1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast 2 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Z mccomedy from the home office 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas. If you've just watched our social media 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: We're off to a banging start today. As Lauren has 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 1: been doing her vocal exercises MEMI one two three, she's 6 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:23,239 Speaker 1: living with notes. 7 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,919 Speaker 2: Me me one, two, three, four five. I'm not. 8 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 3: I'm supposed to do these vocal exercises four times a day. 9 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,159 Speaker 3: It's that's the hardest part is to remember. How do 10 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 3: you remember to do something four times a day? 11 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: Just a spit take there. 12 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 2: Well, well, we'll see you doing four times, Okay. 13 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,200 Speaker 1: So here's the thing water. 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 2: I don't know. 15 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: I just keep saying you're living with notes because I 16 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: love pitch perfect, but you're actually not living with notes. 17 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: What is it? 18 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 3: Actually, it's a vocal polyp. And I thought a polyp 19 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 3: was like something that grows, you know, like some sort 20 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 3: of cancerous Yes. No, but in the vocal world they 21 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 3: use the word polyps an injury. 22 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: So you're working with a voice coach that's kind of 23 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:10,960 Speaker 1: helping you. 24 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm not doing well and not doing well 25 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,040 Speaker 3: with my homework. It's very difficult. I need to think 26 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 3: of it as like physical therapy because you've had an injury. 27 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 2: That's right. 28 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,760 Speaker 1: I actually worked with three years ago as well. Not 29 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: the same, but I did the same. I didn't I 30 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: wasn't living with nodes. 31 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 2: But what were you living with? 32 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 1: I was losing my voice. 33 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 2: I would go, you were living with little mermaid syndrome. 34 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: I actually understand that reference. 35 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 2: Of course you do you have a daughter. 36 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: No, I would lose my voice from time to time 37 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: because we're just hosting so much, especially when I was traveling, 38 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: and then I would get to, like do a show 39 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: in Vegas. Vegas throat is a real thing because it's 40 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: so dry there. You're in the desert, smoky. Yeah, you're 41 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: in terrible you know, parts of air, and so yeah, 42 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: I would lose I would get very especially Miss America Week. 43 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 2: You're like, uh, okay, questions, why have you not been 44 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 2: the one training me? 45 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: Because it's like teaching your spouse to play golf. It's 46 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: a terrible idea. 47 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 2: Wait do you actually think that is a terrible idea? 48 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 3: Oh? 49 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 1: I think it's a horrible idea. It's a great way 50 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,359 Speaker 1: to get divorced or broken up. 51 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 3: I think you're right, because, by the way, please dms everybody. 52 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 3: I would love to know do you think your spouse 53 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 3: can teach you a skill? Because I know a lot 54 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 3: of I guess women mostly who I've heard say well, 55 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 3: I play golf now. I took it up so that, 56 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 3: like my husband and I could do something together. And 57 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,080 Speaker 3: they asked me, do you play golf? And I say 58 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 3: I now, But I do respond with I think at 59 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 3: that school, you guys want to do something together. For me, 60 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 3: Chris and I already do enough together. We work together, 61 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 3: we like all sorts of different socializing together. We talk 62 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 3: movies together, so we don't need another together thing. Like 63 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,800 Speaker 3: golf is your thing and I don't like it, so 64 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 3: I'm certainly not going to take it up. But what 65 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 3: I don't ask those women is well, is your husband 66 00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 3: the one teaching you golf? 67 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 1: And I would say, don't do it. There's things when 68 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: you're parenting and when you're when you're in a relationship 69 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 1: that fall into this category. Be the fun, cool person, 70 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 1: and when you're parenting you can't always be the fun, 71 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: cool guy or whatever, but be the supportive person. So 72 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: when you are learning golf, I would get you a 73 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: great instructor. You need a different, bad guy different, and 74 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 1: then I get to come in at the end and 75 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,120 Speaker 1: tell you how great you're doing. Then we get to 76 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: maybe hit on the range, maybe go play a few 77 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 1: holes together, and I get to tell you how great 78 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: it is and how fun it is. So I'm the 79 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,799 Speaker 1: fun person in this relationship. I don't want to be 80 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: the person telling you what you're doing wrong. 81 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 2: I think you're totally right about that, because. 82 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: It's like us having sex. 83 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 2: And now that was. 84 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 3: A spit take for me. I don't even know what 85 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 3: that meant. That was like a dad joke, but a 86 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 3: dirty dad folk. 87 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: But no, you're agreed. 88 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 3: You agree though with the golf, Well, I think that 89 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 3: when your spouse is teaching you something, it's just really 90 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: easy to You're gonna you're gonna be frustrated when you're 91 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 3: learning golf or learning anything, but probably especially golf, especially golf, 92 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 3: and so it's gonna be easy to snap at your spouse, 93 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 3: and then your spouse is heard and then doing frustrated. 94 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: I am doing what you're telling me exactly. 95 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,599 Speaker 3: So the idea of teaching someone golf is only cute 96 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 3: for that image that we all have of like a 97 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 3: third date in our head, you know, when you're just 98 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 3: dating and it's like, oh, help me with my swing. 99 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: The girl she acts like she doesn't know. 100 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 2: What he's turns out she's a professional. Yes. 101 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: And by the way, this brings us to our first 102 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: question of the day, because today's episode is actually a 103 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: Q and A with you the listener, and this comes 104 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: from Bethany, and I wanted to go to you because 105 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: Bethany says, my husband has recently taken up golf. Tell 106 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: me what I need to know to be a golf wife, 107 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: because wow, you're really good at this. 108 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,159 Speaker 2: Do you think I'm a golf wife. 109 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 1: Well, I don't know about that. I don't know what 110 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,359 Speaker 1: that even means, but I understand what she's talking. 