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Speaker 1: Pushkin. When it comes to feeling happier, the approach we

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Speaker 1: take to work really matters. The average American spends about

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Speaker 1: half of their waking hours on the job, which, even

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Speaker 1: if you're lucky enough to love what you do, can

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Speaker 1: feel like a lot. But work doesn't always stop at

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Speaker 1: the end of the work day. And I'm not just

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Speaker 1: talking about all the unpaid sorts of work we have

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Speaker 1: to do, the cooking and cleaning and caring for family members.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about the paid work that winds up creeping

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Speaker 1: into the little free time we do have.

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Speaker 2: The metaphor I use the pinball machine. The work shoots out,

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Speaker 2: and then it starts dinging to your relationships, to your

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Speaker 2: personal life, to your thoughts, to your leisure, to your

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Speaker 2: ability to recover, to your self care, and then when

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Speaker 2: those become compromise, it makes things worse at work, which

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Speaker 2: makes things worse outside of work, which makes things worse

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Speaker 2: at work, dinging back and forth, and that stress then

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Speaker 2: stays in play.

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Speaker 3: For so much longer, which is why we're getting burnt out.

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Speaker 1: This is psychologist, podcaster, and best selling author Guy Wench.

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Speaker 1: Guy is an expert on managing all kinds of tough emotions.

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Speaker 1: But his latest book, Mind Overgrind, how to break free

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Speaker 1: when work hijacks your life. It's all about strategies we

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Speaker 1: can use to create a healthier work life balance, something

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Speaker 1: Guy admits he wasn't always great at.

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Speaker 2: Literally a year into my professional career, I was totally

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Speaker 2: burnt out. I recognized that in an incident where I

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Speaker 2: was in the elevator with a neighbor and it stalled

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Speaker 2: between floors and the neighbor went into a panic. And here,

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Speaker 2: I am a psychologist. I wasn't panicked. I knew have

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Speaker 2: to say it to calm him down, but I just

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Speaker 2: was incredibly rude and cruel even to him. He was

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Speaker 2: just like hitting all the buttons and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: this is going to take forever to get upstairs now.

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Speaker 3: And then he was like, this is my nightmare. This

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Speaker 3: is my nightmare.

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Speaker 2: And my response is I looked at him and I said,

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Speaker 2: and this is my nightmare. And it was so I mean,

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Speaker 2: it was funny in my head, but it was terrible.

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Speaker 2: And when I saw his face, I felt such remorse

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Speaker 2: and I was like, why did I do that? And

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Speaker 2: that's when I realized, Oh, because I am drained. I'm

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Speaker 2: so exhausted, I have like nothing left. And then I realized, Wow,

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Speaker 2: I'm a year in and I'm burnt out.

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Speaker 1: And that was a moment of what I know people

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Speaker 1: call depersonalization, where you're kind of annoyed at the intentions

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Speaker 1: of the people around you. Talk about what this feeling

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Speaker 1: of burning out at work did to your socialization and

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Speaker 1: your self care the other parts of your life.

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Speaker 2: So when you're burnt out at work, but you have

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Speaker 2: to keep going. I'm self employed, so I have to

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Speaker 2: keep going. Really, one of the survival mechanisms psychologically is

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Speaker 2: you numb. You just put your head down and get

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Speaker 2: from task to task to task. You're not enjoying what

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Speaker 2: you do. There's no passion for what you do. You

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Speaker 2: feel jaded about what you do. It doesn't seem important,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't seem meaningful or fun, and you're not doing

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Speaker 2: a great job for sure. So you just become this robot,

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Speaker 2: this drone. Truly, you just works and works and works

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Speaker 2: and works and gets your head down and gets through

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Speaker 2: and then wakes up the next morning and gets through again.

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Speaker 2: And you can't numb. Selectively, we know that in psychology,

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Speaker 2: you don't numb. Some of your feelings in some of

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Speaker 2: the areas. You know all of your feelings in all

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Speaker 2: of the areas, and then that affects all your life

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Speaker 2: outside of work, or lack thereof. In my case, I

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Speaker 2: was just working and I wasn't tending to any of

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Speaker 2: my other needs.

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Speaker 1: If this sounds familiar, or you feel like you may

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Speaker 1: be in danger of this becoming familiar, then this episode

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Speaker 1: is for you, because today Guy and I will explore

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Speaker 1: evidence based strategies for setting healthier boundaries at work, and

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Speaker 1: we won't be alone. We'll be joined by Ben Walter,

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Speaker 1: CEO of Chase for Business. Ben works closely with small

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Speaker 1: business owners, just the sorts of entrepreneurs who can't clock

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Speaker 1: out when things get stressful.

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Speaker 4: I have huge responsibilities at work. I only have so

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Speaker 4: much time to be at home and with my family.

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Speaker 4: How could I possibly let this creep in a way

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Speaker 4: that would compromise the limited time that I get with them.

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Speaker 1: So get ready for strategies you can use to break

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Speaker 1: free from work stress. Right after the Happiness Lab returns

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Speaker 1: from this quick break. These days, it feels like a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are talking about the problem of work stress,

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Speaker 1: and that's in part because work stress has gotten really bad.

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Speaker 1: In one twenty twenty four survey, more than seventy five

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Speaker 1: percent of employees reported that work stress was affecting their

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Speaker 1: physical health. Another study estimated that workplace stress causes over

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Speaker 1: one hundred thousand deaths in the US each year. And

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Speaker 1: that's all on top of the fact that the world

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Speaker 1: right now just feels really hard.

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Speaker 4: We are in a particular time of uncertainty. We have

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Speaker 4: geopolitical uncertainty, we have economic uncertainty, we have policy uncertainty

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Speaker 4: at records we haven't seen in the past.

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Speaker 1: This is Ben Walter, CEO of Chase for Business. Chase

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Speaker 1: for Business creates a suite of products for small business

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Speaker 1: owners entrepreneurs who face special kinds of work stresses, so

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Speaker 1: I thought Ben would have a unique perspective on fighting

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Speaker 1: stress on the job.

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Speaker 4: Forty four percent of the economy is small business. It's

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Speaker 4: two thirds of every new job created in America. One

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Speaker 4: of the most fun parts of my job is that

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Speaker 4: I get to host our podcast, The Unshakables, where we

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Speaker 4: meet with those clients and we hear the stories of

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Speaker 4: the really tough things that they've been through, which obviously

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Speaker 4: cause immense amounts of stress, and hear how they were

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Speaker 4: able to overcome those obstacles and continue to build their businesses.

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Speaker 1: And the obstacles that small business owners face as they

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Speaker 1: build their businesses are many.

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Speaker 4: When you are a small business, you are the head

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Speaker 4: of sales, you are the COO, you are the custodian,

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Speaker 4: you are everything in between. Even if you have a

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Speaker 4: few employees. It really comes back to you and your

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Speaker 4: identities highly linked with the success of the business and

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Speaker 4: often your personal fortunes as well. And so I think

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Speaker 4: about the difference between home life and work life, and

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Speaker 4: the stress that crosses that line is way way more

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Speaker 4: blurry for a small business owner even than it is

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Speaker 4: for the most hardened, seasoned, high powered professional in a

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Speaker 4: corporate environment. There just simply is no way to say

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Speaker 4: operate them in the same way most small business owners.

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Speaker 4: If you have debt, you are personally guaranteeing that debt

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Speaker 4: with your personal assets. Every time that business makes a decision,

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Speaker 4: your personal reputation is on the line. And then you

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Speaker 4: compound on the environment we're in right now, in this

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Speaker 4: heady froth of uncertainty, and you can see where you

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Speaker 4: end up, and.

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Speaker 1: At this high level of stress, where you usually end

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Speaker 1: up is not such a great place.

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Speaker 4: The downstream effects are obviously terrible on relationships, on your

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Speaker 4: ability to execute, on your self satisfaction, on your happiness

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Speaker 4: with life, on all of those things.

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Speaker 1: The blurring of work and home stress is something small

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Speaker 1: business owners experience intensely, but it's something that employees and

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Speaker 1: all roles are feeling more and more. When work stress

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Speaker 1: builds into home life, it can turn into a vicious

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Speaker 1: cycle that can feel almost impossible to escape. But the

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Speaker 1: science of stress shows something surprising. Having at least a

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Speaker 1: little stress is actually good.

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Speaker 4: And when we have no stress, we actually don't always

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Speaker 4: get that creative and we don't work the extra a

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Speaker 4: little bit to do it because there isn't the pressure

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Speaker 4: to do it. The moment it stops being channeled into

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Speaker 4: that and has channeled into your personal relationships or unhealthy

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Speaker 4: eating or mind spinning anxiety, that's the point at which

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Speaker 4: I think it starts to detract rather than enhance your

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Speaker 4: ability to make the best use of it.

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Speaker 1: And then it just bringing up a really important point

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Speaker 1: that we've known in the science since the nineteen fifties.

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Speaker 1: Like back in the nineteen fifties, people are like.

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Speaker 4: Is stress good?

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Speaker 1: Is it's bad? It's both. It's what folks call it

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Speaker 1: an inverted you function. This is this famous thing called

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Speaker 1: the Yerki's Dodson curve, which is at no stress, when

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Speaker 1: you're kind of at the bottom of stress, you're not

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Speaker 1: getting anything done, you can barely get out of bed,

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Speaker 1: you're not excited for work. But then as stress goes up,

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Speaker 1: you hit some optimal middle point with the stress where

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Speaker 1: you're like, I'm excited, there's some pressure, we're going to

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Speaker 1: get through this. But then there's a tipping point where

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Speaker 1: it's like, oh, curve, hell care Now it's too much.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm screaming at my kids, I'm not getting to

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Speaker 1: the gym, and it becomes a little bit too much.

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Speaker 4: One of my favorite phrases I got from my daughter

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Speaker 4: when she was in the fourth grade. We moved to

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Speaker 4: London for a couple of years for work, and I

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Speaker 4: remember looking at her and saying, honey, are you nervous

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Speaker 4: to move to London or are you excited? What's the deal?

