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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's the Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson Jackson.

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Speaker 2: High Tower helps men reclaim their vitality, confidence, and purpose

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Speaker 2: through private coaching, online courses, and herbal supplements. Jackson provides

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Speaker 2: the tools and guidance men need to optimize their health, performance,

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Speaker 2: and pleasure, and he is here today with us. Hi Jackson,

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Speaker 2: how you doing. I'm good?

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Speaker 3: How are you great to be here?

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Speaker 2: I have been following your Instagram for a minute, and

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Speaker 2: so I was so happy to find you because you're

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Speaker 2: really stepping into this men's health sexual mastery world and

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Speaker 2: you talk a lot about sexual mastery. Can you tell

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Speaker 2: us what that is?

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Speaker 4: I can so sexual mastery really, you know, we grow

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Speaker 4: up and we don't have a lot of guidance in

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Speaker 4: the area of our sexual health, our sexual anatomy, sexual dynamics,

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Speaker 4: like how to connect with partners and things like that.

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Speaker 4: We get a lot of our information from porn, you know,

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Speaker 4: young kids growing up and that's all they have really

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Speaker 4: have access to. And so if you want to be

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Speaker 4: really good at something, usually you take education, courses.

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Speaker 3: Readings, books, whatever it may be. We tend to do that.

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Speaker 4: If you're going to become a doctor, if you're going

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Speaker 4: to become a lawyer, you know, sort of professional things

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Speaker 4: like that. We don't spend a lot of time really

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Speaker 4: diving into this particular area because of you know, religion

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Speaker 4: and society and propriety and all the reasons why we

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Speaker 4: don't get into it. So when I think of that term,

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Speaker 4: you know, it's almost like an art form, right, Like

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Speaker 4: your capacity to like be intimate, make love, connect with

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Speaker 4: another human. It's one of the most beautiful things on

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Speaker 4: the planet, right, That's like why we're here almost right,

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Speaker 4: is to be able to experience that.

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 4: When I think of sexual master I think of, like,

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Speaker 4: how can we create an environment where we are learning

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Speaker 4: more about these things and it's totally okay in our culture,

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Speaker 4: so that you can become really prof efficient right at

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Speaker 4: connecting in an intimate way, you know, That's really what

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Speaker 4: it comes down to. So like the physical practices, but

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Speaker 4: also like the before, the during, the after right of

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Speaker 4: those sexual experiences. So sexual mastery to me is just

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Speaker 4: you know, anyone who's an incredible artist or a performer

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Speaker 4: or an.

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Speaker 3: Athlete, right, they have mastery over their craft.

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Speaker 4: And I'm really focusing on like how do we help

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Speaker 4: guys get better and master more of their own sexual energy,

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Speaker 4: but also those experiences with when they are intimate with

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Speaker 4: their partners.

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Speaker 2: You mentioned the before, the during, and the after, So

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Speaker 2: are they all connected and how so?

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Speaker 4: So before would be considered like the foreplay. You know,

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Speaker 4: the during is obviously the interaction, and then the after

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Speaker 4: is the aftercare. So we're not really you know, we

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Speaker 4: learn a lot about like the act, but we don't

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Speaker 4: learn a lot about the before the act and then

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Speaker 4: after the act, and those are actually, in my opinion,

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Speaker 4: more important to creating a really harmon and like safe

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Speaker 4: environment when you are in an intimate experience. And so

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Speaker 4: you know, if you ask the young guys like about

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Speaker 4: for play, I don't really think that they know much

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Speaker 4: about it or what to do or how long it

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Speaker 4: takes or how long they should be focused on it,

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Speaker 4: or you know, the moves and the dynamics that they

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Speaker 4: should have in those experiences. And so part of like

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Speaker 4: the teaching is about, like how do you have a

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Speaker 4: holistic experience through your sec It's not just the act

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Speaker 4: and the release, it's how are you before through your

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Speaker 4: actions and your words? How are you during? And then

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Speaker 4: how are you after? So it's really creating almost like

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Speaker 4: this curriculum right for for you know, young men, and

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Speaker 4: not necessarily young men, but any man who wants to

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Speaker 4: really dive into it more to understand that this is

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Speaker 4: not just about you having an experience and quickly getting

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Speaker 4: off right, it's much it's much broader than that, right.

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Speaker 4: So that's that's my goal is to continue to educate

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Speaker 4: and share and provide a different perspective for men. It

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Speaker 4: takes them out of like the typical like this is

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Speaker 4: what I've done, this is what I've learned. Well, let's

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Speaker 4: unlearn a lot, right, and then let's refocus our energy

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Speaker 4: into creating a much more harmonious experience.

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Speaker 2: You also mentioned porn, which I'm just going to dive

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Speaker 2: right in do it because I talk about this a

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Speaker 2: lot on the podcast that I feel like men often

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Speaker 2: are looking at that as the only way to learn

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Speaker 2: about sex. I mean, it's kind of all that's out there.

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Speaker 2: The way we have it set up now, there's not

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Speaker 2: really good sexual education. And I know your story kind

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Speaker 2: of started with the porn addiction stuff and it maybe

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Speaker 2: jolted you into being like, wait, there has to be

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Speaker 2: something different, So can you tell the listeners a little

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Speaker 2: bit about that story and why it propelled you to

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Speaker 2: start learning something new.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so I agree. My particular experience was I knew

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Speaker 4: that I was watching it more often than I should have. Okay,

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't say that I was a full blown addict,

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Speaker 4: but I was watching it in place of opportunities where

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Speaker 4: I should have been more intimate with.

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Speaker 3: My partner, okay.

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Speaker 4: And I had the awareness like, okay, like this is

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Speaker 4: probably not a good thing. What's going on here? I

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Speaker 4: ended up going to this you know, this retreat where

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Speaker 4: I was like taking some time for myself and like

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Speaker 4: looking into what was going on in my life at

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Speaker 4: that time a lot. It was a lot of transitions professionally, personally,

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Speaker 4: et cetera. And I had some really amazing insights about

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Speaker 4: the power of your own life for us, right when like.

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Speaker 3: The release, like the ejaculate, Like what is that to

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Speaker 3: a man?

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Speaker 4: And I realized that every time I was watching you know,

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Speaker 4: porn and doing that instead of finding a way to

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Speaker 4: like actually connect with my partner at the time, it

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Speaker 4: was taking away my energy, right and it was using

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Speaker 4: that energy in a way that wasn't serving our relationship.

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Speaker 4: And at that point it was. It was August eight,

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Speaker 4: twenty fourteen. I said, like cold turkey, I'm done. I'm stopping,

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Speaker 4: like no more. And So what I've learned over the

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Speaker 4: last you know, year or so of working with guys

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Speaker 4: and seeing dms that come in, you know, to my inbox,

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Speaker 4: is that most men that's one of their only outlets

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Speaker 4: for sexual intimacy we'll call it, which is not really

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Speaker 4: real sexual instantly, but it's it's a sexual act that

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Speaker 4: they're viewing. It teaches all the wrong moves, and it

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Speaker 4: also is harming their physiological systems. Right, the dopamine reward

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Speaker 4: response pathway, the way that porn affects your brain, and

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Speaker 4: their studies on this is that it's it's kind of

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Speaker 4: like the way heroin affects your brain. Right, You seek

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Speaker 4: this like dopamine rise, and as the dopamine rises, as

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Speaker 4: men are in those intense experiences getting ready to release,

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Speaker 4: then what happens is the dopamine falls and it crashes

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Speaker 4: when they do release, and you get into this lethargic

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Speaker 4: state post and ejaculation.

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Speaker 3: But what.

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Speaker 4: Happens as a man is that you get used to

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Speaker 4: that level of dopamine that it gets to and so

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Speaker 4: if the porn becomes boring or less novel or whatever

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Speaker 4: it is, you're gonna need more and more intense experiences

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Speaker 4: while watching and viewing to get that high because you're

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Speaker 4: changing that high again. Right, it's not as intense as heroin,

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Speaker 4: but it's the same path pathways. And so when you

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Speaker 4: are watching, you know, pornographic material in that hardcore video nature,

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Speaker 4: your dopamine gets triggered. Right, It's like, what's the quickest

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Speaker 4: way to pleasure? That's what dopamine really asks us. So

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Speaker 4: if a guy's hung over, he's depressed, or he's upset,

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Speaker 4: or he's lonely or whatever it is, he's gonna like

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Speaker 4: the body says, what's the quickest way to pleasure? And

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Speaker 4: he goes, well, watching that hardcore, visceral nature of porn,

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Speaker 4: and so they're gonna go watch it. But what happens

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Speaker 4: is if that dopamine reward response pathway, that dopamin level

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Speaker 4: is really high and they're used to that being really

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Speaker 4: high when they're with a person, often what times happens

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Speaker 4: is the experience of that person is never really as

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Speaker 4: intense as the porn that they're watching, because porn is

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Speaker 4: usually quite hardcore, and I'm talking about general porn. Obviously

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Speaker 4: there's some intimate porn that's a different category and more artful.