111 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 3: Yes, And I think there's something inherently about that term, Like, Bethany, 112 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 3: you don't have to be a golf wife, you know. 113 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 3: I certain that just takes away your identity. And I 114 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 3: get that it's playful, but I don't think of myself 115 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 3: as a golf wife. I do think if you want 116 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 3: to be a spouse supporting your partner as they play golf. 117 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 3: First of all, I'll be honest, I did it at 118 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 3: Edgewood at the celebrity tournament. I walked all eighteen holes 119 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 3: with you every day, three days. That's maybe the second 120 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 3: time I've ever done that. I don't think that to 121 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 3: be a good golf wife. I don't think you got 122 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 3: to be out there for all eighteen holes because you're 123 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 3: not going to enjoy that whole time. 124 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,720 Speaker 2: It's going to start to well. 125 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: That was, by the way, a very special event and tournament, 126 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: a celebrity event that you were just as much a 127 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: part of on the daily when I'm here in Austin 128 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:47,559 Speaker 1: or whatever. What I love is you, And this goes 129 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,839 Speaker 1: for not just golf, Bethany, this goes for everything, man, woman, 130 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: back and forth. We encourage each other's to do our 131 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: own thing, love, our love, our passions, our hobbies. Courage that. 132 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 2: That's a good point. 133 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 3: Maybe it's your definition of golf wife. What type of 134 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,039 Speaker 3: golf wife are you? Are you the golf wife who says, 135 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 3: go play for four hours, I'll see you later. 136 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 2: Have a great time. I won't text you and. 137 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 3: Enjoy and then you use those four hours, bet you 138 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 3: and do what you want to do. 139 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 2: That's a secret. Go to home goods, go to Marshalls. 140 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,600 Speaker 1: There's a candle you have time for all. 141 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 2: Three and that's what I like to do. 142 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,839 Speaker 3: But I will say, like, look sort of dependent on 143 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 3: and I would make these decisions based on the course, 144 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 3: the temperature, the weather. Is it sometimes fun to like 145 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 3: go out and ride in the cart with you or 146 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 3: walk a few holes with you for a little bit, Yes, 147 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 3: like we'll do that on vacation and it's fun. 148 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 2: You got a margarita in hand. Just know that you. 149 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 3: Should only engage in the golf if you're going to 150 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 3: enjoy it yourself. 151 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,559 Speaker 2: Otherwise you'll start to resent the golf. 152 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 3: So don't make yourself go out there and do it 153 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 3: just because you think like you have to be there 154 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 3: to be supportive. You don't, wouldn't you say, babe, that 155 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 3: most men are probably like. 156 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 2: I'm fine with you just letting me golf. You don't 157 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 2: have to be part of this. Well. 158 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,359 Speaker 1: One of the best things you ever said to me 159 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,799 Speaker 1: when we first started dating and got married, you said, 160 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: your thing doesn't need to be my thing. My thing 161 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: doesn't need to necessarily be your thing. We can respect it, 162 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: enjoy it from time to time, Like I honestly don't 163 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: mind going to home goods from time to time. You 164 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: don't mind coming out to special events. When it has 165 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: to do with it. 166 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 2: I need to call you out. 167 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 3: All the amount of time that you have spent in 168 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 3: home goods compared to the amount of time that I've 169 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 3: spent on golf courses with you is vastly, wildly, So okay. 170 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna call home Goods out on something. Have events, 171 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 1: have cocktail hours, have things where we know, yes, chakuteris 172 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: a line we walk around home goods. 173 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 2: That's true. 174 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 3: You don't get Maybe if I ever bring you to 175 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 3: home Goods, I should give you a snack. 176 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: Let's elevate the event and they have food there. 177 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 3: Oh sometimes I'll just open up a snack from the 178 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 3: snack round. I'll just seat it. 179 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: Absolutely, But I would just say that's some of the 180 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 1: best thing is like you respect each other's passion, hobbies 181 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: and all that, but it doesn't need to become your 182 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: thing when you get married, when you start dating, you 183 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: don't have to become the same person. Keeping that individuality, 184 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: keeping those the separation of church and state is a 185 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: good thing. 186 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 3: And you know, I was in a relationship in the 187 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 3: past with a guy who golfed a lot, and I 188 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 3: would say, oh my gosh, you're golfing so much like 189 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 3: we need time to do things together. And he would 190 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 3: respond with, well, you should come golf with me, And 191 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 3: that wasn't fair to me because that's like, well, I 192 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 3: don't want to I don't want to have to learn 193 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 3: to like this thing that I know I'm not interested 194 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 3: in in order to spend time with you. We should 195 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 3: have And that should have been a big red flag 196 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 3: for me at that moment. You should have things that 197 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 3: you enjoy doing together without one person having to force 198 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 3: it upon themselves. 199 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,679 Speaker 1: And all these things can go too far. 200 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 2: Now that being said Bethany. 201 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 3: Honestly, at the end of the day, the simplest answer 202 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,959 Speaker 3: on how to be a good golf wife is make 203 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 3: sure there's drinks and snacks and make sure that he 204 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 3: knows you need drinks and snacks. Do you remember early 205 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 3: on I forget where it was. He might have been 206 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:04,679 Speaker 3: at Pebble Beach, you know what, God, where were we? Honestly, 207 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 3: it was sometime when like Caitlin and Jason were with us. 208 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: We're a Riviera country river area, tiger Wood's kind of 209 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,319 Speaker 1: ryder cup event, yes, with he and Fred couple. 210 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 3: So we were walking, Caitlyn and Jason were together at 211 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 3: the time, and I think you and I were walking 212 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 3: with Tiger because your friends with Tiger, and I sort 213 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 3: of knew I can't really say anything on this one, 214 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 3: like I'm in this and I gotta just be quiet 215 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 3: because like he's walking with Tiger. 216 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 2: Was this is a big deal. 217 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 3: But I would say about halfway through, I was like, 218 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,439 Speaker 3: are there no drinks and snacks anywhere? And I told 219 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 3: you later and you were like, Okay, I will never 220 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 3: make you go nine holes without a drink and snack 221 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 3: break again. 222 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 1: That was an awakening, that was a realization. It was 223 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: a communication, and it's never happened since, so thank you, Bethany. 