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Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hi Lelah, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey babe,

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Speaker 1: it's La La Ken, Hello Amba.

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Speaker 2: Hello, gorgeous bitch.

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Speaker 3: Ooh she's a spicy lady today. Can I just tell you?

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Speaker 1: Utah kicked my ass to the point where I drove

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Speaker 1: all the way to the studio this morning. I had

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Speaker 1: my trainer come at like six thirty because I was like,

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Speaker 1: then I gotta put a face on. I got to

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Speaker 1: get to the studio by ten, and it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: rush hour.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna be crazy.

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Speaker 1: It took forty five minutes to get there, and I

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Speaker 1: knock on the door and I'm like, I just have

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Speaker 1: this gut feeling that no one's inside.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, pl I'm like, it's on zoom today.

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Speaker 2: Hun.

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Speaker 3: They're like, yep, we're almost ready for you.

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm gonna need about fifteen because

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Speaker 1: I gotta get home.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: I'm also boy crazy right now, So I think that

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Speaker 1: also is playing a part.

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Speaker 2: Oh oh god, I feel like we need to catch up.

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Speaker 2: We haven't had a minute to catch up because you've

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Speaker 2: been gone.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 3: Are you still talking to that guy?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 2: Good?

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Speaker 3: Wait did he come out. He came out for Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 2: He no, he didn't come out for Valentine's Day. I

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Speaker 2: was solo on Valentine's DA, which was actually really beautiful,

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Speaker 2: Like I almost needed that experience, Like I feel like

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Speaker 2: this was nothing. I laid in bed, that's it.

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Speaker 3: And you had Riley.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: Riley ended up going over to a girlfriend's house and

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Speaker 2: they had like a Gallantine's and she spent the night.

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Speaker 2: And so I went to brunch with Autumn and the

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Speaker 2: baby Leo and Riley came with us and then we

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Speaker 2: hung out and that's it. I think Autumn and I

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Speaker 2: ate like an early dinner because she goes to bed

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Speaker 2: early with a baby. And I came home and I

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Speaker 2: turned on TV, and at first I was like, you

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Speaker 2: know when you're like you feel like you're going down

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Speaker 2: the rabbit hole and you like are starting to get sad,

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Speaker 2: and you're like, Nope, not doing that, Yeah, nope, not

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Speaker 2: doing that. And I was like, yeah, dude, you're good.

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Speaker 2: Just I said, you know what I'm for. Just imagine

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Speaker 2: this is your last Valentine's Day alone for the rest

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Speaker 2: of your life. And I was like, oh, well, in

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Speaker 2: that case, I'm gonna lighting a candle.

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Speaker 1: I know. But also Valentine's Day is such oh, like

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Speaker 1: you think about it, and it's all of these men

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Speaker 1: who on the day of Valentine's Day, remember it's Valentine's Day,

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Speaker 1: and they're all going to Trader Joe's getting flowers heart jewelry.

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Speaker 1: That is so tacky, but they have to have something.

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Speaker 1: And it's just it's actually for me when I go

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Speaker 1: out and about it's a reminder that like we're the

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Speaker 1: last things on our man's mind most of the time.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to show up every fucking day

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Speaker 1: and you get Valentine's Day off.

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Speaker 3: How about that?

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Speaker 2: I actually love that I did, because to be honest

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Speaker 2: with you, I actually don't love Valentine's Day. I don't

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Speaker 2: like it. It's too much pressure. It's like it's almost

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Speaker 2: like Christmas. It's like Christmas in a way. That's why

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Speaker 2: I've always loved Tonica because it's like eight days of

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Speaker 2: like presence every day and the kids appreciate it. Where

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Speaker 2: it's like Valentine's Day is there's too much pressure, and

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Speaker 2: as a woman, what do you get a guy? And

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Speaker 2: then you feel bad and then you're like, well if

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Speaker 2: he didn't get me, like, it's just not my favorite holiday.

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Speaker 2: It's right up there with Halloween.

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Speaker 1: Oh, don't even get me started on Halloween hate a theme.

