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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

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Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs

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Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you

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Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 3: I am everything. I'm everything to me. I may not

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Speaker 3: be everything to other people, and that's okay, but to me,

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Speaker 3: I'm everything.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: women like you we're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 2: black women can just.

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Speaker 1: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

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Speaker 1: state of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

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Speaker 1: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

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Speaker 1: Brusard dot com. That's d r D O M I

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Speaker 1: N I q U E B R O U S

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Speaker 1: S A r D dot com to schedule a free

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Speaker 1: fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 2: All right, lady, Today, we have a very special guest

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Speaker 2: on the podcast. Okay, let me just tell you. Her

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Speaker 2: voice is so soothing, so you're gonna you're just gonna

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Speaker 2: love her voice. Her vibe is bombing. If you're tuning

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Speaker 2: into the video, you know you can go to Patreon

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Speaker 2: and tune into our video episodes. Her backdrop is just

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Speaker 2: a whole vibe. She just exudes the vibe. Okay, so

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Speaker 2: you gotta you gotta get the videos. Look at got

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Speaker 2: the head wrap. She's blown kisses. Now, I just gotta

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Speaker 2: go go check it out. Okay. She's the bougie bougie

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Speaker 2: best friend in your head. Okay, so let's just go

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Speaker 2: ahead and die on in to Neil Clark is a

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Speaker 2: certified life coach, millennial wife, and mommy. She's the host

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Speaker 2: of the She Speaks Bougie podcast, which she created to

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Speaker 2: illuminate the uniqueness and vibrancy of the black woman experience.

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Speaker 2: Through being an expert conversationalist. Tanil converses with each guest

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Speaker 2: to unpack the topics that confront but exalt our womanhood.

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Speaker 2: So make sure you tune into her podcast so that

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Speaker 2: you can lean into how she dismantles and redefines what

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Speaker 2: it means to be bougie. Tanil, welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me on. I'm excited.

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Speaker 3: I am, like, Holy Molly, it's just different being on

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Speaker 3: this side of the mic as opposed to, you know,

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Speaker 3: having guests on. So let's get into it. I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: Yay. We are excited to have you on, so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna just jump right in with the code of the day. Now.

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Speaker 1: To Neil, this quote will sound really familiar to you

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Speaker 1: because these are your words, you know. We go, we

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Speaker 1: go install the social media, you know, and we figure

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Speaker 1: out what are the gems that our guests are dropping.

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Speaker 1: So our quote of the day, the strength in knowing

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Speaker 1: who you are gives you the power to see that

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Speaker 1: what is in the shadows won't survive in your light.

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Speaker 2: Mm.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna say that one more time for the

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Speaker 1: people in the back to make sure you caught that

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Speaker 1: the strength in knowing who you are gives you the

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Speaker 1: power to see that what's in the shadows won't survive

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Speaker 1: in your light.

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Speaker 3: Yes, Yes, to Neil.

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Speaker 1: That that beautiful gem right there. When we think about

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Speaker 1: our topic for today, we're talking about adulting and like

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Speaker 1: the various ways of adulting. Right when you think about

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Speaker 1: that quote and how it applies to adulting. And I

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Speaker 1: know where the quote, I know the image that you

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Speaker 1: posted and what prompted this particular quote. But share with

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Speaker 1: our listeners what was coming up for you when you

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Speaker 1: wrote that.

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Speaker 3: Oof, oh jeez, doctor Dom. You've been on my show,

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Speaker 3: and I am so in love with you. It's maddening.

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Speaker 3: So and I've heard so many awesome things about you, Terrri.

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Speaker 3: It's like, oh my gosh, this is such an incredible

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Speaker 3: podcast for us, for women that look like me and you,

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Speaker 3: you know. And one of the things that scares me,

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Speaker 3: or that I hate to admit, but because it's so

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Speaker 3: cliche at this point, but imposterous rome right, the feeling

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Speaker 3: of I'm not good enough. I'm not going to be

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Speaker 3: able to do the things that I want to do.

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Speaker 3: I don't feel in terms of my body, what do

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Speaker 3: I want to expose to the world. What do I

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Speaker 3: want to show myself when I look in the mirror

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Speaker 3: and I'm doing mirror work. But all of these things,

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Speaker 3: it's all encompassing, these fears that I have. And then

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Speaker 3: one day I just remembered that if I can remember,

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to remember exactly where I had that quote,

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Speaker 3: but from what I remember, I was out to dinner

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Speaker 3: with some friends and I was looking so cute, like

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Speaker 3: super super cute, and I was going to have dinner

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Speaker 3: with my girlfriends. And I love her to dead. She's

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Speaker 3: like really educated, she's amazing, She's an amazing human. But

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Speaker 3: in the back of my mind, I was like, what

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Speaker 3: am I going to talk about because it's been so

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Speaker 3: long since I've been around humans. And we went to dinner,

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Speaker 3: had an awesome time, and on my ride home, I

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Speaker 3: started talking to God, talking to myself, and I remember it.

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Speaker 3: I was like, wait a minute, I am, I am?

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Speaker 3: I am pretty great. So if I can understand who

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Speaker 3: it is that I am, that regardless of what size

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Speaker 3: I am, regardless of what educational background I have, the

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Speaker 3: friendship circle I have, regardless of that I am. And

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Speaker 3: because I am, I know that whatever darkness, whatever sadness,

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Speaker 3: whatever insecurity, whatever moment of hesitation I have, it's going

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Speaker 3: to come up. But because I know who I am,

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Speaker 3: I can confront that and I have the strength to

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Speaker 3: do so. There is no weakness in confronting your shadows.

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Speaker 3: Actually the strength in that. And so that's where that quote.

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Speaker 3: It just comes up in so many different forms of

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Speaker 3: my life that I go, hmm, if I can face

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Speaker 3: what I see or the again the imposters syndrome syndrome,

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Speaker 3: if I can face that, if I can acknowledge it

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Speaker 3: and just allow it to be, because nobody wants to

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Speaker 3: feel feel scared. Nobody wants to feel insecure, nobody wants

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Speaker 3: to feel those things. But if you actually feel it

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Speaker 3: and acknowledge it, I mean you better watch out because

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Speaker 3: let nothing put asunder, No man put as under, because

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Speaker 3: I know I can defeat it.

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Speaker 2: And it's so powerful and so beautiful. And I do

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Speaker 2: have a question that I want to ask, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like we should just learn more about your origin

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Speaker 2: story first and then dive into this question maybe a

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Speaker 2: little bit later. So what led you to become a

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Speaker 2: life coach?

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Speaker 3: Well? So I was, you know what I was thinking

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Speaker 3: about that because I was like, you know, what, how

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Speaker 3: deep are we about to go? Like, how are we

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Speaker 3: really going to get into it? Because you know deep

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Speaker 3: part deep deep deep deep. Okay, So back in twenty sixteen,

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Speaker 3: twenty seventeen, I was, for lack of a better example,

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Speaker 3: I was an inside sales rep or a dental company

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Speaker 3: and I was making really good money, but I was

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Speaker 3: I was just like depressed. I was a mess. I

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Speaker 3: was unhappy all of those things. I didn't like the

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Speaker 3: people I were, but they didn't like meet Joab. Can't

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Speaker 3: you believe it? Just it is? It is what it is?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: So I was thinking to myself, like what do I

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Speaker 3: want to do? Like, I have a degree in psychology

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Speaker 3: and I wanted to become a psychologist many moons ago,

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Speaker 3: but after I interned at a treatment center, I was like,

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Speaker 3: this is a no go for me. I'm just too sensitive,

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Speaker 3: which I just can't do it. So I guess kept thinking,

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Speaker 3: like what is it I want to do? This purpose

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Speaker 3: I have in life? Like you know, you have these

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Speaker 3: golden handcuffs of I'm doing well for myself, I'm doing okay,

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Speaker 3: you know, what do I want to do? So I

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Speaker 3: became pregnant, and right around that same I think it

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Speaker 3: was like eight weeks at the time, they corraled us

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Speaker 3: all into this room and gave us this really pretty speech.

