1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: And if you ask the best couples, like the couples 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: that we look at and admire and be like, I 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: want a marriage like theirs, And if you ask them, 4 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: what's your secret? They all say the same thing, It's 5 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 1: hard work. Can we do the work? And I don't 6 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: know anybody in friendship who says friendship is hard work? 7 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: Can we do the work? So I think one of 8 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: the reasons we have so much disconnection in the world 9 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 1: is we actually are not very good at the skill 10 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: of being a friend. You know, would you cancel in 11 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: a friend for a meeting? Would you cancel in a 12 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: meeting for a friend? 13 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 2: That was New York Times best selling author Simon Sinek 14 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 2: offering his take on what we're getting wrong in our 15 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 2: pursuit of a fulfilled life. What does it take to 16 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 2: stop chasing happiness and start living with deeper purpose? In 17 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 2: this best of episode of My Legacy, hosts Martin Luther 18 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 2: King the Third, Andrea Waters, King, Mark Kilberger, and Craig 19 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 2: Kilberger explore the power of fulfillment, how to find it, 20 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 2: how to share it, and how to build a life 21 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,160 Speaker 2: around it. You'll hear Simon Sinek with a special peak 22 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 2: of season two on why fulfillment isn't a destination, it's 23 00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 2: something you build. Mel Robbins on escaping the happiness trap 24 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 2: and learning to find meaning in the every day. Jay Shetty, 25 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 2: I'm creating connection and the chaos of everyday life. And 26 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 2: Martin Sheen on the joy he saw on the campaign 27 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 2: trail and the hope he still sees in people no 28 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,679 Speaker 2: matter how dark the world gets. But first up, doctor 29 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 2: Santekuta on the science behind feeling good, starting with a 30 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,119 Speaker 2: shift to the way you think, not just the way 31 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 2: you live. 32 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 3: So in a culture that is so focused on, you know, 33 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 3: chasing happiness, we often overlook what truly makes life for 34 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 3: feeling So, in your view, what creates a life of 35 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 3: real fulfillment. 36 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 4: I'll make my answer very simple. I feel like I 37 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 4: got really lucky in life, and I don't know that 38 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 4: I deserved it, but I got lucky. I have a 39 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 4: great life, and I think my fulfillment is to constantly 40 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 4: be a source of good energy for people. Wow, to 41 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 4: just walk into every situation, every interaction and sharing good 42 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 4: energy is a really powerful thing. You know. It's not 43 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 4: as objective as money or something like that, but just 44 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 4: to bring good energy to someone's life, and because I 45 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 4: was blessed with it, and so I want to give 46 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 4: it away. I also think, as I talked about in 47 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 4: the book, that there's a component of reciprocal altruism there. 48 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 4: It feels good to do good. This seems almost anti 49 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 4: evolutionary in a way because it was always the survival 50 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,079 Speaker 4: of the fittest and everything, so it's got to keep 51 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 4: mine and you know, but yet we evolved as humans 52 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 4: to feel good when we did good, Like where did 53 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 4: that come from? And it's true. I think everybody would agree, 54 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 4: anybody that if you do something nice for somebody, you 55 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,079 Speaker 4: actually feel really good about it. And so that's it 56 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 4: for me. I don't think a lot again about legacy, 57 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 4: but the idea that genuinely bring good energy into every situation, 58 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 4: make people feel good around you, take the time to listen. 59 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 4: Empathy is not a weakness. Empathy sometimes seen as a 60 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 4: weakness nowadays. When did that happen? It was always a 61 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 4: strength when I was growing up, you know, But now 62 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 4: it's almost seen as a weakness. So change that narrative. 63 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 5: Well said, you've written and spoken extensively about longevity and aging, 64 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,079 Speaker 5: and you've said something we love that if you could 65 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 5: go back and talk to your younger self, you would 66 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 5: talk about two really critical things. One is take time 67 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 5: to talk to people from older generations really cool, and 68 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 5: two attitude matters. So can you just explain to us 69 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,280 Speaker 5: a little bit about why those two reflections are so important? 70 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think when it comes to talking to people 71 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 4: of older generations, you know, I think this is a 72 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 4: sense that you have to experience many of these things yourself, 73 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 4: and I think there's a lot of truth to that. 74 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 4: One of my favorite books is Saddartha by Hermann Hesse, 75 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 4: and I think to distill that message down, It's like 76 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 4: there are a lot of lessons to be learned in life, 77 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 4: but some of them you just have to learn yourself. 78 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 4: You have to go through the experience to learn it yourself. 79 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 4: People can tell you, but it can't really be taught. 