1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we of 8 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:41,640 Speaker 1: course break down the Psychology of your twenties. So a 9 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 1: few weeks ago, I got a DM from one of 10 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: you the listeners about a really toxic workplace. This listener, 11 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: and she's given me permission to talk about her story. 12 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: She told me about how she had recently quit a 13 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: job that she'd had for two years, and she said 14 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: to me, this job she felt more like a terrible 15 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: relationship than a job, than a way of making money. 16 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: And she was telling me all these details about how 17 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: her managers would call her after work hours to get 18 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: her to respond to feedback. They would ask her to 19 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: work weekends to do the tasks that they were unable 20 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 1: to do, saying that this was all part of her 21 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: job description, this is what she signed up for. And 22 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: at the same time, she wasn't really getting any perks, 23 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: she was getting paid very poorly. They wouldn't invite her 24 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: to any of like the workplace events. They would like 25 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:37,480 Speaker 1: criticize her openly in front of other employees, like terrible, 26 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 1: terrible things. And she quit that job three months ago, 27 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: and in that period of time, she's been looking for 28 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: a new job, and she has found that, you know, 29 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: even applying for new jobs, even looking through new job 30 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: applications would make her anxious, Going into job interviews would 31 00:01:55,840 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: make her panic, would make her want to cry, run away, escape, 32 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: And this all letter to believe that you may be 33 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: her previous job had caused her like a degree of trauma, 34 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: and reading her messages, I had to agree with her, 35 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: and I realized that there are probably a lot of 36 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: other people going through this right now. And yet we 37 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: haven't done an episode on how to deal with this situation, 38 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:24,399 Speaker 1: how to deal with a really toxic workplace. We talk 39 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,919 Speaker 1: a lot on this podcast about finding your calling, how 40 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 1: to accelerate at work, how to navigate career anxiety, but 41 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 1: we haven't really spoken about what to do when you 42 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: have a great job, you have maybe your dream job, 43 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: you finally found a sustainable, secure, profession, and it turns 44 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,840 Speaker 1: out that the workplace that you've walked into is incredibly toxic. 45 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: Now you're kind of in that state where you're dreading 46 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: going to work, your confidence is shattered, you want to quit, 47 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: but you don't have the means, you don't know how. 48 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,959 Speaker 1: And this is exactly what I want to discussed today. 49 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 1: It's something that a lot of us go through during 50 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: the early days of our career, especially in our twenties, 51 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: and how do we survive a terrible job, but also 52 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: not just how do we survive when we're currently in it, 53 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 1: how do we move on from that experience and kind 54 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: of find a job that respects you and that you love. 55 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: Work is a massive part of our identity, so when 56 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: it's going wrong, it's hard for other things to not 57 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 1: be going wrong as well. I've had experiences like this, 58 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,839 Speaker 1: and I'll share one of those experiences that I've had 59 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 1: later on, because it really can lead us, you know, 60 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: leave us to be quite quite broken, for lack of 61 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: a better word. And there is also, of course, a 62 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: lot of evidence for this being the case. And whilst 63 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: there is a lot of evidence, there is little acknowledgment 64 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: of that evidence. So a lot of the time, we 65 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: might be in this situation thinking that we're overreacting, thinking 66 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: that we're being dramatic. But time and time again, we 67 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: see studies, case studies, surveys, poll that show that a 68 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 1: lot of people experience during this, experience this during their lifetime, 69 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: and also it impacts them greatly. So we're going to 70 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 1: discuss all of that evidence and the psychology that links 71 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: toxic workplaces to our psychology and our mental health. How 72 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: to tell if your workplace is toxic, the different types 73 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: of toxicity at a job, and also, of course again 74 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: how to survive and how to thrive afterwards. I have 75 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: a number of tips to share. I have a number 76 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 1: of lived experiences to share as well. So if you 77 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 1: can relate to having a seriously traumatic former job, former boss, 78 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: current job, current boss, current workplace, stay with us. Without 79 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 1: further ado, let's get into toxic workplaces. Experiencing a toxic 80 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: workplace or a toxic work environment takes a huge and 81 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,280 Speaker 1: an unspoken toll on our mental wellbeing, and it really 82 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,840 Speaker 1: does actually surprise me how little we tend to discuss 83 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: this fact. We talk a lot about relationship trauma, friendship trauma, 84 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: experiences with mental health or with physical illness. But work 85 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: is also a significant pillar of our life. But you know, 86 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: when we have a toxic relationship with our workplace or 87 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: in a work environment, we don't really speak about how 88 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 1: negatively formative it can be. You know, when that is 89 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: not going well, it begins to affect everything else. But 90 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: you kind of feel silly talking about it. You feel 91 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: silly having to explain it. You know, everyone's job sucks, 92 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 1: no one likes to work. But I want to assure 93 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: you right now, a toxic workplace does bring a certain 94 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 1: kind of emotional experience and it is not an easy 95 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,040 Speaker 1: thing to go through to really kind of, you know, 96 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: examine and illustrate why that is. Consider this recent statistic 97 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: from Gettysburg College in the US. This statistic suggests that 98 00:05:57,839 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: you and I we are probably going to spend around 99 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: and ninety thousand hours at work across our lifetime. That 100 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:09,119 Speaker 1: is about one third of our lives. If one third 101 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,839 Speaker 1: of your waking hours were spent in a place where 102 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: you didn't feel welcome, you were constantly stressed, you are 103 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: under intense pressure or scrutiny, you are treated poorly, you 104 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: are going to see that manifest in all other areas 105 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: of your life. But at the same time, there is 106 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 1: this expectation that you should be able to detach if 107 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,480 Speaker 1: we just build up our lives enough beyond work, if 108 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 1: we get a few hobbies, if we turn off our emails. 