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Speaker 3: My entire department, all of the sales and reps in

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Speaker 3: my department, and they laid us off. And I was

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Speaker 3: the only one who was like, where do I sign?

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much? You basically paid me to leave.

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Speaker 3: I appreciate this because it just so happened that my

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Speaker 3: husband ended up getting an opportunity in Texas and so

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Speaker 3: we moved, and so I got paid to leave. And

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Speaker 3: so even though my story turned out fine, for or

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Speaker 3: when else, I'm not so short. So as I'm in Texas,

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Speaker 3: I ended up going through a really traumatic pregnancy loss

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Speaker 3: and I'm still trying to I went through therapy for

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Speaker 3: about nine months worth of therapy, and I went into

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Speaker 3: basically a nosedive head first depression where I for anyone

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Speaker 3: of us who have dealt with depression, it's like this

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Speaker 3: cloud that's over your head and it just sits there

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Speaker 3: and it rains and it's foggy and you can't see

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Speaker 3: through it, and you're just like, what am I going

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Speaker 3: to do with myself? Because I can't function? But then

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Speaker 3: you have to function because no one knows what it

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Speaker 3: feels like for you and your body. And so I decided,

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Speaker 3: I was like, what am I going to do with myself?

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Speaker 3: I'm out here. I don't necessarily want to have a

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Speaker 3: conventional job, but I do want to fulfill a purpose.

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Speaker 3: And even though I like my add will my ADHD

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Speaker 3: will not allow me to go back to grad school

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Speaker 3: because I just don't have it in me like sit

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Speaker 3: still and do all the things that are required. I said,

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Speaker 3: you know what, what is a version of that that

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Speaker 3: I could do where I have the best of both worlds,

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Speaker 3: where I'm not necessarily digging deep into someone's life, but

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Speaker 3: I can actually help someone like figure out what it

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Speaker 3: is they want to do. And so I did that

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Speaker 3: with life coaching. I got certified personal and professional part

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Speaker 3: of me and it is centered around positive psychology. And

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Speaker 3: my mind was blown. I realized that I can sit,

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Speaker 3: you know, across a desk and talk to somebody who

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Speaker 3: has healed wounds. Right, there's a scar there, but we

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Speaker 3: don't have to scratch at it, because that's not my job.

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Speaker 3: My job is to make sure that you want to

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Speaker 3: become a public speaker, you want to be seen. One

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Speaker 3: thing that was a trauma trigger for me in the

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Speaker 3: workplace was that as a black woman, I refused to

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Speaker 3: subscribe to this like black woman narrative that they had

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Speaker 3: me of when it came to like asking questions or

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Speaker 3: giving pushback on something. And so I wanted to work

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Speaker 3: with black women who just wanted to be seen, wanted

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Speaker 3: to be like acknowledge for who they are, value me,

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Speaker 3: and how can I express my value to other people?

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Speaker 3: How can I show up for myself in the way

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Speaker 3: that I want to do so that I'm proud of really,

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Speaker 3: And it was awesome. It was awesome and I say

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Speaker 3: it was because I ended up getting pregnant and then

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Speaker 3: my story began and I ended up switching gears. But

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Speaker 3: life coaching in the when I had the practice, it

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Speaker 3: was one of the most fulfilled, awesome experiences of my

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Speaker 3: life because it's just you and this other person and

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Speaker 3: they say, you know what I want to Like. I

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Speaker 3: had a woman who worked she lived in the Bahamas,

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Speaker 3: and she's like and she was calling miss Taneila. I'm like, girl,

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Speaker 3: I'm Scott. But she wanted to be a motivational speaker.

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Speaker 3: And when I got her to work on the things

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Speaker 3: that go around speaking, she went on a whole tour child.

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Speaker 3: She was like writing books. She was out there live

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Speaker 3: in her dream and she would follow up with me

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Speaker 3: and say, thank you, thank you. Can you believe I'm

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Speaker 3: doing this? And I'm like, yes I can, Yes I can.

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Speaker 3: The beauty is that now you believe it, because my

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Speaker 3: whole my thing is if I believe it, it's not true.

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Speaker 3: If you believe it's true, right, because I can tell

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Speaker 3: you all day long you're amazing, but if you say it,

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Speaker 3: it's golden. And so for her to be like, man,

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Speaker 3: this is my life, I'm like, yeah, it is, and

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Speaker 3: I got to be a part of that. So life

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Speaker 3: coaching was an awesome, awesome experience.

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Speaker 1: That was so beautiful. Let me just say to me, you,

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Speaker 1: the way you share a story is just so beautiful,

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Speaker 1: Like it's captivating, like you sit like you're listening and

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Speaker 1: you you're pulled in and you want to know, right,

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Speaker 1: and it's so beautiful. So of course my next question is,

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Speaker 1: so you decided to put life coaching aside, And it

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Speaker 1: sounds like that might have been a hard decision, right, yeah,

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Speaker 1: But so talk to us about that process of saying, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to focus on being a mom, being a wife,

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Speaker 1: star podcast and put this thing that I love that

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Speaker 1: I didn't it wasn't an initial in the plane, right,

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Speaker 1: that wasn't a part of the initial plan right now,

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Speaker 1: but I fell in love with it, and I'm going

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Speaker 1: to put it aside and shift gears to these other things.

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Speaker 1: So talk to us about talk us through that process.

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Speaker 3: Wow. So, as I touched on the pregnancy loss that

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Speaker 3: I went through was very It had me in its

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Speaker 3: grasp for a long time on motherhood, on how am

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Speaker 3: I going to be a wife now? You know, because

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Speaker 3: my dream was always to be a mother, and I

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Speaker 3: didn't know what that looked like. I didn't know what

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Speaker 3: it was going to feel like. But I just knew

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Speaker 3: the endgame was motherhood. And so when I had that,

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Speaker 3: and when I didn't have that, and then I had

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Speaker 3: no job, and then I was in this new town.

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Speaker 3: No one knew my name. You go to the grocery

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Speaker 3: store and you're like, no one knows who I am

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Speaker 3: around here. I was a part of the Urban League

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Speaker 3: of Greater Atlanta. I was I got accepted into the

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Speaker 3: United United Way. I'm just saying I was doing all

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Speaker 3: these things in Atlanta, right, and I was part of organizations,

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Speaker 3: and then it came out here and I just had

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Speaker 3: absolutely nothing. And so I remember I was praying, and

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Speaker 3: I do this a lot, because, like you know, sometimes

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Speaker 3: when you curse, you stop praying and you just started

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Speaker 3: talking to yourself. So I was like, I was like,

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Speaker 3: what the hell, What the hell am I doing with myself?

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Speaker 3: This is too much. And as much as I'm helping

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Speaker 3: my clients, I'm still not present with myself. I'm still

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Speaker 3: not seated in who I am because I'm floating. I'm

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Speaker 3: floating at this point, and I'm borrowing love, acceptance, attention

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Speaker 3: purpose from other people. I'm borrowing that because it isn't mine,

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Speaker 3: it isn't stay long, and it's inauthentic. And so I

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Speaker 3: remember being like, you say, I can curse, right, So

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Speaker 3: like I'm like shit, you know, shit, I really want

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Speaker 3: to say the other word. Like, but I'm like shit,

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Speaker 3: like this, there has to be something else. And I

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Speaker 3: remember getting on my hands and knees and I am guttural, God,

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Speaker 3: what am I doing here? What is my purpose here?