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Speaker 4: And she looked at me, she was ten years old

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Speaker 4: or whatever she was, she said, I think I'm kind

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Speaker 4: of nerve sided dad. I just love that phrase, and

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Speaker 4: that's stuck with me ever since. When I'm nerve cided

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Speaker 4: about something, I'm probably going to do pretty well.

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Speaker 1: So how do we keep our stress low enough that

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Speaker 1: it works for us rather than against us? How do

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Speaker 1: we stay nerve sighted rather than freaked out. Psychologist and

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Speaker 1: author Guy Wench has found that how we think about

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Speaker 1: stress matters a lot.

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Speaker 2: Stress is very psychological to begin with. It really depends

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Speaker 2: on how you perceive the quote unquote threats pressures around you,

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Speaker 2: and whether you feel able to manage them. And one

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Speaker 2: of the things we do at work, which I think

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Speaker 2: most people do, is they frame their jobs in ways

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Speaker 2: that add stress to their lives. A simple way is

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Speaker 2: things like, oh, my job is really really stressful, or

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Speaker 2: I hate my work, or my boss hates me, or

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Speaker 2: like I can't stand every second in that office. When

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Speaker 2: you frame it in that generalized way, what you're doing

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Speaker 2: is is that you are predisposing yourself to perceive every

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Speaker 2: moment at work as punishing, as difficult. And that means

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Speaker 2: that you are anticipating threats and so you are in

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Speaker 2: fight or flight. You are highly activated and charged. You

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Speaker 2: will perceive even the small ambivalent slights as ah. Here's

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Speaker 2: another thing. You'll tend to miss those moments that aren't.

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Speaker 2: And there is no job that's stressful all of the time.

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Speaker 2: There just isn't. Even if you have terrible meetings that day,

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Speaker 2: you have a few that aren't so terrible.

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Speaker 3: You have an.

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Speaker 2: Hour that's boring, you have fifteen minutes where you can

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Speaker 2: bring your favorite lunch and actually sit in the park

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Speaker 2: and maybe take a break. There's got to be someone

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Speaker 2: in the office, one person that you actually can stomach,

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Speaker 2: and it's not too bad seeing them.

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Speaker 3: When you see them, you know your.

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Speaker 2: Boss can't be evil every second of the day, because

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Speaker 2: even Disney villains aren't. But when you frame it that way,

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Speaker 2: you are literally priming yourself to experience everything as way

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Speaker 2: more stressful than it actually is. And it's such a

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Speaker 2: simple correction you can make in your head, because the

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Speaker 2: idea is actually to correct to accuracy and nuance, not

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Speaker 2: to fantasy, but just to be more accurate.

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Speaker 1: This also gets to this idea that we can be

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Speaker 1: in these different modes when it comes to how we

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Speaker 1: think about stress. We can be in what you've just

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Speaker 1: talked about, which is a real threat mode, right, like

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Speaker 1: everything is so terrible all the time, But there's a

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Speaker 1: flip mode that we can take when we're dealing with

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Speaker 1: stressful situations, which is sort of a challenge mode. What's

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Speaker 1: the difference between these two modes and how do we

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Speaker 1: react psychologically when we're in one versus the other?

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Speaker 2: So the threat versus the challenge mindset theory, it's it's

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Speaker 2: the preventing theory in sports psychology, and the distinction is,

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Speaker 2: are you going into a situation seeing it as a

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Speaker 2: challenge to which you plan to rise? Are you going

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Speaker 2: in with the idea of I'm going to win, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to smash this, or are you going in because

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Speaker 2: you're seeing it as a threat, and then what you're

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Speaker 2: trying to do is not lose, Like I hope.

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Speaker 3: This doesn't go badly. I hope I don't embarrass myself.

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Speaker 2: Now, you're trying to succeed in both mindsets, but in

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Speaker 2: one you're going in feeling confent and feeling in control,

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Speaker 2: feeling like you're prepared, and in the other one you're

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Speaker 2: going in second guessing, wondering, anticipating threats. And those mindsets

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Speaker 2: have a major difference not in just how we conduct

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Speaker 2: ourselves and think in the situation, but in how our

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Speaker 2: brain responds in the hormones that cause through our body

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Speaker 2: in that moment. And so the threat mindset is a

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Speaker 2: really problematic one. It predisposes you to do poorly, to

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Speaker 2: not be able to draw on your abilities as well,

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Speaker 2: and we psych ourselves out at work without realizing that

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Speaker 2: we are creating a self defeating prophecy. So we really

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Speaker 2: can't afford to tell ourselves, oh no, I can't handle that,

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Speaker 2: because you won't be able to handle it if you

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Speaker 2: say that.

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Speaker 1: I imagine there must be some cases when we really should

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Speaker 1: be in more of a threat mindset, right for really

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Speaker 1: actually in danger. Are there ways to know whether it's

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Speaker 1: just the framing or whether it's the real situation that

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Speaker 1: we're facing that could be potentially problematic?

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Speaker 2: Well, yes, because we tend to be pessimistic, you know,

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Speaker 2: zoom out for a minute. Is this really problematic? Are

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Speaker 2: you really in over your head or are you just

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Speaker 2: nervous that things might not go well? If you are

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Speaker 2: really in over your head, that's about problem solving. That's

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Speaker 2: about okay, let me redefine what's the best I can

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Speaker 2: do here and be realistic in terms of this is

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Speaker 2: going to be problematic. Let me see if I can

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Speaker 2: get more help, If I can get an extension if

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Speaker 2: I can beef up my resources because I am not

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Speaker 2: equipped to deal with this in that moment. But if

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Speaker 2: it's just psychological, if it's worry, you know a lot

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Speaker 2: of people just like second guessing themselves that they have

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a fear of failure.

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Speaker 3: So that's when you want to shift mindset.

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Speaker 1: And so how do we shift the mindset? How do

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Speaker 1: we move from a threat mode to more of a

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Speaker 1: challenge mode. What are some strategies.

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Speaker 3: One is the idea of preparation.

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Speaker 2: You really want to be prepared, Like if you're worried

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Speaker 2: about something, your unconscious mind might be like, hey, I

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Speaker 2: know this is a perfect time to serve social media,

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Speaker 2: or oh why don't you do it? To do list

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Speaker 2: for the groceries you're going to be shopping for later.

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Speaker 2: That will be way more fun than dealing with the

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Speaker 2: anxiety of thinking about this thing that's coming up. That's

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Speaker 2: what you have to catch because that's going to be

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Speaker 2: a problem. You want to be super prepared because the

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Speaker 2: more prepared you are, the more confident you'll be.

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Speaker 1: I asked small business expert Ben Walter what that kind

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Speaker 1: of preparation actually looks like in practice, especially when you're

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Speaker 1: not sure where to start.

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Speaker 4: I lean heavily on structured frameworks, an reformed consultant hand

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Speaker 4: in the air. So I admit it. I used to

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Speaker 4: be a management consultant. Consultants are basically paid to deal

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Speaker 4: with ambiguity. That's kind of what you do. So I

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Speaker 4: used to joke when I was a consultant that they

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Speaker 4: should give me a new title and I should no

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Speaker 4: longer be senior consultant or whatever I was. I should

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Speaker 4: be senior executive vice president of bucketing. And that sounds

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Speaker 4: a little silly. But if you can just take some

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Speaker 4: ambiguous problem and break it into pieces part A, part B,

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Speaker 4: part C, and start categorizing the world into those buckets,

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Speaker 4: and I will confess I'm a disorganized person. I know

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Speaker 4: that about myself. I know that my lack of organization

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Speaker 4: causes me stress. So I have built structures into my

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Speaker 4: life that force organization for me and for the business

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Speaker 4: that I run, which give me a scaffolding on which

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Speaker 4: to not get as stressed when the inevitable stuff comes up.

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Speaker 4: So I'll give you an example of that. Every year,

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Speaker 4: I have five deliverables for my business. I'm very clear

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Speaker 4: about what it is this is what we're going to

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Speaker 4: achieve this year. We have KPIs against all of those.

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Speaker 4: It's all written down. I meet with my team once

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Speaker 4: a month, we go through that checklist. I know we're red, amber,

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Speaker 4: and green. I know what's going well. I know where

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Speaker 4: they're stuck that I need to get in there and

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Speaker 4: help and unblocked. When I have that in place, I

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Speaker 4: find that all of the grenades that get thrown in

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Speaker 4: don't phaze me because I don't have that wild, crazy

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Speaker 4: disorganization going on on the core of the business. And

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Speaker 4: so I've learned, like this causes me stress. I'm not

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Speaker 4: good at it. I'm going to build infrastructure and hire

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Speaker 4: people who are good at it and compensate for me

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Speaker 4: in all kinds of ways so that I have that

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Speaker 4: as a scaffolding on which to operate.

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Speaker 1: It also seems like this is another great case of

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Speaker 1: bucketing in ways that feel really healthy. A colleague of

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Speaker 1: mine who was always doing all these things, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, how do you keep all those balls in

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Speaker 1: the air all the time? And she once said, the

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Speaker 1: key is to recognize that some balls are glass and

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Speaker 1: some balls are plastic, and you can let the plastic

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Speaker 1: ones fall but you got to catch the glass one

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Speaker 1: that it seems like this clear structure, like these are

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Speaker 1: the five deliberables. It's like those are glass. The plastic

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Speaker 1: ones fall. That's not great, but oh well, as long

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Speaker 1: as we catch those glass ones will be all right.

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Speaker 4: It's a good metaphor. Organization will set you free. And

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Speaker 4: I say that as someone who inherently just isn't that organized,

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Speaker 4: but it's true. Some sense of organizing structure literally brings

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Speaker 4: your stress level down. Similarly with uncertainty. Okay, let me

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Speaker 4: put down a framework on paper. Here are the things

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Speaker 4: I control. Here are the things I don't control. I'm

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Speaker 4: going to focus on the things that I can control.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to tick off that list. That other stuff

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Speaker 4: is out there, but I cannot control that. It gives

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Speaker 4: you a way forward, It gives you a checklist. It

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Speaker 4: gives you something that you can start to act on

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Speaker 4: instead of freezing in the face of all of this

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Speaker 4: uncertainty and ambiguity. We had someone on the podcast. For example,

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Speaker 4: it was affee company called Luna Gourmet Coffee and their

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Speaker 4: entire rostery burnt to the ground like ashes on the ground, smoldering.