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Speaker 4: But like the porn that most guys are watching is

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Speaker 4: like hardcore, fast, quick, et cetera. So they're developing a

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Speaker 4: tremendous amount of sexual dysfunction as a result of being

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Speaker 4: habituated to seeing this particular style of porn of porn. Right,

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Speaker 4: And then when they're with the person, it doesn't get

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Speaker 4: that high, so they can't get they can't get a

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Speaker 4: heart on. So it's creating it's called porn induced directile

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Speaker 4: dysfunction and guys that are in their twenties, which never

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Speaker 4: used to happen before, right, And it's more of a

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Speaker 4: mental thing than a physiological thing because he's a guy

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Speaker 4: in a twenty. Physiologically is fine, but it's the way

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Speaker 4: that the brain chemistry changes. And porn actually, the video,

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Speaker 4: the hardcore video quick video nature of porn actually creates

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Speaker 4: neuroplastic changes in the brain. Neuroplastic changes, like the brain

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Speaker 4: is actually changing its structure based on what it's watching.

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Speaker 4: You know, back in you know, the fifties and sixties,

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Speaker 4: like porn was was a static image, like the Playboy,

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Speaker 4: you know, static image, Like you look at the image

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Speaker 4: and you're like, okay, great, and now think about what

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Speaker 4: we have. We have TikTok, Instagram, we have all these boomerangs,

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Speaker 4: we have these video shots, and then we have, you know,

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Speaker 4: obviously like the massive, you know, one hundred and something

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Speaker 4: billion dollar industry of porn. So it's it's a lot.

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Speaker 4: You know, it's a lot that guys are faced with.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I always ask women like, how do

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Speaker 4: you know if a guy walks ports, is by the

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Speaker 4: way that he has sex with me?

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Speaker 2: Oh, one hundred percent? Yes, you know, so true. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of stuck on the fact that guys are

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Speaker 2: saying to you, well, that's how I get intimacy or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Are they in relationships or is this a man that's single?

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Speaker 3: Like both?

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Speaker 4: Really, Yeah, it's it's pretty it's pretty rampant. I mean,

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Speaker 4: thirty five percent of all Internet downloads are porn. Wow,

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Speaker 4: seventeen of the top one hundred internet sites or porn sites.

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Speaker 4: So it's one of the biggest industries in the world.

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Speaker 4: And whether you're in a relationship, often guys are still

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Speaker 4: watching it because it's it's a it's addictive it's a

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Speaker 4: serious disease, right, but you can't see it.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: It's not like alcoholism or drug addiction or anything like that.

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Speaker 4: Like when you are addicted to porn, it's hidden't it's private.

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Speaker 4: The only way that anyone can really know if that

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Speaker 4: you're addicted is by looking at your search history or

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Speaker 4: you're your partner, like feels like the way that you're

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Speaker 4: having sex with them is kind of like the way

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Speaker 4: they do imporn. It's very kind of like, you know,

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Speaker 4: you're trying to do all these crazy moves and it's

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Speaker 4: performative and it doesn't feel intimate or connected. So but

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Speaker 4: it's happening to everyone across the board. Relationship and a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that makes sense to me because even

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Speaker 2: like even in my Instagram, you know, there's the two

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Speaker 2: inboxes that you have that you can see, but if

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Speaker 2: you go into that, I can't remember what the purgatory

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Speaker 2: place is, the place where people who don't you haven't

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Speaker 2: messaged with.

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Speaker 3: The primary general and then write requests or so.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I get the dirtiest things sent to

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Speaker 2: me in those than that inbox, you know, And so

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking, if I'm getting this, I can't imagine how

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Speaker 2: they target men so much higher. And then so it's

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Speaker 2: like everywhere you look, which to me is case in

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Speaker 2: point of the chemical nature of like that whole thing

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Speaker 2: that the people that are making it know that, and

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Speaker 2: so they're playing on like into our brains that way.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, they know it, and then they make more

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Speaker 4: and more intense experience is in the porn, right, so

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Speaker 4: you know, hetero porn, and then you move into much more.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I could go the list, but right, you know, anyway,

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Speaker 4: it's it's pretty, it's wild, and they know that and

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Speaker 4: they make it that way because they need to have

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Speaker 4: the eyeballs, right yeah, and so it's like we need

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Speaker 4: guys to watch this for eight to ten minutes, you know,

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Speaker 4: potentially multiple times per day. I mean I have guys

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Speaker 4: who are telling me, like they watch porn four times

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Speaker 4: a day, and like that's twenty year olds.

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Speaker 3: It's also sixty five year olds. Yeah, you know, that's

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Speaker 3: a lot of time to be watching porn.

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Speaker 2: And also I'm consuming seriously.

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Speaker 4: Massively time consuming and also releasing and all that life

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Speaker 4: force that you're releasing. Right, people don't take that into account,

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Speaker 4: you know when you're younger. Okay, but when you're older,

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Speaker 4: like not so much.

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Speaker 3: Okay, great idea.

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Speaker 2: You've mentioned the life force a couple of times, So

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Speaker 2: let's talk about that a little bit because I hear

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Speaker 2: you and your content on Instagram saying that about men

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Speaker 2: like you don't want to just release your life force?

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Speaker 2: So what is that? What does that even mean? And

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Speaker 2: how is it so powerful?

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Speaker 4: Okay, So, in its simplest term, your semen as a

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Speaker 4: man can create a child. Right, That's what it's original

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Speaker 4: purpose is.

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Speaker 2: Right, once you broke it down, it feels like a really

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Speaker 2: dumb question.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, it's really it's important, and it's

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Speaker 4: right exactly explaining it, and it's like most simplest terms,

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Speaker 4: is actually like critical to the whole purpose of you know,

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Speaker 4: because this is about reframing conversation. Yeah, so a semen

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Speaker 4: can creates life.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 4: The energy that you develop as a man in your

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Speaker 4: nuts when you are engaging in a sexual experience, it's

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Speaker 4: physiologically moving. The semen is moving up from the testicles

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Speaker 4: into the best affarans and into the eurethreatctera. There's also

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Speaker 4: energy that is created in that experience, and so when

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Speaker 4: you release, you're releasing physical substance jaculine, you are also

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Speaker 4: releasing energy.

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 4: If you are in a sexual experience and you cultivate

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Speaker 4: that energy, right, you start you know, getting more and

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Speaker 4: more turned on and et cetera. And then you you

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Speaker 4: can feel the energy being created as you're getting further

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Speaker 4: along in your sexual experience, and you don't release it out.

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Speaker 3: What can you do with that energy? Right?

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Speaker 4: So the energy that's created where they talk about a

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Speaker 4: lot of like Daoist and like sort of semen retention practices,

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Speaker 4: I call it edging, is like you actually take that

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Speaker 4: energy and you move it through your own body so

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Speaker 4: that you're not releasing it out. So if this is

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Speaker 4: like like science and like you know, if semen can

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Speaker 4: create life and the energy that's created is really powerful,

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Speaker 4: and if you don't actually release it out.

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Speaker 3: But you take it in, what can that energy do

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Speaker 3: for you? Right?

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Speaker 4: It keeps you more focused, It keeps you more creative. Right,

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Speaker 4: it's creative life force. You're creating life. So what I

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Speaker 4: share with guys is like, look, that energy is like

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Speaker 4: there isn't like an infinite amount of it, right, that

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Speaker 4: is like your life force like that, and you know,

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Speaker 4: ancient Chinese culture like They're like, there's a certain amount

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Speaker 4: of energy that you have, and if you're consistently dissipating

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Speaker 4: it watching porn all day, right, that energy is going

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Speaker 4: out of you, right, and that's energy that can't really

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Speaker 4: be you know, recollected essentially. So I'm shifting the conversation

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Speaker 4: of like, well, what would happen if you didn't let

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Speaker 4: go of that energy? What would happen if you kept

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Speaker 4: that energy inside you? And so you look at people

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Speaker 4: in history, you know, Socrates, Plato are still all like

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Speaker 4: a lot of fighters, right, you talk about like not

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Speaker 4: coming before their fights. I don't know if you've heard

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Speaker 4: about this, it's pretty common if you're And so that's

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Speaker 4: another way that I try to explain it to you, guys.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, if a fighter is not ejaculating before his fight,

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Speaker 4: explain to me why he wants to have the most

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Speaker 4: of energy and vitality and drive so that he can

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Speaker 4: win the fight. Right, So, if the hormones and the

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Speaker 4: energy that is released in your in your body and

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Speaker 4: outside of your body when you ejaculate are going to

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Speaker 4: cause you to be less vital so to speak, right,

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Speaker 4: you can apply that he doesn't know it's not a fight.

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Speaker 4: Every day is in a fight, but like every day

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Speaker 4: is a new day of life. What could you put

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Speaker 4: that towards your business? You could put that towards your

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Speaker 4: own health, you could put towards a creative endeavor. You

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Speaker 4: could put that towards your relationship. Right, So you're there

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Speaker 4: a lot of like pretty famous influential people in the

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Speaker 4: past and also currently who have practiced this. It's been

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Speaker 4: around for a long time because they understand the power

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Speaker 4: of the creative energy that you have inside you. And

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Speaker 4: so if you're not going to try to have a kid,

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Speaker 4: right with which is what our intention is with with

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Speaker 4: with you know, sex or one of the responses with it,

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Speaker 4: and you know, but you can use that and you

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Speaker 4: actually are like cultivating that energy and then using it

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Speaker 4: for other things. So that's I guess the long winded

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Speaker 4: way of explaining it, but like that's the general premise

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Speaker 4: is that there's energy and you're not releasing it and

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Speaker 4: you're cultivating inside you so that you remain powerful, vital,

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Speaker 4: driven focused. Similarly, like when you know, we've all you

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Speaker 4: have sex with a man, he ejaculates, how does.

