1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: I'm Eliot Kanye, and this is family Therapy. When I 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: sat down with Elijah, a twenty two year old storyteller 3 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: and artist, I met someone standing at the intersection of 4 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: pain and potential. Like so many young men, he's trying 5 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: to understand his place within his family, what it means 6 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,320 Speaker 1: to carry the past while trying to build a different future. 7 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: In this conversation, Elijah shares his hopes for healing, his 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,879 Speaker 1: fears for repeating old patterns, and his quiet desire to 9 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 1: become someone who changes the story for himself and his 10 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: ideal future children. Elijah, what are your best hopes from 11 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: talking with me? 12 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 2: Maybe have an understanding of who my family is as 13 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 2: well as how do I fit in with them? Maybe 14 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 2: go over some things that I not I think both 15 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 2: regret and wish for some more clarity from moments that 16 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 2: happened in the past. 17 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:17,199 Speaker 1: How do you hope that having understanding and clarity would 18 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: make a difference on your life? 19 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 2: I think understanding where knowledge is the best tool that 20 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 2: you have for understand or healing through trauma. For me, 21 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 2: it's more of thinking, I want to know why things 22 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 2: went the way they were and not necessarily Is there 23 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 2: a way to avoid those pitfalls as I'm growing older, 24 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 2: because the last thing I want, is in a big 25 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 2: fear of mine, is to repeat those mistakes onto my 26 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 2: own kids or my nieces and nephews. 27 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: Right, So, if you gain the kind of clarity and 28 00:01:55,440 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: understanding and knowledge about your family and healed from trauma 29 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 1: to the point where you've made things differently for the 30 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: next generation, like your own kids, nieces and nephews, you'd 31 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,519 Speaker 1: be pleased by that as an outcome from talking to me. Yes, 32 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: any other ways you're hoping talking to me will make 33 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,119 Speaker 1: a difference. 34 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 2: In your life, No, I don't think so. 35 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,920 Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, now that you know you and I are 36 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,079 Speaker 1: talking alone, can I get to know you a bit? 37 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 2: Yeah? Sure? What questions do you have? 38 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: What were you doing for work? 39 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 2: I work with kids right now? 40 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: What do you do with them? 41 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,760 Speaker 2: I work in an after school program, so basically, like 42 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 2: I monitor them while they're there until they leave with 43 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 2: their parents. It's like two thirty to six thirty, and 44 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 2: usually we just you know, play outside and for an 45 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 2: hour and for an hour we wait inside. Some of 46 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 2: the kids go after their like classes. It's a private school, 47 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 2: so they have that sort of funding. They do a 48 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 2: bunch of different things from our dancing. So yeah, they 49 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 2: basically do that and then we go outside again to play, 50 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: and then the rest of the kids just basically leave 51 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 2: around the time that the class fends. 52 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: Do you enjoy that work? 53 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I do a lot. 54 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: What do you enjoy most about it? 55 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 2: Being around kids is really like the times where I 56 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 2: could be at the most ease and be at the 57 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 2: most like my most true self necessarily or like the 58 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 2: self where I don't have to necessary to be older. 59 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 2: I can always be older because it requires that because 60 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:32,639 Speaker 2: I'm supposed to, you know, not just be their guardian 61 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 2: at the time, but also be in a sense of 62 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 2: role model too. They rely on me to get them 63 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: where they need to go, any questions that they have, 64 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 2: or to an extent entertainment, which I really like making 65 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 2: games that they can all play with. Like all the time, 66 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 2: I'll pease them, and there are times where where I'll 67 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 2: like snatch the balls or snatch their hats, and like 68 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: they'll run around chasing me try to get the balls back, 69 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 2: and I'm just like playing and I'm constantly just like 70 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 2: juking them and it's all fun and games. But they like, 71 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 2: they really really like being around me. 72 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, what part of your personality when you said 73 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: like I could just be myself, what part of your 74 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: personality shines the most in that role that you're in. 75 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 2: I think my more mischievous and playful side. I don't 76 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 2: really think I get to be that way around most 77 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 2: of my family members. I think as i'd gotten older, 78 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 2: I gotten to be that part of myself less and 79 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 2: less right because you know, they expect different things from me, 80 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 2: to expect me to act a certain way, so that 81 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 2: mischievous side of me had to diminish for a while. 