Speaker 1: Thank you personally, Morgan Felsman.
Speaker 2: I cannot close up the Love Month series without bringing
Speaker 2: on a true expert in the field of love. I
Speaker 2: watched Materialists, and now I'm fascinated by the world of
Speaker 2: matchmaking and how.
Speaker 3: It all works.
Speaker 2: So if you're curious too, or one of my single
Speaker 2: friends out there, this one is for you. It is
Speaker 2: the Love Month. So of course I had to be
Speaker 2: joined by a matchmaker.
Speaker 3: Naturally.
Speaker 2: I feel like I would do a disservice on this
Speaker 2: podcast if I didn't, so please welcome Alessandra Conti.
Speaker 3: Thanks for coming on. Thank you, Morgan. It's so nice
Speaker 3: to be here.
Speaker 2: I'm excited to talk to you about all things relationships
Speaker 2: and love. But first of all, how did you get
Speaker 2: into the matchmaking business?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, how did I get into It's now
Speaker 1: been almost fourteen years, which is so wild. It's just
Speaker 1: so wild to me professionally anyway. But my sister and
Speaker 1: I we always set up our friends when we were young.
Speaker 1: It was just what we did. We liked to refer
Speaker 1: to ourselves as like sandbox matchmakers, so we were like
Speaker 1: in the sandbox saying, oh, Johnny, I think you would
Speaker 1: be great with Jessica. We just always would set up
Speaker 1: our friends before it was socially acceptable. But yeah, then
Speaker 1: I graduated with my undergrad and my sister was graduated
Speaker 1: from Oxford with her masters, and we just always had
Speaker 1: this dream of moving to LA and starting a matchmaking company,
Speaker 1: Like it was just always what we did through all
Speaker 1: the stages of life. And so when we graduated, we
Speaker 1: moved to LA and then we really just hit the
Speaker 1: ground running. And I'm skipping a whole lot in between
Speaker 1: from our prom setups and even through college just always
Speaker 1: matchmaking our friends. But yeah, so we moved to LA now,
Speaker 1: like I said, almost thirteen years ago, which is just
Speaker 1: so wild, and we started our company and it started
Speaker 1: so organically just going out and meeting these incredible people
Speaker 1: and then starting our business. And we started with one
Speaker 1: client and then it just snowballed. And now it's been
Speaker 1: almost fourteen years now and we have a team of
Speaker 1: matchmakers and they're just so incredible, and so yeah, it
Speaker 1: grew very organically.
Speaker 3: It grew very organically.
Speaker 1: I'm skipping a lot of it, but that's I think
Speaker 1: the general gist of how it all came naturally.
Speaker 2: I have to also ask, then, have you and your
Speaker 2: sister set each other up on any dates or any relationships.
Speaker 1: I actually set my sister up with her husband, so
Speaker 1: she's now married with three kids. I introduced them Dan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I introduced my sister and her husband, I want to
Speaker 1: say now like almost seven or eight years ago. And
Speaker 1: it's just it was so beautiful. I met him volunteering
Speaker 1: at church and then we went to a party and
Speaker 1: I was like, Christina, you need to meet like the
Speaker 1: most incredible man.
Speaker 3: This is Dan.
Speaker 1: And yeah, now they're married, they've had they have three kids.
Speaker 1: Sadly they moved to Nashville, right, yes, yep, there where
Speaker 1: I am. Oh, my gosh, that is so beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: such a great place to raise a family. Like it's
Speaker 1: it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful.
Speaker 3: Oh, it definitely is.
Speaker 2: So does that mean she left the matchmaking and does
Speaker 2: that mean she is not still actively trying to set
Speaker 2: you up?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: No, no, no.
Speaker 1: I have the most incredible partner. Whenever I'm Obsasti's amazing.
Speaker 1: I have been through it in my own dating life
Speaker 1: as well, because I was a single girl just dating
Speaker 1: in LA and there's nothing like more traumatizing than dating
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. It is a really it's a difficult city.
Speaker 1: But I feel like a lot of women feel like
Speaker 1: that about their cities. I know for me, it's so
Speaker 1: incredible because I can really come from a place of
Speaker 1: viscerally understanding how difficult it is for women and just
Speaker 1: all of the emotions that you go through as a
Speaker 1: woman that genuinely wants to meet her person and wants
Speaker 1: to meet her partner. I failed so many times, like
Speaker 1: brutally failed, like all I was like, wow, I really
Speaker 1: botched that, Like I really didn't see the signs that,
Speaker 1: And so I understand that if this is my profession,
Speaker 1: if I can be if I I went through what
Speaker 1: I went through, I know how the girls. I just
Speaker 1: have such a heart for the single women, and you too, Morgan.
Speaker 1: That's how I found you, and that's I just saw
Speaker 1: your video.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, she gets it. It's tough
Speaker 3: and very much so.
Speaker 2: And I'm right there with you now being engaged and
Speaker 2: finally having found my person. I still have it for
Speaker 2: the single girls and the single guys out there, because
Speaker 2: I know how rough it is in those streets to
Speaker 2: find your person to date, to just put yourself out
Speaker 2: there constantly all of those battles I know that are
Speaker 2: so difficult.
Speaker 3: So I do want to get into it with you.
Speaker 2: Talk to me about why it is so many people
Speaker 2: think their city is the one it's so hard to
Speaker 2: date in. Why is this a common theme that we're
Speaker 2: seeing across social media and everybody has these relatable stories
Speaker 2: of I live in this city and it's so hard
Speaker 2: to date here.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it's this thing that I like to call
Speaker 1: city fatigue syndrome. When you've been in your city for
Speaker 1: two long you almost you feel this fatigue. You're like,
Speaker 1: I've dated, I've done enough, and that I think also
Speaker 1: is exhausting. I think the women are just like exhausted
Speaker 1: in their cities. Every city has different types of men.
