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Speaker 1: The older I get. Here's the number one thing I prioritize.

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Speaker 1: Protecting my energy. Protecting your energy is the most important

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Speaker 1: investment you will ever make. Energy is how you show

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Speaker 1: up in the moment. It's how you use your time,

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Speaker 1: It's how you connect with people. If your energy is drained,

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Speaker 1: you can't achieve anything. If your energy is sucked out

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Speaker 1: of you, you're not the best version of yourself. And

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Speaker 1: if your energy is being pulled out of you, you

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Speaker 1: don't have the ability to make an impact. So many

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Speaker 1: of you want to be incredible entrepreneurs. So many of

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Speaker 1: you want to launch your own podcast. So many of

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Speaker 1: you want to find love and build the right relationship.

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Speaker 1: All of those require energy. Energy isn't just about how

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Speaker 1: much flow you have and how much enthusiasm you have.

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Speaker 1: It's about the frequency that you vibrate at, what you

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Speaker 1: attract into your life, the kind of people you surround

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Speaker 1: yourself by. Have you ever noticed that some people leave

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Speaker 1: you feeling full and others leave you feeling flat. You

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Speaker 1: start the day feeling okay, but after a call, a meeting,

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Speaker 1: a quick catch up, you feel strangely tired, like someone

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Speaker 1: unplugged your spirit. That's not in your head. That's your

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Speaker 1: energy being taken, wasted, or exploited. Today, I want to

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Speaker 1: talk to you about how to protect your energy so

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Speaker 1: that your energy is never wasted, it's never taken or

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Speaker 1: exploited by anyone, and that you're not building walls, but

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Speaker 1: learning how to manage your light because not everyone who

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Speaker 1: wants your energy deserves to have the key Part one,

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Speaker 1: here's something I've learned every text, every conversation, every thought.

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Speaker 1: It's an investment, and just like money, if you spend

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Speaker 1: without awareness, you end up emotionally broke. There are two

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Speaker 1: types of people in your life, energy investors and energy thieves.

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Speaker 1: Energy investors leave you better. They give as much as

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Speaker 1: they take you walk away inspired, lighter expanded. Energy thieves,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, they leave you heavy, confused, and drained.

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Speaker 1: And here's the trick. They don't always mean to. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: they're just running on empty themselves, and if you don't

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Speaker 1: have boundaries, they'll subconsciously plug into you like you're their charger.

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Speaker 1: Pause for a moment and think who in your life

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Speaker 1: leaves you lighter and who leaves you heavier. That's your

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Speaker 1: body's wisdom speaking. It's amazing, isn't it? How our body

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Speaker 1: and mind actually tell us how we feel. You finish

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Speaker 1: having lunch with someone and you're wondering why they just

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Speaker 1: gossip the whole time and spoke negatively about someone. And

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Speaker 1: then you spend time with someone else and you walk

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Speaker 1: away feeling so inspired to start something of your own.

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Speaker 1: You walk away from someone else and you feel guilty

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Speaker 1: and shameful that you haven't yet started your own side

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Speaker 1: hustle or business. You walk away from someone else, and

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Speaker 1: you walk away with a bright new idea. Your body

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Speaker 1: and your mind are constantly talking to you. They're constantly

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Speaker 1: receiving data and signals. But what happens is our lives

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Speaker 1: are so busy that we don't have the time to

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Speaker 1: process this data and signal to actually know what to do,

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Speaker 1: which is why we revisit the same people in the

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Speaker 1: same places that drain us again and again and again.

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Speaker 1: I want you to really focus in for the next

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Speaker 1: twenty four hours, and then the next forty eight, and

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Speaker 1: then the next seventy two, looking and asking yourself after

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Speaker 1: you meet each person, and after you interact with anyone,

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Speaker 1: whether it's a zoom, a phone call, a text, or

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Speaker 1: an email or in person, who is an energy thief

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Speaker 1: and who's an energy investor? And here's where I want

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Speaker 1: to be really careful about this. Someone who's stealing your

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Speaker 1: energy isn't always doing it maliciously. They may just not

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Speaker 1: know how to deal with energy themselves. So just so

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Speaker 1: you know, someone who's stealing energy isn't a bad person.