82 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 2: I used to remember how I would with my stepmom Susan. 83 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,839 Speaker 2: I would always walk on all fours around the house 84 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,799 Speaker 2: and sneak up on her and my dad and schedule 85 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 2: living daylights out of them. So if if I could 86 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 2: now it's more of just not like that. It's I 87 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,840 Speaker 2: don't think I can do that with my mom or 88 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 2: nana because they would just get probably get mad at me. 89 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 2: But with my step mom, it just sort of With 90 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 2: my step mom and dad, it kind of fell out. 91 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 2: I guess it's me also getting older, so I don't 92 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 2: really feel comfortable doing around them as well. But you know, 93 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 2: like that mischievous, playful side has diminished over time, Like 94 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 2: my step mom too, she's not as I don't get 95 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 2: that same response back, like I don't get that same 96 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:36,479 Speaker 2: playful and it's from my stem I'm back and I 97 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 2: used to get it from my dad, but not as 98 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 2: much anymore. So yeah, just I get to be that way, okay. 99 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: And so that's the job you have. Now? What would 100 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: be your dream job? Like what do you want to 101 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: do in the future, Like, if your life works out 102 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 1: exactly how you're hoping, what would be the dream job 103 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: for you? 104 00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 2: I think there's a couple of things, but right now, 105 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 2: it's more just like being a artists in terms of 106 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 2: being a storyteller having huge import with stories, video games, shows, books, 107 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: mostly rapid novels. I think projects and media mediums like 108 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:18,839 Speaker 2: that where I create the stories, the characters, the narratives 109 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 2: for an audience to see. In fact, I'm working on 110 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 2: a fan fiction right now, and I'm hoping that in 111 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: the future I could like place it out as sort 112 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 2: of a what's the word A I guess you can say, 113 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 2: like a magnum opus my first coming out as a 114 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,599 Speaker 2: as a writer, Like people can see what I can. 115 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 1: Do when did you realize that storytelling was an interest 116 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 1: to you? Like, when did you realize that, Like, I 117 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 1: want to be a storyteller. I want to, you know, write, 118 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: I want to create, I want to you know, all 119 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,039 Speaker 1: theseffer mediums And when did that hit you that storytelling 120 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 1: matter to you. 121 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 2: It's actually kind of funny. So my step mom, she 122 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 2: was constantly telling me to read and write all this. 123 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 2: So in third grade I had to write like about 124 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 2: a page of something whatever for every day, I believe, 125 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 2: and it would always be about animals. But then my 126 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 2: stepmom also would encourage me, actually force me to read 127 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 2: chapter books constantly, and at first I really didn't like it. 128 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 2: But until I started reading fiction, I was like, oh, 129 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 2: I really liked this. So for years I would just 130 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 2: be reading on end. I still read, not as much, 131 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,800 Speaker 2: but I'm trying to get back into that reading. And 132 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 2: for a long time I just kept reading and reading. 133 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 2: And I also really didn't like school, so I would 134 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 2: also just read in school. I would get in trouble 135 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 2: for my parents created a monster in high school. Ninth grade. 136 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 2: It was the SAT practice test, and the day before 137 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 2: I locked out with a massive migraine because I did 138 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 2: not know what to do next. I'm walking to school 139 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 2: and we still have to do these practices saties, which 140 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 2: is say like two to three hours. I decided to 141 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 2: ditch school and go to Starbucks around the corner. I 142 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 2: ended up buying an Apple Like I remember, I bought 143 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 2: an Apple card like Gift certific or something like that. 144 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 2: It was like, you know, money that you can place 145 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 2: onto it. And I ended up buying the series Avatar, 146 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 2: the Last Airbender Show and just binge watching season one, 147 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 2: and I was thinking I could do something like this easy. 148 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 2: And that's when the journey started. 149 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: And what is that your favorite? Like, what's your favorite story? 150 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: Like you're someone who's been a reader and you watch shows, 151 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: like what's your favorite story? 152 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 2: That's hard because there's so many good ones like Avatar, 153 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 2: The Last of Us, Got of War, Percy Jackson, which 154 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 2: is actually what I'm making the fan fictional Harry Potter. 