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Speaker 1: But also I my love language, which I want, I

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Speaker 1: want to know yours. My love language is quality time, touch,

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Speaker 1: and words of affirmation. Those are my top three. So

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Speaker 1: you're when you're talking about Valentine's Day and it's all

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Speaker 1: about like getting her a gift and taking her to

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Speaker 1: a nice dinner, I'm like, those are things that, like

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Speaker 1: I they don't speak to me. This holiday is not

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Speaker 1: for me. But it's also Eastern's birthday, so it's never

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Speaker 1: it's on Valentine's Day. His birthday is on Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's so cute.

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Speaker 1: It's cute, but it's also really hard because when you

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Speaker 1: want to take it out to dinner, you can't.

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Speaker 2: M Yeah, well that's exciting because for him, he gets

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Speaker 2: to spread his birthday out over like a few days.

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Speaker 3: Totally.

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Speaker 1: Today we're talking about red flags and also intuition because

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Speaker 1: I feel like you and I are finally in a

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Speaker 1: place where we want to trust our gut, and for

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Speaker 1: so long I silenced my gut, which, by the way,

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Speaker 1: my gut is working now because I you said something

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Speaker 1: to me. I think it was a couple of weeks ago,

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Speaker 1: right before San Francisco, and I was saying to you,

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Speaker 1: I was like.

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Speaker 3: The band aids.

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Speaker 1: Remember I had gone to the doctor and you picked

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Speaker 1: me up and I was like, damn it, I knew

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Speaker 1: I should have brought a band aid And you said,

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Speaker 1: that is your gut.

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Speaker 3: You need to listen to it.

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Speaker 1: So I went to a gender reveal in Utah, and

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Speaker 1: my gut I usually go against, and I felt that

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Speaker 1: it was a boy. So I went against my gut

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, my gut is always wrong. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to go girl. It was a boy, and I was like.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, my gut is working. I'm gonna listen

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Speaker 3: to her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't it so powerful? Like it's like this small,

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Speaker 2: subtle like nudge.

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Speaker 3: Yeah right, it's not.

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like anxiety shows up very differently. But

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Speaker 2: when your gut is really trying to tell you something,

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Speaker 2: or it happens so quick in like two seconds, and

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Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I should I should probably bring this

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Speaker 2: and you're like, oh my god, I cannot, Like you

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Speaker 2: just ignore those lit It's like nanoseconds of this like

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Speaker 2: little whisper and you're like, oh, man, I should have listened.

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Speaker 2: That's your gut, I know.

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Speaker 1: Can I ask you what are like, what are the

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Speaker 1: main red flags for you? When you're talking to a guy?

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Speaker 2: Well he used to not know what a red flag is.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think based off of both of our situations

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Speaker 1: we loved, we gravitated toward a red flag.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean we've made this stoke before, but it's

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Speaker 2: like painting the red flag screen and it's true, it's

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Speaker 2: really really true. And it's just that just goes back

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Speaker 2: to not listening to my gut. When I've been dating,

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Speaker 2: I really pay attention to do they open the door,

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Speaker 2: do they what side of the street they walk on? What?

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Speaker 3: You want him on this side of the street where

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Speaker 3: the street is, like, if you're on.

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Speaker 2: The side, yeah, because if something happens needs you to

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Speaker 2: be taken out first, he needs to go, he needs

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Speaker 2: to go first. If you're at a restaurant, how he

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Speaker 2: interacts with the waiters. I was on a date, tell

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Speaker 2: me everything, and he was so rude, so rude to

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Speaker 2: the waiter. I was like uncomfortable, Like I actually wanted

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Speaker 2: to apologize and I'm thinking, you're a grown man, a

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Speaker 2: grown man like, and you're being rude his attitude not

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Speaker 2: using Like it's my biggest pet peeve. If you go

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Speaker 2: to a restaurant and you don't say may I or

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Speaker 2: like please and thank you, you have to realize, like, yes,

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Speaker 2: you're sitting down and you're being served at a restaurant.

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Speaker 2: But these people are humans, Like they're not They're they're

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Speaker 2: human beings. So like the most you can do the

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Speaker 2: bare minimum is like treat them well. Like I feel

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Speaker 2: like we've all like just like the bare minimum in

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Speaker 2: life should not be the bare minimum we're what we're

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Speaker 2: seeing out in the world, especially when it comes to

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Speaker 2: like green flags and like just in general. So for me, definitely,

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Speaker 2: when I go on a date, I just want someone

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Speaker 2: just to be kind, generous, a gentleman, like just like

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Speaker 2: og kind of courting. I guess you would.