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Speaker 3: He change he wants sleepy puppy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So Prolactin is a hormone that's released in the body.

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Speaker 4: So it's like when women are lactating, they have prolactin

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Speaker 4: that goes through the breasts. The children are drinking the

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Speaker 4: breast milk, the children become tired because they have more

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Speaker 4: prolactin form the breast milk. So prolactin is released in

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Speaker 4: the vast majority of men's bodies after they ejaculate. Prolactin

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Speaker 4: makes you lethargic, satiated, content, tired, and it completely ruins

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Speaker 4: any form of libido. So you know, that's sort of

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Speaker 4: what we're getting at is like are you able to

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Speaker 4: not can you not have that happen?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 4: And what would you do able to do in your

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Speaker 4: life if you didn't if you weren't tired and lethargic

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Speaker 4: and you know, disconnected?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 4: Not only are you not connected with the women that

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Speaker 4: you just had sex with, right, but like what other

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Speaker 4: things are you sort of like you don't have that gust,

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Speaker 4: that that like drive and that you know, zest for life.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: I know that when I practice retention and I'm intimate

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Speaker 4: with a woman, I'm connected, I'm available, I'm ready, I

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Speaker 4: can go again, you know, relatively quickly afterwards. I'm I'm present,

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Speaker 4: I'm available, and I also know how I feel when

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Speaker 4: I do choose to release, and it's just it's just

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Speaker 4: a different feeling. So it's not actually my fault because

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Speaker 4: the hormones are doing their thing, but it's a pretty

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Speaker 4: powerful difference, very powerful difference, and it allows me to

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Speaker 4: have more energy for whatever it is that I want

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Speaker 4: to do in my.

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Speaker 2: Life, right, you know, Okay, I want to talk about

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Speaker 2: the details of how to do that in a second,

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Speaker 2: which is interesting, but but I want to know first.

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Speaker 2: This just came to me. It has to be different

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Speaker 2: for women, though, right, because we're taught almost the opposite,

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Speaker 2: like if we're if we are getting to a place

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Speaker 2: of release, that it like it opens up our life

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Speaker 2: force exactly.

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Speaker 3: Okay, very different.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well can you talk through that a little.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So, in in my teachings, I have learned and

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Speaker 4: there's various opinions upon this. And I'm not a woman,

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Speaker 4: so I've never had all the different types of orgasms,

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Speaker 4: but I've learned about them. There are some orgasms which

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Speaker 4: are more like male orgasms platoral right, and then there's

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Speaker 4: some orgasms which are much deeper, you know, vaginal.

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Speaker 3: G spot, a spot, et cetera.

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Speaker 4: It's my what I've learned in the teachings is that

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Speaker 4: an orgasm is like life force energy for a female

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Speaker 4: and it creates an entirely new sort of way of

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Speaker 4: being for her, and that she should have orgasmic energy

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Speaker 4: flying through her regularly.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: So that being said, that's where I get into like, guys,

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Speaker 4: focus on the woman first, you're gonna get off. It's

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Speaker 4: really easy, like focus on the woman and like creating

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Speaker 4: an environment where she has the capacity to achieve an

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Speaker 4: orgasm and then and you'll focus on yourself afterwards.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: But yes, women generally speaking, have an opposite effect as man.

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Speaker 4: Men lose their life force energy and women gain.

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Speaker 2: It isn't that some ship that is some universe stuff

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Speaker 2: right there. It's like so much harder for women to

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Speaker 2: orgasm or to get to that place, so much easier

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Speaker 2: for a man. But it's really like the opposite effect,

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Speaker 2: do it. Okay, Well, let's talk a little bit about

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Speaker 2: edging then, because you've brought that up and I've heard

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Speaker 2: it said, semen retention is that the same thing.

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Speaker 4: It's the same, It's the same general principle is that

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Speaker 4: it's a practice of non ejaculation. Semon retention is much

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Speaker 4: is more like you're not masturbating, you're not doing it

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Speaker 4: with a partner, you're just not releasing at all. And

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Speaker 4: edging is more like when you're in the actual sexual

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Speaker 4: experience that you can do sort of like breathing techniques

402
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 4: and physical holds of the of the muscles in your body,

403
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 4: your PC muscle to actively not release, okay, And so

404
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,119
Speaker 4: that's generally how it works. So it's it's as a

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Speaker 4: man from zero to ten, if you had to scale

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Speaker 4: from zero to ten, ten is you know, full full.

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Speaker 3: Release you exactly. Zero is your FLACCT.

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Speaker 4: So there's a point I call like the magic eight,

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Speaker 4: which is you're in your sexual experience and you're getting

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Speaker 4: more and more turned on your dopamines going up and

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00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 4: up and up, and you know, you get to that

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Speaker 4: eight out of a ten, right, which is like you're

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Speaker 4: really close. And men know like as soon as there's

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00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 4: like it hits this trigger, they cannot not come right

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00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 4: and so they go past the eight out of a

416
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Speaker 4: ten they got a release, right. So the practice of

417
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Speaker 4: edging is to learn like where you sit in that

418
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Speaker 4: in that spectrum right as you go through these experiences

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Speaker 4: of where you need to stop and pause and you

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Speaker 4: do these breathing techniques and et cetera that I have

421
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Speaker 4: in one of my programs, and you stop there and

422
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Speaker 4: you you sort of pause the experience so that you

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Speaker 4: can then move yourself back to a seven to a

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Speaker 4: six to a five, and then hover at that other

425
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Speaker 4: plateau and then build yourself up again. So so the

426
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Speaker 4: experience is so that if you don't, if you go

427
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Speaker 4: past the out of it, if you go past the

428
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Speaker 4: eight out of a ten, you are going to come.

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Speaker 4: And you probably have to come at that point because

430
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Speaker 4: there's too much stuff that's built up and you want

431
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Speaker 4: it to get out of you, right, Okay, So if

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Speaker 4: it's before the eight and you can cultivate that energy

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Speaker 4: inside you, then you, you know, can remain in the experience.

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Speaker 4: You can have more time for her to experience pleasure.

435
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 4: But there is a moment of kind of like slowing

436
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 4: and pausing, and it's difficult because we're trained as a

437
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 4: culture it's like fast, hard sex is good.

438
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 2: Well, that's a quarantine exactly, right.

439
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 4: And so you know, and and and you know when

440
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 4: a woman says like harder, harder, men grollly go faster, faster, faster,

441
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 4: or like they're almost funtioning climax.

442
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 3: It's very difficult to stop.

443
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 4: The most difficult thing in the world for a man

444
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 4: to do is to actively not release when he's at

445
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:50,880
Speaker 4: the sprint.

446
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,680
Speaker 3: It's so hard to do because it feels so good

447
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 3: for that moment.

448
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,919
Speaker 2: So you're basic having to learn your levels, like what

449
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: is your aides so that you just become so comfortable

450
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,359
Speaker 2: identifying that when you're having sex exactly. So how do

451
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 2: people do that?

452
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 3: Well? You do it. I mean when you start with yourself.

453
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, So you start with self pleasure and you work

454
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 4: yourself up to a place where you're like, okay, cool,

455
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,880
Speaker 4: I know where I'm at, and then you do the

456
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 4: the breathing and practices and the hold and then you

457
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 4: and then you can do it what I what I

458
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 4: Usually you just do it with yourself first, then do

459
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 4: it with a partner for with oral sex because it's

460
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 4: a much less variable, okay.

461
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 3: And also like communicate with your partner what you're doing,

462
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 3: what you're trying to learn.

463
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 4: Right if you're in a relationship, it's like, hey, I

464
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 4: want to try this thing, Let's do this together. Here's

465
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,399
Speaker 4: why we're doing it, right, it's a reframing of the

466
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 4: entire experience, you know, I and then this and then

467
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 4: the last part is doing it during sex, because during

468
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 4: oral sex, she's not in the experience really with you

469
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 4: in the same way. Right, there's sort of like, you know,

470
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 4: she's giving the man pleasure, right, she's doing it. It's

471
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 4: just true, she's But and so I say, like, start

472
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,919
Speaker 4: with yourself, learn how to do it, learn where you're

473
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 4: at work on, you know, with oral sex, and then

474
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 4: start doing it in an intimate experience. And so I

475
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 4: get a lot of feedback back, like from women and

476
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 4: you know, man like why would I do that? And

477
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 4: then again my whole goal is like, let's reframe our experience.

478
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,399
Speaker 4: What are we doing here? I know you want to

479
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 4: get off. I know that it feels really good. I've

480
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 4: been there, like I'm a guy. But what would happen

481
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 4: if you came twenty percent less right? What would happen

482
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 4: if you came thirty five percent less right? What would

483
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 4: that do for your life? And the actually trying it

484
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,119
Speaker 4: for a couple of weeks, months, et cetera and seeing

485
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 4: how it goes, because it's not something you pick up

486
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 4: right away, right, you know what I mean? It takes

487
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 4: time and also the reframing of why you're doing it right,

488
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,679
Speaker 4: Like you have to actually get it and want to

489
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 4: do it. You have to believe that like, okay, cool,

490
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 4: Like I know how I feel after I come. Well,

491
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 4: what would happen if I didn't feel that way? But

492
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 4: I still had a great experience, But I like I

493
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 4: I went without that little like momentum, that little moment

494
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 4: of a jet right.

