1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,120 Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you're listening to the Velvet 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: Edge podcast. This week on the podcast, my guest is 3 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: Dr Beatrice Craven. She is a psychologist and the founder 4 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,160 Speaker 1: of Modern Therapy in Houston, Texas. We talked about why 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 1: therapy isn't just for people going through crisis or tough times. 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: I think that's a common misconception with therapy, but in fact, 7 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: she told me that many millennials and some of the 8 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: younger generations are using therapy to broach the tough topic 9 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: of not feeling fulfilled in life and just searching for more. 10 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: This is a common thing I've come across lately, and 11 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: I discussed it actually in my last podcast with Mary 12 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: Laura Philpott. So Dr Craven is telling us why that's 13 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: just so common now, and also telling us about the 14 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: news space she's created to help people to find fulfillment 15 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: and real human connection called Human Headquarters. Here's Dr Craven. Okay, 16 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: so let's talk about your practice at Modern Therapy. What 17 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: kind of people are you seeing, Like, what are the 18 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: problems that you encounter the most? Yeah, you know, it's 19 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: it's interesting. I'd try to find some of the phrasing 20 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: forces because like we just work with people, you know, 21 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: like I'm a meta you know, like a coffee shop 22 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,320 Speaker 1: or you know, we were talking about just like hanging 23 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: out at the Heights in Houston and just how cute 24 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,639 Speaker 1: it is over there, and you know, just be sitting 25 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: down it's this like super cute little place and look 26 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 1: around and be like, legitimately, anybody here could be a 27 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,760 Speaker 1: kind of ours. So um, i'd say we work with 28 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: the go ahead. No, I was just gonna say, I 29 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: feel like that's such a misconception about therapy that I 30 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: hear with people is they have to be going through 31 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:34,199 Speaker 1: something really bad or you know, like really struggling in life. 32 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: And I think it's super cool because it sounds like 33 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 1: you guys work with a lot of young professionals who 34 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 1: actually have their stuff together. Mm hmm. Yeah, that's what 35 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: I love so much. It's just because it's like it's 36 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,319 Speaker 1: exactly that, you know, a lot of people, they have 37 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: this idea of like you have to really be unwell 38 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: or really struggling through things. And you know, even for me, 39 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: like I want to say that, I'm like, you know, 40 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: totally not susceptible to any of that stuff too, But 41 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: I remember we're going couples therapy with my man and 42 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: just being like, oh my gosh, you know, I feel 43 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: like we failed or we couldn't figure it out on 44 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,959 Speaker 1: our own, and it's such bullcrap really, you know. It's like, man, 45 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: I beat that drum like literally every day, but um, 46 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: that stigma is just super real and um, you know, 47 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: obviously it's just it's so worth it, but you know, 48 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 1: sometimes it takes you know, breaking that idea, you know, 49 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: so you as a therapist still go to therapy as well, 50 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, without a doubt, like I do. Everyone 51 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: on my team does. If they don't go to therapy, 52 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:35,359 Speaker 1: you know, I'm like second guessing whether or not the 53 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,640 Speaker 1: right fit, you know, for our team, just because you 54 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,399 Speaker 1: really need to. It's just it's so important for your insight, 55 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: you know, just to be able to have a space 56 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: for yourself to like really just be able to quiet down. 57 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,800 Speaker 1: I think that that's one of the hardest things for 58 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: me to, like, you know, there's so many things that 59 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: are demanding and like asking me in life, whether it's 60 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 1: just like job stuff or friend stuff or family stuff, 61 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: and it's we don't have a time to just like 62 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: quiet down, right, and so even just being able to 63 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: have fifty minutes to yourself, you know, whether or not 64 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: it's once a week or every other week or once 65 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 1: a month or whatever it is, you know, just being 66 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 1: able to know that, like that's your time to like 67 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: settle down and be like where am I and what's 68 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: going on? And how have I been doing? You know? 69 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: I actually all of my friends always make fun of 70 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: me because I love therapy so much. Like I consistently 71 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 1: go I started going years ago when I went through 72 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 1: something pretty traumatic. But then I've stayed with it, you know, 73 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,799 Speaker 1: a little less than I did then, but I'll still 74 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: go back consistently. And for me, it's just even if 75 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: I'm not going through something, like you said, it's a 76 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: processing time. It's a time to keep myself in check. Um. 77 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: You know, we all have our ship, right, so you 78 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: can get For me, I get so stuck in my 79 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: head and if I don't talk it out or have 80 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: someone to process in a healthy way with, like I 81 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: can go so far down the road with stuff, Oh 82 00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: my gosh. Absolutely, and so, and I think that's a 83 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 1: big barrier. Two is that people think that they need 84 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: to have some serious problem, you know, to go in 85 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: or things have to be like quote unquote bad enough 86 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: for them to go in. But you know, the truth is, 87 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: like everybody has a story, and if you haven't taken 88 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 1: the time to like understand yours, you know, it's just 89 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: like that to me is the biggest gift of just 90 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: like really being able to understand yourself. Um, you know, 91 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 1: because that's how I've been able to you know, like 92 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: lead as well as I can, you know, within my company. 93 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: Like that's why you know, I'm able to like catch 94 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: patterns and things, you know, between me and my husband 95 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: when we start to you know, play certain things out, 96 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,719 Speaker 1: you know, and so that we don't have to get 97 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: just stuck in that like we get to go even farther. 98 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: But yeah, it definitely does require giving yourself some space 99 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: to figure out what those things are for you. When 100 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 1: we initially talked to you had mentioned, um, millennials who 101 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: they you know, they might be young professionals, they actually 102 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: have good careers going on, or it seems like they 103 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 1: have a lot going on in their life and you're 104 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: finding that a lot of them are not completely fulfilled. 