224 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,040 Speaker 2: I haven't looked at these at all. 225 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 3: We kind of try to go on a little blind 226 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 3: so that the answers are natural. But so I'm going 227 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 3: to just pick one and go back and let's just 228 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 3: back and forth at babe. 229 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to ask you. 230 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 3: Mary Anne wants to know, are there any topics you 231 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,079 Speaker 3: will never talk about on your podcast? 232 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 2: What are the off limits topics? 233 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: I think there's there's some things with the show I 234 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: just don't ever go back to, just because I just 235 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 1: never want to be that person. And what are what 236 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,439 Speaker 1: are personal things I was trying to think of personal. 237 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 3: I think it's not so much topics as like the 238 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:31,079 Speaker 3: deep layers of those topics. Like I talk about losing 239 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 3: my dad, but there are some things that are like 240 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 3: so painful for my family and my family that I like, 241 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 3: don't go to those places, or like we might. I 242 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 3: might talk about past relationships, but I'm not going to 243 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 3: get into specifics about who that person was and that 244 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,079 Speaker 3: kind of thing, because I want to respect people's privacy. 245 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 3: So it's like I don't know, or maybe you made 246 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 3: a sex joke earlier. I feel like we'll talk about 247 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 3: our sex life a little bit, but we don't go 248 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,959 Speaker 3: do deep. You got to keep some things personal. 249 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 1: What's funny is I've thought about this podcast, and you 250 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: know we always think as producers, Okay, what could you 251 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: do to elevate it, make it bigger. I know there 252 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,680 Speaker 1: are podcasts out there where people really go to the 253 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: crwch they're all in and no pun intended, but you 254 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 1: know they'll talk about their sex life. They'll talk about 255 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,439 Speaker 1: the everything details, the good, the bad, the ugly. I 256 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: know that could be revelatory and like get big clicks 257 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: and get headlines It's just not me. It never has 258 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 1: been me. I wasn't that guy when I was hosting. 259 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: You're not that type of a journalist, and you're not 260 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: that type of a person. We're not that type of 261 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 1: people in our own lives. And I guess my main 262 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: thing is what you get on the podcast is genuinely 263 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: who Lauren and I are. We don't joke and talk 264 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: about that stuff when we're with our friends, so I'm 265 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: not going to do it here. I guess that's the 266 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: thing is I maintain the same level of decorum. And 267 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,640 Speaker 1: so if you are that kind of shock person in 268 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: life where you're going to talk about you know, I 269 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: don't even want to go there, but you know what 270 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 1: I mean, then then great, that's you. But that's just 271 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 1: that's never been us, So why fake it. 272 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 3: I think there's just that line of like, of course, 273 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 3: like we want to connect with you guys, and we 274 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 3: love connecting with you, but there's just I think that 275 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 3: there's some things and it's different for everybody what your 276 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 3: threshold is. 277 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 2: But if you give it all away. 278 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,679 Speaker 3: I had someone tell me once, you don't want to 279 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 3: give away too many pieces of yourself or you'll have 280 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 3: nothing left O interesting, and I thought that that has 281 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,520 Speaker 3: stuck with me as like a simple but clear way 282 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 3: of looking at it. That as much as I think 283 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 3: there's power in sharing and relating to each other, some stuff, 284 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,839 Speaker 3: it's like, and by the way, there's some stuff I 285 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 3: would like only tell my mom, or some stuff I 286 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 3: would maybe only share with my best friends, and that 287 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 3: kind of keeps those relationships special in a good way. 288 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:55,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, here's a question from Serena that I think is 289 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 1: really interesting because I've actually never asked you this. Lz. 290 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: Out of all the bat I love, everyone just calls 291 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: you Alzo out of all the bachelors, who is most 292 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: your type? 293 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Well you weren't a bachelor. I guess 294 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 2: you were. 295 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 3: You know what is funny about that. I used to 296 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 3: say this all the time when I was covering the show. 297 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 3: I never found any of the guys attractive. And I 298 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 3: don't mean that in like a rude way. I just 299 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 3: think there was this wall, and it even was a 300 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 3: wall that existed with you and I until we always 301 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 3: say we literally luckily kind of ran into each other 302 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,680 Speaker 3: off of the red carpet and saw each other in 303 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 3: this different way. But I think there was one this 304 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 3: wall of like I just always looked at them as 305 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 3: in this workplace environment way where I didn't even think 306 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 3: about them that way. But two, not to like age myself. 307 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 3: I mean, I'm in my mid thirties, but they always 308 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 3: all even though some of them were probably older than me, 309 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 3: they always felt young to me, like younger than me. 310 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 3: I think I felt like, I don't know, maybe not maternal, 311 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 3: but like, on the one hand, I had to ask 312 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 3: them deep questions. On the other hand, I think I 313 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 3: felt they were trusting me with a lot of vulnerable 314 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 3: things they were sharing. So I felt protective of them 315 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 3: because I kind of knew a little bit of how 316 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 3: the show worked, and I knew how intense it was, 317 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 3: and so I tried to be respectful and protective of 318 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 3: what I would, you know, how I did interviews and stuff, 319 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 3: and maybe I wasn't always successful, but so I just 320 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 3: didn't look at them in that way. Like Ben Higgins 321 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 3: was the first bachelor I ever interviewed, and a lot 322 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 3: of my friends like Ben was a popular bachelor. A 323 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 3: lot of people thought he was cute. Ben seems like 324 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 3: a little brother to me, Like I was like, oh, oh, you. 325 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: Guys, By the way, y'all have that relationship. In real life, 326 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: y'all very much have. 327 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 3: That, which I think is why it's great that like 328 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 3: we were such great friends with him a jest, because 329 00:14:54,720 --> 00:15:00,160 Speaker 3: it seems so how like is Ben like sunlike to 330 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,040 Speaker 3: you or is he? I don't know all of them, 331 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 3: you know they've become. 332 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 2: I think Ben and Wells you feel a little more. 333 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: Yea, our relationship has evolve in the beginning, when they 334 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: are the backs of the backs already, well, it changed. 