WEBVTT - Bonus: The Letter

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to a bonus episode of Happy Face Presents Two Face.

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<v Speaker 1>In episode nine, we mentioned that Diane Downs wrote a

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<v Speaker 1>letter to her defense attorney Jim Jagger after conviction, which

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<v Speaker 1>changed her version of the story and retold the events

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<v Speaker 1>of the night of the shooting quite differently than she

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<v Speaker 1>presented them for months, both in the press and in court.

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<v Speaker 1>The letter does not in fact line up with the

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<v Speaker 1>version of the story she tells today. Though it's impossible

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<v Speaker 1>to know which version of the events is true, we

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<v Speaker 1>present the letter as an interesting artifact in the.

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<v Speaker 2>Case November seventh, nineteen eighty four, Cela Morgan, Dear Jim,

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<v Speaker 2>I am not really sure how to start this letter,

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<v Speaker 2>but I guess the best way to make an apology

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<v Speaker 2>is to say I'm sorry. Now you're probably wondering what

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<v Speaker 2>this is all about, and when you are through reading,

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<v Speaker 2>you'll probably drop this letter and say damn you, Diane,

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<v Speaker 2>like you have so many times before. Your blood pressure

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<v Speaker 2>will go up. And I'm sorry about that too. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sorry about a lot of things. Really, I only hope

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<v Speaker 2>you will forgive me for not being totally honest with you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just that it's so hard for me to put

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<v Speaker 2>myself in someone else's hands. I find it hard to

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<v Speaker 2>fully trust anyone not to hurt me. I needed to

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<v Speaker 2>control myself and my situation, and I've been that way

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<v Speaker 2>for a few years. It has been a hard lesson

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<v Speaker 2>to learn, and I can't guarantee that I'll be cured forever.

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<v Speaker 2>But I know now that I should have placed this

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<v Speaker 2>whole problem in your hands and let you deal with it.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was afraid. Silly, maybe, but I was afraid

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<v Speaker 2>you would lose respect for me. And well, let me explain.

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<v Speaker 2>Hopefully by the time you finish reading this, you'll have

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<v Speaker 2>an understanding of me, and I'll have your forgiveness. I

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<v Speaker 2>had no right to hire you as my attorney and

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<v Speaker 2>then expect you to represent me without telling you everything

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<v Speaker 2>I could. I really am grateful for your representation and

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<v Speaker 2>support these past seventeen months, and because of that, I

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<v Speaker 2>cannot be comfortable with myself unless they come clean with

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<v Speaker 2>you again. I am sorry for thinking I had to

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<v Speaker 2>handle things myself. I should have let go for once

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<v Speaker 2>in my life and let someone else take over for

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<v Speaker 2>a while. Please understand and forgive this. Let me get lengthy,

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<v Speaker 2>but please bear with me. I have a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>conscience to relieve. Perhaps it's best to start with the

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<v Speaker 2>night of the shooting. I wasn't totally honest because I

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<v Speaker 2>was afraid of what else could happen to me at

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<v Speaker 2>the hands of the police. I had marijuana in my

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<v Speaker 2>car when I stopped on Old Mohawk, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>afraid if I told the whole truth, I would lose

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<v Speaker 2>my job with the Post Office because of the drug charge,

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<v Speaker 2>and I couldn't afford that. So I told as much

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<v Speaker 2>of the truth as I could without seeing the things

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<v Speaker 2>that would make me look like a creep. I had

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<v Speaker 2>also hoped that by eliminating certain facts that the police

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<v Speaker 2>would not find out that I had rather loose morals.

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<v Speaker 2>I did not want people that I respected to think

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<v Speaker 2>poorly of me, so when I got to the hospital,

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't tell the police I opened the trunk because

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<v Speaker 2>they would want to know what I removed, and it

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<v Speaker 2>was pot. But while I had the trunk open, I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't see him remove the black case. Yes, the black

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<v Speaker 2>case with Steve's gun in it. I'm sorry I lied,

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<v Speaker 2>but I couldn't explain the presence of the gun without

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<v Speaker 2>telling me about the pot. So while it is very

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<v Speaker 2>possible that an officer can make one mistake in an

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<v Speaker 2>effort to trap a criminal. I don't think it happened

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<v Speaker 2>this time. It just all seemed so harmless. In the beginning,

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<v Speaker 2>Jim Dickens and I were coming back from Heathers and

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<v Speaker 2>when we turned around the south side Centerman Road, a

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<v Speaker 2>guy started playing catch up with me. I was driving

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<v Speaker 2>slower than most people do, so he passed me. Then

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<v Speaker 2>he pulled in front of me and slowed down, so

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<v Speaker 2>I passed him. It was a game, just a flirt.