155 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,439 Speaker 2: So there's so many stories I really love that I 156 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 2: read The Threat the years, and it just all depends 157 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 2: on what type of story, the medium, or the themes 158 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 2: that you're trying to ask me for. So if you're 159 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:13,439 Speaker 2: thinking about family loss and grief, The Last of Us, Redemption, God. 160 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: Of War, study story writing. 161 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 2: I'm getting in the habit of studying story writing, trying 162 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 2: to write video essays about chapter books and video games 163 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 2: to develop my sense for writing. 164 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: Elijah, I got an unusual question. You mentioned your family 165 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: traumas and those sorts of things. If you woke up 166 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: tomorrow as the main character in a story you were writing, 167 00:09:53,480 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 1: what would be the first thing you would do? If 168 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: you knew the story was gonna end with the main 169 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 1: character fitting into the family recovering from trauma. You knew 170 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,560 Speaker 1: the story was gonna end with the main character like 171 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:15,839 Speaker 1: truly being himself. But if you woke up tomorrow right 172 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,199 Speaker 1: in the middle of that story, what's what's the first 173 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: thing you would you would have that main character do. 174 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 2: That's a good question. I think I think the first 175 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 2: thing I would want to do is make breakfast for 176 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 2: that family, because I also like cooking. But I've never 177 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 2: seen myself as a leader. My parents constantly tell me, 178 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: or other people in my family that tell me that 179 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,319 Speaker 2: I'm the year. I personally don't see it. 180 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: Your family sees leadership in you, but you don't see it. 181 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: No more than one family member does, and they've mentioned 182 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,200 Speaker 1: this to you. 183 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 2: I've always seen myself as more of like a pillar 184 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 2: that yeah, the pillar that supports the weight of the 185 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 2: family and helps him keep going. Not necessarily leading, but 186 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 2: you know, is the rock you need to get where you're. 187 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 1: Going, right, Okay, So that's how you see yourself. But 188 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: they might have said he's actually a pretty good leader 189 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 1: of the family. Yeah, and in that reality, you said 190 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 1: you'd cook for them. Yeah, what would you cook? 191 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,719 Speaker 2: It can be a lot of different things, but what 192 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 2: first came to mind was French toast with strawberries and 193 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 2: powdered sugar on top of like maybe driddled chocolate syrup 194 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 2: mixed with actual syrup, something like that. 195 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: Okay, is that within your skill set of things to make? 196 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 2: Definitely? 197 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: I imagine the main character of this story being you. 198 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: You're gonna wake up in Washington, d C. At your 199 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: step mom's day's house tomorrow, right, Yeah, if you made 200 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: them breakfast tomorrow, how surprised would they be? 201 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 2: They probably wouldn't. It's funny because I don't normally cook 202 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,599 Speaker 2: for my family, despite the fact that I would want to. 203 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 2: That's where I often feel out of place, because you know, 204 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:24,199 Speaker 2: my dad is more accepting to eat my food than 205 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,560 Speaker 2: my stummmas It's not that they don't, that my stemum 206 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 2: doesn't or my dad doesn't. It's just that they have 207 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 2: different diets from me, and you know, it's just it 208 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 2: doesn't feel as necessary to cook for them, even though 209 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:42,199 Speaker 2: I would like to. No, I normally just cook for myself. 210 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 2: And even when I ask other people, they don't always 211 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 2: say yes. They sometimes do, sometimes they don't, but it's 212 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 2: not necessarily a consistent need for me to do that. 213 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: Okay, but if you did do it, they wouldn't be 214 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: too surprised. Yeah, how would they respond? 215 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 2: They would probably say thank you. My dad is oftentimes 216 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:11,319 Speaker 2: like complimenting my cooking, so does my stepmom, and probably 217 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 2: they were probably just yeah, they would probably eat everything. 218 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: Okay, this is a really important question. But regardless of 219 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: how they responded, what they ate or didn't eat, would 220 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: you feel like the authentic Elijah for doing this? 221 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, yeah, I would. 222 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: Would that feel good to you? To be the the 223 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 1: real you? In essence? 224 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 2: I would feel good? 225 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: What else would the character of this story do that 226 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:51,840 Speaker 1: would just fit with being the real true version of Elijah. 