Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we.
Speaker 4: Want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you
Speaker 4: claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.
Speaker 5: We want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome
Speaker 5: you back home? Tell us all about ity scared her?
Speaker 2: Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Malcorn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do your need ned.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chris.
Speaker 6: H welcome to Do you need a ride? This is
Speaker 6: Chris Fairbanks. I'm at l a X. It's extremely crowded
Speaker 6: and I'm picking up our friend Karen Kilgarriff unlocking the door,
Speaker 6: Sorry it's unlocked.
Speaker 2: Hello there. It is incredible. It's an incredible display of
Speaker 2: human interaction.
Speaker 3: Hi me out of here.
Speaker 6: I already started screaming, screaming recording, but I started the
Speaker 6: recording with a series of screams.
Speaker 3: It's so much worse than it's ever been. Thank god.
Speaker 2: We don't fucking come here anymore exactly.
Speaker 6: If anyone wants to know why, it's because and it's
Speaker 6: been this way the last five times I've come here,
Speaker 6: especially on a Monday.
Speaker 2: The departures are even worse than rivals.
Speaker 3: Meet me at That's why Uber does it up there.
Speaker 2: It's way worse up there right now, is it really?
Speaker 6: I think because of that last time I went up there,
Speaker 6: it was all ubers and lyfts clogging the whole thing.
Speaker 6: It's not working, so they're gonna well, I'm going to
Speaker 6: write a letter, strongly worded three page mm hm.
Speaker 3: This airport is not correctly set up for the amount
Speaker 3: of people that come to it. No, and they're trying
Speaker 3: to fix it and be like build add on, but
Speaker 3: they just need to make a new one because the
Speaker 3: whole system is doesn't work.
Speaker 2: I'm just adjusting.
Speaker 6: Remember this when I adjust the ones and twos as
Speaker 6: you drove.
Speaker 2: Isn't it? Because how many people moved to LA every day? Now?
Speaker 3: Thank you for setting me up to tell you my
Speaker 3: favorite fact. Last year to twenty sixteen, forty thousand people moved.
Speaker 2: To LA and they never left Lax.
Speaker 3: They just keep driving around. I'm going to our taco bell.
Speaker 2: It is so it. I was at I tried to
Speaker 2: record it. Hopefully it is salvageable, but.
Speaker 6: A woman was screaming at me because I was parked
Speaker 6: at the in and out and she wanted to go
Speaker 6: into the bank and I said, I also have a
Speaker 6: wife that's in the bank. She said, oh really, and
Speaker 6: I said no, I'm just parked here.
Speaker 2: And she's like, God, damn it. She was so angry.
Speaker 3: Wait why would she so?
Speaker 6: She's because I forced her to park in the red
Speaker 6: to go use the ATM. Because I was just sitting, lawfully, yes, waiting.
Speaker 3: In a spot, in a spot, and she was waiting
Speaker 3: in that thing is she wanted you to pull out
Speaker 3: of that spot.
Speaker 2: And she looked like someone's mom and grandma and said
Speaker 2: the F word like thirty five times to me, shaking
Speaker 2: and trembling.
Speaker 3: Okay, can I say this? Remember twenty eight days later?
Speaker 3: That whole thing is those zombies. It's a rage virus. Yes,
Speaker 3: I think that's happening. I think that's happening in real life.
Speaker 6: Now, Oh god, what if while she is screaming, some
Speaker 6: of her saliva went in my eye?
Speaker 3: No, well, then I'm getting out of this car too late.
Speaker 2: That's my zombie noise a aruga.
Speaker 3: My eyes just touched my cheek and now I haven't.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think with the Trump administration, with this, the
Speaker 3: way the world is turning, Uh, it's everyone's a rage zombie.
Speaker 3: It's insanity.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it didn't.
Speaker 6: No one ever said it had to be some weird
Speaker 6: blood and brain eating disease.
Speaker 3: Now it's just people who think it's okay, people who
Speaker 3: are so self centered and who also had these weird
Speaker 3: ideas in their head, like that woman pulled and she
Speaker 3: saw you sitting and then she's like, he's pulling out.
Speaker 3: But then she waited, which made me yeah, because everyone
Speaker 3: in LA gets furious if you make them wait for
Speaker 3: more than two minutes.
Speaker 2: And I even back then, this was a half hour ago.
Speaker 2: I said, just in the knobs. I was busy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you had stuff to do. But see you didn't
Speaker 3: fit into her plan. And so then that's where the
Speaker 3: rage comes in because the plan then in her mind,
Speaker 3: that's what was supposed to happen. Now she's not getting
Speaker 3: what she wants.
Speaker 6: I mean, I could understand her behavior if she was
Speaker 6: a twenty something version of me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but she was a mama slash grandma.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but those are the craziest ones.
Speaker 2: Oh man, she was, and she had.
Speaker 3: In my opinion, old people are the worst right now
Speaker 3: because they don't they're all scared and they don't know
Speaker 3: what the fuck is going on. You want a peanut
Speaker 3: at her? Eminem?
Speaker 6: Oh my god, have you had the cherry and peanuts.
Speaker 6: It's chocolate covered cherry peanuts in an Eminem And I
Speaker 6: had one and I was almost furious.
Speaker 2: It tasted so good. And I don't even have sweet tooth.
Speaker 3: I know you don't, so you don't care about these.
Speaker 3: This is what I do. And I'm like, I just
Speaker 3: got off of a six hour flight and I'm really hungry.
Speaker 2: Oh they're peanut, but they're really good. They're the best.
Speaker 3: Wait, cherry and peanut.
Speaker 6: Oh, I'm telling you. You know, chocolate covered cherries, that's
Speaker 6: the thing. Yeah, It's not like a raisinette type cherry.
Speaker 6: It's a tender, beautiful little cherry in it's like a
Speaker 6: confectioner made at some chocolate tear, a rocketing chocolateer. It's
Speaker 6: just the rocketeer of chocolate made this for Eminem.
Speaker 2: And they are so good.
Speaker 6: I had a handful of them before a set, and
Speaker 6: I had a great set, and I have a feeling
Speaker 6: it wouldn't have gone that well.
Speaker 3: You think they're comedy pills.
Speaker 6: Without the good people at Eminem's, And they're comedy pills.
Speaker 2: It's a proud sponsor.
Speaker 3: The way they're developing flavors for the palettes of the
Speaker 3: of the more refined comedians like Chris Bairman.
Speaker 6: It is the fanciest and they're no larger. When I'm describing,
Speaker 6: probably sounds like a giant. Is it that big eminem
Speaker 6: that has to be in a little paper cup.
Speaker 2: It's a regular.
Speaker 6: It's the same size as those, And somehow they fit
Speaker 6: a piece of cherry and peanut in there.
Speaker 3: I don't know about cherry peanut combination.
Speaker 6: Wait until you eat it, okay, I mean you have
Speaker 6: had chocolate covered cherries before, right, Yes, but.
Speaker 3: I'm not I don't like fruit and chocolate combined.
Speaker 6: I think it's as much fruit as mountain dew is.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, I see it is the way they I
Speaker 2: don't know that didn't like lemon and lime it landed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're assabe.
Speaker 6: Yes, there we go, much better example, something in a
Speaker 6: crisp and clean no caffeine variety. We Uh, where were
Speaker 6: you tell me about your travels?
Speaker 2: Was it was it? Were you happy or where you sat?
Speaker 3: Thank you for taking me away from that terrible place
Speaker 3: we were just in. Yes, that was little hell. A
Speaker 3: girl had a dog next to me, a beautiful husky.
Speaker 3: There was some well behaved dog that was just going
Speaker 3: and I was like, fucking, I am with you. That's
Speaker 3: how I felt in that horrible area.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well, I'm glad that because I would have been like,
Speaker 6: can you please stop your animal that doesn't know any
Speaker 6: better from squeaking because I'm upset.
Speaker 3: I was just in Oh there's a texture you almost
Speaker 3: there with a capital M.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was written feverishly. I've calmed down by most.
Speaker 3: I was just in Washington, d C. Baltimore, Maryland, and
Speaker 3: last night was Philadelphia.
Speaker 2: Basically, these are the places our country was founded. That's
Speaker 2: where the forefodders for faudas first.
Speaker 6: Signed our declarations in our constitutions.
Speaker 3: All over those places. Yeah, they're very old. Washington, DC
Speaker 3: is creepy right now. In my opinion, I don't like
Speaker 3: middle aged men in hard shoes. Anyway, that's not my
Speaker 3: jam and the least of my apologies to anyone listening
Speaker 3: who might identify, But I don't like the feel of
Speaker 3: that of I'm in charge. I'll tell you how it's
Speaker 3: going to be. Yeah, oh, obviously I'm a rebel, but
Speaker 3: all the ones there and I've been to DC a
Speaker 3: bunch of times. It's a gorgeous city with lots of
Speaker 3: cool people. Been to take Benson.
Speaker 2: Bab right, that's when I was there, Right.
Speaker 3: Cool, They have good things happen there, But right now
Speaker 3: everybody seems like the enemy. And we went into the
Speaker 3: Starbucks and the Starbucks was very loudly playing country music,
Speaker 3: which I do not think is it's corporate approved.
Speaker 2: They can't do that there and nowhere near Washington, d C.
Speaker 2: Is that music applicable as far as lifestyle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean except for the people that have come
Speaker 3: in to take over and be like it this is
Speaker 3: our time.
Speaker 2: Now, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 3: It was like young country played really loud. Now I've
Speaker 3: I am a fan of country music.
Speaker 6: I like any I like the new kid rock, crossover country.
Speaker 6: But that's about it.
Speaker 3: Oh, he's the secretary of Defense.
Speaker 2: Now it's news. Wasn't he given a position?
Speaker 3: No that I think that's just people joking about it.
Speaker 6: I thought I heard that joke so much that I
Speaker 6: thought it was actually coming true. But it's just the
Speaker 6: only thing coming true is that all comics are hacky.
Speaker 3: Well, the horrible thing is our world is turning hacky,
Speaker 3: So every hack joke is now becoming real.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right to believe it.