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Speaker 4: They lost a ton of inventory. They lost all their

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Speaker 4: ability to roast, and I was asking them, how do

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Speaker 4: you not freeze in the foot?

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Speaker 3: What do you do?

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Speaker 4: And he said, well, we knew we wanted to rebuild

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Speaker 4: that minute, and so we just got to work and

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Speaker 4: we made a list. What do we need to do

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Speaker 4: in the interim, we have some backup of inventory. How

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Speaker 4: are we going to manufacture in the meantime? When do

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Speaker 4: we call the insurance company? And they split up the

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Speaker 4: list and just got at it. And I'm sure it

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Speaker 4: wasn't quite that easy, but they just talked about, you know,

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Speaker 4: immediately going into sort and action, sortain, action, sort and action.

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Speaker 4: I think for most people there's a piece that comes

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Speaker 4: with that, because I can speak for myself. Staring at

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Speaker 4: something and going I don't know what to do next

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Speaker 4: is completely paralyzing, and you have to give yourself a

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Speaker 4: way forward because when you're just frozen, it's a self

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Speaker 4: fulfilling prophecy, right, that's when the rumination gets going. If

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Speaker 4: I can't control this, I can't do anything, then you're

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Speaker 4: in an anxiety spiral.

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Speaker 1: But there's another way to prevent the anxiety spirals that

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Speaker 1: contribute so much work stress. We need to control our

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Speaker 1: inner monologue, and we'll hear some practical strategies for doing

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Speaker 1: that when the happiness lab returns in a moment.

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Speaker 2: We have an unconscious mind, an automatic mind, and it's

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Speaker 2: not a self organized thing. It's not a self conscious thing,

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Speaker 2: but it does listen, it does pick up on the

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Speaker 2: messages we get to ourselves.

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Speaker 1: Psychologists and work stress expert Guy Wench argues that we

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Speaker 1: need to be a lot more careful about the inevert

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Speaker 1: in messages we're allowing our poor minds to hear on repeat.

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Speaker 2: And so many of us tend to have so negative

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Speaker 2: self talk that we are replaying doubts.

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Speaker 3: So even as we're trying to.

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Speaker 2: Prepare, like, oh, but things never go well for me,

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Speaker 2: and the boss just never likes me no matter what

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Speaker 2: I do, And then your unconscious mind is hearing that,

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Speaker 2: and why should you then feel confident. It's going to

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Speaker 2: generate anxiety, it's going to generate doubt. And you can't

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Speaker 2: say to your unconscious mind feel confident, because it's unconscious.

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Speaker 2: That's not how it works. But you can whisper to

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Speaker 2: it by changing yourself talk to wow, I'm really preparing

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Speaker 2: more than I ever have before, or like I am

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Speaker 2: so glad I'm investing all this time doing what I can.

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Speaker 2: I'm so glad I reached out to a few people

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Speaker 2: to get help because now I feel much more confident.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm really doing everything I can. You can message

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Speaker 2: the confidence, the preparation, the control, those are the things

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Speaker 2: you want to be messaging. And so you really want

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Speaker 2: to watch that internal dialogue.

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Speaker 1: You've also noted that when we try to change our

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Speaker 1: internal dialogue, it has to be believable. We can't just

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, it's perfect, nothing's going to be stressful today.

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Speaker 1: I'm not worried about that terrible re quarterly report I

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Speaker 1: have coming up. How do we hack the believability of

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Speaker 1: that self talk better?

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Speaker 3: You just have to be accurate.

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Speaker 2: Don't just tell yourself I am the best salesperson in

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Speaker 2: the entire department. If your track record doesn't show that,

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Speaker 2: you can say to yourself, here's where I stand in

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Speaker 2: terms of sales, and I'm putting in all this work

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Speaker 2: now because I think I can really improve and move

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Speaker 2: up that list.

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Speaker 3: That is accurate to the.

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Speaker 2: Extent that you're actually putting in the time and the

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Speaker 2: effort to improve. So you want to be accurate, but

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Speaker 2: you want to be accurate slash optimistic.

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Speaker 1: And Guy argues that another thing we need to be

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Speaker 1: accurate about is how we choose to name the annoying

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Speaker 1: tasks we face at work.

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Speaker 2: A lot of the times when we procrastinate or when

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Speaker 2: something stresses us out, it's because we feel it's an

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Speaker 2: unpleasant task. It can be unpleasant to us because it's

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Speaker 2: anxiety provoking, it's stressful, it's unpleasant, it's boring, however we

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Speaker 2: define it. You know, it can be an expense account

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Speaker 2: who has too boring for me? It can be the

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Speaker 2: difficult email to write this difficult person. Ah, that's stressful.

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Speaker 2: And when we think about tasks that way, A, this

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Speaker 2: stress us out, and B we're really inclined to procrastinate

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Speaker 2: and put them off because we don't sit with those

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Speaker 2: unpleasant feelings. And when we do that, we're taking the

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Speaker 2: fifteen minute tasks, say fifteen minutes of unpleasantness, and we're

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Speaker 2: smearing it over an entire week by putting it off

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Speaker 2: and then thinking about it all the time, and then

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Speaker 2: getting more worried about it and more stressed about putting

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Speaker 2: it off. Now I really have to do it, but

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Speaker 2: I don't want to do it. Actually took something that's

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Speaker 2: limited in terms of the unpleasantness, and you supersized it. Now,

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Speaker 2: if you redefine the tasks that you tend to put

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Speaker 2: off like that, or you tend to find unpleasant as nuisances,

434
00:20:20,356 --> 00:20:23,036
Speaker 2: which they are. Nuisances are things we tend to take

435
00:20:23,076 --> 00:20:25,516
Speaker 2: care of right away. When it's a nuisance. There's a fly,

436
00:20:25,676 --> 00:20:27,516
Speaker 2: there's a pebble in your shoe. No one is on

437
00:20:27,516 --> 00:20:29,396
Speaker 2: a high and says I have got a pebble in

438
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:30,716
Speaker 2: my shoe. I'm going to take that out in five

439
00:20:30,756 --> 00:20:32,916
Speaker 2: to six miles. We don't do that, you know, like, oh,

440
00:20:33,076 --> 00:20:35,276
Speaker 2: we take that out right away. The tag that's bothering

441
00:20:35,316 --> 00:20:37,276
Speaker 2: me on the collar, I'm going to rip that out right.

442
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:40,996
Speaker 2: Nuisances we take care of right away. So start defining

443
00:20:41,476 --> 00:20:47,236
Speaker 2: these stressful, obnoxious, difficult and pleasant tasks as nuisances to yourself.

444
00:20:47,276 --> 00:20:50,316
Speaker 2: Oh now I've got this nuisance spreadsheet. I have to

445
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,996
Speaker 2: write that nuisance email. You are'm going to be much

446
00:20:52,996 --> 00:20:54,596
Speaker 2: more inclined to get rid of it and to do

447
00:20:54,676 --> 00:20:56,396
Speaker 2: it now rather than later.

448
00:20:56,916 --> 00:20:58,876
Speaker 1: Can't say how much this has already helped me. I

449
00:20:58,956 --> 00:21:01,396
Speaker 1: had proofs for a paper, which is as academic when

450
00:21:01,436 --> 00:21:03,756
Speaker 1: you get a paper. You have to check everything and

451
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,996
Speaker 1: make sure all the numbers are right and everything's perfect.

452
00:21:06,156 --> 00:21:08,476
Speaker 1: And it wound up in my inbox and literally when

453
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:09,996
Speaker 1: I was going to better and I'm like, oh god,

454
00:21:09,996 --> 00:21:11,796
Speaker 1: I have those proofs. I have those proofs. I have

455
00:21:11,836 --> 00:21:13,916
Speaker 1: to do these proofs. But then right after that I

456
00:21:13,956 --> 00:21:15,956
Speaker 1: read your book and I was like, the proofs nuisance.

457
00:21:15,996 --> 00:21:17,396
Speaker 1: Got to get that out of the way. Then I

458
00:21:17,436 --> 00:21:18,796
Speaker 1: just sat down to do it. You know, it probably

459
00:21:18,876 --> 00:21:20,836
Speaker 1: did take me like two hours or something. You know,

460
00:21:20,836 --> 00:21:21,956
Speaker 1: it was a decent hunk of times.

461
00:21:21,956 --> 00:21:22,876
Speaker 3: It's a big nuisance.

462
00:21:23,356 --> 00:21:24,836
Speaker 1: But then it was gone right then it was two

463
00:21:24,876 --> 00:21:27,516
Speaker 1: hours and it was done rather than over a whole week.

464
00:21:27,556 --> 00:21:29,396
Speaker 1: And I'm telling my husband about it at dinner, and

465
00:21:29,436 --> 00:21:31,476
Speaker 1: I'm seeing that email every time I look in the inbox.

466
00:21:31,516 --> 00:21:33,196
Speaker 1: All I got to deal with the proofs. It's such

467
00:21:33,236 --> 00:21:34,956
Speaker 1: an easier thing to get out of the way and

468
00:21:34,996 --> 00:21:36,116
Speaker 1: get it off your desk.

469
00:21:35,956 --> 00:21:37,916
Speaker 2: And the relief we feel when we do is also

470
00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:39,676
Speaker 2: a nice little bumbun at the end.

471
00:21:40,276 --> 00:21:42,196
Speaker 1: One of the big insights of your book is that

472
00:21:42,236 --> 00:21:45,156
Speaker 1: our stress doesn't really end at work, in part because

473
00:21:45,196 --> 00:21:48,356
Speaker 1: our unconscious mind keeps it alive. How does our unconscious mind,

474
00:21:48,436 --> 00:21:48,956
Speaker 1: keep it alive.