109 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 1: You know, as soon as our shift ends or it 110 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: hits five o'clock, we should be successfully able to turn 111 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:48,159 Speaker 1: off completely and like shape shift back into the normal 112 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,039 Speaker 1: version of ourselves. Most of us, though, no, that is 113 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: not true. We know that it's very hard to have 114 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: that separation because when you spend that much time in 115 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: a job, a profession, and environment, it will ultimately influence 116 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 1: your personality, your thoughts, your beliefs, even your sense of hope, 117 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 1: and it also becomes kind of like a defining feature 118 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: of how other people identify you as well. You know, 119 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: what's the first question that you are inevitably going to 120 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: be asked in a new social situation at basically every party, 121 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: every social situation, every conference that you go to. What 122 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: do you do for work? It is inescapable. This can 123 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: create a psychological state that we know as enmeshment. So 124 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: in meshment, this concept was originally used to describe codependency 125 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: in families, and especially in families where there was a 126 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: lack of boundaries, and it meant that there was kind 127 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: of no way of separating. You know, a parent and 128 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: a child or a sibling. Everything was intertwined. They did 129 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: everything together. They had all the same beliefs, they had 130 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: the same routine in their lives were enmeshed. This can 131 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: also happen with your your job or with the workplace. 132 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: When a disproportionate amount of time is spent at work, 133 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 1: is spent talking about work, is focused on your career, 134 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: is spent with co workers, there needs to be a 135 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: natural separation of some sort. Otherwise we do kind of 136 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: end up tying everything back to our job and that 137 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,520 Speaker 1: it's going to directly impact their self worth and our 138 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: self worth. It's important to remember that I think the 139 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: current culture around work is very different to what it 140 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: was a few years back. It is very hard to disconnect. Actually, 141 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 1: in Australia we just passed right to disconnect laws, which 142 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: basically means that if you don't answer your boss's text 143 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,839 Speaker 1: at seven pm, they like can't fire you, they can't 144 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,560 Speaker 1: say anything about it, which is an amazing step forward. 145 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: But a lot of us will still check our work 146 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 1: emails after seven pm on the weekends because it's so 147 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: much more accessible. And I think because I don't know, 148 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: I just feel like previously our career was just the 149 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: thing that we did to make money. Now there's a 150 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: lot more glory to it. It's the thing that you 151 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 1: can brag about. It's this thing that identifies you, it's 152 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: this thing that others use to kind of place you 153 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: in their life. This is all basically a long way 154 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: of saying that you know, work is such a huge 155 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,200 Speaker 1: part of who you are, and more so the further 156 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: along you get into this decade. It's a very common 157 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:31,119 Speaker 1: experience that as you age, the circles that represent friends, play, socializing, hobbies, 158 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 1: free time, leisure, those circles get a lot smaller, and 159 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:42,079 Speaker 1: the circles representing work, responsibility, career they get larger. And sorry, 160 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: one more point on this as well. When you are 161 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 1: in the early stages of your career, you want to 162 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: do everything right, and you want to be good, and 163 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: you want to be praised and you want to be promoted. 164 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: You know, you're also probably the least experienced. You don't 165 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 1: have as much knowledge, and that can again also lead 166 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,800 Speaker 1: to a real hustle called the mentality of like you 167 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: know I have to be the one staying late. I 168 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: have to be the one who never makes mistakes. I 169 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 1: have to put up with whatever is thrown my way, 170 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: including a toxic culture or a bad work environment, because 171 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 1: you know everyone has done it before me. This is 172 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: just how it is, this is what is expected. I 173 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: can't say anything. I cannot say anything because all jobs 174 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,520 Speaker 1: are like this. I just have to put up with it. 175 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: And in those circumstances you have to take very special 176 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 1: care of your wellbeing. I want to kind of tell 177 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: you a story of my worst job. I want to 178 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: tell you a story of my most toxic workplace. So 179 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: the worst job I have ever worked, by far was 180 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 1: back when I was at university in Canberra and I 181 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,679 Speaker 1: worked at a restaurant and I'm not going home and 182 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: said the name. I'm not going to say the name, 183 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 1: but it was a stake restaurant and it was very expensive. 184 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: So a lot of like CEOs and government people and 185 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: people in town for work who wanted to spend big 186 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: on a meal would come to this restaurant. And it 187 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: looked very lovely from the outside, it looked very like 188 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 1: designer luxury, but behind the scenes it was just awful. 189 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 1: It was a walking hr disaster. There were like three 190 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: things that made it really really terrible. Firstly, there was 191 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: a group of people, group of women who had worked 192 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: there for like years, some of them for like five years, 193 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: super clicky, and they were all like managers and supervisors, 194 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,199 Speaker 1: and they were all friends and they would go on 195 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: holiday together. They were honestly just terrific. So new people 196 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,319 Speaker 1: would start like myself, and they would kind of almost Oh, 197 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,719 Speaker 1: they also lived together. I remember that being part of it. 198 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: Some of them lived in the same house, and you 199 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: would start and they would like vet you to just 200 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,680 Speaker 1: see if you were like one of them, and if 201 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: even one of them didn't like you, they didn't think 202 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: that you were like working hard enough, or you weren't 203 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: going to like pick up their shifts, so do whatever 204 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 1: they said. They would make your life awful. I remember 205 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,199 Speaker 1: one time getting yelled at by one of the senior 206 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: girls who worked there for coming into work and immediately 207 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 1: making myself a glass of water because I used to 208 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: ride my bike all the way from like Uni and 209 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 1: it would be really really hot in the summertime, and 210 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,079 Speaker 1: I would have to wear this black outfit and I'd 211 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: ride my bike from Uni to work, and I would 212 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: make myself a glass of water, make myself a drink 213 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 1: glass of water, and she was like, you are incredibly entitled. 