Speaker 6: When people talked about the zombie apocalypse, for instance, I'm like,
Speaker 6: all right, comic book nerd, But now it's just happening.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was looking forward to.
Speaker 6: The fall of society first, not while we're at yeah,
Speaker 6: not while everything is thriving, right exactly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you think that there would be I say, a tsunami, yes,
Speaker 3: a big nine point zero earthquake, something that would be.
Speaker 6: Like, oh I get some way, or earthquake that the
Speaker 6: rock wasn't there to stop.
Speaker 3: No, will he help us when the shit really goes down?
Speaker 2: Or will he go to his Hollywood bunker?
Speaker 3: I mean, he better fucking help us.
Speaker 6: He better, he better help He's better not be sitting
Speaker 6: there in the gymnasium in the bunker.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just working out.
Speaker 3: Lifting the ones and twos. I don't know what they
Speaker 3: live weightlifting? The terminology is.
Speaker 2: So were these shows? Were you doing stand up? Were
Speaker 2: they my favorite? Murder?
Speaker 3: It was live podcast terrific, very fun. It's so much
Speaker 3: easier than stand up, but there's still lots of comedy involved.
Speaker 3: So it is my dream job as a fundamentally lazy individual.
Speaker 2: That's so great. I wondered how it was.
Speaker 3: It's really fun. That's great because we're there to talk
Speaker 3: about true crime, but then we get to be funny.
Speaker 3: So people aren't sitting there going that wasn't a very
Speaker 3: hard joke or any of that shit. It's all conversational, right,
Speaker 3: And they're all just happy to be there because we
Speaker 3: because we're all friends, because they listen to my podcast
Speaker 3: and that's the podcast. You're my friend from the podcast.
Speaker 2: Feeling there is.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's an interesting audience once they see you do
Speaker 6: stand up. Stand up though, because they're so used to
Speaker 6: they think, no, they know you. And then also it's
Speaker 6: not like when you're doing stand up for podcast people
Speaker 6: they're a little taken aback that it's not just a
Speaker 6: conversation yeah that they're in on.
Speaker 3: They're like so fake.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it feels like you've said all this before.
Speaker 3: I've heard you say this. Yes, that's right, that's how
Speaker 3: stand up works.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, And honestly I understand because when I first
Speaker 6: saw stand up, that's what turned me off from it.
Speaker 6: I was like, I'm not doing this. I'm going to
Speaker 6: have it be every time I go up. I'm going
Speaker 6: to improvise a new act.
Speaker 2: Yes, and that ended after a month.
Speaker 3: Well, I used to have in you. I think it's
Speaker 3: because we kind of came up relatively around the same time.
Speaker 3: I used to have the same thing where I started
Speaker 3: in clubs. But then I was like, then old k
Speaker 3: comedy started, Karmedy started, Krmedy is what we do.
Speaker 2: It was at Kerma coffeehouse.
Speaker 3: Often we do comedy in the car. It's caramedy. But
Speaker 3: the I I was always like, I can never repeat
Speaker 3: material like I us, so I would just do a
Speaker 3: ton of bad material because I was always trying to
Speaker 3: not do the same stuff twice, right, which is not
Speaker 3: how you develop a good comedy act.
Speaker 6: That's still what I do, though, I'm like, so tired
Speaker 6: of these jokes. Let me tell these fresh off the
Speaker 6: grill testicle puns.
Speaker 3: Please let me just let me.
Speaker 2: Do you like?
Speaker 6: And I appreciate you not saying anything. Do you like
Speaker 6: how I'm just driving to my house instead of yours?
Speaker 3: I actually do anywhere that's not terminal five. I'm good
Speaker 3: with great now and another plane because I've been on
Speaker 3: several planes in a short amount of time, and you know,
Speaker 3: just driving aimlessly in rental cars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you. I got a text from you at seven
Speaker 2: this morning.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Do you wake up when
Speaker 3: you get texts?
Speaker 2: Uh? No?
Speaker 6: But I wake up that point anyway. But don't worry.
Speaker 6: I go back to bed and wake up at noon.
Speaker 6: I've actually trained myself to wake up early, and I'm
Speaker 6: ignoring it.
Speaker 3: Oh well, then I'm gonna start texting you early all
Speaker 3: the time because I always wake up early.
Speaker 2: You should please do. I'm trying to change my life.
Speaker 3: Okay, good, I'm gonna help you.
Speaker 2: How was your time? We both last weekend were in
Speaker 2: Portland for Bridgetown.
Speaker 3: Yes, let's talk about bridge On because I was going
Speaker 3: to confront you because I only saw you once. I'm
Speaker 3: so mad at you.
Speaker 2: I was. Do you want to hear all the things
Speaker 2: I did while I was there?
Speaker 3: Yes? Well I did.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I did my six shows, and then during the day
Speaker 6: I shot to We completed two sketches. Me and this guy,
Speaker 6: Whitey McConaughey. He shoots me as a videos and stuff.
Speaker 6: His name's Whitey McConaughey, okay, and he's I've known him forever.
Speaker 6: He's an old snowboard video maker, but now he's a
Speaker 6: filmmaker and we made these.
Speaker 2: Sketches and I'll show you them there, and really I
Speaker 2: like them a lot.
Speaker 3: I think you text them to me right.
Speaker 2: A part of a rough one yet Dog Sniper.
Speaker 6: And then and then I had an audition and then
Speaker 6: a callback and then a voice voice recording for some
Speaker 6: pyramid brewing thing because some when I went to college
Speaker 6: with works works for some ad agency, and I got
Speaker 6: this commercial. It was between me and Dave Hill. I think, sorry, Dave,
Speaker 6: I shouldn't have even said that he won't hear. And
Speaker 6: then I got it and it's good because it's a
Speaker 6: real thing and it will help me pay for my.
Speaker 2: Hip surgery and stuff.
Speaker 3: Oh good.
Speaker 2: And it just fell in my lap.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 6: Is falling into my lap, or rather large yelling men
Speaker 6: with tools are falling into.
Speaker 3: My Lap's ruining your lap.
Speaker 2: They have medical intent though, Yeah they know what they're doing,
Speaker 2: Yeah they will.
Speaker 3: You should have never watched that YouTube.
Speaker 6: It's the Day after Tomorrow, my surgery, the movie the
Speaker 6: movie about it, if I choose to film.
Speaker 3: Are you nervous, yes, yes, yeah, I bet you are.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm scared.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's normal. And don't forget you get drugs that
Speaker 3: make your you not be scared anymore. Right, right, when
Speaker 3: you get close, you won't be scared at all.
Speaker 2: Right, you're right.
Speaker 3: Do you need people to be there when you wake up?
Speaker 2: My father is coming.
Speaker 6: Oh good, yeah, okay, good he lands. I get to
Speaker 6: go to Lax again tomorrow.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, gross.
Speaker 6: And uh oh look at that in camp. And they
Speaker 6: know about the Zoni apocalypse.
Speaker 3: See, that's what I'm talking about. This is the thing
Speaker 3: that I get freaked out about. Like they're all around
Speaker 3: Los Angeles because there's a real homeless problem here because
Speaker 3: the weather's great and it's easier to live here if
Speaker 3: you don't live in a certain place. Right, But these
Speaker 3: fucking tense cities are popping up around town. It's just
Speaker 3: a slower I mean, I think people are. This is
Speaker 3: a scary time. I think it is for a lot
Speaker 3: of people. So we have to be much nicer to
Speaker 3: each other everybody.
Speaker 2: I think so too.
Speaker 3: And I think people be nice.
Speaker 2: I've noticed that too.
Speaker 3: I think it's true.
Speaker 6: I see the occasional freaking out, slobbering zombie mother, yeah grandmother,
Speaker 6: but a grown mother with yoga pants, screaming fuck you,
Speaker 6: fuck you, motherfucker fuck it. And I couldn't believe I.
Speaker 2: So I just laughed, which is the best thing you
Speaker 2: can yes.
Speaker 6: And then when she came back, I was still there
Speaker 6: and I just smiled at her, but it was and
Speaker 6: she looked at me and she's like, yes, yeah, I
Speaker 6: am a fool, and she drove away and not.
Speaker 3: You always feel. I don't think I've ever done that,
Speaker 3: because that's insanity. But anytime I've been like overapped and
Speaker 3: then been like, oh, I'm totally the wrong. That afterburn
Speaker 3: is so awful.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, And I never forget them. I think of
Speaker 6: the times I've freaked out and yelled at someone. One time,
Speaker 6: my car overheated and I was so tired of this car.
Speaker 2: Dying slowly on me.
Speaker 6: I just bought it and I had to like park
Speaker 6: it across the street and it was embarrassing how much
Speaker 6: it would smoke. And I just was doing a U
Speaker 6: turn so I didn't get a stupid ticket. And this
Speaker 6: old couple they were holding hands. They were adorable, and
Speaker 6: they were like, your car has smoked. They were all
Speaker 6: just feverishly trying to let me know my car was smoking.
Speaker 2: And the smoke was right coming out of my hood.
Speaker 2: It's not like I didn't see it.
Speaker 6: But there was an element of like, you're polluting, and
Speaker 6: so when I got out of the car, I was.
Speaker 2: Like, you don't think I know. I don't know my
Speaker 2: car is smoking.
Speaker 6: I'm like screamed at this sweet couple holding hands.
Speaker 2: They were holding hands.
Speaker 3: They could have kept their mouths shut.
Speaker 6: Oh, I will never forget how I just every morning
Speaker 6: I wake up and I shudder, I remember I remember
Speaker 6: yelling at them.
Speaker 3: No here, I'm going to tell you this on behalf
Speaker 3: of that hand holding couple who are both probably dead
Speaker 3: right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh they're way dead.
Speaker 3: They're way dead. You're forgiven, Oh, thank you, time to
Speaker 3: let it go.
Speaker 2: And we'd be sure.
Speaker 3: Here's how I'll tell you, because if there are those
Speaker 3: kind of snoopy motherfuckers that are like your car is smoking,
Speaker 3: that they've done that to a ton of other people.