475
00:21:49,716 --> 00:21:52,796
Speaker 2: When you have a difficult day at work, you're feeling overwhelmed,

476
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:57,276
Speaker 2: you had an unpleasant exchange with someone, you felt slighted, insulted, harassed,

477
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,916
Speaker 2: or whatever it is. We don't leave those things at

478
00:21:59,916 --> 00:22:02,676
Speaker 2: the office. Those are the kinds of insults and worries

479
00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:05,156
Speaker 2: that we take home with us. And the way they

480
00:22:05,556 --> 00:22:09,516
Speaker 2: manifest is that they appear as intrusive thoughts that make

481
00:22:09,636 --> 00:22:12,836
Speaker 2: us think about the incident, but in an unproductive way.

482
00:22:12,876 --> 00:22:15,356
Speaker 2: They just make us think about that moment where the

483
00:22:15,396 --> 00:22:17,516
Speaker 2: boss said no, that's not a good idea at all,

484
00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:20,436
Speaker 2: and wave their hand dismissively at us, and how insulted

485
00:22:20,516 --> 00:22:23,836
Speaker 2: we felt, and how dismissed we felt, and how embarrassing

486
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:27,116
Speaker 2: that was afterwards, And that are mind spirals. Now we're

487
00:22:27,116 --> 00:22:30,236
Speaker 2: not figuring anything out. We went through the unpleasantness of

488
00:22:30,236 --> 00:22:33,596
Speaker 2: that incident, and now we are playing it on repeat

489
00:22:34,236 --> 00:22:38,196
Speaker 2: and putting ourselves through that same unpleasantness over and over

490
00:22:38,396 --> 00:22:41,356
Speaker 2: and over again at home to no end. One thing

491
00:22:41,356 --> 00:22:44,956
Speaker 2: to consider is this is unpaid all the time. If

492
00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,596
Speaker 2: you're thinking about work when you're home, you're at work,

493
00:22:48,156 --> 00:22:52,316
Speaker 2: you're getting nothing done, you're upsetting yourself, you're stressing yourself out.

494
00:22:52,596 --> 00:22:55,996
Speaker 2: You're keeping yourself activated and in fight or flight, and

495
00:22:56,036 --> 00:22:58,396
Speaker 2: it's not voluntary. You're trying to watch a show and

496
00:22:58,716 --> 00:23:01,036
Speaker 2: intrudes into your mind again, and you're sitting at dinner

497
00:23:01,076 --> 00:23:03,436
Speaker 2: with your partner and trying to have a conversation and

498
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,236
Speaker 2: suddenly they're like, hey, did you hear what I said?

499
00:23:05,276 --> 00:23:07,436
Speaker 2: And you're like no, because you're back at work replaying

500
00:23:07,476 --> 00:23:10,356
Speaker 2: that same argument. Another thing people do, I'm sorry, always

501
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:12,276
Speaker 2: find interesting is because I do it too, is they

502
00:23:12,316 --> 00:23:15,196
Speaker 2: have the fantasy argument I wish I would have said this,

503
00:23:15,276 --> 00:23:18,036
Speaker 2: And again, there's may be some satisfaction in having the

504
00:23:18,716 --> 00:23:21,436
Speaker 2: microdrop moment in your head, but you have to relive

505
00:23:21,476 --> 00:23:24,036
Speaker 2: the insult to have it. You're still getting all upset

506
00:23:24,276 --> 00:23:27,756
Speaker 2: about it, and it's not gonna happen. That conversation went.

507
00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:30,756
Speaker 2: It's in the past now. So we have to catch

508
00:23:30,796 --> 00:23:35,476
Speaker 2: when we're ruminating unproductively because it's really damaging us. It'll

509
00:23:35,516 --> 00:23:38,916
Speaker 2: impair our sleep, it'll stress us out, it'll impair our mood.

510
00:23:39,396 --> 00:23:41,956
Speaker 2: Over time, it can become habitual, and then it predisposes

511
00:23:42,036 --> 00:23:45,156
Speaker 2: us to cardiovascular disease, to depression. There's just no utility

512
00:23:45,156 --> 00:23:47,596
Speaker 2: to it, and so we have to catch it, and

513
00:23:47,636 --> 00:23:49,476
Speaker 2: then we have to convert it into a much more

514
00:23:49,516 --> 00:23:50,996
Speaker 2: adaptive form of self reflection.

515
00:23:51,756 --> 00:23:53,756
Speaker 1: And so how do we banish the rumination? Your book

516
00:23:53,756 --> 00:23:56,516
Speaker 1: has some of these lovely strategies. You talked about kind

517
00:23:56,516 --> 00:24:00,036
Speaker 1: of coming up with ways to develop strong intolerance for rumination.

518
00:24:00,316 --> 00:24:01,836
Speaker 1: Sounds great, but what do you mean there.

519
00:24:02,396 --> 00:24:07,796
Speaker 2: Once you're aware of how useless and harmful rumination is

520
00:24:07,876 --> 00:24:10,036
Speaker 2: and how you're doing all this the time and actually

521
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:13,996
Speaker 2: harming yourself in the process, you should develop a real

522
00:24:14,116 --> 00:24:17,876
Speaker 2: antipathy toward it. You should see it as your unconscious

523
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:21,516
Speaker 2: mind trying to infect you in some way, trying to

524
00:24:21,636 --> 00:24:25,836
Speaker 2: bring in unpleasantness into your headspace. And so the metaphor

525
00:24:25,836 --> 00:24:27,196
Speaker 2: I use in the book, and you can use any

526
00:24:27,356 --> 00:24:28,356
Speaker 2: is like you have to think of it like a

527
00:24:28,476 --> 00:24:31,116
Speaker 2: skunk that just sat down with you on the sofa.

528
00:24:31,196 --> 00:24:32,636
Speaker 2: You're like, oh no, no, no, no, no, don't want to sit

529
00:24:32,636 --> 00:24:35,316
Speaker 2: in my head. And I trained myself really well to

530
00:24:35,396 --> 00:24:39,676
Speaker 2: do it. I still ruminate when I'm in stressful periods

531
00:24:39,716 --> 00:24:40,876
Speaker 2: because that is a natural thing.

532
00:24:40,996 --> 00:24:42,516
Speaker 3: I just catch it really really quickly.

533
00:24:42,756 --> 00:24:44,636
Speaker 2: By the second round of the hamster wheel, I'm like,

534
00:24:44,636 --> 00:24:48,036
Speaker 2: wait a minute, now, I'm ruminating I'm not having that.

535
00:24:48,116 --> 00:24:49,036
Speaker 3: You know, somebody was.

536
00:24:48,956 --> 00:24:51,396
Speaker 2: Really annoying and they disappointed me in some kind of way,

537
00:24:51,436 --> 00:24:53,636
Speaker 2: and I'm like, how could they do that? I don't understand.

538
00:24:53,716 --> 00:24:55,196
Speaker 2: In the minute they catch like, no, no, no, no, no,

539
00:24:55,196 --> 00:24:57,556
Speaker 2: You're not gonna give that person more stage time in

540
00:24:57,596 --> 00:24:59,596
Speaker 2: your head. This is not happening in my head right now.

541
00:24:59,596 --> 00:25:00,236
Speaker 2: I'm not letting it.

542
00:25:00,756 --> 00:25:02,476
Speaker 1: And one of the great things about that strategy is

543
00:25:02,516 --> 00:25:06,436
Speaker 1: because rumination is building off all these unconscious processes, just

544
00:25:06,476 --> 00:25:08,556
Speaker 1: the act of noticing it can be really powerful because

545
00:25:08,556 --> 00:25:10,516
Speaker 1: then you're like, wait, I'm doing that thing again. Skunk's

546
00:25:10,556 --> 00:25:11,996
Speaker 1: on the couch. I gotta get rid of this.

547
00:25:12,436 --> 00:25:12,636
Speaker 3: Right.

548
00:25:13,036 --> 00:25:16,916
Speaker 2: It frees up so much bandwidth, so much mental space.

549
00:25:17,116 --> 00:25:20,716
Speaker 2: It allows you to be more thoughtful and deliberate and

550
00:25:20,756 --> 00:25:24,276
Speaker 2: intentional and present in actually what I'd rather be doing

551
00:25:24,796 --> 00:25:25,476
Speaker 2: after work.

552
00:25:25,716 --> 00:25:27,036
Speaker 3: Now I can enjoy the movie.

553
00:25:27,156 --> 00:25:29,796
Speaker 2: Now I can enjoy date night with my partner because

554
00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:30,916
Speaker 2: I'm actually more present.

555
00:25:31,436 --> 00:25:33,356
Speaker 1: Another thing we can do when we get back to

556
00:25:33,436 --> 00:25:35,556
Speaker 1: our conscious mind for thinking about how to deal with

557
00:25:35,596 --> 00:25:38,116
Speaker 1: the rumination is that we can start dealing with potential

558
00:25:38,556 --> 00:25:42,076
Speaker 1: stressful problems proactively. Right we can look ahead to prevent

559
00:25:42,116 --> 00:25:44,916
Speaker 1: the rumination from coming in. You've talked about the strategy

560
00:25:44,956 --> 00:25:47,516
Speaker 1: of finding your stress minds. What does that mean and

561
00:25:47,556 --> 00:25:49,316
Speaker 1: how can we use that strategy better?

562
00:25:50,276 --> 00:25:52,636
Speaker 2: I always ask people when I'm getting talks, who thinks

563
00:25:52,636 --> 00:25:53,876
Speaker 2: their job is stressful?

564
00:25:53,956 --> 00:25:54,796
Speaker 3: Like nine out of ten?

565
00:25:54,836 --> 00:25:56,516
Speaker 2: And people are like, oh, it's ten out of ten,

566
00:25:56,556 --> 00:25:58,676
Speaker 2: and there's always someone to shouts eleven. You know, there's

567
00:25:58,876 --> 00:26:01,756
Speaker 2: always that, And I'm like, okay, but that's not ok

568
00:26:02,396 --> 00:26:04,516
Speaker 2: Your job is not at an eleven. Break it down

569
00:26:04,516 --> 00:26:08,756
Speaker 2: into what these specific components are and rank those. Now,

570
00:26:08,836 --> 00:26:11,636
Speaker 2: maybe some of them are tents. Maybe that meeting with

571
00:26:11,716 --> 00:26:14,196
Speaker 2: the boss and the client that hates you is so unpleasant,

572
00:26:14,276 --> 00:26:15,916
Speaker 2: that's a tent, but you have it once a month.