105 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: So that's like something that you guys talk about a 106 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: lot in your practice, right most definitely. Do you think 107 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: is that mostly like business related? Is it personal? Like 108 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: what what are you meaning by they're not completely fulfilled? 109 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 1: You know, it really can be in either place. You 110 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: know a lot of times people are just feeling like 111 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: is this it? You know what I mean? You know, 112 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: like we have a certain path, especially you know, we 113 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: go through at least a lot of us that go 114 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 1: through college, or we know, we get the job, and 115 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: like there's certain types of steps that we feel like 116 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: are very much laid out for us, and so we 117 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 1: do all the things that we're supposed to do and 118 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: then we get there and we're kind of like, okay, 119 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: so what now? Or um, we actually have a lot 120 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: of people that come in and um, I mean, you 121 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 1: know how it is. People talk about millennials and usually 122 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 1: it's like, let me pull out the rocking chair on 123 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 1: my front porch and start complaining our generation that stuff. 124 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: But um, really a lot of our people they're not 125 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: coming in because they're complaining. They're coming in. If anything, 126 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 1: A lot of times to the opposite, it's like do 127 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: I need to just get over myself? Like if you 128 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: should I just like stop here and just accept you 129 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,159 Speaker 1: know where I am, or like is there something else 130 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: that you know, I can you know, be looking for, 131 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: And so yeah, it can be on the career side, 132 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: you know, whether or not it's you know, I'm having 133 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,840 Speaker 1: these difficulties that my job is that just you know, 134 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 1: where things end and I just have to deal with it. 135 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: It's just a stage of life. Um. And for sure 136 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: we see this so much like on the love side 137 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: of you know, I've been dating a lot, you know, 138 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: I just feel like, I don't know, I've just been 139 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: meeting all these different no guys or girls or whatever, 140 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: and I'm just like starting to really like question things, 141 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 1: you know, like is this and my or my standards 142 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 1: too high? Because I also don't want to settle like 143 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: that also doesn't feel good to me at all. And 144 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: so there's a lot of like that kind of um 145 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: conflicted feeling, you know that people come in with saying, 146 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: I'm not exactly sure were but I feel like there's 147 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,200 Speaker 1: more or there's not, and I'm coming to you to 148 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: help me figure out, you know, which one is it. 149 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: You know, do you think that millennials are just actually 150 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: talking about this, like has this been a thing amongst 151 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: older generations and it's just that they didn't talk about it. 152 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: So what's totally totally incredible about our generation. It's just 153 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: that we have more choice than ever. And so I 154 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 1: think that these are these are the types of like 155 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: existential concerns are definitely just my area. It's what I 156 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: really focus on, um. And the thing is that that's 157 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: a part of life, Like everyone does battle out these 158 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 1: different questions and emotions and you know, really questioning things 159 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 1: about life and fulfillment and purpose and meaning and all 160 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: of those things. UM. But you know, with previous generations, 161 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: you didn't have the choice, like if you were in 162 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: an unhappy marriage, it's like, well that you're married, you 163 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like you don't really have the 164 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: option to be able to change your circumstance dance. Well, yeah, 165 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: and now you don't. Now you have, you know, all 166 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: of this ability to to take a different route, you know, 167 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: if this isn't a route that seems to really fulfill you. 168 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: And so I do think that, like there's just really 169 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: beautiful asistential concept. Um. There's actually a book about it. 170 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 1: It's called Escape from Freedom. It's like a super dense 171 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 1: like philosophical book. So I don't know that wouldn't necessarily 172 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 1: recommend it for like life be treating. But the concept 173 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 1: of it is that, you know, we say that we 174 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: want freedom, but we really it's it's actually really paralyzing, 175 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: you know, to have so much freedom because actually many options. 176 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's so many options that you know, it 177 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: just it makes it it's a whole different set of problems, 178 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: you know that. Um, you know, we'll actually that's why 179 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: the idea with it conceptually is that will actually try 180 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 1: to not have freedom. And so I know that was 181 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,479 Speaker 1: one of the questions that you were, you know, wondering about, 182 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: you know, with with the type of work that I do, 183 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: if it's kind of like are we too scared you 184 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 1: have to go after our dreams? Like is that the thing? Um? 185 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: But part of it is that we're petrified of of freedom, 186 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: you know because especially now, it's like when I have 187 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: the opportunity to you know, maybe be within a different 188 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: relationship or have a different type of job, we do 189 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 1: the existential math and it's like, well, if I'm not happy, 190 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,840 Speaker 1: then that means it's my fault. It comes down to 191 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 1: me for not making that happen. Because there's so much 192 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: choice and possibility out there. Um. And so I think 193 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 1: that that is is terrifying. I was just thinking about 194 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,079 Speaker 1: because you brought up you know, older generations, if you're 195 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: married and you just make it work, But is there 196 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 1: like is that something with the freedom peace? I mean, 197 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 1: I feel like nowadays it just seems like get divorced, 198 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: you know, the grass is always greener, and can you 199 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: ever fully settle in too relationships that way? Um, how 200 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: how do you mean? Like I'm trying to think of 201 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: how to say. I feel like I see a lot 202 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 1: of people now days. I mean this has been me 203 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: in the past as well, Like we don't really if 204 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 1: it's the relationship isn't perfect instead of maybe working through something, 205 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,679 Speaker 1: You're like, this relationship needs to be done. Yeah, oh 206 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: for sure. So like basically, is there is it possible 207 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: to find the greener pasture? Yeah, but like also to 208 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: keep working through something. Does that make sense? Yeah? I 209 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: mean I think that like one big thing that you know, 210 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: really we really work with so much is being able 211 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 1: to tolerate discomfort because there is a part I mean, 