Speaker 3: They're not innocent. Just because they're holding hands doesn't mean
Speaker 3: that they're great people, and they should, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. It's like, if you're gonna be there yelling
Speaker 3: at people something back, something's gonna happen to you back,
Speaker 3: especially in Los Angeles, especially if you're stating the obvious.
Speaker 6: Yeah, my revenge is them dying of natural causes.
Speaker 3: Or maybe a nice bone cancer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right in the mirrow. You like that. Lennen Eric,
Speaker 2: I just gonna call him Eric. At the time it
Speaker 2: was an un orthodox's name.
Speaker 3: Well he was. His parents were Norwegian. Can I tell
Speaker 3: you about my Eric with k He was a Viking
Speaker 3: my bridge Town. So that's why I can see you,
Speaker 3: because you were just fucking being professional.
Speaker 2: I had to be.
Speaker 6: I went to the after party one night, and then
Speaker 6: after that I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I had to wake up and I.
Speaker 6: Was nervous about the voice getting the voiceover thing.
Speaker 3: Well I'm proud of you for not doing it anyway
Speaker 3: and sacrificing it.
Speaker 2: Than I did do that on purpose.
Speaker 6: Yes, good, and I was not a hungover person good,
Speaker 6: which usually Bridgetown is a drinking challenge.
Speaker 3: Dude, this your Bridgetown was like people were doing whatever.
Speaker 3: Look who is the rock?
Speaker 2: Oh there he is.
Speaker 3: There's a big billboard of the rock.
Speaker 2: He will save us.
Speaker 3: Beaches ain't ready for this. What a wonderful plan?
Speaker 2: Oh God, beach better half?
Speaker 6: My money metal detector a me my dead years ago,
Speaker 6: stolen for a T shirt.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Your Bridgetown.
Speaker 3: Is that for real?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: That's funny. My Bridgetown. There were just so many. Everybody
Speaker 3: was just a little bit high all the time, yes,
Speaker 3: or a lot of bit high all the time. So
Speaker 3: there was although there were I felt like the shows
Speaker 3: were the best I've ever seen. The crowds were the
Speaker 3: best I've ever seen. The crowds were so excited, smart, cool,
Speaker 3: They would let you fuck around. They would be there
Speaker 3: for the good jokes, they were there for the mild jokes,
Speaker 3: which is what I would say most of my sets
Speaker 3: were like. It was just it was just so fun. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then the comics that were there were so goddamn good.
Speaker 2: It was the best year as far as talent. It
Speaker 2: was so great impressive. I watched. I laughed so much
Speaker 2: me too, I laughed at everyone. Yeah, everyone was great. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I agree. It was really fun.
Speaker 6: It's a good way to wrap it all up because
Speaker 6: I believe they're done doing Bridgetown.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it is unless somebody comes in and
Speaker 3: like swoops in and get gives them a whole ton
Speaker 3: of money.
Speaker 6: You would think so, because I sort of want to
Speaker 6: and I have no interest in doing that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, but I want to keep it going
Speaker 3: because it's it's the festival. When comics are happy that
Speaker 3: this is the way people should decide everything. But when
Speaker 3: comics are happy, they do better shows, and the shows
Speaker 3: get amazing. Right if they have like that sweet ass
Speaker 3: pizza that was nearby that they just kept bringing in
Speaker 3: like there was always something to eat you, it's like
Speaker 3: you were so well taken care of. Although they just
Speaker 3: they simply won't provide me with diet cokes, which is
Speaker 3: very very Portland, but it's what I mean.
Speaker 2: You probably can't get it there.
Speaker 6: You can only get the kind with cane sugars exactly.
Speaker 3: They always do that where I'm like, can I get
Speaker 3: a diet coke? If you're at a fancy restaurant, we
Speaker 3: have Mexican coke, but it's regular coke. Okay, Well I'm
Speaker 3: pretending that I'm on a diet, so Mexican coke with
Speaker 3: cane sugars are gonna help me.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: One night, Josh Androwski and I was right before the
Speaker 3: final party, which was very fun, but the place was
Speaker 3: getting really crowded and they just brought in what looked
Speaker 3: like only four pizzas, and I was like, there's no way,
Speaker 3: there's no pizza. Enough pizza, the pizza for everybody and
Speaker 3: I'm not going to stand there like some goddamn you know,
Speaker 3: way from a Dickens novel trying to get myself. I'm
Speaker 3: forty fucking seven years old. I let's go get pizza.
Speaker 3: So me and Joshandrowski walked down to the place where
Speaker 3: they were got the free pizza from Yeah, and we
Speaker 3: bought our own slices of the kind of pizza we
Speaker 3: liked and it was so good.
Speaker 2: And brought them to the party. That would be great
Speaker 2: if you came walking in with them. Oh sorry, we're successful.
Speaker 2: We got hot, fresh slices of what you're eating.
Speaker 3: Mine has a Hella pianos on it. No, we ate
Speaker 3: it there he was I won't blow up his spot,
Speaker 3: but he was on a drug. I was definitely on
Speaker 3: a drug. We sat in the front window and laughed
Speaker 3: our goddamn asses off and eat pizza and it was
Speaker 3: the most fun thing. We had the best time. And
Speaker 3: then we went back when there was a great after party.
Speaker 3: All the kids were dancing and we sat because the
Speaker 3: way the Bostonova Ballroom is set up, the oh.
Speaker 6: That's where not only did I miss it, I forgot
Speaker 6: it was a block from where I was sleeping.
Speaker 2: Oh, no, I'm so well.
Speaker 3: Well for the best though, you were all business. That's
Speaker 3: that's very impressive.
Speaker 6: Well, thank you, you were just like I even changed
Speaker 6: my flight for whopping two hundred and fifty dollars to
Speaker 6: record the but that was before.
Speaker 2: I didn't know it paid decent. I'm very happy with it.
Speaker 6: That's great, But I wish I had done drugs and
Speaker 6: laughed and danced.
Speaker 3: You will I will one day, you will again.
Speaker 2: I will again.
Speaker 3: But here's the other thing that was fun. I find
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm at the happiest I've ever been
Speaker 3: in my life.
Speaker 2: Because currently Yeah, oh that's.
Speaker 3: Great, because obviously I feel very lucky. I've had some
Speaker 3: nice successes recently. Yeah, but there's also this thing of
Speaker 3: comedy used to as I love it. I've never thought
Speaker 3: I was supposed to do anything else with comedy. It's
Speaker 3: just like this thing had to do. And sometimes when
Speaker 3: that's your attitude about it, it almost isn't fun because
Speaker 3: it's this thing like you don't have a choice.
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is my burden, my cross, and my hilarious
Speaker 6: comedy cross.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my comedy cross with the googly eyes, and that
Speaker 3: I always looked at it like a fight, so It
Speaker 3: was like.
Speaker 6: Is there a googly eyed crucifix in the emojis or
Speaker 6: in the Emoji Movie?
Speaker 2: Oh, I hope.
Speaker 3: So in the Emoji movie. Would have turned out the
Speaker 3: Emoji Movie is secretly goofy Christian.
Speaker 2: Have you seen the there's billboards for it and.
Speaker 3: I just saw one.
Speaker 6: It has the piece of poop emoji voiced by Sir
Speaker 6: Patrick Stewart.
Speaker 2: If we are all dying, we are all dying in
Speaker 2: the next couple of years.
Speaker 6: We asked Sir Patrick Stewart to voice an animated shit.
Speaker 6: It's clear that we've all just we're just wiping our
Speaker 6: asses with our own hands.
Speaker 3: Now, it's so true. This is what nos Domas was
Speaker 3: talking about. This is the world catching on fire. It's
Speaker 3: not literal fire, it's emoji poop pretending that's entertainment. You
Speaker 3: know what's funny about that?
Speaker 6: Most times someone mentionsmas, I think of nos Veraratu in
Speaker 6: that movie with the long finger, and I almost made
Speaker 6: a reference to that.
Speaker 2: Man. Would I have sounded dumb?
Speaker 3: Only the nose was right. I just saw TJ. Miller tweeted,
Speaker 3: you do realize I'm in the Emoji Movie, and I
Speaker 3: wondered what he was like why he would say that.
Speaker 3: I thought it was really funny. But I think it's
Speaker 3: also because everyone's probably viciously shitting on it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I bet that he preemptively or yeah, it depends
Speaker 6: on tone. Maybe he's saying it like he walks into
Speaker 6: a fancy restaurant and assumes to get good seating. You
Speaker 6: do know, I'm in the Emochi movie.
Speaker 3: That's how I bet he is saying it because he's funny.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he is funny. He gets it, he gets it.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I well, And also we were talking. I
Speaker 3: got to spend so much time with our mutual yours
Speaker 3: first friend Michelle Balloon, who I also just got.
Speaker 6: To She came to my show last you guys were
Speaker 6: hanging out together and you were both like, come now,
Speaker 6: we're having so much fun.
Speaker 2: And I'm just laying in bed.
Speaker 6: But it was like one at that point, and I
Speaker 6: had to get up, not that early, like ten.
Speaker 3: But I just pictured I had no idea you were
Speaker 3: being uh, you were being a responsible adult.
Speaker 2: Everyone saught I was being a jerk.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought you were just around the corner, yelling
Speaker 3: at the brick wall or something. So I'm like, get
Speaker 3: into the party. What are you doing.
Speaker 6: There has been your I hear these stories from years past.
Speaker 6: One year, drunkenly, I jumped into a dumpster and just
Speaker 6: started breaking pieces of wood and karate chopping palettes.
Speaker 2: Nails were cutting.
Speaker 6: My legs outside the party, I just I did a
Speaker 6: bear dive into a dumpster filled with wood. I was
Speaker 6: cut all over, love it, and I was having so
Speaker 6: much fun.
Speaker 3: Yes you were. You did get a little of that
Speaker 3: in though this year.
Speaker 2: Oh did I?
Speaker 3: Yes, you did. Remember when you got in trouble with
Speaker 3: the refrigerator box.
Speaker 6: Oh that was fun. See that was the first night
Speaker 6: I packed in a little fun.
Speaker 3: You did. So tell the good You tell our good
Speaker 3: friends who still listened to this fucking five monthly podcast.
