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Speaker 1: Thank you personally, Morgan Felsman.

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Speaker 2: I cannot close up the Love Month series without bringing

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Speaker 2: on a true expert in the field of love. I

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Speaker 2: watched Materialists, and now I'm fascinated by the world of

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Speaker 2: matchmaking and how.

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Speaker 3: It all works.

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Speaker 2: So if you're curious too, or one of my single

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Speaker 2: friends out there, this one is for you. It is

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Speaker 2: the Love Month. So of course I had to be

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Speaker 2: joined by a matchmaker.

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Speaker 3: Naturally.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I would do a disservice on this

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Speaker 2: podcast if I didn't, so please welcome Alessandra Conti.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for coming on. Thank you, Morgan. It's so nice

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Speaker 3: to be here.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited to talk to you about all things relationships

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Speaker 2: and love. But first of all, how did you get

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Speaker 2: into the matchmaking business?

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, how did I get into It's now

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Speaker 1: been almost fourteen years, which is so wild. It's just

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Speaker 1: so wild to me professionally anyway. But my sister and

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Speaker 1: I we always set up our friends when we were young.

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Speaker 1: It was just what we did. We liked to refer

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Speaker 1: to ourselves as like sandbox matchmakers, so we were like

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Speaker 1: in the sandbox saying, oh, Johnny, I think you would

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Speaker 1: be great with Jessica. We just always would set up

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Speaker 1: our friends before it was socially acceptable. But yeah, then

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Speaker 1: I graduated with my undergrad and my sister was graduated

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Speaker 1: from Oxford with her masters, and we just always had

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Speaker 1: this dream of moving to LA and starting a matchmaking company,

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Speaker 1: Like it was just always what we did through all

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Speaker 1: the stages of life. And so when we graduated, we

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Speaker 1: moved to LA and then we really just hit the

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Speaker 1: ground running. And I'm skipping a whole lot in between

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Speaker 1: from our prom setups and even through college just always

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Speaker 1: matchmaking our friends. But yeah, so we moved to LA now,

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Speaker 1: like I said, almost thirteen years ago, which is just

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Speaker 1: so wild, and we started our company and it started

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Speaker 1: so organically just going out and meeting these incredible people

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Speaker 1: and then starting our business. And we started with one

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Speaker 1: client and then it just snowballed. And now it's been

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Speaker 1: almost fourteen years now and we have a team of

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Speaker 1: matchmakers and they're just so incredible, and so yeah, it

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Speaker 1: grew very organically.

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Speaker 3: It grew very organically.

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Speaker 1: I'm skipping a lot of it, but that's I think

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Speaker 1: the general gist of how it all came naturally.

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Speaker 2: I have to also ask, then, have you and your

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Speaker 2: sister set each other up on any dates or any relationships.

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Speaker 1: I actually set my sister up with her husband, so

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Speaker 1: she's now married with three kids. I introduced them Dan. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I introduced my sister and her husband, I want to

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Speaker 1: say now like almost seven or eight years ago. And

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Speaker 1: it's just it was so beautiful. I met him volunteering

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Speaker 1: at church and then we went to a party and

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Speaker 1: I was like, Christina, you need to meet like the

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Speaker 1: most incredible man.

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Speaker 3: This is Dan.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, now they're married, they've had they have three kids.

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Speaker 1: Sadly they moved to Nashville, right, yes, yep, there where

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Speaker 1: I am. Oh, my gosh, that is so beautiful. It's

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Speaker 1: such a great place to raise a family. Like it's

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Speaker 1: it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Oh, it definitely is.

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Speaker 2: So does that mean she left the matchmaking and does

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Speaker 2: that mean she is not still actively trying to set

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Speaker 2: you up?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: No, no, no.

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Speaker 1: I have the most incredible partner. Whenever I'm Obsasti's amazing.

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Speaker 1: I have been through it in my own dating life

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Speaker 1: as well, because I was a single girl just dating

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Speaker 1: in LA and there's nothing like more traumatizing than dating

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Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. It is a really it's a difficult city.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like a lot of women feel like

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Speaker 1: that about their cities. I know for me, it's so

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Speaker 1: incredible because I can really come from a place of

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Speaker 1: viscerally understanding how difficult it is for women and just

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Speaker 1: all of the emotions that you go through as a

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Speaker 1: woman that genuinely wants to meet her person and wants

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Speaker 1: to meet her partner. I failed so many times, like

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Speaker 1: brutally failed, like all I was like, wow, I really

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Speaker 1: botched that, Like I really didn't see the signs that,

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Speaker 1: And so I understand that if this is my profession,

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Speaker 1: if I can be if I I went through what

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Speaker 1: I went through, I know how the girls. I just

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Speaker 1: have such a heart for the single women, and you too, Morgan.

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Speaker 1: That's how I found you, and that's I just saw

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Speaker 1: your video.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, she gets it. It's tough

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Speaker 3: and very much so.

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Speaker 2: And I'm right there with you now being engaged and

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Speaker 2: finally having found my person. I still have it for

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Speaker 2: the single girls and the single guys out there, because

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Speaker 2: I know how rough it is in those streets to

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Speaker 2: find your person to date, to just put yourself out

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Speaker 2: there constantly all of those battles I know that are

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Speaker 2: so difficult.

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Speaker 3: So I do want to get into it with you.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me about why it is so many people

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Speaker 2: think their city is the one it's so hard to

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Speaker 2: date in. Why is this a common theme that we're

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Speaker 2: seeing across social media and everybody has these relatable stories

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Speaker 2: of I live in this city and it's so hard

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Speaker 2: to date here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think it's this thing that I like to call

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Speaker 1: city fatigue syndrome. When you've been in your city for

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Speaker 1: two long you almost you feel this fatigue. You're like,

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Speaker 1: I've dated, I've done enough, and that I think also

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Speaker 1: is exhausting. I think the women are just like exhausted

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Speaker 1: in their cities. Every city has different types of men.