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Speaker 3: I have this practice, you know as I call it,

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Speaker 3: and I'm doing I'm doing okay. I'm not gonna say

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Speaker 3: that I was doing awesome. I'm doing okay. But why

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Speaker 3: am I not where I want to be? I said

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Speaker 3: this vision. I would sit on my couch and probably

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Speaker 3: six months in into therapy, and I'll sit on my

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Speaker 3: couch and on vision, little feet like going down the steps,

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Speaker 3: and I would feel like I would hear them, and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, God, like it's not fair. And I'm going

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Speaker 3: on Facebook and I'm seeing all these you know, just

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Speaker 3: got married, just had a twins. This one over here

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Speaker 3: had quadruplets, that one over there. You know, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: everybody's doing what I think is my purpose? You know,

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Speaker 3: And so I remember just again, I'm crying, and I'm like, God,

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Speaker 3: you know, I want to be mother. I want to

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Speaker 3: I have all of this love to give, I have

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Speaker 3: all of this inside of me that I want to share,

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Speaker 3: and I'm thinking to myself, like is it ever going

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Speaker 3: to happen? So even though I'm doing the thing, you know,

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Speaker 3: in terms of helping other people, and it was great

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Speaker 3: and all, but I would go into my room and

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Speaker 3: to my bathroom be like, well, what about me?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 3: What about me? What's what's for me? You know? And

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Speaker 3: I'm not trying to be selfish. It'd be like, you know,

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Speaker 3: motherhood is like it's all about for you and you

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Speaker 3: and you, but but really, when you have like this

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Speaker 3: this this this thing, it's like fever hit. It's like

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Speaker 3: fever pitch right, It's like boiling up, like what is

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Speaker 3: it that's for me? And so I remember I went

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Speaker 3: to the park and I'm going through the park and well,

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Speaker 3: I don't know actually before that, I and I say

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Speaker 3: this story all the time. I was in church years

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Speaker 3: ago and I was with my husband and I and

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Speaker 3: we were praying, and I used to rub my belly

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Speaker 3: and I would thank God in advance for my womb

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Speaker 3: and I would say thank you God for you know,

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Speaker 3: a healthy body and blah blah blah. And then I

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Speaker 3: heard this still small voice say to me, you are

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Speaker 3: going to have a boy and then a girl. And

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Speaker 3: I was like what because I was like, I don't

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Speaker 3: want no boy, Like, oh, my God doing a little

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Speaker 3: boy boo. I was like, I don't know. And that

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Speaker 3: took me out of prayer, right, that took me out

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Speaker 3: of it because I was like, ah, because anyone that

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Speaker 3: knows me was like, I want a little girl. I

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Speaker 3: want a girl all day long. And so I knew

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Speaker 3: that was God. I knew that wasn't me. I knew

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Speaker 3: that wasn't a tamil desire. I knew that was a

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Speaker 3: God thing because it wasn't what I wanted, because God

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Speaker 3: should be giving you stuff you don't want shore.

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Speaker 1: Doom right like I knows he bought it.

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Speaker 3: I didn't ask you. And so when I had my

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Speaker 3: pregnancy loss, it was a girl. And so I was like,

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Speaker 3: what in the world you know? And so I'm saying

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Speaker 3: all that to say, I'm at the park and I'm

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Speaker 3: walking and I heard another voice say to me, you're

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Speaker 3: going to have you know if I was. It's almost

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Speaker 3: like I was negotiating, like or you're going to have

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Speaker 3: one or whatever, like what're you gonna do? And I

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Speaker 3: and I was like, okay, God, if I just have one,

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Speaker 3: I will devote in a healthy way, because again, you know,

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Speaker 3: you don't want to like make promises you can't keep

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Speaker 3: just so that you can get what you want. But

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Speaker 3: I was like, you know what, I I would like

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Speaker 3: to experience having a baby. I would like to be

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Speaker 3: healthy and have a healthy delivery. This whole thing. I'm

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Speaker 3: having this whole conversation. And I was like, okay, I

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Speaker 3: said wait a second, because you said too, I'm only

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Speaker 3: hearing one right now, Like what's going on? So anyway,

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Speaker 3: I ended up getting pregnant, and when I got pregnant,

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Speaker 3: I was vegan for nine months prior to pregnancy because

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Speaker 3: once I got vegan. Once I got pregnant, chiall, I

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Speaker 3: started eating all kinds of meats, you know, terry like

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Speaker 3: a chicken wing. I was eating cheese pizza like nobody's business,

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Speaker 3: and it's flushies and I'm like, what the hell is

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Speaker 3: up with me? Like that's all I wanted. So I'm

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Speaker 3: saying all of that because I prepare. Everything just stopped

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Speaker 3: once I became pregnant. First of all, I was scared

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Speaker 3: as hell. I was like, oh my God, Like, am

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Speaker 3: I going to go through the same thing I went

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Speaker 3: through in the past. What's going on? So all by

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Speaker 3: mental energy went towards that, and I just knew that

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Speaker 3: I didn't have I didn't have room for others because

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Speaker 3: I just kept trying to make room for others pre pregnancy,

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Speaker 3: and then when I got pregnant, I was like, I

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Speaker 3: don't have I don't have room for this. I don't

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Speaker 3: I need. There's a reason why I was removed from

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Speaker 3: everything and everyone, with my family, everything, and I'm here.

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Speaker 3: There's a reason for that. And so I'm going to

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Speaker 3: make a room for me. And I'm going to see

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Speaker 3: what motherhood looks like on me, not what I experienced

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Speaker 3: as a child, not what my friends are like as moms,

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Speaker 3: but I have a blank canvas. What does that look like?

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Speaker 3: And so I spent that time building a relationship with

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Speaker 3: my belly and understanding, you know, this tiny human that's

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Speaker 3: growing inside of me, and when his butt would be

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Speaker 3: on the side of my stomach or inside of me,

387
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Speaker 3: I'm like, push it to come on, kid, you know,

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Speaker 3: like that is something that only my kid and a

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Speaker 3: little boy which I had. I had a little boy

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Speaker 3: that it's only something that he and I experienced together

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Speaker 3: and I didn't. And because I had the gift of

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Speaker 3: being able to stay home, you know, I had the

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Speaker 3: time to develop that because that was so important to me.

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Speaker 3: And it was this like this covenant between me and

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Speaker 3: God where it's like I talked to God. I'm saying

396
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Speaker 3: like yo, guttural, ugly cry, damn near begging, you know,

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Speaker 3: just because I'm thirty nine now, but at the time

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Speaker 3: time I was what first person was thirty four and

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Speaker 3: then I went through a year, so like thirty six,

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Speaker 3: thirty seven, and now I'm like, look, hey, like as

401
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Speaker 3: if we can talk to God like that, but you

402
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Speaker 3: know what I mean, be like, hey, you know, come out,

403
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Speaker 3: what is happening? What is going on here? Because you know,

404
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Speaker 3: I need to make sure that like ten fingers, ten toes,

405
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Speaker 3: you know. So, in a really long winded sort of way,

406
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Speaker 3: everything everything stopped because motherhood became something that for me,

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Speaker 3: that was one of my purposes. It wasn't my sole purpose.

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Speaker 3: And after having my son and he is the mood

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Speaker 3: and the stars and He's everything and the greatest joy

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Speaker 3: of my life, like my like true, like my husband

411
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Speaker 3: is my my love, my soul made my twin flame.

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Speaker 3: And then my son is like what love is? You

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Speaker 3: know all of that and so so that's all great

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Speaker 3: and dandy until you are what was I six months in?

415
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Speaker 3: Seven months in and I was like my next started

416
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Speaker 3: itching and I was like this is awesome and everything,

417
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Speaker 3: but I'm bored, like like I need I need something

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Speaker 3: for me because now that my purpose has been fulfilled.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. You know what I mean,

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Speaker 3: Like I showed up God, like I did what I

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Speaker 3: said I was going to do. I prayed, I begged.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm not ashamed. I said it three times already.

