1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:07,159 Speaker 1: You don't hear me concession. I can't take that. Earl Arms. 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 2: Speaker, Texas seventy five nine two says, I'm a six 3 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:18,280 Speaker 2: foot six heavyweight wrestler with tattoos. My secret is I 4 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,280 Speaker 2: wish I could actually fit in a normal sized bathtub, 5 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,000 Speaker 2: just so I could use my watermelon body wash. 6 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry, buddy. 7 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 2: No, no, dude, it's all about that cucumber, raspberry sor 8 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 2: Bay body wash. 9 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:33,519 Speaker 4: Watermelon was so. 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 3: Last ye, says a guy who easily fits into a 11 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 3: tub and just like. 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 2: A soapy bottle of watermelon SuDS. One of our listeners 13 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,840 Speaker 2: also wants to come clean today. I get it clean 14 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 2: right here on the mass speaker. 15 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 1: I did it. 16 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 4: I did it. I don't have to do anything for 17 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,239 Speaker 4: the rest of the segment. He's chosen to. 18 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 2: Go by the name Tony Today. So Tony, welcome to 19 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 2: the show. 20 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: Hey, how you guys doing today? 21 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 3: Positive Tony? 22 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: Okay? Maybe not? 23 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 4: Maybe I read that wrong. 24 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 1: This is one hell of a story. I can't believe 25 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you. Guys. Is on. 26 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,039 Speaker 4: You are the mass speaker. We want to hear your confession. 27 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:15,479 Speaker 4: Let's go. 28 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: Okay, here's the thing. I'm a masseuse. And I've been 29 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: a masseuse for well over ten years, being a veteran 30 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: at it. I make very very good money. 31 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, So is this gonna be like some industry 32 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 3: secret that you're going to tell us? 33 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: I wouldn't call it an industry secret, but it's a 34 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: damn secret. I'll tell you that what's going on. So 35 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: one of my colleagues, me and her sometimes, you know, 36 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 1: if we're unavailable for certain clients. You were like, hey, 37 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: were you filling for me? Like, yes, We've done that 38 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: a multiple amount of time. Last year, she needed to 39 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: go out of town and she's like, Tony, you need 40 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,160 Speaker 1: to feel in for me for this one client, very 41 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: special to me. I made good money on this. You're 42 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: gonna love this, Okay. I was like, okay, absolutely no 43 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: problem that she said, Tony, it is a little strange. 44 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: I was like, whoa in strange? What do you mean? Yeah, 45 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: he gives me the address. Well, the next day I 46 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 1: make my way to the address. Okay, I'm driving through 47 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: an amazing neighborhood. Oh yeah, one of those neighborhoods where 48 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: you know everybody has had money for at least five 49 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: to six yeers. 50 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 3: Oh, those old money places. 51 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 4: Your client is Brooke. Wasn't it. 52 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: All right? 53 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 3: Remember the guy next to me has three abandoned trucks 54 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 3: in his backyard. 55 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 4: I'm not in that neighborhood. 56 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 2: That almost make you feel excited. If you're driving to 57 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 2: a really nice neighborhood going to meet somebody. 58 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: That's only the tip of the iceberg. When I pull 59 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: up to the address, there's no house. It's just this 60 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: gigantic gate with a guard. So I let the guard 61 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: who I am and what I'm here to do. He 62 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:49,679 Speaker 1: lets me in. 63 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 3: Okay. 64 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: It drives from the gate, So the physical house was 65 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,239 Speaker 1: about eleven minutes. 66 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 4: This is a stage back on another freeway. Yes, this 67 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 4: person isn't just rich, they're rich. 68 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 3: Are you getting nervous at this point? 69 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: I'm not getting nervous. I'm sitting there marveling. Kept. I 70 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: finally get to the house and this very nice lady 71 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 1: comes to the door. She's probably around seventy years old. Okay, 72 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 1: this was the owner. She looked like Jackie o'naptis. I mean, 73 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 1: she was just well captain. Everything looks super expensive. 