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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: I am not picking a partner for a healthy, successful

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Speaker 2: relationship based on their potential.

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Speaker 3: I need to make my decision based on.

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Speaker 2: The facts and what's actually in front of me in

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Speaker 2: the moments.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to upli

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Speaker 2: the women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Brussard,

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Speaker 2: a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 3: black women can.

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Speaker 2: Just be our quote of the day, you can't make

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Speaker 2: decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.

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Speaker 2: That quote comes to us from our favorite auntie and

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Speaker 2: forever first Lady, Michelle Obama. So I'm gonna say that

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Speaker 2: quote one more time because we'll really need to keep

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Speaker 2: revisiting that quote throughout this conversation. You can't make decisions

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Speaker 2: based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.

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Speaker 2: All right, So team, all right, you know our topic

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Speaker 2: for today. Oo child, right right when you hear that quote,

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Speaker 2: what comes up for you?

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Speaker 3: When I hear that quote, dom One, I will say

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Speaker 3: there resonates with me, but I feel like I need more.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, cool, you can't make decisions based on

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Speaker 3: fear and the possibility of what might happen. Then what

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Speaker 3: is the foundation for the decisions that we're making? What

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Speaker 3: are we pulling from?

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Speaker 2: Right? Like?

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Speaker 3: How are we making these decisions? And so, Lady, we

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Speaker 3: are super excited about this conversation today because it's girl talk.

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Speaker 3: All right. So girl, get your drink, get your drink,

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Speaker 3: you drink whatever you drink, and get comfortable because it's

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Speaker 3: about to go down. We're about to have some real

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Speaker 3: conversations to hear make sure the kids are not around,

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Speaker 3: because we might be dropping some colorful language, which we

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Speaker 3: share with you on the first episode of this podcast,

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Speaker 3: right with two hundred plus episodes in. So let's get

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Speaker 3: into it. But Dom, I don't know about you, but

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Speaker 3: I want to know what do you think about the

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Speaker 3: quote before we jump into the disclaimer and you know,

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Speaker 3: just kind of setting up the conversation. What does this

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Speaker 3: quote mean to you and what are your thoughts on it?

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Speaker 2: So when I hear that quote to me, what I

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Speaker 2: hear is two different things. One is that you can't

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Speaker 2: make a decision because you are afraid of something. Right.

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Speaker 2: So I'm not going to make a decision on how

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Speaker 2: I fly or how I get to my next vacation

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Speaker 2: because I'm afraid of flying, right. That's not necessarily the

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Speaker 2: healthiest way to make that decision. It might be a factor,

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Speaker 2: but it's not the reason to make a decision on

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Speaker 2: your transportation needs. Right. And then the second piece, the

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Speaker 2: other end of that spectrum is the possibility of what

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Speaker 2: might happen. And I often think about that in terms

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Speaker 2: of romantic relationships, that I am not picking a partner

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Speaker 2: for a healthy, successful relationship based on their potential. I

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Speaker 2: need to make my decision based on the facts and

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Speaker 2: what's actually in front of me in the moments. And

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Speaker 2: I know those two two examples right there already. We'll

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Speaker 2: probably call some controversy. But I said what I said,

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Speaker 2: and I stand by it, and I'll explain more. You'll

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Speaker 2: understand that my rationale more as you listen to the

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Speaker 2: episode and the other examples that we provide.

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Speaker 3: She said what she said, the doctor said what she said.

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Speaker 3: Don't add her. Okay, okay, girl, okay, Mike dropped episodes over.

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Speaker 3: This was great, Like, damn, that was so good. Thanks

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Speaker 3: for coming to my talk. Okay, thank you so much

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Speaker 3: for having us. Damn, girl, don't get me started. I

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Speaker 3: literally just posted some bit about potential today about how

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Speaker 3: potential is not guaranteed. It doesn't guarantee it, I'll know.

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Speaker 3: So we're gonna dig into that in a minute, lady,

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Speaker 3: But first, just to kind of ground us on this episode.

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Speaker 3: Right when I was younger, I feel like there were

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Speaker 3: so many topics that I wanted to chat with someone about,

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Speaker 3: and this was a time in my life when I

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Speaker 3: didn't have a therapist. So you know, you talk to

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Speaker 3: your girlfriends, you talk to your homeboys, but sometimes you're

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Speaker 3: just not getting what you need to get right. People

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Speaker 3: will either just share their own situations or they don't

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Speaker 3: really give you a sound objective opinion. And so, lady,

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Speaker 3: we hope that this conversation can help to peak your

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Speaker 3: interest but also to give you language for situations that

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Speaker 3: you might be going through or situations that you might

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Speaker 3: be supporting someone through. And so we call some juicy

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Speaker 3: ass scenarios for you today that many people in life

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Speaker 3: can relate to that we have been inspired. The scenarios

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Speaker 3: were inspired by social media posts, right situations, possibly from

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Speaker 3: our real life. You won't know, because we're not going

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Speaker 3: to tell you because we already tell enough of our

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Speaker 3: business on the podcast. But these scenarios are definitely grow

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Speaker 3: life scenarios, and so we hope that you can take

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Speaker 3: or resonates and give the rest away, or you know,

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Speaker 3: leave what doesn't connect with you. So, dom, shall we

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Speaker 3: dive into the first scenario here? Yes, let's do it

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Speaker 3: all right, So let's pay this picture right. So you

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Speaker 3: are in a relationship. It's so amazing, You're in the

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Speaker 3: honeymoon phase. Everything's just so awesome. And you look up

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Speaker 3: and you've now been in this relationship for a couple

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Speaker 3: of years, and y'all are having the conversation about marriage,

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Speaker 3: and it sounds so exciting because everyone in your family

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Speaker 3: has been like, when you won't get married, when you're

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Speaker 3: gonna have them babies? I want my grandkids, and looking

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Speaker 3: at the cloud, I want my grandkids. And you and

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Speaker 3: your partner, y'all have a pretty decent relationship. There are

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Speaker 3: some red flags. There are some things that you're like,

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Speaker 3: you know what, I kind of don't like this, But

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Speaker 3: you know, the relationship is cool, Like we're coasting. It's

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Speaker 3: all right, And your partner proposes to you, and you're

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Speaker 3: getting ready to make this lifelong decision to commit to

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Speaker 3: this person for life till death do us part. But

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Speaker 3: you start to get cold feet and you start to

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Speaker 3: get those feelings in your stomach where you're like, even

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Speaker 3: though the relationship is cool, I don't think this is

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Speaker 3: ang I don't want to think this is for me.