80 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 4: You have to experience. But for a lot of other things, 81 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 4: they're hacks. I feel like, you know, things that my 82 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 4: dad probably thought of at the exact same age that 83 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 4: I was thinking of, or my grandfather, and instead of saying, hey, look, 84 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 4: let me just you know, fumble the ball and make 85 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,480 Speaker 4: the mistakes, Like can I just ask them, what did 86 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 4: you prioritize At this point in life, when did you 87 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 4: start to shift your priorities? How did you save money, 88 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,159 Speaker 4: you know, just whatever it might be, from very practical 89 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 4: things to more philosophical things. I think was really important. 90 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 4: I also found that it made me feel good to 91 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,040 Speaker 4: have those conversations with them, and it made them feel good. 92 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,839 Speaker 4: This is this component of reciprocal altruism. We have a 93 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 4: lot of knowledge about our own personal biology now, and 94 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 4: I think the idea that we think about affecting our 95 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 4: biology through extraneous methods, through pills that you take, medications, procedures, 96 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 4: things like that. One of the really interesting sort of 97 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 4: revelations and science is that we can actively change our 98 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 4: biology by our thinking. And we kind of thought that 99 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 4: if you're optimistic, you're gonna feel better, you're gonna heal better, 100 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 4: you're gonna recover more quickly from things. We kind of 101 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 4: knew that, But now we can measure it, and we 102 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 4: can see cells changing. We can see the increase in 103 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:28,119 Speaker 4: tumor necrosis factor cells that bust cancer, cells that boost 104 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 4: your immune system, purely by thinking about it. And so 105 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,839 Speaker 4: attitude matters. Attitude matters. It matters when it comes to pain, 106 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 4: When it comes to recovery from things. Pain is a 107 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 4: big one because we can't really measure pain, and yet 108 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,119 Speaker 4: we know two people who have the exact same injury, 109 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 4: like bang your hand with a hammer, two people that 110 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 4: have the exact same insult to their hand. If the 111 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,359 Speaker 4: more optimistic person personal with the better attitude is going 112 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 4: to feel less pain and recover more quickly. 113 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 2: Wow coming up. J Setty doubles down on the idea 114 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 2: of connection leading to fulfillment, and in a special sneak 115 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 2: peak of season two, Simon Sinek shares the daily pursuit 116 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,880 Speaker 2: that makes a fulfilled life possible. 117 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 6: Now back to my legacy. 118 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 5: Now, we're talking a lot about the four of us, 119 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 5: the question of happiness versus fulfillment, and how we need 120 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 5: to live a life of fulfillment. And you know, the 121 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,720 Speaker 5: Western concept of happiness often is the next thing, and 122 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 5: you know, the next toy, or the bigger car, or 123 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,039 Speaker 5: the bigger job title or the corner office. But that 124 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 5: doesn't fill us up just in terms of what do 125 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,359 Speaker 5: you have in your heart and that fulfillment that you 126 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,679 Speaker 5: find yourself in. Because of everybody we've ever met in Hollywood, 127 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 5: We've met a lot of people you are the most grounded, loving, caring, 128 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 5: engaged person we've ever met. 129 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 7: You know, actors are always dependent on somebody liking them, 130 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,600 Speaker 7: approving of them, should you work or you You know, 131 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 7: we spent so much of our lives, not just actors, 132 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 7: but a lot of people, you know, you know, striving 133 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 7: to be loved. And that's only because we don't realize 134 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 7: that we have to learn to love ourselves and all 135 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 7: the human things about us, and that you know, that 136 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 7: image of seeing the light and other people. I was 137 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 7: on the campaign trail for nearly three weeks and going 138 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 7: into a lot of very you know, isolated play. They 139 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 7: sent us where you know, the camel and some of 140 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 7: the big candidates couldn't go because you know, they draw 141 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 7: such crowds, but they can only do so much. So 142 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 7: we were sent in areas where nobody went, and the 143 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 7: people were just on fire. And the three weeks were 144 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 7: just so satisfying and hopeful. I was absolutely certain she 145 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 7: was going to win, and she did win because her 146 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 7: whole campaign reflected the character of the nation, not its bitterness, 147 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 7: it's darkness, it's fear, it's anger. It reflected the joy. 148 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 7: That was the first word that came out of her 149 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 7: campaign was joy and I saw it everywhere we went, 150 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 7: and even and I was in the battleground states so called, 151 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 7: you know, and man, yeah, there's a lot of a 152 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 7: lot of darkness. But when I received I was doing 153 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 7: door knocking in some areas and we were running into 154 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 7: people with the you know, with the with this opposition 155 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 7: to sign on their homes and their cars. There was 156 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 7: just that spark of what's drawing you here? Why are 157 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 7: you doing this? And they clearly wanted what these people had, 158 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 7: these volunteers, these young people who were so inspired and 159 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 7: and were canvassing, you know. So I saw a lot 160 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 7: of that and I was I was grounded in the 161 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 7: I think, I think we know ourselves when we see ourselves, 162 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 7: you see someone that reflects you in a way that 163 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 7: that draws you to them. You you just you cannot 164 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 7: be yourself and not see yourself and others, you know, 165 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 7: I just it happens all the time, that image of 166 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 7: shaeing the light coming from people. 