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Speaker 1: They're just someone who maybe needs to listen to this

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Speaker 1: episode two. In life, there are energy givers and energy takers.

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Speaker 1: Energy givers make you feel safe being yourself. Energy takers

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Speaker 1: make you question yourself. Energy givers listen to understand. Energy

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Speaker 1: takers well, they listen to reply. Energy givers want to

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Speaker 1: see you win, even if they're losing. Energy takers only

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Speaker 1: cheer when they're ahead. Energy givers inspire action. Energy takers

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Speaker 1: drain motivation. Energy givers recharge you with honesty. Energy takers

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Speaker 1: exhaust you with drama. Energy givers make hard days feel manageable.

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Speaker 1: Energy takers make easy days feel hard. And energy givers

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Speaker 1: ask you how you really are. Energy takers ask but

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Speaker 1: don't really care about the answer. Energy givers respect your boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Energy takers test them and call you difficult when you

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Speaker 1: hold them. So I wanted to give you that list

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Speaker 1: because here are the two lessons. Know who the energy

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Speaker 1: takers and give us in your life. And number two,

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Speaker 1: be an energy giver, don't be an energy taker. Part

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Speaker 1: two Here are the subtle ways people drain you. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it happens so subtly that you don't even recognize it,

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Speaker 1: and it takes months, maybe even years, for you to

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Speaker 1: recognize that this individual or this group of people haven't

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Speaker 1: been filling you up. Number one the emotional dumper. They

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Speaker 1: call it venting, but really it's unloading. Every conversation is

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Speaker 1: about their chaos, their crisis, their stress, and when you

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Speaker 1: try to share something back, it circles back to them.

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many people in my life

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Speaker 1: have noticed where they don't have the capacity to think

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Speaker 1: of life beyond themselves. I realize that even when I

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Speaker 1: want to help, I don't know if I'm even able

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Speaker 1: to because they're so lost in their own world that

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Speaker 1: all they want to do is bring it back to

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Speaker 1: another thing about them. And they're looking for assurance. They're

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Speaker 1: looking for validation, they're looking for reassurance, they're looking for support,

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Speaker 1: they're looking for help. It's always about them, and it's

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Speaker 1: subtle because in the beginning, you might think you're helping.

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Speaker 1: You might think you're the fixer, and you might even

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Speaker 1: like that, you may even want to be the fixer. See,

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Speaker 1: it's not that this person's taking advantage of you. They're

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Speaker 1: actually enabling who you want to be. So it can

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Speaker 1: be your responsibility as well to recognize that you're trying

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Speaker 1: to be the healer. They want to be the healed,

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Speaker 1: but in reality, neither of you win. Number two, the

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Speaker 1: chronic taker. You've helped them move, listen through breakups, given advice,

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Speaker 1: but when you need something, they're busy. They've got a

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Speaker 1: different priority. This one's heartbreak because you put your heart

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Speaker 1: on the line. You went out of your way for

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Speaker 1: that person. You did things for them when it was

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Speaker 1: inconvenient for you, and when you need one small thing,

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Speaker 1: they don't have any time. This one is so heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: But it's important to notice now. I'm not saying that

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Speaker 1: every relationship you have turns into a transactional analysis. I'm

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Speaker 1: not asking you to keep score or keep count, and

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Speaker 1: I'm asking you to check with yourself. If you can

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Speaker 1: keep giving without needing their help, that's incredible good for you,

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Speaker 1: But chances are it's gonna wear away and tire out

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Speaker 1: the relationship that you're trying to build. The third set

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Speaker 1: of way that people drain your energy is the boundary tester.