212 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 1: like I think that's one of the biggest issues that 213 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 1: we have. It's like it's that combination of having so 214 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: much choice available to us and having that difficulty tolerating 215 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: the unknown, and because the truth is that is is 216 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: that like you know, and I mean I love it. 217 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 1: This is broadcast to the world, but like, you know, 218 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 1: I remember that there was a time, you know, with 219 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 1: me and my husband when we were in you know, 220 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 1: and again we're we're constantly in couple therapy, just in 221 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 1: and out to take are of our relationship. But whenever 222 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 1: we first got in, we were like everyone else, like 223 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: we came in and we're like, we're hurting. Is this 224 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: going to work? And that's where we're at right now, 225 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: you know, like we loved each other so much, but 226 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 1: we're wondering like is this is this possible or not? 227 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: And so for people whether it's like they're dating and 228 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: trying to find a fit, you know, just as they're 229 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 1: as they're dating, you know, people and wondering about even 230 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 1: just making a commitment to date somebody, or people who 231 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 1: are in marriages, like just because you're married doesn't mean 232 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,640 Speaker 1: that you don't also run into a lot of those 233 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: questions of like is this the right relationship for me 234 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: or not? And we were already like, well, you know, 235 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: into our relationship, and so the question there, you know, 236 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: with how do you tolerate things or not. It's just 237 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 1: that there's no easy answer for it, Like can you 238 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: leave and find a relationship that makes you happy happier? 239 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 1: You know, like maybe and if you stay and work 240 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: it out, you know, is it possible that you're going 241 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 1: to be happier within the relationship. Maybe maybe not, depending 242 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: on you know, y'all's willingness to at least try, you know, 243 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,439 Speaker 1: and see what's there, you know, when you're willing to 244 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: put the work into it. And so I think that's 245 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,559 Speaker 1: one of the biggest difficulties to you know, is being 246 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: able to tolerate the fact that, like, I will never 247 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,080 Speaker 1: have all of the answers, and at some point, you know, 248 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 1: I just need to choose right. I think it's so 249 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: interesting because a lot of times, I mean, and I 250 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: didn't want to talk specifically about relationships this whole time, 251 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,960 Speaker 1: but since they're on the topic, it's so interesting because 252 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 1: I do feel like, you know, every relationship you're in, 253 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: you kind of if you start to look at the patterns, 254 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 1: a lot of the issues, if you don't work on them, 255 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 1: are just things are going to take with you into 256 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 1: the next one. You know, you carry all your ship 257 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 1: with you Um, is that something you see commonly? People 258 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: think like I want to get out of this relationship 259 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: and then get into this new one, and then it's 260 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: the same problem like one hundred and it's actually and 261 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,440 Speaker 1: it's it's totally like that with work too, you know. 262 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: I think that's why we have a tendency to search outwardly, 263 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 1: and I think the real challenge is searching inward, you know, 264 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: because those it's exactly that. So people might leave a 265 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: job and I'm sure you've had that too. You're sitting 266 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: with a girlfriend and you're really trying to be supportive 267 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 1: and wondering like, Okay, well, what's the kind of thing 268 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: to do or say right now? Is because you know 269 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:31,080 Speaker 1: it's them, you know, they're like replicating the same thing 270 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 1: over again. You're like, yeah, God, girl, like it's you. 271 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,480 Speaker 1: It's totally you, and that they can't see it right 272 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: or you know, like maybe like being unwilling to see it. 273 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: I'd see that literally all the time. God's so interesting. Um. 274 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: I was reading in an article in the Washington Examiner 275 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 1: earlier today and it said, with all the good news 276 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: for millennials, one may expect them to be among the 277 00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:00,560 Speaker 1: happiest demographics in America. Unfortunately, despite the good economic mcnews, 278 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: millennials still experience more anxiety, more depression, and mental health 279 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: issues than any other generation. Through these findings, it seems 280 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,560 Speaker 1: like an unfortunate reality has formed where young people have 281 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,520 Speaker 1: made a fatal trade. We've traded away what is truly 282 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: important happiness, fulfillment and being rich with relationships in exchange 283 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: for monetary wealth and materialistic society. Money cannot buy fulfillment 284 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: and nice things cannot pave a road to happiness. UM. 285 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 1: I would be so curious to hear your thoughts on that, 286 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 1: I mean reactions I got thought you got thoughts too well. 287 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: My first reaction was, I think, and I think it's 288 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: like something you've kind of already brought up, you know, 289 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: is we are starting to ask the questions like you 290 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: get the you get the things you always thought you wanted, 291 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: you get the house, you get the car, you get 292 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,400 Speaker 1: the job. Um, and you get there and you say, 293 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: is this it? You know? And I know that's something 294 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: I've faced in my life. And any time I've faced that, 295 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 1: I find that I'm completely emotionally disconnected for myself or 296 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: from you know, my loved ones around me. And it's 297 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: it's terrible feeling. It doesn't matter what you have, I'd 298 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: never feel fulfilled in that case. Mm hmm. Absolutely absolutely well, 299 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 1: because that's the thing too. Write It's like, you know, 300 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: from where I stand, actually, I think it's like Baby 301 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: Boom or generation really cared so much about having the 302 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: big house, you know, having the car, like having the 303 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: big you know, just kind of American dream type thing. Actually, 304 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: it's like millennials are really really good at prioritizing like 305 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: quality of life. That's why it's actually really incredible. I mean, 306 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: we're like a private pay practice, and there there have 307 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: been like legit times where I'm like, how do you 308 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: all afford this? You know what I mean, Like would 309 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: I have invested into my own you know, life and 310 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 1: quality of life and mental wellness at your age, and 311 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: like I'm not sure that I would have been thinking 312 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,360 Speaker 1: about that, which is great. It's why I do think 313 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: that that our generation really prioritizes our life. And so 314 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: with that in mind too, it's like a lot of 315 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: my people, it doesn't matter what stage of life here, 316 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: and like they're willing to have a roommate or two, 317 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 1: you know, and like live in a smaller place if 318 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: that means they can have their therapists and like travel 319 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: and go to Thailand and you know, like yollo it up. 320 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 1: You know, like that's the stuff that makes them feel 321 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 1: really happy. And so I do feel like, UM, there 322 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: is more of that, like a tunement to quality of 323 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 1: life and just wanting to feel fulfilled and just struggling 324 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: to find the answers to that. Do you think that 325 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: with social media and just the way that our society 326 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: operates nowadays, UM, there's a lot of missed real human connection. 