Speaker 3: What you did?
Speaker 2: Did I make that noise? Okay? I?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 6: We just were coming home kind of late, Gareth Reynolds
Speaker 6: and I and and who.
Speaker 2: Else was there?
Speaker 6: Andy Letterman and my manager Jessica, and we were u
Speaker 6: being loud. I guess we were talking at a normal level.
Speaker 6: But it was three in the morning.
Speaker 3: I bet you were riffing real loud.
Speaker 6: We were all laughing. It was not We just got
Speaker 6: out of a car, laughing hilariously. And then I saw
Speaker 6: this box that was the exact width of a human
Speaker 6: body with armholes in it, and I'm like, put this
Speaker 6: on me, and Gareth was sliding it on me like
Speaker 6: a sheath. And then one of the guys that worked
Speaker 6: at the Juniper came out and he's like.
Speaker 2: Hey, shut the fuck up. That's why he said, hey,
Speaker 2: shut the fuck up.
Speaker 3: And I, well, what time in the morning was it.
Speaker 2: We were all it was three.
Speaker 6: But that's you kick with people that are staying in
Speaker 6: the hotel. And he later we found out he was
Speaker 6: getting a divorce or something, and people that work there
Speaker 6: were like, yeah, he's been a bit much lately. And
Speaker 6: the next night he was there grumpy with his arms crossed.
Speaker 2: So I don't like that guy. I don't feel bad
Speaker 2: and all.
Speaker 6: Basically I was trapped in this box and he's yelling
Speaker 6: at us to go to our rooms.
Speaker 2: And I was like, look at the position I'm in as.
Speaker 6: If I did, just cause my position right in front
Speaker 6: of his eyes.
Speaker 2: So that was fun.
Speaker 3: And Gareth Reynolds told me that story.
Speaker 2: It's on my Instagram a little video of it.
Speaker 3: Oh, I have to see that. Yeah, Garret told me
Speaker 3: the story probably three times in a row. He thought
Speaker 3: it was so funny because he couldn't believe that. You
Speaker 3: immediately yelled back at the guy, look at the position
Speaker 3: I'm in, as if.
Speaker 2: It's funny.
Speaker 6: In the video you can see I'm starting to yell
Speaker 6: and he's putting his hand on my shoulder to tell
Speaker 6: me to be quiet, and then he just starts laughing,
Speaker 6: and then he's holding onto my shoulder to stay up.
Speaker 2: It. Really it's the best little trin Oh. He we
Speaker 2: were laughing very hard.
Speaker 3: But the guy, even the guy or you mean, Garrett.
Speaker 6: I don't know why he wouldn't have laughed when I said,
Speaker 6: look at the position i'm And the best part is
Speaker 6: the armholes in the box are down by my ankles.
Speaker 2: We put it on upside out.
Speaker 6: It's like someone was in the middle of making a
Speaker 6: box robot costume and then they got distracted by the
Speaker 6: atm that we found it by and left it and
Speaker 6: had to get out of there.
Speaker 2: And then we found it and we're like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: corrigated cardboard robot box. What look?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 6: And the guy didn't laugh, No, he was just he
Speaker 6: left exhaling, oh, grumpily. But that was that was one
Speaker 6: of the funnest moments and I'd like when Jessica was
Speaker 6: real good and pulled out the camera and captured it.
Speaker 2: We didn't. It wasn't planned manager organic comedy.
Speaker 3: Yes, she knows, she has a good taste. She knows
Speaker 3: how to track comedy.
Speaker 2: Yep, and she laughs. I like these laughing managers.
Speaker 3: Yes, they want to play ball, but a little less
Speaker 3: than these DJing managers.
Speaker 2: Oh about that, No, I heard about it.
Speaker 3: We won't name names, but I believe it was the
Speaker 3: second night party because I wasn't there for the first
Speaker 3: night party, so the Friday night party. The first person
Speaker 3: to jump up and start djaying was not a comic,
Speaker 3: which is usually what it is. It's usually April richardson,
Speaker 3: Ship Pope, Sure, Brody Reid. There's a bunch of people
Speaker 3: who are great at it, and Carmel does it sometimes.
Speaker 3: I think Barbara Gray was doing it well. Somebody's manager
Speaker 3: jumped up and started doing it, and apparently I wasn't there.
Speaker 3: This is just what everyone was talking.
Speaker 6: Please tell me it was just playing a bulldog. I
Speaker 6: can't even bulldog.
Speaker 2: Oh, Grandpa, Grandpa, you're Carrie's smoking and tearing down that pole.
Speaker 3: D Doug, Uh, I don't. This is just was everybody
Speaker 3: was talking about it because it was so hilarious. They
Speaker 3: said it just sucked, and it was like no one
Speaker 3: was dancing and everyone.
Speaker 2: Was d songs. Yes, it's not like his transitions.
Speaker 3: Were no, no, no, no, it was yeah. People weren't being picky.
Speaker 3: It was like, I think he was probably trying to
Speaker 3: be cool. I have no idea. I wasn't there, but
Speaker 3: I would imagine he was like, here's this cool song,
Speaker 3: and here's some like house funk or I thought it knows,
Speaker 3: but it was stuff people didn't want to dance to
Speaker 3: and all the comics. The biggest part of the Bridgetown
Speaker 3: Comedy Festival is the after party dance party, and people
Speaker 3: get super into it. They're super they've been doing their
Speaker 3: drugs all day long and they just want to dance
Speaker 3: it all off and have a good time and be
Speaker 3: super drunk and dance. Yeah, And it was just a
Speaker 3: bunch of shitty music no one could dance to, and
Speaker 3: it was people. People were not only getting angry. I
Speaker 3: heard that at one point there was a group of
Speaker 3: people that were super fucked up and just ran onto
Speaker 3: the dance floor just because they wanted to dance, and
Speaker 3: people stopped them they were like, no, we're not dancing
Speaker 3: because it was so mad. So April went up and said, hey,
Speaker 3: is it cool if I take over in a little bit?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: She so it was one am, and she goes, it
Speaker 3: is it cool if I take over at one thirty?
Speaker 3: And he goes, why don't you come back at one
Speaker 3: forty five? And she's like, I'll be back at one
Speaker 3: thirty and then like just they basically just bullied him
Speaker 3: out of the sto's. But it's like anyway, it just
Speaker 3: the balls, the balls, the balls is all I.
Speaker 2: Said, say great, So he just left with his Dell
Speaker 2: computer and.
Speaker 3: His stats and and with now like like, here's the thing.
Speaker 3: And this is part of the fun and the problem
Speaker 3: of comedy. Everyone's friends, everyone hangs out. It's all this
Speaker 3: social thing. But it is also when you live in
Speaker 3: la and you do it. It's a fucking business. So
Speaker 3: there are the people, the suits, the managers, the agents.
Speaker 3: Those people are the business end. They're not supposed to be.
Speaker 3: You know, back in the day, in my day, managers
Speaker 3: would go fucking toke for token, hit for it, yeah
Speaker 3: with anybody, any comic, and that was kind of part
Speaker 3: of it. Yeah, But these days it's too much of
Speaker 3: a real business. It doesn't really happen that much anymore.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like young they're younger, but they're more serious
Speaker 6: and less fun and more out of touch as far
Speaker 6: as what is cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I think maybe it was a thing of
Speaker 3: like that. There's there's some of them that don't get
Speaker 3: that they're not the star, right, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: I think that might be what it is. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know that person very well, and I don't care.
Speaker 2: I mean, it doesn't well, no one, no one.
Speaker 6: If and he's not listening, he would be the only one.
Speaker 6: Maybe some people know.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's not I mean, it's I'm going to
Speaker 2: ask you who it was after this.
Speaker 3: It's uh, I doubt you might not even know who
Speaker 3: it is. It's not that exciting. And also in terms
Speaker 3: of gossip, it's I'm not interested in gossip like that
Speaker 3: because it's like only dancing people were offended.
Speaker 2: I want to hear that sweet, sweet dance gossip. I
Speaker 2: just love I sound.
Speaker 6: If you don't mind, I'm gonna have my head tilted
Speaker 6: down like this because I sound like a DJ on
Speaker 6: the coast.
Speaker 3: Am Okay, Yeah, you're right, it does make you sound.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that sounds real good.
Speaker 6: You sound like this is the buttery voice that you'll
Speaker 6: be hearing on a pyramid Ale.
Speaker 3: Oh is that shadow Steven's I hear?
Speaker 2: Now it's just Chris Fairbanks. Yeah. I used to be
Speaker 2: accused of being a genderless muppet. Now I sound like this.
Speaker 2: All the secret was pointing down my chin slightly.
Speaker 3: Can you I doubt you can actually give us the
Speaker 3: real lines that probably wouldn't be allowed, But can you
Speaker 3: give us an idea of feel of this pyramid Ale
Speaker 3: commercial is.
Speaker 6: Going to be like they were like it was kind
Speaker 6: of like a rustic jack handy and voiceovers, So my
Speaker 6: face isn't in it, so it's just a voiceover thing.
Speaker 3: Good.
Speaker 2: Great, Yeah, that was the best part.
Speaker 6: And just with stock footage of mountain climbing and scenic
Speaker 6: views and meet saying.
Speaker 2: Ridiculous things like oh yeah, uh oh, there's a grizzly bear.
Speaker 2: It's okay. I don't know. I can't remember any of them.
Speaker 6: And I oftentimes when this happened last night, when someone's like,
Speaker 6: can you give me an example and or a story?
Speaker 6: As soon as I'm put up to that, Like when
Speaker 6: we were talking about my mom's funeral. You were like,
Speaker 6: is there anything anyone said of your mother's friends that
Speaker 6: had any validity? Because I was talking about how everyone
Speaker 6: said all these amazing things, and you asked for one example,
Speaker 6: and my brain shut down and turned to the inside
Speaker 6: of a helium balloon.
Speaker 3: You know every time that happens to me, every time
Speaker 3: someone says who's your favorite actor or actress? And I
Speaker 3: have all these people that I'm like, so like, oh,
Speaker 3: I have these tastes because I have really good taste.