495
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 3: Which is like it feels good for about ten seconds.

496
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 4: I mean, if you're really good, it feels good for

497
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 4: like a minute or so, yeah, you know, and you

498
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 4: can elongate it and then the woman usually comes to

499
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 4: me like I feel badly if I don't make him come.

500
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 2: That was such the feedback that I got from people

501
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,360
Speaker 2: when I started talking about your content, and women would

502
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 2: say how do I get over? Though? Like if my

503
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 2: partner is not coming, how do I know he's happy

504
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 2: or satisfied? And the mental aspect of that because we

505
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 2: so equate orgasm to satisfying sex one hundred percent.

506
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like turning a cruise ship, right, like, yeah,

507
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 4: this isn't something that's like, oh great, everyone's going to

508
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 4: get it. Women have a lot of value associated with

509
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 4: making their men come, exactly because that's what we're taught

510
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 4: watching porn and sort of like the dynamic that we

511
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 4: have in our culture, you know, sexually right now. And

512
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,479
Speaker 4: what I find most interesting is if people are willing

513
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 4: to give something a different chance, to give something a

514
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 4: different way, and they're like, Okay, let's try this. See

515
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 4: what this feels like. Right, You're going to bumble and

516
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 4: stumble up first. It's not like it's just quick and easy.

517
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 4: You know, you both have to want to do it.

518
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 4: But if the women had less value associated with that

519
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 4: and more sort of like what is the journey of

520
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 4: our sexual experience together?

521
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 3: Like, what are we trying to achieve?

522
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 4: You? We want to achieve pleasure, we want to achieve connectedness,

523
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 4: we want to achieve intimacy, we want to you know,

524
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 4: push the boundaries of what we can explore together, and

525
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 4: having less value associated with like, well, if I don't

526
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 4: make them come, then who am I?

527
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 3: Right? Totally Like that's a totll.

528
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,919
Speaker 4: Mind f you know what I mean, Like to most people,

529
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 4: and you know, most guys like I want to get

530
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 4: off and like and I get that. So this isn't

531
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 4: for everyone, But what I try to share is like

532
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 4: it's it's a really powerful way to like totally elevate

533
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 4: your sexual experience to another to like the sexual mastery

534
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 4: level where it's like you can really start you know,

535
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 4: art directing your sexual experiences and you know, paying more

536
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 4: attention to like her pleasure. Right, Like, there's a major

537
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:00,199
Speaker 4: orgasm ratio, like in inequality of orgasm that's happening right

538
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 4: now in our world.

539
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 2: Wait, what do you mean by that?

540
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 4: Well, I mean heterosexual females have like the lowest orgasm

541
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 4: percentage of I think any type of like heteron you know,

542
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 4: like it's just really low.

543
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, in comparison to how heterosexual male.

544
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 3: Right.

545
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 4: Like, there's like a chart I saw once which is

546
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 4: it's like, oh man, that's sad. Yes, So it's about

547
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 4: reframing that, but it's also about coming together with your

548
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 4: partner realizing you're both on the same you're on the

549
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 4: same page. What are we doing together and what do

550
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 4: we want to experience? Right, So the guy needs to

551
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 4: be like cool, I'll try That'll I get it, you know,

552
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 4: and give it a shot, and then maybe he lasts

553
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 4: a lot longer during his experience well, what does that

554
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 4: do for her?

555
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,440
Speaker 2: Right, and she can actually have an orgasm.

556
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then we make her a totally different human.

557
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 2: The other interesting thing I was just thinking as you

558
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 2: were talking about the mental aspect with women is I

559
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 2: think somewhere and I don't know if any women listening

560
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 2: are identifying with this, but somewhere along the line, we

561
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 2: have been taught that if a man is if we're

562
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 2: having great sex and the man's having great orgasms, then

563
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 2: in some way we're safe and in like a power

564
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 2: position or we're like we're not going to lose that man,

565
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? But in reality, what

566
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 2: you're talking about, actually, if you were going to go

567
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 2: into that together with your partner, that's such a more connected,

568
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 2: intimate kind of relationship and like sexual dynamic that probably

569
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 2: would solidify security in a relationship. More so, can you

570
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 2: talk a little bit about that, Like, that's something that

571
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 2: I didn't even think about happening in our culture.

572
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 4: It's interesting, so, and I haven't really thought about what

573
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 4: you said earlier, was that like a woman needs to

574
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 4: make sure that her man is taking care of in

575
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 4: order to feel safe in the relationship.

576
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, that he won't be seeking that elsewhere.

577
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 2: Well, because they can just pick up their phone and

578
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 2: find it.

579
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that's true. So when we're moving into i

580
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 4: mean what the goal is, like moving into a much

581
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 4: more evolved state of sexual awareness and sexual dynamics with

582
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 4: our with our partners and with ourselves. And you know,

583
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 4: we've seen this rise of like the female sexual health movement,

584
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 4: right and like my goal is really like to really

585
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 4: empower men to think about things in a different way.

586
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 3: But you know it takes a more evolved couple or a.

587
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 4: Couple that's really conscious, like okay, cool, Like let's give

588
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 4: this a shot so we can see how this feels.

589
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 4: The man needs to understand that his release is better

590
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 4: served not being released as often as it is, right.

591
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 4: That's like that's where the man has to get to.

592
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 4: He has to say, okay, cool, I'm gonna try this

593
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 4: and if he and if he's down right, he may

594
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 4: experience some so he says, okay, cool. There's people in

595
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 4: the past who are super i mean, you know, intellectual

596
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 4: you know, world changers or whatever who've done this. Why

597
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 4: are they doing it?

598
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 3: Right?

599
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 4: There's got to be a reason why do fighters do this? Right, Like,

600
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 4: there's gotta be a reason, Well, what if I, you know,

601
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 4: apply this in my life percent of the time more

602
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 4: they have to They have to buy in in some

603
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 4: capacity and you give it a shot. And then once

604
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 4: they get there, they'll know, oh wait, if I keep

605
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 4: my seat in, I'm a much more powerful man. Right,

606
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 4: Being a powerful man doesn't mean you're release. And and

607
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 4: also like if you're if because like when you have

608
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 4: a sexual experience with a woman and she knows how

609
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 4: to do this with you, it's one hundred times better.

610
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll talk about that.

611
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:28,479
Speaker 3: Then tell them.

612
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 2: And because I'm sure there's men listening who are like,

613
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 2: are you serious, dude, Like you're telling.

614
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:36,640
Speaker 4: Me it's so much better because you you are both

615
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 4: you both have different drivers for what is that you're doing,

616
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 4: and the goals are different. You're reframing the experience together

617
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 4: so you have more pleasure. You know, she's orgasming, which

618
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 4: you know, again, some guys want their partner to orgasm,

619
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 4: and some guys don't necessarily think about it all that much.

620
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 4: And what I'm encouraging guys is like, hey, guys, we

621
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 4: should think like it.

622
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,719
Speaker 2: Just doesn't cross men's mind seriously.

623
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 3: Some some of them not some of them are just

624
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 3: like I want to get off.

625
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 4: And by the way, like there's a time and a

626
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 4: place for a guy just like, yeah, I need to

627
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 4: get off, and like that's okay too. So it's not

628
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 4: an all the time thing. People ask me, like how

629
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 4: often do I do this? You do it as often

630
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 4: as you want. You do it as often as it

631
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 4: makes sense for your relationship. I don't do it all

632
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 4: the time. You know, if you're having an insane time

633
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 4: and she's about to comment, say you don't want to stop,

634
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 4: then just keep going and have that experience together. But

635
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 4: there's a time and a place for practicing this type

636
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 4: of stuff, right. It's like again, if if sexual intimacy

637
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 4: can be a form like an art form, right, or

638
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 4: where we have a sport, right, you're practicing different aspects

639
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 4: of it. Well, it's like, let's try this. Let's not

640
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 4: be so one dimensional. We're gonna do a missionary position.

641
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 4: I'm gonna come, you're not, and then we're done. It's

642
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 4: just boring. Like, can we expand our capacity to feel

643
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 4: more right, to try different things, to put ourselves into

644
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 4: situations that are outside of our comfort zone a little bit, right,

645
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 4: to push ourselves physically. It's like and again, as I said,

646
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 4: the hardest thing for a guy to do is to

647
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 4: actively not release, Right, how much discipline does a guy

648
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 4: gain from that? And what discipline can he take into

649
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 4: his life? Right, if he can do that regularly, like

650
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 4: where he's going to get the most intense burst of

651
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 4: pleasure that he's able to experience as a human, he's

652
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 4: able to hold off on that.

653
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 3: What can he do in his business? What can he

654
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 3: do in his personal life? What can he do?

655
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 4: I mean, there's just so many things that that applies to.

656
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 4: So it creates an incredible amount of like self discipline. Right,

657
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 4: It's like the same thing as getting in a cold punch.

658
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 4: It's not fun getting in a cold punch. Anyone who

659
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 4: says it's fun is lying. But it allows you to

660
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 4: elevate your capacity to be a human. And if you're

661
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 4: doing difficult things regularly, you're going to get better at life.