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Speaker 1: Pay attention to this one. They'll say, can you just

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Speaker 1: or it will only take a second. They push because

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Speaker 1: you've trained them that your time is flexible. This one's

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Speaker 1: huge for me. Right. This person makes it sound like

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Speaker 1: they're the quest is so small, but in fact they're

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Speaker 1: just testing your boundary. You just said I don't think

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Speaker 1: I can do that this weekend, and they message you

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Speaker 1: saying what about Saturday morning? Just for thirty minutes. You

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Speaker 1: just said I'm really sorry, I've already committed to an

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Speaker 1: event that night, and they'll message you back and say, well,

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Speaker 1: remember I helped you with your birthday. Right. They push

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Speaker 1: your boundary. If you've had the courage to state your

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Speaker 1: boundary to a friend or person in your life and

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Speaker 1: they use that boundary against you or believe that it's flexible,

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Speaker 1: they're draining your energy. If you said to someone I

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Speaker 1: can't make it this weekend and they said what about

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Speaker 1: Saturday morning? They don't value your boundaries. If you said

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Speaker 1: to someone, hey, i'd really like to keep it private,

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Speaker 1: and they said, hey, can I please bring a couple

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Speaker 1: of friends. They don't respect your boundaries. If you've had

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Speaker 1: the courage to state how you feel and someone sees

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Speaker 1: that as flexible, you've got to recognize that's draining your

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Speaker 1: energy because guess what, it already took so much energy

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Speaker 1: for you to be honest, and now you've got to

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Speaker 1: focus again on projecting the truth, and that's hard. The

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Speaker 1: fourth way that people drain your energy is called the

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Speaker 1: compliment parasite. They admire you, but it's conditional. They celebrate

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Speaker 1: your wins until your light makes them feel small. All

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, when you found someone that you love,

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Speaker 1: you're in a relationship, you now get this passive aggressive

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Speaker 1: version of them. You just got a promotion at work,

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Speaker 1: they can't really handle it. You just made a move

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Speaker 1: outside of work. They don't know if they can deal

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Speaker 1: with it. You just moved in with your partner. They've

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Speaker 1: got something to say. If every time you have some

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Speaker 1: good news to share and you struggle to share it

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Speaker 1: with this particular friend, it's because they're draining your energy.

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Speaker 1: If you can't share something positive that's happening in your

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Speaker 1: life with a friend because they might feel agitated or

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable about it you're not that close. You're not that close.

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Speaker 1: If you can't share your wins with someone. You think

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Speaker 1: you're close to someone when you can tell them about

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Speaker 1: a bad day. When you're really close to someone, when

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Speaker 1: you can tell them about your good day. Someone who

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Speaker 1: is there for you when you're losing is a great friend.

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Speaker 1: Someone who can celebrate you when you're winning when they're

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Speaker 1: losing is a phenomenal friend. Number five in the subtle

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Speaker 1: way that people drain your energy is the situational friend.

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Speaker 1: They show up when you're shining, they disappear when you're struggling.

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Speaker 1: Here's the truth, not all brains are obvious. Sometimes the

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Speaker 1: people who take the most energy are the ones who

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Speaker 1: smile at you the most. And that doesn't make them bad.

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Speaker 1: It just means you had to get better at you

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Speaker 1: using where to pour. Because some people don't mean to

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Speaker 1: drain you, they just haven't learned how to fill themselves.

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Speaker 1: Part three The inner leaks. Now, let's flip it. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's not them draining you, it's you draining yourself. You

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Speaker 1: overgive because you're scared of losing love. You say yes

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Speaker 1: because you don't want to disappoint. You stay silent because

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Speaker 1: you fear being labeled difficult. You confuse exhaustion with productivity.

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Speaker 1: You mistake being busy for being valuable. You confuse being

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Speaker 1: available for being kind. You mistake being agreeable for being good.

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Speaker 1: You mistake being selfless for being loved. Ask yourself this,

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Speaker 1: what part of you believes love must be earned through exhaustion.