214 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: You don't even have your apron on, you haven't even 215 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,719 Speaker 1: like clocked in yet. And it was just that kind 216 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,840 Speaker 1: of stuff, like they wanted to make your life difficult, 217 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: and like during the busy period, all the junior staff 218 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: would be working and they would be like out the 219 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 1: back gossiping. So that was the first component, was the click. 220 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: Then there was the boss. And I cannot even begin 221 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: to tell you how much I dislike this man and 222 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 1: the dread I would have when working with him alone. 223 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,839 Speaker 1: And he would like deliberately try and make you uncomfortable 224 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,240 Speaker 1: as a joke, and like you'd be scheduled to finish 225 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 1: at nine, but if he did just one small thing 226 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 1: to annoy him, or you know, you wouldn't laugh at 227 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: his joke, he'd make you stay until eleven, just with him, 228 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,440 Speaker 1: just you and him, in this like one restaurant, and 229 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 1: he would make you wipe down everything again and again 230 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: and again, and then make you go down in the 231 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 1: elevator with him and make these like disgusting jokes whilst 232 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 1: no one was like there he was so gross. He 233 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: was so gross, and he would yell at you, he 234 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,320 Speaker 1: would pretend to trip you, and when we were closed, 235 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: he'd like bring all of his buddies to get drunk, 236 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: and you would have to stay on shift to like 237 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: serve them free alcohol, otherwise you would get fired. And 238 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 1: you know, oh my god, sorry I'm going on about 239 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: this man, but he is a terrible man. And I 240 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: remember for years afterwards, if I thought I would see him, 241 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,319 Speaker 1: I would like I would be scared. You know, those 242 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,040 Speaker 1: people you just look at and like there's nothing in 243 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: the eyes. That was it. And then finally they were 244 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: just the customers, you know. They were so rude, and 245 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,439 Speaker 1: I think that they definitely expected a lot from their 246 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 1: experience because they were paying for the experience. But the 247 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 1: kitchen was understaffed. We were off and down three people 248 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: because all the senior people would be in the break 249 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: room and our boss was like never going to stand 250 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: up for us. And that time was so terrible for 251 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: me because every night I would go to work and 252 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: I would get paid not very much, and I would 253 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: just cry before I had to ride my bike over 254 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: and I wanted to quit so badly, and I would 255 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: get anxious walking through the door. Everyone was so on edge, 256 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: so there wasn't even like a camaraderie or a friendship 257 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: that could sustain you when it got bad. And I 258 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: was like in my early twenties at the time, so 259 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: it just felt like, you know, this is something I 260 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: have to tolerate. I have to just take it because I'm 261 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: trying to finish my degree. And you know, I was 262 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: just like getting sick, sick with worry about going away 263 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: and thinking that this was like everything to me, this job. 264 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 1: Like I'd be thinking about like something missed, some mistake 265 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 1: I did, and how I could fix that like the 266 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: next day, and like all these things, and it just 267 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: took such a significant toll. And in hindsight, you know, 268 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: I still have nightmares. I oh my god, remembering this. 269 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: I had a nightmare last night about this colleague who 270 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: I worked with, and that was like how many years ago, 271 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: seven six seven years ago, and she was like following 272 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: me around my house like that was literally a dream 273 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: I had about her last night, and I was so 274 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: I was so scared, like not outside the dream but 275 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: back at the job to quit. And on my last shift, 276 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 1: I called in sick actually, which I think was like 277 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 1: one of three times I have ever done that, And 278 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 1: then I blocked all of their numbers and all of 279 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: their Facebook profiles because that was how they used to 280 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: like talk to us back then. And I just was like, 281 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: I'm never gonna I don't want to interact with you 282 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: ever again. And I know that I am not the 283 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,640 Speaker 1: only one who has had this experience. This is just 284 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 1: one example, a hospitality example, right, And I think my 285 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: experience the toxicity came from the people. There was this 286 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: level of harassment and bullying and intimidation that takes an 287 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: emotional toll, specifically because it has to do with an 288 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: underlying sense of security and I would even say safety 289 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 1: when I was there, and the uncertainty that each shift would, 290 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 1: you know, bring something new and not in a fun way, 291 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: but in like a destructive, anxiety inducing way. I don't 292 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: think anyone who worked at this restaurant at the time 293 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: was like having a good time. And interestingly, I actually 294 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: read a study the other day that was conducted in 295 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: China back in twenty twenty one, and what the study 296 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 1: said was that when a workplace in general, when the 297 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: culture is toxic, the feeling becomes toxic amongst the coworkers, 298 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 1: and it means that they are more likely to ostracize, bully, 299 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 1: be quite cruel because they themselves feel like they have 300 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: so little control and they are so dissatisfied. That is 301 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 1: often the root of workplace bullying and workplace intimidation and 302 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:20,120 Speaker 1: just meanness and cruelty is that these individuals recognize that 303 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: they're actually not happy themselves, but there's this like sadistic 304 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: need to see that unhappiness reflected back in someone else. 305 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 1: And this can extend all the way from the top 306 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 1: of night and I mean like your bosses, you know, 307 