Speaker 1: Like I know in La the guys that live on
Speaker 1: the West Side are very different than the guys that
Speaker 1: live on the East Side, or the guys that are
Speaker 1: in Beverly Hills bel Air are a lot different than
Speaker 1: the guys that live in like Redondo Beach and like
Speaker 1: the South Bay, and then even like different communities. I'm
Speaker 1: a proud Christian girlie. I love the Christian men and women.
Speaker 1: I love match making them, but we don't only match
Speaker 1: make Christian men and women. We're working with Jewish men
Speaker 1: and women, Muslim men and women, agnostic, like all of
Speaker 1: the types, and in each of the communities. Even in
Speaker 1: the Jewish community, there's like the Persian Jewish community, and
Speaker 1: there's a struggle where I know with one of our clients,
Speaker 1: it's this a little bit of a struggle because it's
Speaker 1: like we find these amazing men that are Persian Jewish
Speaker 1: and then we're like, oh, this is the guy, and
Speaker 1: then she's we literally grew up together, like we grew
Speaker 1: up together. Because these communities are really small, so I
Speaker 1: think even if you live in a big city like LA,
Speaker 1: it's really challenging. And even in Nashville, our matchmakers primarily
Speaker 1: and our clients primarily are LA based, but we definitely
Speaker 1: get some outside some like Nashville when they're doing like
Speaker 1: a national membership, which means that they could meet a
Speaker 1: member from anywhere in the US. So we have everywhere
Speaker 1: from all the way from New York, we have Colorado,
Speaker 1: we have DC. So we have clients that are all
Speaker 1: over but they're doing a national membership. And because a
Speaker 1: lot of them are like I'm just feeling like I
Speaker 1: know the types of men in my city and I'm done.
Speaker 3: But I also I don't know. I just don't. I
Speaker 3: don't agree with it.
Speaker 1: I think that if a woman is feeling fatigue, or
Speaker 1: if a man is feeling fatigue in dating in his city,
Speaker 1: it's just take a break from using the dating apps.
Speaker 1: Do a date cleanse. Take minimum one month to just
Speaker 1: get off the apps and just cleanse and then revisit.
Speaker 3: What do you think, Morgan, what do you think about this?
Speaker 3: I get it to a certain degree.
Speaker 2: I understand in general that cities are hard to date
Speaker 2: in you like, I always realized in Nashville specifically, that
Speaker 2: we had a lot of dreamers in the city. A
Speaker 2: lot of people would come here and then they'd leave.
Speaker 2: And I think you have that in a lot of
Speaker 2: big cities.
Speaker 3: You have a lot of dreamers.
Speaker 2: I think you have people in smaller towns who don't
Speaker 2: ever want to leave, and then you also have dreamers
Speaker 2: in there. So the problems remain the same, right, They're
Speaker 2: the same, They're just in different communities. What I think
Speaker 2: is a exactly what you said is that dating is exhausting,
Speaker 2: and that's actually what's happening is we get tired of dating.
Speaker 2: If you look at the population of a city. It's massive.
Speaker 2: You don't know everybody in it. You might know everybody
Speaker 2: in your community, but you don't know everybody in the city.
Speaker 2: So you definitely haven't gone to the ends of the
Speaker 2: earth to try and meet every single person. It's physically
Speaker 2: impossible unless you spend fifty years doing it. But more
Speaker 2: than that, if you do so much of it, you're
Speaker 2: going to be exhausted. And that's what we're seeing. We
Speaker 2: see people get so exhausted and they're like, it has
Speaker 2: to be my city because this is where I live.
Speaker 2: You get used to an environment that you're in, so
Speaker 2: naturally you're going to take it out on that environment.
Speaker 2: And I was the same way, So I can't preach
Speaker 2: that it's wrong because I did the same thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: And then it's I think people then bring that energy
Speaker 1: when if you're exhausted dating and you bring that energy
Speaker 1: on dates, oh my gosh, like this is not the
Speaker 1: way to go because then the person is going to
Speaker 1: pick up on They're gonna pick up on that energy
Speaker 1: and they're gonna be like, Okay, what is going on here?
Speaker 1: She's bitter, she's exhausted, like she's and there's nothing worse
Speaker 1: than a person complaining about dating on a date. There's
Speaker 1: nothing worse. And I feel like people think that, Like
Speaker 1: people forget that, Oh I'm meeting a brand new person,
Speaker 1: and all it takes is one person. That's all it takes,
Speaker 1: you know that, Morgan. All it takes is one and
Speaker 1: then everything can change. But you have to kiss a
Speaker 1: lot of frogs, a lot of frogs, and you know what, though,
Speaker 1: sometimes you don't actually have to kiss the frogs. I
Speaker 1: think it's like a lot of women are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to kiss all the frogs.
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, maybe you don't actually have to kiss them.
Speaker 3: Maybe just it can just go.
Speaker 4: To the pond and hang out exactly all the frogs exactly,
Speaker 4: no need to kiss them, just allow them to hop
Speaker 4: away if they're not your prince, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think, gosh, it's yeah, it's definitely super challenging.
Speaker 3: But all it takes is one. All it takes is.
Speaker 2: One, yes, very much, and it's always the wrong one
Speaker 2: until it's the right one. And that's what we go
Speaker 2: into and that's what you hope with dating. I do
Speaker 2: want to know, from a match banking perspective, how do
Speaker 2: you prepare people to be matched up. What are the
Speaker 2: questions that you're asking them, What are you trying to
Speaker 2: get them to think about themselves, or what is the
Speaker 2: preparation for them to be matched with somebody?
Speaker 1: Yes, so what we do at our company we do
Speaker 1: what we call a best match interview and personality assessment.
Speaker 1: So essentially we are ideally with clients. We're meeting with
Speaker 1: them in person. Our office as Beverly Hills, so we
Speaker 1: meet them.
Speaker 3: It's so cute.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Morgan, next time you're in next time
Speaker 1: you're in La, you have to let me know.
Speaker 3: You'll come to the office.
Speaker 1: We'll go to Dante, we'll get Martini's for Martini Hour.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it's so lovely.
Speaker 1: But so yeah, our office is right off road day,
Speaker 1: which is it's such a blessing.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, how fabulous and fun.