Speaker 3: I like the best things. But if you actually call
Speaker 3: me on it, I'll be like, Dan Cook's really good.
Speaker 3: But what's happening? Although I was thinking on the plane,
Speaker 3: I watched Dane Cook's last comedy special four I would
Speaker 3: say four minutes, and I think that he I like
Speaker 3: the way he writes jokes. I don't like the way
Speaker 3: he delivers them. I do like the way he delivers
Speaker 3: them to a point, but he gilds the lily so
Speaker 3: hard that it is distancing. And I know he doesn't
Speaker 3: care about someone like me's opinion anyway, So that also
Speaker 3: adds to me going fuck you. But like some of
Speaker 3: his jokes, like talking about not being able to take
Speaker 3: his mom out of his phone because she died, and
Speaker 3: but he doesn't want to take her out of his
Speaker 3: phone as a contact. Is such a great fucking bit.
Speaker 6: I seen him have a lot of great ideas, and
Speaker 6: it wasn't until he quit pacing around and yelling things
Speaker 6: in triplicate and all this formula stuff that made him
Speaker 6: a star, right as far as communications are concerned.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he kind of.
Speaker 6: Dropped that and now he's pressed, kind of roided out
Speaker 6: Wolverine Kai.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's just saying things and now I'm like, he's
Speaker 2: pretty good.
Speaker 3: It is. I feel bad for him because he it's
Speaker 3: that thing of he got so popular and then that
Speaker 3: the backlash was so hard. Yeah, and he has that
Speaker 3: cocky thing that for some reason, like when TJ. Miller
Speaker 3: does the cocky thing, you don't hate him, right, And
Speaker 3: when Dane Cook does the cocky thing, you're like, I
Speaker 3: wish something four large men would beat you up.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: And I don't think it's a handsome person thing because
Speaker 6: I've seen I've seen because I thought maybe that was it,
Speaker 6: and then I changed my mind because I've seen people
Speaker 6: pull off cocky and it seems like they wouldn't be
Speaker 6: able to pull it off.
Speaker 2: Right, and I can't put my finger on it. It's
Speaker 2: just this weird likability thing like pheromones.
Speaker 3: Yes, charisma, charisma, charisma.
Speaker 2: Yes, God, I need to learn a language. I'll start
Speaker 2: with English. Am I right?
Speaker 3: I think you are right? Yeah, I don't know why. Sorry,
Speaker 3: that's a real left turn. He Dan Cook was not
Speaker 3: a bridge town this year, so I don't know what
Speaker 3: I'm talking about him.
Speaker 6: Because every time you do business class at the Hollywood Improv,
Speaker 6: we are in the laboratory room, that's right.
Speaker 2: And he is, without a doubt, in the main room. Yes,
Speaker 2: you know, with Dave Chappelle and people like that.
Speaker 3: Well. Also, I always when I sit down to write
Speaker 3: jokes or write an act, write some fucking thing to
Speaker 3: talk about. Get I just all I can do is
Speaker 3: think about all the people that I know that right,
Speaker 3: structurally sound material, right, and then I just go, why
Speaker 3: can't you do it like that? You know how to
Speaker 3: copy structure? You know what I mean? And then I
Speaker 3: just popped in my head of like, Dan Cook's structure
Speaker 3: is great. He takes a real almost like a painful truth,
Speaker 3: and then he you know, and then he like acts
Speaker 3: it out and he's good at that and stuff but
Speaker 3: also maybe maybe he seems like he's on coke a
Speaker 3: little bit, and that's what I don't like. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: there's a little extra. There's it's almost like that, like
Speaker 3: there's too much extra.
Speaker 2: Sure, the new Dan, let's just talking about Dan Cook
Speaker 2: this whole time.
Speaker 6: A new version of him seems like he's gonna snap
Speaker 6: and get mad and punch somebody.
Speaker 3: Well. I think it's because he has been through the
Speaker 3: fucking mill. I think that's what it is. Is. He
Speaker 3: really is a hard working stand up comedian. It doesn't
Speaker 3: matter what your taste is. And I honestly have liked
Speaker 3: a lot of his material. The one where he was
Speaker 3: in the front room, I think it's the front room
Speaker 3: of the comedy store, the really small two specials ago
Speaker 3: where he did everything where he wasn't moving around, it
Speaker 3: wasn't an arena, and he was basically trying to prove.
Speaker 2: I should watch it. I haven't you know.
Speaker 3: That's the one where he did this joke I'm talking
Speaker 3: about it of like his dead mom's taking the contact
Speaker 3: out of the fun stuff. It's like he it must
Speaker 3: be so frustrating because all he did was follow the
Speaker 3: trajectory that like MySpace and tours and all those things
Speaker 3: took him on and the excitement of it and everything,
Speaker 3: and then it just came back punched him in the fair.
Speaker 3: I mean, he was in movies. I just saw a
Speaker 3: little bit of that Kevin Costner movie that he was
Speaker 3: in where Kevin Costner is a serial killer or he's
Speaker 3: a serial killer.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wow, would I forgot about that?
Speaker 3: Like he was in you know, a handful of movies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like becoming a movie star.
Speaker 3: So I think that's part of it. Is like, I
Speaker 3: don't think that's he's probably not getting offers like he
Speaker 3: used to. Like, it's that horrible pain of how show
Speaker 3: business is a cycle and you don't you're up for
Speaker 3: a while, but you always come down. You always come down.
Speaker 6: Isn't that interesting? It's like sort of happening to Amy
Speaker 6: Schumer little. Everyone's finally just attacked her because she had
Speaker 6: a special that wasn't the best, right, and now everyone
Speaker 6: is like, it's not Maybe it's died down a little,
Speaker 6: but god, people were I wanted to defend her all
Speaker 6: the time, and I'm you know, it was just because
Speaker 6: I know it was the same thing they did to
Speaker 6: Dane Cook.
Speaker 2: They're just like she's on top and then something came
Speaker 2: out that wasn't. So everyone's liking like the last thing,
Speaker 2: so they immediately turn on them.
Speaker 3: It's always it will always be like a you stole
Speaker 3: this thing, or you're It's like people kind of nerds,
Speaker 3: anonymous nerds, trying to prove that they're frauds. But it's
Speaker 3: like even if and obviously I don't, I don't, stealing
Speaker 3: jokes isn't okay. Yeah, but it happens a lot that
Speaker 3: people have similar ideas. It happens a lot, And if
Speaker 3: you do comedy, you know that if you've done it
Speaker 3: for a while. Also, you're not a fraud if you've
Speaker 3: been doing even if you've ripped off half the material
Speaker 3: you've done, if you go out and do sets every
Speaker 3: night and go on the road, there's nothing fraudulent about
Speaker 3: your comedy. You're actually doing the work right. Right if
Speaker 3: you're the one that gets on the stage, if you're
Speaker 3: the one that fucking takes a plane to Baltimore and.
Speaker 6: Does a set, right, the only question things if while
Speaker 6: you're in Baltimore, are you watch an open micer and
Speaker 6: you're like, I can work with that.
Speaker 2: He's not going to use it. He's just a little guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't mean to be saying that.
Speaker 2: Right, I think a lot of people are doing that.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's bad. Yeah no that's not that's not good,
Speaker 3: and you can't be you can't be a fucking piece
Speaker 3: of shit about it. But also that the other side
Speaker 3: of that or there, it's that Internet kind of we
Speaker 3: decide who, we decide your value, where it's like who
Speaker 3: are you? That's the thing somebody wrote. I tweeted something
Speaker 3: the other day and the thing the reason I got
Speaker 3: so mad about it is because I was like, that's stupid.
Speaker 3: I needed delete that. And then I was like, who
Speaker 3: cares it?
Speaker 2: Twitter? And then you said who are you? To someone?
Speaker 3: It was this girl wrote not your best.
Speaker 2: Work to who to me? Oh wow?
Speaker 3: And I wrote back, how would you know?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: And then she wrote back, come on, Karen, you're better
Speaker 3: than this, and I wrote back, you are not qualified
Speaker 3: to judge my work because I was just like.
Speaker 2: It's good for you. But that's this terrible person.
Speaker 3: It's just some fucking twenty three year old who's saying
Speaker 3: repeating things she's seen other people say to other people.
Speaker 3: It's just that mimicry. It's like the young people's mimicry
Speaker 3: of here's how I'm going to interact with people I like,
Speaker 3: or people or maybe even people I don't like. Maybe
Speaker 3: she was like, I'm gonna try to take her down.
Speaker 3: Who knows. But it's that kind of thing of like,
Speaker 3: I don't know you, i've never seen your face. Your
Speaker 3: opinion doesn't matter to me, and thinking that it might
Speaker 3: because you're insulting me. I need to I need to
Speaker 3: make sure you understand you.
Speaker 2: But I know you. I've listened to your podcast. We're close,
Speaker 2: and then you know that is my best work I
Speaker 2: know about. I.
Speaker 6: Uh, yeah, I watched Maria Bamford's new special is so.
Speaker 2: Very, very good and very interesting. You've seen it. Then
Speaker 2: it is just but it's way more personal. This time
Speaker 2: it's personal. I have this time.
Speaker 3: Well, there it is.
Speaker 2: It's personal.
Speaker 3: You sort of to look like someone when you did that.
Speaker 3: Are you doing an impression? No?
Speaker 2: But Maria bean It's new special is more personal.
Speaker 6: She it's I won't give it away, but it's very
Speaker 6: well done and it's like by the end it's just
Speaker 6: joke joke, but in the beginning it's very one person show. Uh,
Speaker 6: it's just so good and I was just I don't
Speaker 6: do it all the time, but on Twitter, I was like, everyone,
Speaker 6: please watch this. And then some person goes, we follow
Speaker 6: your Twitter to hear updates about like in their mind
Speaker 6: they were complimenting, hear what you're up to, Maria is
Speaker 6: great and all, but we that's not why.
Speaker 2: We follow your and I'm like, what who is this?
Speaker 2: And then Maria liked it.
Speaker 6: Because she's sweet, and I was like, no, why so
Speaker 6: she saw it and that probably didn't.