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Speaker 1: When you start seeing where your own leaks are, you

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Speaker 1: realize protecting your energy isn't about cutting people off. It's

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Speaker 1: about stopping this self betrayal. So many of us think

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Speaker 1: our energy is being drained, our energy is being used,

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Speaker 1: our energy is being exploited, and in reality, we're the

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Speaker 1: ones allowing access. If every time you get home, someone's

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Speaker 1: already in your house because you told them where the

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Speaker 1: key was hidden, is that your responsibility or theirs? If

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Speaker 1: someone always expects you to be there for them because

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Speaker 1: you always change your plans to show up, is that

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Speaker 1: your responsibility or theirs? People will only take advantage of

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Speaker 1: you to the extent you allow them access to you.

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Speaker 1: If you're always available because you think that means you're kind,

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Speaker 1: people will take advantage of that. If you're always around

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Speaker 1: and flexible to show that you're nice, people will take

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Speaker 1: advantage of you. People may like you because you're available,

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Speaker 1: but people will respect you when access to you is protected.

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Speaker 1: When you have boundaries, when you know who you are,

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Speaker 1: when you know what your priorities are, what you can

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Speaker 1: and can't do. If you're scared to say no to

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Speaker 1: a friend because you feel they're going to be hurt

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Speaker 1: or upset, chances are you're not actually that close to them,

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Speaker 1: because if you're close, your know should be understood as

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Speaker 1: I really can't do this, not that I don't care,

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Speaker 1: because if you're close and you said no, chances are

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Speaker 1: you had something really important come up. Part four, How

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Speaker 1: to protect your energy without becoming cold. Look, let's get practical.

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Speaker 1: I think it's really hard to say no without feeling

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Speaker 1: like you're coming across cold. It's really hard to set

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Speaker 1: a boundary without feeling like you think you're more important.

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Speaker 1: It's really hard to say you have a priority without

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Speaker 1: making the other person feel insignificant. So here's what I use.

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Speaker 1: I call it the three boundary rule. Number one. Physical

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Speaker 1: boundaries in time, who gets your mornings, who gets your weekends?

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Speaker 1: Delayed replies is self care? Alone? Time is protection, not isolation.

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Speaker 1: If you know what times and days I remember, I

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Speaker 1: have a really good friend actually who's one of my

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Speaker 1: closest friends in LA and I remember when I first

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Speaker 1: met him, I told him I was like, weekends are

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Speaker 1: really for my wife. I'm free a couple of weekday evenings,

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Speaker 1: but on the weekends, I love spending time with Radi

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Speaker 1: and we like spending time with our couple friends, so

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Speaker 1: we can all spend time together. And this was a

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Speaker 1: guy friend that I spent one on one time with.

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden, it made it really clear when

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Speaker 1: I was available and when I wasn't. And now we

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Speaker 1: spend time together on weeknights and we love it. It's awesome.

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Speaker 1: Number two, emotional boundaries. Stop absorbing moods that aren't yours.

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Speaker 1: Just because someone's anxious doesn't mean you have to be.

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Speaker 1: You can hold compassion without carrying their chaos. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: realized that I had a few friends who would text

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Speaker 1: me like everything was an emergency, and in the beginning

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Speaker 1: I saw it as being a good friend to always

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Speaker 1: be around. This would be midnight, one am, canceling a

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Speaker 1: meeting in between work, and every time I spoke to them,

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Speaker 1: I realized it wasn't that big an emergency. And then

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't hear about them or from them for months,

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Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, wait a minute, how can

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Speaker 1: I react to this better? So now when they erratically

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Speaker 1: reach out, I'll message back and say, hey, I've got

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Speaker 1: time in three days we can talk properly. And that's true.

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Speaker 1: I'm not lying, I'm not playing hard to get it's reality.

