to wait four months. Yeah, you know, with that

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Speaker 7: extra special attention that he really is craving, that's all.

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Speaker 2: It's funny you mentioned that, Julie, because a lot, a lot,

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Speaker 2: a lot a lot of years ago. I think it

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Speaker 2: had to do with him a politician, cheating on his

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Speaker 2: wife or something, and someone brought this up.

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Speaker 1: This was a long time ago.

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Speaker 2: I heard this, and and the person hosting the debate

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Speaker 2: was saying, you know, people say, when it comes to marriage,

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Speaker 2: most people will answer the question when asked, you know,

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Speaker 2: what's the most important part of your family, they'll say, well,

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Speaker 2: the kids. My kids are the most important thing to me.

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Speaker 2: And because that sounds right, but or it sounds harsh

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Speaker 2: to say that my spouse is the most important thing.

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Speaker 2: But the fact of the matter is, this person was arguing,

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Speaker 2: that's the right answer. My spouse is the most important

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Speaker 2: thing in the relationship, because if that's not solid, then

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Speaker 2: my kids, who come to it at a close second,

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Speaker 2: will not necessarily have a good upbringing. Mike, I would

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Speaker 2: think the asterisk to that would be when the kid

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Speaker 2: is literally an infant and the mom is literally post

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Speaker 2: part part of I mean, it's like, you can wait,

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Speaker 2: you can wait sixty ninety days for us to get

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Speaker 2: this together. This this baby relies on me for absolutely everything.

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Speaker 2: It's not a choice, it's not a preference. It is

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Speaker 2: a mandate, right, Like if we don't do it, it's

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Speaker 2: not happening. Correct, So your husband can be the most

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Speaker 2: important thing to you once we get this baby, like

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Speaker 2: you know, with a with a hard heads, once its

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Speaker 2: skull forms tolling you. Yes, right, I guess that's where

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Speaker 2: I'm at with this. But Julie, thank you for calling.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, have a good day.

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Speaker 2: It's like, guy, you know, this isn't a this isn't

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Speaker 2: a ten year old. You know, it's like I'd rather

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Speaker 2: drive the kid to practice and have sex with you.

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Speaker 2: Like that's that that would indicate something I think a

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Speaker 2: lot deeper. This is, Hey, I'm going through all this

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Speaker 2: stuff emotionally and physically and and and we're figuring figuring

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Speaker 2: out how to raise a human and you're worried about

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Speaker 2: whether you're getting coddled enough.

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Speaker 4: It takes two years for a mom to really get

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Speaker 4: back to her quote normal self, I'm gonna say that,

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Speaker 4: so I'm not even there yet myself, so I can't

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Speaker 4: even imagine how she feels.

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Speaker 2: Again, I don't mean to be like anti male here.

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Speaker 2: I just I think a lot of guys listening now

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Speaker 2: would have who've been through this. I gotta think they're thinking, like, dude,

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Speaker 2: it's not about you right now, Like it's it can't

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Speaker 2: be about you right now.

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Speaker 1: Emily, Hi, Hi, Hi? What do you think?

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Speaker 7: So?

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Speaker 8: I have two babies. I had two babies under and

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Speaker 8: under two years, and I think I've rest both of them.

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Speaker 8: And the breasting issue is the thing that like really

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Speaker 8: sticks out to me is like sticky, I'm asageuation. I

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Speaker 8: really don't understand what his problem with her breastfeeding is.

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Speaker 8: What I love to say, though, is while I think

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Speaker 8: this is like a weird situation and he's definitely putting

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Speaker 8: a lot of unnecessary like anxiety on a new mom,

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Speaker 8: I am sympathetic to the fact that, like having a

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Speaker 8: baby is an adjustment for both partners, and there is

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Speaker 8: definitely a point where you want to kick the baby

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Speaker 8: out of your room because you're ready to have some

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Speaker 8: space back. But two months plus part of him is

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Speaker 8: not that time. Maybe four to six months is a more.

