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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 1: All Right, so this week's there's a therapy. We've got

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Speaker 1: Connall Barrett. So he is the founder of Dating Transformation.

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Speaker 1: He is a dating coach from Men who works with

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Speaker 1: clients all over the world. So he has the website.

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Speaker 1: He's been basically in the friend zone forever and he

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Speaker 1: has transformed many men's lives in the dating world. He's

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Speaker 1: in New York and he helps his clients get more dates,

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Speaker 1: grow more confident, find love with bright, beautiful women like y'all.

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Speaker 1: So let's get him on and then maybe ask him

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Speaker 1: a few questions of what we can do too, well

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Speaker 1: y'all can do in the dating world.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Connall, nice to meet you. Hey, I'm really excited

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Speaker 2: to talk to you.

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Speaker 1: We'll just jump right in because when I was reading

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Speaker 1: your breakdown, I'm like, Okay, I've heard so one of

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Speaker 1: my girlfriends has done a dating coach and I was

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Speaker 1: just so intrigued by the dating coach and like, tell

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Speaker 1: me more about it. What did she have you do?

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Speaker 1: What was the things that she said not to do?

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Speaker 1: But I've never heard of an actual, like men man

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Speaker 1: targeted dating coach. But I love how you're right in

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Speaker 1: the thing it said, Chances are you struggle in this area.

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Speaker 1: You see women you want to talk to you, but

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Speaker 1: anxiety and self doubt hold you back. Or maybe you

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Speaker 1: do meet attractive women but they'll either reject you or

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Speaker 1: banish you to the friend zone and you say I've

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Speaker 1: been there. Hell, I owned a condo there, And that

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Speaker 1: was like he's like, oh oh no, I was like,

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Speaker 1: he's been friend zone.

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Speaker 3: I was a friend zone olive arch. I was there.

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Speaker 3: I own the whole city absolutely.

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Speaker 1: So what was the like, why did you think you

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Speaker 1: stay that? Did you not feel like you had the

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Speaker 1: confidence to break out from the is that where that

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Speaker 1: the first piece kind of lacks for men in those

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Speaker 1: situations where they're just like, okay, I know I can

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Speaker 1: at least be a friend, so this is comfortable here,

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Speaker 1: let me just stay here.

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Speaker 3: Yes. So many men are afraid to take a romantic

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Speaker 3: risk and to have their authentic self rejected. So a

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Speaker 3: lot of men get in the friends zone, not because

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Speaker 3: they're not great attractive men with a lot to offer,

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Speaker 3: but because they're afraid to sort of put a card

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Speaker 3: or two on the table and say hey, I like you,

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Speaker 3: I want to take you on a date. Instead, they

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Speaker 3: play it safe. They act like they're your friend, just

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Speaker 3: your friend or your buddy, as opposed to saying, hey,

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Speaker 3: I think I might have a crush on you. You're

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Speaker 3: totally my type. Would you like to maybe go out

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Speaker 3: some time and grab a drink? Wind down? And a

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Speaker 3: lot of guys are just afraid that that kind of

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Speaker 3: vulnerability will get rejected. But it's actually that kind of

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Speaker 3: vulnerability that is the gateway to a real genuine connection.

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Speaker 1: Right And I'm listening to that and like my almost

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Speaker 1: rejection goes, Oh my gosh. But then to say that

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Speaker 1: and then you get rejected, What a crappy feeling that

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Speaker 1: is too. So how do you kind of coach your

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Speaker 1: people to go You might get rejected, you might not,

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Speaker 1: And what do you do with both those pieces?

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Speaker 3: I don't think in the courtship part of dating, I

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Speaker 3: don't believe rejection exists. It's not rejection. I look at

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Speaker 3: it as information. Not everybody is going to be my

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Speaker 3: type or your type. Some people like the Beatles, some

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Speaker 3: people love the Stones, And if they're like, hey, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to listen to the Stones and not the Beatles,

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Speaker 3: the Beatles are still the greatest band ever in my opinion. So,

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Speaker 3: in dating, if a man walks up to a woman

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Speaker 3: at a bar and he shoots a shot, he lets

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Speaker 3: her know he's interested and wants to talk to her.