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Speaker 1: Say, Okay, I like this, you know, I would say

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Speaker 1: a red flag for me that that is also a

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Speaker 1: super huge trigger is being secretive about whatever it is

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Speaker 1: we have going on. Like if I'm talking to a

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Speaker 1: guy and there is an element of like I don't

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Speaker 1: want my business out there, I immediately I'm like this

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Speaker 1: is a red flag because why Like, I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that you need too, I'm not saying that you need

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Speaker 1: to share every detail about us speaking, but to make

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Speaker 1: that blanketed statement of like I don't want people knowing

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Speaker 1: my business, okay, well that.

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Speaker 3: You're keeping this a.

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Speaker 1: Secret, and I'm gonna need to know why, like you

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Speaker 1: wanting you wanting the details and the ins and outs

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Speaker 1: of like us talking or us dating. You want that

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Speaker 1: to be kind of like between the two of us. Cool,

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Speaker 1: But if I'm rolling over to your house your apartment

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Speaker 1: because you don't want to be.

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Speaker 3: Seen, we have a huge problem.

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Speaker 1: It happened with the guy who I talked about last

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Speaker 1: episode through the FaceTime with the kids. When we first

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Speaker 1: hung out, we were in the elevator together and he

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Speaker 1: was like, we get to the room and he's like,

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Speaker 1: I got nervous, and I was like I immediately frozen.

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Speaker 1: I was like, why why'd you get nervous? Like you

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Speaker 1: being seen with me? Because we had a problem. He

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Speaker 1: was like, are you triggered right now? He called this

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Speaker 1: seems like a trigger. He was like, it has nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with you. Those people were talking about the

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Speaker 1: game reminded me that I play this weekend, I got

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Speaker 1: nervous nothing to do with you, and I felt myself

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Speaker 1: get like I've done.

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Speaker 2: That's some PTSD right there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a big from your ex. By the way, my

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Speaker 3: ex you had him last. I don't claim him.

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Speaker 1: At all at all, in any capacity.

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Speaker 3: He is yours, all yours. Oh now he's mine.

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Speaker 2: Now he's mine. Okay, okay, okay. So that is also

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Speaker 2: a huge red flag when you're hiding someone. And listen,

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Speaker 2: when you're you're dating early on, sure, you may be

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Speaker 2: dating four or five other people, right, I'll never forget.

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Speaker 2: When I eloped, he looked at me and said, we

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Speaker 2: can't tell anybody what And I said, huh. He said,

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Speaker 2: I don't. I just don't want anyone to know because

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Speaker 2: like I have a dream of having this like big wedding,

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Speaker 2: and like I know we did this like this way,

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Speaker 2: and I always thought I didn't listen to my gut,

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Speaker 2: he's hiding something. I mean, that's the extreme. Guys, like

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Speaker 2: that doesn't happen, that doesn't typically happen.

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Speaker 1: But that's the reason for the trigger for you. That's

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Speaker 1: that's obviously monumental. I mean, that's like the biggest secret

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Speaker 1: of life to be like we just got married, and like,

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Speaker 1: don't tell anybody. That's so strange, but that that for

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Speaker 1: you created a moment that you would forever carry. And

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Speaker 1: now anytime someone wants to be secretive that it takes

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Speaker 1: you to a place of that moment being triggered.

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Speaker 2: Well, I won't do it. It's like a weird thing.

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Speaker 2: I don't think, by the way, I don't even think

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Speaker 2: I've ever been in that position where someone said, hey,

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Speaker 2: let's not talk about our relationship.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something.

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Speaker 1: I was seeing this guy. I was seeing this guy

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Speaker 1: and I was with my girlfriends and he was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, come over when you're finished. I was like, great.

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Speaker 1: He texts me, I'm on my way there. He like

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Speaker 1: calls me a car. I'm on my way there, and

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Speaker 1: he says to me, where did you tell your friends

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Speaker 1: you were going?

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Speaker 3: I was like, uh, to come see you, and he

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Speaker 3: was like he got all.

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Speaker 1: Funny about it, and I was like, let me be

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Speaker 1: very fucking clear, You're not Lebron James by any means,

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Speaker 1: and you never will be, so shake that off. And

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Speaker 1: I'm certainly not someone. I'm certainly not kim k. Like

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Speaker 1: no one's given a fuck about the two of us.