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Speaker 3: But you're trying to figure out what you do when

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Speaker 3: you're at the point where you've already accepted the engagement

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Speaker 3: and now you're planning a wedding. How do you call

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Speaker 3: this shit off? Oh that's a tough one.

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Speaker 2: That is a tough That is a tough position to

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Speaker 2: be in, and to me requires a lot of courage

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Speaker 2: to say the things that the hard things that need

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Speaker 2: to be said. Right. Yeah, And so I think about

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Speaker 2: it from the perspective of the friend or family member

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Speaker 2: or observer of what's happening. Right, And.

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Speaker 3: I have been the one.

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Speaker 2: To say to someone you don't have to go through

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Speaker 2: with this. Are you sure this is what you want?

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Speaker 2: I've been that person now in that moment they said, yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is what they wanted. And then fast forward they

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Speaker 2: get married, and fast forward a few years and they

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Speaker 2: get divorced. So then we revisit the conversation and what

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Speaker 2: it usually, what it often can boil down to, is

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Speaker 2: a couple of things. One of the biggest things is

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Speaker 2: I wanted the wedding. And so when I hear that,

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Speaker 2: what that tells me is you weren't ready for marriage.

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Speaker 2: It was about the ceremony, it was about the pomp

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Speaker 2: and circumstance, it was about the celebration. It was about

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Speaker 2: all of the things that don't matter in the long

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Speaker 2: term of the marriage of a marriage. Right. And so

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Speaker 2: what I also hear in that is that you could

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Speaker 2: have plugged in anybody and they would have said yes

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Speaker 2: because they wanted the wedding.

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Speaker 3: That is a real shit. It is Hey, lady, it's

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Speaker 3: Terry here, Dom and I want to take a moment

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Speaker 3: to thank you for choosing to listen to our podcast.

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Speaker 3: We love you for real, and we want to give

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Speaker 3: you a chance to learn more about what's important to us.

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Speaker 3: So tell us what you think about this.

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Speaker 2: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 2: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 2: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 2: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 2: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 2: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 2: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 2: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 2: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 2: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 2: or personal wins.

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Speaker 3: How does that sound? Hopefully this is up your alley, lady,

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Speaker 3: because we are taking things to the next level of

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Speaker 3: this year and we're doubling down on investing in our community.

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Speaker 3: That means you We want to meet you, connect with you,

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Speaker 3: and create communities of genuine women who love on black

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Speaker 3: women and push our culture and movement forward. We launched

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Speaker 3: this podcast in twenty nineteen and to date we have

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Speaker 3: not missed a week. We've been great stewards of our platform,

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Speaker 3: all while working full time and navigating our own ups

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Speaker 3: and down. We release fresh new content every single Friday

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Speaker 3: like clockwork, and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and

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Speaker 3: workshops that can really help you up level your life.

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Speaker 3: from us, we invite you to give back and help

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Speaker 3: us push this community effort forward. Visit herspacepodcast dot com

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Speaker 3: and click Patreon. You can learn more about our goals

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Speaker 3: and exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage

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Speaker 3: you to join the Sister Frontier so that you can

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Speaker 3: get someone on one time with us. We also have

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Speaker 3: an option for you to donate on a one time

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Speaker 3: basis if that meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast dot

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Speaker 3: com and you can click that link that says Patreon.

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Speaker 3: All right, lady, we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 2: And then the second reason, more common reason that people

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Speaker 2: may go through with it is out of shame or embarrassed,

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Speaker 2: and not wanting to have to go through the process

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Speaker 2: of telling everyone, hey, y'all, the wedding's off, and having

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Speaker 2: to answer the questions right, and then having to cancel

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Speaker 2: the venue and figure out what to do with the

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Speaker 2: dress and the tucks and all the canceling the caterers

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Speaker 2: and all the things that have to go into when

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Speaker 2: you cancel an event, not wanting to go through with

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Speaker 2: it out of the fear. Going back to our quote

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Speaker 2: of the day, making a decision out of fear that's

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Speaker 2: also based in shame or embarrassment. They decide to go

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Speaker 2: through with a marriage to a person they don't really

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Speaker 2: want to be with to avoid that moment of embarrassment

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Speaker 2: that would come along with having to cancel the wedding.

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Speaker 3: Can I just say, let's just say, don I think

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Speaker 3: you did an amazing job going over those two key

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Speaker 3: I would say reasons right why people may not or

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Speaker 3: why people may want to either get married, or why

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Speaker 3: they would not want to call off the wedding. But

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Speaker 3: can we just sit with the fact that that's a

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Speaker 3: This is a tough predicament to be in, Like I

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Speaker 3: feel like anxiety is boiling in my belly just thinking

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Speaker 3: about it, because I remember what it was like when

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Speaker 3: I was planning my wedding and all the details that

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Speaker 3: go into it, and I just want to sit with

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Speaker 3: the feelings that might come up. Right, So there may

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Speaker 3: be there may be some regret, like you may be

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Speaker 3: talking to yourself, lady, this is you in that position.

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Speaker 3: You may be like, dam why didn't I knew I

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Speaker 3: saw that red flag then, and I knew my intuition

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Speaker 3: was like, no, Booten ain't for you, but I kept

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Speaker 3: going because I was just kind of living on autopilot.

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Speaker 3: So fuck, I'm really upset with my because I didn't

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Speaker 3: listen to my gut. And now I'm in this situation

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Speaker 3: where I'm gonna have to make this big decision that's

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Speaker 3: going to be very public. So that could be a feeling,

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Speaker 3: right regret. It could be shame like you already called out.

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Speaker 3: There could be the thoughts like damn, what is his

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Speaker 3: family or her family or their family going to think?

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Speaker 3: What is my family going to think? What if I

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Speaker 3: don't get the money back from the venue? I mean,

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Speaker 3: just so many feelings, stressed anxiety. Sometimes it's easier to

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Speaker 3: just go with the flow and go with the shit

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Speaker 3: that's already been planned out, versus disrupting your life and

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Speaker 3: disrupting things. There's a lot there, many, many feelings that

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Speaker 3: one might feel when they find themselves in this position.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree, and I think and any of

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Speaker 2: those feelings that come up are real, right and might

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Speaker 2: be hard to sit with. But the thing that I

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Speaker 2: think we want to lean in two that can be

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Speaker 2: really hard to lean into is one having the courage,

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Speaker 2: two having the vulnerability, and three thinking about the long game. Right,

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Speaker 2: So when we think about this calling off an engagement

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Speaker 2: or a wedding, the long game is if I say yes,

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Speaker 2: if I go through with this, now I am tied

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Speaker 2: to this person technically for forever, right, unless I decide

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Speaker 2: to get a divorce. And divorces are expensive, especially if

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Speaker 2: you all have acquired assets together, and then don't talk

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Speaker 2: about right if you have kids, Yes, having to go

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Speaker 2: through custody arrangements.