74 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 3: That's JFK's wife. Sorry, I got a nod that nobody 75 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 3: knew who that was. 76 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: Jackie Kennedy. 77 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 4: Yes, okay. 78 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: Now, my friends did tell me when she normally comes 79 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: that she needs to bring two tables. So I go 80 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: to the back of my suv get my two tables. 81 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: She shows me the room I'm going to be in. 82 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 1: Everything is antique. I thought I was at Buckingham Palace. 83 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 4: Okay, I think we get that. The house is really nice. 84 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 4: What happens with this? Like, is it a two person massage? 85 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: Well, that's what I found out. The massage is for 86 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: her and her husband. 87 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 3: Okay, is that okay with you? 88 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's okay. But this is where it gets odd. 89 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: Told me it's a massage for her and her husband. 90 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: But what she didn't inform you? There the husband has 91 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: passed on ten years ago. 92 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,680 Speaker 4: I'm right, you're a massaging a dead body. 93 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,559 Speaker 1: Nope, stop there, I'm not massaging no dead body. 94 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 4: Okay, what do you mean? 95 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 3: She got a new husband. 96 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 1: She wants me to massage her first for thirty minutes, 97 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,600 Speaker 1: and then I guess she thinks her husband's come on high. Oh, 98 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 1: so I'm looking the air for another thirty. 99 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 2: Minutes, massaging the air above the massage table. 100 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:58,159 Speaker 1: The air the massage table. And here's the thing. She's like, 101 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: I like to watch you massage. Yes, but I guess 102 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,239 Speaker 1: her in her mind he's there. 103 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 3: Well, do you count as a voyeuristic person if you're 104 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 3: not actually watching anything? 105 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 4: Wow, I don't know what that is. I'd be like, 106 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 4: what's that bill you said you want her to tip 107 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 4: me more? What's that bill you want me to be 108 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 4: in the will? But that's like sweet and kind of 109 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 4: weird and endearing. I mean, did you do it? 110 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 1: I mean, you have to absolutely, very thorough massage. She 111 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 1: enjoyed it. Then I started massaging the air a k a. 112 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: Her husband. 113 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 4: I mean, it is an old rich house. It could 114 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 4: be haunted, like there's. 115 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 3: I believe that. Did she critique you at all? Actually 116 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 3: he's a bigger man than. 117 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: You're hurting him. She made comments the whole touch like 118 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: his ears. He loved his ears. And don't forget remember 119 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: he got hurt in when he was in the military. 120 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 4: He got back. Well, I mean, she better have tipped 121 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 4: you really really well. 122 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: If you I still haven't hit the cherry on top of. 123 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 4: The store, there's a cherry. 124 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: After massaging air husband, she says, I have to run 125 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: an errand I'll pay you double to massage my husband 126 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: for another thirty minutes. 127 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,320 Speaker 3: Oh the husband likes that was like, you're almost scamming 128 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 3: the poor old lady. Yeah. 129 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: The moment she leaves, I ain't massage anything. Yeah, until 130 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: I heard her come back in the house. And when 131 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 1: she came out saying, look, you came right on, Tome. 132 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: We just finished. She cut me the biggest check ever 133 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 1: in my massage. Oh my god, you can say this. 134 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,720 Speaker 1: I paid my mortgage for two months and my our 135 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: note for three. 136 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 3: Okay, dude, is there any air husbands that I can massage? 137 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 3: Because that sounds fair. 138 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 4: Brooke will pay you five dollars. 139 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, no more anyway, Thanks for sharing that with our 140 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 5: text's in seven eighty five nine two. If you have 141 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 5: a confession you've been holding on to, we'll hide your identity, 142 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 5: mask your voice, and make you the next mass speaker. 143 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 4: Your phone TAP's coming 144 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 3: Up, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.