Speaker 1: So we have the clients come to the office and
Speaker 1: we meet with them in person. And it's so good
Speaker 1: also to meet them in person. I think like real
Speaker 1: matchmaking happens when you're in person because you can again
Speaker 1: get the sense of the person's energy. And yes, Zoom
Speaker 1: is fine and a lot of our data interviews have
Speaker 1: to be conducted via zoom because it's usually like we
Speaker 1: have to do a lot of interviews of potential matches
Speaker 1: for the client verse.
Speaker 3: With the client. We're meeting them one on one. It's
Speaker 3: just a lot.
Speaker 1: Fewer clients verse potential matches for them, so a lot
Speaker 1: of matchmakers. That's usually what happens, actually not usually, because
Speaker 1: some it depends on the match making company, the size
Speaker 1: of the match making company, all of that. But with us,
Speaker 1: we try to meet all of our clients as in
Speaker 1: person as humanly possible, and yeah, we do the best
Speaker 1: match interview and.
Speaker 3: Personality assessment with everybody.
Speaker 1: So what that means is they meet with one of
Speaker 1: the matchmakers. So I'm I work alongside the team of
Speaker 1: matchmak even though my sister and I started the company
Speaker 1: all those years ago. I luckily, and to be completely honest,
Speaker 1: working as a matchmaker is emotionally exhausting. So I have
Speaker 1: learned that I can manage a small number of clients
Speaker 1: that are my clients and I will go to the
Speaker 1: end of the earth. And I know how sensitive I
Speaker 1: am and like I really want their success, and I've
Speaker 1: become obsessed with I'm like I need to find I
Speaker 1: need to help this person. I really really love my clients.
Speaker 1: But with the team of matchmakers, it's so wonderful because
Speaker 1: I'm able to help the other matchmakers. So I'm able
Speaker 1: to go to different events and scout and meet different
Speaker 1: potential matches. Like back to some of our Jewish clients.
Speaker 1: I love the Jewish men and women because I also
Speaker 1: am very entrenched in the Christian community. So I think
Speaker 1: it's so fascinating, Like the Jewish community is so strong,
Speaker 1: and they're just a lot of the guys are oh
Speaker 1: amazing to matchmake. They're just like I love these I
Speaker 1: love the Jewish guys.
Speaker 3: They're so great.
Speaker 1: So I the other day had gone to this event
Speaker 1: and it was, oh my gosh, it was such an
Speaker 1: incredible event. It was one of the hostages was speaking
Speaker 1: at the Beverly Hills CINAI Temple. Oh my gosh, talk
Speaker 1: about I have been changed for good. But I went
Speaker 1: and I'm at this event and one of my girlfriends
Speaker 1: who's also a matchmaker, she works for our company as
Speaker 1: a consultant. She's amazing, she's a Jewish matchmaker. I also
Speaker 1: introduced her to her husband. I was maid of honor
Speaker 1: at her wedding.
Speaker 3: The less us.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I am so tangenting right now. But it's
Speaker 1: when I'm going to an event and I'm meeting these
Speaker 1: I'm meeting these like great single they could be older,
Speaker 1: like I met like a sixty year old seventy year
Speaker 1: old man, and it's great because I can be like, oh,
Speaker 1: my goodness, I'm a matchmaker. I know the client you
Speaker 1: could possibly be a great match for. Let me get
Speaker 1: you booked in with one of the other matchmakers to
Speaker 1: do your proper interview, so then I push them to
Speaker 1: the other matchmaker or if it's yeah, So it's just
Speaker 1: it's a really fun job. I feel like at this
Speaker 1: stage I'm so blessed because that's a big part of
Speaker 1: my job or just is just going to these different
Speaker 1: events and meeting really interesting people that could potentially be
Speaker 1: great matches for the court, like for the matchmakers and
Speaker 1: the city clients who are working with the team of matchmakers.
Speaker 1: So I then don't have to deal with all of
Speaker 1: the actual matchmaking.
Speaker 3: I can just be like, oh, I think this is
Speaker 3: a great puzzle match, and then book But.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we learn all about them, all about everybody. We
Speaker 1: ask the tough questions and we ask pevver cheat in
Speaker 1: a relationship before ideally, what are your plans? What's your
Speaker 1: ideal relationship goals? What is your intention? Are you dating
Speaker 1: with the intention of marriage? We literally ask, and especially
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty five or twenty twenty six, we have
Speaker 1: to make sure are you looking for a monogamous relationship
Speaker 1: with one person? There are different questions now that we
Speaker 1: ask that are It's really interesting the times.
Speaker 2: Obviously get clients, people come to you because they want
Speaker 2: to be matched up with somebody. And then once that
Speaker 2: happens and you go out to these events and you
Speaker 2: do these things. I'm assuming you're seeing people and just
Speaker 2: introducing yourself like in these situations to see if they're single,
Speaker 2: if they might be interested, because they could be a
Speaker 2: potential at least physical match, and then you start to
Speaker 2: do a full interview to then take that next step
Speaker 2: and see, okay, is this also a personality matchup?
Speaker 3: Is that kind of what's happening?
Speaker 2: And mind you, my limited experience of this is from
Speaker 2: watching Materialists the movie and that's all I got us.
Speaker 1: The one movie that is out about matchmakers is They're
Speaker 1: Oh with Materialists. At the first few minutes, I had
Speaker 1: never felt More Seen. I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: because they were doing the interviews with these people and
Speaker 1: the guy was like, he's in his mid forties I think,
Speaker 1: and he was like, yeah, just I'm ready for a
Speaker 1: more mature girl.
Speaker 2: And she was like, oh great, okay, like thirties.
Speaker 1: He's like, no, no, no, twenty like late twenties, I'm
Speaker 1: ready to go above twenty five. I watched that and
Speaker 1: I was like, huh, I've never felt more Seen. But
Speaker 1: the rest of the movie, I was like, what, how
Speaker 1: did it go so off the rails? In my whole career,
Speaker 1: I've never heard of a man getting that leg surgery.
