Speaker 1: Welcome to a bonus episode of Happy Face Presents Two Face.
Speaker 1: In episode nine, we mentioned that Diane Downs wrote a
Speaker 1: letter to her defense attorney Jim Jagger after conviction, which
Speaker 1: changed her version of the story and retold the events
Speaker 1: of the night of the shooting quite differently than she
Speaker 1: presented them for months, both in the press and in court.
Speaker 1: The letter does not in fact line up with the
Speaker 1: version of the story she tells today. Though it's impossible
Speaker 1: to know which version of the events is true, we
Speaker 1: present the letter as an interesting artifact in the.
Speaker 2: Case November seventh, nineteen eighty four, Cela Morgan, Dear Jim,
Speaker 2: I am not really sure how to start this letter,
Speaker 2: but I guess the best way to make an apology
Speaker 2: is to say I'm sorry. Now you're probably wondering what
Speaker 2: this is all about, and when you are through reading,
Speaker 2: you'll probably drop this letter and say damn you, Diane,
Speaker 2: like you have so many times before. Your blood pressure
Speaker 2: will go up. And I'm sorry about that too. I'm
Speaker 2: sorry about a lot of things. Really, I only hope
Speaker 2: you will forgive me for not being totally honest with you.
Speaker 2: It's just that it's so hard for me to put
Speaker 2: myself in someone else's hands. I find it hard to
Speaker 2: fully trust anyone not to hurt me. I needed to
Speaker 2: control myself and my situation, and I've been that way
Speaker 2: for a few years. It has been a hard lesson
Speaker 2: to learn, and I can't guarantee that I'll be cured forever.
Speaker 2: But I know now that I should have placed this
Speaker 2: whole problem in your hands and let you deal with it.
Speaker 2: But I was afraid. Silly, maybe, but I was afraid
Speaker 2: you would lose respect for me. And well, let me explain.
Speaker 2: Hopefully by the time you finish reading this, you'll have
Speaker 2: an understanding of me, and I'll have your forgiveness. I
Speaker 2: had no right to hire you as my attorney and
Speaker 2: then expect you to represent me without telling you everything
Speaker 2: I could. I really am grateful for your representation and
Speaker 2: support these past seventeen months, and because of that, I
Speaker 2: cannot be comfortable with myself unless they come clean with
Speaker 2: you again. I am sorry for thinking I had to
Speaker 2: handle things myself. I should have let go for once
Speaker 2: in my life and let someone else take over for
Speaker 2: a while. Please understand and forgive this. Let me get lengthy,
Speaker 2: but please bear with me. I have a lot of
Speaker 2: conscience to relieve. Perhaps it's best to start with the
Speaker 2: night of the shooting. I wasn't totally honest because I
Speaker 2: was afraid of what else could happen to me at
Speaker 2: the hands of the police. I had marijuana in my
Speaker 2: car when I stopped on Old Mohawk, and I was
Speaker 2: afraid if I told the whole truth, I would lose
Speaker 2: my job with the Post Office because of the drug charge,
Speaker 2: and I couldn't afford that. So I told as much
Speaker 2: of the truth as I could without seeing the things
Speaker 2: that would make me look like a creep. I had
Speaker 2: also hoped that by eliminating certain facts that the police
Speaker 2: would not find out that I had rather loose morals.
Speaker 2: I did not want people that I respected to think
Speaker 2: poorly of me, so when I got to the hospital,
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell the police I opened the trunk because
Speaker 2: they would want to know what I removed, and it
Speaker 2: was pot. But while I had the trunk open, I
Speaker 2: didn't see him remove the black case. Yes, the black
Speaker 2: case with Steve's gun in it. I'm sorry I lied,
Speaker 2: but I couldn't explain the presence of the gun without
Speaker 2: telling me about the pot. So while it is very
Speaker 2: possible that an officer can make one mistake in an
Speaker 2: effort to trap a criminal. I don't think it happened
Speaker 2: this time. It just all seemed so harmless. In the beginning,
Speaker 2: Jim Dickens and I were coming back from Heathers and
Speaker 2: when we turned around the south side Centerman Road, a
Speaker 2: guy started playing catch up with me. I was driving
Speaker 2: slower than most people do, so he passed me. Then
Speaker 2: he pulled in front of me and slowed down, so
Speaker 2: I passed him. It was a game, just a flirt.