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Speaker 3: It's a lot.

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Speaker 2: Not to mention your overall peace and happiness. And so

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Speaker 2: is a few months of dealing with embarrassment or shame

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Speaker 2: worth years of regret or financial costs, right, And I

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Speaker 2: get it. I want to be clear that in the moment,

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Speaker 2: it is hard to make that decision. But again, this

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Speaker 2: is why we go back to our quote of the

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Speaker 2: day and say, let's not make a decision out of

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Speaker 2: fear or potential for what might happen, right, or possibility

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Speaker 2: of what might happen. So we're not calling, We're not

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Speaker 2: deciding to go through with an engagement or wedding because

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Speaker 2: this person could change, that red flag could go away,

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Speaker 2: or because I'm afraid of what people will say if

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Speaker 2: I call this off. We're gonna make this decision on

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Speaker 2: whether or not to say yes to this engagement, say

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Speaker 2: yes to this marriage based on is this person the

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Speaker 2: right one for me? Yeah, and hopefully we have done

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of soul searching and some pre marital

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Speaker 2: therapy where we've answered the hard questions.

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Speaker 3: Before we get to the point of walking down the aisle. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: and yes. I think you hit the nail on the

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Speaker 3: head with that, And I think that before we look

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Speaker 3: at options and consequences and things to consider. If I

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Speaker 3: were in this position right, I'm not ashamed to say

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Speaker 3: that I've been in a similar position before. But in

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Speaker 3: this position, I believe that the first thing one needs

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Speaker 3: to do is get get into solitude, like get by

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Speaker 3: yourself so you can have a real ass conversation with

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Speaker 3: yourself and ask yourself why, like why do you think

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Speaker 3: because a.

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Speaker 1: Lot of times the answers that we need there.

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Speaker 3: Within artist you don't you be calling you a homegirl,

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Speaker 3: like girl, oh my god, what should I do?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 3: Deep down we be knowing what we need to do.

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Speaker 3: We know, and usually the thing that we need to

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Speaker 3: do is the thing that we don't want to do.

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Speaker 3: It's the thing that doesn't feel it's the thing that

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Speaker 3: kind of feels scary right not, which is why you're hesitating,

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Speaker 3: Which is why you're hesitating. And we're looking for validation.

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Speaker 3: We're looking for someone to tell us what to do

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Speaker 3: so we can kind of absolve ourselves of the responsibility.

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Speaker 3: And it's like, all right, well, Dom told me Dom

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Speaker 3: said this on the episodes. I'm just go ahead and

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Speaker 3: do this. Draws on, put the big girl panties on,

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Speaker 3: and have a conversation with yourself and ask like why

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Speaker 3: why do I think this is coming up? Why do

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Speaker 3: I think this anxiety is butterflies in my stomach? Why

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Speaker 3: do I think they're there? I love to do the

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Speaker 3: pros and cons right, So weighing you have pros and

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Speaker 3: cons or papers. You can see it. You see that

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Speaker 3: long gas list of cons and you see them three

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Speaker 3: pros over there, You're like, okay, this is where we

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Speaker 3: at seeing it visually also objectively stepping back and saying, okay, realistically,

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Speaker 3: if I were helping a friend out with this advice,

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Speaker 3: what are all the plausible options that I could choose.

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Speaker 3: We're not making a decision, we're not judging, just what

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Speaker 3: could I actually do right? Listing them out? I think

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Speaker 3: also asking yourself what do I fear? And I think

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Speaker 3: writing off this out can be so powerful because then

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Speaker 3: you can reread it, you can get the thoughts out

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Speaker 3: of your head onto papers. So ask yourself what do

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Speaker 3: I fear? And then asking yourself what does your gut say? So,

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Speaker 3: whether you're meditating, or you're asking God or spirit to

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Speaker 3: come and speak to you, whether you're praying, what does

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Speaker 3: your gut really say? Because a lot of times we

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Speaker 3: know what it's saying, and sometimes it's hard to listen

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Speaker 3: to that. But I would say if you were in

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Speaker 3: this predicament, definitely, if you can seek out a therapist

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Speaker 3: and someone to help you through the situation, I think

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Speaker 3: that could be super helpful because a lot of times

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Speaker 3: when we have a conversation, especially with a therapist, they're

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Speaker 3: able to pick up on things that we may not

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Speaker 3: necessarily pick up on. I remember one time talking to

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Speaker 3: my therapist Dom and I was speaking about a certain

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Speaker 3: topic and she was just listening to me, observing, and

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Speaker 3: then after I spoke about these two topics, she was like, well,

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Speaker 3: I noticed that when you talked about this, you lit up.

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Speaker 3: You had a different type of energy to you when

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Speaker 3: you talked about this, and then when you spoke about

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Speaker 3: this topic, the energy shifted, and this is what I observed,

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Speaker 3: and that she was mirroring me. It resonated and I

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Speaker 3: was like, oh shit, okay, I know why I was

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Speaker 3: excited here, and I was able to dig deeper within myself.

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Speaker 3: So I would say that those are some of the

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Speaker 3: things that I would do realistically if I were in

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Speaker 3: this situation. And then when it comes to the options,

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Speaker 3: Dom help me out if I'm missing something. When we

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Speaker 3: think about all the possible options for this scenario, you

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Speaker 3: could call it off, right, call the wedding off. However

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Speaker 3: you decide to do that, you could go through with it,

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Speaker 3: or you could like no show. What do they call

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Speaker 3: that runaway bride? You could three options? Yeah, those three options.

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Speaker 2: And what I would do is, if you decide to

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Speaker 2: call it off, right, I would enlist the help of

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Speaker 2: someone who's close to you, who will be willing to

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Speaker 2: support you and maybe be willing to be your.

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Speaker 3: Talker, like your representative.

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Speaker 2: Right. So like all right? So for example, like let's

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Speaker 2: say that I was about to get married and terry.