335 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: That's interesting question. So back in the day, the Bob 336 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: Guineas Andrew Firestones and all that, I think because I 337 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 1: was so new, I felt like I was in my 338 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: infancy in the show, and I was learning along with them, 339 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: and we were a lot closer in age. Firestone and 340 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: I are not that far apart. Bob Ginny and I 341 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: are very close in age. 342 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 2: I think Bob's the only one who's older than you. 343 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 2: Only like a year there was. 344 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: The Bass Fisherman Byron Velvick who was older than me. 345 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: Brad Womax right there with me. So there are a few. 346 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 1: But like back in the day, I think my infancy 347 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: and growing went along with them, and I felt a 348 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: little closer. But then it became more I was more 349 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: of a producer slash father figure, taking them under my wing, 350 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: really trying to help them emotionally and otherwise. And then 351 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: I would try to advise them after the show and 352 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: they would lean on me in that way. Then subsequently, 353 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 1: definitely the relationships grew, whether it's like Michelle Money and 354 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: Mike Weir becoming just really good friends of ours, Ben 355 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: Higgins Wells, for sure, we've we those Ashley I and 356 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: Jared I don't know why I still call her Ashley I, 357 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 1: but our relationships have grown because they've grown as adults 358 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: and Jadent Tanner having babies, and Ari and Lauren same thing. Yeah, 359 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: everybody's grown up in those life phases have hit. 360 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 3: They're also a key to like once the show's over, Literally, 361 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 3: once that season was shover and interviews are over, you 362 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 3: were able to look at it, Yeah. 363 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: Look at different Well we it's kind of like you 364 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 1: and I dating. We end up in rel in different 365 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: situations now where it's not all about them, you know, 366 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: the spotlight's not one hundred percent on them, and it's reciprocal, 367 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: and the relationship becomes a little bit more even because 368 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 1: my job as host is to take care of you, 369 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 1: what's going on with you, And it's one hundred percent 370 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: about you. 371 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 2: By the way. 372 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 3: That was why and that is why you're such a 373 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 3: great host, is because you know that you were. I'm 374 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 3: justuting you, but I'm always proud of your skill. You 375 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 3: make it look easy, but you made it about the person. 376 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 3: You made it about you know, your interviewing them and 377 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 3: it's their story, and not every host does that. And 378 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 3: it's one of the things that first attracted me to 379 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 3: you is how you foster relationships with people like You've 380 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,359 Speaker 3: maintained and built and grown friendships with all these people 381 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 3: from the show for more than twenty years. And I 382 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 3: don't know another host. I literally can't name another host 383 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 3: who's who created this phone tree of a family, of 384 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 3: a world of friends like you did from the show. 385 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,399 Speaker 3: And it's very real. And the way that you, I 386 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 3: mean you were just when we were at Edgewood, You're 387 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 3: texting with Ben and Wells and they're telling you like 388 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 3: good job, like great, great shot, buddy. 389 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 1: One of the sweetest moments, like day one, after I 390 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: got done with Edgwood, one of the first calls I 391 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 1: got was from Ben. He had been watching and he's 392 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: like he knew I didn't have a great day. I 393 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: didn't have a horrible day. But he's like, hey man, 394 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 1: how are you feeling? Just being in the positive number? 395 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: Like we had this long talk and it would be 396 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: a good life coach. 397 00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 2: She's just very positive. 398 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: Came back in the room, You're like, who was that. 399 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 1: I was like, I was talking to Bend. It was 400 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 1: He's just that suite of a guy. By the way, 401 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,240 Speaker 1: we kind of skipped over something. Kudos and congratulations and 402 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: blessings to Ashley and Jared just had their baby boy. 403 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,400 Speaker 2: Hayden Cruz. What a cutie, What a cute name. 404 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 3: I well, they texted us and you instantly said love 405 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,920 Speaker 3: that name. And I instantly said, guys, is that for 406 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,680 Speaker 3: Hayden Christensen and Tom Cruise. There's such movie buffs and 407 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 3: what a cutie, what a great head of hair. 408 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 2: I just love that. I felt so touched that. Then 409 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,439 Speaker 2: I just adore them both so much. 410 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 3: Ashley, I was one of the first women who I 411 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 3: really like interviewed and connected with from the show, and 412 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 3: I've just she and I once had a we got 413 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 3: together and we grabbed dinner and we were both like 414 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,399 Speaker 3: talking about being single, and it just makes me so 415 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 3: happy where we both are now, and they're just one 416 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 3: of the best love stories. 417 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: There was a word for most evolved. Its changed, Ashley. 418 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 3: And like a love story that I don't think anyone 419 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 3: thought not, but it was like, oh my god, they 420 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 3: really did this ever happened? 421 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: And then it did. It happened, and then it turned 422 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,880 Speaker 1: out to be so beautiful and they just had their 423 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: everybody's healthy little baby, Hayden Ashley doing great. I assumed 424 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,360 Speaker 1: you're assume great, but congratulations. We send them all our love. 425 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,360 Speaker 1: That is that was such awesome news this week. 426 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 3: By the way, I think it's I just realized because 427 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,400 Speaker 3: I was thinking about you in the Ages of the Bachelor's. 428 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 3: That really speaks to how the leads got younger over 429 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,159 Speaker 3: the years, doesn't it. Because when you first started, you 430 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 3: were what thirty, yes, and you were the age of 431 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 3: the Bachelor's and then some of them were older than you. 432 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I just had my son and then Taylor 433 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 1: was born two years into. 434 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 3: It, right, But I'm just talking about your age and 435 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 3: like their age, and then over time, so really, from 436 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,479 Speaker 3: the onset of the show, the lead was thirty year 437 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,560 Speaker 3: older and then over time it became like twelve, the 438 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 3: lead is twenty three, the lead is twenty four. That 439 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 3: it's a big difference I still over over time. I 440 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 3: actually think that's one of my like still critiques of 441 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 3: the show. It wasn't I was covering it and it 442 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,880 Speaker 3: is now. I think it's more grounded and powerful when 443 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,119 Speaker 3: the lead is early thirties. 444 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: Casting definitely struggled with access to successful people who you know. 445 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 2: Just stopped who oh, who would like have coming out 446 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 2: of their career. 