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Speaker 1: Like I know in La the guys that live on

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Speaker 1: the West Side are very different than the guys that

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Speaker 1: live on the East Side, or the guys that are

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Speaker 1: in Beverly Hills bel Air are a lot different than

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Speaker 1: the guys that live in like Redondo Beach and like

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Speaker 1: the South Bay, and then even like different communities. I'm

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Speaker 1: a proud Christian girlie. I love the Christian men and women.

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Speaker 1: I love match making them, but we don't only match

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Speaker 1: make Christian men and women. We're working with Jewish men

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Speaker 1: and women, Muslim men and women, agnostic, like all of

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Speaker 1: the types, and in each of the communities. Even in

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Speaker 1: the Jewish community, there's like the Persian Jewish community, and

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Speaker 1: there's a struggle where I know with one of our clients,

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Speaker 1: it's this a little bit of a struggle because it's

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Speaker 1: like we find these amazing men that are Persian Jewish

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Speaker 1: and then we're like, oh, this is the guy, and

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Speaker 1: then she's we literally grew up together, like we grew

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Speaker 1: up together. Because these communities are really small, so I

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Speaker 1: think even if you live in a big city like LA,

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Speaker 1: it's really challenging. And even in Nashville, our matchmakers primarily

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Speaker 1: and our clients primarily are LA based, but we definitely

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Speaker 1: get some outside some like Nashville when they're doing like

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Speaker 1: a national membership, which means that they could meet a

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Speaker 1: member from anywhere in the US. So we have everywhere

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Speaker 1: from all the way from New York, we have Colorado,

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Speaker 1: we have DC. So we have clients that are all

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Speaker 1: over but they're doing a national membership. And because a

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Speaker 1: lot of them are like I'm just feeling like I

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Speaker 1: know the types of men in my city and I'm done.

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Speaker 3: But I also I don't know. I just don't. I

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Speaker 3: don't agree with it.

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Speaker 1: I think that if a woman is feeling fatigue, or

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Speaker 1: if a man is feeling fatigue in dating in his city,

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Speaker 1: it's just take a break from using the dating apps.

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Speaker 1: Do a date cleanse. Take minimum one month to just

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Speaker 1: get off the apps and just cleanse and then revisit.

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Speaker 3: What do you think, Morgan, what do you think about this?

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Speaker 3: I get it to a certain degree.

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Speaker 2: I understand in general that cities are hard to date

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Speaker 2: in you like, I always realized in Nashville specifically, that

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Speaker 2: we had a lot of dreamers in the city. A

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Speaker 2: lot of people would come here and then they'd leave.

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Speaker 2: And I think you have that in a lot of

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Speaker 2: big cities.

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Speaker 3: You have a lot of dreamers.

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Speaker 2: I think you have people in smaller towns who don't

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Speaker 2: ever want to leave, and then you also have dreamers

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Speaker 2: in there. So the problems remain the same, right, They're

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Speaker 2: the same, They're just in different communities. What I think

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Speaker 2: is a exactly what you said is that dating is exhausting,

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Speaker 2: and that's actually what's happening is we get tired of dating.

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Speaker 2: If you look at the population of a city. It's massive.

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Speaker 2: You don't know everybody in it. You might know everybody

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Speaker 2: in your community, but you don't know everybody in the city.

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Speaker 2: So you definitely haven't gone to the ends of the

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Speaker 2: earth to try and meet every single person. It's physically

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Speaker 2: impossible unless you spend fifty years doing it. But more

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Speaker 2: than that, if you do so much of it, you're

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Speaker 2: going to be exhausted. And that's what we're seeing. We

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Speaker 2: see people get so exhausted and they're like, it has

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Speaker 2: to be my city because this is where I live.

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Speaker 2: You get used to an environment that you're in, so

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Speaker 2: naturally you're going to take it out on that environment.

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Speaker 2: And I was the same way, So I can't preach

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Speaker 2: that it's wrong because I did the same thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: And then it's I think people then bring that energy

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Speaker 1: when if you're exhausted dating and you bring that energy

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Speaker 1: on dates, oh my gosh, like this is not the

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Speaker 1: way to go because then the person is going to

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Speaker 1: pick up on They're gonna pick up on that energy

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Speaker 1: and they're gonna be like, Okay, what is going on here?

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Speaker 1: She's bitter, she's exhausted, like she's and there's nothing worse

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Speaker 1: than a person complaining about dating on a date. There's

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Speaker 1: nothing worse. And I feel like people think that, Like

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Speaker 1: people forget that, Oh I'm meeting a brand new person,

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Speaker 1: and all it takes is one person. That's all it takes,

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Speaker 1: you know that, Morgan. All it takes is one and

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Speaker 1: then everything can change. But you have to kiss a

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Speaker 1: lot of frogs, a lot of frogs, and you know what, though,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you don't actually have to kiss the frogs. I

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Speaker 1: think it's like a lot of women are like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I have to kiss all the frogs.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, well, maybe you don't actually have to kiss them.

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Speaker 3: Maybe just it can just go.

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Speaker 4: To the pond and hang out exactly all the frogs exactly,

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Speaker 4: no need to kiss them, just allow them to hop

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Speaker 4: away if they're not your prince, and that's okay.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think, gosh, it's yeah, it's definitely super challenging.

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Speaker 3: But all it takes is one. All it takes is.

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Speaker 2: One, yes, very much, and it's always the wrong one

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Speaker 2: until it's the right one. And that's what we go

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Speaker 2: into and that's what you hope with dating. I do

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Speaker 2: want to know, from a match banking perspective, how do

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Speaker 2: you prepare people to be matched up. What are the

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Speaker 2: questions that you're asking them, What are you trying to

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Speaker 2: get them to think about themselves, or what is the

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Speaker 2: preparation for them to be matched with somebody?

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Speaker 1: Yes, so what we do at our company we do

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Speaker 1: what we call a best match interview and personality assessment.

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Speaker 1: So essentially we are ideally with clients. We're meeting with

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Speaker 1: them in person. Our office as Beverly Hills, so we

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Speaker 1: meet them.

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Speaker 3: It's so cute.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Morgan, next time you're in next time

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Speaker 1: you're in La, you have to let me know.

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Speaker 3: You'll come to the office.

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Speaker 1: We'll go to Dante, we'll get Martini's for Martini Hour.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it's so lovely.