167 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 4: Martin. 168 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 6: There is no way to bring more inspiration and to 169 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,320 Speaker 6: bring a little dose of hope than with a classic 170 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 6: President Bartlet moments. And many people are feeling a little overwhelmed, 171 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 6: a little bit hopeless, and so I'd be curious what 172 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 6: would President Bartlett say to rally them back at this time. 173 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 7: Well, I would refer to a great friend of Gandhi 174 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 7: is Roman. Donno to gore. We are called to lift 175 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 7: up this nation and all its people to that place 176 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 7: where the heart is without fear and the head is 177 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 7: held high, where knowledge is free, Where the world has 178 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 7: not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls, 179 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 7: where words come out from the depths of truth, and 180 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 7: tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection, with a clear 181 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 7: stream of reason, has not lost its way into the 182 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 7: dreary desert sands of dead habit where the mind is 183 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,880 Speaker 7: led forward by thee into whoever widening thought and action, 184 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:21,199 Speaker 7: into that heaven of freedom. Dear father, let our country awake. 185 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,599 Speaker 8: The cool thing about the distinction that I'm going to 186 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 8: share with you is that it comes from someone's research. 187 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 8: And the person I'm going to say is doctor tall 188 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 8: Ben Shahar, one of the kind of original rockstar happiness 189 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 8: professors at one of the Ivy League schools, And he 190 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 8: has this concept that I love because happiness. What we 191 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 8: get wrong about it is we believe that there is 192 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 8: a thing out there that will make you happy all 193 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 8: the time. And the problem with that is once you 194 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 8: get the thing, your happiness or your excitement or enthusiasm, 195 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 8: whatever you call it, just disappears right away because you 196 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 8: got the thing. And we have this relentless need to 197 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 8: feel good. So we're constantly looking out there and we think, well, 198 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 8: maybe the car, or maybe you know, it's the boyfriend 199 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 8: or the girlfriend, or maybe it's a certain dollar in 200 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 8: the bank, or maybe it's a certain number on the scale, 201 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 8: or it's a certain friend group or whatever that is 202 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 8: going to create this feeling inside me that I sow 203 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 8: not only want, but you actually deserve to feel good 204 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 8: in your life. But we're going about it wrong. And 205 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 8: so he basically says, anytime you want something out there, 206 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,160 Speaker 8: it's like staring at the sun. If you look directly 207 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 8: at the sun, just like you look directly at your 208 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 8: bank account and say I'm gonna be happy if I 209 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 8: have a million dollars in that bank account. You're going 210 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 8: to get sun spots and you're going to be blinded, 211 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 8: and you're going to be miserable as you're trying to 212 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 8: get it, because because you're going to think you're only 213 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:07,480 Speaker 8: going to feel good once you get there. Instead, he says, 214 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 8: I want you to take the sun and put it 215 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 8: through a prism and it creates a rainbow. And when 216 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 8: you realize that that's what's available to you right now, 217 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 8: that's what you can bring into your life right now, 218 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 8: that it's not really out there. It's all the things 219 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 8: that you can take in and bring in here that 220 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 8: truly create fulfillment. 221 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 9: What would you offer to people that are feeling that fear, 222 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 9: that that disconnection, the overwhelm, the stress. 223 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 10: You know. 224 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 11: The first thing that came to mind for me is 225 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 11: whenever I feel like things are out of my control, 226 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:55,200 Speaker 11: or I feel like overwhelmed at what's happening around me, 227 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 11: or even in our own life, there's this Every time 228 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 11: I feel like it's just me, the problem feels really 229 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 11: difficult to handle. But as soon as I think the 230 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 11: problem is me plus God, or me plus the universe 231 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 11: or something that has a much higher power than I do, 232 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 11: it starts to feel a little bit more manageable. And 233 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,160 Speaker 11: so I find that prayer for me has always been 234 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 11: such a beautiful place to come to when all other 235 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,719 Speaker 11: hope feels lost. I think I get a lot of 236 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 11: solace in prayer, and I think that also connects to 237 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 11: the idea that if we can feel way more disconnected 238 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 11: when we don't feel connected to ourselfs, and so whether 239 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 11: it's practices and rituals to actually connect deeper to ourself 240 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 11: that allows us to connect deeper to other people and 241 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 11: have meaningful connections with others that help us through those times. 