Speaker 2: I hated it. I hate the guy and I but
Speaker 2: I left it alone. I didn't.
Speaker 3: Well, so, yeah, where are you speaking in the Wii
Speaker 3: like you're the you're the mayor of Chris Fairbanks Fan Club.
Speaker 2: That's what bothered me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's what if, he said I And then that's like,
Speaker 6: well then you are a dick.
Speaker 2: Yeah you know, yeah, that bother. I don't like these.
Speaker 6: You're right, here's probably just a some fifteen year old, yes,
Speaker 6: in his basement making paper airplanes.
Speaker 3: That's what they all are. I somebody wrote, I was
Speaker 3: just thinking about this, somebody wrote, because I'm on Guy
Speaker 3: Brandam's show talk show The Game Show on True TV Wednesdays.
Speaker 2: At ten Watch it, tune in, watch it.
Speaker 3: So someone responded to a True TV sponsored tweet that said,
Speaker 3: like it was something about me and guy and whatever.
Speaker 3: So all of our handles were in the tweet, right,
Speaker 3: and somebody responded this, the host is stupid, the judges
Speaker 3: are stupid, this show is stupid and oh wow, without
Speaker 3: really thinking about it, I just wrote back, you're stupid too.
Speaker 3: I would never deny being stupid, but fuck you because
Speaker 3: you're stupid to everybody's stupid.
Speaker 6: There is, especially with True TV, because they were people
Speaker 6: were just happy with their uh, impractical jokers and Storage Wars.
Speaker 2: And the Menendez Trials whatever, and now that.
Speaker 6: They're doing these other comedy shows that are like, you know,
Speaker 6: there's there's jokes, and there's infotainment. Now there's game shows
Speaker 6: and it's a little more rapid. People don't like it.
Speaker 6: They're like getting mad and they said the meanest things.
Speaker 2: Not that care or cared.
Speaker 6: That's you, not that April and I had the most
Speaker 6: amazing show but it was fine. Yeah, and people were
Speaker 6: said horrible things where we were both added in it
Speaker 6: and it was like that doesn't who are you?
Speaker 2: I'm right here, who are.
Speaker 3: You to say? Well? And it's that thing because April
Speaker 3: gets upset. Sometimes she reads that shit and she yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: she gets a lot because she's on at midnight so much.
Speaker 3: There's always some dude that's like, if you tried to
Speaker 3: be hot, you could be you know, just bullshit stuff
Speaker 3: like that, and I'm like, April, you can't, you can't
Speaker 3: take it in or whatever. But it's the thing of
Speaker 3: when you're looking at that stuff you have because it's
Speaker 3: basically like you're walking down the street going, am I pretty?
Speaker 3: Do you think I'm pretty? Random? Person at the gas station?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: And it's that it's the old I think it's Theodore
Speaker 3: Roosevelt saying of like, it's only the ones in the
Speaker 3: arena whose opinions count you. You can't you can't know
Speaker 3: somebody that's just standing on the sidelines going that's not funny,
Speaker 3: that joke isn't funny. It's like, but you don't do comedy.
Speaker 3: You've never stood up, you've never written an idea of
Speaker 3: your own, stood up in front of fifty strangers and
Speaker 3: tried to get them to laugh, like right, right, so
Speaker 3: your opinion doesn't count.
Speaker 2: Also, some people just like different things.
Speaker 6: That's the hardest thing with comedy is, especially at comedy clubs,
Speaker 6: you know, the whole thing about, oh that guy's car
Speaker 6: is broken, but it's a nice one, so I don't
Speaker 6: feel that bad. Oh shit, Oh now he was just sleeping.
Speaker 6: It's the comedy. You go to a comedy club and
Speaker 6: see whatever it's there, But you never would go to
Speaker 6: a music club and say, I'd like punk rock and
Speaker 6: country and whatever comes at.
Speaker 2: Me live music. Yeah, so of course.
Speaker 6: Everyone has opinions, and not every joke is for everyone.
Speaker 6: I don't know that's a that point. I shouldn't have
Speaker 6: even said it.
Speaker 3: No, No, I think you're exactly right, because people feel
Speaker 3: like they need to express their dislike, even though in
Speaker 3: the past your dislike was just not attending, not paying attention,
Speaker 3: like you didn't if you didn't like something, that was
Speaker 3: because it wasn't for you. You didn't have to fight
Speaker 3: fucking against it like a child, right or act like
Speaker 3: it was up to you to take it down. It's
Speaker 3: that shittiness, I think, because there are people you know,
Speaker 3: that feeling when you get into a fight, and I
Speaker 3: always try to watch to myself because I do love
Speaker 3: fighting and I love drama, and like when that person
Speaker 3: first sent that tweet that said you're stupid or whatever.
Speaker 3: I was like thinking all these mean, mean, mean things,
Speaker 3: and then it's just like, well, let's actually think about this, Like,
Speaker 3: what what's your reaction about, because like, who cares? I
Speaker 3: don't know this person. It's not fucking I was gonna say,
Speaker 3: Jean Shallot, it's not the revered Gene Shallots comedy expt.
Speaker 2: Currently revered Jean Shalot.
Speaker 3: For comedy.
Speaker 2: Uh, that's so funny.
Speaker 3: But also it's like, but also, who cares about any
Speaker 3: of this shit? It's entertainment. It's like, if you want
Speaker 3: to pass the time after your shitty job, watch the
Speaker 3: thing you want to watch. You don't have to shit
Speaker 3: on the things you don't want to watch or.
Speaker 2: Get into politics.
Speaker 3: Also, the fact that I'm saying any of this is
Speaker 3: insanely hypocritical, because I spent all of the nineties shitting
Speaker 3: on every single possible thing that I didn't like at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do it too. I was just thinking about
Speaker 2: how I I'm constantly telling people I don't like reggae
Speaker 2: or a country, but then I don't have a jokes
Speaker 2: about the bands I like, because guess what, there's nothing
Speaker 2: funny about liking I think.
Speaker 3: That's right, that's exactly right.
Speaker 6: I'm just gonna turn here at the risk of oh,
Speaker 6: so much risk, so much risk, Thank you a human being.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was an Audi basin on vehicles. Now, yeah,
Speaker 2: I thought he was going to be all BMW about it,
Speaker 2: but he was an Audi instead.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because Audi's are BMW's are like cocksucker assholes, and
Speaker 3: Audi's are like refined assholes.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe they're like European.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, French. I like Audi's and I like Audi drivers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, now I do too.
Speaker 2: Now we're exactly like comedians and cars getting coffee we're
Speaker 2: talking about and what kind of a cold brew is this?
Speaker 2: How was your Mother's Day?
Speaker 6: Well, we both had our first Mother's Day without technically
Speaker 6: having mothers.
Speaker 3: Actually it was my second. Oh it was okay, but
Speaker 3: I mean your head you in this grief process.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, of course.
Speaker 3: Somebody said that to me on Twitter, something of like,
Speaker 3: I hope you didn't have a terrible Mother's Day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, people have said nice things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I almost said back, well, actually, and not
Speaker 3: to be like too you know, morose about or whatever,
Speaker 3: but I just don't have Mother's Day anymore. Like I
Speaker 3: of course tell my sister Happy Mother's Day and stuff
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's been eight years since I even call it.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It was like, yeah, yeah, it doesn't it's not, it's
Speaker 3: not really, that's off the schedule.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 6: Yeah, if my mom, if our moms, you know, they
Speaker 6: were roofing together and fell off a roof, then Mother's
Speaker 6: Day would have been terrible because the last one.
Speaker 2: Remember the guard's alias.
Speaker 3: What is that the Italian family down the street?
Speaker 2: No, no, the flowers that we brought our mothers when
Speaker 2: they were roofing. Anyway, the point is none of that happened.
Speaker 3: Got a mother's roofing company. They're just both up there
Speaker 3: in the sun.
Speaker 6: Look at this carnie truck. He's carrying some sort of
Speaker 6: a dragon night.
Speaker 3: I love that ride. Okay, you guys in front of
Speaker 3: us on the freeway in very slow traffic, there is
Speaker 3: a huge semi that's got a carnival ride dismantled on
Speaker 3: the back of it. It looks like ak, it's a
Speaker 3: Viking ship ship and it's the one where have you
Speaker 3: been on it?
Speaker 2: Get into it and it goes back and forth.
Speaker 3: Yes, so it's like a swinging pendulum and you go
Speaker 3: up really high.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 3: I love that one.
Speaker 2: Mainly because I'm a kid that from the beginning. I
Speaker 2: remember the first.
Speaker 6: Time I had I had the sixth grade. I had
Speaker 6: the cutest girlfriend in school, and everyone was like, how
Speaker 6: the heck did you get I sound.
Speaker 2: Eighty years old. I had the cutest young lady.
Speaker 6: Everyone said, my lord, how did you land that day?
Speaker 6: And I was on the teacups any spinning, Yes, I
Speaker 6: get sick, and I got up right when her and
Speaker 6: her friend came up. I threw up on myself and
Speaker 6: my friend, who had like a new gotcha outfit, it
Speaker 6: and puke. I just puked in front of him on
Speaker 6: my suspenders. I used to wear suspenders. And she dumped me.
Speaker 6: She dumped me like the next week. It was just
Speaker 6: too much for It was disgusting.
Speaker 3: Because she was on the ride with you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, she They walked up right as I was
Speaker 6: getting off the line, and I'm like, oh no, it
Speaker 6: was horrible timing. But the pendulum swing, any kind of swinging,
Speaker 6: we're gonna that.
Speaker 2: Relationship is gonna last. If you walk. But the GRAVITRONI
Speaker 2: or the teacups.
Speaker 3: I hate spinning rides.
Speaker 2: I'll puke you out of my life.
Speaker 3: I just have to say on behalf of women. When
Speaker 3: you see a man uh puke, it really is the lowest,
Speaker 3: weakest you could see him, and that means he can't
Speaker 3: protect you. Right, So she was actually doing something very
Speaker 3: smart for herself.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's a fight or flight thing, it really is.