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Speaker 1: But so yeah, our office is right off road day,

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Speaker 1: which is it's such a blessing.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, how fabulous and fun.

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Speaker 1: So we have the clients come to the office and

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Speaker 1: we meet with them in person. And it's so good

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Speaker 1: also to meet them in person. I think like real

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Speaker 1: matchmaking happens when you're in person because you can again

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Speaker 1: get the sense of the person's energy. And yes, Zoom

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Speaker 1: is fine and a lot of our data interviews have

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Speaker 1: to be conducted via zoom because it's usually like we

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Speaker 1: have to do a lot of interviews of potential matches

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Speaker 1: for the client verse.

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Speaker 3: With the client. We're meeting them one on one. It's

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Speaker 3: just a lot.

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Speaker 1: Fewer clients verse potential matches for them, so a lot

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Speaker 1: of matchmakers. That's usually what happens, actually not usually, because

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Speaker 1: some it depends on the match making company, the size

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Speaker 1: of the match making company, all of that. But with us,

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Speaker 1: we try to meet all of our clients as in

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Speaker 1: person as humanly possible, and yeah, we do the best

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Speaker 1: match interview and.

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Speaker 3: Personality assessment with everybody.

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Speaker 1: So what that means is they meet with one of

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Speaker 1: the matchmakers. So I'm I work alongside the team of

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Speaker 1: matchmak even though my sister and I started the company

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Speaker 1: all those years ago. I luckily, and to be completely honest,

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Speaker 1: working as a matchmaker is emotionally exhausting. So I have

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Speaker 1: learned that I can manage a small number of clients

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Speaker 1: that are my clients and I will go to the

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Speaker 1: end of the earth. And I know how sensitive I

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Speaker 1: am and like I really want their success, and I've

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Speaker 1: become obsessed with I'm like I need to find I

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Speaker 1: need to help this person. I really really love my clients.

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Speaker 1: But with the team of matchmakers, it's so wonderful because

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Speaker 1: I'm able to help the other matchmakers. So I'm able

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Speaker 1: to go to different events and scout and meet different

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Speaker 1: potential matches. Like back to some of our Jewish clients.

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Speaker 1: I love the Jewish men and women because I also

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Speaker 1: am very entrenched in the Christian community. So I think

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Speaker 1: it's so fascinating, Like the Jewish community is so strong,

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Speaker 1: and they're just a lot of the guys are oh

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Speaker 1: amazing to matchmake. They're just like I love these I

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Speaker 1: love the Jewish guys.

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Speaker 3: They're so great.

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Speaker 1: So I the other day had gone to this event

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Speaker 1: and it was, oh my gosh, it was such an

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Speaker 1: incredible event. It was one of the hostages was speaking

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Speaker 1: at the Beverly Hills CINAI Temple. Oh my gosh, talk

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Speaker 1: about I have been changed for good. But I went

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Speaker 1: and I'm at this event and one of my girlfriends

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Speaker 1: who's also a matchmaker, she works for our company as

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Speaker 1: a consultant. She's amazing, she's a Jewish matchmaker. I also

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Speaker 1: introduced her to her husband. I was maid of honor

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Speaker 1: at her wedding.

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Speaker 3: The less us.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, I am so tangenting right now. But it's

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Speaker 1: when I'm going to an event and I'm meeting these

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Speaker 1: I'm meeting these like great single they could be older,

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Speaker 1: like I met like a sixty year old seventy year

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Speaker 1: old man, and it's great because I can be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my goodness, I'm a matchmaker. I know the client you

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Speaker 1: could possibly be a great match for. Let me get

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Speaker 1: you booked in with one of the other matchmakers to

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Speaker 1: do your proper interview, so then I push them to

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Speaker 1: the other matchmaker or if it's yeah, So it's just

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Speaker 1: it's a really fun job. I feel like at this

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Speaker 1: stage I'm so blessed because that's a big part of

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Speaker 1: my job or just is just going to these different

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Speaker 1: events and meeting really interesting people that could potentially be

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Speaker 1: great matches for the court, like for the matchmakers and

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Speaker 1: the city clients who are working with the team of matchmakers.

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Speaker 1: So I then don't have to deal with all of

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Speaker 1: the actual matchmaking.

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Speaker 3: I can just be like, oh, I think this is

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Speaker 3: a great puzzle match, and then book But.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we learn all about them, all about everybody. We

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Speaker 1: ask the tough questions and we ask pevver cheat in

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Speaker 1: a relationship before ideally, what are your plans? What's your

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Speaker 1: ideal relationship goals? What is your intention? Are you dating

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Speaker 1: with the intention of marriage? We literally ask, and especially

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Speaker 1: in twenty twenty five or twenty twenty six, we have

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Speaker 1: to make sure are you looking for a monogamous relationship

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Speaker 1: with one person? There are different questions now that we

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Speaker 1: ask that are It's really interesting the times.

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Speaker 2: Obviously get clients, people come to you because they want

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Speaker 2: to be matched up with somebody. And then once that

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Speaker 2: happens and you go out to these events and you

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Speaker 2: do these things. I'm assuming you're seeing people and just

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Speaker 2: introducing yourself like in these situations to see if they're single,

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Speaker 2: if they might be interested, because they could be a

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Speaker 2: potential at least physical match, and then you start to

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Speaker 2: do a full interview to then take that next step

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Speaker 2: and see, okay, is this also a personality matchup?

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Speaker 3: Is that kind of what's happening?

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Speaker 2: And mind you, my limited experience of this is from

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Speaker 2: watching Materialists the movie and that's all I got us.

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Speaker 1: The one movie that is out about matchmakers is They're

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Speaker 1: Oh with Materialists. At the first few minutes, I had

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Speaker 1: never felt More Seen. I was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: because they were doing the interviews with these people and

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Speaker 1: the guy was like, he's in his mid forties I think,

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Speaker 1: and he was like, yeah, just I'm ready for a

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Speaker 1: more mature girl.

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Speaker 2: And she was like, oh great, okay, like thirties.