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<v Speaker 2>We pulled off Marcala on a old mohawk. Why just

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<v Speaker 2>because the kids were asleep. He was a man, and

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't really tired yet. I like men, and I

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<v Speaker 2>loved a flirt. Maybe some would say it's because she's

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<v Speaker 2>just a tramp. Anyway, I pulled over on old mohawk

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<v Speaker 2>and he stopped behind me. When I get out of

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<v Speaker 2>the car, I checked the kids and they were all asleep.

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<v Speaker 2>I did take the keys off of the ignition and

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<v Speaker 2>had them hung on my finger, and we talked for

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of minutes, and I looked at the kids.

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<v Speaker 2>They were still asleep. He asked if I had any smoke,

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<v Speaker 2>and even though he wasn't exactly my kind of guy.

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<v Speaker 2>I figured it would be better to placate him rather

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<v Speaker 2>than offend him, so I opened the trunk and removed

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<v Speaker 2>the bag. I had to dig under a couple of

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<v Speaker 2>things to get it, and I did not see him

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<v Speaker 2>remove anything from the trunk. When I straightened up and

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<v Speaker 2>closed the trunk, I saw what he had in his hand.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't recall our conversation verbatim, but we discussed the

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<v Speaker 2>reason he had taken the gun and that time he

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<v Speaker 2>had removed it from the case. He started acting a

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<v Speaker 2>little strange, and that's when I started to get scared,

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<v Speaker 2>which I rarely do. He made sexual advances, and I

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<v Speaker 2>handed him the pot and tried to get his mind

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<v Speaker 2>on another subject. Honestly, Jim, all I did was try

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<v Speaker 2>to discourage his advances, and he flipped. He tossed the

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<v Speaker 2>black case and the pot on the hood of his

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<v Speaker 2>car and grabbed my left arm. It made me mad

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<v Speaker 2>and scared at the time, so I pulled my arm

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<v Speaker 2>freight and said no. That was when he went to

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<v Speaker 2>open the door of my car. I moved toward him,

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<v Speaker 2>but looked in the little wing window as he shot me. Christy,

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<v Speaker 2>she really was asleep, Jim, but she woke up and

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<v Speaker 2>raised herself before he shot her again. I really don't

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<v Speaker 2>know who he shot next, and I don't see why

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<v Speaker 2>it matters. I don't know if he got in the

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<v Speaker 2>car or not. All I do know is I saw

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<v Speaker 2>my daughter, my Chrissy, bleeding. I just stood there, paralyzed.

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<v Speaker 2>Chris and I are empathic, and I couldn't separate myself

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<v Speaker 2>from her pain and terror. It was almost as if

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<v Speaker 2>I was a part of her. Now you'll probably sit

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<v Speaker 2>back and say, yup, Diana's are real crazy. But if

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<v Speaker 2>you do, it's only because you've never loved anyone or

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<v Speaker 2>up your life as much as I did with my kids.

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<v Speaker 2>It's hard for me to explain how much I love

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<v Speaker 2>my kids and need them. Love seems like such an

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<v Speaker 2>inadequate word. Perhaps if you ever want to talk to

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<v Speaker 2>me again, I can try to explain it. Anyways, When

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<v Speaker 2>he swung back toward me, I was startled that the

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<v Speaker 2>guy hit my right hand and the keys did jingle,

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<v Speaker 2>but he didn't ask for the car. He didn't say

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<v Speaker 2>anything because I hit him, and I guess he was

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<v Speaker 2>too mad for words. I'm sorry. I can't say why

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<v Speaker 2>he didn't say anything. This letter is not for speculation,

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<v Speaker 2>but I can say that he looks angry. He grabbed

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<v Speaker 2>my left arm again and I tried to break free.

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<v Speaker 2>Then I heard the gun fire two times. My arm

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<v Speaker 2>felt my side. It may sound strange, Jim, but in

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<v Speaker 2>that moment I didn't feel fear or hysteria anymore. I

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<v Speaker 2>was angry, and I guess motivated would be a good

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<v Speaker 2>word for how I felt. He was looking at the

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<v Speaker 2>gun and I pushed him. I jumped in and inserted

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<v Speaker 2>the keys and left. I have no idea if he

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<v Speaker 2>fell or what I wasn't looking at him. I remember

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<v Speaker 2>very little of the trip to the hospital. I recall

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<v Speaker 2>trying to help Chrissy and hearing Danny cry and telling

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<v Speaker 2>Sherry to wake up. I remember blood and odors and

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<v Speaker 2>a white fence. I recall opening the window, but the

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<v Speaker 2>rest is black. I'm sorry I don't recall much more,

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<v Speaker 2>or maybe I'm glad I don't recall much more. At

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<v Speaker 2>any rate, my memory is gone. At the hospital, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't say I was very reactive. Perhaps I looked cool,

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<v Speaker 2>calm and collected to everyone know me. My kids needed

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<v Speaker 2>help in a way that I could not help, so

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<v Speaker 2>I got them to the doctor, but it's hard for

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<v Speaker 2>me to just turn my life over to someone else

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<v Speaker 2>and let go. So I used all my strength to

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<v Speaker 2>hold together so I would be ready when they needed

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<v Speaker 2>me to help. I didn't want to become a basket

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<v Speaker 2>case that the doctor would have to knock out, because

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<v Speaker 2>I had to be ready and able to support my

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<v Speaker 2>kids emotionally. Then, of course there was the police force.