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Speaker 2: I That's what I'm saying is right now would not

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Speaker 2: be the time to put pressure. I don't think on

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Speaker 2: the relationship to make it about you, because I just

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Speaker 2: feel like there's so much adjustment going on, and I

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Speaker 2: don't think it's necessarily personal. I don't think, but I

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Speaker 2: think I think that one way it could create a

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Speaker 2: tremendous amount of divide is by behaving this way right now,

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Speaker 2: right right.

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Speaker 8: And I think that a lot of time, we actually,

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Speaker 8: more often than not, we are very focused in that

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Speaker 8: nine months of growing a baby on the needs that

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Speaker 8: the baby will have, but there's not a lot of

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Speaker 8: support about like what a new mom needs, especially a

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Speaker 8: breastfeeding mom, or women with their hormones and postpart of

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Speaker 8: issues and how to be like partners in that situation.

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Speaker 8: And so I do think there are ways to move

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Speaker 8: past it. Like when I was pregnant with our second baby,

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Speaker 8: our first daby was had just turned one, and we

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Speaker 8: decided to do some couple of counseling courses that are

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Speaker 8: about like bringing home baby, that like focus less on

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Speaker 8: the like how to feed and diaper and take care

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Speaker 8: of your baby and more on like how to be

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Speaker 8: partners in that idea. Yeah, there's one specifically by the Gotman.

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Speaker 8: They're like pretty famous couple counselors, and it's called bringing

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Speaker 8: Home Baby. So, like, I do think there's ways to

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Speaker 8: work past it, but he has to be willing to

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Speaker 8: like listen and hear her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it is good. Good points. Thank you for calling,

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Speaker 2: Thanks for listening, have a good day. Thank you, appreciate you, Julian. Julian,

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Speaker 2: were not considering his feelings really.

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Speaker 6: Now because Y're focusing more on him. I want to

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Speaker 6: be intimate with him. I had a baby too, and

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Speaker 6: the father of my daughter was really involved with the child.

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Speaker 6: I tell him when I'm going to feed the baby,

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Speaker 6: I tell him when the baby's going to sleep, and

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Speaker 6: everything else in between.

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Speaker 8: It's the community.

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Speaker 6: I believe her issue is of no one had to

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Speaker 6: communicate with the father, of putting him involved actively in

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Speaker 6: the baby's child. And when I had my first baby,

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Speaker 6: I was very insecure.

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Speaker 9: Because I will call her father through the trauma that

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Speaker 9: I've been with all the time. But I do understand

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Speaker 9: when you said that it's an intimate issue and everything.

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Speaker 9: But she did mention of him feeling absent in the

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Speaker 9: child's life.

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Speaker 1: You know that's fair.

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Speaker 2: If that's fair much, maybe and someone text right, Julian,

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Speaker 2: I'm so someone texted maybe maybe he hasn't bonded with

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Speaker 2: the child yet. I think for me it was the

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Speaker 2: comment about you don't cuddle me, you've never cuddled me

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Speaker 2: as much as you've cuddled him.

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Speaker 6: Well, my daughter will feel like that. But at the

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Speaker 6: same time, I.

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Speaker 9: Had my daughter in certain plays.

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Speaker 8: In a toy band.

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Speaker 6: I apologize, my English is my second language.

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Speaker 1: No, you're fine.

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Speaker 6: My daughter in a in a play band by the

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Speaker 6: by the bed, so he wasn't.

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Speaker 8: She wasn't in the bed with us.

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Speaker 6: So maybe other than putting the child in it on

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Speaker 6: his own roomb, maybe you know, put a little band

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Speaker 6: or something next to next to her or something in

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Speaker 6: the womb and that and whatnot. But at the same time,

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Speaker 6: she they just had a baby within too much. So

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Speaker 6: maybe he will probably do some research and see a

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Speaker 6: way to make her feel better with him being in

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Speaker 6: the in the intimate say as well, because at the

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Speaker 6: time is not really sex really is more but they're

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Speaker 6: sitting together and talking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, Julie. I appreciate the budget. Have a

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Speaker 2: good day, of course, thanks for listening. I think for me,

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Speaker 2: it's the sixty days. You know, if we're talking about

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Speaker 2: this after three years, you know my needs are being met.