573
00:26:16,396 --> 00:26:19,836
Speaker 2: Maybe this task or this meeting which is always people

574
00:26:19,876 --> 00:26:22,396
Speaker 2: feuding and fighting and not giving along, is an eight

575
00:26:22,516 --> 00:26:25,116
Speaker 2: or a nine, and you have it three hours a week.

576
00:26:25,396 --> 00:26:27,636
Speaker 2: But once you start going through that, you'll find that

577
00:26:27,676 --> 00:26:30,196
Speaker 2: there are some eights, there are some nines, maybe some tents,

578
00:26:30,356 --> 00:26:32,396
Speaker 2: but there are a lot of threes and fours and

579
00:26:32,436 --> 00:26:34,716
Speaker 2: fives and sixes. Because there are the lunches and there

580
00:26:34,756 --> 00:26:37,756
Speaker 2: are the boring meetings. There's plenty. But once you know

581
00:26:37,796 --> 00:26:40,476
Speaker 2: what the tasks are, you can start looking at the

582
00:26:40,476 --> 00:26:42,956
Speaker 2: ones that stress you out most, and those are your

583
00:26:42,956 --> 00:26:45,236
Speaker 2: stress minds, those are the ones that kind of explode

584
00:26:45,276 --> 00:26:47,836
Speaker 2: every week, ugh, you know, and then you can start

585
00:26:47,876 --> 00:26:50,236
Speaker 2: to strategize about how to deal with them.

586
00:26:50,556 --> 00:26:53,036
Speaker 1: I asked Ben Walter what he thought of Guy's strategy

587
00:26:53,076 --> 00:26:56,676
Speaker 1: for categorizing your daily stress minds. Ben said, we can

588
00:26:56,676 --> 00:27:00,156
Speaker 1: go even further by offloading our stress minds all together.

589
00:27:00,876 --> 00:27:03,476
Speaker 4: Find ways to not have to do the things that

590
00:27:03,516 --> 00:27:06,836
Speaker 4: stress you out the most. It's okay, let's be honest.

591
00:27:07,356 --> 00:27:10,356
Speaker 4: We are less stressed when we do things good at. Now,

592
00:27:10,556 --> 00:27:12,236
Speaker 4: we don't want to only do things we're great at.

593
00:27:12,316 --> 00:27:14,516
Speaker 4: Otherwise we're not nerve sided, we're not challenged, we're not

594
00:27:14,596 --> 00:27:16,996
Speaker 4: pressed in the same way that we talked about. But

595
00:27:17,076 --> 00:27:19,556
Speaker 4: the things that we know we're bad at and that

596
00:27:19,636 --> 00:27:21,316
Speaker 4: we just don't have a gift for we might never

597
00:27:21,356 --> 00:27:23,596
Speaker 4: be good at, find a way to not have to

598
00:27:23,636 --> 00:27:26,276
Speaker 4: do them. That's not always possible, but it's possible a

599
00:27:26,276 --> 00:27:29,036
Speaker 4: lot more than we think. Pay an outside vendor to

600
00:27:29,076 --> 00:27:32,156
Speaker 4: do it. Take the whole process out of your business process.

601
00:27:32,196 --> 00:27:34,636
Speaker 4: If you can find the things that cause you the

602
00:27:34,676 --> 00:27:37,076
Speaker 4: most stressed and find a way to either engineer them

603
00:27:37,116 --> 00:27:41,916
Speaker 4: out of your business process, or to offload them to partners, employees,

604
00:27:41,996 --> 00:27:43,076
Speaker 4: or some other party.

605
00:27:43,316 --> 00:27:45,676
Speaker 1: But that also has a strategy for the stress minds,

606
00:27:45,716 --> 00:27:48,676
Speaker 1: you can't realistically unload. It's a practice that we talk

607
00:27:48,716 --> 00:27:51,236
Speaker 1: about a lot on the Happiness Lab, the act of

608
00:27:51,356 --> 00:27:55,796
Speaker 1: radical acceptance. Simply accept the fact that stressful situations are

609
00:27:55,836 --> 00:27:58,956
Speaker 1: a normative part of most jobs, especially if you're a

610
00:27:58,996 --> 00:28:01,836
Speaker 1: small business owner. Like the clients Bend supports.

611
00:28:02,356 --> 00:28:04,796
Speaker 4: Sometimes there's a time to be stressed and a time

612
00:28:04,876 --> 00:28:07,236
Speaker 4: to not be stressed. You I say to people who

613
00:28:07,236 --> 00:28:10,356
Speaker 4: want to start their own businesses, just the first two years,

614
00:28:10,796 --> 00:28:12,636
Speaker 4: you're going to be stressed the whole time. Yes, you

615
00:28:12,676 --> 00:28:15,596
Speaker 4: can help manage it, but the early phase of starting

616
00:28:15,596 --> 00:28:18,636
Speaker 4: a business is highly, highly stressful, even for the most

617
00:28:18,676 --> 00:28:21,476
Speaker 4: resilient people. But there will come a time at which

618
00:28:21,516 --> 00:28:23,956
Speaker 4: you can take some of that stress off. You know,

619
00:28:23,996 --> 00:28:25,516
Speaker 4: a lot of if you're in retail, guess what Q

620
00:28:25,556 --> 00:28:27,956
Speaker 4: four is going to suck. It's just the way it is.

621
00:28:28,036 --> 00:28:30,036
Speaker 4: My wife works in an online retail. She always tells me,

622
00:28:30,076 --> 00:28:32,516
Speaker 4: like Ben Blackfride is coming. I know we're not going

623
00:28:32,516 --> 00:28:35,316
Speaker 4: away for Thanksgiving. We just don't. So I think having

624
00:28:35,316 --> 00:28:37,356
Speaker 4: in your mind that there are sometimes that it's okay

625
00:28:37,356 --> 00:28:39,476
Speaker 4: to be more stressed, and as long as you protect

626
00:28:39,516 --> 00:28:41,556
Speaker 4: other times that are less that can give you more

627
00:28:41,596 --> 00:28:43,476
Speaker 4: fortitude to cope.

628
00:28:43,916 --> 00:28:46,356
Speaker 1: It also just normalizes what you're going through. I think

629
00:28:46,396 --> 00:28:48,396
Speaker 1: it forces you to give yourself a little grace and

630
00:28:48,396 --> 00:28:50,916
Speaker 1: self compassion because you're like, this is normal. Of course

631
00:28:50,956 --> 00:28:52,836
Speaker 1: I'm feeling stressed. I'm in my first year of the business,

632
00:28:52,956 --> 00:28:55,516
Speaker 1: or of course I'm feeling stressed. It's Q four ah,

633
00:28:55,636 --> 00:28:58,196
Speaker 1: common human experience. And there's so many studies that show

634
00:28:58,236 --> 00:29:01,396
Speaker 1: that just having that moment of like, yeah, normal, common

635
00:29:01,476 --> 00:29:04,236
Speaker 1: human experience, it reduces the stress because it stops you

636
00:29:04,236 --> 00:29:06,756
Speaker 1: from beating yourself up about the stress when you're in

637
00:29:06,756 --> 00:29:07,596
Speaker 1: that tough time. Right.

638
00:29:07,636 --> 00:29:08,996
Speaker 4: It's like saying, if you've had a loss in your

639
00:29:08,996 --> 00:29:12,116
Speaker 4: life life and you're sad, well, that's normal. You're feeling grief,

640
00:29:12,236 --> 00:29:14,756
Speaker 4: that's normal. And then there's times when you are stressed

641
00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:16,876
Speaker 4: and that's okay too. And I think we don't give

642
00:29:16,916 --> 00:29:20,556
Speaker 4: ourselves permission. I'm feeling stressed and I shouldn't. Well, no,

643
00:29:20,716 --> 00:29:22,436
Speaker 4: maybe this is the time you probably are going to

644
00:29:22,476 --> 00:29:23,076
Speaker 4: feel stressed.

645
00:29:23,836 --> 00:29:26,396
Speaker 1: So far, we've heard Guy and Ben strategies for managing

646
00:29:26,396 --> 00:29:29,196
Speaker 1: stress at work, But what about managing stress when you

647
00:29:29,236 --> 00:29:31,636
Speaker 1: get out of work. When we get back from the break,

648
00:29:31,796 --> 00:29:34,396
Speaker 1: we'll discuss what the evidence says about how to truly

649
00:29:34,476 --> 00:29:37,516
Speaker 1: relax and recharge. We'll learn why so many of us

650
00:29:37,556 --> 00:29:40,236
Speaker 1: tend to decompress in the wrong ways, and what we

651
00:29:40,316 --> 00:29:43,516
Speaker 1: can do to unstress our leisure time. The Happiness Lab

652
00:29:43,596 --> 00:29:56,756
Speaker 1: will be right back. These days, we talk a lot

653
00:29:56,796 --> 00:30:00,076
Speaker 1: about stress on the job, but psychologist Guy Wench likes

654
00:30:00,116 --> 00:30:03,116
Speaker 1: to point out that handling work stress isn't just about

655
00:30:03,116 --> 00:30:05,876
Speaker 1: what you do during your work hours. It's also about

656
00:30:05,876 --> 00:30:07,836
Speaker 1: how you spend your time off the clock.

657
00:30:08,196 --> 00:30:10,596
Speaker 2: What's interesting for me is that the nature of work

658
00:30:10,916 --> 00:30:15,436
Speaker 2: it has changed so dramatically since the Industrial Revolution, and

659
00:30:15,476 --> 00:30:18,236
Speaker 2: our approach is to recovery if not. In other words,

660
00:30:18,236 --> 00:30:20,796
Speaker 2: in the Industrial Revolution, you spend fifteen hours a day,

661
00:30:20,836 --> 00:30:23,556
Speaker 2: you know, stirring fabrics in a vat of die and

662
00:30:23,596 --> 00:30:26,156
Speaker 2: then you get home and you need to rest. But

663
00:30:26,236 --> 00:30:29,196
Speaker 2: we sit usually eight nine hours a day and look

664
00:30:29,196 --> 00:30:32,356
Speaker 2: at screens, and our way to recover from that is

665
00:30:32,396 --> 00:30:35,436
Speaker 2: to get home and sit down and look at screens.