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: they start to feel this shift as well, and they 308 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: start to act in a way that's just like very 309 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 1: unkind they and you don't feel respected, you don't feel 310 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: like you can speak up, You feel completely stuck. This 311 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,399 Speaker 1: really links back to me towards a theme or a 312 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: lack of respect, and that also extends to other kinds 313 00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:00,399 Speaker 1: of workplaces, you know, not just hospitality jobs, but corporate jobs, 314 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,679 Speaker 1: where people don't respect your boundaries. They ask you to 315 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: work when you know you can't. They assign you things 316 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,639 Speaker 1: that you just don't have the skills or the capacity 317 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,639 Speaker 1: to do, and then they criticize you. That make you 318 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:16,440 Speaker 1: feel small. That is a very hard thing to go 319 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: through and still maintain your sense of self esteem. You know, 320 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,120 Speaker 1: I've heard from a lot of people whose biggest complaint 321 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:27,880 Speaker 1: about their toxic workplace has been the unreasonable workload and 322 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: the expectations that made them feel like they were on 323 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:35,480 Speaker 1: a constant treadmill, and this treadmill was getting faster and faster. 324 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,639 Speaker 1: And I would categorize a boss that does this as 325 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: using fear based leadership, pushing people to their limits out 326 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: of a fear of repercussion, you know, getting fired, being humiliated, 327 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:52,560 Speaker 1: being criticized, rather than giving people space to expand, It's 328 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 1: all about consequences rather than growth. That treadmill I'm speaking 329 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: about that puts us into a hyper aroused and stressed 330 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:08,360 Speaker 1: elevated state because you are essentially running on cortisol and adrenaline. 331 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: If you've ever wondered why after you go through a 332 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: super stressful, busy period at work or at school, you 333 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 1: immediately get sick. That is why your body requires mental 334 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: and of course physical rest to switch off, to restore 335 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: to pleated reserves, and more importantly, to calm down that 336 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: stress response, because that stress response is incredibly harsh on 337 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 1: our bodies. When we aren't given that chance, it weakens 338 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 1: our immune system, It makes us worse at fighting illnesses, 339 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: or more susceptible to certain diseases, certain sicknesses. So it's 340 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,159 Speaker 1: not just that this is having a mental consequence. You 341 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 1: are going to also see a physical result of this 342 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 1: bad environment. Then there is you know, overworking as well, 343 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,719 Speaker 1: which feels very similar to the above. Right, this culture 344 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 1: of like you need to give this company every thing 345 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: you need to be on one hundred percent of the time, 346 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 1: there tends to be a belief that overworking and to 347 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 1: an extent, burnout is an occupational hazard of some jobs, 348 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: the same way that you know you're more likely to 349 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: be injured working in a mine or doing something dangerous 350 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,400 Speaker 1: like working on an oil rig, and you accept that 351 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,959 Speaker 1: that is part of the role. If you're a doctor, 352 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: a lawyer, a nurse, over time and burnout just you know, 353 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,119 Speaker 1: you just have to accept that. But that is also 354 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 1: becoming the norm for almost all jobs these days. And 355 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: I'm not talking about staying thirty minutes to finish off 356 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:44,200 Speaker 1: your emails, but late nights, working weekends, without being compensated, 357 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 1: without getting support. The biggest contributor to burnout. According to 358 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 1: the University of California, Berkeley, the biggest number one thing 359 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 1: is overworking an excessive workload, and they have even made 360 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 1: the claim, which I think think we should take with 361 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: a grain of salt, but the University of California probably 362 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: knows more than me. They've made the claim that burnout 363 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,360 Speaker 1: is contributing to the deaths of millions of people each 364 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 1: year because of its all round negative impact on your health. 365 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,119 Speaker 1: You know, I want to say this not to scare you, 366 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: but to remind you that you are not being dramatic 367 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 1: if you find yourself completely depleted by the expectation to 368 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 1: work long hours and the inability to say no because 369 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: you are a junior, because this is how it's always 370 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,439 Speaker 1: been done. I'm going to take a short break, but 371 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: when we return, I want to talk about some of 372 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 1: the further consequences of that for all elements of our health. 373 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:54,159 Speaker 1: Whether it's excessive workload, bullying, intimidation, micromanagement, poor communication, a 374 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: bad culture. All forms of toxic workplaces leave their mark, 375 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,239 Speaker 1: and you don't even have to have been there for 376 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: a long time for that to be the case. According 377 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: to the American Psychological Association, when we encounter these environments. 378 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,399 Speaker 1: It can lead employees that means you and I to 379 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,439 Speaker 1: become and this is their words, sick, scared, and to 380 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: look for ways to quit. They also consistently report about 381 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 1: sixty five percent of the people they spoke to that 382 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: their mental wellbeing declines during these periods. Toxic workplaces take excitement, 383 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,880 Speaker 1: they take our energy, they take our willingness and our 384 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: desire to do well, and they turn it interfere, and 385 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,359 Speaker 1: they turn it interfere because we need money and we 386 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: need a job to survive. So when that is not 387 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 1: going well, every other element of our lives feels threatened. 388 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,199 Speaker 1: You know, we've already spoken about that cost when it 389 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: comes to burnout. But burnout is more than just one feeling. 390 00:22:55,800 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: It actually develops in twelve stages. So the term burnout 391 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: was created, discovered, I don't know, initiated, whatever you want 392 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:09,199 Speaker 1: to say, by the psychologist Herbert Freudenberg. And in his 393 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: initial theory back in the day, he suggests that we 394 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,959 Speaker 1: often don't even notice burnout until we get to the 395 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,880 Speaker 1: final few stages, so stage ten, eleven, and twelve, and 396 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 1: this is the time when we really feel it. We 397 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 1: are sick, we are tired, all the time, we are 398 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: confused and able to regulate our anxiety. It's a downward 399 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,439 Speaker 1: spiral that we're heading, but it actually begins a lot earlier, 400 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 1: and it begins with things that we would see as positive, right, 401 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: excessive ambition, trying to meet the expectations or fit into 402 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,640 Speaker 1: the environment. It's like a toxic relationship where we think 403 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 1: we are in the wrong and we try to fix 404 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 1: ourselves by working harder, only to eventually realize, you know, 405 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:56,119 Speaker 1: it was actually never me, it was always this other party. 