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Speaker 1: And then I pull up to his house. He's like,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about this. When you come in, I literally

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Speaker 1: like re requested that same uber. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: get out of the car and this one. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: please take me back to the city. He's like, you

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Speaker 1: didn't even stay. I was like, let me be very

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Speaker 1: fucking clear with you right now. I tell my friends

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Speaker 1: where I'm going because I'm not a secretive person. And if,

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Speaker 1: by chance you choose to murder or me and dump

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Speaker 1: my body in the Hudson, I'm going to need my

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Speaker 1: friends to know you were the last person to see me,

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Speaker 1: all right. And I never spoke to him again. I

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Speaker 1: was fucking furious.

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Speaker 2: Good for you, good for you.

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Speaker 1: Get off my jock anyway. I've had a lot of

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Speaker 1: those experiences.

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Speaker 2: That's what Hollywood does to people. And you could be

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Speaker 2: an athlete, right, it doesn't matter, Like when I say

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Speaker 2: Hollywood la. It just makes people. And I'm sure it's

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Speaker 2: like this in New York too. It just it just

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Speaker 2: breathes a different type of person. Everyone thinks that their

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Speaker 2: shit doesn't stink and that they're the most important person

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Speaker 2: in the fucking room.

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Speaker 3: I know, and then it makes me crazy.

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Speaker 1: Thing through and say you're you ain't shit and either

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Speaker 1: no one cares what we're doing. A lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: going on in the world. People don't care about us.

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Speaker 2: No, no, look at the DJ doesn't even care about

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Speaker 2: the Epstein files anymore. No one gives a shit. I

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Speaker 2: don't did you have to bring that up? But I

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Speaker 2: had to.

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Speaker 3: They don't care.

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Speaker 2: No, the DOJ said they're done. They're done.

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Speaker 3: What are you talking about. They're not going through it.

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Speaker 2: They're not going to release the rest of the Redact anything.

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Speaker 2: Oh no. The DJ is like they're totally just like

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Speaker 2: covering up everything. Now, I mean they were that. You

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Speaker 2: got this impression that they weren't going to This is

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Speaker 2: like a ted talk What is happening to basically show people,

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Speaker 2: this is how you fucking hide criminals that our politicians

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Speaker 2: who are have some sort of notoriety or running a country.

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Speaker 2: Right anyways, that's a fucking red flag right there.

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Speaker 1: And here's the other thing is there have been many

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Speaker 1: times that I and we've talked about this a lot.

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Speaker 1: I have not been dating. I would say the last

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Speaker 1: time I dated was literally like nine months to a

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Speaker 1: year after I left your ex After that, I noticed

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Speaker 1: the toxic meant were still latching onto me, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm either done dating. So even the guy

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Speaker 1: that I just said with the hiding, it was like,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing to hide, like you and I are fucking.

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Speaker 3: That's as That's as as far as this goes go.

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Speaker 3: Fuck whoever you want. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: But I have so many people saying to me, you

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Speaker 1: got to get over it, meaning my time with your ex.

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Speaker 3: You got to get over it. You have to move on.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to call him anything except your ex.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. If you don't want to claim him, we

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Speaker 1: can refer to him as whatever you want, but he

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Speaker 1: I will not claim that anyway. It's not that easy

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Speaker 1: to get over. And without saying too much, it's the

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Speaker 1: shit that we're seeing with the Epstein files, a lot

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Speaker 1: of covering up and doing all of these things that

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Speaker 1: I experienced, and it was wild.

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Speaker 3: The cheating, don't give.

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Speaker 1: A damn as long as you're fucking someone who ain't

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Speaker 1: me great. It was everything else that I am so

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Speaker 1: scarred by. And yeah, it's going to take a very

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Speaker 1: special person to get me to put my guard down.

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Speaker 3: And I will always have my guard up to some degree.

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Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm actually very hopeful that's that's

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Speaker 1: going to It's going to become more normal than it

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Speaker 1: is right now.

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Speaker 2: It's not about putting yeah but really fast. It's just

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Speaker 2: not about putting your your guard up. It's just being

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Speaker 2: aware and listening to that voice that we talked about,

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Speaker 2: your intuition, that gut feeling. Okay, green flags, let's do this, baby,

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Speaker 2: let's fucking go.

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Speaker 3: Tell me your green slags.