662
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 4: Things are going to affect you less. So that's really

663
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 4: what it's about. It's about, like, how can we level

664
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 4: up in this regard as men, you know, and continue

665
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 4: to push ourselves to elevate beyond some of the traditional

666
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 4: norms that we have yeah to experience, Like and again,

667
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 4: you know, when you're in a longer, longer sexual experience

668
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 4: with a woman and she's orgasming and you're cultivating.

669
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 3: That energy up you feel high. You get high.

670
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 4: It's not the same feeling as a release, but it's

671
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 4: much more in your head. It's much more powerful up here.

672
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 4: And that's you know, when you learn how to do

673
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 4: it properly, it's it's potent, super potent.

674
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,239
Speaker 2: It's so the opposite of the way our culture is

675
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 2: wired right now though, because we are so instant gratification, right,

676
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: so the things that we do we want to feel

677
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: right then. Yeah, and so this is kind of going

678
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 2: back to an old school mentality almost, like I mean,

679
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to say I was gonna say cavemen,

680
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 2: but maybe not that far, but a long time ago

681
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: where you had to work for things and then when

682
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 2: you did get them, it was so much more satisfying

683
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 2: because you built up to it.

684
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I completely agree. But when you taste it and

685
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 4: when you experience it, like you're like, oh wait, okay,

686
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 4: I get it, And that's all it takes is that

687
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 4: one time, because then you have that personal experience with

688
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 4: it and you're like, okay, great, let's you know, because again,

689
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 4: you know, we live in this culture of fast and

690
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,959
Speaker 4: quick and you know, but that's just sort of what

691
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 4: we're shown via social media and via the internet and

692
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 4: all this sort of stuff. Like nothing really like gets

693
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 4: really good that quickly. You know when people are building

694
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 4: their always sold this company, Well it took them ten years.

695
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 2: Right, you just didn't see all.

696
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 3: The you didn't see any of the.

697
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 4: Struggles and the challenges before he became popular and was

698
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 4: on podcasts and doing this and doing that. Like there's

699
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 4: a there's there's always a growth, right, Like, nothing that's

700
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 4: really good happens immediately, you know, and so so yeah,

701
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 4: but that's my challenge to guys. I'm like, cool, let's

702
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 4: push ourselves a little bit. Yeah, you know, let's like

703
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 4: take things to the next level. Let's try something new,

704
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 4: Let's reframe our experiences so that again, if we're having

705
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 4: better sex as a culture, I think everything is improved,

706
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 4: you know what I mean, everything improves, Yeah, you know,

707
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 4: business decisions, personal decisions, societal decisions, Like it's one of

708
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 4: the best things that we have the experience to have

709
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 4: as a human, right, and a lot of us aren't

710
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 4: really even touching like that. We're scratching the surface and

711
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 4: what's possible, you know, And I think that there's significant

712
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,479
Speaker 4: room for improvement and more pleasure and more joy and

713
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 4: more fun you know with that.

714
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I think that's so true because, like

715
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 2: I was thinking that women are now being taught to

716
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 2: lean in. We've had the opposite of men for so long,

717
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 2: Like sex was shameful. You weren't supposed to do it

718
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 2: before you were married. I mean, we're in the South,

719
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 2: but just all of these different programming things that we

720
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,760
Speaker 2: have that y'all don't have is kind of the opposite.

721
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 2: And so it's interesting that it almost if you're getting

722
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 2: into a place of wanting to grow your sexual experience.

723
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: For us, it's to lean into pleasure and like lean

724
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 2: into receiving, and for y'all it's more about discipline and

725
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 2: harnessing and know you use that word harnessing your sexual energy,

726
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 2: you have more power over it.

727
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, the internal alchemy, right, that harnessing of that energy.

728
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 4: Like what I've realized is that most men don't have

729
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 4: a really healthy connection to their own sexual energy. And

730
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 4: so if you don't have because they're watching porn, they're

731
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 4: ejaculating way too regularly. They're you know, they're just not

732
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 4: necessarily connected in a healthy way. Right. You have to

733
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,479
Speaker 4: have a healthy connection right between here here and down there.

734
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 4: And so if you don't have a healthy connection with

735
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 4: your own sexual energy, how are you going to be

736
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 4: able to take that into a partnership. I just don't

737
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 4: think you can, right, And so that's why we see

738
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,439
Speaker 4: so many partnerships where there's lackluster sex, or there's challenge sex,

739
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 4: or there's you know, treating or infidelity or whatever it

740
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 4: may be. Right, if you don't have a healthy connection

741
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 4: to your own body, with your own discipline and your

742
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 4: own internal l chemical like alcolme, Its just like the

743
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 4: mixing of energy. It's like, if you don't have that,

744
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 4: I don't think that you can have it anywhere else.

745
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 4: And so what I really teach, and especially when I'm

746
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 4: working with one on one with guys, is like, let's

747
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 4: focus on you first, Right, how often are you watching?

748
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 3: For? Right? How I am man? Often are you masturbating?

749
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 3: What are you doing with your day? Like?

750
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 4: What do you like map out your hours of your day?

751
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 4: How are you spending your time? You know, eight hours

752
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 4: of sleep, eight hours of work, eight hours of other right?

753
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,320
Speaker 4: Like what do you do, right? Are you masturbating to

754
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 4: porn four times a day for an hour or two

755
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 4: hours or whatever it may be. Can you think of

756
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 4: something better to do with your time?

757
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 3: Right?

758
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,439
Speaker 4: Can you cultivate and put that energy into something else?

759
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,320
Speaker 4: And so if you develop healthier connections with that energy

760
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 4: and you start to really you know, a lot of

761
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 4: the other stuff I do, which is like teaching guys

762
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 4: how to you know, connect with their members, right, they

763
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 4: connect with their sex centers in a way that isn't masturbatory,

764
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 4: you know, like like females have like you know, Yoni exercises,

765
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 4: the vaginal exercises that you're doing, like whatever, there's stuff

766
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 4: that guys can do where it's like, let's actually cultivate

767
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 4: a healthy connection down there, you know. It's like the

768
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 4: gym for your for yours. Keegels is one of them. Yeah, okay,

769
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 4: I mean you can do physical manipulations, you can do kegels,

770
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 4: you can.

771
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:49,919
Speaker 3: Oh for sure.

772
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, Heegels is actually the best exercise that men can

773
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 4: do for their sexual health.

774
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 2: Interesting.

775
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's super potent.

776
00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 4: It helps with correct all dysfunction, it helps with premature jaculation,

777
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 4: and also helps with prostate health. You know, which is

778
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 4: a big one for men. Men are also concerned about prostate.

779
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:12,280
Speaker 4: But it's yeah, like the kegels are keels are massively important,

780
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 4: massively important, And so yeah, I have a whole program

781
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 4: where I teach guys like nine different variations of the

782
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 4: exercise with breathing routines and stuff like that. And you

783
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 4: can do kegels like sitting here, I'm doing kegels right now.

784
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 4: You can't even see I'm doing it, you know, So

785
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 4: like you can do them anywhere, it's just not like

786
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 4: making the time to do it. Most men don't have

787
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 4: a strong pelvic floor. And if you don't have a

788
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 4: strong pelvic floor, you're not going to get as much circulation,

789
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 4: you're not going to have as much rectile function, or

790
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,399
Speaker 4: you're not gonna have as good a rectile function, and

791
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 4: you're also not going to be able to control your release.

792
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 4: So it's like that movement right of like that squeezing

793
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 4: movement enables guys to hold off on the relief. Yeah,

794
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 4: And so if you can get that muscle stronger, right

795
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 4: and you train it, you can see.

796
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,240
Speaker 3: The differences in three or four.

797
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 4: Weeks and how long you cannot and your ability to

798
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 4: get a better direct out quality.

799
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 2: So that's what you would say. I would feel like

800
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 2: with all of this stuff that I feel like a

801
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 2: lot of the men might be listening and like this

802
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,720
Speaker 2: sounds so terrible, Like why am I to put myself

803
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 2: through this? I like the way things are, you know,

804
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: I'm really like I'm getting off every time I have

805
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 2: sex and all this stuff. How do you change the

806
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 2: narrative in the male mind from one of restriction to

807
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: one of ultimately more pleasure.

808
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 4: So it's really about you know, reframing, right, what does

809
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 4: that word restriction mean?

810
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:42,760
Speaker 3: Right?

811
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 4: And if you're a guy and you practice a sport,

812
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 4: or you have a discipline, or you're a business person,

813
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 4: like there's always discipline and everything, right, there's.

814
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:52,760
Speaker 3: Restriction, so to speak.

815
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 4: But when you follow that discipline path, usually for a

816
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 4: long period of time, you have a tremendous amount of sex,

817
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 4: a tremendous amount of success in whatever field that you

818
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 4: that you're in, right, Yeah, And so you know, for men,

819
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 4: the way I would it would you know challenge that is,

820
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 4: you only sort of know one way and there's a

821
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 4: lot of other ways, right, And so if you're really

822
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 4: wed to this specific thing that you think is good

823
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 4: for your life. How is your partner experiencing her pleasure?

824
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 3: Right? Do you care about your partner experiencing her pleasure

825
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 3: or not? Right? What would it do for you if

826
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 3: your partner was getting more and more orgasms? Like?