666
00:30:35,996 --> 00:30:39,516
Speaker 2: And our brain is like, so, wait, what's happening? How

667
00:30:39,636 --> 00:30:40,276
Speaker 2: is this different?

668
00:30:40,356 --> 00:30:40,676
Speaker 3: Really?

669
00:30:40,836 --> 00:30:42,836
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter that the content is different. We're doing

670
00:30:42,876 --> 00:30:45,876
Speaker 2: the same thing. And the research shows that to recover

671
00:30:45,916 --> 00:30:49,756
Speaker 2: effectively from the workday, we need to de stress, and

672
00:30:49,836 --> 00:30:52,236
Speaker 2: so resting and relaxing has its place. If you want

673
00:30:52,236 --> 00:30:54,716
Speaker 2: to vege out for a few hours, fine, that won't

674
00:30:54,756 --> 00:30:58,636
Speaker 2: drain your batteries further, it won't recharge them though. To

675
00:30:58,796 --> 00:31:04,676
Speaker 2: recharge to revitalize is a really important ingredient of effective recovery.

676
00:31:04,716 --> 00:31:07,836
Speaker 2: So it can't just be about the vegout. It can't

677
00:31:07,876 --> 00:31:10,276
Speaker 2: just be about the screen bin sure about the social media.

678
00:31:10,596 --> 00:31:12,196
Speaker 2: You know, so many people are like, oh, I spent

679
00:31:12,276 --> 00:31:14,956
Speaker 2: three hours looking through reels, and I'm like three hours

680
00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:18,636
Speaker 2: through reels, they're short, so how many different? Your attention

681
00:31:18,796 --> 00:31:20,636
Speaker 2: is like your brain is like that was not coming

682
00:31:20,636 --> 00:31:23,516
Speaker 2: to me at all. You know, I did not feel

683
00:31:23,596 --> 00:31:27,756
Speaker 2: calm by that. So we have to add in the

684
00:31:27,876 --> 00:31:32,716
Speaker 2: recharging stuff. And the recharging stuff unfortunately doesn't happen on

685
00:31:32,756 --> 00:31:35,796
Speaker 2: the couch. It actually means we have to get up

686
00:31:36,276 --> 00:31:39,396
Speaker 2: and do something. The problem is our mind. Again, the

687
00:31:39,436 --> 00:31:41,716
Speaker 2: automatic unconscious mind will say to you like no, no, no, no,

688
00:31:42,156 --> 00:31:44,796
Speaker 2: you're totally wiped out. You can't go to the gym. Now,

689
00:31:44,796 --> 00:31:47,716
Speaker 2: that's crazy talk. You can't get up and go meet

690
00:31:47,756 --> 00:31:50,996
Speaker 2: your friend. You're drained, and our mind doesn't distinguish well

691
00:31:51,116 --> 00:31:56,516
Speaker 2: between mental exhaustion and physical exhaustion. It confuses the two.

692
00:31:56,716 --> 00:31:59,956
Speaker 2: We're not physically tired, we're mentally drained, and we need

693
00:32:00,036 --> 00:32:03,436
Speaker 2: to recharge mentally. And everyone knows this. If you're athletic

694
00:32:03,436 --> 00:32:05,116
Speaker 2: and you force yourself to get off the couch and

695
00:32:05,156 --> 00:32:07,676
Speaker 2: go for that run, if you're social and you force

696
00:32:07,716 --> 00:32:10,556
Speaker 2: yourself to go and socialize, if you're creative and you

697
00:32:10,676 --> 00:32:12,916
Speaker 2: force yourself to go and do the painting or the

698
00:32:12,916 --> 00:32:15,396
Speaker 2: writing or whatever it is, whether it's fifteen minutes, half

699
00:32:15,436 --> 00:32:17,876
Speaker 2: an hour, or an hour later, you will come back

700
00:32:17,876 --> 00:32:21,876
Speaker 2: feeling way more energized than before you left because of

701
00:32:21,876 --> 00:32:25,596
Speaker 2: that magical ROI, of that second wind. You'll feel revitalized,

702
00:32:25,836 --> 00:32:27,556
Speaker 2: except that when you're on the couch, your mind is

703
00:32:27,596 --> 00:32:29,196
Speaker 2: seting you no, no, you just you don't have it

704
00:32:29,236 --> 00:32:31,516
Speaker 2: within you, but you do. It's one of those moments

705
00:32:31,556 --> 00:32:34,316
Speaker 2: where you have to like be the adult you know

706
00:32:34,356 --> 00:32:36,556
Speaker 2: in the brain and kind of take over and disengage

707
00:32:36,556 --> 00:32:38,876
Speaker 2: from the audo pilot and do the thing that's good

708
00:32:38,916 --> 00:32:41,196
Speaker 2: for you, even though it feels like I can't.

709
00:32:41,476 --> 00:32:44,716
Speaker 1: But even when you've intentionally chosen a more restorative activity,

710
00:32:45,116 --> 00:32:47,556
Speaker 1: it can still be hard to switch off. I know

711
00:32:47,636 --> 00:32:49,716
Speaker 1: that when I'm feeling really stressed at work, it can

712
00:32:49,756 --> 00:32:52,036
Speaker 1: feel like I'm battling my brain just to turn work

713
00:32:52,076 --> 00:32:54,596
Speaker 1: mode off so that I can actually enjoy my free time.

714
00:32:55,476 --> 00:32:58,276
Speaker 1: So how do we do this better? Guys suggests a

715
00:32:58,316 --> 00:33:01,636
Speaker 1: strategy he learned as a kid from watching Mister Rogers.

716
00:33:01,996 --> 00:33:04,436
Speaker 1: If you're a fan of that show, you probably remember

717
00:33:04,436 --> 00:33:07,356
Speaker 1: how mister Rogers would famously swap his suit jacket and

718
00:33:07,436 --> 00:33:09,876
Speaker 1: dress shoes for the red cardiga and in sneakers he

719
00:33:09,956 --> 00:33:12,276
Speaker 1: wore at home every day when he entered the house.

720
00:33:13,036 --> 00:33:15,556
Speaker 1: Guy says that daily rituals like these can be more

721
00:33:15,596 --> 00:33:16,996
Speaker 1: beneficial than we expect.

722
00:33:17,196 --> 00:33:19,516
Speaker 2: We have to really help train our brain to shift

723
00:33:19,556 --> 00:33:23,676
Speaker 2: gears from the workday, which might be intense and confectual

724
00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:26,156
Speaker 2: and pressured and stressful.

725
00:33:25,756 --> 00:33:28,396
Speaker 3: To whatever the home life is.

726
00:33:28,436 --> 00:33:30,916
Speaker 2: Whatever you're doing when you get home, whether it's a

727
00:33:30,916 --> 00:33:33,876
Speaker 2: dinner with your family, helping your kids with homework, whatever

728
00:33:33,876 --> 00:33:36,436
Speaker 2: the thing is, it's a very different mindset. You want

729
00:33:36,436 --> 00:33:39,556
Speaker 2: to help switch gears, and for the brain, it's really

730
00:33:39,636 --> 00:33:43,196
Speaker 2: useful to have a ritual that's repetitive because our brain

731
00:33:43,316 --> 00:33:45,876
Speaker 2: learns rituals, and so when you start something, it starts

732
00:33:45,916 --> 00:33:49,636
Speaker 2: to anticipate where this is going, and then it'll cooperate

733
00:33:50,156 --> 00:33:52,796
Speaker 2: better in actually shifting the mindset. And I say ritual

734
00:33:52,796 --> 00:33:54,676
Speaker 2: because people say I have a routine, But a ritual

735
00:33:54,956 --> 00:33:57,076
Speaker 2: is something that we imbue with deeper meanings. So it's

736
00:33:57,076 --> 00:34:00,316
Speaker 2: actually a little bit more effective. And it should employ

737
00:34:00,316 --> 00:34:02,356
Speaker 2: as many of the senses as possible. And music is

738
00:34:02,436 --> 00:34:05,676
Speaker 2: very evocative for us to have the playlist that you

739
00:34:05,796 --> 00:34:08,876
Speaker 2: play by the end of the day. Actions are useful.

740
00:34:09,156 --> 00:34:11,516
Speaker 2: Always close the door to my home office. I will

741
00:34:11,556 --> 00:34:14,476
Speaker 2: walk out, I will close the door, and I will

742
00:34:14,516 --> 00:34:18,436
Speaker 2: say to myself, your evening begins, like I will message myself,

743
00:34:18,476 --> 00:34:20,116
Speaker 2: this is the end of the work day. And then

744
00:34:20,116 --> 00:34:22,676
Speaker 2: I will listen to a certain kind of music. I

745
00:34:22,716 --> 00:34:25,596
Speaker 2: will change clothes. So I tend to wear casual clothes.

746
00:34:25,716 --> 00:34:27,876
Speaker 2: But I have the casual clothes I wear when I'm working.

747
00:34:28,516 --> 00:34:30,156
Speaker 2: And I have the casual and people say to me,

748
00:34:30,156 --> 00:34:32,036
Speaker 2: i'm jeans and T shirts. I'm like terrific. Have the

749
00:34:32,076 --> 00:34:34,476
Speaker 2: T shirts you wear for work and associate with work,

750
00:34:34,676 --> 00:34:36,676
Speaker 2: and have the T shirts and jeans that your brain

751
00:34:36,716 --> 00:34:40,356
Speaker 2: associates with not work because it's very symbolic it. Clothes

752
00:34:40,356 --> 00:34:43,356
Speaker 2: are very embodied. It makes us feel a certain thing.