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Speaker 2: You and I had a conversation and I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't think I think I need to call this off.

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Speaker 2: I'm done now.

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Speaker 3: Is it cold feet or is it like your gut

357
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Speaker 3: is speaking to you? Say to say that, because I

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Speaker 3: feel like there's.

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Speaker 2: A different there's a difference there. Yes, but I've done

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Speaker 2: all the soul searching that you suggested, right, okay, and

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Speaker 2: I am clear that I need to walk away, right,

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Speaker 2: I need to call it off. So what I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: do is I'm gonna say tee, all right, I'm calling you,

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Speaker 2: calling my best friend, and I'm like, all right, y'all,

365
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 2: here's the things that need to be done. Can y'all

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Speaker 2: like I don't have it in me. I'm gonna have

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Speaker 2: a conversation with my fiance and let him know be done.

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Speaker 2: That's a lot, that's a huge piece itself, right, But

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Speaker 2: here's all the people that need to be told. Can

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Speaker 2: you all do this for me? And so now I've

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Speaker 2: enlisted support and then I've also set a boundary and

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Speaker 2: I've said, you know, I need privacy at this time,

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Speaker 2: and so my phone is on do not disturb. I'm

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Speaker 2: not responding to anyone. I've directed them to my support team,

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Speaker 2: and my support team is answering all the questions for

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Speaker 2: me and enforcing the boundaries for me. Of y'all heard her,

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Speaker 2: she said she she set the weddings off. She says

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Speaker 2: she needs some time. We've given her all the time

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Speaker 2: she needs.

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Speaker 3: I love love, love that down, because, like you said,

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Speaker 3: it's already stressful enough to communicate this to your fiance,

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Speaker 3: but having a team to help you through the situation,

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Speaker 3: your representatives, I think that's spot on. And I'm a

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Speaker 3: big fan of letters, y'all, Like I write to express myself,

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Speaker 3: and so you might want to write your fiance letter.

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Speaker 3: That way you can again get the thoughts out of

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Speaker 3: your head onto paper, give it to them, let them

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Speaker 3: read it, and then go from there. I think being

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Speaker 3: prepared as well when you called off being prepared for

390
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Speaker 3: potential backlash, Like people are going to be judgmental, people

391
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Speaker 3: are going to call you all types of names. I mean, honestly,

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Speaker 3: at the end of the day, though, there's something so

393
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Speaker 3: powerful when you are walking in your truth. Yes, because

394
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Speaker 3: at the end of the day, you have to look

395
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 3: at yourself in the mirror and be comfortable and happy

396
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 3: with what you see. You have to sleep at night, right,

397
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Speaker 3: and it's hard to sleep when you're like, I know

398
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Speaker 3: I shouldn't be doing this, or you have this anxiety.

399
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 3: Maybe when you tell your truth, the sleep be so peaceful,

400
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: you be gone out like the light.

401
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 2: Okay, so you have yeah, like there's this light energy

402
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 2: that you embody because you have spoken your truth and

403
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 2: you're living in your truth.

404
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 3: So that takes us to the next one, which is

405
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Speaker 3: go through with it and dom You already talked a

406
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Speaker 3: bit about going through with the wedding. I like, if

407
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 3: you go through with it, here's the thing, there is

408
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,360
Speaker 3: no judgment here. We're just sharing options, lady. But I'm

409
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 3: sure there are some people listening who you actually went

410
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 3: through it and you saw what it was about, and

411
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 3: we all have our lessons to learn, Like I've made

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Speaker 3: decisions on life that in hindsight, I'm like, I probably

413
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 3: shouldn't have done that, but I signed up for that,

414
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 3: made the decision, and I learned the lessons from it.

415
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,640
Speaker 3: And so some of us we end up going through

416
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 3: with it and then we learn the lessons and we

417
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 3: understand later, oh, this is probably why I should not

418
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 3: have done that. Right. So I think that when you

419
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 3: go through with it, you'll end up learning some probably

420
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 3: hard lessons and your intuition will be validated because you

421
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 3: realize later, oh, this is why I had that gut feeling.

422
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 3: And then ideally we can use that for future situations

423
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 3: when our gut and our intuition is telling us something

424
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,360
Speaker 3: we can listen. So going through with it and then

425
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 3: no show, I don't know again, no judgment, but if

426
00:26:58,320 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 3: you know show, I feel like that could be a

427
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 3: bit more or damaging than calling it often and taking

428
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 3: the initiative and getting ahead of it, because no show,

429
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 3: people are going to be worried about you, like, wait,

430
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 3: did something happen? They can be embarrassing because it's the

431
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 3: day of you're leading zone at the altar. Although people

432
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 3: have done this and they do it. I think that

433
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,680
Speaker 3: it could be the backlash could be a bit worse

434
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: and it might be more difficult to recover from it

435
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 3: if you just don't show up at all.

436
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would agree with that. I would agree, so lady, ideally,

437
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 2: we would encourage you to call it off. However, we

438
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 2: understand that we all have our journeys to take, and

439
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 2: sometimes that journey means we're going through with it, and

440
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 2: sometimes that journey means we are having a runaway bride situation.

441
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 3: Hey, lady, have you ever been listening to the podcast

442
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 3: and been like, Damn, I wish I could be in

443
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 3: the same room with doctor dom T and the other

444
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 3: listening ladies. Well, you ain't the only one. Dim and

445
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 3: I often talk about how we wish we could bring

446
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 3: our authentic sisterhood energy to you in real life.

447
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 2: So on Saturday, July eighth, twenty twenty three, at seven pm,

448
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 2: we are hosting a live podcast show and meet and

449
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 2: greet in Oakland, California. And guess what, lady, You're invited.

450
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 2: We even have an exclusive VIP experience where you can

451
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 2: meet with us one on one and attend a twork

452
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 2: class with us if you so choose. Did somebody say, oh,

453
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 2: you blatchet, and the first twenty five people to register

454
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 2: will be entered into a raffle to when a cultivating

455
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 2: her space podcast swag bag worth more than two hundred

456
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Speaker 2: and fifty.

457
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 3: Dollars visit herspacepodcast dot com to learn more and register

458
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 3: today before tickets sellout.

459
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 2: Whichever you decide that, well, we hope that you do

460
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 2: have a support team out there to help you navigate

461
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 2: whatever decision you choose. That takes us to the second one.

462
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 2: You know, I think so this second one usually, I

463
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 2: think sometimes with this second scenario, when people go through

464
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 2: with it, it can end up helping them decide not

465
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 2: to go through with our first scenario.