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Speaker 2: You're not paying attention to me. We're not you know,

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Speaker 2: our partnership is falling apart. Like okay, okay, Like the

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Speaker 2: kid's a little bit more independent. It's been years of

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Speaker 2: this now, you know he doesn't feel like he's part

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Speaker 2: of the process. I mean, all that is fair, but

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Speaker 2: I mean we are. It is just so new and

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Speaker 2: we're to your point, we're still physically healing from what happened.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Kathy, Hi, Kathy.

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Speaker 10: Hi, good morning, Hey, good morning.

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Speaker 2: And just to recap here, this woman, Serena Colton, she

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Speaker 2: just had a baby sixty days ago and her husband's

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Speaker 2: not adjusting well. Essentially, he's throwing a temper tantrum, saying, hey,

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Speaker 2: you're not paying enough attention to me. I want the

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Speaker 2: baby out of the room. I want to be cuddled more,

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Speaker 2: I want to be he held. But whatever he wants,

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Speaker 2: he wants all the things that baby's getting. But I

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Speaker 2: don't know that she's necessary. I mean, maybe she's choosing

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Speaker 2: to do this, but at the same time, I think

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Speaker 2: she kind of has to write.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, and something similar happened to me. I was married,

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Speaker 10: had a baby, so excited the whole time and everything,

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Speaker 10: but then he got really insecure after the baby was born, because, yeah,

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Speaker 10: you don't go out to dinner every night, you know,

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Speaker 10: you don't have all that free time for yourself.

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Speaker 7: And he ended up, you know, it drove a wedge

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Speaker 7: between us.

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Speaker 10: He ended up having an affair, and then when we

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Speaker 10: were splitting up, she said that it was the lack

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Speaker 10: of attention and more attention on the baby, and it's just,

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Speaker 10: you know, like hindsight, it was all just a lot

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Speaker 10: of insecurity, like you're so jealous of a little baby,

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Speaker 10: like a sweet little baby.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's all just gaslighting, right, because he's again I've

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Speaker 2: said it fifty times in the last fifteen minutes, what

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Speaker 2: are you supposed to do, especially in these really early stages,

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Speaker 2: what are you supposed to do? Just okay, you know what,

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Speaker 2: baby's crying and needs to eat, and it requires me

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Speaker 2: to do everything, you know, let me make sure that

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Speaker 2: I hold you a little longer.

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Speaker 1: I don't, don't and it's just a tough spot to

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Speaker 1: put her in.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, it's like I'm sorry, time to put your big

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Speaker 10: boy pants on, like you're a dad now, like it's

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Speaker 10: time to provide and you know, intimacy will come later.

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Speaker 10: Right now, it's all about your baby. You cannot make

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Speaker 10: it about you. And like I said, just a lot

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Speaker 10: of insecurity.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think so. Thank you, Kathy, and I'm

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Speaker 2: sure that happened to you, but thanks for sharing.

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Speaker 10: It was all for the best.

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Speaker 1: There you go, have a good day. Did you have

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Speaker 1: any final thoughts?

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Speaker 4: I do, because people are saying, you know, maybe dad

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Speaker 4: doesn't feel like he's bonding with baby. I think mom could, okay,

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Speaker 4: maybe give him like hey, do bathrough those things like that.

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Speaker 1: People have to understand it.

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Speaker 4: Two months postpartum, you feel like you don't want to

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Speaker 4: be away from your baby, like it's I don't know

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Speaker 4: if it's just like this. I call it a primal feeling,

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Speaker 4: Like I feel like I just like I had to

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Speaker 4: grab her all the time as somebody was holding her.

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Speaker 4: I needed her back instantly. So like we have to

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Speaker 4: give grace to the mom to understand that these are

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Speaker 4: her hormones.

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Speaker 2: This is how she's feeling, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about a chemical reaction. We're talking about human

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Speaker 2: chemical reacty, we're not. It's not necessary early all a choice, correct,

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Speaker 2: So is my understanding at least so Yeah,