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Speaker 3: But I did all these things. So now I'm ready

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Speaker 3: because I have room for me. Now. I made all

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Speaker 3: that room for me, And because I made that room,

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Speaker 3: I want to see, like what is it that I

427
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 3: want to Because before when I was coaching, it was

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Speaker 3: for other people. It was because I wanted other people

429
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 3: to feel fulfilled, lost off. I didn't know what that

430
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 3: meant for me, And so now I'm like what does

431
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 3: that mean for me? Because I don't know I I

432
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 3: don't know if I'm explaining myself correctly. For it's like

433
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 3: coming across the way that I wanted to. But I

434
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 3: remember my husband and I were in our room. We're talking,

435
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 3: We're having date night or whatever, just like bullshit and stuff.

436
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 3: And he's like, you know what, pull that thought. And

437
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 3: he went downstairs and he got me a glass of

438
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 3: wine and he got this big sticky paper, the big one,

439
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 3: you know, the sticky note, but it's like in large

440
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 3: that you put on the wall, right, And so he

441
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: played on the wall. Cool and he put on the

442
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: wall and he put a marker in my hand, and

443
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 3: he's like, all right, So if you were to have

444
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 3: a podcast, what would it be about? Because everyone's always like,

445
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 3: you gotta have podcasts. I was like, but look, I'm

446
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 3: an ambervert, Okay, Like I can chat. I can chat

447
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 3: with the best of them. But when it's pardon me,

448
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 3: when it's time for me to stop jogging, you know,

449
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 3: and when I want my alone time, yes, I'm like

450
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 3: slamming the door, like get out of my face. We're here,

451
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 3: r right. Like, So I was like, okay, what am

452
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 3: I going to talk about? Like, oh my goodness, gracious,

453
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 3: Like everybody has a podcast. You know everybody has a podcast.

454
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 3: How am I going to stand down? I don't know

455
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 3: what the hell I want to talk about? Like this

456
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 3: is insanity. And he said, well, what would you want

457
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 3: to talk about and who would you want to talk to?

458
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 3: And every time I answered his question, he'd write it

459
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 3: down and then by the end of the evening and

460
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 3: probably half a bottle of wine, she speaks. Bougie was

461
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 3: born because I wanted a space that was for black women.

462
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,879
Speaker 3: Everyone can listen, anyone can listen, or for once. I

463
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 3: wanted us to be at the table talking. I wanted

464
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 3: us to be the one, even if I have a

465
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 3: white guest on because I didn't have one for like months,

466
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 3: for seasons, because I just wanted it to be us.

467
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 3: I wanted to speak how we speak. I wanted to

468
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 3: say b and whatever, I want to place bee and whatever,

469
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 3: like she'd be e in, she'd be. I want to

470
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 3: do all that when happened to explain myself. I wanted

471
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 3: to laugh out loud, talk about things that were important

472
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 3: to us, talk about things that weren't that important, but

473
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 3: like make it fun because I just wanted us to,

474
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 3: especially during the time of all these trials, I mean,

475
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 3: it's been what like five years now of just like

476
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 3: trial at the trial, at the trial of somebody, some cop, someone.

477
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 3: So I just wanted a space where we could just be, like,

478
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 3: you know what you could be to fly in the wall,

479
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 3: for one, and I don't have to break the fourth

480
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 3: wall and explain anything to you. You can google it,

481
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,239
Speaker 3: you can like figure it out. It's cool, you know,

482
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 3: and then when you want to come on board, you

483
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 3: can do that too. And I've had a couple therapists

484
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 3: on who were white, and I give them the same

485
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 3: template that I send to everybody. Wagwan because you know,

486
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 3: I'm Jamaican. So was like wugwan because I'm not going

487
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 3: to change, not to have bit to who I am,

488
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 3: Nata piece, sata, lick, none of it. You know, I'm

489
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 3: gonna be who I am because I'm sick of always

490
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 3: having to code switch. I'm not going to code switch podcast. Okay,

491
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:14,360
Speaker 3: that was like so long winded, but yeah, that's how

492
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 3: I went from motherhood or how I was able to

493
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 3: like make room for all of that, and then that's

494
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 3: how the podcast was born. Because I just mommy needed

495
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 3: an outlet, you know, Mommy needed an outlet, she needed

496
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 3: a space to talk to other humans, and then it

497
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 3: kind of just grew legs and I had listeners or

498
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: I still have it. You know. I'm on hiatus right

499
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 3: now on holidays. I'll be back in the new year,

500
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 3: but I have listeners all over the world, and I'm like,

501
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 3: little old me, like what you mean listening? Okay? You know,

502
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 3: I get a little message and I'm like, oh stop,

503
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 3: well thanks, this is weird, you know what I mean,

504
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 3: Like you actually listen.

505
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 2: To exactly exactly we never even been to, right, It's

506
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 2: just like, oh gosh, yeah, dang, Neil, that's so beautiful.

507
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 2: I think there's so much that so many women can

508
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 2: relate to based on what you just shared, and there's

509
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 2: so much that we can unpack. I do want to

510
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: say there's no shame and the way that one, the

511
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 2: way that you talk to God. I love the conversational

512
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 2: like I know some people say, like Jesus is my homeboy.

513
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 2: Just that conversational tone. It's so sobering and so just

514
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 2: beautiful to hear you speak about your story and what

515
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 2: you've been through. The thing that stood out to me

516
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 2: most as you were speaking is this underlying question of

517
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 2: how do you find who you are because we kind

518
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 2: of talked about that in the beginning. You also mentioned

519
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 2: mirror work, which I'm like, oh, we got to dive

520
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 2: into mirror work as well. But for that person that's

521
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 2: in whatever stage of their journey and they're just trying

522
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: to figure out, how do I even find out who

523
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 2: I am? Like? What have you done in your journey

524
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 2: or what did you I guess encourage your clients when

525
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 2: you were life coaching, what do you encourage them to

526
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 2: do for that?

527
00:29:56,080 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 3: That is such an awesome question that takes time, That

528
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 3: takes so much time that we don't give ourselves because

529
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 3: we live in this social media. I want this? What's that?

530
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 3: Aruka is her name from Willy Wonka. You know, don't

531
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 3: care how I want it? Now. I need to figure

532
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 3: out who I am now. I need to be fabulous now.

533
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 3: I need to like get it all in now and

534
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 3: go to toulom. Now. You know when in reality? What

535
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 3: in reality? It's like?

536
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: Girl?

537
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 3: The answer to that is time. The answer to that

538
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 3: is truth. It is vulnerability. It is truly standing in

539
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 3: the feelings of the things you don't want to feel.

540
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 3: That's really how you get to who you are because

541
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 3: you know what you guys. I kept thinking, like, I

542
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 3: want to find myself. I want to be the person

543
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 3: who always wanted to be. I want to like, you know,

544
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 3: who is she? And God was like, oh, okay, all right,

545
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 3: I got you. Let's trip it right, Let's trip everything

546
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 3: that you thought you were. I thought I was someone

547
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 3: who was like climbing this ladder, going to all of

548
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 3: these networking events. I was doing the things, you know,

549
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 3: going to these dinners and I was part of I

550
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 3: was going to Gallas. Well there's one, but you know,

551
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 3: and I was doing all this stuff. And then when

552
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 3: that ended, I was like, but what sayah? I was like,

553
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 3: but when looking at the mirror, who am I? Because

554
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 3: I don't know her? I don't know her. And so

555
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 3: what I would suggest is when you are really ready,

556
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 3: and I want you to really give yourself time, truly

557
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 3: give yourself time to be ready. You can't force it,

558
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 3: and or it will be forced upon you to figure

559
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 3: out who you are, and that's going to be much harder.

560
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 3: So give yourself time ease into who you are. Start simple,

561
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 3: what do you like to eat? Where do you like

562
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 3: to go? Do you really like that friend of yours

563
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 3: or she just a brunch friend? Is it okay to

564
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 3: be like, you know what, she's a brunch friend. So

565
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 3: when I'm feeling for you know, when I'm in the

566
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 3: mood for brunch, that's that's the home mead call. But

567
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 3: that's not somebody I'm going to tell my deepest, darkest

568
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 3: secrets to that. Who's my lifetime friend? Where do I

569
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 3: do I like to go to the park? Do I

570
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 3: even like this?