227 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 2: I don't have any siblings, but I do have a 228 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 2: lot of little cousins. I always wanted to take. Then 229 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 2: bring them to school, make their lunches, help with their 230 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 2: homework if need be, you know, get them to where 231 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 2: they need to go in that case, and then after 232 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: I'm done with that, then I just go back home 233 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 2: and work on the stuff that, you know, like the writing, 234 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 2: the drawing, things around the house that might need working on. 235 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 2: I honestly prefer having skills that are more like practical carpentry, welding, 236 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 2: stuff like that. That's what I'm working on anyway. So yeah, 237 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 2: it's more of just that are I think I would 238 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 2: feel most comfortable. 239 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: At where are these cousins. 240 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 2: Scattered across the country, to be honest, if cousins in 241 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 2: Los Angeles, Arizona, Boston, Georgia and everywhere, honestly, gotcha? 242 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: And what is it about you that makes you want 243 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 1: to lead them and be an example for them and 244 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 1: take care of them? 245 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 2: Like? 246 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 1: What is it about you that that causes you to 247 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: want to do that? 248 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 2: I have no clue. 249 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 1: What do you think it is? 250 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean I've always like even before 251 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 2: my even when I was young, I just had this 252 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 2: affinity for kids, right, I would always want to be around, 253 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 2: like especially my baby cousins. I've always wanted to be 254 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 2: around them, and it's like and I would feel sad 255 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 2: whenever they had to go, or it just I don't know, 256 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 2: just click, it just clicks for me. 257 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 1: Why, Like, what is it? What is it about you 258 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 1: that's like, Man, I really want to be a leader 259 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: to these younger kids in my family. 260 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 2: I think might come from seeing so many adults and 261 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 2: you with a lot of disappointment and sadness after seeing 262 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 2: how adults know they just treat each other, but treat 263 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 2: their kids from abandonment to you know, harsh like treatment 264 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 2: or just not fulfilling the needs I think the kids 265 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 2: needed at that moment, and that made me want to 266 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 2: do better, I guess. 267 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: But why. The reason I ask that is a lot 268 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: of people come from a family where there's a lot 269 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: of disappointment, there's a lot of frustration, there's a lot 270 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: of you know, disrupted relationships, and then they continue the pattern. 271 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 1: But you're saying, because I experience all those things, I 272 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: want to change the pattern. Why, Like, how come you're 273 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: that way? 274 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 2: I don't know. I guess I've seen a lot of 275 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 2: people who are angry from adults, children and the consequences 276 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 2: of that and instead of replicating that I actually hold 277 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 2: my emotions in one of my greatest years is losing 278 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 2: control and doing something I ever read. I have no clue. 279 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 2: I guess the most thing I can just say once 280 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: again is like I've seen pain. I felt that pain. 281 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 2: So the last thing whole onan is for someone else 282 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:24,880 Speaker 2: to feel that. 283 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: What difference would it make for you if wecome the 284 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 1: member of the family that changed the family pattern, What 285 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: difference did that make for you? 286 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 2: I don't know it would be. As I said, I 287 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 2: don't see myself as a leader, so being the one 288 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:54,639 Speaker 2: to bring about change feels foreign to me. Right I 289 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 2: guess I'm more just focused on doing what I can 290 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 2: right now and fixing what I have issues with myself. 291 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,919 Speaker 2: And if that happens, it's more of just like a 292 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,640 Speaker 2: I think a part of me would feel warm and proud, 293 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,680 Speaker 2: but at the same time right now like it's more 294 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 2: of just. It's more of just. I'd also be cynical 295 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,120 Speaker 2: because I don't believe it can really happen too. 296 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,159 Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, if it could happen, would you be pleased 297 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 1: by that? 298 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 2: Yeah? 299 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 1: The conversation doesn't stop here. We'll be right back with 300 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: more from this session. Here's more from my session with Elijah. 301 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:55,160 Speaker 1: What do you know about your family? Or I guess 302 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 1: what I'll say is like this problem that tells you 303 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: that it's solvable, like like you just said, like I 304 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 1: don't believe it could happen, sure, but what makes you 305 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: what even gives you the slightest hope that maybe one 306 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 1: day things could change? 