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Speaker 2: I have five, I've written down five that I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure there's more, but number one. Okay. They make

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Speaker 2: plans in advance. I love that.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I love that too.

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Speaker 2: I want something to look forward to. I don't like

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Speaker 2: it when you go on a date and if it's

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Speaker 2: not gonna It's like, if there's no chemistry, it's one thing,

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Speaker 2: but if it's clear that both people have chemistry and

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Speaker 2: they don't say i'll call you later though, like you

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Speaker 2: want you, I think just to regulate. I mean I

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Speaker 2: should probably be regulating my own nervous system, but like

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Speaker 2: you just want to know, like, hey, that was really fun,

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Speaker 2: like I would love to see you again. Simple.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you can regulate it, but also someone coming into

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Speaker 1: your life needs to Like when we talk about green flags,

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Speaker 1: some of my green flags would be like unimportant to

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Speaker 1: someone else. Like the green flags are are obviously that

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Speaker 1: I want you to be like a good human, but

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Speaker 1: also green flags for me are things that what is

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Speaker 1: it that makes me.

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Speaker 3: Feel comfortable in whatever it is that we're doing?

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Speaker 2: Right? Yeah, I mean, don't you love having someone that

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Speaker 2: kind of like makes a plan something you look forward

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Speaker 2: to in life in general? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And it also makes me feel like I'm important to this.

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Speaker 1: I'm important enough to plan four. Yes, and I that

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Speaker 1: you are taking me into consideration well before we go

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Speaker 1: and see each other. The guy that you're talking to,

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Speaker 1: I love that he makes the plan, Like you can

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Speaker 1: tell that you have been on his mind and he

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Speaker 1: is teeing up like he he's he's seeing you with

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Speaker 1: intention And at this stage in the game, in our thirties,

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Speaker 1: mid thirties, you gotta be intentional one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: He's really really good at them, and that makes me

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Speaker 2: feel really good. Number two, consistent communication. You don't need

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Speaker 2: to talk to the person every single day, but consistent communication,

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Speaker 2: like we have our phones on twenty four to seven. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like it could be thinking of you, doesn't mean you

351
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Speaker 2: have to get into a full conversation or going to

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Speaker 2: the gym listening to this song or have you seen

353
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Speaker 2: this meme or whatever it is that means so much.

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Speaker 3: I love this.

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Speaker 2: Okay. Three, they introduce you to their people.

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Speaker 3: Your list is resonating with me.

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Speaker 2: You're not a secret. You're hanging out with their friends.

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Speaker 2: And do you know how many guys that I've been

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Speaker 2: on dates with that I'm like, Hey, look at I'm

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Speaker 2: on FaceTime with my sister. This is my sister, or Hey,

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Speaker 2: come meet my sister, or hey, we're going to you know,

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Speaker 2: just because I live so close to my youngest sister.

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Speaker 2: And it's not because I'm like introducing to the family

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Speaker 2: so soon. I just want them to know, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: this is my life. I want to get my sister's

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Speaker 2: opinion because her opinion matters to me. And it's like

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Speaker 2: I love seeing their reactions. And it actually, more times

368
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Speaker 2: than not, I've been like, thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: introducing me to your family, Like that was so sweet

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Speaker 2: of you. And it's like, yeah, I want you to

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Speaker 2: because it's important to.

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Speaker 1: Me, right, And it's not like some bit it's just

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Speaker 1: like as simple as like I am willing to take

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Speaker 1: a FaceTime in front of my people. Yeah, And it's

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Speaker 1: as simple as who are you talking to? Oh, I'm

376
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Speaker 1: talking to this guy. It doesn't need to go any

377
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,320
Speaker 1: further than that. But it's like I'm letting people know that,

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00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 1: like I'm speaking with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm interested. This is a potential person that I'm

380
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 2: you know, could fall into a relationship with. I also

381
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 2: think like second date, go out to dinner with Like

382
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Speaker 2: if you're in LA or you're in a big group

383
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Speaker 2: of people with friends, like bring them with you. Who

384
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Speaker 2: cares what people think? Like you want to see how

385
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,320
Speaker 2: he's going to react right away. I don't like surprises.

386
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 2: I think my list the green flags come with there's

387
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Speaker 2: no surprises. Like what you see is what you get.