827
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,359
Speaker 4: Are you a man that actually successfully like knows how

828
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 4: to like skillfully have sex with a woman?

829
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 3: Right? Like all that sort of stuff. It does matter.

830
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 4: Men care about their capacity to perform right deep down.

831
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 4: They may not stay on the outside, but we want

832
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 4: to give our partners pleasure. We just don't necessarily learn

833
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 4: the way to do it right. Right, And so if

834
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 4: the way that you've been doing it thus far in

835
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 4: your life has resulted in like a certain outcome, right,

836
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 4: well analyze that outcome.

837
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 3: Is that actually what you want? Or deep down and

838
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 3: you're like, oh.

839
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 4: Man, I'd actually really love to be able to like

840
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,360
Speaker 4: skillfully make love to my wife, my partner, my girlfriend,

841
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 4: whatever it is, right.

842
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 3: And.

843
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:14,319
Speaker 4: These practices will allow you to do that. And they

844
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 4: may be restrictive or disciplined at first, but guys like routine,

845
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 4: they like structure, they like discipline.

846
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 3: That's what meant. That's or we're very linear in earth

847
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 3: thought process.

848
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 4: So it's like, if you're gonna do this, You're gonna

849
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 4: get this result, right, and that's that's it's a very

850
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 4: clear line, you know. And so that's what I would say,

851
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 4: is like there's another there's a variety of other ways

852
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 4: and other paths. So you have to analyze where you're

853
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 4: at and like look at it objectively as possible and

854
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 4: then say, okay, cool, maybe I'll try something different. And

855
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 4: then you expand your capacity in your life, right, and

856
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,840
Speaker 4: you expand your capacity of knowledge and wisdom and learning,

857
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 4: and then you just have more tools than your toolbox.

858
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 3: Right. So it's like if you're just a.

859
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 4: One dimensional guys doing missionary and getting off like super boring,

860
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 4: women don't really want that, like and and also like

861
00:40:58,960 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 4: there's just more for you.

862
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 3: So I would just say, like there's there's.

863
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:06,280
Speaker 4: Much more available for men out there when they start

864
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 4: mastering their own sexual energy and their own sexual discipline,

865
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 4: because then you become a super powerful guy. You walk

866
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 4: into a room and the energy is potent. Everyone can

867
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 4: feel it. Women can feel it, men can feel it. Yeah, Right,

868
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 4: Like you've walked into rooms where like you see a

869
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 4: guy and like, okay, he's there's an energy coming from him, right,

870
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:30,320
Speaker 4: you know, So personally, Like if I am self pleasuring

871
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 4: and I'm like, you know, before I go out or

872
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 4: something like that, and I don't release, but I've cultivated

873
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 4: that energy and I bring it up inside. The energy

874
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 4: I get from women when I am out is significantly

875
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 4: more than when I release or when I don't do

876
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 4: it at all.

877
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 2: I would leave that like one. Yeah, energy is everything,

878
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 2: and people I feel like we don't talk about that

879
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 2: in our culture, but especially as I'm listening to talk

880
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 2: about the build up and what that would cultivate within you,

881
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 2: I could totally see where you would be draw just

882
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 2: it's something that matches that vibration. If you go out

883
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:05,359
Speaker 2: in the world.

884
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 4: Absolutely you know, it's like if I don't if I

885
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 4: didn't self pleasure, it's neutral. There's no positive or negative, right,

886
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 4: And you go out and you're doing your thing, and

887
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 4: the energy that you're giving out is the energy that

888
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 4: you're giving out. If you cultivate that energy and then

889
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 4: you don't release it, that energy is inside you around you.

890
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 4: It's you know, that's how it works. And so you

891
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 4: go out in the world and like there's like this

892
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 4: bubble of like powerful energy around it and like people

893
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 4: can feel it. You know and you can feel it.

894
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 4: You're like you're more lit, you're more alive. Yeah, and

895
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 4: then the alternative is like, you know, you self pleasure

896
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 4: and then you release and you sort of have that

897
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 4: like and then you go out in the world and

898
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 4: it's like, Okay, does it mean.

899
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 3: That people aren't going to be drawn to you?

900
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 4: It just means that they're not going to be as

901
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 4: drawn to you because you haven't cultivated this like powerful

902
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 4: energy bubble around you of like you know that's directly

903
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 4: correlated to.

904
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 3: That sexual energy. It's the most powerful energy that exists

905
00:42:59,120 --> 00:42:59,760
Speaker 3: on the planet.

906
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 2: Yeah. I would say you touched on men not knowing

907
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 2: how to please a woman or not being taught, and

908
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 2: I often think that also comes from women not knowing

909
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 2: how to find pleasure themselves. And so I love that

910
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 2: we're talking about the self pleasure aspect because you're not

911
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 2: saying don't do that, but you were bringing up maybe

912
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 2: the use of porn with it. So is there ever

913
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,879
Speaker 2: a time and place for porn for people listening who

914
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 2: are like, I don't want to give up my porn completely, Like,

915
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,800
Speaker 2: is there any way that you can bring that into

916
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 2: relationships to your personal life or or and also what

917
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 2: about masturbation in general, Like do you have different like

918
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 2: what's too much, what's the right amount to cultivate all

919
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 2: of this?

920
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 4: So for men on the on the on the porn front,

921
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 4: I generally tell guys to stop watching porn altogether. That's

922
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 4: like my general rule because what you're talking about is

923
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 4: like a very small percentage of like guys who watch

924
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:04,280
Speaker 4: porn once every four months and they're with a partner

925
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,720
Speaker 4: and it's like, let's have a fun experience, let's watch

926
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 4: this and whatever. They're not getting in trained, they're not

927
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 4: getting that dopamine stuff. They're not It's it's too infrequent, right.

928
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 4: What I'm more referring to is like guys that are

929
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 4: watching porn three or four times a day actively, yeah,

930
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 4: which is a significant amount of population really, and this

931
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 4: is globally, Like this.

932
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 2: Is it has time for this.

933
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 4: A lot of people remote work culture, you know, it's

934
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,240
Speaker 4: really easy guys on their computers, right, so on your phones.

935
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:30,919
Speaker 4: It's just so it's like you look up a web

936
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 4: any website, boom, you got it. And so that's my

937
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 4: general rule is like stop because in general, it ain't

938
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 4: helping you every now and then whatever, if you don't

939
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 4: have an issue with it, Like, sure, do your thing.

940
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 4: I don't have a problem with that. But what I

941
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 4: see is more just like the general population, like we

942
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 4: need to cut it back, like significantly in terms of masturbation.

943
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 4: For men, masturbation is totally fine. It's part of life.

944
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,720
Speaker 4: Like we have energy, we do need to release it sometimes. Yeah,

945
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 4: there's a sort of like a sliding scale of the

946
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 4: frequency of release, and like how old you are and

947
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 4: what level of health you're in. Right, So as a

948
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 4: young guy, you're in your teens, in your twenties, like

949
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 4: you can release three times a day, and like you

950
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 4: still have that energy in that gusta I mean not

951
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 4: saying that you have to, but like you'll feel the

952
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 4: need to quite regularly. Yeah, as you get older, you

953
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 4: know that slowly sorts that, like it goes down and

954
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 4: down and down. So it's like, okay, now you can

955
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 4: do it once a day, and now you can do

956
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 4: it once every three days. Now you can do it

957
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 4: once every week. Right, Actually, releasing it doesn't mean you

958
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 4: can't be engaged in sexual activity. It just means the

959
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 4: actual release. So twenties and thirties, you know, twenties, it's

960
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 4: like one or two times a day is like, okay,

961
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:46,440
Speaker 4: if you're healthy, thirties, I think it's like once a day, forties,

962
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 4: once every three days, fifties, et cetera.

963
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 3: So just keeps going down.

964
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 4: And again this is based off of like this concept

965
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 4: of maintaining that energy, the life force energy inside you

966
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 4: as much as you can because it gives you life

967
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 4: and it enables you to feel a certain way. So

968
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 4: if you're getting rid of that energy, again, it's not

969
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:09,400
Speaker 4: it's not infinite. So masturbation is totally fine. And I

970
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 4: usually just say, like, don't watch porn. You know, you

971
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,360
Speaker 4: can watch Instagram videos because there's a lot of softcore

972
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 4: porn on there anyway nowadays, or watch it get like

973
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,879
Speaker 4: a static image or its best is like use your imagination, right,

974
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 4: because that's going to train you to be able to

975
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 4: like visualize things. You'll get more creative, you'll you know,

976
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 4: feel differently about it. And then when you're with a partner,

977
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 4: your your dopamine response isn't going to be so messed up,

978
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 4: right because you're just thinking about things in your brain.

979
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 4: And so that's that's generally what I say, But like, yeah,

980
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 4: it's totally fine and masturbate, you know, I'm not like

981
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 4: there's like no FAP communities where I think that the

982
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 4: best part about no FAP is and you know, no FAP.

983
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 2: Is like I'm just assuming that means no master.