Speaker 1: Like spoiler alert if you guys haven't seen the movie,
Speaker 1: they do this.
Speaker 3: Leg surgery, Like what is going on?
Speaker 1: Never have I ever had a client nor database member,
Speaker 1: and we've worked with thousands of.
Speaker 3: People at this point.
Speaker 1: Never have I ever and some of the wealthiest guys
Speaker 1: we're in Beverly Hills, we attract a certain type of guy.
Speaker 1: Never have I had a guy that got that lex
Speaker 1: And I mean, unless they just didn't say anything.
Speaker 3: But it's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2: But do guys struggle with the fact that he the
Speaker 2: height is a thing, and you girls really request that
Speaker 2: because that's a hot button.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's a tough it's a tough element
Speaker 1: for the guys. It's a tough element. And I would
Speaker 1: also say for women, if you're struggling meeting a really
Speaker 1: great guy, lower your height a little bit, lower your
Speaker 1: height bracket, because these women will come in and they'll
Speaker 1: just be like, the apps are terrible, I'm not meeting anybody.
Speaker 1: And then we'll process it a little bit more and
Speaker 1: then they'll say, yeah, I only want a data man
Speaker 1: six foot two and above. And I'm like, you just
Speaker 1: cut out ninety five ninety eight percent of the popular
Speaker 1: of the straight population. Okay, oh, yes, height is a thing,
Speaker 1: but there are so many great short kings out there,
Speaker 1: and so I think if women could open their minds
Speaker 1: a little bit to that, it would just make things
Speaker 1: so much easier. And just like, it's such a superficial quality.
Speaker 1: What did you see that in Nashville, Morgan that do
Speaker 1: you have girlfriends that are very height conscious?
Speaker 2: Very much? So, there's a lot of people who have
Speaker 2: preferences when it comes to height. And I'm so funny
Speaker 2: because this is the one topic on dating that I
Speaker 2: am horrible at because I'm barely five foot one, so
Speaker 2: everyone was taller than me. I never, literally, I never
Speaker 2: had to worry about wearing heels or anything. So I
Speaker 2: can't relate in the aspect of knowing what that's like
Speaker 2: because everyone has always been.
Speaker 3: Taller than me, even women bloss Morgan.
Speaker 2: But I do know that it's a thing. It's a
Speaker 2: conversation that happens a bunch a lot of women, and
Speaker 2: he is a very uncomfortable topic for everybody involved.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and what I've seen and no, I completely hear.
Speaker 1: And to be clear, I'm a hypocrite. It's not that
Speaker 1: I didn't allow men under a certain height, but my
Speaker 1: beloved is six two and my sister's husband is like
Speaker 1: six eight sixty five. Actually, But that being said, I
Speaker 1: will say something that yeah.
Speaker 3: So sorry, sorry ladies.
Speaker 1: But all this to say, I think that what I've
Speaker 1: found just having done this job, when we really break
Speaker 1: it down, it's not even about the actual height. It's
Speaker 1: about a woman wanting to feel feminine, right, That's at
Speaker 1: the core of any of these asks, Even the ask
Speaker 1: of a woman that says I want to date a
Speaker 1: man that makes a certain amount of money. It's not
Speaker 1: even about that certain amount of money. It's that she
Speaker 1: wants to relax in her feminine she wants to feel
Speaker 1: protected provided for. She wants to just sit back. And
Speaker 1: a lot of the women also that tend to hire
Speaker 1: matchmakers tend to be high achievers, like they are very
Speaker 1: successful in their careers. Because it's not inexpensive. It's quite
Speaker 1: expensive to work with a matchmaker. Our memberships begin at
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, sometimes plus de pending on waitlist and
Speaker 1: it goes up to one twenty five. It's an investment
Speaker 1: and it's not for everybody. Working with a matchmaker is
Speaker 1: not for everybody. So therefore, we tend to attract these
Speaker 1: super high achieving, beautiful intellectual women that have a lot
Speaker 1: of times prioritized career and or have picked their hyper empathetic,
Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent, so they've picked the wrong guys. They've had
Speaker 1: so many experiences of giving these men the benefit of
Speaker 1: the doubt because a lot of these women tend to
Speaker 1: be the ones that are incredible loyal and they are
Speaker 1: what they say they mean, therefore they expect the same
Speaker 1: from a man. So that's why you see these high achieving, intelligent,
Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent en path women just constantly having their pickers off.
Speaker 1: Their picker is just completely off, and they keep picking
Speaker 1: these men that do not earn. These are not men
Speaker 1: of integrity. These are not men that are operating at
Speaker 1: the level that they're operating at. So I genuinely believe
Speaker 1: when a woman comes in and she's like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: want a dat a guy that's six foot, it's that
Speaker 1: she wants to feel protected, she wants to feel feminine,
Speaker 1: she wants to feel small, like not small in the
Speaker 1: sense that, oh, I want to dim my light.
Speaker 3: The opposite of that, she wants to just feel cared for, versus.
Speaker 1: Being the A lot of these women in their careers,
Speaker 1: they have to be the alpha. They have to put
Speaker 1: that work switch on in their job because they have
Speaker 1: to be in that energy. And women have both masculine
Speaker 1: and feminine energy. That's totally fine, but when they're dating,
Speaker 1: it's like they tend to go for the guys also
Speaker 1: that forcibly initially make them get into their feminine but
Speaker 1: a lot of those guys tend to be toxic masculine guys.
Speaker 1: So then you get no narcissist, narcissist narcissist that narcissist.
Speaker 1: And because the women are trying to make sense of
Speaker 1: what just happened to me in this experience.
Speaker 3: I'm Tangenting Morgan, but this is really what I know. True. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's exactly what happens.
Speaker 2: It's exactly what happened to me, and very much a
Speaker 2: big part of my story is so much of that.