242 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 11: I think reconnecting every single day in some way to 243 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 11: who you are and having those moments are really important 244 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 11: to be able to connect to someone else, to be 245 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 11: able to feel understood or valued by other people. And yeah, 246 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 11: I think for me, the main one always ends up 247 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 11: being prayer because I'm like, at this point, I can't 248 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 11: control anything, so I'm leaving it up to you. But yeah, 249 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 11: I would love to hear some of yours. 250 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 10: There's something called the third space theory, and it's this 251 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 10: idea that just around twenty five fifty years ago, we 252 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 10: had three spaces we lived in, We had home, we 253 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 10: had work, and then we had church or temple, synagogue, mosque. 254 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 10: And what happened is that those three spaces shrunk to 255 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 10: two spaces. We went from work to home and home 256 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 10: to work, and now we all know that those two 257 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 10: places have shrunk into one place. We work from home 258 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,560 Speaker 10: and we live at home. And what's happened is not 259 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 10: that we've just lost three spaces, but we've lost what 260 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 10: that third space provided us. So what happened at church 261 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 10: or the community center or a place of gathering, you 262 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,720 Speaker 10: had a space to look back on work and home 263 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 10: and state and everything else and reflect on how could 264 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 10: I be better? What could I do differently? Let's figure 265 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 10: out together what the solution is, what can we all 266 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 10: band to do together. So the biggest challenge today is 267 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 10: that we're all feeling the same feeling, but we're feeling 268 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 10: it on our own. We're lonely feeling the same thing. 269 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 10: And there's a big difference between being lonely feeling something 270 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 10: and feeling belonging in feeling something. And so what I 271 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 10: would encourage everyone to do is go and find your 272 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 10: third space. Go and find your space of belonging, Go 273 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 10: and find your space of connection. Go and find that 274 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 10: space where you're with people of equal value, where you 275 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 10: can share your heart, when you can hear other peoples, 276 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 10: when you can open up your mind, where you can 277 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 10: carry someone else's burden. I think we've just lost that 278 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 10: as a society, and I think these moments are great 279 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 10: from is that we are stronger when we are working together, 280 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 10: We are better when we're working together, and ultimately, when 281 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 10: we're united and carrying each other's weight, the weight doesn't 282 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,960 Speaker 10: feel as large. And I think that's the biggest challenge today, 283 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 10: is that we're all carrying the weight on our own 284 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 10: and so finding that third space, creating that third space 285 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 10: if you don't have it. The third space doesn't have 286 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 10: to be two hundred people, two thousand people, twenty thousand people. 287 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 10: It can literally be four people in a room that 288 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 10: are reading scripture together, that are starting a book club, 289 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 10: that are listening to this podcast and sharing what they 290 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 10: learned from you and all your amazing guests that you've 291 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 10: had on It starts that small, and I really feel 292 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 10: that we have to create that third space, even because 293 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 10: right now our third space is all of us sitting 294 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 10: in front of the television, and the TV screen is 295 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 10: the third space. The phone screen is the third space, 296 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 10: and that third space isn't giving you what the original 297 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 10: third space gave you. 298 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 2: Season two of My Legacy launches next week, and it's 299 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,640 Speaker 2: packed with powerful voices you won't want to miss From 300 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 2: Gloria Steinem to Sophia Bush John Legend to Nicole Hannah Jones. 301 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 2: Make sure to follow and subscribe so you don't miss 302 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 2: a moment. Coming up a special sneak peek with Simon 303 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 2: Sinek on what it really means to live a fulfilled 304 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 2: life and how we are failing at friendship. 305 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 9: Now back to my legacy. 306 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 5: What we try to do is really lean into doctor 307 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 5: King's concept of the bloved community. But we find that 308 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 5: around connection, and we find that around the idea of 309 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 5: fulfillment and leading a fulfilled life. In your opinion, based 310 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 5: on your experience, how does one live and lead a 311 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 5: fulfilled life? 312 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: So I think fulfillment comes from knowing that your life 313 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: and or your work are contributing to something bigger than yourself, 314 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,639 Speaker 1: and that is relative to one' zones, ambitions, and goals. 