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Speaker 3: If she pushes back and says, hey, I'm not really interested,

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Speaker 3: what I want him to know is there's it's not

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Speaker 3: really rejection. She doesn't know you well enough to reject you. Now,

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Speaker 3: if your partner of five years wakes up one day

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Speaker 3: and says, hey, you know what, I'm not in love

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Speaker 3: with you anymore and I'm going to leave you for Fabio, Okay.

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Speaker 2: That is rejecting Fabio Fabi, thank you, Okay.

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Speaker 3: It's my my Ohio accents coming to Michigan.

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Speaker 1: So that's why I know it sounds like he's that's

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Speaker 1: That was my next question. Are you from Michigan?

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Speaker 2: But Ohio? That yeah, Ohio, Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I tell my guys, hey, it's not rejection. She

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Speaker 3: doesn't even know you. Even if you have a date,

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Speaker 3: you might find out you two don't fit as people.

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Speaker 3: You might want different things. But the biggest mistake that

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Speaker 3: men make that creates the fear of rejection is giving

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Speaker 3: to giving into the story that if a woman doesn't

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Speaker 3: want to date me. That means I'm not enough, That

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Speaker 3: means I don't have worth, and quite the opposite. I think,

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Speaker 3: as long as you take a good, empathetic, authentic action

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Speaker 3: and take a shot at love, what's more attractive and

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Speaker 3: more worthwhile to a single man than that. I think

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Speaker 3: it's the actions you take that actually help make you

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Speaker 3: a man of value, as opposed to whether or not

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Speaker 3: somebody gives you that validation. It's nice to have a wonderful,

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Speaker 3: incredible woman say yeah, let's go out, But I don't

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Speaker 3: want a guy to feel like he needs that to

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Speaker 3: feel happy from the inside.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely Okay. So, as a.

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Speaker 1: Man or men at data coach, a male dating coach,

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Speaker 1: what is one of the red flags that you tell

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Speaker 1: your clients that a woman might do if you're dating,

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Speaker 1: like dating, and you're like, hey, kind of watch out

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Speaker 1: for this.

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Speaker 3: Red flags that a woman might do. If this is

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Speaker 3: not a personality trait red flag, this is a flirting

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Speaker 3: roadblock to watch out for a lot of women I

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Speaker 3: found love to talk about dating on a date. Really

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Speaker 3: they like to talk about the topic itself. Okay, and

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Speaker 3: that is a very seductive topic to talk about. But

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Speaker 3: if you talk about dating too much on a date,

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Speaker 3: whether it's past relationships or the whole what do you want,

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Speaker 3: what do I want? What do you want? Conversation? I

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Speaker 3: tell guys beware of getting sucked into that conversation loop

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Speaker 3: because that doesn't help you to connect as people. It's

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Speaker 3: kind of like talking about why a joke is funny.

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Speaker 3: If you talk about the joke too much, if you

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Speaker 3: dissect the frog, you kill the frog. If you talk

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Speaker 3: about dating too much on a date, then you're probably

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Speaker 3: going to kill the connection or at least stifle the

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Speaker 3: potential romantic sparks the two of you might have. So

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Speaker 3: that's a flirting red flag that I help my guys avoid.

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Speaker 3: We don't want to talk too much about dating on

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Speaker 3: dates because you should be talking about the two of

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Speaker 3: you and finding out how your personalities dovetail.

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Speaker 2: That makes sense.

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Speaker 1: I guess I would probably be annoyed if a dude,

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Speaker 1: or and vice versa, if a guy just heard when

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Speaker 1: I was dating and just about all the people that

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Speaker 1: we were either a going on dates with. But I

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Speaker 1: will say is it okay too? Because there's definitely things

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Speaker 1: that I would say, like this is what I don't

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Speaker 1: want again?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Is that okay when you go out.

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Speaker 3: I'm not saying a guy should just shut a woman

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Speaker 3: down when the topic comes up, not at all, especially me.