406 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,720 Speaker 1: The early stages of burnout also include trying to put 407 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: more on your plate, neglecting basic needs or chores, just 408 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: saying I'm too busy for that. Feeling like you don't 409 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,200 Speaker 1: have enough time in your day, withdrawing from friends, finding 410 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: that there is conflict in other areas of your life 411 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 1: as well, with your partner, with your roommates, with your friends. 412 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,479 Speaker 1: And then the emptiness sets in. And it may only 413 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,440 Speaker 1: be when we are in this final state and we're 414 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: looking back at the last few weeks, we're looking back 415 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: at the last months, and we think, oh, oh, my goodness, 416 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: this has been coming for a long time. You know. 417 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 1: Hindsight is often the first time that we notice this pattern, 418 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,679 Speaker 1: and this is what can lead us to the dark, 419 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: dark path of chronic burnout or a burnout cycle. So 420 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,879 Speaker 1: if you are someone who finds that they get burnt 421 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: out like every three to four months, maybe like clockwork, 422 00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: but you know, then you feel a little bit better 423 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks, so you put everything back on 424 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,199 Speaker 1: your plate and you try to adapt, and then you 425 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,880 Speaker 1: know you feel burnt out again. You're not going through 426 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 1: a different cycle, different stages of burnout because you're actually 427 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: not even recovering. You've probably never even escaped the burnout 428 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:19,399 Speaker 1: to begin with. You've just gone back to an earlier stage. 429 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 1: You are in the burnout cycle, and that cycle involves 430 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: momentary recovery met by escalation. People in overwhelming or toxic 431 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 1: workplaces are more likely to report this kind of experience, 432 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: and sometimes it can last years. Toxic workplaces can even 433 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: at times create PTSD or lasting trauma after you have 434 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 1: left that environment. A friend of my dad's actually had 435 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: such a traumatic experience at a job. You know, it 436 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: was like ten years ago and he has never been 437 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 1: able to recover from that. On a smaller scale, I 438 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: had a friend who just recently got out of this 439 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 1: terrible job, maybe like six months ago, and oh my goodness, 440 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 1: I just hated her boss. Never met her boss, hated him. 441 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: He would single her out, he had such he was 442 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 1: just mean. He just obviously did not like her for 443 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: whatever reason, and he made it very known. And then 444 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: one day he just made her redundant out of the blue. 445 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 1: After that, of course, you know, it really echoes that 446 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 1: story we said before. She had to find a new job, 447 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 1: and it was so interesting yet quite sad to watch her, 448 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 1: you know, apply for jobs and to watch her to 449 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: struggle and struggle and struggle and feel like she wasn't qualified, 450 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 1: she wasn't confident enough, because her expectations for herself had 451 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: sunk to his level and left a mark on her 452 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: self worth. And you know, the more we care about 453 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: someone's opinion because they are in a position of authority 454 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 1: or we rely on their good opinion for our future, 455 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: the more weight we put on it, the more a 456 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,160 Speaker 1: negative opinion can really scar us. And it didn't matter 457 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 1: what we said, her friends said, you know, it didn't 458 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: matter that we thought she was talented, skillful, charismatic. Her 459 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: inner critic had taken her boss's words and spoken them 460 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 1: back to her in her own voice, So what do 461 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 1: we do to heal from these situations? You know, unless 462 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: you are suddenly a millionaire, which congratulations, Please let me know. 463 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: If that's the case, congrats, But unless that is your case, 464 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 1: we need to work. You can't always just quit a 465 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: secure job, even if you want to, even if you're 466 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 1: really struggling. That's why toxic workplaces have their own place 467 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,480 Speaker 1: in hell. I also think that, you know, having a 468 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,440 Speaker 1: job is also an important part of our purpose, our identity. 469 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 1: So you want to have a positive environment that you 470 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,360 Speaker 1: can thrive in, that you can achieve your goals in. 471 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,199 Speaker 1: So what do we do to kind of cope in 472 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,720 Speaker 1: a situation where that's not the case, and how do 473 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:02,919 Speaker 1: we cope afterwards. One of the best things that a 474 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: friend of mine has ever said to me ever, is 475 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,199 Speaker 1: if someone treats you badly, they are not going to 476 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,240 Speaker 1: treat you any better the harder you work. And that 477 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: left me gobsmacked because I think about my toxic job jobs. 478 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: I only spoke about one, but there have been others, 479 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 1: and I think about them, and I think about how 480 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: the whole time I was the one pushing myself to 481 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:31,159 Speaker 1: fit in, I was working so hard thinking that I 482 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 1: was the problem, when actually it was the environment that 483 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 1: was the common denominator amongst not just my experience, but 484 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: many others in many ways. And I've said it before, 485 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: but a toxic workplace, in a toxic relationship like share 486 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,000 Speaker 1: a lot of traits. They make you doubt your own 487 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,880 Speaker 1: self worth, They make you feel like you are the problem. 488 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 1: They make it hard to leave, They blame you, they 489 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 1: tear you down. They know they are of course different 490 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: as well. But I think when you consider it in 491 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: this way, you begin to realize that you deserve more. 492 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: Your job is actually just as important in some ways 493 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: as the relationship that you choose, And the same way 494 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: that you deserve the absolute best from a partner from 495 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: a friend, you deserve the absolute best from a workplace. 