307 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 2: Hope doesn't really come to me all that all that well, 308 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:21,399 Speaker 2: but I think maybe it's the because even like my 309 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:26,919 Speaker 2: best answer is that people want to change, but the 310 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,479 Speaker 2: fact is that change or going against someone else's like 311 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 2: going against your nature so hard in the first place. 312 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: Absolutely true. 313 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 2: And my I've heard my mom and my dad and 314 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 2: my stepmom and myself say things, say things say that 315 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 2: exactly phrasing, I want to change, and it either happened 316 00:19:54,640 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 2: so slowly that the change was insignificant because not only 317 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 2: was the damage done, but more damage kept on happening 318 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:09,760 Speaker 2: with the mental damage, right, and or nothing ever changed. 319 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,880 Speaker 1: What would do to you to actually see change after 320 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: all these people, even yourself saying I want to change, 321 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,959 Speaker 1: then nothing ever really changing? What difference would it make 322 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 1: for you to be like, oh crap, real change is happening. 323 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 2: I guess I just probably have to see it to 324 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 2: believe it. I don't know someone doing something that they 325 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 2: are not accustomed to doing, going against their what I 326 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,880 Speaker 2: seen as their nature. 327 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: Okay, does participating in therapy like this count? Are there 328 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: any family members you were like, Wow, this goes against 329 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,400 Speaker 1: their nature? This isn't what I expected. 330 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,200 Speaker 2: No, because mom, and I'm not sure about lunch of jasmine, 331 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 2: But my mom, my stepmom, my dad have said things 332 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:07,040 Speaker 2: or done things similar to this. But I'm not sure 333 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,679 Speaker 2: if my I don't know my mom, and I know 334 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,920 Speaker 2: my mom flew very well, but I don't know where 335 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 2: to an extent that I've seen her go to therapy. 336 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 2: I don't remember i've seen her talk. Actually know, yes, 337 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 2: I've seen her go to therapy. But even in the 338 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:24,600 Speaker 2: instances where she did go to therapy, bad stuff happened. 339 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,719 Speaker 2: In fact, the worst thing that happened happened during that time. 340 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 1: So how long ago was that. 341 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:32,959 Speaker 2: When she went to therapy? 342 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, like when she went to therapy and like bad 343 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 1: stuff happened. 344 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 2: Uh, I would say over a year and a half ago. Probably. 345 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,919 Speaker 1: Wow, do you fear that bad stuff will happen again? 346 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:57,919 Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I think this is like important to say 347 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 2: and I want to Just like my mom and I 348 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 2: got into a really bad fight, a physical fight at 349 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 2: one point. This is why I'm actually here in Washington, DC. 350 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 2: But a few months before a hand like we would 351 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 2: just get into these really bad arguments. And for me, 352 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 2: I'm not a violent person and I hate fighting unless 353 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 2: like it's like martial arts or sports, like I don't 354 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 2: there's no reason for anyone to fight. But after just 355 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:36,920 Speaker 2: suffering years and years of feeling my mom just anger 356 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,119 Speaker 2: at me, and I should I'm not the type of 357 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 2: guy who expresses their anger, I shut down a lot, 358 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 2: and I becomes silent, scared, timid, like and my mind 359 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,959 Speaker 2: is just buzzing with emotion that I just have to 360 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,679 Speaker 2: try to quell it so it doesn't explode. But in 361 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 2: that moment, I just asked my mom like just like 362 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:03,199 Speaker 2: tired of it, like do you want to fight? And 363 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 2: like do you want to go outside and fight? And 364 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 2: then she lost her mind and in that instant she 365 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 2: wanted to kick most. She said multiple times that she 366 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 2: wanted to kick me out in those instances like but beforehand, 367 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 2: but at that moment, I was just like I'm done. 368 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,680 Speaker 2: I'm not. I was resolutely like, I'm not gonna fight 369 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: my mom. I'm not gonna fight her. But I was 370 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,560 Speaker 2: just like, in many times she's gone in my face, 371 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 2: she's punched me once, belful, and like I've just seen 372 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 2: so many other people on her side of the family 373 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,280 Speaker 2: as well as my dad's side of the family put 374 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 2: their hands on each other. That was just like, get 375 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 2: it over with. If you're gonna hit me, hit me, wow, 376 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 2: because what's the point. It was like, you were so 377 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 2: easy to get into anger, You're so easy to become emotional, 378 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 2: and and it's just like and I'm just here, like 379 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 2: I'm not perfect, but I don't deserve this. 380 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:10,560 Speaker 1: Right. 