447 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: The days are undying a Bob Guiney or a Andrew 448 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 1: Firestone or someone like you know, we're you know, looking 449 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,200 Speaker 1: for those diamonds in the rough. That hugely successful thirty 450 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: something was just harder to get or I don't know, 451 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: maybe they just stopped trying and they're like, great, let's 452 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: get a teenager. 453 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,680 Speaker 3: Well, younger people have a little more big emotional swings. 454 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 3: I'll stick with show stuff, Ernie said Chris. What was 455 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 3: one moment while filming The Bachelor the Bachelorette that looking 456 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 3: back still makes you absolutely cringe. 457 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: There's two moments. One was on a show called Bachelor 458 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: Pad and it was a short lived game show where 459 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: paradise came out of this but for a year or two, 460 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 1: we did Bachelor Pad and it was so cheap. We 461 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: shot it literally in the driveway of the mansion you 462 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,640 Speaker 1: would they lived in the mansion, and then the challenges 463 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: were outside on the driveway in the summer one hundred 464 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: and fifty degree heat. It was hilarious how cheap the 465 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 1: show was done. But that was the start of it. 466 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 1: That's how it shows start, which is also fun. That's 467 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: the you know, creative part of TV is when you're 468 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 1: starting a cush Yeah. 469 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 3: One thing I learned from working at a startup where 470 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,640 Speaker 3: I was at before ET was like our CEO taught 471 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 3: me and was so smart about don't spend money when 472 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 3: you don't have it yet, like start, make the product great, 473 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 3: make the idea great, like make it a success basically, 474 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 3: and then the money will follow and you can polish 475 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 3: it up then. 476 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 1: And at the time, the summer show concept was a leap. 477 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: It was you know, in the middle of the summer, 478 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,119 Speaker 1: and that's when that is the death of TV. The 479 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 1: network was just like, look, just can you make something 480 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: that will lead into the fall schedule to try and 481 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 1: promote the fall schedule and just kind of using us 482 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 1: as a jumping off point and so we created this 483 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: bachelor pad and it was a quarter of a million 484 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,200 Speaker 1: dollars on the line in this prisoner's dilemma. But back 485 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:04,080 Speaker 1: to the cringe moment. I lived about six miles from 486 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: the mansion, a very short drive. It just happened to 487 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: be that way. I had nothing to do with the mansion. 488 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: They they chose that in a gore hills. They say, Malibu, 489 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,280 Speaker 1: it's a gore Hills. I lived in Westlake Village, six 490 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 1: miles away. So when I was there all day, especially 491 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,119 Speaker 1: Bacher Pad, we'd be on set and oftentimes for the 492 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: bacher or bacherette, the kids would come over, and so 493 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,360 Speaker 1: they came. I knew they were coming that day during 494 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: this challenge in the driveway, the challenge was how long 495 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: can you hold your significant other? But it was a 496 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: literal challenge, how long could you hold them? We stripped 497 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: everybody down into their either their skivvies, bikini. 498 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,720 Speaker 2: Do you mean hold like hug or hold up in 499 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 2: the air well. 500 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: That was the whole thing. Sorry to have it to hold, 501 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,159 Speaker 1: you know, you know how we did the play on 502 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 1: words to have it to hold, but you had to 503 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,960 Speaker 1: actually hold them. We put them up in a harness 504 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,920 Speaker 1: hoisted them above the driveway about ten feet in the 505 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: air over matts, and you had to hold your significant 506 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 1: other as long as you possibly could. Okay, so imagine 507 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: everybody shirtless, sweaty in there, you know, the guys in 508 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: their trunks, ladies in bikinis, and how you would hold 509 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: somebody to stay aloft. You would straddle them and hold 510 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 1: on with all your might. So this is happening. We're 511 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: a few minutes into this challenge, and you're seeing a 512 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 1: lot of cracks and crevices and things. 513 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 2: Oh in the air and their underwear. 514 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,240 Speaker 1: And I look back is I'm watching this, and I 515 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,320 Speaker 1: see my children who were young at the time, young Joshua, 516 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: young Taylor, with eyes wide, and I'm thinking, man, this 517 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:39,920 Speaker 1: is going to cost me a lot in therapy. Later 518 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 1: they were just like Dad, what because you know, you 519 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: think about, you know, take dad to work or take 520 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: the kids to work, and it's like, you're at the 521 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 1: accounting firm, you're a teacher, you're a scientist, you're a doctor. 522 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 3: Job. 523 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,719 Speaker 1: What does dad do for a living that he's announcing 524 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 1: doing play by play for this? 525 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 3: Now, that would be like if your dad was a 526 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,159 Speaker 3: doctor and you went to work and you walked in 527 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 3: on him like exam some. 528 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly with this, you know, doing a rectal exam. 529 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 2: This is the worst part of that shit. We just 530 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:05,959 Speaker 2: walked it out. 531 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: So that was a moment where it just I just 532 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 1: laughed for I'm like, oh man, how do I even 533 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,639 Speaker 1: explain this to my kids. The other one was the 534 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,960 Speaker 1: Jake Pavelka Vienna interview late at night when it just 535 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,440 Speaker 1: got so awkward and it just dissolved. That was like 536 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,639 Speaker 1: a real cringe moment. 537 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,440 Speaker 2: What were you feeling in that moment? 538 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: Oh? It was. It was the Perfect Storm? Do you 539 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: guys know that that movie The Perfect Storm of George 540 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: Coloni and Mark Wehlberg on the boat where they they're 541 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 1: about to die and then all of a sudden they 542 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: made it, and the caes are calm and they're excited 543 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: and exuberant because they didn't make it. They're in the 544 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,360 Speaker 1: eye of the storm and they realized, oh no, we're 545 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,960 Speaker 1: just in the eye of the storm. We're about to 546 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 1: go through the worst of it. That was the interview. 547 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: I thought I had come to this amicable agreement and 548 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,720 Speaker 1: we made it out where hey, I'll take credit for 549 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 1: my part, you take credit for your part. Okay, bygones, 550 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: let's move on. That's what the whole interview is supposed 551 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,480 Speaker 1: to be. Then I realized we were just in the 552 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 1: eye of the hurricane and the rest of it hit 553 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:03,040 Speaker 1: and it just melted down and it got really bad, 554 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 1: and so and she stormed off and was crying and 555 00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 1: I had to chase her down, and Jake was it 556 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 1: was really bad. That was a cringe moment. 