496 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: I think with toxic jobs, this is not a matter 497 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,520 Speaker 1: of trying to convince someone to be nicer, to fix 498 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 1: the attitude problem for you. It's not a matter of 499 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: trying to convince a workplace to overhaul their culture. It 500 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: is a situation where you know they've probably been asked 501 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 1: before and they wouldn't do it. You are not the 502 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 1: first person to suffer, and not the first person with 503 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:45,240 Speaker 1: these problems. So whilst you are in it, your main 504 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:49,320 Speaker 1: goal is to and I know it might sound quite selfish, 505 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: but it's to seriously just get through it. Put your 506 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 1: head down and get through it, because you cannot bear 507 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: the burden of a disorganized and toxic environment. My first 508 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: big tip is to take control of what you can 509 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: and find value outside of work. Make it a mission 510 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: to have fun, to do things you enjoy, to put 511 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 1: joy and excitement back into the hours that you're not 512 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: in the workplace. There is definitely an inclination when we're 513 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,680 Speaker 1: going through this experience to come home and just be first. 514 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 1: So you're exhausted, you're emotionally burnt out, and obviously the 515 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: reaction to that is just a rest and is to lifestill, 516 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 1: and is to just enter a catatonic state. I get 517 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: that feeling, and I get that urge. I want you 518 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 1: to treat that as the first option and then to 519 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: explore the second option. And the second option is to, 520 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,560 Speaker 1: almost in defiance, say I'm not going to let this 521 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 1: shitty job ruin my life. I'm not going to let 522 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:53,400 Speaker 1: this shitty job mean that I cannot experience great beauty 523 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 1: and excitement and fun and passion and all the best 524 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 1: feelings beyond this environment. So you cannot control how a 525 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: boss treats you, you cannot control how a workplace values you. 526 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 1: But you can control, you know, what you do before 527 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,240 Speaker 1: you go to bed. You can control the hours before 528 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,480 Speaker 1: you go to work, where you drive to the beach, 529 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:19,479 Speaker 1: you watch the sunrise, you get coffee early morning, coffee 530 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,320 Speaker 1: with a friend, you go to the movies after work 531 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 1: instead of just you know, coming home and sitting back 532 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: on the couch. Fill those hours that you can control 533 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: with the life. I also would really suggest to limit 534 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,720 Speaker 1: your emotional investment in your job by doing something that 535 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: we call acting your wage. Obviously it's a play on words. 536 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,480 Speaker 1: Act your age, act your wage. You know, if someone 537 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 1: is as much as you can, if someone is not 538 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 1: paying you for the extra effort, they're not appreciating you 539 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,680 Speaker 1: for the extra effort, don't do it. Do not do it. 540 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 1: You might think that this is counterintuitive. You might be like, 541 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 1: you know, I want to get it head in my career. 542 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 1: I understand that, but is this the place in which 543 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 1: your effort is going to be most recognized or could 544 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,880 Speaker 1: you take that effort and that time that you're spent 545 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: trying to impress your terrible boss, trying to impress your 546 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 1: terrible coworkers, and could you put it towards having an 547 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,280 Speaker 1: extra hour to apply for new jobs, having an extra 548 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: hour to practice self care, having an extra hour to 549 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: call a friend or to call your mum, instead of 550 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 1: feeling like your life is just this job. It's hard 551 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,920 Speaker 1: to detach when you're in it, but I want you 552 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:38,800 Speaker 1: to really be reminded that your job does not care 553 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 1: about you all that much. There are certain people within 554 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 1: an organization or within your workplace that might care about you, 555 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: but as a whole, it's a company. It's an organization. 556 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,720 Speaker 1: It's something that has a mission that isn't to do 557 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: with you. And I know it sounds quite pessimistic, but 558 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: if you were to leave tomorrow, they would find a placement. 559 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: And so do not treat this like a family. Do 560 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,920 Speaker 1: not treat it like it's this giving friendship and let 561 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: them guilt you into staying. This is a job. You're 562 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 1: entitled to act your wage, and oh my goodness, please 563 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 1: take a sick day when you can. This was something 564 00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: that I wish wish I had done when I was 565 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: working full time at my corporate job. I had so 566 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: much sickly by the time I left. And you've got 567 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:31,160 Speaker 1: to remember that sickly you have been, that you've paid 568 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,840 Speaker 1: for those days, right, that is money that they have 569 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:38,400 Speaker 1: not paid you, which they have kept for themselves. And 570 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,960 Speaker 1: if you leave, and maybe this is just in Australia, 571 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 1: but if you leave, they get to keep the money 572 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 1: that they have deducted from your paycheck for the days 573 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 1: that you need to call and sick. So please take 574 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 1: a sick day. This is just a job. I promise 575 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: you that in ten years time or after you quit. 576 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,240 Speaker 1: You one of the big things is one of my 577 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: big regrets is oh my god, I wish I'd actually 578 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,400 Speaker 1: taken a mental health day when I need it. I 579 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,080 Speaker 1: wish that I had taken care of my emotions. I 580 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,560 Speaker 1: also think that if you are in a unique environment 581 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 1: in which the main problem is criticism, the main problem 582 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:15,759 Speaker 1: is being shut down, not being appreciated, it's not being congratulated, 583 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,680 Speaker 1: or being quite bored, not feeling challenged, try and provide 584 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 1: some self congratulation so you know, self reinforcement is one 585 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 1: of the most valuable psychological tools I've ever learned. Self approval, 586 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:33,399 Speaker 1: you know, actually congratulating yourself, celebrating yourself, especially when you're 587 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,279 Speaker 1: in an environment where you're like, I don't think that these 588 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,840 Speaker 1: people are going to do that for me. Some of 589 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,200 Speaker 1: the reasons that one of the big reasons that we 590 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 1: become quite burdened by a negative work environment is we 591 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:50,040 Speaker 1: begin to expect that our validation needs to come from 592 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: our employer, because our career is a core piller of 593 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,640 Speaker 1: our identity, and we don't really know where to search 594 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:59,040 Speaker 1: without validation beyond the workplace. And I'm gonna make a 595 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:00,960 Speaker 1: caveat here. This is a especially the case if