381 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 2: So it's more just like just I'm just going to 382 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 2: take it and move on. 383 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 1: And that happened around the time that your mom was 384 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 1: going to therapy. 385 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 2: I believe, so yes, thank you. 386 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 1: For sharing that. How would it improve your life, Elijah, 387 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 1: if we could somehow like remove that like familial anger? 388 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 2: What do you mean by that? 389 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,679 Speaker 1: Like you said, she was so quick to anger and 390 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: that's not how you want to be. If we were 391 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: able to remove that like anger from her anybody else 392 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 1: in the family, how would that improve your life? 393 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 2: It would improve my life by leaves and balances, right, 394 00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:00,760 Speaker 2: I mean, I've seen my family is in the fights, 395 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 2: not just verable with physical countless At times, I've heard 396 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 2: people slamming the door in front of other spaces, like 397 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:16,720 Speaker 2: the sound of bodies hitting walls, glass shattering, right, it's 398 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 2: not fun though, And like I think there was this 399 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 2: one time where I was with my mom and we 400 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 2: weren't in fights. At this moment, I was very young. 401 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 2: I was probably like ten, maybe I'm not sure, but 402 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:33,880 Speaker 2: there was these two family members that I had, one 403 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 2: a teenager and her mom. They would get in the 404 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 2: fights every single morning, just me yelling throughout the house, 405 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 2: cursing bloody murder at each other. It was wild and 406 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:54,520 Speaker 2: I lived with that for like I think months. It was. 407 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,719 Speaker 2: It was wild, and my mom was astonished. But at 408 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,639 Speaker 2: the same time, it's just like you do that, but 409 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: less frequent and less and less violent, but still is 410 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 2: scary in its own right. 411 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 1: And then you know what makes me think about Elijah 412 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: The day we met. In the introductory call your uncle, 413 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: he's your uncle, right, Yeah, I'm gonna make sure I 414 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: follow the family line properly. Your uncle talked about how 415 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 1: there was a huge fight one night when he was 416 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: a kid, and like someone died at that fight, and 417 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,360 Speaker 1: it was like the entire family changed in one night. 418 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: That's what it felt like when I was listening to 419 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:50,960 Speaker 1: this story. And then your uncle goes into like the 420 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: foster care system. But now listening to you, it sounds 421 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:59,160 Speaker 1: like there's lots of anger and fights in the family. 422 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't say that I'm much. I have 423 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,960 Speaker 2: no idea what's happening before that. I think you could 424 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 2: say that it's worth it was worse back then because 425 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 2: a lot of different family members are more our tamer 426 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 2: in other circumstances than what I've experienced. But there's definitely 427 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 2: been a lot of like there's definitely still if it's 428 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 2: not there's no more outbursts like that, still tension that 429 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 2: builds up frequently within the family. And that's what it felt. 430 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 2: That's what felt like for me and my mom. Like 431 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 2: I often compare my parents to two objects, like if 432 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,080 Speaker 2: my stepmom was a knife, that's like very cutting and 433 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 2: leave scars my dad, though they change, like I everyone 434 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 2: has changed, but this is how I used to I 435 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 2: still actually do it this, but I compare my dad 436 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 2: to like a hammer, that breaks bones, and my mom 437 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 2: is like a fire that's slowly builds to an inferno. 438 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,479 Speaker 2: And it felt as if with this side of the family, 439 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 2: it's like tension that slowly builds until it can no 440 00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,640 Speaker 2: longer be held in its container. 441 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 1: What are you? 442 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 2: That's a good question. I would describe myself as the 443 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 2: thing you could say. It's it's sort of like more 444 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:36,160 Speaker 2: of a feeling than I think, like an item constantly running, 445 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 2: constantly hiding, went back into a corner. It lashes out, 446 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 2: wants to be left alone, to not get hurt. 447 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,720 Speaker 1: Goodness, man. And another thing you mentioned that I'm really 448 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: interested in. Many people see something in you that you 449 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 1: don't see in yourself, which you've described as like leadership 450 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 1: or being a leader. What is it? What is it 451 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,400 Speaker 1: do you think that they see? Like if I interviewed 452 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 1: all the people who said they see that in you, 453 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: what do you think they would say, Here's what I 454 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,200 Speaker 1: noticed about Eliza that tells me he's got this leadership thing. 455 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 2: I think they see me as a good kid with 456 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,200 Speaker 2: a good head on his shoulders. I've heard that multiple times. 