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Speaker 3: So I met my partner Jess while I was out dating. Obviously,

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Speaker 3: and as a dating coach, it's normal to talk the

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Speaker 3: most normal thing in the world to talk about dating,

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Speaker 3: So it's totally fine to talk about it for a

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Speaker 3: little while. But I just wouldn't go down that rabbit

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Speaker 3: hole too much on first dates. It's better to talk

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Speaker 3: about TV shows, movies, your family.

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Speaker 2: See that stuff.

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Speaker 1: Is that that sounds just so just not meaty enough,

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Speaker 1: like that would be I feel like that would not

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Speaker 1: grip me enough. Like I want to know someone's traumas,

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Speaker 1: and they're like.

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Speaker 2: What I don't know? Is that like a bad thing?

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know, I just because I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: don't really care what your favorite color is. To be

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Speaker 1: honest with you, like that's I want to know, Like have.

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Speaker 2: You done the work? Are you doing the work? What

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Speaker 2: do you like?

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Speaker 1: What is like? What's your biggest lessons? What did you

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Speaker 1: I don't know? Is that just am I the worst

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Speaker 1: first day?

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Speaker 3: Well, no, you're totally I totally agree with you. Now

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Speaker 3: you're talking about two people learning how they've grown, changed lessons.

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Speaker 3: One of my favorite questions that I used to ask

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Speaker 3: on dates and now I have my clients ask, is

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Speaker 3: I have them ask their date, Hey, if you could

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Speaker 3: go back in time and give your younger self a

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Speaker 3: piece of advice, what would you say to her ten

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Speaker 3: years ago? And then the two of you start talking

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Speaker 3: about lessons and growing. So I'm one hundred percent on

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Speaker 3: board with you there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to My big one was what what what?

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Speaker 1: What was the biggest lesson you learned from? Maybe a

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Speaker 1: mistake or like I don't like to live with regrets,

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Speaker 1: but some kind of mistake that you was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this was a lesson I learned from that. And if

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Speaker 1: someone's like, well, I haven't really done anything, then I'm.

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Speaker 2: Like you're done, you're out, you're lying.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I was like, we've all.

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Speaker 1: Done that, we are not proud of so, and we've

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Speaker 1: learned lessons from it. So if you can't know that

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Speaker 1: you've done that and not owned it, you have not

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Speaker 1: done an ounce of anything.

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Speaker 3: Well, owning up to pass mistakes or lessons is just

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Speaker 3: owning up to being a human and being vulnerable, which

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Speaker 3: is really attractive being authentic, which is what I'm all about,

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Speaker 3: just telling the truth and also showing a person how

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Speaker 3: you messed up and hopefully grew from it. One of

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Speaker 3: my I told this for you many times I had.

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Speaker 3: My one marriage was an nine week marriage.

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Speaker 2: Oh I've had one. I've had one of those.

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Speaker 3: Can you beat me because it wasn't nine weeks? Or

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Speaker 3: was it more or less?

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Speaker 2: It was one week?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Okay, you just you just beat my record.

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Speaker 1: But tell me about your nine week I'm so intrigued.

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Speaker 1: I thought I was the only crazy one with.

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Speaker 3: That one week. Wow, I feel humbled now I got up.

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Speaker 2: So tell me about that. How long were you with

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Speaker 2: the person?

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Speaker 3: And then let me make a note, get married for

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Speaker 3: two days this weekend, I'm married. I married my grad

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Speaker 3: school and then beyond grad school sweetheart after.

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Speaker 2: Like Sarah exactly. She seems like a Sarah from Ohio,

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Speaker 2: just really sweet. We probably broke her heart.

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Speaker 3: She was actually one of one of a couple different

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Speaker 3: chrises I dated.

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Speaker 2: Okay, there we go, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And the nine week marriage was was both of it was?

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Speaker 3: It was on both of us. Neither of us wanted

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Speaker 3: to get married. She was on this track of being

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Speaker 3: in a relationship and getting married. I was so riddled

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Speaker 3: with self doubt and I thought I was so unattractive

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Speaker 3: to women. I thought, well, she's the one woman who

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Speaker 3: seems to want to be with me. I guess I'll

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Speaker 3: get married because if I don't, I'll end up alone

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Speaker 3: or having to settle. And so I said, well, I

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Speaker 3: may as well get married to her. We had this

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Speaker 3: big Catholic wedding, and she left me or said hey,

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Speaker 3: this was a mistake exactly nine weeks later. The joke

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Speaker 3: I made at the time was the marriage was over

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Speaker 3: so fast that we fought for custody of the wedding cake.