753
00:34:43,436 --> 00:34:46,036
Speaker 2: So if you associate some with your leisure time, you're

754
00:34:46,196 --> 00:34:49,436
Speaker 2: much more inclined to then feel relaxed. You can use scent,

755
00:34:49,556 --> 00:34:52,476
Speaker 2: certain candles, you can shift the lighting, you can create

756
00:34:52,516 --> 00:34:55,076
Speaker 2: whatever the ritual is that works for you, but repeat

757
00:34:55,116 --> 00:34:57,596
Speaker 2: it every day. You can do it during your commute,

758
00:34:57,716 --> 00:34:59,276
Speaker 2: or you know, as you get home. You can ask

759
00:34:59,276 --> 00:35:00,836
Speaker 2: for like when I get home, I need ten minutes

760
00:35:00,876 --> 00:35:03,596
Speaker 2: to get my mind straight before I dive into the

761
00:35:03,636 --> 00:35:05,956
Speaker 2: duties of the household or the parenting. You can ask

762
00:35:05,956 --> 00:35:08,156
Speaker 2: for that and then use that, because then you'll be

763
00:35:08,236 --> 00:35:08,916
Speaker 2: much more present.

764
00:35:09,556 --> 00:35:12,436
Speaker 1: You're also hacking the same thing that causes all the problems,

765
00:35:12,476 --> 00:35:14,716
Speaker 1: which is your unconscious mind. Right, if your mind is

766
00:35:14,796 --> 00:35:17,356
Speaker 1: unconsciously noticing the clothes you wear, that you're still in

767
00:35:17,396 --> 00:35:19,316
Speaker 1: the room where you're working now all of a sudden,

768
00:35:19,356 --> 00:35:21,436
Speaker 1: it is still in work mode. But when you use

769
00:35:21,476 --> 00:35:24,756
Speaker 1: the ritual to hack, like oh now new smell new clothes,

770
00:35:24,836 --> 00:35:27,156
Speaker 1: your unconscious mind, for better or for worse, is learning

771
00:35:27,156 --> 00:35:30,156
Speaker 1: from it and changing how you're experiencing the world emotionally.

772
00:35:30,196 --> 00:35:33,196
Speaker 1: It's so powerful, absolutely Another way we can hack the

773
00:35:33,276 --> 00:35:35,716
Speaker 1: unconscious mind, though, is that we can tell it stuff

774
00:35:35,756 --> 00:35:38,116
Speaker 1: that we want it to learn from. You've talked about

775
00:35:38,156 --> 00:35:40,796
Speaker 1: the power of announcing your schedule in the evenings if

776
00:35:40,796 --> 00:35:42,836
Speaker 1: you do have to work on some small things. How

777
00:35:42,836 --> 00:35:43,476
Speaker 1: does that work?

778
00:35:43,836 --> 00:35:45,156
Speaker 3: I advocate the two things.

779
00:35:45,236 --> 00:35:47,876
Speaker 2: Number One, I said, when I leave my office, I say,

780
00:35:48,076 --> 00:35:50,876
Speaker 2: now the evening begins. But I will also put in

781
00:35:50,916 --> 00:35:53,236
Speaker 2: my calendar. A lot of people the evenings are white

782
00:35:53,596 --> 00:35:56,836
Speaker 2: in their calendar unless they have something that they're doing. Okay,

783
00:35:56,836 --> 00:35:58,596
Speaker 2: I've dinner here with these friends or this thing that

784
00:35:58,636 --> 00:36:00,556
Speaker 2: I'm going to, but otherwise it's white.

785
00:36:00,756 --> 00:36:02,356
Speaker 3: And why does not telling your brain what to do?

786
00:36:02,916 --> 00:36:06,396
Speaker 2: So I would put there rest and recharge, recover from

787
00:36:06,436 --> 00:36:10,036
Speaker 2: the workday, spend quality time with your family. Put something

788
00:36:10,116 --> 00:36:12,196
Speaker 2: there so it reminds you, actually, there is a task

789
00:36:12,676 --> 00:36:14,676
Speaker 2: right now. It's not a goal oriented one. It's an

790
00:36:14,676 --> 00:36:17,636
Speaker 2: experiential one, but there is one. But the other thing

791
00:36:17,676 --> 00:36:20,636
Speaker 2: you can do is like look work emails, many many,

792
00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:21,436
Speaker 2: many people.

793
00:36:21,676 --> 00:36:22,716
Speaker 3: They have to respond to.

794
00:36:22,956 --> 00:36:24,556
Speaker 2: And what that does is then it can just corrupt

795
00:36:24,556 --> 00:36:26,636
Speaker 2: your entire evening because you check your phone every five minute,

796
00:36:26,636 --> 00:36:28,596
Speaker 2: and then you're not detached from work at all. You're

797
00:36:28,596 --> 00:36:30,756
Speaker 2: confused with work, you're not able to engage and to

798
00:36:30,796 --> 00:36:32,796
Speaker 2: be present in whatever it is you are doing. So

799
00:36:32,836 --> 00:36:35,876
Speaker 2: that framing the feeling of autonomy that you're in charge

800
00:36:35,876 --> 00:36:37,516
Speaker 2: of your evening is very important. And the way you

801
00:36:37,556 --> 00:36:40,076
Speaker 2: do that is you frame whatever the task is as

802
00:36:40,116 --> 00:36:43,996
Speaker 2: the main event, the main event being relax and recharge

803
00:36:44,236 --> 00:36:47,156
Speaker 2: or quality time with my family or go for run,

804
00:36:47,236 --> 00:36:49,236
Speaker 2: then have dinner. Then whatever the thing is, that's the

805
00:36:49,276 --> 00:36:52,076
Speaker 2: main event. And then when you have to check work stuff,

806
00:36:52,476 --> 00:36:56,356
Speaker 2: do it in one sitting if possible. Frame that as

807
00:36:56,436 --> 00:37:00,116
Speaker 2: that's the intermission from the main event of the show,

808
00:37:01,076 --> 00:37:03,236
Speaker 2: that is my evening, and then you're just taking a

809
00:37:03,236 --> 00:37:06,276
Speaker 2: break from your evening for the intermission about work, and

810
00:37:06,316 --> 00:37:09,876
Speaker 2: then after the intermission the show resumes your resume whatever

811
00:37:09,876 --> 00:37:13,236
Speaker 2: you're doing. That brain hack allows your unconscious mind to

812
00:37:13,236 --> 00:37:17,196
Speaker 2: still feel like we're at home as opposed to continually

813
00:37:17,196 --> 00:37:18,636
Speaker 2: thinking about, oh, I have to deal with this thing

814
00:37:18,676 --> 00:37:19,116
Speaker 2: at work.

815
00:37:19,316 --> 00:37:21,716
Speaker 1: So these are all strategies we can use for the

816
00:37:21,836 --> 00:37:23,796
Speaker 1: end of the workday. But you've also been a big

817
00:37:23,836 --> 00:37:27,836
Speaker 1: advocate of squeezing leisure into micro breaks during the work day.

818
00:37:28,196 --> 00:37:29,996
Speaker 1: How can we do this a little bit better?

819
00:37:30,956 --> 00:37:32,756
Speaker 2: So I said earlier that one of the things we

820
00:37:32,796 --> 00:37:36,716
Speaker 2: do when we feel overwhelmed at work, pressured, stressed, et cetera,

821
00:37:36,876 --> 00:37:38,356
Speaker 2: is we just put our head down and go from

822
00:37:38,356 --> 00:37:43,636
Speaker 2: task to task on complete autopilot. We're actually not strategizing

823
00:37:44,436 --> 00:37:48,076
Speaker 2: our day from a psychological health point of view. We

824
00:37:48,116 --> 00:37:50,476
Speaker 2: are not actually giving thought and looking like, oh, my goodness,

825
00:37:50,876 --> 00:37:52,756
Speaker 2: I have three difficult meetings in a row.

826
00:37:53,036 --> 00:37:54,676
Speaker 3: What's the best way for me to deal with that? Oh?

827
00:37:54,676 --> 00:37:56,756
Speaker 2: You know what, there's ten minutes here between this one

828
00:37:56,756 --> 00:37:59,436
Speaker 2: and this one. That would be a good time for

829
00:37:59,476 --> 00:38:02,356
Speaker 2: me to do some sit ups or push ups, or

830
00:38:02,476 --> 00:38:04,916
Speaker 2: go up and down some stairs just to get my

831
00:38:05,276 --> 00:38:06,396
Speaker 2: blood flow going.

832
00:38:06,676 --> 00:38:08,116
Speaker 3: I do have fifteen minutes here.

833
00:38:08,476 --> 00:38:10,396
Speaker 2: Let me prepare food to bring and go sit in

834
00:38:10,396 --> 00:38:13,876
Speaker 2: the park, have some nature around me that will be really,

835
00:38:13,916 --> 00:38:16,476
Speaker 2: really useful. After this meeting, let me see if I

836
00:38:16,516 --> 00:38:18,276
Speaker 2: can push back the next thing by ten minutes, because

837
00:38:18,276 --> 00:38:20,396
Speaker 2: then I want to be able to call my mother,

838
00:38:20,516 --> 00:38:23,116
Speaker 2: my best friend, whatever, and just see a friendly, loving

839
00:38:23,116 --> 00:38:26,436
Speaker 2: face and just get some good vibes. In other words,

840
00:38:26,876 --> 00:38:32,356
Speaker 2: be intentional and deliberate about what breaks what oases you're

841
00:38:32,396 --> 00:38:34,276
Speaker 2: putting in your desert of a day or your hell

842
00:38:34,316 --> 00:38:37,236
Speaker 2: of a landscape or whatever it is. Building some breaks.

843
00:38:37,516 --> 00:38:39,716
Speaker 2: There's small things you can do for a minute or two.

844
00:38:39,756 --> 00:38:41,756
Speaker 2: If you're going to be on social media, look at

845
00:38:41,756 --> 00:38:44,716
Speaker 2: things that actually make you smile. For me, videos of

846
00:38:44,796 --> 00:38:50,396
Speaker 2: Vishla puppies whatever, two or three minutes guarantee, Oh god,

847
00:38:50,436 --> 00:38:52,756
Speaker 2: that's just too cute. I mean, a different mindset already.