457 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 2: I have been described as caring, compassionate, affectionate, wise, loving too. 458 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:45,960 Speaker 2: But I think also responsible to an extent. Oftentimes I 459 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:51,360 Speaker 2: can see where they're coming from. But also it's weird 460 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 2: because I get that, I hear that, but oftentimes I 461 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 2: don't really feel as if the thing that I want 462 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 2: the most. It's weird. It's I know this is very 463 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 2: much a it's a desire I think all humans want, 464 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 2: especially us men, because that's how we're sort of framed 465 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 2: as like being the providers and protectors. But I think 466 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 2: this is really inherent within me because this is uh, yeah, 467 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 2: I said, I'm not a leader, but there's there's still 468 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,120 Speaker 2: like it's sort of like the flipping of that like 469 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 2: a pillar or a guid. I want to be needed 470 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 2: in that sense, gotcha, not necessarily not just wanted, but needed. 471 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 2: And it doesn't even though people say good stuff about me, 472 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 2: it's not shown that this desire or desire admiration isn't shown. 473 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 2: And oftentimes what happens is I have to be the 474 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 2: one to go up and tell people, or I have 475 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 2: to be the one to share affection or love, or 476 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,360 Speaker 2: it's not and it's not being reciprocated as much as 477 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 2: I would have wanted or desired. 478 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 1: And. 479 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 2: It's it's not Yeah, it's more sought after than it's given. 480 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: From my perspective, when people say these nice things about you, 481 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: do you accept it or is it hard for you 482 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,719 Speaker 1: to believe? Is it hard for you to accept? 483 00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 2: It's hard for me to believe because it usually comes 484 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:38,680 Speaker 2: from an expansive time where something neutral or negative takes 485 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 2: its place. Right, It's like you're spacing out. It's like 486 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 2: you're spacing out good food with both bad and bland food. 487 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: Right right? Okay, Well, Elijah, first of all, thank you 488 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: man for spending some time with me and letting me 489 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: ask you some questions and get to know you. Is 490 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 1: it okay if I share some of my thoughts about 491 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 1: you with you? 492 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 2: Yeah? 493 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: If you disagree, feel free to disagree, and if you 494 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: want to, like, tell me that you disagree. Whatever. But 495 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: it feels to me like there's like a goodness inside 496 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 1: of you that you don't recognize, and in order for 497 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,920 Speaker 1: your life to change, you have to recognize it. And 498 00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:26,720 Speaker 1: that goodness can't be external, meaning it's that goodness is there, 499 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,120 Speaker 1: whether or not the people around you recognize it pointed 500 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:32,520 Speaker 1: out consistently, acknowledge it or not, the goodness is still there. 501 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 1: My favorite thing about you that I learned is that 502 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:41,040 Speaker 1: you are a storyteller, which I find it interesting, Elijah. 503 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 1: Most people describe themselves as a writer, but you describe 504 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 1: yourself as a storyteller, which makes you significantly more versatile. See, 505 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: writers just write books, Like I would say, I'm a writer. 506 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:53,520 Speaker 1: I write books, but you're like, no, I want to 507 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,480 Speaker 1: use film and I want to tell I want to 508 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 1: create video games and write books in like TV series. 509 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:07,640 Speaker 1: You're a storyteller, and I think that's an amazing skill. Literally, 510 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 1: by far, my favorite thing I learned about you is 511 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: you're a storyteller. And the interesting thing about stories, Elijah, 512 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 1: is in order for a story to be compelling, there 513 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:27,040 Speaker 1: must be some drama or else the story is not compelling. 514 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: You have to have what's referred to in the storytelling 515 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:37,440 Speaker 1: world as an arc, meaning, you know, and we all 516 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 1: want to hear those stories of like this person's life 517 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: started in the slums of and then they became the 518 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: richest man in the universe, you know what I mean, 519 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:49,280 Speaker 1: Like that kind of thing, Like the story has to 520 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: have an arc. And the more you talked, I thought, 521 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,240 Speaker 1: this dude's in the middle of an epic story, and 522 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 1: I'm not sure he realizes it because when you do 523 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 1: become the guy, and you get married and you have 524 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,600 Speaker 1: kids and you treat your kids wonderfully, those are all 525 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:11,000 Speaker 1: things that come from your leadership ability. Those are all 526 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 1: things that come from your heart. Those are all things 527 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:19,600 Speaker 1: that are like the genuine Elijah. But I don't think 528 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 1: you realize that those things are within you. And you're 529 