you 596 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,759 Speaker 1: were quite a high achiever. You were very you know, 597 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: a good student, you were an a student, you were 598 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,040 Speaker 1: you know, just excelling, You're a gifted child. You were 599 00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: used to praise. You like praise. You like to be congratulated, 600 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:17,799 Speaker 1: and when you don't have that, it feels like you're 601 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,719 Speaker 1: quite worthless. So try and get into the habit of 602 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,880 Speaker 1: being like, I'm really proud that I got all of 603 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,360 Speaker 1: that done today. I'm really proud that I tried really hard. 604 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,759 Speaker 1: I'm really proud of the extra effort that I put 605 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,640 Speaker 1: in to this thing. For me, I'm really proud of 606 00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: my work. You don't need to be reliant on someone 607 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,319 Speaker 1: else to tell you that you've done a good job 608 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,840 Speaker 1: if you know you've done a good job. Now. This 609 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,040 Speaker 1: final tip actually came from my friend who I was 610 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:45,319 Speaker 1: speaking about, who was made redundant a few months back, 611 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 1: and while she was in that terrible, terrible job, she said, 612 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,480 Speaker 1: the one really amazing thing that worked for her was 613 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:57,160 Speaker 1: having an exit strategy. So the exit strategy is basically 614 00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,720 Speaker 1: a timeline that you have for when you want to quit. 615 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,880 Speaker 1: It's quite unreasonable to be in a toxic workplace for 616 00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:05,320 Speaker 1: a lot of us and to be like, I'm just 617 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 1: going to quit tomorrow because we need money to survive, 618 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 1: and that's I think what contributes to us feeling quite 619 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 1: trapped is a sense of almost dependency on this thing 620 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,400 Speaker 1: that we hate. We are dependent on this terrible boss, 621 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:21,319 Speaker 1: this terrible job. You need to start looking to the 622 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 1: future and creating that timeline for leaving. So a timeline 623 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,400 Speaker 1: for leaving is not just like an immediate goal of 624 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:30,960 Speaker 1: getting a new job. It's a structured way of thinking 625 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,319 Speaker 1: about how you're going to get there and how you 626 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 1: break it down. If you've listened to our episode on 627 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 1: five ways to reinvent yourself in your twenties, you have 628 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 1: heard the strategy. The way to do it is to 629 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,359 Speaker 1: break your goals down, your goal being to leave into 630 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 1: one day, one week, one month, six month goals. So 631 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 1: the six month goal is to be out of there, 632 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,000 Speaker 1: but the one month goal is to have a few 633 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,319 Speaker 1: job interviews lined up. The one week goal is to 634 00:36:56,400 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 1: apply for five different jobs a week, and our day 635 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: goal is to be filling out your resume, to be 636 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,360 Speaker 1: thinking about who could be your references, to be taking 637 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:10,279 Speaker 1: five minutes to just search through jobs and bookmarking them 638 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 1: for later. You need to have a sense of Okay, 639 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: there is an end insight. I am going to actively 640 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 1: start working towards leaving this workplace, and you'll find that 641 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 1: suddenly it becomes a lot easier to detach. You can 642 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: start like to give less fucks. Sorry to swear, but seriously, 643 00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,000 Speaker 1: it's when you start to just be like, this actually 644 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:32,560 Speaker 1: is a job because I can see what else is 645 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:35,800 Speaker 1: out there and you're not in this toxic relationship, lind 646 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 1: to what is better? All right, We're going to take 647 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,839 Speaker 1: another short break, but when we come back and want 648 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,400 Speaker 1: to talk about the strategies that you can use in 649 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:48,719 Speaker 1: the aftermath, even after we leave a toxic, awful, terrible environment. 650 00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 1: Sometimes the emotional impact lingers. So we're going to talk 651 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,120 Speaker 1: about how to heal from that and much much more 652 00:37:55,160 --> 00:38:03,640 Speaker 1: after this short break. Recovering from any situation that has 653 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:09,719 Speaker 1: perhaps brought you trauma, emotional turmoil, emotional conflict really involves 654 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,600 Speaker 1: finding closure. As humans, we like things to have a 655 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,920 Speaker 1: neat storybook ending. We like to be able to put 656 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: a memory away and say, that makes sense, that makes 657 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 1: sense that I had to go through that, That makes 658 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 1: sense as to why that happened, and I can move 659 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 1: on from that now. When we go through things that 660 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,280 Speaker 1: are very much out of our control or quite turbulent 661 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:37,040 Speaker 1: and hurtful, it's very hard to find that conclusion. It's 662 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,719 Speaker 1: very hard to also find a sense of meaning often 663 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,719 Speaker 1: because there isn't any There is no meaning behind you 664 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 1: having to experience a toxic workplace like it's just an 665 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: unnecessary trauma. So instead you need to find that closure 666 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,479 Speaker 1: for yourself. You can't necessarily go to your bad boss 667 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 1: or your bad colleague and say why did you treat 668 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,880 Speaker 1: me that way? Why were you so cruel to me? 669 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,680 Speaker 1: You can't go and talk to this of your company 670 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,839 Speaker 1: and say why did you pay me so little, Why 671 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 1: did you disregard my needs? Instead? You need to find 672 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,279 Speaker 1: that cognitive closure for yourself that's going to allow you 673 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 1: to transition away from what's finished to something new. The 674 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,200 Speaker 1: easiest way to do that is to acknowledge the impact. 675 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,319 Speaker 1: Is to acknowledge, Yeah, I did go through that, and 676 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:22,400 Speaker 1: that was really really difficult. And even if this is 677 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,399 Speaker 1: a disenfranchised trauma, so kind of a trauma that other 678 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:29,360 Speaker 1: people don't understand, even if it's not on people's list 679 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,759 Speaker 1: of what's serious, to me, it was and it impacted me, 680 00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,000 Speaker 1: and it was really hard, And I'm allowed to feel 681 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:39,799 Speaker 1: sorry for myself. I'm allowed to feel sad about it, 682 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,399 Speaker 1: and then I need to move on. Another thing that's 683 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 1: important here is sometimes when we have been in that environment, 684 00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,560 Speaker 1: we have almost been gaslet into feeling like it's normal. 685 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,880 Speaker 1: We've been gaslet into feeling like we were the problem. 