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<v Speaker 2>They needed answers, and I did tell them when I could.

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't tell them about my loose morals, which put

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<v Speaker 2>us in a dangerous situation because I didn't want my

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<v Speaker 2>parents and the hospital staff and the police to think

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<v Speaker 2>I was a tramp, and I couldn't tell them about

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<v Speaker 2>the pot, and therefore I couldn't tell them about the gun.

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<v Speaker 2>But I told them where to look. And I know

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<v Speaker 2>I sound very confused, and to be truthful, I was

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<v Speaker 2>a mess. It didn't hit me and that when they

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<v Speaker 2>found him they would find out about the first and

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<v Speaker 2>the pot and the gun. I just knew that I

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<v Speaker 2>could not tell them. As time passed, and not very

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<v Speaker 2>much of it at that the police and everyone else

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<v Speaker 2>found out about my attraction to men, but then it

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<v Speaker 2>was impossible for me to go back and retract my

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<v Speaker 2>half truth. And as far as I was concerned and

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<v Speaker 2>still am I, it doesn't really matter why I stopped,

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<v Speaker 2>so I didn't tell them the rest, and everyone almost

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<v Speaker 2>was saying that I was the one who shot my kids,

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<v Speaker 2>and they said it was Steve's gun that was used,

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<v Speaker 2>and therefore that proved I was guilty. Well, by that time,

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<v Speaker 2>it wouldn't have mattered, because if I wanted to risk

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<v Speaker 2>my job by telling about the pot and explaining what happened,

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<v Speaker 2>because they would have used that gun against me. I

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<v Speaker 2>was afraid, Jim, afraid of what people would think of me. Ironic,

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<v Speaker 2>isn't it. I didn't want anyone to know I had

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<v Speaker 2>loosed morals, and now they think I'm a murderress and

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<v Speaker 2>it's all because they wouldn't own up to my real faults. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>then I retained you to help my daughter and ended

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<v Speaker 2>up needing you myself. But by the time I needed you,

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<v Speaker 2>I respected you and looked up to you. I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want you to think of me as a liar or weakling.

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<v Speaker 2>So what did I do to cover the lies? Lie

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<v Speaker 2>some more? But I can't stand it anymore. You can

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<v Speaker 2>only keep it up for so long before it becomes

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<v Speaker 2>like in your throat. I've gotten to the place that

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<v Speaker 2>I can't even look at myself anymore. You proved yourself

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<v Speaker 2>not only a good attorney, but a friend, and it

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<v Speaker 2>can't that I never confess the lies. Then I have

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<v Speaker 2>used you, and I can't live with that on my

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<v Speaker 2>conscience forever. So here I am asking you to forgive

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<v Speaker 2>me for being a liar and a tramp. I am

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<v Speaker 2>ashamed of myself and I don't deserve it, but I

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<v Speaker 2>truly hope you can forgive me and put everything else behind.

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<v Speaker 2>I know I've many things, and I've had all kinds

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<v Speaker 2>of explanations for all the kinds of things, and I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 2>I wish I had never omitted part of the truth.

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<v Speaker 2>I wish well, it's all behind me now. I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 2>Doesn't seem like no, but I am sorry, respectfully, Diane.

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<v Speaker 1>Regardless of your thoughts on Diane's guilt or innocence, the

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<v Speaker 1>letter paints a picture of a person whose priorities that

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<v Speaker 1>don't align with what one would expect from a mother

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<v Speaker 1>concerned about the well being of her children, regardless of

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<v Speaker 1>her intentions. Claiming to pull over to flirt with a

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<v Speaker 1>man who's playing passing games with his car in the

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<v Speaker 1>middle of the night with her children in the car

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<v Speaker 1>is even more bizarre than the mainstream version of the story.

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<v Speaker 1>She tells about the evening coming up. Next our final episode,

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<v Speaker 1>Becky speaks to Michelle about her paternal lineage and we

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<v Speaker 1>get her final thoughts on the process. Ben Bolan is

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<v Speaker 1>our executive producer, Melissa Moore is our co executive producer.

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<v Speaker 1>Maya Cole is our primary producer. Paul Decand is our

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<v Speaker 1>supervising producer. Sam T. Garnian is our researcher, and Matt

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<v Speaker 1>Riddle is our story editor. Featured music by dream Tent.

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<v Speaker 1>Happy Face Presents Two Face. It's a production of iHeartRadio

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<v Speaker 2>Show.