984
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 4: Means no masturbation, no touching whatever. I'm not really an

985
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 4: advocate of it because I think like, if you don't

986
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 4: use it, you lose it. So you want to like

987
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 4: cultivate energy there regularly. But for people who have serious addictions,

988
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 4: it's good to do that. For like you know, sixteen

989
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 4: ninety days, where like you don't touch it, you're not

990
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 4: cultivating it. You're just like, Okay, let's get off of

991
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,840
Speaker 4: this addiction to porn and move into something that's you know,

992
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,799
Speaker 4: more healthy. So it's kind of like a bridge, like

993
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 4: a gateway. But after it's you know, out of your system.

994
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 4: You know, you should be you should be, you know,

995
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 4: cultivating the energy down there. You should be doing exercises,

996
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 4: you should be doing kekels. You should be you know,

997
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,839
Speaker 4: you need to put energy towards it so that you

998
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 4: know how to use it when you're in a situation.

999
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 4: You know, if you don't ever touch it, you're just

1000
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 4: like cool, I hope this guy worked well, right, you know,

1001
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 4: but like, yeah, right.

1002
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 3: Like.

1003
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:48,280
Speaker 2: Your scrat. Yeah, let's talk a little bit about sex

1004
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 2: with a partner. And if you do find yourself in

1005
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 2: a relationship or say you're a man that's working towards

1006
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 2: this or you're a woman that's been working towards this

1007
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 2: and you're together, can you kind of talk listeners through

1008
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 2: that kind of sexual relationship can look like because I

1009
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 2: think the only thing we see in our society is

1010
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 2: the opposite, Like it's either the porn stuff or it's

1011
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 2: a dysfunctional relationship. So I don't know that we have

1012
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 2: these examples of what it could even be.

1013
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, what a healthy sexual dynamic?

1014
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you know, I think first of all, sex

1015
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 4: is the topic that is so programmed in our psychees

1016
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 4: to either not talk about, or be shameful about, or

1017
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 4: be embarrassed about, or not want to be vulnerable about. Right,

1018
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 4: So it's really about like creating a safe space to

1019
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 4: actually have a conversation about your desires. How often do

1020
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 4: we actually say, like, what do you really love? Right

1021
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 4: in this arena where you're not in the sexual experience,

1022
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 4: you're actually outside of it, right and you're just having.

1023
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:44,800
Speaker 3: A conversation with your partner.

1024
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:45,479
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, we don't.

1025
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,280
Speaker 3: Right, So one is like actually sitting down and being.

1026
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 4: Like cool, like what do you love? Like what are

1027
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 4: you really into? Like what's your wildest fantasy?

1028
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 3: Right?

1029
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 4: And you have to do it in a way where

1030
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 4: it's non judgmental and you're not going to use it

1031
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 4: against each other in an negative right, right, which is

1032
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 4: sometimes can be challenging. Yeah, you know this concept of like,

1033
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 4: oh well if you like that, then you're a whatever.

1034
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 4: It's like, well, that's not fair, right. If you really

1035
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,880
Speaker 4: are into someone and you want to explore the boundaries

1036
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 4: of what you can experience together and put yourselves in

1037
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 4: this regard, then you have to come in with an

1038
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 4: open mind. What I have found is that generally speaking,

1039
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 4: women are much more open about having these types of

1040
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 4: conversations than men are. Men can be a little bit

1041
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 4: closed off sometimes men are in general like, we have

1042
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 4: a lot of value and self worth that's tied to

1043
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 4: our penis and it's tied to our capacity to perform.

1044
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 3: It's just a thing. I don't know.

1045
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 2: So if we tell y'all that's not going well, that's

1046
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 2: super differensive.

1047
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 3: We get very offended.

1048
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it may not be a big deal, but

1049
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 4: it's like it's literally the most sensitive topic you could

1050
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 4: possibly approach with a guy. It's going to be possibly

1051
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 4: approach with a guy. Is his his penis?

1052
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 3: And his is that? Yeah? And his and his performance

1053
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:06,720
Speaker 3: performance capacity?

1054
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 4: Right?

1055
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1056
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 3: And so.

1057
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 4: You know, men, we were affected by you know, size,

1058
00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 4: by look, by appearance, you know, of that region of

1059
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 4: our body.

1060
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:19,479
Speaker 3: How well we know what we're doing?

1061
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 4: Right, we're not doing We don't want to want admit

1062
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 4: that we don't really know what we're doing. But we

1063
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 4: also were never taught. So it's like, well, how are

1064
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 4: you expected to know anything if you never actually learned,

1065
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 4: But you're learning from porn, which is teaching all the

1066
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:32,959
Speaker 4: wrong things. So it's like you're in this situation where

1067
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 4: like you've never had proper education around it, so you're

1068
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 4: not expected to know. But as a culture, as men,

1069
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 4: we're like, yeah, we're supposed to know how to do

1070
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 4: that stuff.

1071
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 3: Well, you don't have a master teaching you, right, Like,

1072
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,839
Speaker 3: then how do you learn? Right?

1073
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 4: You know, So having a conversation and creating a space

1074
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 4: where it's like cool, like let's just throw some ideas

1075
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 4: up on the table, like have you ever tried this?

1076
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 4: And like go to chat Chepetin say like what are

1077
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 4: the list of kinks? And you can print it out

1078
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:00,920
Speaker 4: and then you'd be like cool you into that? Or

1079
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 4: like would you want to try that? And just go

1080
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 4: through it and be like great, let's try that, or

1081
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 4: getting some positions or like something like that getting a

1082
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 4: book and it's like, oh, that's a cool position, let's

1083
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,799
Speaker 4: try that, And just like having that conversation where it's

1084
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:17,359
Speaker 4: about exploration. It's not about one partner doing worse or better.

1085
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 4: It's about let's explore. Right, And again, like I talked about,

1086
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 4: we scratch the surface of our sexual capacity, right, like kinks,

1087
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:28,440
Speaker 4: fetishes and BDSM like people kind of know about that,

1088
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 4: but what about just like trying different positions right that

1089
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 4: are outside of like the normal range, right, or.

1090
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:38,479
Speaker 2: Like eye contact exactly, like it could be something really simple, right.

1091
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 4: It doesn't need to be even penetrative, right, talking about

1092
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,359
Speaker 4: a lot of this stuff in tntras, Like it's eye contact, right,

1093
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 4: it's breathing, it's matching your breathing, it's you know, it's

1094
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 4: it's just holding parts of each other's bodies. It's spooning,

1095
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,480
Speaker 4: it's just being having skin diskin contact for a long

1096
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:55,919
Speaker 4: periods of time, so you can feel connected to somebody else.

1097
00:51:56,080 --> 00:52:00,399
Speaker 4: It's about credit intimacy. So there's that whole like before, during,

1098
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 4: and after, right than when I talked about before. So

1099
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 4: I think that's where it is. And and as a

1100
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 4: woman the best So I get a lot of feedback

1101
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 4: from women, like you know, I talked to my partner

1102
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 4: about some of your content and it was super well

1103
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 4: received and he really enjoyed, you know, hearing about it.

1104
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 4: And now we're trying this new stuff. I'm like, that's amazing.

1105
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,760
Speaker 4: How did you do it? Like what was your approach,

1106
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 4: what was your strategy? And a lot of them say

1107
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:32,040
Speaker 4: I started out sharing something with him that he's really

1108
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 4: good at.

1109
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, it's the sandwich technique.

1110
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:38,520
Speaker 4: And then I said, here's some things that I'd love

1111
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 4: to explore with you, right, and and so it's your

1112
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 4: language and the situation and the tone and all that

1113
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 4: sort of stuff is so important with the guy. You

1114
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,239
Speaker 4: have to remember men are are men can be quite sensitive.

1115
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:52,760
Speaker 2: I actually think men are more sensitive than women.

1116
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:55,720
Speaker 3: Probably especially in this area.

1117
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 4: Reappear as this like you know, bravado whatever, this and

1118
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 4: that out in the world doing things, but like this

1119
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 4: area is it's super super super hyper sensitive, and so

1120
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 4: you just have to go through it with sort of

1121
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 4: like kid gloves and just being really kind, really compassionate,

1122
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 4: really supportive, stroking the ego. Even if he's not that

1123
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,840
Speaker 4: good at stuff, you just got to stroke the ego anyway.

1124
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 4: So you kinda put a little bit of work into

1125
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 4: it to make him feel like he feels safe. He

1126
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 4: needs to feel safe, He needs to feel confident in

1127
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 4: his skills, in his body image, in his capacity to

1128
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:28,359
Speaker 4: use his want, etc.

1129
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:30,239
Speaker 3: All that stuff right right.

1130
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 4: When he feels safe and he doesn't feel like, you know,

1131
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:38,359
Speaker 4: he's being attacked or less than or not good, then

1132
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 4: he'll be much of a more responsive.

1133
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 3: That's what I found.

1134
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that makes the sandwich technique for anyone listening.

1135
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:45,959
Speaker 2: That's what you learn in therapy. It's like you start

1136
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 2: with a good, you say the hard thing, and then

1137
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 2: you do another good at the end, And it's so

1138
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 2: much easier as a human to just receive information that way.

1139
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 2: I think we don't take it personal as much. And

1140
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 2: I know a lot of the feedback that I get

1141
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 2: anytime we talk about sex on this podcast is from

1142
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:05,440
Speaker 2: people in long term relationships just saying like I feel

1143
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 2: like I'm so disconnected from my partner, or like what

1144
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 2: you've said a couple of times where you just get

1145
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,840
Speaker 2: in the space of going through the motions, like you

1146
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:15,360
Speaker 2: know how to get each other off. You do the

1147
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 2: same positions every time to do that to get to

1148
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,880
Speaker 2: that outcome, and that's just really boring after time. So

1149
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 2: do you have a way that you teach people to

1150
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,280
Speaker 2: approach it if they are far along in that spot?