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Speaker 1: He's like, no, no, no, twenty like late twenties, I'm

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Speaker 1: ready to go above twenty five. I watched that and

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Speaker 1: I was like, huh, I've never felt more Seen. But

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Speaker 1: the rest of the movie, I was like, what, how

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Speaker 1: did it go so off the rails? In my whole career,

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Speaker 1: I've never heard of a man getting that leg surgery.

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Speaker 1: Like spoiler alert if you guys haven't seen the movie,

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Speaker 1: they do this.

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Speaker 3: Leg surgery, Like what is going on?

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Speaker 1: Never have I ever had a client nor database member,

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Speaker 1: and we've worked with thousands of.

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Speaker 3: People at this point.

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Speaker 1: Never have I ever and some of the wealthiest guys

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Speaker 1: we're in Beverly Hills, we attract a certain type of guy.

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Speaker 1: Never have I had a guy that got that lex

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Speaker 1: And I mean, unless they just didn't say anything.

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Speaker 3: But it's pretty awesome.

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Speaker 2: But do guys struggle with the fact that he the

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Speaker 2: height is a thing, and you girls really request that

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Speaker 2: because that's a hot button.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's a tough it's a tough element

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Speaker 1: for the guys. It's a tough element. And I would

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Speaker 1: also say for women, if you're struggling meeting a really

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Speaker 1: great guy, lower your height a little bit, lower your

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Speaker 1: height bracket, because these women will come in and they'll

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Speaker 1: just be like, the apps are terrible, I'm not meeting anybody.

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Speaker 1: And then we'll process it a little bit more and

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Speaker 1: then they'll say, yeah, I only want a data man

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Speaker 1: six foot two and above. And I'm like, you just

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Speaker 1: cut out ninety five ninety eight percent of the popular

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Speaker 1: of the straight population. Okay, oh, yes, height is a thing,

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Speaker 1: but there are so many great short kings out there,

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Speaker 1: and so I think if women could open their minds

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Speaker 1: a little bit to that, it would just make things

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Speaker 1: so much easier. And just like, it's such a superficial quality.

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Speaker 1: What did you see that in Nashville, Morgan that do

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Speaker 1: you have girlfriends that are very height conscious?

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Speaker 2: Very much? So, there's a lot of people who have

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Speaker 2: preferences when it comes to height. And I'm so funny

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Speaker 2: because this is the one topic on dating that I

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Speaker 2: am horrible at because I'm barely five foot one, so

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Speaker 2: everyone was taller than me. I never, literally, I never

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Speaker 2: had to worry about wearing heels or anything. So I

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Speaker 2: can't relate in the aspect of knowing what that's like

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Speaker 2: because everyone has always been.

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Speaker 3: Taller than me, even women bloss Morgan.

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Speaker 2: But I do know that it's a thing. It's a

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Speaker 2: conversation that happens a bunch a lot of women, and

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Speaker 2: he is a very uncomfortable topic for everybody involved.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and what I've seen and no, I completely hear.

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Speaker 1: And to be clear, I'm a hypocrite. It's not that

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Speaker 1: I didn't allow men under a certain height, but my

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Speaker 1: beloved is six two and my sister's husband is like

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Speaker 1: six eight sixty five. Actually, But that being said, I

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Speaker 1: will say something that yeah.

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Speaker 3: So sorry, sorry ladies.

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Speaker 1: But all this to say, I think that what I've

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Speaker 1: found just having done this job, when we really break

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Speaker 1: it down, it's not even about the actual height. It's

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Speaker 1: about a woman wanting to feel feminine, right, That's at

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Speaker 1: the core of any of these asks, Even the ask

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Speaker 1: of a woman that says I want to date a

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Speaker 1: man that makes a certain amount of money. It's not

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Speaker 1: even about that certain amount of money. It's that she

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Speaker 1: wants to relax in her feminine she wants to feel

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Speaker 1: protected provided for. She wants to just sit back. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of the women also that tend to hire

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Speaker 1: matchmakers tend to be high achievers, like they are very

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Speaker 1: successful in their careers. Because it's not inexpensive. It's quite

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Speaker 1: expensive to work with a matchmaker. Our memberships begin at

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, sometimes plus de pending on waitlist and

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Speaker 1: it goes up to one twenty five. It's an investment

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Speaker 1: and it's not for everybody. Working with a matchmaker is

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Speaker 1: not for everybody. So therefore, we tend to attract these

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Speaker 1: super high achieving, beautiful intellectual women that have a lot

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Speaker 1: of times prioritized career and or have picked their hyper empathetic,

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Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent, so they've picked the wrong guys. They've had

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Speaker 1: so many experiences of giving these men the benefit of

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Speaker 1: the doubt because a lot of these women tend to

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Speaker 1: be the ones that are incredible loyal and they are

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Speaker 1: what they say they mean, therefore they expect the same

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Speaker 1: from a man. So that's why you see these high achieving, intelligent,

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Speaker 1: emotionally intelligent en path women just constantly having their pickers off.

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Speaker 1: Their picker is just completely off, and they keep picking

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Speaker 1: these men that do not earn. These are not men

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Speaker 1: of integrity. These are not men that are operating at

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Speaker 1: the level that they're operating at. So I genuinely believe

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Speaker 1: when a woman comes in and she's like, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: want a dat a guy that's six foot, it's that

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Speaker 1: she wants to feel protected, she wants to feel feminine,

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Speaker 1: she wants to feel small, like not small in the

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Speaker 1: sense that, oh, I want to dim my light.

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Speaker 3: The opposite of that, she wants to just feel cared for, versus.

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Speaker 1: Being the A lot of these women in their careers,

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Speaker 1: they have to be the alpha. They have to put

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Speaker 1: that work switch on in their job because they have

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Speaker 1: to be in that energy. And women have both masculine

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Speaker 1: and feminine energy. That's totally fine, but when they're dating,

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Speaker 1: it's like they tend to go for the guys also

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Speaker 1: that forcibly initially make them get into their feminine but

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Speaker 1: a lot of those guys tend to be toxic masculine guys.

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Speaker 1: So then you get no narcissist, narcissist narcissist that narcissist.

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Speaker 1: And because the women are trying to make sense of

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Speaker 1: what just happened to me in this experience.