466
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, all right, so let's not leave

467
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: the people in suspense.

468
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 2: Our second scenario is the decision on whether or not

469
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 2: to live with someone before marriage. Now. I know, you know,

470
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: for some of the younger folks out there, that might

471
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 2: not be such a big deal, might not be such

472
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: a hard decision, right, But I think about our folks

473
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 2: who are thirty and over, and our parents and grandparents,

474
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: and everyone said, shacking up, girl, don't you be out

475
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 2: there shacking up? And then what's the other one about

476
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 2: sampling the cow buying the movie.

477
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 3: Why they're gonna buy the cow if he can get

478
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 3: the milk for a free. There we go, yes, yes,

479
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 3: so all right, let's talk about it.

480
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, well, don let me just say, growing up

481
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 5: in a very religious household, this was definitely shunned like

482
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 5: this was this was looked down upon for sure, even

483
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 5: so much so that when I got engaged, I moved

484
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 5: in with my fiance and I did not tell my

485
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 5: family for the longest because I was like, I don't

486
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 5: want to hear their shit.

487
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 3: I'm grown, number one, but I'm also a responsible grown up,

488
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 3: Like I'm not just oh, I'm grown, but they still

489
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 3: paying my buildings to I'm grown grown, And I was like,

490
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do this is what's best for me, my life,

491
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 3: and so I made the decision. And then later on

492
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 3: when I told them, it was kind of like all right, y'all,

493
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 3: I mean, y'all got to deal with it, because my

494
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 3: family was like, I feel like they always try to

495
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: like baby me, even when I was grown, they tried

496
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 3: to still be very much like helicoptery, and it was like, oh,

497
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 3: I pay all these bills, I'm grown, grown, like, come on, right, So,

498
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 3: even though I was in my twenties, I feel like

499
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 3: they were there was still a little bit of judgment.

500
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 3: And of course you hear, don't get pregnant when you

501
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 3: move in, so if you're not trying to start a family,

502
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 3: you may want to go on birth control, just saying.

503
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 3: But yeah, there's a lot that comes with this too.

504
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 3: I mean there's a lot that comes with the don.

505
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 2: Shame shame yep mm hmm. I think you know what

506
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: I think about when I think about this is the

507
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 2: nuance of it, right, yes, and the reasons why people

508
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 2: decide to live together before marriage. Right So, in this

509
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 2: particular economy, finance is one that comes up for me

510
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 2: right away. Right. I personally am not a proponent of

511
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 2: moving in with someone solely based on finances. However, I

512
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 2: am also acutely aware that the current housing market in

513
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 2: a lot of places in this country are kind of

514
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 2: forcing people to make a decision to live with someone

515
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 2: because hey, if we get a one bedroom apartment and

516
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 2: right now, rent is twenty five hundred a month for

517
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 2: this one bedroom apartment.

518
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 3: Right now, I don't make.

519
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 2: Enough to pay twenty five hundred a month on my own,

520
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 2: but me and my boyfriend being kicking it for a

521
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: hot little minute.

522
00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 3: His lease is about to be up.

523
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 2: I'm trying to not have any roommates anymore. How about

524
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 2: we move in together and pull out finances. Because I

525
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 2: can't afford twenty five hundred on my own, he can't

526
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 2: afford twenty five hundred on his own, but together we

527
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 2: could make it work. I get that, and I'm frustrated

528
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 2: that our current economy is set up that this is

529
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 2: what is forcing people to make this decision. And I

530
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 2: also know of people making this decision not solely on finances,

531
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 2: but also because they are trying to get out of

532
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 2: other situations.

533
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 3: Right.

534
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 2: So, I'm still living at home, and it's five of

535
00:33:55,160 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 2: us in this two bedroom apartment. If me and Bouthang

536
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 2: decide to get a place together, hell, we can get

537
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 2: a studio apartment for all I care. But it's just

538
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 2: me and booth Thang creating our little love nests. Or

539
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 2: it could be, Hey, I'm in a long distance relationship.

540
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 2: We decide we don't want to continue to be long distance,

541
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:35,760
Speaker 2: so we're gonna pick a city, and we're both gonna

542
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 2: leave our respective locations and move to this new city

543
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 2: together and that means we're gonna we're gonna move in

544
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 2: together as well. We're starting a life on our own

545
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 2: in this new city together, I know, you know, creating

546
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 2: our cute little love nests. You know.

547
00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 3: Yes, girl, there's so much. Okay, so let me see.

548
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 3: There's so much that I want to say about this.

549
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 3: I will say that one. I'm just sharing in my experience.

550
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 3: I believe that these things are important. I believe that

551
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 3: as a woman, it is important to experience and have

552
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 3: your own space at some point in your adult life.

553
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 3: That is a belief that I believe is extremely important. Lady,

554
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 3: I don't care how much your partner loves you and

555
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 3: wants to be with you, having your own space and

556
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 3: independence is so important. It really is. And I know

557
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 3: some people who you know, left their parents home and

558
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 3: went right into their partner's space. And there are some

559
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 3: challenges that can come up when you when you aren't

560
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,320
Speaker 3: given the liberty to be on your own and no

561
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 3: independence and no independence right. So I believe that it's

562
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 3: really important to establish yourself as an adult and to

563
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 3: have that overall experience on your own and also to

564
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 3: really see what do you like. That was one of

565
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 3: the things when I moved out of my dorm room,

566
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 3: moved him to my first apartment by myself. I had

567
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 3: a chance to really, like I call it date myself

568
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 3: where I was like, well, dam this is your space.

569
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 3: You don't have roommates, what do you want to do

570
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 3: Before I coupled with someone else and kind of meshed

571
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 3: my life with them and intertwined my likes and dislikespased

572
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 3: on what they wanted to do, what they wanted to

573
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 3: watch on TV, and what they wanted to go, you know,

574
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 3: where they wanted to go out and eat. I had

575
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 3: a chance to get to know me so that when

576
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 3: I did meet someone else, I was coming as a

577
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 3: full person that already had my own life with me.

578
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,760
Speaker 3: So I do believe that's important at the same time,

579
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 3: although this may not be popular opinion, although these days

580
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 3: it might be, I do think it's important to live

581
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 3: with someone before you marry them, because baby, I don't

582
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 3: care how much time you all spend together. Because I

583
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 3: used to be like, oh, we spend like every week,

584
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 3: key moment together, I already know him. Uh uh. You

585
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 3: don't know somebody until you live with them and you

586
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 3: see how they are under pressure, you see how they

587
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 3: how clean or not so clean they are? You see

588
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 3: how they manage a household? Are they paying the motherfucker bills?