557 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 3: Well, like. And the thing is, I think a lot 558 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 3: of people don't know this about you. You don't love 559 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 3: like uncomfortable situations. 560 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 1: I do, and I don't when it comes to television. 561 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 2: I mean I would feel differently on TV. 562 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I realized, because I will lean into him like 563 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,920 Speaker 1: I i in my life. Oddly I don't. But the 564 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,359 Speaker 1: thing with this one was we probably weren't even going 565 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: to air this. We'd been shooting all night and then 566 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,600 Speaker 1: we brought them in. It was like two in the 567 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: morning or something. And I remember driving home and again, 568 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 1: I'm only like five ten minutes from the mansion. I'm 569 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,200 Speaker 1: driving home and I got a call from an executive. 570 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,119 Speaker 1: It's like, tell me what happened. I'm like, what do 571 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: you mean, what happened? Why are you calling me? At 572 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: two thirty in the morning and he said, you know, 573 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: was there any hint of physicality or physical altercation? I 574 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 1: was like, Lord, no, God no, and he's like, okay, 575 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 1: we got a call that Jake got aggressive, and I said, well, 576 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 1: there was yelling, it got very contentious, but in no 577 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 1: way was there anything physical at all. Like I wouldn't 578 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: have stood for it, Big PAULI was right there, you know, 579 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: there's no way he would have stood for it. There's 580 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: no way. But word got out, and I don't know 581 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: who leaked it, who leaked it on purpose, but we 582 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: ended up having to show the interview we were never 583 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,880 Speaker 1: going to show because we had then had to prove 584 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,440 Speaker 1: that that didn't happen. It was ugly, but that didn't wait. 585 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 2: You were never going to show that interview. 586 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: No, because the whole point of the interview was to 587 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: try and just amicably in this, like, hey, let's just 588 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,280 Speaker 1: show that this wasn't as bad as it is. And 589 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 1: then it dissolved and we're like I walked into the 590 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 1: control room and one of the producers said to me, like, 591 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: we're probably not even going to air this, Like it 592 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,920 Speaker 1: didn't go like we wanted it to. It just wasn't 593 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: what they were looking for. They were looking for a 594 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: resolution not But didn't. 595 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 3: That become And forgive me because I actually wasn't watching 596 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 3: the show at this time. I've seen like little clips 597 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,480 Speaker 3: of this over the years. Didn't that become one of 598 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:58,639 Speaker 3: the most stand out, dramatic wild moments in the show's 599 00:26:58,720 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 3: history And it became one. 600 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:04,360 Speaker 1: Of my most iconic quotes where they were yelling about 601 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: the dogs and I finally just said, nobody cares about 602 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 1: the dog, Like, no, the point was nobody, Like, you know, 603 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: when people are fighting about something, they that's not at 604 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 1: all what they're fighting about. They were fighting about this 605 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: dog or something, and I just remember going, guys, this 606 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with the dog. Let's get to 607 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,879 Speaker 1: what we're really fighting about. 608 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 2: But why on earth would they not air that? 609 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,960 Speaker 1: Back then? It was you know, we were really specific 610 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 1: about what they were looking for, and that just I 611 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,560 Speaker 1: guess it wasn't it. And then, of course I think 612 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,439 Speaker 1: one of the producers, one of the executive producers, probably 613 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 1: knew this was gold. 614 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,160 Speaker 2: Do you think that changed the trajectory of the show, 615 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 2: like what types of stuff you want? You went for? 616 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:43,280 Speaker 2: Started airing after. 617 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 1: That, probably because you know, I think, you know, the 618 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: Jason Mesnik moment with Molly Melissa definitely changed the trajectory. 619 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,440 Speaker 1: After that was before and then there was the you 620 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,640 Speaker 1: know that moment with Jake where where you know, Jake 621 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,399 Speaker 1: was very beloved as about I did very well, and 622 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,399 Speaker 1: then to kind of show him maybe as a villain. 623 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,199 Speaker 1: You know, we we would net we usually protected our 624 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,359 Speaker 1: the franchise star, whoever the Bachelor bacherette was would always 625 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,200 Speaker 1: be protected. And then it really came to a head 626 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: with one Pablo. That was when producers said, the gloves 627 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,160 Speaker 1: are off. If he's going to go this direction, we're 628 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,920 Speaker 1: not going to protect him by protected. 629 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:27,160 Speaker 3: Do you mean like you didn't show the reality maybe 630 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,360 Speaker 3: if maybe if the personality, like maybe. 631 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 1: If somebody said something uh inappropriate, maybe made a gaff 632 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: on a date, maybe said something dumb, maybe did something dumb, 633 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 1: maybe you wouldn't show that, like maybe if they drank 634 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 1: too much on a date, and. 635 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,920 Speaker 2: Say, because your lead needs to be desirable, yeah. 636 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: Like the that's the whole premise, especially early on, was 637 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 1: to make it more filtered and more glossy. You know 638 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 1: this you have this hero and this Ken doll figure 639 00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 1: or this Barbie doll figure keep that illusion alive. 640 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,400 Speaker 3: Well, And was there also an element of I feel 641 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,200 Speaker 3: like I'm feeling like when I used to interview you 642 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 3: for the show. Was there also an element of if 643 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 3: you like threw your lead under the bus, then they're 644 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,880 Speaker 3: going to turn on you. And you needed them, You 645 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 3: needed to be on the sun page. 646 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: So I told them, yeah, because once you turned on them, 647 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: you know again. But usually when you would turn on 648 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:21,520 Speaker 1: them would be it. 649 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 2: And I don't really by the way, I don't even 650 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 2: really mean throw them under the bus. I mean, right, didn't. 651 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: Show exactly who they are? 652 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I mean it's Look, it's that hard. 653 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: Thing too, because nobody's nobody. Look, nobody's perfect, none of us. 654 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 1: So if you tape us twenty four to seven, none 655 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: of our interviews are always going to go well whatever. 