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Speaker 3: I'm Tangenting Morgan, but this is really what I know. True. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's exactly what happens.

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Speaker 2: It's exactly what happened to me, and very much a

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Speaker 2: big part of my story is so much of that.

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Speaker 2: So it exists. It exists on so many levels. And

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Speaker 2: it's hard, honestly to in this day and age with

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Speaker 2: dating when you're out there by yourself and I say

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Speaker 2: in these streets, because you're in the streets doing this,

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Speaker 2: it's hard to trust and believe in people because we

439
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,000
Speaker 2: have a lot of information. Now, we know almost too much,

440
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 2: and it makes it difficult to just put it all

441
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 2: the noise aside and just date like our parents used

442
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 2: to date, when you'd be at a dance and you

443
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 2: ask somebody to dance, and now all of a sudden

444
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 2: you have a husband. It's not like that anymore. You

445
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 2: got too much information. You know that somebody could be unsafe.

446
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 2: You know that there's a possibility that they have a

447
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 2: track record, or that they could be on a who

448
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 2: are we dating the same guy?

449
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 3: Facebook page or those.

450
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:39,720
Speaker 1: Are my gosh, there's just so there they are like

451
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,479
Speaker 1: a ring of the bottom place.

452
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

453
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's hard because, like I support that in

454
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 2: a way that I love that women are looking out

455
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 2: for each other. I think that's awesome, but it's also

456
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 2: a little diabolical because if somebody wrongs you, you can

457
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: post something there and then that whole person is tainted.

458
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 2: So I have a love hate relationship with those. I

459
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 2: think it came and started from a good place and

460
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: has now morphed into something else, which is what we're

461
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 2: just seeing in general. Is everything on the internet that

462
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 2: we're seeing about dating and relationships and us even talking

463
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 2: here is all coming from a good place. But when

464
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 2: you have so much information, it makes it difficult to

465
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 2: be out there dating and just actually date without thinking

466
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 2: about everything else that you have to think about when

467
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 2: it comes to it. Yeah, and I think that's a

468
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 2: lot of what you're talking about here.

469
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.

470
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,959
Speaker 1: And I love the phrase trust but verify, And I

471
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 1: think that as women, women do.

472
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 3: Have to be careful. They just do. There is especially

473
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 3: with the apps.

474
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: And I know I've had a horrible cheating experience where

475
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: I knew something was off, but I didn't listen to

476
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: my intuition. It was such an amazing learning experience for me,

477
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: and hopefully I can I know that the Lord, you

478
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: don't have a test, you don't have a testimony, blah

479
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: blah blah, like okay, enough tests. But all that to say,

480
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 1: I do think that I went through that experience so

481
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 1: that I could help women to know that you know it. Yes, there's,

482
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:15,440
Speaker 1: of course, there is a big difference between anxiety and intuition.

483
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: But at the same time that if the whole goal

484
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 1: of partnership is transparency, is giving each other, just affirming

485
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: each other and knowing that, hey, nobody's perfect, and if

486
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 1: you need a little bit more reassurance because you've been

487
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: through a situation where you were betrayed or something went sideways,

488
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: I think that just having a partner that understands the

489
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 1: call and can work with you in that way, I

490
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: think that's so important. So I definitely just having It's

491
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 1: such a fine balance between we don't want to throw

492
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 1: caution to the wind and just say oh whatever, Oh okay,

493
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: he's following all these girls on Instagram that are like random,

494
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 1: scantily clad or whatever. We have to be aware of

495
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,160
Speaker 1: the basic signs that a guy is maybe not who

496
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: he's proclaiming to be and also having an open dialogue

497
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 1: with your partner I think is just so important. It's

498
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 1: been such a game changer, I know in my relationship,

499
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 1: just to be very upfront and be like, hey, if

500
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,439
Speaker 1: you're the type of person that is you have really

501
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: high privacy needs, we're not the right match. We are

502
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: not the right match because I will look when you're

503
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 1: texting somebody like not in a and if you're covering

504
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: it or putting your phone on do not disturb. That

505
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 1: is going to get my amygdala working wild because of

506
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: my experience. But I think it's just such a beautiful policy.

507
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 1: And I think it's also from a matchmaking perspective. I

508
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 1: learned that there are some people that totally are fine

509
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 1: with privacy situations. There are some girls that are like, no,

510
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: this is my phone, do not look at it, but

511
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: this is my privatelah blah blah blah blah. But then

512
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: there are other women that are like, no, my gosh, whatever,

513
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: you know, within reason, obviously you're not doing daily phone checks.

514
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: And some men that are the same way. And I

515
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 1: think that matching those people, we want to just make sure.

516
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: It's such an unspoken thing. But like when i'm matchmaking.

517
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: I like to learn. Okay, where are you on that scale?

518
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: Are you somebody that really values that the very insular whatever,

519
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: or you more open is? What does this look like

520
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: even with like male female friendships? How do you feel

521
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 1: about that? There's so much there's so much Morgan that

522
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,360
Speaker 1: I learned in my personal life that I'm then like, Okay,

523
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 1: I am these are new questions that I have to

524
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: start asking people because.

525
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 2: And it's hard once until you've had the experience to

526
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,959
Speaker 2: then ask those questions. It's really difficult. Like a healthy

527
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 2: relationship to mimic you want to mirror that. So that's

528
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 2: what you're now experiencing, right, So yeah, but I am

529
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 2: curious now that you mentioned the privacy the friendship, what

530
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 2: are the top five things that you have to make

531
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 2: sure two people align on to ensure Like you've obviously

532
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 2: had a lot of successful matches and a lot of

533
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 2: people that have gotten married. What are those I'm sure

534
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 2: there's more than five. There's probably a whole plethora of things,

535
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 2: but like top five that you're really paying attention to

536
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 2: to make sure two people are evenly matched for each other.

537
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that.

538
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: So it's funny. One of our matchmakers. JD always says

539
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 1: that we have a lot of successes, but we have

540
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: a lot more unsuccessful matches. But that doesn't mean that.

541
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 1: So with any client that comes in they are meeting.