589
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 3: Because I've heard stories where y'all split bills in this

590
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 3: motherfucker not hand the bills, and then the ship is

591
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 3: getting turned off because they're not responsible. So little things

592
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,919
Speaker 3: like that, I personally would want to know that before

593
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 3: I get married.

594
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:08,839
Speaker 4: Right.

595
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 3: The other thing I'll say is, if you do decide

596
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 3: to move in with someone, always have I think someone

597
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 3: called this year it's called like a fucket fund, a

598
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 3: fucket fund or something like that, where maybe have your

599
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: money set up aside, because ninjas are known to act

600
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 3: a little funny when you move into their space, because

601
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 3: one day you want to be arguing potentially, and not

602
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 3: to say all people are like this, but you might

603
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 3: be arguing one day and they might ask you to

604
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 3: get your shit and get about, And if you don't

605
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 3: have a place to go, what are you going to do?

606
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 3: If you don't have that backup fund? What are you

607
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 3: gonna do? If you don't have a backup plan, it

608
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 3: leaves you vulnerable and in a very compromising position that

609
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 3: can then turn it out to be financially abusive.

610
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 2: And what I would add to that because I think

611
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 2: that's very important to consider right to have that backup plan.

612
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 2: But which part of that backup plan is also the

613
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:06,360
Speaker 2: flip side of that right? Is that Let's say that

614
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: you let your partner move into your space. Oh, and

615
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden they start acting up, and

616
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 2: you like, uh, you gotta go pack your shit. We're

617
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 2: gonna have a waiting to exhale moment, pack your shit,

618
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 2: get us out, and and so then now you are

619
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 2: left with managing your household on your own? Can you

620
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 2: afford to manage your household on your own?

621
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 3: Last thing I want to add, unless you have anything

622
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 3: else down is potentially having a contract or something in

623
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 3: writing that establishes the responsibilities because you also don't want

624
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 3: y'all why did I make this up? So don't try

625
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 3: to cancel us please, But I saw this on social

626
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 3: media and it's something called you all ready? Are you

627
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 3: all ready? It's something called a hobosexual okay? And these

628
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 3: Donald's facial expression donad's makes me laugh? Are people? Sometimes?

629
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 3: There are usually men, they say, who like to shack

630
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 3: up with you and try to live in your crib

631
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 3: just because they don't have nowhere else to go, and

632
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,800
Speaker 3: it typically happens in the winter seasons when it's chilly

633
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 3: and they want to cut.

634
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 2: Listen, ladies, before you make the decision to live with someone,

635
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 2: please vet them.

636
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 3: Yes, credit score please, please right right, please, yes, yes.

637
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 2: Make sure you've known them for more than two weeks

638
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 2: or two months?

639
00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 3: Yes, Because sometimes they don't leave. You may say you

640
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:02,399
Speaker 3: need to pack your shit into the left to left,

641
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 3: but they may not leave. And if you don't have

642
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 3: the what is it the landlord policy or the least

643
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 3: the guideline the least for your area, you might be

644
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 3: ship out of the look and then you might have

645
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 3: to leave your own spots. So it's a lot to consider.

646
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 2: It is a lot to consider, and I think you

647
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 2: know part of that in thinking about your feelings, right

648
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 2: and thinking about like the options that you might have

649
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 2: in this regard. One thing that you might consider is

650
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 2: living on your own or living with the roommate. And

651
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 2: you all continue to date, and so maybe it's okay

652
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 2: you all have separate spaces, and maybe those separate spaces

653
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 2: aren't ideal in terms of where you would really like

654
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 2: to live, but it's within each of your budgets, right,

655
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 2: And so then that's teaching each of you financial responsibility,

656
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 2: and then you all can spend time at each other's

657
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 2: spaces to get a sense of what that person is like.

658
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 2: Although you could spend every night at that person's house

659
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 2: and it is still not one hundred percent the same

660
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 2: as when you all are actually living together, but it

661
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,839
Speaker 2: does give you a sense of who they are and

662
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 2: is this It gives you some insight into is this

663
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 2: a person that I could live with. I'm over at

664
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 2: his space three nights out of the week, and of

665
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 2: those three nights, he's up playing video games till three am,

666
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 2: and I need to be in bed by midnight because

667
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 2: I got to get up at five. And then he

668
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 2: comes into bed at three am and he wants to

669
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 2: have sex, but I'm like, I got two hours before

670
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 2: I got to get up to go to work, So no,

671
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 2: we're not doing this. That's a potential issue in your relationship, right.

672
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 3: If you live.

673
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:18,919
Speaker 2: Together and that becomes a point of contention. Now you're

674
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 2: looking at having to find a new place to live.

675
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 2: But if you all aren't living together yet and you

676
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 2: see that this is the pattern, this is a conversation

677
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 2: that you all can have to sort it out to

678
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 2: figure out what would it really look like for you

679
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 2: all if you were to actually live together, so you

680
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 2: can spend time at each other's houses without the financial implications,

681
00:42:52,480 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 2: without the deeper emotional implications that come along with living together.

682
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 3: Yes, I love that, love that option, dom and I

683
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 3: will say, Lady, even though we're sharing our perspectives on

684
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 3: this topic, you really have to think about your situation

685
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 3: and what's best for you. So we shared, we opened

686
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 3: up the conversation. Like we opened up the dialogue, we're

687
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 3: sharing various scenarios. So I think, just going back to

688
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 3: the quote of the day that can ground us make

689
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,880
Speaker 3: a decision that's not emotional. Don't let anyone pressure you

690
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 3: into doing this. Really weigh your pros and cons again,

691
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 3: go back to the pros and cons. Weigh the pros

692
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 3: and cons. And when we think about all the scenarios

693
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 3: that we shared, be honest with yourself about the red

694
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,839
Speaker 3: flags that you see, because a lot of times the

695
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,280
Speaker 3: red flags that we sense and see in the beginning,

696
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 3: they're going to be glaring horns and sirens in the future.

697
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 3: Like there's more to the red flag, right, It's not

698
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 3: just a red flag just to be cute, Like there's

699
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 3: something bigger. It's like the tip of the iceberg. You

700
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 3: look up underneath that water and you're like, God, damn,

701
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 3: this is all the stuff, This is all the.