327 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: So that's actually an area that like I'm really really 328 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: focused on too, so modern therapies, our therapy practice, that's 329 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: where we do so much of our depth work, we 330 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: do coaching, we do all of that. UM. But that's 331 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: exactly why we started Human Headquarters, which is everything small 332 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: groups is, because that is vital and I think more 333 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: than ever we aren't. We're living online, that's we're having 334 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:14,959 Speaker 1: most of our our time together. We're connecting, UM, but 335 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: it's not that like let me have deep conversation with 336 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: you type of connections. And UM, at least for me 337 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 1: that this might be because I'm a therapist, but I 338 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,879 Speaker 1: definitely remember there was like a like an eye opening 339 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: experience for me. I just remember walking around the grocery 340 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 1: store and just like borderline, just I would have such 341 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: an appropriate you know, just deep conversations with people, like 342 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,399 Speaker 1: just like random people and like in a tomato section, like, so, 343 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: tell me about your mom. You know what you're like? God, 344 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,880 Speaker 1: you know, it's like we we need that. We need 345 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,399 Speaker 1: to feel not just in touch with other people, but 346 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: we need to feel connected with other people. We need 347 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: to feel seen and understood by other people. And I 348 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 1: do feel like being truly seen and understood by others 349 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: is virtually impossible, you know on social media, you know, 350 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: everything is just so curated and you know, and I 351 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: mean like and I don't say that in a judgy way. 352 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 1: I mean I completely do that too. You know. I 353 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: find my ways to try to keep it real, but um, 354 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: you know my worst moments, Like you're just not going 355 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 1: to capture all of that, you know, the way that 356 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: you would if you were in a flesh to flesh 357 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,160 Speaker 1: you know, like just in person relationship with me, You're 358 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 1: just not going to get the whole picture. And we 359 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 1: we absolutely need that. So how do you if since 360 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 1: we do need human connections so much, and like you're 361 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: talking about being in the grocery store and dropping a 362 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,119 Speaker 1: lot of questions or maybe too much information on the 363 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,400 Speaker 1: lady of the tomato line. Um, But how do we 364 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: learn how to do that in a healthy way? So 365 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,320 Speaker 1: it's not just like a verbal vomit on a stranger, 366 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: but it's a real connection totally. And so that's a 367 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,160 Speaker 1: big part of it too, Right, It's just like where 368 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: do we have those openings to do that? And so 369 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 1: whether or not it's like us like looking for some 370 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,679 Speaker 1: sort of like organization in town or you know, meeting 371 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:10,479 Speaker 1: friends of friends or organizing dinner parties, because that's the thing. 372 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 1: It really just kind of depends on where you are, 373 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 1: because it's like if you if you're new to a city, 374 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,159 Speaker 1: or even if you're not new to a city, you know, 375 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 1: I mean sometimes like you're a year in or whatever, 376 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: and you're still you're you're like, you know, kind of 377 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,120 Speaker 1: like going to work, you're doing your things, you're going 378 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: to yoga, um. But it's still different, you know what 379 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 1: i mean, Like it's still requires you know, extra intentions 380 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 1: sometimes to go out of your way to start building community. 381 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,720 Speaker 1: And so sometimes it's looking at who are the people 382 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: that already in my life, you know, and am I 383 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: willing to start asking for more connection a way that's 384 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 1: like not creepy, you know what I mean? And so 385 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: when I was like, hey, you know, like I'd love 386 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: to grab some coffee with you, you know, or just 387 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: being able to figure out, you know, who are those 388 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: people that you would truly like to get to know 389 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,119 Speaker 1: better too, because I think that's also a big piece 390 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 1: of it is, um being being selective about the types 391 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,560 Speaker 1: of relationships that you do feel comfortable in or you 392 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,440 Speaker 1: feel like would be the type of person that you 393 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 1: would want to you know, open up to or get 394 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: to know, you know more, because sometimes the truth is 395 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,520 Speaker 1: that we're also holding onto relationships that really don't serve 396 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: us or aren't healthy and also not you know what 397 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,080 Speaker 1: I mean. Um And so I think sometimes it's like, 398 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 1: let me go ahead and just start with where am 399 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 1: I now? And if I'm not in a place where 400 00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: I can start to nurture some of those connections, you know, 401 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: are there any like organizations or even just like hobbies 402 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: or things that you're interested in, Like if I start 403 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: to put myself into situations where I'm getting out of 404 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: my comfort zone and like taking that pottery class, that 405 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 1: I always wanted to take or you know, do things 406 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: like that. You know, Um, can that be the opening 407 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: for me if I'm willing to challenge myself to strike 408 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 1: up a conversation and say hello and start with something. 409 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,880 Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of like, I don't say more 410 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: content level, but content level, you know, just kind of 411 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: like so like are you from you know, have you 412 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 1: always lived here or you know, did you move here 413 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 1: from or you know what I mean, and just being 414 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: able to use as as opportunities to start getting deeper, 415 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: you know, over time. You know what I think is 416 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,560 Speaker 1: so interesting As you were talking about that, UM, I 417 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 1: thought of myself. I'm, like I said, I've done a 418 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 1: lot of therapy in the last I don't know, six 419 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:23,320 Speaker 1: or seven years when I first started. Um, I do 420 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 1: not think that I knew how to communicate with people 421 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: that way. Like I did not know. There was always 422 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,360 Speaker 1: a barrier, you know, either I was going to send 423 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: a text or I was going to send an email, 424 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: Like I was never comfortable being on the phone or 425 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: face to face like I would and in surface situations. 