Speaker 2: We pulled off Marcala on a old mohawk. Why just
Speaker 2: because the kids were asleep. He was a man, and
Speaker 2: I wasn't really tired yet. I like men, and I
Speaker 2: loved a flirt. Maybe some would say it's because she's
Speaker 2: just a tramp. Anyway, I pulled over on old mohawk
Speaker 2: and he stopped behind me. When I get out of
Speaker 2: the car, I checked the kids and they were all asleep.
Speaker 2: I did take the keys off of the ignition and
Speaker 2: had them hung on my finger, and we talked for
Speaker 2: a couple of minutes, and I looked at the kids.
Speaker 2: They were still asleep. He asked if I had any smoke,
Speaker 2: and even though he wasn't exactly my kind of guy.
Speaker 2: I figured it would be better to placate him rather
Speaker 2: than offend him, so I opened the trunk and removed
Speaker 2: the bag. I had to dig under a couple of
Speaker 2: things to get it, and I did not see him
Speaker 2: remove anything from the trunk. When I straightened up and
Speaker 2: closed the trunk, I saw what he had in his hand.
Speaker 2: I don't recall our conversation verbatim, but we discussed the
Speaker 2: reason he had taken the gun and that time he
Speaker 2: had removed it from the case. He started acting a
Speaker 2: little strange, and that's when I started to get scared,
Speaker 2: which I rarely do. He made sexual advances, and I
Speaker 2: handed him the pot and tried to get his mind
Speaker 2: on another subject. Honestly, Jim, all I did was try
Speaker 2: to discourage his advances, and he flipped. He tossed the
Speaker 2: black case and the pot on the hood of his
Speaker 2: car and grabbed my left arm. It made me mad
Speaker 2: and scared at the time, so I pulled my arm
Speaker 2: freight and said no. That was when he went to
Speaker 2: open the door of my car. I moved toward him,
Speaker 2: but looked in the little wing window as he shot me. Christy,
Speaker 2: she really was asleep, Jim, but she woke up and
Speaker 2: raised herself before he shot her again. I really don't
Speaker 2: know who he shot next, and I don't see why
Speaker 2: it matters. I don't know if he got in the
Speaker 2: car or not. All I do know is I saw
Speaker 2: my daughter, my Chrissy, bleeding. I just stood there, paralyzed.
Speaker 2: Chris and I are empathic, and I couldn't separate myself
Speaker 2: from her pain and terror. It was almost as if
Speaker 2: I was a part of her. Now you'll probably sit
Speaker 2: back and say, yup, Diana's are real crazy. But if
Speaker 2: you do, it's only because you've never loved anyone or
Speaker 2: up your life as much as I did with my kids.
Speaker 2: It's hard for me to explain how much I love
Speaker 2: my kids and need them. Love seems like such an
Speaker 2: inadequate word. Perhaps if you ever want to talk to
Speaker 2: me again, I can try to explain it. Anyways, When
Speaker 2: he swung back toward me, I was startled that the
Speaker 2: guy hit my right hand and the keys did jingle,
Speaker 2: but he didn't ask for the car. He didn't say
Speaker 2: anything because I hit him, and I guess he was
Speaker 2: too mad for words. I'm sorry. I can't say why
Speaker 2: he didn't say anything. This letter is not for speculation,
Speaker 2: but I can say that he looks angry. He grabbed
Speaker 2: my left arm again and I tried to break free.
Speaker 2: Then I heard the gun fire two times. My arm
Speaker 2: felt my side. It may sound strange, Jim, but in
Speaker 2: that moment I didn't feel fear or hysteria anymore. I
Speaker 2: was angry, and I guess motivated would be a good
Speaker 2: word for how I felt. He was looking at the
Speaker 2: gun and I pushed him. I jumped in and inserted
Speaker 2: the keys and left. I have no idea if he
Speaker 2: fell or what I wasn't looking at him. I remember
Speaker 2: very little of the trip to the hospital. I recall
Speaker 2: trying to help Chrissy and hearing Danny cry and telling
Speaker 2: Sherry to wake up. I remember blood and odors and
Speaker 2: a white fence. I recall opening the window, but the
Speaker 2: rest is black. I'm sorry I don't recall much more,
Speaker 2: or maybe I'm glad I don't recall much more. At
Speaker 2: any rate, my memory is gone. At the hospital, I
Speaker 2: can't say I was very reactive. Perhaps I looked cool,
Speaker 2: calm and collected to everyone know me. My kids needed
Speaker 2: help in a way that I could not help, so
Speaker 2: I got them to the doctor, but it's hard for
Speaker 2: me to just turn my life over to someone else
Speaker 2: and let go. So I used all my strength to
Speaker 2: hold together so I would be ready when they needed
Speaker 2: me to help. I didn't want to become a basket
Speaker 2: case that the doctor would have to knock out, because
Speaker 2: I had to be ready and able to support my
Speaker 2: kids emotionally. Then, of course there was the police force.