686 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:57,160 Speaker 1: As I said before, we've been gaslet into being like, no, 687 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,600 Speaker 1: I'm just going to shake this off. This was just 688 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:04,160 Speaker 1: a bit over dramatic on my behalf. So you need 689 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,720 Speaker 1: to find evidence and collect evidence from other people, people 690 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:12,160 Speaker 1: you trust that you can believe your experience. So talk 691 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,880 Speaker 1: to your friends, talk to your family who spoke to 692 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 1: you through that time and say, you know, hey, I'm 693 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,040 Speaker 1: kind of doubting whether it was really that bad, And 694 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,400 Speaker 1: they will look you in the eye and say, no, 695 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,720 Speaker 1: that was terrible. What you were experiencing was objectively awful. 696 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,239 Speaker 1: You had every right to leave. You had every right 697 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,319 Speaker 1: so walk away, because you know, again, sometimes we are 698 00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:36,279 Speaker 1: in that environment and we almost become indoctrinated. I feel 699 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,279 Speaker 1: like there are quite a few companies that are quite 700 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:42,600 Speaker 1: cult like in this way. I think about BuzzFeed flash, 701 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,960 Speaker 1: you know, throwback from the past. But remember when BuzzFeed 702 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,680 Speaker 1: was like a huge thing, and then afterwards all these 703 00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:50,520 Speaker 1: people came out and were like, you know, I thought 704 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,320 Speaker 1: it was the best job ever, but it was actually 705 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:58,120 Speaker 1: incredibly taxing and awful. Sometimes when you're in an environment, 706 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,160 Speaker 1: the only thing in the way to get through is 707 00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,040 Speaker 1: to kind of put a positive spin on things and 708 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,480 Speaker 1: to glamorize. You know, if your brain and if you 709 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:10,759 Speaker 1: were fully conscious of how terrible the experience was, you 710 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,319 Speaker 1: would have wouldn't have been able to cope. So we 711 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 1: put up walls, We compartmentalize to survive. So make sure 712 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,480 Speaker 1: that you understand that your reaction was valid. Your reaction 713 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:27,239 Speaker 1: was also completely appropriate by getting objective people in your 714 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,520 Speaker 1: life to confirm that for you moving forward. And I 715 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,839 Speaker 1: will caveat this by saying you it's not your fault 716 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,200 Speaker 1: that a workplace or a job was toxic. You did 717 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,560 Speaker 1: not deserve it. But try and be picky from now 718 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:44,680 Speaker 1: on if you can notice the warning signs of when 719 00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:48,760 Speaker 1: a job might adopt a certain culture that is un friendly, 720 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,279 Speaker 1: the big warning signs, or when they are immediately like 721 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,360 Speaker 1: in a job application or even in an interview. M 722 00:41:56,400 --> 00:42:01,359 Speaker 1: willing to compromise on anything. They're inflexible about salary, they're 723 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:05,560 Speaker 1: inflexible about hours, they're inflexible about working from home, when 724 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:11,560 Speaker 1: they call themselves a family, when honestly trust your intuition. 725 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,960 Speaker 1: When you walk into the building or you have the 726 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,600 Speaker 1: interview and they feel quite disinterested in you, or you 727 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,000 Speaker 1: feel like they can't you know, the people that are 728 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,399 Speaker 1: interviewing you themselves have only been there for a little while. 729 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:26,799 Speaker 1: That really indicates high turnover. Start to be picky with 730 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:28,480 Speaker 1: the job that you choose. And I know that this 731 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:32,719 Speaker 1: is a luxury if you can afford to take a 732 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:36,239 Speaker 1: little bit of time to really try and secure a 733 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:39,680 Speaker 1: job that you really really like through networking or through anything. 734 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,759 Speaker 1: I think it pays off in the long run. And 735 00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,000 Speaker 1: it pays off because you know, you don't have to 736 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,560 Speaker 1: feel like you've been forced into another job that's the 737 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,680 Speaker 1: same experience, and that's the same vibe in the same environment, 738 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,120 Speaker 1: and then six months later you're back in the same spot. 739 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 1: It's not always available to everyone, but I do think 740 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,560 Speaker 1: when we exit one job or one career or one environment, 741 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,120 Speaker 1: it is a really good opportunity to reflect on what 742 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,880 Speaker 1: we want from work and to really rethink our values 743 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,400 Speaker 1: when it comes to work, rethink the balance that we 744 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,920 Speaker 1: would like to strike, especially if you have a redundancy, right, 745 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,120 Speaker 1: that's a gift. So a few times in our lives 746 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,400 Speaker 1: and our working lives, do we have a period of 747 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:20,359 Speaker 1: months where we can actually just exist and not have 748 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,200 Speaker 1: to work and can travel or could you take a 749 00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:27,279 Speaker 1: little bit more time, So embrace that luxury, embrace that 750 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,640 Speaker 1: experience and just take a rest. If you can take 751 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,839 Speaker 1: a rest, recover, talk to your friends, spend more time 752 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:39,360 Speaker 1: with yourself, building back up that identity that maybe you 753 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,680 Speaker 1: have lost throughout this experience. I think that that is 754 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,880 Speaker 1: all I have for you guys today. I think that 755 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 1: there is all my best tips for handling a toxic workplace. 756 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,319 Speaker 1: I'm honestly quite sorry if you can relate to this. 757 00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,960 Speaker 1: I know it is very, very difficult. But you're not 758 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 1: being dramatic, You're not overreacting. I hope I don't need 759 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:00,399 Speaker 1: to say that anymore than I or an you have. 760 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,120 Speaker 1: But it is a really difficult thing to go through 761 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,080 Speaker 1: because work is such a foundational part of who we 762 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,960 Speaker 1: are in this day and age. So it's okay, take 763 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,080 Speaker 1: care of yourself. You will find a better job you feel, 764 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,120 Speaker 1: We'll find a better workplace, and this will pass. If 765 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,560 Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you are following 766 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,120 Speaker 1: along for future episodes. We also have a bunch of 767 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:24,320 Speaker 1: episodes around like finding a job in your twenties, Career 768 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,120 Speaker 1: Anxiety in your twenties, how to find your calling. If 769 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,840 Speaker 1: like that's a follow up episode that might be helpful, 770 00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,560 Speaker 1: make sure that you're following us on Instagram as well 771 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,640 Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast and message if you have any feedback, 772 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,359 Speaker 1: If you have any thoughts on this episode, if you've 773 00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,560 Speaker 1: had an experience yourself, we would love to hear from 774 00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:43,360 Speaker 1: you and leave a review. If you feel cold to 775 00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,400 Speaker 1: do so, make sure you're following along, leave a review. 776 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,839 Speaker 1: It makes our day. I really hope that this has 777 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,000 Speaker 1: helped you through what you're going through. Until next time, 778 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,239 Speaker 1: remember to be kind, be safe, be gentle to yourself, 779 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,200 Speaker 1: and we will talk very very soon