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Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, when I'll message them in

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Speaker 1: three days to check in, they'll say, oh, yeah, no worries,

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Speaker 1: I figured it out. All of a sudden, I'm able

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Speaker 1: to protect my emotional boundaries number three energetic boundaries. This

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Speaker 1: is the quiet spiritual layer, prayer, meditation, nature, stillness. All

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Speaker 1: of these cleanse the residue of other people's energy. When

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Speaker 1: you don't do this, you carry invisible clutter. You start

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Speaker 1: confusing other people's emotions for your own. This resonated with

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Speaker 1: me strongly. A lot of people ask me, Jay, how

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Speaker 1: do you carry so many people's stories in so much

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Speaker 1: people's weight. And I have two answers. The first is

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Speaker 1: I have a very clear practice that allows me to

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Speaker 1: constantly cleanse and heal myself, my meditation practice, my morning routine,

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Speaker 1: my prayer. And the second is that I don't believe

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Speaker 1: I'm holding it. The universe is, God is. There's something

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Speaker 1: much bigger than me that's holding that. But I've got

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Speaker 1: to be connected to that in order for it to

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Speaker 1: be held. Here are a few practical tools that will

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Speaker 1: help you. Number one, the pause test. If you dread replying,

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Speaker 1: you're probably overextending when you're overthinking a text, when you're

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Speaker 1: overwhelmed by someone's response, it's showing you that there's something

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Speaker 1: about that relationship that doesn't have the right energy. Because

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Speaker 1: if someone's really in your life for all the right reasons,

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Speaker 1: you don't feel that tension with them, Recognize that there's

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Speaker 1: something that needs to be clarified in this relationship, or

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Speaker 1: distance is probably better. The next practical step is called

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Speaker 1: the energy audit. Each week, write down what gives and

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Speaker 1: what drains. Notice the patterns, and also be really clear

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Speaker 1: about how much energy you actually have to expend. I

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Speaker 1: always say to my team, I can probably do around

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Speaker 1: two work events a week when I'm at my best energy.

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Speaker 1: That's the most I want to do and when I

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Speaker 1: have that capacity and now become selective, Whereas if I

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Speaker 1: just said yeah, sure, I'll go to any work events,

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Speaker 1: I could be at work events five to six nights

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Speaker 1: a week, and I'd have no energy whatsoever. Number three

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Speaker 1: the twenty four hour rule. Don't say yes right away.

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Speaker 1: Buy yourself the space to check your energy before committing.

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Speaker 1: If you want to stop draining your energy, try this.

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Speaker 1: When someone asks you if you can do something, you

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Speaker 1: check your calendar, but you rarely check your energy at

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Speaker 1: the same time, it's checking your calendar and your time.

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Speaker 1: Check your energy. You want to show up there at

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Speaker 1: fifty percent? Will that be enough? Do you want to

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Speaker 1: show up at one hundred percent? Is that where you

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Speaker 1: want to be at? Knowing what level of energy is

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Speaker 1: as important as knowing the amount of time you have.

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Speaker 1: Remember that boundaries aren't rejection. Their clarity they tell others

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Speaker 1: where you end and they begin, because your peace is

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Speaker 1: not up for negotiation, and if someone sees your clarity

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Speaker 1: as rejection, that says more about them than it does

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Speaker 1: about you. Boundaries don't mean you don't care. They mean

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Speaker 1: you finally care about yourself as well. Boundaries don't make

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Speaker 1: you selfish, they make you self respecting. Boundaries don't make

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Speaker 1: you hard to love, they make you harder to manipulate.

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Speaker 1: And boundaries don't control others. They remind you that you

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Speaker 1: can only control yourself. Part five reclaiming your Light. So

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Speaker 1: here's the truth. You can be compassionate and still have boundary.