Speaker 2: So it exists. It exists on so many levels. And
Speaker 2: it's hard, honestly to in this day and age with
Speaker 2: dating when you're out there by yourself and I say
Speaker 2: in these streets, because you're in the streets doing this,
Speaker 2: it's hard to trust and believe in people because we
Speaker 2: have a lot of information. Now, we know almost too much,
Speaker 2: and it makes it difficult to just put it all
Speaker 2: the noise aside and just date like our parents used
Speaker 2: to date, when you'd be at a dance and you
Speaker 2: ask somebody to dance, and now all of a sudden
Speaker 2: you have a husband. It's not like that anymore. You
Speaker 2: got too much information. You know that somebody could be unsafe.
Speaker 2: You know that there's a possibility that they have a
Speaker 2: track record, or that they could be on a who
Speaker 2: are we dating the same guy?
Speaker 3: Facebook page or those.
Speaker 1: Are my gosh, there's just so there they are like
Speaker 1: a ring of the bottom place.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's hard because, like I support that in
Speaker 2: a way that I love that women are looking out
Speaker 2: for each other. I think that's awesome, but it's also
Speaker 2: a little diabolical because if somebody wrongs you, you can
Speaker 2: post something there and then that whole person is tainted.
Speaker 2: So I have a love hate relationship with those. I
Speaker 2: think it came and started from a good place and
Speaker 2: has now morphed into something else, which is what we're
Speaker 2: just seeing in general. Is everything on the internet that
Speaker 2: we're seeing about dating and relationships and us even talking
Speaker 2: here is all coming from a good place. But when
Speaker 2: you have so much information, it makes it difficult to
Speaker 2: be out there dating and just actually date without thinking
Speaker 2: about everything else that you have to think about when
Speaker 2: it comes to it. Yeah, and I think that's a
Speaker 2: lot of what you're talking about here.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And I love the phrase trust but verify, And I
Speaker 1: think that as women, women do.
Speaker 3: Have to be careful. They just do. There is especially
Speaker 3: with the apps.
Speaker 1: And I know I've had a horrible cheating experience where
Speaker 1: I knew something was off, but I didn't listen to
Speaker 1: my intuition. It was such an amazing learning experience for me,
Speaker 1: and hopefully I can I know that the Lord, you
Speaker 1: don't have a test, you don't have a testimony, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, like okay, enough tests. But all that to say,
Speaker 1: I do think that I went through that experience so
Speaker 1: that I could help women to know that you know it. Yes, there's,
Speaker 1: of course, there is a big difference between anxiety and intuition.
Speaker 1: But at the same time that if the whole goal
Speaker 1: of partnership is transparency, is giving each other, just affirming
Speaker 1: each other and knowing that, hey, nobody's perfect, and if
Speaker 1: you need a little bit more reassurance because you've been
Speaker 1: through a situation where you were betrayed or something went sideways,
Speaker 1: I think that just having a partner that understands the
Speaker 1: call and can work with you in that way, I
Speaker 1: think that's so important. So I definitely just having It's
Speaker 1: such a fine balance between we don't want to throw
Speaker 1: caution to the wind and just say oh whatever, Oh okay,
Speaker 1: he's following all these girls on Instagram that are like random,
Speaker 1: scantily clad or whatever. We have to be aware of
Speaker 1: the basic signs that a guy is maybe not who
Speaker 1: he's proclaiming to be and also having an open dialogue
Speaker 1: with your partner I think is just so important. It's
Speaker 1: been such a game changer, I know in my relationship,
Speaker 1: just to be very upfront and be like, hey, if
Speaker 1: you're the type of person that is you have really
Speaker 1: high privacy needs, we're not the right match. We are
Speaker 1: not the right match because I will look when you're
Speaker 1: texting somebody like not in a and if you're covering
Speaker 1: it or putting your phone on do not disturb. That
Speaker 1: is going to get my amygdala working wild because of
Speaker 1: my experience. But I think it's just such a beautiful policy.
Speaker 1: And I think it's also from a matchmaking perspective. I
Speaker 1: learned that there are some people that totally are fine
Speaker 1: with privacy situations. There are some girls that are like, no,
Speaker 1: this is my phone, do not look at it, but
Speaker 1: this is my privatelah blah blah blah blah. But then
Speaker 1: there are other women that are like, no, my gosh, whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, within reason, obviously you're not doing daily phone checks.
Speaker 1: And some men that are the same way. And I
Speaker 1: think that matching those people, we want to just make sure.
Speaker 1: It's such an unspoken thing. But like when i'm matchmaking.
Speaker 1: I like to learn. Okay, where are you on that scale?
Speaker 1: Are you somebody that really values that the very insular whatever,
Speaker 1: or you more open is? What does this look like
Speaker 1: even with like male female friendships? How do you feel
Speaker 1: about that? There's so much there's so much Morgan that
Speaker 1: I learned in my personal life that I'm then like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I am these are new questions that I have to
Speaker 1: start asking people because.
Speaker 2: And it's hard once until you've had the experience to
Speaker 2: then ask those questions. It's really difficult. Like a healthy
Speaker 2: relationship to mimic you want to mirror that. So that's
Speaker 2: what you're now experiencing, right, So yeah, but I am
Speaker 2: curious now that you mentioned the privacy the friendship, what
Speaker 2: are the top five things that you have to make
Speaker 2: sure two people align on to ensure Like you've obviously
Speaker 2: had a lot of successful matches and a lot of
Speaker 2: people that have gotten married. What are those I'm sure
Speaker 2: there's more than five. There's probably a whole plethora of things,
Speaker 2: but like top five that you're really paying attention to
Speaker 2: to make sure two people are evenly matched for each other.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: So it's funny. One of our matchmakers. JD always says
Speaker 1: that we have a lot of successes, but we have
Speaker 1: a lot more unsuccessful matches. But that doesn't mean that.
Speaker 1: So with any client that comes in they are meeting.
Speaker 1: Say that a client is coming in and it's a bachelorette,
Speaker 1: She's going to meet ten different bachelors or something like that.