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Speaker 3: Not as fast as yours, but really fast. But did you.

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Speaker 1: Feel that same thing? Though I know you now go, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: you were young, you didn't feel But in that moment,

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Speaker 1: did you feel rejection or did you feel like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agree with Chris or whatever?

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Speaker 3: I guess At the time, I didn't agree because I

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Speaker 3: was so caught up in my own issues of well,

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Speaker 3: she's my only option. If she leaves me, then I'm alone.

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Speaker 3: So I tried to quote unquote fight for it. About

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Speaker 3: three actually, about a month later, as I'm driving back

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Speaker 3: to my graduate school, I felt this giant weight had

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Speaker 3: been lifted. And that's when I realized, oh, she did,

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Speaker 3: we did the right thing. Thank god she instigated it.

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Speaker 3: If it wasn't for her, we might have been married

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Speaker 3: for years in a marriage that should not have really

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Speaker 3: ever happened. So I'm so thankful to her for having

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Speaker 3: the strength to say, hey, we made a mistake. Let's

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Speaker 3: call a nine week mulligan here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and now Jess that you've how long you've been

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Speaker 2: with her for?

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Speaker 3: Are we been together for almost two years?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 1: Do you think she would say, was your biggest when

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Speaker 1: you guys started dating? Your biggest turn off? Maybe to

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Speaker 1: her if you're cause if you're a coach, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, we don't those big so therapists we think

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Speaker 1: they have it all figured out, but usually there's something

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Speaker 1: that they do like, they don't do it perfectly right.

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Speaker 1: So what did you kind of if you could go

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Speaker 1: back into that dating situation with the Jess and go, oh,

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Speaker 1: I wish I would have done this? Or did you

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Speaker 1: just do it to a t like you tell your clients.

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Speaker 3: Well, the biggest thing about me that bothered her was

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Speaker 3: when she saw my apartment, she said, are you ever

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Speaker 3: going to finish decorating your apartment. I didn't have blinds up,

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Speaker 3: I had almost no furniture, and I thought, oh, that's fine.

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Speaker 3: I'm a dude. So that's actually the biggest problem she

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Speaker 3: ever vocally told me she had with me in terms

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Speaker 3: of our actual relationship. Knock on wood. She hasn't said

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Speaker 3: there are any giant yellow flags or red flags other

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Speaker 3: than maybe the lack of kitchen where I still need

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Speaker 3: to buy. So I have a lot of those guide traits.

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Speaker 3: But that's the main thing, the big, the big. I

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Speaker 3: actually did have a dating epiphany, okay while I was

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Speaker 3: While I was, while she and I were first dating,

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Speaker 3: I think there's only four or five core ways that

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Speaker 3: all people flirt. This is going to be my second book.

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Speaker 2: Actually, because your first book is remind me the first

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Speaker 2: book again.

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Speaker 3: It's called dating Sucks, But you don't Dating sucks.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't, OKAYO.

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Speaker 3: For men, it's basically a book for introverted men who

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Speaker 3: are kind of nice, nerdy but just never had dating confidence.

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Speaker 1: Okay, now the second one, this is the idea that

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Speaker 1: you're wanting to write about this epiphany, let's hear it.

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Speaker 3: The second book, which is for everybody men and women

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Speaker 3: of all sexual proclivities. There's really only four or five

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Speaker 3: about four or five core ways to flirt. And one

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Speaker 3: of the ways that I realize I'm really good at flirting,

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Speaker 3: and so is my partner Jess, is one of the

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Speaker 3: categories is verbal banter. Some people just love verbal banter, puns,

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Speaker 3: teasing each other. Think of the rom com you've started

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Speaker 3: many right, the kind of couple who has that rom

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Speaker 3: com banter? And when I was going out with Jess,

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Speaker 3: I realized, why is our chemistry so incredible? What is

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Speaker 3: it about it? And I realized we just loved to banter.