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Speaker 2: And when I take someone out to a dinner or

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Speaker 2: invite them to friends or go whatever, take them as

390
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Speaker 2: a date to an event, I want to see how

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Speaker 2: they are in public. I want to see how they

392
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Speaker 2: are in a business setting, see how they are in

393
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Speaker 2: a friendship setting. Like that means I just want to

394
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,119
Speaker 2: cut to the chase and like we're too old for

395
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Speaker 2: this bullshit, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Everything that you just said reminds me and you saw

397
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: the because you liked it. But Michelle Obama did a

398
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 1: podcast where she spoke about how it takes so many

399
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 1: years to really get to know the person that you're

400
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 1: in a relationship with.

401
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 3: It's introducing them to friends and family. How do they

402
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 3: respond in conflict, how do they travel? How do you

403
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,040
Speaker 3: guys stay together? There's just so much.

404
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: It's constantly a test because you may get into it

405
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 1: over something small, but how are you going to figure

406
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,439
Speaker 1: out like the big things. You're constantly getting to know

407
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,159
Speaker 1: one another, and I think the biggest thing And again

408
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 1: I have not had any long term relationship, right, but

409
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:45,639
Speaker 1: I can imagine that at every at every stage of evolving,

410
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,200
Speaker 1: you guys have to make the decision to evolve together.

411
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Speaker 3: What does that mean? I don't know.

412
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 1: Maybe when I find my person I'll understand that. But

413
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Speaker 1: everything you just said reminded me of what she said

414
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: on her podcast, what.

415
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 2: She said in that video. I love that she said,

416
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 2: go on go on a vacation, and that's it. That

417
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 2: really hit me because I was like, I, that is

418
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 2: a that is a tell if you can go on vacation.

419
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 2: And by the way, it doesn't need to go to

420
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 2: be in Europe you could go anywhere, right, you can

421
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,399
Speaker 2: come to Montana, Yosemite, wherever you want to go. You

422
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 2: just want to see how you travel with that person,

423
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,679
Speaker 2: because if that's something that's important to you, like it

424
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 2: is me, I want to know I could freaking travel

425
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 2: with this person for ten days without killing each other.

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Speaker 1: You want to know what I think is I've become

427
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 1: very very high strung when I travel, a ball of anxiety.

428
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 1: I got to know you can handle me, like I

429
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 1: need you to keep me balanced and head where my

430
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 1: feet are because I can be up in the clouds

431
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 1: and fully tweaking.

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Speaker 2: Right. And some people like to go on vacations and

433
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 2: they love to do NonStop activities from morning tonight. That

434
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Speaker 2: I'm not that. I'm like a one to two I'm

435
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 2: a one to two activity a day and I just

436
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 2: want to just chill, right.

437
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 1: I'm a one to two activity for the whole time. Okay,

438
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 1: the rest of the time. I'll wake up tomorrow and

439
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: tell you how I feel. Okay, that's so funny. Respect

440
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: your boundaries.

441
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 2: That's a given, right, Like, like we were talking, I'm

442
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 2: not introducing you to my kids. Let me take the lead.

443
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 2: It's not happening, or I mean, what is maybe something

444
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 2: that you is like a non negotiable.

445
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 3: It's a boundary for me, Yeah, a non negotiable.

446
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: Honestly, I've been asked this question, and actually I've been

447
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: having this conversation with the opposite sex a lot since

448
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 1: I entered twenty twenty six and said I am open

449
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 1: to love and finding my person. I feel like there

450
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 1: is just so much to pick from.

451
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 2: But I'm like having.

452
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: These conversations where I'm like, this is so wild. This

453
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,639
Speaker 1: is what people talk about when they're like trying to

454
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: do more than just like sleep with someone. And I think, my, my,

455
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna know in my gut when I find the

456
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: right person. But my hard boundary is I will never

457
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: legally marry you.

458
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 3: Why are you looking at me like that?

459
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 2: Because I'm in shock. I didn't know that. Yeah, really, yes,

460
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,479
Speaker 2: I want I want to give you a ring. I

461
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 2: want you to give me a ring. I want to

462
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 2: have like a beautiful ceremony. The only thing that I.

463
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: Don't want in it is the piece of paper.

464
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 3: Like I want to call you my husband.

465
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 1: I will be your wife, but I want to know

466
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: that every day we're waking up picking each other, not

467
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: because we go Oh my god, it'll be such a

468
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: headache if we get divorced. Like I just, I want

469
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 1: to Goldie hawn my ass off with somebody.