Speaker 1: Nine of those are going to be failures nine and
Speaker 1: there's going to be one success, right, So that's really
Speaker 1: but we're gaining so much information and definitely as a
Speaker 1: team of matchmakers, we've learned so much from those failed matches,
Speaker 1: Like we've learned, oh, this does not work, and that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's intel. We're gathering intel. The elements that absolutely have
Speaker 1: to be there. Are you both aligned with wanting marriage?
Speaker 1: Are you both aligned with wanting to have kids? And
Speaker 1: is religion compatible? So marriage, do you want marriage?
Speaker 3: Kids?
Speaker 1: Religion compatibility? Those are deal breakers. I'm not big on
Speaker 1: the word deal breaker except for those three elements because
Speaker 1: we've seen that it doesn't matter if there are two
Speaker 1: people that are like the most incredible personality match and
Speaker 1: they just like they both like love to travel, love this,
Speaker 1: love that, love the other. If you're not aligned on
Speaker 1: those three elements, this is not your future husband or
Speaker 1: your future wife.
Speaker 3: It just isn't.
Speaker 1: And then so those would be the three that absolutely
Speaker 1: must be there. The other elements that are like priorities,
Speaker 1: so right, these are like priority elements of things that
Speaker 1: a woman or a man should look for. It's understanding values.
Speaker 1: So it's sharing shared values. And that's why I really
Speaker 1: love the Jewish men that come in and the Christian
Speaker 1: women that come in, or the Christian women and Christian
Speaker 1: men that come in, because there's an agreed upon set
Speaker 1: of values that I already am understanding that our team
Speaker 1: gets that these are. This is a generally speaking, obviously
Speaker 1: you do get some of the Christian men that are
Speaker 1: they're Christian by name, but not by the way that
Speaker 1: they're comporting themselves. But shared values are really essential. I
Speaker 1: think boundaries with just boundaries with male female friendship, I
Speaker 1: would say as a really big one, and just being
Speaker 1: aligned with aligned alignment there because they're certain people that
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, my best friend is Jessica and Isabella
Speaker 1: and I talk to them all day every day, and
Speaker 1: we're going to go to dinner, and we're gonna go
Speaker 1: to coffee together and that's okay. And there are certain
Speaker 1: women that are like, oh, yeah, I have a best
Speaker 1: guy friend that's John and Eric, and yeah, they bring
Speaker 1: me a coffee. We're gonna go to this concert together.
Speaker 3: This da da da da.
Speaker 1: Fine, those two people are going to be a great match.
Speaker 1: Verse the woman that is like, no, I don't really
Speaker 1: have male friends like I do have male friends, but
Speaker 1: I do have really strong boundaries with them. I don't
Speaker 1: want to do one and ones because it can lead
Speaker 1: to even if you have two really good people, it
Speaker 1: just it's not an appropriate thing. So I've seen that
Speaker 1: be a really big one. That is something that I
Speaker 1: like to ask that a lot of people like. It
Speaker 1: just shows a lot about a person. I think it's
Speaker 1: such a specific thing, but I really think it shows
Speaker 1: so much.
Speaker 2: No, and those are all really good ones, and definitely
Speaker 2: ones that I anticipated. Also really interesting to me that
Speaker 2: I didn't realize I needed in a partner until the
Speaker 2: very end, right before I met my fiance. I needed
Speaker 2: somebody who had a heart the same as mine. And
Speaker 2: this is an interesting perspective because you like to think, well,
Speaker 2: like love and understanding love, it's all the same, but
Speaker 2: it's really not how we love and how we show
Speaker 2: empathy and how our heart decides decisions and impacts who
Speaker 2: we are as human beings is actually one of the
Speaker 2: essential parts of your personality and your shared values. So
Speaker 2: I realized what I had missed all along and the
Speaker 2: partners that it didn't work out with, was we did
Speaker 2: not have the same heart. We did not see empathy
Speaker 2: the same way, we did not see compassion the same way,
Speaker 2: we didn't interact with the world around us in the
Speaker 2: same way. And so I'm curious if you've seen also
Speaker 2: that kind of translate into anything with matchmaking.
Speaker 1: Oh, definitely, absolutely, I think the best matches are two
Speaker 1: people who really want a partner and want love and
Speaker 1: are willing to fight for love and to really open
Speaker 1: their hearts to each other and to learn about each
Speaker 1: other's hearts and to learn about each other's love languages,
Speaker 1: and absolutely, and I think that also touches on attachment
Speaker 1: style and attachment styles are so huge, and I love
Speaker 1: to ask very pointed questions just to see where people
Speaker 1: fall in the attachment scale of anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.
Speaker 1: So because if somebody has an avoidant attachment style, a
Speaker 1: lot of times they'll attract the anxious. They're like magnets
Speaker 1: to each other. They are just like magnets.
Speaker 2: So I've had a lot of magnets in my dating life.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like the avoidant is no my independence, and
Speaker 1: then the anxious is, I love you, don't abandon me.
Speaker 1: And it is just like a cat and mouse. That
Speaker 1: is vicious cycle, a vicious cycle. One thousand percent. So
Speaker 1: I think avoidance, generally speaking, need to just get out
Speaker 1: of the dating market.
Speaker 2: Until they become a different one, right, No, exactly, No,
Speaker 2: I'm joking.
Speaker 1: I'm like semi joking. You need to go to therapy,
Speaker 1: not a matchmaker. But I think that the avoidance tend
Speaker 1: to it. There's a lot of self work that needs
Speaker 1: to be done because a lot of times you see
Speaker 1: this dynamic where this will be anxious, and it's usually
Speaker 1: the anxious.
Speaker 3: Woman and then the avoidant man. Oh, bless my girls,
Speaker 3: my girls. I love my anxious girlies.
Speaker 1: The girl loved me, Oh my gosh, Morgan, already I
Speaker 1: do now, But I'm so glad you're in a secure
Speaker 1: relationship because it drives his women crazy, like it just
Speaker 1: drives them insane. And then the thing is they're the
Speaker 1: ones in therapy, they're the ones doing all this self work,
Speaker 1: and then the guy is just so all of that
Speaker 1: To say, I love attachment theory because I think it
Speaker 1: does describe also the heart of a person, right, Like
Speaker 1: an anxious heart is they really crave closeness and they
Speaker 1: just need a little It's an anxious person at hot take.