426 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: But when we were talking about real stuff and the 427 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: vulnerable stuff, I realized how much I did not know 428 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:52,160 Speaker 1: how to do that. Mm hmm. And that's actually really 429 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 1: helpful to hear in so many ways because that's you've 430 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 1: been working with my partner, um Holly, you know, on 431 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 1: this project Human Human head Core, and so that's exactly it, 432 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: you know, that's why we were thinking, I'm like, man, like, 433 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 1: we really need to design this. So essentially what we 434 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 1: do is that they're small groups, but um, they're tailored, 435 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,879 Speaker 1: so we bring in different song questions every single night 436 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 1: so people can get together. But that's what we start 437 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 1: off with, like a warm up question, you know what 438 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 1: I mean, and whether or not it's something super silly 439 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,159 Speaker 1: like who's your you know, spirit celebrity or something you know, 440 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,520 Speaker 1: or just something like playful, you know, and then like 441 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 1: being able to go into things that are a little 442 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,959 Speaker 1: bit deeper, you know, because it's exactly that. It's kind 443 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 1: of like how do we one Like we all want 444 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,119 Speaker 1: to connect, um and we need an opportunity to be 445 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,199 Speaker 1: able to do that and almost like an excuse to 446 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,919 Speaker 1: be able to do that. And then whenever we do it, 447 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 1: like how do we actually do the thing? You know? 448 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 1: Like how do you have a vulnerable and deep conversation 449 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: with somebody else? Um, and so that's what we're hoping 450 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,639 Speaker 1: to be able to give people the tools for. So 451 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:56,160 Speaker 1: what kind of topics do you guys bring to these groups? Well, 452 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 1: we really try to make it more holistic, so we 453 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 1: do cover things like work, you know, we cover things 454 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,919 Speaker 1: like So essentially we have these four key topics and 455 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: so there we have our our Hustle Night. Hustle Night 456 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: is everything career and vocation and purpose those kinds of things. Um. 457 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 1: We have expand Night, and those are all a lot 458 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: of um internal awareness. How do we challenge ourselves? So 459 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:26,159 Speaker 1: we might do like, have you done your angiogram? Have? Okay, 460 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,479 Speaker 1: so we'll do like an anagram night. Yeah, we'll go 461 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,639 Speaker 1: through our personality types and like and it does like 462 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 1: it confronts you to get pretty real about your strengths 463 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 1: and you know, how you might be experienced in the world. 464 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,919 Speaker 1: And so you know, those are our times to you know, 465 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: really really try to grow and expand you know, how 466 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: we how we move through the world and like, you know, 467 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: be really intentional about how we might want to really 468 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 1: challenge ourselves to show up maybe more authentically or fuller 469 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: or whatever. Um. Then we have Stimulate Night, which is 470 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: a little bit more kind of like UM philosophic local. 471 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:04,199 Speaker 1: We'll have conversations around things like what's the difference between 472 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,640 Speaker 1: or what do you think is the difference between religion 473 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: and spirituality? Like what's your background? You know, and like 474 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,679 Speaker 1: all of our groups are like super diverse, you know. 475 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 1: So that's the idea is that we create like really 476 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,120 Speaker 1: respectful and just curious environments just to share our stories 477 00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:23,440 Speaker 1: with each other. You know. It's like those are lots 478 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,200 Speaker 1: of things that you know, it's just it's really cool. 479 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 1: You know. Even you know, we're having like one group 480 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: and you know, someone was saying like, oh, you know, 481 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: like I've just never shared like I actually used to 482 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,960 Speaker 1: really keep it like very quiet into myself, like my religion, 483 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,840 Speaker 1: Like that just wasn't anything that I was ever very 484 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,159 Speaker 1: vocal about and I miss it. And so you know, 485 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: being able to identify that and then UM bring that 486 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 1: back into their lives were like, wow, that's just it's 487 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,119 Speaker 1: really incredible. So like those are the kinds of things 488 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,920 Speaker 1: that you know, we're really trying to do to UM 489 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 1: to help folks create space for themselves. And so like 490 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 1: with that in mind, our last topic is connect, which 491 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: is every that we've been talking about. It's everything. Relationships. 492 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,879 Speaker 1: Relationships are so important mm hm oh yeah, so super vital. 493 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,840 Speaker 1: So do you guys find um, do you have a 494 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,520 Speaker 1: lot of like single people coming in or is this couples? 495 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 1: Is it a mix? It really is. It's a total mix. 496 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,680 Speaker 1: It's a total mix. I'd say it does tend to 497 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 1: be folks that are around, like they're twenties or thirties, 498 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: But honestly, like we we get interest from folks for 499 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,000 Speaker 1: a little bit older too, and like that's what we want, 500 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 1: Like we want this to be a space for like 501 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:36,120 Speaker 1: literally everybody, and um, it's a really just nice way 502 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 1: to be able to you know, connect and learn, and 503 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,919 Speaker 1: you know, there's just everyone carries so much wisdom. But um, 504 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 1: diversity is definitely something that we value. We hope to 505 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: keep expanding expanding on. I'm literally sitting here thinking, how 506 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 1: do I open one of those in Nashville. No, you 507 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 1: totally should, such a great idea. I love that, I 508 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 1: think until you know other place, just get that your 509 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: Instagram is a really great place to kind of get 510 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,679 Speaker 1: some ideas on topics to even think about just for 511 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: yourself even and and really put yourself in that mindset um, 512 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,640 Speaker 1: maybe we can have a little human headquarters right now. 513 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,360 Speaker 1: Because one of the topics that I saw on your 514 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,920 Speaker 1: Instagram was this quote and it said we are going 515 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: to get it wrong on our way to rightness. I 516 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: loved that. Oh man. Yeah, and that legit came up 517 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: from one of our one of our group nights. So 518 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: what was what was the conversation like about that topic. 