702
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 2: What you know.

703
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:03,839
Speaker 3: So think about you on a.

704
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 2: Real visual A red flag is like a red light

705
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:12,839
Speaker 2: when you are at a traffic stop. That red light

706
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: is there to tell you to stop because otherwise danger

707
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 2: is on the way. You choose to keep going, and

708
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:27,320
Speaker 2: next thing you know, a mac truck has come through

709
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 2: and smacked right into you.

710
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 3: Yes, and we want to avoid that.

711
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 2: Yes we do, Yes we do.

712
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 3: Oh boy, let's hop into our final scenario for the

713
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 3: main episode. But of course, if you go to herspacepodcast

714
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 3: dot com and you click on Patreon, we'll dive into

715
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 3: the even juicier, the real sexy scenarios in the after show.

716
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 3: But our last scenario here for the main show is

717
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:03,000
Speaker 3: navigating personal boundaries and preen preferences around sex. So just

718
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:07,919
Speaker 3: think you're meeting with a new person, maybe you met

719
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:11,800
Speaker 3: them on the dating app and he cool, he cute, whatever,

720
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 3: and you know, you go to his spot, you're about

721
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 3: to get it in and he's like, oh wait, this

722
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 3: condom is too tight. I can't feel nothing. Can we

723
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 3: just do it wrong? Right? That's one scenario. It happens

724
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 3: right like you are. You know, you're probably like, oh

725
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,840
Speaker 3: my god, yes girl, that's in scenario. What about if

726
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 3: I don't know you're having sex and someone is like,

727
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 3: it's about to get real, y'all. We told y'all with

728
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 3: the kids to sleep. They're trying to do anal and

729
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 3: you're like, whoa, we didn't talk about this, like you.

730
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 2: Just like a finger in my butt and I didn't

731
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:48,760
Speaker 2: without my consent.

732
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 3: Hold on, I wasn't ready, you know, like loup me up.

733
00:45:55,840 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 3: Okay anyway, so you know some warning, Yes, sorry, we're

734
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 3: having flashbacks now. So we're gonna we're gonna recruit conversations

735
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,439
Speaker 3: that need to be had, conversations that need to be had.

736
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 3: So we painted the picture the feelings, right. I have

737
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 3: definitely been in situations dom where it's been a sexual

738
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:22,799
Speaker 3: situation and I was caught off guard about something and

739
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 3: did not speak up for myself because I didn't want

740
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 3: to ruin the mood. So I kind of dis some

741
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 3: shit that I didn'tely want to do because I was

742
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 3: just like, yeah, I don't want to cause any issues.

743
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 3: I'm just going to get this over and done with

744
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:35,240
Speaker 3: and then I'm gonna want I've definitely been in that situation,

745
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,879
Speaker 3: and it's embarrassing and it's a bit shameful, especially after

746
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 3: the fact, knowing like I'm this strong black woman who

747
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 3: speaks up for myself, but in that situation back then,

748
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 3: I didn't. I didn't do that. So there's some of

749
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:50,360
Speaker 3: that that comes up. There is I think some fear

750
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 3: at times because you don't know how that other person's

751
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 3: going to receive your feedback. Sometimes you can feel awkward,

752
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 3: like how do I even bring up an STD test

753
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 3: or like how do I bring up you know, an

754
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 3: STI status? Like how do I have this conversation in

755
00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 3: the midst of the situation. So there's a lot of

756
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:09,840
Speaker 3: feelings I think that come up. Did I miss any feelings?

757
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 2: Don I think no?

758
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:16,240
Speaker 3: I think you covered them all. And I think really.

759
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: Being honest with yourself about the situation that you're navigating, right,

760
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 2: because let's be we're gonna keep it all the way

761
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 2: a book. Okay, So how you engage in conversation around

762
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 2: consent and or sexual preferences with someone that you have

763
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 2: been dating for a while versus we you know, we

764
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 2: met and out. We met out in the club and

765
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 2: were going home together, right, like I met you, Right,

766
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 2: it might be okay, Well, I don't know, it might

767
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 2: turn into more. I don't know, but I just met you.

768
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 2: And so the conversation that I'm going to have with

769
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 2: you person I just met and the goal of the

770
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 2: night is to get it in, is going to be

771
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 2: slightly different. Notice I said slightly then the conversation that

772
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 2: I'm having with someone that I've been seeing for a while, right,

773
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 2: So conversation that I might have with the person that

774
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 2: I'm just bringing back to my hotel room or to

775
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 2: my apartment or wherever because we just met condoms, do

776
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 2: you have any STIs that I need to be aware of?

777
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,359
Speaker 2: What are your likes dislikes and what are your what

778
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 2: would you like for us to do in this moment?

779
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 3: In any safe words? I guess something it's a little

780
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 3: too much in the moment. What does our let's choose

781
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 3: a way, Yes, what are our safe words? Right? You

782
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 3: can have that conversation right up front, yes, or via text.

783
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 3: I feel like sometimes if you feel a little awkward

784
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 3: in the moment, you could have even text about it.

785
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 3: So you have like a track record. Right.

786
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good point. Yes, if it's someone that

787
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 2: we've been seeing for a while, conversations, but hopefully building

788
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 2: up right definitely would encourage a conversation around getting tested,

789
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 2: whether you go together to get tested or you each

790
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 2: go and get tested and you share the results and

791
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:37,720
Speaker 2: being able to understand what the results mean and making

792
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 2: sure that the person has a gets tested for everything. Right,

793
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 2: we're not just testing for HIV out here, we testing

794
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 2: for all of it. We're getting we're asking for a

795
00:49:51,160 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 2: comprehensive STI examination exactly.

796
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 3: And lady, don't feel any shame about this. Your health

797
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 3: and wellness is safety is extremely important. And one night

798
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 3: of pleasure, sheit it ain't worth. It ain't worth the

799
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 3: bullshit that could come. It ain't worth. No, it's not

800
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 3: whether it's a once pregnancy, No, ain't no diick or pussy.

801
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 3: That damn good for you to be. Let's have the

802
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:28,439
Speaker 3: conversation and if you want, you can look online for

803
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 3: tips and resources on how to actually bring it up.

804
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 3: Prepare prepare yourself, like, look up some language so that

805
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 3: you can say it in a way that makes you

806
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,320
Speaker 3: feel comfortable and it's like on brand for your vibe.

807
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, like, do it have the

808
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 3: conversation because you're worth it and your health and safety

809
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 3: is worth it.