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: in the middle of an epic story. So does that 530 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:31,040 Speaker 1: make sense before I yes, What I would like you 531 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,319 Speaker 1: to do is when you wake up tomorrow, I just 532 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: want you to remind yourself that you're living in the 533 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:41,959 Speaker 1: middle of this story and conduct yourself as the main 534 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,360 Speaker 1: character of a story where you're in this art and 535 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:53,760 Speaker 1: you're heading towards this triumphant success. Okay, some of the things, Elijah, 536 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,759 Speaker 1: and I want to be very clear about this, some 537 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,360 Speaker 1: of the things that you said to me are not fair, 538 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 1: Like a child should not see the level of fighting 539 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,520 Speaker 1: and arguing that you saw, and I think you said 540 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,480 Speaker 1: it was like every day right, like you saw this 541 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:12,000 Speaker 1: very frequently in the the frequence of anger that you 542 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:16,040 Speaker 1: that you witnessed and were exposed to, it is it 543 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:21,799 Speaker 1: is not okay, and is and it was unfair. But 544 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:26,480 Speaker 1: having said that, Also, it's necessary in order to have 545 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,800 Speaker 1: an epic finish, you must have had a tumultuous start. 546 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:35,120 Speaker 1: I want you to focus more on the epic finish 547 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 1: than you do in the tumultuous start. Did I explain that? Okay? Yeah, 548 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 1: does that make sense? Excellent? Thank you, Elijah, thank you? 549 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:49,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 550 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 1: What did you think of our first conversation? 551 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 2: It brought a lot of perspective. I didn't think of 552 00:35:55,040 --> 00:36:00,360 Speaker 2: it as like that. And also, I still don't want to, like, 553 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:04,680 Speaker 2: I personally don't want to make it seem like I 554 00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,400 Speaker 2: am necessarily in the right either, because I know, like 555 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,520 Speaker 2: there's a lot of things that I do that aren't, 556 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:16,480 Speaker 2: you know, positive, And I'm trying to work on that. 557 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:17,600 Speaker 1: That's why we're here. 558 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,000 Speaker 2: Right, And what you're saying is treating it more as 559 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:25,200 Speaker 2: like treating this king the end result rather than where 560 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 2: I originally started from. The tragedy is important and brings 561 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:33,759 Speaker 2: a lot of perspective, like sort of thinking about even 562 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,480 Speaker 2: though Hercules murdered his wife and children in a rage 563 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 2: due to Hera's manipulations, he still became one of the 564 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,520 Speaker 2: greatest great killers of all time. 565 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,320 Speaker 1: When I think about Elijah, I think about how courage 566 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: doesn't always look like confidence. Sometimes it looks like a 567 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:56,040 Speaker 1: quiet young man choosing not to repeat the pain he's known, 568 00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:01,840 Speaker 1: choosing instead to write a new story. He reminded me 569 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: that change doesn't always come with certainty. It often begins 570 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,960 Speaker 1: with doubt, a small step, or even just the hope 571 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,839 Speaker 1: that one day things could be different. So I'll leave 572 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,160 Speaker 1: you with a few questions. What would it look like 573 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:21,080 Speaker 1: if you were the main character in your own story? 574 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,839 Speaker 1: What chapter are you in right now? The conflict, the 575 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,919 Speaker 1: turning point, or the rise toward becoming who you are 576 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,640 Speaker 1: meant to be? And if healing required you to write 577 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:37,560 Speaker 1: a different ending for your family, what would that ending be? 578 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:42,080 Speaker 1: Because the story isn't finished yet and you, like Elijah, 579 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 1: are still writing it. Thank you for investing your time 580 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,400 Speaker 1: with me and this family's journey. I would love to 581 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,640 Speaker 1: hear from you about your healing journey, your family, and 582 00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:54,560 Speaker 1: your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect with 583 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 1: me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also 584 00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,399 Speaker 1: send me a text message to nine seven two four 585 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,680 Speaker 1: two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a 586 00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:06,720 Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special 587 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,879 Speaker 1: Thanks to our assistant Glendale, SEPE. It's produced by Jack 588 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:13,640 Speaker 1: Queis Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. Spisha. For 589 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:17,120 Speaker 1: more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app 590 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,720 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The content 591 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: presented on The Family Therapy podcast serves solely for educational 592 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 1: and informational purposes. It should not be considered a replacement 593 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,160 Speaker 1: for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does not 594 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,720 Speaker 1: constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to consult 595 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,480 Speaker 1: with your healthcare provider or health team for any specific 596 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:36,920 Speaker 1: concerns or questions you may have.