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Speaker 3: She even texted me, I'm sitting in the bar for

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Speaker 3: our first date. She texted me saying, by the way,

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Speaker 3: I'm really loving our banter. And we still banter and

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Speaker 3: flirt right now the way we did when we first met.

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Speaker 3: So the epiphany, the aha moment I had that once

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Speaker 3: I get off my button to write it will be

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Speaker 3: my second book, is how there's only five ways to flirt.

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Speaker 3: And once you anyone understands how you like to flirt,

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Speaker 3: and you understand how the person you're on a date

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Speaker 3: with likes to flirt, if you get on that same frequency,

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Speaker 3: you can really make sparks happen as opposed to sort

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Speaker 3: of miscommunicating. Have you ever had a date where on

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Speaker 3: paper you thought he was amazing, but you just couldn't click,

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Speaker 3: You couldn't make a click yep.

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Speaker 1: And that's something really interesting too, because I can tend

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Speaker 1: to be a little much and not aggressive, but I'm sarcastic.

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Speaker 1: And then again even sometimes with my questions, I can

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Speaker 1: come off probably a little too much, a little too soon.

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Speaker 1: So if that other person doesn't have that same kind

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Speaker 1: of energy, that also is like whoa or or my

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Speaker 1: sarcasm like no, I'm joking, I'm from Michigan. I'm just

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Speaker 1: fun and we're like, well, like you know Michigan girls,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm just like but with my fiance, our

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Speaker 1: banter is. I think one of my favorite things about

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Speaker 1: our relationship is because we just we take the piss

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Speaker 1: out of each other. Like we we joke, we have fun,

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Speaker 1: we laugh where but like we both know we know

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Speaker 1: where the line is to not go over, and then

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Speaker 1: we know we know where to stay because sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: like I think people go over the line where it's

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Speaker 1: like hey, that actually hurt my feelings are making or

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Speaker 1: our banter, but where how we talk to each other

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Speaker 1: and how we communicate and how we banter back and forth.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, it's fun, it's cute, it's flirty's it's sarcastic,

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Speaker 1: it's feisty. And that's the first relationship where it's been

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Speaker 1: met the same, right.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

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Speaker 3: I read that as saying that you probably is your

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Speaker 3: core flirting frequency. Flirting language is a verbal banter, that

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Speaker 3: verbal sparring, which makes total sense. You're an actor, you're

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Speaker 3: a singer, you're a podcast host, you are a very

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Speaker 3: verbal person, and so it totally makes sense that you

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Speaker 3: would click and connect verbally with a person like that.

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Speaker 3: But imagine a guy goes on a date with somebody

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Speaker 3: like you and you're off the charts with your wit

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Speaker 3: teasing giving him shit, and he's Another frequency is emotional connection.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't have your verbal skills. He just wants to

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Speaker 3: connect about favorite movies, puppies, things you have in common.

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Speaker 3: You might not want to do that on a first.

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Speaker 2: Or second I'm so bored already.

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Speaker 3: Boom, So there you go. Here, So here we have

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Speaker 3: an example of two people who might be incredible for

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Speaker 3: each other lives, and you might be great on paper,

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Speaker 3: but if you don't flirt on the same frequency or something.

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Speaker 3: Most here's a secret. Most men can't flirt at all.

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Speaker 3: They just they don't even know anything about flirting, let alone.

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Speaker 2: I do not. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's I feel like they they do.

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Speaker 1: Some are very very good with it, like they know

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Speaker 1: what they're doing.

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Speaker 3: They can just I guess my guys, my guys, because

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Speaker 3: they struggle. But you probably men who are more on points.