810
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 2: So yeah, and I will say that having those conversations

811
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:57,640
Speaker 2: can be pretty awkward, but truly, what's more awkward is

812
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 2: if you were to have an unwanted pregnancy or have

813
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 2: an sci and then have to call that person and

814
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 2: be like, hey, so I know we only was together

815
00:51:10,760 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 2: at one time, but you went down. You might want

816
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: get to the clinics.

817
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:19,839
Speaker 3: Yep. And I've had plenty of friends that have had

818
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 3: to deal with that and that is so freaking tough

819
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 3: and anxiety provoking.

820
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 2: Yes, scary, yes, yes, And so I think you know.

821
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 2: And now we're we're talking like I want, we're talking

822
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 2: about like the more negative side of it, but also

823
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 2: let's talk about like the person that you're with and

824
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:47,720
Speaker 2: you're wanting to explore, right, And how do you say

825
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 2: to your partner like, hey, I would like to introduce

826
00:51:53,280 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 2: someone else into the bedroom, right, or I don't think

827
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 2: the sex we've been having has been as enjoyable for

828
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 2: me as I would like it to be pretty awkward, yeah,

829
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 2: but if this is the person you're going to continue

830
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 2: to have sex with, you would want to be able

831
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 2: to have that conversation because both of you all deserve

832
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 2: to feel and experience pleasure. Yes, it is important, and

833
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 2: also discussing you know, like really, what are the things

834
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 2: that bring you to orgasm?

835
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 3: What are the.

836
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 2: Things that maybe you've always wanted to try but didn't

837
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 2: feel comfortable bringing up with anybody else being okay with

838
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 2: having those conversations. I also think about as we get older,

839
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 2: or maybe we experience something physically where our bodies are different.

840
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:03,280
Speaker 2: I think about moms and how your body is different

841
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 2: after you've given birth, whether it was a vaginal delivery

842
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 2: or not. How you feel different in your body right,

843
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 2: I think about folks who have had different types of

844
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 2: surgeries or I also recognize that when someone might be depressed,

845
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:31,720
Speaker 2: like extremely depressed, or have some other type of psychological

846
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 2: issue going on, there's no interest in sex, and so

847
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 2: then how do you communicate that to your partner? Or

848
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 2: if someone has a physical condition that might be currently

849
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,880
Speaker 2: preventing them from being able to have sex, or having

850
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:56,320
Speaker 2: sex becomes dangerous, what having that conversation with your partner

851
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,440
Speaker 2: around what are things that can be done so that

852
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 2: we can experience pleasure in a way that truly is

853
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:11,759
Speaker 2: physically safe, like legit, like if we do this, I

854
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 2: might have a heart attack? What can we do so

855
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:19,320
Speaker 2: that I don't have a heart attack? And being willing

856
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:25,800
Speaker 2: to navigate these these conversations as awkward as they may be,

857
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 2: because this is particularly if this is a person that

858
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:32,759
Speaker 2: you're having sex with on a regular, consistent, potentially long

859
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 2: term basis you want. There are going to be awkward moments.

860
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 2: That's just that.

861
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:46,200
Speaker 3: That's the nature of being human exactly. I feel like

862
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 3: dom anyone that we're having regular, even if it's casual,

863
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,400
Speaker 3: like regular consistent sex with I feel like we should

864
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 3: be having these conversations like this is important you if

865
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 3: it's a one nice stand, I'm like, okay, there's some

866
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:06,399
Speaker 3: I mean the question, the basics are important, but like,

867
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,720
Speaker 3: as you're continuing to have sex with someone, this should

868
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:12,840
Speaker 3: be a practice of like having those conversations. I know,

869
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 3: when I think about younger of me, oh my gosh,

870
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:17,279
Speaker 3: younger me having sex, it was just like, I mean,

871
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,080
Speaker 3: so timid, not speaking up. I mean I really even

872
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 3: knew what I liked. It was very different from older,

873
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 3: more matured me, right where I'm like super vocal and

874
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 3: it's like oh I like this, don't like that? No,

875
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:30,360
Speaker 3: thank you know what I mean. So I feel like

876
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:34,280
Speaker 3: just being able to express what you like and dislike

877
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 3: even in the moment, Like if someone's doing something that

878
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,560
Speaker 3: you like, let them know, right and it make it

879
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:42,920
Speaker 3: feels right to you. But if they don't, I'm a

880
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 3: big fan of like moving the hands like mm hmm,

881
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Much yeah, yeah, but finding

882
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:50,800
Speaker 3: a way where it's like no, I'm not interested in that, no,

883
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:53,479
Speaker 3: thank you. But yeah, I think the communication is key,

884
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 3: especially if somebody gonna be in them cheeks, y'all, you

885
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 3: gotta communicate. I'm just saying you got to communicate, yes, intimacy,

886
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 3: and so we need to be having these conversations.

887
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, So lady, we have talked about a

888
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 4: number of different scenarios, so calling off.

889
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 2: An engagement or a wedding, living with someone before marriage,

890
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 2: and navigating your personal boundaries and preferences around sex. Now again,

891
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 2: as Terry mentioned, go on and hop over to the

892
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 2: after show where we give you a couple of more

893
00:56:39,680 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 2: scenarios of how to avoid some awkward moments in adulting

894
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,400
Speaker 2: when we should maybe tell some personal experiences too.

895
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 3: Down, let's hope on over to the after show. All right,

896
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 3: we'll catch you in the after show. Go to her

897
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:57,800
Speaker 3: Space podcast dot com, click on Patreon, and we'll see you.

898
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 2: There's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

899
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:07,600
Speaker 2: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

900
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 2: in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

901
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 2: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

902
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q

903
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 2: U E b R O U ss ar D dot

904
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:33,240
Speaker 2: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

905
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 2: forward to hearing from you. Thanks for joining us today.

906
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 2: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

907
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 2: self empowerment, and mental health, but is by no means

908
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:53,360
Speaker 2: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship

909
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 2: with a trained mental health provider. If you are someone

910
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,600
Speaker 2: you know is in need of mental health care, please

911
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 2: visit a Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or

912
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:07,560
Speaker 2: contact your insurance provider.

913
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

914
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 3: the conversation going, visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com

915
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 3: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

916
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:21,280
Speaker 3: access to video content bonuses in our weekly after show

917
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:25,760
Speaker 3: and before we meet again, Repeat after me, I am

918
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 3: worthy of what I desire, period