571
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 1: Man?

572
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 3: Do I like women?

573
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 1: Do? Like?

574
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 3: What is it? And it's okay to ask yourself these

575
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 3: things because the thing is what I learned is that

576
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 3: there's no wrong answer when it's you. There is no

577
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 3: it's impossible because you were ever. And the next thing

578
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 3: is to know that you were ever evolving. That that's

579
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 3: the beauty of who you are. So like, one minute,

580
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 3: I'm so into sex in the city. I used to

581
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 3: be like in love with sex. No, actually no, let

582
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 3: me give you a better example. I used to love

583
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 3: the show Masha growing up right, Maia.

584
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah?

585
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 3: Out at my big age. When I go and look

586
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 3: at such a sister, I'm like, man, these girls are

587
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 3: sold dog on whiny man. Why is Roger always going

588
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,959
Speaker 3: to the house knowing dog going? Well, nobody wants him

589
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 3: in his house, in their house. Real real, that's a

590
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 3: real question. That's a real last question. Roger go home,

591
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 3: and Moisha stay there, and I know they give you

592
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 3: a key. How the hell you keep coming up at

593
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 3: my house? Roger go home? So you know the things

594
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: that you used to like, that's okay, you used to

595
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 3: like those things. It doesn't mean you're fake. It just

596
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 3: means that you evolved. So allow yourself the levity to

597
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 3: just be like, you know what, I'm going to go

598
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 3: painting this weekend. I'm going to you know what, Painting

599
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 3: is not for me. I don't like that. I want

600
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 3: to sit around and I want to watch Netflix all

601
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 3: day because I want to rest dog on it, you know.

602
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 3: Or I want to cook like I when I became vegan,

603
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 3: I was like, holy hell, because my favoris would make

604
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 3: fun of me all the time because I just I

605
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 3: was a terrible cook. I don't know what the hell

606
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 3: got into me. Okay, I don't know, But all of

607
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 3: a sudden, I'll be burning some stuff in a good way.

608
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 3: I'd be in the kitchen, Oh, some baked chicken, some

609
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 3: rice on peas.

610
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: Listen, you Jamaican. I just I just kind of expected

611
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: and I'm ready, like I'm hungry. I'm like, where where

612
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: the food used to? Littlemails? I know you're vegan, but

613
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: we're the oxtails.

614
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,919
Speaker 3: I don't do ox. I never liked ox tail because

615
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 3: it's gummy, and I've just never It's a textual thing

616
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 3: for me. I know, I know. But my family would

617
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 3: tear up some oxtail. I used to get the sauce

618
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 3: and take the sauce and we would do spinners, which

619
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 3: is like dumpling, so we would get I would get

620
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 3: the spinners and I would get the sauce. I put

621
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 3: on my rice and that's what I would I would

622
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 3: never eat the dump. I would never eat the oxtail.

623
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,399
Speaker 3: Was like, thank you, you got me. You got me.

624
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 3: This is why we're here. You got me. But my

625
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 3: mom and my sister they can really burn. Okay, there's

626
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 3: a couple of things I can. I can, you know,

627
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 3: I can rock with but when it comes to like,

628
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 3: but my point is because I'm getting off on tangent

629
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 3: because I tend to do that. But like, there are

630
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,800
Speaker 3: things about myself that I just have to give myself

631
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 3: a chance to learn and try out and see if

632
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 3: it's something that I like. Because there's truth in that.

633
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,439
Speaker 3: You're not going to find your truth, which is really

634
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 3: who am I? What is my truth? How do I

635
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 3: stand up for myself? How do I stand in who

636
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 3: I am? Pardon me? What's that person look like? And

637
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 3: by the end of everything for me, after having my son,

638
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I'm an awesome mom. I was

639
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 3: making home cooked meals for him and I still do,

640
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 3: but sometimes a little homie beee eat some peanut butter

641
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 3: and jelly sandwiches. You know, like sometimes I'm like, hey,

642
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 3: I don't have time for all this, Like here's a

643
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:51,280
Speaker 3: potato chip. I'm sorry, Like I just don't have any today.

644
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 3: Here you go, And that's okay. I'm not going to

645
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,879
Speaker 3: be a Pinterest mom. And sometimes I am a Pinterest mom.

646
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,280
Speaker 3: Sometimes I am someone who likes to put things together.

647
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 3: I like an ambiance. I like an experience. I like

648
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 3: a vibe. And sometimes, you know, I haven't like had

649
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 3: a chance to brush my teeth today because I'm just

650
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 3: ripping and running. That's my truth. And that's okay, because

651
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 3: because who are you to tell me anything differently, because

652
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 3: you're not me, So going to the mirror work, you know,

653
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 3: I had a guest on my show, and I talked

654
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 3: about mirror work, and I was like, girl, shut up,

655
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,280
Speaker 3: because I did not want to look in the mirror.

656
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 3: I didn't. I didn't want to because it was a

657
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 3: whole thing of like standing naked looking at your buddy.

658
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't want all that, Like I don't

659
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,600
Speaker 3: want to do all of that.

660
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 2: But I did it.

661
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 3: And then once I did it, you know, I started

662
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:51,360
Speaker 3: seeing me. I started seeing the good, the bad, the

663
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 3: the strength, like my belly when I was pregnant, my

664
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 3: thighs when I work out. You know, I have these

665
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 3: little moles now and I'm like, WHOA, where they come from?

666
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 3: My gray hairs. I'm like, yes, I see you. I've lived.

667
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: There's just so many things where you just go. That's

668
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 3: why you do it because there's no one. There's again,

669
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 3: there's no wrong answer, there's no one there to say

670
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 3: to you you're wrong. No one can be wrong about

671
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 3: who you are. And so once you are truly at

672
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 3: that stage and you're ready, you would be surprised what

673
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 3: comes up. And I and I and the last thing

674
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 3: I'm going to say, another dog can probably talk on this.

675
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 3: The inner child work. So like when your inner child

676
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 3: looks at the mirror and the inner child is talking

677
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 3: to you through your mirror, and you're like, huh, I

678
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 3: do remember that that scar on my knee. Look how

679
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,839
Speaker 3: adventurous I was. I do remember, you know when I

680
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 3: had this little mark right here. Oh yeah, that was

681
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,320
Speaker 3: pretty cool with me to do that. I am a

682
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,280
Speaker 3: boss bitch.

683
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 2: Good period.

684
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 3: Yes, I am everything. I am everything to me. I

685
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,280
Speaker 3: may not be everything to other people and that's okay,

686
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 3: but to me I'm everything.

687
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: Again, Yes, yes, yes, you are just blessing us in

688
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 1: this conversation. No, you are dropping so many beautiful gems

689
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: and so many important lessons for us to take away

690
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:32,919
Speaker 1: about adulting, right, Like, because there's so many things out

691
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: there about how to adult right and it's all of

692
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 1: these steps that don't seem to be applicable to everyone's life, right,

693
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 1: that's not helpful for who, particularly black women right who

694
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: we want to be. And so I think about this

695
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 1: adulting and one of the things that you know that

696
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:18,919
Speaker 1: comes up often is balance. And yeah, so you're a mom,

697
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 1: your wife, you're a podcaster, you're a friend, you're a daughter,

698
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 1: You're all of these different roles and play all these

699
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 1: different roles in your life.

700
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 3: Right, How do.

701
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 1: You navigate making time? Because I'm gonna avoid using the

702
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: word balance, how do you navigate making time for the

703
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: people and things in your life that are important to you.