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Speaker 1: I think they're just more calculated. They can be a

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Speaker 1: little I don't I don't flirt, and I'm like, yeah

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Speaker 1: you do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. But one of the back to the friend

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Speaker 3: zone issue that a lot of men struggle with a

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Speaker 3: lot of times, a guy goes on a date with

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Speaker 3: a woman and he's really excited about dating, or the

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Speaker 3: conversation is fine, there's no awkward pauses. He thinks it

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Speaker 3: goes well. Then the next day he nervously checks his

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Speaker 3: phone and gets that dreaded Hey, Jerry, it was great

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Speaker 3: meeting you. You seem like a nice guy, but just

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Speaker 3: didn't feel a connection. And often that's because she was

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Speaker 3: on one flirting frequency, he was on another, or not

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Speaker 3: on any of them, and she just didn't feel what

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Speaker 3: she wanted to feel in a potential partner. So what

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Speaker 3: I want to do is help men and women in

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Speaker 3: my second book be able to just know, Hey, here's

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Speaker 3: how I flirt, here's my strength, and here's how I

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Speaker 3: figure out what the other person's flirting languages, so I

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Speaker 3: can get us together on the same page to see

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Speaker 3: if we really want to make love.

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Speaker 2: That's cool. I like that.

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Speaker 1: I think that's going to do really well. I mean

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Speaker 1: because that makes sense. I've never even thought about it

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Speaker 1: that way with comparing to the love languages, So I

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Speaker 1: think that's really cool.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: For the girls that are listening to and they have

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Speaker 1: that friend zone guy right pay. Let's say one scenario

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Speaker 1: is they obviously they know that they prob that one

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Speaker 1: friend zone guy probably wants more. What is the nice

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Speaker 1: way to break it to them without just breaking their

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Speaker 1: hearts options. That's one scenario, And the other scenarios is

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Speaker 1: what if this girl too wants more and she's afraid

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Speaker 1: to ask for more because he's not asking, and so

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Speaker 1: they're both stuck in just this like maybe friends with

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Speaker 1: benefits or they're just in that okay, both of us

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Speaker 1: are not saying something so does she make the first move?

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Speaker 1: Do you wait for the guy, like will the guy

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Speaker 1: come around? Or what do you do when you're both

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Speaker 1: kind of in that I don't know friend zone but

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Speaker 1: want more.

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Speaker 3: If it's the first scenario where she just isn't feeling it,

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Speaker 3: then I think the kindest way to let somebody down

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Speaker 3: is to shut the door firmly but gently, so she

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Speaker 3: might say something like, it's OK. And here's the thing

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Speaker 3: that really hurts when somebody turns you down. It's misinterpreting

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Speaker 3: that turning down as you're not a tract. If you're

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Speaker 3: not worthy of somebody like me, that is the that's

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Speaker 3: really the big bad wolf. Everybody on some level fears,

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Speaker 3: Oh am I enough? Am I attractive? Do I have worth?

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Speaker 3: Am I good enough?

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Speaker 2: For love?

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Speaker 3: So if you're gonna if you have to let somebody down,

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Speaker 3: you could basically say it's sort of like, uh, give

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Speaker 3: it a little sugar, Say hey, I've enjoyed going on

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Speaker 3: these one or two dates with you. You're clearly a fantastic guy. However,

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Speaker 3: I just I'm just not feeling the connection that I

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Speaker 3: need to feel in the chemistry. But I know you're

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Speaker 3: gonna find somebody amazing who's as great as you? And

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Speaker 3: I think we should call it here. And that pushback

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Speaker 3: or that you know, letting them down easy, makes it

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Speaker 3: not about hey, you're not good enough for me. It

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Speaker 3: just makes it like it's a chemistry issue, which it

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Speaker 3: might actually be. So it still might sting, but that's

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Speaker 3: a gentle way to do it. Now in terms of

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Speaker 3: a woman who is just not getting what she wants

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Speaker 3: from a guy, like, can you give me a hypothetical

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Speaker 3: just so I can answer you as best I can.

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Speaker 1: So a girl friend of mine has someone they're like

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Speaker 1: a friends with benefits, but they're friends, like I said,

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Speaker 1: with benefits, but I think she wants more. She doesn't

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Speaker 1: know if he wants more. So what if that it's

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Speaker 1: set in between gray, like does she say something or

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Speaker 1: does she wait for the guy?

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Speaker 3: She he's prettying he's putting her in a tough position

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Speaker 3: where she basically has to come come forward and put

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Speaker 3: a card on the table and say hey, I would

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Speaker 3: basically tell him what she wants, Hey, I would like

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Speaker 3: to see you this often, or I'm looking for a relationship.