Speaker 3: I love the anxious I love an anxious man.
Speaker 1: I love an anxious I think they're a lot easier
Speaker 1: to match make and a lot easier to like actually
Speaker 1: be in relationships honestly, too anxious together obviously working on
Speaker 1: themselves to not be like in that.
Speaker 3: What's it called.
Speaker 1: Surreal answer real yeah, yeah, yeah, but too anxious can
Speaker 1: really sue each other's nervous systems, and it's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I've seen this happen a number of times where and
Speaker 1: it's just like coaching them to be like.
Speaker 3: No, it's okay, you can ask.
Speaker 1: You can just tell your partner like, hey, I read
Speaker 1: the book Attached Together, so that you are aware of
Speaker 1: it's Attached by Amir Levine, who I'm so excited. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm meeting him for the very first time.
Speaker 1: I talk about this man probably every day to my clients.
Speaker 3: I'm meeting him.
Speaker 1: He's speaking at the Matchmaking conference in two months. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited he's presenting, and I'm just going to be
Speaker 1: like a mirror, thank you for your work.
Speaker 3: Because it really has changed.
Speaker 1: I learned about attachment theory, like you're two of matchmaking
Speaker 1: because I was like, what is going on? Because it's
Speaker 1: one thing to set up your friends in the sandbox,
Speaker 1: it's another thing to set up fully formed adults that
Speaker 1: we're like, what, why is this not working? I don't
Speaker 1: understand you're perfect for each other. And then we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is why. It's not a lost cause for avoidance.
Speaker 3: It's not.
Speaker 1: But they too need to be actively working in therapy
Speaker 1: doing all the things when they feel those feelings of
Speaker 1: even though it's called avoidance, they feel anxiety when closeness.
Speaker 1: Closeness comes, and so then they want to retreat and
Speaker 1: they do, and they push the woman back, and because
Speaker 1: they want to keep their independence, they're like.
Speaker 3: I want my independence, stay away.
Speaker 1: But then as soon as they feel safe again, then
Speaker 1: they come they're like, oh wait actually.
Speaker 3: And so again cat and mouse.
Speaker 1: All of that to say, I do think that if
Speaker 1: two people are working on themselves independently of each other,
Speaker 1: regardless of attachment style, just trying to be secure and
Speaker 1: also verbalizing to each other, not avoiding that conversation of Yeah,
Speaker 1: some days, I might just have a higher level of
Speaker 1: anxiety in this relationship, and I might just need a
Speaker 1: little more TLC. I might just need a little more affirmation.
Speaker 1: I might just need a phone call before bed.
Speaker 3: Or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Just ask for what you want, because also I found
Speaker 1: that there are plenty of people who will give you
Speaker 1: what you want. So if you're in a relationship that's
Speaker 1: not that's bringing you more anxiety, and if you're feeling unclear,
Speaker 1: this is not the right relationship, like it's difficult to
Speaker 1: walk away, But there are plenty of people who have
Speaker 1: compatible hearts and compatible attachment styles that can actually we
Speaker 1: soothe your nervous system and you don't have to live
Speaker 1: in a state of confusion.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, there's a few things I heard in there. One
Speaker 2: is that you are basically a therapist and a matchmaker.
Speaker 2: You follow both for your clients. You're doing both.
Speaker 5: I am an unlicensed, completely unlicensed. I am a life
Speaker 5: I am not a therapist, but thank you, I will
Speaker 5: take that.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to learn. I'm constantly learning.
Speaker 2: You have to understand the human psych to be able
Speaker 2: to match, make and to connect people.
Speaker 3: That's part of it.
Speaker 2: So you're doing great at that. But the other thing
Speaker 2: I heard is that there's plenty of people I love
Speaker 2: the talk of abundance because it really allows people to
Speaker 2: stop staying stuck in relationships that they shouldn't stay in
Speaker 2: and understanding that truly, there is a lot of fish
Speaker 2: in the see even if there are some bad fish
Speaker 2: out there, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
Speaker 2: And that was something that I heard that I wanted
Speaker 2: you to emphasize a little bit further.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yes, I think that it really just goes back to
Speaker 1: the fatigue that people get when they're dating, and the
Speaker 1: kind of hopelessness that can settle in somebody when they're
Speaker 1: in the dating world and then they meet somebody and
Speaker 1: they're like, Okay, I get back out there. It's tough,
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to say it's not difficult.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: Even if you have the most incredible mindset, it's not easy.
Speaker 3: Believe me. Believe me, it's not.
Speaker 1: You could have the best mindset, but it's so so hard,
Speaker 1: Like it's not easy. Some of it is a humiliation
Speaker 1: ritual unfortunately, and it is what it is. But that's
Speaker 1: why I think as a man and woman, that's like
Speaker 1: going into the dating world, knowing what your boundaries are
Speaker 1: is just so important and it will shield you so
Speaker 1: much from the deeper level of despair that a lot
Speaker 1: of times dating can bring. So knowing boundaries. But yeah,
Speaker 1: ultimately there is coming from the mindset of that there
Speaker 1: are so many incredible men and women out there. And
Speaker 1: we tell this to our clients all the time. Like you,
Speaker 1: they have to reprogram, they have to reprogram the brain
Speaker 1: instead of that scarcity mindset of oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: want to put all my eggs in this one basket.
Speaker 1: And no, you want to come from a place of
Speaker 1: supply and not the place of demand, because when you're
Speaker 1: in that place of demand, then the blinders come on
Speaker 1: and you don't see the waving red flags. And truly,
Speaker 1: as a matchmaker in one of the hardest cities in
Speaker 1: the world to date and working with men and women
Speaker 1: in New York and Nashville and all these other places,
Speaker 1: there are so many incredible men and women there are.
Speaker 1: It's just a matter of finding that one person and
Speaker 1: like we said, you might have to kiss a lot
Speaker 1: of frogs, but you don't.