519 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to remember what all we were 520 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,679 Speaker 1: getting into because they're basically saying like, if you're trying, 521 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 1: you know, you're not, Um, you can't really get it 522 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,520 Speaker 1: wrong if you're trying, And I think that's the existentialist 523 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: to me is I'm like, I'm pretty sure you can. Same. 524 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, absolutely, you can, you know what I mean. Like, 525 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:52,919 Speaker 1: I'm like on the point, you know, I'm sure that 526 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 1: was like a personal development, like you know what I mean, 527 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,479 Speaker 1: Like you get a girl like that's awesome. I love that. 528 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: But the more of a realist, I'm like, like, you're 529 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,360 Speaker 1: probably gonna get it wrong, but um, that doesn't mean 530 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 1: that you're not you know that that's not actually in 531 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: complete alignment with what with what you're doing right So 532 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,400 Speaker 1: you know, even for me, you know, there are lots 533 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: of things that we want to develop and do, like 534 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: this whole human thing, which that yeah, it's exactly the 535 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,920 Speaker 1: idea is to you know, we have the model, and 536 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 1: you know, we're hoping that people are gonna, um, you know, 537 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: open them up, you know, and all you know, all 538 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,280 Speaker 1: over you know, all over the US, you know, because 539 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: we feel like it's that important. And so with that 540 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: in mind, it's just kind of like we believe in 541 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,360 Speaker 1: it and it's just gonna take time. You know, we're 542 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: gonna be constantly evolving in it. If you're too afraid 543 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,760 Speaker 1: to get it wrong, like that doesn't really mean that 544 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,360 Speaker 1: it's not the it's it's that it's the wrong thing, 545 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. If you have something and 546 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,440 Speaker 1: you know that it's right, like you are going to 547 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,640 Speaker 1: get it wrong on your way. It's just a part 548 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,880 Speaker 1: of it. In the caption, you said for the achiever, 549 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 1: mistakes can feel excruciating, and I I mean I could not. 550 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,679 Speaker 1: I was like, yes, like for me, if I make 551 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: them as sake, even if I'm trying, like you said, 552 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:07,679 Speaker 1: I mean, the weight of either letting someone down or 553 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,160 Speaker 1: just it not going perfectly, I mean, it can take 554 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 1: me out emotionally for a week. It's so heavy for me, 555 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,520 Speaker 1: are you I'm not I'm a four. I thought it 556 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: was too. I'm having a little bit of an any 557 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: agree identity crisis. But I think I tested a to 558 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,879 Speaker 1: the last time I took it. But I was super 559 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 1: high in a four, which was it was like right 560 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 1: under my two, And I just don't fully identify with 561 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 1: a two, and so I read the four and when 562 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 1: you're unhealthy, you operate like a two. So that made 563 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: more sense to me. Maybe I was having a little 564 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: bit of an unhealthy day when I took the ten. Yeah, 565 00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 1: but I think I'm a four, so I don't really 566 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 1: know what that's about. Yeah, why do you tell me that? 567 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,000 Speaker 1: That is? Like if you just take it like on 568 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 1: a human level, that is it's really hard, you know, 569 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: as a three. Like that's kind of what I was 570 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: speaking to. So for anyone who doesn't know the Instagram before, 571 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 1: is the individualist, which is kind of more on the 572 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 1: artistic side, definitely like very colorful on the inside, um 573 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 1: feels things really strongly, and like the three, which is 574 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: the achiever, it's tads tendency to be more on the 575 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: perfectionist side. And so that's what you know I was 576 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: speaking to you also, but yeah, it's like definitely if 577 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,920 Speaker 1: he's just on a human level, is that you know, 578 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 1: we really internalize that deeply whenever we get things wrong. 579 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 1: And for my type, you know, in particular, Um, that's 580 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 1: like our way of of striving for worthiness is like 581 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 1: by our accomplishment, you do. And so when we get 582 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: it wrong, like it just it hurts so profoundly, um, 583 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: and so man, it brings that word tolerance you know again, 584 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 1: I'll you know all over and you know that's the thing. 585 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 1: It's like, regardless of what it is that you're moving towards, 586 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 1: you know, in your life, um, that ability to tolerate 587 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're feeling, and knowing that that's 588 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,160 Speaker 1: not going to stay you forever and it's not going 589 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 1: to kill you. It's kind of like the idea like 590 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 1: there's no feeling, you know, in the history of it 591 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: kind of ever killed someone, you know. I mean, it's 592 00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 1: just kind of like, well that's true, and it gets 593 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:17,719 Speaker 1: easier over. Yeah, you know, I think that there are 594 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: things for me where you know, these things that used 595 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: to you know, make me shaking my boots for a week, 596 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: you know, whether or not it was upsetting somebody or 597 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 1: you know, like just not being able to you know, 598 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: meet someone's fingers maybe in the way that I would 599 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: have one or two or whatever. You know, Um, you 600 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: know what would have rattled me for so long, you know, 601 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 1: because it hits all my shame or all my unworthiness 602 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: or whatever. You know. Now with the work with like 603 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: being able to recognize myself, like all the things that 604 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,400 Speaker 1: need to be better, but I still love myself through it, 605 00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: you know, allows me to still hurt about it. But 606 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 1: for like you know, what got cut to maybe halftime 607 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,239 Speaker 1: got cut to half time from there and and now 608 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: I might just feel a little sore about it for 609 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 1: maybe an hour, maybe a day, just depending on what 610 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 1: it was. Um and being able to carry on. You said, 611 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 1: I have to quiet down my ego enough to hear 612 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 1: what my fails are trying to tell me. So that's 613 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 1: your that's ego related? When yeah, well so, I mean, 614 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,880 Speaker 1: I guess whenever you're talking to anyone on this, like 615 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 1: in the psychology field, um, it depends on like what 616 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,440 Speaker 1: orientation you're coming from. They use the word ego with 617 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 1: different meanings, And so the way that I mean ego 618 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: is more like the way that um, just kind of 619 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 1: a general population would be you know when people were 620 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: saying like, oh, my ego is getting in the way. Um, 621 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 1: it just it could be pride, It could be just 622 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 1: um some of the feelings