315 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: You know, somebody who's devoted themselves to parenthood and sees 316 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 1: a child flourish and going to be something bigger than 317 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: themselves will find that feeling. But coming to work simply 318 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: to make money, it's exciting at the beginning, but it 319 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 1: doesn't contribute to a feeling of lifelong contribution. And this 320 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:26,440 Speaker 1: is where vision matters, you know, you know, vision is 321 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,120 Speaker 1: an idealized version of the world we want to live in. 322 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: And when your dad said I had a dream, he 323 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: was articulating a world that did not exist, still doesn't exist. 324 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 1: It's an ideal state that we strive towards. We'll never 325 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: get there, but we'll die trying. And that's sort of 326 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,919 Speaker 1: the point, and all of the markers, all of the progress, 327 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: all of the waypoints, you know, three steps forwards, two 328 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,680 Speaker 1: steps back, three steps forwards are proof that we're getting 329 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: closer and closer and closer to this idealized state. And 330 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: that's what leads to a fulfilled life that I'm making 331 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,119 Speaker 1: progress to a world that is better than the one 332 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: we live in now. 333 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 9: One of the themes from the book is about strengthening 334 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 9: connections with yourself, with others the world. So, but what 335 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 9: do you see as the main obstacle to people finding 336 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 9: true connection. 337 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,720 Speaker 1: I think there's many things that get in the way 338 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:21,880 Speaker 1: of us forming true connection. One is, I think we 339 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 1: take friends for granted. You know, everybody knows you have 340 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: to work hard in marriage, like marriage takes work. Everybody 341 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: knows that. And when marriages have trouble, you get help. 342 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 1: You go for therapy, you go for couples therapy, but 343 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: nobody goes for friends therapy when your friendships are in trouble. 344 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 1: Nobody thinks that friendships take work. We sort of take 345 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 1: them for granted. Like if you guys have a massive fight, 346 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: you don't default to divorce. We're in friendships. You have 347 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: a massive fight, and people like I don't think I 348 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,360 Speaker 1: can do this friendship anymore. We're sort of much more 349 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 1: disposable about friendships for some reason. I don't know why. 350 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: Maybe there's no contract. Maybe that's the reason. If you 351 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,440 Speaker 1: ask the best couples, like the couples that we look 352 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: at and admire and be like, I want a marriage 353 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,159 Speaker 1: like theirs, and if you ask them, what's your secret, 354 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 1: they all say the same thing. It's hard work, and 355 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 1: we do the work. And I don't know anybody in 356 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: friendship who says friendship is hard work, and we do 357 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 1: the work. And so I think one of the reasons 358 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,119 Speaker 1: we have so much disconnection in the world is we 359 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 1: actually are not very good at the skill of being 360 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: a friend. You know, would you cancel in a friend 361 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: for a meeting, would you cancel in a meeting for 362 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: a friend Oh, but my friends would understand. You don't 363 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 1: think the people in the meeting would understand. And that's 364 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: the problem. I think we deprioritize friends almost always, quote unquote, 365 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 1: because they'll understand. Yes, we can blame social media, it 366 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: absolutely is a contributing factor. Yes we can blame post 367 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: lockdown world, you know, it's absolutely a factor. But I 368 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,160 Speaker 1: think deeper than all of those things is we lack 369 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 1: the skills to be a friend. A friend of mine, 370 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: she and I see the world very differently. She's a 371 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: conspiracy theorist and I view the world differently. And she 372 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,239 Speaker 1: came to visit me in New York and you were 373 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 1: going for a long walk and she said something that 374 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:10,399 Speaker 1: I disagreed with politically or worldviewee, and I thought, definitely thought, 375 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: and I think I said, how can you be so stupid? 376 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,159 Speaker 1: And she stops in her tracks and says, you just 377 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 1: called your friend stupid. And I realized how judgmental it 378 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: was to just because I disagree with someone's worldview that 379 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: I think they're dumb, because on both sides of the 380 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: political aal, both sides think the other are the sheeple, 381 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: you know. And so we were both confronted with the 382 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 1: situation of somebody, a friend who we both care about 383 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:36,640 Speaker 1: and love, which is each other? 384 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 11: Now? 385 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,440 Speaker 2: What? Thank you for joining us? Season two launches Tuesday, 386 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 2: August fifth, with the full conversation from Simon, packed with 387 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,160 Speaker 2: insight on how to build a real connection even when 388 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 2: it feels impossible politically and personally. Subscribe now so you 389 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:51,800 Speaker 2: don't miss a moment.