656 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,200 Speaker 1: But here's the exactly Here's what also evolved was you 657 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: the viewer, and it got to the point where you 658 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: couldn't hide those things. Social media, the lady started to 659 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,560 Speaker 1: speak out. Everybody had a platform, and so you couldn't 660 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: you know, I hate to say lie, but you couldn't 661 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,200 Speaker 1: fabricate things as well as you produce them over Yeah, 662 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,440 Speaker 1: it's it was a lot harder to gloss over anything 663 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 1: because you all demanded it. You all became so much 664 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: smarter as viewers. And that is where I think reality 665 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 1: TV gets in trouble is those that still try to 666 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 1: do it the old fashioned way. You can't. You have 667 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 1: to be a lot more forthright and honest in your 668 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,320 Speaker 1: producing and in what you're showing. A lot of things 669 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,400 Speaker 1: evolved to lead to that. Social media was a big 670 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: part of it. Carol says, what's the status of Merrit Street? 671 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: You never talk about it. I'll start with number one, Carol, 672 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 1: thank you for the question. Merritt Street is great, it's stronger, growing, 673 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: it is phenomenal. But two things. One Lauren and I 674 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 1: this is one thing we really never even discussed, but 675 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:44,680 Speaker 1: we both believe in this work in the dark. Celebrate 676 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:48,320 Speaker 1: in the light. We like to work and below the level, 677 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 1: the surface level, get all the stuff done, and then 678 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 1: when it debuts then you can, you know, everyone can 679 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,560 Speaker 1: rejoice in it and enjoy it. Right now, we're in 680 00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: the doldrums of summer. To be quite honest, the student 681 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 1: was dark. I mean, I know they're still doing news 682 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,800 Speaker 1: at Mayor Street daily, but like doctor Phil is dark, 683 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: everybody is kind of out of town everything in Hollywood, 684 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: but the extension of Hollywood is Texas and everywhere else 685 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: in production is pretty quiet right now, as are LZ 686 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,760 Speaker 1: and I. We've been on our vacations and doing our stuff, 687 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: so we're getting back to it in earnest very quickly. 688 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 1: But honestly, we've had a little we've all enjoyed a 689 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 1: little summer Vaca. But everything's going great at Mayor. They've 690 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,240 Speaker 1: had a good year. I mean, obviously the launch of 691 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: a network is daunting, but the show that we're creating 692 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 1: and working on with doctor Phil and I've been appearing 693 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 1: with him, and more shows will be airing soon. We'll 694 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 1: all be coming up. 695 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 3: I'm gonna get emotional and advicey with this next question. 696 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 3: This is such a great question from Jacqueline. How did 697 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 3: you know it was time to get a divorce? I 698 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 3: am struggling with that right now. 699 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 1: I was just going to ask you this question. I 700 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 1: was just looking at the questions and I thought this 701 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: would be a great one for both of us. But 702 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,880 Speaker 1: I would like you to start so, because you're so 703 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,480 Speaker 1: good at this. I know. 704 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 3: That this is a sort of a simple gauge, but 705 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 3: I've given this advice to people before. No marriage ends 706 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 3: in one moment, Like, you know, I don't know, even 707 00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 3: if you find out something about someone or whatever, you 708 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,880 Speaker 3: find out they lied to you, like you have to 709 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 3: break that down, you have to work through it. 710 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:30,720 Speaker 2: You have to be ready. 711 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:34,760 Speaker 3: But a simple gauge for me looking back was I 712 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 3: would pull into the driveway and not really want to 713 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 3: go in the house. I think I knew, like I 714 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 3: just knew walking in would be conflict, me feeling like 715 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,000 Speaker 3: I had to take care of a lot of things, 716 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 3: a lot of weight, And that was kind of a 717 00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:02,200 Speaker 3: striking moment for me of you know, relationships shouldn't be 718 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 3: like this, and there's a lot of factors that went 719 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,680 Speaker 3: into it. You know, it's never just one person's I mean, 720 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,480 Speaker 3: it's rarely just one person's fault. 721 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 1: But like. 722 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 3: I also think, ultimately, I don't know, divorce gets such 723 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 3: a bad rap. And I find that when people are 724 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 3: asking me this question, it's because they feel that it's 725 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:27,040 Speaker 3: negative and that it's bad. And I don't think divorce 726 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 3: is bad. I think it can be sad, but I 727 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 3: know a lot of people who are really grateful they 728 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 3: got divorced. You know, relationships end for a reason, and 729 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,680 Speaker 3: I think it's helpful to shift your mindset from like 730 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 3: you haven't failed, you haven't done anything wrong, like this 731 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,080 Speaker 3: isn't working and it's going to be better for both 732 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 3: of you to potentially move forward. Now that being said, 733 00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 3: like I'm simplifying it, divorce isn't always the answer. Sometimes 734 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,960 Speaker 3: you can work through things. But that's my simple answer. 735 00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 3: I pulled in the driveway and I didn't want to 736 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 3: go in the house very deep one. 737 00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:02,920 Speaker 1: Like there's a lot of layers to that, you know. 738 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: I remember when I was thinking about changing agents early on, 739 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,239 Speaker 1: and my uncle as a lawyer, and I didn't have 740 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:13,839 Speaker 1: a lawyer at the time, and I needed some help 741 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,320 Speaker 1: looking at this contract and I asked his advice, and 742 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 1: he says, Chris, think of this moment, like relationships, you 743 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,400 Speaker 1: don't want to just hop in and out of a 744 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,799 Speaker 1: bunch of them. And that would be the first thing 745 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,400 Speaker 1: I would say, is, look, we don't want to use divorce, 746 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:32,440 Speaker 1: go through them like M and M's and you know, 747 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,879 Speaker 1: treat it like it's this revolving door and every time, 748 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 1: you know, the road gets tough, you bail. But with 749 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,879 Speaker 1: that said, my mom had this great line and I'll 750 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,080 Speaker 1: never forget it. When you can no longer affect change, 751 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:50,320 Speaker 1: it's time to leave. And I think that's really valuable 752 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:56,959 Speaker 1: in a relationship. Fight the good fight. Try, whether it's therapy, communication, 753 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,279 Speaker 1: whatever it is that's ailing you and your loved one, 754 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,000 Speaker 1: fight that fight, and you know, because I also believe 755 00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,040 Speaker 1: that you know when every stone has been turned over 756 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,279 Speaker 1: and you've tried, then you can leave with your head 757 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: held high that you did that. But when you get 758 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 1: to the point where you can no longer affect change, 759 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:17,439 Speaker 1: and it's you can no longer achieve happiness for either 760 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 1: one of you, and it's quite to the opposite and 761 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,560 Speaker 1: the detriment of both of you physically, mentally and emotionally, 762 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,560 Speaker 1: then it's not only okay. I think it's important to 763 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 1: move on. I had kids when I got divorced, and 764 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: I feared the worst that I was going to harm them. 765 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,360 Speaker 1: I didn't. Nobody wants their kids to be a product 766 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 1: of divorce. 