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Speaker 3: Do you see this going to that place? And it

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Speaker 3: would be nice if he had taken that lead or

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Speaker 3: was taking that lead. But he's not. Okay, he's a guy,

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Speaker 3: he's clueless in some ways. He also might just he

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Speaker 3: might also just be enjoying the casualness of it. The

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Speaker 3: no string's a aspect. So yes, I would have her

435
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 3: go to him and she can texted him where she

436
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 3: can say in person whatever she wants. And I just

437
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,880
Speaker 3: think there's nothing more powerful than a person with good

438
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 3: intentions saying here's what I want. I want this, and

439
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,119
Speaker 3: I want it in a way that's win win for

440
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 3: both of us. Do you want the same thing? It's vulnerable,

441
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 3: it's scary, but it might be necessary in her case,

442
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 3: especially if the pattern has been set of casual situationship.

443
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: Be sure, and it might be a case where he

444
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: doesn't know maybe friends, but I guess friend zone is

445
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 1: no sex. But yeah, yeah, he's out of the friend zone.

446
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 3: She she wants him in the relationship zone.

447
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

448
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day to what

449
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 1: we have to all know is that everyone gets rejected, right,

450
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 1: So it's like I've rejected people. I've been rejected, So

451
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: I think it's it's not what you said too, It's

452
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 1: it's not even about rejection. It's about Okay, this just

453
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,399
Speaker 1: didn't work and we tried it, and but not to

454
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 1: take it on as I'm not good enough, because you are.

455
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 1: It's just that, right, You just weren't for that person,

456
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: and that person wasn't really for you, so they did

457
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 1: you a favor in the end too.

458
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. I haven't advanced how to make him your boyfriend tip?

459
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, just popped in your mind.

460
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 3: Right, this is more show not tell, So tell is Hey,

461
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,880
Speaker 3: this is what I want? What do you want? And

462
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 3: logical is good for men because men are logical robots,

463
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,479
Speaker 3: but I show can be really powerful as well. So

464
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 3: instead of telling him what you want, you can show

465
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 3: him by inviting him to do boyfriend girlfriend activities with you,

466
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 3: so getting out of the dating or the just sex

467
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 3: mindset or I should say dating pattern. Invite him to

468
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 3: join you for yoga class, Invite him to go shopping

469
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 3: with you. Ask him if he needs to buy any

470
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 3: new shirts, and your services are available to help you

471
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 3: find some new shirts.

472
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 2: There's a holiday Christmas party coming up. I don't know.

473
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: Do you want to come? Yes?

474
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 3: Introduce him if you have an already to your social circle.

475
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 3: Show him what it would be like if you were

476
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,959
Speaker 3: the woman in his life, and then he might feel

477
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 3: what he needs to feel and realize, Wow, the way

478
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 3: she's talking to my boss, she's so intelligent. We just

479
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 3: we fit together.

480
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: Wow.

481
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 3: I think we need to I think we need to

482
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 3: make this official or exclusive. So perhaps the show don't

483
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 3: tell technique is more powerful. The show is going to

484
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 3: be more powerful than tell with a lot of men.

485
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 1: Sure, okay, I like that. Well, those are some really

486
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,400
Speaker 1: good tips. And then where can where can men especially

487
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 1: find you? And then where can our girls come find

488
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: some do some inter digging on you.

489
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 3: My website is dating transformation dot com and that's where

490
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:51,719
Speaker 3: anybody can find out more about me. And I specialize

491
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 3: in basically how I coach my younger self. I coach introverts,

492
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 3: nice guys, and nerds. I say that as a card

493
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 3: carrying nerd, and basically I help those kinds of guys

494
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,199
Speaker 3: find some confidence and get a great partner and do

495
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 3: it all with authenticity, do it all without any toxic

496
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 3: pick up sketchiness, because I just believe that your most

497
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 3: authentic self is going to be what attracts the best

498
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 3: partner for you. So Dating transformation dot com is my

499
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,880
Speaker 3: website and that's plenty for now.

500
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 2: I love it.

501
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for coming on. I'm glad

502
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 1: we got to find really do this, so thank you

503
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: so much. Really appreciate you.

504
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 3: No my pleasure.

505
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 2: Okay, talk to you soon, all right, take care bye,