704
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you a real, real answer. I

705
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 3: actually almost lost a friendship, a really good friendship, over

706
00:39:55,400 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 3: not making time. This is a recent I was completely

707
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:07,919
Speaker 3: overwhelmed emotionally. I mean being a mom as a twenty

708
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 3: four to seven job, being a wife twenty four seven job,

709
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 3: Being a friend now that one has a little bit

710
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 3: of leeway. You know, if you've got some busy friends,

711
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 3: you can like borrow time here at time there, you know,

712
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 3: But if you keep taking time away, you know, not

713
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,840
Speaker 3: adding it back and matt changes the dynamics of your friendship.

714
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 3: And then being a sister, you know that one that's

715
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 3: like a built in lifetime. But then again you can

716
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 3: still borrow. So I was shuffling so many things in

717
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 3: the air, just emotionally.

718
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: I was.

719
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 3: Pensive. I was just my mom always made fun of

720
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 3: me as a kid. I was like a duck, you know,

721
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 3: on the surface, smooth, collected, you know, but under the surface,

722
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 3: my legs are like na and so on the end

723
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 3: side of me, I had so much that I was

724
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 3: dealing with emotionally that I just didn't have. I wasn't

725
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 3: sure what the language was. It was at French, was

726
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 3: it English? And what was it? Because there was just

727
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 3: so much going on in my head that I didn't

728
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 3: have the presence. Because I could just sit there and

729
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 3: talk on the phone and you talk and I listen.

730
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 3: I could be a pro with that, but if you

731
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,280
Speaker 3: want me to be intentionally present with you, I didn't

732
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,319
Speaker 3: have that in me. And so I finally had to

733
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 3: have a breakdown. If I'm being honest, I cried and

734
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 3: I let it all out, and I remember talking to

735
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 3: my sister and saying, I have all of these things,

736
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 3: all these expectations everybody wants. It's so nice to feel loved.

737
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 3: It's so like, wow, this is amazing that people want

738
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 3: to spend time with me. I'm so grateful for this.

739
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,239
Speaker 3: Thank you, Like yes, God, thank you for having people

740
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 3: who love me. But it's like too much, because now

741
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 3: I have so much of me that everybody wants to

742
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:05,280
Speaker 3: give that I have. I'm empty, Like I'm completely empty.

743
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,279
Speaker 3: And so I had a moment where I just let

744
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 3: it out and I cried, and I was honest because again,

745
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 3: we're going back to being truthful and we're saying, look,

746
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 3: I don't have it in me right now. If you

747
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,479
Speaker 3: love me, if you love any part of who I am,

748
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 3: you're going to give me some grace because I just

749
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 3: don't have it to give right now. I just don't.

750
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 3: And in the moments, I'm so thankful you didn't use

751
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 3: the word balance because that is like a thorn in

752
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 3: my side because there really is no such thing. It's

753
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 3: really just like, you know, I may have it because again, physically,

754
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 3: you can be wherever you want to be, but when

755
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 3: you're being intentional and you're being present, you know, oof,

756
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 3: that's a whole nother story. And so when it comes

757
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 3: to my relationship with my husband, you know, we have

758
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 3: times dedicated or it's like you know, Friday evenings, Saturday evenings.

759
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 3: I don't care if it's an hour with you, I

760
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 3: don't care if it's two hours with you. Let's just

761
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 3: hang out. You know, I'm going to have a glass

762
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 3: of wine. Let's just like cool, cool down. In the afternoons,

763
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 3: I talk to my sister, like there are certain moments

764
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 3: where I go, Okay, I'm going to give you time

765
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 3: and I'm going to carve this out for you, you know.

766
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 3: And with my best friend. You know, she's a morning person.

767
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 3: I am so not a morning person. But I'm really trying.

768
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 3: I am so not a morning person. Let me tell you.

769
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 3: But with my voice all hello, okay, that what's up girl?

770
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 3: You know I will do that. I will do it

771
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 3: because that's important to you. But when I say that

772
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 3: I need a break, when my phone is off, when

773
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 3: I do not answer my phone, I'm okay, I'm alive,

774
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 3: I'm all right. I just don't want to talk. If

775
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 3: you do not hear from me, it's because I don't

776
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 3: want to talk. I don't love you. It doesn't mean

777
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 3: I don't want to. Like Kiki, if you want to

778
00:43:56,440 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 3: send me tiktoks, do it. You know I'm here for

779
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 3: the tiktoks. But if you want words to come out

780
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 3: of my mouth today, you're probably not going to get it.

781
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 3: So just like, just don't take it as me or

782
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 3: don't be offended, but pardon me, leave me alone. You

783
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,760
Speaker 3: know that's just where I am right now. So again,

784
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 3: it just goes back to me being truthful with who

785
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 3: I am and how much I have to give, because

786
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,439
Speaker 3: if you want all of me and you truly want

787
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 3: me to be there for you. I can do that.

788
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 3: But the way that I get my energy back is

789
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,720
Speaker 3: by being alone, by just being like, Okay, I can't,

790
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 3: I can't handle it. I just need a break from

791
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 3: all things right. And so even Jane, my husband, he'll

792
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 3: be like, yo, you've really you've really been through it.

793
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 3: So here's go upstairs, and he will Oh, so we

794
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 3: do like bedtime. So now I used to do everything

795
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 3: from morning tonight time bedtime routine and I was like, bro,

796
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:56,840
Speaker 3: I can't. I need you to take over the bedtime routine.

797
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:58,840
Speaker 3: I need you to bathe him. I need you to

798
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 3: or feed him and put him to bed. I need

799
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 3: at this time to go to the gym. I need

800
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:09,439
Speaker 3: to come back and go, you know, lay on the

801
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 3: in the bed and play go on TikTok or whatever

802
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 3: for an hour, or watch something on TV for whatever

803
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 3: time and just be by myself. I need that. Can

804
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 3: you do that?

805
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 2: Yes?

806
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 3: Awesome? Thank you? You know, and I'll do everything else

807
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 3: and that Because again I'm saying all of this, but

808
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,399
Speaker 3: for the listeners, it's really about being truthful. You can't

809
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 3: hold it up anymore. It's gonna be a point where

810
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 3: you just can't hold it like you're holding it in

811
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 3: the road for as long as you can, but there's

812
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,839
Speaker 3: gonna be a pothole. And when that podthole comes and

813
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,359
Speaker 3: you don't have anything in alignment with who you are,

814
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 3: everything is gonna crumble. So you might as well just

815
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 3: be honest and say I need these lists of things.

816
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 3: Because the people that you choose in your life, honestly,

817
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 3: if you chose them for the right reasons, and and

818
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 3: they're going to stick around for the right reasons, they're

819
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:06,280
Speaker 3: going to understand when you say, get out of my face,

820
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 3: you know, or let's talk all night long because I

821
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 3: haven't talked to you so long, or whatever whatever your

822
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 3: needs are, if you choose to be, if they choose

823
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 3: and chose, if you chose the right people, they're going

824
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 3: to get it.

825
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 2: Yes, I believe that. Yes, I think what I love

826
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 2: most about what you said too, when I think about

827
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:31,280
Speaker 2: the holistic conversation, is that adulting. We often hear adulting

828
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 2: is like, oh, I got to pay the bills and

829
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 2: do this. Yeah, it's that, But really what you're saying

830
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 2: is adulting is facing yourself right, identifying who you are,

831
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 2: what fulfills you, and being truthful with yourself and others

832
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 2: to know. This was so insightful. But as you might know,

833
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 2: we about to shift up the energy real quick. Okay,

834
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,320
Speaker 2: So we're about to do it. Change of the vibe

835
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 2: real quick. All right now to Neil, because we recognize, appreciate,

836
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 2: and celebrate the multifaceted woman, and we believe that it's

837
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 2: okay to be bougie. As we know you know, classy

838
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: and ratchet, right, you can still be elegant and dance

839
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,800
Speaker 2: to strip club music. We want to invite you to

840
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,239
Speaker 2: the oh you blatchet segment? So do you take on

841
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 2: the challenge?