1151
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 2: And I guess that's kind of what you just said,

1152
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,160
Speaker 2: but like, is there more to it than.

1153
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 3: It's a good question?

1154
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,399
Speaker 4: So I think the reality is you need to make

1155
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 4: time for non goal oriented sex. Okay, Right, So if

1156
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 4: the goal is usually like okay, cool, she gets off,

1157
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 4: he gets off, et cetera, we do the same types

1158
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 4: of things that should be fifty percent of your sexual activity,

1159
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 4: but the other fifty percent should be like non goal oriented.

1160
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 4: Let's explore, right, let's explore with each other. Let's try

1161
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 4: this thing, let's try that thing. Taking time either going

1162
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 4: on a trip or a staycation or something which changes

1163
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 4: the scenery.

1164
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:04,880
Speaker 3: Right, if you have children, you got to get out of.

1165
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:07,160
Speaker 4: The house because children, when women are in the house,

1166
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 4: they're never not going to be that same sexual way

1167
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,799
Speaker 4: their mom mode, right, and the dad's and dad mode.

1168
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 4: So it's like finding time away from your typical environment.

1169
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,399
Speaker 4: So it's it's about changing the percentage of like goal

1170
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:24,000
Speaker 4: oriented sex into more exploratory experiences. It's changing your environment, right,

1171
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:26,759
Speaker 4: and it's changing sort of your attitudes about what it

1172
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:30,439
Speaker 4: is that you're doing. And you know, I think that's

1173
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 4: usually the best thing to do, is just like oh cool,

1174
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 4: like let's try something new. We're getting into the staleness

1175
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 4: and being really comfortable with each other saying hey, we're

1176
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 4: kind of in this rut and let's both work on

1177
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 4: changing it, right, because you're together for a reason, right,

1178
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 4: you want to be together hopefully moving forward. So what

1179
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:51,759
Speaker 4: are the things that you can do in order to

1180
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 4: spice things up? You know, and then really diving into

1181
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 4: like what what do you both like, like, you know,

1182
00:55:57,640 --> 00:55:59,719
Speaker 4: pretending you both don't know each other and you're picking

1183
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:01,160
Speaker 4: each other they're up for the first time at a bar.

1184
00:56:01,239 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 4: I mean, there's so many things that you can do, right,

1185
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 4: you know. Yeah, so I would say that's a you know,

1186
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,040
Speaker 4: it's I mean, some people do it through like doing swinging,

1187
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:13,440
Speaker 4: which is another subject where there's other people involved, But

1188
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,879
Speaker 4: I think that if you're keeping the container of your

1189
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 4: partnership sacred and that's not for you, then I mean,

1190
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 4: it takes work. It takes a lot of effort, you know,

1191
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:24,839
Speaker 4: The relationship takes effort. The sexual part of it takes

1192
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,480
Speaker 4: a lot of effort, you know, and it can also

1193
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 4: get hindered if you know, guys are having experienced with

1194
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:33,760
Speaker 4: not being able to function as well as they get older. Right,

1195
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 4: So that's like, so they don't function as well, they're

1196
00:56:35,719 --> 00:56:38,399
Speaker 4: going to avoid having sex, they don't function well, they're

1197
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,279
Speaker 4: not going to want to initiate and engage because they're

1198
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:43,760
Speaker 4: like nervous about their ability to perform. And so coming

1199
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 4: to coming to your partner and being like, you know, hey,

1200
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:48,760
Speaker 4: I need to work on this, like this is something

1201
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 4: I want, and like the partner needs to be incredibly compassionate,

1202
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 4: right because most guys aren't going to come and be like, hey,

1203
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,919
Speaker 4: I'm having ed, you know.

1204
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:58,919
Speaker 3: What do I do? They're going to hide it of course,

1205
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:00,839
Speaker 3: to say yeah, you know what I mean?

1206
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 4: And I and I have a tremendous amount of compassion

1207
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:06,279
Speaker 4: for guys in that space because it's not it's not

1208
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 4: a fun place to be, you know. And again, you

1209
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 4: have to remember, like, you know, the man only has

1210
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 4: one sexual part, right, and if that doesn't work, like,

1211
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:20,560
Speaker 4: what does that?

1212
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,960
Speaker 3: What does that? How does that make him feel? Right?

1213
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 4: It leaks into every aspect of his life. It causes depression.

1214
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 4: You know, ed causes depression. I mean it's it's because

1215
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 4: you're like, wow, if this is my life for us,

1216
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 4: this is like where my energy source is and it's

1217
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 4: not working properly, this makes me feel terrible, right, And

1218
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 4: so women need to also understand that, like that's the

1219
00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 4: source of their power, and if that source of power

1220
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:46,520
Speaker 4: is not functioning the way it's supposed.

1221
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 3: To do, it's going to affect every aspect of their life.

1222
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:52,080
Speaker 2: To me, it's equitable to like a woman with fertility issues,

1223
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,560
Speaker 2: because that's the thing that we're supposed to be able

1224
00:57:54,600 --> 00:57:56,760
Speaker 2: to do, you know, and then when you can't, it

1225
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 2: feels I would think it would feel similar. So if

1226
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:03,080
Speaker 2: any women are listening, I think that's a really good comparison.

1227
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 2: I have to touch on this because I saw it

1228
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 2: on your Instagram and I need to know about this.

1229
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 2: You say tips for like keeping it sexy if you're

1230
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,800
Speaker 2: in a relationship for women, do not get undressed in

1231
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 2: front of your man unless you're having sex. Tell me

1232
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 2: about that, because if you live with someone, how is

1233
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 2: that possible?

1234
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 4: Well, two bathrooms is helpful, okay, of his and her bathroom.

1235
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 2: Okay.

1236
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 4: The higher level point that I make is the less

1237
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,960
Speaker 4: familiarity you can have with your partner in terms of

1238
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 4: their sexual in the sexual realm, the more turn on

1239
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 4: there's going to be.

1240
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 2: Okay.

1241
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,440
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's like that's just the thesis. Right.

1242
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 4: If you're like brushing your teeth while your your your

1243
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:47,480
Speaker 4: wife's going to the bathroom and you're seeing any it

1244
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 4: just becomes this familiarity thing. It becomes less novel. And

1245
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 4: for the guy and the dopamine or response, like, it's

1246
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 4: just less novel. Yeah, he's always seeing his partner naked

1247
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 4: or this or that. So I always say, like, you know,

1248
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 4: if you can, right, try different things. That's just one

1249
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,400
Speaker 4: of the things that I say, like keep it separate,

1250
00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:06,919
Speaker 4: keep it private, keep it sacred. You know when you're

1251
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 4: you know, don't go to the bathroom in front of

1252
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 4: your partner, right, don't brush your teeth. These sort of

1253
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 4: mundane everyday things that just make you more human, Like

1254
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 4: what if your partner only saw you when you were.

1255
00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 4: I mean, it's e from being sick again. It's like

1256
00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 4: a it's a it's a just an example. Yeah, like

1257
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 4: what if your partner only saw you like dressed sexy

1258
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 4: whatever it is, right, if you're living with someone you

1259
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 4: have kids, obviously not going to happen, but try to

1260
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 4: create as much of that as you can.

1261
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 2: That makes sense though, because it's like the beginning of

1262
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 2: your relationship, which people are always so much more sexually

1263
00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 2: excited in. It seems exactly.

1264
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 3: But I think having his and her bathrooms is a

1265
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 3: huge one.

1266
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like just as a general Yeah that like

1267
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 4: you can if you only get dressed up for your partner,

1268
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 4: you can. But you know, I have a friend of

1269
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 4: mine who told me this about a woman who's married

1270
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 4: to a gentleman. They've been married for like fifteen years.

1271
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 4: She's never gotten changed in front of him once, and

1272
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 4: they have an incredible sex life. They're super vibrant, like

1273
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:57,640
Speaker 4: they keep it super separate in and it you know,

1274
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 4: but they also don't have kids. But yeah, it's you know,

1275
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 4: children obviously changes things too, and you see people in

1276
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 4: very different ways. But it just sort of like how

1277
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 4: do we fight that familiarity?

1278
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:07,919
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1279
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:09,840
Speaker 4: What are the little things that we can do that

1280
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 4: create some separation there create the novelty and the sexual

1281
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:14,360
Speaker 4: same here.

1282
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 2: I hope you guys enjoyed part one of my conversation

1283
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 2: with Jackson High Tower of Natural Jackson. He will be

1284
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:24,320
Speaker 2: back on The Edge episode this Friday answering all of

1285
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 2: your questions, including how to overcome ed without viagra. He

1286
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 2: also addressed a woman who is struggling to have an

1287
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 2: orgasm with her partner and also just how to approach

1288
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,600
Speaker 2: and have those conversations with your partner to really build

1289
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 2: the sex life that you want. Check it out this

1290
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 2: Friday on the Edge.

1291
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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

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Speaker 1: where we believe everyone has a little velvet in a

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Speaker 1: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty

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Speaker 1: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.