Speaker 2: They needed answers, and I did tell them when I could.
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell them about my loose morals, which put
Speaker 2: us in a dangerous situation because I didn't want my
Speaker 2: parents and the hospital staff and the police to think
Speaker 2: I was a tramp, and I couldn't tell them about
Speaker 2: the pot, and therefore I couldn't tell them about the gun.
Speaker 2: But I told them where to look. And I know
Speaker 2: I sound very confused, and to be truthful, I was
Speaker 2: a mess. It didn't hit me and that when they
Speaker 2: found him they would find out about the first and
Speaker 2: the pot and the gun. I just knew that I
Speaker 2: could not tell them. As time passed, and not very
Speaker 2: much of it at that the police and everyone else
Speaker 2: found out about my attraction to men, but then it
Speaker 2: was impossible for me to go back and retract my
Speaker 2: half truth. And as far as I was concerned and
Speaker 2: still am I, it doesn't really matter why I stopped,
Speaker 2: so I didn't tell them the rest, and everyone almost
Speaker 2: was saying that I was the one who shot my kids,
Speaker 2: and they said it was Steve's gun that was used,
Speaker 2: and therefore that proved I was guilty. Well, by that time,
Speaker 2: it wouldn't have mattered, because if I wanted to risk
Speaker 2: my job by telling about the pot and explaining what happened,
Speaker 2: because they would have used that gun against me. I
Speaker 2: was afraid, Jim, afraid of what people would think of me. Ironic,
Speaker 2: isn't it. I didn't want anyone to know I had
Speaker 2: loosed morals, and now they think I'm a murderress and
Speaker 2: it's all because they wouldn't own up to my real faults. Well,
Speaker 2: then I retained you to help my daughter and ended
Speaker 2: up needing you myself. But by the time I needed you,
Speaker 2: I respected you and looked up to you. I didn't
Speaker 2: want you to think of me as a liar or weakling.
Speaker 2: So what did I do to cover the lies? Lie
Speaker 2: some more? But I can't stand it anymore. You can
Speaker 2: only keep it up for so long before it becomes
Speaker 2: like in your throat. I've gotten to the place that
Speaker 2: I can't even look at myself anymore. You proved yourself
Speaker 2: not only a good attorney, but a friend, and it
Speaker 2: can't that I never confess the lies. Then I have
Speaker 2: used you, and I can't live with that on my
Speaker 2: conscience forever. So here I am asking you to forgive
Speaker 2: me for being a liar and a tramp. I am
Speaker 2: ashamed of myself and I don't deserve it, but I
Speaker 2: truly hope you can forgive me and put everything else behind.
Speaker 2: I know I've many things, and I've had all kinds
Speaker 2: of explanations for all the kinds of things, and I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I wish I had never omitted part of the truth.
Speaker 2: I wish well, it's all behind me now. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Doesn't seem like no, but I am sorry, respectfully, Diane.
Speaker 1: Regardless of your thoughts on Diane's guilt or innocence, the
Speaker 1: letter paints a picture of a person whose priorities that
Speaker 1: don't align with what one would expect from a mother
Speaker 1: concerned about the well being of her children, regardless of
Speaker 1: her intentions. Claiming to pull over to flirt with a
Speaker 1: man who's playing passing games with his car in the
Speaker 1: middle of the night with her children in the car
Speaker 1: is even more bizarre than the mainstream version of the story.
Speaker 1: She tells about the evening coming up. Next our final episode,
Speaker 1: Becky speaks to Michelle about her paternal lineage and we
Speaker 1: get her final thoughts on the process. Ben Bolan is
Speaker 1: our executive producer, Melissa Moore is our co executive producer.
Speaker 1: Maya Cole is our primary producer. Paul Decand is our
Speaker 1: supervising producer. Sam T. Garnian is our researcher, and Matt
Speaker 1: Riddle is our story editor. Featured music by dream Tent.
Speaker 1: Happy Face Presents Two Face. It's a production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 2: Show.