Speaker 6: What if someone in the hallway at Washington Middle School
Speaker 6: was you know, I couldn't defend her on her because
Speaker 6: eyes off vomiting somewhere.
Speaker 3: What if someone went and took her swing dancing against
Speaker 3: her will? You wouldn't be able to break in and
Speaker 3: fix it because you're spinning issues.
Speaker 6: Exactly if only and then I look in my hand
Speaker 6: as invisible because I can't get her at the point
Speaker 6: as they achieve it was my future mother anyway.
Speaker 3: Okay, can I just say this, Yes, it's three o'clock
Speaker 3: on a Monday. It's three thirty on a Monday.
Speaker 2: Am I excited to drive back to Venice after this?
Speaker 3: Oh dude, do you like podcasts because you could probably
Speaker 3: listen to it. Yeah, but there's traffic on both sides
Speaker 3: of this freeway. It's like we're going fifteen miles an
Speaker 3: hour and there's traffic on both sides.
Speaker 2: It is, it's going to work out perfectly though, time wise.
Speaker 6: I mean, we are going to get there in like
Speaker 6: six minutes and that'll be the end of the episode,
Speaker 6: right when I leave you.
Speaker 2: On your door.
Speaker 3: Amazing, Now it's going to be perfect. I go inside,
Speaker 3: I lay down. I'm going to go to sleep. Then
Speaker 3: I have to get up because I have to do
Speaker 3: a show at eleven tonight.
Speaker 2: Ohh, I don't have a concert tonight. I'm just making
Speaker 2: it about me. Oh oh oh, where's your show?
Speaker 3: For a second, I thought you meant going to one
Speaker 3: at UCB Franklin.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's the better one.
Speaker 3: It's the one I like better. I like the UCB
Speaker 3: FA UCB Sunset is not for stand up comedy.
Speaker 2: I did a show last night. Do you know David
Speaker 2: Earl Waterman?
Speaker 3: I sure do.
Speaker 2: He makes me laugh, He's hilarious, and he.
Speaker 6: Has a podcast show with like a radio personality that
Speaker 6: works on the coast FM.
Speaker 2: Oh uh, based somewhere over here Glendale. I believe Glendale
Speaker 2: traffic is sorry. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: The guy, one of the radio guys was Harry said
Speaker 6: I had a talent for it, and I said, my
Speaker 6: dad was in the business.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he said, what station?
Speaker 6: I said, kid in Monterey and He's like, never heard
Speaker 6: of it, and I'm like, we'll get the fuck out.
Speaker 2: Of my face. My name is Shadow Stevens. If there's
Speaker 2: a crime, I probably committed it.
Speaker 3: We'll be right back.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I did a little part on Tig's show One Mississippi
Speaker 6: as a radio person, and so in the I don't
Speaker 6: think I did very well in front of the cameras,
Speaker 6: but during the audition I thought.
Speaker 2: I did well.
Speaker 6: And at the end I pretended to do the samples.
Speaker 2: Like like Bogle and then and then Homer Baby. I
Speaker 2: just kept doing that at the end of the audition,
Speaker 2: and I think that's why I got it. Pressing soundboard, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because that's morning Zoo. It was like a morning shock
Speaker 2: jock guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah. That reminds me when I worked at Ellen. Sometimes
Speaker 3: we just sit in my office at night when the
Speaker 3: day was over. Have you ever have you ever been
Speaker 3: on the website that as the Judge Judy soundboard where
Speaker 3: it's just you press the buttons and it's just her
Speaker 3: going like I don't think so or whatever like freeze.
Speaker 2: When I would enjoy, I'd like, it's so funny.
Speaker 3: We would just sit there clicking it and laughing our
Speaker 3: asses off, like you work all day long, you work
Speaker 3: like a fourteen hour day, insane amounts of stress, crazy
Speaker 3: people screaming in your face, and then you just go
Speaker 3: back to a dark office and it's just like, no, mystef,
Speaker 3: and get out of here. I told you, what time
Speaker 3: is it whatever?
Speaker 2: Just pressing buttons on a Judge Judy fart machine. Oh
Speaker 2: that's the best.
Speaker 3: It really really got me through some time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: There was a weird point where she reminded me of
Speaker 6: a teacher that was mad at me, and I didn't
Speaker 6: like her, and then I realized how funny and awesome
Speaker 6: she was because she was usually dealing with low life
Speaker 6: and I wasn't.
Speaker 2: I wasn't factoring in that part.
Speaker 6: I just thought she was yelling at me, and I'm like,
Speaker 6: I don't want to watch she's a downer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now I would.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna buy the DVD buck set of All Judged.
Speaker 6: I know sounds like I'm just saying it, but I'm gonna.
Speaker 3: My friend used to work for her on Judge Judy.
Speaker 3: He was an ap. I think my friend Bradford, who
Speaker 3: you may have met, and she used to call him Bobby,
Speaker 3: which I think is the cutest thing of all time,
Speaker 3: and he like, he said he loved her, he thought
Speaker 3: she was the best. And she has more money than
Speaker 3: God do you know that?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she has all the.
Speaker 3: Money because that show's been on for like twenty years.
Speaker 2: Sure or more. It's like her.
Speaker 6: And then oddly Mark Harmon or something because he's on
Speaker 6: seven different.
Speaker 3: CSIS or CSI or JAG or Blue Blue Crush, it's
Speaker 3: n CIS. I went through a very bad phase after
Speaker 3: I left Ellen, before anything else got started, where I
Speaker 3: laid on my couch and watched n CIS all day
Speaker 3: every day. It was so fucking weird. But sometimes procedurals
Speaker 3: really get you through bad times because you know, it's
Speaker 3: these five people. This guy's gonna act like this, Mark
Speaker 3: Carmon's going to be a bitch, That guy's funny, this
Speaker 3: guy's young, that lady is pretty and just stands there. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's really all are and it just like you can
Speaker 3: just rely on.
Speaker 2: It, right, it's oddly.
Speaker 6: It's kind of how it is when I watch Forensic Files.
Speaker 6: It is I know it's gonna get solved. It's a
Speaker 6: horrific thing, but I know.
Speaker 2: And then at the end they always have an announcement
Speaker 2: if it weren't for the forensic evidence and the scientists
Speaker 2: that skillfully tested, it also would not have been solved.
Speaker 3: That guy, the narrator, Yeah, he's the best. Is okay.
Speaker 3: Every night, so we come home from these shows over
Speaker 3: this weekend and every time we go on tour, and
Speaker 3: George and I have talked about it, we can't sleep
Speaker 3: because you know, we leave this show at say eleven,
Speaker 3: Usually we go out to eat or something, go get
Speaker 3: drinks or she gets drinks whatever. But then we get
Speaker 3: back to our hotel room and we're just like, you're
Speaker 3: so high from meeting a bunch of people who are like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, this was so great. There's just all
Speaker 3: this positive energy coming at you for like three straight
Speaker 3: hours that you don't just go and like go to sleep.
Speaker 3: So I over this weekend, every time I got back
Speaker 3: to my hotel room, Forensic Files was on and it
Speaker 3: was I was watching it, but it was making me
Speaker 3: laugh because that narrator is is the best narrator of
Speaker 3: all time. He's so dramatic, he is so like but
Speaker 3: they tried the door and it wasn't locked, Like it's
Speaker 3: so over the top.
Speaker 2: And he's also a skilled annunciator. Yes, I found.
Speaker 6: He really delivers where it's singularly just perfect.
Speaker 3: He really does. He's dead now.
Speaker 2: He died. He died recently.
Speaker 6: He recently died voting accident. Really, yes, they found semen
Speaker 6: on the poop deck.
Speaker 2: Sorry of poop. I just like to say, I don't
Speaker 2: know how he died, probably of kanker. Sorry, can we
Speaker 2: do that again? Kens He was really dumb. He has
Speaker 2: like these weird Marty Feldman eyes. And they had to
Speaker 2: like hold up, look up here, okay to read everything.
Speaker 2: The perpetrator came in with only a knife, a knife
Speaker 2: himself again. Get a diaper for the voice, reset the voice,
Speaker 2: he said, the book. They just come in and hit
Speaker 2: him on the side of the head. He's shackled.
Speaker 3: To give him a cupcake. He gets excited. He starts
Speaker 3: reading again.
Speaker 2: And then once he reads just it's nothing but jazzy butter,
Speaker 2: jazzy butter. It's weird because I because of.
Speaker 6: That factor that not being able to sleep after because
Speaker 6: Bridgetown felt like that, and honestly doing stand up unless
Speaker 6: I do terribly, I can usually sleep after that, but
Speaker 6: not even then, I'm like, why did I do terrible?
Speaker 6: Let me stay up till three of course in my
Speaker 6: life that people don't understand why I sleep until ten
Speaker 6: and eleven, okay, sometimes noon off in one it's because
Speaker 6: I'm it is that energy where I just set I'm
Speaker 6: not I'm on a different schedule.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a total nighttime. Like you uh, you have
Speaker 3: to get all your rest and you can't when your
Speaker 3: shows are at night. You can't. I mean it's hard
Speaker 3: to just come down from right from yes, you're right
Speaker 3: either the terribly, because it's only ever great or terrible, right,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I don't never have like
Speaker 3: an OK set.
Speaker 6: As I do it longer, I starting nab nights where
Speaker 6: I'm like, yeah, that's probably how it should have gone,
Speaker 6: you know.
Speaker 3: Was the energy I put into it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I gave it what I it received. But when
Speaker 6: in Bridgetown, that's how it was. Just some of my
Speaker 6: shows were at midnight and and then.
Speaker 2: I just have trouble sleeping.
Speaker 6: Even though there was a nice sound machine, I have
Speaker 6: to get one that had the sounds of waves and rain.
Speaker 2: Did you have that in your room?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: It works great, does it?
Speaker 6: I turned on that rain even though in Portland it's
Speaker 6: actually raining. Yeah, but it wasn't raining It's funny because
Speaker 6: when it was beautiful instead of raining, I was listening
Speaker 6: to the sounds.
Speaker 2: Of rain to fall asleep when actually there was rain. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was beautiful.