470
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 2: Ugh, that would be amazing.

471
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 1: I want my Kurt Russell. You know, Oh, I know

472
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: what is yours. You acted so shocked.

473
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 3: I feel like I.

474
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: Ask because I wasn't. No, I didn't know that about you.

475
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 2: I had no idea I would like to get married.

476
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 3: Call me stupid, Comma stay stupid. I think that that's wonderful.

477
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 2: I just I think I just need a round two.

478
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,359
Speaker 1: You deserve that, because I don't think it's fair to

479
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,400
Speaker 1: say that you had a round one.

480
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 3: You deserve a big wedding.

481
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: You deserve someone to like shout from the rooftops how

482
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: much they love and adore you. And you deserve that.

483
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 1: And if that's what you want, then you absolutely should

484
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: get that.

485
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,440
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I think that's what I want. Ask

486
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 2: me tomorrow today. I would like that.

487
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: That's what I want. I think that's what I want.

488
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: Mi green flags are similar to yours. I need consistency.

489
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 1: Consistency is like my biggest thing. Don't fall off the

490
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 1: Like you said, we don't need to talk every single day,

491
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: But like you gotta be consistent transparency. I don't care

492
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: if the conversation is difficult, Like, I want to make

493
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: sure that we are building whatever we're building based on

494
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: trust and honesty, even if it's going to hurt my

495
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: feelings or I hurt your feelings. We got to be communicating.

496
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: I would say my other green flag, if you let

497
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: me steer the ship with the kid with the kids,

498
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: don't you don't need to bring up the kids thing.

499
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: I will bring it up and then you and I

500
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 1: can pingpong off of each other.

501
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 3: But like, you don't need to be the.

502
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: First person to bring it up. They're not yours. I'll

503
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: let you know when they need to be discussed.

504
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 2: Mm hmmmmm, because.

505
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: I get very triggered when someone else mentions them. I'm like, no,

506
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: don't worry about it.

507
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. What is another green flag?

508
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 2: What about when they're clear with what they want, like

509
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: their intentions?

510
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 1: Okay, intentional? I would put that under my transparency. Okay,

511
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: but yes, I need that's another one. Entering this new

512
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: phase of life, opening myself up to more than just

513
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 1: like a sleeping buddy. I need you to be intentional.

514
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 1: What do you want out of this because with this

515
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: new mindset that I'm trying really hard to take on,

516
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: if you're looking to just hook up, like unfortunately I

517
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: had that moment of just hooking up. I've gone through

518
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 1: those phases throughout the four and a half years, like

519
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: I'm needing something a little bit more.

520
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 3: It's just not hitting the spot anymore.

521
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 1: No, I agree, I'm right there with you. So many

522
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 1: vibrators out there. You really don't need.

523
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 2: A man, No you don't, but it's not you know,

524
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 2: it's funny. Esther Perel is someone that I love. She's

525
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 2: a therapist, psychologist. She's amazing. I love her approach when

526
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 2: it comes to relationships. Okay, she said today, we're always

527
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 2: looking for a best friend, a partner, a business partner

528
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 2: in a relationship. All of our things that we are

529
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 2: asking is too much. Right, So when you go out

530
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 2: and you find a partner, you don't need a best friend,

531
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 2: a best guy friend, right, you have your best girlfriends.

532
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 2: You want a definition of what a partner is. And

533
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 2: she does this like very beautiful speech on what that

534
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 2: looks like. You have to follow her. She's amazing. I

535
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 2: would love to actually get her on the podcast because

536
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 2: I would geek out.

537
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: I like where this is going because of business partner. Like,

538
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 1: let me tell you something, the moment I get involved

539
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 1: in business with somebody, it has gone south so quickly.

540
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 1: I don't need any help making anything go south quicker

541
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: than it already has, you know. And then there's nothing

542
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: that makes me drier than like communicating with you about business,

543
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 1: Like this is my unwine time. You're supposed to be

544
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: my escape. That's another green flag. Someone who has your

545
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: gonna laugh your ass off. Someone who has a normal job. Oh,

546
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: you want like a normal like a I mean just

547
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 1: a job. Actually, yeah, I'm very confused.