542
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: Say that a client is coming in and it's a bachelorette,

543
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 1: She's going to meet ten different bachelors or something like that.

544
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: Nine of those are going to be failures nine and

545
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: there's going to be one success, right, So that's really

546
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: but we're gaining so much information and definitely as a

547
00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: team of matchmakers, we've learned so much from those failed matches,

548
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: Like we've learned, oh, this does not work, and that's okay,

549
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: that's intel. We're gathering intel. The elements that absolutely have

550
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: to be there. Are you both aligned with wanting marriage?

551
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: Are you both aligned with wanting to have kids? And

552
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: is religion compatible? So marriage, do you want marriage?

553
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 3: Kids?

554
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: Religion compatibility? Those are deal breakers. I'm not big on

555
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: the word deal breaker except for those three elements because

556
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: we've seen that it doesn't matter if there are two

557
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: people that are like the most incredible personality match and

558
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 1: they just like they both like love to travel, love this,

559
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: love that, love the other. If you're not aligned on

560
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 1: those three elements, this is not your future husband or

561
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: your future wife.

562
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 3: It just isn't.

563
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: And then so those would be the three that absolutely

564
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: must be there. The other elements that are like priorities,

565
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: so right, these are like priority elements of things that

566
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: a woman or a man should look for. It's understanding values.

567
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: So it's sharing shared values. And that's why I really

568
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: love the Jewish men that come in and the Christian

569
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: women that come in, or the Christian women and Christian

570
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: men that come in, because there's an agreed upon set

571
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: of values that I already am understanding that our team

572
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: gets that these are. This is a generally speaking, obviously

573
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: you do get some of the Christian men that are

574
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: they're Christian by name, but not by the way that

575
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 1: they're comporting themselves. But shared values are really essential. I

576
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: think boundaries with just boundaries with male female friendship, I

577
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: would say as a really big one, and just being

578
00:31:55,560 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: aligned with aligned alignment there because they're certain people that

579
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, my best friend is Jessica and Isabella

580
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: and I talk to them all day every day, and

581
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: we're going to go to dinner, and we're gonna go

582
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: to coffee together and that's okay. And there are certain

583
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: women that are like, oh, yeah, I have a best

584
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 1: guy friend that's John and Eric, and yeah, they bring

585
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: me a coffee. We're gonna go to this concert together.

586
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 3: This da da da da.

587
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 1: Fine, those two people are going to be a great match.

588
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: Verse the woman that is like, no, I don't really

589
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: have male friends like I do have male friends, but

590
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: I do have really strong boundaries with them. I don't

591
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: want to do one and ones because it can lead

592
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: to even if you have two really good people, it

593
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: just it's not an appropriate thing. So I've seen that

594
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: be a really big one. That is something that I

595
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 1: like to ask that a lot of people like. It

596
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 1: just shows a lot about a person. I think it's

597
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,719
Speaker 1: such a specific thing, but I really think it shows

598
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: so much.

599
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 2: No, and those are all really good ones, and definitely

600
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 2: ones that I anticipated. Also really interesting to me that

601
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 2: I didn't realize I needed in a partner until the

602
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 2: very end, right before I met my fiance. I needed

603
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 2: somebody who had a heart the same as mine. And

604
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 2: this is an interesting perspective because you like to think, well,

605
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 2: like love and understanding love, it's all the same, but

606
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 2: it's really not how we love and how we show

607
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 2: empathy and how our heart decides decisions and impacts who

608
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 2: we are as human beings is actually one of the

609
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 2: essential parts of your personality and your shared values. So

610
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 2: I realized what I had missed all along and the

611
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 2: partners that it didn't work out with, was we did

612
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 2: not have the same heart. We did not see empathy

613
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 2: the same way, we did not see compassion the same way,

614
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 2: we didn't interact with the world around us in the

615
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 2: same way. And so I'm curious if you've seen also

616
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 2: that kind of translate into anything with matchmaking.

617
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 1: Oh, definitely, absolutely, I think the best matches are two

618
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: people who really want a partner and want love and

619
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: are willing to fight for love and to really open

620
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: their hearts to each other and to learn about each

621
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 1: other's hearts and to learn about each other's love languages,

622
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: and absolutely, and I think that also touches on attachment

623
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 1: style and attachment styles are so huge, and I love

624
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 1: to ask very pointed questions just to see where people

625
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 1: fall in the attachment scale of anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.

626
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: So because if somebody has an avoidant attachment style, a

627
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 1: lot of times they'll attract the anxious. They're like magnets

628
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 1: to each other. They are just like magnets.

629
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 2: So I've had a lot of magnets in my dating life.

630
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:51,360
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.

631
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like the avoidant is no my independence, and

632
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 1: then the anxious is, I love you, don't abandon me.

633
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: And it is just like a cat and mouse. That

634
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 1: is vicious cycle, a vicious cycle. One thousand percent. So

635
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: I think avoidance, generally speaking, need to just get out

636
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: of the dating market.

637
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 2: Until they become a different one, right, No, exactly, No,

638
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 2: I'm joking.

639
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: I'm like semi joking. You need to go to therapy,

640
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: not a matchmaker. But I think that the avoidance tend

641
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 1: to it. There's a lot of self work that needs

642
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: to be done because a lot of times you see

643
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 1: this dynamic where this will be anxious, and it's usually

644
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: the anxious.

645
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 3: Woman and then the avoidant man. Oh, bless my girls,

646
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 3: my girls. I love my anxious girlies.

647
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: The girl loved me, Oh my gosh, Morgan, already I

648
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 1: do now, But I'm so glad you're in a secure

649
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: relationship because it drives his women crazy, like it just

650
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: drives them insane. And then the thing is they're the

651
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,720
Speaker 1: ones in therapy, they're the ones doing all this self work,

652
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: and then the guy is just so all of that

653
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,839
Speaker 1: To say, I love attachment theory because I think it

654
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: does describe also the heart of a person, right, Like

655
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 1: an anxious heart is they really crave closeness and they

656
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:07,479
Speaker 1: just need a little It's an anxious person at hot take.

657
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 3: I love the anxious I love an anxious man.