767 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:39,840 Speaker 3: I was. 768 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,800 Speaker 1: Now my kids are, but at the same time, I 769 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,319 Speaker 1: think that they are healthier. They are now seeing their 770 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,719 Speaker 1: dad madly in love with an amazing relationship. Their mom 771 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 1: has gone on and gotten remarried. She's in a wonderful relationship. 772 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:55,160 Speaker 1: I think it's more powerful and important that they have 773 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,800 Speaker 1: seen their parents grow as human beings, remain friends, remain 774 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:03,239 Speaker 1: co parents, find love. And they were at my ex 775 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: wife's wedding to her new husband, they were at our wedding, 776 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 1: So they're very much a part of this love story 777 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:12,000 Speaker 1: and they've seen that love can still exist and that 778 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 1: you can still find that. So I think those messages 779 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: are just as important. 780 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 3: I think we all think a lot about like we 781 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:19,719 Speaker 3: worry about what we'll be losing and the thing is, 782 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,960 Speaker 3: or we think like like you just said, well, they're 783 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 3: going to be a product of divorce now, and you're thinking, well, 784 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,040 Speaker 3: you'd want them to be in a married home, and sure, 785 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,560 Speaker 3: but like that's thinking about this fantasy of a path, right, 786 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,000 Speaker 3: it's not the reality, And you can shift your mind 787 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,600 Speaker 3: and think about the other option, the other potential fantasy, 788 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,239 Speaker 3: you finding new love, your kids seeing you in new love. 789 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,480 Speaker 3: I think there's power in kids seeing that you know 790 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,120 Speaker 3: their parents have gone through struggle and overcome, Like that 791 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,279 Speaker 3: helps them know I'm going to go through tough things, 792 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,000 Speaker 3: but I'll be okay. And so we kind of have 793 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,000 Speaker 3: to think about what could be the positives in this 794 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,879 Speaker 3: outcome too. Like I said, I don't think divorce is bad. 795 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,440 Speaker 3: I think it's hard. I think it's sad. I think 796 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:06,719 Speaker 3: it's challenging. But uh, but it can be ultimately really 797 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 3: good and it helps to shift that mindset. And I 798 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 3: think you're so right. I just want to go back 799 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,440 Speaker 3: a little bit on what I said, because, as I 800 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:17,720 Speaker 3: said my comment, there was a simple gauge. I pulled 801 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,120 Speaker 3: up in the driveway and I didn't want to go 802 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,440 Speaker 3: in the house. That didn't just happen one time. That 803 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 3: happened many times. You know, it wasn't like the one 804 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:24,880 Speaker 3: time it happened. I said, I don't. 805 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:26,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, you. 806 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,320 Speaker 3: Want you do want to know I did all I 807 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,200 Speaker 3: could here? You want to put in enough effort like 808 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 3: try and say I've done all I can. And it 809 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 3: helps to know that before you walk away. And to 810 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 3: your point about your mom's quote, I think that's so 811 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:48,760 Speaker 3: smart in that to me, the biggest barometer in almost 812 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:54,040 Speaker 3: any relationship isn't people making mistakes. It isn't them being flawed. 813 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:57,040 Speaker 3: It isn't can I deal with their personality or do 814 00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,839 Speaker 3: they do too many things wrong? It's effort. Do they 815 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 3: make effort to grow, to change, to be better. If 816 00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 3: you're with someone who isn't making effort and hasn't made 817 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 3: effort in a long time, what are you doing there? 818 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,640 Speaker 3: Because we only get one life, and if someone won't 819 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,680 Speaker 3: try for you, I think that's the most painful thing 820 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:20,800 Speaker 3: in a relationship, is feeling like this person isn't trying 821 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:21,239 Speaker 3: for me. 822 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,880 Speaker 1: I think to that point. Talking about divorce, yes, it 823 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,279 Speaker 1: has a negative connotation, but I think it's funny. People say, oh, 824 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 1: it's easy to quit, it's easy to leave. I think 825 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: it's easier to stay. I would say this thought of, oh, 826 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,600 Speaker 1: starting over is so hard. I don't want to be 827 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,920 Speaker 1: single in my thirties, in my forties, in my fifties, 828 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:49,400 Speaker 1: and my life is too long and equally too short 829 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:53,759 Speaker 1: to not find real love, real friendship, real companion, to 830 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 1: find what Elsie was just talking about, someone who actually 831 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,399 Speaker 1: supports you and empowers you and wants to be there 832 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,719 Speaker 1: for you. The thought of, oh, you know, our finances 833 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,160 Speaker 1: are so intertwined, it would be so hard to kind 834 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 1: of unwind all this and oh there's this and the 835 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: parents and stop that stuff will take care of itself. 836 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,560 Speaker 1: I know it seems daunting, and it seems like such 837 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,319 Speaker 1: a big wave coming at you. But when you deal 838 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 1: with things, any any big thing like this in life, 839 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,759 Speaker 1: when you deal with it one bite at a time, 840 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,959 Speaker 1: you will get there. And so again I'm not saying 841 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,440 Speaker 1: this to encourage you, but don't let that be the 842 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:30,279 Speaker 1: reason you stay, just because the fear of dating and 843 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:34,239 Speaker 1: starting over and all that, I would say, don't let 844 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:35,120 Speaker 1: that hinder you. 845 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:36,720 Speaker 2: I liked where we went today. 846 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, a little silly, a little looking back at the past, 847 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:41,960 Speaker 3: a little looking into the future, a little deep. 848 00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,960 Speaker 1: That's why I like Q and A because you never know, 849 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,839 Speaker 1: like what topics will take us where uh, And it's 850 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: fun to kind of you know what it does. It 851 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,080 Speaker 1: kind of opens up a little lane of communication for 852 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:52,440 Speaker 1: you and I. 853 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:53,360 Speaker 2: That's so true. 854 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,160 Speaker 3: Selfishly, thank you guys for being our therapists, or at 855 00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:57,920 Speaker 3: least the uh. 856 00:39:58,480 --> 00:39:58,640 Speaker 1: You know. 857 00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,680 Speaker 3: It's like you're you're posing the questions a therapists would pose, 858 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 3: and then here we are. We appreciate you all, We 859 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,759 Speaker 3: love you all so much, and wherever you're at on 860 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,440 Speaker 3: your journey, know that we are wishing you the very 861 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,240 Speaker 3: best and we love your questions. 862 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 2: Please keep sending them in to us because we'll see 863 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:14,560 Speaker 2: you next time. 864 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,160 Speaker 1: Because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks 865 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:20,960 Speaker 1: for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic 866 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,400 Speaker 1: pod ever, and make sure to write us a review 867 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:26,200 Speaker 1: and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.