548
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 2: Wait, you want a plumber or do you want a

549
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 2: football player?

550
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: I know I don't want an athlete. I've been very

551
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: I've been very very transparent about I don't want an athlete.

552
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 2: I didn't get this memo to me to like start

553
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: a life with.

554
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 1: I just don't want it, Okay, and also unpopular opinion,

555
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna say it anyway. I've noticed that a

556
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: lot of women who date athletes like lose their identity

557
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: a bit.

558
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 2: Oh we talked about this, true, Yeah, like it feels

559
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 2: that way there, it feels that way. I don't know,

560
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 2: I just I know some people that I follow where

561
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this is so interesting that everything they're

562
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 2: posting has everything to do with their person, like.

563
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 3: That is their life.

564
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 1: And while that is beautiful and wonderful, you know, I

565
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 1: don't want to get lost.

566
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 3: You know, I've worked hard.

567
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 1: To have my own identity, and I've worked hard to

568
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: rebuild my identity many times. I'm not looking for anybody

569
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: to like. And I'm not saying that I don't want

570
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 1: to be overshadowed, but I just I don't want to

571
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: be with someone whose career is so fucking needy that

572
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: I can't focus on my own.

573
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,239
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, well then that narrows it down. I mean,

574
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 2: you're going to need someone who really supports you, but

575
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 2: also has their own career that's outside of maybe entertainment.

576
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

577
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 3: I don't love the entertainment idea.

578
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 2: Yeah no, I mean I actually don't. It's so weird.

579
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 2: This popped in my head. Is like someone in music

580
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 2: maybe would be okay for you.

581
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 3: Okay, are you talking like a singer or like.

582
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no no no no, I'm thinking

583
00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 2: like a music executive, someone that work said his side, yeah, okay, yeah,

584
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 2: I don't know why I mean that like makes it

585
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 2: feels like it makes sense for you, because listen, here's

586
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 2: here's the honest truth. You're in LA. Yeah, you're gonna

587
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 2: get a lot of people who are in entertainment in

588
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 2: some capacity, right, totally, unless you marry someone that's like

589
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 2: a builder, like a construction home builder.

590
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 3: I don't know. I know that I'm in construction seem

591
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 3: a little skeazy.

592
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 1: Too, unpopular opinion, a lot of traumas that I have.

593
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 3: Do you think people are gonna hate me on this podcast? No,

594
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 3: We're okay.

595
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 2: There's going to be a lot of people that are

596
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 2: going to be able to relate to what you have

597
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 2: to say, and some people are not gonna be able

598
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 2: to relate to you what you have to say.

599
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: Okay, because nothing that I'm saying is a personal attack

600
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: on anybody else.

601
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 3: Let's make that very clear. I'm talking about you that

602
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 3: I want in my life.

603
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: I hope no one takes my wants personally, That's all

604
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Sometimes that happens. I don't want the woman

605
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: who's married to the builder to say.

606
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 3: Fuck you, my husband's amazing. It's like, I'm sure he is.

607
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: I'm only I'm talking about a very specific builder that

608
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: I once knew. My other green flag A gorgeous face

609
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: I deserve.

610
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 3: Oh and so do you.

611
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: I have to want to see you and be like

612
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: I have to fuck you right now, like I can't

613
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: keep my mind or my hands off of you.

614
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 3: That is a muss.

615
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 2: Oh, well, I have that right now. He doesn't live

616
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 2: in the state.

617
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 3: By the way, another green flag. Long distance I thrive for.

618
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 3: I love that for you.

619
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 2: It's actually good. I actually I really enjoy the long distance.

620
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 2: I swore off long distance, and now I'm open to it.

621
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: When you find a person that is is worth figuring

622
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 2: it out. Listen. I said this to him last night. Actually,

623
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 2: I said, I never thought I would do long distance.

624
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 2: But I think the key is when you're doing a

625
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: long distance relationship, there has to be a plan, like

626
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 2: an endgame, like we could do this for eight months

627
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 2: and then you're moving here or I'm moving there, Like

628
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 2: there has to be a yeah, a game plan. But

629
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 2: also the long distance you communication, which is everything you

630
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 2: have to conquer the art of it. So I think

631
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 2: that there's something amazing about it. Anyway, thank you so

632
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 2: much for listening to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.

633
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: We're going to catch you guys next week. Love you,

634
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 3: bye bye