658
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: I love an anxious I think they're a lot easier

659
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,760
Speaker 1: to match make and a lot easier to like actually

660
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 1: be in relationships honestly, too anxious together obviously working on

661
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,800
Speaker 1: themselves to not be like in that.

662
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 3: What's it called.

663
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 1: Surreal answer real yeah, yeah, yeah, but too anxious can

664
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 1: really sue each other's nervous systems, and it's so beautiful.

665
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: I've seen this happen a number of times where and

666
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 1: it's just like coaching them to be like.

667
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 3: No, it's okay, you can ask.

668
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,839
Speaker 1: You can just tell your partner like, hey, I read

669
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 1: the book Attached Together, so that you are aware of

670
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,399
Speaker 1: it's Attached by Amir Levine, who I'm so excited. Oh

671
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm meeting him for the very first time.

672
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: I talk about this man probably every day to my clients.

673
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 3: I'm meeting him.

674
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 1: He's speaking at the Matchmaking conference in two months. I'm

675
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 1: so excited he's presenting, and I'm just going to be

676
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 1: like a mirror, thank you for your work.

677
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 3: Because it really has changed.

678
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: I learned about attachment theory, like you're two of matchmaking

679
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 1: because I was like, what is going on? Because it's

680
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: one thing to set up your friends in the sandbox,

681
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 1: it's another thing to set up fully formed adults that

682
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: we're like, what, why is this not working? I don't

683
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: understand you're perfect for each other. And then we're like, oh,

684
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: this is why. It's not a lost cause for avoidance.

685
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: It's not.

686
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:30,280
Speaker 1: But they too need to be actively working in therapy

687
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 1: doing all the things when they feel those feelings of

688
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: even though it's called avoidance, they feel anxiety when closeness.

689
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: Closeness comes, and so then they want to retreat and

690
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 1: they do, and they push the woman back, and because

691
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: they want to keep their independence, they're like.

692
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 3: I want my independence, stay away.

693
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 1: But then as soon as they feel safe again, then

694
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 1: they come they're like, oh wait actually.

695
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 3: And so again cat and mouse.

696
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,879
Speaker 1: All of that to say, I do think that if

697
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: two people are working on themselves independently of each other,

698
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 1: regardless of attachment style, just trying to be secure and

699
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: also verbalizing to each other, not avoiding that conversation of Yeah,

700
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: some days, I might just have a higher level of

701
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: anxiety in this relationship, and I might just need a

702
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: little more TLC. I might just need a little more affirmation.

703
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: I might just need a phone call before bed.

704
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:29,839
Speaker 3: Or whatever it is.

705
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: Just ask for what you want, because also I found

706
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 1: that there are plenty of people who will give you

707
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,359
Speaker 1: what you want. So if you're in a relationship that's

708
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: not that's bringing you more anxiety, and if you're feeling unclear,

709
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: this is not the right relationship, like it's difficult to

710
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: walk away, But there are plenty of people who have

711
00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 1: compatible hearts and compatible attachment styles that can actually we

712
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: soothe your nervous system and you don't have to live

713
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: in a state of confusion.

714
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 3: Yeah.

715
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 2: Well, there's a few things I heard in there. One

716
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 2: is that you are basically a therapist and a matchmaker.

717
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:15,359
Speaker 2: You follow both for your clients. You're doing both.

718
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:21,720
Speaker 5: I am an unlicensed, completely unlicensed. I am a life

719
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 5: I am not a therapist, but thank you, I will

720
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 5: take that.

721
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 3: I'm trying to learn. I'm constantly learning.

722
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 2: You have to understand the human psych to be able

723
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: to match, make and to connect people.

724
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 3: That's part of it.

725
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,879
Speaker 2: So you're doing great at that. But the other thing

726
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: I heard is that there's plenty of people I love

727
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 2: the talk of abundance because it really allows people to

728
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 2: stop staying stuck in relationships that they shouldn't stay in

729
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:49,759
Speaker 2: and understanding that truly, there is a lot of fish

730
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: in the see even if there are some bad fish

731
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: out there, there's a lot of fish in the sea.

732
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 2: And that was something that I heard that I wanted

733
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 2: you to emphasize a little bit further.

734
00:39:58,040 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.

735
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: Yes, I think that it really just goes back to

736
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 1: the fatigue that people get when they're dating, and the

737
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: kind of hopelessness that can settle in somebody when they're

738
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: in the dating world and then they meet somebody and

739
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,800
Speaker 1: they're like, Okay, I get back out there. It's tough,

740
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to say it's not difficult.

741
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 3: It is.

742
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 1: Even if you have the most incredible mindset, it's not easy.

743
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 3: Believe me. Believe me, it's not.

744
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: You could have the best mindset, but it's so so hard,

745
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 1: Like it's not easy. Some of it is a humiliation

746
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: ritual unfortunately, and it is what it is. But that's

747
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 1: why I think as a man and woman, that's like

748
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 1: going into the dating world, knowing what your boundaries are

749
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: is just so important and it will shield you so

750
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: much from the deeper level of despair that a lot

751
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: of times dating can bring. So knowing boundaries. But yeah,

752
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: ultimately there is coming from the mindset of that there

753
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,399
Speaker 1: are so many incredible men and women out there. And

754
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: we tell this to our clients all the time. Like you,

755
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 1: they have to reprogram, they have to reprogram the brain

756
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 1: instead of that scarcity mindset of oh my gosh, I

757
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 1: want to put all my eggs in this one basket.

758
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 1: And no, you want to come from a place of

759
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: supply and not the place of demand, because when you're

760
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 1: in that place of demand, then the blinders come on

761
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:29,760
Speaker 1: and you don't see the waving red flags. And truly,

762
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 1: as a matchmaker in one of the hardest cities in

763
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:35,280
Speaker 1: the world to date and working with men and women

764
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 1: in New York and Nashville and all these other places,

765
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:45,439
Speaker 1: there are so many incredible men and women there are.

766
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 1: It's just a matter of finding that one person and

767
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: like we said, you might have to kiss a lot

768
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:53,280
Speaker 1: of frogs, but you don't.

769
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 3: That's the other thing. It's like, once you know your boundaries.