848
00:38:53,556 --> 00:38:55,356
Speaker 1: This was so critical for me when I heard this

849
00:38:55,356 --> 00:38:56,916
Speaker 1: one because I realized that what I do when I

850
00:38:56,916 --> 00:38:59,876
Speaker 1: have these micro breaks in a really busy, busy day

851
00:39:00,356 --> 00:39:02,876
Speaker 1: is I'm often again using these sort of slightly bad,

852
00:39:02,956 --> 00:39:05,636
Speaker 1: unconscious strategies as I'm like, well, those are my moments

853
00:39:05,676 --> 00:39:07,436
Speaker 1: to get through the other stuff. That's when I'll go

854
00:39:07,476 --> 00:39:09,676
Speaker 1: through my email, or that's when I'll in on what's

855
00:39:09,676 --> 00:39:12,156
Speaker 1: happening on the news or something like that, and it's

856
00:39:12,196 --> 00:39:14,556
Speaker 1: exactly the wrong thing I need at that time. It's

857
00:39:14,596 --> 00:39:16,516
Speaker 1: like the thing my brain goes to is exactly the

858
00:39:16,556 --> 00:39:18,476
Speaker 1: wrong stuff that I really need in that moment.

859
00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:21,836
Speaker 2: The news doesn't matter what side of the political landscape

860
00:39:21,836 --> 00:39:25,076
Speaker 2: you're on. It's upsetting regardless, it's angering regardless. So like,

861
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:27,556
Speaker 2: be very thoughtful about when do I want to be

862
00:39:27,636 --> 00:39:29,956
Speaker 2: activated one way or the other, When do I want

863
00:39:29,956 --> 00:39:32,956
Speaker 2: to feel like engaged in that way. Do it when

864
00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:35,276
Speaker 2: it's good for you, Do it when you can come

865
00:39:35,356 --> 00:39:37,796
Speaker 2: down for it, not just that then that lingers. And

866
00:39:37,836 --> 00:39:41,156
Speaker 2: certainly don't do it between stressful meetings because again that'll

867
00:39:41,156 --> 00:39:43,236
Speaker 2: put you into fight or flight and then predisposity to

868
00:39:43,236 --> 00:39:45,676
Speaker 2: go into the next meeting really charged up, and that

869
00:39:45,756 --> 00:39:48,796
Speaker 2: means more sensitized, more reactive, all of it.

870
00:39:49,356 --> 00:39:52,556
Speaker 1: But managing stress can sometimes require more than a RESTful

871
00:39:52,676 --> 00:39:56,076
Speaker 1: micro moment. In his work with small business owners, then

872
00:39:56,156 --> 00:39:59,836
Speaker 1: Walter has seen that day long breaks can also be transformative.

873
00:40:00,116 --> 00:40:02,596
Speaker 4: The most effective strategies that I see are when you

874
00:40:03,156 --> 00:40:06,796
Speaker 4: reserve at least one specific time every week where you

875
00:40:06,876 --> 00:40:09,996
Speaker 4: don't work. There's a reason that you know, whatever your religion,

876
00:40:09,996 --> 00:40:11,676
Speaker 4: whether your day is Saturday or your day is Sunday,

877
00:40:11,716 --> 00:40:13,756
Speaker 4: there's a reason that people figured this out like five

878
00:40:13,796 --> 00:40:16,396
Speaker 4: thousand years ago, that maybe a day of rest is

879
00:40:16,396 --> 00:40:19,676
Speaker 4: probably pretty healthy for you, both physically and emotionally. It

880
00:40:19,676 --> 00:40:21,796
Speaker 4: gives you an anchor, and it gives you something to

881
00:40:21,836 --> 00:40:23,756
Speaker 4: look forward to every week and that you can build

882
00:40:23,756 --> 00:40:26,316
Speaker 4: on as the business grows. So I think the only

883
00:40:26,356 --> 00:40:29,196
Speaker 4: way to manage it is to have set times where

884
00:40:29,356 --> 00:40:31,356
Speaker 4: but for emergencies you don't work.

885
00:40:31,796 --> 00:40:34,876
Speaker 1: But Ben's favorite tip for managing stress isn't about what

886
00:40:34,916 --> 00:40:37,516
Speaker 1: you do on your own. It's about who you surround

887
00:40:37,556 --> 00:40:39,476
Speaker 1: yourself with when times get tough.

888
00:40:39,596 --> 00:40:40,876
Speaker 4: When you carry the weight to the world on your

889
00:40:40,916 --> 00:40:42,956
Speaker 4: shoulders and you don't have anyone to share that with,

890
00:40:43,476 --> 00:40:45,996
Speaker 4: it's pretty rough. So one of the big pieces of

891
00:40:46,036 --> 00:40:48,756
Speaker 4: advice that I give to all of my clients is

892
00:40:48,796 --> 00:40:51,996
Speaker 4: to find a network. A lot of small businesses have

893
00:40:52,036 --> 00:40:54,516
Speaker 4: formed a community that support each other. I gave the

894
00:40:54,556 --> 00:40:56,996
Speaker 4: example that coffee company one of their competitors help them

895
00:40:57,036 --> 00:41:00,036
Speaker 4: get through it. And so whether it's complementary businesses or

896
00:41:00,076 --> 00:41:03,716
Speaker 4: competitive businesses doesn't matter. Find like minded people who've had

897
00:41:03,756 --> 00:41:06,756
Speaker 4: experiences like yours, and you should form a support network

898
00:41:06,796 --> 00:41:09,196
Speaker 4: with them and have people that you can in a

899
00:41:08,996 --> 00:41:11,636
Speaker 4: safe way share your challenges with who can share some

900
00:41:11,676 --> 00:41:13,716
Speaker 4: of their experiences and how they solve them. It's a

901
00:41:13,796 --> 00:41:16,676
Speaker 4: really important outlet for people. I meet with small businesses

902
00:41:16,716 --> 00:41:19,716
Speaker 4: all the time, and the difference between the ones who

903
00:41:19,756 --> 00:41:21,956
Speaker 4: feel like they are alone and the ones who found

904
00:41:21,956 --> 00:41:24,796
Speaker 4: their people and know they aren't is dramatic.

905
00:41:25,436 --> 00:41:27,796
Speaker 1: You're giving a strategy that fits so nicely with the

906
00:41:27,836 --> 00:41:30,956
Speaker 1: science of social emotional regulation. That one of the great

907
00:41:30,956 --> 00:41:32,916
Speaker 1: ways we can regulate our emotions and deal with our

908
00:41:32,916 --> 00:41:35,156
Speaker 1: stress is to talk to other people about it. But

909
00:41:35,196 --> 00:41:36,596
Speaker 1: it doesn't work to talk to other people if they

910
00:41:36,636 --> 00:41:38,916
Speaker 1: don't understand what you're going through. And so finding this

911
00:41:38,956 --> 00:41:41,076
Speaker 1: network of people who are going through the same thing

912
00:41:41,276 --> 00:41:44,036
Speaker 1: is like the best form of social emotional regulation because

913
00:41:44,036 --> 00:41:46,436
Speaker 1: they're giving you strategies that they know are going to

914
00:41:46,516 --> 00:41:46,996
Speaker 1: work for you.

915
00:41:47,556 --> 00:41:49,876
Speaker 4: I mean, there's nothing in the world quite as comforting

916
00:41:49,956 --> 00:41:52,916
Speaker 4: is when someone says, I know exactly what that feels like.

917
00:41:53,356 --> 00:41:56,996
Speaker 4: That's really hard, and they mean it. That's just calming.

918
00:41:57,596 --> 00:42:00,396
Speaker 4: Oh I'm not alone. This isn't unique to me. Other

919
00:42:00,436 --> 00:42:05,916
Speaker 4: people have had to experience this. Let me learn from them.

920
00:42:06,196 --> 00:42:09,156
Speaker 1: Work stress may be climbing, but that doesn't mean you

921
00:42:09,196 --> 00:42:11,756
Speaker 1: have to live in fight or flight mode. By managing

922
00:42:11,756 --> 00:42:14,716
Speaker 1: your mindset, protecting your recovery time, and building the right

923
00:42:14,716 --> 00:42:17,516
Speaker 1: support around you, you can learn to keep stress in

924
00:42:17,556 --> 00:42:21,236
Speaker 1: that healthier nerve sighted range. If you're curious to learn

925
00:42:21,276 --> 00:42:24,556
Speaker 1: more science backed advice on managing work stress, check out

926
00:42:24,556 --> 00:42:27,956
Speaker 1: Guy Wench's new book Mind Overgrind. How to break Free

927
00:42:28,036 --> 00:42:30,756
Speaker 1: when work hijacks your life and if you'd like to

928
00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:33,996
Speaker 1: hear more personal stories from small business owners about their

929
00:42:34,036 --> 00:42:38,196
Speaker 1: make or break moments, check out Ben Walter's podcast, The Unshakables.

930
00:42:39,516 --> 00:42:41,836
Speaker 1: If you have thoughts about today's episode and the science

931
00:42:41,836 --> 00:42:44,316
Speaker 1: of work stress, we'd love to hear them. You can

932
00:42:44,396 --> 00:42:47,676
Speaker 1: email us at Happiness Lab at pushkin dot fm, or

933
00:42:47,756 --> 00:42:50,436
Speaker 1: leave us a review to tell us what resonated. You

934
00:42:50,436 --> 00:42:52,516
Speaker 1: can also sign up to learn more about the science

935
00:42:52,556 --> 00:42:55,716
Speaker 1: of happiness and join my free newsletter on my website,

936
00:42:55,876 --> 00:42:59,316
Speaker 1: Doctor Laurie Santos dot com. That's d R l A

937
00:42:59,436 --> 00:43:02,436
Speaker 1: U RI E s A n t os dot com.

938
00:43:02,916 --> 00:43:05,196
Speaker 1: That's it for today, but be sure to return next

939
00:43:05,196 --> 00:43:08,436
Speaker 1: week for our special coverage of this year's upcoming World

940
00:43:08,436 --> 00:43:12,236
Speaker 1: Happiness Report, which will be dropping later this week. That's

941
00:43:12,276 --> 00:43:14,996
Speaker 1: all next time on the Happiness Lab with me, Doctor

942
00:43:15,076 --> 00:43:15,876
Speaker 1: Laurie Santos