Speaker 3: That's the other thing. It's like, once you know your boundaries.
Speaker 1: For the men and women that we work with, maybe
Speaker 1: in the past they were like, well, yeah, I like
Speaker 1: to sleep with a guy after the third date, just
Speaker 1: to see if that physical connection is there. And we say, okay,
Speaker 1: how has that worked, And they're like.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's terrible. Then the ghost to me three days
Speaker 3: later whatever it is.
Speaker 1: So we say, okay, why don't you just stop sleeping
Speaker 1: with mene, just stop sleeping with men, Like what a concept?
Speaker 3: Take your power back. Just stop.
Speaker 1: Because also when that happens, the women then are bonding
Speaker 1: through oxytocin, and again the blinders come on because they're like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, they have this surge of hormones and
Speaker 1: emotions and it's not even about what the man thinks, Like,
Speaker 1: we don't care whatever if a guy or a how
Speaker 1: a guy is operating. It doesn't matter. It's about the woman,
Speaker 1: and it's about being clear and having clarity and not
Speaker 1: missing those waving red flags in the early stages of
Speaker 1: dating and not rushing into a commitment just because you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: my gosh, this seems like a great guy. It's like
Speaker 1: slow and steady, allow the man, allow the woman to unfold.
Speaker 1: But date intentionally as well. If you're dating with the
Speaker 1: intention of marriage, there's nothing wrong with saying that in
Speaker 1: a lovely way.
Speaker 2: I was very much the sloth when I was dating,
Speaker 2: and I operated once I learned my boundaries, which I
Speaker 2: learned what I wanted, what I was looking for, and
Speaker 2: I really started to figure out myself more. And I was,
Speaker 2: probably towards the later part of my twenties, often called
Speaker 2: myself a sloth. I was like, I'm moving at a
Speaker 2: sloth pace and nobody is gonna move me. And that's
Speaker 2: just how I operated for a long time. Of course,
Speaker 2: I still had a lot of mishaps in there, but
Speaker 2: the sloth was a majority.
Speaker 3: That's a part of it.
Speaker 2: Alesondra, I do want to ask you. This isb I
Speaker 2: always end the podcast is either it's a piece of advice,
Speaker 2: motivation or inspiration, or maybe it's a topic that we
Speaker 2: didn't address, and you're like, Morgan, we have to talk
Speaker 2: about this, and I give the floor over to you,
Speaker 2: so take it away.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think I would just say, especially to the single women,
Speaker 1: when they're dating, just flip that vacation mode on after
Speaker 1: you've affirmed that, Okay, this guy is who he says
Speaker 1: that he is, he has the job that he says
Speaker 1: that he does, and he's not do a little social
Speaker 1: media check make sure there's no marriage photos or girlfriend
Speaker 1: photos or he's not following a million girls on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Once you've done that due diligence, I want you to
Speaker 1: really put all of that to the side and flip
Speaker 1: your vacation mode on. And when you're going on a date,
Speaker 1: just be so present, pretend like you're on vacation, and
Speaker 1: make it the goal to enjoy this man's company.
Speaker 3: Make it the goal.
Speaker 1: You're not doing a job interview. Everything is going to
Speaker 1: unfold naturally, but in the moment, enjoy, be playful, give compliments,
Speaker 1: have fun, truly have fun. And I think also when
Speaker 1: a woman is dating, in her boundaries, if she says, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm not sleeping with a man, I say wait
Speaker 1: till marriage, ladies, save.
Speaker 3: Yourself some trauma.
Speaker 1: But whatever it might be, if it's like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: not sleeping with a man until XYZ until at the
Speaker 1: minimum needs to be in my opinion, just having done
Speaker 1: this as a matchmaker at the minimum, until there's exclusivity
Speaker 1: like commitment, actual commitment.
Speaker 3: Now I've learned this through the years.
Speaker 1: All that to say, have fun, be playful, don't be
Speaker 1: afraid to flirt, and be gracious and give gratitude.
Speaker 3: That's what I would say to the girls.
Speaker 1: Enjoy, Enjoy, enjoy, because what you learned, Morgan, and what
Speaker 1: I learned, and what a lot of our clients learn.
Speaker 3: When you do meet that guy, you want to.
Speaker 1: Look back at your old self and be like, honey,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay, Like everything is gonna be okay.
Speaker 3: You're gonna meet an amazing man and.
Speaker 1: He's gonna be like better than you ever thought, and
Speaker 1: that you know, you're gonna really really be grateful.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's what I would say very much.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 2: It's such a perfect place to end on because we
Speaker 2: should be living life like we're on vacation. Heck, we
Speaker 2: should all be on vacation a lot of the time,
Speaker 2: which would be so great.
Speaker 3: But that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing, and thank you for giving us
Speaker 2: your wisdom, and I'm excited to see all the matches
Speaker 2: you make in twenty twenty six and beyond, and I'm
Speaker 2: just excited for people to find their love.
Speaker 3: So thanks for being here. Thank you Morgan, it was
Speaker 3: so lovely to chat.
Speaker 2: Alessandra made so many valid points in this so hopefully
Speaker 2: it can help anyone in their dating era maybe do
Speaker 2: some reevaluating and recalibrating it so they can find their
Speaker 2: beautiful rainbow fish in the sea. We are all deserving
Speaker 2: of love, but more importantly, we are deserving of safe, full,
Speaker 2: secure love, and it's out there.
Speaker 3: Check her socials.
Speaker 2: If you want some more matchmaking content, it's in the
Speaker 2: show notes. Next week, I'm excited to start a new
Speaker 2: series that focuses on how we show up in the
Speaker 2: world and our intentions. I have two great guys coming by,
Speaker 2: Walter Green and Danny Morrell. Subscribe now so you don't
Speaker 2: miss the episodes. You can also watch all of these
Speaker 2: on YouTube. If you love a good binge, watch now.
Speaker 3: This is where I leave you. I'll yep with your
Speaker 3: friends next week.