770
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 1: For the men and women that we work with, maybe

771
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 1: in the past they were like, well, yeah, I like

772
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 1: to sleep with a guy after the third date, just

773
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,800
Speaker 1: to see if that physical connection is there. And we say, okay,

774
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 1: how has that worked, And they're like.

775
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 3: Oh, it's terrible. Then the ghost to me three days

776
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 3: later whatever it is.

777
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 1: So we say, okay, why don't you just stop sleeping

778
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 1: with mene, just stop sleeping with men, Like what a concept?

779
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,240
Speaker 3: Take your power back. Just stop.

780
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 1: Because also when that happens, the women then are bonding

781
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: through oxytocin, and again the blinders come on because they're like,

782
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, they have this surge of hormones and

783
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 1: emotions and it's not even about what the man thinks, Like,

784
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: we don't care whatever if a guy or a how

785
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 1: a guy is operating. It doesn't matter. It's about the woman,

786
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 1: and it's about being clear and having clarity and not

787
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 1: missing those waving red flags in the early stages of

788
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 1: dating and not rushing into a commitment just because you're like, oh,

789
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 1: my gosh, this seems like a great guy. It's like

790
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: slow and steady, allow the man, allow the woman to unfold.

791
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 1: But date intentionally as well. If you're dating with the

792
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: intention of marriage, there's nothing wrong with saying that in

793
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 1: a lovely way.

794
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: I was very much the sloth when I was dating,

795
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 2: and I operated once I learned my boundaries, which I

796
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 2: learned what I wanted, what I was looking for, and

797
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 2: I really started to figure out myself more. And I was,

798
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,439
Speaker 2: probably towards the later part of my twenties, often called

799
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 2: myself a sloth. I was like, I'm moving at a

800
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 2: sloth pace and nobody is gonna move me. And that's

801
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 2: just how I operated for a long time. Of course,

802
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 2: I still had a lot of mishaps in there, but

803
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:34,320
Speaker 2: the sloth was a majority.

804
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 3: That's a part of it.

805
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 2: Alesondra, I do want to ask you. This isb I

806
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 2: always end the podcast is either it's a piece of advice,

807
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 2: motivation or inspiration, or maybe it's a topic that we

808
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 2: didn't address, and you're like, Morgan, we have to talk

809
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 2: about this, and I give the floor over to you,

810
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 2: so take it away.

811
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:53,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

812
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: I think I would just say, especially to the single women,

813
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 1: when they're dating, just flip that vacation mode on after

814
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: you've affirmed that, Okay, this guy is who he says

815
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,320
Speaker 1: that he is, he has the job that he says

816
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: that he does, and he's not do a little social

817
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: media check make sure there's no marriage photos or girlfriend

818
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: photos or he's not following a million girls on Instagram.

819
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: Once you've done that due diligence, I want you to

820
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 1: really put all of that to the side and flip

821
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:27,359
Speaker 1: your vacation mode on. And when you're going on a date,

822
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: just be so present, pretend like you're on vacation, and

823
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 1: make it the goal to enjoy this man's company.

824
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 3: Make it the goal.

825
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: You're not doing a job interview. Everything is going to

826
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:48,720
Speaker 1: unfold naturally, but in the moment, enjoy, be playful, give compliments,

827
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: have fun, truly have fun. And I think also when

828
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: a woman is dating, in her boundaries, if she says, Okay,

829
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: well I'm not sleeping with a man, I say wait

830
00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,760
Speaker 1: till marriage, ladies, save.

831
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:00,760
Speaker 3: Yourself some trauma.

832
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,839
Speaker 1: But whatever it might be, if it's like, Okay, I'm

833
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: not sleeping with a man until XYZ until at the

834
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: minimum needs to be in my opinion, just having done

835
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:15,440
Speaker 1: this as a matchmaker at the minimum, until there's exclusivity

836
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 1: like commitment, actual commitment.

837
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 3: Now I've learned this through the years.

838
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 1: All that to say, have fun, be playful, don't be

839
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: afraid to flirt, and be gracious and give gratitude.

840
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,720
Speaker 3: That's what I would say to the girls.

841
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 1: Enjoy, Enjoy, enjoy, because what you learned, Morgan, and what

842
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: I learned, and what a lot of our clients learn.

843
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 3: When you do meet that guy, you want to.

844
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: Look back at your old self and be like, honey,

845
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,800
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay, Like everything is gonna be okay.

846
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 3: You're gonna meet an amazing man and.

847
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 1: He's gonna be like better than you ever thought, and

848
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: that you know, you're gonna really really be grateful.

849
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's what I would say very much.

850
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:56,439
Speaker 2: I love that.

851
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 3: I love that.

852
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 2: It's such a perfect place to end on because we

853
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 2: should be living life like we're on vacation. Heck, we

854
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 2: should all be on vacation a lot of the time,

855
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:05,280
Speaker 2: which would be so great.

856
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 3: But that's okay, that's okay.

857
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing, and thank you for giving us

858
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 2: your wisdom, and I'm excited to see all the matches

859
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,879
Speaker 2: you make in twenty twenty six and beyond, and I'm

860
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 2: just excited for people to find their love.

861
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 3: So thanks for being here. Thank you Morgan, it was

862
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 3: so lovely to chat.

863
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 2: Alessandra made so many valid points in this so hopefully

864
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 2: it can help anyone in their dating era maybe do

865
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 2: some reevaluating and recalibrating it so they can find their

866
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 2: beautiful rainbow fish in the sea. We are all deserving

867
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 2: of love, but more importantly, we are deserving of safe, full,

868
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 2: secure love, and it's out there.

869
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 3: Check her socials.

870
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 2: If you want some more matchmaking content, it's in the

871
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 2: show notes. Next week, I'm excited to start a new

872
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 2: series that focuses on how we show up in the

873
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 2: world and our intentions. I have two great guys coming by,

874
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 2: Walter Green and Danny Morrell. Subscribe now so you don't

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00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,839
Speaker 2: miss the episodes. You can also watch all of these

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00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 2: on YouTube. If you love a good binge, watch now.

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Speaker 3: This is where I leave you. I'll yep with your

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Speaker 3: friends next week.