842
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 3: I take it off. Let's do it. I'm here for it. Yes,

843
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 3: right with my bougie journal. Oh in therapy I had

844
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 3: I forgot to mention like therapy therapy, that's a therapist. Okay,

845
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:30,600
Speaker 3: talk to them about.

846
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: All that.

847
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,359
Speaker 2: Well. I love the journal by the way too.

848
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 3: Thank you.

849
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 2: So now that you've agreed, okay, we're going to tell

850
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 2: you what to expect. So we're going to ask you

851
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: three questions. We're going to share three sentence completions, and

852
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 2: then we're going to have you choose a number between

853
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 2: one and three. We have three photos pulled up from

854
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:54,839
Speaker 2: your Instagram and once you choose, I want you choose

855
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 2: that number. We're going to show you the photo and

856
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 2: want you to give us more context about the photo,

857
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 2: something we would not know by just looking at the photo.

858
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, And it's one two or three?

859
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,400
Speaker 2: One two and three yep. So we're gonna start with

860
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 2: the question. Doctor Donald's gonna take it off with the

861
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 2: question first and then.

862
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna just go for it.

863
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 1: Are you gonna twork or two steps?

864
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 3: You know what? Neither? I am a whiner.

865
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 1: It I know it, she said, n stop Jamaican.

866
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,400
Speaker 3: We also get this one and we get.

867
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 2: One action.

868
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 3: Ten cent dolla. Oh come on, do you do have

869
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 3: any Caribbean friends? Dala dalla, dolla dolla. Yes, I am.

870
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 3: I am a whiner all day every day.

871
00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 2: There we go. We got our answer. This might be

872
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: the first time that we got wine. I love it.

873
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 2: I'm here for it. What about the best piece of

874
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 2: wisdom or advice you've ever received?

875
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yah yah yah yah yah yah yay. There's

876
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 3: so many, but the one that comes from my mind's

877
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:19,279
Speaker 3: eye is people will never remember what you said or

878
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 3: how you make them feel. And I never want to

879
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 3: leave some. I mean, I'm not perfect people, because you know,

880
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 3: sometimes my switch gets flipped and my tongue gets a

881
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 3: little loose. So I'm not perfect, but I try to

882
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 3: when I speak to people, when I am engaging with others,

883
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 3: I want you to remember how I made you feel.

884
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:46,280
Speaker 3: I want you to know that, Like when we're talking,

885
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,239
Speaker 3: I really am listening. I've had people go, you know,

886
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 3: why are you staring at me? And I can't look

887
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 3: at you. I can't listen to you because no one's

888
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,880
Speaker 3: used to people listening. They're just used people reacting or

889
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 3: ready to respond, and so when I kind of stare

890
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 3: at them, they're like, the to do with that? But

891
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: the end of the day, it's really about making sure

892
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 3: that if you don't remember, like oh, her name fakes familiar,

893
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 3: I remember her. We sat and we talked for two hours.

894
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 3: She was a complete stranger and blah blah blah, she

895
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 3: was amazing, or she gave the best hugs. You know,

896
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 3: whatever I want you, I want to be remembered for that.

897
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 1: For those that's beautiful, I love that.

898
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 3: I love that.

899
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 1: So next question, what's the sexiest item you own?

900
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 3: I'm really thinking because funnily, I'm like sifting through the

901
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 3: Rollo decks of memories and I'm just thinking of like

902
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 3: my son's pizza fingers and his pasta hands all over me,

903
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 3: and I'm like, god's not sexy at all. So one

904
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 3: of the things that is like really sexy, but I

905
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 3: haven't really worn it yet because it's actually it's supposed

906
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 3: to be sexy. But no, I'm like, do I tell you?

907
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 3: Do I not tell you? So it means you gotta

908
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:13,919
Speaker 3: tell us now. It is a body suit, but it's

909
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 3: like a stocking, right, yes, the net the net. Yeah,

910
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:22,880
Speaker 3: so it's like this, like this nets neon pink and

911
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 3: it's just like your entire body it's covered in this

912
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 3: net and it has like a little peekaboo section for

913
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 3: your for you lucy yump up. And yeah, I've only

914
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,839
Speaker 3: worn it like twice. Like most of the things I'm

915
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 3: trying to think like the sexy super sexy. That's like

916
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 3: super sexy, but like everything else I own that's like sexy,

917
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 3: that's a you have me stumps. Like I'm really thinking

918
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,840
Speaker 3: because most of my stuff is like mom's stuff, so

919
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 3: I don't have many sexy things, but that is a

920
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 3: really sexy I don't take it jumpsuit.

921
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 1: Yes, say you girl.

922
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:13,359
Speaker 3: I'm full of secrets and surprises. It's what I do.

923
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:22,240
Speaker 1: So now we're going to go to our sentence completion.

924
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:26,760
Speaker 1: One question or topic I wish people asked me about

925
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:27,919
Speaker 1: more often is.

926
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 3: Oh, man, I have two answers to that. So, what

927
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 3: was the latest book I read? Book? Slash podcast? And

928
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:36,720
Speaker 3: time travel?

929
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 2: You've got me?

930
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 1: Okay, I know, I know, I know you do have

931
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: me stuff with that time travel one, but I think

932
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: we have to bring you in because you're you are

933
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: like one of the best storytellers, so I know that

934
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,319
Speaker 1: that's a story that we can bring you on to

935
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:55,240
Speaker 1: talk about later.

936
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, So what.

937
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 1: I want to know is what is the latest book

938
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: or podcasts?

939
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 3: I have so many? So I have been on this

940
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 3: true crime and I can turn my phone off for

941
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 3: the podcast for the recording, so forgive me. Hopefully nothing

942
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 3: be beeps or anything. But the latest book I actually

943
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 3: just finished it today, was called The Vanishing Half.

944
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: Yes. That was so good, wasn't it.

945
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:22,960
Speaker 2: Yep?

946
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 3: Yes, I have usually the protagonists, so they're the twins.

947
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,399
Speaker 3: Have you read it Terry Banishing Half?

948
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 2: Nope, I'm googling right now. I'm catching up I'm catching it.

949
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 3: So it's about it's about these twins who live in

950
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:43,280
Speaker 3: this really small town in Louisiana, and they're very they're

951
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 3: almost like they're passing, and the entire town is full

952
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 3: of light skinned people, and so they don't like, you know,

953
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 3: dating anyone darker darker, blah blah blah. So the two

954
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 3: the twins, they end up running away and one of

955
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:00,400
Speaker 3: the twins comes back. The other one lives her life,

956
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 3: and so her life is that of a white passing woman,

957
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 3: and what their lives are like as two women who

958
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 3: live these different on the spectrum of race relationships, How

959
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 3: to navigate the world from the fifties to the nineties,

960
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 3: What does that look like with when they have children?

961
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 3: What does it mean to be black? What does it

962
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:23,359
Speaker 3: mean to be white? Is it like a skin color thing?

963
00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 3: Is it a cultural thing? Like? What is it really?

964
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:30,319
Speaker 3: And so one of the twins really annoyed me. I

965
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:34,720
Speaker 3: love it when a book makes you feel like there's

966
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,720
Speaker 3: no happy ending for everyone, or what is a happy ending?

967
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 3: And what is this person really trying to when I

968
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 3: say go home? What are they wanting to die with?

969
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:51,280
Speaker 3: And for that, you know, it made me dislike her. Like, damn, homie,

970
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 3: Like that's what you really are. You're going to die

971
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 3: on this hill, you know. So you're having this argument

972
00:54:56,520 --> 00:55:00,440
Speaker 3: with this person on what truths. This whole thing is

973
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 3: about truth, right, So like what is your truth? And

974
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 3: why are you going to die on this hill? You

975
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 3: want to shake this person? And So I could talk

976
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 3: about that book for another hour or two. It was

977
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 3: just really it was a dynamic book. It was really

978
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 3: good because it sounds amazing. I just googled it, so

979
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:17,919
Speaker 3: I have to add that to my card.