Speaker 6: App Anyway, my voice got a little nick nolty ish
Speaker 6: because of the hours, and I think that's why I
Speaker 6: got this rustic Jack Handy commercial. Yeah, because my voice
Speaker 6: was a little more. They do like that, and it
Speaker 6: happened to be what they wanted. Yeah, that's why my
Speaker 6: friend has there's like a voiceover guy that lives below
Speaker 6: her and he's constantly smoking. He's just outside smoking cigarettes
Speaker 6: and I'm like, that guy's crazy.
Speaker 2: And he's in like O R. Scrubs and because I guess.
Speaker 6: During the day he's just a doctor. Finally, the voiceover.
Speaker 2: Work picks up.
Speaker 3: The doctor that moonlights is a voiceover.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like it's like Adam West Pilot or whatever.
Speaker 2: Look well have you seen Lookwell he's an acting teacher
Speaker 2: that then uh solves crimes because he used to play
Speaker 2: a detective. It's written by Wait.
Speaker 3: Is that the Batman one? I mean it's Adams.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's the best.
Speaker 3: I saw it long ago. I don't remember anyone.
Speaker 6: Again because it is the best it's Robert Shimmel, Smigel.
Speaker 3: Smigle, there's both of those.
Speaker 6: It's Smigle, it's in Soult comic Dog and and got
Speaker 6: It and Conan O'Brien's before Conan was Conan.
Speaker 2: It's just a frely college kid, just a.
Speaker 3: Freakly what Yale Harvard Sarah.
Speaker 2: Lawrence Yale educated?
Speaker 6: They found semen in his orange hair. Sorry, I just wanted, well,
Speaker 6: that guy died. Maybe I could do that.
Speaker 3: You could maybe your new Forensic Files, which is a
Speaker 3: little bit of humor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just a kiss. There's always like a pun
Speaker 2: of the end.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's how City Confidential was. Remember that one. It
Speaker 3: was the guy I won't ever be able to remember
Speaker 3: his name, but he was willing to talk like so
Speaker 3: he'd be like San Diego, sleepy on the coast of California.
Speaker 3: But sometimes remember that.
Speaker 2: No, no, you got to watch City Confidential, Okay, I will.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what it is.
Speaker 3: It's a true crime show like Forensic Files.
Speaker 2: Okay, but they do it.
Speaker 3: They based on they based the It's like they tell
Speaker 3: you all about the city the crime happened in, and
Speaker 3: they kind of use that and really paint the picture
Speaker 3: of the city.
Speaker 2: Oh, like the tourism bureau helped investigate.
Speaker 3: I think it's because on those crimes there, you know,
Speaker 3: you have to do a half hour show, but there's
Speaker 3: probably eleven minutes worth of actual crime material, so they
Speaker 3: have to pad it out.
Speaker 2: So that's so funny. The body was found near the dogs.
Speaker 6: And if you're looking for delicious saltwater taffy, there's no
Speaker 6: better place than at Dog Three's Doctor Duck's taffy shot.
Speaker 6: H that's for a murder that was in like Monterey.
Speaker 6: We're getting close to your house, that's right.
Speaker 3: I'm very excited to be home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you see your doggies.
Speaker 3: Yeah, those doggies my miracle of a dog sitter.
Speaker 2: You should open the door and see if they run
Speaker 2: in the street.
Speaker 3: Oh, they will.
Speaker 6: The sketch I shot in Portland, we needed. It's basically
Speaker 6: a dog sniper aiming across the street and the laser
Speaker 6: sight on the gun.
Speaker 2: He's trying to assassinate a cat and then the cat.
Speaker 2: It's what's supposed to play with this laser.
Speaker 6: But that's why one of the days took so long
Speaker 6: is these cats wouldn't They were like, yeah, I know
Speaker 6: what a laser is. They just look at it. And
Speaker 6: I thought that all cats played with those, but these
Speaker 6: cats either they were too skittish.
Speaker 2: We had three cats show up.
Speaker 6: And they would not play with a laser or they'd
Speaker 6: run away. And then Windy's dog, he has a brand
Speaker 6: new cute little boxer.
Speaker 2: He just went crazy over it and was jumping up the.
Speaker 3: Wall for the for the laser.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he loved.
Speaker 6: It, and so we just had to shoot an extra
Speaker 6: thing where it's about the jeal.
Speaker 2: This golden retriever across the street is jealous of the
Speaker 2: adorable dog. And you know you saw the shot at
Speaker 2: the slow motion.
Speaker 6: He showed me that to make sure it was working
Speaker 6: because it was classically dog versus cat. And now it's
Speaker 6: jealous old dog versus young dog and he wants to
Speaker 6: kill him.
Speaker 2: So it's a little darker, but I don't worry that
Speaker 2: no dogs die, no dogs were injured.
Speaker 3: Barker steps onto this.
Speaker 2: You'll have to tune in. I think I think it's
Speaker 2: a funnier dye thing. I'm not sure you.
Speaker 3: Oh that's cool.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I haven't done anything for them, I don't. It'd
Speaker 6: be nice to get in on that.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, they should know who you are. Yeah, they should
Speaker 3: f o D. You know sometimes when you're on a plane.
Speaker 3: This always happens from when you're going east coast back
Speaker 3: to west coast for me, because it always takes longer, sure,
Speaker 3: and it feels like you're never getting off that plane.
Speaker 2: So because the Earth is spending the opposite direction, is.
Speaker 3: That headwinds headwig the angry.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's just the.
Speaker 3: But I got on this flight. It was like ten am.
Speaker 3: We had to get up at seven, which sucked, got
Speaker 3: a te am, fell asleep, I mean, got on the plane.
Speaker 3: Actually bought one of those neck pillows so that I
Speaker 3: could go to sleep, fell asleep when I will I
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, I've been sleeping for so long.
Speaker 3: At three more hours to go?
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: And it was such a bummer.
Speaker 2: Why why did it take so long?
Speaker 3: It just took for It just felt like it took forever.
Speaker 3: It was. It was just a bummer. And I also
Speaker 3: I was get a window seat, and I just make
Speaker 3: it so that I don't move the whole time. I
Speaker 3: don't get up through the bathroom. I need to get drinks,
Speaker 3: I don't do. I don't mess around.
Speaker 6: I wear a stadium pell it's a catheter. You don't
Speaker 6: have to empty and there's a bag of pea by
Speaker 6: your ankle. I want to get one though, because you
Speaker 6: can't frequently. Yeah, it's how do you not? How do
Speaker 6: you make it to where you don't have to go
Speaker 6: to the bathroom a whole flight?
Speaker 3: I pee beforehand, and I don't drink a bunch of
Speaker 3: coffee and water beforehand either.
Speaker 2: Welcome to your in talk.
Speaker 3: You're in trouble with Chris and Karen.
Speaker 2: We just told stories about when it Welcome back to
Speaker 2: your in trouble. I was skydiving.
Speaker 3: I find that my urine is quite dark these days.
Speaker 3: I'm in trouble.
Speaker 2: You might be in trouble. Darkness often means liver failure.
Speaker 2: You don't want the dark bee Ah, here we are
Speaker 2: a car next year.
Speaker 3: Giant tree, my tree, it's my tree.
Speaker 2: Well, that was fun to be in the car again.
Speaker 3: I know that was actually great. Thank you so much
Speaker 3: for picking me.
Speaker 2: It is too we miss a thing. We had this
Speaker 2: all script.
Speaker 3: I don't oh shit, I was supposed to tell I
Speaker 3: was supposed to recite that poem.
Speaker 2: Ah nuts. Well, next time we'll get that.
Speaker 3: Poem, oh nuts. I will tell you this uh. Our
Speaker 3: theory and theme of this podcast of picking people up
Speaker 3: when they get home, usually get home from comedy. I
Speaker 3: still believe in it because I've the last I've been
Speaker 3: traveling for the past four months doing this tour. Every
Speaker 3: time I get back, I get into a fucking uber
Speaker 3: with some dude that's wearing a tonical and it makes
Speaker 3: me want to cry and I just go into my house.
Speaker 6: It is the best idea, and everyone knows it's the
Speaker 6: best idea.
Speaker 3: It's to get picked up from the airport by your
Speaker 3: friend after you've been traveling is really nice.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was hard to execute, or maybe it just
Speaker 6: seemed daunting because we were trying to do it every
Speaker 6: week and we were like, screw this. It was definitely daunting,
Speaker 6: and we can make a better decision after hearing the
Speaker 6: sound quality.
Speaker 2: But I think it'll be good. I think mainly my
Speaker 2: issue right now is I'm wearing very cheap earphone, so
Speaker 2: I'm not getting a good sense of how it's going
Speaker 2: to sound. Oh okay, but it's gonna sound like we're
Speaker 2: in a car.
Speaker 3: Fuck yeah we were.
Speaker 2: Fuck yeah we still are right to this moment.
Speaker 3: Well, thanks for listening, Thanks for sticking by us all
Speaker 3: through thick and thin.
Speaker 6: Yes, thank you for and hopefully I'm back after my surgery.
Speaker 3: Chris, you're going to be back, I know. And not
Speaker 3: only are you going to be back, you're going to around.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be back and black yeah, guitar, look
Speaker 2: into my pants. Bigger dick.
Speaker 3: You're in trouble.
Speaker 2: It's a bigger dick, but it won't stop paying.
Speaker 3: Doctor. What kind of surgery was that? My hap still hurt?
Speaker 2: It was a penis shrinking surgery, the first of its kind.
Speaker 3: And I double bladdered you while I was in there.
Speaker 2: A bag boy? Do you want to be double bladdered?
Speaker 3: Okay, sounds good?
Speaker 2: Sounds good?
Speaker 3: All right, well, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2: To, Thank you for listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 2: D y n a r.
Speaker 3: Oh, My neighbor was gonna be so man I Ean.
Speaker 3: You wanna way back?
Speaker 4: Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 4: much baggage you time and a urmanol and gay.
Speaker 5: We want to send you off InStyle. Do you want
Speaker 5: to welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?
Speaker 3: We scared her? Was it fine? Malcourn? Do you need
Speaker 3: to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need With Karen
Speaker 2: and Criss four