that I hold, you know, 623 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 1: within myself. Um that if that's the part that's like 624 00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: my ego feels throughs you know where stuff like that, 625 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 1: Like that's the piece that I'm talking about and so 626 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 1: um so yeah, so that's the piece where it's just 627 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,000 Speaker 1: kind of you know, if I could have done something better, 628 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,400 Speaker 1: you know, instead of letting my head just get so 629 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 1: loud and like let that dominate, you know, with um 630 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 1: all the things that like I can't believe that you 631 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: let that happen, or just the negative self talk. Um. 632 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 1: And you know for some people with a lot of 633 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: mental chatter, you know, others above us, but me feel 634 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: it a lot in our bodies to Like I'm definitely 635 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: a body person. I tend to feel things really strong. Um. 636 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,959 Speaker 1: For me, I'm always aware of shame response. UM. I 637 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: definitely have a lot of like tension in my chest 638 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,400 Speaker 1: just doing a lot of just things, a lot of 639 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 1: like tension and tightening. You know, might feel a little hot, 640 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 1: you know, I might even like body language, you know, 641 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,880 Speaker 1: it might be a little bit more I don't know, 642 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: just kind of like shall treat myself a little bit, 643 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,640 Speaker 1: you know versus steeming tall you know, things like that. Um. 644 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,760 Speaker 1: You know, those are the things that make you want 645 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 1: to like withdraw and just like close your office door, 646 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,720 Speaker 1: you know and just like hurt for a minute, which 647 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: is totally okay, UM, but that's the idea. It's just 648 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,520 Speaker 1: kind of like how do I care for myself when 649 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: those things are happening? And so like that's why I'm 650 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 1: I'm so into self compassion um and practices like that, 651 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 1: which is really just finding another way to talk to yourself, 652 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 1: um in a way that's real um, but also caring 653 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 1: and encouraging UM. And I would say that that's a big, 654 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 1: big thing for me too. It's just, um, I don't know, 655 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 1: like I just I'm not a believer in like coddling, 656 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,560 Speaker 1: you know, like I like legit want to be a 657 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 1: better person. And so if I believe in like having 658 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 1: a growth mindset and things like that, you know, it's 659 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 1: in my best interests to not um sit with my 660 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: feelings or like let myself talk run amuck you know, 661 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,760 Speaker 1: in a way that UM is really just gonna you know, 662 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 1: just swarm my head with things. UM, I really want 663 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 1: to be effective. So I'm allowed to, you know, as 664 00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:00,200 Speaker 1: a human being to feel and think certain things. But 665 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,760 Speaker 1: it's to my my benefit really to recognize that, try 666 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 1: to adopt and and work on another way of thinking 667 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:12,320 Speaker 1: and relating to myself so that I can take accountability. 668 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: You said, fails or feedback, that's it. It's your opportunity 669 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,799 Speaker 1: to listen and respond to it for growth. Mm hmm, 670 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,080 Speaker 1: that's it. I love that. It's like it's so simple. 671 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,719 Speaker 1: It's just feedback, Like this didn't work, so let's look 672 00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: at another route. Mm hmm, right, right, right. And so 673 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 1: that's the thing that we can, like, um, basically extract 674 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 1: these fails from being something so deeply personal of like 675 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 1: this is reflective of like my person too. This is 676 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 1: reflective of my behavior or something that's separate, you know, 677 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,000 Speaker 1: from like my own internal worthiness. Like that's where we 678 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: can get just more objective. And so it's just kind 679 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 1: of that teasing out of Okay, failures or feedback. UM, 680 00:34:56,200 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: failures aren't you know, deeply personal to you know, worthiness 681 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,799 Speaker 1: of a person. You know that we're able to get 682 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,240 Speaker 1: super effective. Yeah, A friend of mine taught me this trick. 683 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 1: I think it's it's probably when your shame voice is going. 684 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: But um, she says that you listen to both sides 685 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 1: of the argument in your head, which for me is 686 00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 1: where I live a lot when I go through stuff. 687 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 1: But it's like I can go beat myself up and 688 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,000 Speaker 1: say all of this stuff about oh my god, why 689 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,720 Speaker 1: did you do that wrong? And all of this stuff, 690 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,560 Speaker 1: and instead of saying that, saying, of course you did 691 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:33,600 Speaker 1: it that way because we're all responding to our life experience, right, 692 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 1: Like I don't know that anyone is really out to 693 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,760 Speaker 1: get anyone at any one point, or to make mistakes 694 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 1: or anything like that. But of course you do it 695 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,400 Speaker 1: like that before you know how to do it any differently. 696 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 1: That makes me so much. Oh yeah, you know what. 697 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,359 Speaker 1: You are making me think too of times where it's 698 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,400 Speaker 1: harder to find the good and like how to forward anyway, 699 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: Like I love my husband so much. Let mean by 700 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,000 Speaker 1: saying that, Um, I remember I was just I was 701 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 1: a little overworked, and um I was supposed to have 702 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,720 Speaker 1: like a radio interview like first thing in the morning, 703 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,200 Speaker 1: and I have not a morning person. I would much 704 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,919 Speaker 1: rather stay up super late at all my stuff done 705 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 1: and just like sleep and keep going. And so I 706 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,759 Speaker 1: was like, oh sure, you know, like yeah, I be happy, 707 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,320 Speaker 1: like okay, great in the radio stations like we'll call you, 708 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,640 Speaker 1: you know, like eight o'clock in the morning, you're a 709 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 1: seventh thirty or something like that. I'm like perfect. And 710 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,720 Speaker 1: so I said, my laarm do all of those things. 