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Speaker 1: You can be loving and still say no. You can

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Speaker 1: care deeply and still protect your peace because your energy

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Speaker 1: is sacred and the world doesn't need more brained, depleted,

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Speaker 1: over giving people. It needs people who are alive, aligned,

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Speaker 1: and lit from within. Take a deep breath, Breathe in

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Speaker 1: energy that nourishes you, Breathe out energy that depletes you. You

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Speaker 1: don't owe anyone your burnout. You owe yourself your peace.

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Speaker 1: I think it's so important for us to realize that

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Speaker 1: when you give people your leftovers, you're actually not being

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Speaker 1: able to give your best to them, and that's when

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Speaker 1: you feel inadequate and they don't feel good either. If

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Speaker 1: I'm exhausted and I can't make it to an event

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Speaker 1: tomorrow night and I don't go, I've just saved someone

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Speaker 1: from having to deal with my fatigue. And if something's

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Speaker 1: really important to me, I can actually prepare my energy

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Speaker 1: to make sure I can be my best there. Now.

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Speaker 1: There are plenty of things that I go to where

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Speaker 1: I'm fifty percent of myself, but I know that that's

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Speaker 1: all that's required, and that's okay. And if I don't

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Speaker 1: think I can bring my best to something that needs

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Speaker 1: me to be at my best, I sure don't want

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Speaker 1: to show up because I know what it requires. So

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Speaker 1: it's really important that you create rules and systems because

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Speaker 1: when you get tired, when you get frustrated, when you

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Speaker 1: get annoyed, that's how you protect yourself. So because I

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Speaker 1: know I only do two work events a night, I

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Speaker 1: can only spend one evening with a group, I know

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Speaker 1: that I need to work out every day and play

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Speaker 1: some pickleboll two times a week. That starts to give

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Speaker 1: me rules and systems to protect my energy, and then

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Speaker 1: I can monitor that for a month and see how

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Speaker 1: I feel. It's so important to also know that you're

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Speaker 1: can shift in seasons. There may be a season where

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Speaker 1: it's all about going out. There may be a season

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Speaker 1: where it's all about staying in. There may be a

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Speaker 1: season where it's all about building. There may be a

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Speaker 1: season where it's all about breakthrough. It's up to you

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Speaker 1: to define the season and the priorities that come with

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Speaker 1: that season, not keep running behind everyone else's priorities because

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Speaker 1: they'll be endless, they'll be limitless. You could say yes

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Speaker 1: to everyone, let them down and let yourself down because

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Speaker 1: you felt drained, because you felt fatigued because you didn't

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Speaker 1: have the right energy. And then you feel even more

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Speaker 1: upset because you think, wait a minute, I came out

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Speaker 1: even when I was tired, and you're still upset with me,

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Speaker 1: which fractures your relationship even more. It would have been

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Speaker 1: better to say no, protect the relationship, and come back stronger.

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Speaker 1: Stop thinking that saying no is you being mean. Stop

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Speaker 1: thinking that you saying no is saying you don't care well,

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Speaker 1: thinking that you say no is saying you're not important.

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Speaker 1: No doesn't mean any of those things. It can also

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Speaker 1: mean I don't have enough energy, I'm not ready to

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Speaker 1: go out, I don't feel my best, or it can

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Speaker 1: simply mean no. If this episode helped you protect your

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Speaker 1: energy today, share it with someone who needs to hear

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Speaker 1: this too, because healing energy, like light, multiplies when shared.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to today. Remember I'm

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Speaker 1: always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner, and

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Speaker 1: don't forget your energy is your currency. Manage it like

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Speaker 1: you manage your money, your time, and it will make

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Speaker 1: a difference. See you soon. If you love this episode,

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Speaker 1: you love my conversation with doctor Joe Dispenser on why

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Speaker 1: stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and

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Speaker 1: how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen

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Speaker 1: to it right now. How many times do we have

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Speaker 1: to until we stop forgetting and start remembering. That's the

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Speaker 1: moment of change. No one cares how many times you

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Speaker 1: fell off the bicycle if you ride the bicycle. Now

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Speaker 1: you ride the bike.