980
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 2: That sounds so good. I love it. I love it.

981
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:25,000
Speaker 2: And speaking of speaking of love, we have one last

982
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 2: sentence completion for you. And that is what I love

983
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 2: most about myself.

984
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:35,400
Speaker 3: Is what I love most about myself is the fact

985
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 3: that I'm trying. That I will never ever stop trying.

986
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:46,439
Speaker 3: I will never I may do it foolish, I may

987
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 3: do it scared, it may be interrupted, my tries may

988
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:56,759
Speaker 3: be paused, but I will never ever stop trying to

989
00:55:57,000 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 3: be not even the best version of myself, with the

990
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 3: most genuine, authentic version of myself.

991
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 2: We're on you, but we're giving her a slow class snatch.

992
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:14,840
Speaker 2: That was beautiful. Damn, that was good. That's that's beautiful.

993
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 2: I mean mic drop after that.

994
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 3: Haven't a writer, you know?

995
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:21,240
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh for sure, you definitely it's.

996
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,920
Speaker 1: Not I'm not saying yeah.

997
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 2: But we can't. We can't, you know, we can't end

998
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:28,879
Speaker 2: this conversation just ye because we got these pictures pulled

999
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,640
Speaker 2: up so to now you need to choose the numbers.

1000
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 3: No idea, what you chose. I'm so scared. What the

1001
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 3: hell did I leave up there? Because I hadn't I

1002
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 3: had on a hiatus of social media.

1003
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 2: What do I have on? These are some good ones?

1004
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:43,480
Speaker 2: These are some good ones.

1005
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,720
Speaker 3: A pardon me, wants to say two, but my mind's

1006
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:50,240
Speaker 3: eyes say three. So I'm going to go with three.

1007
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:52,960
Speaker 2: Let's go with three because you've posted this two hundred

1008
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 2: and fifty seven weeks ago, so we went back.

1009
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 3: Oh God help me.

1010
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:00,319
Speaker 2: All right, Okay, now we have some folk sort of

1011
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:02,439
Speaker 2: just tuning into the audio. But the folks are tuning

1012
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 2: in on Patreon. Can you describe this phototo?

1013
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 3: Okay? So when I tell you I was feeling myself

1014
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:22,720
Speaker 3: fuff Oh yes, so I was going through That is

1015
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 3: so funny. She's like staring back at me because I was,

1016
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:28,320
Speaker 3: really I was going through this phase of like smising,

1017
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 3: because I believe that, like you, that's what makes a

1018
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 3: picture more was worth eternal, Like you know, when you smile,

1019
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 3: it's kind of like we But I was going through

1020
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 3: this phase of like smiling with my eyes and being

1021
00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 3: my eyes and everything.

1022
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:45,400
Speaker 1: So I see that, Okay, Okay, smise, Okay, it.

1023
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 3: Was just smising. So I had just got my hair

1024
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 3: done and it's my first time doing like crochet whatever

1025
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 3: that was. And yeah, I was just like, you have

1026
00:57:56,440 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 3: got to take a picture of me, and that's it.

1027
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:02,480
Speaker 3: That's really it. And just that was the mood I

1028
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:03,040
Speaker 3: was feeling.

1029
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 2: It looks so good. And then you have done on

1030
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 2: your shirt. This is a whole vibe. I mean, you're

1031
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 2: just but it's dope. Oh it's dope. Okay, so there's

1032
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:16,000
Speaker 2: the key of that. Okay, that's it's dope. I love it.

1033
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:19,439
Speaker 3: Yeah to Neil, that was so many moons ago.

1034
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 2: We went back to the archives for that one. I

1035
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 2: was like, whoa, you have been so amazing. You have

1036
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 2: dropped so many gems, you have told so many incredible

1037
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 2: stories that I think many of us and our listeners

1038
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 2: are going to be able to relate to. And we

1039
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 2: just want to thank you for being here, thank you

1040
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 2: for your presence. You're such a gift and you have

1041
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 2: so much to offer, and we just really I got

1042
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:44,960
Speaker 2: so many goosebumps as you are speaking. We just want

1043
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 2: to thank you so much for all that you do,

1044
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 2: for taking the leap and starting your podcast so that

1045
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 2: you can amplify your voice. And we'd love for you

1046
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 2: to tell our listeners where they can find you, how

1047
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 2: they can support you. What are you working on all

1048
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 2: that good stuff.

1049
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:01,240
Speaker 3: Well, again, thank you, thank you so much for having

1050
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 3: me on the show. I would be remiss if I

1051
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 3: didn't say that I was nervous or I wasn't nervous,

1052
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 3: because again, like being on this side of the mic,

1053
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 3: it's it's different, you know, when you're doing all the

1054
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 3: talking normally, I'm like, so you told me this and like,

1055
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 3: you know, guiding questions. So for me to be on

1056
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,840
Speaker 3: this side, I'm so grateful. I'm such a fan and Terry,

1057
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 3: I really love you too. You know I've had a

1058
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 3: domin on the show a couple of times. I was

1059
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 3: not her job. I want to steal you away. I

1060
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 3: want you to be with me forever, and now I

1061
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:36,760
Speaker 3: know why she was like, I'm actually I'm going to stay,

1062
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 3: but thank you.

1063
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 2: That is hilarious. I love it. I love it. I

1064
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 2: mean I see a little three way situation coming.

1065
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:50,360
Speaker 3: Up right here, right you just tell me when and where, y'all.

1066
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 3: I will be there, Okay, I will be there. So

1067
00:59:55,040 --> 00:59:57,200
Speaker 3: so yeah, I'm I'm a huge fan, and I'm just

1068
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 3: so grateful that you guys, even you know, thought of

1069
00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:03,720
Speaker 3: me to have me on because again, I don't like

1070
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 3: to over I feel like I'm overusing the word dynamic,

1071
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 3: but like you really are dynamic women, and you're amazing,

1072
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 3: both of you. So that's that where you can find

1073
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 3: me on my little podcast she speaks booge. You can

1074
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 3: find me anywhere that you listen to a podcast, from

1075
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,400
Speaker 3: Stitcher all the way to Apple to Spotify. I'm everywhere

1076
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:26,680
Speaker 3: in between. And right now I am taking a hiatus

1077
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 3: from social media. Season five will air in January, and

1078
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,520
Speaker 3: because I'm trying to figure out like TikTok and how

1079
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 3: to do how to do like stuff on TikTok because

1080
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 3: that's the new move now videos and Instagram is kind

1081
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:43,200
Speaker 3: of annoying me right now, and so I'm trying to

1082
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:45,400
Speaker 3: figure out, like how am I going to presence in

1083
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:48,720
Speaker 3: that way. But you're feel free to email me as

1084
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 3: she speaks boogie at gmail dot com if you have

1085
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 3: any questions things of that nature. But essentially, if you

1086
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:56,680
Speaker 3: ever just want to when you're cream in the kitchen,

1087
01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 3: when you are in the tub, whatever, just pop, she speaks,

1088
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 3: woos you to not be right there with your child.

1089
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:07,600
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, Tanil again, thank you, thank you so.

1090
01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:12,280
Speaker 3: Much, thank you. I'm again. I'm so excited and thankful.

1091
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

1092
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 2: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

1093
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 2: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

1094
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 2: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

1095
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 2: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I

1096
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 2: hope to see you there.

1097
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1098
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1099
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

1100
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:51,840
Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1101
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

1102
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit the Therapy

1103
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:05,240
Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

1104
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1105
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:12,480
Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website, cultivatingherspace dot com, and

1106
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:15,040
Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

1107
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:19,920
Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and

1108
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:24,080
Speaker 2: before we meet again, repeat after me. Greatness is my birthright,

1109
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 2: so I no longer ask for permission,