711 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:34,160 Speaker 1: I legit just slept through it so bad. As I 712 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 1: wake up and I look at it and I had 713 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: already like completely forgotten, and I'm just kind of like, 714 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:41,360 Speaker 1: oh my god. And in fact, I just didn't register 715 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 1: on my nervous system at all. Was like indicator just 716 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,840 Speaker 1: I was overextended. And so I just started panicking and 717 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: I looked at my husband. I'm like, damn, I fleipped 718 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,880 Speaker 1: through the radio this morning. And he just looks at 719 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 1: me and he's just like that sucks. He was like, 720 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:02,800 Speaker 1: you you suck that up, Like okay, don't tell me 721 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,920 Speaker 1: have like none of that it is helpful right now, 722 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,640 Speaker 1: like at all. But it was just so funny in 723 00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,160 Speaker 1: part because it was like such a wrong thing to say, 724 00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: and he said it was like a zero judgment. It 725 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 1: was just like it just is what it is like, yeah, 726 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,040 Speaker 1: you have that one up, Like I don't know what 727 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,400 Speaker 1: to tell you, Like I really got amount of words, 728 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,120 Speaker 1: you know, so I started laughing. I'm like, oh my god, 729 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,359 Speaker 1: not helpful. Um, but that was it. You know. It's 730 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,120 Speaker 1: just kind of like sometimes you legit f it up 731 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 1: and you know, like you didn't show up the way 732 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,480 Speaker 1: that you wanted to, and it is what it is, 733 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 1: Like there's literally nothing else that you can do to 734 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,880 Speaker 1: change that, and so just own it, you know, just 735 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,720 Speaker 1: like confront it. And I think that's actually a really 736 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,279 Speaker 1: great um combatant to shame is ownership. You know, I 737 00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:48,359 Speaker 1: work a lot with people on that. It's just like 738 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,920 Speaker 1: if you feel bad about it, like, let's do some 739 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,799 Speaker 1: work around it. So what do you want to do 740 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,520 Speaker 1: to like turn that into action then? And so I 741 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,600 Speaker 1: think that that actually makes us feel a little bit 742 00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:01,839 Speaker 1: more at peace. So instead of like sitting in like 743 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,840 Speaker 1: the crap of our emotion, it's kind of like, oh, 744 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,239 Speaker 1: like I'm sore, my heart is hurting, I feel like crap. 745 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,280 Speaker 1: Let me take a deep breath. Okay, like this happened, 746 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:15,120 Speaker 1: it's done. Let me confront it, you know, kick ownership 747 00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,200 Speaker 1: for it, and like how do I move forward. How 748 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 1: do I take what I've learned with me knowing that, like, 749 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,480 Speaker 1: there's gonna be other things that come up, for sure, 750 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,960 Speaker 1: you know, I mean like nothing has ever won and done, 751 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,680 Speaker 1: you know, in life. Um, but I found that that's 752 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 1: really helpful too. Yeah, staying more in the solution and 753 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,839 Speaker 1: the problem that always helps me. The last part of 754 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,600 Speaker 1: that caption that you were to have to read it 755 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,319 Speaker 1: because I love it so much, But she said, we 756 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,160 Speaker 1: will never grow if we don't choose to embrace ourselves 757 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: and walk through the terrain of fails and achievement. That 758 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:47,000 Speaker 1: is how we learn. That is how we improve. That 759 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,640 Speaker 1: is how we build our character by getting out there 760 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,360 Speaker 1: and doing the things and holding on tight when the 761 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:59,600 Speaker 1: storm hits. Yeah, so good. I love that. Yeah, man, 762 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:05,200 Speaker 1: I really feel that so deeply. Um. If you guys 763 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,640 Speaker 1: want to find Beatrice and find the stuff that we're 764 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,279 Speaker 1: talking about here with the Human Headquarters, what is the 765 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,400 Speaker 1: Instagram handle for this, so um for human it's Human 766 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 1: Underscore h Q. And yeah, for anyone who might be 767 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,600 Speaker 1: interested in hosting a group in your city, UM, shoot 768 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 1: us a contact form. You know, we have this beautiful 769 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,359 Speaker 1: guide and that's really our mission, you know, We've been 770 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,560 Speaker 1: focusing a lot in Houston just because that's where we're 771 00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,000 Speaker 1: at UM. But yeah, you know, our hope is to 772 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,840 Speaker 1: be able to take that to other cities because we 773 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,800 Speaker 1: need it. We need a place for connection and real talk. 774 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:39,640 Speaker 1: So that's awesome. I was gonna ask if you guys 775 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,880 Speaker 1: do satellites, UM sessions or anything like that, but you 776 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,319 Speaker 1: actually offer the template for people who want to do 777 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,719 Speaker 1: it elsewhere. Yeah, And so what we'll be doing is 778 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,960 Speaker 1: we have our UM the folks who host you know, 779 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,040 Speaker 1: the group meeting UM, they will be doing zoom calls 780 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,960 Speaker 1: with us and like with licensed therapists and things. So 781 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:02,520 Speaker 1: we don't offer rate has therapists within the roles, but 782 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:06,200 Speaker 1: it's really helpful that everything is designed by therapists. So 783 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 1: we're really thinking about how to take things beyond surface 784 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:13,319 Speaker 1: content UM and being able to provide UM support for 785 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 1: like all of the hosts that are like holding space 786 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 1: for these meetings UM to really be able to like 787 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:20,960 Speaker 1: help folks get the most out of it. That's amazing. 788 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:25,319 Speaker 1: And where can people find the modern therapy stuff UM? 789 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:29,719 Speaker 1: So our instagram is Modern Therapy Official and so those 790 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,640 Speaker 1: are real great ways to get plugged in otherwise. Our email, 791 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:37,080 Speaker 1: our email our website is my Modern therapy dot com 792 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,239 Speaker 1: and our website for human is human hq dot org. 793 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,000 Speaker 1: I feel like both websites have a lot of just 794 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:47,239 Speaker 1: information about different things that people might be looking for 795 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,320 Speaker 1: in therapy. Like we said, therapy isn't just for people 796 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,400 Speaker 1: going through crisis. There's a lot of different things you 797 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 1: can get out of it. Mm hmmm, oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. 798 00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 1: My hope is that um, you know it willchever capacity 799 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,920 Speaker 1: is for people that um, they kick up some space, 800 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,919 Speaker 1: you know, just to be able to give themselves time 801 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,400 Speaker 1: to reflect and you know, think about what their values 802 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,919 Speaker 1: are and how they want to live and um, how 803 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 1: to you know, really confront from a their story to 804 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,840 Speaker 1: be able to live a life they want. That's amazing, Beatrice, 805 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,479 Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it. 806 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:26,000 Speaker 1: I love these talks. I could talk about this all day. 807 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:30,440 Speaker 1: My favorite you guys check them out at Modern Therapy 808 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:36,000 Speaker 1: and Human Headquarters. Um, and thank you guys for listening by. 809 00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,440 Speaker 1: This is Kelly Henderson and you've been listening to the 810 00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:42,160 Speaker 1: Velvet's Edge podcast. I truly believe that every one of 811 00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:44,839 Speaker 1: us has a little velvet and a little edge, So 812 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,480 Speaker 1: it's so important to remember that to be strong, you 813 00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 1: must be soft too. Thank you so much for sharing 814 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,480 Speaker 1: in those stories with me. You can follow Velvet's Edge 815 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,680 Speaker 1: on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as velvet's Edge 816 00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,759 Speaker 1: dot com. If you haven't yet, go to Apple Podcast 817 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:03,680 Speaker 1: and subscribe, rate and review this podcast. Join me every 818 00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:08,640 Speaker 1: Wednesday for more conversations on lifestyle, beauty, and relationships. Thanks 819 00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:11,319 Speaker 1: for listening, m HM.